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Self Demonstrating / Wolverine

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(This page is best read in Cal Dodd, Scott McNeil, Steve Blum, Hugh Jackman, Richard Armitage or Mark Hamill's voice.)

Hmmm. It looks like the Hulk, Magneto and that fourth-wall breakin' clown already have their own pages, so in fine Wolverine tradition, it's about time I got my own. But ya better not waste my time, or else you can go fuck yourself.

You've probably heard of me, bub — I'm the Wolverine. Or you can call me Logan. And if ya know me, you'd know that I'm the best at what I do. And what I do — *SNIKT* — isn't very nice.

I first showed up in The Incredible Hulk #180 (October, 1974), where the government sent me to track down and kill the big green bastard, until the two of us both teamed up to fight the Wendigo. After that, I joined the X-Men, Alpha Flight, The Avengers, and pretty much every other team in the Marvel universe, but went on solo missions as well. Yup, I'm pretty much the George Harrison of supers. Though Fury — sorry — Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D says I'm more of a Paul.

You probably know me best for my role as one of the X-Men (and now as the guy in charge of their school), my razor-sharp claws, my Healing Factor, my berserker rages, my glorious chest hair, and bein' damn near everywhere in the Marvel U. Heh. After all, not many heroes can claim to be as badass as me — who else would run into a fight with the Hulk or even the Juggernaut without even breakin' a sweat?

Yer probably wonderin' about my origin story, but I don't remember much. Those assholes from that horrifying Weapon X program messed with my brain, so I can't actually remember what happened before then. Ya better read up on Origin, Weapon X and the like.note 

I've also appeared in a buncha cartoons fer kids (and a few prolly fer adults), as well as the X-Men Film Series made by Fox where I was played by Hugh Jackman. Though he would be too tall, pretty, and Australian to play me in movies, his portrayal did become one of the best-known and widely praised superhero portrayals to hit the big screen, so I don't blame him. But due to Disney buying 20th Century Fox, ya prolly might see me duke it out with the Hulk or Thor on the big screen any time soon. However, it's worth considerin' that ya don't have ta be Disney to put out a good movie starrin' me. Plus, I got a beef with that Perlmutter guy in charge of Marvel, since he's breakin' tradition and denyin' me all sorts of appearances just 'cuz he isn't gettin' along well with Fox. Bastard killed me off too. Still, closest thing I got to a daughter took up the mantle, so there's that at least. Then they decided to bring me back to the game and give me fire claws.

And then there's the video games. Quite surprisingly, I've been in every Marvel vs. Capcom until recently, appearing in even more games in th' series than Spidey. In vanilla Marvel vs. Capcom 3, I'm the best at what I do, and what I do is win tourneys and piss off everyone who wants ta play as Hsien-Ko or their other favorite. But ya prolly knew that, huh. (Though possessed-Jean does a much better job at pissin' off all the tourney players.) Oh, and ya may have noticed, but they made my newest theme song, which is really just an update of my old one, sound like a flippin Power Rangers theme song. However, Marvel decided that in their latest handshake with Capcom that they only want to invite the heroes that play nice with the MCU. The fans are hoping Perlmutter get off his high horse and put me in the newest entry, but considering that that game has been out for a year with no updates or even mentions by Capcom, looks like that ship has sailed. note  On the bright side, the minds at Insomniac are finally giving me my own solo game set in a universe inhabited by ol' Web-Head and his crime-fighting buddy in black.

Would ya lookit that? Looks like a tons more pages with some familiar faces popped up, let's see what we gotnote :

Wolverine provides examples of the following tropes:

  • '90s Anti-Hero: While I was created durin' The Bronze Age of Comic Books, I fit right in durin' The '90s since everyone went crazy for darker and grittier heroes. My best-known costume (in the image above) came from then.
  • Absurdly Sharp Blade: Those things stickin' out of my hands.
  • Abusive Parents: Turned out I wasn't too far off the mark when I thought my Ma was a 'goat-headed, misshapen, walleyed witch', an' the less said about my biological father, the better.
  • The Ace: Do I have to remind you that I'm the best there is at what I do?
    • Broken Ace: Though I admit getting there has left me with some... issues.
  • Adaptational Attractiveness: My anime counterpart. There wer' some fan-boys complaining about it, without seeing my show yet. Eh, screw' em. My looks didn't stop me from taking names and kickin' ass. Hugh Jackman too, if you think about it.
  • The Alcoholic: I love beer. An' my healin' factor keeps me from gettin' drunk unless I drink a lot of it. And I usually do. Helps that the healing cancels out the liver damage too.
  • Alternate Company Equivalent: They say that guy Lobo was supposed to be a parody of me, what with his name meanin' "wolf" and him bein' based off the idea of a '90s Anti-Hero. There's a reason we fought in that one crossover...
  • Always Someone Better: For a time, anyway, I never did win in a straight up fight with Sabertooth. Things changed.
  • Ascended Extra / Breakout Character: I was originally intended to be some one-shot enemy for the Hulk before I joined the X-Men, and around the 80s, I became their most popular character and got featured all over the damn place to the point where a decent chunk of readers felt writers overused me.
  • Animal-Themed Superbeing: For some time I even wore brown and tan to get closer to a wolverine.
  • Antagonistic Offspring: Kind of a theme with me. I guess I should be lucky the MC2 writers gave me a baby girl who doesn't have these issues (an' they had me shack up with Elektra, mind).
    • My son, Daken, hates my guts. He's a Manipulative Bastard and sociopath who embraces what I'm tryin' to put behind me. I can't really blame him: His mother was killed when she was still pregnant an' I didn't even know he survived. Afterwards, he was raised by some real nasty people. I wish I could've done somethin' to make things right, but it doesn't look like there's a way to get through to him. 'specially not when he throws his lot in with Creed or Warren's kids.
    • In Battle of the Atom, Raze is apparently my kid with Mystique from the future, and he wants to kill me, too. Damn.
    • For a time, in the Ultimate Marvel universe, Sabertooth was convinced that he was my son, and he wanted me dead for not being there for him.
    • About the one kid in the main universe I have anything approaching a healthy relationship with is Laura. And even then the first time we met she tried to kill me, though I was able to talk her down. Other'n her, you might say that Jimmy Hudson kid is another aversion (even though we've yet to formally meet). I mean, he's got a good head on his shoulders from having been raised better than the others - and even then I didn't have a hand on that, but considering how much of an asshole Ultimate Me was, it was prob'ly for the best.
  • Annoying Arrows: Once, when I needed to protect a kid from a bunch of archers, I took the the hit from the arrows they fired. I lived, but damn did it hurt.
    • That also happened in one o' my movies, where Harada an' his boys turned me into a human pincushion.
  • Anti-Hero: Probably one of the premier examples in superhero comics, period — with the other X-Men, killing is a last resort, but with me, it's second nature. Though in current comics, I'm not quite as rough as I used t'be. I've actually bounced all over the place in this regard.
  • Arch-Enemy: Victor Creed, who goes by the name Sabretooth. We were together in the Weapon X project, but neither of us could stand each other. We're more alike than I like to admit, but at least I got a sense of decency. Creed was a monster even before the project. He's a damn smart son of a bitch, too, and he makes a hobby of makin' my life a livin' hell. He especially loves killin' the women in my life. I've killed him a time or two, but the bastard keeps comin' back.
  • Archnemesis Dad:
  • Audible Sharpness: The iconic *snikt!* of my claws popping out.
  • Back from the Dead: Marvel Legacy saw me come back from th' dead.
  • Badass Biker: Yup. I'm probably the most famous biker in comics, barring ol' Skullhead.
  • Badbutt: Whenever I appear in all-ages or kids' comics or cartoons, they make me rarely use my claws, at least not on living things, so as to not shed any bloodnote , don't let me smoke or drink, and even make me wear a helmet while ridin' my Cool Bike — y'know, even though I can heal off any damage. Apparently Frank has to deal with the same kinda crap. The whole "no claws against living beings" thing was surprisingly averted (somewhat) in this scene from The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, not that I'm complainin'.
  • Bash Brothers: At first I was this with Colossus, but I become this with most anybody at any time.
  • Battle Rapping: I once rap battled against some dream demon with claws almost like mine. Guess the punk wasn't used to victims who can fight back and ain't afraid of his cheap scare tactics.
  • The Bear: While I'm a fairly straight example, apparently the version of me from X-Treme X-Men is some sorta flamin'... well, bear — and just as hairy, too.note 
  • Because I'm Good At It: I'm the best there is at what I do. But what I do isn't very nice.
  • The Big Guy: I might be barely five feet an' all, but ya better believe I got all the rest of this one covered.
  • Blessed with Suck: My powers all have have drawbacks:
    • Those claws that I use all time and everybody thinks are so cool? Those things popping out of the inside of my hands HURTS, A LOT! I can endure the pain, but without my Healing Factor I'd have to bandage my hand every time I used them to avoid bleeding to death. note ]
    • My adamantium bones actually slow down my Healing Factor because it's constantly working to keep the metal from poisoning me.
    • I have super senses, but the level they're out would drive any normal person insane if they had to put up with not being able to turn them off, ever.
  • Blood Knight: I admit, I love bein' able to cut loose. Literally. Out of all the X-Men, I'm usually the one most willin' to do the really dirty work.
  • Body Horror: The adamantium being added to my skeleton was the stuff of nightmares. Also, when Magneto once tore it outta me.
    • Not even touching on the crappy alternate universe where I didnt have my healing factor and the adamantium was literally making me rot from the inside out. I've seen a lot of bad shit in my life, but damn, there are limits...
  • Canadian Equals Hockey Fan: You get between me and a game and we're gonna have some words, bub...
  • Character Catchphrase: Just read my intro above. If ya don't know what it is by now, ya must've been livin' under a rock for the past 40 years.note 
  • Cigar Chomper: Kids, smokin' is bad, but not if you can just heal off the lung damage. This used to be a favorite hobby of mine, until the '90s when I just decided to give it up. Even so, I do occasionally light up in the X-Men movies.
  • Combat Pragmatist: A lotta people think I'm just a rage-filled brute, but I actually do plan ahead and address my vulnerabilities when I need to. And I wouldn't be the best at what I do if I didn't fight dirty every now and then. Case in point, in X-Men: Days of Future Past - Doomsday, I get the drop on Magneto with a weapon designed specifically to put him down, a plastic gun with high-density polymer bullets. If Chuck and Scott hadn't stopped me, I would've blown his head off right then and there.
  • Cruel Mercy: Not normally my thing, but Matsu'o Tsurayaba, one of the leaders of The Hand, found himself on the receiving end of this after he murdered my Mariko. Rather than just outright killing him, I cut off his arm, but left him alive... only to return once a year on the anniversery of Mariko's death to carve off another of the bastards body parts, no matter how he tried to run or hide. By the end, he had lost his arm, his ear, his nose and his gallbladder, and had resorted to writing me a cute little letter asking for permission to kill himself. It’s actually hilarious if you read it once.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: You don't know the half of it. Even I probably don't know the half of it since some of the few memories I do have of it, which are horrid, sometimes turn out to not even be real.
  • Determinator: I don't quit. Even it's against Hulk or Magneto.
  • Evil Counterpart: Sabertooth is either this or a foil to me. We got the same basic power set, but I try to tame my bestial side; he revels in it. The resemblance is close enough that he's even tried to find redemption on the X-men in a couple of universes, or at least been brought onto the team as a crazier, more distrusted version of me. In atleast a few universes, he's either my brother or my father, I honestly try not to think about it too hard.
  • Flipping the Bird: Sometimes, I get the urge to give friend and foe alike the middle claw. Up yours, bub.
  • Genius Bruiser: Well, if you've been around for over a hundred years havin' to deal with all sorts of threats, you'd better be! Sure I may not know the advanced science stuff like Stark, Richards, Chuck & Hank, even Banner do but that's their thing. I go for the practical stuff.
  • Gone Horribly Right: Here's a fun fact for ya, bub: I wasn't born with my adamantium skeleton. It was only after the Canadian government captured me and tried to turn me into a mindless living weapon. But instead, they ended up with the Wolverine you know and love, stronger than ever before, and I was royally pissed, so I went and slaughtered those soulless monsters one by one — they had it comin'. The rampage was actually All Just a Dream, but my hatred for them was as real as ever. So I went on the same rampage again — fer real this time.
  • Good is Not Nice: I may be on superhero teams tryin' to save the world, but that don't mean I gotta be nice about it.
  • Has a Type: If ya know me, you'd know I always go for red-haired women, especially Jean Grey. But why did she have to go for Scott instead...? note 
  • Healing Factor: I'm widely seen as the Trope Codifier. I didn't have this when I first appeared; the writers added it in later they realized they needed to explain why having metal bones didn't kill me. The exact limits of it are are inconsistent, depending on what the different writers want, or even between the same writers. Some of the crazier fanboy writers have presented me as virtually immortal, even though I've died in the past and alternate timelines, Days of Future Past being one of the most famous. The usual limitation is that I can heal from injuries to my vital organs, but I can still be killed if somethin' strong enough tries to strangle me and cuts the air off from my lungs. Recently, I contracted an intelligent virus from the Microverse, which disabled my ability to heal. The virus offered to give it back if I helped it escape S.H.I.E.L.D.'s attempts to eradicate it, but no way was I lettin' it get away. Now the virus is gone, but unfortunately, looked like my healing factor's gone with it, and for good this time. However, with my resurrection, it's also back, how, that’s actually a good question. I have been wondering the same thing myself.
  • Hell-Bent for Leather: What can I say, I look good in that jacket. And the bodysuits from the movies.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: One of the most common ways I kill, though I've also been on the receivin' end a lot.
  • Implacable Man: I've got a virtually unbreakable skeleton, a Healing Factor that makes me very hard to kill, a keen sense of smell, and I'm very stubborn. Just pray I'm never chasing you.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I'll admit that I ain't the nicest guy around, but I try to do the right thing regardless.
  • The Lancer: My most common role on a team.
  • Multiple-Choice Past: I had this going for well over ten years before the writers could decide on my backstory. Heck, at one time, it was even hinted I was an actual wolverine turned into a human by the High Evolutionary. Thank Christ that didn't turn out to be true.
  • My Suit Is Also Super: Averted, I frequently suffer from Clothing Damage regardless of what I'm wearing. Although when my healing factor's gone, in my last solo series I'd taken to wearing a suit of special armor to make up the difference, though it ain't on the same level as Stark's.
  • The Nicknamer: You might have noticed I have mocking names for just about anyone, bub. My boss is even annoyed that I prefer to call him Chuck.
  • The Nose Knows: I can sniff anything overly suspicious. Fer example, this helped me sniff out when people were possessed by microscopic parasites from th' Nanoverse, includin' Fury.
  • Odd Friendship: Quite a few, given how I'm not the friendly type.
    • One my closest friends is Nightcrawler, even though me and elf are almost exact opposites.
    • My relationship with Storm. Heck, in some 'verses, we're even lovers.
    • Slowly getting into on with Thor and Hercules, even though I really don't want to with the latter.
    • I can, sometimes, be friendly with Wade.
  • Offing the Offspring: It wasn't my choice, dammit! But, some of the blood on my hands? It's family.
    • I had to put my murdering psycho son Daken down.
    • One time, some enemies of mine gathered up a bunch of illegitimate kids I'd never known I had and goaded them into a death fight with me. I didn't learn who they were until it was too late.
  • Opposite-Sex Clone: Turns out some civilian science project tried to follow up on Weapon X with samples of my DNA, but it was too badly damaged to make another me. So they made a girl instead. Laura Kinney was the result, and if you can believe it, the things done to the poor kid may be even worse than what was done to me. She's got the same healin' factor and claws as me, but fortunately for her, she didn't inherit my ugly mug. Her mother asked me to help, but by the time I got there, the base where she was bred had been destroyed (don't that sound familiar?), and the kid's scent had gone cold. Took a couple years before I could finally track her down and bring her in to get the help she needed. She's technically my sister, but our relationship is more like father and daughter. I ain't exactly the best at it (not like that's a surprise if you've met my son), but I try to do right by her because I'm all she's got, and even made it official by adoptin' her.
  • Papa Wolf: Specially when it comes to Kitty and Jubilee, but young girls in general bring this out in me. Do anything to hurt them and you've got me to worry about, bub.
  • Popularity Power: I won't deny that I've benefited from this. Aside from writers going crazy with my Healing Factor mentioned above, the most infamous case is with Marvel Versus DC in my fight with Lobo where the victory was determined by popular vote, and I got the majority, except really I shouldn't have won. I didn't have my adamantium claws at the time, and even if I did, I was up against somebody with a Healing Factor that puts mine to shame and is strong enough ta' go head ta' head with the Man o' Steel himself. Even the writers couldn't figure out a way to pull this off and had the fight occur off-panel. Years later, we got a Hand Wave that he let me win 'cause supposedly Chuck paid him to take a dive.
  • Really Gets Around: Bub, I've been around since the 19th century, and by "been around" I mean "been around". An entire plotline in the comics centered around a villain gathering up as many of my unknown illegitimate children as I could find and sending them to attack me so I would kill them all as part of a revenge plot to screw with my head. If there's anyone who can beat Murdock and Stark on this, that's me.
  • Required Secondary Powers: This is actually where my Healing Factor came from. I had the adamentium skeleton when I first appeared, but writers realized they needed to come up with a reason as to why having metal bonded to my bones didn't kill me.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: I've seen a lot of things in my time, and they weren't pretty. While I can often cope with my memories, the mental pain I sometimes suffer is worse than anything physical I've ever been through.
  • Super Drowning Skills: One of the few things that can kill me. Even more once they coated me in adamantium, as the extra weight makes me not buoyant - I sink like a rock.
  • Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: So apparently in one in one of them web shows where two character fight to the death, I was pitted up against some girlish-looking weirdo named Raiden from some video game series called Metal Gear, or whatever the name of it was. Sadly, yours truly lost in said fight. The kid's got guts, I'll give em' that. Rest assured, next time around, it won't be so easy! Bet on that, bub!
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: I share this with Scott Summers, given the whole Jean Grey in the room and how we don't really click together as well. Though, many people think we don't like each other at all, which isn't goddamn true...anymore. I trust him to get his shit together as our leader and he expects the same of me and we make a hell of a team because of it. Hell, there was even a time us and Jean were all together, but you didn't hear from me, bub.
  • Verbal Tic: Take a wild guess, bub.
  • Wolverine Claws: I'm the freakin' Trope Namer, for cryin' out loud! Though I ended up unbuildin' the damn thing, too. See, these little beauties break my skin every time I snikt 'em, and the healin' factor's the only thing that makes 'em practical to use. Otherwise, I'd just have six open wounds on my knuckles all the time. And in case ya can't guess, that ain't too practical, bub.
  • Wolverine Publicity: The Trope Namer. I'm not the first example Marvel used, but I'm the most well-known, for better and for worse.
  • Wolverine Wannabe: Seems like ev'ryone under th' sun wants to copy me from an oversized talking turtle to that alien biker with a thing for dolphins. Hell, they even got some dog-eared kid from the other side of the Pacific who's got most of my powers and traits. But no matter how hard everyone else tries, there's nothin' like th' real deal here, bub.