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  • The webcomic Journey to the Eye part 1. It's not easy to find a good guide to travel in a Death World...
  • Dark Discoveries part 1. Don't butt into Tezzeret's business; he doesn't like it.
  • Any new members of the Gruul on Planeswalker Points will get treated to a thought-provoking letter from Borborygmos.
  • The guild letter for the Izzet is also chuckle-worthy.
    Welcome to the Izzet League, achievers of the impossible! Your work has led you to the guild that tries the untried, challenges the status quo, and defies such tedious concepts as "good enough" and "laboratory safety." Our mission is to venture unflinchingly into the unknown, with no concerns for the risks. Others may fear the volatility of our endeavors, but isn't ignorance the greatest danger of all? We understand that knowledge cannot be gained without passion, and that an explosion is the result.
    You've joined us at an especially exciting time. Our visionary guildmaster and parun, the dracogenius Niv-Mizzet, has us hard at work: funneling energy through the city's mana agitators, combining elemental weirds, and cranking the mizzium fluxboilers beyond their breaking point. So strap on your elemental gauntlets and prepare to explore beyond the boundaries of known magic!
    —Singe, Goblin Chemister of the Izzet
  • In "The Secretist, Part 2", by Doug Beyer, Jace gets into a fight with Ruric-Thar. Unable to defeat a giant, two-headed, magic-resistant ogre with his usual arsenal of tricks and illusions, Jace throws the book out of the window and bites them in the kneepits. They are amused enough by this to concede and give him what he wants.
  • Kiora prefers the direct approach in acquiring assistance from her soon-to-be minions:
    "I like you, I also have a sea monster. Want to help me out?" — Kiora
  • The uncharted realms article "The Gorgon and the Guildpact" has a few gems:
    Lavina: Is it murder?
    Jace: Why do you say that?
    Lavina: Because you're making that face. Your 'there's been a murder' face.
    Jace: I have a 'there's been a murder' face?
    Lavina: More than one, in fact.
    • After being told the bodies spell out his name:
      "Oh." Jace heaved a breath. He really needed to get a desk at some point, with a big leather-bound chair that he could slump into at times like this. "Well. All right."
    • And he does. No chair, though.
      "As soon as the door shut behind them, Jace's smile dropped, and he sat down on the large wooden desk he'd finally gotten around to installing. The desk creaked, and he frowned. He still needed a nice big chair to collapse into. Leather. Something expensive."
  • This gem from Planeswalker's Guide to Dragons of Tarkir Part 1 (particularly given the context):
    Many can understand at least the basic spoken language, particularly when the dragons enunciate slowly and clearly for their benefit. Relatively few can understand the complex spoken Draconic used in intense spiritual debates.
  • Jace's Origin Story. After his first real planeswalk, he lands in Ravnica, and finds a woman who takes in stray children (which he now looks like), a woman named Emmara Tandris. Their first meeting:
    Jace: (thinking) She's beautiful.
    Emmara: If you've come only to admire me, I'm afraid I haven't the time.
    Jace: You're a mind reader?
    Emmara: No. You're a teenager.
  • The mere fact that the Praetors, arguably the most terrifying creatures on New Phyrexia, are continuously bickering like bratty siblings.
    Jin-Gitaxias: I despise Vorinclex and his slobberings about "evolution". Only I know true progress.
    Vorinclex: Dead or alive, my creations are stronger than Jin-Gitaxias's septic minions.
  • Elesh Norn's fanatical speeches can be a source of Black Comedy (no pun intended).
    Ah, the glorious symphony of bitter hymns and forced hallelujahs! See the ignorant fall to their knees when I remove their heathen feet! All will be blessed with the pains of redemption! Look inside yourself to see the truth, or see my suture priests so they can open your chest to find it for you!
  • Jace is apparently a coffee addict.
    "Coffee," said Jace. "The Living Guildpact rules that coffee is an acceptable substitution for rest, as specified in subsection... whatever."
  • In This Very Arena, Jace meets up with Ral Zarek...
    Ral Zarek: (sitting down next to Jace) The Guildpact is a—(followed by a colorfully vulgar and startlingly visual torrent of phrases.)
    Jace: (sighs audibly)
    Ral: (chuckling) Just testing if you could really read my thoughts.
    • Later, The Gatewatch reassemble and Ajani is a bit behind on recent story developments.
    "It seems this is a matter for the Gatewatch," Jace said.
    Nissa abandoned her spell and wiped a hand down her face. "Your disguises work a little too well. We were about to injure you very badly."
    "Just trying to blend in," Jace said. "We heard Tezzeret is here?"
    "He's here, and he has Chandra's mother," said Ajani.
    "What's a leonin doing with you?" Liliana asked, sizing up Ajani.
    "What's a Gatewatch?" Ajani asked, looking down at her.
    • Jace also hasn't been totally diligent with his work as the Guildpact...
      He thought then of Lavinia, who was convinced Jace was still in his office right now, hunched over a sheaf of papers, dutifully doing the grunt work of maintaining the delicate balance between the guilds. Or maybe she had already discovered the studious illusion he left behind, and was in the midst of yelling "GUILDPAAAACT!" at the ceiling in that way that she did.
  • Sarkhan runs around the new Tarkir as giddy as a schoolchild, and gives bearhugs to goblins!
  • In "The Darksteel Eye", one of the Mirrodin novels, Glissa the elf, Slobad the goblin, and Bosh the giant iron Golem are faced with a blockade of enemies they have to get past. They do this by Bosh stuffing the other two in his chest cavity and curling up, bowling over the entire group of enemies. Halfway through the ride, Slobad throws up over Glissa's feet, for which she promptly scolds him. Seconds later, she goes too. Bosh is annoyed at how much that will make his inner workings itch.
  • "Unwelcome":
    The full moon peeked out from behind the clouds, its huge silver face marked with a shape that the locals called a heron. Jace could see the resemblance.
    "Ahhhhh," said his guide, a strangled sound that Jace took to indicate boredom.
    "I'm sorry," said Jace. "I shouldn't be burdening you with my problems."
    He prepared a spell that would cleanly excise the last few minutes of conversation from the man's mind.
    "Ahhhhhrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh," said his guide. Not boredom. Anger?
    Jace reached into the man's mind—and hit a wall of pure, all-encompassing rage, the savage half-thoughts of a predator.
    His guide turned to him, accompanied by the stomach-churning sounds of bones cracking and clothes tearing. His face had bulged horribly, one eye grown large and yellow, his jaw jutting outward. Both horses shifted nervously.
    "Oh," said Jace.
  • "Games" is another story highlighting the Sibling Rivalry between Gisa and Geralf. Here's some gems:
    • After Gisa escapes imprisonment (thanks to Geralf's skaabs, something she's not the least bit thankful for), she announces her return to Geralf in this exchange:
    Your ever-loving sister, Gisa
    Geralf: Gisa, You don't just say "guess who" and then answer it in the signature, moron.
    • Gisa has recently undergone a messed-up form of catharsis by raising the corpses of their parents and venting to them. Geralf's response?
    You are being incredibly irresponsible. Put Mummy and Father back in the ground where they belong.
    • Geralf eventually gets annoyed at Gisa's constant nagging on him, and thus he decides to ignore her letters (and a few Embarrassing Nickname she throws at him), up to a point.
    Gisa: Dear Meat Embroiderer, Why aren't you answering my letters. It's because you have a girlfriend, isn't it.
    Geralf: Please do not bring that up. Lili was never my girlfriend! (...) Here is a foot covered in gout. It reminded me of your personality.
  • Innistrad's Last Hope tells of the Planeswalkers that make up the Gatewatch experiencing Innistrad's Darkest Hour, what with the Eldrazi titan Emrakul and her lineage wreaking havoc on the world. Liliana is, meanwhile, working on an experiment that'll allow her to use the Chain Veil without it hurting her in the process. The experiment...leaves a bit to be desired...
    Geistmage Dierk: The collectors are raised, madam. And the storm is reaching its peak. But I feel obligated to point out that we'll be coursing an enormous dose of spectral energy directly into the artifact...
    Liliana: You don't have to warn me.
    Dierk: ...powered by the force of a lightning storm...
    Liliana: Yes.
    Dierk: ...while you are wearing it...
    Liliana: I know.
    Dierk: ...on your face.
    Liliana: (rolling her eyes) The flow of geist energy through the orb will thus act as a kind of spectral antenna, shunting the object's counterassault away from the subject, sublimating the backlash as harmless atmospheric static, circumventing all repercussions and thereby allowing free utilization of the artifact.
    Dierk: (not totally convinced) That is the theory.
  • Chandra is a bit more willing to hear Liliana out than Gideon in The Battle of Thraben.
    Chandra: The nice lady with the uncomfortable dress just saved our butts, Gideon. Calm down a second.
  • In The Promised End, Jace finds himself in a tower where he encounters a copy of himself. To prove that he and the copy are the same, the copy asks Jace a simple riddle. Jace solves it quickly, and as it turns out...
    The point of the riddle wasn't to see if he solved it. The point was to see how dismissive and incredulous he was at an easy riddle. He nodded. Okay, this is me. He knew the copy was thinking the same thing.
    • Jace's frustration over getting a taste of his own medicine dealing with himself.
      Jace: Am I really this infuriating? I am this infuriating. I need to work on that.
  • Homesick, the introductory story to the Kaladesh set. While it has some particularly serious plot elements (namely, Chandra getting furious upon being reminded of her childhood tragedy when meeting someone from her home plane), the rest of the story reads like a sitcom episode. Some gems:
    • The complete stream of consciousness style of writing when the story is being told from Chandra's point of view. She does not have a very long attention span.
    • Despite being centuries old, Liliana doesn't even know what a mango is.
      Chandra: Mango is the best. Anyone who says otherwise should be pitied for their tragic and inescapable wrongness.
    • Liliana and Chandra acting like wacky siblings, complete with Liliana cutting off Chandra's necromancer jokes... then letting her have one anyway, just out of friendship.
    • Jace and Gideon end up arguing about who's in charge while talking with their very-much-perfectionist guest, Dovin Baan.
      Jace: Gideon is the battlefield commander...
      Gideon: Jace is the administrator...
      Jace: But we both...
      Gideon: But neither of us...
      Baan was clutching his head as if he had a migraine.
    • Chandra is understandably upset when she found out Dovin Baan is a Consulate representative from Kaladesh, and she decides to vent her frustration on a punching bag. She accidentally sets it on fire, so she douses it, leaving a mess of wet sand from the broken punching bag. What does she do next?
      [Liliana] leaned one hip against the door into Beefslab'snote  gymnasium. After the scene downstairs, she'd expected fire damage. The sandcastle was a surprise.
    • After the punching bag issue, Chandra runs off to Nissa for comfort, but even on the way to meet Nissa, Chandra manages to tell herself many weird things, beginning with:
      Chandra: (in her mind) Damn it, Chandra, don't open that door. Stop gawping at the ginormous flowers that weren't here a month ago. Bad Chandra, no cinnamon pastry. Just turn around, go back downstairs, and never think of doing this agai—
    • It becomes pretty awkward when Nissa suddenly opens the door.
      Nissa: Chandra?
      Chandra: (in her mind) FFFFFFFFF...
    • Then it gets worse while she's with Nissa.
      Chandra: (in her mind, after muttering random stuff) WHAT IS COMING OUT OF MY FACE?
    • After the botched heart-to-heart session with Nissa, Chandra bolts off outside, but when passing by Gideon (who is inspecting the fire damage Chandra did just earlier), she quickly apologizes.
      Chandra: SorryIblewupyourthingy!
      Gideon: (after Chandra is out of view) Careful! You might fall!
  • Chandra and Liliana's next appearance in Torch of Defiance is less hilarious, but still has Liliana being such a bad influence, culminating in her bringing down the guards on them by hurling an obscenity at Consulate vedalken, throwing her drink in his face, and smugly boasting about how proud they are to be renegade sympathisers.
    Chandra: Liliana, you're two centuries older than me. Exactly which of us is supposed to be the responsible one?
    Liliana: Let me tell you a secret. There doesn't have to be a responsible one.
  • Release: Chandra meets Ajani for the first time.
    Chandra: Whoa, big kitty, got arms like Gids (Gideon).
    [Ajani] wondered what gids were.
  • In Burn, Dovin Baan got Tezzeret to flip out, and then told him after the tantrum that he was "unimpressed" with him yelling at their aether crew for results.
    • And later, following the reveal of Baral's numerous deceptions and abuses of his Consulate position and subsequent arrest, Baral snarls that Dovin Baan's actions will not be forgotten. Dovin Baan's response is a cool retort of "Excellent. I do not care to repeat myself." From the Magic equivalent of Vulcans, that's likely the closest you'll get to Flipping the Bird.
    • Also, this entire exchange:
      The girl hollered obscenities up at them, constellations of sparks spinning from her eyes in the downdraft.
      Baan yanked the megaphone to his mouth. "Those devices are certified for external use only. A malfunction could seriously injure one's sph—"
      She gestured up at him, emphatically.
  • Noyan Dar's meeting with Gideon is hilarious from start to finish. Starting with:
    The man looked at him closely and said, "I'm Gideon Jura. I'm looking for the roilmage, Noyan Dar. You have some blood on your nose. Are you well?" The look of concern was so genuine Noyan wanted to scream.
    He did, just a little. It was the best he felt all morning.
  • A look into Chandra's mind while fighting wurms in Impact, the first story of the Amonkhet set...
    • From the same story, the Gatewatch's reactions to seeing that Nicol Bolas built a truly gigantic monument in the shape of his horns.
    Nissa: Ah.
    Jace: Well then.
    Liliana: He's not subtle.
    Gideon: How...did we miss that?

  • Jace considers why Nicol Bolas might have built a pair of miles-tall monuments shaped like his horns.
    Sure, it was easy to think Nicol Bolas's ego was such that he'd build a mighty monument to himself just because he could. Yet Bolas wasn't one for wasteful, narcissistic grand gestures. No, his gestures always served hidden purposes several layers deep and were excessively narcissistic and grandiose.
  • The Writing on the Wall: Nissa decides to go for a walk and wakes up Chandra, who agrees after some breakfast... Cue a mummy barging in with a tray, scaring both Nissa and Chandra and causing Jace to fall out of bed in surprise. He turns and angrily asks through the wall Liliana if it's one of hers.
    Liliana: Not mine!
  • Judgment. Samut really, really wants to convince her best friend Djeru that the Trials is a sham and thus she has asked him to meet her in a secret place. And to throw off suspicions... she forced him to dress as a mummy. He is not amused.
    Samut: But [the mummy disguise] got you here without getting either of us killed.
    Djeru: I can barely move. Get me out of this.
  • While the rest of Feast is pretty much pure Nightmare Fuel, there is something incredibly hilarious about Razaketh announcing that he's found Lilliana in the crowd by using his contract-granted People Puppets ability to make her own hand wave at her.
  • Hour of Devastation. Bolas ensures that his victory over the Gatewatch is as entertaining as it is brutal, throwing out plenty of snark while repeatedly bouncing Gideon against a brick wall with his tail like a human paddleball.
    • A few jewels that confirm that Grixis is the combination of snarking:
    He wondered how much it would crush their spirits if he applauded. Metaphorically, of course. His talons did not clap together well.
    They fancied themselves The Gatewatch. As though for some bizarre reason there were gates scattered throughout the Multiverse. That deserved watching.
    Oh, they probably had a plan. A plan, charitably, could consist of kill the dragon. Or, you burn it, you zombie it, you elemental it, you illusion it, you block it...
    On Jace: "That was your mind expert, I believe? Do you have a spare? I can wait, or I promise not to listen if you shout at each other." Nicol Bolas lingered on each word, his voice rumbling through the open plaza, punctuated only by the continued thwaps as he bounced Gideon off the wall.
    On Liliana: And then there were three. I didn't want to annoy your dear departed necromancer, but between us, I admit I know a fair bit of necromancy. Do you have an opening in your Gatewatch? Is there some type of application process?
    On... well: Chandra Nalaar. You had so many useful characteristics. Powerful. Emotionally unstable. Easy to manipulate. Refreshingly predictable unpredictability. I really wanted to make this work... But fire against a dragon? I have standards.
    On Gideon: "Will not win? Will not win?" Bolas's laughed rumbled through the plaza. "Gideon Jura, you are very bad at analyzing reality. I have fought against thousands of generals, thousands of tacticians and strategists and battle masterminds. You might be the worst. Let me help you. Ignoring obvious reality is a fatal flaw in our line of work. By all means, I understand the importance of... aspirations, but being able to accurately assess the facts in front of you is an essential skill in the trade."
  • Jace, Alone: Jace has tried and failed to planeswalk away from Ixalan due to the strange barrier surrounding the plane. His reaction? To drop his biggest Atomic F-Bomb.
    • That isn't even the icing on the cake for "Jace, Alone". There's plenty of humor to be had: After calling the island he's stranded on "Useless island!" in a fit of frustration at not being able to light a fire, he starts using it as a term of affection. Even in his memories, fractured as they are, he refers to it as Useless Island. Including at the end of the story, using his Guildpact power over Azor (a Parun of Ravnica and thus bound to the Guildpact) to send him to Useless Island and remain there for the rest of his life.
  • A Question of Confidence shows how Huatli's spark ignites during a fight with Angrath the minotaur planeswalker. While she isn't able to leave Ixalan due to the plane's unique binding magic, she sees the Kaladesh city of Ghirapur... and ends up mistaking that experience as a prophetic vision of the lost city of Orazca.
  • The Race, Part 2:
    • Vraska has grown fond enough of Jace that she wants to petrify whoever caused his memory loss... unaware that her own boss, Nicol Bolas did it.
    • Angrath is still trying to get Huatli to join his cause (to disable Ixalan's anti-planewalking magic), and he's extremely straightforward and tactless about it: Yelling on top of his lungs to get her attention, yanking her with chains to stop her from running away, and this gem at the end.
    Angrath: Whatever prevents us from leaving this plane is locked in that city. We can help each other escape to different worlds if we find it. (Huatli feels slightly hopeful) And all we have to do is kill everyone who tries to steal Orazca from our grasp.
    Huatli, in her head: Spectacular. The murder monster wants to be my friend.
    Angrath: You are like me.
    Huatli: I will never be like you!
    Angrath: No, idiot, not like that.
    • Huatli finds herself on the opposite end on the spectrum while traveling with Tishana. After one cryptic shamanic comment from her, Huatli just rolls her eyes, and we are told it's the sixth time it happened that day.
  • The Arbiter of Law Left Chaos in His Wake. After Angrath tries to sprint to Orazca ahead of Huatli, she summons a dinosaur to pin him down as she (and Tishana) goes to Orazca. Angrath presumably breaks free off-screen, roasts the dinosaur, then smashes his way into the room with the Immortal Sun, casually tossing the dinosaur's head at Huatli.
  • Who Tells The Stories.
    • Angrath's last words to the plane of Ixalan and its people?
    • Huatli's bringing her new mount home is described as being more or less like getting used to a bigger horse. Said new mount happens to be Zacama, Primal Calamity.
  • Two of the non-canon alternate endings for the Rivals of Ixalan storyline.
    • In the "Vampire" ending, Saint Elenda gives Vona permission to try and claim Orazaca for the Legion of Dusk. Vona rushes to the city and finds it empty. She exults, shouting her triumph to the heavens... and then one of the Elder Dinosaurs eats her.
    • In the "Pirate" ending, Vraska's crew realize that they're the last ones left in Orazaca. A week later, the city is packed with drunk pirates celebrating the biggest treasure find in the history of the Coalition.
    Malcolm: Will you join me for ale and cards, Co-Emperor Breeches?
    Breeches: Yes, Co-Emperor Malcolm! GOLD AND ALE AND CARDS!
  • In The Promised End, Emrakul and Jace play chess together. Jace wins, and Emrakul is NOT a good loser.
    One of the pawns beside his queen started to writhe and flow. Hands and a small stone sword appeared on the pawn, and it turned to stab the queen. The queen piece shrieked, blood pouring out of its side. It toppled to the ground, bleeding and shaking. Dying. The rest of the board was pandemonium as more of Jace's pieces transformed. Mutated. They attacked one another mercilessly, killing each other, until the few remaining pieces pirouetted to face the other side of the board. They now all held weapons, weapons dripping with blood, and began a slow march towards Jace's king, who now resembled nothing other than Jace himself.
    • Jace's reaction was funny too.
    Jace: Wha...buh...tha...that's...that's not fair! You cheated! You can't do that! Those are my pieces!
    Emrakul: They are all my pieces, Jace Beleren. They always were. I just no longer want to play.
  • In the Return to Dominaria storyline, the only two members of the Gatewatch still working together are...Gideon and Liliana. How do they cope with each other? By snarking back and forth Like an Old Married Couple.
    Liliana: Why are you telling everyone our plans? Can you shout a little louder? I'm sure there's at least one Cabal cultist in the countryside who didn't hear you.
    Gideon: I'm not telling everyone, I'm talking to the commander of the Church of Serra. She's the one with the wings.
    Liliana: Oh, don't try to be sarcastic, you're not very good at it.
    Lyra Dawnbringer: Have they been like this the entire way from Caligo?
    Thiago: Yes, Commander, every step.
  • Jaya Ballard, after revealing herself to having masqueraded as Mother Luti on Regatha, on having inadvertently started a religion around herself:
    A long time ago, I went to Regatha, helped a few people, got drunk, talked a lot, apparently did some very impressive pyromancy, then left. Two hundred years later, I went back and found they'd started a religion based on me. It was all a little embarrassing, frankly.
    • And when pressed as to why she stuck around?
    I didn't want to be a religious icon, but I had to make sure they weren't misrepresenting me!
  • The Throne Of Eldraine Teaser Trailer is packed full of Black Comedy and Nightmare Fuel. We open to a kitchen table in a castle, with food set out including a pie filled with blackbirds, a blatantly poisoned apple, a golden egg, and three pig heads on a platter! On the wall behind this can be seen bear traps and three bear heads of varying size. Cut to a gingerbread man and woman coming to life, and immediately falling in love while a cover of Frankie Valli's "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" plays... before stumbling upon the half-eaten remains of another gingerbread man, complete with x's for his eyes! It only goes downhill for the pair, as Garruk Wildspeaker busts into the room battling a group of clearly outmatched knights, while the gingerbread pair try desperately not to get crushed in the ensuing chaos. The gingerbread woman falls into a boiling pot, seemingly dead, and while the gingerbread man mourns her, the victorious Garruk nonchalantly picks him up and eats him (and just the idea of Garruk going for the gingerbread man in a room packed with food is hilarious in and of itself).
  • Some of Vivien's notes while wandering around Ikoria are pretty funny.
    Karuga, the Macrosage: I will forever treasure the wisdom it gave me: a "buaaaagh" that was everything I needed to hear.
    Chevill, Bane of Monsters: Monster Hunter is a common occupation on Ikoria, and he claims to be the best of the lot. Somehow a bar fight broke out, and somehow he ended up unconscious. I'm sure a great hunter like him can track down what happened.
    Obosh, the Preypiercer: When I encountered this hellion, my first instinct was to count how many legs it had. My second instinct was to count how many legs it had, but from a safer distance. The answer? 347.
  • On a meta-level, Vorinclex' first appearance in the Kaldheim storyline has him act as the Thing, killing, absorbing and mimicking a bear. Seems like someone at WOTC has been on an arctic horror kick lately.
  • In the first chapter of the Strixhaven story, Professor Onyx (Liliana) comes across a member of the secret Oriq assassin's guild, stating that she knows who they are. The oriq then dramatically states that, if she knows of the Oriq, then her time is up, before vanishing. You can almost hear Liliana roll her eyes at the overly dramatic threat directed at the multiverse's most powerful necromancer.
  • The Innistrad: Midnight Hunt story Tangles gives us Teferi in all his Deadpan Snarker glory when he encounters Wrenn in a forest.
    Wrenn: I'm looking for a tree.
    Teferi [pointing at the forest]: Look no further.
  • The article introducing the new legendary characters for Midnight Hunt has some funny stuff, despite the general dark tone of Innistrad.
    • Really everything about Old Stickfingers. This is his introduction, in its entirety:
    Old Stickfingers
    Knows when children disobey

    If you're slacking
    He's attacking
    Did you do your chores today?

    Old Stickfingers's
    Presence lingers
    Inside every hollow tree

    Don't sneak out
    Or you'll shout
    And no one will remember thee

    — Children's rhyme
    An interesting fact about Old Stickfingers is that he is right behind you.
    • Also, Wilhelt, who is a zombie with a crush on Gisa.
      Gisa believes that his name is Wilham and that he's kind of clingy.
  • Throughout the Midnight Hunt story, Chandra generally has two purposes; Be The Big Guy for the heroes, and try to impress the cathar Adeline whom she has a crush on.
  • In Crimson Vow, these lines.
    "Announcing the extremely welcomed, very honored, Sorin Markov!"
    [Sorin] thinks, not for the first time, of murder.
  • There's something ironically hilarious about the fact that the first faction Elspeth joins in New Capenna are the Maestros, who's colors are Black, Red, and Blue, the same colors as Bolas and Grixis and more or less the exact opposite of Bant, the last tri-color faction she was associated with. She even manages to get along surprisingly well with leader, who keep in mind is a demonic vampire.
  • Urabrask returns in The Side of Freedom showing something that in hindsight makes sense for the most solitary, introverted Praetor; he's rather Literal-Minded.
    Vivien: [Elspeth's] not ready to leave yet...
    Urabrask: Can we not make her 'ready'?
    Vivien: I doubt it.
    Viven: This city is nearly at its breaking point. I suspect that when it does, Elspeth will know if she's found what she's looking for or not.
    Urabrask: Then break it faster.
    Vivien: (actively holds back a snort)
  • Elspeth is surprised when Jodah offhandedly makes a comment about being there for something that happened centuries ago. Jodah is momentarily annoyed that no one bothered to tell her about him, before saying he's over 4 000 years old, but doesn't look a day over 2 500.
  • In Phyrexia: All Will Be One, Jace takes a single sip of Halo before collapsing. While the actual reason is not funny at all, given that Halo is a magical drug from New Capenna, one could joke that Jace simply Can't Hold His Liquor.
  • While the early stories for March of the Machine are largely apocalyptically bleak, there is a bit of dark humor to be found during Triumph of the Fleshless as Elesh Norn struggles to find a use for Lukka, who appears to have been Compleated largely by accident. What follows is Norn growing exasperated as Lukka proposes a series of vague, poorly conceived invasion strategies. Eventually, she allows him to attempt his conquest of Ikoria, openly admitting to everyone after he leaves that she fully expects him to fail and die and couldn't care less.
    • She's absolutely right too. He gets killed by an Apex while boasting about how powerful he is.
    • There's something vaguely funny about how, after sending out all her generals, Elesh Norn has a brief Beat when she realizes she has no one left to talk to, since Nissa is the only one left in the chamber and is busy commanding Realmbreaker. She immediately declares she hates the silence and summons a bunch of her own attendants to read her own writings back to her to calm herself down.
  • Elesh Norn's Freak Out at seeing Elspeth's return. She literally tears a chunk off of Vorinclex to throw at her.
  • Norn sends out legions to each plane to conquer them...except for Segovia which is so small that without the scale adjustment the plane could only fit one normal sized soldier who is massive compared to the leviathans and kraken that barely come up to their feet.
  • Throughout the entire story of Outlaws of Thunder Junction, we see Oko's crew in action, despite the sheer amounts of Teeth-Clenched Teamwork keeping them together:
    • First, there's the fact that his team includes both Gisa and Geralf. Like the Phyrexian war showed, when on the same side, they are still at each other's throats.
    • Then you have Satoru and Kaervek who make it very clear they despise each other after being captured prior to the story by the Sterling Company.
    • Tinybones has friends in both Oko, who finds him the most trustowrthy, and Rakdos of all people, who acts as Tinybone's translator.
    Tinybones took the opportunity to scramble for a guard's pocket watch, holding it up to the light in triumph. His satisfied giggle made all his bones rattle.
  • The train heist in A train to Prosperity and just everything that goes wrong. Mostly because Gisa keeps misinterpreting Breeches's loud voice as her cue to begin raising ghouls to attack the train, leading to more arguments between her and Geralf. Eventually, a misunderstanding leads to this:
    Malcolm: Would the two of you be quiet, How is Breeches supposed to hear the signal over all of this noise?
    Breeches: SIGNAL!
    Geralf: No, Gisa—what are you doing? Stop!
    The faraway screams carried all the way to the luggage car.
    Oko: What's going on?
    Geralf: She raised the zombies too early.
  • The Ballad of Thieves and Thunderslingers has Rakdos duking it out with Akul, the Big Bad of the story and who has intimidated everyone up to this point, and openly laughing as he squares up to his opponent.
    • Rakdos also gives us a Call-Back to War of the Spark as most of Oko's crew look to him to help them escape Tarnation.
    • Afterwards, while everyone else bemoans not being paid for this job, Rakdos bellows with laughter with how fun it was.
    • Finally, this last piece from the Lord of Riots himself.
    Tinybones rattled and scurried up Rakdos's face.
    Rakdos takes off, Tinybones holding on to his horns.

    Flavor Text 
Cards are not popular just for their effects, brokenness, or artwork. Many cards find their ways into players' hearts because the Flavor Text accompanying the card ties everything together and is often hilarious.

    Card Art 
  • Savage Punch, quite possibly the most Rated M for Manly Magic card ever.
    • Maro's story of where that card came from:
    Maro: I remember the first time I saw the art for Savage Punch. I didn't even realize that it was Surrak Dragonclaw, the khan of the Temur, doing the punching. It didn't even matter. During the slideshow when it was shown, it got a similar response from the audience. We included it in the San Diego Comic-Con panel because we expected the same would hold true for the players. And it did. I saw more talk about bear punching than any other single attribute we showed off at the panel.
    Maro: So how exactly did this art come to be? Was the card called Bear Punch in design? I wish my team could take responsibility, but this all happened during the card conception done by Doug Beyer. It's possible someone else came up with the "Surrak single-handedly beating a bear with his fists" concept and Doug found a place to fit it in. Nonetheless, this is a magical moment that I'm very happy got forever captured on a Khans of Tarkir card.
    • And then it gets turned up to eleven in Dragons of Tarkir, the Alternate Timeline to Khans of Tarkir, with Epic Confrontation. Yes, that is still Surrak. Yes, he is punching a dragon so hard the dragon's fangs fly off.
      • Maro's story of where that card came from.
    Maro: Once you've punched a bear there's no going back. We knew that, in the alternative timeline, we had to find a cool twist on the bear punch. Interestingly, there was debate on just what that twist was supposed to be. There were three options:
    1. A Dragon Punches a Bear
    In the Khans of Tarkir timeline, Surrak punched a bear. Well, how do we communicate that the dragons have taken over and are now the leaders of the clans? Well, what if we had them do things we saw the khans do?
    2. A Bear Punches Surrak
    It's possible that the timeline turns events on their ear. Maybe this time, instead of Surrak punching the bear, the bear punches Surrak.
    3. Surrak Punches a Dragon
    Surrak doesn't put up with stuff in either timeline. Are the dragons in charge? Well, then have Surrak punch a dragon.
    Maro: Each of the above choices is satisfying in its own way. The problem with the second choice is there's no dragon. It's Dragons of Tarkir, "the Dragon set", filled with Dragonlords. There really had to be a dragon. The first choice left out Surrak and, really, if anyone gets to punch things, I think Surrak is the man to do it. That left us with our third choice and dragon punching it was.
    • The Rule of Three demanded that more punches be printed, though — Surrak punched a bear; Surrak punched a dragon; so what about a bear punching a dragon? — and so the silver-bordered Unstable set followed through: Really Epic Punch. And not only that, but the puncher appears to be a half-bear, half-dragon.
    • The bear punch was exceeded in Throne of Eldraine by Outmuscle, wherein the guy is outright suplexing a bear. Zangief would be proud.
    • The final punchline to the joke is Surrak and Goreclaw from March of the Machine, where Surrak and the bear he punched team up.
  • Enthralling Victor, who does something common on red cards where he temporarily takes control of an opponent's creatures. However, because of the art, it is implied that he does so because he is so incredibly sexy that everyone wants to be on his side. There is a small goblin off to one side who very clearly likes whatever he or she sees!
  • Then there was the artist who mistook Lemure for Lemur and came up with this. Two things. Flavor text decided to roll with it, and they snark about it with a different card.
    Viscid Lemures flavor text: "Lemurs? Is that all? Finally, something harmless..." — Norin the Wary
  • In Duel Decks: Nissa vs. Ob Nixilis, among the reprinted cards is Crop Rotation. Not a particularly funny card — though tutoring for any land at the cost of one of your own is very helpful — but since it's depicting the battle on Zendikar, it's given new card art to give a better feel of the atmosphere. It depicts a few elves tending to an orchard...on a chunk of land that is floating upside down above the main land mass in the art.
    Flavor Text: Zendikar's elves have developed innovative methods to mitigate the effects of the Roil.
    Katie Allison: [The new art] makes me imagine a grizzled old farmer-mage sighing and telling his apprentice, "Bartholomew, how many times to I have to tell you that 'crop rotation' means something different out here?"
  • Compare and contrast. Gideon can be picky about who he works with. Even funnier in Deploy The Gatewatch, where Gideon looks all serious and/or annoyed at having to work with a necromancer, in sheer contrast to Liliana, who looks like she's enjoying an afternoon stroll.
  • Diabolic Tutor was reprinted in Kaladesh for the sole purpose of its artwork — a wickedly smiling Liliana encouraging Chandra to "show them how hot [her] fire burn[s]", with Chandra ready to burst out in hysterics at any moment.
  • Mechanically, there's nothing funny about Oath of Ajani, who not only discounts the casting cost of Planeswalkers, but buffs all your creatures when you cast it. Artistically, however... Ajani looks like he was going for a high-five and someone left him hanging.
  • Press For Answers shows an Inquisitor interrogating her victim... a skaab (stitched zombie) that is frowning at its predicament.
  • A cycle of cursesnote  in Commander 2017 all have the same mechanic — the curser and the opponent attacking the cursed player benefit from their misfortune — and the same artistic theme, revolving around one very unlucky fellownote  front and center while he's putting his hands up trying to talk down a Torches and Pitchforks mobWhite, sitting at a table with a drink in hand obliviously blathering while everyone in the shot is taking note of his every careless wordBlue, running from the outstretched claws of zombiesBlack, watching with shock as gold bursts from his pockets to random people on the streetRed, and nervously looking around while a bunch of wolves attracted by his fresh-cooked meal bear down on himGreen. Fans immediately latched onto this guy, saying that he has clearly led an interesting life, comparing him to The Most Interesting Man in the World.
    Facebook comment: I don't always play Magic, but when I do, I prefer EDH. Stay salty, my friends.
  • Masterful Ninja from the Unstable set. A member of the comically inept Agents of S.N.E.A.K., which has a secret base with a big neon sign pointing at it labeled "Secret Base". They're not very good as spies, in other words. Except for this one particular ninja.
  • The abilities of Cordial Vampire make it grow stronger with each other creature that dies. The art for it shows a bare-chested, blood-splattered vampire aristocrat throwing open the doors to his abode and welcoming the viewer in with a big smile on his face. Hors d'oeuvresnote  are on the table!
  • The vampire depicted in Insolent Neonate is taking very well to his new status as a vampire. By sitting on the table during a rather important looking meeting, shirt undone, and ruefully declaring, "Manners are for mortals."
  • Arni Brokenbrow depicts him sitting smugly on his throne with a troll horn lodged in his forehead. Made even funnier when paired with his flavor text:
  • Sorin the Mirthless looks even more of the brooding teenager than he did before.
  • Jin-Gitaxias seems to enjoy his stay on Kamigawa to the point of wearing traditional clothes, which is confirmed in the manga. Not only it gives us an unexpected foray into the Praetor's fashion style, it also makes one wonder if Gitaxias spent his free time playing Go with Tezzeret or replicating tea ceremonies.
  • Ambitious Assault. Look at the card. Then read the flavor text. Then look back at the art. Did you notice the frogs?
  • Enormous Energy Blade is Exactly What It Says on the Tin, a jab at the over-the-top giant swords that shonen anime protagonists often use. It even taps the user upon being equipped, presumably because they're struggling to pick the thing up.
  • "Nothing could ruin such a fine day, Saffi!" Yes, that's Hans. Of "Ach! Hans, run!" fame. And yes, that's Saffi trying to warn him the Lhurgoyf about to end both of them. While he's stopping to smell the flowers.
  • Tekuthal is a fearsome Phyrexian horror that embodies the twisted designs of the Progress Engine... and seemingly makes puppet plays of Vorinclex and Urabrask. You just know that Jin-Gitaxias is watching his least favorite brothers being made fun of.
  • Reckless Detective has a hilariously endearing picture of a devil in a detective's cap holding a large acorn aloft and preparing to spike it into the ground.
    He's gonna crack this thing wide open.

    Mechanics and Other In-Game 
  • There was a running theme for a while of having Goblins in various "professions" which all involved breaking what that profession usually builds. So Goblin Medics damage creatures, Goblin Gardener destroys lands, Goblin Masons destroy walls, and so on.
  • Azor's Elocutors can cause its controller to win the game by stagnating the game as they yap and yap and yap for five turns straight. So how do you stop them? Why, smash them on the face, of course!
  • The Unstable joke set has Hosts and Augments, which embody Mix-and-Match Critters for some crazy combinations. The names, creature types, and art even meld together to reflect the combination. The more ridiculous ones include "Half-Kitten, Half-Kitten" (a whole, but stronger, kitten, basically), "Multi-Headed Jellyfish" (which is effectively a bunch of snakes bound together) and "Steam-Powered Engine" (a slightly more bizarre steam engine).
  • The fact that there's a card that actually gives Protection from Dogs. And of course, it's a cat.
  • Due to the way Floral Spuzzem was originally worded, players were led to believe the card itself had to make a choice of which artifact it would destroy. Modern errata has 'fixed' away the wording, but the community still loves to crack jokes about the Spuzzem's sapience.
  • Strixhaven: School of Mages apparently had a decision made that the designers could be sillier with their card names... as a result, the card file is full of Punny Names, bordering on a Hurricane of Puns.
  • A black instant from Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty is named "You Are Already Dead". The best part is that its Japanese name actually is "お前はもう死んでいる"note !
  • The original printing of Thought Scour from Dark Ascension has one of the most infamously Nightmare Fuel card arts in all of Magic, depicting a man hooked up to some kind of terrifying torture device. However, when it was reprinted in Double Masters, the card received a new piece of art. That art goes in completely the opposite direction, instead being one of the cutest pieces of art in the entire game. It depicts pixies literally mopping a wizard's forehead while she sleeps, with the unnecessary thoughts rising up as soap bubbles.
  • The Unfinity joke set, like most joke sets, includes not only unusual mechanics (Knight of the Hokey-Pokey) and things that don't necessarily work inside the rules (Super-Duper Death Ray — note that it's just the wording which isn't rules-compliant; a version that works in black border was printed later that same year), but also unusual gameplay conceits. The latest example of this is "Get Your Head in the Game," which lampshades Ambiguous Syntax:
    When Get Your Head in the Game enters the battlefield, exile target nonland permanent until it (this card) leaves the battlefield, then touch it (this card) to your head. When it (this card) stops touching it (your head), sacrifice it (the card, not your head).
  • Unfinity takes it to a new level with Animate Object, which essentially allows you to pick any object from outside the game, turn it into an in-game creature, and play that creature. Cue the immediate Troper Tales of people using Waluigi figurines, chairs and Imperial-class Star Destroyers to attack their opponents.
  • The Lord of the Rings Universes Beyond set gives us Shadowfax, Lord of Horses. On its face, it's a pretty normal legendary creature, except that it includes reminder text for haste, even on the borderless printing, which would normally omit all reminder text.note  Shadowfax is literally showing us the meaning of haste.
  • The Outlaws of Thunder Junction card Shoot the Sheriff destroys a non-outlaw creature. The reminder text helpfully notes that Assassins, Mercenaries, Pirates, Rogues and Warlocks are outlaws...and "everyone else is fair game."

    Official Rulings 
  • In the set Battle for Zendikar, there is a card called Void Winnower, an Eldrazi (Eldritch Abomination) who keeps opponents from playing spells with even converted mana costs or blocking with creatures with even converted mana costs. The official card profile on The Gatherer has several additional rulings that explain how the card works. The last one, however, is an Easter Egg:
    Yes, your opponent can’t even. We know.
  • Magic Origins has a similar Easter Egg in the rules section for Demonic Pact.
    Yes, if the Fourth option is the only one remaining, you must still choose one. You read the whole contract, right?
  • This is done again in Eldritch Moon with Harmless Offering.
  • Queen Marchesa (long may she reign), is deserving of respect reserved only for the rightful monarch:
    The last ability of Queen Marchesa (long may she reign) checks to see if an opponent is the monarch as your upkeep begins. If no opponent is the monarch, Queen Marchesa’s (long may she reign) ability won’t trigger at all. Queen Marchesa’s (long may she reign) ability will also check to see if an opponent is the monarch as it tries to resolve. If no opponent is the monarch at that time, Queen Marchesa’s (long may she reign) ability will have no effect.
  • This ruling on Nissa's Encouragement from Hour of Devastation:
    You can find any or all of the cards listed with Nissa’s Encouragement. You could even find none, but that wouldn’t be very encouraging.
  • Then Ixalan's Revel in Riches:
    If the second ability of Revel in Riches causes you to win the game, please refrain from throwing your Treasure tokens into the air, as this may distract or injure other players.
  • Mairsil, the Pretender can gain the abilities of artifact and creature cards it exiles. The official rulings are a dry run-through over how exactly this works, with the last one covering Equipment giving us this gem:
    If Mairsil has an equip ability, activating it won’t cause anything to happen. Mairsil doesn’t become attached to a creature. They may remain friends.
  • Rivals of Ixalan has this gem in the rulings for Jadelight Ranger:
    If you reveal a nonland card the first time Jadelight Ranger explores and leave it on top of your library, you'll reveal the same card the second time it explores. If you don't pretend to be surprised, you'll hurt Jadelight Ranger's feelings.
  • The "mana pool" has been discontinued in 2018, and all cards that said "Add X to your mana pool" simply say "Add X"... except R&D's Secret Lair, which has been updated with a reminder text specifically stating that you still add its mana to the mana pool, even if the mana pool doesn't exist anymore. Oh, by the way, R&D's Secret Lair is a joke card printed in 2004.
  • Going right along with its artwork as mentioned previously, Unstable's Master Ninja has a few chuckle-inducing rulings going for it:
    It's right there.
    Look closer.
    • In general, if silver-bordered cards have rulings, they're much more light-hearted than the usual ones. From Syr Cadian, Knight Owl:
    Knightlifelink is the same as granting lifelink to each Knight you control, but much, much cooler.
  • Rhythm of the Wild:
    If a creature enters the battlefield with two instances of riot, you may choose to have it get two +1/+1 counters, one +1/+1 counter and haste, or two instances of haste. Multiple instances of haste on the same creature are redundant, but we’re not going to tell the Gruul how to live their lives.
  • Feaster of Fools has convoke (you can tap creatures to help pay its mana cost) and devour 2 (sacrifice any number of creatures to add twice that many +1/+1 counters to it):
  • Demonlord Belzenlok has an ability that causes him to put cards in your hand for the small cost of 1 damage to you per card. It's not a 'may' ability. To quote:
    You can’t choose to stop receiving the blessings of Demonlord Belzenlok any sooner.
  • Lovestruck Beast:
    If Lovestruck Beast’s power and toughness are reduced to 1/1, it learns that loving oneself is the first step on the true path to happiness, and it can attack even if you control no other 1/1 creatures.
  • Rankle, Master of Pranks:
    If you really want, you can choose zero modes for Rankle’s triggered ability, but carefully consider the hidden costs in not entertaining someone titled Master of Pranks.
  • The last ruling about Food tokens on the WotC website jokes about the fact that their type is "Food":
    Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.
  • With how easy it is to bring stuff back from the graveyard, Underworld Breach(and any other card with the "escape" mechanic) really makes you wonder who's running the show down there:
    After an escaped spell resolves, it returns to its owner’s graveyard if it’s not a permanent spell. If it is a permanent spell, it enters the battlefield and will return to its owner’s graveyard if it dies later. Perhaps it will escape again—good underworld security is so hard to come by these days.
  • From Thantis the Warweaver:
    You can’t attack yourself or your own planeswalkers to give Thantis +1/+1 counters, but Thantis appreciates the way you think.
  • From Nine Lives:
    If more than one source deals damage to you at once, prevent the damage from each of them and put that many incarnation counters on Nine Lives, even if this causes more than nine incarnation counters to be on Nine Lives. Leave it to cats to abuse loopholes.
  • Basalt Monolith sums up the issue with many mana-giving Artifacts:
    Basalt Monolith’s last ability can untap it as often as you can pay for it. If you believe you’ve found a way to generate an unbounded amount of mana with it, you’re probably right.
  • From Pyrophobia:
    Coward is a creature type. You won’t see this creature type printed on creatures (perhaps because they’re too good at hiding), but keep in mind that creatures with the changeling ability are Cowards.
  • Alrund, God of the Cosmos received a surprisingly appropriate Day 1 Errata comment due to a missing "revealed this way"
    Taken literally, you would put all cards of the chosen type into your hand. Like, all of them. From anywhere in the cosmos. We tidied this up prior to release.
  • From Arni Brokenbrow:
    If you control no other creatures at that time, you can change Arni’s base power to 1 until end of turn. Arni objects to this course of action.
    If that greatest power is -3, you could change Arni’s base power to -2 until end of turn. Arni strenuously objects to this course of action.
  • From Search for Blex and Blex, Vexing Pest
    Search for Blex: While resolving Search for Blex, you may put any number of the cards into your hand, even if you don’t have enough life to cover it. We’ll assume you have a plan that’s better than “and then I’ll lose the game.”
    Blex, Vexing Pest: If a creature is more than one of the creature types Blex cares about, it may haunt your dreams, but it will get the +1/+1 bonus only once.
  • From Sovereign's Realm:
    If you’re drafting with other sets and draft basic land cards other than the five mentioned above (including Wastes and the “Snow-Covered” versions of the typical basic lands), those cards will be in your sideboard and the activated ability of Sovereign’s Realm will allow you to play them. Also, invite me to your next draft—your group sounds rad.
  • From Persistent Petitioners:
    The last ability of Persistent Petitioners allows you to ignore the "four-of" rule. It doesn't let you ignore format legality. For example, during a Ravnica Allegiance Limited event, you can't add Persistent Petitioners from your personal collection, no matter how much they ask.
  • From Kami of Horrible Secrets:
    Its terrible secret is that it always forgets to call home on Mother's Day.
  • From Grist, the Hunger Tide, a planeswalker that makes a token and mills a card, and can then do that for as long as you mill Insects:
    If Grist is no longer on the battlefield as its first loyalty ability resolves, you will still create a 1/1 black and green Insect creature token and mill a card. If an Insect card is milled this way, you won't be able to put a loyalty counter on Grist, but you will still repeat the process. More mill for the Grist, as it were.
  • One With Death. Aside from the card itself being a riff on the infamously useless One With Nothing, the rulings simply state:
    You lose the game.
    Yes, really.
  • Embiggen from the Unfinity set gives a creature +1/+1 for each card type, supertype, and subtype it has... except Brushwaggs, for some reason.note  Quoth the rulings:
  • Yawgmoth, Thran Physician has a very fitting rule concerning his "Protection from Humans" ability:
    Protection from Humans refers only to the creature type Human. As far as Yawgmoth is concerned, you, your opponents, and planeswalkers aren’t Humans.
  • Another Un-set card, Flavor Judge, requires you to ask someone from outside the game if the story of what's about to happen makes sense. If they answer in the negative, you counterspell an opponent's effect causing the bizarre situation, but if in the affirmative, nothing happens. One of the rulings notes that if you can untap the card or control multiple instances of it, you could try to counter the same effect again with a new outside person. They then note:
    While we can’t stop you from trying again with the same person, we encourage you to really think about whether that’s a good use of everyone’s time.

    Tournament Play and other meta humor 
  • Richard Garfield proposed to his girlfriend Lily with an actual in-game card, Proposal. He noted with some trepidation, however, that it took him four games to actually draw it. Once can hardly imagine the amount of palm-sweating Mr. Garfield was going through during those games. (By the way, she said yes.)
  • During the launch party for Unglued (the joke set that makes fun of Magic itself), Mark Rosewater took the role of a judge... while wearing a chicken suit. He wore a donkey suit for the release of the sequel set, Unhinged. On a related note, Mark also made a list of his favorite funny quotes from the players at the Unglued launch party, found here (presented without context):
    #10: “My opponent made me go get him a Sprite with Ashnod's Coupon, but they're out of Sprite. Does that mean the effect fizzles?”
    #9: “I'd tell you what I think of you but you Censored a word I'd need.”
    #8: “I don't understand. What did the Cheese do to get isolated?”
    #7: “I just don't find the lands that funny.”
    #6: “Why won't this cow blow up?”
    #5: “We need a ruling. How much hokey pokey is enough?”
    #4: “Did you design this set just so you could build that deck and utterly humiliate me?”
    #3: “Excuse me, Mr. Head Judge Chicken Guy, is this the Unglued tournament?”
    #2: “You call that a cluck? I've heard better clucking from a chicken!”
    #1: “In response to your declaration of attack, I remove my pants.”
  • Anytime you and your friends play a game of Magic where Un- sets are included. Anytime. Just an example:
    (on turn 3)
    Friend 1: (stoic) For 3 mana, Farewell to Arms. Right hand. Go.
    Friend 2: (manages to go through his turn with his right hand behind his back) Go.
    Friend 1: (still stoic) For 3 mana, Farewell to Arms. Left hand. (smiles) Play with your feet, motherfucker.
  • At every opportunity, Wizards releases a "Mistform Ultimus Watch" that states every creature type the eponymous creature is. While it is amusing to have a creature that is, among other things, a Mutant, a Ninja, and a Turtle (No "Teenager" subtype yet), the funniest stuff comes from their snarky commentary on the matter.
    Mistform Ultimus Watch, Theros edition: Obviously, becoming a God is sort of a big deal.
  • The ol' Chaos Confetti story. In a nutshell, a tourney player used the card Chaos Orb, which dictates that you toss the card into the air and anything it ends up touching when it lands gets destroyed. Instead, this guy tore it into pieces and sprinkled it onto the field, destroying pretty much everything his opponent had. This story eventually became an Ascended Meme with the creation of Chaos Confetti.
    • For bonus points, in one version of this legend, his opponent just called a judge who disqualified him for not having enough cards in deck.
    • Regarding the Chaos Confetti card, some particularly cruel/inventive players came up with combos involving Mirrorweave that to turn the opponent's creatures into Chaos Confetti, then using something like Mindslaver to tear up their opponent's cards (or more likely force them to concede).
  • This article, a parody of Mark Rosewater's work over the previous few months written by another staffer.
    Maro: One morning, several years ago, I was sitting in my kitchen, eating a piping-hot bowl of cream of wheat.
    Evil Mark Rosewater: You live a life of danger!
    Maro: As I stared into this mushy glob of tastelessness, I became inspired.
    Maro: I asked myself, "Self, if cream of wheat was a Magic card, what would it look like?"
    Evil Mark Rosewater: And?
    Maro: Long story short, that's how Mercadian Masques came to be.
  • Persecute Artist. Longtime Magic artist Rebecca Guay is known for her beautiful, elegant watercolor illustrations for cards. At one point in time, she briefly came under fire from Magic's then-art director, Jeremy Cranford, for how "girly" her card art was. The legions of Guay's fans were so unhappy, the event was immortalized in Unhinged.
  • Doug Beyer, story director, on the relationship between Sorin and Ugin during the Tarkir story, and the visual version are hilarious.
  • One of the first commercials to show Magic R&D, and how they "tested" cards:
    Supervisor: (on the phone) Call in the Orgg and the Raging Goblin. ...what? The goblin's out sick? Then we'll just have to do without him. Send in...Bob from Accounting.
    (Bob is then shuffled into the testing ground, followed by the Orgg. Cue Bob screaming, followed by discretion shots of the "fight")
    Supervisor: I'd say the first round goes to the Orgg!note 
  • MTGGoldfish (A competitive Magic site) has a featured column where users vote for a deck theme (mostly ridiculous combos that are far from viable strategy): For one of those events, the users voted in a deck which consisted of thirty-four Siege Rhinos (4 Siege Rhinos and 30 cards used to copy, return, search, summon, and support the theme of MORE SIEGE RHINOS). Seeing it in play is funny. Seeing it in play while a nursery rhyme about rhinos is playing in the background? Hilarious.
    • The series as a whole is often hilarious, especially as a Johnny.
    • The 34 Rhinos have since been topped by 100 Siege Rhinos, which uses Battle of Wits, a card that wins the game if there are over 200 cards in the library during its controller's upkeep, as an excuse to play 100 cards that can clone or copy Siege Rhinos. To make it better, the opening match is against Mill, a deck archetype that has almost no chance of beating Battle of Wits decks, and because of an oversight... there are no Siege Rhinos in the deck.
  • What Stays And What Goes for the Kaladesh Standard rotation neatly summarises the past several months of Standard by showing all the impactful cards that are rotating out...a design that shows Collected Company four times.
  • One would not expect the judge rulings on a card game to contain anything of note humor-wise. Nonetheless, thanks to Unglued and its card Hurloon Wrangler, the action of removing one's pants officially takes place faster than a mana ability.
  • The Holiday Spirits, a mini-comic to celebrate Christmas. Really have to be seen to be believed.
  • Odric, Lunarch Marshal confers each instance of a keyword ability to all your creatures during your combat. He's compatible with a lot of abilities. It was a matter of time before someone took his lengthy card text and ran with it.
  • LoadingReadyRun's pre-pre-release for Unstable had many hilarious moments, but the crowning one of them all was Wedge using Spike, Tournament Grinder to add Shahrazad to his hand which caused spectator Serge to gasp dramatically and shout "You monster!" To add even further to the hilarity, Wedge cast Better Than One and chose none other than Mark Rosewater himself to be his teammate before casting Shahrazad, triggering a subgame between two people and just one person! It all goes downhill for poor Cameron after that.
    • Really, poor Cameron of LoadingReadyRun has had several traumatic matchups in the history of Pre-Prereleases. Notable standouts include being caught in a near-unending game opposite a Cloudblazer/Panharmonicon flicker deck during the Kaladesh event, or being put against a deck containing both Nicol-Bolas, Dragon God, and Niv-Mizzet Reborn, a five color deck that its controller gleefully called 'Wontburg' due to her certainty it would fail. It did not.
    • However, Cameron's luck seemed to turn around big time during Unfinity's prerelease. Not only was he able to assemble infinite mana Urzatron with Urza's Funhouse and Nearby Planet, but he immediately followed up by casting Opening Ceremony and chose to open a Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty booster on a whim. The rare of the booster just so happened to be The Reality Chip, a card that lets you play cards from the top of your library. After some infinite mana, near-bottomless hand shennanigans, his opponent Maria simply scooped on the next turn. And Cameron pulled that all off with a deck named Mind Goblin.
  • Leading up to the launch of the Dominaria set in 2018, the Magic: The Gathering YouTube channel posted what can only be described as the history of Dominaria as told by Drunk History. Set designers chat to the camera with off-the-cuff summaries of Magic Lore while members of the MtG social media coordinators do their best to act out the descriptions of Dominarian History, and the whole thing was Produced by the Magic The Amateuring Podcast crew. The series features:
    • An Urza Explosion Counter that ticks up every time Urza sets off an Earth-Shattering Kaboom.
      Mark Rosewater (As Urza) "Noooooooo! I regret most of what I've done!"
    • The Phyrexians are represented by a person in a head-to-toe Future Spandex suit, dancing and waddling around Mishra and the camera.
    • The Professor from MTG Fan YouTube channel Tolarian Community College helps show off the... questionable experiments performed at Urza's wizard school in Tolaria.
    • In Episode Two: The original Weatherlight crew as described by Kelley Diggs, Wizards' Creative Writer:
      "So you have Captain Sisay who's awesome... Tahngarth, who's like, this awesome Minotaur person... Gerrard who doesn't want to be there, Karn who's a sad pacifist robot, Squee who's an idiot, Stark who's a traitor, Crovax who's cursed. And they're like 'Yeah, this is a good crew!'"
    • Episode Three concludes the series with the Phyrexian Invasion and features Urza's Planeswalker attack on Phyrexia. Particularly, Tevash Szat's murder of two fellow Planewalkers and subsequent death at Urza's hands.
      Barrin: You can't just suck [Szat's] soul out of their body to power weapons of mass destruction!
      Urza: It's totally fine! He was a criminal, I mean, he murdered someone. Totally fine. Completely above board.
      Barrin: ... Did you know he was gonna do that?
      Urza: Yeah. I knew.
  • Sometimes really jank cards develop some unexpected...f ollowings, most frequently underpowered creatures, such as Chimney Imp, and most notoriously, Storm Crow.
    • And while some people practically worship the latter, well... "What is a god to a nonbeliever?"
  • At the Guilds of Ravnica and Ravnica Allegiance prerelease events, you get a kit themed around the guild you chose, each of which has a life counter die with the guild symbol and one pack's worth of cards based on the guild including a promo. Each of them also has three words written on the box in increasingly larger font associated with the guild and what it does, which are usually a reasonable description (for instance, Simic has "Mutation. Evolution. Progress."). And then there's Gruul's...
    Smash. Smash. Smash.
  • Crossing over with fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons first with the Planeshift mini-guides and later the Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica has led ever-enterprising DM Adam Koebel to come up with the campaign ''Jace Beleren Must Die''. As Adam points out, the whole idea is laughably absurd, and largely runs on failure being the only option. After all, Jace has no stats. And by his own admission, Adam won't be giving him any.
  • This tutorial on how to play the game contains many treasures. For just a few examples:
    (When describing what the game is) Magic: The Gathering is a 25-year old trading card game where your goal is to kill your opponent by casting spells and throwing monsters at them until they stop moving. Another option would be to actually use your cards to win the game the normal way, but murdering the opposition does technically make you the victor...
    (When talking about how instants work) Your turn? Check. Opponent's turn? Check. Did your opponent just play a card? Well screw you, now I'm playing a card. Did you just play a card? Well screw me, now I'm playing another card!
    (When describing how to attack a planeswalker) —> In order to attack a planeswalker, choose which creature you want to attack with and say "I AM ATTACKING THIS PLANESWALKER WITH THIRTY-FIVE WURMS."
  • Wizards sponsored a whole bunch of youtube animators to make trailers and guides on the game with the release of MTG arena. All of them are Hilarious
    Jo: I'm going to turn you into a blanket after we're finished, you smug-eyed little...
    Opponent: It's not your turn yet!
    Jo: Ugnhmmnumunmmg. Fine. You win this round, blocking sheep.
    • According to him, the creatures are gold diggers, which is why they won't answer your summons unless you offer up some premium real estate.
  • The sheer hatred towards the "Bands with other" mechanic from Wizards themselves is hilarious. For example, Mark Rosewater gives mechanics used in Magic a rating from 1 to 10 in the Storm Scale, which defines how likely that mechanic is to being reprinted in a Standard legal set. At 10 sits mechanics like "Storm" (a mechanic so inherently overpowered and uninteractive that no matter how weak Wizards tries to make it, people still find ways to break it) and "Ante" (aka. literal gambling). "Bands with other" sits at 11. Mark Rosewater would rather do something illegal rather than reprinting the damn mechanic.
  • In the Lord of the Rings Universes Beyond set, the card for Shadowfax has reminder text explaining haste, an extremely basic keyword ability. This is because of Gandalf's line "Shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste." The Oracle ruling even lampshades this.