Main Characters | Dreamland Royalty and Court | Dreamland and Elfwood Citizens | Other Characters
This page covers the various denizens of the Kingdom of Dreamland, the Kingdom of Elfwood (which has been absorbed into Dreamland since Season 2), along with the nearby Enchanted Forest and other locations within the country's borders.
Dreamland Capital City
Prince Merkimer of Bentwood (in exile)
The younger brother/cousin of Prince Guysbert, who becomes Bean's next fiancé after the aforementioned demise of his brother. However, his wedding is also aborted after he suddenly turns into a pig.
- Actor Allusion: Merkimer is voiced by Matt Berry, who's playing yet another somewhat dimwitted womanizer with Cloudcuckoolander moments, much like Douglas Renholm of The IT Crowd.
- Animal Stereotypes: As a pig, he remains a perverted chauvinist.
- Animorphism: He's cursed and transformed into a pig during the middle of his wedding, due to drinking a mixture of pig's blood enchanted with Elfo's magic blood.
- Asshole Victim: You don't feel too bad for him when he transformed into a pig.
- Arranged Marriage: For the same reasons as his older brother, he's expected to marry Bean just to strengthen political ties between Bentwood and Dreamland. And presumably so that Zog can save face as well, after his daughter accidentally caused Guysbert's death.
- The Beastmaster: He managed to take control over a herd of 30 walruses by fucking them. However, this was actually because he was under their mind-control spell, and he thought that the walruses were mermaids.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: He had sex with thirty walruses. To be fair, he was affected by their song and thought that he was sleeping with mermaids.
- Brainless Beauty: It's not just the fact that he was dumb enough to mistake walruses for mermaids. For some reason, he thought it was a good idea to drink a whole cup full of magical blood because he somehow thought it was an aphrodisiac / sexual performance enhancer.
- Butt-Monkey: Especially after he's turned into a pig.Merkimer: Sad!
- Cain and Abel: Seems to be the mean, intelligent brother to Guysbert's dumb but nice brother. Merkimer even tells Bean that killing his brother is part of why he's attracted to her.
- The Casanova: He's extremely lustful, and sees marrying Bean as just another opportunity for a sexual conquest. Bean plays his promiscuity against him, by tricking him into going on a sailing trip to Mermaid Island so he could get laid by its inhabitants (though nobody was expecting that he'd bump into walruses instead).
- Catchphrase: "Sad!" whenever his feelings are hurt after his Baleful Polymorph.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Merkimer is an arrogant braggart, and among his boasting includes claims of some great achievements during his military service. However, Merkimer turns out to not be an incompetent coward as one might expect from a character like him; as shown when he leads the walruses on an assault against the Borc naval crew, managing to kill all of them in the process. Even though it turns out that those "Borcs" were actually Bozaks, members of a nation allied to Dreamland.
- Deal with the Devil: Strikes a bargain with Luci. Luci being Laughably Evil, Merkimer has to give him a horsey ride instead of his soul.
- Honest Advisor: Briefly serves as this to Zog in "Stairway to Hell" - by process of elimination, as there's no one else around for Zog to talk to. It doesn't seem to do much good, as Zog ignores his advice.
- Despite all his other flaws, he doesn't seem to ever lie. It's more pronounced after he becomes a pig, but he seems to not have that layer of guile and deception nearly every other character in the show has and tells the truth as he knows it. Before that, while he was still human, this straightforwardness had the effect of accentuating his jerkassness.
- Humiliation Conga: He's become very depressed and self-pitying due to his transformation from a successful prince to a lowly pig. Especially because he's now too ugly to seduce women.
- Irony It takes him becoming a literal chauvinist pig to become less of a metaphorical one.
- Jerkass: He's a vain, arrogant, obnoxious braggart and a womanizer.
- Jerkass Realization: He comes to understand just how big of a dick he actually was after spending some time as a pig. Not that it actually stops him from being one, though as a result he Took a Level in Kindness.
- Karmic Transformation: It's rather fitting that a perverted misogynist like himself is now a pig, both figuratively and literally. Also as a narcissist who enjoyed charming and banging women, he's saddened that girls no longer think he's a handsome guy.
- Lack of Empathy: Disturbingly enough, he doesn't offer any sympathy for his own brother's impalement. He even tells Bean that he's been smitten with her ever since she accidentally "killed" his brother.
- Named After Somebody Famous: Meta-example; he seems to be named after the real-life Frankish king Marcomer, but with the spelling altered a bit.
- Narcissist: Merkimer is convinced he was the most good-looking man "in all the land". Tess tells everyone he isn't, but he really believes it.
- Prince Charmless: He's a boorish and egotistic prince, so it's no wonder why Bean would be extremely reluctant to marry a man like him. After a few weeks as a pig, he even admits as being such to Luci.
- Riches to Rags: He was a hedonistic prince before turning into a pig. For being a pig, his parents abandoned him in Dreamland and left him as a common farm animal.
- Royal Inbreeding: Because his parents are siblings, his brother is also his cousin.
- Straw Misogynist: Aside from being a huge philanderer, he admits that he doesn't listen to women, as he doesn't care what they have to say.
- Talking Animal: He still keeps his human voice and ability to speak even after becoming a pig.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: He invokes this when telling Bean that after they marry, Merkimer - who has already shown himself to be a colossal jerkass anyway - will become even worse.
- Took a Level in Kindness: He's a bit of a dick before his Baleful Polymorph, however afterwards he begins to straighten up once he can no longer get by on his looks, and has a Heel Realization over just how bad he was. While in season 2 he does steal Bean's play and takes credit for it, he claims he did it (and reedited it to focus on Zog) because it's the only way Bean could have it performed in the misogynistic kingdom, and he does give her the money it made even if that wasn't what she really wanted. Additionally, when he realizes his testimony about being "smitten" with Bean is just going to be used against her by the Kangaroo Court at her trial, he tries defend her by pointing out that his current state was because of his own actions, and nothing that Bean did to him.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: He's surprised during the beginning phase of his transformation into a pig. But, he still walks down the aisle thinking that Bean will still marry him. Considering his narcissism and chauvinism, he probably thought that it wouldn't matter.
- Warrior Prince: He served as a soldier in Bentwood's army, and as detailed in Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass, he's a surprisingly competent fighter.
- What the Hell, Hero?: In "Love's Tender Rampage" he calls Luci out for agreeing to help him find a date for the ball and then seducing all the girls for himself. Even Luci feels a little bad.
Lord Lingonberry and Lady Lingonberry
An old noble couple in Dreamland. Lord Lingonberry died after a failed experiment by Sorcerio with Elfo's blood. Lady Lingonberry is the victim of a carriage-jacking by Bean and her friends.
- Character Death: Lord Lingonberry dies without any fanfare in Sorcerio's laboratory. His poor widow may not even know that his body was devoured by pigs.
- Cool Old Guy: Lord Lingonberry was described by Sorcerio as "a good man, a family man". Indeed, he seemed to be quite a polite and friendly Nice Guy.
- The Ditz: Lord Ligonberry is one of the nicer people in the show, but he's clearly not got a lot going on upstairs. His only reaction to being clamped to a table is eagerly exclaiming, "This is the first interesting thing that's ever happened to me!"
- Fed to Pigs: Played for Laughs; after a failed attempt to create the Elixir of Life using Elfo's blood, which kills Lord Lingonberry instead of restoring his hair, Sorcerio dumps the poor guy's body down a chute leading to a pig trough.
- Unexplained Recovery: Lady Lingonberry seemingly drowns after Bean crashed her carriage into a river. However, she later turns out to have somehow survived, and appears in Zog's throne room along with other angry victims of Bean's crimes.
Old Man Touchy
A strange old man that has a habit of touching things and can identify anything. He is currently locked up in the castle dungeon.
- Blind Seer: His eyes have been plucked out. He still knows almost everything there is to know about anything he touches.
- Dirty Old Man: It's heavily implied that his habit of touching has led him to molest someone, possibly even Zog, and that's why he was thrown into the dungeon and blinded.
- Disability Superpower: Despite being blind, he has a very heightened sense of touch, and was able to feel up Elfo to deduce that he wasn't exactly an elf.
- Eye Scream: Zog had both of his eyes gouged out. Though this doesn't stop Touchy from being able to figure out his exact surroundings by touching them.
- No Sense of Personal Space: He likes touching things, including people, which leads him to throw himself on people to grope and analyze them.
- Psychometry: Strongly implied, since he is able to determine the true nature of the Eternity Pendant and Elfo, despite never having had contact with either before.
- Taken for Granite: He's among the victims of the Petrification Serum, as shown at the beginning of season 2.
"Handsome" Wade Brody Jr.
A sailor who is hired by the elves to get berries that might cure them from a disease.
- Dirty Coward: He shamelessly leaves Bean and Elfo to die when their boat was getting tangled up by deadly vines.
- Fake Ultimate Hero: He pretends to be a badass hero who has gone on many adventures, but he actually copied all his bogus stories from a book; and when things get really dangerous, he escapes.
- Off with His Head!: While offscreen, he's killed and has his head chopped off by the ogres, who then eat the rest of his body.
Elfwood and Elf Alley
Elfo's father, who may know a few things that his son doesn't.
- Interspecies Romance: Though the details are fuzzy. All we know is that Elfo's mother was not an elf.
- It Runs in the Family: Elfo's taste for "big women" was apparently something they both shared.
- Love at First Punch: He mentions that his encounter with Elfo's mother began with him harassing her, and her responding by punching him, at which point he fell in love.
- Nice Guy: Pops is just a sweet old man and loving father to Elfo.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: He sounds like Walter Brennan.
- Poor Communication Kills: He's so reluctant to tell Elfo about his mother, he ducks the issue repeatedly, never once just telling Elfo the whole truth.
- Scatterbrained Senior: Pops seems to have his head in the clouds. During Elfo's hanging, Pops comes over to express his sympathy for his son's untimely fate, however he decides to go off rambling on an anecdote of how he met Elfo's mother. Pops even obliviously pulls off the stool that Elfo was standing on so he could sit down, talking with his back turned away from Elfo, not even realizing that this tightened the noose and caused Elfo to start choking. Then Pops dozes off into a nap after he's done speaking.
King Rulo of Elfwood (in exile)
The ruler of Elfwood, and Kissy's paranoid father.
- Berserk Button: Don't ever dare to fool around with his daughter, and also don't bring humans into Elfwood.
- The Caligula: Don't let the cutesy appearance of Elfwood fool you, the Elf King is a crazy tyrant who's comparable to King Zog in terms of sheer vindictiveness.
- Fantastic Racism: When Elfo returns to Elfwood with Bean, the Elf King expresses his disapproval that he brought a human into their village, saying they "bring nothing but pain and treachery". Though he quickly changes his tune after Bean offers to share her alcohol with everyone.
- Government in Exile: In Season 2, after all the elves move out of Elfwood and into Dreamland, they are granted a district of the city-state now named "Elf Alley" to live in, which Rulo is the autonomous ruler of (under the protection of the King of Dreamland).
- Overprotective Dad: Much like King Zog, the Elf King is super-strict about trying to keep his daughter away from premarital sex. When he catches Elfo in bed with Kissy, he sentences Elfo to death by hanging from the Gumdrop Tree. And this isn't even the first time he (tried to) execute one of Kissy's lovers.Kissy: Father, stop! You can't just kill every guy that kisses me!
Rulo: Sure I can!
(Every male elf around him nervously backs away)
Princess Kissandra "Kissy" of Elfwood (in exile)
Elfo's ex-girlfriend and co-worker from the Elfwood candy factory. She's the daughter of the Elf King, and is thus an elf princess.
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: She loves rebellious behavior in her boyfriends, such as Elfo and Luci, and admits to such.
- Ambiguously Bi: When her father proclaims that he can indeed execute anyone who's kissed her, two female elves also step back in fear.
- Badass Adorable: Along with her fellow elves, Kissy joins in to defend their village from the invading Dreamland knights, and even gives Pendergast a headbutt.
- Interspecies Romance: Aside from making out with almost every male elf around her, Kissy also has some relationships with human men after she moves into Dreamland. She also dated Luci the demon for one episode. Her earlier love affair with Elfo also counts, given that Elfo is not completely an elf.
- Known Only by Their Nickname: Kissy is her nickname. Her true name is Kissandra.
- Meaningful Name: Like all elves from her village, her name reflects her personality. It's also her job to kiss the chocolate boxes as they come off the production line. Hers is also one of the few names to not end with an -o suffix.
- Missing Mom: No mention is made of Kissy's mother, presumably the Elf Queen, who may well be dead. The lack of a mother seems to be something she has in common with Elfo and Princess Bean.
- Nice Girl: When Kissy's father tries to kill Elfo, she's willing to stand up to her dad, and saves her boyfriend by cutting him down from the Gumdrop Tree and helping him escape Elfwood.
- Pink Is Feminine: She has pink skin and wears a purple dress, and is the girliest elf introduced.
- Really Gets Around: Her name is Kissy, after all. It's implied that she has at least made out with almost every (male) elf in the village. She and her new boyfriend also seemed open for a threesome with Elfo. Then in Season 2, she dates Luci for a time before coming to terms that she wants to find her own happiness by herself... though not before bidding goodbye to a whole bunch of men who had also dated her.
- Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Her new boyfriend Shrimpo is much shorter than her, to the point that Elfo mistakes him for their son at first.
The only known elf aside from Elfo (and Returno) to leave Elfwood. He became a pirate captain, and is searching for a certain mysterious treasure that he believes to be in Dreamland.
- Chekhov's Gunman: Initially just a one-off joke in the first episode, he actually makes an appearance in season 2.
- Pirate: He's the captain of a pirate crew.
- The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: As captain, he spends a good solid eight years just sitting in his cabin not actually doing any actual pirating. This allows Oona to easily take command of his crew when they rescue her.
Enchanted Forest and Outskirts
An old fairy prostitute who lives in the forest. She offers sexual services and some occasional words of advice.
- Bi the Way: She seems just as willing to offer sex to Bean along with her male friends.
- Dirty Old Woman: She's rather blatantly an elderly hooker. This doesn't stop her from still getting clients though.
- Expy: She resembles a much older version of Tinkerbell.
- Hooker with a Heart of Gold: She cries at Elfo's funeral, remarking how he helped water her plants when she was in rehab.
- The Oldest Profession: Yeah, she's a prostitute, and even offers to do some "tricks" for Bean, Elfo, and Luci when they meet her in the woods. She's then shown inviting an anthropomorphic bird guy into her treehouse for some services.
- Our Fairies Are Different: She looks like the classic small, winged pixie.
Gwen the Witch
A crazy old witch who has been convicted and sentenced to death on charges of murder. Bean is given the task of executing her via beheading with an axe, but hesitates over her possible innocence.
- Adaptational Heroism: Gwen is based on the Wicked Witch from the Hansel and Gretel story; but instead of being an evil cannibal trying to eat the titular children, she's actually a kindly old woman who just wanted to adopt and raise them.
- Chekhov's Gunman: She becomes relevant again in "The Limits of Immortality", where she is revealed to be the ex-wife of Malfus the Philosopher, the last man to use the Elixir of Life, and she gives some information about him.
- Cool Old Lady: She's actually a nice, sweet old woman whose kindness and generosity was used against her.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: Because of Bean's actions, Gwen is spared from suffering a gruesome death, is fully exonerated from her murder conviction, and moves to a retirement home along with her sister (who as it turns out, somehow survived their house exploding).
- Flying Broomstick: How she gets around.
- Gingerbread House: She lived in a house made of candy, which was stolen by Hansel and Gretel.
- Laughing Mad: Gwen was cursed to cackle maniacally like a madwoman whenever she tried to speak. The curse is lifted after Bean kills Hansel and Gretel and blows up their house.
- Miscarriage of Justice: Gwen was misblamed (if not outright framed) for causing the disappearances of Hansel and Gretel, as well as being pinned for the numerous murders those two had committed. Given that the medieval legal system wasn't known for fair court trials, Gwen was automatically deemed guilty despite actually being innocent.
- No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Gwen adopted two orphans named Hansel and Gretel from the woods and let them live in her home. Unfortunately, the orphans turned out to be psychopathic cannibals who chained her up (along with Gwen's sister) and kept them hostage in their own home, which they used as a slaughterhouse to murder countless innocent people. Hansel and Gretel also put a curse on Gwen, forcing her to cackle instead of speak, which didn't help at all when Gwen was eventually framed for their murders and sentenced to death.
- Parental Substitute: She tried to act as a mother figure by adopting Hansel and Gretel, and raising them like they were her own kids. Unfortunately, she had no idea that these two were crazy enough to eat their biological parents, which meant that they had no problems with betraying her either.
- Public Execution: She was sentenced to getting beheaded with an axe in the town square. King Zog's executioner Stan was supposed to do it, but due to a backache he asked Bean to cover for him. Despite being egged on by every spectator around her, Bean's guilty conscience keeps her from actually slicing off Gwen's neck.
- Really 700 Years Old: She has been married to Malfus for over 90 years and was by herself long before that and much long after that, putting her around 100 years old.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?: Gwen refused to take the Elixir of Life from her husband Malfus, thinking exactly about this. He regretfully came to agree with her after having already taken it himself.
- Wicked Witch: Subverted. When introduced, she's assumed to just be a murderous cannibal responsible for killing two kids. Even with this alleged "information" in mind, Bean feels too reluctant to kill her, which is fortunate because she soon discovers that the witch is completely harmless and innocent.
A brother and sister who live in a house made of candy in the forest. Countless people who visited their home have never returned.
- Adaptational Villainy: Unlike in the original fairy tale, they are the evil cannibals, instead of the Witch.
- Age Lift: They're a few decades older than in the original story.
- And I Must Scream: Unsurprisingly, they wind up in Hell, where they're chained up and made to watch a video of their death over and over again.
- Asshole Victim:
- After refusing to execute the old witch Gwen (who turns out to be innocent), Bean's conscience is eased a bit after killing Hansel and Gretel, the real murderers responsible for the crimes that the old lady was wrongly accused of.
- Taken further in "Stairway to Hell", where it's (unsurprisingly) revealed that Hansel's and Gretel's souls are condemned to an eternity of damnation in Hell. Their punishment? To endlessly rewatch the moment when Bean killed them, over and over again. And of course, they completely deserve every minute of it.
- Ax-Crazy: How else does one quickly describe a pair of murderous cannibals?
- Black Comedy Cannibalism: Downplayed, the horrors of their actions aren't sugarcoated and doesn't shy away from showing the basement. That being said, they are just as dumbfounded as the audience by Elfo's obliviousness.
- BrotherSister Incest: Implied, as they seem to be a bit too close to each other. Given that they're the only adult company they've had for decades, well it's just the least creepy thing about them. It's made more explicit when Hansel and Gretel share what suspiciously looks like a kissnote , along with this line of dialogue:Hansel: (reacting to Gretel's death) We were supposed to grow old together, and eat a family!
- Cannibal Clan: They're siblings who cannibalized their parents and used a kindhearted hag as their scapegoat.
- Cannibal Larder: Hansel and Gretel are revealed to be the real cannibals. Shortly after the reveal, we see human heads hanging from the ceiling apparently to dry and cure alongside unidentified "meat", various candies and desserts made of human flesh, and at one point mummified corpses in cotton candy.
- Child Eater: Implied when they seemingly fed Elfo to his friends, but he was revealed to be alive and burning in the oven. Considering that the elves have sealed themselves away from the rest of the world, what Bean ate was possibly a young child, or at least another small humanoid creature. Their appearance in Hell confirms they did actually eat children.
- Enfante Terrible: Even way back when they were children, they were still evil and insane; see Self-Made Orphan and Ungrateful Bastard.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Regardless of everything else, they do genuinely love one another. Hansel is enraged when he sees Bean kill Gretel.
- Evil Has a Bad Sense of Humor: They like cracking sick jokes about their dietary habits that their victims don't catch on to.
- Fat Bastard: Both of them are obese due to a lifetime diet of eating mostly candy and human meat.
- Faux Affably Evil: They abuse Sacred Hospitality as part of their modus operandi. They invite their guests/victims inside and treat them to a bowl of candy or a meat dish, in order to lull them into a false sense of security.
- Gingerbread House: They live in a house made of and filled with candy. Its original owner was Gwen the Witch, who foolishly took them in when they were kids.
- I'm a Humanitarian: They enjoy killing and eating other humans. As well as the occasional non-human, as Elfo can attest to. It's played for both black comedy and horror.
- Improvised Weapon: They have several weapons and death traps made of candy, including an axe-shaped lollipop that Bean uses to kill them.
- Insistent Terminology: It's Hansel and Gretel, not Gretel and Hansel!
- Killed Off for Real: Bean kills Gretel by hitting her in the head with a candy axe, then does the same to Hansel.
- Knight of Cerebus: Played with. Although Hansel and Gretel certainly aren't lacking in darkly humorous qualities much like other villains in the show, they're still treated as more of a serious threat compared to other minor one-shot antagonists in Season 1. And despite all the jokes about how they eat people, when we actually see the results of their gruesome crimes, it's not so funny. Especially when Bean discovers the basement where they hide all the dismembered remains of their victims.
- Psychopathic Manchild: Both of them are Enfante Terrible all grown up, but still just as creepy. Whenever they're not committing cannibalism, they're gorging on candy instead.
- Public Domain Character: Being darkly twisted parodies of Hansel and Gretel after all.
- Self-Made Orphan: They killed and ate their own parents before Gwen found them.
- Serial Killer: They've murdered and consumed countless unsuspecting travelers over the years.
- Serious Business: Gretel actually gets offended when Bean thinks she's been served Elfo. Because elf is dessert meat, not a main course.
- Siblings in Crime: They're a Brother-Sister Team of ruthless, cannibalistic serial killers.
- Small Role, Big Impact: Their role in the overall story is minor. Their actions have forced Bean to realise that some people can't be reasoned with or taught to compromise. The ruins of their gingerbread house also allowed Odval and Sorcerio to find the recipe book for the elixir of life.
- Ungrateful Bastard: After eating their parents, an old witch named Gwen adopted them. They repaid her kindness by chaining up Gwen (and her sister) and keeping them hostage in the house, cursing Gwen to cackle instead of speak, and turning her home into their own personal slaughterhouse.
Ursula is a "Forest Selkie", a shapeshifting bear with the power to turn into a beautiful woman once she takes off her skin. Zog falls in love with her.
- Beary Funny: Even when Ursula is in human form, she still acts much like a wild bear, much to the bewilderment of everyone else in Zog's court.
- Big Beautiful Woman: Unlike Zog's ex-wives, Ursula is rather large, and she needs Oona's old dresses to be stitched together and enlarged so she can wear them. She's still very beautiful and charming regardless.
- But Now I Must Go: She has to return to the Enchanted Forest after a while, leaving Zog heartbroken.
- Fish out of Water: She is clearly not 100% happy living in Dreamland, with habits that are better suited to life in the woods.
- Godiva Hair: Her hair covers her boobs while she's bathing.
- Interspecies Romance: She's a magical were-bear who falls in love with the human king Zog.
- Meaningful Name: Ursula's name comes from the Latin word ursa, which means "she-bear".
- Shapeshifting Lover: Zog becomes so desperate to keep Ursula with him, that he steals her bearskin and hides it in the castle. Though after realizing how upset Ursula becomes due to being forced to stay human, he returns the skin to her so she can resume living as a bear in the forest.
- Our Werebeasts Are Different: She is a "Forest Selkie"; a member of a race of shapeshifting animals who can change into humans at will. Ursula is normally a bear (which is her true form), unless she removes her bear skin to become a woman.