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Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!):

 51 Ninjaxenomorph, Sat, 27th Oct '12 4:08:37 PM from Texas, Texas Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Behind you!
I can do mine retroactively. Hold on... m'kay, done.

edited 27th Oct '12 4:22:28 PM by Ninjaxenomorph

Me and my friend's collaborative webcomic:

Forged Men
Niaq , I am going to do it activly ,

Shiro okami:

I have similar , reaction as Ninja, the idea of will power capable of manifest, is really interesting, and with possibility of passing this abbilty to his kids, and if I get this right them to their kids, can open a whole new window of possiblitys to discover new things, the weakness, is also , interesting. And now that I truly love about this is the very idea of the evil guy who converts to the good side and then re tale the story, is briliant , my advise is just to play it right and use all posiblitis such narrative has to offer.

Ninjaxenomorph

I am not realy sure what to say I this seems like on of the characters that you need to know the story , from what you wrote, I have few things to ask, mainly about itzon and umber shades You say that when he was young they cut his itzon and that this equivlent of cutting ears, nose, and fingertips, yet he is apperently a competent fighter, and this somehow smelly a little fishy to me, the second thing I need ask is he in some position of authority with his tribe? or just simply a realy badass guy, with hive mind army?

The Muse I am not really sure what to say I think the main problem with this vilian is that he is quite cliqe, I am one of thouse people who actualy do no have anything against cliqe, a typical cliqe story when well written can be much more enjoyable than something complitly orginal, but with that said, this is all depending on abilitys of writter, and as such I don't have anything to say about this guy he just files like darth vader expy.
 
 53 Ninjaxenomorph, Sun, 28th Oct '12 7:57:13 AM from Texas, Texas Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Behind you!
[up] They are like another sensory organ, kind of like whiskers in strict function. It is socially, emotionally, and physically as painful as what I mentioned. He is on no authority, the Atherites are pretty much a slave race. Most are almost mindless, following the will of a leader, which can be replicated by wearing bracers made of their exoskeleton.
Me and my friend's collaborative webcomic:

Forged Men
@Cryticus I’m not entirely sure what being mad is supposed to mean for this character. Do you mean that his views on war are what could be considered “mad”? While such a worldview could work well as a character’s motivation I can’t think of a good reason for calling him mad. A better term might be delusional or obsessed. Also the way he’s described he could just as well be a neutral or even good but not nice character. The backstory seems quite nice.

@The Muse To be honest he seems kind of bland; quite a bit like your ordinary videogame villain. It’s not necessarily bad, though, as long as the execution’s good even a cliché villain may be interesting and memorable, it’s just that there’s nothing immediately unique in the description provided.

Name: Urdol.

Age: Early 20s.

Personality: A rather bland person, easy to influence, tries hard to avoid making enemies (and eye contact), lacks the guts to make a stand, fearless (literally, but still feels quite uncomfortable about any conflict).

Abilities: Destined to kill the Demon (and therefore invincible until successful), owner of the perfect sword, physically unable to feel fear.

Weaknesses: Easy to manipulate, has no personal agenda, has a tendency to attract knights templar convinced that he’s to become their leader.

Goals: Wants to kill the Demon, so that people would finally stop telling him about his destiny.

Motivation: See above.

Role in the story: Protagonist.

Backstory: Born in a small town, became an apprentice tailor, woke up one day with a mark of the Gods and a destiny to fulfill.

Relevant Tropes: The Chosen One, Farm Boy (kind of), He Who Fights Monsters, From Nobody to Nightmare, I Just Want to Be Normal, Designated Hero, Idiot Hero.

And yes, he does get a Face Heel Turn, which is why he’s considered a villain.

Name: The Demon

Age: Centuries old, not as old as humanity but older than dragons.

Personality: Unknown, has been known to commit massive atrocities in a time when they were commonplace (the Godswar).

Abilities: A Demigod or Physical God, its powers used to come from its creator God, but it’s been known to be able to create the soulless ones, which implies that it may know the secrets of the Unbound (a legendary mage) – that is magic that does not come from the Gods.

Weaknesses: Destined to be destroyed at the hands of the Chosen One.

Goals: Even Eldritch Abominations want to live (well “exist” really, as it’s not alive in the biological sense and its predestined “death” is more than just the end of life – one the Chosen One destroys it, it will be as if it never existed).

Motivation: See above.

Role in the story: Final Boss – awaits the Chosen One at World’s End. Nominal leader of the Demon Worshippers but relegates those duties to the inner circle of its servants.

Backstory: Created by one of the gods as a “superweapon” during the Godswar. After the conflict ended it wondered the world aimlessly until it settled in the World’s End. Leads a group of Nay-Theists known as Demon Worshippers.

Relevant Tropes: Physical God, Blue and Orange Morality, Eldritch Abomination, Final Boss.

edited 28th Oct '12 8:17:44 AM by johnthebarbarian

 
Huh. Massively generic, which is good if that's what you were going for.

Since mine was lost, here he is, again:

Okay, how about one of the Evil Counterparts to the Mane 6 for s Crossover Fic with the New World of Darkness I may do.

Name: "Skull Bulge" (really, Jack Beaufort Nimble-get it?)

Age: 26, later 27 in the story.

Personality: He's a slasher, so Ax-Crazy is a given. More importantly, he's psychotically jealous of ponies, especially unicorns, due to his...unique appearance and his unicorn pathetic excuse for a mother. His MO is generally to kidnap ponies and mutilate them so that their special talent becomes impossible, then puts them under a memory spell before tossing them out to flounder, stalking them to see if they cross the Despair Event Horizon or not. Those that do are left alone, but the ones who manage to pull themselves together quickly arose his ire for "not understanding the lesson" and he actually murders them. He also has a bit of a victim complex and megalomania, enjoying ranting about how much he's going to hurt his victim, knowing the memory will be suppressed.

Abilities: Besides being a Stealth Expert and Knife Nut, Skull Bulge is also a Genius Bruiser capable of waiting weeks to carry out an abduction-and-mutilation if necessary, and unlike many slashers, he isn't adverse to taking up mercenary work, so he's often found working with reinforcements. What's more, he's also a mule, combining both the strength-and more importantly, speed-of his donkey father with the Magic Knight abilities of his mother-the distinctive structure that got him his nickname is actually the beginnings of a horn, and its functional enough to throw Bullet Hell at a second's notice.

Weaknesses: Remember what we said about him being psychotically jealous? It affects his MO too-if faced with two perfectly valid targets, one of which is a unicorn, he'll pick the unicorn every time, even if they're more visible. More importantly, he's really, really touchy about his face-mock him or point out that the small size of his horn impedes his magic, and he'll lose all composure and lash out at you immediately, uncaring of his normal strategy or tactics. This is not a smart plan.

Goals: Travel the world, meet new ponies, and then mutilate them, perhaps kill, hopefully while leaving as little evidence as possible behind.

Motivation: Making the world suffer as much as he did, trying to deal with a combination of Fantastic Racism and, as his mother ingrained into him, "a worthless excuse for magic". He does this by forcing ponies with cutie marks he can easily affect (gouging an artist's eyes out, lopping off a unicorn scholar's horn, cutting off a wing), to understand what life without their "special talents" is like, and subconsciously to vent his rage at his mother and old classmates who bullied him.

Role in the story: Serves as the impetus for Rainbow Dash to be picked up by the Cherion Group, after he grabs her and takes her left wing, causing her to sign up in return for a Wing of Glory. He later becomes The Brute to the Lumen of At'Enar, who let him indulge his psychosis to create crises for them to solve...thus generating hope for their Ba'Ke to feed on.

Backstory: Born out of wedlock to a borderline, hateful mess of a mare, a combination of her drug habits and magic overuse caused the genetic cascades that would normally decide if he was born a mule or a unicorn to both activate, causing him to be born as...both. Constantly faced with evidence of how horrible and careless a pony she was, his mom decided to assign all that had gone wrong with her life on him, treating the young Jack horribly. This, combined with brutal teasing about his "wannabe horn" and "talentless" (because, as a creature more mule than unicorn, he couldn't have a cutie mark) from his classmates, caused him to develop a lot of resentment and anger at the world around him. Eventually, in his teenage years, he snapped at a bully and accidentally discovered how good his "wannabe horn" was for forming magic "force blades" that could slice through a pony. Rather than being horrified, he find he quite liked this new power, and, after killing his mother, decided he'd show the world just what it was like to be "talentless".

Relevant Tropes: Bad Powers, Bad People (not quite-those mind-knives he creates could easily be used for more productive things, he just doesn't care enough to bother subverting the trope), Evil Counterpart (to Rainbow Dash-whereas she breaks her back night and day to achieve her dreams, his is to tear down others), Knight of Cerebus (his appearence in the story marks a full shift from merely creepy to full-on Gothic Punk / Urban Fantasy) Psychopathic Manchild (ultimately, though, he's still that child angry at the world for the way he looks).
I'm as normal as anyone can be. Which is to say, not bothering myself with an impossible standard.
 56 Ninjaxenomorph, Sun, 28th Oct '12 8:31:51 PM from Texas, Texas Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Behind you!
I should add to my entry, is that what makes him an Evil Cripple is that he is missing his itzon, like a catfish with the whiskers snipped off. To other shades, he is crippled, but he still functions on a human level. Kind of like how a Winged Humanoid with their wings cut off would be. Also, it would look REALLY effing creepy, with the stubs undulating.
Me and my friend's collaborative webcomic:

Forged Men
 57 Eagal, Sun, 28th Oct '12 11:07:47 PM from This is a location. Relationship Status: Waiting for Prince Charming
This is a title.
[up][up]A very dark addition to a Sugar Bowl setting. One might say excessively dark...Yay.

No offense but I sorta skimmed through that. I've tried to avoid MLP in general, and this...villain you've got is totally not my speed, so I'm not exactly able to give a suitable review...If nothing else he seems fairly thought out...

—-

Name: Tiger, Shiinae.

Age: One of the oldest things in existence.

Personality: Shiinae is a very obsessive individual. When he gets involved in a scheme he'll stick to it doggishly. Conversely, he's also got a very short attention span so while he'll stay involved with any plan he starts, he'll also have a few dozen other plans running at any given time.

He isn't terribly good at thinking his plans through, which is just as well for him because the lack of strategy annoys Bellum as much as the actual plans do.

When angered, he can be savage, cruel, violent in the extreme and prone to excessive acts of hatred.

Abilities: Shiinae is a god, with all the bells and whistles that this entails. If you can think it, odds are he can do it.

Weaknesses: His only real weakness is that he's limited by the laws of his uncle, the king of the gods. His attempts to undermine Bellum, the goddess of war are typically met with failure partly because of this, but mainly because she's quite a bit more competent than he is.

Goals: To undermine and/or annoy Bellum, the goddess of war.

Motivation: He claims to believe he's capable of managing war better than Bellum does, but mostly he does what he does because he knows that it annoys Bellum.

Role in the story: Typically Big Bad, for a given definition of Big Bad. Since he's so powerful using him as a serious foe for the heroes would be kinda pointless. Where he's involved, don't expect him to make a significant contribution that doesn't in some way lead back to Bellum, and when that plan falls through he'll just give up and leave.

Backstory: Shiinae was originally named Tiger. He was the first among his family to conceive of sentient mortal life, and is the creator of the Human race. And he hates the Human race. He took the name Shiinae when the first Humans were born.

For as long as anyone can remember he and Bellum have loathed eachother, and this hatred drives most of his actions. Why they hate each-other is anyone's guess.

He has two daughters by unknown mothers and maybe a son by Bellum.

Relevant Tropes:
  • Physical God: When he cares to be.
  • War God: Although not specifically the god of war, he's heavily involved in it as the god of conquest, victory and violence.
  • Evil Is Petty: Does what he does mainly for the sake of annoying Bellum.
  • Affably Evil: He's actually a pretty nice guy if you get to know him.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: With Bellum. Though they both claim to despise eachother, they have been together in the past and it's commonly speculated (though never confirmed) that Bellum's son is Shiinae's.
  • Hijacked by Ganon: More to the effect of his plans inevitably leading back to the same goals even when at first they seem like they're totally different. Sorta like how Lex Luthor's plans always seem to turn out to be about Superman.
  • Blue and Orange Morality / Above Good and Evil: Sort of. Specifically, he's above mortal standards of good and evil. He does operate on a definite scale of good and evil, but where his actions fall on this scale is anyone's guess.
  • Moral Myopia: He hates Humans for exhibiting pretty much every trait he exhibits at some point or other, and completely fails to grasp the concept that they are like that because he made them in his image.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He's the god of family, and he loves his daughters very much, for all that he rants and about how annoying it is when he Humans dote pointlessly on their children.
  • Villain Exit Stage Left: As mentioned above, if and when his plans get foiled, he'll typically just give up and leave.

edited 28th Oct '12 11:18:05 PM by Eagal

The madness is catching.
 58 Gaon, Tue, 30th Oct '12 4:25:48 PM from Grim Up North Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Quite liked how the god aspect was worked with him, having more than one "realm" to control is something I haven't seen in a while [gods these days tend to rule over one realm and one realm only], funny mixture too, with conquest and family there could be quite a lot of ways to explore him and how he handles his task of being god and trying to undermine the goddess.

I like that he isn't pure evil, but he doesn't sound vicious enough to be a Big Bad [from the description, he strikes more as a child who can't comprehend his universe straight, but can't do much harm either, but maybe I'm wrong] unless your story is milder with the physical and life-threatening conflict and more focused on inter-personal conflict.

But overall, seems very well-thought out.

Now one villain I had in mind for a while.

—-

Name: Leviathan (yes, he IS the biblical demon) Age: Older than time, physically on his mid fifties to early sixties, already bald and with a few wrinkles.

Personality: Leviathan is a man (well, demon) seemingly without consciousness, has a profound lack of empathy for the world at large, regardless if they helped him in the past or not. He sees all as mere pawns to achieve his goals and will use them as such.

He has a fondness for sarcasm, and loves Lampshading the tropes and events happening around him as they happen.

Abilities: He's a master psychological manipulator, knowing everyone's precise weakness and strength, skilled politician (Let no Crisis Go to Waste could be his motto) and public speaker, a absolutely brillant strategist (he always has a back-up plan) and can teleport faster than Nightcrawler.

Weaknesses: He is absolutely useless at physical combat (in this 'verse, most demons can punch through walls, and the stronger ones can take down buildings: He is as strong as a common person, if more resilient).

Goals: Seeks to replace God himself as the head honcho of the universe, then reshape the universe to his own will and command.

Motivation: Mostly, he has one Hell of a God Complex. But for him, there's the thing that in the Apocalypse, he's bound to become the the actual biblical beast [the giant irrational monster that wrecks everything], he seeks to avoid such fate as well. Role in the story: The Big Bad to end all Big Bads, even when he's not the major villain of that particular story, he backed up the events in some shape

Backstory: From the beginning, Leviathan was one of the major players in Hell, and due his lack of physical strength, he focused on his brains. Through manipulation and engineering of events, Leviathan made himself a General of Hell [the highest rank in Hell, there are five other Generals, sort of as a inverted Council of Angels].

Relevant Tropes:
 59 Lunacorva, Wed, 31st Oct '12 4:36:54 AM Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Hi everyone! It's the original poster here, and I have to say I'm really glad to see how popular this thread is becoming.

[up] You had me hooked at Leviathan, and I'm liking the twist you've built into his character. However, he does feel a bit generic as far as Chessmasters go, but that's likely due to the limits of this thread. In any case, I'd reccomend focusing on the quirks that make him unique and play them up a bit more. (That Lampshade Hanging quality you mentioned would be a hreat place to start smile)

Anyway, since I basically started this whole thing, I might as well post my own villain:


Name: Reyn

Age: 16

Personality: Reyn's personality could best be described as "dolphin like". He is playful, inquisitive, friendly, extremely intelligent, and perfectly willing to brutally murder someone just for the fun of it. Reyn's goal in life is simply to enjoy himself, he has no interest in money or power except as a means to an end. As he puts it

"Okay so let's say that I stole a billion dollars and became king of the world... Then what?"

Unfortunately, Reyn's sadism and complete lack of empathy for others frequently leads him to commit atrocities for his own entertainment. Reyn has a hobby of torturing people both physically and psychologically until they're completely broken and because Reyn loves a challenge, he likes it when the victims fight back since it makes things far more interesting than if they just run away or cower. This is why Reyn considers Sabyn to be his best friend, because despite everything Reyn puts Sabyn through, Sabyn has never given up and this has provided Reyn with some of the best fun he's ever had.

Reyn admires any quality that makes someone an interesting opponent: Courage, Intelligence, Determination ect. conversely he has little patience for boring cowardly, arrogant or stupid people. Hence the saying

"The ones who run, he kills. The ones who fight, he takes"

Outside of his mischievous love of "screwing with people", he is an avid fan of strategy games, though he finds chess dull. He also has a keen thirst for knowledge and enjoys meeting new people (He is always optimistic that he will find someone "Interesting" to play with)

In his interactions with people he is always polite and friendly. He could be gouging out someone's eye while calmly disscussing politics with them. While he does have a sarcastic and informal side, there is never any venom in his barbs, it's all in good natured fun.

Reyn is also an excellant sport, He never begrudges another person their victory, rather he will applaud them on finding a way to beat him, and look forward to a rematch.

Reyn does not divide the world into "Good" and "Evil" as he believes those concepts are ultimately meaningless labels for whatever someone doesn't like.

"Plus they're also quite hypocritical 'THOU SHALT NOT KILL!! Now go kill those people who I don't like'"

Instead he devides the world into "Interesting" and "Boring"

Abilities: Reyn is an extremely intelligent individual, easily able to out maneuver and out think his opponents. He is also a highly capable fighter, thanks to his magical skill and genetically enhanced strength and speed.

Over all though, his greatest strength is his ability to get inside the heads of his opponents, and use their own psyches against them.

Weaknesses: see: Victory Is Boring below. On top of that, while he can easily handle any of the heroes in a one on one fight, he's not able to take them on when they're working together.

Goals: Reyn has several goals:

  1. 1 To have fun and live life to the full.

  2. 2 To kill all boring, stupid and cowardly people to create a world filled with nothing but brave, intelligent, interesting and creative individuals.

  3. 3 to put said brave, intelligent people through a living nightmare so that the strongest of them may grow even stronger.

"That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger" - Freidrich Nietzche

  1. 4 To take those in power and put them through the same tests in order to see if they are truly worthy of that power.

  2. 5 To die at the hands of a Worthy Opponent, knowing that he tried his hardest and give it his all.

Motivation: Because he enjoys doing it. Reyn doesn't see why people feel the need to justify everything they do. If something is fun, DO IT.

Role in the story: When Reyn first appears, he is something of a mystery, a harmless looking teenager who appears to follow the leader of the Genesis corporation, he is first seen with a group of thugs and assassins hired by Genesis, taking a back seat as the assassins fight a group of Red Shirts.

However, much to everyone's surprise, before the assassins can kill the Red Shirts, Reyn steps in to save the Red Shirts, turning on the assassins because he finds the Red Shirts more interesting than the assassins. Upon seeing Reyn again for the first time however, Sabyn is absolutely horrified and for good reason (See backstory).

Reyn's character is something of a subversion of the typical Child Villain that one sees in Kid Hero stories (Just as Sabyn is himself a subversion of typical Kid Heroes). To quote the page

"A Kid Hero will commonly, but not universally, have two primary adversaries; his most dangerous opponent is usually an adult villain who serves as the hero's Arch-Nemesis (and even the Big Bad), while his second most dangerous opponent will usually be a younger villain, closer to his own age or slightly older, who serves as the hero's Evil Counterpart. These two are rarely affiliated, but if they do work togther, the adult will almost certainly be the Big Bad with the young villain as an extremely reluctant and rebellious Dragon."

Reyn initially seems to fit this trope, a young villain the same age as Sabyn, under the control of the seemingly much more powerful and ruthless Genesis. However, it quickly becomes apparent that Reyn is by far the most sadistic, intelligent and dangerous individual in the story. And it is in fact HE who is manipulating Genesis, not the other way around.

Backstory: Sabyn first met Reyn at a special club that taught it's students the art of "Mengarrada spellcasting", a form of magic that worked by accessing raw magical energy, rather than manipulaing the environment, making it especially suited to self defence. Reyn had been adopted by the club at the age of twelve when he had been found wandering the wilderness by himself.

For four years, Reyn was Sabyn's closest friend and fiercest rival at the club, but unknown to him or anyone else, Reyn was quickly becoming far more skilled at magic than he pretended, easily overtaking the other students.

Being the theatrical type however, Reyn choose to wait untill a suitably "dramatic" moment to show off his new skill.

That moment came when he used it to massacre every man woman and child at the club.

Except one.

Where everyone else just ran and begged for their lives. Sabyn stayed, no matter how much pain Reyn inflicted upon his best friend, Sabyn just stood back up. Reyn's already high respect for Sabyn skyrocketed at that moment and he realised that killing the boy would be a complete waste. So Reyn let Sabyn escape in order so that the boy could recover himself. But Reyn only has so much patience and wasn't content to wait for years for Sabyn to grow stronger, instead Reyn began to manipulate events from a distance (only occasionly directly confronting Sabyn) in order to play an unending series of sadistic games with his best friend. The goal is to see just how far Sabyn can be pushed before he snaps.

To this day, Reyn has still not been dissapointed.

.......

In the story proper, Reyn doesn't appear untill about a quater of the way in, before that he serves as The Ghost, an offscreen serial killer that seems to be preying on characters on both sides of the war. In his first onscreen appearence, he is shown to be working for Genesis with his power having been somehow weakened by some sort of limiter, but it soon becomes clear that he's manipulating them for his own purposes

Relevant Tropes:
  • Above Good and Evil
  • Affably Evil: Unlike most instances of this trope that overlap with Complete Monster, Reyn's friendliness is genuine, he truly means it when he says he considers you a friend. The problem is that Reyn makes no disctinction between the word "friend" and the word "toy".
  • A God Am I: While it's subtle, and he never outright refers to himself as a deity, he nevertheless believes that his outlook on life puts him above and beyond the rest of humanity.
  • Agony Beam: His primary attack, a tendril of red lightning that causes unbearable pain to whomever it touches. The "G-rated" part is averted however, as the victims of the attack can be easily identified by thier horrifically mutilated flesh, an effect that has often been attributed to the victims own body tearing itself apart to escape the pain.
  • The Anti-Nihilist: A rare villainous example, Reyn believes that all morality is simply a nonsensical human invention, and that people should just do whatever they want to do, without being restricted by meaningless codes. He often goes out of his way to satirise conventional morality and Lampshade holes in it's logic (See Moral Event Horizon and Men Are the Expendable Gender below)
  • A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Read: For a very simple reason; If you can look into his mind what's to stop him from looking into YOURS?
  • Asexual.
  • Ax-Crazy
  • Bad Ass: Utterly curbstomps the people he encounters in his earlier appearences.
    • Badass Boast: Has one when he reveals his deception to the head of Genesis

CEO' "And I suppose you think YOU'RE the one to rule us?"

Reyn "Oh please, I already rule you. I just want to have some fun."
'

After much searching and hardship, the heroes find out Reyn's plan to use a powerful crystal to summon a Greater Daemon into our world and take control of it. They find the crystal in a cave underneath the city but the only way to stop the coming of the daemon is to destroy the crystal, but the only weapon powerful enough to do that (magic crystal) is a two hundred megatonne nuke. Seeing no other option, the heroes set off the bomb, stopping the Apocalypse.

Except...

It was all a lie. The crystal was just an ordinary crystal, it could never have allowed a Greater Daemon to enter our world. And now, the protagonists have slaughtered tens of millions of people. All for nothing.

Exactly what Reyn wanted.
'
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Death Seeker: Played with: while he's not actively looking for death, Reyn makes it clear that he'd rather die at the hands of a Worthy Opponent knowing that he gave it his all, than to win and live on with the boredom.
  • The Dreaded: People who know what he's capable of are absolutely terrified of him. And for good reason.
  • Dissonant Serenity / Dissonant Laughter: Hovers somewhere between these two tropes. His attitude towards everything he does is that of someone having a leisurely afternoon with his friends.
  • Enfante Terrible.
  • Enigmatic Minion: Seems like this in his first appearence, before upgrading to...
  • Evil Counterpart: For Sabyn. Both of them are young, intelligent, friendly, snarky and fun loving tricksters who relish a good challenge. But Reyn is sociopathic where Sabyn is passionate.
  • The Evil Genius.
  • Evil Is Petty: He goes out of his way to defy this trope, to the point where he will not raise ahand against those who insult him, because he feels such petulance beneath him. While he has no concern for the laws of others, he never the less values and practices great self control.
  • Evil Is Stylish: Reyn openly admits that he has a flair for the dramatic, most of his plans involve setting the heroes up for some kind of grand "event", designed to test their mental fortitude
  • Eviler than Thou:Towards "Genesis". That's right, between him and a company that uses civillians as test subjects for experimiments and makes frequent Deals With The Devil, Genesis is actually the lesser of two evils.
  • Evil Virtues: Several:
  • Friendly Enemy: see Affably Evil above. However, this is decidedly one-sided, as his "Best Friend" outright despises him, but the way Reyn sees it, just because someone hates you, doesn't mean you have to hate them.
    • There are occasional signs of their old friendship, see Tempting Fate below for an example. This is likely because they're personalities are so similar.
  • For the Evulz: Double Subverted: At first it looks like everything Reyn does is for the sheer fun of it, but then it's revealed that he's trying to create a world filled with nothing but brave and intelligent people, making him look like a Well-Intentioned Extremist. But then it's shown that his motivation for doing that is simply because Brave, intelligent people make for more interesting toys, so we're right back 'round to For the Evulz

  • It's All About Me: At the end of the day, Reyn is purely self motivated.
  • Kansas City Shuffle: Frequently employs distractions in his game plan.
  • Kick the Dog: Many MANY examples, but his first onscreen moment came when he attacked a fortified palace in search of the Mcguffin. As Reyn fights the palace guards, The Matriarch tells her daughter to take the artifact and run to safety. The girl gets about three steps before being blasted.
Reyn: "Yeah... No."

Reyn: "Okay, seriously, what the heck is wrong with you people? I just slaughtered about a hundred soldiers and you never objected once, because 'hey! that's just par for the course!' but then I shoot one, just ONE five year old girl in the head, and all of a sudden I'm Adolf friggen Hitler! I don't think Cindy was precisely what you'd call a contributing member of society, do you?"
'

Sabyn: Well Reyn, it looks like you've come up with a pretty fool proof plan.

Reyn: Why thank you.

Sabyn: Yeah, I mean; What Could Possibly Go Wrong?!?

(*Beat*)

Reyn: ...You did NOT just go there.

Sabyn: *Evil Grin* Oh yes I did

Reyn: *Smiles calmy* You're right Sabyn, things do look rather dire for you, but at least it can't get any worse

Sabyn: Nothing can stop you now! YOU'RE INVINCIBLE!!

Reyn: But I am just one man! What could one man possibly do!?

Exile: ''What the Hell are you two doing!?!?

Sabyn: "We're tempting fate against each other."

Reyn: "He's winning"

(*Beat*)

Exile "... Okay, have fun with that."

  • Threshold Guardian: Reyn intentionally acts as a rare purely evil example of this, one of his main goals is to turn Sabyn into a Worthy Opponent strong enough to kill him. The problem, is that this woyuld involve turning Sabyn into another Complete Monster.
  • Trickster Archetype: Reyn's mishievious nature means he spends as much time screwing with people as he does posing a genuinely lethal threat. For example, when the rebels attack one of Genesis' main facilities, Reyn hacks the rebels P.A systems to play "Here Comes The Bride".

Sabyn: "... I. Fucking. Hate that guy!"''
  • The Unfettered: He is the master of his fate. No one else.
  • Victory Is Boring: His Fatal Flaw. Reyn is entirely motivated by fun and challenge, meaning he hesitates and holds back when it looks like he could easily win. His curiosity means he can also be distracted from the mission by something more interesting.
  • What You Are in the Dark: Reyn frequently invokes this on the heroes, in order to send them over the Moral Event Horizon.
  • Worthy Opponent: One of his main goals in life is to find and create these.
  • Xanatos Gambit: Many of his plans involve backing people into a corner where the only options the have available are the ones he wants them to take.
    • Batman Gambit: What he uses to back them into the corner in the first place.

Reyn: "Something you must understand about me, is that I never manipulate people. I simply present them with the facts, and they manipulate themselves."

Bob: "I WILL stop you!"

Reyn: "Uh-huh, You and What Army??"

Bob: "THIS ARMY!!"

(*Cue Gunship Rescue *)

Reyn: "Right" (*Blows up the gunship*) "To reiterate, '' You and What Army??"

(*Beat*)

Bob: "...Fuck"

Reyn: "I thought so."

edited 10th Jul '14 2:35:22 AM by Lunacorva

 60 Bisected 8, Wed, 31st Oct '12 4:42:40 AM from Red cheese county Relationship Status: I-It's not like I like you, or anything!
Biotech for Beginners
Just following up the responses to my villain on the first page (sorry it took so long);

@JHM: Yeah, I'm not really sure how serious I want to make my game. I'm planning to build the villain up by showing hints of his and his gang's presence until they actually show up. His status as a lowly crook acting as the Big Bad fits into the general theme of the game being more about the fear of the unknown; he seems terrifying and powerful, but when you look closer he's rather pathetic.

@Kyle Jacobs: As I said, my plan's basically to build up and forshadow him. Hopefully that'll fool the player into thinking he's much more scary than he is.

Thanks for your input, both of you. waii
[up][up] Lunar, Holy.... I'm speechless. It seems as if The Joker, Xanathos and Dr. Doom conceived a love child, a creepy love child.

All I can say is this character looks potentially way more interesting than your heroes, and he seems to be developping some sort of Joker Immunity. So I would warn you to beware a little how you write him, less he become a Plot Tumour or a Villain Sue. But he looks like a very fun yet disturbing villain. (Your work also seems to be very heavy the Mood Whiplash)

Oh and the Tempting Fate quote is a Crowning Moment of Funny

_____________________

Name: Rachel Boland /Sylphid

Age: 19

Personality: A very sensitive and caring soul, she is very devoted to those she cares about. She also has a strong sense of humor. However to the rest of the world she acts on a cold and dettached way.

Abilities: Rachel has trained as a ki user to the top of her natural potential, beyond that she has also learned to use light weapons and some polearms. She needs those abilities in order to power up her Gift, which allows her to turn music into physical effects. This is a great advantage against most magic users, as her gift and magic interact on unusual ways, and people with the gift are extremely rare, which doubles the chances that a given spellcaster won't be able to adapt quickly enough not ot be defeated. After awakening as the second Nymph, she got some small degree of control over winds. In addition she has received from King Shena a Naga bodyguard named Dinanath.

Weaknesses: Well, for starters she has the worst possible genetic makeup for her chosen career, her natural potential as an energy channeler isn't that big to begin with, she has a pretty big energy resorvoir, but she can only channel a little amount of it on useful ways, and even that much is too much as it hurts her and is painful or downright harmful after long periods of time. Before awakening she was a big joke. Not only that, but what little strength she has gotten from trainning is quickly lost without constant trainning. Also despite her obvious advantage against mages, she becomes an easy prey against a wizard who happens to know about those with the gift and how to adapt to it.(This is a shared disadvantage of all of the people with the gift)

Goals: Serve King Shena and see him succeed on all of his endeavours.

Motivation: She loves King Shena (see below)

Role in the story: She is the actual agent of change whenever King Shena gets involved on a given situation, acting as his right hand, lieutenant and enforcer, as he himslef cannot afford to do many things by his own hands. Her main role on a Tale of foxes, is to be an antoagonist The Hero cannot react propperly against (since she is a spellcaster used to gith other spellcasters and mindless monsters).

Backstory: Not much is revealed of her early life or even her real name, as a child she was rescued from the streets by a very young Prince Shena. Not only he saved her life in that way, but gave her a home to belong and through him she met her first instructor, a legendary gift user. She grew along with him and eventually joined the Prince into restoring the tyranical Bi-Monarchy on Bengal. During this war she awakened as the Second Nymph, becoming a better musical fighter as a result. After the reinstauration of the Bi-Monarchy she became his right hand, and was assigned to shoot all the dogs that needed shooting. all of this despite knowing he is fated to destroy the world.

Relevant Tropes: Weak, but Skilled, My King Right or Wrong, Magic Music, Magic A Is Magic A, Wrong Context Magic, Unequal Rites, Squishy Wizard, Spoony Bard, Lady of War, Outside-Context Villain, I Just Want My Beloved to Be Happy, Took a Level in Badass, Blade on a Stick, Kung-Fu Wizard, The Dragon, Number Two for Brains Victorious Childhood Friend

edited 31st Oct '12 12:17:20 PM by Kaitroper

Forgive me for not being a walking stereotype.
 62 Gaon, Wed, 31st Oct '12 5:34:07 PM from Grim Up North Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Lunar: I appreciate the complements and I'll work on The Chessmaster thing.

And that character looks like a satisfiying dragon, solid background, solid skills, personality as well. Great balancing of the weakness and strengths as well. She sounds too heroic for my personal taste [but then again, I have a declared fodness for very monstrous villains], I'd probably add a few more Dog-kicking moments, but again, personal taste.

Now may I present, my favorite villainous creation of all time.

—-

Name: Vice Admiral Wodash Black. Age: About 120, but due the fact he's a half-giant, he ages slowly. Personality: Wodash only has one facial expression and one voice: A contemplative expression of boredom and a calm and dead-toned voice. This is because Wodash is utterly hollow on the inside, he feels nothing, so he doesn't emote anything at all. Nothing amuses him, nothing saddens him.

Another key trait is that Wodash is completely unable to comprehend the concept of morality itself, often answering [in a genuinely puzzled tone] "Why?" when someone mentions how despicable his actions are.

As you can expect from someone who has no clue how morality should work, he has no sense of honor at all.

That also means he'll kill people in a completely random and off-hand way, without even bothering to look at them when he does the act. And often mid-way through the conversation without seemingly any provocation.

Abilities: Wodash can No Sell basically everything short out of a nuke (for perspective, his first fight scene is against a entire fleet of foes, and he kills all of them single-handedly), being Nigh Ivulnerable.

His strength is similarly absurd, being able to lift a ship with one hand and wreck a buildin's structure with a kick. He is a pretty good runner too.

Weaknesses: His Evil Cannot Comprehend Good shtick may sound like a strength at first, but it frequently wrecks his plans: Since he can't comprehend morality at all, he basically fails to understand and predict his mooks betraying him for being a Bad Boss, or fails to predict and plan for any sort of Heel-Face Turn or Noble Demon traits any of his lackeys could have. Not only that, he seems downright bewirlded when any of that happens.

Goals: The goal he was given by when he acquired his rank: To wipe out all pirates. Wodash himself doesn't seem to have any personal goals on his own, since nothing amuses him enough. He's wiping out pirates [in absurdly brutal ways] because it's his job.

Motivation: Wodash has no clear reason or motivation whatsoever. He seems to be living his life "on the automatic", just fulfilling his job the best way he can [given his job is wiping out pirates, that makes him a master genocidal and strategist].

Role in the story: Starts off as a Bigger Bad responsible for the protagonist's misfortune but not directly involved, he ascends to Big Bad pretty quickly.

Backstory: One of the three brothers, Wodash was a very. disturbing. child. His childhood was basically something out of The Omen. He was a quiet and soft-spoken child who had a knack for stangling animals for the lulz. He became a violent thug later in life, acquiring a group of followers, he had a brief life as a pirate.

Until he took a entire island hostage and butchered most of its population. The Navy desperately tried to stop him but as mentioned, he's Nigh Ivulnerable and a One-Man Army.

The navy eventually offered him pardon and a place within their ranks so stop the killing [and because they were genuinely impressed with the display of strategistics and badassery].

He married and had three children. All three became Sociopaths. Luckily his grandson managed to snap out of the family's "curse" and now seeks to bring an end to his evil.

Relevant Tropes:
...Eh. I'm divided. On the one hand, he sounds pretty cool. On the other, he's kinda...flat for a Big Bad. If you're going for how damn alien he really is, good work though.

And yes, Skull Bulge is supposed to be dark, it's a crossover with a horror game. I'm of the opinion that if you make a horror antagonist characters are meant to interact with on an appreciable level, they need to be terrifying, unsettling, or make you worry that the protagonists could end up like them. Or some combination. SB is the first.

Speaking of which, here's an "unsettling" villain from the same fic, with spoilers!

Name: Dr. Nigredo, The Ghost Alchemist /The Gardener of the Everfree, Patriarch of Monsters

Age: Unknown. He looks to be a human (despite being in Equestria) man in his sixties, but he moves in a highly-precise, forceful demeanor that suggests a much, much younger man. In reality, this incarnation of Nigredo is only a couple months old by the time of his introduction, but the previous iterations have been around since shortly before the creation of the Everfree Forest.

Personality: In a word? Odd. Besides the strangeness of a human who seems to have been born on Equestria by his manner of speech and references, he doesn't seem to understand sapient reactions well, regarding them with the same distant curiosity as a child might view an ant farm. This includes happiness, sorrow, pain, even death threats. Mainly because while he has enough emotion to understand the concept of other minds, anything greater than that doesn't relate to his Mission, and thus, is irrelevant. Apart from that, very focused to the point of tunnel vision on his goals, because as a qashmallim, literally nothing else but the purpose he was created for matters.

Goals: Collect interesting and unique plants and animals, robbing the populace if need be, observe Mane 6 in action. All in service to the Mission, create a new genus of monster to inhabit the Everfree and provide a stress on the social structure of ponies.

Motivation: ...Um. Wait a minute-ah yeah. "The Principle sent me to do so, ergo it is the reason for my existence." Do we have a trope for that? Not Undying Loyalty, since that would imply he has a life beyond the Mission.

Backstory: Pony legend has it that, when the stars are arranged just so to form a pentagon with the moon as a point, a dark castle, menacing and foreboding, appears from a strange fog in the southern, jungle-like reaches of the Everfree Forest. Constantly attracting lighting bolts with the Tesla coils that wrap inside and around the towers at the four points of the square walls made of grey steel and white marble, it is said that the bastion itself is a tall, slender tower. Seemingly too thin at the bottom to support its weight, it drips with a strange, black substance that evaporates into nothing as soon as it falls from the tower before it hits the ground. At its exact center, you will find a perfectly cubed chamber, 256 feet across, with an obelisk make of the black substance at its center. There, it is said, you will find the ghost of the human Dr. Nigredo, hard at work in his lab.

They say he was a Mad Scientist, back on his homeworld. A brutal and vicious one too, devoid of even the bizarre morals of their kind, who experimented on others in the most savage, cruel ways simply because he was curious. Eventually, a hero of Equestria, lost on their Wounded World (AN:A term for New World of Darkness Earth) slew him with the help of a friendly human, but his dark soul remained. The hero's companion banished him, but Nigredo was a clever man in life and in death, so while he was forced to leave the Wounded World, he followed the gate the hero took home, and built a memory of his palace in the Everfree, where he accepted an oath of protection from Nightmare Moon. There, when she permits, he is allowed to have a relatively short time to experiment once more. It is said that when his palace disappears, you can always find one more kind of monster left behind...

The myth is also a load of bullshit, the result of ponies trying to explain away something that baffled them. In reality, Nigredo has never been anything mortal, in none of his incarnations. In reality, he is simply the latest form assumed by a series of Lilithim, the qashmallim of Chaos and Flux, sent by the Principle to maintain the balance between Flux and Elpis (no, its not the Balance Of Good And Evil, its the balance of Order and Chaos. Big difference, even if it doesn't look that way at first glance). To put it simply, Equestria and the planet it is on was created by the Elipidos, the qashmallim of Elpis and Order, and thus it has a hard time, well, living without a chaotic element in its foundation, hence the whole Painting the Frost on Windows thing. To allow life on the world, the Principle sends wave after wave of Lillithim to force dynamism and change on the planet. The Everfree Forest being the result of a particularly large one meant to restore the ability of natural world to regulate itself, thus serving as a "dynamo" for the rest of the world.

Dr. Nigredo and all of his predecessors are the source of all the infamous armies of monsters, with each manifestation meant to create a single species to induce a specific fault in the pony way of life and force it to adapt. The Mission flaw, however, is that they are only given the specifications and infrastructure to build what the Principle wants, not the ingredients or the blueprints. Hence, Dr. Nigredo must both look for both components of the new Monster Progenitor and research the needed method, as well as search for Pyros to sustain himself long enough to do so. But his template is relatively patient, for a qashmal. He can find Pyros in the Everfree quite easily given its origins, and then he may have all the time he needs. Particularly given the Mane 6 and their...new vocations providing an excellent spread of data.

Role In Story: Disc One Final Boss, especially given how Luna knows the myth, and is understandably alarmed when the stars stop behaving as she tells them and form the summoning pentagon. Intially seems to be the Big Bad, especially given his Diabolus Ex Nihilo status and humanity, much like some of the villains. Of course, he has no idea what a human is, only that if you showed him one, they'd look like him. He's both meant to serve as Foreshadowing of what the Lumen of At'Enar really want and as a sign that Earth and Equestria are more linked than it first seemed...

Tropes: Creepy Monotone, Dissonant Serenity, Mysterious Watcher, The Minion Master (the Pandorans he animates), Numerological Motif (4+1; four of something plus one unique thing, symbolizing the classical elements plus Ectoplasm, Wham Line ("Humans? What is a humans?"). Spoiler tropes: Above Good and Evil (as a qashmal, he really doesn't fit into conventional definitions of morality), Cast from Hit Points (he needs both Pyros in his system to live, and to perform most of his experiments and fuel his powers), The Corruption (Flux, though it isn't actually evil), Dark Is Not Evil (without him and his fellows, life could not exist in Equestria or anywhere on the planet), Determinator (he will not stop until his mission succeeds or his qashmal biology gives out, whichever comes first) Entropy and Chaos Magic (his powers), Genius Loci (he and his caste are one and the same-kill his body, and you've destroyed the mind of the castle), Load-Bearing Boss (see previous trope), Mechanical Lifeforms (his battle form looks kind of like a Clock Punk Reploid, with angelic traits)

edited 31st Oct '12 8:22:11 PM by Leliel

I'm as normal as anyone can be. Which is to say, not bothering myself with an impossible standard.
Element of love
@Gaon

Not gonna lie but vice admiral needs a little work as it seems that he has a bit of a flat personality.

I don't know if it is the intention but from the sound of it. It seems he only exists to be a villain but not a person.

I think you tried to create a villain that wasn't evil just because he is evil and that is good.

But, While I can buy the "he doesn't understand morality" part.I can't buy a person (let alone a villain) with no goals in his life even less that he is still the main baddie despite that. Even the joker had goals and a "point" for his actions

He really needs goals otherwise why should he care about being evil at all? let alone stop the hero?. No goals and yet he is a leader? (why would people follow him?)

Why does he even care about living?

edited 31st Oct '12 10:24:18 PM by FallenLegend

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. C. S. Lewis
Element of love
@Kaitroper

If you didn't tell she was a "villain" I would think she is even a hero. It would be great if you elaborated on why she is a villain.

If her evilness is only because she "obeys orders"... You might want to reconsider her being a "villain"

why does she do her evil deeds?

@Luna corva

Reyn seems very interesting all around.

But the only problem I see in him is how someone like him could cause a lasting effect beyond being an occasional annoyance?

All those skills (psychological deconstruction) seem to be wasted if he doesn't have the interest to have long term plans? In fact any action that isn't situational seems to be a bit out of character for him.

It's a bit doubtful that a trickster whose main motivation is fun and divides the world between fun and boring would care enough for any xanatos gambit that doesn't have and immediate reward.

@John

Bot characters need more personality. If the demon is meant to be a force of nature like he is ok... But If not he really needs to be more interesting on that regard

The hero... I know he is supposed to be bland. But there are many ways to be bland. Even if he is bland I would advice to develop more his personality.

edited 31st Oct '12 10:49:27 PM by FallenLegend

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. C. S. Lewis
 66 Lunacorva, Thu, 1st Nov '12 3:53:05 AM Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
@ Fallen Legend: What you have to understand, is that Reyn works on a vast scale. As mentioned before, he likes to plan "events". that effect large groups of people. (See Moral Event Horizon for an example.) As mentioned he has a great flair for the dramatic, meaning he rarely works in small potatos.

 67 Dimanagul, Thu, 1st Nov '12 12:39:27 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Library of useless facts
@Kaitrooper: I think it would be interesting to know the reasons for that character to work for the big bad. (assuming she's a dragon) I'm a fan of the Good people on the side of Evil bit.

@Goan: He seems really powerful... without clear weakness / mortality it's hard to get excited about a bad guy.

By comparison my villian is much more down to earth: (Or Pange as my novel would say)

Name: The Bard King (King Darius Solace)

Age: 38

Personality: Social, Meticulous, Deliberate.

Abilities: Massive memory retention, able to intentionally discard information selectively to ‘make room’. Firm grasp on the link between emotion and music, Subliminal messaging through musical pieces.

Weaknesses: No real martial ability. Poor awareness of immediate surroundings.

Goals: Save the world … so he can maintain his rule over it.

Motivation: Wants to prove that with proper guidance people can form a productive whole. Distance people from the concept of faith.

Role in the story: Darius doesn’t play an active role in the first book of the story, his influence does. He establishes a layered country wide hunt for the arrival of Clayton’s replacement (Derrek, the MC.) Because he knows the Dimanagul cannot be killed he has it set up as such.

Large groups of soldiers told vague orders: Look for suspicious person travelling alone.

Smaller units of two men given instructions to assassinate suspicious individuals: If they manage to inexplicably thwart the attempt report to:

Individual specialists that are actively looking to secure the Dimanagul and capture / lead them to the capital.

He aids the protagonists by spoon feeding them the details of halting the calamity. Unbeknownst to him, The Goddess is a step ahead of him. Leading the heroes to resolve the impending crisis… but not in a way one would expect.

Backstory: Darius was raised being told being King is a Goal, not a right. He is one of the few Kings of Geldbane that succeeded his father: A man blamed for bringing war to Geldbane after decades of peace. In his youth, a country set to invade and Conquer Geldbane was obliterated by a ‘Natural’ Disaster. It was praised as a miracle caused by the Goddess of Luck.

At 14 years old, he catches wind of the impeding threat the world faces, one that his father’s predecessors swept under the rug in favor of false peace. He learns of the two individuals that can actually stop this; Clayton Cobb: with the ability to avert death and retain his memories and Beatrix Adaksin: an absurdly powerful magician. During the pursuit of the Dimanagul and Managul he recruits two brothers under the impression they are responsible for their parents’ death: Barone and Barton Holderin. At 18 he comes to the conclusion that he will not be able to control them both. He manipulates Clayton and turns him against each Beatriz, stamping her as the propagator of the impending apocalypse, and convinces him to kill her.

Geldbane prospers under his rule. He takes Clayton under his wing and uses him to provide him information by abusing his ability to cheat death. As Clayton starts to become mentally unstable, At 28, Darius convinces Clayton to commit suicide (which breaks his immortality) and plans for the future Dimanagul’s arrival, one that hasn’t gone bat-shit crazy (yet).

To dim the popularity of the Goddess and shift their reverence of her to fear, He leads an (intentionally) failed campaign to conquer Dendarg, a small country known for its impressive sword masters. He sends Barton, recognized as the country’s strongest swordsman to his death as extra salt in the wound.

Darius stages his own death with a falsified uprising, shortly before the events of the story. With this freedom, he personally searches for the final clues to stopping a world ending calamity. (Two suns running into each other)

Relevant Tropes: Anti-Villain Chessmaster EvilAllAlong

  • edits: Formatting...

edited 1st Nov '12 12:43:43 PM by Dimanagul

All Heroes die. Some just more than others. http://dimanagul.wordpress.com
...Um.

How do I say this?

He ain't a villain. He's a good character, but definitely more anti-hero than villain. Show me the Goddess, I need her to compare him to.

Speaking which, this villain was missed. Once again, he's a baddie from a possible New World of Darkness / My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Crossover Fic I'm thinking about.

Name: Dr. Nigredo, The Ghost Alchemist /The Gardener of the Everfree, Patriarch of Monsters

Age: Unknown. He looks to be a human (despite being in Equestria) man in his sixties, but he moves in a highly-precise, forceful demeanor that suggests a much, much younger man. In reality, this incarnation of Nigredo is only a couple months old by the time of his introduction, but the previous iterations have been around since shortly before the creation of the Everfree Forest.

Personality: In a word? Odd. Besides the strangeness of a human who seems to have been born on Equestria by his manner of speech and references, he doesn't seem to understand sapient reactions well, regarding them with the same distant curiosity as a child might view an ant farm. This includes happiness, sorrow, pain, even death threats. Mainly because while he has enough emotion to understand the concept of other minds, anything greater than that doesn't relate to his Mission, and thus, is irrelevant. Apart from that, very focused to the point of tunnel vision on his goals, because as a qashmallim, literally nothing else but the purpose he was created for matters.

Goals: Collect interesting and unique plants and animals, robbing the populace if need be, observe Mane 6 in action. All in service to the Mission, create a new genus of monster to inhabit the Everfree and provide a stress on the social structure of ponies.

Motivation: ...Um. Wait a minute-ah yeah. "The Principle sent me to do so, ergo it is the reason for my existence." Do we have a trope for that? Not Undying Loyalty, since that would imply he has a life beyond the Mission.

Backstory: Pony legend has it that, when the stars are arranged just so to form a pentagon with the moon as a point, a dark castle, menacing and foreboding, appears from a strange fog in the southern, jungle-like reaches of the Everfree Forest. Constantly attracting lighting bolts with the Tesla coils that wrap inside and around the towers at the four points of the square walls made of grey steel and white marble, it is said that the bastion itself is a tall, slender tower. Seemingly too thin at the bottom to support its weight, it drips with a strange, black substance that evaporates into nothing as soon as it falls from the tower before it hits the ground. At its exact center, you will find a perfectly cubed chamber, 256 feet across, with an obelisk make of the black substance at its center. There, it is said, you will find the ghost of the human Dr. Nigredo, hard at work in his lab.

They say he was a Mad Scientist, back on his homeworld. A brutal and vicious one too, devoid of even the bizarre morals of their kind, who experimented on others in the most savage, cruel ways simply because he was curious. Eventually, a hero of Equestria, lost on their Wounded World (AN:A term for New World of Darkness Earth) slew him with the help of a friendly human, but his dark soul remained. The hero's companion banished him, but Nigredo was a clever man in life and in death, so while he was forced to leave the Wounded World, he followed the gate the hero took home, and built a memory of his palace in the Everfree, where he accepted an oath of protection from Nightmare Moon. There, when she permits, he is allowed to have a relatively short time to experiment once more. It is said that when his palace disappears, you can always find one more kind of monster left behind...

The myth is also a load of bullshit, the result of ponies trying to explain away something that baffled them. In reality, Nigredo has never been anything mortal, in none of his incarnations. In reality, he is simply the latest form assumed by a series of Lilithim, the qashmallim of Chaos and Flux, sent by the Principle to maintain the balance between Flux and Elpis (no, its not the Balance Of Good And Evil, its the balance of Order and Chaos. Big difference, even if it doesn't look that way at first glance). To put it simply, Equestria and the planet it is on was created by the Elipidos, the qashmallim of Elpis and Order, and thus it has a hard time, well, living without a chaotic element in its foundation, hence the whole Painting the Frost on Windows thing. To allow life on the world, the Principle sends wave after wave of Lillithim to force dynamism and change on the planet. The Everfree Forest being the result of a particularly large one meant to restore the ability of natural world to regulate itself, thus serving as a "dynamo" for the rest of the world.

Dr. Nigredo and all of his predecessors are the source of all the infamous armies of monsters, with each manifestation meant to create a single species to induce a specific fault in the pony way of life and force it to adapt. The Mission flaw, however, is that they are only given the specifications and infrastructure to build what the Principle wants, not the ingredients or the blueprints. Hence, Dr. Nigredo must both look for both components of the new Monster Progenitor and research the needed method, as well as search for Pyros to sustain himself long enough to do so. But his template is relatively patient, for a qashmal. He can find Pyros in the Everfree quite easily given its origins, and then he may have all the time he needs. Particularly given the Mane 6 and their...new vocations providing an excellent spread of data.

Role In Story: Disc One Final Boss, especially given how Luna knows the myth, and is understandably alarmed when the stars stop behaving as she tells them and form the summoning pentagon. Intially seems to be the Big Bad, especially given his Diabolus Ex Nihilo status and humanity, much like some of the villains. Of course, he has no idea what a human is, only that if you showed him one, they'd look like him. He's both meant to serve as Foreshadowing of what the Lumen of At'Enar really want and as a sign that Earth and Equestria are more linked than it first seemed...

Tropes: Creepy Monotone, Dissonant Serenity, Mysterious Watcher, The Minion Master (the Pandorans he animates), Numerological Motif (4+1; four of something plus one unique thing, symbolizing the classical elements plus Ectoplasm, Wham Line ("Humans? What is a humans?"). Spoiler tropes: Above Good and Evil (as a qashmal, he really doesn't fit into conventional definitions of morality), Cast from Hit Points (he needs both Pyros in his system to live, and to perform most of his experiments and fuel his powers), The Corruption (Flux, though it isn't actually evil), Dark Is Not Evil (without him and his fellows, life could not exist in Equestria or anywhere on the planet), Determinator (he will not stop until his mission succeeds or his qashmal biology gives out, whichever comes first) Entropy and Chaos Magic (his powers), Genius Loci (he and his caste are one and the same-kill his body, and you've destroyed the mind of the castle), Load-Bearing Boss (see previous trope), Mechanical Lifeforms (his battle form looks kind of like a Clock Punk Reploid, with angelic traits), Our Angels Are Different (see the Promethean page for more, but for a quick summary, he was essentially created out of nothing by the Principle to accomplish a specific task-his Mission-and will return to nothing when and if he completes it. While there may be another Dr. Nigredo if the Principle desires the creation of a new kind of monster, he will simply be a new qashmal with the same face and personalities-there will be no memories transferred between incarnations. And no, if he fails the Mission, the Principle just can't send a clone to finish the job-if the Mission fails, the Principle shall never try that particular task again.)
I'm as normal as anyone can be. Which is to say, not bothering myself with an impossible standard.
[up][up] I'm going with two up, because, well, I have a distinct dislike of anything relating to MLP. Nothing personal, just my friends who like it tried to get me into it and now...

Seems like a well constructed character, and I really like the way he's set up. Though in his backstory, you didn't really mention music at all, despite him supposed to be a bard king. Otherwise, I like it :D

Any rate, don't forget to critique those above you! Also, anyone know if there's a hero critique thread? If not, I was going to start one.

 70 Masterofchaos, Thu, 1st Nov '12 5:58:46 PM Relationship Status: In Lesbians with you
Best idol
[up]

I don't think someone made it yet. Though, I like that idea.
@Diamangul, Fallen Legend, Gaon

Yes, she is very heroic per se, but I'm cnvinced you don't need to be evil to be a villain. I guess the biggest factor that makes her a villain is the lack of Sympathetic POV, but again my world is full of grey and grey morality. An importatn part of the character is that while she does as told by the king, she doesn't work for him, she works with him.

Part of her motivation goes as this, she was a preteen girl alone on the streets, despised and disowned by her own family, with no hope and full of despair, and suddenly she finds this young boy, who lends her a hand, gives her a home, becomes her best friend and someone she could always lean on. Not only that, but through him she meets a teacher that helped her to understand and embrace her own gift, and ater said instructor's death he guides her to more and more people who help her to grow on many ways.

Many years of being by his side, she has seen him suffer, she was there when he learned of his parents murders, when he lost his first love, when he confronted his own master of he arcane, when he nearly died on a fierce battle, and when he went through the frustration of being a second rate sovereign under a queen he considers bratty and immature. She doesn't likes seing him suffer and wants to make him happy as he makes her feel alive.

And that is most of what I can tell about it without it geting too spoileriffic.
Forgive me for not being a walking stereotype.
 72 Dimanagul, Thu, 1st Nov '12 9:36:05 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Library of useless facts
[up] I totally got that. Just from the information provided they had a good point that it was hard to see any villainous intent. Because it was a villain thread I started to paint the picture. And I think it's pretty cool. :)

[up][up][up]

He's actually called the bard king because he masquerades as one when he goes around as a commoner. There is a bit of irony in that, the heroes dub him "The Bard King" When they hear him perform. They even take to calling him his majesty.

Naturally they don't even realize that it's him that approaches him.

[up][up][up][up] It's true he's not a hand rubbing villain spouting "Muhaha" but he goes to some pretty Dark Ends to accomplish his goals. He's a man that loves his kingdom and knows that people need to die for it to thrive. Including people that devote their lives serving him. (Barton)

And when it comes to light that every time the Dimanagul dies, a new version of the world is created. The Goddess' answer is to destroy all of them but the main one to stabilize creation. He's fine with that, and plans to abuse the new Dimanagul in the same light, even if it means starting that Cycle allover again.

In my opinion, the best villains only SEEM noble.

And apologies, I'm not particularly in touch with MLP. I didn't even realize it actually had antagonists.

edited 1st Nov '12 9:46:16 PM by Dimanagul

All Heroes die. Some just more than others. http://dimanagul.wordpress.com
Really? I would have liked to have known that.

He's pretty good, now that I know the consequences of his actions.
I'm as normal as anyone can be. Which is to say, not bothering myself with an impossible standard.
 74 nrjxll, Fri, 2nd Nov '12 6:15:15 PM Relationship Status: Not war
For future reference, I'd say it's probably best to include all relevant details about your villain, even if they're spoileriffic.

 75 Ninjaxenomorph, Fri, 2nd Nov '12 8:58:55 PM from Texas, Texas Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Behind you!
Ok, smaller villain for me and my friend's Post-Apoc web comic.

Name: The Beast

Age: ~30s

Personality: Sadistic and cruel, but always calculating. Petty.

Abilities: Mutant. Looks like a bloody, skeletal, human, but has a bone helmet kind of like Aliens. Has claws. Most prominent are his intelligence, unheard of in mutants, which are generally animals, and his psychic powers, like Legato from Trigun.

Weaknesses: Physically weak, limited psychic powers. Without them cannot control mutant army, and is defenseless.

Goals: Devour all Optims until he ascends to a higher state of humanity.

Motivation: He likes Optim meat.

Role in the story: Serves as a warm-up villain, introducing several plot elements while providing constant danger. His death leads to a Time Skip.

Backstory: Was a Pleb doctor, with his specialty in preserving Optim flesh for transfusions. Eventually became a cannibal, and ate a high-ranking psychic Optim, which was an engineered strain of the mutant virus. Not being an Optim, was mutated himself, but kept his intellect, and hunger.

Relevant Tropes:

edited 2nd Nov '12 9:15:46 PM by Ninjaxenomorph

Me and my friend's collaborative webcomic:

Forged Men
Total posts: 507
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