Funny / DC Abridged Universe Movies

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Justice League War Abridged

• The trailer for the Justice League: War parody, which is basically one big The Avengers (2012) parody. Then at the end we hear Superman's voice-over:
  Superman: No, it's not gonna be like Avengers. Pretty close though.
• The beginning has the news report on the alien attacks.
  News Reporter: More reports are coming in all over the country of violent attacks from the alien invader. He's reported to be mostly wearing blue or red cape and said look like a total douche. If you see him, don't try to engage him. He's considered extremely dangerous not to mention completely misguided, I mean the guy single-handedly burned down all the Taco Bells in five cities. For the love of God, someone stop Superman!!
• Green Lantern hailing Batman using his ring to form the Batsignal, only for it to run flat.
  Green Lantern: (ring fizzes out) Ah crap, forgot to charge this thing. Inbrightestdayinblackestnightnoevilshallescapemysightforthosewhoworshipevil'smightbewaremypowergreenlanternslight! (signal starts up) Ah there we go!!
• After the encounter with the mook posing as Batman.
  Batman: I thought you are black?
  Green Lantern: No, that's the other guy.^aka  John Stewart
  • Green Lantern flashes his light on Batman. He is not amused.
  Batman: Will you quit flashing me?
  Green Lantern: Heheheheheh, flashing you.
• After the Flash in his Barry Allen guise delivers food the local police station, one of the workers states that he took too long. His response?
  Flash: Well, I guess the fastest man alive isn't going to be fast enough to save someone's burning house tonight.
• Victor Stone's football game has him using Ghostbusters references for his plays. The sports commentators just roll along with it while the entire audience save for one Billy Batson don't get it.
• The entirety of Green Lantern and Batman's first encounter with Superman.
  • Green Lantern thinks Superman is a reasonable guy and just can be talked into teaming up. Batman counts from 10, 9 before jumping to 1, cue Green Lantern getting sent flying into him.
  • Superman thinks Green Lantern and Batman is a witch and a goth respectively.
  • When Green Lantern thinks the S on Superman means Spain, Superman proceed to break out and state that if he repeats any of the words in his previous sentence about saving Spain, he will kill him and then fly around the Earth fast enough to turn back time so that he can kill him again.
  • After Batman stops Superman by saying his identity of Clark Kent, he returns the favor by unmasking Batman as Bruce Wayne using his X-ray vision. Green Lantern has a personal grudge against him.
  Green Lantern: Oh man, I hate that rich prick. He bought Ferris Air out of the blue and then fired me- Oh, you suck so much.
  • Apparently, Superman is like this because his was raised in the rural Midwest where Smallville is located, meaning he was taught creationism from young and thought dinosaur bones are the work of the devil.
• Billy visiting Victor in the locker room. When Victor tells Billy to go back to his parents unaware that he is an orphan, he immediately apologizes upon realizing that. Billy's reply?
  Billy: It's cool. I used to be sad about it, but then a wizard gave me magical powers and now I can visit them in hell whenever I want!
  • Billy leaves...not before stealing his jersey.
• Wonder Woman's Establishing Character Moment.
  • She is a Large Ham Fish out of Water and practically mugs an ice-cream vendor for free ice-cream at the suggestion of a nearby girl. She gets excited from tasting it for the first time. She even immediately jumps to violence should negotiations break down. Also, she doesn't have a nice impression of the USA politicians.
  Wonder Woman: Oh huff. I am a warrior, Steve. I will not sit idly by and chatter with empty headed politicians like that Clinton guy you introduced me. The man kept asking if I was an intern for some reason.
  • Steve's statement as to why Wonder Woman needs to play nice.
  Steve Trevor: But like George W, you need to set an example. Unlike George W, you need to set a good example.
• Dr Stone's reason for not supporting his son's career path? He doesn't want a Jerk Jock for a son to remind him of his own treatment in high school.
• Superman's states that the Daily Planet is just a stepping to his end goal, Fox News.
  Batman: The more you talk, the more I want to find a way to hurt you.
• When Green Lantern suggests breaking the boomtube.
  Batman: Look, I understand that you two want to see who the biggest moron is, but now isn't the time.
• Upon Apokolips invasion,
  Superman: Oh my god, the Chinese are invading!!
  • When Wonder Woman seeks Hera's approval to whether or not to negotiate with the parademons, she just tells Wonder Woman to kill them all.
  • Victor's transformation into Cyborg. He had to be rebuilt out of a jukebox, a VHS, a NES and various other junk/spare parts using the nanites to update and assimilate them all constantly till as quoted by Dr Stone: "In hours, he will be more advanced than the latest bullshit from Apple." After initially flat-lining from the injection, Hannah asks this:
  Hannah: Did it work?
  • When saving his father and his colleagues, Cyborg finds out that a few pieces of junk didn't quite assimilate nicely into his systems as his speakers starts blaring songs while shooting the parademons with a Duck Hunt HUD. When speaking normally, he occasionally ends up quoting song lyrics instead. This trait would stick with him for the rest of the Justice League movies.
• Darkseid and Dassad's conversation has the latter speaking to him like some sickening sweetheart. Darkseid is actually disturbed and tells him to quit it.
• After Green Lantern takes care of a wave of mooks, he thinks they are winning. Cue another wave bigger than the last pop up.
• Green Lantern lampshades that Batman sounds constipated. Later when Green Lantern takes leadership he proceeds to do a Batman impression without realizing it. Wonder Woman's response?
  Wonder Woman: You sounded constipated, like our bat comrade!
• When Diana offers her sword, Hal Jordan is more than happy to reply that she can have his sword anytime. Cue Superman barging in.
  Superman: Son, unless that ring of yours is an engagement ring, don't even finish that sentence.
  Green Lantern: Wow, you are tall.
  Wonder Woman: I appreciate thy assistance Superman but I can handle a fool.
  Superman: Nonsense! I shall protect your maiden virtue!!
  Wonder Woman: Make that two fools...
• Realizing that Superman will never accept any superhero that isn't from USA and they really do not have time for infighting, Batman resorts to telling him that Themyscira is in Hawaii.
• Upon Shazam's arrival,
  Superman: You know we used to burn people like you.
• Cyborg's warning of Darkseid to the Justice League is a little bit late, as Batman simply describes him appearing on Earth.
  Batman: Rock-like giant with glowing red eyes?
  Cyborg: Actually, yeah. How do you know?
  Batman: He's over there. (cue Darkseid's arrival with ominous music)
  • In response to Darkseid's arrival:
  Superman: All aliens are stupid and must be stopped!!
  Batman: Can't argue with that logic.
• Darkseid's reason for coming here? He is Justin Timberlake's biggest fan.
• Upon seeing Darkseid aiming his Omega Beams at both of them, Flash tells Superman to click his red boots together and say there is no place like home and run the hell away.
• Cyborg's glorious Lampshade Hanging at why modern superheroes must have Daddy Issues.
• How does the Justice League minus Superman and Batman plan to stop Darkseid? Just do what they do best complete with Cyborg using his in-built jukebox as BGM.
• How does Dassad torture Superman? Play French music into his ears.
  • Batman sneaks up to Dassad by posing as a talking parademon. It takes Dassad a few moments to remember why a talking parademon would be suspicious.
• When the Justice League attack Darkseid, Captain Marvel goes Leeroy Jenkins on the team. After getting sent flying aside, Wonder Woman chews him out and threatens him that she will turn him into Miss Marvel if he does that again.
• When Flash needs a crowbar to destroy Darkseid's eye, he just grabs it from a nearby firemen without even asking.
  Fireman: Did I just get mugged?
• When Superman comes back from Apokolips to finish off Darkseid, he proceeds to sing "O Say, Can You See" while using his heat vision on his eyes before closing with a "No you can't". Finally, ending with this one-liner.
  Superman: Go back to China!!
• After Cyborg catches Billy when he returns to his child form, his first thoughts when he sets him down on a couch?
  Cyborg: Aww hell naw. I can't have a dead white kid on my hands. I can hear Fox News watching me right now.
  • Billy begs Cyborg to keep his child identity secret from the others especially Batman, thinking that he doesn't like kids very much.
• The day is saved but they have a lynch mob on their heels due to the large-scale collateral rampage. They had to ask the President to officially recognize them as the Justice League of America to avoid bad PR.
  • The reason why they are called the Justice League of America? Superman asked the President to call them that if not he will leave.
• When Superman asks Wonder Woman what should he do in the event that he would have to live through the infamous neck-snapping scene from Man of Steel and she even admits that there is no right answer since everyone has a different sense of justice, it turns out that he asked that question because he killed Dassad upon breaking out.
  Batman: No!! He was people!!
• Finally, Flash asks Cyborg for a good closing song. His answer? "War" by Edwin Starr.
• The Stinger has the Ocean Master announce his declaration of war on the surface world...in the middle of the ocean with no one the hear him. He even wonders why he did that.
• A deleted scene has Wonder Woman having to deal with a religious mob since her very existence will throw all the religions into chaos. The group is called C.R.A.P which is short for Christians Raging Against Pantheons while according to them there is another anti-superhero group called S.H.I.T which is short for Super Hero Intolerence Team having their rally next week.
  • Wonder Woman asks what's YouTube. Steve tells her that she is better off not touching that hot potato. She may have caught up to modern technology, but she is clueless about Internet culture and trolls.
  Wonder Woman: People can have different views and still be friends.
  Steve Trevor: Oh darling, you've never been on the internet.

Throne of Atlantis Abridged

• The entire film is filled with The Little Mermaid (1989) references, mostly by the Atlanteans. Complete with their version of Sebastian the Crab, John the Lobster, who is also an expy of Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama.
• The beginning has Arthur talking to the lobster in the tank, known as John about getting girls.
  John: Arthur, listen to me. If you want a woman to like you, you have walk up to her, look her dead in the eye and say (incomprehensible lobster mating call).
  Arthur: I don't think that's how it works, John.
  • When John is grabbed to be cooked. Arthur tells the bartender to let go of his best friend and put him back in the tank. He agrees, while saying that he is letting go of a lobster.
• When Arthur bumps into some gang members, the guy he bumped into states why he doesn't like him. His face, vest and the color of his vest, in that order.
  Arthur: Ah man, why did you have to bring my vest into this?
  • When the gang starts beating him up,
  Arthur: Ow, oh no. It hurts, I can't even...
  • After sending them flying out of the window,
  Arthur: Sorry sorry, I did not see you there. Christ, are you ok?
  (After another guy was sent flying into a crate)
  Arthur: C'mon guys, stop running into my fists.
  • At the moment when the knife breaks against his skin,
  Gang member: I'm so(gets thrown into the sea)rrrreeee.
• Dr Steven Shin is after Atlantis, but his true goal? Bringing back Cthulhu
• Cyborg wakes up to Hannah's not-so-subtle attempts to flirt with him via system upgrades, emphasis on weapons especially the laser. It creeps him out as she is practically turning him into her personal terminator.
• Steve is worried about his chances with Wonder Woman. Cyborg tells him not to worry about it since Wonder Woman's relationship with Superman will end once he finds out that she is Greek.
• Black Manta and his auto-tuned helmet. When Orm lampshades the elephant in the room for Atlantis is that they are swimming in their own toilet, his reply?
  Black Manta: Why do you think I wear this helmet?
• Orm's attempt to flirt with Mera didn't go so well...
  Orm: Mera, my lady. Can you believe we will be married one when i'm king?
  Mera: Then that is the day I will grab out your testicles and rip them off with my bare hands.
  Orm: Then again, being single is such a joy.
  Black Manta: Respect, girl.
• Orm's meeting with Queen Atlanna pretty much leaves him teary-eyed and cowed.
• The requirements to be king of Atlantis seems to stem down to a great singing voice.
• Green Lantern asks a colleague out on a date. Her reply is:
  Post-it Note: Go fuck yourself.
  • When Flash asks for him, the post-it note changes to:
  Post-it Note: Smooth, now meet me outside.
  Green Lantern: Yes, mom.
  Post-it Note: (changes again) Don't make me go in there again!
• Superman and Wonder Woman's date ending with the former learning that the latter is not from Hawaii.
• Batman was being fetched by Green Lantern and is told that the ring is the most powerful weapon in the universe. Cue Batman stealing it from him three times in a row.
  Batman: (holding the green lantern ring) You mean this weapon?
  Green Lantern: (realizes in shock as he changes back)
  Batman: Greatest weapon in the universe and you can't even hold on to that. Look, I know you are not much for commitment, Hal, but this is setting the bar really low.
  Green Lantern: Very cute. (gets his ring back) But now that I'm ready you can't-
  Batman: What's that, Hal? (shows that he stole the ring again) Couldn't hear you from all the way over here.
  Green Lantern: I wasn't ready. Now give me a-
  Batman: (shows that he stole the ring a third time) It's my precious now, Hal.
• Superman and Wonder Woman Clark Kenting at a Greek restaurant. He actually admits that the food is good but he is sassing the waiter until they get the manager because it is customary in America. Wonder Woman decides to join in on the fun.
  Wonder Woman: It is true. This moosaka tastes like the dropping of a mighty griffin Zeus killed and then proceeded to have sex with!!
• Lois Lane interviewing Wonder Woman about Themyscira. It ends with Lois casually asking where can she sign up.
• Black Manta casually writing down on his diary and singing in his auto-tune helmet as he fires missiles on Atlantis.
• Dr Shin asks Arthur to let him in so that he can tell him about Atlantis, John thinks this is a bad idea. Sure enough, when he opens the door, Dr Shin is dead and Black Manta's pirates are breaking in. Arthur proceeds to lock the door.
  Arthur: Your're overreacting, John. What's the worst that could- (Dr Shin drops dead on his doorstep) Wow, so glad I did not finish that. (locks the door)
  Pirate 1: Oh no, sir, he locked the door!
  Pirate 2: Then break it you fucking idiot!
• The Justice League's investigation of the sub. Captain Obvious ensues.
  Green Lantern: Uh, it was fish people?
  Batman: Okay, Hal's speaking privileges are officially revoked.
  (After Wonder Woman tells them about Atlantis)
  Batman: Diana is now the world's second best detective. And I dislike the rest of you a little bit more now.
  Captain Marvel: Doesn't that mean technically it was fish people?
• Arthur waking up to Mera's singing, which then she tells him about his heritage as king with her as his betrothed. Shocked at the last one, he decides to apply John's earlier advice on picking up girls. Cue Mera telling him that it's their mating call.
  • It turns out that John is no ordinary lobster. He is considered by Atlantis to be a legendary figure for his travels and being given advice from him is considered being worthy of greatness.
• When Arthur asks what Orm is like.
  Mera: Imagine a little bitchling.
• Orms finally lampshades his mother that Atlantis is practically a giant toilet with the people in the court losing their bowel control in public, proving his point. He points out that he wants to move up to the surface world so that they can just live in a more clean place.
• On the topic of Cyborg being a robot meaning that he lost a certain part...
  Captain Marvel: Are you worried because you don't have your winkie anymore?
  Cyborg: Billy!!
  Captain Marvel: What?
  Cyborg: No, just no.
• Arthur's first thoughts on remembering his underwater childhood? Complain that he had a mullet.
• It's turns out in exchange for being able to breathe underwater and on land, the lungs will clog up a bit, resulting in any Atlanteans sounding like they have a sinus problem should they ever stay on land after a certain period of time.
• Superman asking Arthur if he's born in America because he states that he got a little too attached to Arthur's appearance and doesn't want to learn in the near future that he is from another country.
• Surprisingly Realistic Outcome occurs in probably the most hilarious way possible in form of the heroes that didn't wear any mouth equipment saying gurgled speech underwater.
• After wrecking the heroes, the Ocean Master wants to feed them to the Kraken. The problem? He killed it to feed the homeless. His alternative? Cthulhu.
• When Orm declares himself king, the Atlanteans ask him to sing to prove his worthiness. Instead of singing, he has another idea...
  Ocean Master: Yes, I could do that. But you know what's even better? The Surf Warrior. Give it up. (Surf Warrior starts playing)
• Captain Marvel thinking that the alarm was the doorbell until present time.
  Captain Marvel: Yeah, according to this? (after seeing the tsunami) Yeah, we're all gonna die.
  Batman: No, we don't. We're people.
  Captain Marvel: How long have you been waiting to say that?
  Batman: All goddamn day.
• Superman fighting Cthulhu. Patriotic Fervor and creationism versus evolution in one neat package! Special moves include "Emancipation Punchlimation!", "Star-Spangled Slammer!" and "Mount Crushmore!"
  Cthulhu: (After getting wrecked) That's it, humans are nuts!! I'm going back to my own dimension you guys are mean!!
• After Aquaman vows to get rid of the traditions that pretty much started this whole mess to prevent it from happening again, he even tells Mera that she doesn't even have to marry him. Her response?
  Mera: Fuck yes, I do! I want to be queen!!
  Aquaman: Oh cool! Then that works out great for everyone!!
• When Green Lantern tells him it's okay to use vengeance as your motivation, Aquaman is actually cool with not using grief to make him do the right thing. The Justice League is baffled!!
• Ocean Master could have easily used a tsunami to wipe out half of Metropolis, only for him decide to take the surface world head-on with only 200 men.
  • When it's time to call the Justice League:
  General: Screw it, call in the PG-squad. This ain't worth the bomb.
• Black Manta fighting Aquaman to the sound of his auto-tuned helmet. How does Aquaman get rid of him?
  Jaws: (chomping on Black Manta and pulling him underwater) I am a cousin!!
  Aquaman: Thanks, Jaws. Your family sounds awesome.
• Wonder Woman thinking Lois Lane is trained in combat just because she wants to sign up to be an Amazon. Lois calls it quits after lying to her about flanking them.
  Jimmy: We're not actually coming back are we?
  Lois: FUCK NO!!!
• John Henry Irons aka Steel's cameo, in probably one of the most hilarious in the wrong way possible.
  Superman: Oh thank god, I got here in time!! That black guy with a hammer was totally going to steal your wallets!! Hey you! Don't steal!
  Steel: And to think I looked up to him...
• The Justice League versus Ocean Master. The reason it's in here because...
  • Captain Marvel firing a lightning bolt at him who No-Sell it and firing a bigger one back at him which turns back to normal.
  • Cyborg fires the Sonic cannon at him to the tune of "Dude Looks Like A Lady" and then getting stabbed by the trident.
  • Wonder Woman grabs the trident from Ocean Master, in the struggle for it they call upon Hera and Poseidon to assist them respectively. Here is what happens next...
  Hera: Diana, I grant you my favour.
  Poseidon: Orm, as my chosen mortal.
  (noticing each other supporting opposite sides)
  Hera: Ahem, do you mind? I'm trying to bless my girl here.
  Poseidon: Yes, I do. But I got here first you know.
  Hera: Erhh, I'm so posei-done with you.
  Zeus: Hey guys!! What's going on?
  Hera and Poseidon: Stay out of this, Zeus!!
  Zeus: Well I'm gonna put my dick in something, bye!! (leaves)
  Poseidon: Ah, that's my brother.
  Hera: Mine too.
  Poseidon: Man, we are messed up.
  (back at the combatants)
  Ocean Master: Eh, to hell with the gods!! I'll kill you myself!! (sends Wonder Woman flying)
  • The Flash and Green Lantern rushing him and then proceed to get crushed in less than half a minute each.
  • Finally, Superman:
  Superman: My turn now! The Fist Amendmen— (gets stabbed) argargag.
  • Batman walks up to Green Lantern and asks how did ganging up on him work out. Green Lantern responses that it worked on Darkseid.
  Batman: You know, I really hate it when you have a point.
• When Batman learns that Orm killed his mother, he goes livid!!
  Batman: Well, fuck that guy!!
• To revive Cyborg Batman had to use his taser on his core.
  Cyborg: (boots up to the sound of Apple Mac) Stop shocking me!! Who are you, the LAPD?
• After punching out Orm:
  Aquaman: Oh my god, that felt amazing— err, I mean if only we could have resolved this peacefully, without any violence brother.
• The Atlanteans ask Aquaman to sing to prove that he is king. Earlier, it was stated that he sings only in the shower. After John the lobster was revealed to be alive and is vouching for him to find his inner king...
  Mera: What are you doing!?
  Aquaman: Pretending I'm in the shower. (starts singing "My heart will go on")
  • The whole of Atlantis proceeds to bow down to him in respect and awe of his singing. Strangely enough, the viewers were surprised as they were expecting a bad voice for Rule of Funny. The surprise and in turn praise is genuine in the comments section to the extent that they asked for a full cover.
  • After getting his kingship, he asks Mera now what should they do next? Her response?
  Mera: (incomprehensible lobster mating call) (kisses Aquaman)
• Upon his coronation, he suggests that his kingship be like England (Compromise between the royal family and democratic government). Superman screams "NO!!" in the background, which is gurgled because he isn't wearing any mouthpiece.
• How does the Justice League distance themselves from Aquaman? Batman has an idea: Which is to soften his image on the surface, creating a cartoon about them that depicts him as a useless idiot that can only talk to fish. Considering the results in Real Life, it may work a little too well in here.
  Green Lantern: That's douchey even by my standards.
• The Stinger has Ocean Master saying that his prison is a toilet due to a lack of a filter. Cue Lex Luthor walking in on the scene to recruit him to The Light.
• The animated short after the credits is chock full of this.
  • Billy and Tim Drake playing games using Cyborg as the console.
  • Wonder Woman giving her interview on the Amazon code to Lois. She says that the rest of the world is not ready for that.
  • Hal asking if he gets to pick up the trident he gets to be king, Arthur reminds him to make sure that he has a great singing voice too.
    • Arthur proceeds to tell Hal while he's trying to lift the trident that it would electrocute him if he is not of royal blood. Cue getting shocked and sent flying.
  • John The Lobster exclaiming what a wonderful time he is having, cue seeing Arthur eating shrimp.
  • The reason why John Stewart is also a Green Lantern in here? It is to keep Hal in check in case he goes off the rails, while saying that the second ring almost went to a hillbilly called Guy Gardner.
  • Bruce actually laughing and getting chest pain upon Superman telling him that he is his only friend.
  • Upon the topic of Black Manta, Arthur tells him that he summoned Jaws to eat him. Batman is not amused.
  Batman: You killed someone?!?
  (cut to the pier where Aquaman summoned Jaws)
  Black Manta: (after cutting out of Jaws after somehow getting it's corpse on the surface first) Where's my goddamn helmet?

Suicide Squad: Assault on Arkham Abridged

• Deadshot lampshading at how his shots always misses when he tried to shoot Batman regardless of distance. When he actually scores a hit on him:
  Deadshot: Finally, the world makes sense again!!
• Amanda Waller's entire Establishing Character Moment. Sassy Black Woman taken up to eleven!!
  Amanda: I'm Amanda Waller and you can think of me as your fairy godmother from hell. Only, I won't be grant any wishes no bibidi bobidi boo or any of that shbang. But rather making each and everyone of you, my bitch!!
  • During the briefing for the mission, Amanda lists out the Justice League profiles. The screen caption on them sums them up in here perfectly.
    Batman: Rich boy with issues
    Superman: Everything wrong with America
    Wonder Woman: Super Xena
    Green Lantern: Big green dick
    Flash: Holds grudges
    Cyborg: A jukebox hero
    Captain Marvel: Elementary student
    Aquaman: Outrageous!
  • When the Suicide Squad ask what to do in the event they run into Batman:
  Amanda: What about Batman? You see him? Run your little asses the other way!!
  • Amanda's closing line.
  Amanda: Remember, I'll be watching, baby. And eating. And eating while I'm watching. You and your fine-ass chocolate butt.
• Deadshot finding out that King Shark's vocabulary is limited to "I Am A Shark" in that order, bonus points for the fact that the guy's VA is Takahata101.
• Killer Frost's initial choice for her supervillain name were "Vanilla Ice" and "Frosty, The Snow Bitch" and she seeks to be remembered as the villain that uses ice-based puns as one-liners.
• Harley Quinn pretty much did a Call-Forward on the fact that Black Spider would be Batman in disguise later on.
  Harley Quinn: Well, Spider is clearly bats.
  • When the alarm for the drop-off goes off, she thinks they are going to see the in-flight movie and hopes that it is Fifty Shades of Grey.
  • Upon landing, after King Shark saves Killer Frost due to her parachute failing. Harley ships them as her OTP.
• How did Deadshot stop the Penguin from killing them at his mansion there and then? Threaten to kill his penguins.
• The apartment sex scene went as per usual, until Harley calls in the rest of the squad. Deadshot tells everyone to get the hell out.
• When planning for the break-in, Killer Frost has a little issue with her part. (She's posing as a corpse since her body temperature will fool the coroner's scanners but she has to be naked for some reason.)
  Killer Frost: Wait, why do I have to be naked?
  Captain Boomerang: Because this is DC and you're a woman.
• The magnitude of the Cardboard Prison that is Arkham Asylum is so ridiculous that Black Spider lampshades how no wonder the inmates keep escaping. One commenter sums it up:

  dlollolb: the depths of incompetence that the arkham asylum can reach never fails to amaze me, not only a team of bozos managed to infiltrate it, not only the joker prison has a door that can be opened with two wires, not only are the guards incredibly unqualified for handling their extremely dangerous prisoners, being completely unable to handle them even when the prisoners are without weapons,, but they had harley's hammer stored in a WOODEN CRATE and never notice that it had A GIANT FUCKING BOMB hidden inside it, which makes you wonder why would they even keep those weapons in the first place right next to the damn prison instead of, you know, a safe police deposit? or maybe destroying them in the first place? and that's not even the worst, have a lever that opens EVERY CELL AT ONCE, every door in the entire prison can be opened with one fucking lever that just stands there in plain sight and random cleaning crew could knock on it by mistake and release every inmate at once, a disgruntled guard could cause a national crisis with the same effort it takes to scratch your ass.

  Not to mention that criminals go in and out of this place so easily you may as well install revolving doors and save yourself the effort, why even pretend you have a prison when the place is as safe as a bouncy castle and the majority of your staff has the same level of competence as the kids that would be using that bouncy castle at a birthday party? you could close criminals in the basement of your house and it would be way more effective than this sorry joke of an asylum.

• Deadshot walking in the prison with Harley in tow, with everything going well he hopes nothing would go wrong. Enter the Joker.
  Joker: Harley, is that you?
  Deadshot: FUUUUU—
• Deadshot actually laughing at the Joker's jokes. He is actually stunned!!
• Initially, it's safe to say that the writer doesn't like Will Smith as Deadshot.
  Deadshot: (looks at a picture of Will Smith with a lot of cross-hairs drawn on him) One day, Will. One day...
  (In the morning after the prison break)
  Radio: In celebrity news, actor Will Smith was shot several times by an unknown assailant while he shouted "stop ruining his image!"
  • However, after actually watching his performance in Suicide Squad (2016), let's just say there is a slight edit in the Youtube re-upload...
  Radio: In celebrity news, actor Will Smith received a letter of apology from Mr. Floyd Lawton, officially taking back every mean thing he's ever said to him.
• When it's time for King Shark to come in, one of the guards finds them:
  Guard: Who's down there?
  Harley: 5 killers and a shark.
  Deadshot: What's wrong with you?
  Harley: I watch Jersey Shore a lot. So that's one thing.
  Guard: I heard all that but I'm coming down anyway, I mean what's the worst that could happen anyway-(gets chomped on by King Shark) ohgodthatanswersmyquestion! (gets pulled underwater)
• Amanda talking to The Light saying that she is leading the world's biggest espionage operation, cue seeing Task Force X break in from the front gates loud and explosive style.
• Joker considers cutting his face off before thinking that it is a dumb idea.
• Harley slips back into her old self as a psychologist to roast Captain Boomerang.
  Captain Boomerang: So you were you a shrink in here?
  Harley Quinn: Ah huh.
  Captain Boomerang: Were you any good?
  Harley Quinn: Good enough to know that you are an over-compensating omega male afraid of of not being taken seriously while cowboy over here is an emotionally detached sociopath, Frosty's committing way too hard on the whole ice thing and I'm pretty sure spider is still Bats.
• King Shark's vocabulary is limited, but his actual thinking on the other hand...

  King Shark: (thinks to himself) I say, I do believe we are in the wrong section. Why, these crates clearly belong to the newer members of our criminal brethren! I shall speak to my teammate. (out loud) I am a shark.

• In canon, it's simply Black Spider and Batman switching costumes during the warehouse fight when the latter uses his smoke bomb. In here, Batman posed as Black Spider from the very beginning to infiltrate the mission complete with rubber face mask, he needs someone to pose as him. Who did he call? SUPERMAN!! The fact that the villains couldn't tell that it is not Batman attacking them despite the obvious clues makes it funnier.
  • When Batman!Black Spider asks Superman!Batman what took him so long and he is blowing his cover, the latter replies that the Batmobile is not American and proceeds to do a classic "my parents are dead" impression. He then proceeds to hit him a little too hard but thankfully the real Batman gets up in time to maintain the charade.
  • Superman!Batman saying that he can't hit a woman, but nothing is said about throwing batarangs at them.
  • Superman!Batman asking King Shark where's Lava Girl when beating him up.
• The guards that look for the Joker lament that he got out again, upon hearing his laugh...
  Bob: Well, we're fucked. It was good knowing you, Carl.
  Carl: Me too, Bob. I'm just going to walk into the shadows where we heard that laugh and— (gets neck snapped)
• Upon finding the team, the special forces admit that they are simply going to shoot them anyway and go hit the bar because they are cops.
  • Captain Boomerang's entrance: Captain Boomerang used Swift!! It's super effective.
  • When Killer Frost and King Shark tag team to break the blockade. Upon breaking the blockade, the SWAT team says that the pun hurts more than the actual ice.
• The Riddler suggests saying a riddle to pass the time.
  Riddler: Question: What travels down an alley and has holes in it?
  Black Spider!Batman: My parents...(starts crying)
• King Shark's electroshock enabled his brain to let him speak normally. Too bad his bomb is still working...
• Joker, Deadshot and Batman calling each other out on how bad they are at telling jokes.
• Deadshot saying what's the worst that could Joker possibly do in one hour. Cue Joker hijacking the local television and releasing the inmates.
• Batman opens the hammer containing the bomb. The note under the lid says "cut the red wire".
• After the Joker crashes to his death, Batman says his Catchphrase on instinct, only stopping halfway when he remembers who just died.
  Batman: No! He was peo— no actually I'm okay with that.
• The Stinger has Vandal Savage forming the Legion of Doom to counter the Justice League, only for one of the members to point out how stupid the name is.

Court of Owls Abridged

• The Court of Owls trailer:
  Young!Bruce: Daddy, will you tell me a story before bed?
  Thomas: Sure son. Let me tell you the story of how we met Alfred.
  Bruce: (sobbing) No!
  • Later, as Talon is about to finish off Bruce:
  Talon: And so falls the House of Wayne.
  Alfred: (wielding a shotgun) The hell it does! That's my job ya stupid boy!
• The Framing Device is Alfred reading a story to the Batfamily. His book is titled "1001 Dead Parent Jokes".
  • Tim meets Damien for the first time, and the two start squabbling over being Batman's sons. Dick tells them to knock it off, as he feels Bruce has no affection for any of them. Bruce attempts to prove otherwise:
    Bruce: Oh come on, remember that time I brought you a muffin?
    Dick: That... never happened.
    Bruce: I'm pretty sure I remem— no, wait, you're right. I ate that muffin.
• The beginning has the Bruce's parents telling him that there are no monsters under the bed with Alfred saying otherwise. They then proceed to say that they are going to be there for him till the end of time. The sentence isn't even finished before it cuts to their deaths.
• Alfred telling Bruce that he is going to make a sandwich for him until one of them dies.
  Alfred: And he did! My god he made that sandwich everyday and I just dangled it in front of his sad little face while he ate nothing but tuna. Disgusting tuna!! OHO HO!
  • Alfred was the REAL reason Bruce left the house and traveled the world only coming back to claim his mansion when he is of legal age. The whole training part was a side thing.
• When Samantha asks whether they are alone for the night,
  Bruce: I gave the rest of the help the night off.(cut to Nightwing and Robin fighting Scarecrow)
• Damien cockblocking Bruce, to the extent that it got him friendzoned. The uploader's comment's tell the viewers to imagine Alfred slipping Damien $20 to do this.
• When the Talon was showing Damien his hideout, Damien actually was going to say that it's nice, considering his character that means a lot. Talon proceeds to interrupt him by saying that he is going to think that it sucks.
• Upon asking about the Court of Owls, it turns out that they started as a sex club hosted by Alfred. Upon meeting up, they started talking about politics and the next you know it is take over the city and all that stuff.
  Batman: Dear god, this actually explains a lot. In fact more than I wanted too...wait a minute! Is that where my chocolate fountain came from?
• Upon confronting the Court of Owls, Batman immediately sees through Samantha's mask and proceed to guess out what they are already going to say.
  Batman: Eh yeah, let's skip this part shall we? You've lured me here into a trap. "Oh no!!" I replied not giving an actual f@#k. As you blab about your evil plans for the city and how I won't live to see them and what a tangled web we wove together whatever poetic crap you want to add.
  • He proceeds to call them out on not even coming up with their own gimmick as they had to use Scarecrow's fear toxin on him.
• Upon entering his hallucination, he gets attacked by an owl.
  Batman: Go back to the Hundred-Acre Wood. You asshole!
• Bruce goes through the hallucination he went through in Batman Vs Robin... except, Scarecrow has done this before and Jason and Tim aren't Adapted Out in this universe, so the whole thing devolves into Bruce and Young Bruce insulting each other.
  Young!Bruce: You know what? Screw this. You're just a dick, man.
  Bruce: Well guess what, 'Mister Bedwetter Until 16'', you grow up into that dick, so enjoy puberty you- (Adult!Damian shoots him) Augh! Ow! Ugh, you dick!
  • And then he wakes up in front of Alfred and Dick.
    Dick: You were calling out to me! You were saying "You dick! I'm gonna get you for this!"
• Upon toasting to Batman's apparent defeat, one of the members proceed to ask whether to toast to the poor. Samantha asks to get him to get out.
• The picture of the founder of the Court is an Alfred in shadow flipping the bird.
• The climax is full of these moments.
  • Upon the alarms going off:
  Nightwing: Alfred, do you have one of your parties scheduled for tonight?
  • Robin unable to reach his utility belt, making him cursing himself for his short arms.
  • The Talons usage of owl-based puns.
  • The Talons realize that pointing out that they're reanimated corpses in front of a man who has had to restrain himself to keep from killing his enemies is not the best idea. Complete with the beginning of "Don't Stop Me Now" for Bruce's realization and a remix of "Spooky Scary Skeletons accompanying the beatdown.
  • When Talon reveals himself to be Thomas Wayne Jr. to Batman.
  Talon: My name is Thomas.
  Batman: Whoa, ok. I don't know what you heard or watched but sharing a name with my parents does not automatically mean I like you.
  • Then it turns out that Thomas Wayne Jr. believed that Bruce gave him away and blames him for his childhood.
  Bruce: I don't know. Ask whoever else was living with me back then- Oh my god.
  Alfred: What? You thought I was gonna take care of two stupid boys?
  • Alfred couldn't be half-assed to help defend the place, calling the whole fight a "silly costume party" and reminds Bruce to wake him up after it is over. When Batman tells him that they are after the mansion including the west wing for his parties:
  Alfred: Perhaps instead of a basket, I should've put that baby in a casket.
  Nightwing: Jesus tap dancing Christ, Alfred!
  Alfred: Jesus isn't here and he ain't got no rhythm!
  • Alfred coming out with his shotgun and saying self-defense while deliberately firing on the Talons.
  Batman: It's okay Alfred, they're not really alive.
  Alfred: Like that makes any difference to me.
  • When Alfred turns on the sub-zero core to freeze the remaining Talons, he has this to say.
  Alfred: Hell's about to freeze over....and I haven't even taken over the world yet.
  • Damien's constant heckling at how Talon is an orphan finally drives him to kill himself, thinking that he will guilt-trip him for the rest of his life. Damien shrugs it off as his moral compass is definitely not the same at his father's since he counts his death as a suicide.
• The Stinger has Batwoman's aka Jordon Cole-Samuels debut.
  Batwoman: An angry lesbian Jewish woman out for justice. With a gun.

Wonder Woman Abridged

• The description asking if anyone yelled "THE VOID IS FILLED!!!!" when they saw Wonder Woman eat ice cream in Wonder Woman (2017).
• Ares taking an entire segment out of Aku's opening narration and refitting the words to his own liking.
• The Amazons' combat banter in prologue. Keep score of those impalements and castrations!!
• The judgement of Ares from Zeus and Hera. Hera proceeds to complain about Zeus' constant cheating on her, calling out on how he loves to put his "little swan" in everything. She even admits that she only married him for the title and would have to put up with it until divorce is invented. When Hera puts the shackles on Ares she states that those make him as threatening as a Greek philosopher.
• When Steve Trevor receives a call from a friend wondering why he isn't invited to the Justice League's meeting as he is an honorary member. According to his friend's response, he tells him to stop laughing.
• The Justice League's social page at the 4:55 mark.
• The Justice League 's meeting in general.
  • The introduction of Hawkman has him screeching like an actual hawk, Martian Manhunter which has Superman still opposing to admitting into the League and John Stewart who has to sub in for Hal Jordan while he is away with Cyborg asking him to stay permanently because Superman treats him like a stereotype. Batman immediately wonders that they should look into a case of magic-related murders which they were gathered for in the first place before everyone else go off for the holidays.
• Wonder Woman says that Hippolyta has overstated the evils of man using ice-cream as a defence.
• When Hippolyta tells Wonder Woman about Ares, Ares remarks about how she kept her tongue sharp. She responds by saying that she also kept the sword that killed her son sharp as well. Ares' reply?
  Ares: I want a divorce.
• Steve decides to visit Themyscira to ask Hippolyta for her blessing. Cyborg gives Steve the location knowing full well he is going to get captured by the Amazons. Batman finds it Actually Pretty Funny only to stop because laughing is causing him actual pain.
• When Steve sees the Amazon's bathing for the first time:
  Steve: Oh sweet merciful god.
  Zeus: Eh? I'm busy here. Find your own spot!!
• When the Lasso of Truth is used on him, he proceeds to subvert the Amazons expectations of him by stating that Hippolyta is a great mother, queen and woman. When asked about Diana, he states that he is simply here to ask for her mother's blessing. Artemis understandably thinks the Lasso is malfunctioning and all he really cares about is getting into Wonder Woman's pants, only for him to say "Not before marriage!!" since it is still on him.
• When the trial to prove an Amazon's worth is implemented to properly send her off the island this time (she ran away without her mother's consent/knowledge in JLA:War), Steve asks if Diana can handle it. Hippolyta's response?
  Hippolyta: Fear not, Steve Trevor. The trial is much safer now. We used to do this with guns.
  • Diana's signal that she is ready?
  Diana: (incomprehensible warcry)
• Steve's response to Diana's classic Wonder Woman outfit?
  Steve: Marry me!!
• In the scene where Wonder Woman comforts the crying girl, she proceeds to tell her the art of decapitation as it is gender neutral, all the ways to fight like an Amazon and remarks about how skulls make wonderful teacups. She then proceeds to give the girl a stick and tell her to have fun she goes charging off to the boys. Judging from the background music, it's definitely not a pretty sight.
• When Steve asks Diana about her hobbies, she stated that she went to WW2 and fought the Nazis or was it WW1? Steve lampshades that Diana didn't leave the island until she found him and even she agrees that it is a little bit hard to keep track.
  • When Steve asks about the dating in Themyscira, Diana says that to show that you like to court a fellow Amazon, you go straight to them and give them a punch to the face. Steve is understandably worried so he asks if flowers work. She says that would do just fine.
  Steve: Oh thank you, Jesus.
  Diana: Who is this Jesus? People keep calling to him when I beat them up. Him or God but they never say which so it's very confusing.
• When the two get mugged in an alley by thugs,
  Wonder Woman: Oh NOW I understand what Bruce keeps crying about!
  • After scaring of the thugs, the main guy runs away in a high-pitched saying how the girls never let them see a movie with him. It's a reference to the women-only screenings of Wonder Woman (2017) when it first came out.
• When talking about Ares' cult, Wonder Woman wonders if they are fighting Nazis since they keep talking about purity. Steve says that the Nazis nowadays go by the term "alt-right".
• When Ares states that "Jesus, Christmas or whatever" thanks you for your sacrifice, the sacrifice in question says that he is Jewish.
• Wonder Woman calls out Steve for choosing to save her over chasing down Ares for the sake of impressing her and he wouldn't have done the same thing if it was Batman or Superman. Steve states that if Superman was the man down in question, he would had left him behind.
• When Steve receives a slap after supposing talking some sense down to Diana and confessing his love for her, he asks why the hell did she do that for. Her response?
  Wonder Woman: I told you. That's how we show affection.
• The whole scene with Ares and Dionysus (Hades went out with his wife and left Dionysus to guard the Underworld). Highlights include:
  • Ares saying that Dionysus has got himself even fatter than usual.
  • Dionysus being amused at the souls of Batman's parents in the Underworld. Thomas is lamenting that their son is blowing all their money and Martha is saying why did she say that name.
  • Dionysus reason for helping Ares break his shackles in the first place? Let's just say Zeus isn't the only one that does the animal banging gimmick...
  Ares: Why would you help me?
  Dionysus: Because I miss the days where we could go run free in the world of Man. When father would descend on Earth with some swan-on-chick action and I could do sort of thing with an entire college dorm and a pheasant. So go, and bring back the era of the gods!!
• When Ares says that he doesn't like war...he LOVES war. One of the soldiers asks doesn't that mean he loves himself. Also when states that he want to take USA, one of his soldiers say "for white people!". Ares is understandably confused at what happened to Man over last few millennia while he was imprisoned.
• Wonder Woman asks Ares to go hell. Ares tells her that he just went there and the weather's not bad.
• Ares admits that he is not the god of banter and just tells his men to get on with killing the Amazons.
• The reason why the American armed forces aren't helping the Amazons or even show up? The president is busy playing Pokémon Diamond and Pearl in his bunker. It's 2006, meaning that the president got an early localized copy from Japan as Western release started over the course of 2007.
• Responding to how Wonder Woman says that his strength is fed off others' conflict, Ares mocks her saying that her strength is some sentimental empowerment of women or something like that. Her answer?
  Wonder Woman: My thick thighs!!
  Ares: Eh ok, you got me there.
• When Alexa is brought back from the dead to fight her fellow Amazons, she is still pleading for Hades aid. When she was about to kill Artemis, she asks her to join her in calling out for Hades' aid. Seeing that she has nothing to lose now, Artemis calls for Hades aid. He actually answers!! He then proceeds to release the undead Amazons from Ares' control, receive a compliment from Alexa for his aid and subsequently telling her that she is a good kid while asking her to come over to his place to play a game's multiplayer mode.
  • After getting released from control, Alexa and the undead Amazons proceed to attack Ares... only for Ares to simply send them back to the Underworld. Artemis has only this to say:
  Artemis: Don't worry, you will always be my number 52, sister. (She was keeping track of her kill count which was at 51.)
• Zeus Playing Both Sides between Ares and Wonder Woman. When the latter actually beheads the former, Zeus is actually surprised!!
  Zeus: Oh, I thought she was just gonna knock him out. I...eh I can't be here. You all never saw me!!!
• The Amazons victory cry sounding like screaming fangirls, while Ares' followers just leave complaining that they have to go back to worshipping Satan.
• Artemis saying that after reading Alexa's books, she found herself pairing Steve and Diana together and wrote a 5000 word scroll that is about the two of them courting each other before she even realised what she was doing!! She is understandably confused.
  Hippolyta: I believe Alexa would refer to that as shipping them.
  Artemis: What's a ship got to do with this? What do Amazons have to do with shipping at all?
• The other reason Hippolyta wants Diana to stay on the outside world aside from acting as the ambassador of the Amazons?
  Hippolyta: Babies, babies, babies...
• When Wonder Woman is foiling Cheetah's bank robbery, the reason why the police lost is because they were more focused on convincing the latter to put some clothes on.
• The Stinger has WW's voice actor holding out with a Wonder Woman figure, roleplaying as Wonder Woman giving her review of Wonder Woman (2017). She states that the movie has FILLED THE VOID!!!

Crisis on Two Earths Abridged

• The opening narration explaining the multiverse, from its Large Ham narrator to labeling Teen Titans Go! as Earth-💩.
  Narrator: We don't speak of it, but we know it's there! Mocking us!
• Turning Earth-3's Lex and Jester into Rick and Morty.
• Lex-3 first arriving on Earth-1.
  Lex-3: F**king Honda Accords! Yeah excuse me, could you point me towards the local group of superpowered meatheads around here? They'll be called something stupid like the Freedom Society or the Virtue Squad.
  Civilian: You mean the Justice League?
  Lex-3: Wow, that's the worst one yet.
• The thought of Lex-3 getting the attention of the Justice League by setting the Washington Monument on fire and did something with the Declaration of Independence that Superman doesn't want to tell about.
• When Superman, Wonder Woman and the Flash confront a naked Lex.
  Flash: So the carpet DOES match the drapes! Or lack thereof.
  Lex: I believe the word you're looking for is "Wow." And my eyes are up here Wonder-Bread.
• Superman learning that the Luthor in front of them is from a parallel universe by detecting a "If lost, return to Earth-3" tag hooked to his ribs.
• "You know you sound like a farmer. Or a boob. Maybe a boob farmer, a farmer of boobs."
• The banter between the Justice League and the Syndicate when they fight. ALL OF IT.
• President Slade Wilson, still as high on drugs like his original abridged counterpart. Some things really are universal constants.
  • Also, he wears his underwear outside his clothes on Fridays like Superman's trunks.
• The rest of the Syndicate are just wonderfully endearing. Owlman is the Only Sane Man, Superwoman is incredibly hard to understand (a clear contrast to Wonder Woman), Ultraman speaks like a gangster (Lex later states he crashed in Jersey), Power Ring is a complete wimp who's ring wants him to kill everyone & Johnny Quick has pretty much abused the Speed Force, seeing into universes like the DC Animated Universe, the DC Extended Universe, Justice League Action, the Arrowverse and even brings up the One Earth Regime.
• "Friends. And Owlman."
• The Earth-3 version of Jimmy Olsen, in spite of his more muscular build, has a rather high-pitched squeaky voice.
• During the fight between Superwoman & her mooks and Batman, Aquaman, Black Canary, Firestorm, Black Lightning & Red Tornado, just like the first fight between the League and Syndicate, is rife with hilarious moments.
  • The return of "Let's justice this bitch."
  • Aquaman's different voice and appearance are promptly lampshaded by Firestorm. He claims the mustache & beard act as a voice modulator.
  • Red Tornado: YOU ARE TOO CLOSE FOR MY COMFORT!
  • Black Canary saying "I tawt I taw a puddy tat", followed up by "Nope, no puddy tat. Just another asshole."
• The Samurai Jack references continue with Wonder Woman declaring that her lasso is "EXTRA THICC!"
• Johnny Quick's new catchphrase "I'm Johnny."
• This line from Lex-3.
  Lex-3: Then get up there and vibrate like a Hitachi! And not the massage kind,.
• When Owlman shows the Comedian's badge to Batman, he doesn't recognize it.
  (Beat)"Is that supposed to mean something to me or... wait, what is that, bean juice?
• The reason for the constant change of voice actors in not just the abridged series but also various DC media? Dr Manhattan wants his entertainment. As Joker once said in Suicide Squad: Assault on Arkham Abridged, God really is the ultimate comedian.
  • The entire debate between Owlman and Batman is actually between two voice actors of the same character. (EliteF50 and LordJazor)
  • Why is Manhattan screwing around with reality? Because he likes Youtube Poops and is using the series' respective realities as footage for him to edit.
• The expendable world Batman sends Owlman and the bomb to? Earth-💩. Even Owlman himself realizes this when he got there and willingly lets the bomb go off!
  Owlman/EliteF50!Batman: This is fine I guess.
  [planet explodes]
  Narrator/Doctor Manhattan: HA! Nice...
  • The sentence that sums just how bad Earth-💩 is.
  Someone is paid actual money to write these songs. (The Burrito Song scene)

Justice League Doom Abridged

• The various ways the Justice League dispatch their opponents.
  • Superman uses his heat vision to cut up Lex Luthor's warsuit. When the latter threatens to sue him, Superman asks what's his name as he needs it for a court case. Luthor can only retort in frustration.
  • Wonder Woman is barely containing an urge to eat Cheetah. When the latter asks her to go to hell, Wonder Woman says that Hades is a friend.
  • Batman outmanuevers Solomon Grundy while the latter says his trademark poem. After missing Batman and running straight into a power grid:
    Solomon Grundy: Grundy kill you next week instead. (faints)
  • Cyborg laments that his last mission with the League is to fight an otaku. He was even called the Jukebox Hero!!
• Joker's entire scene with Jason Todd.
• Cyborg states that the first reason he's leaving is due to having to lead the Teen Titans. The second reason is Superman.
  Cyborg: Except for you, Superman. You're half the reason I'm leaving.
  Superman: Don't be modest. I'm the full reason you're leaving!
• Vandal Savage calling dinosaurs "entitled fucks" and stated that the meteor made him "five times smarter" and gave him immortality. Since he was a caveman at that time when dinosaurs are somehow still around, Ma'alefa'ak states that this isn't exactly a monumental achievement. He even invented the wheel later that night! Cavewomen loved the wheel.
• "I was there."
  • To give some context, Vandal Savage was considering the rise of superheroes as his greatest failure. He was somehow present at every single superhero origin using his immortality as a Hand Wave. Especially at Themyscira where he should had not known of it's very existence until the 20th century. Cheetah's big "How!?" sums it up.
  • Green Lantern's origin. It turns out that in this canon, the ring was supposed to be given to Batman (A shout-out to the comic Batman in Darkest Knight) but Hal Jordan got to it first. After lying to the ring, he dons the ring complete with Transformation Sequence to the theme of Miraculous Ladybug.
  • Superman's origin reveals that unlike most comic incarnations, his parents actually sent him to Earth in 1975 on purpose knowing full well that the yellow sun will in Jor-El's own words, "make you a god". However, their information on Earth is outdated by a few decades due to being many light-years away, resulting in his 1940s characterization. Being raised by the Kents just made things worse until he became his current self.
    Jor-El: Here are a few tips of you want to make it there. Number one: America good, everyone else bad. Number two: Too much pink energy is not good. That means don't trust the women Kal. Number three:—
    Vandal Savage: For you see, I was—
    The rest of the legion: You were there! We know we get it.
  • It's gotten so bad that after the above, Vandal Savage was about to say "I was there" one more time but Cheetah is understandably frustrated and slashed his throat just to shut him up. Vandal recovers and decides to reword his sentence a bit.
    Vandal Savage: (after back-handing Cheetah) Let's just say I was in the general vicinity at that time. Fair enough?
• Once again like in Suicide Squad: Assault on Arkham Abridged, the descriptions of the Justice League members. At the 8 minute mark.
• Alfred has a booty-call number. Said number according to the editor belongs to Trigon. Alfred just steals the scenes involving him.
• When John runs into a disguised Ma'alefa'ak, he has trouble pronouncing his name. One of his attempts results in Piccolo's Makankosappo before deciding to stick with "motherfucker".
• Bane is revealed to ditch his Spanish accent and sound just like Tom Hardy when under venom.
• Mirror Master's motivation to villainy wasn't that he was evil, but it was because he worked one or even two honest jobs but was still unable to pay the bills.
  • When it's time for the old woman hostage scene, Mirror Master admits that even he was shocked that the cage actually had an old lady in it.
  • When the bomb was planted on Flash's wrist, Flash asks how does he prevent it from exploding his wrist. Mirror Master's response?
    Mirror Master: Ever heard of the movie Speed?^note The main premise is that the vehicle's speed in the setting must never go below a certain threshold otherwise it would explode.
• This situation just sums up the difference between the two Green Lanterns.

  Green Lantern: Do you have any idea what time it is?

  FBI Agent: Erm...like, 8pm?

  Green Lantern: Exactly! This better be good, guys.

  FBI Agent: Terrorists have a hostage trapped in a mine with them. Said they would only deal with a Green Lantern. We've been trying to get a hold of the good one all day.

  Green Lantern: But I only just got the call.

  FBI Agent 2: Like he said, the good one.

  FBI Agent: Eventually, we just said "what the hell" and just called you.

  • Sure enough, when asked to handle the situation delicately, Hal proceeds to create a megaphone and threaten to beat them with a giant green dildo if they don't play nice.
  • When confronted with the fact that the hostage was Carol (actually a fake one), the one holding the gun has some...strange conditions. The first condition was to move in with Carol. The second was getting a stable job. The third condition is to grow up out of his man-child phase. Hal's response?
    Green Lantern: What if I say no-(bomb goes off right behind the fake Carol)
  • The clincher? When confronted with the scene of losing Carol, the REAL Carol appears right behind him. Hal thinks she is a ghost and the lady just plays along. Carol can't believe that he actually was falling for this. After breaking his spirit, she leaves wondering what she saw in him.
• Cheetah calls out Wonder Woman about trying to make a rug out of her to stay warm, despite the fact that heaters exist. The latter states that she has no idea what that is.
• Clark's ringtone is the Superman: The Animated Series theme song.
• Clark receives a call from Lois saying that there is a man trying to jump. After three years, Lois actually decides not to play along with the Clark Kenting and just asks him to get on with it and save the person. Their closing line?

  Clark: Oh Lois, you're my silver medal.

  Lois: And you are my participation trophy.

  • The first thing Superman says when he reached the person? Saying that if it was because of Obama winning. (The year this movie takes place in is 2008 when Obama won the presidency.)
  • When the man asked Superman for an apology, the latter actually told him to jump.
  • Metallo's origin in here is downright ridiculous. It turns out that as John Corben, he was one of Superman's supporters and took his words during his first interview with Lois Lane at face value. Said words include singlehandedly declaring war on Canada. Sure enough, he got mauled by wild moose before he made it across the border and had his heart eaten by a grizzly bear.
  • When Metallo reveals his Kryptonite heart, Superman calls him Decepticon scum.
• After digging out of the grave, Bruce immediately asks for a status update on the Justice League after seeing Superman's death in Metropolis. When he called the Flash, he was responded with whether or not he seen Speed while Martian Manhunter is too busy drowning while on fire to answer.
• Cyborg was called to deal with the brainwashed Wonder Woman. Apparently in the three years after the Teen Titans were formed, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, the twins got deported and Speedy is MIA for months.
• The carnage Wonder Woman is causing thanks to the nanomachines in her head. The battered police officers trying to restrain her understandably got their butts kicked. When Cyborg steps in, the squad leader has this to say:
  Officer: Ok. Everyone who can still walk, back away now. If you can't, well then...I'll inform your next of kin. Looking at you, Morales.
  • The first thing Cyborg asks Wonder Woman? "Calm your tits-"(gets sent flying)
  • When realises what kind of situation he landed himself into:
    Cyborg: Oh my god, Wonder Woman's Cruella de Vil. And I'm the puppies!
    Wonder Woman: Come here, puppy!
  • Like in the original, Cyborg is understandably pissed that killing is bad and yet somehow dismembering gets a free pass.
• When the Flash runs through the glacier, he couldn't help but feel that this kind of deathtrap would scream "Batman" all over it. When asking Batman whether or not he may be involved in making these methods:

  Batman: I was in a pretty dark place, so I may have scribbled some ideas down. Maybe.

  Flash: What? Was life not challenging enough for you? Batman?!

  Batman: It never ever is.

• Taking a page right out of All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder, it turns out that the scenario Hal was put through was Batman's Plan D and in his disbelief that Hal would actually fall for it:
  Batman: This was like Plan D for you! To give you an idea, Plan C was me dressing up as Big Bird^note He's yellow. and beating the shit out of you with the colour yellow!! And from what I'm seeing, it would have worked!! Honestly, it's beyond me how you got that ring.
  Hal: (crying) I said I was you!!
  Batman: Then start acting like it!
  Hal: (cries harder) My parents....
  Batman: Oh shut up.
  • Batman couldn't help but wonder in disbelief that there is a person that is more scared of a steady income and sharing an apartment.
• Upon the prospect that Superman is actually dying, Martian Manhunter understandably asks if they are actually serious about saving him and losing the one chance to get rid of him. Batman invokes Can't Kill You, Still Need You while grumbling that he shares the same sentiments as the others as demonstrated by his own piece of kryptonite.
  • Lois reveals that the reason she is begging Cyborg to save Superman is because interviewing Superman is her bread and butter in the Daily Planet. Cyborg's response is an interface with dialog options straight out of Batman: The Telltale Series while choosing the "1,2,3 not it!" option.
  • When doing the surgery, Superman loathes the idea that he is being saved by an alien. The feeling is mutual.
  • When Superman wakes up:
    Superman: Guys! I just had a apostrophe! Maybe I should be president!
  • When the League hopes that this will just be a one-off thing, an interface notice straight out of Telltale Games says this:
    Superman will remember that.
• When the Legion of Doom is celebrating, they celebrate the various ways they broke the League. Then Bane reveals his Bond Villain Stupidity. Vandal calls him out on it while hoping that Bane at least handcuffed Batman (he didn't). Cue Villainous Breakdown complete with this icing:
  Martian Manhunter: (uncloaks) Oh. We tracked you down an hour ago. We were just waiting for the most dramatic moment possible. Hey Clark, it's your buddy John. The one who saved your life. Are you ready?
  Superman: Nothing will ever hurt me as much as that...and Canada. (teleports with the rest of the Justice League right in front of the Legion) Your days are numbered, Injustice League!
  Vandal Savage: No. That's another group I named.
• The various ways the League dispatch the Legion. Special mention of goes to Green Lantern who says that he grown out of his man-child phase while defeating Star Sapphire with a giant sling-shot.
• Green Lantern rings are revealed to have an in-built function to send sound to the user as space is a vacuum.
• The 'faith' the rest of the League have in Superman and Green Lantern when asked to stop the missile.
• When Batman threatens to finish what the ice age started on Vandal, he responds to not mention The Flintstones in his presence.
• Unlike in the original where Batman uses his plan of phasing the entire planet to let the rays pass harmlessly through Earth, the suddenness of it in here meant that for once, he was stumped!! Then Superman resorts to praying to God to help. Said God is Dr Manhattan and he decides to effortlessly do just that.
  Dr Manhattan: Okay fine! But just this once! (snaps fingers and the Earth becomes intangible)
• "It's made babies! I have to kill the babies!"
• When voting whether to kick Batman out for being responsible of creating the plans in the first place, Batman walks out on his own like in the original. After that, Flash lampshades that they can't kick him out as he is responsible for their funding!!
• Superman having his head screwed on right for once and actually gives a genuine heartwarming statement about how the Justice League is nothing without Batman... just like how America is nothing without guns. Batman understandably groans about how he ruined the moment.
• The closing line is Alfred telling Batman that a new "stupid boy" has arrived in the Batcave calling him "Dream Fake". Since Dick Grayson is Nightwing while Jason Todd is dead at that time, it's Tim Drake.

Suicide Squad Abridged 2: Ticket To Heck

• The Flash sums up just how forgettable his Rogues Gallery is. He calls them "the two Captains and the ones no one knows at all."
  • When the Flash asks how Captain Boomerang how he got out of being in the Suicide Squad, the latter states that he got broken out by "a mutual acquaintance". That's how he knows Zoom is responsible, complete with an "Oh no...".
  • His opinion on Zoom is even worse. He is considered a yellow Evil Knockoff with no originality unlike the other villains.
• Apparently, there was a time where Zoom had to stay in a wheelchair for a year just to get to the Flash. Flash immediately states that he really needs a hobby.
• When Zoom revealed that he planted bombs on his fellow villains right under their nose and is going to blow up Central City, they were shocked as they are planning on going for sushi afterwards and invited Zoom to the local Discord server.
• The Justice League's Big Damn Heroes moment. Batman's opening line when crashing through the window roof?
  Batman: I call this the Michael Keaton.
• Wonder Woman immediately gets the Lasso of Truth on Zoom to force the information about how to disarm the bombs when it's clear that Batman won't have enough time to disarm them. This exchange is glorious:
  Batman: Where's the trigger?!?
  Flash: He already pressed it!
  Zoom: It's true! We will all be one red puddle soon enough.
  Everyone: What the hell is wrong with you!!
  Zoom: Well... I’ve been retconned so many times I... heh... I don't even know who I am anymore!!
• Superman asks which country the villain he is saving comes from. After containing the bombs with his hands, he still presses the question.
• While Zoom is being led away, he vows vengeance until everyone the Flash loves is covered in red. Then Superman throws the threat right back at him by saying since communists are red, Zoom will get a first look at what he does to them. Poor guy is flown away screaming.
• Flash hopes that it's the last he has to see of Zoom. Cue ominous thunder with a flash of Dr Manhattan's upper face in the storm.
• Deadshot lampshading Amanda Waller's skinner appearance from the first Suicide Squad film.^note The actual reason is because the two movies are in separate timelines and Waller is suffering from cancer. Her response?
  Amanda Waller: I ate it.
• Professor Pyg is shown currently taking a job from Two-face to make sure his evil half fully takes over. When being attacked by Scandal Savage and Knockout, he complains that breast enlargement surgeries are on Fridays.
• Deadshot asks Waller if at any point in the mission, they have to deal with a knockoff Joker and have to save her. Her response is no and they have to find a male stripper, which he accepts.
  • Captain Boomerang proceeds to drop the bomb that he used to be a male stripper which is where he got his moniker from. Amanda tells him that nobody wanted to know that.
• Copperhead pulling a Bait-and-Switch that he is going to be like King Shark. Ironically, this happens because he picked the wrong words to open with. The poor guy laments that the damage is done.
• The entire scene in the male strip club. When Charlie Trevor debuts on stage, set to Pharaoh's Throne:
  Harley: Show us your Millennium Rod!!
  • Also of note is this exchange:
    Killer Frost: Not the sexiest intro...
    Harley: You should see Mister J's!
• Deadshot asks Captain Boomerang what to do when the Flash is chasing you. The latter's response?
  Captain Boomerang: Get into fetal position and hope it's over quickly, just like in prison.
  • Deadshot calls out how inconsistent the speed is by having Zoom dodge the bullets while still somehow be initially slower than the RV.
• The Title In after the Suicide Squad saves Charlie Trevor.
  The Middle
  Bum fuck nowhere
• The entirety of Charlie's whole story as Doctor Fate. Highlights include:
  • The idea of a male stripper being chosen by Nabu to be Doctor Fate in the first place.
  • Being Doctor Fate, he was voted the second best superhero butt of the month. The first? Nightwing!!
  • A quick look around of the Tower of Fate reveals that the Infinity Gauntlet in Fate's possession.
  • Nabu expelling Charlie for getting the Get Out of Heck Free card stolen.
  • Deadshot once stated from his time fighting the Joker that "God is the ultimate comedian". If everything the card is stated to be true, he then thinks the devil to be laughing at them. Cue Alfred's signature laugh in the background.
• Captain Boomerang calls Scandal and Knockout "Manlier-than-Hugh Jackman" and "Wonder Fraud" respectively.
• This gem the middle of the fight.
  Copperhead: Hey pig! Did you know snakes have 2 penises?
  Pyg: O_O (proceeds to look down)
• Vandal's Mooks showing some common sense that should they shoot Knockout in the process of trying to gun down Bronze Tiger, Scadal will go crazy and kill them. Vandal ignores them and orders to open fire...with predictable results.
• Charlie being arrested by the cops for being nude. Even the excuse of "being kidnapped by some weirdos in their birthday suit" is actually common according to the police!!
  • When Zoom arrives to pick Charlie up for a few minutes, the latter states that his rates aren't cheap.
• Killer Frost explaining her origin story of spontaneously generating ice from her hands and killing her parents, Harley Quinn immediately calls her Elsa and asks if she has an Anna.
• Harley Quinn states that if the squad are snacks at a gas station no one wants, she would be the cinnamon roll, Deadshot would be a Twinkie, Killer Frost would be the blue slushy and Captain Boomerang is the expired muffin in the back.
• When the Suicide Squad enter Vandal Savage's lair, a certain individual arrives to greet them. It's Alfred, who claims to have created the card just to see some "stupid boys" fight each other over it. After he leaves with the usual Evil Laugh, Captain Boomerang admits that he just shit himself.
• When Deadshot tries to make a joke like last time, it's considered Actually Pretty Funny.
• The idea that Zoom is indeed the same Zoom from Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox like in canon. It's because after The Stinger it's revealed that the countdown to Flashpoint has began, meaning that he just trapped himself in a Stable Time Loop of his own death.
• Everyone is convinced that Bronze Tiger is just Batman in disguise throughout the film due having too many similarities with him for their liking (again). At one point, Deadshot even calls him out saying that he is Batman wearing blackface. It takes him actually dying for real at the end to convince Deadshot otherwise. And restore the latter's trust in black people.