Self Demonstrating / Spider-Man

Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!

(Yours truly is best read in the voices of Christopher Daniel Barnes, Josh Keaton, Yuri Lowenthal, Jake Johnson, Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, Tom Holland or anyone else from across the last several decades. Okay, let's do this from the beginning, one last time…)

Hey there, folks! My name is Peter Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for the past… very long time, I've been the bona fide, original… Spider-Man! Pretty sure you know the rest.

…Wait, you don't know the rest? Really? Okay then, not against bringing a new fan up to speed. Also, heads-up in case I forget to tell you later, though… there's a hyphen between "Spider" and "Man". Don't forget it. Trust me, I'll know it if you do.

It all started back when I was a high school student living with my Uncle Ben and Aunt May in Queens, though any school and work stuff is all Manhattan. Anyways, while my folks were and still are some of the best people I've ever known, school was a different story— I got frequently brushed aside and picked on by the other kids for being a science geek and "professional wallflower". But one day, when I was on a trip to a science lab, a spider got irradiated through a hot new experiment, and it bit me right on the hand. I felt a little dizzy at first, but in no time at all, I was suddenly able to sense coming danger, leap massive heights, stick to walls, and crush metal pipes like they were paper. It's just like those singers always said— I could do whatever a spider could!

And then, well… let's just say I got a little ahead of myself. I developed a special web-fluid that I could shoot out with some specially-made gauntlets, and decided to use my powers to win a wrestling match or two. Afterwards, a crook ran past me, and a nearby cop chewed me out for not caring enough to stop him. Man, what a selfish mistake that was. When I returned home, I learned that my Uncle Ben was killed by a mugger. I suited up, chased after the murderer, and realized with horror that under his mask, he was the same man I failed to stop earlier. I turned that man into the police, and from that tragic day onwards, I chose to use my powers to help people— to be responsible. To be Spider-Man.

And as soon as I became Spider-Man, I started running into a number of other costumed maniacs, like the Vulture, Electro, the Rhino, Mysterio, and the mad scientist Doctor Octopus, my first real arch-nemesis. I managed to save the day from them and other petty criminals time and again, but unfortunately, that was also when professional skinflint J. Jonah Jameson started a libel— think I'm using the right word there— a libel campaign against me, using his newspaper to brand me as a "menace". Can't say I blame him, but ol' Pete's managed to get a few over on JJ by being his number-one source for quality photos of Spider-Man. Granted, that also meant I now had him as my boss for the foreseeable future, but he's always paid well enough, so yeah.

Anyway, in the decades since the big guy and his best pal brought me into the pages, I've become a little bit of a popular character, and with that came a growing supporting cast. Aside from Aunt May, I can't forget my old pal Harry Osborn, nor my better half Mary Jane Watson… and there's my old rival Flash Thompson, plus a few of my other longtime friends like Randy Robertson or Hobie Brown. I've also met fellow supers from my world like the Fantastic Four, Daredevil, the X-Men, The Avengers, and many, many others.

I've made a lot more enemies, too— spanning the full spectrum from ineffectual to ingenious or silly to sinister, but the most notable and worst among them all was the Green Goblin, a maniac with a man-purse who I have a lot of reasons to hate. And then there's everyone in between, like a young lady by the name of Felicia Hardy, a biochemist that accidentally turned himself into Morbius the vampire-thing, and Venom, which is what happens when sentient alien goop decides to become a jilted ex-lover, though thanks to the efforts of Flash and a man named Eddie Brock it has mellowed out since then. Oh… yeah, I should probably also mention Wade, my… uh… contact.^note Deadpool: Aw, come on, man! I'm not all that bad! Just some guy who wants to have fun, ya know?

And with great responsibility, surprisingly, comes more spider-people showing up, most notably my good pal and occasional successor Miles Morales, but there's also Cindy Moon and even an alternate version of Gwen Stacy among them, too. I also got cloned a few times, but I'd rather not discuss it. Especially not in detail.

As for other media I've been in, I first starred in that one animated TV show from the '60s (you know the one), another animated series in the '80s, yet another in the '90s, then '03, '08, '12, '17, and the… preschool one in '21. Guess Jonah's gonna claim it's all 'cause I wanna "poison the youth" or something. That said, I've also showed up in live action on TV a couple times. I guest-starred on an educational show, I starred in one show in the seventies that not a lot of people remember, and there was also that other Japanese one where I suddenly have a gun, a big flying robot and apparently inspired a genre or two. Weird stuff, sure, but I do kinda like it. Really nailed the whole "spidery" part of it.

But I've also been on the big screen quite a few times, and that's what counts. First time around was a trilogy where they got a guy named Tobey to play me, second time was a guy named Andrew. After that, a guy named Tom was called up to play me in the big cinematic universe, and as of now he seems to be sticking. Meanwhile, though? I've been showing up in some animated spectacles, too. Granted, it's Miles that's the star of 'em this time, but props to Chris and Jake for playing me… and me. Multiverse stuff, kids. You know the deal, right?

Of course, yours truly has appeared in more than just movies and TV shows. Aside from the merch and the so-so popsicle, I've had several video games. Some you might know are the Atari adventure, that low-poly escapade, those two movie tie-ins, and that time some Insomniacs took the wheel— last one might just be the best of the bunch, by the way. And there's more from that 'verse. I've also had several games where I've teamed up with heroes like Cap, Wolvie, and others like Marvel Ultimate Alliance, LEGO Marvel Super Heroes, and so on.

But let me tell you where the real fun begins. There's also been a whole series of fighting games from Capcom, where friends, foes and I alike duke it out with characters from Capcom's game library in a little showdown you all call Marvel vs. Capcom. In those games, yours truly got to fight against (or with) the many notable names such as Ryu, Mega Man, Dante and many others from their neck of the cosmos. Granted, we did go through a rough patch the last time around, but I'm up for round five if any of you are!

But I guess that's enough about me. Being the humble vigilante I am, I'd say it's time for me to describe even more about myself to everyone, which I'll do right away. Just hope my enemies don't decide to pop in on this site and join me. Especially not JJ. I already have to deal with him describing me enough as it is. Wait. I think he’s here right now. Oh bugger.

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Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Tropes!

• Affirmative-Action Legacy: Miles has an African-American dad and a Latina mom, and in a few scant universes where it's lights out for me, he usually comes around to take up the mantle. In some other cases, we share the role of Spider-Man.
  • As an aside, I'd appreciate it if you didn't let Jameson know I'm actually white. I once managed to fluster him by telling an entire courtroom that he only hates me because I'm black and I'd like to keep that in my non-existent pocket the next time he gets too shouty.
• All-Loving Hero: I'm not the type to get angry easily (at least not compared to when I was younger) and no matter what, I'll always keep myself in high spirits. Even creepy-crawly spiders have hearts, too, kids. Don't let JJ tell ya otherwise.
• All of the Other Reindeer: I often get the short end of the stick. I got bullied by Flash at school on the regular, Jameson micromanaged me at work, and even the Avengers tend to just… not like me sometimes. There are times I wonder if I'm even cut out to be a good hero after all…^note Aunt May: Of course you are, Peter! I know that you could be one of the best as long as you just believed in yourself.
• All Webbed Up: Come on, you seriously think this trope wouldn't apply to me? Most criminals who cross my path usually end up this way. I've even done it to Jonah when he pushes me too far.
• Alliance of Alternates: Okay, there was the original Spider-Verse, where all sorts of Spider-Men were brought in to fight Solus and his hungry clan of Inheritors. Then came the animated trip into the Spider-Verse, where a smaller gang of Spider-Men was summoned just in time to take down the Kingpin. And finally we have Spider-Man: No Way Home, where Tom-me got in a mess so big he only solved it by teaming up with Tobey-me and Andrew-me. And heck, decades before any of those happened, I teamed up with a few other versions of me to stop an evil me that was possessed by the Carnage symbiote.
• Alternate Company Equivalent: I'm sure there's a few I can think of, but that "Static" guy from DC Comics does come off as a little familiar to me.
• Amicable Exes: Despite the circumstances of how MJ and I broke up in the comics-verse— and thanks a lot for that, Mr. Quesada— we didn't stop having feelings for each other afterwards. She and I are still incredibly close friends, and I'll always look upon her as the love of my life, with her returning the sentiment. So much so, many people wonder why we aren't still together. (sigh) Unfortunately, it's become less amicable as of recently, as apparently I did something really bad, and everyone— particularly her new boyfriend— believes she was well within her right to leave me. Can't catch a break…
• Animal-Themed Superbeing: If you couldn't tell already, I'm themed after a spider.
• Arch-Enemy: I've got a few that could qualify. Doc Ock would definitely like to think of himself as this, and he definitely is across a number of stories, while Venom was a contender before we patched things up. But without a doubt the one man I've ever truly hated with every fiber of my being is Norman Osborn— the Green Goblin— for putting my loved ones in danger and crossing the line in every direction. And it's because of him that… that I couldn't protect Gwen. Jameson's got nothin' on him, or any of these guys, for that matter.
• Arc Words: "With great power there must also come great responsibility." I'll always remember those words, Uncle Ben.
• Badass Adorable: Okay, well, MJ has called me cute a lot and I can go toe-to-toe with some of the biggest heavy-hitters in the Marvel Universe, so I guess I qualify.
• Badass Bookworm: You might look at regular old Peter Parker and think he's just some science dweeb, but that "science dweeb" has made his own web-shooters, has an extensive knowledge of biology and other scientific fields like chemical engineering, and can kick your butt faster than you can say "Pizza Time".
• Barrier Warrior: My webbing is not only flexible, it's also really durable. I've taken advantage of this by spinning large barriers or domes to protect myself and groups of people from explosions, energy blasts, really sharp blades and all the other occupational hazards a superhero faces.
• Berserk Button: Now that she's gone, anything that sullies my view of Gwen usually sets me off. There was even a time I went off on MJ when I learned she had kept a giant secret that Gwen entrusted to her— Gwen was pregnant when she left for Europe that one time, long story short. In MJ's defense, she pointed out that I wasn't the only one who lost Gwen, and she was just keeping her word to honor her late friend, as well as attempting to preserve my own memories of her.
• Beware the Nice Ones: I'd say that on a good day, I'm just your easy-going wise-cracking friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, but come after any of my loved ones— any of them— and I won't hold back an inch. Yes, even Jonah.
• Big Brother Mentor: Once I got a little older, I started becoming this to many of the other teen heroes who came after me. I've been in their shoes, so I know what a lot of them are facing.
• Blood Knight: Okay, look. I'm nowhere near as overt about it as, say, Wolverine, but I admit, fighting crooks can help me relieve some stress from work. I do aim to keep the bloodlust in check, though.
• Body Horror: Hoo boy, I've had some really bad experiences with this:
  • At one point, I was so fed up with the problems I had juggling my superhero and civilian lives that I created a serum I thought would get rid of my spider-powers. I was really having an off-day when I created it, since it made me grow four extra arms instead.
  • I've been turned into a "man-spider" multiple times, both in the comics and in the 90's cartoon. Geez, I still shudder to think about it.
  • And then there was the time that I got turned into a lizard-man hybrid after confronting the Iguana, a Suspiciously Similar Substitute to the Lizard. I was just lucky— really, really lucky— that Dr. Connors managed to cure me.
• Born Unlucky: I'm not one to let the universe get me down and all, but darn, does it seem to be out for me. And at least one or two Spidey's out there in the big ol' multiverse that have had it pretty rough.
  • There's one from this nifty video game that goes through all the motions of losing Mom, Dad, and Uncle Ben, but this one gets the added wrinkle of MJ dumping him and getting kicked out of his apartment, on top of having JJJ squish his name every chance he gets (like seriously, does that guy have any other hobbies?). But you think taking down the Kingpin would make things better? Nope! Turns out the guy his Aunt May is working for decides to take over New York and kill his best friend's dad because Norman killed Martin Li's parents trying to cure his wife from a disease that Harry's got, while Otto Octavius becomes Doc Ock like usual, only this one knew Peter and Spidey were one and the same and used that against him. Oh, and if that wasn't worse, then Felicia comes along and lies about having a son, Captain Watanabe goes off the deep end and becomes a vigilante, and Hammerhead causes a massive gang war on top of it. Geez, and I thought I had it bad. Well, at least he and his MJ finally get back together after the whole thing. Gotta take your wins with your losses, I guess.
    • And it looks like things are about to get rough again. So far, he's found the symbiote, Connors ends up the Lizard again with Kraven on his tail, but only Connors can help save Harry, and Venom, of course, isn't too far behind. Apparently it's not Eddie this time, either. To complicate matters, he gets nastier with the symbiote bonding to him, and once he gets its off with some help from his web-slinging partner, Harry gets turned into Venom, MJ gets (temporarily) turned into a symbiote monster who calls him out for not balancing her life with his own, and a bunch of other stuff happened with Venom wanting to "heal the world" by way of engulfing the world with sticky alien goo. Good thing things work out in the end, a shame that Harry's back in bed... At least he and MJ are trying to live harmoniously after everything dies down with Miles helping to keep crime in check, so once again, a bittersweet outcome but still satisfying.
  • Okay...and now my MCU version got hit with this. Same deal—dead parents, losing Uncle Ben—only this time my teenaged counterpart turns to dust for five years and his mentor Tony Stark dies saving the universe from Thanos. No big deal, right? Mysterio tricks the poor kid into handing over a weapons platform so he can trash Tony's legacy, then outs him as Spidey and frames him for murder. Even Matt Murdock getting the charges dropped opens the floodgates for JJJ to slander his social life, and Doctor Strange trying to cast a spell to make everyone forget Peter is Spider-Man... wait, am I reading this right? It brings over five villains and two Spider-Men from the last two series into his universe, including Venom? Oh, geez. Typical Parker luck. Oh, wait, there's more? Gobby kills Aunt May and he has to wipe all knowledge of Peter Parker from his universe just to stop the multiverse from collapsing in on itself? Yep, gonna need tissues for this one. Makes me regret going down the whole "selling my marriage to the devil thing" even more.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: Hey, I'm talking to you all right now, aren't I? Apart from right now, I do this at times though not to the extend of my "enemy"^note Deadpool: Hey Spidey! I'm your friend!
• Breakout Character: I was the focus of the final issue of a dying comics line, but I sold well enough that I got my own comic series, I even passed up Marvel's First Family in popularity, and while I don't mean to brag, I'm easily one of the most iconic Supers out there. So iconic, I'm pretty much the Mascot of my universe.
• Break Them by Talking: Gobby's never gonna live down that time I got him speechless just by saying he carries a man-purse.
• Brilliant, but Lazy: Spider-Man 2 is the Trope Namer, in which Dr. Connors described me with these exact words. Thing is, I actually subvert this trope; while people recognize my science smarts, they think I don't study because I gotta spend time as Spider-Man. I can't explain what's really going on without blowing my secret identity, so there's nothing I can do.
• Bullying a Dragon: I was a scrawny nerd growing up, which is why bullies called me "Puny Parker." While the spider bite gave me superhuman strength, it didn't really increase my size. I'm still a relatively small guy, so bigger men sometimes think I'm easy prey when I'm out in my street clothes. I'll try to talk them down, but if they insist on starting a fight I have no problem finishing it.
• Buried Alive: It's definitely one of the most horrifying experiences in my entire life. Kraven, after finally besting me in combat, placed me in a coffin and buried me in a cemetery. I had to claw myself out of my own grave! If it hadn't been for my love for Mary Jane, I probably would have given up and accepted my death.
• Butt-Monkey: I rank right up there with Good Ol' Charlie Brown when it comes to comic characters with rotten luck. A lot of it comes from trying to juggle being Spider-Man while also keeping my grades up, paying the bills and trying to have some kind of social life. Some of it really is just random misfortune, though. We've mostly patched things up these days, but Jolly Jonah really had it in for me for a long time and used his media empire to ask whether I was a "threat or menace." (Yes, that's where the question comes from.)
• Chick Magnet: I don't mean to brag but I'm pretty popular with the ladies. MJ's my one and only of course.
• Chippendales Dancers: Hey, what can I say. My wife is super-model level hot, and I wanted to impress her. So after seeing one of those buff, flashy dudes on the cover of a magazine, I dressed down, with the collar and cuffs, to show off the muscles. How was I supposed to know Mary Jane was bringing a friend home!?! Thankfully, her friend thought I was handsome enough to pull it off. Still mortifying though.
• Dating Catwoman: Err, Felicia and I kinda do get a little close sometimes...and even closer than that during the times I broke up with MJ. Just don't tell MJ. ^note Though to be fair, I was kinda still dating Cat, when MJ and I got married...and I didn't even tell her. She only found out when Mary Jane and I got back from our honeymoon and Felicia was waiting in my apartment. Oops.
  Cat: It's too bad, Spider. We could have really made quite a team, and pulled off many Heists of the century.
• David Versus Goliath: I'm not that big a guy, and I'm usually on the lower end of the Marvel Universe's strength scale, so a lot of my fights are this. Not only do I regularly tangle with the Rhino, I've even had to fight The Incredible Hulk more than once. I didn't exactly win against the Hulk, but I did win against Firelord, a guy that the Silver Surfer has trouble with. I also beat Titania so badly she became scared of me for a long time, but I was pretty nervous during that fight myself and wasn't thrilled about having to fight her again later on.
• Deadpan Snarker: No way! Me? Spider-Man? A snarker? I kid. I tend to be involved with some, how should I put it? Oh, yeah, deranged maniacs who want to kill me all the time so anyway I can get them off their game, I will weaponize sarcasm to my spider-heart's content.
• Deconstruction: My creators Stan Lee and Steve Ditko designed me as this for the superhero comics of their day. Instead of being teenager who was a Kid Sidekick (something Lee especially hated), I was a teenage protagonist. I also showed the realistic impact being a superhero would have on someone's personal life, as I was constantly plagued with money troubles, trying to balance being a superhero and student, distrusted by most of the citizens I tried to protect and having a hard time making friends.
• Deal with the Devil: ...Not my proudest moment, and even my failure over Gwen made more sense than this. Long story short, after Aunt May took a bullet for me, Mephisto came to me and said he could save her life, but he wanted to erase me and Mary Jane's marriage as payment. And for reasons that even I don't understand, I said yes. At least some people out there like to pretend it never happened. And from the looks of things, me and MJ seem to be getting together again. One thing for sure, on that day I learned why everyone leaves the demon business to Johnny Blaze.
• Determinator: Look, I have suffered numerous emotional and physical traumas, yet I can never find it in me to quit for good. No matter how much you kick me to the curb or threaten my loved ones, I will get back up again because that's what you have to do as the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.
• Distaff Counterpart: Oh boy, where to begin?
  • Jessica Drew was the first, but definitely not the last. Julia Carpenter and Mattie Franklin also took up her mantle. They even had an Evil Counterpart in the form of Charlotte Witter. Anya Corazon was also Spider-Girl for a while.
  • In one universe, my daughter May took up my webs. I retired early in that universe after my leg got blown off during a fight with the Green Goblin. My priorities started changing when I had trouble rehabbing and was concerned about being able to provide for May.
  • And then there's Cindy Moon. She got bit by a spider at the same science demonstration I did. We were really attracted to each other for a while, possibly due to the mystic side of our powers. I'm still trying to figure out what that was meant for.
  • In a few different alternate universes, women I know ranging from Betty Brant to Mary Jane to Gwen Stacy all get the bite instead of me. Spider-Gwen is probably the most famous one, but she's far from the only one.
• Fountain of Expies: I had a massive impact on superhero comics when I first debuted, being one of the first teenage protagonists and actually showing the Surprisingly Realistic Outcome of being a superhero. A lot of other heroes who were teenagers and/or had trouble balancing their civilian and heroic lives followed in my footsteps, not just at Marvel but at our Distinguished Competition and in a lot of other mediums. You can hear more in another trope below.
• "Freaky Friday" Flip: I was on the receiving end of this in Superior Spider-Man courtesy of Doc Ock. Realizing I wouldn't be able to swap back before I died in his old body, I told him why I became Spider-Man. He was shocked and willingly took on the mantle until I somehow came back.
  • My "Ultimate" self was also subject to this with Wolvi. He had a pretty crappy day while Wolverine was making passes at MJ, who mind you was in high school at the time (he-llo~?!). Turns out it was the doing of Jean Grey who was annoyed with him hitting on her and swapped his mind with "the place it least wanted to be" to teach him a lesson. Let's just say mini-me had very selective words for her and the X-Men once the switch was reversed.
  Ultimate Me: God! You know why people hate you? It's not because you're mutants!! It's because you're all a bunch of @#$@#$$@$%@##@#!! That's why!! You $^$%^$%^$$^$%^$%#^%#$$%^#$%^$^!!! AAAGGHHH!
• Friend to All Children: The kiddos really like me, and I'm just as nuts about them in return. Especially one of my fans, a terminally ill boy who wanted to meet me so bad that he had written to the Daily Bugle, Robbie delivered the letter to me. How could I say no. Even more-so when he asked to see my face, I knew I could trust him, and took off my mask. To this day I'll always remember Timothy Harrison, "The Kid Who Collected Spider-Man" and who was far braver than I could ever be.
• Genius Bruiser: I can talk shop with the likes of Reed Richards and Tony Stark on science all day long. Marvel's official sourcebooks usually list me as being able to bench press 10 tons, and the comics have shown me lifting a lot more in life-or-death situations.
• Good Is Not Soft: Friendly as I am - and rest assured, I will not under any circumstance kill another person, no matter how much I might want to - I do still have Super-Strength, and I will make my opponents really hurt if I have to.
• Heel Realization:
  • I'll always regret letting Uncle Ben die, but the realization that I played a part in it was the kick in the ass I needed to grow as a person and learn to use my powers responsibly.
  • In an alternate universe where I did stop the Burglar, I became an overnight media star while still being embittered over how the world treated me. That made me the most narcissistic, smug and entitled Jerkass you'd ever meet. When Uncle Ben and Aunt May tried to warn me not let the fame go to my head and to focus on my education, I blew them off and cut ties with them. When J. Jonah Jameson revealed my identity and sued me for promoting Daredevil as a vigilante, I threatened his life with a "Just Joking" Justification and used my influence to destroy his career. Jonah's hatred of me became a lot more justified, and he hired a bunch of supervillains to try and kill me. I probably would have been killed without Daredevil's help, and when we defeated the villains I learned that Jameson was behind the attack and why he did it. That was when I realized what a horrible person I'd been in not using my powers responsibly.
• Heroes Fight Barehanded: Usually, but I also zigzag this trope when I use my webbing to create things like slingshots or punching gloves. I mostly do this when the opponent can No-Sell my regular punches or they're dangerous to touch and I have to insulate my hands.
• Hero with Bad Publicity: Unfortunately, the one and only. Jameson hates me with a burning passion so much that he'll badmouth me any chance he gets. He's given me such lovely nicknames as "The Wall-Crawling Menace", "Masked Menace", and so forth. Hard to believe I work with that guy, to be honest. Though, there was also that one time Cap wouldn't have it and he threatened him with his shield. If there's anyone I can think of that has it worse, it's usually the Hulk or the X-Men. Poor guys.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: Me and my college roommate Harry Osborn may have not started out on the best footing, but after a while he didn't just become my best friend, but also my family. So when he followed in his dad's footsteps and became the new Green Goblin, and later died in my arms...yeah that really hit me hard.
• I Let Gwen Stacy Die: I'm not proud of this. Trying to pull back my webbing too fast caused Gwen Stacy to snap her neck. At least I think it might have. The fact that the Green Goblin was the one who threw her off the bridge is small comfort, if any.
• The Lost Lenore: I love Mary Jane more than anything in this universe, or any other one for that matter, but even she reminds from time to time that it's okay that a part of me will always love Gwen Stacy too.
• Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: I can use my webbing to make a shield for myself. It's obviously not as good as Cap's, and it eventually dissolves like all my other webbing, but it's protected me from everything from bullets to energy blasts.
• Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Do my spider-powers come from the science of the radioactive spider bite, or was I chosen to be some sort of avatar for a mystical spider-entity? The comics suggest that it's a bit of both. My spider-powers have definitely been affected by comic book science to the point of my temporarily losing them, but my encounters with the Great Weaver show that there's definitely a magical side to them too. A shaman pointed out to me that, for me, the Earth revolves around the sun because of astrophysics, while to him it orbits the sun because it was meant to. There's no contradiction between the two.
• Mr. Fanservice: Sure, I might not be as big as some of my buddies like Cap or Thor, but I got a pretty good build, and I'm not entirely immodest about showing it off. I mean, have you seen how tight my suit clings in some areas?
• My God, What Have I Done?: The guy that killed my Uncle...I could have, NO should have stopped him. I let him go, after catching him in the middle of a burglary, due to my laziness.
• My Greatest Failure
  • It was my fault that Uncle Ben died. If only I had stopped the thief, maybe he'd still be alive. To this day, I'm still trying to make him proud.
  • I Let Gwen Stacy Die, and I'm still regretting it to this day. Even if the Goblin was killed, it didn't make it better.
• Nephewism: My parents, Richard and Mary, died when I was really young ^note actually as I found out later they were both agents for SHIELD and died on a mission so I was raised by my Uncle Ben and Aunt May. I consider myself pretty lucky in that regard.
• Nice Guy: That "Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" line, I take that seriously. If you need me, I'll be there.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Let's just say that if I'm not quipping at all in a fight, I'm absolutely furious, and anyone I fight needs to run.
• Passing the Torch:
  • In my Ultimate Universe, a boy named Miles Morales took over as Spidey after it was believed I was dead. Apparently I wasn't. But after coming back, and seeing that Miles was a good kid, and was doing a good job in the super hero department, I decided to let him officially take over the mantle, so MJ and I could try and live a normal life.
  • For a while I let my clone Ben Reily take over the role, while I left to figure out some stuff. Sadly though he died, ^note don't worry, he got better so I had to return to the job.
    • As of 2021, Ben's had to do this again when he and I were fighting the U-Foes and I got a massive dose of radiation poisoning from X-Ray. He's working for some shady "Beyond Corporation" that's trademarked the name "Spider-Man" and is sponsoring him for some unclear purpose.
  • In another universe, my daughter May took up my mantle as Spider-Girl, wearing a modified version of Ben's costume. It took me a while to get used to this, but I eventually took to training her myself.
• Promoted Fanboy: It turns out Josh Keaton who voiced in a couple of various media, actually grew up reading some of my stories.
• Reed Richards Is Useless: I created a spiderweb-like adhesive that would make 3M jealous (aside from continuites where my body produces it), yet I can't make money or such with it, due to it lasting only a couple of hours at most.
• Retired Badass: Even in universes when I'm a bit past my prime, I'm not to be taken lightly. Crazy Eight, the first villain my daughter May busted, ran into me when he was trying to escape police custody. He said that I was barely above a Teletubby when it came to threats. I said he knew how to hurt a guy...and pointed out that I did too when I caught all of his ball bombs and threw them right back in his face.
• Science Hero: Yes, I'm a science geek and proud of it. I created everything from my basic web formula and a bunch of variant recipes to my web-shooters to my spider-tracers to the anti-magnetic inverter I used the first time I fought the Vulture. I also created a bunch of new devices to help me fight crime when I was working at Horizon Labs. And in my daughter May's universe, after I hung up my webs I became a police scientist with the NYPD and continued fighting crime that way.
• Second Love: I never thought I would love anyone as much as I loved Gwen. Then MJ and I started getting closer...and the rest is history.
• Shoo Out the Clowns:
  • I might love quipping and taunting the hell out of any crook or bad guy I come across, but I know when to cool it when things get serious. Wolverine made that mistake by saying something inappropriate to MJ and I gave his adamantium behind a brutal beating, all without saying a single word.
  • This also happens to me in Captain America: Civil War when Tony Stark sent me away after that awesome fight at the airport.
  • From what I heard, my death via Thanos' snap made everything all doom and gloom until Scott Lang returned from the Quantum Realm in Avengers: Endgame.
• Spear Counterpart: I'm this to Gwen Stacy of Earth-65. In that universe, I became its Gwen Stacy when I became the Lizard and was beaten by Gwen unknowingly till I was moments away from death, dying in her arms.
• Spider-Sense: Oh hey! One good thing I have after me! Yes, it acts as some sort of alert for me. I remember that one time I did not have it and got almost run over by a car because of it.
• Spider-Man Send-Up: Alright, two for two! JJ's gonna have nightmares of these guys. I seem to inspire a lot of whippy teen superheroes, from a kid with ghost powers who might give Ghost Rider a run for his money to a Chinese-French girl who prefers ladybugs over spiders to a former delinquent taking up the mantle of Batman.
• Superpowered Evil Side:
  • In The Amazing Spider-Man issue 252, I came across the venom symbiote which while it enhanced my powers, took over my body at night to fight crime out of a misguided desire to please me. I quickly got rid of it, though it took over Eddie Brock and turned him into Venom. Creating your own enemies, story of my life. Thankfully we're on much better terms now of days, though I can't say the same for other versions of me. In some universes, the Venom symbiote instead either corrupts you or makes you more aggressive.
  • In a few of my animated appearances, I become a man-spider... it was not pleasant to say the least. Argh... I can still feel the pain even after all that time.
• Super-Strength: Spiders actually have amazing strength for their sizes. Apply that proportion to a human and you have me easily holding back tons.
• Terror Hero: Hey! Who do you think I am, The Punisher? I'm totally a fun guy! Though I gotta admit scaring the pants off thugs is pretty fun.
• Thou Shalt Not Kill: I try my best to never end the lives of my enemies even when they try to kill me. I will admit sometimes I almost break this rule but the only time I ever actually killed anybody, it was an accident that traumatizes me still.
• Took a Level in Kindness: Believe it or not, I was actually something of a hot-headed jerk before getting my powers, and after getting them I wasn't above exploiting them for my own personal gain, as well as getting a revenge against my bullies. Then Uncle Ben died...because of me...
• Tranquil Fury: I will admit that sometimes I become this. I try to be a goofball to keep my mind off of things but especially when someone hurts my loved ones, I get so angry I can't even keep up the act anymore.
• True Love is Exceptional: Apparently me and Mary Jane's love was so powerful, that Mephisto wanted to separate us, so he could feed off our misery when we couldn't be together. So as cold as it is, I guess that's comforting to know we had that, before we sold it away.
• Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: It's all just some what-if stuff (since they have me trying to fight a random guy to the death), but I guess it does deserve some mention:
  • I once tangled with the Dark Knight himself. He stood no chance against my webs, but I'll give him an "A" for effort.
  • I also traded blows with some random demon guy with a laser sword and I killed him with his own weapon. That's what he gets for kidnapping MJ!
    • He did have my number in the alternate ending, though. Crap.
• Utility Weapon: My webbing is pretty much this trope. Besides being my main mode of transportation, I've used my webs to catch both myself and other people who're falling, create protective shields and barriers, and snag debris or hold it in place to keep it from falling on anyone.
• Vitriolic Best Buds:
  • Sure we may still snark at each other, but even I still can't believe I consider Flash, my childhood bully, among my closest friends.
  • Johnny Storm and I like to josh each other, but if I need help with the super-heroing business, I usually turn to him, cause the Human Torch has always come through for me.
  • Me and Eddie may of not have started off on the best foot but now of days we've gone from uneasy allies to friends. Can you believe he has a son now?
• Well-Intentioned Extremist: Look I'm not proud of it, but I betrayed Eddie Brock after he helped me stop Carnage, by not turning off the high frequency till he passed out and returning him to prison. I had thought at the time that Venom was just too dangerous to let him stay among people and that he'd go back to seeking revenge on me sooner or later.^note Venom: You know Pete if you had admitted your faults and dropped that grudge sooner we could've buried the hatchet far earlier. Seriously Flash had to call you out multiple times.
• Willfully Weak: I gotta hold back quite a bit in fights for the sake of leaving the more human criminals I fight looking, well, human afterward. Otto Octavius actually got a heaping helping of my true strength while taxiing my body around (Again, long story); met up with Scorpion one time, punched his jaw clean off. Again, not kidding about livin' up to that "Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" title.
• With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: My personal creed and motto, one I learned after Uncle Ben's death. Depending on the Writer, it's something he said to me in our last conversation, or just not with those exact words.
• You Can't Fight Fate: Apparently everyone I care about has to die or the whole universe will collapse. eee-Yeahhh...A bunch of my multiversal counterparts have already swallowed that theory, which to be fair probably helps them hush that voice in the back of their heads saying that everything is always their fault.^note When ol' Hitler-tache isn't saying it out loud anyway.
• You Fight Like a Cow: A Spidey trademark. It's part of my charm. I like spending most of my fights throwing witty retorts at my enemies. It's partially to humiliate them, partially to keep myself sane in the heat of battle.

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Huh? Oh. It looks like there's some sort of hang-up happening around Times Square, apparently something to do with… I don't know, a D-list villain this time around? Welp, I oughta get back to the grind. 'Nuff said, folks! See you later! (THWIP!)

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