It is Hell knowing that your health
Will keep you out of here for many, many years"
So you've died and Death Isn't Cheap. Luckily, you led a good life and go to Heaven. It's perfect in nearly every way, except for one thing. And that one thing makes Heaven damn near Hell.
It's not about Heaven being bad in general, it's about how things are bad for one person. For example, maybe Heaven has a strict No Pets Allowed policy. While for some people being in a place with animal-less Christians would be wonderful, others may miss their pet. Another possibility is that their significant other is in hell; they may think it's worse than being down there with them. Anyway, heaven without them is "a hell of heaven".
Of course, one of the most common complaints against Fluffy Cloud Heaven is that it would be soul-crushingly boring. Especially when even the tiniest amounts of free thought and pleasure carry huge risks of sin. There may also be some Getting Smilies Painted on Your Soul to mitigate this, but is that really any better?
In this trope the actual heaven is horrible in their view, so do not confuse it with This Isn't Heaven! Compare Infernal Paradise for when it's only horrible for outsiders to the faith and contrast A Hell of a Time for when hell is fun for a specific person. See also Rerouted from Heaven, when they're in the wrong afterlife. Subtrope of Esoteric Happy Ending.
- An odd example occurs in Puella Magi Oriko Magica in the epilogue, where Oriko is so burdened by guilt from an act she committed in a past life that she can't move without the help of her accomplice, Kirika.
- Bleach intends to reconstruct the trope with the Soul Society. Thanks to Ichigo, several characters including Head Captain Yamamoto have changed from their centuries-long rule, villainous criminals like Aizen are brought down, and what used to be a Crapsack World of an afterlife is now becoming A World Half Full.
- In Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection F, world-destroying crime lord Frieza is found in the afterlife assigned to a colorful world where fairies and little critters happily sing and dance all day long. Frieza, meanwhile, is bound inside of a cocoon, unable to escape but able to see everything — and loathes every second of his time there. That being said, he was likely assigned there, the folks in charge knowing full well it would be the place Frieza would hate the most.
- Rhudiprrt: Prince of Fur starts out like this. The recently deceased human protagonist refuses to follow his "spirit guide" to the human afterlife (heavily implied but not quite outright stated to be Fluffy Cloud Heaven) upon discovering that he won't get to meet his beloved pet cat there again because animals aren't allowed in, and ultimately ends up on the planet of anthropomorphic cats where she has been reincarnated — in the body originally belonging to the title character. (A flashback in a later issue shows another inhabitant of the human afterlife complaining about the place being boring as well.)
- The Chronicles of Wormwood:
Bomber: The changing of seventy-two diapers! The projectile sick that splatters in my eyes, my mouth! The hundred and forty-four beady little eyes that are ever upon me—it is not what I expected! It is a cruel trick upon the faithful! I mean Allah Akbar and everything, obviously, but—
- One issue involves a road trip to Heaven where one of the residents is a suicide bomber whose promised seventy-two virgins turn out to be infants that he's apparently stuck caring for.
- An inversion is also seen when they visit Hell: a child molester is so overjoyed to see his little victims waiting for him, he doesn't notice that they have mandibles opening on their backs...
- Subverted in The Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye. The Afterspark, when first encountered, turns out to be just generally kind of boring. Some people, such as Cyclonus, get what they most want, but Rodimus is depressed that he didn't get to finish off Getaway first, Ratchet refuses to accept it from the get-go, and Whirl cracks that if he'd known death was like this he wouldn't have bothered courting it. And then it turns out that they're not actually in the Afterspark at all; it's a medical facility, specialising in palliative care and euthanasia, that's gone badly out of control and is having a hard time providing a plausible afterlife to please all of Team Rodimus; it gets even worse when the Scavengers turn up and collapse the whole procedure.
Rodimus: Dunno about you guys, but I'm giving the Afterspark a big thumbs down. Two Matrixes out of five. Would not visit again.
- Herman Hedning:
- God once did a trial run of Armageddon, whisking Lilleman and Gammelman off to Heaven and dumping Herman in Hell. Heaven turns out to be pretty boring, as you're just given wings and a cellphone to play with, and that's about it. Lilleman even asks to do some gardening, one of his hobbies in life, and the angels just tell him things like plantlife isn't allowed in Heaven's unbroken perfection due to the inherent chaos in biological life. Somewhat justified, since this is just a very early Alpha version of Heaven, and there's only a handful of souls around at the moment. God eventually cancels it and goes back to the drawing board.
- In another version, God was playing around with the idea that the reward in Heaven would be the ability to fly, and strips it away from any mortal beings who currently have it, even birds, and even erases everyone's memory of it. It ended up being a pretty half-assed job though, and it's also reversed.
- The Far Side featured a man in Heaven who realizes that all Heaven gives you is a halo, robe and your own fluffy cloud to sit on for eternity, and thinks to himself: "I wish I'd brought a magazine".
- In one strip of Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin wonders if there are tigers in heaven, since it would be impossible to be happy if one was constantly under threat of a tiger attack, but heaven would be bland if there were no tigers at all. Finally, he guesses that maybe tigers just don't eat people in heaven, but Hobbes complains that the tigers wouldn't be happy.
- In the Good Omens fanfic Its Own Place, the angel Aziraphale's personal Hell turns out to be Heaven. The real kicker is that he doesn't even realize he's actually on Hell's torture roster because its version of Heaven is exactly as he remembers it, and he expected to be lonely and miserable there After the End (because Crowley isn't th—er, because Heaven is mind-numbingly boring compared to Earth), which makes this overlap with Self-Inflicted Hell.
- All Dogs Go to Heaven:
- The first film features a bit of this; Charlie is shocked to learn that in heaven there are no surprises, and sings about how he'd prefer to live unpredictably.
- All Dogs Go to Heaven 2. After the events of the first movie the dog Charlie B. Barkin is in Heaven. However, he's bored with the place and wants to return to Earth. He gets his chance when Carface (Charlie's enemy) steals Gabriel's Horn and goes back to Earth. Charlie is sent after him on a mission to retrieve the Horn.
- Used in the "Captain Stormalong" segment of The Adventures of Mark Twain. Captain Stormalong of California, Earth, accidentally finds himself in an alien heaven, which is shown as a loud, colorful nightclub full of bizarre creatures. He's eventually ushered to his own Christian heaven, which...isn't really all that great either. It's portrayed as a solemn, peaceful place of worship.
- Implied to be this in Kubo and the Two Strings. The Moon King, ruler of the Heavens and Kubo's grandfather, seeks to steal Kubo's eye (having taken one at infancy) so that he can be "cold, and hard, and 'perfect'" and come live in the Heavens with him. The Moon King and his daughters are portrayed as being Jerkass Gods with nothing but contempt for the humans they rule over, calling the Earth "Hell" while actively making everything hard for the mortals that live there, lacking "humanity" themselves. The Heavens are implied to be nothing but a cold, unchanging eternity because of this. Played With, as a different, more blissful place is also mentioned as the true resting place of the dead who return en masse at the climax to help Kubo defeat the Moon King, implying the Moon is separate from the afterlife.
- What Dreams May Come has a doctor who goes to heaven after a car accident. Some time later he finds out that his wife, consumed by grief at his death and those of their children (who had died prior to him) committed suicide. Because the afterlife is self-constructed, her suicide means she is too wrapped up in grief and misery to join him in the Heaven he has been building, instead creating a dark corner of Hell in which to punish herself (forever). Without her, Heaven just ain't all that heavenly, and so he decides to go to hell to retrieve her, all Orpheus-style. He even decides to stay with her there when it becomes clear that even he can't save her. Ironically enough, this Heroic Sacrifice snaps her out of it and she ends up saving them both after he's given up hope
- In Heathers, the first Heather to die is seen later in a dream. She complains that Heaven is so boring.
- In 50 Percent Grey, Heaven is an endless grey plain, marked only by a fancy TV explaining where you are and why. Purgatory and Hell are exactly the same, except the TV is cheaper and the explanation is different.
- The psychotic main character in Unspeakable hallucinates that his dead daughter is speaking to him from beyond the grave, claiming that Heaven is terrible and God Is Evil.
- This joke that turns the pitch of Heaven as a paradise on its head:
Religious Person: You're going to Hell.
Irreligious Person: What's in Hell?
Religious Person: People like you.
Irreligious Person: What's in Heaven?
Religious Person: People like me.
Irreligious Person: You really need to work on your threats.
- Erewhon Revisited discusses this trope at length and suggests that heaven would have to be a place of continual pleasant surprises. The example the book provides is that, when you first get there, the angel on duty should tell you that your luggage was sent to another part of heaven, or even hell, but when you get to your room, it should be waiting there for you.
- Job: A Comedy of Justice. After the Rapture, Alex Hergensheimer ends up in Heaven. However, his love Margrethe is not with him because she worshiped the deities of Norse Mythology. He eventually decides to leave Heaven to search for her.
- The idea is put forth in Paradise Lost. After losing the war, Satan states that "The mind is its own place, and in itself, Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven." This counts as the Trope Namer and possibly the Laconic version. At its heart, this trope isn't that Heaven is a horrible place, just that, for some people, it isn't perfect. It isn't Heaven. It's Hell.
- C. S. Lewis puts forth the same idea in The Problem of Pain: the reason people go to Hell is because their own actions have warped their minds to the point that Heaven would be Hell to them.
- In Good Omens, we get the impression from Crowley that Heaven's a boring place with few composers, theaters and films. "Listen, the point is that when the bird has worn the mountain down to nothing, right then...then you still wouldn't have finished watching The Sound of Music. And you'll enjoy it. Heaven has no taste. And not a single decent sushi restaurant."
- "Well, Hell was worse, by definition. But Crowley, who had spent time in both places, could see that they had a lot in common. You couldn't get a decent drink in either place, for example. And the boredom you got in Heaven was as bad as the excitement you got in Hell."
- Many fanworks have Aziraphale feeling the same way, usually because he's become so used to living on Earth with his bookstore and Crowley's company for so long that he feels like an outsider in Heaven. One fanfic even showed Aziraphale being utterly miserable in Heaven After the End, only to then drop the bombshell that he had actually been on Hell's torture roster all along, meaning that Heaven was literally his personal Hell.
- Susie in The Lovely Bones is in Heaven, but it seems like a rather dull place, and she's absolutely miserable missing her family and watching them grow up without her.
- Justified in that the version of "Heaven" Susie and others are in is implied to be a preliminary stage before the soul moves on. Although it's a wonderful place in theory—it is shaped by the desires of its inhabitants, so that Susie is able to attend an idealized version of the high school she looked forward to entering while she was alive—it's inherently a place for those who have yet to let go of their old lives and who have not yet ceased to watch their living friends and family carry on without them. Only by resolving these issues can Susie go to the true Heaven, and she's working with an assigned psychiatrist to that end.
- Richard Matheson's novel What Dreams May Come, source of the aforementioned Film of the Book.
- In one of his speeches (published 1910), Mark Twain commented, "Heaven for climate, and Hell for society."
- Twain's short story Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven lampoons the cloud and harp heaven — his story's heaven gives the newly-arrived people a chance to try this, since it's what they expect, to get it out of their system. They are quickly bored by it and ask if there is anything else.
- He spoofs the trope again in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when Huck gets a lesson on heaven from Miss Watson and is deeply unimpressed by the idea of wearing a white robe and playing a harp for eternity. When he asks her whether his friend Tom Sawyer will be there and she responds with an emphatic negative, he's glad because he figures he won't be there either.
- In Jitterbug Perfume, one character travels to the afterlife or at least the first stage where souls are weighed and measured (as in Egyptian mythology). Those souls which aren't sent for reincarnation/recycling, instead board a giant wooden ship that sails over the distant horizon (and back to pick up new souls). The decks are covered in people, sitting at tables, standing around, discussing all matter of things, and generally carrying on. One side of the ship has the name "HEAVEN" painted on it, the other side says "HELL", because for some such a fate would be a reward while others would see it as punishment. Either way, only the most "interesting" people are sent to the ship, and its unclear if they are able to disembark at whatever location lies over the horizon.
- In Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality series, Satan takes a trip up to Heaven to speak with the management, and notes that every single layer of it is insanely boring; one soul he brought with him even requests to go back to Hell, because at least all his friends are there. Because of the repeated errors in classification of souls, he sets up a 'mock Heaven' in Hell geared towards what he thinks Heaven should be like: it becomes very popular indeed. The angel Gabriel, the chief administrator, also takes his advice and starts reforms of Heaven to make it more palatable to those there.
- In Angel, the first words we hear from Cordelia in Heaven are: "God, I'm bored."
- The Twilight Zone (1959)
- "The Hunt" plays with this trope. A recently dead hunter is walking a long road and comes across the path to Heaven when a "gatekeeper" tells him that his dog can't go in with him. After some debating and considering things, the hunter chooses to continue down the road with his canine companion rather than enter Heaven. Soon afterwards, an angel tells him that the gatekeeper was trying to trick him into Hell, which is why the dog wasn't allowed in: "A man, well, he'll walk right into Hell with both eyes open. But even the Devil can't fool a dog!" The hunter and his dog enter the real Heaven together.
- "A Nice Place To Visit" plays with this again. A low level criminal named Rocky is killed by police soon after robbing a jewelry store. He is greeted by an affable guide named Pip who takes him to a lavish hotel room and offers him his hearts desires, from nice clothing, to booze, to women. Seeing all the niceties and good things, Rocky realizes this must be Heaven, but is confused as he doesn't remember doing anything of great good to merit being there. After a month, the good times have gotten boring. He always wins at roulette, always hits jackpot on the slots, one shot on a pool table and he sinks all the balls, he can rob a bank and not get caught; even the easy women now bore him, to his surprise. Rocky is really beyond bored and nearly driven insane by how good things are for him. It turns out, though, This Isn't Heaven. It is an Ironic Hell constructed for a man of greed and pride to now receive all he can ever hope for and more with none of the satisfaction of taking it.
- In the first season of Blackadder, Edmund, having been appointed the Archbishop of Canterbury, uses this trope along with A Hell of a Time to convince a wealthy landowner that Heaven is only for pious people and Hell is where all the fun happens. This convinces the man to leave all his holdings to the king and, in so doing, damn himself to Hell.
- This is essentially the premise of The Good Place: the main character is wrongly sent to Heaven, where her less-than-good nature wreaks havoc on her neighborhood. And then things get worse. And then Season 1 ends with The Reveal that This Isn't Heaven—she and the other humans were chosen as part of an experimental Ironic Hell designed to make them torture each other for all eternity.
- It's then played straight in the series' penultimate episode "Patty": after much trials, tribulations, and ultimately reforming the afterlife, the heroes are able to officially go to the Good Place, being the first humans to do so in over 500 years... and they quickly find out Heaven is not all that it's cracked up to be. The humans that have already made it there have grown bored from the lack of anything new to do, and getting anything and everything they could ever want has lost its novelty to them. The titular Patty herself is Hypatia of Alexandria, who's undergone severe Sanity Slippage that's caused her brain to become a puddle of mush as she can't even wrap her mind around basic mathematics anymore (in life, she was a brilliant mathematician). Even the committee who run the Good Place are miserable as they're unable to fulfill their function and are at a loss over how to fix this. Thus, the Soul Squad has to find yet another solution to this issue.
- The group's experiment on 4 test subjects to determine if humans actually can improve in the afterlife functions as this to the unwitting participants, and even relies on it in the last few minutes of the experiment, when Eleanor and Michael use this to their advantage by letting Chidi and Brent "realize" and believe they were in The Bad Place the whole time so that Brent would finally realize he's a bad person, so that he'll have a last-minute point boost.
- Supernatural: Heaven seems great on paper, but is essentially one gigantic Lotus-Eater Machine when examined. Everyone gets their own private "room" where they get to relive their fondest memories. Unfortunately, since everybody gets a private room, this means a person never gets to see their loved ones again and has to experience the rest of eternity completely alone with only their memories playing on repeat to bring them happiness. Sam and Dean come to the conclusion that Heaven is actually pretty crappy once they see it for themselves. In the second-to-last episode, when someone new takes over God's powers, the first thing he does is shatter the walls so the residents of Heaven can see one another again.
- In one episode of Talk Heathen, Eric asks a caller if he'd be happy in Heaven knowing that those he knew personally were suffering in Hell simply for not believing in God.
- Lucifer (2016): Eve, the first woman and wife of Adam, hated being stuck in Heaven because it was so boring. She tried to make her afterlife more interesting by greeting the new arrivals but their stories about life on Earth made her realise how much she was missing out on. When she finds her way back to Earth she promptly becomes The Hedonist to make up for lost time.
- In Good Omens (2019), Heaven is shown to be a sterile, soulless place run by Jerkass angels that's little better than Hell which at least doesn't pretend to be a good place.
- A minor example in "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Everything You Know Is Wrong". The narrator dies in the final verse, and almost doesn't get into Heaven because he doesn't meet the dress code. St. Peter decides to let him in anyway, but assigns him the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity (implying that Heaven is basically a cheap motel), and screams the chorus to the song outside his room every day.
- Played for dark laughs in Sparks' song "Here in Heaven", narrated by the successful half of a suicide pact.
- The Talking Heads song "Heaven" describes Heaven as being rather monotonous. "Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens..."
- The Hank Williams Jr. Song "If Heaven Ain't a Lot Like Dixie".
- The premise of the Sonata Arctica song "Alone in Heaven" focuses on the potential loneliness of heaven. "Can this be heaven, if my best friends burn in hell?"
- Townes Van Zandt's "You Are Not Needed Now": "heaven ain't bad but you don't get nothing done."
- Frazier Chorus- Heaven is about exactly this. As one stanza says:
"nobody's happy in Heaven, and that God is a bore and his son is annoying as well. Of the games you could play you're stuck with Monopoly day after day, you'd be just as happy in hell"
- The Jonathan Coulton song "Don't Feed the Trolls" has lines that allude to something like this.
Lucy had a steamboatSteamboat had a bellLucy went to heavenShe still felt like hellSo she only gave it two stars"Worst place ever"
- Apparently the viewpoint of late 7th-century Frisian king Radbod. He was drawn to the Christian faith and was about to be baptized by St. Wulfram of Sens, who was a missionary to Friesland at the time. When he asked where his pagan ancestors were, St. Wulfram responded that they were in Hell. Disgusted, Radbod declared "I will go to hell with my ancestors rather than be in heaven without them" and dismissed St. Wulfram. However, it is said that when Radbod was on the verge of dying, he changed his mind and sought baptism from St. Willibrord, another missionary, but unfortunately died before his arrival.
- Older Than Feudalism: One version of the classic Indian epic Mahabharata has a very similar scene to the Twilight Zone example.
- Eastern Orthodox and Oriental Orthodox Churches teach that Heaven and Hell are within the same realm, which is in the presence of God. The damned would needless to say absolutely hate Heaven, since through their warped, sinful perspective and indifference to their creator, they would see the divine light not as loving but identify it as the fires of hell. It possibly overlaps with Good Hurts Evil, since being in God's presence is supposed to be one of the rewards for the people in Heaven. Presumably it's harmful to the damned on this view.
- The New Testament's Parable of the Great Banquet shows that its easy to get to Heaven, and just as easy to get kicked out because the Kingdom of Heaven is God's home, its not your home. As Jesus explains, a king orders a marriage feast for his son, and sent out his servants to usher in the poor and outcast when the original invitees prove themselves unworthy. But the king throws a guest (a tramp) out into the dark simply because he didn't have the right attire on.
- The poem Paul Bunyan, by Shel Silverstein has this line, right after the titular character emerges from the grave.
- "Y'know, bein' dead wasn't no fun at all"...says Paul. / He says, "Up in heaven they got harps on their knees, / They got clouds and wings but they got no trees. / I don't think that's much of a heaven at all"...says Paul. / So he jumps on his ox with a fare-thee-well, / He says, "I'll find out if there's trees in hell."
- The title character of Dante Gabriel Rossetti's poem "The Blessed Damozel," who is in heaven, but is sad because her lover is still on earth (although this is an understated example, because the poem implies they will eventually be happily reunited).
- The setting has a plane of existence for each Character Alignment; Upper Planes, the Good ones, are each a kind of heaven. (Though see also Infernal Paradise.) It's specifically noted in source material that people of other alignments may not find them to their liking. How well is a Chaotic Neutral person going to get along with the way a Lawful Good world works? Then again, it's likely that most will prefer them to the Lower Planes, as well as Limbo, since there is a difference between a physically inherently hostile and nice environment. (But see Infernal Paradise again.)
- Mount Celestia is a rather dangerous place for even the most virtuous mortals to enter, as all portals leading to it lead to the Silver Sea that borders the first layer. While this ocean is sweet, fresh (not salt) water, first-time visitors are often unprepared, and risk drowning. fortunately, the zovari inhabit this sea; charitable creatures, they rescue anyone in danger of drowning except obvious threats. In fact, the ocean's purpose may be to defend Celestia. Even an army of demons would be decimated trying to get past an ocean of holy water.
- In The Adding Machine, Zero winds up in a place called the Elysian Fields, which appears to be the happy place where bad people go after they die. Though he and Daisy have the option of remaining there forever, Zero doesn't like it having to "mix with people that ain't respectable" and wants out. The man who killed his mother and accompanies Zero to this place wonders where's the eternal torment he feels he deserves.
- After Ascension was introduced in Kingdom of Loathing, up until a revamp in May 2011 Valhalla was just a waiting room for adventurers who had Ascended, where they could either reincarnate and start again as a level 1 adventurer or go through a few non-combat adventures about how boring the afterlife is: the restaurants serve nothing but tasteless health food (rice cake, to be exact), and there's nothing to do but play card games (which are rendered pointless by the fact that everyone plays for infinite stakes with infinite amounts of money, and in some cases infinite amounts of cards), chat with your ancestors (who are largely jerks), or contemplate the infinite (which at least leads to you getting stoned, playing Battleship with Death, fooling around with a Magic 8-Ball, or indulging in a parody of The Matrix).
- Touhou's version of Heaven was so dull to Tenshi Hinanawi that she decided starting an incident on the surface, just so she could get beat up by mortals as punishment, would be more fun. She's also snubbed by the other celestial beings for her unorthodox ascension as a small child (since she hadn't developed the virtues to earn or properly appreciate her place in Heaven).
- Afterlife (1996) makes heaven look like a cross between an upmarket retirement home and a very expensive but slightly tacky theme park. There's an actual game mechanic about siphoning "ad infinitum" from the rocks scattered around the place (because they're infinitely heavy; apparently The Powers That Be had to test the Omnipotence Paradox a whole lot and just left them lying around afterwards) to make everything feel new and interesting all the time, which is really kind of creepy when you think about it.
- In The Elder Scrolls most prominent Creation Myth, Lorkhan, one of the et'Ada ("original spirits") convinced/tricked some of his fellow et'Ada to sacrifice a large portion of their power in order to create Mundus, the mortal plane. Most races of Mer (Elves) view this as a malevolent act which robbed the pre-creation spirits of their divinity and forced them into a mortal prison where they experience loss and suffering. However, the races of Men generally view pre-creation as the "prison", consisting of unchanging stasis. Lorkhan, in a benevolent act, freed the spirits from this prison, giving them the opportunity to achieve enlightenment and greater ascension in Mundus.
- In Helltaker, the protagonist can accidentally end up in Heaven if he picks the wrong choice when talking to Azazel. While a nice place, the whole point behind going into Hell in the first place was to get a harem of demon girls, which is impossible now that he's in Heaven. Also, the angels are dressed in very familiar clothing.
- In The Saga of Biorn by The Animated Workshop, Christian Fluffy Cloud Heaven is presented as equivalent to the Norse Helheim, the home of the unworthy dead who die of old age or disease. Both are essentially tranquil and unchanging places, anathema to the main character who is seeking an honourable death in battle so he can spend eternity in Valhalla. After many failures at finding a worthy opponent, he suffers a mortal blow while defending a convent of nuns from a giant. As Biorn excitedly ascends the stairs to Valhalla, the nuns repay him posthumously with a Christian burial, causing the gates of Valhalla to change into the gates of Fluffy Cloud Heaven just as he reaches the top of the stairs.
- This was the fate of the villain Malikar from Puffin Forest. He got sent to a random plane of existence and through seer chance happened to land on the worst possible place for him to be, Mount Celestia, the equivalent of heaven. Angels immediately arrest him and throw him in a heavenly prison guarded by baby seals, keeping him from returning to threaten the world for a very long time.
- In Casey and Andy, Andy was punished by being forced into heaven. His girlfriend is Satan, so Hell would not be a punishment for him. But then...
- In one strip of The Non-Adventures of Wonderella, Wonderella ends up in Heaven, but wills herself back to life after being unable to deal with the fact that in Heaven everyone wears sandal socks.
- Sacrimony: Every soul is judged by the goddess of death, and sent to a specific 'district' based on whichever vice or virtue they represent the most; sinners have greater weight in their vices than their virtues, while the virtuous may need some slight moral failings to concentrate on a single virtue they value above all others. The problem is, they're all treated like mentally-ill patients by said goddess, and she refuses to let them decide where they want to go, even if they would rather go to Dusk than stay separated from their family forever. The Loyal's district in particular is an outright Infernal Paradise. This is implicitly a side effect of the pantheon being psychologically broken by the first apocalypse.
- Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal:
- This strip theorizes that Heaven is this for St. Peter.
- According to this one it's only hell for philosophers who overthink the This Isn't Heaven trope.
- This one has this trope as the reason a character doesn't believe in Heaven, until his friend convinces him by saying it's the kind of place where everyone knows the intentions behind your screwups instead of jumping to conclusions.
- Existential Comics: Arthur Schopenhauer dies and goes to heaven, and it's perfect in every way. Problem is, Schopenhauer is a philosopher of pessimism who thinks that existence is suffering, so an afterlife — any afterlife, even an absolutely perfect one — is hell to him. He does decide to give it a chance when he finds some music he likes, but he quickly gets bored of that.
- One HATEFARM strip shows an Atheist let into heaven, as "there was a special on." However, he has to spend the rest of forever talking to a Jehova's Witness. There is Funny Background Event of Jesus trying extremely hard not to laugh at him.
- Men in Hats had a strip where The Fundamentalist Samuel is trying to convince Gamal to convert to his brand of fundamentalist Christianity with threat of the Rapture.
Samual: You can either spend eternity in heaven with me, or be left behind with the likes of Aram and Jeriah!
Gamal: I have to say, you've managed to make an impressively poor case for eternal salvation.
Samuel: Mayor Jeb will be in Heaven also.
Gamal: So, so poor.
- In Narbonic, Mell Kelly gets assumed bodily into Heaven (It Makes Sense in Context), and when she gets back, says it's pretty nice, but ultimately quite boring. "But do they ever get crabby about declaring fruit..." Being Mell, she might be trolling the rest of the cast, though Caliban (a fallen angel) seems to agree with her.
- I'm the Grim Reaper: Brooke got into purgatory, which is still considered paradise to some because it's a lush environment without the stench of death and you get to talk to a bunch of other non-saint non-sinners... but other than that, it's no different than the first circle of Hell; pointless, endless, and empty. Brooke decided to become a Reaper just so he could have something, anything, to work towards, and used getting his sister out of Hell as an excuse for his hard work.
- In The Salvation War, an afterlife in Heaven means eternal menial servitude to the angels. Better than the tortures of Hell, but if you were the kind of person who qualified for Heaven you're in for a rude shock. Meanwhile, the famous bounty of Heaven consists entirely of "enough food, good weather, no wars and livable housing", the latter still being hovels by modern standards. One character speculates that when Yahweh closed the gates of Heaven centuries ago, he did it because what it offered was no longer certain to be a paradise compared to Earth.
- There is a creepypasta where a soul ascends to Heaven and is captivated by its majesty and beauty, only to soon discover that the fate of all who ascends to Paradise is to spent eternity just mindlessly praising God (a reference to actual scripture by the way), with an angel telling him this is mankind's sole purpose of existence, and the main character notices that many souls have long since resorted to endlessly repeating God's name rather than actual worship. And Hell is almost exactly the same, except you're also on fire.
- In another creepypasta named "The Heaven Project", "Heaven" is little more than a slaughterhouse. There are two fates that may await you there: either become God's food, or become an angel, which basically just entails getting wings sloppily stitched to your back and getting to work processing said food. There is allegedly no Hell. It's left up to the reader's imagination whether this is the actual "Heaven", the other place passing itself off as Heaven, or possibly even just some kind of sick cult on Earth, as no explicitly supernatural powers are ever displayed by anyone at any point.
- In yet another creepypasta called "In Heaven", it is shown that everybody goes to Heaven when they die, no matter their religion. Even non-religious people go there. Unfortunately, once you've arrived, God turns you into a mindless zombie, incapable of cognitive thought, with your sole purpose being to worship Him forever. It's also implied Hell doesn't exist, since Satan and his angels were made to suffer in Heaven as God's throne.
- On South Park Satan got God to do him a favor: let Saddam Hussein into Heaven, which is otherwise populated entirely by Mormons. Being surrounded by Mormons was torture to Hussein. Later on, Saddam took over and started building WMDs.
- The Simpsons:
- In the episode "I'm Going to Praiseland", a gas leak causes people to have visions of their own personal Heaven. Disco Stu's vision is, obviously, a nightclub full of disco music, dancers... and Frank Sinatra.
Sinatra: For me, this is Hell. Ya dig, pally?
- In one of the "Treehouse of Horror" Halloween episodes, Ned Flanders is killed and as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he announces that he can see Heaven. He is very surprised when Confucius and Milton Berle are there to greet him.
Ned: Boy, have I been barking up the wrong tree. [dies]
- When Homer erroneously predicts Armageddon in "Thank God It's Doomsday" after seeing a Left Behind movie and the Springfield residents are infuriated when it doesn't occur like he predicted, he gets taken to Fluffy Cloud Heaven in the rapture, only to be miserable knowing that his family and friends are suffering on Earth. He starts vandalizing Heaven, persuading God to rewind time ("Superman did it!") and postpones the end of the world.
- In an episode where Bart and Homer convert to Catholicism, Marge is at first happy they found religion, but Reverend Lovejoy says that different faiths means different afterlives. Marge then imagines herself alone and miserable in Protestant Heaven, which is filled entirely with upper-class WASPs playing tennis and croquet, while Homer and Bart party it up for all eternity with the Irish, Italians, and Mexicans in Catholic Heaven.
- In the episode "I'm Going to Praiseland", a gas leak causes people to have visions of their own personal Heaven. Disco Stu's vision is, obviously, a nightclub full of disco music, dancers... and Frank Sinatra.
- An episode of Bob and Doug had an old man die and go to dog heaven. It doesn't seem so bad at first, but it eventually does get annoying.
- On American Dad!, Francine renounces her belief in God when her pastor tells her that Roger, who the family thinks has died, wouldn't get into Heaven. (Which doesn't make much sense, since Francine, unable to admit that Roger was an alien, claimed he was a pet, so it's not like the pastor's claim was necessarily valid. Nor does he even care.)
Freddy: Yeah, you got to kill those sometimes.
- Except that claim's also been around for a long while, based on the belief that only humans have souls, therefore only humans can go to Heaven.
- In another episode, Jesus comes back and recognizes Roger as one of his father's side projects. Roger is not amused.
- Dog Heaven appears in another episode, and it's pretty nice outside of the Sea Monsters.
- Stan, during a trip to Heaven, asks a woman there why she is working as a waitress, and gets the response, "Oh, no. I'm a slave."
- On Futurama, "The Beast With A Billion Backs", Leela insists the Fluffy Cloud Heaven the sentient universe Yivo brought the whole population of the universe to is actually a bad place to live, but its implied she's just complaining for the sake of it. "Okay, I admit that everyone's happy, but it's all so wholesome. And that's what's wrong with heaven! It's boring! There's no sleaze!" Naturally, this observation is immediately followed by everyone running off to Mattress Island to indulge in a perfect jealousy-free orgy of Idealized Sex.
- In a gag in Family Guy, a jihadist suicide bomber arrives in Fluffy Cloud Heaven ready to meet his 72 virgins. A second later we see a bunch of guys on laptops playing Magic: The Gathering. The bomber's response, "OSAMA!!!"
- Parodied in Robot Chicken where a man is killed by a car accident and arrives in a Heaven riddled with killers, pedophiles, and Adolf Hitler (though presumably they have repented). He can't handle that it's so lax to get in and is sent back to Earth by an angel... back into his dead mangled body.
- Played for Laughs in Beavis And Butthead when Beavis is having a Near-Death Experience and finds himself at the gates of heaven in front of Saint Peter. Unsurprisingly, after having his life reviewed he doesn't get in, and is cast into the lake of fire which he finds much more enjoyable.
Beavis: So, like, in heaven, will all the chicks do whatever I want?Saint Peter: No.Beavis: That sucks! Do I get X-Ray Vision? Do I get some nachos?Saint Peter: No.Beavis: Are you sure this is heaven?
- As far as Christopher Hitchens is concerned, if there was a Heaven, it wouldn't be any better than Hell. Specifically, his view is that, if the Abrahamic religions are accurate, "you'll get tapped on the shoulder and told 'Great news, this party's going on forever, and you can't leave. You've got to stay, the Boss says so, and he also insists that you have a good time.'" In other places, he described heaven as an even more oppressive version of North Korea.
- Isaac Asimov once said:
"I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."
- Neil Degrasse Tyson tweeted:
"If there is a cat heaven, and there are mice in cat heaven, then it must be mouse hell."
- Discussed in Alter Net's "10 Reasons Christian Heaven Would Actually Be Hell"