How horrifying and yet interesting. I have a soft-spot for his organization—not their actions of course—but one of my favorite things and personal Author Appeal is organizations that have ostensibly good purposes and do good work, but dip into highly unethical practices and outright evil actions in pursuit of those goals, so before I comment on Allan, I want to congratulate you on that.
Now about Allan, he is once again one of your particularly good characters. I like that he still retains his humanity even after all the efforts that have been done by his order to erase it and replace it with their dogmatic philosophy. But even better, I like that he still takes their creed seriously, operating by its good aspects while rejecting what would turn otherwise good intentions into monstrous actions. Good job yet again.
Hilariously I have a character who is involved with a knightly order I'm about to post, so good timing![[lol]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lol2v12_4863.png "[lol]"){kind=small}
edited 17th Jan '15 10:24:42 AM by Swordofknowledge
Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace
I'm taking a little break from Clockwalkers heroes and villains. This is a character from a recent as-of-yet-unnamed fantasy story I'm creating.
- Name: Mary of House Adagren
- Age: Died at age 14. 28 when revealed to be alive
- Appearance: Mary was of average height for a human girl her age. She had curly blonde hair that ended at her chin and framed her face and blue eyes. Mary wore a simple tan blouse with the symbol of House Adagren stitched on the back with a brown belt around her waist and knee length boots. She carried a backpack with her medical materials and a similar pouch at all times. At age 28, Mary is a tall and wiry woman. Her formerly curly hair is now straight and tied back in a short ponytail and her face is crisscrossed with frown-lines, making her look twice her age. Two wide, jagged scars cross her left cheek and slide across her nose. Her formerly Innocent Blue Eyes are now hard and merciless.
- Personality: Mary was a kind and altruistic girl, and willing to risk a great deal in order to do what she felt was right. She thought constantly about what she could to do help both her family and the other Houses of the Tribunal restore peace to the warring land of Ellig. Mary cared deeply for her family and was unable to even imagine a world without them. She was very aware that her younger brother Martin looked up to her and was cautious of what she said and did around him, knowing that she wielded an influence over him. Mary believed that those who used their power—whether it was superior magical ability, exceptional combat skill, or intellectual genius—to harm and dominate those weaker than themselves were scum. That said, she believed in the the innate goodness in all people and refused to totally give up on those she was told were simply beyond redemption. Despite her kindness, Mary was obstinate and passively arrogant due to her status as a member of the Tribunal Houses. Though respectful she outright refused to follow certain advice or orders even when coming from those more experienced if she felt she was right and the ones giving the orders were not of “noble” birth.
- Abilities: Mary was a Class A mage specializing in healing and could use magic to completely repair most injuries and at least halt the progression of diseases until they could be treated by doctors. She was also trained in mundane first aid in the case that magic was unavailable. Mary was trained in self-defense and hand-to-hand combat in order to defend herself if she was ever caught without her guards. As firstborn of her House, Mary was heir to all of House Adagren’s resources and responsibilities and had limited command over their forces and servants, which would become complete once she came of age. Mary's family ability “Adagren’s Eyes” allowed her left eye to see flow of magical energy in the world around her. When she wished, her left eye could also reflect spells back at their casters, though this took immense concentration to do.
- Weaknesses: Mary lacked any real athletic skill, having spent most of her time studying tomes of magic in her family’s great library. The "Adagren's Eyes” ability left the user blind in the affected eye except for the ability to see magical energy. Moreover, reflecting magic back took immense concentration. She had an idealistic view of the world born of her sheltered life—she imagined the Tribunal Houses standing united as a single force for good. In reality the once honorable and heroic Houses had long ago descended into deadly infighting and intrigue, grasping at any chance for absolute power over Ellig and its people. It was this information more than anything else that eventually broke her.
- Goals:
- To help usher in an era of true peace after the War of Liberation that freed Ellig from the World Emperor.
- Find out if the Pale Guard is a force worthy of backing.
- Make her parents and little brother proud of her.
- Motivation: The land of Ellig is in chaos due to the tyrant that ruled it for over a thousand years being violently overthrown by a group of intrepid heroes one hundred years prior. Mary is a descendant of one of those heroes and was raised to understand that it is her family's responsibility to take care of the world they created when they deposed the World Emperor.
- Role in the Story: Decoy Protagonist, as she dies before she has a chance to really impact the story. Mary is the driving motivation behind her brother Martin's actions. He inherited her dream of making the world a better place and resolved to give the Pale Guard House Adagren's blessing and become a trainee in their ranks. She later becomes a Broken Pedestal to Martin when she is unmasked as the ruthless commander of the forces trying to revive the now disabled and dormant World Emperor.
Backstory:
Mary was the first child born to Edward of House Adagren and his wife Olivia, one hundred years after Adagren the Grand Mage and his companions defeated the World Emperor Gaius. Though the tyrant was dead, the order he had created in Ellig splintered and plunged the world into chaos as various factions tried to fill the power vacuum. The city-state of Aquin-Vale, the center of House Adagren’s territory, was often attacked by various human warlords who wanted to strike against the Tribunal Houses and saw House Adagren as the softest and weakest of the Houses due to their focus on magic and intellectual pursuits. Worse, members of the organization “Ellig’s Pillar”, former supporters of the World Emperor also carried out terrorist attacks. The death and destruction Mary witnessed made her afraid for her parents and infant brother and she became determined to correct the world. At age seven her parents began her training as a mage and future Head of the House, taking up lessons in magic directly from her father. Though Mary insisted on training in the healing arts rather than offensive magic, her parents forced her to take light combat lessons from Albert Snow.
Mary soon became a magical prodigy, earning the status of Class A at the age of twelve. Her accomplishments were a source of pride for her family, her parents viewing it as a sign of House Adagren’s future prosperity and her brother Martin looking to her as a model of what he wanted to become. Mary spent a great deal of time with Martin as he grew up and the two of them were nearly inseparable. When Mary was fourteen and Martin ten, a knightly order known as the Pale Guard came to House Adagren asking for their support in growing their small organization into a force that could right wrongs and keep peace all over Ellig.
Despite their dedication, Edward was against helping martial order without ties to his House or the Tribunal in general. However Mary defended them and asked to be allowed to join them on a routine mission to see them in action for herself. She and Martin were allowed to accompany a small platoon of Pale Guardians trying to suppress a group of Ellig’s Pillar terrorists. Despite the platoon leader himself cautioning that it was a bad idea for members of the nobility to come with them, Mary insisted and was allowed to have her way.
The convoy was heavily guarded and armed due to their presence and Mary and Martin were kept at the center. However the moment they left Aquin-Vale’s walls, the Ellig’s Pillar struck without warning and mercy, quickly overwhelming both the Pale Guard and House Adagren’s guards. Martin was lost in the confusion and would have fallen prey to a soldier wielding a scorch-blade combat knife but Mary intercepted him, taking two slashes across her face. Dazed with pain, she was unable to avoid a Mortal Scream spell, which blew off her right arm and caused massive internal damage. As more Ellig’s Pillar fighters swarmed the area, Mary screamed at the surviving House Adagren forces to get her brother away from the area at all costs. They obeyed the order, leaving Mary to die as the terrorists closed in on her helpless body.
- Relevant Tropes:
- The Ace: Mary became a Class A—the highest rank of magic-user in Ellig—by the age of age twelve. Not only did she have a perfect grasp of the complex rituals and spells that are required to be considered a Class A, she also had the anima levels needed to use those spells.
- Action Girl: Averted. Mary was trained to be one of these—and her parents very much wanted her to be able to fight in order to both lead House Adagren when they were gone and to defend herself—but she staunchly refused to the point where the training she did receive was all but wasted on her.
- All-Loving Hero: Mary was not fond of fighting or hurting other people—though she would attack if pushed or in defense of those she cared about—and her fondest wish was to do her part to bring peace to the shattered world of Ellig. Despite the horrific events she witnessed throughout much of her childhood and teenage years, she never hated the ones responsible and instead identified with them as people with their own goals and dreams and ways of carrying them out. It is an attitude that her brother Martin tried and eventually failed to emulate while following in her footsteps.
- Attack Reflector: Level Two of Mary's "Adagren's Eyes" could cause any magic thrown at her to bounce back at its caster once it had gotten within three feet of her body. However she had to be concentrating on performing this reflection, almost to the exclusion of everything else. Fourteen years later she has mastered this power to the point that reflecting is all but effortless, making her a terrifying opponent for mages.
- Aura Vision: The passive ability of "Adagren's Eyes" let Mary see the currents of anima—magical energy—that passed through all things, even those who didn't or couldn't use magic. Although doing this rendered her blind in her left eye while using it, she could technically still "see" out of it using the flow of energy to sense objects and people around her.
- Berserk Button: Harming her family, although "berserk" is a bit of an overstatement due to her temperament. However injuring or threatening harm towards her parents or brother was one of the few things that would provoke Mary to real anger and outright shouting or swearing at the person responsible. After returning to the Blue Tower to find her home under attack, her parents dead and her brother about to be killed, she utterly snaps and manages to cut through seventeen trained assassins single-handed, using the augmentations given to her by Ellig's Pillar at the World Emperor's order.
- Big Sister Mentor: Mary taught Martin the little bit of healing magic he knows, but he showed little aptitude in it. More than magic, Mary taught him how to act and behave and heavily influenced his beliefs about the way the world should work. In many ways she affected his outlook on life more than their parents due to them being constantly busy, thus Mary and an army of servants were the people he spent the most time with.
- Big Sister Instinct: She was terrified of something happening to her brother due to the war-torn nature of the world where even her family's stronghold city wasn't entirely safe. When her worst nightmare came to pass and she saw him about to be killed, she didn't hesitate to take the hit for him.
- Break the Cutie: Mary witnessed a great deal of violence and bloodshed in her childhood, the worst of which was watching a childhood friend Sigurd be shot in the head by an enemy soldier. This happened when the two of them were ten years old. It's a wonder she wasn't more traumatized by it, but instead she internalized the horror and turned it into determination to fix the world and end the chaos and fighting. Ultimately this is what led to her Face–Heel Turn when she learned the truth about the machinations and schemes going on between the Tribunal Houses and knowing that it led to the deaths of her parents and the attempted murder of her brother.
- The Cutie: Mary was kind, chipper and generally sweet to people, in addition to being rather pretty. Even in her moments of arrogance and disregard for common sense, she was polite and rarely raised her voice in anger or treated people with anything but benevolence.
- Decoy Protagonist: The story starts out from her point of view for about two chapters before her death in the third via Heroic Sacrifice.
- Declaration of Protection: She made this vow to her younger brother Martin and to her parents at a very young age and did everything she could to keep it, eventually sacrificing herself to save Martin's life from an enemy. Had she lived to take control of House Adagren, she would have been compelled to make an official declaration of protection for all of the family's assets, both possessions and people loyal to it.
- Determinator: Mary was going to help make Ellig a better place, but she was not going to shed blood while doing so, damn it! However she had no problem assisting those who did kill and hurt others, which is why she became a mage specializing in the Healing path of magic. It is both endearing, naive and hypocritical, though Mary never seemed to think of her decision as any one of those things, merely a decision she would adhere to, come hell or high water.
- Death by Origin Story: She dies in Martin's backstory, the circumstances of her death making him the meek but determined young man we see at the beginning of the story. Later subverted hard: the Ellig's Pillar carried her back to their base to take before the crippled World Emperor as as a "toy" when they realized that she was a descendant of one of the heroes that defeated him. A combination of his Breaking Lecture, the suffering as she recovered from her wounds, and finally the sight of her family slaughtered by one of the other Houses, drove her to become one of his most loyal supporters.
- Eye Scream/ Lovecraftian Superpower: When her ability was active, the sclera of her left eye would darken considerably while the iris would become cloudy and white, making the entire eye look diseased. When she activated the magic reflection power, thick reddish veins would grow around the area of her eye and across her forehead, making it even more horrific.
- Heroic Sacrifice: When the Pale Guard convoy was taken by surprise and ambushed by Ellig's Pillar terrorists, she saved Martin from being slashed by an enemy wielding two combat knives burning with magical fire. As a result she took the hit across her face, creating two jagged burns. Due to being dazed by the pain of the facial injury she was hit with a fatal spell using concentrated sound-waves which destroyed her right arm and damaged her internal organs.
- Innocent Blue Eyes: Mary's eyes were said to be particularly vibrant and free of the guile or negativity. They would harden when she was particularly determined about something, but it didn't take away from their generally friendly appearance.
- Kill the Cutie
- Never Found the Body: When the remnants of the Pale Guard and House Adagren forces reported what had happened, a small army of House Adagren soldiers raided the area where the massacre had happened in hopes of at least finding the heir's corpse and giving her proper funeral—only to find that there was no body. It was thought best to not even speculate on what the cult-like terrorists did with Mary's remains and thus she was simply given an empty memorial in the family cemetery at the Blue Tower in Aquin-Vale. In reality this was because her barely living body had been collected by the enemy.
- Plot-Triggering Death: Had Mary never died, Martin would not have joined the Pale Guard as a trainee and been in a position to inherit House Adagren's power. Also a bit of a subversion: Had Mary not lived to become the Ebon Witch, she wouldn't have indirectly turned her brother into a sadistic anti-heroic Vigilante Man by causing the extinction of the dwarven race. Furthermore, had she never disappeared to begin with, it's possible she really would have died in House Mechzink's assault on House Adagren a year after her "death".
- Posthumous Character: The story is told from Martin of House Adagren's viewpoint and thus Mary has been dead for fourteen years by the time he comes into focus.
- Sheltered Aristocrat: Zig-zagged. Mary was rarely allowed to leave the Blue Tower from which House Adagren ruled over Aquin-Vale and when she did travel around the city itself it was under heavy guard and in a procession of several armored cars. However she saw the ravages of the constant attacks on the city's walls and overheard more of her fair share of weeping and mourning from the servants and staff for their lost relatives. However she was sheltered from the realities of the politics and intrigue behind the Houses and the chaos of the world.
- Teen Genius: As mentioned before, she achieved Class A status at age twelve and had well grown into her title by age fourteen. Fridge Horror later turns this into Teens Are Monsters: Based on the timeline of events, she was only sixteen when she masterminded the scheme that destroyed the dwarves down to the last man, woman and child by turning them into Steel Guardians.
- Wide-Eyed Idealist: Mary genuinely believed that the Tribunal Houses were a force that stood for all that was good and just in Ellig, and that united as one they would be able to restore peace to Ellig without resorting to the tyranny and complete enslavement of the people that marked the World Emperor's thousand year reign.
edited 19th Jan '15 2:53:33 PM by Swordofknowledge
Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace
Where force fails, cunning prevails
I overall like the base setup and transition for the whole face to heel turn as a whole. With it, the only real points I can think off the top of my head are with the whole not found a body thing, I think that might give away that she's not dead. It's mostly because in fiction, when a body hasn't been found, my instant thoughts are they aren't dead. If there is a way they can find a body (like if misidentified or something), I think that could help hide the reveal.
Improving as an author, one video at a time.
Name: Marco "Emerald Tiger" Bronson
Age: 22
Personality: Nervous, jittery, noticeable stutter at the beggining of every sentence.
Abilities: Ability to perfectly mimic an opponents fighting style with only a minute or so of observation without any need for training and practice. Ability to pick up any ranged or melee weapon and instantly become proficient in its use. Cannot imitate magic, psionics or any power of a less mundane nature.
Weaknesses:Cannot imitate magic, psionics or any power of a less mundane nature. Cant effectively imitate brawn based styles without strength-boosting power armor. Cannot kill due to a mixture of reeducation and personal disgust.
Goals: Bring his former teammates and the man who tainted them to justice.
Motivation: Personal closure.
Role in the story: The main protagonist.
Backstory: Marco was once part of a group of teenage vigilantees called the Star Squad. For two years, starting at age fourteen, these youths fought crime with honor, compassion and non-lethal subdual methods, largely targeting low-level thugs and muggers then hanging out in each others suburban homes.
Until at mutual age sixteen they met and befriended a man nicknaming himself Shattershield, who claimed to be a seasoned vigilantee. He began lecturing the young heroes, appealing to their desire to be grown-ups and do grown-up things. Fueled with the insecurities and disdain for parental units that came at that age they listened intently and began to do what he said.
Robberies, muggings, assaults and eventually even murder became the order of the day and the youths felt alive, sitting on fat stacks of cash and their previous morality all but abandoned thanks to Shattershield's speeches, which the impressionable young men and women took in blindly. Emerald gave in to it of course, wantonly slaughtering people he deemed wronged him and spending blood money on videogames, porn and cleaners to hide the bodies with.
Until one day, during one of their nights on the town a group of actual skilled vigilantees thwarted them, his former friends leaving him beaten and bruised in the gutter while they themselves fled.
When he came to he found himself strapped to a sculpting table in an Organman precinct, one of the vigilantees looming over him. The older man gave him an utimatum, accept morality retraining or be processed into flesh putty for the Organmen. Too emotionally damaged and cynical to realise it was a bluff the green-skinned youth accepted.
What followed was two years of intense therapy to regain lost morality and confessions that became easier to tell and more painful to detail with each passing session. When it was all done, he was but the lovable neurotic perv before his corruption, albeit wanting to do anything but don a superpowered mantle ever again. And he was happy about it.
The salamander man that coerced him into therapy met him once more and he was met with a hug, a surprising far cry from the harsh threats he had heard from the exact same snout two years ago.
The salamander informed him that his confessions allowed the Organmen to capture Marco's colleagues and that a chunk of the stolen money was going to be used to get Marco a new life. Before he would have objected, raged and thrashed at the idea of this, but now it seemed perfect.
Fast Forward four years later. Emerald has gotten his life back on track; Posessing a cushy job as an office drone, a nice suburban house and frequently hanging out with his rescuer.
But alas, the past has a way of rearing its ugly head and Marco Bronson will soon have to don the mantle of Emerald Tiger once more.
Relevant Tropes:
Amazing Technicolor Population: Has green skin and dark green hair.
Armor Is Useless: Averted. It helps boost his strength and allows him to survive otherwise mortal injuries.
Beware the Nice Ones:He may speak all nervous and cowardly, but he fights like a badass.
Biseinen
Captain Ersatz: Of Beast Boy, to a degree.
- His former team are all based on the teen titans, albeit with them being inversions of their original counterparts in some way or another.
Child Soldiers: What Shattershield turned him and three fourth's of his team into.
Cool Helmet: His armor comes with a fancy full-face helmet.
Dark and Troubled Past: Obviously.
Fallen Hero: What he used to be, and what his former crew still are.
Home Sweet Home: Is perfectly content with his pencil-pushing day job, and if not for the demons of the past pecking away in his brain, would stay there.
Instant Expert: Whenever you toss a melee or ranged weapon into his hands.
Little Bit Beastly: Has fangs, pointed ears and clawed finger/toenails.
Kid Hero: Used to be this.
Mr. Fanservice: Athletic physique and a face easy on the eyes.
Mutants: What he is.
Nominal Hero: His vendetta against Shattershield is his sole motivation for donning the mantle again.
Power Armor: What he sports whenever he goes crimefighting.
Straight Gay: In a love affair with Soter, his rescuer and mentor.
Speech Impediment: His stutter.
Thou Shalt Not Kill: Partly from his reeducation, partly from fearing he might lapse into old habits if he violated this rule. Doesnt stop him from inflicting injuries.
The Woobie
edited 5th Feb '15 5:19:29 PM by Kanonite
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
You need to comment on a previous example before the rest of the forum comments on yours.
Awrighty then. :3
@Swordofknowledge A solid premise, only gripe being what Prime_Of_Perfection mentioned. In fiction, there being no body usually means the person is not dead.
@Kanonite
Well, first off, you haven't really posted enough on his personality. I get that his nervous, but unfortunately, that's about all I get from him. Going off of your backstory, he appears to have been almost ridiculously and cartoonishly evil (seriously, he spent the money on porn? At that point why not actually use the phrase "hookers & blow"?). From the sounds of things, these guys progressed well-beyond Well-Intentioned Extremist, and unless Shattershield had some sort of mind control over them, I've got to ask—why should I care about this guy? Why should I like him? Having a character with a shady past is one thing, but having a character who was a thrill-killing dick is a different one altogether.
Thought I'd post a character from a very rough fantasy outline I'm toying with. To give everybody fair warning, I first came up with the bare outline of this story when I was in high school, and it was, I freely admit, a complete ASOIAF ripoff. I was reading the series at the time and thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. A couple of weeks ago I remembered the idea, and started toying around with it, trying to see if there was a way I could move it away from being a ripoff, while still appealing to the sort of people who like ASOIAF. I've been retooling characters ever since, and thought I'd put one up here to measure how successful I've been.
Basic idea (for now): After sixty years on the throne, the King of Hygardia has died. Normally, the heads of the great noble families would now get together and elect his successor from amongst the other members of the dynasty. Unfortunately, a series of wars a generation back reduced the royal family to single unit, and bad luck has followed them since. Only the king and his son were left, and with his son having been murdered the week before he died, there's nobody left to be elected. In order to prevent the murderous Prince Lynake from simply buying his way to the throne, the king's chancellor, Elyse Chadwyck, locates the old king's bastard son, and has him stand for election, since he's technically a member of the dynasty. Lynake and his supporters take issue with this and split the country in a civil war, while even further south, what begins as an isolated rebellion on one aristocrat's plantation, threatens to grow into a slave revolt that will burn down most of the country.
Anyway, I now present one of our protagonists, the king's bastard, Riven:
Name: Riven Redstone
Age: 40
Appearance: Riven's a tall, well-built man, who hasn't lost any of his physical strength as he approaches middle age. His features are a mix of what we would consider Caucasian and Native American, with his hair and skin in particular, reflecting the latter. His clothes and gear are similarly reflective of his mixed heritage, and given the choice, he'll appear in buckskin clothes, while carrying a longsword and a shield marked with his personal coat of arms (a moose with golden antlers on a silver field). He always wears a necklace, on the end of which hangs a single redstone that was his mother's most prized possession.
Personality: Riven's not particularly happy with his lot in life. He wasn't very glad about where he was, but he's not exactly thrilled with the idea of being king either. Having grown up in the borderlands, his morals and ethics are far more reflective of his mother's people than his father's, and he holds a fair amount of (justifiable) resentment towards the people of Hygardia, whose ancestors drove the tribes into exile along the fringes of the continent. He's got a loose code of honour (he won't stab you in the back, but irritate him enough and he may challenge you to a duel), little time for social niceties, and some very real fears about what life in the capital will do to he and his children. At the same time, he feels some level of responsibility to his father's legacy, and is moved by humanitarian concerns to try and hold the country together.
Abilities: Riven's a talented hunter, an expert raider and small-unit leader, and in a direct, physical confrontation, is one of the best fighters in the setting, despite his lack of technique. Having served as the chieftain of a small settlement in the borderlands, Riven's used to making important decisions, and, within the context of intertribal politics, is a talented negotiator, having sat on a number of Councils of Chiefs. He remains popular in his home territories, and a number of his tribal allies would still gladly honour their alliances with him.
Weaknesses: Riven's not in his preferred milieu and it's hurting him badly. He's great at leading a band of raiders, but he's never had to lead an army. He's great at intertribe and inter settlement politics, but he's never had to run a nation of millions. He doesn't trust most of the people of Hygardia, including his chief advisers, and the sheer dizzying scale of his new task alternately overwhelms and eludes him.
Goals: Riven wants to use his new position as King of Hygardia to get a better deal for the people's of the borderlands, and the native tribes that exist beyond them. He wants to rectify years of wrongs that have been done to his mother's people, and he wants to reform Hygardia into a functional nation that doesn't need to prey on its neighbours to survive. He eventually adds freeing the nation's slaves, and ruling Hygardia as a just king to his list. "I am not the king that these people wanted, but I hope to become the one they deserve."
Motivations: Riven understands what it's like to be poor and downtrodden. As the bastard son of a Hygardian king and a native (I know I keep using that term, but I couldn't come up with a fantasy equivalent that wasn't insulting or already in use) woman, he wasn't especially liked by anybody. He's seen the injustices that Hygardia inflicts on its poorest citizens—and on those who would rather not be its citizens—and now he's in a position to do something about it.
Role in the story: Riven is the main protagonist of the story, and the one whom the others orbit, with the novel chronicling the start of his reign, and the way in which that effects all those around him. He's trying to hold Hygardia together and win a civil war, while simultaneously reforming it, and watching out for attempts on his life, and those of his children—two of whom he's become separated from.
Backstory: Riven was the result of a brief affair between King Mercus IV of Hygardia, and Northern Lights, a woman from the White Lynx tribe. He was raised in the tribe by his mother, though the king, who was aware of his son's existence, did keep in touch, sending letters, money, and gifts on a semiregular basis (Riven's sword and shield came to him courtesy of his father). When he was fifteen his mother died, and the White Lynxes, always somewhat embarrassed by his presence, drove him out. Riven drifted between border towns and tribal communities, finding what work he could, occasionally operating as a mercenary, before recruiting his own gang of raiders, whom he jokingly dubbed "The Bull Moose Band". They had a fair amount of success, and eventually found permanent employment as defenders of a cluster of border communities. Riven eventually became headman of the town, and brokered alliances with local tribesmen, creating a miniature fiefdom in which he was the (nominal) leader. Along the way, he had a string of failed relationships, which resulted in his having five children by three different mothers (though in his defense he was with the last one for ten years before she was killed in a raid).
Relevant tropes: Animal Motifs (bull moose), Fish out of Water, The Good King (he tries anyway), Half-Breed Discrimination (victim of it), Heroic Bastard, Injun Country (hails from here), Master Swordsman, Mixed Ancestry, Papa Wolf (don't screw with Riven's kids), Unresolved Sexual Tension (with Elyse Chadwyck; more on that when I do an entry for her)
@Ambar Son Of Deshar I shall answer your critique point by point.
And my answers, point by point "Well, first off, you haven't really posted enough on his personality. I get that his nervous, but unfortunately, that's about all I get from him."
Yeah. I should have gone more indepth.
"Going off of your backstory, he appears to have been almost ridiculously and cartoonishly evil (seriously, he spent the money on porn? At that point why not actually use the phrase "hookers & blow"?)."
What else do you expect from a hormone-addled teenager with suddenly way too much money to spare?
"From the sounds of things, these guys progressed well-beyond Well-Intentioned Extremist, and unless Shattershield had some sort of mind control over them, I've got to ask—why should I care about this guy? Why should I like him? Having a character with a shady past is one thing, but having a character who was a thrill-killing dick is a different one altogether."
They never were Well-Intentioned Extremists. They were merely a bunch of developing teens manipulated into evil by a grown man appealing to their desire to be edgy and grown-up.
Also, a somewhat subjective complaint, myself having a higher tolerance towards dickhead and ex-dickhead characters.
edited 11th Feb '15 3:59:57 PM by Kanonite
If these kids think that murdering people for fun is edgy and grown up, then I can say that I, as a reader, would want nothing to do with any of them. Seriously, I've known some stupid teenagers in my time, but when you cross the line into the sort of behaviour you've described above, coming back is a pretty iffy premise.
Then I will revise the backstory.
@ Ambar: One of the things I like about your writing in general is just that it's all over the place—you've posted characters from a crime-drama, some sort of super hero/shonen-manga hybrid and now this fantasy. It's cool that you're so versatile—I've only done sword-and-sorcery fantasy and urban fiction myself.
Anyway, about Riven. I think what I like about him is that he seems to be a fusion between a typical warrior savior of the people and Barbarian Hero; he's got ties to both worlds, even if as you say, his relationship with the Kingdom of Hygardia isn't exactly ideal. He certainly has the qualities to become a king, but it's just lacking enough that you've left him room to grow and learn new attributes, so that it does not seem redundant. One question I did have about him that seemed a little...strange:
If his mother's tribe drove him out due to resentment/embarrassment for the circumstances of his birth, what makes them so much better in his eyes than the people of Hygardia? While they did persecute his mother's people, it seems that her tribe wasn't much better to him on an individual basis, so why would he make a priority of improving their lives once he's king?
edited 26th Feb '15 7:52:23 AM by Swordofknowledge
Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace
Thanks. I try to vary it up a lot partly to avoid boredom, and partly because it means I have more publishers I can send my stuff out to. I've even tried my hand at non-fiction, actually.
Anyway, as for Riven, you know how kids who are raised by an abusive single parent can, and often do, direct all their anger at the one who wasn't there, as opposed to the actual abuser? How dare you leave me with her/him, and all that jazz? Or sometimes even take on the abuser's opinion of the missing ex?
Riven's in a situation rather like that one. He's lived with his mother's people long-enough that he's internalized many of their attitudes, including their opinion of the people of Hygardia. That Hygardia is pretty deserving of their dislike helps too—if the Hygardians hadn't gone out of their way to drive the native tribes off their lands then the natives wouldn't hate them so much, and Riven's life would have been a lot better. Throw in the fact that most of the people he's had positive interactions with are also of native descent (some from his mom's tribe, some from other tribes, some outcasts like himself) and he's got a far more nuanced picture of the native tribes than he does of Hygardia. He's still mad at the specific members of the tribe that kicked him out, don't get me wrong, but the bulk of anger and resentment is reserved for Hygardia.
Anyway, another character from the same story, since I want to keep the forum moving along (I'll comment on the next character someone else posts as soon as it goes up).
Name: Elyse Chadwyck
Age: 37
Appearance: Elyse is tall and lean, with pale blonde hair streaked with white. Her eyes are brown, with just the barest hint of Ainswyck yellow (more on that below). Whether she's in a formal gown, a work dress, or leggings she favours green, and when you couple it with her slim frame, the way she carries herself, and her coldly predatory attitude, it makes her look like her house sigil, the preying mantis.
Personality: Elyse is a rule-through-fear kind of girl. She can be entertaining and witty if she has to be, but under the surface is steel and at this point in her career, most people know it. A loyal friend and retainer on the personal level, her morals are flexible in the political arena, and she's more than happy to use threats of political and personal ruin to get what she wants; if that doesn't work, she'll resort to threats of violence, or even, actual violence, without any apparent regrets. Probe the surface a little and you'll find she doesn't actually like doing it; probe a little farther and you might even discover that she's got a rather guilty conscience about the small army of skeletons in her closet.
Abilities: Elyse was Chancellor to Mercus IV from her twentieth birthday until his death shortly after her thirty-seventh. She set foreign policy, dispatched ambassadors, treated with local nobles, and received reports from all other government offices.. Behind the scenes she also acted as his spymaster, ran the prisons, and hired assassins, and did anything else that needed to be done to keep the kingdom running. She knows everybody's secrets, knows how to get the most out of her subordinates, and as an added bonus, is feared by pretty much everybody in the kingdom. On the physical front she's had enough fencing lessons to give most soldiers a run for their money, though she'd still come up short against an experienced fighter like Riven.
Weaknesses: Elyse has never had to govern during a major war, much less a civil war like the one now breaking out. She misjudges just how badly Prince Lynake wants to be king, and as a result bringing in Riven just ensures it'll be a two way civil war, instead of four or five. She has trouble working with people who aren't scared of her; indeed, the only people she absolutely trusts who aren't frightened of her are her own children.
And that's without getting into her darkest secret—her family's an offshoot of the now all-but extinct Ainswyck family. Once upon a time, the Ainswyck patriarchs were able to use black magic to control (or at least influence) the actions of anyone who had enough of their blood. For the past few years, Edmund and Oswald Ainswyck, the last survivors of the family, have been dangling the possibility that they can control her over her head. Elyse doesn't know if they can, but she's not in a hurry to find out either, and has been granting them minor concessions while trying to figure out just how much trouble she's in.
Goals: Elyse wants to make Riven into the kind of king his father would have been proud of, and keep Hygardia from flying apart. She also wouldn't mind implementing reforms of the sort that Riven is interested in, but for her preserving the nation comes first and foremost.
Motivations: Elyse is a rarity in the feudal setting—she's a genuine patriot, and is loyal to the concept of Hygardia above any family loyalty. For her it really is about ensuring the best possible future for the best possible number of Hygardia's citizens.
Role in story: Elyse is the one who brought Riven to court in the first place, and is his chancellor and strongest supporter just as she was for his father. She handles the political side of things, shoring up alliances, threatening anybody who wavers, and taking care of the sort of skullduggery that Riven wouldn't be comfortable with or suited for. She sends her daughter's overseas to try and win support from Hygardia's former colonies in the Ten Republics, and runs the government while Riven leads the war effort—though on occasion she finds herself on the battlefield as well. She's also, unbeknownst to Riven or herself, his Love Interest, though there's a very slow burn on that one.
Backstory: Elyse comes from the Chadwyck's, an offshoot of the Ainswyck's who became the latter's overlords when they were all but exterminated. Her family isn't well-liked, but they are rich, and when Mercus IV married one of her aunts she was sent to live at court when she was five. The king took a liking to her, and when her aunt (who had played a more prominent role than most queens in the politics of the day) died, Mercus made the surprising decision of making twenty year old Elyse his Chancellor. She's been the dominant political force in the kingdom since, though her personal life has been rough—her first husband died in a riding accident shortly before she became chancellor, her second was political adversary she married for convenience (then stripped of his titles and packed off to a monastery), and her third was killed in an assassination attempt on her.
Relevant tropes: Action Mom, Animal Motifs (preying mantis), The Chessmaster, The Good Chancellor (though she's seen as an Evil Chancellor), Guile Hero, Iron Lady, Mama Bear (mess with Elyse's girls and your life is over), Manipulative Bastard, The Spymaster, Unscrupulous Hero
edited 26th Feb '15 9:28:08 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar
@Ambar Son of Deshar: First of all, I really like how Riven is from a Native American inspired culture, since that's usually not seen, at least in most fantasy I've read where the heroes are usually Medieval European style types. There's a lot of good story potential by having the main protagonist from such a radically different culture and forced to assimilate if he wishes to rule. Also, exploring his native culture, his religion, his values, etc, should provide interesting world building. Riven sounds like he has a reasonable mix of noble traits and flaws. In particular if he needs to win public support to get the throne, then his lack of social niceties and distrust towards his new subjects will definitely make things tough for him.
As for Elyse, she sounds like a particularly interesting character. You mentioned to me before that you were fascinated by characters who do horrible things but out of genuine loyalty to a good leader or nation. Elyse definitely sounds like she fits the bill. She reminds me a little of Varys (at least in her ruthlessness, being a spymaster, and ability to gather information on everyone), but with her claims of being concerned with the kingdom in general being far more genuine. The relationship between herself and her daughters, Riven, her still living husband, and the remnants of the Ainswyck family all sound like they'll be really cool to see unfold. I'm curious, will her daughters efforts to recruit the Ten Republics be seen, and will Elyse's monk ex-husband ever return and make some sort of play against her?
The Darkness Grows
@ Ambar: Ooh, I like Elyse's weaknesses. That's a horrible thing to have hanging over your head and makes for some great conflict. Her personality also has some fun twists and turns in it, from the cold-hearted pragmatist to the woman who feels guilty about what she has to do but does it anyway. Combine the two and, yup, you've got a keeper there.
New character from a new series: La Vie de Medraut
Name: Dr. Bhumi Sharma
Age: 36
Appearance: Bhumi is of average height (5'6'') and has medium brown skin. She has partially curly black hair and wide, deep brown eyes. As a college professor she dresses in business casual, though she usually puts on slacks when she isn't working.
Personality: Bhumi loves her job as a physics professor, she practically lives for it. A naturally curious person, she is thrilled by the idea of both learning and teaching something new. But don't let that easygoing smile fool you, she's got a backbone and is not afraid to stand up for herself, even against all odds. She can be surprisingly snarky if she's cranky enough.
Abilities: A very good, but not eidetic, memory means she remembers a great deal of formulas and has often used her knowledge of physics against her more mediaeval antagonists. And there is that little thing in her bloodline that lets her use magic like teleportation, Playing with Fire, and your garden variety of spells.
Weaknesses: Bhumi is a squishy, squishy sorceress. While her newfound skills help, she's not much use against men swinging two-handed swords around or anyone who's better at spellcasting than she is. Also, she's not a history professor! It's a bit out of her depth to know the faces, fighting style, and house heraldry of every knight of the Round Table.
Goals: Get England/Albion back to normal. Get Agravain off of her couch.
Motivation: Her world has become stagnant in a way is was never supposed to be. King Arthur is still on the throne and she can't remember (or find in the history books) a time when he wasn't. It's time for things to change. Agravain is the worst roommate ever.
Role in the story: Bhumi starts as the everywoman who would like to get on with her life, but is stuck as one of the few people who can see through the curse cast over England, so she's forced to be the Deuteragonist/Protagonist until things can be set right.
Backstory: Dr. Sharma was having a perfectly normal day teaching her students, when a dead body dropped outside her window. Into its skin were carved the words: one for sorrow. And then it got up and walked away. Nobody else noticed this incident. Bhumi brushed it off, she'd been seeing weird things like that since she was young. It would happen every so often and then it would stop. Except it didn't. A second body showed up on her doorstep two weeks later, saying: two for joy. It stood up, called her "My lady" and then walked off. Well, that was odd. She'd have to take an extra pill that night. But it should end there. It didn't. The third dead man was found in her office, propped up in her chair, with the words: three for a girl. When her scream brought in fellow faculty members, none of them saw it. She suffered a minor breakdown, but by the time she came back to herself, the dead man was standing over her, trying to wake her up and her colleagues were gone. After she fainted and woke up again, the dead man introduced himself as Agravain of... well, he choked on the last part, but he did manage to get across that his name was Agravain and that he was a knight of the Round Table. A silly idea, of course. King Arthur had dismissed with the Round Table some two centuries back along with the dragons! Everybody knew that. Wait...
Relevant Tropes:
- Action Survivor: During the first three episodes.
- Animal Motif: of Creepy Crows.
- Archenemy: To a bitter Morgan of the Fae.
- Badass: She fights Morgan, Merlin, and Nimue in one-on-one magic duels.
- Badass Abnormal: Morgan's grimoire is what lets her access her power.
- Pop-Cultured Badass: Even as a professor, Bhumi remains a Tolkien and GRRM nerd who likes to use A Song of Ice and Fire analogies for the Arthurian myths.
- Berserk Button: Being condescended to because she's a woman. Agravain hits that particular button often and mostly unintentionally.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Yes, Bhumi is the nice one compared to Agravain. Yes, she will teleport a train car onto a dragon's head or levitate a bronze statue into Gaheris' chest.
- Agravain learns this as well when, after treating her terribly for the better part of five episodes, she explodes at him and throws him out of her flat.
- Break the Cutie: Morgan certainly tries: "I've never tried taking the skin off of a live human before."
- Clark's Third Law: Quotes this a few times to keep herself calm after her first teleportation spell.
- Color Motif: She's always seen with or wearing orange, in reference to her warm nature, until she gets Morgan's grimoire, then her motif becomes black. It's not dark magic, she's just taking on Morgan's house color and getting more in touch with her occult side.
- Combat Pragmatist: Bhumi doesn't have the luxury of playing nice when up against an army of the undead or two archmages who are both angry with her.
- Corrupt the Cutie: Averted. Using magic does not negatively affect her.
- Dark Is Not Evil: Crow motif, strange magic, association with the color black, and Empty Eyes? Check! She is a nice person overall, even if Agravain brings out her less pleasant attributes.
- Deadpan Snarker: After a few months, she can hold her own in a World of Snark.
- Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: The aforementioned dragon-slaying.
- Broke Your Arm Punching Out Cthulhu: Immediately after doing so, she throws up blood and goes into a seizure.
- Empty Eyes: When she uses magic.
- The Hecate Sisters: Bhumi is the Crone of the three major (human) women, being a "confirmed bachelorette" who grows snarkier every day.
- Horrible Judge of Character: When she first meets Morgan, Bhumi trusts her.
- Hot Witch: Averted. Bhumi isn't unattractive, per se, but she won't be winning any beauty contests.
- Go Out with a Smile: knowing that the world can move on now that Mordred has fixed things.
- Back from the Dead: Bhumi's death happened during a weird time in Wild Magic, leading to her "getting better".
- Good Scars, Evil Scars: Agravain has heavy facial scarring. Morgan gives Bhumi some to match.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: While she's not above the occasional 'damn' or 'arse', the heavier swears she generally avoids.
- In the Blood: There's magical skill in her family history and one of her ancestors sat at the Round Table. It was inevitable, really.
- Just Friends: Okay, it's more like 'just barely standing each other', but people do like to read Slap-Slap-Kiss in their relationship. It squicks them both out.
- Leeroy Jenkins: Really. Her first few battles, the knights haven't quite gotten the hang of her way of fighting, so she can charge them easily. Her style goes to Combat Pragmatist once they catch up.
- Only Sane Woman: Sometimes. Bhumi's just as likely to fly off the handle concerning her Berserk Button as anyone else, but she calms down easier than people who are used to holding grudges for centuries.
- Playing with Fire: She tends towards lobbing fireballs at things.
- The Renfield: Is assumed to be one for Agravain by most of his family, most likely because she's always asking him to explain things. And he's kind of cruel to her, at first.
- Science Hero: Bhumi combines her nascent magical talents with her scientific skills, reasoning that magic with its rules is just a strange form of science.
- Screw Destiny: Averted. Bhumi is desperately trying to get destiny back on track so King Arthur can die already.
- Silk Hiding Steel
- Shout-Out: "I am the mother of magic, breaker of physics!"
- Teleport Spam: She loves this, after she's done freaking out because she just lowered the amount of mass in the universe for a moment.
- Took a Level in Badass: From freaking out at Agravain to being the one to discover how to kill undead knights for real.
- True Sight: Is one of the few humans to have it and use it, though her wires still get crossed every now and then.
- Verbal Tic: When Bhumi slips back into her normal accent, she'll call guys 'luv'.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: All the way with Agravain. So much so that when he tries to break her heart to save her, she thinks he just hasn't gotten enough sleep. Then he hits her Berserk Button as hard as possible.
- The World Is Just Awesome: Her outlook on life in general, and the magical world in particular once she gets the hang of it.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: Bhumi thinks it's going to be all power-plays and subtle manipulations. She is so very wrong.
- You Remind Me of Morgan: She reminds both Agravain and Merlin of the young, naive version of Morgan. Bhumi is not amused.
edited 2nd Mar '15 2:06:17 AM by UmLovely
RISE
Now a lurker. See you at the forums.
Wait. She starts off as a everywoman, is a normal person... except she is not, she saw weird things since she was a kid, and then, pum, goes to another world.
The two parts sound so distanced from each other, like if a character from a psychological thriller was later put in a fantasy series.
Sounds odd to me.
Well, I already talked about my character a while back, Gregory G. Here is the design of the character.
What do you think?
The Darkness Grows
Yeah, I was trying to connect two separate plots for this story and they must not mesh. Oh well. Thank you for your feedback, it was very helpful.
I like it. It's a nice blend between mechanical and organic. If there was anything I'd do differently, it would be the eyes; they seem like they're on top of his face, not part of it. As armor itself, there looks like there's a spot to be easily hit at the upper leg/groin area. I'm not sure what the suit's supposed to be for, but if it's for protection I'd alter that.
RISE
Serocco
That picture kinda reminds me of that weird Kafka story about a dude turning into a bug. That blank gas mask face is very metallic and empty-looking.
This is a character from Eclipse, my original story.
- Name: Freesia Dreyvor (pronounced dray-vohr).
- Appearance: Freesia is a relatively youthful, dark brown-skinned woman with chestnut colored eyes and midnight blue hair. She wore a dirty green mantle, a black cuirass, and a dirty green hoodie along with an armored cuisess that covered up to her waist.
- Personality: Noted for her level head and sharp tongue, Freesia Dreyvor is a no-nonsense bureaucrat, perfectly willing to strongarm her rivals and allies in order to achieve her goals. Whenever she's confronted with a person she dislikes, Freesia turns increasingly dry and sardonic, making no bones over how her patience is running thin and freely expressing staunch disregard towards whoever happens to annoy her. On the opposite side, her distaste for a particular set of people can lead to a clouding of her better judgment, such as (albeit implicitly) threatening a fight with an ambassador when he got on her nerves a bit too much. She is rather proud of her status as a self-made woman, with a flare for the dramatic over her accomplishments and an occasional slide towards braggadocios if she felt such flaunting would annoy her opponents more effectively. While a Reasonable Authority Figure, she is more pragmatic than most, holding something of an authoritarian side if she felt that was the only way to suppress her opposition. She is very supportive of her family: she openly advocates for her eldest daughter to hang out with her boyfriend outside the family mansion, for example, despite her (second) husband's protests. She is one of the few authority figures without a negative first impression of Alice Sitchri (the heroine), believing her to be a mischievous troll more than anything else. Freesia's Fatal Flaw, however, is wrath, as she holds grudges easy and will stop at nothing to get payback.
- Backstory: Freesia was an orphan, roaming the slums at a time when her city-state, Cessair, was more of a Wretched Hive than the metropolis it became in the present day. As one of the only Aura Users at the time, Freesia was inherently different from the humans of her city-state; she never needed to sleep, rarely needed to eat, only ever drank if she wanted, sensed the "aura" of other people, and manifested her innate life energy into a tangible form (hence "Aura User"). Nobody ever mistreated her for it, but most who met her found her uncanny. When an academy was opened up specifically for Aura Users, she enlisted immediately, becoming a Child Prodigy upon discovering that her cadre (or class/caste) of Aura User was that of a Hunter. One of her classmates was Krios Enuhm, a man who would become her husband and the father of Kyrie (her eldest). Within a decade, she took over as the head of the academy and turned it into a barracks; she sought higher office as a Senator in order to expand both the riches of her family and the reach of her academy in a society where Family Business determined your social status in politics. Since she led the only Hunter academy in Cessair, Freesia was effectively a state within a state, with her own military infrastructure (an intelligence bureau, a private army of elite warriors, and a budget that's larger than the rest of the country); in addition to being a senior member of the Senate.
- The Speaker of Cessair, Radulf Palmeroy, felt threatened by her power, and concocted the abduction of Freesia's husband and hatchet man, Krios Enuhm, to Skuurnur, with help from other Senators; a clear message that she should not overstep her boundaries. After a while, she remarried, with a man named Canton Mmetto, who would become her direct assistant in the Senate rather than the lieutenant of her paramilitary House of Dreyvor; she birthed a second daughter, Ramona, from Canton, but she never felt for Canton like she felt for Krios. Radulf Palmeroy remained high on her hit list, as well as a bundle of other Senators, but she could not make a move against them for fear of losing her daughters as well.
- Abilities: As a Huntress, Freesia possesses an Empathic Weapon known as a Destrier, which siphons her Aura and manifests it into a Mix-and-Match Weapon. Called Kestreth, it takes the form of a jungle green, forward-curved sickle sword with the blade on the inside edge. The serrated sickle-sword was the average length of an arm, and each of the saw-like protrusions appeared to twitch rapidly - as if they were waiting to be unleashed at the Freiherr. The hilt of the sickle sword was a curved firearms chamber, complete with a trigger. Beneath the sickle was a slender gun barrel that was barely the size of a middle finger. In totality, Kestreth was a slimmed-down sniper rifle with a bayonet resembling the claw of a praying mantis.
- Goal: Her primary motive is twofold - enrich, expand, and protect her family on one hand, and removing all obstacles to her family on the other. This is also her Fatal Flaw, which makes her somewhat Not So Different from Alice herself.
- Role: She is the mother of Kyrie and Ramona, the wife of Krios and Canton, and the matriarch of the House of Dreyvor. She was the head of the only Hunter academy in Cessair, she was a Senator for 15 years, and she held enough clout that she was one of the co-founders of the People's Republic of Averrium (a fully established city-state with its own society and governmental structure, constructed as a safe haven from Aura Users fleeing persecution). At the beginning of the story, when Kyrie meets Alice and disappears from her radar, Freesia is confronted by Eighinn Stossuhl, the founder of Skuurnur, who gives her an ultimatum - neutralize Alice Sitchri, and her home will be spared. Radulf Palmeroy learned of it, and called for the Senate to grant him the power to pursue Alice; Freesia voted no. In a hate-filled Rousing Speech, Palmeroy provoked Alice herself into assaulting the Senate chamber. Freesia and the rest of her family calmed her down, and the humiliation forced Palmeroy to resign. However, Cessair would then be invaded and utterly demolished by Eighinn Stossuhl, forcing Freesia to evacuate her family out.
- Freesia took refuge in Averrium, and was drafted into the upcoming election for Chancellor by the niece of one of the bureaucrats who helped co-found Averrium with her. After a powerful "The Reason You Suck" Speech was given to her opponents in the debate, Freesia became Chancellor with 62% of the vote, and saw this as her opportunity to finally challenge Skuurnur for ruining her home and threatening her family. However, she became increasingly autocratic, as she took several underhanded steps to outmaneuver her crooked, yet anti-war opposition. She centralized control of the military under the Chancellery, and embarked on a Cold War against Skuurnur and their allies. As Chancellor, Freesia positioned her family in authority to continue and expand her control, to the point where, rather than remarrying, she plucked out a handsome prostitute, both for the sex, and to churn out as many daughters as possible for her burgeoning dynasty (Aura Users have much shorter timespans for childbirth and recovery). Her daughters feared that the line between enriching her family and enriching herself became increasingly blurred. Presenting herself as a War Hawk, Freesia consolidated power away from the Praetors and their private armies to a defense force created by her office; which she used in special operations against the more dissident Praetors and Skuurnur's allies. Under her wing, Averrium becomes a bulwark against the "virus" in Skuurnur and their Anti-Aura Cullivers, threatening world war as the Balance of Power tips ever so slightly.
edited 7th May '15 11:07:10 PM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
edited 20th Mar '17 5:36:58 PM by SkeletalPumpkin
Dedra sounds like a cool character in an even cooler setting. I'd be interested to see some of the adventures she gets into in her world, and just how she goes about trying to find her niche in a place where "Toons" and humanity exists side by side. While not exactly related to the character of Dedra herself, I'm curious if the untimely death of her creator ever gets explored in any detail, such as her trying to solve the mystery and/or confront the perpetrator.
Serocco
I like Dedra too. She's like an innocent kid who's easy to get along with. The fact that she's technically a cartoon running around in the real world is not something I expected, but that's really cool - and she's the protagonist, at that.
- Name: Cerise Enneagram (also in Eclipse).
- Appearance: With her grey sclera, white iris, and forked pupils, the rather youthful Enneagram wore a black fedora with slim gray stripes, yellow epaulets on her shoulders, and opera gloves that stopped just below her shoulders. Her black leather pants possessed lace strings tied in an X shape at the front of her thighs; which revealed skin. She wore a dark blue shell jacket with red trims and a twenty four yellow button front. Three claw-shaped scars ran diagonally across her face, stopping just at her jawline.
- Backstory: Born into a military family of Aura Users, Enneagram grew up feeling less like a member of a family and more like a tool meant to expand the outreach of her heritage. She largely put up with it for the sake of the family, but that didn't last long. She was excommunicated from the family after failing to endure one of their rigorous training regimens, right around the time Cullivers began attacking Aura Users. She held no grudge, however, because she forced herself to understand their point of view. She became a fugitive on the run from persecution by the Cullivers, who knew of her household family name. Her family was executed on live television by Dromouh Karath, the man who orchestrated the Culliver insurrections in and around Enneagram's hometown. While she never liked her family, she still loved them, so she wanted both payback on the Culliver who killed them and wanted to prove that she was better than they thought; as a final "Fuck you" for their treatment of her. She took part in a guerrilla war against Karath in her homeland, before fleeing to the Commonwealth of Ream, a continent to the east housing hundreds of millions of Aura Users. Ream is controlled by the Vicars - strongmen who've subjugated Ream under their control and formed the Commonwealth. She took refuge in a southeastern metropolitan city-state; many of Ream's city-states grew so large that they needed joint control by more than one Vicar, and this was no different. She received a cool reception from notorious anti-immigrant Dorence Oneida, who tried to have her executed. Enneagram defeated Oneida in a fight, forcing him to transfer control of his private army and city-state over to her.
- Personality: Cerise Enneagram is a Perpetual Frowner (or scowler in this case) with the Face of a Thug, making her appear rather intimidating to many people (not helped at all by her being an Vicar after defeating one in combat); she doesn't understand why, because "I was born with this face." She's a sucker for romance, despite having No Social Skills; she's still astonished at how she managed to get anyone, but she's not complaining. Despite her being a Vicar, she is rather lazy, and largely unconcerned with politics or management. Her primary concern is to train her army and ready it against Karath; little else matters to her, so she's on bad terms with every other Vicar. She doesn't want kids, preferring her family line to die with her, but she has a boyfriend (who was - and remains - her bodyguard). Unlike her fellow Vicars, Enneagram doesn't abuse her authority or mistreat the citizens under her control; she's far kinder than most give her credit (or conceive of her). On the other hand, she is likely the most ruthless of the Vicars, remains intolerant of failure, hates being criticized, and generally acts as abrasive as a Drill Sergeant Nasty.
- Abilities: Work in progress.
- Goal and Motivation: Upholding the family name while proving her worth to the family name, but she lives in their shadow either way, to her chagrin.
- Role: Enneagram is the Token Good Teammate among the Vicars (which says more about them than it does for her). When a coup is launched by Admiral Llundus Carrington to topple the Vicars, Ream's Administrator, Eschemi Hasidic, allies with a Culliver diplomat, Yuehni Siggueir, to wrestle control from Carrington while Siggueir assassinates the Vicars. Enneagram swears off any help to her fellow Vicars; Siggueir doesn't identify her as the strongman that the others embody, so he avoids fighting her. Several "lesser" Vicars (who have to share control over a city-state with another Vicar who owns more) and former Vicars tried to expand their reach against the seven "greater" Vicars (who are basically majority owners), including Enneagram. She countered, defeated, and subjugated every one of them under her control while her colleagues dealt with Siggueir, but again, she offered no help. When the coup ended, Enneagram emerged as the most powerful remaining Vicar, and took to rebuilding the Commonwealth along with the new Administrator, even though she had to swallow her pride and accept help from Skuurnur (a paramilitary corps of Cullivers that Siggueir was the top diplomat for). This upset millions of citizens who were aggravated both at Skuurnur's influence and the fact that an Vicar still came out on top from the coup.
edited 25th Jun '15 9:35:23 AM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
@ Serroco: Cerise is one of those characters I'm halfway to cheering for and halfway feeling pity for as well. It sucks that she was treated so badly by her own family (or at least she was seen as nothing but a stepping stone for the family greatness, that sucks too). You know, between this and your entry about the Commonwealth of Ream, I've seen another side to your story. I thought it was pretty black and white (Aura Users—Good, Cullivers—Evil) but it's much more complex. Some Cullivers—I can't remember that one guys name, but I felt bad for him—are capable of nobility if not kindness and some aura users are outright bastards.
Anyway. Cersise is well thought out with a good power set, and I like the Ambiguously Human traits you give her, such as her eyes. Are all Aura Users born with such unusual features?
edited 24th Apr '15 2:32:09 PM by Swordofknowledge
Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
@Serocco - So basically, she has a conflicted view on her family, which is source both of her torment from childhood and yet a target of avengeance. I like that kind of multi-dimensional character.
And here's my character.
Name: (Second Prince -> Lord -> King) Japheth Vlastig.
Age: 28
Appearance: 6 feet tall, rough and short-cut black hair with a little beard, robust build, and has very blue eyes.
Personality: Very honor-bound, especially when it comes to religious beliefs and loyalty. However, he is at least willing to compromise, if keeping honor will result in a lot of damage.
Abilities: Although he is not the best, he is a great strategist, who is very, very good at keeping his troops alive. His greatest power, however, is when he fights by himself. He is the greatest swordsman in the continent and possesses two magical swords, Solar Roar and Lunar Mourne, which can control fire and ice, respectively. He found himself in over several dozens of duels and he never lost a single one and his body counts numbers in hundreds.
Weaknesses: He can't multi-task, nor can he think in long terms. Also, he has a tendency to overestimate his troops' capacity, but also can be too soft-hearted despite his attempts to look otherwise.
Goals: Make King Lawrence, the king of the opposing nation and the killer of his father and older brother, kneel before him.
Motivation: He is very dedicated to his family and thinks that the land needs a rightful ruler.
Backstory: Japheth followed King Jurad and Crown Prince Jaikal, his father and older brother into the war against King Lawrence, over the control over the realm. When the tides were massively against King Lawrence, the king used the power of a witch to kill both Jurad and Jaikal, ending the war. Since he didn't know that they were killed with such means, Japheth accepted the defeat, surrendering and swearing loyalty to Lawrence.
He doesn't take the position of being a lord very well; he never wanted to be a ruler, much rather content to rush out into the battlefield and cutting down his enemies with his own hands. However, for the sake of his people, he decides to learn proper way of a lord.
However, decade later he learns that Lawrence used dark magic to kill Jurad and Jaikal. This enrages him, because he thinks that the king that uses black magic doesn't deserve to be a rightful king. Also, since using black magic is considered essentially a war crime, he deems that Lawrence must be punished, especially for the death of Jurad and Jaikal.
Role in the story: He's actually just one of the several main characters in the story. In fact, while he's not a villain, he's also closer to the main antagonist; the two main protagonists' role is to stop the war between two kingdoms and unite them against the force of the witch that caused this to begin with. Along the way across the lands toward Lawrence, Japheth learns a lot about what a proper king really should be.
Relevant Tropes:
- Authority Equals Asskicking
- Genius Bruiser
- Know When to Fold 'Em
- Master Swordsman
- One-Man Army
- Reluctant Ruler
edited 6th May '15 7:13:45 PM by dRoy
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Japeth seems like an interesting hero with a clear set of priorities. At first I sort of cringed when I read the "very honor bound" part of his personality description, since characters like that risk becoming very irritating (or maybe I just can't write them without them descending into self-righteousness
) but I relaxed when you said that he's pragmatic enough to know when it's time to set that aside for a greater good.
His power set seems generally well-balanced; he's a good warrior with two magical blades and a strong leader, but undermined by an inability to think in the long term—it's good; it leaves room for other characters to be his missing parts and contribute in a meaningful way.
I am sort of confused about one thing though: he wields magical blades and yet his disgusted and angered that his father and brother? I know you mentioned that it counts as a war crime in this world, but what makes it so different than using magic to enchant weapons to kill people? Maybe it's just something that will be cleared up, but it just sounds a little...strange to me, that's all. Overall, a good character.
Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Ah, thanks.
Good thing you brought it up.
In the verse, magic itself is pretty wide-spread. In fact, not only the Church approves of them, it is the leading organization for researching magic.
There are two kinds of magic: Approved Magic (also called White Magic) and Unapproved Magic.
Most elemental magic is Approved, but magics like mind-control, necromancy, plague, genetic disease, etc are Unapproved by the Church.
The way the king and the crown prince was murdered involves siccing a whole bunch of undead assassins on them.
It's especially bad since in this verse people believe that being killed by Unapproved Magic will make both user and the victim be damned afterlife.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
edited 15th Jan '15 6:19:03 PM by NickTheSwing