Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

I figured the whole being bullied by others for being an outsider was self-explanatory enough, as it stated in her backstory as well as in her tropes.

To repeat what's said there, Rebecca was bullied for being an outsider who was showing them up and because she's a weird at times. It stopped when Cass basically put Rebecca under her protection and made clear that if anyone screwed with her, Cass will hurt them. Rebecca's a compassionate person anyway, but the experience added to it more as she just doesn't want other people to suffer as she did. She also just doesn't like feeling like she's some kind of freak, especially with things she wants to be a part of, and wants acceptance for herself.

edited 27th Dec '14 7:55:23 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

re Gunslinger.

The description of Gunslinger's failure to view people as people sounds a good portrayal of a sociopath/psychopath.

On the whole a very detailed character with plausible failings - ones that come from his nature rather than just being tacked on. Definitely see a lot of Rule of Cool in the Badass Longcoat and Dual Wielding.

Nice story arc described in the Intent.

I would probably have to see how the time manipulation abilities worked in-story before I could understand them properly.

Name:

Kevin a.k.a "Kev"

Age:

50 at the time the story opens

Personality, Abilities and Weaknesses:

These are all related. I don't think in terms of strengths and weaknesses, vices and virtues for my characters - they have "traits" which can be positive or negative, strengths or weaknesses depending on the situation or the opinions/prejudices of observers.

Strong willed and opinionated - to the point of arrogance on occasions - but still able to see other people's viewpoints and can be budged from his opinions if a valid argument is made (but woe betide anyone who makes a weak argument as he'll "have them for breakfast" and redefine "arrogance" to new heights. Depths?)

Does not lie except for when he deems it's absolutely crucial for him to do so - we're talking life/limb-threatening territory, not "hurt feelings" territory. In all other situations his options are: tell the truth or say nothing. This can be perceived as being "immodest" as he is "not backwards in coming forwards" about his skills etc - but he doesn't care as he despises such "modesty" as being deceitful.

Intelligent, capable, self-reliant (to the point that he often won't ask for help when he really should have and has been known to be half-way through a difficult task before finally admitting defeat and having to frantically call friends for assistance).

Knowledgeable on many topics due to having/had a lot of interests and having been around for long enough to pick up a fair bit. Has had lots of hobbies over the years and picked up a lot of skills - not to the point of mastery for many of them (except for those few that have endured over the years) - will "give anything a go" and has a low opinion of those who give up without trying.

"Jack of All Trades, Master of Few".

Is quite aware that he's not an expert in any field and that "there's always someone who knows more than you" or knows things he hasn't yet learned. But if you claim to be better in any field than him and turn out not to have a clue, then "withering scorn" is just the start of your problems.

Generally friendly, helpful and generous to complete strangers and people he likes but can quickly tire of those he perceives to be "users" and can be outright rude to people he doesn't like. If he doesn't like someone, the best they can hope for is that he ignores them or refuses to talk to them.

Strange mix of prejudices. Doesn't care what colour your skin is, what place/country you come from or what language you speak (but that won't stop him colloquially referring to English as "Poms" or Americans as "Septics", French as "Frogs", etc, without any heat or negativity) and takes people on their own merits, giving them the benefit of the doubt. However, if the person annoys him or, worse, displays stereotypical behaviour, he thinks nothing of using derogatory terms like "typical whinging Pom", "another stupid/clueless townie" etc.

That said, he will cut people slack and ignore what he perceives to be their failings if they likewise ignore the things about him that annoy them.

The ultimate Egalitarian - does not see how anyone's birth, honours bestowed upon them or job title makes them any "better" or "more important" than anyone else. Treats everyone equally (generally friendly and polite unless given cause not to) regardless of rank or station. If you're the sort that thinks your coincidental relationship to the Queen, your OBE/MBE/Knighthood, Captain's "pips", or your position as CEO of a vast multi-national corporation makes you superior to others, you'd best keep it to yourself as he doesn't have any qualms about offending those he views as "pompous". (See: "Arrogance, to the point of" and "Stereotypical Behaviour, reaction to").

Naturally enough, he gets on well with some people and rubs others the wrong way.

Occasionally has trouble with the whole Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness thing. Can be surprisingly tactful when it best suits him.

He's a good shot with pistol and rifle - natural talent blended with a lot of practice. His "combat training" is through paintball and airsoft skirmishing which has given him a wide range of skills in stalking, quick/accurate shooting of moving/actively-evading targets and the tactics of dealing with intelligent hostile opponents but it doesn't fully prepare him for being in a real firefight with real bullets coming in and the knowledge that getting hit is not going to result in him holding his gun over his head and walking to the "respawn point". It does give him more to work with than simply shooting at immobile targets or hunting unarmed prey, however.

Skilled in many aspects of wilderness survival and bushcraft. Has the knowledge, mindset and skills to survive.

Goals:

Short Term: Get back to civilisation.

Long Term: To lead a happy, productive and, above all, long life.

Motivation:

Survival.

Role in the story:

Narrator and active team member. We mainly see the others through his eyes. Not the leader, defers to others, but will step up and take charge of situations where his unique skills are most useful. Good at spotting problems and taking the initiative in fixing them. Teacher, facilitator, advisor.

Backstory:

Grew up in a rural setting as a child, which gave him a love of nature and a "healthy" attitude towards knives and firearms - pretty much every farmer visibly wore a culling/utility knife on the belt at all times and most houses had at least one rifle, so appropriate safety practices and respect for their capabilities was instilled from an early age. As was the view that they are "common tools".

His family wasn't particularly affluent while he was growing up, money was tight on occasions, but they got by - cheap crappy cars that frequently broke down at inopportune moments and places, and were replaced by other cheap crappy cars when they finally stopped working altogether. His mother, in an attempt to make the situation less arduous, labelled these frequent breakdowns (and the resultant delays and problems) as "Adventures" - an attitude he carries to this day (he had his own similar "adventures" in later years with his own vehicles...)

Took the "Academic", rather than "Technical", track at High School; focusing on Languages (French and German), at which he did very well, and Science (later specialising to Chemistry), at which he excelled, and was considering a career in either Interpreting/Translating or Chemistry. Then switched to Computer Programming and found work as a programmer instead, specialising in database languages.

Studied and picked up snippets of other languages later in life "to keep in practise" and because he's genuinely interested in other people, their cultures and languages.

Many interests and hobbies throughout his life, many of which he's dropped over the years due to losing interest or just finding something else he'd rather spend his money and/or time on. The ones that have endured are: shooting (hunting, target shooting, paintball and airsoft skirmishing), camping, motorcycle riding and reading - or anything that combines two or more of them (such as Adventure Riding).

Currently single, father of four children currently aged between 19 and 25, the youngest of whom left the nest 6 months prior to the start of the story.

Relevant Tropes:

Not-so-Crazy Prepared: his preparations are for things that are actually likely to happen, or actually do happen extremely frequently - his EDC includes both a Swiss Army knife and a Multi-tool as each has its unique tools that get frequently used (pliers, folding saw and file in the multi-tool; scissors and awl in the Swiss Army knife) over the course of the average week, as well as a simple lock-blade knife (because often you just want a good sharp blade and a comfortable grip), pocket sharpener for his knife, pocket flashlight and a lighter (he's a smoker). He wears a bracelet made up of over 4 metres of 550-lb paracord all the time (so that he's used to having it on his wrist when he's out in the wilderness), there's a small notebook and ballpoint pen in his jacket or vest pocket, a $20 note tucked away in a back pocket of his wallet and the SD card in his smartphone contains a random selection of ebooks and movies in case he's delayed somewhere and needs something to pass the time. Everything except the paracord bracelet has been required at least once in the last 6 months.

Although he's never been in the armed forces, he wears military-style dog tags. One of which has his name and blood type in case he's killed, or otherwise unable to speak for himself, as the result of an accident. Naturally enough, he hopes that never becomes necessary. The other tag bears the legend "IF FOUND UNCONSCIOUS ADMINISTER CAFFEINE", which is as good an indicator of his sense of humour and his priorities in life as any.

A firm believer in "better to have and not need than need and not have".

His clothes are comfortable and durable and made of quick-drying synthetics ("you can never trust the weather" and "cotton is EVIL") as he is of the opinion that "you should never wear to work what you couldn't comfortably hitchhike home in or wear for 48 hours straight" (both situations have happened more than once). Even his tidiest, most formal clothes have been carefully chosen to fit those criteria. His watch is water-resistant to 200m and impact resistant.

And that's just doing the shopping, going to work, hanging about around the house or going into town - when he's out in the wilderness he wears a fishing/shooting vest with lots of pockets, containing his personal survival kit (PSK) with sufficient multipurpose items (duct tape, "space blanket", large plastic trash bags, magnifying glass, mirror etc.) to enable him to survive at least three days until rescue (or until he's "bush-crafted" enough gear to sustain himself indefinitely) and a small "survival" book he compiled containing information that he has not yet memorised - Morse Code, fishing knots that he doesn't use often and so forth. On the front cover of the book, he has written (in Large Friendly Letters) the words DON'T PANIC.

And, yes, in his house he has battery-powered multi-band radio, flashlights, candles, bottled water etc as outlined by Civil Defence in case of Natural Emergencies and keeps his important documents (birth certificate, insurance information etc) in an easy-to-grab pouch in case he has to evacuate. Naturally, his camping pack doubles as his "emergency evacuation kit" as it contains clothes, sleeping bag, drinking/cooking/eating gear etc (and also provides means of cooking and extra lighting if the power goes off, which is a common occurrence where he lives.)

Does not plan for "TEOTWAWKI", "WROL", Zombie Apocalypse, alien invasion or any other unlikely Crazy Survivalist scenario but if any of them did happen, he'd have sufficient equipment and skills to deal with it.

Sophisticated As All Fucking Hell. Casual swearing is natural to him (typical Kiwi), has what he calls "an unlimited vocabulary" (as a Take That! to the old saw about obscenity being "a sign of a limited vocabulary") - "no limits on my vocabulary at all, mate." Many obscenities are used without any negative connotations at all "clever bastard", "lucky bugger", "good cunt" but can be equally used as pejoratives with a shift in tone and different "qualifiers". Consequently, has no hangups about what words other people use but is extremely sensitive to tone of voice and context.

Self Deprecating Humour coupled with his love of word play - will see double meanings in things people say, especially idiomatic usages of words, take the most negative meaning and agree with it. e.g. "You're a gem." —> "Yep, cold and hard, that's me."

Gratuitous Foreign Language - due to having actively studied French, German, Maori and Cantonese at various points in his life and having had friends of different nationalities who have taught him various helpful phrases, he can greet many people in their native language and, depending on the language, even exchange other pleasantries. Prone to swearing in German as most of the people he worked with couldn't speak it. Will also mix it up a bit, like: "Haben Sie quelque chose for me, ehoa?"

A bit of an Action Survivor with a side-order of Unfazed Everyman - his camping/tramping/hunting/shooting skills and equipment come in handy in the situation into which he is thrust and, once there, he is not at all averse to answering The Call when it comes.

Team Dad and Papa Wolf - his actual kids aren't around but he can be equally fiercely protective of his friends and those he perceives as needing/deserving protection.

Combat Pragmatist - he's not young, fast or strong, so "Fuck the Marquis of Queensbury!" In paintball and airsoft games his preferred tactics were to stalk and flank opponents - "hunting humans" - or "camp" and shoot from a stable place of concealment rather than Storm The Beaches and has, on occasions, used "mines" or put trip wires on "grenades". In a real firefight he would do the same.

Must Have Nicotine and caffeine! First thing in the morning. Do NOT attempt to talk to him before he's finished his first cigarette and coffee (or suitable caffeinated substitute).

If he runs out of cigarettes, then best be somewhere else.

edited 27th Dec '14 11:07:55 PM by Wolf1066

@Swordof Knowledge Actually yes, he's in some ways a composite of Naruto and Sasuke.

Ah, I thought so.

@Wolf 1066: Kev seems to be a "man of the world" type to me; experienced in the ways of survival and certainly a person who has sampled many of the cultures, people and languages that the world has to offer. He seems like a fairly solid individual; I like his idea of treating people based on merit alone rather than external factors. Personally speaking egalitarian characters are hard to write, so I hope you're able to pull it off. I am curious about the plot of the story he appears in, since even a small taste of it would give me a better idea of what he's doing. However you did give a good glimpse of who he is, and that is enough for now.

He basically starts off in a wilderness survival situation with a group of others - an outdoorsy ex-Sergeant, a soldier (Private) fresh out of Basic Training and a couple of babe-in-the-woods "townies" and getting out of that situation is only the start of the adventure.

Later they encounter a number of other interesting people in unusual and potentially dangerous circumstances.

edited 31st Dec '14 6:48:55 PM by Wolf1066

Name: Zachary Jackson. Friends call him "Zak".

Age: 13

Personality: Zak is a tad of a shyster when it comes to intimate situations. He has that boyish naivety that comes with his age. A bit short-tempered and occasionally a little snarky. Though to set that aside, he is usually very optimistic and considerate, almost to gentleman levels. Whenever on patrol, he turns on the snark even more, up to Spider-Man levels.

Abilities: Due to an incident, Zak can run at speeds of 200 mph, and occasionally even faster!

He also has these "G-Boots". G standing for gravity, these boots are designed to soak up pure g-force from falling from great heights and store it for later use. This force can be released with a kick, and depending on how much g-force they've got, it could launch someone a good half-dozen yards away.

Weaknesses: Being a bit of a speedster gives him vulnerability to extreme cold, slowing him down, as well as depressants slowing down his systems. People might take advantage of his naivety, and also might not be taken seriously, due to his age. Also, he doesn't know jack about technology. The boots are thanks to his best friend, Kyle.

Goals: To ensure the lives of those around him. To do what the police can't. As for careers, he's interested in architecture.

Motivation: He wants no-one to die to criminals, and wants no-one to compromise justice.

Role in the Story: He patrols his town regularly as the blink-and-you'll-miss-him hero, Mach (as in speed of sound). He does what you'd expect from a superhero; pummel muggers, stop wild vehicles and topple drug-smuggling; human-trafficking rackets.

Backstory: Zak had a normal life, which he was content with, until his 13th birthday, which happened to take place during the last few days of summer vacation. Once school has already been on for a few days, he is abducted via the orders of the crime-boss known as Derek Iceland.

Zak is chosen as subject for illegal chemical experiments. Midway through one of these experiments, they are interrupted by another hero. He escapes with Zak out of the underworld's lab, but not without a price, for the hero is unceremoniously shot dead by one of the few remaining Minions.

Zak ignores his potential for public justice until certain incidents involving those close to him start happening. It's not until another friend of his is slaughtered by a shopping mall massacre. After that, he asks Kyle to help out with technical stuff. And the rest is history!

Tropes:

Adorably Precocious Child

Refusal of the Call

Deadpan Snarker

Kid Hero

Fragile Speedster

Curtains Match the Windows

Gotta Have Silver Hair

Insistent Terminology: "It's a uniform. It's not a costume; it's not a supersuit, it's a uniform! Got that?"

Expy: The age, personality, and even the "uniform" (sorry, I don't have a picture) was largely inspired by Geo Stelar.

Logical Weakness

Death by Origin Story: Taken up to eleven. First, another hero dies to get him out of there, then a nine-year-old girl—a stranger to Zak—falls to her death during a shopping mall massacre, along with a friend who dies in the same incident.

edited 2nd Jan '15 9:19:07 PM by TroPartner

Hmm. Something about it doesn't convince me. Maybe I need a visual picture.

However, I kinda like the concept, but I think it could be more fleshed out, since a lot of kid heroes are kinda like that.

Hallelujah, a critique at last! There's hope for this thread yet!

So yes, thank you so much for the feedback. From what you're saying, he could use a little more originality. Do you want me to look over character tropes again, or is it something else? And don't worry about pictures, I'll get one in order and post it in an edit.

@Tro Partner

There was never not hope for this thread. The reason it took you so long to get feedback is because you didn't observe forum etiquette. You have to critique somebody else's post before the rest of us critique yours.

Even if the character above you already has three critiques?

Yep. The rules are the rules. You aren't excluded from them just because other people are active.

edited 3rd Jan '15 6:45:53 PM by Prime_of_Perfection

A thousand pardons! Let's see what we have here...

Even if it's been done before (I think), I really like Kevin's objective view on society. He sounds like the kind of guy who, despite the trials of his survival, still keeps his sense of humor. I don't think I've ever heard anything like his word-play snark before. It's very clever.

What's also clever is having his Airsoft experiences give him a Logical Weakness in terms of coverage. Looking at it this way, I'd even call it a deconstruction of I Know Mortal Kombat.

And finally, he's a father. I think this is one of the few tropes that could be used a bit more often. It tacks on even more responsibility to his nature.

Hmmm. I hadn't viewed it in terms of a deconstruction of I Know Mortal Kombat, but I suppose it rather is, thanks for that observation and for the rest of the critique.

@: Tro Partner: Zak seems very much like your traditional comic book hero, with a slightly darker twist to his story. His powers remind me a little of the Flash, though the "G-Boots" are something new and the thought of them "soaking up" power from falls and such isn't something I've ever seen before. As for his backstory and the push to become a hero, it's a pretty good demonstration of The Call Knows Where You Live. So all in all, good job. Zak is a little...vague on some parts, and seems slightly immature, but that is to be expected from a character his age.

Thanks for your time, it means tons to me!

edited 4th Jan '15 5:49:03 PM by TroPartner

• Name: Shane Ragnavane-Calston

• Age: 17

• Personality: Shane Calston appears at first to be the practical jokester of the group, that or a huge Cloud Cuckoolander. He calls his Spell Core "My Special Base Ball". He at one point ran down the hallway of the school with his shirt off, half of him painted blue (he did it on a dare). He plays baseball, and at one point he played while wearing a towel around his neck. However, there's more to him than just his fun public persona - that being that he's the supposed traitor in the group in Book I. Why is Shane a traitor? It has to do with that first portion of his name - The Ragnavane Family is a very powerful group of magical mercenaries who had an interest in making the Hell's Gate Plan resolve itself a particular way. Shane was involved with them during all of Book I. Following this, Shane became The Atoner due to feeling he betrayed his friends, even though he fought alongside them for the whole of a book. Its mostly because he has also been dealing with the Freakiness Shame of what he really is since 13. The Ragnavanes are werewolves. Shane's one by blood. He feels he's someone that didn't trust his friends with his secrets, and thus needs to atone for his past actions even though nobody even knew he was taking them. If you cannot tell, Shane has some very odd morals. While he considers any means acceptable to save a large number of human lives, his other actions are incredibly murky. For example, he showed a certain amount of bloodlust toward Jackson White, and said that "its better that I kill that man now, when his body count is low, than I spare him and let his body count rise." Despite these alleged commonalities, he has nothing but disdain for the Ragnavanes, with him seeing them as "fallen from their previous status", and that they simply use their power and moral code to justify killing people for their own goals. The whole reason he was helping them was because he had a debt to the current Clan head's son. Shane also seems to have an intense aversion to falling in love, and whenever he thinks he's starting to fall for someone, he bites his lip...and bear in mind, Shane's incisors are always fang-like. While he likes to flirt, and makes himself seem like someone willing to get involved, if he actually feels anything for a girl, he's out the door in the time it takes to say goodbye. Another aspect of his personality is his bond with Matthew. He seems to see Matthew as someone who could "break the world's bloodier trends", and as a personal Hope Bringer. Shane comments at one point that he almost gave up any hope of living like a human until Matthew showed up at school. So ever since then, Shane and Matthew were close friends, almost from the first day. It is made clear Calston knows a lot of Kyrio and his group, and given the realities of being trained as a Mage Killer, the fact Shane was trained as one BY KYRIO has its own implications.

• Abilities: As a werewolf, he can shift between a human form, a half beast form, and a massive full beast form - Shane as a wolf is easily twenty feet tall. That is one Big, Badass Wolf. He can move almost sixty miles per hour at full tilt, and demonstrated the ability to rip people to shreds with his claws, and shattered someone's back by whipping it with his tail. He can also shift into a Mist Forme, which is a peculiar talent. This form cannot use any spells or attacks, but it also cannot be harmed either. Shane can stay in that form for five minutes at a time. He also demonstrates using a Spell Core Sword made for a Mage Killer together with his amplified werewolf speed and strength. This can be devastating if people don't know what they're really fighting. He also shows proficiency with ice magic, including at one point freezing a whole lake to catch a swimming enemy. His healing is apparently not up to stuff with the rest of the werewolves, and he's called "Bleeder Shane" at one point.

• Weaknesses: He cannot even touch silver, and he almost died when Sharon Tate Roman skewered him on Silver Lance III - Diving Cannon Spear. She is in general the Woman of Kryptonite to him, given her ability is entirely silver based. It also really freaking hurts to go Full Beast and then to turn back. He also jokes it always results in him naked, and "nobody wants to see me like that, trust me." He also tends to have poor impulse control whenever mention is made of someone like Jackson White, and can make having allies difficult for him.

• Goals: He aims high - he wants to remove a "Blood Curse" called "Soulbond", put on his people by an evil old wizard named Mordecai Mordant, and wants Matthew's support to help him challenge Mordecai. He claims the Soulbonds have caused "nothing but abject misery". He also wants to make sure magic users are protected from the worst of an Unmasqued World, due to what he saw earlier.

• Motivation: His motivation / Freudian Excuse for some of his manipulative behaviour is a doozy. He Soulbonded to a teenage girl named Marley when he was thirteen, and he stresses this was utterly out of his control. Soulbond results in the Wolf becoming "the lady's guardian beast", or just as well, the man's, love being instinctual, protective, out of their control. They're cursed to go Yandere. If sexual orientation needs to change, it will. When Shane's Dad found out, he knew what this would result in, and snapped the girl's neck to get his son back. The two never really saw eye to eye after that one. Shane doesn't know if his father did him a favor by ending his brainwashing, or if his father deserves condemnation for coldly ending a life in such a detached manner. Even so, Shane is motivated to try to do something for that incident.

• Role in the story: The Big Guy / Sixth Ranger / Sixth Ranger Traitor (?)

• Backstory: Shane's motivation covers it, but there's a lot more to this story. Shane fell in "puppy love" with a slightly older girl, there was no harm in it. Until Mordant's "Soulbond" curse activated. She promptly saw young Shane as a toy, a thing that will do her bidding no matter what she asks him to do. He recalls of it "once, she asked me to carve out my eye, and I did it in a heartbeat I loved her so much". Then his father came in (in other words, broke into a house, ate half of the guard dog), saw Shane's eye healing up and the girl marvelling at the eye, and promptly strode over and without even a word snapped the girl's neck. Shane broke, crying and pounding on his father's chest for killing her. He snapped out of it two days later, and realized what had become of him. That was when he decided to kill Mordecai Mordant for doing this to his people for nigh on three thousand years. As he puts it, "Mordecai Mordant took a pure emotion, love, and he twisted it. He twisted and would not stop - he turned love into a curse. A deforming, mind-raping virus that has shattered marriages, killed clans, and has led to more than one wife abandoning husband and spouse for the good looking young man in the city." Shane lives every day in constant fear it might happen to him again, and so he tries to keep himself from feeling anything for the girls he flirts up "I'm only kinda human after all. But...I always have to watch myself...or it'll happen again." Shane has never really had a good relationship with his family since that incident, but still reported for them because of a debt he has with the Clan Head's son. This debt was incurred when Shane and he got into some trouble - and the son - at that time a selfish brat - put all the blame on Shane. Shane didn't understand it, so he decided to take the debt. Now that they're older, the Clan Head Son sees the whole thing as his error, but Shane doesn't know this. Ah, poor communication...

• Relevant Tropes:
• Absurdly Sharp Blade: His sword and his werewolf nails. He demonstrates his sword's sharpness by casually cutting through Titanium with it after drawing it for the first time.
• Adorkable: At least his public persona, but elements of it still seep through into the “real him”.
• Alternate Identity Amnesia: Averted for Shane's wolf-like forms. He acts at first like his Full Beast form is not sapient, only to then show oh yes it is! Played straight if the Soulbond is acting up, as its treated as a disturbing, secondary personality that takes over Shane's own. He barely remembers anything he did when it took him over that time, except for seeing the girl he loved beheaded by his father.
• Anti-Hero: Nice Guy persona aside, he's very, very much this. He typically advocates rather more morally dark options, like allying with Serena, taking help from Ein Woe, and straight up murdering villains who don't show much urge to reform or have any good portions.
• A Rare Sentence: He's the subject of and sayer of a number of them; "We have to save Shane from Ein Woe's fiendish matchmaking!"
  • "Don't forget the tupperware and the bag of black bats!"
  • "Shane's in trouble...being attacked by his undead ex-girlfriend." This in particular results in a single reaction from everyone present; "What."
• Archnemesis Dad: Its not exactly clear, though, what Shane really wants. He alternates between wanting justice visited and being grateful for the breaking of the spell.
• Badass: His crowning feat early on is marching right through throngs of NWO soldiers, twisting necks and smashing faces when people cannot be avoided, and then kicking someone so hard their fear spell wears off on Matthew and the others. He is also mentioned to "vent" his bloodlust on felons who committed crimes "he finds unspeakable", meaning he essentially goes up to violent murderers and rapists and kills them without a word. How does he find them? He smells their bloodlust and the blood of others on them.
  • When he is confronted by someone with Super-Speed, whose speed is simply too much for him, he decides you cannot run if you have only one leg. So instead of trying to keep up, Shane promptly froze the guy's left leg, and then kicked it hard enough to shatter the whole leg.
• Berserk Button: Insinuating you're about to commit a violent act on a woman. He really, really hates wifebeaters. When he sees a bigger guy harassing his smaller girlfriend, he slams the 250 pound giant of a man into a locker, necklifts him and says, "Run away and never talk to her again." The guy obeys. More than happy to.
  • He also takes threats and To the Pain's to Matthew poorly. His reaction to one man claiming that the Sharon's New Order was currently torturing Matthew for information was to leap out in his Big, Badass Wolf form after getting done with a fight, and to use the guy's arm as a chew toy.
• Big, Badass Wolf: His Full Wolf form is nothing to scoff at, 20 feet tall, black fur, and light yellow eyes.
• Big Eater: Shane eats a lot. Due to his metabolism, very advanced due to his lycanthropy, he has to eat a huge number of calories, or he becomes lethargic. More even than Matthew, who has a similarly charged metabolism.
• Bishounen: Shane is actually rather annoyed by this - he thinks this makes it harder for people to take him seriously. Though after book 1, "If they can take a babyface like Matthew seriously, there's hope yet for me."
• Blue-and-Orange Morality: Shane has a seriously odd understanding of morals, and how debts work. He also demonstrates a utilitarian personality, and subscribes to a Many Over The Few Ideology.
• Brainwashed: When Shane got brainwashed by Armondi Roman, he outright panicked when the spell was broken, acting like a Trigger was just pushed for him. Remember his whole ordeal with Soulbond, and essentially a whole wound was ripped back open.
  • Brainwashed and Crazy: What Soulbonding really is. And hence why he gets so pissed off when people romanticize the notion of “Soul Mates”.
• Child Soldier: Basically – his father taught him to fight and kill as soon as he could walk, and when he's asked by similar Tyke Bomb Dex when his first kill was, even Dex was disturbed when Shane cheerfully responded, “Seven. I convinced him I was a nice kid looking for his dad. Then I found my dad after I cut the target's throat to pieces with a knife.”
• Cloud Cuckoolander: He has very bizarre thought patterns. A mindreader trying to read him compared reading Shane's mind to traversing a brightly colored and gaudy labyrinth.
  • Cloud Cuckoolanders Minder: His cousin Halle, who reins Shane in whenever his thought patterns or acts get a little too weird. He's also Shane's contact for numerous shady underworld dealings, and has been shown to kill people who threaten Shane in his presence.
• The Combat Pragmatist: He notes there's no such thing as fair play in the New Dawn-verse, and that if possible you should go for a killing blow. This right before slashing someone's eyes to ribbons with a single swipe of a claw.
• Conditioned to Accept Horror: Shane ponders a lot of rather disturbing things, like why Matthew doesn't execute all his enemies. Its hinted his Child Soldier / Mercenary upbringing resulted in this.
• Curse: Werewolves are under a particularly spiteful one. It turns love into obsession and desire if Soul Mana resonates a particular way with a certain person. And then they have utterly no problem with it, calling it "a blessing". What the werewolf himself really wants doesn't matter - the curse can actually obliterate whoever they once were, and make them nothing more than what amounts to a living toy or prop who fills time with "sappy love lines". And it can happen to any of them. Any of them. To any gender.
• Dark and Troubled Past: Even though he doesn't act very dark and troubled, normally, he still has one hell of a past. In between the hired for murder thing, the Soulbond Incident, and his quarrel with his Clan and his father, Shane might well contend with Matthew for screwed up pasts.
• Deconstruction: Shane is a living deconstruction of recent werewolf tropes. No, you don't want to date him - he will absolutely never commit to you. He has a lot of secrets, and he really should've shared some of those. He's a sweet guy when he's "normal"...because its all an act. The cool, rebellious guy persona he sometimes uses is just that - a persona.
• Dissonant Serenity: When dishing out the pain, he really takes to heart Kyrio's message that the "most formidable man on the battlefield is the one who advances with a cold smile on his face." Except if he finds out a certain thing, then see Berserk Button.
• Flechette Storm: His ice spell Zerbrechen Eis Messer, which creates a huge number of ice knives. He has a version that summons fewer blades, but larger ones called Toten Gefroren Schwerter.
• Furry Fandom: He really, really wishes he never met a furry. Apparently his Half transformed state is Fetish Fuel to the one who appeared.
• Fur Against Fang: Averted - he's best friends with Vampire Prince Vandes. Apparently the two act slightly similarly. The very possibility results in Dex blanching.
• Handsome Lech: despite the risks, and some may say, due to them. He's a habitual risk-taker.
• Ho Yay: Shane and Matthew have quite a lot of it. Its not what is looks like, but the girls don't care.
• I Know Madden Kombat: He uses his baseball knowledge together with his swordsmanship to make for one...unique...Attack Reflector.
• Intangible Man: One of his abilities, Mist Form, is essentially this. However, he can combine the shift back into normal form with an ice spell, essentially freezing someone on the inside by letting some of the trailing mist from his Mist Form settle inside that person.
• Lightning Bruiser: Tough, fast, hits hard no matter what form he's in.
• Mind Meld: Its a distinctly unpleasant power, but he's capable of it. He calls it “a painful Jedi Mind Meld.” Wesley just shoots him a glare for the nerd-dom faux pas.
• My Instincts Are Showing: He outright bites Jackson in their second fight, when Jackson's Celestial Memory is starting to activate. As he says, “Sorry, always wanted to take a bite outta him.”
• Mysterious Animal Senses: He has a heightened sense of smell, sight, and hearing. He can even smell bloodlust / traces of blood on someone as old as two weeks.
• Not What It Looks Like: When the girls bring up his strangely protective relationship with Matthew, he states its really not what it looks like, and that he was just raised a particular way.
• Painful Transformation: Becoming a Full Beast form HURTS. Its a last ditch move for a reason.
• Paralyzing Fear of Sexuality: Played with; he's definitely not afraid of sex, just ask Mrs. Claude. He's afraid of emotionally connecting to any of his lady-friends. If he feels that coming, he's running for it, before history repeats itself.
• Rage Against the Heavens: Shane's none too happy about Mordecai's role in everything, and even after being told Mordecai is "an immortal Old World Wizard, basically a God", he doesn't avert himself from wanting to kill Mordecai.
• Red String of Fate: Deconstructed. The "Love Curse" is portrayed as utterly horrifying. When Wesley jokingly says its "kind of like Twilight", Shane doesn't find that funny at all. As he puts it, "Of all the things for the damn book to turn romantic, they decide "hey, lets take the thing that's cursed werewolves for three thousand years and turn it into romantic shit. If I ever meet Meyer, I'll...I...you hold me back, Matthew. Trust me."
• Sociopathic Soldier: Fundamentally, its there in him – he's willing to do anything to survive and help his friends to survive. Including murder. At the very least, with his friends' influence, its not the first thing he leaps to do. He even says, “When my dad trained me, I was a killing machine. I'm not that bad any more...and you have blondie mcswords to thank for that.”
• Stepford Smiler: Almost like Matthew in this regard. He covers his darker attributes under a smile and jokes.
• Super-Persistent Predator: To an insane degree - once Shane has your scent, not even moving through a Hazard Gate can make him lose the trail. Combines well with Scarily Competent Tracker.
• Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Reiji tries to read his mind. Reiji is the Herald of Vicelogia, Master of Forbidden Knowledge, so he's used to some fucked up stuff when reading minds. He takes thirty seconds and then backs away from Shane slowly.
• Unreliable Narrator: His story of how he attacked a group of vampires feasting on people in a town. He leaps through a window in half wolf form, freezes bullets in the air to stop them, uses a very familiar technique to make a vampire and the vampire behind that one explode, and then he defeats the Big Bad by going Full Beast and shredding him until the head is left, which somehow speaks after Shane returns to humanoid form and says “Shane is simply too powerful, too good looking, too utterly charming and witty and...” That's when he gets punched by Lianne, who demands the real story.
• Unscrupulous Hero: He lacks a lot of scruples, and is generally a ruthless man underneath his joking persona. However, he's still willing to go to the defense of humanity with the others.
• Van Helsing Hate Crimes: He's almost “were-bashed” by six members of one of Cyber-Matthew's amplified human corps, the Silver Crusade.
• Voluntary Shapeshifting: Unlike most perceptions, Shane can go from man to wolfman at will. Though the Moon does have an effect on him – it removes his impulse control and can result in accidental shifting.
• Weaksauce Weakness: Silver and Wolfsbane.
• Werewolf Theme Naming: Shane actively decided not to use a theme name, because one of his relatives was busted because he used the name Romulus Wolfmoon. As he puts it; “That's not a name, that's a stereotype. He said I am become Trope, ruiner of subtlety.”
• Wife-Basher Basher: He really hates men who beat up their wives and significant others. And he makes it plenty apparent when he takes on a guy 50 pounds heavier and much meaner than him.
• You Can't Fight Fate: Mordecai Mordant, due to coming from Old Terra, has a "perfect understanding of fate, time and space". Hence, the only way to escape this inescapable fate of being bonded to someone like this...is to kill the target. However, its pretty apparent that Shane did not escape undamaged, and its made clear he escaped his fate that time, and the fact "You will fall madly in love and dedicate your life to someone" was simply reassigned and delayed, as long as Mordecai remains alive. Hence, Shane wants to fight fate by literally fighting the person who made it. Effectively, Shane wants to kill fate itself.
• Your Vampires Suck: Shane takes a lot of potshots at Stephenie Meyer and Twilight, especially the werewolves. “I swear, you'd think reading this trash that we are best known for perpetual shirtlessness.”

edited 21st Oct '17 1:53:29 AM by NickTheSwing

@Nick: psst, you missed the above poster. Anyway, I love the very twisted way that the 'uncontrollably in love' trope is played. It should be a horribly disturbing things to go through and I'm glad it left its mark on Shane instead of the curse just being broken and everything being fine afterwards. It really speaks volumes that Shane isn't sure whether or not to be angry with his father for decapitating(?)/snapping the neck of that girl.

I do think the 'sliver hurts werewolves' thing is a mite overdone. The wolfsbane is a nice touch as a secondary weakness though (on a related note, wolfsbane used to be considered a cure for lycanthropy).

Shane's a character I like on 'paper' as it were, but would like to see in action even more.

Name: Maj. Katherine "Kay" Williamson

Age: 31

Personality: Kay isn't sure of that herself. She knows she used to be The Ace, but she just can't feel that way anymore. Conversely, being The Stoic leaves her wanting. She would like to be a good soldier, but some of the orders she's given seem wrong on a level she can't quite explain. Regardless of her feelings, she tries to do what she's been ordered to and keeps her team at a distance where she wouldn't do anything stupid for them. It's not really working.

Abilities: Kay is a competent leader, knowing strategy and working well with people, tailoring her approach to the individual. Since she's a hydrokenetic, she can also manipulate water in any number of ways; e.g. as a weapon or a carrying device or to puppeteer a person whose blood contains water. Her fighting skills are immense and they remained despite the memory loss.

Weaknesses: The scars left over from a deep mind wipe have made her slightly off and her emotions rather disjointed. Not to mention what it did to her command skills; Kay's loyalty to those she loves can override her sense, but at the same time she has been programmed to follow orders above all. Her wires are seriously crossed and that is taking a toll on her.

Goals: Stop the Renascence.

Motivation: In all the chaos, uncertainty, and Black-and-Grey Morality that is her life, the Renascence are clear-cut villains. They kill people, they're terrorists. She doesn't have to think about it too hard or question. They're the bad guys and the government (the government that sent her to die in an ambush) is the hero. See, if she doesn't have to think about it, it doesn't hurt.

Role in the story: The Leader of the Dysfunction Junction Badass Crew, Beta-3.

Backstory: Kay is from a small town in Ohio. Her mother and father were considered a "mixed-race" couple, her mother being a firefighter who controlled fire and father being a normal human dentist. Honestly though, it mattered very little to her and she had a normal childhood. She joined the military right out of high school, with her parents support, though they had hoped for her to have a less dangerous career.

Kay immediately showed herself to be a leader, seemingly effortlessly taking over as leader of her platoon when slotted. Right out of boot camp, she blazed through the ranks, having a command of her own (Zeta-1) by age 25. However that wasn't enough, she wanted better. After a series of well executed missions and friends high up in the Meta Corps, she got what she wanted: her team being ranked as Beta-3. And she loved it. She had her friends by her side and was the darling of command. Beta-3 became True Companions, leading Kay to think of them as the siblings she never had.

Naturally, it all had to go to hell. They compromised themselves by prioritizing the team over the mission and none of Kay's team had been all that good before she got ahold of them. They were already expendable and Kay had made herself expendable by her degree of attachment. Beta-3 was broken up, but Kay always managed to get them back together. They would work as a cohesive unit for a while, then they would backslide. So when there needed to be a team to take all the heavy fire from a powerful Superhuman Trafficking ring and the Alpha groups weren't available (off fighting in wars and the like), Beta-3's name came up. Beta-3 took down the first wave, the second, the third, but the fighters kept coming. Kay was given an out at one point, but chose to die alongside her friends.

She ended up being captured instead, losing an arm and nearly an eye before Gamma-1 managed to break in and overtake her captors. Gamma-1 brought her back with them, short a forearm but alive. The rest of Beta-3 was dead, so she was told. While still under the influence of the post-surgery drugs, a Meta Corpsman (Isabella Tachibana) wiped her memory. Kay was re-assigned as the second of Delta-2 for the next year and a half, clueless, until Isabella confessed to her what had happened. Kay tried to deny it, but Isabella managed to convince her, both of the truth and to keep that knowledge secret. The Renascence appeared a scant two weeks later. Kay was ordered back to Beta-3 as the lead, Isabella got herself assigned as Kay's now mandatory handler in support, and the rest is history.

Relevant tropes:

• Action Girl: Very much so. Losing her memories didn't lessen her fighting skills one bit.

• An Arm and a Leg: Lost her left arm to an infection.

• An Ice Person

• An Axe to Grind: Has fashioned axes out of water/ice. Mostly to break doors down, but she has decapitated The Dragon at least once.

• Arc Words: Her own arc is punctuated with: "I have my orders". She usual says it before doing something that could kill her, such as going to die beside her teammates or dragging the Big Bad under the Pacific Ocean.

• Arch-Nemesis: Ends up being one to the leader of the Renascence.

• Artificial Limbs: Her left arm got infected due to part of it being removed with a rusty bone saw, so the whole thing had to be removed. VenTech, the Lancer's company, supplied a new, improved one.

• Badass Crew: Has been the commander of two such groups.

• Black-and-White Morality: She really, really, really wants the world to be like this, so she doesn't have to deal with how badly things have gone. It never sticks.

• Break the Haughty: The original Kay paid for thinking she could outsmart command.

• Broken Ace: So much. Kay was on the wild side for the military, but so long as what she was doing got results, it was fine. Unfortunately, original!Beta-3 stopped getting results. Even before she was "remade", the idea of being a failure did weigh down on her. She had her friends at the time...
  • Broken Hero: In the actually story, Kay is dubiously holding it together, racked with guilt and deeply angry at what's been done to her, but unable to express either emotion. She's also terribly alone. Isabella can't be with her all the time, she has her own agenda to fulfill.

• Cold-Blooded Torture: How her arm got infected in the first place.

• Don't You Dare Pity Me!: The reason she and Isabella became friends. Kay didn't want pity (she had enough herself, thank you) and knew Isabella wouldn't treat her that way.

• Double Think: Her relationship with her superiors is filled with this.

• Driven to Suicide: The idea of living the rest of her life manipulated by telepaths or even getting out with chunks of her life gone is too much for her to handle. By her reckoning, at least her reputation will be unscathed if she goes out via Heroic Sacrifice.

• Elite Army: As part of a Transhuman special ops team.

• Guile Hero: In a way. Kay can and will twist things and/or people to the mission's benefit no matter how awful it makes her feel.

• Heroic BSoD: The whole time, basically.

• Heroic Sacrifice: That wasn't that heroic, all told.

• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Isabella; they're both broken in their own ways and they understand each other, both having been royally messed up by the government. Sadly, it isn't enough. She was this with her first Lancer, Abbie Krejci a.k.a. Demolition of the Agents.

• Human Dad, Nonhuman Mom: He's a dentist, she's a firefighter who can turn into solid ice or living fire.

• Imagination-Based Superpower: Kay makes a variety of weapons, carriers, and healing implements using her hydrokinesis.

• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: The first Kay kind of was this. There was a good person there, but she had an ego the size of a medium planet.

• The Kirk with a healthy bit of the The McCoy on the side: Formerly. Then her crew died.

• Kick the Dog: She allows herself to get slightly close to Rick, the Smart Guy, spending small amounts of time with him as he is obviously as lonely as she is. He dies.

• Laser-Guided Amnesia: A huge chunk of her early time in the military is missing, beyond mission info. It gets her at the weirdest times too. She can be talking about something with Isabella or Jenna and then there will be this space, something she's supposed to know but doesn't. Kay spends a lot of time alone in her quarters after one of those moments.

• The Leader: To both Beta-3s. The first time of the charismatic and headstrong variants, later of the levelheaded bent.

• Lovely Angels: With Jenna St.James. They aren't each others biggest fans, but they do work well together.

• Magnetic Hero: Originally, and what ended up almost getting her killed; Upper Management didn't like the idea of a charismatic, military-trained member of a disenfranchised group running around while a Transhuman terrorist group was on the rise. During the story proper, Kay no longer qualifies and is actively weirded out by the idea.

• Make an Example of Beta-3: To other Transhuman forces.

• Making a Splash

• Military Maverick: Um. Yes. Totally was this and it came back to bite her.

• Mind Rape: By selectively ripping out pieces of her memory until she stopped caring about her friends or their deaths.

• My Country, Right or Wrong: Kay tries to believe this, she really does. She can't thought, and it kills her.

• Odd Friendship: With the team medic, Isabella Tachibana, who was the one to mind rape her into losing her attachments to her dead squad. They play chess during their downtime.

• Properly Paranoid: Kay does not truly trust anyone besides Isabella, and that includes herself. While that's to her benefit with Jenna St.James, everyone else suffers for it.

• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gets quite the one from Miranda Wyght about her indecisiveness. It makes her a more effective leader, but it also assists in her decision to commit suicide by Big Bad.

• Red Oni, Blue Oni: Blue to Isabella's and/or Jenna's Red.

• The Reveal: That her loyalty isn't entirely by choice and that one other member of Beta-3 survived to become one of the Agents.

• Simple Staff: Turns her water into a bō on occasion.

• True Companions: To original!Beta-3. She wants to be this with the next group, but is afraid of hurting them and being hurt herself.

• The Hero Dies: Through 'heroic sacrifice'.

• The Squad: The Leader/{Majorly Awesome with:
  • Dr. Isabella Tachibana as The Medic
  • Jenna St.James as The Lancer/Communications Officer/ and Lt. Richard Dedrick as The Engineer
  • And Sgt. Miranda Wyght as The Big Gal

• Stepford Frowner: Being an officer, there is a certain amount of detachment required. Kay's not that good at it. She wants to be closer to her team, but then the fear kicks back in.

• The Stoic: According to most, she became this "out of grief". According to her, it feels... wrong, but not wanting to lose more of herself, she goes along with it.

• Survivor's Guilt: Twice. After being rescued, of course; she saw two of them die and heard another get her spine ripped out of her back. Then later after finding out that she was the only survivor, just as was wanted; "Why? What did I do, besides get those people killed?"

• There Are No Therapists: Zig-zagged. Kay had to pass a mental fitness test before being back in charge and has sessions with a therapist. The reason she needs counseling in the first place is because she accidentally survived a mission that killed four people she considered family and had her memories wiped out.

• Vitriolic Best Buds: She had this relationship with her original Lancer, and unconsciously tries to foster the same relationship with her current Lancer. It works too well.

• Whip It Good: Water whips are her favorite weapon.

edited 5th Jan '15 3:28:20 PM by UmLovely

Every time you mention the methods the government use to keep their pet transhumans in line, I always feel my skin crawl. What a horrific and messed up world; if you don't have fanatical superhuman terrorists, you have a Knight Templar government that will use almost equally awful and unethical means to get what they want—which I presume is protecting the populace, but still.

Katherine is a tragic hero who truly makes the reader feel for her. Her fractured personality and perseverance in spite of it is absolutely heartwrenching. Her powers are interesting though and fairly formidable in battle, so good job there as well.

Anyway, suffice to say that I feel really sorry for Katherine, especially with the whole mind wipe part of it. I'm a little confused on that part—did they erase her memories in order to make her functional again or because she saw something that she wasn't supposed to? I got the feeling that her unit was set up to die or take the fall for something and she survived when she was supposed to be erased. Either way, it's just...urgh. Good job once again for making a character that really drew out my emotions, especially of sadness and a general desire for justice against the controllers behind the scenes. I honestly hate them more than your Renesance terrorists.

Well, first of all, sorry for any typo, english is not my first language. I've been working on this character, a Superhero, or at least, something like it.

The idea is the following: Gregory G. decided to be part of The Organization project. He thought the project was for medical purposes, but the organization is experimenting with people to create an Powered Armor, in case of invasions. He entered in the first place in order to obtain money for his son disease. However, something went wrong, and is now trapped in the armor, and can't return to the organization or his real life.

He worked for a terrorist group that promised him the money, doing the mission of obtaining six MacGuffin gems. However, after the leader killed someone in his 5 mission, he started to doubt and feel hatred for the guy. "I just did it for the money, no one was supposed to get killed" in his words.

However, after getting the last gem, the leader revealed a powered armor capable of starting a war. Gregory decided to stop him.

After defeating the Big Bad, he decided to look for a way to take off his armor, but fighting some evildoers in a corrupt city. He went with the name Insecto Nocturno (Night Insect, something like that) while fighting the bad guys.

Some basic tropes:

• Adult Fear: The concept of the character. The idea of being trapped and never being able to see your child agan.
• The Quiet One.
• Blood Knight: He enjoys to battle, but he is dead scared of the Leader armor and the destruction it causes.
• Boxing Battler: He was a boxer before having a child.
• The Lost Lenore: His dead wife. He lost her with the birth of his child.
• The Faceless: The reader never see his eyes, only the bright yellow eyes of the armor. The mouth and hair are other thing, though, clearly visible.
• Shout-Out: His name is Gregory, and the armor looks like a roach.
• Character Development: He is supposed to start of as a cinical reminder of the corruption of his city/country, but as time passes, he became less stoic and more idealistic. In other words, he starts as Batman, ends like Superman (or at least Wonder Woman).
• Young Hero: despite having a child, he is just 22 years old.

And for the armor and its powers:

• Animal-Themed Superbeing: A roach. Justified, the organization use insects as a theme with their armors.
• Powered Armor: of course.
• Super-Strength
• Shooting Superman
• Shock and Awe: He can create thunder fists and create a Shockwave Stomp to defend himself.
• Glowing Eyes: They always glows in the shadows in a bright yellow color, and according to the characters In-universe, makes him look weird or like a mysterious kind of cute
• Night-Vision Goggles: However, these ones are permanent, and will leave him blind someday if he doesn't take the armor off.

Also, Gregory is supposed to be venezuelan. I don't know Jaime reyes, so it can't count as a Expy, just a similar concept of the latin american guy with the insect armor.

edited 11th Jan '15 10:57:29 AM by Tomodachi

I really like that messed-up superhero you just described here ! It would be interesting to see him become one of the best heroes, basically an The Ace because of the tough shit he's gone through.

Name: Lucius Fugeri (for his face, look at my profile picture)

Age: 19 at the beginning of the story

Personality: Lucius is a selfish asshole who knows the world doesn't revolve around him but who would go to extremes to make sure it will. He wants to look like a cynical and snarky guy but he has big dreams. He's persuaded he can do anything and that everything is possible. Also, he hates people. He doesn't want them to like him but only to respect him.

Abilities: He's a good liar, and has a knack for scenery that can reach amazingly complicated heights. He never shows anything and has ridiculously well constructed plans for a lot of stuff. Combining these two abilities (Lying and Preparation) he comes across as a very dangerous individual with secret powers.

Weaknesses: He is afraid of his own shadow. He just can't stand looking at it. Besides, his lack of empathy for other people sometimes makes him miss out on important parts of his plans. And he never learns, never listens to other people.

Goals: Lucius wants people to acknowledge that he's better than them. That's it.

Motivation: He is an egomaniac and is extremely happy when people admit he's right.

Role in the story: He stirs shit up. Lucius basically shows up in other people's worlds and makes sure that Status Quo Is God is not respected at all.

Backstory: Lucius comes from the end of this universe. The latter has evolved into controlled anarchy where people make up stories and enact them because they're bored and don't have anything else to do. In that society, Lucius had established himself as The Trickster and thus learned a lot about deceiving and cheating people. When his universe dies unexpectedly, Lucius finds himself in a new universe with a different evolution. He decides to change this world to be renowned, but realizes that this universe is coming to an end as well...

Relevant Tropes: The Trickster , Con Man , Opportunistic Bastard (basically all Selfishness Tropes :D ), Broken Aesop (since he wins without learning the lesson of the story), Take a Third Option (He is well aware of what most story choices are and will always find a way to twist his way around it)

edited 11th Jan '15 1:21:14 PM by Flenus

That's your hero? Sheeeee-it! I don't wanna meet your villain!

edited 11th Jan '15 5:26:18 PM by Wolf1066

"Also, he hates people. He doesn't want them to like him but only to respect him. "

Oh thanks god, for a minute, I thought he was like the hatred guy.

The concept sounds awesome, I dig characters with some kind of cosmic/metafictional story, and yours sound fascinating. Though, only if the guy is hilarious, I wouldn't like to have an asshole as a protagonist.

Yeah well I was planning on making him a bit humorous but also insist on his loneliness and emptiness to try to make him more of a sad clown, an empty entertainer. Plus, he has a decent education since he's from our future (tolerant, doesn't stand poverty and hunger, hates social inequalities). It's just that to him a perfect society without problems is normal. To him, everybody is equally stupid and inferior.

Yeah I've got some pretty gruesome antagonists in my pocket :D

edited 12th Jan '15 9:28:21 AM by Flenus

I'll have to agree with Tomodachi in that he sounds interesting, in a meta kind of way. Always interesting to see a character who plays with the conventions of storytelling and stuffs. My favorite thing about him is still the face though

I posted Zan, so here comes his buddy.

Name: Tassilus

Age: 27

Personality: With the fieriest temper this side of Farsun, and both the verbal indecency and arcane capability to match, Tas is a nasty mage, through and through. Nearly anything can provoke him, and when provoked the man has no qualm employing extreme violence to sate his anger. This is the man who'd burn a tavern owner alive, along with his tavern, just for being 'impolite'. And worse still, the murderous tendency is just a little something extra on top of his natural sadism manifested in him since he was a child. Obscenely foul-mouthed, Tas is also not known to be too personable, dropping profanities anytime he has a chance. Being that he's a mage prodigy, one'd think he'd at least use his somewhat respectable level of intelligence in solving problems in ways other than blasting things to bits, but apparently subtlety is beneath him, and Tas has nearly no grasp of discretion whatsoever. The bastard that talked behind his back explodes as nicely as a bandit does, anyhow. In the end, he's just looking for an excuse to hurt and kill people, which is probably the only way to make him happy. Luckily, Tas tends to mostly limit his killing spree to people he considers fair games, like members of the mercenary bands or sovereign-affiliated soldiers. Mostly.

Abilities: Fire invocation. Tas is a rare master of fire magic. The level of fire manipulation he's capable of is way beyond even some of the those aged, vastly knowledgeable scholars of the Lion Mages Guild back at the capital, all of whom having memorized at least a hundred of complex elemental invocation formulae. His ability is nearly on the level of Raw Magic, or direct manipulation of energy using pure force of will, something that only few can pull off without having their brain fried in the process. As a member of the Lynx, Tas basically acts as their main source of firepower. That mercenary outpost? He can burn it down in minutes. An Imperia's town? Kaboom. With enough time to let him focus the man can even take on an entire crowd of armed soldiers and wipe them out with only a few exploding balls of flame.

Weaknesses: Tas is not the most stable individual out there, and that extends to his control of fire magic as well. Nor is he the smartest when it comes to solving practical problems (as in, "How do we get out of this smoldering piles of bricks now?") Also, as a fire magic specialist, he's lacking in every other field of arcane studies. If a problem can't be solved by bombing it to the Chaos World of Kij, Tas is pretty much helpless.

Goals: As with his buddy Zan, to get rich. Tas also happens to enjoy burning people as much as he does earning money, though, and sometimes even more so.

Motivation: Aside from the getting rich thing, Tas has nothing else in life going for him. He's an orphan, an Academy reject with immense temper not even his briliance can make up for, and branded a societal threat. The wealth of the frontier is the only thing left for him to pursue.

Role: The Lancer to Zan.

Backstory: Tas is born an orphan, though unlike countless others he doesn't ever seem to care. The thing he cared about back then, of course, had always been beating other kids in the orphanage to submission. He came really close to killing his fellow orphans more than once. Practically a vicious psychopath with the undying love for inflicting harm, things only got worse when Tas began to showed his magic affinity, and was quickly sent to Anzus Academy of Alchemy and Sorcery, in an attempt to get rid of such a troublesome child. The scholars at Anzus took a liking to him as the boy showed promise, but as years went by and Tas's power grew more potent (and the bastard grew more knowedgeable of things arcane), they began to realise that this he hadn't grown into a merely hot-tempered young mage, but a complete maniac. Things fell completely apart when, in one heated argument, Tas was told by an Anzus administrator to pack up and leave the academy on his last year of study, and he responded by blasting the administrator's arm clean off. He earned both the status of an Academy reject and a Kingdom fugitive that day. Naturally, he fled to the lawless frontier of Farsun like all criminals would, and there became acquainted with Zan, a conman who saw his potential. After a few years of on and off contact, with Tas working with the mercenary companies to get by (as a cheap walking artillery), they reunited and formed their own mercenary band, the Kaneus's Lynx.

Tropes

Ax-Crazy: Even more so than most of the Lynx's enemies (a.k.a. the villains)

Badass: Comes with being a firemage prodigy.

Berserk Button: Has a grand collection of them. Most notable ones include insulting his magical talent, insulting the Lynx, cheating him out of his gold, ignoring him or otherwise treating him as insignificant, and overcooked meat.

Cluster F-Bomb: Naturally, though he tends to not curse when not really angry. Also, he tends to drop Cluster C Bomb when the F bomb won't suffice. When angry, the man has no filter, or even a sense of decency.

The Dreaded: His name alone can induce fear in anyone living in the frontier long enough. The Lynx's frequent contact, Willard of the Rainbow Private Arms, himself skilled assassin, often says that the the Lynx would be the last group of people he'd ever think about doublecrossing, because that'd risk having Tassilus come after him.

Even Evil Has Standards: Tas has a certain disdain for harming people uninvolved with whatever hardship he and his friends are going through at the moment (though note that he absolutely refuses to call anyone 'innocent', since, according to him, no one is), or aren't in the way between the Lynx and their target. He may be a murderous son of a bitch with a temper hotter than the sun, but Tas reserves physical (and magical) violence only for those that dare to fuck with him. Or people opposing him, profesionally speaking.

Freudian Excuse: Should be the case as he's an orphan an all, but averted. Had he actual parents, Tas still wouldn't have grown up to be any less of an lethally-unstable, destructive individual that he is. He also never shows any desire to have a family, and the fact that he is an orphan is decidedly not one of his berserk buttons.

Hypocrite:Standards and all, when he's furious, they tend to be thrown out the window. Just being in the proximity of anyone who angers him is enough to warrant of exploding intestines treatment.

Kill It with Fire: Because why not? Except when he kills it with explosion, of course.

Person of Mass Destruction: People consider him a walking artillery for a reason.

Pre-Mortem One-Liner: Loves these.

Psycho for Hire: Of course. Still, Tas knows enough that if he goes too far this direction, his job security, not to mention his own safety, will be compromised, considering the Lynx is possibly the last group on the entire continent willing to have him as a permanent member. If he screws up the jobs too much for his colleagues' liking, he may lose that, too, and considering the amount of enemies he has in the frontier alone, being an all out psycho for hire isn't really such a good idea. In fact, he appeared comparatively much calmer and sane when he worked solo as an auxiliary for the merc bands, taking care not to go overboard with the violence to avoid a bounty. Having bands of mercs and bounty hunters coming after one is unpleasant, even for an ax crazy mage prodigy like him.

Token Evil Teammate: In a way, though he's not really explicitly evil, just a bit psychopathic. He has no intention of going out of his way to harm people who hasn't done anything to him, for example.

Villain Protagonist: In the same vein that Zan is unfit to be anything remotely close to hero, Tas is the on the heroes' side by virtue of being one of the viewpoint characters. The difference is he's way nastier.

edited 13th Jan '15 12:39:52 AM by arreimil

Extremely interesting ! I mean I like Zan better but it's just because he's the kind of character that I like the most (see mine for instance :D ) However, I think the two of them would work really well in a team, they have a really interesting dynamic. I can see Zan pointing Tas to things to burn while he looks for a way to get all the glory. Does Tas have a soft heart for something, or some standards (like not hurting some animals or children ) ? Or he is a Complete Monster ?

Anyway I'd really like to see more of the team, to see how much three other people would fit in an already pretty interesting team.