Let's just take something straight outta the way and say that Hetalia is one of the most hilarious products to ever come out from Japan - nah, scratch it - one of the most hilarious products ever.
- Russia managing to scare the hell out of England by sitting in a silly hat and smiling pleasantly.
- Japan lends America a bunch of Japanese horror video games. The next morning, Japan goes to check on him, certain he's been completely terrified, when he sees America as a shibito. (Of course, just to scare Japan.)
- The fact that America fears Dora the Explorer.
- China complains about his fellow nations to what seems to be a panda toy and ends with, "But the worst is Russia! He's planning to stab me in the back, no doubt about it!" Then said panda takes off its mask, revealing itself to be Russia in a costume, who exclaims, "How did you find out?"
- "WHAT DID YOU DO TO PANDA?"
- Russia making the famous 'Sit and you Die' chair explode by sitting on it and being more evil than it.
- Hungary being revealed as one infamous Covert Pervert. "Mine is a pure love", my foot!
- "Please leave, you second rate perverts" LOL. Japan cracks me up.
- Russia's greatest fear revealed..
- "Hey Austria, what kind of relationship do you call it when you see them every day and they hug and kiss you, and go to bath with you, and sleep in the same bed as you (while they're naked)...?" That said, the Buon San Valentino strip is mostly like that, combining this with Heartwarming Moment.
- Germany "proposing" to Italy. With a tomato-shaped ring. While a shocked waiter looks on. And Italy looking like completely like a fish out of water. It had to be Hungary Lampshading the fact that it would be so damn hilarious that really turned the funny up to 11. That is all.
- Japan imagining ''Italy'' pulling off a◊ Slasher Smile. "I'll touch the back of your head to my heart's content", indeed.
- Japan: "It's a dream! A dream! A dream!"
- A child Prussia thinks he's found an equally young Hungary's weakest spot. And what he DOES discover is... well, VERY unexpected.
- The Brick Joke in "Black Ships" about America making friends with whales◊ and England's subsequent emotional kick in the groin when America rejects his offer of friendship.America: Not on your life, sucker!
- France, after getting a picture of Switzerland sleeping, gets caught. His Reaction◊.
- Not to mention France trying to undress ''Russia]].
- Himaruya's emergency punchlines."It's the Greek army! The Greek army has come!!!
- Q: A Spaniard compliments your hideous clothing. The correct answer is...?1. "Not really."2. "I was just thinking about throwing this out."3. "Your clothes are cooler."
- A. Distract with your sweet yo-yo skills.
- All of the mochi comics are as hilarious as the are bizarre. "I just thought, 'it's a lettuce.' I was wrong. It's my daddy." The aliens sum it up pretty well: "Oh god... wtf""Gracias! Me gusta mucho el tomate."
- Belarus' lovely When She Smiles moment...before she mercilessly attacks Finland.
- The 2010 Bloodbath. That is all.
- England appears with a T-Shirt that contains the infamous Harry Potter Spoiler. In horror Japan ask for him to take it off, which England promptly does... just to reveal that the very same thing is written in his chest.
- When England reluctantly appears at America's birthday party. The two share a somewhat dramatic, somewhat angsty discussion of how the day makes England sick. England hands over a gift bag and leaves. America opens it, commenting that it's probably an "old man" present. A boxing glove on a spring pops out and punches him smack in the face.
- The Asians strip from the fourth manga volume, specially when China finds out what Taiwan, Macau and Hong Kong were doing behind his back.China: I'M LECTURING ALL OF YOU!
- Also from the fourth manga volume: Hungary, Ukraine and Liechtenstein discuss national dresses. The last one is the famous Crete dress code that had the women exposing their breasts. Poor, poor Liechtenstein.
- Even funnier if you notice the reference to FEMEN of Ukraine.
- France (to Italy who has asked what intercourse means) "You don't know? It's something you do with someone you like. DO YOU LIKE ME, ITALY?" *cue creepy ass grin*
- America attempting to treat England's cold with a hamburger to the face.
- Italy ends up in a crate again after America and England get tired keeping him prisoner and send him back to Germany. With a card that says "FUCK" on it.
- There's a strip where Lithuania falls asleep on Russia's couch and wakes up to Russia who for once is in a mostly-sane mood and it shows that Russia is capable of kindness toward Lithuania. They talk about dreams, and Lithuania falls asleep again, only to wake up resting on the shoulder of a panda instead of Russia.
- Japan's reaction in this strip to Italy trying to get him to smile. "What are you trying to make me do?!!"
- Molassia from the Micronations mini-event. Normal and calm one minute, badass and cursing the next.
- All of the April Fool's events. Spain's news reporting, Prussia's blog, Fool's Bath 2011...
- The book strip where England recalls how cute America was as a kid. Specifically, a memory in which England brings him a math textbook and young America tells him with a smile, "Dwop dead, Engwand!"
- This is followed by a memory of England telling a young America that he's raising paint and newspaper taxes, while America cheerfully replies "Drop dead, England!" The strip then cuts back to present time, where America is poking England's face and saying "Drop dead, England!"
- Made even funnier in the American travel book, where "Drop dead, England!" is instead translated to "Fuck you, UK!"
- This is followed by a memory of England telling a young America that he's raising paint and newspaper taxes, while America cheerfully replies "Drop dead, England!" The strip then cuts back to present time, where America is poking England's face and saying "Drop dead, England!"
- "I found Prague!"
- America's reaction when Japan tells him why the "gay gun" won't work.
- In chapter 92 of World Stars, when nations are discussing what to do to help Greece recover, Greece himself comes up with this, with Bishie Sparkles surrounding him:Greece: What if we get rid of the concept of debt?
- The Battle of the North...! and A Looming Shadow.... strips. Sweden crosses a frozen strait to get at Denmark, who is absolutely terrified, but barely manages to keep a brave face because he doesn't want to look uncool in front of Norway. Denmark tells Norway to "keep his eyes on him" and dramatically faces Sweden, proclaiming that even if he's defeated a "second and third" him will come back:Denmark: (being grabbed and headbutted by Sweden) Are you watchin' buddy?! This is how your leader meets his noble death!Norway: (examining his fingernails in disinterest) Ugh, got some dirt under my nails...
- Episode 1: England's "Take this! BRITANNIA FORK!" has to be funniest line in this episode. Also, America stating that no one is allowed to disagree with his plan to stop global warming.
- Episode 2: Germany hitting Italy with the butt of his rifle and saying "I won't be tricked! Go to hell, you damn pasta-loving bastard!" Also, him opening the door for Italy seeing if he wants to escape and Italy just flirts with girls and comes back.
- "I'm a tomato box fairy! I'm here to be your friend!"
- Episode 3: Italy's song for Germany in and not to mention how Germany sends Italy back in a package after hearing the song. Or how Germany is making clocks to pay back France and keeps saying how happy he is that he was able to get rid of "that guy" (Italy) and Italy floating past him in a weird manner.
- Episode 4: Italy checking on his friend Japan when they're in a hot spring. After praising Japan's ability to turn everything into miniature models, he looks down and says "Oh, that too?" while in the hot spring. Japan is embarrassed at such remarks and beats the crap out of him.
- Episode 5: Italy making preparations for being Germany's ally but he only brings pasta, pasta sauce and wine. The next time he makes preparations he brings the same things and Germany yells "It's the same!", and Italy responds with "No, this time it's better! This time I added pizza!" And then he asks Italy if he has anything else they can use and Italy says "I only have Machiavelli." Germany says "I'm sorry but we can't use him."
- Italy making "preparations for war" by making white flags for him and Germany to wave meaning they surrender.
- Italy trying to become Germany's ally, Germany throwing Italy out, and Italy getting thrown back. Also, his completely happy response "Germany, I was thrown back!"
- Episode 6: Austria saying "I will now express my anger and disgust with you through the piano." there's then a long sequence of Austrian Piano Playing.Austria: (After finishing his piece): Do you understand now?Germany: So your anger is Chopin?
- It feels like we're calling out the devil!
- Germany, Italy and Japan are roasting marshmallows on the beach. In the background, soft piano music is playing. Germany talks about how he never wants to go home anymore now that Austria lives with him, and wonders how Austria is doing right now. Italy points out that Austria "has been right over there the whole time, you know." Pan to Austria... who is playing the piano music. "How did I not notice him!?!?!"
- Episode 7: Romano's mustache. 'Nuff said.
- Episode 8: Italy tells Germany over the phone "There was a pretty girl so I hit on her. But then, it was France in disguise!"
- Italy admitting at gunpoint that Germany is a secret pervert.
- Italy sums up the North African campaign in one phone call to Germany:Italy: Germany! Germany! I'm in North Africa right now and I can't tie my shoe laces! And what's even worse: Britain is here!
- Episode 10: In the Chibitalia segment, two men bring their grievances to Austria. Their complaints consist entirely of "Things are turbulent!" and "I'm lashing out at you!". Repeatedly. For several seconds. And it continues in the background while Miss Hungary talks.
- Episode 12: France trying to convince England to marry him.France: (to England about the marriage certificate) "No, it's not a marriage certificate, IT'S A CALENDAR!"
- Italy tackle-hugging Japan, responded to with Japan acting like he's just lost his virginity. "That was my first time... You must assume responsibility!"
- Episode 13: Germany telling Italy that, to keep your allies, you must sometimes be gentle, and sometimes be strict. This is reenacted with Italy doing both attitudes to a cat he's holding.Germany: Sometimes, with discipline!Italy: Decipline! Got it! Naughty Puki, naughty Puki, naughty Puki, Puki Sweetie~ *Cat licks him* AAH! That really hurts! Help me, Germany, he's attacking me! Make it stop! Boy, it hurts so bad!Germany: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, ITALY!?
- England accidentally summoning Russia when trying to curse Germany.
- Episode 14: "Oh no! Now the Spanish and Greek have started to chat to each other!"
- Episode 16: On the unintentional side of things, the "English" preview for America Cleans Out His Closet. The line that took the cake, however, was undoubtedly. "I CAN HANDER IT."
- Episode 19: From Italy's training regimen to Canada's introduction to Italy failing at spying at the Allies' table (while Canada is in the background acting nonchalant and silly).
- Episode 21: Sealand talking with Lithuania on how to be acknowledged as a nation, random cut to Russia eavesdropping with one of the creepiest "=D" faces ever.
Lithuania: A big country like Russia could come in and make you forget EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU ARE.
- Poor Sealand probably could've picked somebody less terrifying to learn about being a nation from.
- Episode 23: The Italy brothers getting in a fight, with N. Italy calling Germany for help, and Germany thinking that he's hearing something inappropriate on the other end of the line...Germany: (Sounding frustrated and disappointed) So it was just hair?
Italy: What's wrong? Germany and Japan never complained about sleeping with me?
- Italy's line just before that and Romano's reaction to it too.
- Episode 26: England's drunken flailing and crying right in front of America. The next day, he's so ashamed, he wants to die and promises to give up drinking. That, and he has a huge hangover.
- Episode 29: Russia jumping out of a plane without a parachute while screaming "VODKAAA!!!!" and saying that he'll be okay because there's snow on the ground and snow is soft. He ends up getting hurt.
- America: "ICE CREEEEEEEEEEAM~" *trips on banana peel* *splat*
- Made more funny by the fact that he somehow breaks his foot by falling on his face.
- America: "ICE CREEEEEEEEEEAM~" *trips on banana peel* *splat*
- Episode 32: Italy woke up to Germany sleeping and was so ecstatic about waking up before him for once, he immediately calls Japan and there's this exchange.Italy: Listen to this! I woke up earlier than Germany for once!Japan: Are you serious?! We must celebrate this occasion with a dish of red bean rice!
- Episode 37: Italy is worried that Germany might forget him and France tells him not to worry he just needs to drop his pants and show him his ass.
- Even better? Italy actually goes and does it... Off screen, of course.
- Russia's first use of kolkolkolkolkol.
- Episode 43: The following when Belarus states her reasoning for why she returned:Belarus: Although I left with Big Sis it seems just natural for me to be with you after all.Russia: Bela-Belarus: *interrupting* I'll stay with you, Big Brother. I'll stay by your side forever.Russia: What? Thanks. Will you really stay by my side?Belarus: *sparkling with hands clasped and smiling* I'd be even better if you married me and let me be even closer to you.Russia: *disgusted*
France: "Finding your next friend could be as easy as saying "Hey! Do you want to bare my children?""
- Russia writes to France's radio show for advice on love. France, being helpful, offers him a pick up line: "Say 'I want to get to your bed. How should I do it?' and that's it!"
- And in the dub:
- Russia writes to France's radio show for advice on love. France, being helpful, offers him a pick up line: "Say 'I want to get to your bed. How should I do it?' and that's it!"
- Episode 48: When Hungary and Austria realize that Chibitalia is entering puberty.
- Episode 11: Japan goes on vacation with Italy to learn more about Italian culture. The results must be seen to be believed. See it here.
- Episode 14: "FUCK-ING LI-MEY."
- Episode 16: France sent out PIERRE!
- Episode 17: "Running Away With Su-san" was amusing enough, but then it got animated. From the sparkly, dating sim-esque title, to Finland's amazing scream at seeing Sweden's face inches from his (with Scare Chord!), to the climax, in which Sweden drapes his arm over Finland as the first movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony plays."Warm now?""Terrfied now."
- Episode 30: The G8 meeting. England glares at Russia. Russia simply grabs Englands glare-arrows and eats them like popcorn.
- Belarus' allergic reaction to Kumajiro, who interrupts Canada to ask for a snack.
- Episode 32: England sleeping during the meeting.
- Episode 35: Germany wrestling with a naked Italy. "DIE!"
- Episode 36: Japan's horrendously Yodel Land-esque Imagine Spot of Switzerland was funny enough in the manga, but the animated version must be seen to be believed.
- Episode 39: After Italy modifies a car, it shoots him into the sky and he screams "Ve!" the whole way. And then there's how Germany thinks Italy is gone forever when he just gets stuck in a tree.
- Episode 42: Spain and France are about to engage in an epic battle over Romano. Just before France and Spain start fighting, Spain's pet bull headbutts France, which makes Spain the winner of the battle.
- Episode 43: This gem from Poland during his and Lithuania's first meeting:Poland: "Like, show me your penis and junk."
- Lithuania wasn't up to it.
- Episode 45: America is a candy fountain.
- Episode 49: The "Brother Dear" strip was already funny, but the anime dials it Up to Eleven.
- The Beautiful World episode 3: specifically, Prussia playing broom-guitar and dancing and singing/cheering in the background while Austria talks to Germany. It's a brief scene, but it must be seen to be believed.
- Episode 1: From the English dub of the Meeting scene, we have gems like Switzerland saying, "MAN UP OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY PEACE PRIZE!", and Germany explaining how to ask a question..."Now, if you vant to go, make sure you're prepared und raise your hand, but do so in a vay that does not mock any salutes of my country's past."
China: Would you like to sample some Chinese tasty treats? :DFrance and Britain: *not ending their fight* WE'D JUST GET HUNGRY AGAIN!!
- Made even funnier when you realize that the Nobel Peace Prize is hosted by Norway.
- Let's not forget this little gem:
- Episode 6:England: Bring on the fire. Bring on the hell. Set everything ablaze so that no trace remains. Bring on the fire-America: I feel like we're summoning the Devil!
- Episode 7: America states about Germany "I bet he's deeply in love with Italy. He's probably chasing after good artwork or Italy's butt. What's so great about his butt? Really, I'm at a loss."
Romano: Hey there Hasselhoff, I've got a little surprise for you!Germany: Great. Vhat iz it? Another Jew?
- The first thing Romano ever says to Germany is, "Suck my balls, you damn potato-eater." Italy's cheery explanation is, "Since we were always governed separately, he had to spend more time with our big brother Spain, so he's become kind of a dick!"
- This gem:
- Romano, with a tomato in hand ready to throw at Germany: "THIS WEATHERMAN IS PREDICTING A 99% CHANCE OF SHITSTORM, AND IT'S COMING RIGHT AT YA!" Terrifying stuff, that.
- And right after that:Romano: "WAAAAH! IT'S FRAAANCE!!!" *hides behind Germany, whom he'd been dissing mere moments ago*France: "Oh no, Germany!!!"
- And right after that:
- One word: MOUSTACHE.
- Episode 8: After the UK uses Italy to capture Germany he interrogates Italy and Germany separately, and Italy exposed that Germany is pretty much a Covert Pervert.Germany: Before I tell you, I've have somezing I vant to say. It goes a little somezing like zis: Lick mein balls!Italy: Aaah! Why are you pointing a gun at me!? I've already told you I'll tell you everything I know, which is pretty much everything I know! Please don't shoot me, PLEASE!"Germany: Do your vorst! Compared to my everyday life, your kind of torture vould be like bites from a mosquito!Italy: Yeah, he's kind of a sadist; actually he's an intense super kind of sadist with a lot of hardcore books and DVDs! You can't guess what I've seen living with him! There was one video I saw that had dogs in it! He really likes tying people up too, and I'm sure you know what that means! Up until recently his government endorsed bestiality with all of its soldiers!Germany: *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*Germany (Later to Italy): I hate you und your ass face.
- Episode 9:America: I think it makes use of our strengths in the best way possible! Britain goes in suicidal — it's your Charge of the Light Brigade routine! France gives up without a struggle! And for Russia, just keep sending us your cannon fodder! You'll draw the guns away... from me!
England: No thanks. I'll won't be a part of one of your half-wit schemes.America: Why do you hate me? Are you still pissed of about that whole "Revolutionary War" thing?England: Since you're illiterate and not our leader mostly my mind wonders while you're speaking. Like recalling how we burnt your capital to the ground in 1814.America: Uh-England: Sometimes I picture you as the diabetic fat person you'll likely be in a few more years on your strictly hamburger diet.America: Uh- Since we're all sharing our feelings... Those pastries you served me when I visited your house the other day? They tasted like petrified couch stuffing.England: BASTARD! Those scones were a recipe passed down by my mumsy!America: *Being choked* Those things were supposed to be scones!?France: When you two are done releasing sexual tensions, we have got a meeting we need to finish!
- And England's reaction to this strategy and the ensuing "discussion"...
- Episode 11:Britain: *Sigh* No surprise, the meeting ended once again without any resolution. Blast all! I really do wish there was someone around here who I didn't always fight with.Flying Mint Bunny: Hi there!Britain: Flying Mint Bunny! Did you come here to try and cheer me up!? Huh?Flying Mint Bunny: I wanted to see you, Britain, so I flew right over!Britain: This is great! All my magical friends at the same time! But let's have no murders this go around, okay? I'm serious, guys!America: Hey, Britain! Can I talk to you for a second?Britain: Hey! No fair chewing on my sleeve, Uni! I'm too ticklish, so stop the snuggling. You're naughty, Captain Hook, Tinkerbell's not big enough! Take that big, goofy kiss face to your little leprechaun friend, since he's the only one who cares! Kidding~ Seriously, you're all nutbugers! What am I to do with you! AHAHAHAHA!
- Episode 12: Germany training Japan and Italy, while Britain is spying on them.Germany: Britain vants you to acknowledge his bastard child as your own. Vhat do you do?Britain: Hahaha. Stupid Germany. I'm SAS. When it comes to spying, no one is better than Britain! Cheers~ Ha! That was all too easy. Now I shall observe their top secret training.Germany: Vhat do you do? Britain is slowly closing in on you, but he's dressed up for Carnival und swishing his hips!
- Episode 13:Britain: Why must you insist upon interrupting me all the time!? Do you have some kind of grudge against me!?Russia: No! Uhhhhhh... Wait a second. Yes I do.Britain: My grudge is more important than your grudge! I won't let you revengious interruptious! Now! The British curse of food and bad tea! *Japan is grilling something in the background but nothing happens*Russia: Ha~ *Stares at Japan* Aaaaaa~Britain: No! Stop! I'm cursing!Russia: Aaa~Japan: *Clutches stomach* Ugh, my berry.Russia: Ha~ Alright. Ready to begin.Britain: Ahaha. That's some really spooky stuff there, chap!
- Episode 15:Japan: I can't berieve this! Put some crothes on at once! Bare skin in pubric dishonors the ghost of your ancestor!Italy: Aww~ But I'm hot and I'm Italian and all the chicks dig it! Why don't you get naked?Japan: I couldn't possibry show a strange man my groin croth! I'm begging you to put some crothes on! I could see to your deviant need to sreep in bed compretery nude aready! I give up. Mr. Germany! You have to say something to him, prease!Germany: Hm? Hey Japan. Can I vash your back?Japan: No. It's crean. *Thinking* Nakedness in Western Curture wirr arso take some getting used to.
- Episode 18: The Roman Empire rises out of the ocean... And proceeds to Rick Roll the Axis and Allies. Twice.
- Episode 19: Well... see for yourself.
- Episode 21: "Is that your girlfriend, or boyfriend, or gender-neutral chibi thing?"
- Episode 26:England: (while drunk off of his ass)England: Ugh... Am I Catholic... or Protestant...? God, I don't know!Waiter: 'Scuse me, is he okay?America: He always gets like this when he starts drinking.England: You don't know me! I'm United bloody Kingdom and I can held my locker better than you any day!America: Dude, calm down!England: Shut up! I felt bad about how the way old frog-face was treating you so I saved your ass. Thought maybe we could be friends and bond over our mutual hatred for France but uh-uh. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME YOU JUST WANTED TO TELL ME NOT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYWAYS I THINK THAT'S TOTAL BOLLOCKS!England: (Later) *Shivering* Why won't the light just shut up? I swear I'm never going to drink again... Someone please kill me...America: Dude can party!France: Quel connardnote
- Episode 27: Germany chasing off England, France, and Bulgaria for hitting Italy with a stick.Germany: Hey, hold on a sec, Bulgaria! Aren't you part of the Axis?Bulgaria: Yeah, but take a look at him and tell me you haven't wanted to do the same thing.
- About Italy's "combat prowess":
- Episode 29: "I want a brother, or at least a pet sugar glider!" Courtesy of none other than Latvia.
Latvia: I'm glad everyone treated you well. We were all placing bets on whether they'd call you a drunkard or bring up Lake Placid and the Miracle on Ice!Lithuania and Estonia: THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET!!!
- Another line from Latvia:
- Episode 31:
America: "Dude, Christmas rocks! We know how to do it right here! First, we x-out the "Christ part to make it extreme! Then, we shop and eat stuff until we're sick! Want to shovel down some X-mas cake to get in the spirit?!
- Fat Christmas, I mean America.
Russia: "December 25th is just like any other day at my house, da? Our big winter celebration is called Epiphany. On January 7th when the wise men visited the baby Jesus. But instead of that story we teach kids a version of pagan beliefs using a guy called Dyed Moroz, or Father Frost, who preforms witch-craft if you make dolls of him.Italy: "Wow, that's amazing!Russia: "Tradition says that those dolls will start moving after 25 days.Germany: "Vhat the hell!? Christmas is freaking crazy in Russia!Italy: "Please hold me...
- Christmas in Godless Russia.
China: Christmas trees are illegal in my country. It kinda sucks.China: It's because they catch fire too easily. The trees, not the girls.
- Even Godless-er China.
Switzerland: "Christmas is about family and loving people!""...Now get bent." *slams door*
- Finnish Christmas. Where's that?
- Gay Christmas. I mean French.France: So, you want to celebrate Christmas with me?Germany: Hell no!
- Also, Germany referring to him as "Herr Francey pants".
- Japan: You get Santa Claus drunk before he fries his sreigh to deriver presents to chirdren?Italy: Hey, Big Brother France, if you ever see Drunk Santa, can you get some pictures for the rest of us?France: Yes, exactly like my Papa used to!
- Episode 32: Germany meets The Roman Empire.Rome: "First Carthage fell and others died, good times. Ah, memories. I just ate, had sex, fought, had sex and slept every day"
Rome: So tell me. what kind of a man doesn't have a women in bed with him every night? When I was your age, I had a plethora of a lovely ladies around me. Oh? Are you not into girls?Germany: I VILL PUNCH YOU IN ZE SROAT!Rome: Oh, come on now. Don't be so sensitive! No one here's a-judging! There's nothing wrong with playing for another team. And everyone likes to experiment a little, except me, of course.Germany: You sound just like France...Rome: Well, there's always a little bit of the self-love, is there not?Germany: NO VAY!Rome: OH!? You masturbate! Everyone a takes care of the business not and again! Masturbation is-a natural!Germany: THAT"S DISGUSTING!Rome: You must be a saint~
- Germany, upon finding Italy in his bed: "How in ze holy Führer did he get into my bed?!?"
- That entire scene is hilarious, from Germany refusing to believe that the "weirdo" in his bedroom is Rome ("If it's zat kind of attitude, my only option is to shoot you in ze head!") to Germany trying to convince himself that the entire encounter is All Just a Dream, to Rome asking why Germany isn't sleeping with many beautiful women and getting a response of "I VILL PUNCH YOU IN ZE THROAT!"
- Though he does only say that when Rome questions his heterosexuality. Not that that's an unfair assumption, considering where Italy was.
- Episode 33: When Italy and Germany both wish upon a shooting star, Italy wishes for England to get a headache so he'll go home. After Italy goes to bed, Germany sees another shooting star. Looking embarrassed, he wishes for a rather long list of improvements to be made on Italy. He may have overdone it a little.Germany: I wish Italy would be cured of being a pussy. Please, make it so he doesn't smell like garlic all ze time? Und, if you could make him a little less cheery every day und a little more serious, like me. Also, teach him to drive, bathe, vorry, und frown. It might also be good to have him split ze atom so we could make a weapon of unparalleled destruction.Shooting Star: DAHHHH! Germany, I'm a frickin' star, not a miracle worker!
Germany: VELCOME TO ZE CAFE DU PAY! YOU'RE LATE UND VILL BE TREATED VIZ CONTEMPT!Guy: ...what? I-I'm so sorry.Narrator: Germans should really stick with engineering.Guy: Wow, you're mean...Germany: Dis menu includes canned lamb, dry crackers, Bulvarian [Bavarian] beer, cheese soup, und Jello. No repeating! You vill remember vat I said!Guy: Yes, sir.Narrator: Why read it when you can taste it on his breath?Germany: You've only got 15 minutes to eat. If you can't finish eating vith in ze time limit, I vill kill you.Guy: That's fair.Narrator: Reminds one of grammar school.Guy: Thanks for the food. (Stands up to leave)Germany: *Puts his hand on guy's shoulder* Our time togezzer has been very special. Make sure to lock your doors at night.Guy: N-No problem.
- What's even funnier is that Italy's wish actually comes true: the shooting star flies into England and embeds itself in his head, giving him a massive headache and causing him to head home. Germany's requests sadly remain unfulfilled.
- In the same episode, Cafe Germany.
- Episode 35: About the Olympics:Narrator: Narrator poll! Who here thinks France is going to get naked?
- Episode 37: This gem of an exchange after Italy has a nightmare about his friends hating him:Italy: HOW DO I GET MY FRIENDS TO NOT ABANDON ME!?France: Well... Sometimes showing your butt will do the trick.LaterItaly: Hey Japan! Wanna see my butt? :DJapan: Not if you paid me one mirrion dorrar.
Italy: (crying, flailing his arms, and trampling on Germany) Please don't ever leave me for someone else! WAAAAAAAH!Germany: (accompanied by the sound of bones crunching) AUUUUUGH! GET OFF ME! AUUUUUUUGH! MEIN DEUTSCH BALLS!
- Earlier, France claims that he was having a dream about chocolate and Jerry Lewis.
- After Italy's nightmare, he runs screaming to Germany's room while accompanied with a sound much like an incoming fighter jet, and he jumps on him while he's still in bed. Hilarity Ensues.
Italy: (trembling and hiding behind a wall) H-Germany. Hello, my name is Giovali. I have something for you. I-I mean, my name is Italy, and see, I, uh, wrote you a letter. I mean, not justGermany: (tiredly) Vhat's the matter, did you have a stroke?
- Later, Italy's nervous delivery of his letter to Germany. Germany just looks like he's seen this kind of thing from Italy many times before and he still doesn't know how to deal with it.
- Episode 38: After Italy hands Germany his very heartfelt letter about how he fears that Germany will forget about him because of a dream he had, Germany is visibly upset and tells Japan (who found the letter but couldn't make out the handwriting) that it was written by Italy and that something is troubling him. Japan looks shocked and gasps "Italy is literate?!?"
- Italy to Germany: "Oh, how cool! I didn't know you were 'telepathetic'!"
- "Germany, where did the pinky swear come from?" "Japan. Never ask him to elephant swear."
- Episode 39: When Finland tries to tell about how there's a mysterious child wandering around the colonies in the New World, and France is more interested in the fact that he caught a fish with only his hands. France then goes on to suggest that the child is a new nation, but not before lamenting how the fish got away and fell back in the river.France: Oh crap, my fish!
- From that same episode, a little before:Finland: [crying] Seriously, you guys, this isn't funny anymore. It's so mean and cruel and stupid!France: *sigh* Tell us what happened, Finland.England: Did you get your head stuck in the butter churn again?
- From that same episode, a little before:
- Episode 40: France and Britain are attempting to convince Baby America to choose them as their guardian. After Britain makes an almightily creepy display of, "Come here, come over here, America. Don't you want to play with me forever and ever?" (complete with Blank White Eyes and the words "doom" rolling off him), America bursts into tears. France takes over and offers him food, which seems to be winning him over.France: Now, come here. This wonderful French food is waiting for you to shove into your chubby screaming piehole!
Britain: Out, damned spot, out I say...
- Now cue Britain lamenting his lackluster countrymen and curling up in despair, quoting Macbeth of all things.
Britain: (Holding America to his chest) ...that voice which calls to me and speaks my name. And do I dream again, for now I find...
- Later in the episode, after Britain has won America over with his display of despair, he's seen singing America a lullaby... from The Phantom of the Opera. And it wasn't even to the same tune.
- Fridge Brilliance sets in: The show premiered in London on the West End, then made its way to Broadway (of New York), with the three main characters (the Phantom, Christine, and Raoul) played by the same three leading actors (Michael Crawford, Sarah Brightman, and Steve Barton). It had been the longest-running (and hence most successful) show for a while on both the West End and Broadway. Phantom was England's first gift to America. (And if you count the fact that a Frenchman, Gaston Leroux, wrote the original novel...)
- Doubles as a Heartwarming Moment.
- Episode 41: France and England try to discredit Germany by spreading malicious rumors about him. Everyone who hears it is appropriately scandalized. Little do they know it's actually true.France: (whispering into the ear of a random passerby) Hey, check it out. Germany has been secretly carting off Jews to extermination camps!Random Passerby: (biting nails nervously) Ahhhh! Creepy!
- Episode 48:Italy: Hey, Germany! What are you doing? Can we go play football? Can we?Germany: Nein, I'm reading.Italy: But it's so pretty outside! Let's play football! Hey~ Germany, play football, Germany~ Hey~ Football, Germany~ Germany, Football~Germany: ARE YOU VANTING ME TO GAS YOU!?
America: Dude, Britain is totally dead!! Let's go get a drink to celebrate! *Britain sits up* See? I told you he would wake up if we did that!
- After England's apparently died:
- Episode 51: Italy oversleeps again, so Germany calmly sits down next to the bed and says the following:Germany: "I once killed a man in his sleep vith only his mustache und a grape"
- The accents. That is all.
- Chibi-England calling France a cheese eating surrender monkey.
- America's epic freak out after watching a horror movie with Japan:
- What really seals it is Japan's totally deadpan reaction to said freak out, even as America is clinging to him and practically screaming in his ear.
- Also, this: "And so another victory of cross-culture with America in the driver's seat. USA!"
- "....they had all become assholes. ^_^"
- "China, I choose you!"
- France: "Sex is a valid workout!"
- Everything the narrator says."Ooh, pretty music!""Polish horses never charged German tanks at the battle-... Right. Anime fans, Germany invaded Poland in '39. Right. American fans, Poland is a country! In Europe! :D"
- "I'm Canadia! T__T"
- "Ve don't have to kiss, do ve?" "Nope! ...Unless you want to."
- Cafe Spain
Spain: Oh, wow! Are you really a customer, mister? Yes! You are one! Sorry, it's been a long time! I'm so glad! *Pats back* let me touch your back!Guy: ...Spain: You know, because of the bad economy nothing's really been happening,Guy: Ngt...Spain: ...but things are looking up now!Guy: Ngt...Spain: Oh yeah! I made this shirt after our king told Venezuelan to shut up! Isn't that just awesome!? I'm telling you man! It's like the real people! *Guy puts on the shirt* Wow! It looks so good on you!Guy: Unn...Spain: I want to send on of these shirts to Venezuelan, too. You look so cool that I definitely want to go on a date with you, I mean, if I were a girl!Guy: Ngt..Spain: Now, coffee! I'll go get you some for you! Just sit tight, okay?Guy: *Sniffle*Spain: Oh! Well, this is embarrassing! Since I haven't had many customers, I've only got instant coffee!Guy: Life...is meaningless...
- The guy he's serving just got dumped by his girlfriend and, since Spain can't sense the mood, he acts cheerful through the whole thing, even though the guy looks like he's about to cry.
- "My boss and Italy's boss, both fabulous dancers and narcissists..."
- Romano's reaction to Russia touching Italy: "Touch of death!"
- "Before we go on to the history lesson, instead of saying one joke, I'll tell you two punchlines!"
- Italy: (to Germany) "You can order me around and I'll disappoint you!"
- When Germany, Japan, and Italy are stranded on an island, Japan mentions that they should have a team name.Japan: What do you think about "Axis"?Germany: "Axis"?Japan: It mean we are arr connected together by an axis, and when we prevair, the worrd wirr turn on that new axis.Germany: Abstract. I vas thinking "Fire Death Team."Japan: No. It better to confuse with obtuse metaphor.
- "MAKE PASTA, NOT WAR" No truer words have ever been spoken.
- Episode 1: As Prussia finishes reading his diary:Prussia: Man, I vas super cute vhen I vas little! Aw heck, I still am!Children: No, you weren't~
Romano: Miss me much, you krauty-kraut? It's time to get you back for occupying Rome.Germany: Is that right? Good luck, mein friend.Romano: (digs through a bag) Heh heh heh. This time I brought the secret weapon along. Your ass is crass as sassafras. Prepare to meet your boring German God in your boring German heaven!Germany: (A pin hits him on the head) Hey, vhat ze heck vas zat? Felt as zough you tried to srow a AAAAAAUGH?! (Cut to Romano gleefully holding a live grenade in his mouth) YOU'VE GOT IT BACKVARDS, YOU FOOL! (Flashbacks to an image of Italy doing the exact same thing Romano just did) ITALIAN DYSLEXIA MUST RUN STRONG IN YOUR FAMILY!
- Romano confronts Germany. It's revealed that Romano is about as good at using grenades as Italy is.
- Episode 6: This exchange. Please do note that all the characters are in chibi-form:Narrator: Suddenly, China turned around and saw Russia settling in, like the slow and steady terror that he is. It must have been really scary. *In a bad Chinese accent* Hang in there, China!Japan (while waving stick wildly): Reave my freind arone!Russia: (extremely cutely) Aaah!
China: I hope they both die.
- Also, when France and England are sword fighting...
- Episode 7: France explaining sexual acts to Italy.France: It's something you do with someone you love... or, you could just pretend to love them.
- Episode 9: Italy's reckless driving. He even drives through a field with his eyes closed, claiming, "I can even close my eyes and let your screams guide me!" No wonder Japan is a shivering, traumatized mess at the end of it.Narrator: And now you know why the Japanese make such safe cars, and what they sound like when they piss themselves.
- "Next time I'll show you my famous butt-driving trick!"
- Episode 10: "It's bad enough I have jerk Britain laughing at me all the time without suffering these little animated insert thingies!"
Switzerland: You have farmlands, so you don't have to sell your soul to Satan!
- France is sad about his economy and tells Switzerland he's lucky that all he has to do is "hide the corrupt gains of the financial elite".
Germany: "Who are you?"Chibitalia: "~I'm me!~"
- Germany and Chibi Italy in the original:
Germany: "Who are you?"Chibitalia: "~I'm your worst nightmare!~"
- Germany and Chibi Italy in the dub:
- Episode 11: Japan in ItalyItaly: GERMANY!Germany: Hm?Italy: Japan said that he wants to stay with me for a few days to do some sightseeing!Germany: Oh? I didn't realize you had an interest in being a tourist.Japan: I ruv to take my camera everywhere I go and because of my shortness it arrows me to see higher in case I want to take pictures of women and invent a wacky game show.Italy: He's right! But we better get out of here, 'cause Godzilla's coming! Come on! Run!Japan: Gojira!? Mister Germany, sank you (Bows) Where did you see him? Was he big?
- Episode 12: The narrator's imitation of Prussia.Narrator: "Hey, you got chick for queen so I'm gon' force you give me some of you land and mebbe stick you head up you own butt. I'm auwesome!"
"Hello little girl. I am Prussia and you are NOT. My awesomeness is exploding at an alarming rate even for someone as awesome as the great Prussia! Anyway, super happy la-la to you and your inauguration, but I'm afraid ve consider it no more zan dried squirrel poop. Perhaps ve'll leave you alone if you give us Austria's Salesia region. It's pronounced Salesia, right? I'll suffice, we'll attack you with awesomeness und ve'll obviously destroy you! From Prussia wiz love. P.S. I'M AWESOME!"
- In the same episode, Prussia's letter to Maria Theresa.
- He asks, "It's pronounced Salesia, right?" In the letter itself.
- And, despite it being an invasion notice, it ends with "From Prussia with love".
"Suck it, losers! Zat queen wants to fight no matter vhat, huh? Austria will have to be content with being my snack before my vorld domination meal! Zis so-called army that Austria has put together vould make my grandmother laugh like this: 'ah ha ha ha!' You've grown so-oft, and now is ze time for Prussia to RISE LIKE A MAGIC JACK-IN-THE-BOX VOYEUR DEMON! Look at my soldiers and their mean faces! I taught zem zat face! I can't vait to see you veep like a baby girl-man-boy. Hee hee hee hee hee!"
- Prussia's soliloquy before squaring off against Austria.
- Episode 16: France and Spain run into each other when they're both following Chibi Romano home. A custody battle ensues. Of course, when Chibi Romano catches wind of this, he bolts.Chibi Romano: Spain is such a freak! I can't believe he was following me! What is this, the Inquisition?
- To be fair, Spain had good intentions. He was just trying to make sure Chibi Romano got home safely.
- Episode 17: At first, the "Japan gets angry" moment is just like the sub. Then Greece calls Turkey to borrow his camera to capture the event:Turkey: Why are you wanting to borrow my camera, feta-breath? It's not like I suddenly started liking your ass!Greece: But... Japan just got... mad.Turkey: Say what? Okay, if I lend you my camera you have to tag me in the pictures on Facebook! Friend me first!
- Episode 18: When Sweden meets Estonia and Latvia for the first time, he introduces Finland as his wife. This is news to Finland.Finland: (nervously) HUH? Hey, don't be so silly! Why would you say something like that? Ahaha... haha...
- Sweden wants to take Estonia and Latvia with him, but they tell him he has to go through Poland first:Poland: They filled me in. So, you're Sweden, huh? Do you have a pair on you or what? You can't just show up and try to take what's rightfully mine! Estonia and Latvia are staay-iiinng!"Sweden: How come.Poland: What? How come? Well...it's like this....I mean...I...they both belong to me...and I don't like you! So...I will never, like, ever, give them to you, so sit on that!Sweden: I see...
- This is followed by a three-second stare-down from Sweden before Poland cowers behind Lithuania.
- Episode 19: Germany wakes up on a peaceful Christmas day morning... to find Italy in bed next to him. Again.Germany: (startled, sits bolt upright) EYYYYAGH! Hey! What ze hell are you doing in here?!
Germany: (shaking Italy) Vhy ze hell are you pulling out a zing like zat out of a place like zat?!Italy: What? There was a guy at Japan's place who got promoted for warming his boss's shoes inside his clothes!
- As it turns out, Italy just wanted to give Germany a gift and spend some time with him. Italy starts rummaging around in his boxers to pull out his "gift". It turns out it was just another set of underwear.
Austria: I can't believe he slept in zis late! Italy must have spent the night in his room too. (Opening the door) Germany! How long are you planning to sleep? I need you to get up now and help me with something. Oh!Italy: (clapping) Ahaha! Stupendo! It fits you like perfectly! Hee hee!Germany: *embarrassed silence*
- Austria walks in on Germany trying on the underwear at Italy's request.
Germany: What in the hell are zose posters?! Take zem down! TAKE ZEM DOWN!
- Later, Italy makes Germany some posters commemorating their friendship. Germany is so touched that he lets Italy put some up. He really ought to have checked the contents of the poster first. Anyway, Italy screams, "Yahoo!" and starts running down a hallway already plastered with posters, presumably to put even more up. The posters themselves depict the words "Italy" and "Germany" on an arrow that points toward a heart. Germany certainly isn't amused.
- Episode 20: Switzerland gives us this little gem as he chases Italy with a rifle:Switzerland: I swear, I will kill you! I will kill you UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!
- Episode 21: England tries to make friends. Unfortunately, he has no idea how to go about it. His first victim er, attempt is Germany.England: (shoving a bouquet of flowers in Germany's face) "HEY! GERMANY! GUESS WHAT?! I think it's about time we became... friends.
Germany: (shutting the door, wearily) No zank you.
- Cue an awkward silence, in which Germany is dumbfounded and England is cringing. England still hasn't lowered his bouquet from Germany's face.
- Explained by the narrator in the following episode as, "Flowers just make Germans constipated."
- Episode 23: Germany is given a letter ordering him to take over Austria:Germany: I'm standing right here... Usually when they do this, it means I'm getting some scheiße job.The letter: We need you to watch Austria at your place for a while, or maybe forever. But it's okay to beat him snotless!Germany: You can't be serious! There is no vay I can see him und not kill him!Boss: Germany! Zis is an order from your superior. And he is one mean strudel pancake.Germany: DAAAUGH!
Italy: (Holding on to Germany's waist) "Germany! I don't want you to take over Austria because you'll like him best and I won't be your number one anymore!Germany: (exasperated) I've no choice, that mustache ordered it. Now back off und stay out of it. (Tries to keep marching forward, struggles to free himself from Italy's grip)Hungary: (Comes in and pulls on Germany's arm) He's right! Besides, Austria is way too pretty for you anyway!
- Italy and Hungary are even less happy with Germany's orders than he is.
Germany: (breaking through Austria's door) Now, ve can do zis ze easy vay or ze hard vay! Your only choice, Austria, is to submit to my manliness!Germany, Italy and Hungary: ...?
- The "invasion":
Austria: Ah. My throat is getting a little scratchy. Would you get some tea for me?Germany: YOU VILL MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN TEA!Austria: You don't have to spit. You could try asking me nicely. I'll just see what Italy's doing (surprised when Germany rushes over and plunks a cup of tea next to him)Germany: Here! (Glares and looks away)Austria: You know, it'd be even better if I could have some—Germany: I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE! IN MY HOUSE, YOU'LL MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD OR STARVE TO DEATH!
- Austria is the master at guilt-tripping.
- Episode 24: Chibi Romano calling his attacker Turkey "Princess Jasmine" because of his clothes. Turkey remembered that.
- All of the height jokes alluding to how much taller than Spain Turkey is.Spain: Why don't you pick on someone three quarters your size?Turkey: Well, hello there. You're awfully stupid for a tiny guy.
- Spain's bull breaking upon the wagon yells "Bull smash! Bull SMASH!"
- Spain's speech to Turkey is both funny, heartwarming, and badass. And Turkey's nonchalant responses are even funnier.Spain: I am the great Spain! You can have Romano when you pry him from my cold dead hands, Turkey Sandwich with cheese!Turkey: ...I was not going to kill you, but now I suppose I will.Spain: A...slight miscalculation. *draws sword* I may be sensually misleading to the eye, but I assure you I can protect Romano and I assure you if you try to invade either of us you will taste the cold steel of my Spanish espada!Turkey: Hmhmhm. That sounded like a declaration of war. I was gonna to attack Europe anyway, I might as well invading you while I'm in the neighborhood. Whose knows, you might like big hats and flowy clothes.
- And then Turkey leaves to go home and get some good coffee before he invades. Because European coffee "is for de baby".
- All of the height jokes alluding to how much taller than Spain Turkey is.
- Episode 26: Japan is worried about his high blood pressure, so Germany takes charge of his diet.Germany: Starting today, I shall rule your diet as if it were a defenseless Baltic country!Japan: (Speaking with a root in his mouth) Wait! I am already eating this pickled yam, and I had one for breakfast too! Is that okay?Germany: I WILL RIP THAT HEART-DESTROYING NUB OF SALT FROM YOUR BLOATED FACE!Japan: What? Zen what about some salted cod roe? (shakily holds up a box of it)Germany: (looks at a list) No way! Srow it in the trash can!Japan: How about caviar? Caviar is okay, right?Germany: Ah, yes, of course it is... IF YOU VOULD PREFER TO DROP DEAD!Japan: Uh, I can't rive without sardines...Germany: I VILL BREAK YOUR HEAD!Japan: (clutching Germany's arm) My sushi! I can't rive without my sushi! Prease don't take my sushi away! Risten! I will go insane without sushiiiii!
- Episode 27: Germany refuses an offer of beer, and everyone in the pub (who are all German, seeing as their uniforms are identical to Germany's) freaks out.Soldier: Germany! You look awful man! Have a beer, that vill help!Germany: Hey, you know vhat? That does sound good! I think I vill have one! (Sees Japan eating and stops reaching for the beer) No... Thank you, but, give it to my big brother instead.Soldier: Vha? (Runs over to a group of people) Guys! Ve are in trouble! Germany just told me he didn't vant BEER!Everyone: (collective gasp) Vhat? (talking among themselves) Das ist schlecht! note This is serious! This vorld is coming to an end!
Prussia: Calm down, fweaks! He und I share the same awesome blood, vhich is made of beer! Zere's no vay he turned it down! I'll check on him und show you. Vatch und see, losers *winks* (Approaches Germany with a glass of beer in hand, with his pet bird flying around his head) Hey, brouhas! Rumor has it you're not drinking beer! Vhat's zat about? Ahahahaha! Did someone sreaten you? How fun!Germany: (looking away) Don't take it personal, but could you please stay avay from me viz that?Prussia: Gasp! But today's beer is better zan it normally is! Come on! You at least have to have a taste!Germany: No, please. I can't even look at it please, just go avay!Prussia: Tuh! (hovering around Germany) How can you turn down a perfectly good beer? Beer! BEER! (Tapping Germany on the head with the beer glass) Don't try to deny it no, it's beer. Your favorite zing in the whole vorld! Okay, stop it. Now you're really starting to freak me out. I-I c-can't... If you don't drink any, I'll have to make a new rule! One zat vill have you running srough ze streets naked! ...I can't believe that didn't work on you. You you hate all zings that are nude-y und fun...Germany: Go avay. Just leave me alonePrussia (Spitting out his beer and spraying Germany) GERMANY'S REFUSING TO DRINK BEER! Ahahaha hahaha! Aha.. oh my God... (Cut to a shot of a fresh bandage on Prussia's forehead with a fuming Germany in the background) You know, part of why I'm so awesome is because I drink beer. Ze awesome taste of zis stuff almost brings awesome tears to my awesome eyes. Yes, it's so true. I love it. It's so salty zough.
- Now enter Prussia:
- Episode 30: Cat!Japan after the tuna shortage.Cat!Japan: Oh, sank Buddha I was abre to stop that ridicurous ban on dearing canned tuna.Japan: Tama! Time-u to eat-to!Cat!Japan: Oh? Is it ah dinner time arready?Japan: Today, I have a bit of a treat for you. Sarty tuna sashimi.Cat!Japan: Yes. Tuna is a good for the soar. Tuna tuna, dericious tuna. I don't normarry rike to meow, but at a time rike this, I can't herp myserf. (Outloud) I ruv tuna, meow!Japan: Did he talk!?
- Episode 31:China: I finally return~Boss: Ah. It took you long enough. I was starting to get worried. You have my thanks for such a hard journey. Okay! Let's get to all the stuff you brought back for me.China: *Bows* Alright. Gifts from the ends of the Earth! And some are from even farther because we got lost whenever captain was drinking heavily. First gift: It's a leopard!Leopard: Leapor~Boss: How mysterious!China: This one is called an Ostrich! Ostrich~Ostrich: O-strich~Boss: How queer and strange!China: This is supposed to look like a camel.Camel: Camelllll~Boss: OH! This beast compound my senses! Surely there are none left that top the queerness of camel!China: But I have one more! A giraffe! A hideous freak of nature!Giraffe: Giraffe...Boss: WOOOOOAH!!!
- Episode 32: England tries to threaten the Italy twins into letting him go:England: Damn you stupid macaroni brothers! You can't keep me locked up like this! I'm an Englishman! You better let me out right now, or I swear I'll make documentaries for your stupid radios! You hear me? DOCUMENTARIES!
Romano: You're the one who caught him, dumbass, so you're the one who gets to take care of him.Italy: What?! There's no way I can do it alone! You have to help me!Romano: You are so stupid! Next time you want to catch someone, make sure you actually want to, buttcrotch!Italy: What was I supposed to do?! He was trapped in a hole someone dug in front of my house! It's the only way I could ever win a fair fight!
- Meanwhile, the Italy brothers are arguing with each other, completely ignoring England.
England:* *Sexy face* I'm so hot, I could kiss myself.
- England tunnels out of his cell while the Italys are distracted (and eventually out cold) with their argument.
- ...Only for Germany to catch him three seconds later. The narrator explains this by saying, "They say British soldiers who escaped in Italy were easy to spot, probably because they weren't Italian and they didn't speak Italian. Also, they didn't smell like garlic."
- Episode 33: After Germany catches England escaping the first time, he begins to lecture Italy and Romano about how he has to train them some more. While he tells them this, in a completely serious voice, Italy is sobbing loudly and Romano is screaming while punching him. Germany breaks off mid-sentence to shout at them "AND VILL YOU SHUT UP WHILE I'M TALKING TO YOU?" Then England escapes for the second time while his captors are being distracted by a lecture.England: (With mice on his head) That's no good at all. My clothes look like I just dug a tunnel with my hands, teeth, and the help of some friendly mice.Guy: (Offscreen) Britain, is that you?England: Huh? Show yourself! But be warned, if you try and stop my escape, you'll get a sound thrashing!Guy: (Appearing from behind a wall) A thrashing for free? That sounds jolly! Can you see me? (Waves) I'm from Aberdeen, Scotland! (A fanfare plays) I'm studying espionage here in Rome with a minor in 14th-century homicide! They like to call me OliverEngland: YOU'RE THE WORST SPY I'VE EVER SEEN!
England: Kinda feels nice for a change. I might even start getting drunk at noon and flatulating publicly... Ah, this is the life. It's so much more fun than arguing about the next cricket roster for the ICC World Cup while drinking warm beer around ugly women. Seriously.
- With some advice, England disguises himself as an Italian to blend in, including an Italian suit, slicked-back Austria hair, and a taped-on Italian Idiot Hair. Seeing is believing: ◊
- Episode 34: England is trying to escape from Italy again. He seems quite confident, since he just got some unintentional advice from Germany ("I got it now! Thanks for all the information, sucker!" "BRITAINNNN!"), and then he orders something stereotypically British from a cafe. The moment he orders ale, Germany jumps at him and wraps the guy's head with the newspaper he was hidden behind.
- —>England: WHY IS MY HEAD COVERED IN NEWSPAPER?
- And this: "You're a big dream-killing liar face-hole!"
- Episode 38: The Axis meal-paying song. "And the Italian was thinking about how to appropriately say thank you to the sucker who ended up paying for his entire meal", indeed. Watch it here or here
- 39: Hungary is injured, so Prussia offers to wrap her wounds with his crotch cloth. See some of it here.Hungary: Hey.Prussia: How lame. It's only Hungary the crackpot; looking like crap. HA HA HA!Hungary: Shut up! Someone who is afraid of the ghost of a doughnut has no right to judge!Prussia: Oh no! You're hurt! Like really badly too!Hungary: Shut up, again, I'm just fine!Prussia: Yeah, yeah, I'm awesome but you know that. So don't vorry, blah, blah, blah, I vill help you.Prussia: Right, speaking of turds, vhat happened to you anyway? You're looking like total shit!Hungary: Yeah, vell blame Turkey and his crew. And, seriously, don't help me. Go away. *ripping noise*Prussia: (Holds up two strips of cloth, ripped from the part of his coat by his crotch) Show me to your vound! I'll wrap it!Hungary: Of all the parts you could have torn, vhy did you tear the cloth from that area!?Hungary: NO! Get avay from me!Prussia: You don't mean that! Eheheh, No, you're dying to be vrapped in my crotch cloth, who vouldn't be!? AHAHAHAHA!Hungary: No means no! I don't vant what's been down zhere close to me!Prussia: Oh~ It's time to vrap the vound!Hungary: Get zat nasty tainted fabric avay from me!Prussia: Vhy? It's just an innocent crotch cloth! AHAHAHA- Oh? (Stops, looking dazed)Hungary: Huh?Prussia: (Hungary's shirt has fallen open) Um... ah.... boobies...
- Episode 41: France crossdresses. He gets England in on the trend too.
Narrator: Basically, what we got here is a pocket that doubles as a giant fake penis. Hooray fashion! I am personally daring anyone to bring that one back.
- "Now, are you going to tell me why you're dressed like my aunt Fanny?"
- Watching France twirl around, Young!England comments, "Pretty dresses aren't really my thing, but you go girl!"
- The narrator explains this phenomenon as, "In the 11th Century—I know, "snore"—but this involves fashion and crossdressing so it's like history but fun! In the 11th Century, dudes started dressing like girls, in long fluttering tunics that the intellectuals hated because they set the nethers free, if you catch my drift. Due to the Norman Conquest anything cool in France would end up in Britain where it got twisted into something somehow less fashionable but more gay. ^_^"
- Further demonstrating his slavery to French fashion, England spies on France's people to find the latest fashion trends. What does he find himself face-to-face with? The cockpiece!
Spain: I'll never let it out of my sight! I'll sleep with it and name it Jorge!Chibi Romano: It's just garbage...
- On a different note, Chibi Romano gives Spain a rusty old sword. Spain's reaction? Panting with his tongue out like a dog.
- Episode 42: Chibi Romano meets Belgium.
- —>Chibi Romano: Besame, baby! Kiss me, kiss me! Smoochy smoochy! Kissy kissy... Besame me! Kiss my face! Besame! Kiss my face right now! KIIIIISSSSS MMMMEEEEEEEE! KIIIIISSSSY FAAAAACE!
- Episode 43: A grave-voiced narrator details the various dangerous factions in fifteenth century Europe: the Netherlands, the Teutonic Knights, the Ulus of Jochi, the Ottoman Empire, and then, "The Holy Roman Empire isn't even worth our time." Ouch.
- Episode 45: China and America are shipwrecked on an island. Stereotypes abound.
China: If you not pay attention to what you eat, you die alone fat in front of TV.America: (cheerfully) That's right, but I like it that way! How else am I supposed to numb myself to my impending financial self-destruction?
- China reacts to America lifting up his shirt and having junk food pour out: "SPOM, AND SNACKERS?! Why were you only carrying piglets and sugar bar? This is great. We'll die of type II diabetes before we ever starve to death."
- "Unfortunately, if we don't find shelter before a storm blows in, we could die of exposure or be forced to share our body heat. This is a matter of gay or death."
- This exchange:
America: Hey, don't ya think if I put a crappy hotel here, I could make a ton of easy cash off of tourists?China: That's great idea! You could build a hotel and I could supply you with political pris I mean, cheap labor!
- China and America watch a sunset. After a moment of thoughtful reflection, THIS happens.
- Episode 46: The translator explains baseball to Japan as, "It's some kind of game. You need a stick, a ball, and steroids."
- Episode 47: America reads off his boss's demands to Japan. It includes "an area where Americans can walk freely and, uh, do some shopping and possibly get a nice haircut" and ends with, "They should be treated like royalty at all times because if you don't, they can get very loud and scary, which is really just another way of saying 'raining death upon your peaceful island nation'." Japan looks devastated. Japan's translator peeps out from behind the screen door and says, "Punch him, now! Come on! One-punch!"
- "Simple things, like... teaching them the secret to looking good in a kimono, unilateral most-favored nation treatment towards Americans, and calling them random superhero names."
- Episode 51: America can't find a European nation on his (America-only) map. He decides to check Google Maps.England: We can't Google stuff in 1942! You asshat!America: Watch how it's done, loser! ...Check it! I do what I want, beeyotch!
Russia:: Oh, Canada! Surprise, it's me! I'm wanting to know how one would get polar bear to stop gnawing on one's head... Yes. Right now would be preferable.
- So there's a polar bear gnawing on Russia's head. He has to call Canada for assistance.
- "You know there's an arrow in my butt, right?"
- Does anyone love the special commentator tracks J. Michael Tatum (France) and Scott Freeman (England) did together as much as me? These two need to be in a room together more often!Tatum: Now it's marriage where you like it or not. *Laughs* This is... wow. That's terrible.Tatum: Please uh, ladies and gentlemen, don't ever actually do that to anyone, uh, in lieu of marriage.Freeman: Unless they refuse, because how else are you going to get what you want unless you, you know, force it upon them?Tatum: But you have to be smooth about it! You can't be like "hey!" and just grab them like France did. You have to be all like, you know "hey, does this rag smell funny to you?"
- "Okay, whatever! Don't touch the Alps! Leave us our art!"
- The English dub of World Series.France: Just look at that face... so handsome.*beat*France: I WANT TO LICK IT.
Random Soldier: Everyone start freaking out! Prussia's here!Prussia: SUCK IT LOSERS!
- Agreed, especially with this exchange:
- The bloopers for Season 3.
- Especially the little kids at the end! "My name is __ and this is the worst word I know:" The words are: stupid, cupcake, cookies, suck (sucker!), butt, and shit. ("Say wha?" "I coulda said a worse word. Ass.")
- "You fell. I laugh. Ho ho."
- "My voice! I'm going through PUBERTY, BABY!"
- "But even if he is a Michael Tatum, he's still a person!" Immediately afterward, we hear Tatum's reaction edited in.
- Christopher Bevins (Japan) screaming "FUCK!" while still in character.
- Japan and America mess up one right after the other, in the same scene. The bloopers are edited together.
- "He actually did Spain in the ass no less than four times."
- "... Britain *pause* FUDGE A DUCK." (Courtesy of Hetalia's lovely Narrator)
- "...by vomiting all over Russia."
- "America taught me how to print, slash, steal le fuck you!"
- When France sees Switzerland chasing Italy with a rifle. "Someone got ze farmer's daughter pregnant again..."
- "I had sex, which is the important thing..."
- (Vic as) Greece is not even trying to be subtle about wanting in Japan's kimono.
- Japan's reactions whenever Greece does this. In comparison to the manga, where they're practically dating, and the sub, where his feelings are more ambiguous, dub Japan hits the perfect combination of mild disgust and acceptance that Greece is just "that" kind of friend.
- He Screams Like a Little Girl in response to Japan's 'pulling my thumb out' trick, no doubt the loudest we will ever hear him.
- Spain after being punched in the balls by Romano.Spain: You're missing the jewels comPLETELY!...[Thinking] No. He got 'em with that last one. The pain is going to start flooding in any second now.......there it is. Why the delay, I wonder? And why is Romano so upset with me? He must have found out I wanted to trade him. As soon as I can move again, I'll apologize.
- And although his eyes widen the slightest bit, he barely reacts to said pain.
- When Spain goes to "support" Romano after the latter finds out that there's no pasta or tomatoes to eat, and we see one of the few times where Romano is genuinely happy to see Spain instead of the verbal abuse he usually throws at him. And Spain's support? A cheering up magic spell in which he outstretches his arms and says three times: "Spell! Spell! Spell!" And the usually mouthy Romano? He's stunned into silence.
- Season three seems to have made Austria a lot more Camp Ambiguously Gay:
- Austria (offering Britain a sandwich): Vould you like to have my (*porn voice*) sausage?
- Rome to Germania after Germania gets him out of depression: "You're so very smart! I love your brain!"
- Any time Japan swears in World Series.Japan (to Italy): YOU FUCKING GREASE BARR! I'RR RIP YOUR FUCKING GUTS OUT AND SERVE THEM FOR DINNER!
- And this oneJapan: FUCK YOU AMERICA!
- And this one
- Russia plots something evil whilst Funimation plays inappropriate music.
- "Oh, my. It looks like someone needs a spanking." That line was said by Austria.
- "WOT DID YOU DO TO PAN-DA!?"
- From the season 4 bloopers:
- "Oh, it's a tomato vagina!"
- "I am Japan I am not Flance" sounds all the more funny in an Indian sounding voice.
- Jamie Marchi taking an incredibly long time to get certain lines down as the narrator.
- Likewise, Colleen Clinkenbeard's monologue as cat!Monaco.
- "God BLESS IT!"
- Christopher Bevins going off-key during the Japan/Switzerland Imagine Spot (speaking of which...), and failing when he tries to recover.
- "He united all our warring tribes in 1236 and...there's a walnut. *cut to Lithuania holding a shield against a storm of acorns and walnuts* I GOT A SHIELD MOTHERFUCKAAAAAA~"
- Germany: Zat vas my mother'z cup YOU FOOL!
- "A thrashing for free? That's...that sound JOLLY! (hehe) I am currently studying espionage here in Rome with a minor 14th eachhedhidoththatheh! LOOK AT ME, I'M STILL SCOTTISH!!!"
- "No, I am not Flance.
- The dub DVD Commentary.
Eric!Todd: Well, I think of how Vic Mignogna would do it, and then do the complete opposite!
- For an episode of World Series, Todd Haberkorn was announced absent at the last minute so they got Eric Vale to come in to do an "impression" of Todd (though he sounds more like Vic Mignogna) and Jamie Marchi and Christopher Bevins simply riffed on him with amusing questions!
Eric Vale: I think because of my personality I usually end up playing douchebags, and then everyone calls it 'typecasting'.
- World Series 46 involves J. Michael Tatum and the ADR director going into a rapid discussion about cod pieces.
- In one of the commentaries, Eric Vale admits that Hetalia has made him start eating hamburgers again after years of being a vegatarian.
- Eric said that he got the voice of America as such
- Episode 1: At Italy's behest, Germany invents a coffee substitute to address the coffee shortage.Germany: Here ve go, Italy! Zis is a coffee made from dandelions! DO YOU LOVE IT?!
Japan: Why is Germany picking pletty frowers like France??
- Japan is deeply unsettled when he walks in on Germany tenderly gathering dandelions for the coffee. ◊
- Episode 2: "The W Academy— a unique school where the countries of the world hone their mutant pow-- ahem, I mean, live the student life."
Germany: Alright. The focus of our next issue is clubs.
- Germany lays out the premise of the episode:
Estonia: The one most important thing about the madrigals is that the Soviet bloc wants to lock us in the basement...Russia: (Peering out from behind a wall, radiating his purple death aura) If you die, I get great pleasure-smile.Germany: Gott in Himmel!America: (shoves Russia's head down and talks over him) Bro, enough of that! Start asking questions about my daring dudes already! We do cool crap 380 days a year! You can quote me on that. What the— WAUGH! (Russia's prehensile scarf wraps around him) The Cold War's over, dude, cut it out!
- Madrigal Club:
Italy: Awww! I wanted to be a Gastronaut, but you guys wouldn't let me!France: Because, watching you drown everything in tomato sauce would be the death of me.[commence a Team Rocket-esque sequence where each character spins into a pose]Turkey: Roasting pigs on my food!France: Paying too much for cheese!China: Putting rare animal on menu!All: Gastronaut powers activate!
- The Gastronauts.
England: But what sort of coven would we be if we blabbed our secrets to every stringer who came a-knocking? So, if you truly are dead set on talking to me, bend this spoon with the power of your mind and I guess I can allow.Japan: I cannot help but wonder which of the four Houses they had put you in.Germany: (menacingly) You know, I have vays of making you talk (breaks the spoon in his fist)England: WHAAA?Italy: (cheering) Fork that spoon!Japan: Your titanic prowess is the stuff of legend!Romania: We having so much fun here. In fact, we ventured down to the dungeon to fight band of orcs, and Britain leveled up as Wizard twice--Italy: Oh! So you're nerds!England: Bollocks! Now they know the truth about Hellfire Club! Now they'll know we just get together and tabletop...
- Hellfire Club. Don't let the name fool you.
- Episode 3: The W Academy clubs continued.
Germany: Close your legs, it smells like blue cheese.Denmark: I want the camera to get my best side!Norway: Must I flat-smack him?Japan: Tell me about these hooves.Denmark: (with a flaming fist and Glowing Eyes of Doom) Our ultimate goal is conquering the Academy, slowly, with cheap and easy-to-assemble furniture!Norway: I'm so sorry.Finland: Really, all we do is think of Viking names for tables and eat lingonberries. Honestly.Japan: (writing furiously) I do not think I am spelling lingonberries correctly.Denmark: I'll bet you didn't know THIS! In the times of great despair, Scandinavian furniture from all over the world combine to form giant robot!Sweden: (Putting Denmark in a headlock) Not really.Germany: No scheiße.
- The Scandihoovians.
Switzerland: I don't like getting mixed up in other people's drama, so we don't ever have meetings. Basically, I just sit at home!Germany: Und zat's... a club?Switzerland: (Nods) Save me from you.
- The Leave-Me-Aloners.
Romano: (Lying on the floor) Going home is too much of a ballsuck.Italy: Ahhh! What's the matter, big bro?Romano: Drag me home, you bastard.Germany: Your club sucks even vorse zan Switzerland's did!
- The Lazy-Ass Romano Club.
- "M NIGHT SHYAMALAN!"
- Episode 4: In his youth, Russia was the one who got bullied.
Narrator: General Winter: A fearsome general with a killer jawline, who previously overcame insane armies who tried to invade Russia. However...General Winters: (Flies back up into the sky) Laters!Narrator: While General Winter brought down Napoleon and the Germans, he wasn't effective on these guys because they're used to cold weather too.Russia: General Winter blows...
- When Russia's cornered by the Mongols, the Teutonic Knights, and Denmark and Sweden◊, he calls upon the personification of winter to help him.
Ukraine: Oh, brother, at times like this, why don't you try using a spell?Russia: What kind spell?Ukraine: One that I do all the time. It's good for telling them how you feel. All you have to do is show them your boobs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW THEM YOUR BOOBS!
- So then he goes to his big sister Ukraine for help.
Teutonic Knights: Eat my holy sword with your butt!Russia: Ahhhhh! Wait, your sword's not that big.
- The Teutonic Knights pick another fight with Russia.  "Pledge your loyalty to the Teutonic Knights, although I am shopping around for a new name!"
- Episode 7: Japan and America explore more of their cultural differences.
America: (Shaky) DOIN' IT! 'KAY! YOLO, BRO! (Eats it)Japan: There you go! So how does it taste-o?America: THAT WAS WICKED RAD! I LOOKED DEATH IN THE GILLS AND WON!Narrator: To Americans, blowfish is a food used to test their big-ballsiness.
- For example, America tries blowfish for the first time.
- Episode 9: Netherlands buys lots of fish from Poland and Lithuania every day, so Poland wonders, "How does he keep his place from smelling like red light district?"
- "My older brother Netherlands is tall, handsome, and aloof. Keep it in your pants, girl!"
- Episode 11: Adapted from the April Fool's 2011 strip, where much of the main cast have been blackmailed into dressing up in costume. Here's a rundown of the costumes: England is in a nurse uniform, America is shirtless with a miniskirt and bear ears, Prussia and Spain are half-naked playboy bunnies, France is in nothing but cat ears, China is dressed like a girl, Germany is a cat maid (with fishnet tights, if Prussia is to believed), and Russia is in a frilly orange minidress.
America: Why is France a midget and Britain dressed like he's about to torture Jack Nicholson?Britain: I DUNNO, WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A GAY PRIDE PARADE FLOAT?America: SHUT IT, LIMEY!
- This exchange:
China to Russia: "You look like you are breaking your own pro-hate law!"
- Russia actually hides in a sewer to avoid being seen. It doesn't work that well.
- Episode 13: It's Christmas, but several Santas have gone missing. What's the world to do?
America: (Breaking through a window for the second time) Christmas is so safe, dawg! Who cares about a few AWOL Santas when you've got the best Kris Kringle of like, ever!?England: (Gesturing furiously at the broken window) You TIT!Finland: Thank you! But how do we get the gifts in on time?America: Prime, baby!England: Eh... just because I'm British doesn't mean I'm bloody Sherlock, mate.Finland: But three Santas have gone missing and we still have all these presents!England: Yes, well, um... have you considered asking Sweden for HIS assistance?◊Finland: The world isn't ready for that level of terror.
- America, for one, appoints himself as a fill-in Santa.
England: (Listening to Sealand wailing) Does he do anything besides cry?!
- Sealand's sing-song Christmas list is both funny and adorable. Unfortunately, it went completely unfulfilled.
England: A few [Santas] have gone missing. You wouldn't happen to be having another mass execution, would you?France: Oh, please! It's not like we do that every year! Now, then. I suppose I could lend you a hand, for the right compensation.England: I'll pass. Suffice it to say, we could do without one of your labor strikes.France: Have it your way. But might I suggest you have Hungary be Santa and visit me later tonight.England: I wanted her to visit ME! Never mind that, I'll just do it.England: Bollocks, I won't go to the PUB first!France: No, you're always stealing and pillaging too!◊ If you're not naked and drunk, you're being dickish and—England: Oh, shut it. I'm not that big of a twat.
- England resorts to calling France for reinforcements.
- As it turns out, while the Allies were duking it out over who would be a replacement Santa, the Axis were delivering gifts and doing their job already.
- The bloopers'"Germany"': It goes around your dong to keep you hard
- MAGIC METAL PIPE OF PAIN!
- Episode 1:
- The Narrator's lines:Narrator: Including the ones we don't care about, there are almost 200 wondrous nation cats, the most popular of which decided to form the G8, or G7 depending on Russia's attitude.
- When China Cat goes to America Cat distraught that Hong Kong Cat hasn't been around, looking to be comforted.America Cat: Try this. (slides a can of tuna toward him) Tuna cures everything. Even loneliness and lack of likability.China Cat: (takes tuna appreciatively) Oh, xie-xie my friend America! (examines the can closer) ...Now hold on a second! Are you trying to feed me tuna made in China?!America Cat: Well I would be, if you'd open the can and start eating already.
- The Narrator's lines:
- Episode 2:
- When the Axis Powers break for lunch, Italy reminisces once thinking that one's food was delicious was considered a sin, much to Japan's shock. Then we see what appears to be the devil and a companion of his watching the Axis Powers from a monitor in hell:Devil's Companion: Wow, they just went old-school reminiscing on us. I remember those days...The Devil: Back then I was completely overflowing with all of those people, which forced us to work 24/7. Talk about a living hell, but literal!
- Britain stops for teatime on the battlefield, much to America's dismay. America criticizes Britain for drinking tea like a "fairy princess," but Britain responds with a speech about the glory of drinking tea, all the while not noticing Germany coming up behind him with a gun:Britain: (while sparkling) Whether on the battlefield or simply drinking tea at home, having a lovely strong cuppa always make me feel gentlemanly and oh-so-calm. One cannot call themselves an adult until they can appreciate a good tea! (Germany cocks his rifle)America: (being held at gunpoint) So that tea you're drinking doesn't have some sort of special escape plan in it, does it?
- When the Axis Powers break for lunch, Italy reminisces once thinking that one's food was delicious was considered a sin, much to Japan's shock. Then we see what appears to be the devil and a companion of his watching the Axis Powers from a monitor in hell:
- Episode 3:
- Norway randomly imitating Denmark:Denmark: You know it's always sunny when I'm around!Norway: (in an intentionally-annoying voice) Meh, 'You know it's always sunny when I'm around.'
- When Iceland talks to Sweden about his unease about how "strange" their meeting is, Sweden agrees with him on every point he makes. A relieved Iceland looks up at him:Iceland: Oh, good. Thank you for being normal. (notices Sweden wearing a pink party hat, much to his horror) (thinking)...Does this mean I'm the weird one?! I do live the furthest away...
- When Denmark points out that Iceland isn't wearing his "normal ugly sweater."Finland: Aw, now don't listen to him, Ice. I think...you dress cool.Denmark: 'Cool,' like when you see the ugly, you wish you were frozen to death! Haha!
- Norway randomly imitating Denmark:
- Episode 4:
- Finland introduces the Nordics to the audience. When he gets to Denmark, an immortal line is uttered:Finland: This is Mr. Denmark. Among the Nordic states, he —Denmark: Fin! You shut your little whore mouth! I got this, I can explain who I am!
- Finland introduces the Nordics to the audience. When he gets to Denmark, an immortal line is uttered:
- Episode 5:
- Right after Britain gloats over defeating Italy in Africa:America: (yelling from the distance) Yo, Brit-face!Britain: Hmm? America?! (turns around)America: (charging toward him) Don't worry, dog, as liberator of the world, I'm here to effin' rescue you! (while sparkling) After all, it's a hero's job to help out the weak and inbred!Britain: Hey! Who you calling weak?!
- And he continues with:America: Guess what, dude? My awesome boss totally hates your lameass boss so he totally wants to beat your Mc-Loser boss and everything! You ready to compete with me or what?Britain: Not a competition!
- Prussia tells Germany the story of how he unified the Germanic states into one country:Prussia: ...After that, I had a great idea that I call 'Hey guys, we should just be one awesome country, am I right?'
- And he concludes with:Prussia: And that's how you were born. That's right, I'm awesome! Worship me like you should, suckers~!Germany: (unimpressed) Anyway... Just fold the laundry already.Prussia: ...Ja, I'm on it.
- Prussia reminisces back when Napoleon was "being a douche guy deluxe":Germany: That wouldn't have happened if you had thought through what you were doing.Prussia: (turns away) Can't hear you.Germany: (louder) That wouldn't have happened if you had thought through what you were doing.Prussia: Say what you want, my heart will not listen!
- Right after Britain gloats over defeating Italy in Africa:
- Episode 6:
- Italy calls Germany in a panic:Italy: Germany, heeeeellllp! I'm surrounded by adorable kangaroos!Germany: Kanga-who now?! Where in fresh hell are you?!Italy: Australia fresh hell! Ow! Don't bite me there!Germany: ITALYYYYYY!
- Germany once more consults a book to help him understand his "special pal" Italy:Book: If you actually have friends and aren't just fooling yourself, cooperate and attack your enemy using teamwork.
- Britain asks one of his soldiers what Italy has been up to, with some of his magical friends flying around him:Soldier: According to the report, he's been doing a lot of nothing! Moving forward at a snail's pace and complaining about the canned food constantly!Britain: If he's just pissing around like a willy, then I can go ahead and make my first strike! There are not a lot of enemies that I, the handsome and great British Empire, cannot defeat!Fairy: Hey, you're talking to yourself really loudly again.
- Britain finds an Italy who tries to disguise himself as an elephant, and gives chase:Britain: Hold it! You do realize you won't escape me! You're too slow, so give up now and bow before the power of my gorgeously-pasty British legs!
- The Narrator explaining Italy's Super Speed as he escapes from Britain:Narrator: The Italian military was known to be slow unless they had to retreat. In the desert, they were able to travel over 25 kilometers per day. No conversions, America, learn metric!
- A put-out Italy thinks about calling it quits and leaving:Germany: Nein, you were only scared because you went there without thinking it through. I'm on my way, don't go anywhere!Italy: Bene! Follow the sound of my tears!
- Italy calls Germany in a panic:
- Episode 7:
- The Narrator's Previously On... introduction:Narrator: Previously on Hetalia, Italy went to Africa because who knows and you don't really care!
- Britain gloating about his victory over Italy:Britain: (with a megaphone) We have proven to Germany and Italy that on this, the African war front, British intelligence cannot be bested. Go suck it, kraut!
- When America tells Britain that he can "chill out" now that he's there:America: Meet the elite, brah. My troops. (indicates a group of American troops holding cameras and chattering excitedly)American Troop: Oh-em-gee, I'm in Africa!
- When America and Britain argue about battle plans:America: You need to work on your indecisiveness, dude.Britain: Yeah, well, you need to work on shut up!
- An American soldier remarks that despite America and Britain being brothers, they aren't much alike. Awkwardness (and hilarity) ensues:Britain: (rambling) Well, of course we don't! I mean, we are brothers, but not like, um, how should I put it? Oh, this is awkward when you just say it out loud. What were you saying? Who, me? A big brother? Flattery will get you nowhere, or everywhere —America: (to the soldier, deadpan) If we keep looking at each other maybe he'll go away...
- America tries to talk to the African people, since "they've been waiting for him":America: (to an African local) Yo!African Local: I hate the British. Please, go away forever.
- When America seems depressed by this, Britain tries to cheer him up, saying that it's "just how Africa is" and that "he isn't wanted very much there either." America's reaction:America: (turns to face Britain) Thanks, but I'm good. I was just roasting a marshmallow.Britain: (in shock) Dammit! No more comforting for you!
- When America challenges Britain to a race:America: I bet I could beat you to that hill over there because you suck at life!Britain: Your stupid challenge is accepted! Start now!
- The Narrator's Previously On... introduction:
- Episode 8:
- Finland explains the legend of Valhalla from Norse mythology, with a Viking demonstrating:Viking: (slurring his words) Even I die in battle today, I come back to life tomorrow and die again!
- The Narrator sets up the episode:Narrator: In 1657, Denmark and Sweden started a war. Another war. I'm not sure which one. They fought a lot.
- Denmark is in awe over the snowstorm, while Norway is as nonplussed as always:Denmark: Look at that, broshinki! The ocean is frozen as far as the eye can see!Norway: Excited about the snow and ice? What are you, a dog?Denmark: This is a once-in-a-century cold wave! We're talking about history, and that my nipples are about to freeze off! It's amazing!Norway: Well, don't be surprised if the cold gives you a cold.
- When Denmark goes to dramatically confront Sweden, telling Norway to "watch and learn":Denmark: (getting grabbed and headbutted by Sweden) Are you watching, little brother?! This is how a great leader should fall!Norway: (examining his fingernails in disinterest) Aw, man. Did I just break a nail?
- Finland explains the legend of Valhalla from Norse mythology, with a Viking demonstrating:
- Episode 9:
- Sealand thanks Wy for showing up to a meeting of the micronations:Wy: Whatever. I'm only here because I finished popping all the bubble wrap I had in my house, so I had nothing else to do.Seborga: Wy! You're always so funny in that way which I find confusing, but it's wonderful to see you too!
- When Sealand is rushing excitedly to meet Kugelmugel:Seborga: Not that you don't normally look happy, Sealand, but today you are beaming! What is that about?Sealand: I'm just looking forward to getting to know our new friends, that's all! (suddenly looking devious) And there might be someone who's smaller than me, if not in stature than at least in land area...
- When the micronations are freaked out by Kugelmugel:Wy: He doesn't look like someone who does having friends all that well...Sealand: I'm not usually so shy, but I don't have the ghoulies to go talk to him...
- When Molossia is threatening the other micronations about revealing his Nice Guy side:Molossia: Forget what you saw, or I'm gonna North Korea your asses!
- Wy remarking on Molossia's sudden change in attitude:Wy: Seems to me that all the other micronations might be weird.Seborga: We wouldn't need to be independent if we weren't a little off.
- Sealand thanks Wy for showing up to a meeting of the micronations:
- Episode 10:
- Ladonia brags about his accomplishments:Ladonia: Why, I'm so strong, I even defeated scary Sweden!Sweden: (reading from a script) I lost my meatballs.
- He confronts Sealand:Ladonia: Do you have anything you can beat me in or with?! I think not!Sealand: (holding up a fist) My punches are really strong! Do you wanna see?Ladonia: (in a panic) No, don't!
- Ladonia gives the micronations his ultimatum:Ladonia: Look, microkids, I'm your new leader now no matter what you say, so just blindly obey me and we can all get along!
- Sealand asks Ladonia questions about how he is inside his computer:Sealand: Next question! How did you get in there? A spoonful of sugar?Ladonia: It's because I'm on the internet, obviously! Yeah, I'm super high-tech, unlike you! Hashtag sorry, not sorry!
- Sealand brings all of the micronations together at the end, saying he feels empowered:Sealand: No one will think I'm a fishing store in Okinawa now!
- Ladonia brags about his accomplishments:
- Episode 12:
- France's dramatic introduction at the beginning:France: It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that I announce I will be the main character from now on! No more filthy eyebrows and crude food! My life will be magnifique —Britain: (flies in, kicking France) Shut it! No magnifique here!France: Ohh....
- When Frace is informed that Germany is already beginning to invade:France: (in a panic) Come back later, no one is home! Un moment, Germany! You are too late, I have already constructed the Maginot Line!Germany: Maginot...France: You cannot cross this line, for that is against the rules!Germany: Hmm. March, march, march, march... (walks around the Maginot Line)France: Ahhhh!France: (later on, to Britain) I never imagined that he would come here through the other forest...
- America comes in to "mediate" between Britain and France's argument:America: Let's take a sec to listen to each side, and then... I can judge whose opinion is most like mine, and therefore better!
- After Monaco eats escargot prepared by France:Monaco: I think we should have a day to celebrate the first person who thought that snail looks good and ate it so the rest of us could know.France: I honestly don't know what to say...
- France's dramatic introduction at the beginning:
- Episode 13:
- Russia attends the meeting covered in blood:France: It's reassuring to have you here, even if you are clinical. What, with all the resources and crazy trump cards...Russia: (smiling pleasantly) I am immune to the smoke being blown up ass.France: (drifting toward Russia) Oh, Russia, I would never! ...I mean, unless you asked me to...Russia: (smiling pleasantly) Do not touch me.
- When Russia and America get into it:France: Backing away slowly...
- China happens upon a coughing Russia:China: Don't worry, you can buy secret medicine. Full disclosure: I am not entirely sure what the ingredients are. But it will be alright, no problem! I take care of you!Russia: You're funny! (winks, a star flies out and jabs China)China: It hurts me!
- China finds Hong Kong and Britain talking together:Hong Kong: Blah blah blah?Britain: Blah blah blah.
- Russia attends the meeting covered in blood:
- Episode 14:
- France says he's going to defeat Britain and make Canada his little brother:Little!Canada: Yeah, okay. But we're completely surrounded right now. How can you be positive we're going to be safe?France: I never said we'd be safe!
- France listens to a report by his soldiers:Soldier: The point is I don't know what's going on. The local militia's fighting style is offensive. It lacks fashion, as if they're not even European.France: Then why don't we change it? Let's give the something with a little more flair! (Britain and his army close in on them)France: (being held at gunpoint) Of course, undoubtedly our lives should come first, though...Narrator: It's said that the fight between Mr. Britain and Mr. France over Canada ended in half of an entire hour!
- Canada reminisces on the times that he was "pampered by everyone," and when Britain took him to meet America:Little!Canada: (while Little!America is running around him excitedly) Wow, I can't believe that we both have the same face. Nice to meet you, I'm Canada —Little!America: (immediately loses interest and walks away) Boring!Little!Canada: Uh...Didn't you know you're my brother...?Little!America: (walking back into his house) Britain! I'm hungry! Stick some food in my face hole!Canada: (in the present, dejected) Never mind. I guess it's been like this my whole life.
- France says he's going to defeat Britain and make Canada his little brother:
- Episode 15:
- Germany finishes his work early and decides he wants to go on a vacation; Italy and Romano play the Good Angel, Bad Angel routine:Italy: (pops up as the Good Angel) We should go to Italy, because Italy is super fun!Germany: What? Italy?! Why? I traveled there not too long ago!Romano: (pops up as the Bad Angel) Don't worry about it! You don't have a choice! Stupid potato-eating bastard...Germany: What?! Wait... Both of you are telling me Italy!
- The Narrator introduces Chibitalia:Narrator: This little tomato is Italy a long time ago. Back then he cleverly and skillfully made his way through life. My, how things change!
- The Pope is upset about Britain's boss changing the country's religion:Pope: That man shows no respect! An insult not to be forgiven! I'm left with no option!Chibitalia: What are you going to do?!Pope: I shall make a statue that annoys him!
- Germany finishes his work early and decides he wants to go on a vacation; Italy and Romano play the Good Angel, Bad Angel routine:
- Episode 16:
- Germany introduces Austria:Austria: (to Germany) Your face hurts me.
- Germany asks Austria how he gets along when Germany isn't around:Austria: What? Don't be stupid. I live a perfectly normal life. My room just gets tidied up on its own, that's all.Hungary: (peeking from behind a corner) Good!Germany: Oh, I get it!Germany: You shouldn't need me or (coughing sarcastically) Hungary. So train with this weapon. (hands Austria a broom) Here, find your inner power.Austria: (takes it) How dare you! I'm perfect. (sweeping) I can take care of my home just fine, thank you! You are so dumb. Seriously. (is exhausted a couple of minutes later) Or I could, if you'd quit looking at me!Germany: Point made! Don't push yourself! I'll take care of it!
- When Hungary refuses the offer to see Austria, because her hair is too messy:Hungary: (looking furious) Besides, things between Prussia and me are tense right now and I'd hate to instigate him for no reason when I look at his smirking face with my scary one....
- Germany introduces Austria:
- Episode 17:
- Osaka tries to warn the Netherlands that Japan is a bit more "delicate" than normal:Netherlands: Delicate? Has he been hanging out with Austria?
- The Narrator explains other countries trying to get Japan to open his borders over a map of Japan:America: (drifting in toward Japan) Hey! Hey! Look at me! Over here! Hey! Hey!
- Netherlands tries to warn Japan about America encroaching on his borders, only for Japan to freak out almost as soon as he starts talking. They try again, and get a bit further:Japan: Those who live around me have been changing, so I suppose it is only natural for me to change along with them.Netherlands: This is no surprise, then?Japan: Correct.Netherlands: Then open your —Japan: (freaks out again, hides inside of his blanket once more)Osaka: (slides open the door) Excuse me, I brought more tea and cute cake for you —Netherlands: (shaking Japan, speaking in a mantra) Open the country... Open the country... Open the country...Osaka: What do you think you are doing?! You said that you wouldn't upset him!
- Osaka tries to warn the Netherlands that Japan is a bit more "delicate" than normal:
- Episode 18:
- Finland tells Sweden about Poland and Lithuania:Finland: Poland is sort of strong, but more talk than anything. The one we really need to watch out for is Lithuania. He's the one next to Poland, who looks like he rescues spiders from squishing feet!
- He continues:Finland: He's great at raising morale. Sure, he looks gentle like a Siberian flying squirrel, but when he fights, he turns intimidating, like a wolverine!
- Teutonic Knights!Prussia holds Poland at sword point after Lithuania retreats:Prussia: Now drop your weapon. Don't worry, I'll send your friend to join you in hell.Poland: Hey, you talk too much, son of the bitch. I can fight you alone —Prussia: I said drop your weapon! Now, dick ass!Poland: Okay, chill out! (drops sword)Prussia: Hmm.... I am awesome. Hahahaha! And you might not be as dumb as you look, because you look super dumb!
- When Prussia is being held hostage by Lithuania:Prussia: (turning his head to look at his soldiers) Why are you guys just standing there?!Soldier: (being held hostage) Because we kind of got caught...
- When Finland concludes his story:Finland: It was quite shrewd. Lithuania impressed me, to say the least —Sweden: (thinking, staring) Stare....
- Finland Drowning His Sorrows that night after the battle gets called off:Finland: (slurring his words) Why are you smiling?! It freaks me out!
- Finland tells Sweden about Poland and Lithuania:
- Episode 19:
- When America is on stage welcoming everyone to his Halloween Party:America: We used to have blood, glass shards, flame and lumps of flesh flying around, but don't worry guys, that's all in the past now!Lithuania: Oh, good... It was a whole lot of work cleaning that stuff up...
- Sealand announcing his arrival at the party:Sealand: I am also here to participate as a full-fledged country!Britain: (grabbing him) Have you lost the plot? The only full-fledged thing I've ever acknowledged you as is a nutter!Sealand: (struggling to get away) I am not a nutter! I'm a famous country, one who even has a page on Wikipedia!
- Britain grumbles about America's prank on him:Britain: (typing on his phone) What's his deal? Is handing me an invitation all that hard, really?! He'll regret that choice once he sees what I'm posting about him! America's a weasel tit!
- Italy telling Germany that all of the costumes he wanted to wear were rejected by the people who saw him, from swordsman to gladiator to senator because he lacks dignity and muscle. He finally finds one:Italy: (dressed as a slave) Droop...Crowd: Perfection!Crowd: Boom!Crowd: You own this one!Italy: Heck yeah!Italy: (to Germany) This is from my Grandpa's era, but it's too lowly for me, don't you think...?Germany: Uh...no, it's fine!
- America commences the costume contest:America: The winners will receive prizes like a car and other crap I didn't need anymore! The biggest prize will be this non-specific, non-charted video game sequel!
- Italy gets excited that Japan thinks his costume is "kawaii":Germany: (yanking on Italy's Slave Collar) This may be a good costume in the sense I can keep you from running off to surrender at things!
- Hungary and Austria show up, with Austria wearing a purple dress (with trousers underneath):Germany: Austria, why are you dressed like that?Austria: Why are you making eye contact with me, you creep?Germany: I can't help you unless you ask for help!
- When America is on stage welcoming everyone to his Halloween Party:
- Drunk Germany.Germany: I'm perfectly sober! Haven't had a beer in minutes!
- England trying to get better at cooking and summoning candy instead.
- This exchange:England: Say...that looks like sexual harassment from over here.France: Nonsense, this is how the French convey love. You yourself should try to give more love to others Englan-Seychelles: JUST DISSOLVE, YOU BASTARD! (punch)
- Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia performing Swan Lake...In Ballerina tutus.
- The dub bloopers. Although they're pretty much all by Germany and America's voice actors."You got period chopsticks.""Oh fuck it. Buttholes.""What am I, a hooker?""FIVE CATS FOR FIVE DEUTCHMARKS AT ARBY'S!""*ten seconds straight of complete, nonsensical blabbering*". "It's a long fuckin' line, I didn't know, I was just gonna be a smartass! And it kept going.""Double-vu-tee-eff"."*falling out of the sky* HOLY SHIT, WHAT HAVE WE DONE?! OH MY FUCKING GOD, THEY'RE SHOOTING LASERS AT US! OHMAHGO- *blargsplash*""Win what, stupid?""Make these blobs sign this shit!"
- Many of the characters with minor appearances manage to make them hilarious. Belarus, for example gets this line regarding her sister:
Ukraine: I am sorry. My big boobies make my back hurt so I didn't think I could perform well.
- And speaking of Ukraine:
Prussia: Hey, hey, heey! It's dance time, I'm AWESUM! Ze popular singing show made for me und also by me because I am awesum Prussia! Now, let's get us stared, shall ve? Today we've got Ukraine and Belarus! zay're singing...CARROT UND A STICK!!! ......... CARROT UND... A STICK!Guy: Sorry sir. They cancelled last minute.Prussia: ZEY DID VAT!? WHO DO ZEY TSINK ZEY ARE, SE VHITE STRIPES?!"
- Romano had his memetic "WHAT THE CRAPOLA HAPPENED HERE?! And where is my stupid brother, anyway?" before getting turned into a Pictonian.
- His shout of "ASSHOLES!" that immediately follows him being turned into a Pictonian. Looks like there are some people that they can't completely take over.
- Greece's sole line before getting turned is "I love cats. Is that so wrong?" Made better by the fact that this line is completely random and he is surrounded by about a dozen cats as it is delivered.
- Poland happily greeting his pony only to be taken aback by its lack of eyes (due to it being pictified).
- Finland's adorable little "Ho ho ho!" moments after he gets turned.
- The fact that the Pictonians cannot attack Switzerland and Liechtenstein because of Switzerland's neutrality (which manifests itself as a giant force-field over his country) is both funny and awesome at the same time.
- There's something adorably funny about the opening scene with Iceland sitting there with his puffin perched on his head for no apparent reason.
- The scene is followed by a triple Iceland eyecatch.
- Prussia gets a whopping 29 seconds in the whole movie, and he milks those 29 seconds for all they've got. Including managing to say "I'm awesome" twice in the first ten seconds.
- When France and England are caught on the Pictonian's mothership, and England correctly predicts that there is a way to escape. Cure a rope falling from the top of the screen for no reason at all, which England doesn't find the least bit odd. And then, when he pulls it, they fall down a trap door.
France: What a gorgeous, swollen blue ball!England: It's the Earth, you idiot.
- When they enter the room and see a holograph of the Earth.
Narrator: Deep down in their heart of hearts, they love each other. *dramatic pause* Sexually.
- The lovely narrator then overlaps it Ship Tease:
- After America dramatically announces how everyone is going to back him up while they invade the mothership, we see Germany ignoring him and holding a handful of straws out to everyone.Germany: Draw lots, find your groups, und get searching.America: Hey, don't ignore me!
- As the countries are changing back from Noppura, America gets this gem.America: I'm so happy to see you, hands! We're gonna have so much fun!
- "Pasta!" "Meow!"
- The commentary has some good parts. One in particular is when the group is answering questions, and one is asked of Jerry Jewell, on his character of Russia:
- The rants for and against Harry Potter must be heard to be believed.
Jamie Marchi: You know if JK Rowling ever heard this and then you two met, she's probably fight you.J. Michael Tatum: If JK Rowling and I get into a fight, guess who's gonna fucking win!
- Especially how J. Michael Tatum (who really doesn't like the series) keeps interrupting himself, mid-rant, to laugh about how he'll never be able to leave the recording studio again, lest the people outside kick his ass for what he's been saying.
- Speaking of the commentaries, there's also the discussion Eric Vale, Jerry Jewell, and Jamie Marchi have about childhood experiences jumping off of roofs. Jamie tells about how she jumped off of the roof of her house to prove that she was One of the Guys. Eric jumped in an attempt to fly like Superman, even tying a bedsheet to himself, like a cape (to which he was told "at least you had something to mop up the blood with"). Jerry leaped off of some playground equipment and landed in such a way that his foot broke in half, leading to the others joking that he was down to six inches and only had a "fo" left.
- Hetalia Fantasia 2:Norway: Brother...Denmark: ?Norway: I'm painfully shy around strangers, so I want to go..Denmark: Is that sooo? In other words, you just wanna have a two man party with m-Norway: *grabs his necktie*Denmark: *choking* Don't grab my necktie-!Germany: What kind of scenario is this..?
Japan: If I may ask...were you two gentleman in the middle of completing a quest?Denmark: We were just gonna kick some boss tail!Norway: *deadpan* We're lost.Denmark: *vehemently* We're not lost! We're not really lost or anything you know!Norway: I go and follow this guy's lead and we both end up lost.Denmark: W-w-w-w-w-we are not LOST! No matter which way I look at it, we're the ones looking for the others here!Japan: They certainly seem to be quite the merry duo, Germany...Germany: If the five of them were to get together, things would be even more dreadful.Japan: It certainly seems that way...Norway: We're looooost and it's all stupid brother's faaaauuuult...Denmark: I told you already, we're not LOST!!!Japan: Now, now—Denmark: Sverige, Fin, Ice, are OBVIOUSLY the ones who are lost!!!Norway: No way.Denmark: (makes some strange noise in frustration)Japan: Ah, but...Norway: You don't want to search with me?Japan: That is not what I mean.Norway: Ahh. You don't want to search with my brother?Japan: That is not what I meant!Norway: You don't want to search at all?Japan: That isn't it!Germany: Japan...Germany: I think I heard a few disturbing words in that last sentence...but I'll pretend I didn't hear it.America: *screaming in the distance*Denmark: You hear a bird just now?Norway: That's a bird, all right.Germany: How did you get a bird from that?
- Then a few minutes later..
Germany: What happened to you America?America: England you IDIOOOOTTTT!!!!Germany: I think I can imagine what happened now...Japan: Indeed.America: *still screaming/sobbing in distress* Why did this happen!? This is WRONG! This is just plain WRONG!!Japan: *in a soothing tone* Now, now...Look! Here's some candy that old ladies always carry with them, but you don't know where they buy them from!America: *takes candy* Eh, oh... Yeah, where do they buy this stuff..?Japan: Have you calmed down now, America?America: Y-yeah... A little...Germany: What kind of comforting method was that...?Japan: Tis a technique native only to Japan!
- When they find America..
- Hetalia Fantasia 3:
America: What happened was blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda-yadda!France: Wh-what was that?!England: No way! That actually happened?!Russia: What does "blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda-yadda" mean?England: Get a clue, Russia! When America and Japan got in touch with this weirdo player online, not only was he incredibly strong, delusional and emo, but he kicked the ever living crap out of the already strong America and Japan! That's what he said!America: If you say all of that, then what the hell was the point of me saying "blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda-yadda" to save time?!
- China briefly being distracted from telling the other Allies that Canada has been kidnapped to ponder if he is 4000 or 5000 years old.
- This exchange:
- America saying "Shit!" ["Sheet!"].
- The Not-So-Efficient Newspaper Club:
Japan: Theres nothing wrong with the fact that England-san does embroidery, or writes poems that he never shows anyone, or sleeps with a teddy bear. And recently he had a premonition that a bridge was going to collapse, so he saved his colleagues from the bus. But those colleagues began to meet mysterious deaths in the order in which they had been seated on the bus. And on top of that, one of the colleagues that he saved frequently tried to take him out.
- This line from Japan:
- The ending. France is upset he can't submit his love poems to the newspaper, so he spends the next two hours reciting them, presumebly forcing Canada to listen to them.
- Arguably, some of the eyecatches (not so much in the dub), especially those for more minor characters. Some examples: Ukraine either sounds squeaky or like she's about to burst into tears, Belarus is apparently a demon, Canada is whispering, Prussia is shouting, the Baltic Trio shows up together sounding like they've got guns pointed at their heads, and Iceland pops up three times consecutively in the movie, with his puffin, no less.
- Anytime Italy gets out his white flag and waves it because it means he surrenders.
- Anytime Italy says "PASTA!"
- Prussia's second character song, "My Song That Was Written For Me, By Me." It's so over-the-top dark and edgy you have to wonder if he's been hanging out with Rikka Takanashi.