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Mishonh From God trilogy

     Conservative Christens 

Sara Osborne

The author, narrator and main character of the story. She is a 13 year old girl who "loves America and God and the Constantution." She is deathly afraid of becoming a "lesban" and aspires to stay straight. She greatly admires and cares for her best friend Lauren (but as a friend, not a lesbian lover.)
  • Anti-Hero: She is a very hateful person who lacks redeeming qualities, aside from the from the fact that she opposes Satan.
  • Armored Closet Gay: The story shows she is pretty obviously attracted to her female friend Lauren and Lauren's chapter confirms they were dating. Much of The REEL Sekwel's sudden Face–Heel Turn is provoked by the real Lauren finding a new girlfriend. Sara vehemently denies this, though.
  • Author Avatar: Obviously.
  • Brought Down to Normal: The main plot point in 'The REEL Sekwel!' is that God and Jesus were kidnapped by Satan, so Sara can't use her God powers.
  • Dull Surprise: Her response to something surprising is usually just "cool" or "ono".
  • Easily Forgiven: Sara, over the course of three stories, does many atrocious, unforgivable deeds. Any punishment she receives is a slap on the wrist by comparison.
    • In the finale of the third story, she is forgiven for her non-homophobia misdeeds by finally accepting that she is a lesbian.
  • Failed a Spot Check: Is bad at noticing very obvious things, like the British army approaching her or Godzilla on the horizon.
  • Freudian Excuse: It's heavily implied in the Lauren chapter that at least some of her actions stem from her desire to gain her parents' approval over Josh.
  • Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Sara goes to extreme lengths to prove she is not a lesbian. In the sequel, for example, she kisses Shulk solely to prove she is totally 100% straight.
  • Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Sara tries to come off as this. Her actions in the story suggest otherwise.
  • In Love with Love: She constantly switches boyfriends throughout the story.
  • Invincible Hero: She curb-stomps almost everyone she faces. Even after her powers are removed, she's heavily protected by Plot Armor.
  • It's All About Me: Author!Sara outright admits she gets bored with writing about anyone other than herself.
  • Jerkass: The biggest one in the story.
  • Likes Older Women: Gender flipped. She, at age 13, hooks up with Marth, Link, and Cloud Strife, who are 17-19, 16-18, and 21 respectively. Played straight when the older Lauren reveals that Sara was actually dating her in real life when she wrote the story.
  • Nice Shoes: Wears absurdly expensive $2000 high heels in at least one chapter.
  • Politically Incorrect Hero: In spades.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Author!Sara's wealthy father threatens to withdraw his donations to the school unless they improve her grades.
  • Shotguns Are Just Better: One of her weapons is her dad's shotgun.
  • Transparent Closet: Sara denies being a lesbian despite going on about how pretty Lauren and girls in general are.
  • "Well Done, Daughter!" Girl: The Lauren chapter reveals that she secretly resents how Josh is much more popular and beloved than her in real life.

Misspellings: None.


The author's best friend who also appears as herself in the story. Sara totally isn't attracted to her.


Sara's older brother who appears as an ally in her story.

Misspellings: None.


God himself is a Conservative in this story.

Misspellings: None.


     Conservative Smashers 


Sara's first boyfriend who protects her from Samus.

Misspellings: Math, Matt, Mart, Mark


Sara's second boyfriend after Marth is kidnapped by Samus.

Misspellings: Lunk, Lin, Limp, Kink


One of Marth's friends alongside Link

Misspellings: Icke, Ick, [1]Oak


One of the new Smashers introduced in The REEL Sekwel.

     Teh Libruls 


The main antagonist of the story and the leader of the liberals, atheists, and lesbians who oppose Sara.
  • Big Bad: Can't get much badder than Satan himself.
  • Devil in Disguise: Is revealed to have done this as Abraham Lincoln.

Misspellings: Santa, Satin, Stan, Santana, Staten

Barack Obama / Tabuu

Satan's second in command.

Misspellings: Brak Osama, Obummer, Ibama, Barracks Epona, Barak Ovary

Mr. Jonson

Sara's atheist science teacher who has a serious bone to pick with her. In the reboot, Mr. Jonson is the school's principal instead.
  • Big Bad: Can't get much badder than Satan himself.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Brags about how atheists will send all Christians to "deaf panells" one day.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Gives Sara an F and sends her to detention for asking him a question in class.
  • Jerkass
  • Mad Scientist: He created a clone of Sara, then resurrected the other three members of the Four Horsemen from the dead to create Goalith.

Misspellings: None, unless his name was supposed to be Mr. Johnson.


A glasses-wearing student of Mr. Jonson who Sara hates.

Misspellings: None


Lauren's girlfriend in the sequel.

Misspellings: Kairi, Kayti, Kaytee, Kaylee


A giant created from the DNA of the deceased Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, and King George III.

Misspellings: Goaleth, Goileth, Goaluth, Goalth, Geliath

     The 4 Hoarsemans 

Adolf Hitler

The "presadent of Germeny" during World War II who allegedly also formed the Soviet Union after being defeated. He is one of the three "worst Communists in history" that was resurrected by Satan to aid him.

Misspellings: Adulf Hitlur, Adolg Hetlure, Hutler, Hitlar

Chairman Mao Zedong

The "president of Asia" who bombed Pearl Harbor and is the father of Kim Jong-Il. He is resurrected by Satan to aid him. Notable for being the only actual Communist out of the four.

Misspellings: Charmen Moa, Charmans Mow, Charmans Moo, Mosey Dong, Charming Moai, Cheerman Mow, Charmun Mos

King George the Third

The "president of Britishland." He is resurrected by Satan as one of his four "ultimate weapons" against Sara.

Misspellings: King Jorge the Thard, King Jorge the Thud, King Jorge the Turd

Mr. Jonson

See Teh Libruls

     Librul Smashers 

Samus Aran

This version of Samas Aran is a perverted liberal who constantly hits on Sara and tries to turn her into a "lesban."

Misspellings: Samas Erin, Samasa


Samus' teammate in her first battle.

Misspellings: Waro, Waryo, Wart, Warop


Taylor Swift's bodyguard in the original, an agent of Antifa in the reboot.

Misspellings: Ridlay, Rildey, Ready, Riddle

     Smash Mansion Staff 

Master Hand

The one in charge of the usual goings-on at the Smash mansion such as setting up matches and disciplining fighters who break the rules.
  • Intolerable Tolerance: From Sara's point of view. He urges Sara to be more tolerant, but she views it as trying to suppress her ideals.
  • Only Sane Man: Certainly comes off as this.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Zig-zagged. He punishes Sara for genuinely awful things she did... but the punishments are quite minor, like forbidding her from participating in any more matches for a certain amount of time.

Misspellings: Mister Han, Mister Hanned, Mastar Hend, Muster Hen, Mister Ham, Mastet Hadn, Mister Hond, Matterhorn

Crazy Hand

Master Hand's (slightly) more unhinged counterpart. He too oversees the Smash Mansion.

Misspellings: Crappy Hanes, Crazy Hind, Crazie Hen


    Everybody else 


The true author of the story with the power to freeze time.

Mishonh From Trump


Sara Osborne

The rebooted version of Sara remains a hardcore conservative who isn’t a lesban. Unlike the original, this Sara is more driven by politics, though she is still a Christian.
  • A Nazi by Any Other Name: In one chapter, she states that globalists should be sent to concentration camps and killed in gas chambers. Her description of globalists also happens to evoke quite a few Jewish stereotypes.
  • Adaptational Personality Change: She still falls victim to Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?, but unlike her original counterpart, she doesn't instantly claim a male smasher as her boyfriend in order to prove this. It takes 13 chapters before any male expresses an attraction towards her (Male!Corrin), and 11 more chapters for her to actually start dating someone (Joker).
  • Adaptational Villainy: This Sara is a much more despicable person than the original, and performs a fair bit more vile acts, such as expressing genocidal beliefs, attempted infantcide, ordering police brutalities, and making Isabelle cry.
  • Adaptational Wimp: A downplayed example. This Sara doesn’t have god powers, but she still does end up doing most of the fighting herself, leaving everyone else Out of Focus.
  • Author Avatar: A trait she shares with the original Sara.
  • Damsel in Distress: Courtesy of Dharkon in Chapter 19.
  • Jerkass: She ruins Becky and Isabelle's bake sale because they were raising money for the poor. This causes Isabelle to run off crying.
  • Only Sane Man: In chapter 17, she’s the only one to be suspicious of Dracula handing out free food.
  • Politically Incorrect Hero: Is probably even worse than the original Sara in this regard. Not only is she motivated by more overtly political ideals, but her father is a racist police chief and she fully supports him.
  • Rescue Romance: Starts dating Joker after he saves her from Soros' lair.
  • Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Instead of being wealthy, Sara's father in the reboot uses his position as police chief to frame any teachers who try to give his daughter bad grades.
  • Stalker with a Crush: No matter how much she tries to deny it, her real-life interactions with Becky give off this vibe.
  • Stun Gun: She has a police taser in her arsenal, courtesy of her father.
  • Tsundere: Behaves this way towards Becky (not that she'll admit it).
  • Would Hurt a Child: Attempts to kill Obama when he’s not even a day old.


A large dragon who was Sara's teammate in her first match. Seems to have some kind of bowel problem, which he refuses to seek medical attention for. It's later revealed that he's the mysterious Antifa Dragon that's been fighting Sara and her allies.
  • Forgot I Could Fly: A literal example, in that he states this is why he failed to save Sara from falling in their first match together. It's actually a case of Obfuscating Stupidity.
  • Frame-Up: Tries to frame Sara for being the Antifa Dragon. It doesn't work.
  • The Load: An extremely long bathroom break from him ends up delaying Sara's crew on their trip to Galeem's house, to the point that Sara decides to go on without him. Except it wasn't a bathroom break at all.
  • The Mole: He's secretly the Antifa Dragon.
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: His attempts to hide his allegiance with Antifa leave much to be desired. Naturally, Sara falls for it.
  • Potty Emergency: Constantly has to go to the bathroom. In reality, this is an excuse to go off and fight for the liberals as the Antifa Dragon.
  • Sudden Sequel Heel Syndrome: Becomes an antagonist in the reboot after guarding Sara's favorite musician in the original.
  • Walking Spoiler: Zig-zagged. On the one hand, his status as The Mole would normally make him this; on the other hand, the nature of the fic (and a note from PrincessAmerica herself confirming it) made it so that every reader knew he was evil from the get-go.

Samus Aran

In the world of the reboot, Samus is one of Sara's allies, with a larger family than the canon Samus.
  • Adaptational Heroism: In the original series, she was one of the most prominent "libruls". Here, she's Sara's ally, and her spot is taken by Dark Samus.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: do remember that Ridley is your arch-nemesis, right, Samus?
  • Related in the Adaptation: In this universe, she is the daughter of Mario and Peach, and the sister of both Megaman and Dark Samus.

Doctor Mario

Mario's brother and Samus' uncle, an intelligent doctor.
  • Related in the Adaptation: As a result of them becoming the children of Mario and Peach, he's now the uncle of Samus, Dark Samus, and Mega Man.
  • The Smart Guy: His main role on Sara's team; he's the one who helped expose Ridley as the Antifa Dragon and the one who comes up with a solution to destroy communism once and for all.

Boy Corrin

The male Corrin, one of Sara's allies who has a crush on her.

Simon Belmont

One of Sara's allies, who suffers a Gender Bender by Dracula.

Misspellings: Semen, Simen, Simian, Slimeman, Seaman

Richter Belmont

Simon’s brother in this story, he is also allied with Sara.

Misspellings: Rectum, Rooster, Reptar, Rapper


Not the bad guy from Bartman, this Joker is a newcomer to Smash, and happens to rescue Sara when heading to the mansion.
  • Adaptational Wimp: Struggles to put up a fight against garden-variety predator animals.
  • Big Damn Heroes: He makes his entrance into the story by arriving to rescue Sara from George Soros.
  • Chronic Hero Syndrome: Implied. In his debut chapter, he says that he was on his way to the mansion before hearing Sara had been captured, and took a detour to go rescue her.
  • Irony: In his home game, his final persona is directly based on Satan. Here, he is sided with Sara, a devoted Christian.
  • Rescue Romance: Starts dating Sara after rescuing her from Soros' lair.
  • What, Exactly, Is His Job?: As a result of Critical Research Failure, Sara has no idea what he does.

Misspellings: Jokar, Jocular, Jugular, Jotaro


Antifa Dragon

A "mysterious" foe, sent by Antifa to stop Sara in her quest. It is certain that he isn't Ridley, at least.


A fellow student of Strom Thurmond Middle School with Sara. Becky is a liberal who dislikes the school being named after a segregation supporter, and quickly ends up at odds with Sara. She later ends up joining the Smash Mansion with Sara.

Mr. Jonson

In this version, he is the liberal principal of Strom Thurmond Middle School. Naturally, this puts him at odds with Sara.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: He is a lot more calm than the original, and is much more justified in his attempt at punishing Sara, as noted below.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: He attempts to discipline Sara after she tears up a petition that Becky was peacefully handing around.

Bayonetta and Dark Samus

Two lesbians who frequently antagonize Sara.


A vampire who shows up to give the Belmonts some free food, with a twist.
  • Bat Out of Hell: Makes his exit by turning into a swarm of bats.
  • Daywalking Vampire: He shows up when the conservatives are planning to go to the mall, which is likely during the day.
  • Evil Laugh: Does this after Simon falls victim to his trick.

Misspellings: Bakula, Dracola, Darkula, Derpula, Dratini


A servant of the "Derp Stat" who kidnaps most of the Conservative Smashers.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Laughs maniacally with pride.
  • Mayor Pain: Is the mayor of San Francisco.
  • No-Nonsense Nemesis: Like in the game this fic is based on, he introduces himself by vaporizing most of the Conservative Smashers on the spot.
  • The Unfought: Sara does break into his house, but specifically avoids waking him up. After this, he never appears again, and is only mentioned by name when Dharkon is involved.

Misspellings: Goldeen, Golem, Gloom, Gullman, Gollum, Galim, Gileem, Galem, Gilgamesh


Galeem's brother, who goes after Sara after she interferes with Dracula's plan.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

A member of the House of Representatives in real life, Soros' right-hand woman in this fic.

Misspellings: Alakazam Okaso Cortze, Araquanid Ōkami Courtier, Aloxanda Okaso Kortaz, Alaxana Orca Cortex.

George Soros

In the reboot, he replaces Satan like Trump replaced God.
  • Big Bad: The one behind everything Sara has had to face so far.
  • Crazy-Prepared: Moves Trump, Pence, and Putin to another lair in case Sara escaped and tried to free them.
  • Manipulative Bastard: Prefers to manipulate things behind the scenes.
  • The Unfought: Sara never actually fights him, with him instead falling victim to a Ret Gone after Marx is defeated.


The jester-esque villain from Kirby Super Star. In this bizarre universe, he is actually Karl Marx, with the human appearance we’re all used to being made up by librul media in order to hide his true form.

Misspellings: Mark, Marks, Mirx, Morx, Mrax


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