Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

You keep using the word "deconstruction", but I don't think you know what it means.

This reads like it was written by someone trying to parody Jack Chick, only it's obvious that's not the case.

edited 17th Apr '17 10:01:12 PM by Nightwire

I apologize for any problems, but this was written at a time of too much Yahoo Answers and not real life.

Well, I can't resist using the word Deconstruction honestly, if I would to strip all of his athiest traits, then he would be a different person all together.

Besides, my story is quite dark and edgy.

You are still not making any sense. I don't think you know what "deconstruction" and "atheist" actually mean. Your character has absolutely zero of whatever you call "atheist traits", he is neither an atheist or a "deconstruction" of one, just a walking parody of over-the-top "oh I'm so edgy" grimdarkness that one cannot take seriously. Next.

I already feel I'm in big trouble now. I am going to blank that villain and regret it.

It's alright, Huth, everyone can learn. You're a young budding author, and so I can excuse your mistakes due to lack of experience. Just... try to keep an open-minded viewpoint of other beliefs, alright? You've got a series published on the Net, and that's one thing I should praise you for!

I should also chide you for misinterpreting the meaning of "altruism" (which you may have picked up from Objectivist websites), but you should really look terms up before you paste them onto your villains.

Alright, my turn. Mine is not really "villainous", per se, but most of the conflict of my story is due to his actions.

Name: Lord Barrington Cyrus Harding, 6th Marquess of Rexford

Age: early 30s

Appearance: Barry is a tall, lanky man with pale skin and wavy jet black hair. He has blue eyes, a long thin nose and a curled handlebar moustache. His attire changes from day to day, but normally wears standard Victorian-era attire with a pair of white gloves and flats with socks. He always accesorizes himself with thousands of dollars' worth of jewelry. When he stars in plays, he wears extravagant costumes costing tens of thousands of dollars.

Personality: He is extroverted, impulsive and enjoys parties and plays. He is incredibly flamboyant and extravagant. He lacks control over his emotions and is very energetic, despite having a weak physique. He's the type of person who would jump from doing one thing to another, and has a typical "there's so many things to do but not enough time to do it" attitude. He lives for today without thinking of the consequeces of his actions.

Abilities: He is very artistic, and has a good fashion sense and acting skills.

Weaknesses: He lacks common sense and is terrible at managing his finances, which cause him to accumulate a large debt. He is also incredibly weak and can be defeated with a single punch.

Goals: He never bothers to make a clear goal (due to his impulsive nature), but his brother Tom pushes him to help him pay his massive debt.

Motivation: The reason he does the things he does is to bring enjoyment and excitement in his life.

Role in the story: Not exactly the antagonist; rather, he is the deutragonist of the story, though his behaviour and debt are the main causes of the protagonist's problems.

Backstory: Barry was the eldest and only biological son of Lord Archibald Harding, the 5th Marquess of Rexford and his second wife Lady Eleanora Harding, who died in childbirth. He was raised by his great-aunt in Paris, but later came back to his father's estate in Rexford. Unfortunately for him, the older Harding was busy with his job as an admiral in the Dristolian Royal Army and had little time for him, so he only had the company of housemaids and his governess up until he was 14.

At that time, our protagonist Thomas Carnegie was adopted into the family and the two became brothers. They were both enrolled into Rexford Academy, where they befriended their fellow students Benedict Fallon and Simon Obermeyer. He even develops a close relationship with Simon, which he broke off after graduation.

He was then commissioned as a lieutenant in the Army, but his tenure there didn't last long. His father died when he was 20 (and when Tom was 19), and he inherits almost all of his father's fortune, as well as all his estates, but shares an adequate amount with Tom in order for him to get his shipping and delivery business running.

He married his maternal cousin Jane Lilian Grace Rotterdam when he was 27, but his marriage is rocky due to his constant cheating and and unstable personality, and she files for divorce after 5 years. He lives an incredibly extravagant lifestyle and racked up debts so high he got in trouble with the Crynarian Bank, which he and Tom has to pay back.

Relevant Tropes:

• Ambiguous Disorder: It's not really stated explicitly what his dysfunction is. Justified due to the lack of general knowledge about psychology during the Gay Nineties.
• Anything That Moves: Goes with his hedonistic lifestyle. See Your Cheating Heart below.
• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Has a hard time sustaining focus on one activity, and cannot carry out a long-term plan because of this.
• Attention Whore: Loves being in the spotlight and draws as many peoples' attention to himself to make up for the lack of attention he got in his youth.
• Bi The Way: He's willing to hit on anyone regardless of gender.
• Byronic Hero: Thinks of himself as this, and tries to be one. Emphasis on try.
• Camp Gay: More like Camp Bisexual. He is effeminate and has relations of the same sex.
• Childhood Brain Damage: Was described of having minimal brain damage due to the use of chloroform and ergotamine during his birth.
• Cool Car: An automobile with perfumed exhaust.
• The Dandy: Oh, so much. He is never seen using the same set of clothes twice and blows off a great part of his inheritance on jewelry, perfumes and attire. This is part of the reason he falls into debt.
• Definitely Just a Cold: Subverted. Whenever he claims he only has a cold, what he actually has is just a cold. However, his body is so incredibly weak a cold could put him in bed for weeks.
  • A cold was indeed the reason he nearly missed his 21st birthday celebrations, which lasted over a span of a fortnight.
• The Fashionista: Male example.
• Genki Guy: Is very excitable and his behaviour tires everyone out.
  • His father describes him as a "handful".
• Hair-Trigger Temper: Is very easily angered, and is quite scary in his moments of anger, as Tom and Jane discovered.
• The Hedonist: He just wants to have fun and experience as many material pleasures as possible, without thinking of the consequences.
• In Touch with His Feminine Side: Oh yes.
• Lonely Rich Kid: Before he met Tom.
• Kissing Cousins: Marries Jane, who is his cousin, as is the standard to most 19th century European aristocrats.
• Manchild: Is very immature. You can say that the story he takes place in is his Coming of Age Story.
• Mood-Swinger: His mood fluctuates rapidly.
  • In fact, his Establishing Character Moment depicts him sitting sullenly and still then suddenly greeting Tom excitedly.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Historical Domain Character version. His life and personality is based on Henry Cyril Paget and Kaiser Wilhelm II.
• No Social Skills: Cannot sustain friendships due to his lack of human interaction as a child. He genuinely has no idea why his behaviour annoys other Dristolian aristocrats and Tom had to reprimand him when he makes a social blunder.
• Royally Screwed Up: Has a weak immune system due to generations of inbreeding, not to mention his Ambiguous Disorder.
• Tall, Dark, and Handsome: At least, I try to draw him like this. There's a reason why he attracts the ladies (and some of the men.)
• Upper-Class Twit: Has a poor grasp of financial knowledge, as well as common sense.
• Your Cheating Heart: As his ex-wife Jane can attest.

edited 18th Apr '17 8:50:42 AM by fdiaperhead

Seems interesting enough, and I like the whole idea that it's his tendency towards debt, not any malice, that makes him an antagonist.

I've got two closely related villains:

• Name:** The Cinder and The Slugs

• Age:** Seemingly ageless, which makes sense considering that both are magically animated abstract representations of the main character's(Carol) guilt.

• Appearance:** The Cinder is literally a being of living ash. It stands at around seven feet high, and is soot-black with bright bursts of still-burning embers in some areas. Its arms split at the elbow into two splintering limbs that end in grasping claws. Its face is featureless except for two bright, burning eyes.

The Slugs are a seeming hive-mind of crawling, humanoid slug-beings. Their flesh is pale and greasy looking, with the occasional rainbow sheen when the light hits them just right. Some wear clothes; some do not. All are distinguished by faces which constantly melt and reform.

• Personality:** The Cinder is stalking predator. It hunts both Carol and The Slugs with ruthless efficiency. It gives no expression of any emotion, passionlessly killing without care even as The Slugs scream in pain.

The Slugs are pitiable creatures. They constantly beg in an unintelligable language and grab on to Carol, hindering her progress. They rarely directly attack, only putting her in danger of some other, greater threat through their interference.

• Abilities:** The Cinder burns all. Even things which wouldn't logically do so burn when within its grasp, and it uses this to its advantage to tunnel through everything from concrete to solid steel. The Cinder is also seemingly immortal; guns only slow stagger it, water disappates into steam instantly, and so on.

The Slugs have no particular abilities or powers, besides grasping onto Carol and freaking her out.

• Weaknesses:** The Cinder stops short of killing or ending Carol multiple times, because her punishment isn't over yet. Also, while they don't kill it, firearms do slow it down, if only for a little time.

The Slugs appear to secrete and leave a trail of gasoline wherever they go. Carol goes through a lot of matches as a result of this.

• Goals:** Both The Slugs and The Cinder are extant solely to punish Carol.

• Motivation:** The same as Carol's subconcious motivation: she believes that she must be punished for her participation in an insurance scam with her acting as both an accountant and an arsonist.

• Role in the story:** They act as obstacles to Carol's escape from the town of Sevilla, South Dakota, and as antagonist, also a Slug is the first hint in the story about the supernatural nature of Sevilla.

Wow. I am really reminded of Silent Hill, with the fact these creatures that as horrifying and destructive as they are, they exist to punish Carol for her sins and will not cease until they achieve this singular goal.

The slugs seem more like alluding instances and the Cinder presents the final and fatal evidence of what these creatures are. They're embodiments fundamentally of her crime, and as such they seek her out to exact punishment.

Really an interesting series villain idea. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.

I am given the distinct impression she is Genre Savvy to the mistakes and Bad Boss decisions that led to her predecessor's downfall, and I like that. There's a pragmatic edge to being affable to the minions - be nice to them and lead them well, and they won't turn against you, nor will they stomach an upstart that tries to take more power.

She's certainly deadly and a powerful leader of a superpowered group, and I look forward to seeing what her operations result in.

• Name: Tobias Hainemann

• Age: 18 at the start. But judging Dark God related beings' ages is difficult.

• Personality: Tobias is fundamentally someone who has not known much kindness their entire life - his mother and father were less than supportive when they found he was diagnosed with a disease that constantly hovered around terminal; his father belittled him and his mother used his prescription medicine herself for a quick high. Tobias thus developed over the course of his appearances into more of a resigned, nihilistic outlook - he was destined to die young, and it was pointless to do anything but be miserable and despair. The closest thing he had to a friend was Aaron Cascade oddly enough - Cascade felt bullying Tobias was unsporting, and defended him from Jackson White's toadies. Tobias thus went for whatever little hope appeared for him during the third Book, moving to try to use the Blessed Tear magical phenomenon to cure himself...only for the cure to vanish before his eyes, and the collapse of the Tear mutilated him beyond recognition. However his sheer despair attracted the attention of the Dark God of Despair and Mutation, Silmarul. Crafting a deal with Silmarul, intending not to die no matter what, he became more attuned with disease than he had ever been before - he developed into someone who felt his despair let him find that internal determination, and thus, he wants to help everyone find that great internal determination...by spreading toxin and sickness as Caine’s biowarfare agent. He believes in a Fatalistic manner that death, weakness and illness are all normal and inevitable things, and he simply hastens what was already due. Despite this, he is not actively sadistic and does not view the pain inflicted as being thrilling, merely a consequence of a natural occurrence - and as such, he dislikes those such as Elwood who needlessly inflict anguish for personal gratification. He is one of the foremost generals of the Scion of the Eight Dark Gods, Caine Dekeren, and yet he is also critical in private of just how far Caine can go, and how diminished his sanity truly is.

• Abilities: As the "Locus of Plagues", Tobias has a powerful aura of disease around him, though it does seem he can control whether it deploys or not. When fully deployed, entering within 160 - 320 feet of him without the right protections can decay you into "a pile of meat and decomposed oozing flesh". Furthering his deadly nature, he wields the Tainted Blackstaff, a staff-scythe crafted by Silmarul himself - one scratch can be deadly if the stricken limb is not amputated in thirty seconds. He also trends toward Summoning Magic very strongly, summoning hordes of Silmarul's disgusting monsters to help him in battle. He also makes use of a rather disturbing healing factor - his body literally pieces itself back together over time when damaged, the flesh seeming to dissolve and flow and then re-solidify.

• Weaknesses: He moves very...very...veeeeeeeeeery slowly. By choice most of the time. There is also the fact you can tell if he's coming by the smell - he's called Rancid Reaper Tobias for a reason. His armor also has some weakness to long distance spells.

• Goals: spread the plagues and diseases he is so fond of, and, after the end of the Sanfield War, ensure there is a place for Umbral Horde Blivia to call home.

• Motivation: His motivation seems to be that everyone intended for him to die and get out of the way, yet he survived. So he decided to keep on living as long as possible.

• Role in the Story: Caine Dekeren’s bioweapons expert, and, oddly, The Creon - despite apt opportunities and occupying a position of trust if not outright prestige, Tobias refuses to betray him.

• Backstory: Tobias was always a frail and sickly boy - he was born with a condition the doctors said would end his life by the time he was merely twenty, and his parents were both unsupportive and eager to take advantage of this. His father exploited the fact there were checks sent to the house and used money that should have gone to Tobias' illness to enrich himself. Tobias' mother used some of his medication to get quick highs, and bullied the young man constantly. Hence it was no surprise when, combined with bullying at school and a total lack of hope, he agreed to follow Aaron Cascade and Elwood Sexton to the Blessed Tear, hoping it would provide something of a reversal. He got a world within it courtesy of his wish where he was hale and healthy, but Matthew destroying the Tear collapsed this world in on itself and mutilated Tobias beyond repair. His sheer despair in his last hope being crushed brought the Dark God of Despair to his side, and Silmarul crafted a deal - Tobias gets to keep living, and in exchange he serves Silmarul. Desperate to continue on despite everything, Tobias agreed...

• Tropes:
• Acquired Poison Immunity: Tobias has absolutely superhuman toughness and, also owing to his status as Silmarul’s Scion, it is impossible to effect him with poison, toxin or other such material. He even calls cyanide “quaint, but quite outdated.” He’s already a living vector of disease and pestilence, so trying to infect him with anything more is simply unfeasible.
• Affably Evil: he’s not overtly cruel, and seeks to make deaths as dignified as possible (at least in as far as what he considers dignified), and dislikes overt sadism. He remains friendly toward the defenders of Sanfield, and expresses admiration for their resilience once the first few of his plagues have been fought off.
• Body Horror: He has a veritable repertoire of diseases at his disposal and most of his attacks involve rotting the opponent away. Then there are the weird ones. He gives one of Jackson's toadies a virus that causes his musculature to grow out of control and eventually explode out of him in a "rain of gore". "You like...being larger and stronger...than your victims? Enjoy this...gift from an old victim."
  • Let alone what happened to Tobias himself - he went from a skinny, pale kid to an emaciated looking monstrosity with little or no skin on his face, blackened eyes except for white dots in the middle, and mottled, rotted looking skin.
• Deal with the Devil: His deal he struck with Silmarul - he stays alive and in exchange serves Silmarul. However, Silmarul is one of the primary schemers of the Dark Gods, and aside from when he needs Tobias for some kind of plan, he mostly leaves Tobias as the Dragon-in-Chief of the Silmarite Forces.
• Death by Despair: His favorite way of ending a life - rather than the extreme violence or sexual violence preferred respectively by Aaron or Elwood, he slowly degrades people away, and thinks this is a deal preferable to the alternatives.
• Deserted Island: Tobias decides to take a few for use as his base, mostly selecting islands where there are a lot of poisonous things, so as to further his understanding of toxins and disease. One of the main islands is Brazil’s infamous Snake Island, and the main reason Umbral Horde Blivia got to stay was...because they ‘’also’’ work really, really hard to clean up the island, preserve the snakes on the island out of respect for Silmarul, and keep their bases underground, not bothering locals or the wildlife.
• Despair Event Horizon: The collapse of his ideal world in Blessed Tear - the magical alternate world falling apart on him and mutilating him even further than what his disease did to him. It was enough to grab the attention of the God of Despair...and upon signing on with him, decided to give others this sort of experience, seeing it as lending him new internal determination.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Root cause of Tobias’ feud with the Knights Ardent 300 years later - even Tobias found their treatment of allies inexcusable, as well as the perceived sheer lack of respect for their allies’ endurance.
• The Fatalist: His personal philosophy - decay and weakness is inevitable and unavoidable, and he simply brings it sooner rather than later.
• Flies Equals Evil: Tobias’ most common Summoning Magic is that of the Rotfly, a gigantic horrific fly that both drinks people and infests them with all manner of diseases. He of course summons close to 30 of them at a time, presenting a most terrifying scene for those scared of such creatures.
• Gradual Grinder: Tobias combines this with Mighty Glacier - he fights very slowly and very methodically, overwhelming his foes with numbers and wearing their body down with plague and disease. He is difficult to damage effectively, and has a number of spells he can make use of that further encumber a foe's fighting abilities, both physically and even mentally, being able to afflict someone with a disease that slows down their perception of their injuries or even ‘’causes’’ Major Injury Underreaction to lethal effect.
• Healing Factor: A powerful one - he can pull himself back together from a lot of damage. Together with Made of Iron below, it becomes difficult to keep Tobias from coming after you.
• Lean and Mean: he is markedly thin, but even though he isn’t overwhelmingly visibly pustulent like others in Blivia, does not mean he’s any cleaner.
• Make Them Rot: A touch from Tobias is quite deadly...that, or he can turn up the whole disease aura thing, and simply reduce everything living around him without proper protections to melted ooze and rot.
• Nausea Fuel: Tobias’ scenes tend to employ this - including one where he just walks around on a battlefield, and decays someone to the extent their eyes fall out of their sockets and their teeth explode with pus and viscera. Now you know what standing too close to Tobias does to you.
• Night of the Living Mooks: Tobias’ Reanimator Plague functions to turn every battlefield, graveyard or burial site into a recruiting zone for his zombie minions, which are outfitted with a number of additional viruses spawned inside them, resulting in a hideous bloated appearance.
• Nightmare Face: his horrifically mutated / mutilated face - barely any skin left, skull-like, and with blackened eyes with a white dot in the middle.
• Odd Friendship: odd is the right word for the friendship between Tobias and Reiji - one is the quiet leader of the Bioweapons division, secretive and not involved in a lot of politics. The other is a Mage that desires respect and partook in Caine's delusion in a hilarious manner. Reiji finds Tobias to be his most consistent ally, and Tobias finds Reiji to be a powerful and good ally in an army governed, it seems, by insanity.
• Only Sane Man: Tobias is far from conventionally sane, but he and Reiji mostly hold this in the nest of insanity that is the Umbral Horde under Caine Dekeren. When Caine told him who he thought Tobias was "in terms of your previous incarnation", he listened, nodded, and then left to go ruminate on how delusional Caine really was. "...our wonderful Scion...guides us via board game..."
• Orcus on His Throne: In Book V, he’s...rather lethargic in comparison to the other Scions. He mostly directs his attention to shaping up his domain and ensuring he had a good environment to work with. However, as some particularly stupid sailors found, poking Tobias too much results in the Reaper getting up and killing all the aggressors…by himself.
• Pet the Dog: One of the odder traits of Umbral Horde Blivia is the fact in addition to bioweapons, they...also preserve certain environments and revere naturally incredibly poisonous organisms, thus wanting to keep them alive and numerous out of loyalty to Silmarul. “It is said that Tobias heard the Golden Lancehead’s venom can rot the flesh from your bones, and decided there was no better place for a branch of the Horde devoted to poisons than Snake Island.”
  • Tobias promised he would never cause any problems for Brazil, even over the grumbling of more ambitious members of his outfit. He...never broke his promise.
• The Pig-Pen: he even weaponizes it to a degree - Tobias sufficiently close smells so overwhelmingly foul he can induce vomiting and loss of consciousness in more mundane humans and even those with more on their Badass card have trouble standing around him. This guy makes Thioacetone smell downright pleasant by comparison.
• Plaguemaster: If Caine wants a virus or biological effect thrown in, he goes to Tobias. It should be noted his area of the Green Wall is so filthy and diseased that you need a specialized suit just to last more than five minutes.
  • He can even combine this with Blow You Away with his Deathly Wind spell, which has straight up decayed a whole ship worth of people into corpses...and then reanimated the corpses.
• Poison Is Corrosive: a number of Tobias’ spells induce such overwhelming decay that any misses result in whatever they hit corroding away second by second.
• Powered Armor: Only vaguely able to be identified as such, due to how much cloth and other material is wrapped around him, but you can kind of see his shoulder guards. It also comes with a pair of odd lanterns hanging from the shoulder guards that let out an unpleasant green light and a sickening mist.
• Properly Paranoid: Tobias is one of the few leaders of the Umbral Horde that ‘’doesn’t’’ dabble in Artifacts of Death and Doom and using odd, forbidden old spells and resources, preferring to use what he knows works. And it actually kind of works out better for him that way.
• The Remnant: Leads the Banded Krait Knights / Umbral Horde Blivia after the war in Sanfield ends. He stays out of the next book's anarchic events, deciding to build his forces back up instead of jumping back in. He is very happy to be left alone on his island bases - leave him alone and he’ll leave you alone.
• Sinister Scythe: The Tainted Blackstaff combines this with a spell casting staff - it has a gnarled, terribly sharp black blade, and anything it touches and ‘’doesn’t’’ insta-kill will sure wish it was dead afterwards. The damn thing’s blade is described as “dripping with ooze, pus, and all manners of befoulment”.
• Straw Nihilist: Played with - he is definitely a fan of some of Nietzsche’s work, and is plenty nihilistic, but still out of step with what Nietzsche actually believed...not that this particularly bothers Tobias.
• Touch of Death: But really, the touch is overkill - he can extend the sickening effects of his aura into a cloud of death around his person. He does however go for the Touch of Death oddly often though.
• Vader Breath: Tobias always groans, coughs, and hacks while speaking, rendered as there being a number of ... in his speech.
• Villain Team-Up: He joins forces with Reiji a number of further times after their meeting - despite the fact that their Gods are rival schemers, they get along splendidly. Technically Tobias wants a few more islands in the Atlantic to expand his power base, but mostly it is just two old friends working together, with an excuse thrown in there to placate their gods.
• Walking Wasteland: Fully unleashing his power results in this - everything within a large radius simply breaks down and decays away. Getting touched by him is even worse for your health.

edited 23rd Apr '17 10:09:34 AM by NickTheSwing

Er, Tobias' backstory seems to be missing.

I think that was a weird copy paste glitch. I fixed it now.

Did I kill the thread?

Despair is an emotion related to depression, and unless there is something special in Tobias's brain, his despair shouldn't be considered particularly stronger than say, a suicide victim. If Silmarul instead just happen to be looking for a guy who had a crappy life that would make them desperate enough to accept making a deal with him, as well as having a high chance to agreeing with his agenda, that would probably make more sense. Mephistos made a deal with Johnny Blaze to become Ghost Rider because the latter's situation made him desperate enough to accept any deal. But otherwise, while not unique in mindset, his backstory and powers are fairly interesting for a villain, and as long as he doesn't give long ass speeches about his philosophy, would probably be well-liked by others.

Silmarul basically was just looking for someone with a crappy enough life that they'd agree to become his Scion. As for going on long talks about his philosophy, he isn't quite the type to monologue at length.

I appreciate Tobias. He seems like a rather visually interesting villain with a nice, interesting motivation, a nihilistic, but not exactly malicious personality.

I agree with Ike's suggestion about getting preachy, however. Please don't do that. Also, backstory and personality, while interlinked, are not quite the same. Shortening that down to how he acts would be appreciated, as the backstory can further go into that later.

...

Now then, a villain for a fantasy world I've built.

Name: Willow

Age: 17

Personality: On the outside, she can seem incredibly polite, caring, inquisitive, conversational, intelligent, charismatic, and reassuring, like a kindly little princess. Those who see her other side often enough recognize her as a manipulative, power-hungry, scheming, spiteful, sociopathic little snipe-viper whose interest in you is entirely dependent on your intellect and your involvement in her plans.

Resources:

• A vast amount of knowledge regarding psychology, biology, chemistry, and that of magical creatures, among other, smaller topics, such as hypnotism, placebo and nocebo effects, poisons, and cooking.
• The equipment to create chemical concoctions easily, with ready access to rare materials.
• An island which she rules over under the guise of being a powerful witch, wise woman, and healer, complete with subjects who appreciate her protection, but also respect and fear her power.
• A dragon she named David, whom she has formed a friendship with. He is willing to protect her and has been convinced to support her cover story as a powerful witch by pretending to be a tamed wild animal.
• A good throwing arm, rudimentary dagger skills, and a dress designed to carry plenty of vials of various materials, such as smoke bombs, flash bangs, poisons, acids, high-grade explosives, and medical supplies without appearing conspicuous or weighing her down too much.

Weaknesses:

• At the end of the day, Willow's a scrawny teenager with a God-complex. Her primary enemies include a wizard's apprentice named Peter and a daemon named Pan. Her "minions" are either sea-side villagers who could twist her into a pretzel, or a dragon who has to be convinced to do anything even remotely degrading, like let her ride him in public. One wrong word, one mistake, one look at the girl behind the curtain, and she will likely be hunted down and pasted. It's stressful work, and she has to work very hard to keep up the facade.

• As a witch, Willow has no knowledge on how magic truly works. As such, her knowledge of Peter's capabilities is limited and she has to be cautious. (A major upside for the protagonists, considering how slow, situational, and generally useless wizardry is for anything you could do as a non-wizard.)

Goals: Her primary goal is to learn real magic. Once that is accomplished, she can gain more control, with which to gain more power over the world, with which to gain more control, etc. Her long-term goal is a world which she has complete dominion over, providing her with unparalleled comfort and time to study. Her short-term goal is to squeeze some info out of the little apprentice.

Motivation: All she wants is peace, comfort, intelligent conversation, and plenty of alone time.

Role in the story: Big Bad

Backstory: Willow was born into a noble family in an area known for its great library. Between her lessons on how to be a proper lady, she liked spending time there and reading every piece of non-fiction she could get her hands on.

In order to seal an alliance with a nearby island state known for its wealthy trading ports, Willow was married off to its governor, a kindly man in his mid-forties. While he tried to please her requests for books, the island's literature and entertainment was almost completely myths, epics, poems, and other trash, and the people there made the fools she scoffed at back home seem almost erudite by comparison.

After meeting and befriending a dragon that had flown over the seas, and having the first intelligent conversation she'd had in a while, she came up with a plot to overthrow the governor. Using some cosmetics, planning, her reputation as a bookish outcast and researcher of seemingly arcane things, and a couple of smoke-bombs, Willow framed her husband as a cruel practitioner of sorcery who had enslaved a noble beast from the mainland and intended on using it as a weapon, dispelled the "enchantment" with her pretend magic, and fed him to the creature before establishing herself as the magical guardian of the island, with the insinuation that any who rebel against her are doomed

Fast-forward to today, and she's just learned that one of her trading partners is a wizard, and wishes to capture the apprentice she sent to pick up some spell components so that she doesn't have to keep up the illusion of magic for any longer.

Relevant Tropes: Badass Bookworm, Badass Normal, Black Widow, Fake Wizardry, Faux Affably Evil, Mad Bomber, Master Poisoner, Manipulative Bastard, Muggles Do It Better, Non-Action Big Bad (downplayed), The Sociopath, Squishy Wizard, Sugary Malice, Wicked Witch

edited 14th Jun '17 4:50:12 PM by NoSpoilerz

I am reminded of Queen Potema, from Elder Scrolls lore, except lacking the magical oomph from the get go - and I don't doubt she would go to the same depths. So the quest is less about stopping an all powerful evil witch and more of preventing the evil witch from getting to the "let's just sacrifice the infants of this village here to give me another ten years of youth" point.

• Name: Masayuki Hanzo

• Age: 37 at the start of the story.

• Personality: Masayuki is fundamentally a perfectionist, someone who cannot stand to see a job done unless it is done not just to the letter, but as perfectly and capably as possible. If amplifications and new achievements can be attained in such a way, then all the better. He works constantly in a way like a chronic overachiever. He is impersonal but not overly cruel, simply insisting the job be done. So, when the Umbral Horde, servants of the Dark Gods, came along and commissioned him for a job when he was facing a lack of employment, he simply applied himself to whatever task they set out for him. He rose through the ranks by and large thanks to his perfectionist streak, impressing those around him but chilling them due to his asocial nature - even among Dark God worshipers, Masayuki is known for chilling effectiveness. All his job, no matter how gruesome it gets, is to him, is a job. One he does without any emotional commitment. He in fact looks down on those who get too emotionally attached to their jobs, one way or another. He despises cruelty without reason, and is in his own way kind to his subordinates - if you do well, he'll commend you, no matter who you are. What matters to him is skill and capacity. Yet, he is also a family man - married and with a single child, Masayuki Hanzo is just as well a beleaguered dad who keeps his life segmented - in one area he is Hanzo the Devastator, and in another he’s Masayuki Hanzo the overworked salaryman.

• Abilities: He uses a Magitech Enhanced suit of Powered Armor - he took the standard armor, and then hooked up five dozen new magitech trinkets to it to maximize its effectiveness and minimize its weaknesses. These include a pair of retractable serrated blades in the forearms, palm mounted harpoon launchers, shoulder mounted Mana Signature guided missile launchers, and on board shields. He is also not a slouch as a study despite being relatively new to the Magic Side, knowing a variety of spells best suited for his job. He makes use of Familiars, namely centipedes, and can go as far as controlling people with them or worse.

• Weaknesses: Despite his effectiveness, he simply does not know some things about the Magic Using World owing to his sudden introduction. He also tends to pursue repeat enemies above all others, though not exactly poorly preparing for such engagements. He despises being made a fool of, and having his work wasted.

• Goals: His first goal is to construct 50 Dark Mother units for the Umbral Horde, as he was assigned by Caine. Later on his goal becomes to murder his personal Arch-Enemy for not only blowing up his whole base he made to construct Dark Mothers, but also making a fool of him and possibly sabotaging his “name”.

• Motivation: His motivation is possibly one of the most banal - for him, constructing Dark Mothers, killing people for the Umbral Horde and authorizing torture and destruction...are just part of a job he signed on for. He takes no sadistic pleasure in it, and for him it is no different than his time as a normal Japanese middle level Salaryman.

• Role in the story: Big Bad of The Dark Intimations I and II, and part of a Big Bad Ensemble later on.

• Backstory: Much like his motive, his life is absolutely normal. He was simply a Japanese Salaryman climbing the corporate hierarchy, and when the Masquerade crashed down he dealt in magic as a normal thing and adjusted almost immediately. He did not really care about the ill repute of the Umbral Horde, and his remarkable efficiency brought him to the attention of Antonius Lucidius Malvo, who in turn referred him to Caine. The Scion of the Dark worried about manpower shortages if the war he fought in Sanfield went on too long, and, being what he is, Caine asked Masayuki to make him some new equipment. Masayuki looked at the crude drawings and decided he could make far, far better than what Caine wanted. Even after Caine’s death, Hanzo still toils away...

• Relevant Tropes:

• Admiring the Abomination: When he sees one of the Dark Mothers shove an ogre monster into her gullet as she grows in size and ferocity, he has a subdued version of this; “At long last, completion.”
• Affably Evil: Constantly pleasant and very rarely shows any hint of anxiety or even a shift in tone. It honestly gets to the extent of being unnerving especially for the characters around him. His reaction to soldiers repeatedly shooting at him and trying to fight him? Cheerfully point out every flaw in their attempts while in one case ripping someone’s arm and leg off both at once, and in another case impaling someone on their own rifle. He’s even personable around his archenemy when trying to murder him with extreme prejudice.
  • Captain Samson: You want a piece’a me, Hanzo you basta—-
  • ‘’Hanzo grabs him up with his claw, slams him down, and then crashes his axe through the guy’s midsection, severing spine and all.’’ “Two pieces will suffice, thank you.”
• Arch-Enemy: Lars Anderson, the guest protagonist of Dark Intimations, becomes his archfoe over time, and he is willing to go to extraordinary lengths to exact revenge on Lars for disrupting his job.
• Baby Factory: What his scheme amounts to - by putting a sufficiently young child (age 10 and lower) inside a Dark Mother’s secondary mouth, she nurtures it and in five hours the tentacles the Mother grew “birth” the child through a tube within the tendril. The child by now has been aged to around their 20s, thoroughly brainwashed, and is quickly outfitted with arms and armor. And this grotesque rite can be done on up to 30 children at once, due to the size of a Dark Mother.
• But for Me, It Was Tuesday: For a great number of people, the day Hanzo’s horrifyingly efficient Blacksun Company marched into town was the most important and horrifying day of their lives, scarring them either emotionally or physically. For Hanzo, it was just another day at the job.
• Cold-Blooded Torture: Emphasis on the cold blooded - he shows not one whit of enjoyment of it, proceeding down the target’s body, maiming and slashing in a precise and orderly fashion. “I am now going to make exactly sixteen incisions on your upper abdomen, and every lie you tell me will result in me proceeding downward with more cuts. Do we perhaps have an understanding?”
• Darth Vader Expy: He has a deep, dark and booming voice, is one of the highest ranking men in what could past a certain point be called an empire, wears dark and heavy armor, and is one of the chief fighters in direct relation to his high position.
• The Dragon: At Erdengard, he was made Antonius’ second in command, with his Titanium Grip soldiers setting up defences and delegating further alliances. He later goes on to become a resurrected Jackson White’s chief lieutenant, while also taking orders mostly from Nahath Asaropael, the Scion of the Dark Gods after Caine Dekeren.
• Evil Lair: his underground lair called Legot-kine. Located under the largest mountain in Maine, it has a distinctly Lovecraftian feeling to it - Matthew says that the wind down there sounds a lot like breathing, and there are a number of journals recounting some of the things Masayuki Hanzo has done to create his Dark Mothers. The name for the Dark Mother project is called the Mother Hydra Project, after a specific creature from the Cthulhu Mythos. During the trip down to the holding area for the Dark Mothers, a failed candidate personally says what she saw and experienced before gouging out her own eyes. The place is veritably inundated with malignance, and full of toxic influence.
• Evil Mentor: Hanzo is not a good influence on his, ah, young recruits. Even as brainwashed as they are, they require guidance, and few offer as ruthless or cutthroat advice as Hanzo in such matter of fact language…
• Evil Sounds Deep: With his mask on, he has a remarkably deep and booming voice, with a slight echo to it, possibly achieved via a voice changer in his helmet to help conceal his identity. Without the helmet his voice is rather more normal.
• Evil Weapon: He gets a new axe after Matthew in the scene mentioned below broke his old one - the new one imbued with a Dark Spirit that the sorcerer who made it hoped would make Masayuki a bit less difficult to “Deal with”. It took him all of two hours to tame the spirit inside the axe.
• Facepalm of Doom: His claw can do this to its unfortunate victims - we see him do it in the battlefield first, grasping someone by the head, then a flash of energy emits from the claw followed by the victim swelling up suddenly and then exploding.
  • It is quite a powerful weapon besides - Matthew got a downright nasty surprise when he rushed in and tried to launch Aura Rave up close, resulting in Hanzo grabbing it with his claw and negating the whole blast.
• Foil: Him and his son, in terms of what kind of villains they are. Masayuki is silent, serious and completely no nonsense. Whereas Teruyuki is excited and loud - not to mention prone to “messing with” normals. Masayuki prepares for most occasions, and tries to make sure every detail is set up well, while Teruyuki tends to wing things and rush in. Masayuki tends toward vile plans and actions, while Teruyuki often shows up in A Lighter Shade of Black or Evil vs. Evil scenarios.
• Hero Killer: His public perception - heroes die against Masayuki Hanzo. Elite marines sent in to try and recover the Erdengard Operation? 85% of the unit dead. Magic Users don’t fare much better.
• I Gave My Word: As a businessman first and foremost he assigns a paramount importance to keeping his word. Thus, he’s one of the few Umbral Horde members who, if you make a deal with him, he won’t betray you, purely because it’s not professional behavior.
• It's Personal: Disrupting his work puts you right there on his shit-list so to speak. In the name of avenging these slights he proved willing to shell an entire city with what amount to magic firebombs just to deny his archfoe a victory there, when he was just instructed to skirmish with the heroes after their victory.
• Mad Scientist: Averted - his chief scientist is, but for him it is merely a job to be done. Still, it deserves to be mentioned just ‘’what’’ the Mother Hydra Project entails. First, Spoilered for Not Safe For Work; Ogre creatures violate and copulate with pregnant women until the child within them is dead. Second, six different kinds of monsters have their blood transfused into the women, and implants are put in. Third, the women begin to grow in size and warp in mentality and capabilities, as the implants begin their work. Fourth, the women have strange black tubes and such inserted through their back as they continue growing, their uterus swelling abnormally large and starting a perverse gestation. Fifth, the women have become beasts, eldritch ‘’things’’ as three on site sorcerers siphon energy from the Dark Gods’ Realm into them. Sixth, the ogre creatures are brought back in, and mid-copulation, what were once women tear the ogre creatures apart and eat them, completing the creation of a Dark Mother.
• Mr. Exposition: He exposits on why he is working on the Mother Hydra Project, what brought it on, and what the result will be. Because, by the time he is saying this, five Dark Mothers have been transported out and the processes that create them detailed on board the transports carrying them.
• Nepotism: Defied - Masayuki is not a nepotistic villain; in his view, Teruyuki needs to earn his keep on his own and not on his father’s merits. “Nepotism will not be a factor in my Umbral Horde. I’ll leave that to be one of the “virtues” of the United States.”
• Nightmare Face: his armor’s mask is a horrific grimace, resembling a decayed face with fingers in the place of hair, the mouth hanging open and glaring red slits for eyes. Underneath it however is a subversion - he is just a guy with a slightly balding haircut, an unremarkable face, and well trimmed facial hair.
• No-Nonsense Nemesis: Masayuki is not the type of villain that toys around with his foe. If he can go for the killing blow, he will, rather than waste time. When Lars tries to get him to gloat, he responds, “This is not the time I gloat my superiority over you. This is the time when I crush your head into a bloody paste.”
• Overlord Jr.: He has a teenage son, Teruyuki, who ultimately joins the Umbral Horde himself to try to please dad after discovering the secret of what his dad’s job really is. When his son’s mask is knocked off, Masayuki suffers through a Heel Realization in terms of his negligent parenting. “...Teruyuki? No...no…this is not your war. I-I am the cause of this. It is my failure as a parent. How can the child fail the parent who was never even there for them?”
• Parental Neglect: He had neglected Teruyuki for most of his youth - first doing his daily grind of a job, and then when he became an Umbral Horde agent. Despite this, he still cares for Teruyuki in his own way - while he absolutely refuses to indulge in nepotism, he seems to consciously keep Teruyuki away from the really dangerous missions.
• Punch-Clock Villain: A dark deconstruction of this mentality - to Masayuki Hanzo, everything he has done no matter how grotesque and vile is part of a job; what you consider his monstrous acts of war, he considers a 9 to 5 shift. He remains courteous and personable, and even discusses Dark Mothers over coffee cake and tea at one point with a fellow high ranking officer. Perhaps his sheer banality and humanity make the depths of depravity he willingly sinks to all the more disturbing.
• The Spock: A villainous example - he always looks at things from the logical perspective, and even his grudge is allotted simply as a variable he is uncomfortable with remaining on the board. When he’s on the job, he’s all about doing everything he can to maximize the Umbral Horde’s victories and minimize its losses. Everything is about the end product / result.
• Tin Tyrant: He and his son both love their menacing black head to toe armor. One might even say it runs in the family…
• The Unfettered: The job he chose and which he took as an assignment is going to be completed - regardless as to ethics, morality, or anything keeping him from completing his task.
• Villain Respect: He respects Matthew and others as foes, and even checked his schedule before taking up his axe and claw against him. “Ah, it seems we are in luck. Free time, a rare luxury. Time to enjoy this.”
  • He even muses it is perhaps fortunate his foe is a capable one, so as to keep him sharp and on task.
• You Are Too Late: He is very, very fond of this trope, as he is both an overachiever and good at going ahead of schedule. He announced an execution of six soldiers during the Humiliation at Erdengard, where the new United States administration made the very poor choice of, after the Masquerade dropped, launching a raid on the Umbral Horde city of Erdengard. Matthew arrives ready to be the Big Damn Hero...and sees the soldiers strung up with their throats cut already.
  • Hanzo: You were not late, Streiss. I was simply ahead of schedule.

How many times has it been "About damn time"

So, here's the main antagonist of a novel I'm currently in the process of writing. My main inspiration for writing the novel was the actions of President Donald Trump; however I must say that this character is not based entirely or even primarily on Trump. He merely represents the dangers of right-wing extremism as a whole.

Name: Ian Seymour

Age: 65 at start of story

Personality: Seymour is the sort of person who does not take "no" for an answer. If he decides he wants something done, no matter how outrageous or impractical it is, that's it. It goes without saying, then, that he comes off as extremely blunt and harsh to nearly everyone he talks to, speaking in grandiose extremes. If anyone comes up with facts that contradict him or conflict with his plans, they are simply dismissed, ensuring that only his version of events are seen by the public. Having been chosen as the leader of the last remaining human society after a comet impact killed off most life on Earth, Seymour effortlessly asserts his will onto the populace, becoming a tyrannical dictator while keeping up the appearance of having the citizens' best interests at heart. He enjoys being praised and complimented, and holds frequent rallies with his citizens where he appears to the public.

Abilities: Seymour doesn't have any real abilities or powers, except for two things. One is his wealth, which gives him access to resources that other people could only dream of. The other is his unique gift as an orator. Even though he tends to repeat himself and stumble about when he talks, people pay attention to his general message, and many of them like it—so much in fact, that they ignore his inability to follow through with his promises.

Weaknesses: Seymour is not a physical fighter, and prefers to hide behind bodyguards and police. Some might consider this cowardice, letting others do his dirty work; Seymour prefers to think of it as making the right friends. On a more serious note, he is very bad at coming up with diplomatic solutions to problems, and will always resort to war at the first opportunity. His supporters, needless to say, do not see this as a weakness but as a strength.

Goals: As the leader of the only remaining functional society of humans following the comet impact that destroyed most life on Earth, Seymour sees it as his duty to decide who belongs in his new society. Anyone who doesn't, from his perspective, can just stay outside the borders and die.

Motivation: Seymour's motivation is surprisingly low-key. He doesn't want to take over the world or find an artifact of infinite power. He just wants to, in his words, "restore humanity to greatness." As for anyone who dies along the way? Well, they weren't part of his ideal humanity anyway.

Role in the story: The main antagonist.

Backstory: Seymour survived the comet impact by sheer luck. Before the impact, he was a famous real-estate salesman, and his luxury skyscraper home had an underground bunker which he intended to use as a safeguard against nuclear war. It turned out to be equally effective against comet impacts, however, and he emerged into the post-impact world months later. After encountering other survivors, he was one of the founding members of the refugee colony New Asheville, located in what used to be North Carolina. After being voted the leader (in an election that he most likely rigged to win), he began a ruthless program to purge the colony of all those he considered "unworthy" of being part of his new humanity.

Relevant Tropes:

All Gays Are Pedophiles: His anti-gay propaganda depicts them this way.

Arch-Enemy: Lee Richards, the protagonist. When he learns that Richards has survived an attempt to kill him, he becomes absolutely furious and decided that This Time Its Personal.

The Caligula: He's a cruel and effective manipulator, but he's clearly insane.

Cold-Blooded Torture: His typical method of dealing with uncooperative prisoners. Richards gets forced through it at one point.

Dirty Coward: He has next to no fighting ability, and freaks out when he's physically threatened and his bodyguards aren't nearby. This ultimately becomes his undoing in the end.

Dirty Old Man: Let's just say he has his moments and leave it at that.

The Dragon: Not Seymour himself, but the head of his secret police, Joseph "Big Joe" Prentice.

The Fundamentalist: It's ambiguous whether he's one himself, but he does highly favor these sort of people, creating a society that discriminates against Jews, atheists, and other non-Christians.

It's All About Me: Pretty much everything he does is for his own (imagined) benefit.

Manipulative Bastard: His best quality is his ability to persuade people. His citizens are utterly devoted to his word, no matter how illogical he is.

A Nazi by Any Other Name: Technically, he's based more on the American Alt-Right, but the parallels are still there.

Politically Incorrect Villain: LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. Seriously, just look at some of the other tropes listed here.

Psychopathic Manchild: Goes into childlike tantrums whenever someone says something he doesn't like.

Stay in the Kitchen: What his view of women basically amounts to. Somewhat surprisingly (at least to the protagonist), most of his female supporters don't seem to have much of a problem with it.

Wicked Cultured: He dresses in expensive suits and enjoys classical music, while at the same time being a terrifying dictator.

Yep, definitely seeing plenty of the citrus golem I'm disgusted I voted for in Ian. He sounds like an absolute sleaze-ball, and possibly a Love to Hate villain, if he's entertaining enough. I'm curious as to what other presidents you've mixed in to make this chimera, especially since you claim that he's not primarily based off of Mr. Wall, yet that's mostly what I'm smelling.

My latest addition to this thread is this eyesore I've been cooking up over the week. Enjoy the horribly, horribly, horribly long, occasionally graphic post. I came up with it while suffering from depression, but I hope the quotes are entertaining enough. (Spoilers aren't important when you're not at the table, but if you want to feel a little like one, there you go.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: "The Hunter," "Blight," "The Cannibal," "The Beast," "Elf-Eater," "Ultimate Evil," and, most popularly, "Wendigo." Wendy the Courier

Age: "I have no records of destruction being caused on this scale by someone this elusive, save for a few excerpts in the texts regarding the great spirit of evil, Wendigo. If this 'Wendigo' is the same as the one in the Book, then he's ancient beyond understanding!" ~ Dwarven scholar

• Wendy is a young woman of 24 years. She's been "Wendigo" for less than four weeks by the story's start.

Personality: "The Wendigo feels only hatred, hunger, and lust, Jik! There's no talking to it! It's an animal that loves to hurt and eat little ogres like you! Now do what your daddy says and come on! We have to move!" ~ Ogre father

• Before the injury, Wendy was a Genki Girl and Tomboy, loving the outdoors, animals, people, and wrestling with all of the above. After the injury, the constant pain has left her desperate for an end, and while her healing magic helps a little to ease the pain, it isn't enough to fully cure the infections or restore her lost gray-matter, and her whacked out hormones leave her feeling constantly starved of food and love. Her actions are all entangled in her fighting against her broken brain, wobbling between a constant search for things to do and mindless ennui. Her mind is too muddled and broken to work right.

Resources: "I just took a quick trip through the remains of Moss Rock Village. Judging by the condition of the remains, I would suspect that the perpetrator used short swords, a longbow, and some grappling maneuvers, judging by the cleanly snapped neck of one gnomish child and the... compromising position his mother was found in. The distinct lack of smashed houses compared to the number of crucified skeletons suggests that the perpetrator wasn't a dragon or mage, despite the burned homes. Don't be relieved, though. Remember what was left of Varaug after he refused to flee. Dragon or no, this 'Wendigo' is a menace!" ~ Kirin, silver dragon

• Due to her training as a scout, a messenger, a hunstman, and a pathfinder, Wendy is skilled with a bow, knows how to get around almost any terrain, and can survive in the harshest climates. Due to being a soldier unit destined to be out in the wilderness in a world where that can mean running into dragons, trolls, and hags, she is skilled in a dual-wielding style using shortswords, trained in a small amount of divine magic, and she is quite adept at using her surroundings to her advantage, hiding at a moment's notice. She's been doing this for eight years now, and is incredibly skilled in her field.
• In game-terms, she was a level 15 ranger with incredibly high strength, dex, and con scores. After the accident, however, she Came Back Strong, and now acts like three level 16 rangers glued together (via the Angry GM's Paragon Monster system). Despite her great strength, she's somehow getting stronger, practicing her techniques on anything she can get her hands on.

Weaknesses: "How many lightning bolts can one zombie t-" ~ Necromancer Peter, last words

• Wendy's only real weakness back in the day was her overconfidence and tendency to leap before she looked, which is why she got shot in the head. Her pains and illnesses have left a moaning, shambling wreck when she's out of combat, and the diseases constantly have to be cured so she doesn't die. A proper healer could fix everything, and she might listen to her old friend, Sir Patrick the paladin. Neither is safe from a mood-swing, however.

Goals: "Scribe, write the elves a letter, requesting an alliance! We'll give them some cash to go with it. Ask the treasurer how much money we have to work with. Oh, and before you go, make sure Wendy sends this one. She's a chipper girl who likes trees. She'll do a great job out there. Anyway, His Majesty needs his beauty rest." ~ King Alexander

• Wendy's current goal is to find ways to make life worth living by doing anything that will distract her from the pain. If she can clear her mind enough, she'd like to get cured. And out of the rain.

Motivation: "Arrow in the head? Uh, should we tell the Khan about where we got the money from?" ~ Orc bandit

• When trying to stop the pain is less of an issue, Wendigo occasionally wonders why the elves have teamed up with the dwarves and the orcs, seeing as she was supposed to cause the opposite to happen. This line of thinking just encourages more self-loathing.

Role in the story: Final Boss, Greater-Scope Villain, Inciting Incident, and Knight of Cerebus.

Backstory: In response to a request for a peace, the elves have declared war on humanity and all who support it. They are joined by the dwarves and the new orc nation led by Khan. Making matters worse, various towns and famous creatures are being destroyed by an unknown force. The monsters are evacuating the country en masse, people are saying it's Armageddon...

And it's all because of one Serial Killer.

• Noticing that the orcs and goblins were forming a new nation under a warlord named Khan, the human King Alexander sent Wendy with a letter and a wagon full of loot to give to the elves in return for a preemptive alliance should things go South. However, Wendy was surprised by orc brigands who wanted to use the money to get into the the movement. Wendy was rescued by elven druids who were able to save her life, but the Archdruid was off and couldn't regenerate her brain. She Came Back Wrong, killed and ate them, and ran off, constantly running to get away from her pain.

Relevant Tropes

• Broken Ace: Quite literally, in this case.
• Came Back Strong: What she lost in brain power, she more than makes up for in lethality.
• Came Back Wrong: ...But she'd really prefer it if she went back to normal.
• Character Alignment: Chaotic Evil. She used to be Chaotic Good.
• Charles Atlas Superpower: Wendy's physical stats are all at 20, the human maximum in 5th edition, stronger and tougher than an ogre, and far more quick than a large portion of the world, and all without magic. Her preferred spells also tend to play into the theme, favoring ones that offer more speed and durability, like Jump, Expeditious Retreat, Stone Skin, and Resist Energy.
• Cruel and Unusual Death: Haphazard crucifixion is a favorite execution method for him. It takes a lot of work and focus, which helps take her mind off things like that infected scab on her ear.
• Death of Personality: It's hard to continue to be a good person when your brain was torn to shreds and you're doing all you can to satisfy your exploding hormones and cravings to prevent the headache.
• The Dreaded: The Beast is half the reason why monsters of all sorts are packing up and leaving the country, and she caused the other half, too.
• The Ghost: For a very long time, he's never seen in person.
• Greater-Scope Villain: While not working behind the efforts of the elven, dwarven, and orcish factions, the Wendigo is most certainly the biggest threat to the land, and their presence is felt more and more as the story goes on.
• Heal Thyself: Her ability to do this is literally the only reason she hasn't died from over-exerting her muscles or contracting tetanus in her brain.
• Hero Killer: Many an important and powerful figure has fallen to the Blight, and it's only going to get worse as time goes on. This list may come to include every commander, hero, villain, and monarch of the land and beyond, and even the player characters if they lose.
• Horrifying the Horror: The Wendigo has caused so much strife and terror in the land that giants and dragons are leaving and Demon Lords and Archdevils are taking action to try and shut down the kingdom that supposedly produced it by allying with their enemies and making pacts with those who would attack their own leaders. It doesn't get much scarier than that.
• I'm a Humanitarian: One of the most notable signs of their involvement.
• ...In That Order: A recurring trait of the monster's attacks is that the raping, killing, and eating may be done in almost any order.
• Kill Em All: The end result of their rampage, if not stopped. Wendigo will keep torturing, eating, and desecrating things until she runs out of things to distract her from her desires. If she doesn't get put down, she may run out of targets.
• Knight of Cerebus: Wherever the Wendigo goes, Nightmare Fuel is sure to follow.
• Lightning Bruiser: While the stories about the Hunter's powers are many, it is a well-known fact that he moves like lightning and causes destruction like it. As for toughness, she's still going even though she's torn to shreds, with an arrow in her brain, multiple infections, and still takes hits that would kill a normal man three times over.
• Memetic Badass/Psychopath/Molester: Tales of the Beast's deeds have traveled farther than the Beast itself has.
• Mood Whiplash: Their introduction into the world is not unlike the end of "A Girl Worth Fighting For."
• Morality Pet: Sir Patrick The Paladin was an old friend of hers with a crush on her. He is, potentially, the person who could turn this around. He would have her attention for a time, and his healing abilities, while not enough to cure her alone, could potentially get her calm enough for a full restoration from a proper cleric.
  • Kick the Morality Pet: ...But he likely won't have the tact to be careful, seeing as she is quite like a starving, angry animal.
• No-Nonsense Nemesis: You can reliably expect a villain to succumb to Bond Villain Stupidity in this world. The Wendigo will kill you without a word.
• One-Man Army: It's destroying entire towns and killing everyone in them with the effectiveness of a raiding party all by itself, taking down giants, dragons, Evil Sorcerer types, and army units, alone.
• Outside-Context Problem: The mailman got shot in the head by a bandit. This started a massive war that threatened to destroy the entire country and inadvertently caused people to believe it's the end of the world. By this point, the evil god theory sounds more plausible.
• Outside-Genre Foe: In a world where your typical foes are warlords and warlocks like Sauron or Ganondorf, Wendy has become something more akin to a horror antagonist ala Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. She has no army, no evil god's blessing, no magical weaponry, nothing, and yet she strikes terror in the world in ways the other villains cannot and would not.
• Power Born of Madness: Although the accident trashed her mental faculties, Wendy has found she's far more threatening in combat than before, due to the ability to overclock her muscles freely.
• Rape, Pillage, and Burn: Well, more like rape, eat, and burn.
• Red Baron: When you have a dozen cultures terrified of you, you're going to have two dozen titles to go with it.
• Shout-Out: A Courier gets shot in the head and wakes up quite alive, but with a scrambled personality, and goes on to scare the living daylights out of monsters and factions alike? Sounds a little bit like Fallout: New Vegas.
• The Speechless: At most, you can expect a moan, grumble, or screech.
• Technically-Living Zombie: Though she looks undead and eats people, she's still quite alive, though she doesn't feel like it.
• Tom the Dark Lord: When thinking of a terror that savages an entire kingdom like an avatar of Death, "Wendy" is probably not your first choice for a name.
• Tortured Monster: She's always bleeding. She's always sick. She's always angry. She's always hungry. She can't think. She can't sleep. She can't even cry without hurting herself more. She's wounded, and she can't do anything but hold on for as long as she can.
• Tragic Monster: The beginning, middle, and likely end of her story are all from this trope.
• Very Loosely Based on a True Story: She was primarily inspired by Phineas Gage, who lost a chunk of his brain to a lead pipe blasted through his skull and came out a very different, ruder person, and the Texas Tower shooter, who is believed to have been driven to do his deed at least in part by a large brain tumor.
• Vile Villain, Saccharine Show: The world is quite idealistic on the Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism, for the most part, but the introduction of this thing to the world is starting to skew it the other way.
• Wendigo: Thought to be the cannibalistic monster said to destroy the world in the dwarven religious texts, the resemblance is obvious. It's a good guess, but, again, she has no idea what they're talking about. She's too busy eating them to care.
• Would Hit a Girl: Women are noticeably harmed in much the same way as men.
• Would Hurt a Child: Likewise, children aren't spared either. Wendy doesn't really care about the gender, age, or race of the target. She just needs something to vent into.
• Wrong Genre Savvy: The most commonly accepted theories are that the killer is some sort of God of Evil or a prophetic figure of doom, some undead or monstrous foe. No one considered that the perpetrator might be far more mundane.

...huff... huff... huff... Man, that's a lot.

Anyway, uh, I've felt a little bit insecure about the origin story. Might have a few too many Unfortunate Implications, or perhaps come off as lazily written. It's been like a squeaky wheel on an otherwise good bike. My response was to stress the theme and feel of the character to drown that out, but it isn't really a fix.

Thoughts?

edited 12th Apr '18 11:13:27 AM by NoSpoilerz

Pretty good - I like that everyone thinks it has to be some sort of higher being of evil and destruction, when in reality its just a person turned into a destructive force due to circumstances. Interesting way to handle that kind of villain.

What do you think of my last offering in this thread, Masayuki Hanzo?

Mayasuki is the living definition of a Punch-Clock Villain, and that's a villain archetype that I quite enjoy. He's definitely played more on the Lawful Evil side of things, though, and I can see why. That's an excellent way of playing the "Only a Job," character, especially when the job is as disgusting as that. As per my (un)usual learning strategy, I decided to rephrase his personality to make sure I got it.

"Revenge is a sucker's game, up until you touch my shit. Don't touch my shit!"

"Ah yes, the eldritch horror construction is going just nicely, I see."

"You want me to clean your clock, old man!?" *Wham* "I do a good enough job of that myself, thank you, but I suppose I have enough time to provide you the same offer."

Now I'm curious as to what kind of theme music would play for him in combat, were this a video. My immediate thought was, say, this. A clock's theme for a clock-in king!

In case you didn't get it the first time, I like him. Also, until you spoke up, I didn't notice that nobody else touched him. It seemed like people forgot the rule: "First critique, then add!"

Also, thanks for the positive review. That makes me feel better at having designed this thing. I was wondering if someone was going to point out how gratuitous a lot of it was.

edited 7th Oct '17 9:35:46 AM by NoSpoilerz

I don't think it's too gratuitous in the Darker and Edgier department. In fact, I like it because you're exploring it far more in depth than some works do when it comes to people mutated into horrible monsters (my main experience in this is Warhammer 40K, where characters like Wendigo get a few paragraphs of fluff as yet another horrible monster on top of all the other horrible monsters). It helps to make her more rounded, interesting, and sympathetic (I really feel sorry for her and wish she had a chance to get better, but that might be too far away).

Thank you so much! (Having my work compared to Warhammer 40,000 felt bizarre. Being compared favorably was both bizarre and really good like... uhh... nevermind. I'm not brave enough for that one, especially not here.)

As a GM, I will nudge the story in the general direction of Tragedy as opposed to a perfect Happy Ending for everyone, at least regarding Wendigo. In fact, if things continue, the world will likely lose humans and halflings forever...

...Which is why it's a game of Dungeons & Dragons, with player characters that may have hare-brained schemes, the attention-span of a walnut unless it's for the right type of wrong details, and a lot of good intentions. This is a setting where Rousseau Was Right and the world is designed to be idealistic, if wounded, much like Wendigo herself.

edited 7th Oct '17 9:31:38 PM by NoSpoilerz

I also really like the idea that someone so feared, so horrible, so vicious...is one previously nice person who more or less happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Also not only is Wendy a good Tom the Dark Lord name, it also sounds like Wendigo anyway. Heh, puns.

Err, other stuff has been said by others above, so I guess I'll post mine?

Mine is technically a character I've posted before, though that was over a year ago and he's been altered a fair bit since then. Some things are the same, others quite different. So I hope this is okay.

Name: Arte

Appearance: A tall man. It’s difficult to pin down his age or his race. He is clearly an adult and pretty much anybody anywhere would classify him as “foreign”, but it’s pretty much impossible to be more specific than that. He has reddish hair which is kept in a neat ponytail at all times. He’s most often seen in business attire, and would look horribly out of place in casual clothes. His utterly straight, stiff-as-a-board posture probably has something to do with that. He also looks a little “off”, but you’d be hard-pressed to identify exactly what is wrong with his appearance. Maybe it's that odd grey tinge to his skin...

Age: Difficult to say. He is clearly older than his companions, and certainly much older than he appears.

Personality: At first, Arte seems to be the perfect assistant. He is well-mannered, resourceful and accommodating. He will never slack off on the job, he will never complain, and he will never, ever disobey a command. No matter what it is. He tends to be calm and stoic, but he can be surprisingly charming and lively when the situation calls for it. He can sometimes come across as almost too helpful, and maybe some of the things that come out of his mouth are somewhat unsettling, but overall he’s an excellent assistant.

However, none of this is actually his true personality. It’s simply Arte adapting to be whatever those he thinks are above him want him to be. Due to various incidents in the past and never having the strongest sense of self to start with, Arte has become utterly convinced that he must never displease his master, ever, or he’ll be worthless. Or maybe he and his charges will spontaneously drop dead. Or the world might possibly end. Not even he really knows anymore. So he totally ignores his own needs and wants in favour of simply doing and saying whatever he thinks his master expects of him.

His true personality (which only comes out in the company of his three charges and nobody else) is significantly less…personable. In truth Arte is gruff, paranoid, and to be perfectly honest has a massive stick up his arse. He tends to assume the worst in any situation and (over)react accordingly. He considers himself to be the caretaker of his three younger companions, and while he genuinely loves them and wants to protect them, he’s also bossy and strict towards them, and reacts to insolence with aggression. In his mind this is justified, as if he allows them to get into bad habits, they’ll end up angering somebody they shouldn’t and then the seas will boil and the sky will fall.

Abilities: He doesn’t have any flashy powers, but he is fast, extremely strong, and incredibly resilient. He heals quickly, doesn’t seem to age, never seems to tire, and he never gets sick. Also, as his body is made of animated stone, he is immune to any kinds of bites, venom, or poisons, and punching him just hurts. Psychic powers do work on him, but users have commented that he feels “weird”.

Weaknesses: Physically, he has very few weaknesses. However, mentally he’s much more vulnerable. He has a very rigid way of thinking, and if something happens to shake this up, he’ll take it very badly. Very, very badly. For example, his master ordering him to stay back…and then dying from a situation Arte could have easily saved him from. To say that Arte doesn’t deal with this development well is putting it very mildly.

Goals: Make up for his mistake. No matter what it takes. Keep himself and his charges alive. Again, no matter what it takes.

Role in the story: Serves as The Dragon until his master dies. The circumstances of his master’s death (crushed to death by falling debris after having ordered Arte not to bother him) send Arte over the edge, because he did exactly as he was told and his master died anyway. This sends him on a frantic effort to make up for his mistake by continuing on with what he believes to be his master’s plan, only moreso. Said plan involves mass betrayal (and zombies) for what amounts to petty revenge, but if that’s his master’s plan then that’s his master’s plan.

He would also serve as a kind of counterpart to one of the heroes, as in they both share personality traits and motivations but deal with them in very different ways. This is also tentative, however. A recurring issue the characters have to deal with is societal expectations vs individual personality. How much of yourself can you be if it’s not what society wants from you? Arte is an example of someone who has surrendered totally to societal expectations at the cost of his own desires.

Backstory:

Arte and his three companions all came into being because a powerful supernatural (the fine details of which I am still fuzzy on), gifted with the power to give things human form and intelligence, brought them to life to be her servants and companions. But while Arte’s three younger companions came from animals, Arte himself is an animated block of stone who was brought into existence to move a tree which was blocking a road. One of the first sentences he ever heard was “I made you to be my servant. Will you help me?” This probably goes a long way towards explaining some of his issues.

Arte’s companions came later, and were created more or less as they were needed. They needed someone to help with chores? A bird became Misha. They needed a female companion, as the mistress felt lonely? A cat became Karin. The mistress had a child, who needed a playmate? A dog became Cort.

Nobody really knows when all this happened, though. It’s known that they have been alive for some time, but as they view time somewhat differently from normal humans, asking them their ages is rarely helpful. The best anybody who knows about them can do is say that Arte and his companions loved their mistress a great deal (Some stories about them even feature Arte smiling and laughing genuinely, something he rarely does now) and accompanied her until she died, at which point they were passed back and forth from person to person, and have been ever since.

Nobody knows why they never stay long with any one owner, though there are several rumours, claiming anything from the being lost in a poker game, being mistreated to the point of running away, being caught stealing a great deal of money, or even being given away because they frightened their owners. It’s hard to say how much or how little of any of that is true, though more than a few people who have met them have commented that the group, Arte in particular, becomes more and more unnerving the longer you know them.

Eventually they ended up as collateral on a deal with one Jacob Whitmore, ending up in his possession after the deal fell through. That’s where they are when the story happens.

Relevant tropes:

• Blind Obedience: He’s had this habit since the beginning and it’s only gotten worse over time. At this point he will obey every order his master gives him, without question. The idea of something his master tells him to do being wrong doesn’t even enter his head.

• Humanity Ensues: Arte and his companions were all non-humans who were given human form and intelligence. Unlike the others, though, Arte came from a block of stone and was never a living being. Having no feelings of previous life and freedom to draw from, from day one Arte has had a lot of trouble with his identity and thinking for himself.

• Morality Pet: Though he loves all three of his companions, he’s closest to Cort, the youngest. Actually striking Cort in a fit of rage is what finally clues Arte in that he’s acting insane.

• My God, What Have I Done?: Slaps Cort hard enough to send him sprawling after the boy tried desperately to convince him that their master is dead. The sight of Cort lying on the ground is what finally makes him stop and consider what he’s doing to people.

• Rock Monster: Technically. Though he looks more or less human, he is made of stone, with all the weight and hardness that implies.

• Sanity Slippage: Falls into this after Jacob’s death, beginning to experience hallucinations, act irrationally, and refuse to admit that his master is dead.

• Selective Obliviousness: Refuses to believe that Jacob is dead and ignores any attempts to convince him, eventually lashing out as the truth gets harder to ignore.

• Spock Speak: Tends to speak carefully and with few to no contractions, though he’ll loosen it up if necessary.

• Super-Toughness: Arte can shrug off hits that would drop a normal human his size, and punching him feels exactly like punching a brick wall and is more likely to harm his attacker than himself.

• Team Dad: Plays this role to his younger companions, though a bit harsher than usual as he takes insolence poorly and will respond with aggression. He does it out of love and a desire to protect them, but that doesn’t mean he’s reasonable.

• Uncanny Valley: According to some people he lives smack bang in the middle of this. It might be his odd features, or it could be the way he speaks, or maybe he’s just too helpful, but in the end to some people he’s just creepy.

• Villainous Breakdown: Suffers one of these in the end. With his master dead, his master's plan thwarted, his companions against him and everything crashing down around him, Arte finally stops lashing out and collapses into the sobbing mess he probably should've become some time ago.

• Walk, Don't Swim: A side-effect of being essentially a living rock is sinking like one.

edited 8th Oct '17 5:06:54 AM by Murataku

Arte reminds me a lot of Frankenstein for some reason. I think it's the combination of the uncanny appearance, absurd strength, and the fact that his mind is not all there. He also slightly reminds me of that exploding robot from Futurama, what with the hair-trigger paranoia.

Anyways, the thing I find the most interesting about Arte is the fact that he serves as sort of a death cry for his master who dies (I think I'm safe to assume his master is a villain). I can definitely see a major change in the story's dynamics arising from a "villain with a plan" being replaced with a villain who barely has a grasp on what he's doing. Both sides would definitely feel more uncertain about themselves.

However, I'm not positive that Arte would be effective as a final villain after his master dies. Even if he is more extreme than his master, the fact that he's so unstable combined with his potential to snap out of his madness makes it look possible to me that his arc would read like a bloated resolution to your story. Like the important battle against Arte's master is completed, and all that's left is a mess to clean up. Of course, nothing you've said confirms that Arte is your final villain, so please correct me if my assumption is wrong.

Overall I'd say Arte's concept his interesting, and I appreciate how his character was created to compliment the message of your story. Just be careful that Arte doesn't cause a slump in the conflict.

Now then, it's time for me to introduce one of my villains. Before I start though, I think it's important to note that all my characters exist in a [[Wild West The Wild West]] setting which only has the technology available up until the 1880's.

With that detail in mind, let's begin.

Name: Red Tail (alias)

Age: 42

Appearance: Red Tail stands at a height of 5'10, and she is quite skinny, appearing to be on the border between being healthy and underweight. She has straight black hair tied into a short ponytail at the back of her neck, which hangs down to the level of her shoulder blades. Red Tail's face is rather smooth and refined for a woman her age, although her face looks more like that of an elite businesswoman than any sort of model. However, there is one very noticeable flaw to her face, as her right ear and the immediate area around it is visibly mangled and scarred.

Red Tail's choice of clothing varies a lot, as she tends to don disguises for her brand of undercover operations. However, when there's no need for a disguise, she tends to wear a mahogany-colored duster coat, extremely dark green (almost black) pants, and black boots. Underneath the trench coat is a rather plain white collared shirt. Lastly, she also wears a hazel neckerchief which serves as an indicator of her rank as a general in The Liberated, the group of Bomb-Throwing Anarchists she works for.

Personality: Red Tail is a workaholic to her core and she takes great pride in that. She believes herself to be exceptionally skilled and efficient, and rightfully so, but she's never completely satisfied with herself and aims to keep improving without end. As such, she can't stand it when she's not doing anything. She always has to be working towards something, challenging herself.

Red Tail has a low opinion of most others, including the Liberated members she works with. When it comes to fellow Liberated members, she never gives them tasks in her operations she believes they could possibly screw up and essentially treats them like they're slow to make sure they don't mess up the less complicated tasks she does give them. When it comes to enemies, she treats them as completely disposable. She doesn't take any particular pleasure in killing people or torturing them (unless they happen to have caused trouble for her before). She simply does to her enemies what she thinks is most efficient in order to accomplish her current task.

Separating her from her work for a moment, Red Tail generally tends to be blunt with her words and doesn't really interact with others beyond necessity. While she can fake social behavior well, she doesn't have any real interest in making friendships amongst her colleagues or with anyone else. That said, she is capable of respecting a select few people who she believes have advanced talents and a strong work ethic. Two prominent examples are one of the two co-founders of The Liberated and a sheriff of one particular town who she's developed a strong rivalry with.

Abilities: Red Tail is a logistic and interpersonal genius. Her plans always account for every foreseeable detail, and she never ignores any potential threats no matter how unlikely it is that they'll manifest. Most of her plans function by introducing stress and chaos into towns and communities through manipulation and subtle crimes carefully crafted to spark panic and paranoia. This ultimately either makes the communities implode in on themselves or weakens them enough for a Liberated attack force to come in and easily clean up the remains. Her obsessive attention to detail makes it extremely difficult for anything to slip by her unnoticed, and she can quickly adapt her plans on the occasions when something she didn't initially expect manifests. She also knows how to exploit the way people tick, and makes use of this talent to make people do exactly what she wants them to for the purposes of whatever scheme she has in mind.

Aside from that, Red Tail has a few more specific talents. One is that she's a highly skilled actress. Her disguises often come with a false personality, which she can pull off so convincingly that nobody would ever suspect she was hiding anything underneath. She can say anything with a straight face. Her other relevant talent is a deep knowledge of chemistry (which she has an established source of resources for). She uses this knowledge mostly for poisons, but sometimes a situation arises where she can find other applications. For instance, she could use this knowledge to make potent acids or explosives... and maybe even use something for medical purposes once in a while. Who knows, perhaps she could come up with something completely unprecedented...

Weaknesses: Red Tail's greatest weakness is probably the very same pride and determination in her work that acts as the source of her strengths. While it is rare that Red Tail makes a significant mistake, it does happen. There are some circumstances that even she can't foresee, and those circumstances can completely ruin an operation, or at the very least cause cumbersome complications. Essentially, the way to outmaneuver her is to avoid letting her control the "game" which is being played and attack from a completely unorthodox angle. "A master swordsman should fear the man who's never held a sword in his life" if you catch my drift.

When she does fail, she will attack herself harshly. She is deeply humiliated by her mistakes, and she feels like she has to prove her competence to everyone, including herself. However, this doesn't stop her from also getting angry at anyone else who might have been responsible for any failures. She will hold a grudge against anyone who ruins her plans, and will attempt to get revenge on those people when given the chance, even if it would be an unnecessary distraction from an important task of hers.

Another weakness she has is that she’s physically weak. She did complete Liberated combat training, so she can hold her own somewhat, but because she's made a point of avoiding direct fights in her long run with The Liberated she's weaker than the average Liberated mook in a fight. Her aim with a gun isn't all that stellar either, and she's also deaf in her right ear.

Goals: Red Tail's goal is the same as the rest of The Liberated, to destroy the pillars of law within the Canterbury Desert and let anarchy run free.

Motivations: Red Tail's motivations are not the same as the rest of The Liberated. While most Liberated members want anarchy because they see it as complete freedom, Red Tail wants it because she found the grind of daily life as well as the security of it utterly worthless. She wants a life struggle that means something, as she believes that is what brings out people's true strength and passion. She believes that a life that doesn’t function based around "survival of the fittest" is completely empty.

Role in the Story: Red Tail serves as a major antagonist in the story, and a dragon to the Liberated's leaders. She has run-ins with the heroes rather frequently, and she's not to be trifled with.

Backstory: Red Tail, known by her birth name at the time, was born into a poor household in the town of Vermarine. From childhood she was taught to firmly believe in the value of hard work, and this philosophy combined with her natural intelligence made her a prodigy. The achievements she earned as a result of her hard work opened up great opportunities for her, culminating in a scholarship offer from a prestigious university at the age of sixteen. She used this scholarship to study chemistry and then specialize in pharmacy.

As a young adult, she held two jobs. By day, she worked as a pharmacist, and by night she was an actress for a prominent theatrical group in her hometown. However, by the time she was twenty-two, she had grown bored and depressed. She began to question the purpose of her hard work, seeing no value to living a life she felt was repetitive, mundane, and seemingly ultimately pointless. The fact that her high-paying pharmacy job alone had let her completely escape the poverty she was born into actually made things worse for her, as she felt that this financial security left her without anything meaningful to strive towards or any struggle to overcome, leaving her in a sort of perpetual standstill.

Then, a life-changing moment came when a Liberated raid occurred one night. Liberated members broke into her home and cornered her. They told her that they would spare her life and leave town with no further trouble, as long as she agreed to help them find a particular man who had become famous in Vermarine for heading a highly successful attack on The Liberated. Red Tail decided to agree to their demands, and so the raiders took her outside and led her to one of The Liberated's leaders and co-founders, Anthony Barlow.

Red Tail fulfilled her end of the deal and led Barlow to the home of the man he was looking for, although on the way they had a conversation. Barlow ended up explaining the fundamentals of The Liberated's anarchistic philosophy to Red Tail, which struck a chord with her. When they got to the man's house, The Liberated took him away to never be seen again and fulfilled their end of the deal with Red Tail by leaving town with no more trouble.

However, the next day Red Tail found that everyone in town figured out that it was her who sold out the famous man to The Liberated, and some people saw her "being chummy" with Barlow. No matter how many times she explained the circumstances, nobody seemed interested in forgiving her. The town made Red Tail a pariah, and when Red Tail lost her job as a pharmacist due to the controversy, that was the last straw. She cursed the society she was born into and left the town of Vermarine, leaving everything including her birth name behind.

After leaving Vermarine, she tracked down Barlow and eventually managed to meet him in a secret hideout. She offered her loyalty and services to him on one condition: under no circumstances would she ever be forced to return to Vermarine. Barlow accepted this, and sent her to training.

After completing her training with many other trainees, she donned her new moniker and was sent on her first missions. These missions are where she began to distinguish herself from the lot. Over the course of several years, her tactical genius became obvious, and so she worked her way up from being a lowly mook to being second only to The Liberated's two co-founders in rank. As a Liberated general, she aims to aid in the completion of The Liberated's goal to overturn the structures of law in the country.

Relevant Tropes:

• Bomb Throwing Anarchist: Just like the rest of The Liberated.
• The Snark Knight: This is the personality Red Tail's fellow Liberated members are most familiar with. She frequently berates people for not reaching her high standards, but she's not above self-deprecation from time to time. The people who work for her definitely don't want to tempt fate by outright disobeying her, but otherwise they generally see her as an overbearing grouch.
• Hidden Agenda Villain: She's working towards the same goal as the rest of The Liberated, the elimination of law and government, but her reasons for doing so don't match the philosophy of "absolute freedom" that the majority of The Liberated espouses.
• Start of Darkness: If the Liberated raid on her hometown never happened, she most likely never would have done anything criminal in her life. The issue of how she would have overcome her depression would be a big question mark though...
• Then Let Me Be Evil: She was outcasted from her hometown because they thought she was evil, and after all was said and done she didn't particularly care about proving them right.
• Master of Disguise: Self-explanatory.
• The Chessmaster: In an organization whose modus operandi is normally loud and violent terrorist acts, Red Tail stands out as someone who prefers to come in secretly and cause fear, confusion and deterioration through manipulation and "quiet" crimes. Even when she executes a less subtle operation she’ll opt to lay out traps rather than charge in.
• Professional Killer: While the primary goal of her missions is not always to kill someone, and she rarely uses a gun or knife to kill anyone herself, someone usually dies when she is present. Over the course of her 20 year run with The Liberated, hundreds of people have died as a result of her plans, but because she doesn't leave traces of her presence most of the time nobody in-universe has any idea of how high Red Tail's kill count really is.
• Bookworm: When she has to wait for her next mission or something else, she'll probably pass the time by reading. She reads chemistry texts far more often than fiction though.
• Crippling the Competition: In an attempt to kill one of the heroes, she instead leaves that person with their left leg permanently maimed.
• Thinking Out Loud: Sort of. She doesn't detail her thoughts-in-progress out loud for all to hear, but when she's deep in thought she does tend to murmur incoherently to herself.
• Child Hater: She can't stand them. She'll gladly work her fingers to the bone for most tasks, but if it involves sustained interaction with children... she'll still work as hard as usual, but she certainly won't be happy about it.
• Cigarette of Anxiety: She smokes casually rather regularly, but when she's particularly stressed she'll definitely be smoking more than usual.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: There's exactly one person from Red Tail's old life who she wishes to avoid confronting at all costs. As it happens, this person is a large part of the reason why she refuses to return to her hometown, and is also the reason why she has her acting talents...
• Voice Changeling: Red Tail is capable of pulling off a wide range of voices, and she can perfectly imitate the voices of most other women.

Thanks for the feedback! And yeah, that issue you mentioned, with the story going into a slump, that is something I've been worried about for a bit. I know how I want the story to go, but I agree I'll need to be careful to make sure it doesn't end up dragging the story down.

Bumpity bump.

Just looked through Red Tail, and I have to say I find her intriguing in a few ways. Most prominently her disguise abilities, since that's always been something I've had a fondness for. Given her setting's tech level, I'm wondering how far she could take her disguise talents. She could certainly cause untold havoc if she was able to worm her way into a position of power, which makes her a big threat almost automatically.

I'll say that her connection to The Liberated gives me a couple of ideas for how her story could progress - most prominently being her past emphasizing her rising through the ranks legally and attaining wealth and success, without really acquiring much of a grudge against the system and only dedicated herself to the Liberated's philosophy out of circumstance.

As an Alternate Character Interpretation, it seems as though she simply wanted an excuse to leave behind her boring, stable life and do something that gave her life meaning, and didn't really care much for their philosophy either way, which would explain her conflict with other members of The Liberated. In that sense, she sort of puts me in mind of a subversion of Patty Hearst. Though this interpretation would also make her slightly more unsympathetic in my opinion, which isn't a problem if that's what you were going for.

Continuing the Patty Hearst comparison, one small critique I could make is that, if the intention was that she'd follow Patty's actions more closely and become genuinely sympathetic towards The Liberated and their philosophy, I can't really imagine her doing that so quickly after a short conversation - I'd expect her to have been interacting with them for a much longer time and properly delving into their methods and motives before making that commitment.

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but going from The Liberated's goal of 'eliminating all law and government' and the Bomb Throwing Anarchist trope, I'm assuming they're following the Anarchy Is Chaos school of Anarchism, in contrast to Anarchism as a real-world political philosophy, which as I understand it revolves around societies that make decisions through consensus without the need for power-hogging leaders or elites - and presumably do have laws.

Therefore, assuming that Red Tail is genuinely sympathetic towards their ideals and is not just a thrill-seeker, her conflict/hidden agenda has the potential to be a pretty interesting subversion of this - I get the feeling she's savvier than the rest of The Liberated, and so she could represent the part of The Liberated that wants to set up a workable society without the need for elites, that has since been forgotten as its newer members just want to destroy everything. This would simultaneously make her more dangerous as a villain but also much more effective as a Tragic Villain or Anti-Villain.

Although, given how it's stated she's working towards the 'elimination of law and government' as well, maybe I've got this backwards and it's actually the other way around, with her representing Anarchy Is Chaos - which would likely fit in well with the Alternate Character Interpretation of her being a thrill-seeker.

But of course, I say this without knowing a lot about them as a group and has probably misinterpreted something somewhere along the line, so take all this with a grain of salt. :/

Incidentally, I don't think the Professional Killer trope would actually apply to her, since that trope by definition involves characters whose whole job is to kill, as opposed to characters who simply get people killed as an unexpected side-effect of their job.

But all in all, I quite like her - she has a lot of potential, IMO. I suspect my confusion about her motives is the whole point, making her more enigmatic, so props to you on that. :P

As for my villain, I do have something in mind, but I'll need to draft it up first.