Funny / Baldur's Gate III

WARNING: Spoiler tags are off per Moments subpage policy.

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Party Banter

• As per Baldur's Gate tradition, the banter between companions can sometimes border between utterly snarky and utterly hilarious:
  Shadowheart: Do you have someone waiting for you in Baldur's Gate, Astarion? A sweetheart perhaps?
  Astarion: No sweethearts, no. I prefer them savory.
  Shadowheart: This is what I get for trying to strike up conversation.

  Shadowheart: So, Wyll with a "y" - Why?
  Wyll: "Y", that's right.
  Shadowheart: But why?
  Wyll: Why "y"? A great-uncle's name, my father said. But I just figured he couldn't spell.

  Wyll: You're an impressive fighter, Gale. You should consider a new name.
  Gale: I take it you have some suggestions?
  Wyll: "The Wizard Wonder"! Or how about, "The Master of the Weave"?
  Gale: Tempting. But I think we might already have the maximum number of theatrical titles.

  Astarion: You fight well, but you're so efficient. Why not have a little fun?
  Lae'zel: Fun? I fight to win, not to make spectacles.
  Astarion: (sighs) What a waste.

  Wyll: Mm - Lae'zel, do you believe in Love at First Sight?
  Lae'zel: I hardly believe in love at all.
  Wyll: (disappointed) Oh.
  Lae'zel: But I do believe in carnal pleasure.
  Wyll: (excited) Oh!

  Astarion: So, do you have loves waiting for you once this is all over?
  Gale: You know what? That is not the easiest of questions for me to answer.
  Shadowheart: You mean just waiting, like a lovesick puppy? Short-term amusements are much less hassle.

  Minthara: Do you have elder siblings, wizard?
  Gale: You're about to say something awful, aren't you.
  Minthara: In Menzoberranzan, after a house has two sons, every subsequent male-born child is slaughtered at birth, as it is useless, even for breeding. You have the aura of a third child about you.
• Astarion's attempts at flirting with the other party members usually get poor results. With Gale, for instance, he says he enjoys their walks together, only for Gale to respond that he enjoys them in silence.
  • With Shadowheart, he remarks that her name is grim for "such a beautiful flower". If the party doesn't know he's a vampire, she just rebuffs him by saying she heard him mumbling that line to himself earlier and that it needs more work. If they do know, however?
    Shadowheart: Could you not stare so blatantly at my neck when you say that, please?
    Lae'zel: Oh, but do keep calling her 'flower’. She’ll love that.

• If you prevent Shadowheart from killing Lae'zel during a camp event, the following dialogue pops up as you travel to your next destination:
  Shadowheart: So. Have we buried the hatchet, Lae'zel?
  Lae'zel: No. Why would I bury a weapon? Is it broken?
  Shadowheart: It's a metaphor.
  Lae'zel: I do not know your metaphor. But if you need help digging. I will find a shovel.

• Despite being rather different in personalities, both Minsc and Astarion tend to bounce of each other humorously.
  Minsc: Ah, but it is a fine thing to walk with friends beneath the warming sun!
  Astarion: Friends might be a stretch, but otherwise - yes, I fully agree!
  Minsc: You might have your cloudy locks to keep the heat off your head, but do not forget that Minsc has Boo! We will be like twins, eh?
  Astarion: (absolutely horrified) We will? Gods - two hundred years and I've never missed seeing my reflection more.
  • While walking around Baldur's Gate:
    Minsc: Oh, I don't know Boo. If you buried the nuts here before we were stone, I am thinking they might have gone bad.
    Astarion: Minsc! Enough! The hamster isn't saying a damn thing and you know it.
    Minsc: Well, Astarion, Boo is of good breeding, and so only speaks when he has something nice to say. Perhaps this is why he has never seen fit to speak to you.
    Astarion: (laughs) How delightfully vicious. I'm beginning to like the hamster.
  • Passing by the docks:
    Minsc: ASTARION! FISH! ASTARION!
    Astarion: Minsc, please - slow down. Use your words.
    Minsc: Minsc has thought how you might be a more virtuous vampire - feast on fish instead. They are made of naught but neck!
    Astarion: It's a sweet thought, but fish just doesn't have the flavour of full-blooded red meat.
    Minsc: No, you do not 'agree', Boo. I told you you have been spending far too much time around the pale one...

• There's hundreds of banter permutations that reference the player romance(s).
  Lae'zel: I heard a curious sound in the night. What would you know about that, Shadowheart?
  Shadowheart: I haven't the faintest idea what you mean. Perhaps a cat pounced on its prey. Lady Shar permits me to plead ignorance.
  Lae'zel: I ask not of "Lady Shar," but of you and your paramour.

  Shadowheart: I wouldn't have predicted the night you shared with our friend, Lae'zel. You didn't consider it beneath you?
  Lae'zel: They were beneath me. But also above me. And standing at certain times.
  Shadowheart: That's enough, I get the picture. Gods, do I get the picture...

  Astrion: So Gale... how is your sad, helpless pining going?
  Gale: I'm hardly pining. It's been a year or more since Mystra cast me aside!
  Astarion: Oh my dear wizard, I wasn't talking about Mystra.

  Wyll: I used to believe the beauty of first love was unable to be surpassed. But Gale, you are so much more tolerable since you found your second.
  Gale: I'll take that comment with the sincerity and good will that I assume was intended.

  Minthara: A few pointers for you, Lae'zel. I heard you and your lover locked in combat, but the test you set wasn't rigorous enough. Next time, tie them to the ground, and do not release them until you are both satisfied.
  Lae'zel: You have... given me ideas.

  Shadowheart: I'm surprised you even change into more comfortable garb at night, Lae'zel. You strike me as the... sleep-in-her-armour type.
  Lae'zel: That would cause far too much noise during my night-time exertions. I do not wish to alert our foe of our location.
  Shadowheart: "Night-time exertions"? [beat] Oh. I see. Well! Considerate of you, I suppose.

  Minthara: You've been smiling like a fool of late, wizard. Explain yourself.
  Gale: I found love! Surely even you wouldn't begrudge me some happiness.
  Minthara: All I will say on the matter is that you were wise to lower your standards from the godly to the ghastly.

  Astarion: Sooo, Lae'zel, things seem to be getting... serious, with you two. Do you have pet names for each other yet?
  Lae'zel: "Pet names"? As if we were domesticated animals?
  Astarion: Gods, you have so much to learn! Repeat after me: honeymuffin, sweetiepie, sugarplum.
  Lae'zel: "Honeymuffin"? "Sweetiepie"? Astarion, do you see all your lovers as food?

  Gale: Halsin, you must have accumulated considerable wisdom on matters of the heart in your long life. Anything you want to pass on to a strapping wizard in love, such as myself?
  Halsin: Dispensing advice on matters of the heart would be like swapping boots: What suits me may be a poor fit for you.
  Gale: Oh. Well, there's no faulting that logic. At least you didn't tell me to "be myself."
  Halsin: Oh no, perish the thought! That can be outright cruel advice to offer in certain cases.

  Lae'zel: Our leader is a fool for love, Minthara. I'd never be compelled to conduct such a poorly planned jailbreak.
  Minthara: They did not do it for love. They did it for my prowess in combat, as well as coitus. I excel in both.
  Lae'zel: As do I. Sometimes, the acts are not dissimilar.

  Gale: I found an empty bottle of venom in camp, Minthara. Safe to assume it was yours?
  Minthara: Indeed. I have been dosing my partner while they sleep by my side. They refuse to take it in their food, but I must build up their immunity in case we ever visit Menzoberranzan together.
  Gale: Let's never speak of this again.

• Even the romance rejections can be funny, sometimes in a Crossing the Line Twice kind of way.
  Shadowheart: I can't wait to get this thing out of my head.
  Astarion: You know, this could be our last night together.
  Shadowheart: I hope so. Good night.

  After asking about Astarion's idea of fun at the Act 1 celebration
  Astarion: Sex. Not with you, to be clear. Can you imagine? Ugh.

Custom Origin/"Tav"

• Being the most narratively-flexible player character option, some of Tav's barks are of the meta variety:
  • One bark when interacting with an object is "Cursed to put my hands on everything...", a gentle prod at the veteran RPG player habit of touching everything.
  • When selected while sneaking out-of-combat:
    Tav: [whispering] Maybe I should stay crouched forever...
  • If you decide to loot a body in the middle of combat, Tav has a chance to quip "Probably not the best time."
• While Tav and Halsin are getting to know each other, Tav can admit to being terrified of krakens despite never encountering any.
• A Paladin Tav who has undertaken the Oath of Devotion can join Karlach in confronting Zariel's phony "Paladins of Tyr". When Anders tries to convince you to leave him alone to abduct Karlach, you — an actual adherent of Tyr — can tell him: "You say you serve Tyr. Recite the Creed of the Left Hand." Anders ends up not even trying and claiming his injuries left him befuddled.
• A Sorcerer Tav can share some of their magical mishaps with Gale. In the case of a Wild Magic Sorcerer, an attempt to summon a cat might have instead resulted in a cow named Stephenie falling from the sky. Gale remarks that's he's going to need a drink while Tav explains how they knew the cow's name.

The Dark Urge

• In Act 1, a Dark Urge player can attempt to confess their gory and depraved compulsions to companions, many of whom respond by Comically Missing the Point. Lae'zel doesn't see the problem with bloodthirsty urges as they're a natural part of battle, while Gale laughingly tells you understands murderous rage as he was once quite upset with a fellow wizard who bought the last copy of a book he wanted.
• In the Goblin Camp, you will meet Crusher being his arrogant self and demand for you to kiss his feet. The Dark Urge gets the option to bite off his toe, much to the goblin's surprise and displeasure.
  Crusher: Trickster! Agh!
• If you choose to allow the gnoll to be birthed from the hyena in the initial encounter with them in Act 1, the Dark Urge has a moment of rapturous happiness at the disgusting, bloody sight, clasping their hands together, giving what amounts to a 'D'awwwww~!' expression. It is a perfect moment of black comedy.
  Narrator: The raw hate of life, reared from the miracle of death. A tear almost springs to your eye.
• When you reach Baldur's Gate, one of the side quests involves a Propaganda Machine journalist editor who tries to slander you with a hit piece. Normally you can resolve it by stopping their slanderous publications. The Dark Urge however, has an option to confess some of their worst crimes committed by their urges, which turns out to be so outrageously awful that the editor refuses to publish any of it.
  Ettvard Needle: Gods, the untold depravity... it's unprintable! I'll be out of syndication if I print your gore smut confessional!
• Gale's polite underreaction if the Dark Urge confesses what they are. Tim Downie's comic timing is impeccable.
  Gale: A Bhaalspawn?! (Beat) Gosh.
• Upon arriving at the door which leads to the Undercity Ruins with the Amulet of Bhaal in hand, a voice from the door would ask how you've proven your faith to Bhaal. Out of all the responses you can choose, one exclusive option stands out as utterly hilarious because it makes the Dark Urge sound like an impatient brat who just wants to get things over with already.
  The Dark Urge: Father says it's my turn at the Temple. Let me in!
• If you talk to Helsik as the Dark Urge, she'll give you one of your butler's hats that he apparently left behind. If you approach the temple door where said butler is waiting while wearing it, he'll be flattered but say it'd be unbecoming of you to greet Lord Bhaal in "the garb of a lowly servant" and recommend you take it off before proceeding. Responding with "The hat stays on." has the butler say you really are the wickeder sibling and worry about being punished for letting you approach while looking like that, while "I'm the son/daughter of Bhaal, I do as I please!" has him profusely apologize for trying to order you around.

Companions

As a Group

• Asking a low-approval companion to do the Love Fortune Teller's assessment will have all of them, except Wyll, give a rather savage response.
  Lae'zel: I'd sooner slice off both my hands and feed them to a rabid boar.
  Shadowheart: I'd say you better start looking for your true love, because it's not me.
  Astarion: A sweet gesture, but all of this? It's not really for me.
  Gale: Perhaps you're overestimating my affection towards you a tad? You'd better seek a partner-in-embarrassment elsewhere.
  Karlach: Mmmm. I don't think so. Seems a little... I don't know. Just no.
  Halsin: Nature is my true love. You, I merely tolerate.
  Minthara: No. And if you refer to me as 'my dear' again, I will cut out your tongue.
  Jaheira: Hm? Oh, the dryad is comely enough - but you? Don't poke at questions you don't want the answer to, cub.
  Minsc: ...Boo? Does our friend know another Minsc? One that they might be courting, perhaps?
  • The best part is there's also another reaction dialogue if your approval rating from any one of your companions are abysmally low.
    Shadowheart:: What do I say? Melon...donkey...sunrise? Whichever words will get you to leave me out of this.
    Astarion: Wait, I'm the one you love? Oh, no - oh, that's so sad. But no, there's absolutely no way this is happening.
    Karlach: With you? Please. That story's written in stone, and it ends with you on one side of the world and me on the other.
    Gale: No thank you. Sounds as appealing as milking cottage cheese directly from a geriatric cow.
    Wyll: No. Just no.

• While usually a Signature Move reserved for Minsc, it turns out that other companions can also throw Boo towards their enemy, with their own unique dialogue for doing it. Even better? Throwing Boo can inflict the blinded condition.
  Tav/Dark Urge: Do it for Minsc! / Get 'em, Boo! / Teeth sharp, claws out! / Fly, Hamster!
  Gale: Well, this is a novel use for familiars. / Pete Oculos, Boo!
  Shadowheart: Show no mercy, Boo!
  Lae'zel: Here comes the hamster! / The mighty Boo strikes! / Do what you do best, little one!
  Astarion: Go for the neck, Boo! / Go, little rodent! / Eat hamster, fiend!
  Karlach: Get 'em, Boo-boo! / Fly free, land hard, Boo! / Do a somersault!
  Wyll: Do what you can, little guy! / What would Minsc say? Ah yes, 'Go for the eyes, Boo'!
  Halsin: Take flight, Boo!
  Minthara: I'd rather throw a pocketful of spiders. / Feast on their flesh, Boo! / Go for the eyes, Boo! / Try not to die, Boo! / Burrow deep into their entrails, little hamster!
  Jaheira: Land softly, or the ranger will break me. / Go on, rodent - we both know you like me better anyway! / Eyes, et cetera - you know what to do.
• Similar to the previous Baldur's Gate games, repeatedly clicking on a player character's portrait enough times will cause them to utter some entertaining responses, including telling the player to cut it out:
  Tav/Dark Urge: I'm awake... mostly. / Ugh, quit knockin' around in there. / Ugh, I'm startin' to get a headache.
  Lae'zel: Must everyone be so exhausting?
  Shadowheart: If I succeed, maybe I'll be allowed a pet... Ugh, stop being silly.
  Astarion: Ugh, Strahd wouldn't put up with this shit. / More like, Drizzt Don't'Urden. No... no, that's not funny. / Villains! Dissemble no more! I admit the deed! Tear up the floor! Here, here! It is the beating of his hideous hea- oh, no, that's his brain. Where did I leave that heart?
  Gale: All the world's my stage, and you're just a player in it. / I hope Halaster takes good care of Tara while I'm away.
  Wyll: Where there's a Wyll, there's a "y". / So two halflings walk under a bar... / Ever get the sense that someone's watching?
  Karlach: Don't. Poke. The Karlach. / I ought to just burn this whole thing down. / PPHHHHBBBT!!!
  Minthara: Stop, or die. / You had my attention, now you have my fury. / Your suffering will be spectacular.
  Halsin: Are you feeling lonely, perhaps? / Unwise, perhaps, to poke a bear this much... / Such attention... I never realized I was so popular.
  Jaheira: Please go poke the ranger instead. / I would poke you back, but I fear that's what you want. / Well, you certainly have the omnipresent part down, don't you?
  Minsc: Know that if you poke Boo, no higher dimension will keep you safe! / Well Boo, how do you want to do this? / Argh! My eye, Boo! They went for my eye!
• Though they're meant to be Mutually Exclusive Party Members, it's possible to end up recruiting both Halsin and Minthara through cheesing the game or modding. This actually works fine as there's little conflict past Act 1... except for the fact they both share the same designated tent spot in the camp for all the Act 3 camps. The result is it looks like the two share a tent together, leading to an unusual implication.
  • Later patches have changed this and made Minthara easier to recruit in a good playthrough, as well as altering the tent situation. Minthara and Halsin will no longer share- instead Halsin will find a spot of ground far away from Minthara's new tent and be content with that. While its perfectly in character for both, it can be a bit awkward to see Halsin sitting on his own in the dirt while the woman who would have destroyed his old home kicks him out of his new one.
  • Especially funny if the party is staying at the Elfsong Tavern in act 3- depending on how many companions have stuck around, there will often be at least one bed available. But Halsin continues to sleep on the floor.
• If the player tries to get a normal-sized companion to enter a small crevice or burrow hole, they will all remark on why that isn't going to work, complete with some of the hole-related Double Entendre you might expect.
  Karlach: That's for someone tiny-tiny, and I'm biggy-biggy.
  Halsin: Optimistic, to think I can fit through there.
  Minthara: I would gladly force somebody else through there, but I will not fit.
  Wyll: A big man does not fit in a small hole.
  Astarion: That thing is small... and I am not.
  Gale: And which part of me is supposed to fit in there?
• The first time the Owlbear Cub appears at your camp, after you feed it, a companion will show up and scare it off. Frustrating though this might be for first time players who don't know that this is scripted, the exchanges are nonetheless chuckle-worthy.
  Astarion: What a delectable little pet. (cub runs off) Oh now look, you've scared off the little snack.
  Karlach: Oh my gods, look at it's little beak! C'mere you doll...
  Shadowheart: Careful. Once that thing's eaten through the camp, it might start looking at you hungrily. (cub runs off) I'm not chasing after it, if that's what you're thinking.
  Lae'zel: Bah. Now that you've fed it, we'll never be rid of the beast. (cub runs off) It'll be back for more rations, mark my words.
  Wyll: (cub runs off) It'll be back. Be on your guard, or risk getting a peck!
  Gale: The hand that feeds is the hand that's loved. It'll never leave your side now. (cub runs off) I stand corrected.
• At one point, the player has the option to respond to Jerkass Wulbren Bongle by simply calling him: "Prick." The funny part is that Wulbren actually is such a prick that Wyll and Astarion — arguably the two companions furthest apart on the moral spectrum — both approve if the player picks this dialogue option.

Astarion

• Doing anything to irritate Astarion will often result in a hilarious whiny delivery from Neil Newbon
  • A Ranger Tav asking about the Goblin situation, might recieve an estimate that there are hundreds of them.
  Astarion: Hundreds?? (Cries like a scolded child) It'll take HOURS to kill them all! She's right, we should just go!
  • If a character who has speak with animals prepared tells Astarion not to feed on "anything we can have a conversation with", he'll point out, in a hilariously pouty tone, that given your particular powerset, this condition makes for an extremely narrow diet.
  Astarion: You can literally talk to animals! What does that leave me with? Rocks and... trees?! But fiiiiiine... I'll do my best to feed only on the dumbest animals.
  • When talking to the clown in the circus at Wyrms Crossing, before entering the main city, he can request a volunteer from the audience for his act. Though he tries to call you up, you can volunteer Astarion instead, which he is not happy about. Neil Newbon's delivery is priceless.
  Astarion: (with fake cheer) Of course! What fun! I'm going to fucking kill you.
  • Before this, Astarion's reaction to meeting Dribbles the Clown is dripping with snark and annoyance.
    Astarion: (Clapping mockingly) Oh good, puns. Because clowns aren't enough of a horror already.
• Astarion is frustrated to hear that the group has to deal with the possibility that a shapeshifter has infiltrated their party and replaced one of them—not just because it's another grievance to deal with, but because he won't be able to tell who has been replaced because the whole group is made of "weirdos." Accentuating Neil Newborn's delivery is the fact that he and the animators gave Astarion a facial expression that makes it clear this is a genuine concern for him. He doesn't even exclude himself as weirdo. Bonus points if you're (or him is) wearing a clown costume. [1]
  Astarion: It's not enough we have a gallery of villains to look out for, but now we could be infiltrated by a shapechanger!? I can't even tell if any of you are acting strange because you've been replaced or because this group is full of weirdos!
• If you stop Astarion from going through with the ritual and have romanced him, he'll take you to see his grave. One of your dialogue options is to just remark, "Hot." Astarion's reaction is priceless.
  Astarion: You couldn't wait ten seconds to be an absolute freak?
• If you've romanced Astarion and ask him for permission to sleep with Halsin, he will say he was wondering when you would ask, because Halsin hasn't shut up about "enjoyin the freedum of nay-cha's gifts"—complete with a hilariously over-the-top, deep-voiced Halsin impression.
• If Astarion dies when you activate the Solar Lance in the temple of Lathander, he'll be very upset once you revive him. Neil's delivery takes it from already funny to gut-bustingly hilarious.
  Astarion: What in the sweet hells were you thinking, activating that lance? I was right there! Gods, do you have any idea how much that hurt?
  Tav: I thought the mind flayer parasite protects you from light?
  Astarion: Well apparently there's a limit. Somewhere between a nice summer's day, and the full, concentrated power OF THE SUN!
  (alternatively)
  Tav: I'll be more careful next time.
  Astarion: Next time? No no noOo, if there is a "next time" I will be the one aiming the all-powerful weapon, thank you.
  (alternatively)
  Tav: I brought you back, didn't I?
  Astarion: Excuse me? That was the least you could do, after dropping a building on me!
• Gameplay-wise, as a vampire spawn, he has the option to bite as a bonus action. And the ability doesn't stop you from biting your own companions, which can lead to some hilarious result:
  • If Astarion tries to bite Karlach, he will predictably get burned by her.
  Astarion: Agh! It's hot - gods - it's burning!
  Karlach: What the hells did you expect, Astarion? Come on!
  • When Astarion's true nature is revealed to the party, Gale warns him that his blood tastes awful. What was expected to be deception turned out to be true.
  Astarion: (Gets poisoned) Urgh, your blood tastes like bile! What is wrong with you!?
  Gale: Serves you right. Next time, ask before you bite.
• Astarion sulks during the celebration party after defeating the goblin camp because he's being regarded as a hero, and he hates it. He then complains that the wine is awful, the company is boring, and he's missing out on what he would consider to be real fun - sex, in case the player was wondering.
• His underwear has a message embroidered on it:
  If you're reading this, you managed to bed me or behead me. Either way, you got lucky.
• Astarion has a fun time acting out The Telltale Heart. Except he gets his props mixed up.
  It is the beating of his hideous, hideous hea—oh, no, that's his brain. Where did I leave that heart?
• If you allow him to drink your blood but fail twice to convince him to stop, Astarion will drain the player character dry. If you have another character revive them the next day and speak to Astarion he will be extremely relieved... because you "looked a little ill last night" and he's glad to see you've recovered. You can either play along with this or incredulously point out that he killed you, at which point he waves you off saying that killed feels like a "strong word".
  • You can also just punch him in the face without saying a word. The funniest part? He doesn't even disapprove. Even he knows he kinda deserved that.
  • Later, if he propositions you for sex, he will mention how he could tell that you liked getting bit by him. If he also killed you by accident during the bite scene, you'll have the option to incredulously point out that you died.
• A romanced Astarion offers this rather audacious comment to a Dark Urge player:
  Astarion: I'd rather be the only dark power inside your body, if it's all the same to you.
• If Astarion is the one to confront a Dark Urge player after they kill Alfira, he has some hilariously dry dialogue options.
  Dark Urge: I think I killed her.
  Astarion: Yes dear, I can see that you killed her, but why did you kill her?
  Dark Urge: I... I can't remember. I don't know why I did it.
  Astarion: Look, I know I have a casual relationship with murder - I don't remember everyone I've killed. But I do remember everyone I've killed in the last FIVE MINUTES! [...] Even if the parasite caused your little episode, it had better not happen again. People can't just be murdered in camp! Some of us are important.
  (alternatively)
  Dark Urge: She annoyed me.
  Astarion: I see... That does sound pretty reasonable, actually.
  • If you try to insist it was the right thing to do:
    Astarion: Stabbing someone a dozen times can be a lot of things, but the right thing to do? Mmmm, I doubt it.
• If someone else in the group confronts you about it and you already know he's a vampire, you have the chance to try to blame Alfira/Quill's death on him. If you fail the deception roll, his response is hilarious:
  Astarion: I've been on my best behaviour, you all know it!
  • Arguably funnier is if you pass the deception roll:
  Astarion: I'd never be this wasteful, for a start. Her blood's everywhere!
• During the first night with group, if you have him, Laezel, Shadowheart, Gale and Wyll (but not Karlach, as her presence in camp either triggers a scene with Wyll or Mizora) in the party, they will each have small scenes where they discuss the fact that their tadpoles don't have any symptoms yet. However, who you choose to speak to first and last will give you a different bit of dialogue. If you leave Astarion for last, he seems somewhat miffed about it and refuses to speak to you in the funniest way possible.
  Astarion: *glaring with his arms crossed* Do you mind? I'm brooding.

Shadowheart

• If you learn that one of the few personal memories she retained after her memory wipe was her love of night orchids, you can gift her one such orchid in Act 2. She responds dramatically before thanking you in sincerity:
  Shadowheart: You didn't pick that by hand, did you? They're deadly poisonous! [beat] Joking!
  • The funniest part is she uses finger guns when she reveals the joke.
• When you volun-tell Shadowheart for Dribbles' demonstration, she's not happy about it.
  Tav: I think my friend Shadowheart will make for a better assistant.
  Shadowheart: Are you quite sure you have a friend called Shadowheart? Not an enemy?
  [...]
  Shadowheart: (dryly) I'd advise you find someone to taste your food from now on.
• If you're a Selûnite Cleric trying to romance her, she has mixed feelings to say the least. One such gem from gifting her the Idol of Shar:
  Shadowheart: What's your game, exactly? A Selûnite bearing gifts sounds like a trick if I ever heard one.
  Tav: Just accept the gift and kiss me like you hate me.
  Shadowheart: (As "Shadowheart Approves" appears in the corner) Easily done! (Under her breath) How am I ever going to explain this in my prayers?
  (After the kiss, she pulls away with a smile that looks like she's thinking "I'm in so much trouble for this, but it's Worth It!")
• During the skinny dipping scene, if you insist that Shadowheart undress first, she'll insist you turn around as she does. After a few seconds, she'll say she's a bit offended that you haven't even tried to peek. Try to do so after this, and she'll throw her balled-up undergarments at you.
  Shadowheart: (playfully) You're lucky I didn't have anything more dangerous to throw than undergarments!
• If she's in your party when you ask Sovereign Spaw what he's doing to the corpses surrounding him, she's not keen on the idea of his necromantic spores.
  Shadowheart: If I die down here, destroy my corpse.

Lae'zel

• Having little use for social norms such as "flirting" or "courtship," Lae'zel can actually initiate her romance arc with the player avatar by approaching them at camp and suddenly declaring that she wants to know "the taste of your lips," with absolutely no build-up or foreshadowing.
• Very early in the story Lae'zel interrogates a Tiefling who encountered some of her comrades on the road, later referring to him as a "teeth-ling" in one of her very rare moments of snark. The player can choose to bring attention to this, which earns an eye roll in response. On any other character it would pass without mention, but on Lae'zel, it's hilarious.
• Letting Lae'zel volunteer for Dribbles' demonstration gives us this gem.
  Lae'zel: (disdainfully) Chk. And here I thought ceremophosis was the ultimate torment.
• If Lae'zel doesn't like you by the time of the party after saving the grove, she'll tell you, in no uncertain terms, that she isn't interested in having sex with you. The intensity of this is rather undermined by the fact that she does this even if you didn't actually ASK her to have sex with you, giving the impression that you're not the one she's trying to convince.

Gale

• When first meeting Gale at the start of the game, he's reaching his arm out of an interdimensional portal and asks for a hand. One of the options is to give him a high five, causing him to say he should have been more specific and ask for a helping hand.
• Immediately after, you can claim to have commandeered the Nautiloid and landed it safely. Gale will immediately point out that the massive burning wreckage behind you rather contradicts this claim.
• At the goblin camp, it's possible to come across a goblin child kicking the corpse of the human who killed her parents. Gale makes a mournful, philosophical observation:
  Gale: Loss holds hands with grief, even among goblins.
  Goblin child: I ain't bothered about it. Better off without 'em! Stupid old geezers should have put up more of a fight.
  Gale: ....Well! So much for my previous sentiment.
• Another gem from Gale in the goblin camp:
  Gale: We should make haste. I can feel myself getting stupider by the moment here. I mean — more stupid.
• Gale's attempt to bond with the player character at the Tiefling party can go awkwardly off the rails:
  Gale: Tara always told me to spread my wings, so to speak. Find mortal friends, instead of hanging onto Mystra's coattails. So that's what I'm doing. I hope.
  Player: Maybe I'm actually a nymph in disguise.
  Gale: Ha! Very funny. But as we all know, nymphs are sticklers when it comes to their bathing routines. You, my friend, haven't been near a fresh spring in a tenday or more. Not that I don't appreciate your... musk. I actually rather like it. Well! This seems like as good a time as any for me to stop babbling on.
• If you are propositioned by Halsin but are already in a relationship with another companion, he insists on you asking for their blessing before continuing. Asking Gale how he would feel about "having another person in (your) relationship" leads to a...misunderstanding.
  Gale: What, like a child? I'm not quite sure I'd consider myself father material, plus our current lifestyle isn't exactly what I'd call settled...
• If you mouse over Gale's underwear, the item description implies he may have enchanted his briefs to be more "stimulating."
  Energy crackles around these. Gale wouldn't... surely he didn't enchant his...
• Gale does not appreciate your interest to explore dead spider meat via licking in Act 2.
  • If you fail the constitution saving throw, he (supportively) deadpans:
    Gale: You licked a dead spider. Dead. Spider. You licked it. That is something that happened... I think we need to get you some air and perhaps have a long talk about unresolved childhood issues.
  • If you insist on licking it twice, he straight up snaps, and his vocal delivery is gold:
    Gale: STOP LICKING THE DAMN THING!
• Early in the game, Gale describes the symptoms of ceremorphosis and says one of them is "bleeding from all orifices." However, the characters are not changing, which leads to the hilarious line:
  Gale: Our orifices remain blissfully unbloodied...
• If you play as Gale, you're treated to an early conversation with his tressym Tara, where she complains about the awful thing on his face. She hates his beard.
• To say Gale is not happy if you let him join Dribbles' demonstration is a major understatement.
  Gale: You truly are testing the patience of a man who could level a city if he wished, you know.
• He's also not thrilled when your adventures take the party into Baldur's Gate's sewers.
  Gale: Nothing like the stench of human effluence to make you regret any and all prior life decisions.
• Cheating on Gale with Mizora and telling him not to be dramatic about it earns a savage comeback:
  Gale: Diminish my feelings if you wish, but do not expect me to take this lying down. That's more your style, from what I can tell.
• If the player approaches Gale while wearing certain risqué undergarments, it sends him into a terribly Distracted by the Sexy ramble:
  Gale: You look... comfortable! A mite overexposed, given the perils of our adventure, but I suppose it adds a thrilling edge to leave oneself open to danger, and.... other things. But I assume your choice of apparel isn't the subject of the day. What's on your hind? I mean, mind?
• The morning after sleeping together in Act 2, Gale asks the player how they felt about it, to which the player can dismissively answer, "It was fine." Given that Gale clearly treated it as a major Relationship Upgrade, he has a slight freakout over this lukewarm assessment.
  Gale: I see. Well. Fine is... fine. Nobody weeps because the weather is fine. No monarchs were overthrown because their ruling was fine. No artworks were burned because they were not masterpieces, but merely fine.
  Player: I was just teasing you. It was wonderful, and I'd like it to continue.
  Gale: Oh!......... Well. I hope I didn't make too much of an ass of myself just now.
• If you manage to persuade Gale into joining you with the drow twins, he'll actually duck out once the scene begins and leave behind an Astral Projection to participate in his stead. Said projection assures everyone that he's anatomically correct.
• If a githyanki Tav/Durge brings Gale to Creche Y'llek, he comments with dorky enthusiasm:
  Gale: Fear not! I shall do nothing to embarrass you in front of your peers. Where you lead, I follow with good humour — and the hope we might yet leave with both dignity and spleens unpunctured.

Wyll

• Wyll frequently refers to the life and soul-threatening mind flayer tadpoles as "brain bugs."
• Taking Wyll to the zaith'isk prompts this quality snark:
  Wyll: It's only a horrific machine of unspeakable form. What's the worst that could happen?
• The fact that Dribbles the Clown is so awful he brings out Wyll's inner Troll: He approves if you heckle Dribbles and if you force some other poor party member to go on stage with him.
• Having sex with Mizora (and cheating on your romanced partner) will cause a Wyll disapproves notification. His reasons are valid but it's still hilarious that he is NOT shy about judging your choices in this scenario.
• He's quite amusing to bring to the Goblin Camp, as he keeps announcing the group's intent to kill all the leaders straight to their faces. The player even has to tell Priestess Gut to ignore him.

Karlach

• When Mizora appears to punish Wyll for not killing Karlach, Karlach's reaction is priceless.
  Karlach: I've taken more pleasant shits than you, Mizora. At least those can be buried after.
  • She has similarly snarky commentary when Mizora appears again at the start of act 2.
    Karlach: Ah, I love this time of year. The dickheads start popping up wherever you look!
• Karlach is a barbarian, and has some very funny select quotes if you try to have her do rogue things like picking locks or using stealth:
  Karlach: On trying to pick a lock: Can't I just break it?
  Karlach: On entering stealth: Shadows don't suit me!
  Karlach: On entering stealth: I feel like a rothe in a tea shop!
  Karlach: Moving in stealth: I'm too tall for this!
• In Act 3, she would want to see Enver Gortash dead for pawning her off to Zariel ten years ago and forced her into her service. And while she would feel disappointed in the player character if they decide to forge an alliance with Gortash against the Netherbrain, by the time they go face-to-face with the elder brain and Gortash attempts to reassert control over it, the Netherbrain decides that he has outlived his usefulness and kills him in an instant. If Karlach was in the party to witness Gortash's undoing, she would quickly burst into cathartic laughter.
  Karlach: Hahaha! Oh wow! Yes! That's what you get, fucker!
• Karlach's reaction to you licking the spider meat in the Gauntlet of Shar is GOLD.
  Karlach: Do I smell beef?
  [...]
  Karlach: (Trying not to laugh) Alright there, mate? [beat] Yeah, you're all right.
• Karlach's childlike demeanor is even reflected in her inspirations:
  • Killing the lava elemental near the Grymforge references the popular childhood game The Floor is Lava
  • Three of her inspirations are just doing things involving mushrooms, and two of them are silly - destroy one of every kind of dangerous mushroom in the Underdark (which is similar to fulfilling a child's dare for fun), or travel through a mushroom ring (a reference to old fairy tales).
  • Two inspirations involve birds - one for climbing into a giant Underdark bird's nest, the other for meeting Commander Lightfeather.
• Doubles as Heartwarming. If you happen to have Karlach in the party with you when you first enter the gates of the Circus of last Days, she will Squee with delight and beg you to go in.

Halsin

• If you decide to have an Optional Sexual Encounter with Halsin in bear form, a squirrel would end up witnessing it from a nearby tree. The critter drops the acorn it was holding in astonishment (or horror). After Minsc joins, it turns out the squirrel is friends with Boo and apparently wants an apology for the whole ordeal.
• When telling you about himself, Halsin mentions he likes to whittle in his spare time. When asked what he whittles?
  Halsin: Ornaments, utensils, and ducks... I like ducks.
• The story behind Halsin's scars. They aren't from a battle as most people assume. He was wandering aimlessly in bear form without considering that it was mating season, and an amorous she-bear took offense at being rejected.
• Female versions of Tav can run into this gem in conversation with Halsin:
  Halsin: I sometimes get distracted by the beauty of nature's creations.^note  He says this while staring directly at F!Tav's breasts.
• Halsin has apparently never seen a clown before judging by his confusion at seeing Dribbles perform, and asks out loud if the clown's act is punishment by "ritualized humiliation."

Jaheira

• When she first catches you in an Entangle spell, one dialog option is to lament that just once, you wish people would just say hello. Jaheira will respond with a shit-eating smirk and a calm "Hello" before continuing her interrogation.
• During her quest to save Minsc, Jaheira will lament the foolish mistakes she's made and blame it on how old she's gotten. If you respond by saying she's not old, but rather she's ancient, then she will have a hearty laugh at the quip (and gain her approval) before calling you a bastard.
• Visiting Jaheira's home leads to some... hilarious dialogue. Bonus if you bring Minsc along.
  Rion: Forgive us, Mother, we're just surprised you can still find your way home.
  Player: This is a beautiful home. I figured Jaheira lived in a cave. Alone.
  Rion: You know mother dear well already.
  • Alternatively:
  Rion: Forgive us, Mother, we're just surprised you can still find your way home.
  Player: Mother? Jaheira, these are your children?
  Rion: She always brings home the smartest people too.
  Rion: A sending stone can send 25 words. Do you know how many were in Jaheira's only message? Seven.
  Player: Met. Gorgeous. Hero. Out. In. Shadow-Lands. Wait, is Shadow-Lands one word or two?
  Jaheira: If you're trying to help, please stop.
  • Rion will reveal they didn't evacuate as ordered as they figured Jaheira would save the day as she always does. She asks the player, since Jaheira just said they saved her, whether they are doomed. The responses go from "Not in this lifetime." to more moderate and honest assessments to "We're all gonna die". Picking the former leads to:
  Rion: See, mother, a little positivity goes a long way.
  Jaheira: You are a very irritating girl.
  • Asking Jaheira why she hid her family from you, you can tell her she's making excuses and was just afraid of her eldest daughter Rion's reaction.
  Jaheira: Of course I was terrified. You've met her! The girl had opinions before she had teeth!
  • Jaheira to her eldest son:
  Jord: I just let the plants... thrive and go wild. Like you raised us.
  Jaheira: I raised you to be a kind and sweet boy, what happened?
  Jord: I watched what you did instead of listening to what you said.
  • With her younger son, Jaheira tries to recount what happened during act 2. The player can say she tried to kill him. Or that she faced a god of death and won. On doing the latter the kid says you're lying, because that was years ago. Jaheira confirms you're lying, because she doesn't want to scare the kid.

Minsc

• Minsc introducing the player to Boo:
  Player: It is an honour.
  Minsc: No, it is a hamster.
• Minsc "figures out" Astarion is a vampire.
  Minsc: Oh, the pale scoundrel has his charms, it cannot be denied. But, my friend, if gives me no pleasure to tell you - Astarion is not what he claims to be. Just last night, Minsc was dressing one of his many heroic wounds in camp when Astarion stumbled upon the scene. I tell you, he grew pale as death itself. He licked his lips, and trembled so violently that Minsc thought he might faint on the spot! The truth is painful, but undeniable. Astarion... is a coward. How can he fight the battles to come when he grows soft at the first sight of blood?
  Boo squeaks.
  Minsc: (to the player) ...Just one moment.
  Boo squeaks.
  Minsc: You are sure? And you could not have told me this before?
  Boo squeaks.
  Minsc: (to the player) Minsc may have been mistaken. Boo presents compelling evidence that Astarion may in fact be a vampire.
  • Minsc not knowing a vampire when he sees one is even funnier when you remember that in Baldur's Gate II vampires are his favored enemy — while it never came up outside of his character sheet, he's presumably an expert vampire hunter and yet Astarion escaped his notice.
• Talk to Minsc after meeting Jaheira's family.
  Minsc: Tell me, now you have met Jaheira's children... it not unpleasant to see her at the other end of someone's rough tongue, hm?
  Boo squeaks.
  Minsc: NO, BOO, YOU WILL NOT TELL HER! MINSC SAID NOTHING! (To player) We will not speak of this again.
  • Minsc is exactly as afraid of Rion as Jaheira is, but apparently has been teaching Fig (who is a small child) how to throw hatchets. Rion threatens to kill him and give Boo to Fig.
• Minsc will tell the player they think too much, which is why their mind flayer larva is getting stronger, while Minsc' is "withering and starving" on his idiocy, as he leaves the thinking up to Boo.
• For a bit of meta humor, and a Continuity Nod, one of Minsc's select quotes in battle references the differences between the turn based combat of this game with the real time based combat of the prior ones. Even funnier given that Minsc's new voice actor, Matthew Mercer, has been running turn-based combat for his players on Critical Role for nearly a decade at this point.
  Minsc: Can we fight now? Boo is not used to this taking of turns!
• Minsc is very disparaging of Halsin when asked about him. Turns out that he lost an arm-wresting competition with the druid earlier.
  Minsc: Pah! Minsc saw the druid chasing himself in circles, and sniffing his own butt last night. He has spent too long as a wolf, and not enough as a man!
  Boo squeaks.
  Minsc: NO, BOO! THE DRUID DID NOT BEAT MINSC AT THE ARM-WRESTLING! IT WAS NOT A FAIR MATCH, AND HE TURNED INTO AN OWLBEAR MIDWAY THROUGH, AND THERE WAS GREASE ON THE TREE STUMP!
• Minsc initially isn't a fan of Gale because the wizard uses long, boring words like "posterior" instead of the much simpler "butt". If you tell him about the Netherese orb, though, he excitedly and LOUDLY declares it's the most interesting thing he's ever heard, so of course they're going to be friends now!
• During the fight against him, if Jaheira is in the party, Minsc reacts with surprised and have this gem to add.
  Minsc: (To the fake Jaheira) Jaheira? You have an uglier twin sister?
• There is a dialogue option where your character can flirt with Minsc, telling him you want to be more than friends. He says he thought you were already more than friends, best friends. The next option is to say "No. Sex," which he interprets as "no sex." He agrees that everyone in camp should stop having sex, saying that they should save their strength, or at least stop banging where Boo can hear it.
  • As a bonus, he also calls Jaheira his "oldest and best and oldest" friend.
• If Shadowheart rejects Shar and goes on to save her parents, most of the companions just talk about how brave she was to choose to endure Shar's curse to keep her family together. Minsc, after following suit, takes the opportunity to roast Shar.
  Minsc: 'Lady of loss.' I see now, Boo—because she is always losing!
• If you bring Minsc to see Naoise, the elf courtesan whose former client turned into a Mind Flayer, you get the following dialogue:
  Naoise: You have one word. Tell me: what will you be?
  Minsc: (chooses "Minsc")
  Naoise: (visibly taken aback) Er - you are Minsc. You are the most Minsc. Wherever you go, there is only Minsc. Every step, every breath, every thought shall be - the Minsc-est.
  Narrator: Your flesh shivers, your heart bursts. True ecstasy, for one fleeting moment.
• After the scene where Jaheira tells Minsc not to call her his wychalarn, you can tell Minsc to just call her his friend. He decides that, since the two phrases are apparently interchangable, he'll just call everyone that now. And does indeed proceed to list everyone in the party - though when he gets to Karlach, he admits it feels a bit pointless bodyguarding her, so maybe he'll be her wychalarn instead.

Minthara

• Normally, you're not supposed to be able to take equipped items from characters that are unconscious but still alive, but this does not apply to recruitable characters. Players attempting to recruit Minthara on a non-evil run will usually find this out the hard way by knocking her out, looting everything off of her, and then seeing her stark naked when she reappears in Act 2.
• When asked to share her personal thoughts on the other companions, Minthara would often give snide remarks about this "disparate collection of vagabonds and strays":
  • When asked about Astarion, she claims that even after attaining freedom after being conveniently abducted by mind flayers, Astarion would never truly break free from Cazador's yoke so long as his sadistic master lives. And when asked if she's worried about him drinking her blood, she would chuckle at the idea before saying that the vampire spawn is wise enough to not make such an attempt on her, as she would ‘exsanguinate him entirely’ if he ‘flashed his fangs’ at her.
  • When asked about Gale, she sees him as nothing more than a Squishy Wizard whose current predicament of being a walking Fantastic Nuke makes him live on borrowed time.
  • When asked about Jaheira, she notes that while she's an impressive warrior, she also despises her for being a Wide-Eyed Idealist who is firmly devoted to the Harpers' cause of maintaining balance across the Realms as opposed to Minthara's own Social Darwinist beliefs.
  • When asked about Shadowheart, Minthara would find her faith in Shar to be "poisonous" as she points out some of the inherent flaws in Sharran worship.
  • When asked about Wyll, she calls him self-righteous and finds it amusing considering he pacted himself to a devil.
• When Minthara delivers her Armor-Piercing Question about your willful participation in the raid at the Emerald Grove, you can tell her that it was all to impress her. This would cause her to chuckle, gain her approval, and say this to you:
  Minthara: I'm flattered. Will you be bringing dead rats and birds to my tent now that we share a camp? I jest, but it is as good a reason as any. I have done more foolish things to win the respect of far inferior people.
• During a quest where you investigate the disappearance of one of the workers at Sharess’ Caress, you may use the speak with dead spell on the victim’s corpse to discover that she was murdered by her own son. If Minthara was in the party during the ritual, there’s a chance that she would react to her answer with this line:
  Minthara: Shameful to be killed by your own son. That honor should fall to a daughter.
• During the scene with Dribbles the Clown at the Circus of the Last Days when he calls upon you to be his volunteer, you may choose to send Minthara instead, who reluctantly agrees with an incredibly deadpan expression.
  Player Character: My good friend Minthara is the funniest person I know.
  Minthara: Am I indeed? Perhaps I will tell my favorite joke. It is about you, bleeding to death.
  [...]
  Player Character: Go Minthara! Tell the one about the man who married a drider!
  Minthara: It was a beautiful webbing.
  • Surprisingly, this gives approval with her, possibly suggesting she was secretly eager to tell this joke.
• After meeting Orin for the first time out of her disguise in Act 3, Minthara will urge you to be on your guard while exploring the city, warning that she could be anywhere and anyone. If you then ask Minthara if she might be Orin in disguise at the moment, she would begin to act as if you've blown Orin's cover, only to tell you that it was just a joke.
  Minthara: You see through my Minthara-mask, pretty little flesh-thing... A joke. I am no more Orin than you are.
• If she was in the party during the first scene between Shadowheart and Viconia DeVir, she only has this to say about the fallen drow house upon discovering that the Viconia the party met was an Astral Projection:
  Minthara: It is just like a DeVir to avoid facing danger in the flesh. They always were a family of cowards.
• During the dryad scene with Minthara as your partner, if Zethino asks who Minthara admires the most, one of the dialogue options you can choose from is the legendary drow hero, Drizzt Do'Urden. Choosing that option leads to this response from Minthara:
  Minthara: Please. I'd rather spend my nights with a drider than with that do-gooder and his pussycat.
• Once Minsc joins the party in Act 3, Minthara has this to say about the Beloved Ranger and his trusty miniature giant space hamster:
  Minthara: I will fight alongside Minsc, but if he so much as refers to my butt, let alone attempts to kick it, I will skewer that damned hamster of his.
• While accompanying a romanced Minthara at Sharess’ Caress, attempting to avail the services of the drow prostitutes will cause her to threaten the player character into not going forward with it.
  Minthara: I don’t like to share. Lay a finger on them, and I will cut you.
  Player Character: You can cut them if you want, dear.
  Minthara: Haha. I was talking about cutting you.
• After rescuing the prisoners at the Iron Throne, Minthara would voice her displeasure at the whole ordeal by saying that she would rather yank Tiamat’s tail than to travel underwater again. If the player character asks her if she’s afraid of a little water, Minthara would then say that she likens herself to a cat hating water.
  Minthara: I have something of a feline nature. I do not like getting wet, and I will gladly scratch out your eyes if you annoy me.
• Upon seeing that Valeria is Bhaal’s sacrifice, most characters are either bewildered or underwhelmed. Minthara’s look of glee and her sheer enthusiasm to kill the annoying little hollyphant stands out as hilarious during the otherwise tense scene in the Murder Tribunal.
  Minthara: Fiesty little creature! If you hold it down, I will slice off its trunk!

Non Player Characters

• In the druid grove, you can find a couple of tiefling kids playing as merchants. The interactions with them are rife with humor:
  • First, the "merchant", Mattis will offer you a lucky coin, telling you to call heads or tails and using the result to "prove" the coin's luck. You can counter that one good flip doesn't prove anything and make him flip again, up to six times. He grows more irritated with each flip until he finally declares he's calling it quits.
  • If you happen to have the Charlatan background, you can instead dress Mattis down not for trying to scam you, but for doing such a poor job at it.
  • Rogues, meanwhile, can begin to coach him on the hustle.
  • If you browse his inventory, you find a bunch of worthless junk. Try to call him on it and he'll basically go "what did you expect? I'm a poor-as-dirt refugee kid".
  • His "partner", meanwhile, is a scared-looking kid who quickly claims he's the guard and that you'd better not try anything, complete with pointing two fingers from his eyes to you.
• The Last Light Inn's owner has a hairless "sphinx" cat simply named His Majesty. If you have the ability Speak with Animals, you find that he had has a voice and temperment befitting the name, acting exactly like the spoiled royalty most people expect of cats.
  His Majesty: Hisssss! I say, HISSSSSSS!!!
  • When you try to assure him you mean no harm
  His Majesty: AND YET YOU HARM ME BY YOUR VERY PRESENCE!
  • After asking about the cleric, Isobel.
  His Majesty: For my part, I have noticed the Cleric is a liar! She promised me a bit of milk. Do you see any Milk? Nor do I! Disgraceful!
  • You can actually find said milk on a table near where Isobel is casting her protection spell. Seems like His Majesty is too good to walk upstairs.
  • If you intimidate His Majesty into having a civil conversation, you can ask him to join your camp. His response?
  His Majesty: I'd rather die.
  • If you tell His Majesty that you merely wished to admire him, he is mollified and will allow this... for about five seconds, after which he's had enough and goes right back to acting like pampered royalty.
  • Astarion will approve if you treat His Majesty with politeness and respect in his presence, apparently recognising a kindred spirit.
• After meeting Nettie in the druid grove, you can find several books in the hidden room she reveals. One talks about secret societies, one details interaction with a hag...and one is a historical record that's devolved into an in-universe Self-Insert Fic. The author's superior is less than pleased.
  A different hand appears beneath the final entry.
  Halsin: Roan, you had one job.[...] And if I ever see the name "Balsin" again, I will personally feed you to Ormn.
• Ethel will give you a "The Reason You Suck" Speech if you try to invoke your god against her. If you're a cleric of Selûne, she'll ask if it's "hard to see from up there on your high horse." She also calls Bane out on being Orcus on His Throne. Sharrans will be treated to her saying Shar isn't listening because she's too busy crying and writing Wangsty poetry.
• Commander Lightfeather, "head of the finest aerial communications division this side of the Chionthar"... and a messenger pigeon. The voice actor is clearly having an absolute blast delivering his lines.
• It takes a special type of idiot to allow Volo to attempt a cerebral extraction of the parasite via an ocular insertion with a very large needle. It also takes a particularly warped sense of humour to enjoy every beautifully described detail of the operation with all the horrible sounds that accompany the process. And then out comes the ice pick...
  "YOU KNOCKED MY BLOODY EYE OUT!"
  • Just to drive home how stupid of a decision it is, actually going through with it is one of the few decisions in the game that nets disapproval with every companion.
  • Even better is the sheer number of options you get via dialogue to back out of it. It's as if the narrator is nonverbally begging you not to do this and giving you every chance possible to back out of this before it's too late.
    • Given that the game is based on D&D 5E, it can also be interpreted as the DM asking you, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
• Your conversation when freeing Volo from the goblin's captivity, which happens before he can arrive at your camp, is Hilarious in Hindsight given the above:
  Volo: I'll slip away when the coast is clear. See you soon my friend! I simply can't wait to pick your brain!
• Near the Cazador mansion, you might find an orange cat walking about. With Animal Handling, you can give the cat a pleasant scratch behind the ear and that's that. With Speak with Animals, you find the cat, named Malta, speaks like a grizzled noir detective and refuses to address you directly, only delivering his thoughts through his own spoken-aloud inner monologue even while he's making direct eye contact. He even goes as far as to offer his own little Secret Test of Character to see if he could rely on you in a future endeavor.
• When Haarlep offers you one of Raphael's "dirty little secrets", you can ask them if Raphael is actually any good in bed. They look genuinely taken aback for a second, then burst out laughing.
  Haarlep: Bwahaha! Ha! Ha. No.
  • Even better, if you fight Raphael after having this exchange, you can mock him about it, and the otherwise insufferably-smug cambion flips his shit.
    Raphael: If you have any last words, make it quick. It will only take a moment to finish you.
    Player: That's twice as long as Haarlep said it takes to finish you.
    Raphael: You contemptuous CREATURE!
• Players foolhardy enough to attempt to attack Ketheric Thorm from range before engaging his introductory cutscene will not only learn first-hand that he is Nigh Invulnerable when he completely No-Sells your attack, but be greeted by him thusly.
  Ketheric: (brushes off your attack) What is your name, True Soul? [...] Funny...you know, I don't know why I asked. Z'rell, kill this fool.
• After you defeat Ketheric Thorm and slay a literal Avatar of Myrkul together, Aylin is reunited with her lost love, Isobel. It starts off as a heartwarming moment...then quickly becomes hilarious when Aylin bluntly tells you that you need to go away so that she can appreciate Isobel's beauty in private, much to Isobel's embarrassment. The bluntly hilarious complete lack of euphemism is already funny, but hearing it come from the mouth of an aasimar, daughter of an actual goddess, just makes it better.

  Aylin: We need to take succor in each other's bodies and words.
  Isobel: Aylin!

• You can choose to sleep with the Emperor in his mind-flayer form. Your companions end up seeing this. Their expressions are hilariously horrified.
• In Act 3 talking to and confessing to The Emperor about accepting Raphael's deal for the Orpheic Hammer. Everything else about it is serious, but he reacts the way anyone would to hearing such a thing.
  "I leave you alone for ONE moment!"
• The Emperor's reaction if you try to cast Detect Thoughts on him.
  "You must be joking. I am TELLING you my thoughts. Directly. Into. Your. Head."
• In Baldur's Gate proper, you can interact with a wanna-be Adventurer named Naaber, successor to the first game's Noober and the second's Neeber, who cycles through every single class as concepts, occasionally declaring that it's "Back to the Naarbing board!" when he realizes each isn't a good fit.
  • With Fighter, he realizes that he doesn't actually like the prospect of hurting people, or getting hurt himself.
  • He then tries his hand at Barbarism, but is... less than impressive.
  • For Bard, he delivers a Hollywood Tone-Deaf rendition of "Happy Birthday" - and if you point out that most Bards play instruments, he realizes he doesn't know how to play one.
  • For Cleric, he rattles off a sputtering attempt at a prayer, to which you can point out that he's really doing it wrong.
    Player: What god are you praying to?
    Naaber: There's more than one?! Shit.
  • Druid, he pretends to be a dog - if you tell him you liked him better as a human, he's so distracted by the fact that someone actually likes him that he promptly breaks off the conversation!
  • For Wizard, if you ask him what his favorite spell is, he spells out "W-I-Z-A-R-D" - stating that you meant actual magical spells shocks him, as he didn't realize there was a step after that!
  • With Warlock, he immediately gives up when you point out that they tend to involve selling one's soul to the entity you make a pact with.
  • For Monk, he acts as though he's meditating - when you challenge him to actually try being quiet, though...
    Naaber: Aaaaaaargh! Ican'tdoitIhavetoomuchtosay! You were right. I can't be a monk. I just want to TALK. Talking's great, see? You can say words, make friends, tell everyone everything you're thinking and feeling...
    Narrator: As he empties himself of his latest slew of thoughts, you take the opportunity to slip away.
  • For Rogue, he starts off by saying "Boo!" - and if you play along, he's horrified at the thought he might be too good at stealth, and thus no one will ever speak to him again.
  • He then considers Ranger a good fit, since he's great at chasing things down - when you point out that it can involve months at a time out on the road, he fitfully asks why so many Adventurers are so lonely.
  • He then considers whether he may have been born a Sorcerer - you can ask why you insist on talking to this idiot, or bluntly ask him if he can do magic. If you choose the former, he initially thinks you're talking about someone behind him.
  • He then tries to swear his allegiance to you as a Paladin, which you can reject, or accept on the condition that he never talk to you again. Even better, accepting appears to actually qualify him as a Paladin, but when he fails to stay silent it turns him into an Oathbreaker.
  • He finally realizes that maybe Adventuring isn't the life for him, but gives you an amulet for being so patient with him. Unfortunately, he then comes up with the idea of multi-classing, running off to theorize on it all.
    Patience is a virtue: We did the impossible - we listened to Naaber until he ran out of questions.
  • And all of these options have a Class-specific way to deal with your own class once it appears!
    • A Bard can respond to his prompting to tell him your name by singing it, to which he happily praises you for your singing and decides he could never match that.
    • A Druid can compliment him on his choice of animal, and he's pleased as punch with your judgement.
    • A Wizard player will compliment him on his choice and ask him what his favorite school of magic is. Naaber, misunderstanding, immediately drops Wizard as an option because nobody told him it would involve school.
    • Warlocks can actually offer to put him in touch with their patron before they let it slip that it would involve selling his soul.
    • Monks can join him in meditation before he decides it's not for him.
    • Sorcerers can ask him if he feels magic bubbling up from within, which he says he does... before burping loudly and deciding that he must've just been feeling that.
    • A Paladin can refuse his offer of allegiance by telling him you've already sworn allegiance yourself... and he starts loudly booing you for it.
  • If, for whatever reason, you're in a position to use Speak with Dead on Naaber, he reveals that Noober was in fact his great-grandfather, and that this patriarch taught his descendants the art of persistence. That if at first you fail to impress people, just keep trying again and again and again and again and again. Anyone who remembers Noober can attest to that being his philosophy.
• If you agree to work with Gortash, you can later punch him and say your hand slipped. He immediately replies that his foot is slipping as well and kicks you in the shin.
• Upon first talking to Sister Rose, an acolyte of Ilmater who is tending to Father Lorgan's corpse, she would ask you if you're sick. You can admit to her about your delayed ceremorphosis, but she'll think of it as just another common ailment that you can treat with some aloe.
• When you're investigating a series of murders that turn out to be the work of Bhaal cultists, you eventually meet Sarevok from the first game. He's holding the hollyphant detective, Valeria, captive in his dungeon; she's the final kill you need to become an Unholy Assassin. There's something about both Valeria's tone and her word choice in describing Sarevok:
  Valeria: Do not listen to this ancient fuck! Free me at once!
• The PC's first conversation with Volo in the Emerald Grove has him interview the player about the recent goblin attack, with him being particularly fixated on the dragon that participated (which of course didn't happen). If the player insists that no dragon was present, he will write it in anyway while muttering that the player is blind to have missed the obvious dragon in the middle of the battle. Even players who decide to go along with it for laughs aren't spared, if they choose the wrong color, because obviously the dragon was silver.
  • A Dragonborn can point out that a metallic and thus good dragon wouldn't consort with a horde of goblins. He decides it was a red one instead. Which is at least somewhat closer to the truth, considering the presence of a githyanki dragonrider on the path out of Act I.
• In the Circus of the Last Days, you can find a prize wheel run by a Jerkass Genie Con Man named Akabi. Passing a Perception check reveals he's rigged the wheel to constantly lose via a magic ring. If you call him out for this without pocketing the ring, he will temporarily turn you into a wheel of cheese and ban you from his shop. For an extra touch of hilarity, even your character portrait becomes a Pac Man-esque cheese wheel with a triangle cut out.
  Akabi: AKABI'S WHEEL IS CLOSED TO YOU, CHEESY ONE!
  • If, however, you DO manage to win the grand prize, Akabi will accuse you of cheating and teleport you to a dinosaur-infested rainforest before closing up shop for good.
  • Bards can take this up to eleven and win the grand prize with a Conveniently Timed Distraction in the form of a good joke or a fart. Akabi will still accuse you of cheating.
  • As the cherry on top, once you escape the jungle, the portal back to the circus spits you out next to the outhouses.
• Basically everything about Shovel, the absurdly vulgar and constantly shouting quasit familiar that the player can attain from Ilyn's laboratory in the Blighted Village. She's dim, swears more than Karlach, and abuses the player constantly, inviting you to treat her in the same sadistic and disposable way Ilyn did. Some choice voicelines:
  Shovel: (Using Scare) SHIT YOUR TROUSER HOLES, SHOVEL IS HERE!
  Shovel: (Being hit) IT'S ONLY FUN WHEN SHOVEL DOES THE FISTING!
  Shovel: (Turn starts) IT'S FISTING TIME!
  • Adding to those, relatively little in the game is fully immune to Fear effects, meaning your tiny swearing quasit punching bag can successfully intimidate some of the bosses and monsters, complete with a cowering animation under the Fear effect. Mummy lords, shadow abominations, mindflayers, the Chosen, powerful gith psions, bloodcrazed cultists, hardened mercenaries—all viable targets, even if they're likely to succeed on the saving throw.
    Shovel: (Targeting Auntie Ethel with Scare and succeeding): GONNA EAT YOUR BABIES!
  • If you keep Shovel as her name and then talk to her with another character and ask about her name again, she'll reference it by casually insulting her new master:
    Shovel: Yeah. Illy named me. Your friend, the arse-wipe, said it was fine.

General

• The spell "Vicious Mockery" is accompanied by the caster leveraging insults at their intended target. At least some of these insults are bound to have players cackling like they had been hit by Tasha's Hideous Laughter.
  Mouthier than an arse, twice as full of shite!
  Behold — Elminster's ball-bag!
  Thou latrine-loving leper!
  Your body's a temple...to an idiot god!
  Thou fetid fish, thou rancid shark!
  Hark! A dung-golem!
• If you spared the owlbear cub's life after killing its mother, you'll find it again at the goblin camp, being used for sport in chicken chasing. If you try to point out to the goblins that it's not a chicken, the one in charge of the race will shrug "It's got feathers, don't it? A beak?".
  • Making this even better, the dialogue doesn't give you a chance to respond and instead branches back to the regular questions, which gives the impression your character was completely lost for words in the face of said "logic".
  • A Githyanki Tav will instead have a dialog option that they've read about "chickens"... but even they're pretty sure this is an owlbear.
• In the Blighted Village, one sidequest has you stumble across a magic mirror. The protagonist can use it to fix their appearance, with the narrator lamenting, in a completely serious tone, that adventuring is killer on one's wardrobe.
  • Alternately, if you try looking into it while controlling Astarion, being a vampire spawn, he won't see his reflection. Instead, you get this gem of a line:
    Lacking any evidence to the contrary, you assume you look amazing.
• While exploring the Blighted Village, you might find an unfortunate deep gnome named Barcus Wroot who's been captured by goblins and strapped to a windmill for their amusement. After rescuing him, you have to pull the brake lever on the windmill to get him free. Though if you're not careful, you might accidentally interact with the brake release lever situated right next to it, sending the poor guy flying to his demise.
• If you romance Astarion and let him bite you during the sex scene, originally Shadowheart would immediately disapprove, as if she was spying on you from the bushes or something. This even got called out specifically in Patch 3:
  Neat Factoid: For all 204k of players who let Astarion chow down, you won't have to deal with SH's approval dropping in what should be a private moment between the two of you.
• In a similar vein, players who romance Lae'zel have an option to intimidate her into letting them take a more active role in the encounter... and can make use of Shadowheart's Guidance to improve their chances of success.
• It's not just players that can pursue romance - opening a barn door with very loud thuds reveals a bugbear having sex with an ogre, and they're rather displeased that you interrupted. In addition, if you play as a bard or a barbarian, there is a special dialogue option where you can either say that there are bookstores in Baldur's Gate that will pay for this kind of smut which the ogre will say to not write about the bugbear's puny rutting as a bard or, as a barbarian, have them make fun of said bugbear's puny rutting, with hip thrusts as they laugh.
  Grukkoh: Puny?! I am strong! I am virile! I am -
  Buthir: ENOUGH! Moment ruined. Passion... squished like slow goat under foot. We leave.
  • If you let Astarion accompany you and try to open the doors, he says, "Wait! Let me do the honors. It sounds disgusting in there." When you do open the door, your character is in a state of shock... and Astarion, hanging back, just has a shit-eating grin.
• You can try and trick a giant spider into thinking you're Lolth, the drow's patron God of Evil. If you fail, Lolth herself gets angry at you, leading to the rather funny implication that she was perfectly content for you to impersonate her - but when you did it badly, it became a problem. This is also a Persuasion check rather than Deception, as if the spider is itself irrelevant and you're trying to convince Lolth what's about to happen is something she's going to love.
• The simple fact that the Throw action can be used in combat with a wide range of Shop Fodder in your inventory, opening up the possibility to have your adventuring party resort to hurling rotting produce, shoes, weapons not meant to be thrown, or entire (empty) treasure chests at enemies. Most of it doesn't really do anything to the target, but you as the player might take some minor damage from laughing too hard.
  • The Barbarian class can throw live enemies at other nearby enemies, which definitely does a good chunk of damage to the target. It's still just as hilarious, especially when you use such a build to almost solo combat encounters by beating a group of enemies to death with each other.
• If you slay Nere and try to grab his head for the Sovereign, it requires a DC10 Strength check. It is very possible to fail this check, at which point, Tav pulls out the closest bladed implement they have... and press it down, length-wise, like they're trying to cut a particularly hard chunk of cheese. And your fellow party members will roast you for it.
  Lae'zel: Bah - a pathetic show. Yet undeniably satisfying to watch.
  Gale: I can lend you a third left hand if you need one.
  Astarion: What are you... have you never decapitated a corpse before? Ugh, what a waste...
  Karlach: Like watching a lemur try to eat porridge. Messy, and... unsettling.
  Wyll: Ugh. More blood than an abattoir.
  Shadowheart: I sincerely hope you never find employment as an executioner.
• In Act 2, you can encounter Raphael playing lanceboard chess against Mol. Mol claims it's her first game, but she's lying, and she's very keen to win. Any character can attempt Sleight of Hand to sabotage the board in her favour—but a Cleric can roll Wisdom to silently ask your god to guide her hand to victory. Succeed, and your god actually does it. And Raphael specifically calls you out after Mol leaves for "having your god win the game for her".
• Some of the moments that give companions inspiration are amusing either in their randomness or what they imply taken together. For instance, Karlach gets inspiration from using a Fairy Ring, and also from destroying one of every kind of Underdark mushroom. She just really likes mushrooms!
• The amount of opportunities that you can Talking the Monster to Death in Act 2 is pretty hilarious:
  • Thisobald Thorm is a grotesque undead bartender that you can find in The Waning Moon Tavern. You can either start a boss fight or sit down to have a drink with him. Eventually, he drinks so much that it causes his stomach to explode, killing him.
  • Malus Thorm is the insane surgeon in House of Healing. While demonstrating a body surgery, you can convince him that the best demonstration is done by an expert. Malus agrees and immediately have his undead staff violently dissect him to death, much to the party's horror.
  • Gerringothe Thorm is a mutant undead glittered in gold. When you first meet her, she demands that you pay the toll. You can feed her a Logic Bomb which causes her to explode, allowing you to loot her gold.
  • Yurgir is a devil that has been tricked by Raphael into hunting down Shar's Dark Justiciars. The contract demands that he kill every last cultist in the temple, but due to a trick, the last Justiciar is split into numerous rats, meaning that Yurgir will never be able to complete his contract and escape enslavement. Since the contract is stipulated in a song and it states that anyone who hears it must die, you can convince Yurgir to kill his merregons, his beloved displacer beasts and finally himself.
    Astarion: (Stunned) That was incredible - I'm actually impressed! You have a wicked little mind.
    Gale: I see the art of eloquence is alive and well. I am awed, impressed, and a little bit scared of you right now.
• One note in the House of Healing contains a record of the nurses' betting pool about patients coming in to get certain foreign objects removed from somewhere those objects shouldn't be. This is even funnier if you spend time around Real Life emergency room professionals, who often have similar stories.
  Round One Bets
  Pool: 11gp
  Lidwin: Chicken egg
  Sinda: Wine bottle
  Hunna: Carrot
  Vanessa: Candlestick - Winner!
  Anya: Ogre's finger
  
  Round Two Bets
  Pool: 15gp
  Lidwin: Live rat - Winner! (And yuck!)
  Sinda: Children's doll
  Hunna: Pearl necklace
  Geanne: Marbles
  Vanessa: Potato
  Anya: Minotaur horn
  
• After Aylin and Isobel reunite, Isobel asks to speak with you in your camp. If you agree, Aylin dismisses you with this gem.
  Aylin: Now - you will leave us. We must take succour in one another's bodies and words.
  Isobel: Aylin! We'll see you later.
• The Temple of Bhaal has a lending Library, complete with a reminder to return anything removed. Even the God of Murder is against overdue books. It also makes Gale's remark about understanding murderous rage (when the Dark Urge tries to confess their Bhaal-induced gory instincts to him) because he lost out on a book not that far off the mark!
• When Jaheira reveals the fate of Minsc and that she wants to rescue him, one option is to simply agree because it's the right thing to do. Jaheira will declare, half exasperate, that you even sound like Minsc.
• If you're perceptive enough to recognize the "Sunlit Wetlands" for what they really are, you also look through the sheep disguise of a nearby group of redcaps... which they don't realize. Talk to any of them and they may reply with a very, very reluctant and hilariously bad attempt at a sheep's bleating every time you click on them. Even better, most companions approve of doing this, implying they're just as amused as you probably are.
• In Shar's Gauntlet, an agent of the Absolute has a rather colorful reaction to the Gauntlet's shadow guardians catching up to him.
  Reconstituted Skeleton: RANCID DONKEY SCROTUM!
• Having the speak with animals spell active as you go about your activities provides access to a bottomless well of comedy. There are multiple cases around the Emerald Grove in particular, though special mention goes to the squirrel wandering around near the elevator who tries to bite your foot off and then threatens you with grievous harm if you even think about climbing his tree. Later in the mountain pass you can find a blue jay that laments his favorite nesting spot was taken over by eagles, and notes that eagles are pricks. The developers of course are fully aware of this, and made lots of speak with animals potions available all over the map throughout Act 1 specifically so players wouldn't miss out on it.
• Volo fleeing the medical malpractice of accidentally taking out your eye.
• If you choose to bed the male drow twin, Sorn Orlith, he'll ask what you have in mind. One option is to ask for a completely boring romp, much to his delight—because after so many patrons asking to "stuff (Sorn's) hair into (their) favorite orifice" or saying that "(they) can't come unless (Sorn) does (his) deep gnome voice," utterly bland sex is Sorn's idea of a strange fetish. After the Fade to Black, the Narrator details their "most memorable unremarkable" time together.
  Sorn Orlith: Oh, kitten, be bad for me. Be bad at sex!
  Sorn Orlith: I will do my best not to last more than two minutes for you, dearest.
• On the flip side, if you ask that he pretend to be Drizzt Do'Urden, he'll groan "Not again..."
• Upon meeting with Queen Vlaakith CLVII at Crèche Y'llek, she expects everyone inside to kneel before her. But you can choose to simply wave at her instead, which causes her to feel disrespected by your choice of action. If you brought Lae'zel with you during the scene, she will also scowl at you and earn her disapproval for it while still kneeling before her queen.
  Vlaakith: I expected little of istik education, but here we kneel before our queen!
  • Additionally, at Crèche Y'llek, you come across a painting of Vlaakith. When interacting with it, you have the option to perform a dexterity check to vandalise it by drawing a funny face on it. Lae'zel will disapprove of this, and call you out on being immature. Bonus, doing this can also trigger combat with the Githyanki if they come across it and see what you did.
• In Act 3 you can find a document written by some Shar worshippers, entitled "Crimes of the moonmaiden by the Anti-Lunar League" which list the crimes of their goddess's nemesis, the chaotic good moon goddess, Selune. These crimes consist of:
  • Potentially tricking you into thinking your husband is a werewolf if he forgoes shaving for a few days.
  • Cycling through the phases of the moon making it hard to capture for slow painters.
  • The tides.
  • People constantly associate feminity with the moon in poetry and they're tired of reading the some thing over and over again. The author concludes by laying the blame on Selune and calling her a "celestial bint".
• In The Waning Moon you can find a list of Persona Non Grata. Most of the names here were based on the Larian writers themselves! (And yes, the unknown elf is confirmed to be Astarion.)
  BARRED FROM ENTRY
  The following EX-customers are UNWELCOME. Do not let them in, even should they beg. ESPECIALLY should they beg
  Martin Doughty - human? - chug-and-run
  Adam Smythe - lascivious behaviour, also known as The Pickle Incident
  Gerringothe Thorm - SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID
  Kavin Ort - tall dwarf- exceedingly boring
  Syrah Bee - short half-elf- vomited on the waiter (purposefully)
  Unknown elf- pale skin, snide mouth - referring to master distiller as 'the porcine publican'
  Rochelle Kwark - halfing - groin-punching
  Yon Von Don (suspected alias) - grotesquely tall human - underpants on head
• The quest to kill the vampire lord Cazador in Baldur's Gate involves sacrificing Astarion, who was originally turned by Cazador. But if for some reason you killed him along the way, his zombie will still be used in Cazador's ascension ritual. Cazador will comment on this, and one of your potential responses can be "In my defense, he was being a dick."
  • During the battle, if Astarion insults Cazador, the vampire lord will actually drop the following line:
  Astarion: You're going to suffer for everything you did to me!
  Cazador: I have known you for two centuries. Have I not suffered enough?
• You can also interrupt the ritual if you somehow managed to make it all the way to act III without ever meeting or recruiting Astarion at all, which unlocks an even rarer version of the scene. Cazador mistakes you for an errant party guest who somehow survived to warewolves he sicced on all the guests. In reality, your character apparently just decided to break into a random nobleman's house for no reason and started investigating until accidentally stumbling into a vampiric blood ritual over 2 centuries in the making.
  Player: ...Is this a bad time?
• The culmination of the Gather your Allies quest can produce some unintentional moments of hilarity as every ally you've made over the course of the game comes to your aid for the final battle. They all greet you one after the other and the humor comes from the sheer jusxtoposition of being greeted by badasses like Halsin and Dame Aylin at the same time as Mol, Inspector Valeria and Yurgir.
• Speedruns of the game have some amusing tricks to them, like making Gale jump incredible distances to speed travel or exploiting a bevy of glitches and interactions to "shadow-box" to the end of Act 2 by putting Shadowheart's corpse in a flaming box that basically warps to the encounter, triggering only living party member Gale to speak, and... boom.
• As Lae'zel explains, the closest thing the Githyanki language has to the phrase "thank you" is 'Chraith'kan zharn', which translates to may your enemies know agony.
• Talk to the healer in Rivington's Temple of Ilmater and she'll ask you (in a very irritated tone since she's dealing with a bit of a murder situation at the moment) what ails you. One of the possible answers is to tell her about your case of "delayed illithid ceremorphosis". Her response? "Just smear some aloe on it."
• In order to gain access to the Temple of Bhaal in Act 3, you need to murder someone for Bhaal's Tribunal and tell the door guardian about it. Should you be playing a heroic character, you can attack and kill the Tribunal, then claim it as your "murder." The door guardian compliments you for your unconventional thinking and lets you in.
• You can buy face paint and dyes from a mummy named Zara in the Circus of Last Days. Only problem is that she's The Unintelligible who can only speak in muffled grunts and Hand Signals. Passing a Perception check reveals she's signing if you want to buy her wares, but players can grunt back at her which earns an annoyed and angry grunting in response.
• In Baldur's Gate proper, you can talk to a clerk in the back of the Sorcerous Sundries bookstore who speaks in a Stage Whisper who warns the books are very sensitive and not to speak too loud. If you ignore her warning and start shouting, you'll quickly find out she wasn't kidding and the entire bookstore EXPLODES. She will angrily tell you off for this (still in Stage Whisper) and demand payment for all the damage you caused.
• The Temple of Shar publishes bad self-help books, including one that blatantly urges the reader to obey their elders and then visit their headquarters in the House of Grief.
• There's a scroll found around Cazador's manor containing rules for the servants. Most highlight Cazador's desire for deference, such as working in silence and not looking at the master. The last one bluntly says, "No whistling."
• During the "Investigate the Suspicious Toys" sidequest, you'll have to investigate Felogyr's Fireworks in Baldur's Gate. The clerk is introduced giving a young girl a sales pitch which quickly devolves into Rattling Off Legal before turning his attention to you.
  Avery Sonshal: Excellent! Now remember: Felogyr's Fireworks accepts no liabilities for singed nails, toasted eyelashes, loss of limbs, scalded torsos or blown-off heads. (To player) Now, you there. How can I help you?
  • Speaking of Felogyr's, Karlach's reaction to going inside there is priceless much to the horror of your other teammates.
  Karlach: OH MAN! WHIZBANGS!!
  Astarion: Keep calm, Karlach. One bad flare and you could blow this whole place.
  Karlach: Oh man, whizbangs.
  Astarion: Better.

  Karlach: Oof... Karlach and explosives, not a good mix.
  Shadowheart: Let's take things nice and gently. I'd rather not blow up, if it's all the same.
  • You actually can make short work of the entire latter half of the sidequest *JUST* by blowing things up. All it takes is one Fire Bolt/Fireball or hitting an Exploding Barrel with an arrow and KABOOM!
• The book called The Hunter's Piercing Gaze is described as two admirers of Drizzt Do'Urden arguing over what color eyes he has.
  This pamphlet is a transcript of an increasingly feral debate between two admirers on whether the colour of Drizzt Do'Urden’s eye colour is aquamarine, cerulean, vermilion or amber.
  • Which gets even funnier if you've read the books: Drizzt is famous for being one of the very few drow to have purple eyes - smack in the middle of the "are his eyes blue or red(-ish)" debate.
• The in-universe play A Pleasurable Deal is a shockingly explicit play banned in four cities, about a man who sells his soul to a cambion to win back the heart of his cheating wife. There's also an article called A Pleasurable Deal: The Shocking Truth, which shows an interview with the writer. After questioning whether the writer is trying to encourage people to sell their souls, and the writer says how tempting it is, the interviewer flatly asks if he seriously sold his soul to make his play a success.
  Did you honestly trade your soul for an erotic play?
• Players have the option to be rude to Withers and try to shoo him out of camp. Key word: TRY.
  Player: Not to be rude, but what are you?
  Withers: There are many answers to that question. None are important.
  Player: If you won't answer, then get out of my camp.
  Withers: No.
  • You can take this even further by attacking him, but it will ultimately be a No-Sell due to him being Jergal. He will even answer in a tone that says "Are you done yet?"
  Withers: Hast thou seen the futility of thy actions?
  Player: You are... incredibly annoying.
  Withers: Thou art not the first to say that much.
• Various item descriptions throughout the game:
  • The giant eagle feather:
  One of thousands of feathers adorning a giant eagle, you can only hope this graced an elegant part of the bird, such as the wing, and not an inelegant part, such as the left armpit.
  • The Owlbear egg you can filch from the Owlbear nest:
  Owlbear hatchlings are tiny and adorable for the first few tendays of their life. Then they eat you out of house and home. Then they simply eat you.
  • The Potion of Angelic Slumber:
  One of the few ways for elves to experience sleep. Other methods include taking narcotics and being hit really hard with a chair.
  • True Love's Embrace...:
  "The scholar of love, Joel Firris Baldidims, writes that the next time he reads about a woman compared to a flower (or any feature of geography for that matter) he's going to start knocking on poets' doors with a sledgehammer."
  • ...and True Love's Caress:
  "The most pragmatic and courageous lover ever known was, of course, Sorcha MacTire, for whom the popular hairstyle is named, and for whom many an extremely soppy poem has been written (most of them comparing her to geography)."
• If you value your life, do NOT take Scratch's ball before he has a chance to fetch it. Doing so will turn everyone in camp against you, up to and including the freaking Oathbreaker Knight if you're unlucky enough to be a paladin. And if you're *really* unlucky, doing this on Harder Than Hard difficulty will end your entire run in less than 3 turns. Never mess with the best boy.
• In the cutscene between Act 2 and Act 3 when we see Gortash conversing with a shapeshifted Orin, after Orin stabs her knife through the canvas a painter was working on, said painter can be seen quickly leaving the room the next time the camera zooms out.
• When the party is in the ruins of High Hall, a note in the kitchens proclaims that one judge must have Sahuagin caviar with every meal. Below that, the reader is advised to serve cheaper salmon caviar instead, as said judge cannot tell the difference.
• One of the items a player can find is The Pointy Hat, which is exactly what it sounds like, a stereotypical wizard's hat. It grants the bonus of adding your intelligence modifier to any persuasion checks. Given that the only class that requires intelligence is a wizard, it gives off the impression that it's not actually a magical item - it just makes people trust your opinion more as a wizard because you're dressed like one.
• You can give the magic mirror in Ilyn Toth's basement a false name depending on race. The human's false name? "Jack Humanman."
• In Sharess' Caress, you can overhear the chef of the establishment getting irritated that someone had stolen cucumbers from his kitchen, again. Another line has him complain about people eating "the finest strudel he ever made" off of each other's arses.
• All cat owners can understand Chef Roveer's exasperation at the fact that the cats in the kitchen would rather nap than take care of the dozens of rats infesting his basement.
• A book containing the instructions on how to make an antidote starts like many online recipes: with an anecdote about the circumstances that inspired the writer to record it for posterity (they brewed this antidote to save a poisoned child using ingredients lying around a kitchen, and lamented that nobody else knew how), along with a note that the reader can skip the anecdote if they wish.
• Bards get this unique exchange with the magic mirror.
  Mirror: Spea-k your name.
  Bard: I know how this goes. 'Magic Mirror, tell me true...'
  Mirror: What is your n-ame?
  Bard: ...'Magic Mirror, tell me true, show my fortune, known by few.'
  Narrator: (In the tone of a DM getting tired of the player's shenanigans) The mirror is not amused.
  (The mirror then spits out a flame sphere that chases the party and periodically explodes.)
• When freeing Orpheus, if you slept with the Emperor, he will be in utter disbelief and disgust about how ‘you fornicated with a mind flayer’.
  • The implication that during the whole Emperor romance scene, Orpheus is watching and wanting to claw his eyes out. Even funnier when you consider the player may have had the same reaction but was just curious or wanted the achievement.

Epilogue

The Patch 5 Playable Epilogue contains some moments of hilarity.

• Shadowheart praises the food, noting that it's a vast improvement over the times they had to make do with "fourteen apples, some fish heads, and a stale loaf of bread" during their adventure — a nod to the absurd food combinations possible when players are long resting.
• You can also hilariously troll Shadowheart when starting a conversation with her.
  Shadowheart: I was starting to wonder if you'd show up.
  Player: Umm... Shadowheart, isn't it...?
  Shadowheart: Hilarious. You could find work as a jester, if you stumble upon a noble with more gold than taste.
• If she's no longer a follower of Shar, Shadowheart comments self-deprecatingly:
  Shadowheart: Gods, your truest act of heroism was putting up with all that Sharran drivel I used to spout!
• A romanced Shadowheart suggests splitting up the stories from the past 6 months with the player so they don't accidentally tell the same story twice to the companions, if she had one of her adventurer endings. If you ask her what to divide out, one of the incidents she mentions is an imp called Bing Bong... suggesting the shenanigans from the Shadows of Athkatla actual play detailed below are canon—or at minimum Lae'zel's shenanigans.
• Astarion, meanwhile, complains that for all the fine wine available, no one has bothered providing any fresh blood.
• A romanced Gale may ask his partner if he's dressed well enough for the occasion. One possible response:
  Player: I don't think anyone is judging our outfits. Well, maybe Astarion...
• Wyll attempting to pronounce the tongue-twisting name of a dragon he encountered:
  Wyll: Claugiyliamatar. Try saying that five times in a row! Claugiyama... Claug-ya-mufur... Cluff-a-mother-fu... Whatever! Let's call it Old Gnawbone.
• If Gale manages to survive and has given the Crown of Karsus to Mystra, he reveals he is now a professor at Blackstaff Academy. His Netherese Orb has been cured by Mystra, but that doesn't stop him from threatening to nuke his misbehaving students.
• Gale also mentions he offered to teach every school of magic via his magical projections, but somehow Blackstaff Academy didn't go for that.
• When you meet Tara, you have the option to go 'pspsps' at her, to which she'll ask if something's stuck in your throat.
• There’s a chest you can find that has letters from the people you helped, which are rife with funny moments.
  • For example, one from Arabella (if you save her and tell her about her parents) mentions she met “Beard Man” ^note  Implied to be Elminster. who’s planning on teaching her how to use magic and that he wants her to stop calling him Beard Man.
  • If Barcus was made the leader of the Ironhands, he writes a genuine letter of thanks. If he isn't?
  To Whom it May Concern,
  Withers gave me this address and said I could consider writing. Well, I considered it.
  Return address included.
  Best,
  Barcus Wroot.
  • A letter from Haarlep, if you chose to make a deal with him instead of fighting him, will contain several user reviews from people he's been bedding in your form.
  'So rare to find a not-forked tongue in these parts! 5/5.'
  'You really should have asked for the nails to be trimed before memorizing this form...2/5'
  'It gets frostbite too quickly, and is unsuitable to exhibitionism in this Hell. 3/5'
• If Tav/Durge has become a mind flayer, during the party they may struggle with the temptation to consume their companions' brains, which is sad. What is hilarious, however, is the narrator's description of Astarion's brain:
  Astarion's sweet brain may be a bit less wrinkled than the rest, but you hunger for its teasing cells.
• Minsc will mention that he's taken to visiting Astarion often, despite Astarion repeatedly moving his lair while "forgetting" to tell Minsc where.
• The Dark Urge can inform spawn Astarion that their murderous urges have been cured, upon which Astarion will claim that he didn't doubt that they could do it... while putting the dagger he had behind his back away. Ascended Astarion just jokes about preferring not to ruin the evening by having to kill the Urge.

Misc.

• From Early Access' Hotfix 16 patch notes:
  Bald duergar are now even balder. Please refer to BG3 as Balder’s Gate from here on out.
  Glut can now jump - not to be confused with the title of the 1992 Woody Harrelson basketball movie.
• Amelia Tyler, who voices the game's narrator, has uploaded some compilations of her recording outtakes on her YouTube channel. It must be heard to be believed...
• Even the EULA notice is hilarious; briefly taking several asides to note that it is not a legal document, but in fact a warlock pact, with updated legal language to make sure they don't accidentally get burned (somehow)
• In the weeks following the full release of the game, some of the voice actors for the game's companions, as well as the narrator, decided to have some fun on Twitter by posting a video of them reading online shitposts while in-character.
  Shadowheart: Yes, I'm a gatekeeper and a hater. I'm also God's favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world.
  Lae'zel: Forgive and forget? Hah, no. Resent and remember.
  Karlach: I hate this place. I want to go to Build-A-Bear.
  Astarion: Have I stabbed you? No? Then I'm being nice.
  Halsin: In Baldur's Gate, you don't stuff the bear. The bear stuffs you.
  Gale: Pardon my French, but are you a douchebag-uette?
  Narrator: Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions... Oh, roll initiative.
  Jaheira: Good luck "discussing your opinion" with me when I'm hurling boulders at you from the peak of a mountain.
• A time where it crosses between this and Heartwarming is that one of the inspirations behind Astarion is a feral stray cat that took Neil Newbon (Astarion's actor) three years for it to completely warm up to him. No wonder some of Astarion's mannerisms is described by some fans as cat-like, says that at least you purr to him, and approves you indulging His Majesty the cat. [2]
• Neil streams his playthroughs and the occasional Q & A. This results in some meme material, particularly Astarion-related. [3]
  • "Be as creative as you can be, or are able to be." [4]
  • Goostarion. [5]
• His Majesty, the cat in the Last Light Inn, was in the game as a hairless sphynx cat with the same model as another unrelated cat, Steelclaw. This turned out to be a bug and was fixed in a patch in late September to give him a long-furred model that "befits his name and nature"... to general upset from the fans, who adored him as a sphynx. The next hotfix, in early October, swiftly gave His Majesty a unique sphynx model.
  More importantly, we shaved His Majesty.
• From Patch #4 patch notes:
  Licking the hunk of spider meat in the Gauntlet of Shar might make you sick. You should have listened to Gale.
• Astarion is well aware of all the Rule 34 fanart of him. Not only does he admit the fan artists could do better portraying his good side, he has started a dating profile called "Only Fangs" in response. It has to be seen to be believed. [6]
  Astarion: Don't forget to like and subscribe! Whatever that means.
• One of the dev notes had to specifically call out Neil Newbon for directly cranking up the Aroused by Their Voice aspects of Astarion's character:
  Note: Slightly horny (ONLY SLIGHTLY, NEIL)
• The Patch 6 notes include new idle animations for party members in camp. Minsc's new animations are cooking and shaving his head. The notes felt the need to emphasize that these are two separate actions, because no one would put it past Minsc to try to cook his own head.

Collaborations with Mashed

Mashed has collaborated alongside Larian Studios to create no less than three animated shorts, all of which are filled to the brim with hillarious moments.

• Their first animated short features the five original origin companions (as Karlach hadn't been revealed yet). Their voice actors (except for Wyll who is voiced by his new one) even reprised their roles.
  • The short begins with everyone but Gale injured as Gale narrates their adventures.
  • Wyll comes up with a plan to defeat the enemy that had injured the party and makes a lame pun as well.
    Astarion: Please don't. Even Lae'zel's puns are more amusing.
    Lae'zel: Among Githyanki, I am considered extremely humorous.
  • Gale tells them that Auntie Ethel has a potion to allow them to communicate with their enemy. But it would come at a price.
    Auntie Ethel: Gimme his spleen!
    She points at Astarion, who is drinking out of a skull.
  • Cut to everyone preparing to face this enemy, the camera slowly pans over the party...and eventually quick-pans to Astarion unconscious in a tub full of ice. Shadowheart then casts a healing spell on him.
  • Said enemy? A frog. And as Gale is summoning it, even Lae'zel of all characters is terrified of it. And when it starts explaining, Astarion jumps at it from the bushes and starts stabbing it as the rest of the party tries to stop him. And they level up as well.
  • Even better? This frog is actually in the game. And it is as dangerous as advertised.
• Mashed did another short to celebrate the launch of the game. This time, Karlach is one of the featured companions.
  • Gale keeps mispronouncing various terms, such as pronouncing "Early Access" as "Ear Lay Ax Cease".
  • Karlach comments that multiverses are very popular these days. She states, that there could be a world full of hellfire, a world of gelationus cubes, or a world full of badgers (a parody of the "Badgers" meme is shown in the background at that statement) at the other end of the portal.
    Karlach: Just, badgers. As far as the eye can see.
  • Astarion freaks out when he takes his hand out of the portal and it's covered in slime. Karlach just pushes him in.
  • When the group enters the portal, they arrive at Baldur's Gate where they meet the launch version of themselves. And they do the Spider-Man pointing meme at each other.
    • Launch!Astarion and Early Access!Astarion's interaction with each other is quite flirty.
    • Shadowheart notices the Dark Urge sitting off in the corner and asks who he is. The DU shrugs as he knits his scarf, which has words like "KILL" and "DEATH" stitched in.
  • The Early Access versions of the companions are imprisoned and killed with other Early Access characters (some who are glitching) and the frog from the previous short. Which Astarion is scared of.
• In celebration of the game's launch on Xbox Series X|S, Larian and Mashed made another animated short showing the Origin Characters' Christmas-themed adventure. Highlights include:
  • Gale eating a boot with an astral projection of himself for company; the astral projection is eating a sandwich made with the matching boot. We later see him trying to walk through the snow wearing the chewed up boots.
  • Wyll appears and interrupts the others' good time, right when Astarion was about to have a nice drink as well. Said drink? The blood of Swen Vincke, dated 1972.
    Astarion: Oh, for fuck's sake! (Smashes the glass onto the ground and pouts)
  • Karlach sinking into the snow due to her body being too hot to walk on top.
  • It's so cold that icicles hang off of Wyll's horns and Lae'zel's/Astarion's pointy ears. As the party and ersatz Santa Claus sit around the fire, poor anemic/cold-blooded Astarion shivers in a blanket (even though he's already seated as close to Karlach as he could be, on her lap), while Shadowheart snuggles up to Karlach and basks in her warmth.
  • The gang is offered a goody from "Santa's" bag of presents as a reward. Wyll ends up plucking out a saucy picture of Mizora, leaving him flustered and embarrassed.
    Karlach: (teasingly) You don't want it?
    Wyll: No!...I'll take it!
  • Nearly the entire party goes googly-eyed at the prospect of presents - except Astarion and Lae'zel, squeezed together at the bottom of the group reaction shot. The two share a suspicious "this is too good to be true, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" look and decide to search the camp individually, succeeding on their perception checks (Lae'zel notices footsteps and figures out someone had been there before them, Astarion finds the smoking gun of the slaughtered and possibly half-eaten elves and reindeer).
  • Not-Santa declares that his bag of presents will grant them their 'truest heart's desire'. Since Karlach's heart was replaced with an Infernal Engine, she gets what it wants, not what she wants: engine oil.
  • Astarion commenting that the slaughtered elves and reindeer is disturbing even for him.
  • Geoff the Skeleton gifting Lae'zel a mind flayer's head, perfectly preserved in a jar.
  • The grand prize from slaying the evil Santa Claus is a giant Xbox, leaving the gang perplexed.
    Lae'zel: Another mysterious box...
    Gale: Don't even think about licking it!
  • Lae'zel seemingly ignores this, as she can be heard licking it in the background moments later with Gale chiding her for it.
  • Karlach then bites into the cord, which fries her and shorts out the electricity in the whole tavern. A panicked Shadowheart heals her as a terrified Lae'zel and Gale cling to each other - with Lae'zel having leapt into Gale's arms offscreen.

High Rollers Presents: Shadows of Athkatla

The two-parter collaboration of Larian and High Rollers has many of these moments to be gleaned from. The first part can be found here and the second part can be found here.

• Shadowheart's first action of the game, as Gale is making an Arcana check, is to grant him Guidance to help boost his roll.
• Astarion flubs a Perception check while trying to find Tav's supplies in the middle of the chaos. Neil improvs on the spot that Astarion is distracted by the fine craftsmanship of Gale's boots, which becomes a minor Running Gag throughout the campaign.
• During the first combat encounter, Tim decides to have Gale cast Ray of Frost on the glass knight (which is currently in Wyll's magic darkness). A big production is made of this, Shadowheart casts Bless to give him a better shot of hitting it, and once the hit is confirmed the DM mentions that the glass knight has a weakness to cold. Tim and the rest of the party get very self-congratulatory as he goes to roll for damage.
  Neil: *Taking a drink* You're going to need a bigger boss.
  Tim: One.
  *Neil nearly does a spit-take*
• When Elminster shows up, when the DM is describing his red robe and hat, Neil yells out "SANTA CLAUS!"
• While in Athkatla, Astarion tries to get Gale to give him some bribe money for his contacts, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as he does so - which Neil copies as he wraps his arm around Tim's shoulder.
  Astarion: Gale, old buddy, old pal, chum...
  Gale: Oh, hang on.
  Astarion: Listen here, darling.
  Gale: I sense where this is going.
  Astarion: Yes, so, here's the thing: The people that I'm going to see are very interesting people - however, they do sometimes need persuading...
  Gale: It's money, isn't it?
  Astarion: It might be cash, yes.
  • Astarion says Gale can give the cash to Karlach if he doesn't trust him with it, to which Gale scoffs "What, Melty McMetalhands over there?"
  • Astarion tries his luck at getting 20 gp out of Gale, who baulks and says he can have 10 and that he wants change; they settle for 15, and Astarion gives Gale a Counterspell scroll as collateral.
• The DM asks Neil if he'd like to disclose to the party the goods he recovered from Tav's pack and hand them out to them.
  Neil (Astarion): What goods?
• In Athkatla, the group ends up splitting up in three groups:
  • Shadowheart and Lae'zel go to the market. After entering a store called the Adventurer's Mart, a retail magic store, they forgo talking to the gnome shopkeeper who is openly reading a porno magazine to talk to the doorman, the imp Bing Bong, who can't speak Common and yells "Bing bong!" whenever he opens the door for a customer. After Lae'zel intimidates the shopkeeper for information, they buy tickets to the "Bhaalspawn Experience: A Narrative Experience and Adventure" built through the old laboratories of Jon Irenicus, which because of Lae'zel intimidating him they bargain down the price from five gold each to five gold for both her and Shadowheart. They also end up bringing Bing Bong with them into the activity.
  • Wyll and Gale end up in the Temple District and end up getting a full spa treatment in a temple of Sune, goddess of love and beauty. Wyll actually tries to get Gale back on track, but Gale ends up letting himself in for a full treatment and charmed one of the priestess attendants.
    Tim (Gale): We did very well in coming this way.
  • Astarion and Karlach end up shaking down a merchant. Astarion bumps Karlach into a rich merchant named Brennan Quint in the middle of a crowd, and picks the man's purse while pretending to be a fellow member of the upper class looking after one of his own who was brutalized by an "awful, uncouth tiefling". While he claims that the twenty gold from the purse is for more bribe money, Karlach asks for half and stares him down until he relinquishes ten gold to her.
• While at the temple of Sune, Cowled Wizards are searching for Gale due to him illegally using magic in the city without a permit and tracked them there, and are actively searching for him; his grooming session just barely buying him a minute. Wyll has to shake Gale out of his treatment and distracts the Cowled Wizards long enough for the pair to give them the slip, with one of the attendants of the temple giving him a disguise of a tiefling sellsword.
  • When Astarion and Karlach meet back up with Wyll and "the tiefling", they both immediately start hitting on him. They're also both immediately disappointed to find out it's Gale in disguise.
    Tiefling!Gale: Hello.
    Karlach: Huh. Sounds like Gale.
    Astarion: Oh, shit, it does sound- [audibly disappointed] Oh, it's Gale.
• While in Athkatla, Astarion and Karlach get involved in protecting a young dwarven thief, putting her in a crate to hide her from the guards chasing her. While requesting for help in getting in contact with the Shadow Thieves, Astarion closes the lid on her twice when debating if she can even help them.
  Lorena: I'm not technically a Shadow Thief.
  Neil (Astarion): Close the lid.
• While at the Five Flagons Inn, Neil as Astarion mlems to taste his glass of "wine", which is suspiciously red-looking and described as being "ethically procured from donators".
  Neil (Astarion): Takes the fun out of it, but sure why not. I'll try anything once.
• Astarion goes full fanboy mode when they come across Drizzt Do'Urden, pestering him with countless fan questions... while Drizzt is still being held prisoner in a magical dome. He later then rips Drizzt's magical belongings out of Gale's hands when the latter is about to consume them to feed the Netherese orb, having another fanboy moment when he realizes he's holding Drizzt's scimitar and panther.
• Previous to that, Shadowheart rolls an Insight check to determine Drizzt's intentions, which leads to the DM waxing poetic about the gentleness in Drizzt's lavender eyes and Lae'zel impatiently chiding a smitten Shadowheart.
  Lae'zel: Shadowheart, compose yourself!
• During the final battle, Lae'zel tries using Bing Bong as an improvised throwing weapon, lighting him on fire off Karlach and launching him at the Jon Irenicus clone. Devora flubs the roll, missing entirely and resulting in Bing Bong being instantly killed by hitting the stone floor at full force.