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Quotes / Sequelitis

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What is the best golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack. What is the worst golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack II.
— Old joke

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    Films — Live-Action 

We're doin' a sequel
That's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows that the sequel's never quite as good

"15 years ago, A mop boy named Melvin Ferd fell into a case full of toxic waste and became a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength, he became The Toxic Avenger, the first superhero from New Jersey! Then came two shitty sequels, sorry about that. This is the real sequel."
The opening narration of Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV

"I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it. They made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."
Wade Wilson, Deadpool (2016) (Ironically, no one is kidnapped in Taken 3.)

"Oh, man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?"
John McClane, Die Hard 2

Ramada: Oh, Topper. I tried to stay away. I thought I was never going to see you again... that you were out of my life. But it's a sequel. I had to come.
Topper: Do you have any idea what the critics will say? 'Same warmed-over characters...'

Teacher: Are you suggesting that someone's trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: Stab 2? Who'd want to do that? Sequels suck!

"Here we go again. ... again."
Tugg Speedman, in the trailer for Scorcher VI, Tropic Thunder

Jubilee: I'm just saying Empire is still the best. It's the most complex, the most sophisticated. Wasn't afraid to have a dark ending.
Scott Summers: Yeah, but come on, if it wasn't for the first one you wouldn't have any of the rest of the movies.
Jean Grey: Well, at least we can agree the third one's always the worst.


    Live-Action TV 

The pain of getting shot nine times doesn't equal
The pain I felt from watchin' all them stupid-ass sequels
MADtv — "50 Cent", "C.R.A.P."

Male announcer: "You'll love the original Grease!"
Female announcer: "Then watch the sequel."
Male announcer: "Then you'll really love the original Grease."
—TVLand ad, doing a little redecorating

"We watched Grease and it was pretty good, but then we watched Grease 2 and I fell asleep."
Finn, Glee


Mike: Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "Godfather's Syndrome" and let you down with number three in the trilogy...
Bill: Terminator!
Kevin: X-Men!
Bill: Shrek!
Kevin: Spider-Man!
Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean!
Mike: ...The Matrix was there, boldly flaunting convention, and sucking in part two!

Mike: So Janosz loves Sigourney Weaver just like Louis Tully did. And then comes to her apartment door, and... knocks on it, and she won't let him in, just like Louis Tully did... This movie SUCKS.
Jay: (laughs) The only movie I can think of that apes the first movie even more closely than this is, like, Teen Wolf Too. The only difference is that he's in college
Mike: He's a boxer.
Jay: He's boxing instead of basketball. But other than that, it is the exact same movie.
Mike: Well, there's been a proven, successful track record of repeating the first movie in a sequel. You're doomed for your third one...
Jay: Yeah, you can't repeat the same thing three times. You can trick people with one sequel.

    Print Media 

Call me hard-hearted, call me cynical, but please don't call me if they ever make Home Alone 3.


"It's like someone deciding to do a Mona Lisa 2, but with a moustache.'


Why is the sequel never equal?
On a Clear Day You Can See Forever, "What Did I Have That I Don't Have?"

    Web Animation 

"So, after six games of Megaman, with some slight changes here and there, people were just like, 'Ah, fuckin' Megawhatever, Megaman 12? What is this, Land Before Time?'"

"Imagine a world where sequels are banned. Would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we'd miss out on genuinely good sequels like Thief 2 or Half-Life 2, but I think that is a small price to pay. Every story would have to be fresh, and the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters likable. With no sequels, there are no franchises, less fandom, so the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all known diseases."

    Web Original 

The game by and large plays like the zombie it is — lifeless, a hair too easy, and somehow lacking all of the perversely brutal charm of the original. The less said about it, the better, really. I think I'll even pass on including a screenshot.
El Sandifer on Battletoads & Double Dragon

Sarah Jessica Parker sort of kind of teased that a Sex and the Retirement Community movie was happening, but Warner Bros. pretty much shat on that rumor by saying that a third one isn’t in the works. Besides, if there were talks for a SATC3 movie, we’d definitely know it. Every Razzie voting member would immediately turn in their membership, because their tolerance for watching dried cinematic turds stops at another SATC movie.

Up until then, I'd always been in with audiences that had a percentage of people who liked the movie...My Highlander II audience, though, was actively disliking the movie. During the love scene, people were groaning and shouting derisive remarks. And when the credits rolled, they didn't just boo, there was a collective growl. I could see the ushers quickly excusing themselves for an extended cigarette break, far, far away from here.

If you want the experience of watching Annihilation, put the original film on, crank up some techno at full blast, and shake your head around really hard while you're watching. You might have more fun that way, too.

'When you got a condition, it’s bad to forget your medicine,' Marv reflected in the original, sounding like a broken man. He repeats the sentiment here, sounding more like he’s offering advice for dealing with a stomach ulcer.

Wolverine was the only one who came out of this thing with people still liking him.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on "X-Men 3: The Last Straw"

So the movie opens the same as the original — with a shot of the house. And it kinda looks like the same house. If that house was cut in half and built in 2009. So yeah, it looked kinda something like the original.

And that’s a theme throughout the movie — stuff is sorta the same.

Only now it’s been stripped of all its humanity and character.

Probably a lot like the bloodsuckers who decided this movie needed to be made.

Of the times I had to stop and think about this movie, it got a tad depressing. You are seeing a group of people in their 30’s who cannot stop living their high school memories. It’s rather pathetic that these people haven’t done anything in the past 13 years they think is so much better than their pie fucking days. Wow.

SquareSoft was now officially a Big Deal. A very Big Deal. Super Mario RPG, Chrono Trigger, and Final Fantasy VI had all been hits, but Final Fantasy VII was a phenomenon. Quite Possibly the Greatest Game Ever Made.

But there was one small issue.

Final Fantasy VIII. There was no avoiding it. It had to happen. Square was now faced with the unenviable task of producing a sequel that could live up to and surpass Quite Possibly the Greatest Game Ever Made.

    Web Videos 

Out of the night
When summer films were shite
Came the movie known as Zorro
It was bold and risque
Zeta-Jones, fuckin' 'A'
Complete straight A's for Zorro
(Zorro! Zorro!)
Winning box office with ease
(Zorro! Zorro!)
His wife a total cocktease
Six years too late
In a cruel twist of fate
Came a less-impressive Zorro
He was drunk and depraved
Made us crave the gay blade
'Twas a sad day for poor Zorro
(Zorro! Zorro!)
With slapstick that just sucks shit
(Zorro! Zorro!)
A kid, goddammit, a kid

Zach Galifianakis: It must kind of stink, though, that you can't run, y'know, three times.
President Obama: Actually, I think it's a good idea. You know, if I ran a third time, it'd be sort of like doing a third Hangover movie. Didn't really work out very well, did it?

Yahtzee: What are your feelings on Ghostbusters II: The Film?
Gabriel: It's the Hangover II of the eighties.

"Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: At a logical endpoint requiring no sequel."
— Keith Phipps's review of Analyze That, AV Club

"Essentially, by having those markings appear on his face as the result of the execution, it's like those markings are meant to be there — put there by some greater power, and The Crow will always have them. Whether it be makeup and paint, or scarred, or even... [groans loudly] ....a sharpie."

"The setting is the present and picks up with Wolverine wandering the earth, still traumatized by the events of X-Men 3. But then, aren't we all still traumatized by X-Men 3?"

"Why was there no subtitle in the movie? They subtitled the last movie. Well, I have an answer: Look under that title. You see that blank, empty space? Let that be an indication of the blank, empty imagination employed within, and the void it left in our hearts."

The Nerd: So there you go. Proof that it sucked, back then!
Past Nerd: Yeah, and I know by your time they're probably up to Mega Man X20.
The Nerd: Nah, Mega Man kinda stopped. The franchise has been...dormant, lately.
Past Nerd: Well, that's good. You never rush out anything just to meet consumer demand. Otherwise you just get shit. Some franchises get done to death. You can't keep beating the same thing into the ground.
Mega Man Games, The Angry Video Game Nerdnote 

"Hello, I'm a British person, and I love the National Lampoon's Vacation movies! (cue slide of Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure) Okay, except that one. (cue European Vacation) And... yeah, maybe that one. (cue Vegas Vacation) Okay, fine: I like less than half of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, okay?"

"Sonic Boom taught me to hate. I thought I hated before Sonic Boom's existence, but I realize that was a child's daydream of loathing... Sega's final insult, Sonic Boom, is a reminder that we're all going to fucking die."

"It's everything it could have been, and it's everything it should have been. The only problem with that is: the only place the series could go from there was someplace...stupid."

When I was playing, particularly during Wrath Of The Lich King, I thought I would be playing World of Warcraft for the rest of my life. Then Cataclysm came out and I didn't think that anymore.

"From Disney, comes the last film in this "X" universe, to remind us that, just like the human body, when a franchise dies, it craps itself. [loud farting sound plays]"

Movie Executive: As a sequel, we're trying to do one very important thing. That's sell toys, sell books, and sell audio tapes. Now the movie itself could be about a blue toothbrush, and as long as we sell the merchandise and keep the suits happy, who cares about the subject matter?
Giant Rat: But, I'd— what if you— what if I don't have a suit?

Ice Age 6: Close Encounter.
Ice Age 7: Meet Scrat.
Ice Age 8: Time Travel.
Ice Age 9: Kill us already.
Ice Age 10: I quit.
Deltravis Williams's Youtube comment on Ice Age 5: Collision Course


Arthur: THREE movies, Newly-Thin Peter Jackson? THREE? The Hobbit was ONE book, with a simpler plot and cast... and geared towards children! YOU DON'T NEED THREE MOVIES, NEWLY-THIN PETER JACKSON. How much material could you possibly squeeze out of that book? What else is left?
Sheldon: "Newly-Thin Peter Jackson"?
Arthur: "The Hobbit Part Four: All the Copyright Pages".

    Western Animation 

Mr. O'Neill: Now, why do you think it is that Tolstoy felt he had to make War and Peace so darned unpleasant? Daria?
Daria: So no one would pester him to do a sequel?
Daria, "Fair Enough"

I, the Sequelizer, can make an infinite number of copies of myself — although each is only 50% as powerful as the one before...
Troy McClure as the Sequelizer, "The Final Collision!", Bartman #3

Bambi II is going into the Disney Vault. After just 70 days on sale, the glorious Bambi II goes into the Disney Vault for 10 years along with Cinderella II, Bambi 2002, Sleeping Beauty III: Lil' Sleepy Meets Aladdin, Hunchback VI: Air Dog Quasi, Mulan VIII: The Prozoids Strike Back, Jungle Book 3.0: Jungle Blog, and 101 Felations.

Bill the Lab Guy: Wait, you can't. Not just for me, but for the love of science, the love of knowledge, the love of... Sequels.
Captain: Sequels? Cancel that order, Gunner. We've got a franchise to protect!
The Action League: YAY!!!!!!
Narrator: Not nearly the end!

"We now return to the Disney Channel's exclusive presentation of Aladdin V: Jafar Answers The Census."

Leslie: How do I look?
Darwin: You know how when you go to the movies and you think, "The sequel can't possibly be worse!" Well, it's like the tenth movie.

"Baby Dooky Dum Dum 6? That movie's the worst! I mean, 1 through 3 were good, but MAN! They lost the plot after 4!"

    Real Life 

"You can't top pigs with pigs."
Walt Disney's response to the failures of the three follow up shorts of The Three Little Pigs.

"When The Final Chapter was offered to me, I was like, 'I don't really want to do Friday the 13th.' Eventually, I only did it because of Amy Steel — she talked me into it. And I thought it was really cool because it was The Final Chapter. In my mind, I thought, 'Oh, I'll be in the last one. That's kind of cool. These things are famous.' Little did I know."
Peter Barton

David Letterman: There was a Ghostbusters II, wasn’t there?
Bill Murray: Technically, yes.

"It was just a situation in life where I got the script and I read the script and I was like ‘ugggghhh.’ It was about a cruise ship and I was thinking, ‘A bus, a cruise ship… Speed, bus, but then a cruise ship is even slower than a bus and I was like, ‘I love you guys but I just can’t do it.'”
Keanu Reeves on declining $12 million to star in Speed 2: Cruise Control

"The Trekkies, they did get a little freaked out. I think they've come to realize that I did them a favor... My god, how many more of these things? Patrick Stewart spouting off for another forty minutes? Jesus, I mean, if you find that exciting, go watch paint dry. Oh god, is somebody photographing...? This is going to be on the bloody Internet, isn't it?"

"There has just been too much Star Trek for a while. I remember the moment the franchise peaked. The moment, to me, was when Kirk and Picard were on the cover of TIME Magazine. I literally walked in the next day to the office and said, ‘We have peaked. It’s down hill for quite a while from here.’ You reached this kind of critical mass in popular imagination. You were now on the cover of TIME, and all the old stuff about the Trekkies was kind of gone by the wayside. It had gone from being a subculture of a subculture, to now this legitimate nationwide phenomenon. It was Americana. Kirk and Picard are big heroes, and everyone loves them. You can’t sustain that, so it just started falling off."

"I think we're going to carry the Ice Ages up to Ice Age 15, which means basically they'll be in the present decade."

"As we all know, sequels can be tricky."

"I pointedly avoid doing sequels, since for the most part I find that a sequel rarely steps up to the original."

"There are so few good comedy sequels. The only one in recent memory that's good is 22 Jump Street. It's a hard genre."
Nicholas Stoller

"The deals that they make you do are so draconian. And, of course, you are signed on for not only the movie that you are signed on for … but at least two more that you haven’t read and you have no idea what they are going to be, and all the crossover ones you are going to have to do. For me to sign on now to do a superhero movie would mean I would be working until I am 50 as that particular superhero."
Jon Hamm on turning down a superhero film role

"What we were trying to do on Highlander was the best show possible, and to make it great. What we were trying to do on Raven was survive."
David Abramowitz, The Unraveling of a Series (Highlander: The Raven featurette)


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