Dave the Barbarian
The middle child and only brother of the three siblings. Dave is a huge, muscular barbarian war-prince who is very sensitive to pain and would rather knit and cook than fight evil.
- Anti-Hero: Dave is a Classical Anti-Hero. He's cowardly and wimpy but he'll pull through when he needs to.
- Barbarian Hero: Spoofed. He has the classic physique and look, but he's got quite a lot of traditioanlly feminine hobbies and interest and is a Cowardly Lion.
- Berserk Button:
- Beware the Nice Ones: Dave is really just a coward and generic Nice Guy. However, the few times one of his berserk buttons is pressed, he shows that messing with a musclebound barbarian is a bad idea.
- Big Little Brother: Although Candy is older than him, he physically dwarfs both her and Fang.
- Catchphrase: "Bejabbers!"
- Cowardly Lion: The theme song lampshades this, although Dave learns to be more brave and fierce later on.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Dave is a huge coward, but he's also a 300-pound mass of muscles and superhuman strength.
- Dating Catwoman: With Princess Irmaplotz.
- Fearless Fool: Briefly suffers this while wearing the Red Sweater of Courage. He arranges three of his worst foes to unite against him to fight. Instead of making a plan to beat them like normal, he just rushes into the fight head first and gets his butt handed to him.
- Gentle Giant: He's very gentle, even to the Dark Lord and his baddies.
- Guile Hero: Parodied. He's not the sharpest sword and he once fashioned an improvised megaphone "using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone".
- Heroes Prefer Swords: Dave always keeps Lula at his side. In one episode without her, he feels naked to the point of hiding behind curtains.
- Heroic Build: As the theme song goes, he's "huge but a wimp".
- Nice Guy: He's this as long as you don't push any of his buttons or mess with his ego.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Rarely called by his full name, David.
- The Performer King: When Dave is temporarily made king of Udrogoth, he enacts laws that start off as well-liked but soon creates unrest in the citizens. While at first feeling vengeful for their insolence, he quickly decides that it would be better to win them back by inviting all of them to he one-person play "Oh Pastry". The play was so bad that when the Darklord Chuckles the Silly Piggie (having just usurped Dave) makes his first law that musical theater is banned, he is greeted with applause.
- Real Men Wear Pink: Parodied. Dave's "unmanly" interests are used to show how lousy he is at being a Barbarian, not as a sign of his being manly enough to get away with them.
- Red Is Heroic: Wears a red tunic and headband, and his wristbands have red studs.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: At least Once per Episode.
- Super Strength: Dave can lift incredible weight without trouble, such as lifting a pyramid.
- Top-Heavy Guy: He has muscular arms and abs, but his legs are super scrawny.
- Vocal Dissonance: Though it fits his character, who would expect this beefcake barbarian to have such a mousy voice?
The oldest child of the three siblings. Left in charge while the king and queen are away, Candy has a contemporary "Valley Girl" attitude and would rather shop and hang out than rule a kingdom.
- Action Girl: Depending on the episode. Though she is consistently shown to be almost as strong as Dave.
- Berserk Button: Anything that threatens her shopping habits will learn why you don't mess with the princess.
- Bratty Teenage Daughter: A bit bratty and tends to be hard to deal with at times, though part of it stems from her responsability as ruler.
- Catchphrase: "Don't mess with the princess!"
- Cool Crown: Although she dislikes it, considering it a "fashion don't".
- The Chains of Commanding: Candy never wanted to be in charge, but is forced into the role as the eldest sibling. As the theme song goes, "[Their parents] left to fight off evil and now Candy is the bo-ooooss!"
- Dark-Skinned Redhead: She is a redhead with an olive skintone.
- Pink Means Feminine: Her usual ensemble is pink.
- Valley Girl: She talks and acts like this throughout the show.
The youngest of the three siblings. Fang is a very rambunctious and uncivilized tomboy who loves to smash things. She has long red hair in a ponytail.
- Catchphrase: "Not a monkey!"
- Cute, but Cacophonic: Her default voice is a high-pitched yell.
- Dark-Skinned Redhead: She is a redhead with an olive skintone.
- Does Not Like Shoes: She's almost always barefoot. Might overlap with Earthy Barefoot Character.
- The Dreaded: Only to insects, who know her as the Great Destructor.
- Fiery Redhead: Violent, hot-tempered, and likes to smash things.
- Foil: To Dave. Fang has the attitude and mentality of how a "real barbarian" should act, but is too small and scrawny to do anything with it; Dave has the strength and physique one would expect of a powerful barbarian, but does not like violence and prefers crafts instead.
- Hypocritical Humor: After she claims that she's not a monkey, there are times she does things akin to what a monkey does.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite being violent, brash, and rude, she does care about her family, as shown when she does things like saving Dave from a giant muffin or helping Candy build muscles to impress a boy she likes.
- I Am Not Weasel: "I'm not a monkey!"
- Only Sane Man: Jumps into this at times, especially concerning her older brother's embarrassing behavior.
- Significant Green-Eyed Redhead
- Tomboy and Girly Girl: With her older sister Candy. She's the tomboy, obviously.
- Tomboyish Ponytail: With a bone to use to hold it in place.
- Tomboy with a Girly Streak: While the most like a traditional barbarian, she does have her bit of a girly side. She keeps her dolls in one of the towers, although when she blurts this out, she backpedals and says, "Uh...I mean...all my weapons are in there!"
- Trademark Favorite Food: Fizzberries, to the point where she will eat anything they're on, even the table. They serve as excellent bribery to get Fang to be more civilized.
Dave, Fang and Candy's uncle. A rather clumsy sorcerer who usually wreaks havoc with his spells rather than being useful.
- Always Someone Better: Because of Malsquando, he always feels like he doesn't measure up.
- Badass Beard
- Big Eater: Like Fang, he likes to down a lot of food before others.
- Inept Mage: He never actually went to Sorcerer School, he was just a cook.
- Nice Hat: He's rarely seen without his sorcerer's hat.
- Only Sane Man: He's this most of the time, offering sage advice when he's not loafing around.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Loves ham and other pork related food the most.
- Wizard Classic: Oswidge has the robe, the magic wand, the pointy hat, and the beard required.
Dave's shrill, impatient, sarcastic enchanted sword.
- Always Someone Better: How Lula felt toward her older sister, Molly, better known as Mjolnir. Was the subject of an episode where Lula had the family pretend they were better off to impress her. Turns out they didn't need to since Molly mentioned Lula was happy having people who appreciated her (why she left Thor.) Furthermore, turns out Molly always looked up to her younger sister, for being the smart one of the family.
- Badass Family: Her older sister, Molly, is better known as Mjolnir (Yes, that Mjolnir) and one of their cousins is the Trident of Poseidon.
- Cheated Angle: Her face is always right-side up no matter what way the rest of her "body" is facing.
- Deadpan Snarker: She makes the most jokes out of anyone on the show.
- Excalibur in the Rust: Lula's over two thousand years old and has never been properly treated since. In her own words, she's as sharp as a bowling ball.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Even the slightest dent is enough to get her riled.
- Help, I'm Stuck!: In the first episode, Dave accidentally throws her in the air and she gets lodged blade-first in an enchanted tree stump. The rest of the episode revolves around the heroes trying to get her out.
- Only Sane Man: She often tends to be voice of reason and talking things out. Best seen when she got Molly and Thor to talk things out.
- Servile Snarker: She is Dave's sword and has his back, but she will nag the family into doing what is needed.
- Shock and Awe: Lula can blast magic lightning, and regularly zaps anyone that annoys her with it. Makes sense given who her older sister is.
- Talking Weapon: And a talker she is.
- Tertiary Sexual Characteristics: She has eyelashes and full lips. Despite being a talking sword.
The family's dumb pig-shaped pet dragon. Unlike most dragons, he breathes lightning and is domesticated, plus he does not have a tail.
- Breath Weapon: Faffy can spit lightning and fire out of his mouth.
- Gone Horribly Right: In one episode Oswidge turns Faffy into a powerful guard dragon to protect from some unknown threat. However the spell was off in that it never specified what to guard, so Faffy protected everything from everything else, attacking indiscriminately.
- Good Is Dumb: Faffy has a one-digit IQ.
- Hidden Depths: He can write stories in English (albeit completely nonsensical ones).
- Non-Human Sidekick
- Team Pet: He's the mascot of Udrogoth castle.
- Playing with Fire: Like other dragons, he can breathe fire.
- Shock and Awe: He can breathe lightning, which is unique to him.
- The Unintelligible: He only speaks in grunts, burps, and roars.
- A brief gag in "Bad Food" shows that he can speak English but keeps it a secret from Dave.
Twinkle the Marvel Horse
Candy's magical flying steed. He spends most of his time alone in the stables, and the isolation... hasn't been good for him.
- Cool Horse: A brightly-colored talking horse that can fly.
- The Eeyore: Everything he says is either a comment on the pointlessness of life or just plain disturbing. A Running Gag is that the family mentions they really need to get out of the stable more.
- Flight: Complete with a trail of magic sparkles.
- Go Mad from the Isolation: Spending most of his time in a dark stable hasn't done his mind any favors.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Obviously meant to sound like Christopher Walken.
- Vocal Dissonance: He's a brightly-colored magical horse who delivers every one of his depressing or horrifying lines in a dead-on Christopher Walken impersonation.
Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy
An evil pig with a high-collared cape (and equally high voice) bent on ruling Udrogoth and the main antagonist of the show. Chuckles lives in a castle on the outskirts of the kingdom.
- Accessory-Wearing Cartoon Animal: Chuckles only wears his cape and the Mystical Amulet of Hogswineboar.
- Beware the Silly Ones: Don't let this lil' porkchop's cuteness fool you. Yes, he's extremely bumbling and somewhat incompetent. Nonetheless, there are several instances where he can be a real serious threat.
- Big Bad: The main one for the series.
- Big Ol' Eyebrows: They're unusually large and bushy.
- Evil Is Hammy: Quite literally.
- Evil Laugh: His cackling is very signature, and considered "the best in the business" by Malsquando.
- Fluffy the Terrible: He's a cute little pig who amassed a great army of minions.
- High Collar of Doom: His collar is very high relative to his height.
- Large Ham: For a little pig, he makes the most charismatic tirades ever.
- Medium Awareness: After one of his many defeats to Dave, he tries to find what all his defeats had in common: The narrator. He then proceeds to take control of the narrator, forcing him to make him incredibly buff, change his forteress into a tall, ominous tower and fill his fridge with food.
- Top-Heavy Guy: For the short time he controlled the narrator he had him change his physique, giving him muscular arms and torso, but he still had his scrawny legs. He was back to his normal appearance by the end of the commercial.
- Weapon of Choice: The Mystic Amulet of Hogswineboar.
An evil sorcerer and Oswidge's rival. He has an obsession with taking over the world and making money.
- Evil Is Hammy: Once his villainy is exposed, Malsquando goes completely over-the-top with boasting and evil laughter.
- Evil Sorcerer: He's a very good one, but evil nonetheless.
- High Collar of Doom: His collar holds his broach which has more evil spells than Chuckles.
- The Rival: To Oswidge.
The god of freshly laundered trousers, overused punctuation and possibly other random and ridiculous things.
- Bald of Evil: Offset by his Beard of Evil, but Quosmir is bald on the top of his head.
- Beard of Evil: Has a full beard and is a God of Evil.
- Berserk Button: Mentioning his mother, or any harm coming to his ni-ni-lanky.
- Breath Weapon: Of a sort. His signature attack is the flaming logy.
- Freudian Excuse: A lot of his destructive urges come from his estranged relationship with his mother, a chief event being her taking his "ni-ni-lanky".
- God of Evil: Though his title keeps changing, he's primarily a malevolent deity.
- Odd Job Gods: Deity of various unimportant thing.
- Playing with Fire: Quosmir can spit burning piles of phlegm as an attack.
- Security Blanket: Quosmir's ni-ni-lanky, or "night-night blanket". His mother took it away from him at some point which made him into the destructive person he is today.
- Snake People: Quosmir has the lower half of a snake.
Princess Irmaplotz and Queen Zonthara
The evil sorceress princess of Hyrogoth that is trying to destroy Dave (or more likely she just wants to make Dave's life miserable). Her mother Zonthara is the ruler of Hyrogoth, and keeps on trying to teach Irmaplotz to be more evil. Her father is good, making her half-evil.
- Dating Catwoman: Irmaplotz, with Dave. Also Zonthara with Irmaplotz's unseen father, apparently.
- A Fate Worse Than Death: She thinks death's too easy for her ex, so she decides to turn him into a cow for the entire episode.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Despite both being evil, Irmaplotz and Zonthara are shown to love each other and have a good relationship. Zonthara even gives her good advice like saying that proper relationships have to be built on honesty.
- Evil Sorceress: Both Irmaplotz and her mother qualify.
- Hot Witch: Again, both Irmaplotz and her mother qualify.
- God Save Us from the Queen!: Played With. While Zonthara is a real evil queen, the true antagonist is her daughter, Princess Irmaplotz.
- Psycho Ex-Girlfriend: Irmaplotz did not take her breakup with Dave well. However, she does still seem to have a soft spot for him.
A nerd who works at a pants factory in the year 1994. He gains a very powerful zipper which he uses to travel back into time to attempt conquering the world by using the advanced technology of the future, such as the Game Guy, and a joke book from the 1940s.
- Giving Radio to the Romans/*batteries not included: His first Evil Plan. After some experimenting, Ned enslaved Udrogoth and beyond by getting everyone hooked on Game Guy video games and bribing their servitude with batteries.
- Hoist by Their Own Petard: Fed up with Dave's rebellion, Ned brings a Tyrannosaurus rex to Udrogoth to destroy him. The untamed dinosaur instead goes on a rampage and destroys everything Ned built. The Stinger has Rex get Employee of the Month, which was Ned's initial desire for going back in time.
- Humour Dissonance: In-Universe, he uses this deliberately for his second plot, with old jokes such as Why did the chicken cross the road? not having grown stale yet (or even existing.)
- Nerd: Ned is the stereotype. Flat top, large framed glasses, buttoned up shirt with pocket protector, you name it.
- Non-Action Big Bad: He is quickly defeated by Dave, who uses his massive strength against the nerdish Ned to simply twist him into a pretzel and toss him aside before lifting and destroying his pyramid. Everything afterwards was Ned being Hoist by His Own Petard.
- Time Travel: Ned became a threat to Udrogoth when he gaints the Time Zipper, allowing him to go back to any time period he wishes.
- Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: Faithfully worked 9 years in a pants factory, never attaining the position of employee of the month he sought so much. When given the chance to leave his mundane life and make a name for himself by rewriting history, he embraces the opportunity.
- Villain with Good Publicity: His second attempt at taking over history was to go back in time and become hilarious and popular with unfunny jokes in the future that are funny in the past.
King Throktar and Queen Glimia
The proper rulers of Udrogoth, and the parents of Dave, Candy and Fang. They are away fighting evil around the world, though they can communicate to their children via Oswidge's crystal ball, which seems to operate like a phone.
- Ambiguously Brown: Queen Glimia.
- Badass Beard: King Throktar sports one of these.
- Battle Couple
- Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You: It's often hinted that Fang, at least, is unhappy about their absence.
- Hero of Another Story: They're usually in the middle of an adventure whenever Oswidge calls them, but we don't get to see their escapades.
- Mum Looks Like a Sister: Queen Glimia looks barely older than her teenager daughter Candy.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Plenty of them, considering that we never see their adventures.
- Parental Abandonment: They left their children to fight evil in the world, but they still stay in touch.
- Red Is Heroic: Throktar's hair and beard are red, while Glimia's hair is a shade of burgundy.
- Royals Who Actually Do Something: They're out fighting to destroy all evil in the world.
The narrator of the series. He has never been seen in an episode.
- Interactive Narrator
- Logical Weakness: He can't narrate if he can't speak.
- Reality Warper: We learn in 'A Pig's Story' that the narrator doesn't tell the viewers what happens, but it's that whatever the narrator tells the viewers, happens. Which means that if he were to, say, lost his voice, everyone panics because it means that the narrative, and the world with it, grinds to a halt.