Funny / The Simpsons Season 10

The Simpsons Funny Moments Index
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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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204 - "Lard of the Dance"

• Krusty's Speak and Say.
  Krusty: S is for Shiksa. S...H....I....I think there's a T in there somewhere. Ah, look it up!
• Homer and Bart walk into a Krusty Burger that is staffed entirely with Squeaky-Voiced Teens.
  Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Can I help you, sir?
  Homer: [leans uncomfortably close] My...God, you're greasy.
  Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [terrified] Mr. Maruka, heeeeelp!
• Milhouse using Elmer's glue as hair gel to impress Lisa, but he lifts up his glasses and blindly walks into a display.
• Nelson showing his Hidden Depths to Ralph, Wendell, Louis, and Database.
  Nelson: You see, the thing about huckleberries is: once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned. [Skinner walks up] Uh, and then I kicked the guy's ass! [Skinner nods and walks off] Now, if the berries get too tart, I just dust them with confectioner sugar. [the other kids murmur in interest]
• Before they go get the grease at Springfield Elementary, Homer and Bart have a little prayer:
  Homer: Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and all that. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
  Bart: Dad, he's not stupid.
  Homer: All right, screw it, let's roll!
• At the end, when the kids are playing in the grease.
  Nelson: (with a handful of grease) Here comes a greaseball!
  Luigi: (walking in) Hey! Luigi bring-a you kids-a free pizza! Why do you hafta make-a the fun, eh?
• Homer's Insane Troll Logic in this exchange.
  Bart: You're spending more money on bacon than you're getting for the grease.
  Homer: Yeah, but your mother pays for the bacon.
  Bart: Doesn't she get her money from you?
  Homer: And I get my money from grease. What's the problem?
• Homer getting muscled out of his grease business, who conk him on the head with his own shovel when he protests.
  Grease Thug 1: We run the grease racket in this town. (walks off)
  Homer: Hey, that's my shovel!
  Grease Thug 2: We also run the shovel racket.
  (truck drives off, revealing the name Acne Grease and Shovel.)

205 - "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

• Homer presenting his inventions to his family, with Marge getting shot in the face with the Make-Up Gun and telling Homer that it's set on "Whore."
  • The "everything's okay" alarm.
    Homer: THIS WILL SOUND EVERY THREE SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!
    Marge: Turn it off, Homer!
    Homer: IT CAN'T BE TURNED OFF! (the alarm batteries die) But it, uh, does break easily.
  • Lisa's reaction to the makeup gun.
    Lisa: Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
    Homer: Women will like what I tell them to like.
• Homer's funeral, featuring President Lenny, Barney as an Academy Award winner, Flanders as an archbishop, and Heckle and Jeckle.
  Heckle: There goes a real sack of crap!
  Jeckle: Indubitably, old chum!
• Grandpa: GAAAAHHH!!! The pictures! They're coming alive!
• Homer says he can't go to the main library. There was some...unpleasantness. He can never go back.
• Homer causing a massive explosion in the basement...because he was using dynamite in his invention.
• While driving to the Thomas Edison museum to smash one of his inventions, he sees Edison's ghost on the highway.
  Thomas Edison: Stop, Homer! By smashing my chair, you're only hurting yourself!
  [Homer steps on the gas and proceeds to run him down]
  Thomas Edison: I'll get you, you fat lunatic!
  [Homer stops and begins to back up the car, causing Edison to hide behind a bush]
• Bart and Lisa walk in on Homer smoking a cigar, justifying it by saying that Thomas Edison did the same.
  Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff too.
  Homer: Shut up!
• After seeing that Edison always viewed himself as being behind Leonardo da Vinci, Homer decides not to smash the chair. Instead, he tells Bart that they'll go to the Da Vinci museum and smash his inventions. When Bart points out that it's in Italy, Homer decides to take out his frustrations on Eli Whitney.
• Homer has a little brainstorming session with Bart and Lisa, which doesn't go very well.
  Lisa: Automatic...
  Bart: Butt.
  Homer: Okay...
  Lisa: Fluorescent...
  Bart: Booger!
  Homer: Mm-hmm. (writes down Bart and Lisa's ideas) Wait a minute, these aren't exciting, new products! You're not even trying. Okay, that's it, both of you go to your rooms and spank yourselves!
  Lisa: (muttering) Lazy father...
  Bart: (muttering) Can't even spank his own kids!
  Marge: Homer, you can't punish the children just because you can't come up with an idea.
  Homer: I don't see why not. They're my kids, I own them!
  (Marge groans)
  Homer: Okay, we own them!
• Homer goes to Professor Frink for help on inventing things. He tells him that one thing he can do is find a new use for existing devices, to which Homer comes up with hamburger earmuffs and runs out. Then it's shown that Frink has already invented them.
  "This babies'll be in the stores while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix!"
• At the Edison museum, the tour guide points out a room containing Edison's preserved brain.
  "Ordinarily, folks, tour groups are not allowed to see it, and of course, today will be no exception."
• Kent Brockman finishing a news report:
  Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.

206 - "Bart the Mother"

• Homer yelling out the window for Milhouse.
  Homer: MILHOOOOOOOOOOOOOUSE!!!
  Milhouse: [in the distance] Whaaaaat?!!
  Homer: TELL BART TO COME HOOOOOOOME!!!
  Milhouse: [in the distance] I think he's at Nelsooooooon's!!
  Homer: WHO'S NELSOOOOOOOOON?!!!
  • And just beforehand, Homer tells Marge that he'll get Bart...and he yells "BAAAAAAAAART!!!" so loudly that it reverberates through the house.
• Homer getting pummelled by the pitching machine at the Family Fun Center, with Bart commenting on the number of balls Homer is getting for just a quarter.
• Homer punishes Lisa for lying about where Bart is.
  Homer: Alright young lady (hands her money) I want to march yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer! (hands her extra money) And get a little something for yourself, sweetheart.
• The family eagerly await the hatching of Bart's eggs.
  Homer: This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's Comet collided with the moon!
  Lisa: ...that never happened, dad.
  Homer: Suuuuure it didn't.
• Bart's Imagine Spot after he kills the bird.
  Eagle Judge: Bart Simpson, do you know why you've been summoned before this tribunal?
  Bart: Yes, sir. Because I killed an innocent bird.
  (the bird judges gasp in horror)
  Vulture Judge: Dear Lord! We just wanted you to put fresh newspaper on the tribunal floor!
  Eagle Judge: We are knee-deep in our own droppings. It's disgusting.
  Toucan Judge: But since you've confessed to birdslaughter, we have no choice but to peck your face off!
  Bart: No, not the face!
• Reverend Lovejoy at the library:
  Librarian: You've checked this bible out every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one?
  Lovejoy: Perhaps... on a librarian's salary.
• The entire discussion on the lizards, and how to get rid of them — snakes.
  Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
  Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
  Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
  Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.

207 - "Treehouse of Horror IX"

A - Hell Toupée

• Chief Wiggum still drinking the Squishee after it's revealed that Apu was shoved in the Squishee machine.
  Chief Wiggum: As far as we can tell, Apu did not suffer.
  Lou: Looks to me like he suffered a lot, Chief.
  (pan out to reveal Apu's legs sticking out of the top of an overflowing Squishee machine)
  Wiggum: Aw, jeez, Lou. How long were you going to let me drink this thing? (continues slurping)
• Moe asking Apu if they have a special cereal for people with syphilis (which does exist in real life, only it's prescribed by doctors, not sold in stores) and Apu actually having it onhand. For added hilarity, he requests the cereal right after acting disgusted at Snake smoking.
• Snake lights up in the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu tells him that smoking isn't allowed in the store and points to a "no smoking" sign. Said sign is not only tiny, it's surrounded by large, garish cigarette advertisements.
• Among Snake's listed crimes are blowing up a bus full of nuns, which he claims was "self-defense".
• Surgery, Dr. Nick-style. He brandishes a syringe full of drugs, much to Homer's alarm. And then Dr. Nick punches Homer out and injects himself with the syringe, before giddily advancing on Homer with a pizza cutter.
• Moe's death via corkscrew to the heart is greusome but his reaction to it?
  Moe: Oh for crying out loud-!
• After Snake takes over Homer's body and tries to kill Bart in his room, Lisa and Marge come in. Lisa starts explaining Snake's hair has taken over Homer only for Marge to angrily cut her off saying everybody's already figured that out.
• The very end of the segment, with Marge arriving a few seconds late to Wiggum's "Bad Hair Day" punchline.
  Marge: (sternly): May I remind you five people died today? (Beat, elated) Oh, wait! I just got it! (joins in laughter).

B - The Terror of Tiny Toon

• Bart and Lisa diving into the soup on the Regis and Kathie Lee show.
  Regis: (blinded by the soup) My eyes! My beautiful eyes!
  Kathie Lee: Oh that's it I'm going home. Dom De Luise can interview himself!
• Poochie's cameo (despite the declaration that Poochie was never going to be on any future Itchy and Scratchy cartoon as seen on "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"), where he gets hit by a police car.

C - Starship Poopers

• Homer, Bart and Lisa are so grossed out by Maggie's alien tooth that they lose their appetites. Then Homer's comes back and he starts eating Lisa's breakfast.
• Homer's only reaction to Maggie's legs dropping off? "Marge, Maggie lost her baby legs!"
• Maggie grows tentacles and slithers on ceiling. Homer tries to get her down with broom and she lets out an angry hiss.
• Dr. Hibbert testing Maggie, who's grown a fang. She chomps the tongue depressor into pieces, which startles Hibbert.
  Homer: What do you prescribe, doctor?
  Dr. Hibbert: Fire, and lots of it!
  Marge: Oh, that's your cure for everything.
• Kang describing Earth as an "obscure, T-shirt producing planet".
• The flashback to how Maggie was conceived has Kang and Kodos abducting Marge and telling her she's been chosen, but to put her at ease, they've recreated the three most common "spawning grounds" of humans to use as a backdrop: A friend's wedding, the backseat of a Camaro, or an alley behind an adult movie theater.
  Marge: I absolutely refuse to go along with this, but since I have no choice, I'll choose the alley.
• Marge's description of her being abducted. As she's having a fun night hanging out the washing, Kang's saucer shows up and announces "WARNING! WARNING! YOU ARE BEING ABDUCTED!" A bright light then shines on her... and a rope drops down from the ship and yanks her inside, rather than a tractor beam.
• Homer calling Marge an "intergalactic hussy," sobbing hysterically, then stopping and commenting, "Was [Kang] better than me?"
• The part with the quote "Holy flurking schnit!"
• The entire sequence of Kang, Homer, and Marge on The Jerry Springer Show:
  Homer: One-eyed, two-timing [BLEEP] I'm gonna [BLEEP]!
  Kang: Oh, yeah?! Well, [BLEEP] hyperbolic paraboloid [BLEEP] yo mama!
• Then there's a smart-ass audience member:
  Smart-Ass Audience Member: (to Kang) You know, someone needs to learn your green ass some responsibility.
  Audience: Yeah! (Kang disintegrates her with his ray gun)
  Jerry: (defensively) Now, hang on, Kang. You can't bully my audience with your fancy ray gun.
  (Kang does exactly that, disintegrating everyone else, including one of the cameramen)
• Alien!Maggie proceeds to strangle Jerry to death, with Kang and Homer still going at each other's throats. Marge's closing observation?
  Marge: I'm so [BLEEP] embarrassed.
  • Then when they're all in the parking lot.
    Marge: I can't beleive it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict.
    Lisa: (blankly) And now he's dead.

208 - "When You Dish Upon a Star"

• The Yogi Bear dream sequence where Yogi Homer mauls Ranger Ned Flanders. Followed up with Homer dreaming that he's Magilla Gorilla and attacking Mr. Peebles.
  "Oooh, I was having the most wonderful dream. I had a hat and tie with no pants on."
• Homer parking his car on top of a beach-buried Ned Flanders, who recognizes the muffler Homer "borrowed" for his car.
• When Homer wants to dish that he's working for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger but holds back because he promised not to, a random bearded guy appears in the thought cloud:
  Guy: Tell the people, Homer. They have a right to know about the celebrity summer house.
  Homer: Who are you?
  Guy: What do you care? I'm telling you what you want to hear.
• Homer justifying his treatment of what he feels are stuck-up celebrities: "And when it's time to do the dishes, where's Ray Bolger? ^note the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz I'll tell ya: RAY BOLGER IS LOOKIN' OUT FOR RAY BOLGER!"
• "Homer! We're out of vodka!"
• Ron Howard trying to jump on Homer's "Celebrity Jerks" RV — and ends up tumbling on the road.
• Homer parasailing.

209 - "D'oh-in in the Wind"

• The Bad "Bad Acting" of Mr. Burns' instructional video, courtesy of Homer.
  Homer: For all those reasons and more, let us choose an electrifying career in... line?
  Burns: (sighs) Nuclear power!
  Homer: (imitating Burns) Nuclear power!
  Burns: Ugh, you dunderheaded stooges are the worst bunch of—
  (title card: "An Alan Smithee Film")
  • Along with the commentary after the commercial aired on TV:
    Homer: Well, there were script problems from day one.
    Bart: Didn't seem like anybody even read the script.
    Homer: That was the problem.
• The flashback to Grampa, Mona, and Homer at Woodstock:
  Grampa: (wearing a suit and tie) Boo! Bring on "Sha Na Na!" (holds up a sign that says "Bowzer For President")
  • When young Homer is dancing nude in the mud, Grampa tells him, "Put some damn pants on and then pull 'em down, 'cause it's time for a spanking!"
• Homer's response to having accidentally destroyed the organic juice stock. "Uh... pretty freaky, huh?"
• The peyote freak-out sequence, particularly: Groundskeeper Willie making out with a rake (whom he sees as a sexy Scottish woman named Fergie), Barney countering the peyote hallucinations with the ones he commonly sees while drinking beer (and thanking his pink elephant friend for always being there for him), The Rolling Stones lips telling Ned to pucker up, and Jasper and Abe sitting on a park bench and giggling like Beavis and Butt-Head.
• Dr. Hibbert refusing to surgically remove the flower shot into Homer's head because he's a doctor, not a gardener.

210 - "Lisa Gets an "A""

• Similar to "Lisa on Ice", Lisa has an Imagine Spot where she worries that if she fails her test, it will cost her admission into Harvard:
  Miss Hoover: And the lowest grade in the class...
  Ralph: She's gonna say my name!
  Miss Hoover: ...Lisa Simpson. Zero.
  Principal Skinner: Lisa, the president of Harvard would like to see you.
  Harvard President: Nasty business, that zero. Naturally, Harvard's doors are now closed to you, but I'll pass your file along to (snickers) Brown.
  Skinner: Mmmm, Brown. Heckuva school. Weren't you at Brown, Otto?
  Otto: Yep. Almost got tenure, too.
  Lisa: No! Not Brown, Brown, Brown... (continues repeating "Brown" as the scene fades back into reality)
  Miss Hoover: Lisa, you're saying "Brown" an awful lot. Are you okay?
• Nelson has an office in a bathroom cubicle where he gives out test answers. And he's Salesman of the Month.
• What convinces Lisa to cheat: Seeing Willie in a stall, unclogging a toilet with his bare hands.
  Willie: Ooh, you've got yourself a partner, do ya?
• Homer mourning over his pet lobster, Pinchy, whom he accidentally boiled (he gave Pinchy a hot bath to clean off the mud on him) and eating him during dinner. Normally, it would be a Tear Jerker for anyone who has lost a pet, but it's funny here because Homer's stupidity (running a hot bath for a lobster) killed Pinchy and, all throughout the subplot, Homer wanted the lobster so he can fatten it up and eat it when it's all grown up rather than buy a full-sized one from the grocery store. He got what he wanted, but it ended up being a sad time, because he grew attached to Pinchy and (up until that point) decided not to raise it as food. And on top of that, as he's sobbing over the death of Pinchy, he's eating him as well!
  Bart: Are you gonna eat that all by yourself?
  Homer: Uh-huh. Pinchy would have wanted it that way.
• One of Ralph's funniest moments
  Ralph: Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
  (The word "C_T" appears on screen, in which Ralph hits the "A" button)
  Ralph: I'm learnding!
• After Skinner, Bart, and the rest of the audience fool the real comptroller by getting the giant check with the school's grant on it without the real Lisa being there...
  Skinner: [holds up giant check] I know a liquor store where we can cash this right now!
  Audience: [Erupts with cheers and applause]

211 - "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""

• This scene:
  The Sea Captain: Welcome to the Ship of Lost Souls!
  Homer: The back of the ship says "Honeybunch".
  The Sea Captain: Yar, I been meaning to paint over that.
• The Frenchman revealing that he stole his accordion^note actually a concertina from a blind monkey, yet Homer's story of how he left his father to die disgusts him.
• Dr Hibbert discovering that Homer has run away from the operating room.
  Hibbert: We really gotta get rid of that window.
• Hans Moleman almost runs over Homer with a car transporter, but...
  Homer: Phew! Boy, that— (a car on the transporter rolls off and crushes Homer) OW!
• Marge telling Bart to pay attention during the tour of the Ghost Town and the guide goes on about how the town was full of prostitution and lists off the places they are stopping on the tour most of which are bordellos much to Marge's chagrin, then she gets excited when the last location mentioned is a "Mission" before the guide remarks "lots of prostitutes there" to which Marge groans.

212 - "Mayored to the Mob"

• The fight between the mighty robots from Battlestar Galactica (1978) and the gay robots from Star Wars, with C-3PO getting his ass kicked while R2-D2 rolls away.
• Mark Hamill giving a Product Placement speech at the convention:
  Mark: You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see, you stand to save up to 1 to 7 cents a month over the more dependable providers.
  Data: Dah, talk about Star Wars!
  Homer: You stupid nerds! He's trying to save you money on long distance!
• When Homer saves Mark Hamill and Mayor Quimby from rioting nerds:
  Homer: Mr. Hamill! Mr. Mayor! Come on!
  Mark: Who are you?
  Homer: Homer Simpson, nerd buster! And I'm getting you outta here!
  Mark: [clutching his ankle] Gaah! I can't, Homer! I twisted my ankle! You guys go on without me!
  Homer: Never! [picks Hamill and Quimby up] Follow me! [Homer kicks nerds aside as he brings Hamill and Quimby into a spaceship Hamill was in moments ago. He shuts the ship's door, then opens it a couple seconds later] How was I supposed to know it's not a real spaceship?
  • Making this even better is that it was a SANDCRAWLER.
  • And after they escape the building, Lisa realises that they have to go back for Maggie:
    Homer: Forget Maggie! She's gone!
    Marge: (annoyed) I've got Maggie.
  • And then it turns out that Hamill's ankle wasn't twisted after all:
    Mark: Oh, yeah. Well...see, the thing about that is... [runs]
• To become a bodyguard, Homer attends a boot camp run by Leavelle, also played by Mark Hamill:
  Leavelle: As a bodyguard, your only loyalty is to your protectee. Not to your family, not to your country, not to Moo-hamad!
  Homer: Even during Ramadan?
  Leavelle: Shut yo sasshole, boy!
  • During Homer's training, he has to practice Taking the Bullet and the Big "NO!":
    [Leavelle pretends to fire a rifle at a watermelon on a podium; Homer dives in front of the bullet's path]
    Homer: Nooooooo. [lands on ground]
    Leavelle: Well, your dive wasn't bad, but I just didn't believe your "NOOOOOO!" You gotta sell it! Remember, your "NOOOOOO!" is what gets you your next job! Now drop and give me twenty.
    Homer: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
    Leavelle: (impressed) Better.
  • When the bodyguard trainees are given the watermelons they'll be protecting, Homer immediately eats his.
  • And then at the "graduation ceremony" (with watermelon everywhere), Leavelle sings "I Will Always Love You". Badly. Everyone leaves.
• As Homer is picked to be Mayor Quimby's new bodyguard:
  Homer: WOOHOO!
  Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just—
  Homer: (grim and firm) I said "Woo. Hoo."
• Homer using a Vulcan Pinch-type move on Bart and Lisa when they try to take some snacks before dinner. When Marge chides him, Homer uses it on her. Then he uses it on himself when he realizes he needs to kill some time, only to hit his head on the table as he collapses.
• Upon seeing the room full of rats being milked: "CRAP ON A CRUST!" And then:
  Homer: They're milking rats! [running out of the building] MILKING RATS!!
  Mayor Quimby: [to Fat Tony] Rats?! I'm outraged! You promised me dog or higher!
• Homer slapping the rat's milk carton out of Bart's hand.
  Bart: Hey! I traded my math book for that!
• "HIS CORPSE IS CLIMBING THE BUILDING!"
• The first appearance of the Frank Nelson type, aka the "Yes Guy":
  Homer: Excuse me?
  Yes Guy: Nyyyeeeeeeesss?!
  Homer: Do you have a table for the mayor?
  Yes Guy: Nyyyeeeeeeesss!
  Homer: Why do you talk that way?
  Yes Guy: I had a stroooooooke!
• The inexplicably Star Wars-themed production of Guys and Dolls.
  Chorus: [to the tune of "Hooray For Hollywood"] Guys and Dolls! / We're just a bunch of crazy Guys and Dolls! / Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, Guys and Dolls...
  Mark: This is a conceptual nightmare. I mean, Nathan Detroit would never wear this. [referencing his Luke Skywalker outfit] And this song isn't even in the show!
  Cook: I don't have time for this. I got 75 shortcakes to strawberry. Now get out there, "Luke".
• Louie gets pushed onstage by the cook and does a very impressive tap dance solo holding the knife blade with his teeth.
  Homer: That guy with the knife sure can dance, huh?
  Mayor Quimby: He looks awfully familiar.
  Homer: I think I saw him in "Rent" or "Stomp" or "Clomp" or some piece of crap.
  [Louie ends the dance and slides forward on his knees towards Homer and Mayor Quimby. A majority of the crowd applauds his performance.]
  Mark: Hey, pal, that's my headshot up there next to the pepper steak, and don't you forget it.
  Louie: You're all talk, Hamill! You never even finished Jedi school!
  [Louie punches Hamill with enough force that he flies into the stage set and it comes crashing down on him]
• Homer fighting with Louie the Mobster when he tries to attack the Mayor with a knife during the performance.
  Homer: Give me the knife!!
  Louie: No, its mine!!
• As Homer and Louie fight, Mark Hamill suddenly appears to offer wisdom:
  Mark: Homer, use the for—
  Homer: The Force?
  Mark: The forks! Use the forks!
• Homer succeeds in disabling Louie, only to turn around and sees Fat Tony beating the crap out of Quimby with a baseball bat.
  Homer: [disappointed tone] Oh, Fat Tony...
  Tony: [naively] What? What did I do?

213 - "Viva Ned Flanders"

• The chase sequence, featuring Elvis Presley's rendition of "Viva Las Vegas" (originally, they wanted the Bruce Springsteen cover, but they couldn't get the rights, so they went with the famous Elvis version, which actually fits the sequence, even if it's a bit cliched), has the most hilarious subversions of Mugged for Disguise (Homer and Flanders try to take some janitors' uniforms, only for the janitors to fight back) and So Long, Suckers! (Homer and Flanders try to escape in a convertible, but everyone in the casino beats them up and throws them out of Vegas).
• Just the fact that Homer remembers Barney's birthday being on the same day as Adolf Hitler's (or Lassie the dog's, depending on what version you're seeing), yet he barely knows the birthdays of his wife and kids, and doesn't even know that he has a second daughter (Maggie).
• There's a brief little moment after Homer and Ned drive past the "Welcome to Nevada" sign. As their car passes, the camera holds momentarily before quickly panning to a man nearly identical in appearance to Raoul Duke driving a swanky-looking sports car with a joint in his mouth. In the passenger side is a man with a jack-o'-lantern for a head. The jack-o'-lantern man asks "Raoul" if he thinks he wants to go back. "Raoul" replies with this:
  "Raoul": Nah, too many damn kids. (Proceeds to drive off into sunset)
• When Flanders wants to get out of Homer's car, Homer locks the doors and assures him that escape is impossible, only for Flanders to open the passenger side door on his own and walk out. He immediately walks into Joan Rivers asking him to be in the audience of an infomercial and he gets back in the car, but as he and Homer drive away, Rivers runs up and begs him to help her because her daughter isn't talented.
• The congregation finds out that Ned Flanders is 60 years old and attributes his youthful looks to clean living. Instead of being impressed, they run through all the vices he hasn't indulged in:
  Marge: You mean you've never splurged and, say, eaten an entire birthday cake, then blamed it on the dog? (surprised reaction from Lisa)
  Edna: You've never licked maple syrup off your lover's stomach? (Agnes glares at an embarrassed Seymour)
  Bart: (poking his head through a window, holding a crowbar) Never snuck out of church to break into cars?

214 - "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken"

• In the beginning, the Isotopes getting worn out after just stepping onto the field before the game even starts.
• Babe Ruth the Fourth signaling a home run...only to then go for a bunt; a bunt so short that the entire opposing team is up close, ready to get him out.
• Homer becoming a fairweather fan when he finds out the Isotopes are doing well.
• Barney shooting beer out of a barrel that knocks Kent Brockman out of the door.
• Lenny and Carl hitting each other, yelling "Isotopes", Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Barney's drive through Springfield Elementary School, Barney slipping while they're in the shower, Homer's flashback of his night out in the form of a sepia tone silent film titled ''Homer's Night Out'' (with two scenes missing), and Homer calling Lisa "Big Maggie" after the film abruptly ends.
• The horrendous sitcom Don't Go There.
  Announcer: Don't Go There will be right back after these messages.
  Bart: (about to smash the telvision with a bowling ball) Oh, no it won't.
• Chief Wiggum checking the IDs of Jimbo, Kearny, and Nelson.
  Wiggum: I'm taking you downtown! [double-checks Nelson's ID] Oh. Sorry to disturb ya, Dr. Hibbert.
  Nelson: [deep voice] Not at all, officer! [chuckles]
• Chief Wiggum catching the kids watching the movie:
  Wiggum: Let this be a lesson to you kids. The moral of the story is: the adults always win!
  [the children look towards Wiggum with glowing blue eyes, like in the horror movie they saw]
  Wiggum: WAAAAAH!
  [the "glowing eyes" turn out be reflections from a police light]
  Wiggum: For crying out loud, Eddie! You scared the hell out of me.
  Eddie: Sorry, Chief. [turns off the light] Heh heh.
• On the "We Know All Your Secrets" radio broadcast, Bart reveals something shameful about his dad Homer.
  Bart: [on radio] And now we come to Mr. Homer Simpson. [Homer shrieks] Did you know he likes to eat out of the Flanders' garbage?
  Marge: [somber] Ohhh, Homer.
  Homer: [sadly] I have a problem.
  Bart: [on radio] Tune in tomorrow and every day until the curfew is lifted because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.
  Homer: [relieved] Well, at least they've already done me.
  Bart: [on radio] And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson.
  Homer: D'oh!
• The kids revealing the adults' embarrassing secrets.
  Lisa: And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?
  (listening at home, Dr. Hibbert nervously pulls his collar)
  Lisa: That's right, Homer Simpson.
  Homer: (in the distance) D'oh!
• The song, especially the end when everyone is singing over each other.
• The ending, in which the senior citizens of Springfield ban both the kids and the adults from going out at night, forcing Kent Brockman to do a news report from inside his own house while the frustrated Simpsons watch.

215 - "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday"

• The Super Bowl commercial:
  Announcer: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. I mean, when you think about it.
  Homer: Hehe, football's so great.
  Announcer: But now the two conference champs must survive a harrowing bye week that no one enjoys.
  Moe: (scoffs) Bye weeks! Bronco Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks. And now he's dead. Well, maybe they're a good thing.
• Homer's daydream about being at the Super Bowl. The coach lost his last quarterback, and when he calls out to Homer in the stands, you think he's going to put Homer in the game, but instead he tells him: "Get your hand off my wife's leg!"
• Homer recruiting people to go to the Super Bowl, including Lenny:
  Homer: (on phone) Come on, Lenny. I need four more guys to fill my Super Bowl bus. Whaddaya say?
  Lenny: Nah...
  Homer: Come on!
  Lenny: Naaah...
  Homer: Come onnnn!
  Lenny: Naaaaah....
  Homer: Oh, come onnnn!
  Lenny: (marginally more upbeat) Eh...
  Homer: Yes! (hangs up) Now that Lenny's in, Carl will fall like a domino.
• All the guys hopping the Super Bowl bus are relieved that they can finally let themselves go, and undo their belts to let their stomachs out. But they suck their stomachs back in when they see they have a female bus driver.
  "I don't know if I can last that long!"
• Rudy tries to hop a bus to the Super Bowl as it's pulling away:
  Moe: Aw, crap. It's that pip-squeak Rudy.
  Homer: What is it, Rudy?
  Rudy: Can I come too?
  Krusty: Forget it, kid. You're too small to go to the Super Bowl.
  Rudy: But what I lack in size, I make up for in obnoxiousness!
• Troy Aikman as a caricature artist:
  Troy: So, Ned? You like dune buggies?
  Ned: Well... (laughs nervously) Not-not, my cup of—
  Troy: Sure you do! Everyone likes dune buggies.
  (a collage of previous sketches are shown; everyone is in a dune buggy)
• Marge gives her address over the phone, and almost says the state:
  Marge: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, o-hiya, Maude! Come on in!
• When Homer realizes the Super Bowl tickets are made of crackers, he wants to break the news to his friends gently:
  Homer: My friends—
  Krusty: They don't have the tickets!
• A close-up of Lenny saying "Here comes the kick!", only for the next cut to reveal the group is in a jail cell and the kick he's referring to is Homer being kicked by the rest of the group.
  Hibbert: As a doctor, I'd say he's had enough. But, as a football fan...
  (gears up and kicks Homer in the butt)
• While in the jail cell:
  Homer: Psst, cleaning lady. Would you let us out of here?
  Dolly Parton: Me? I'm Dolly Parton.
  Homer: I didn't ask for your life story. Just give me the key.
• When everyone breaks out of jail, the group runs ecstatically up the stairs while "Song 2" by Blur plays. After a few seconds, Moe chimes in:
  Moe: Hey, Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour. Where the hell's the game?!
  Homer: You guys were following me? I was following Flanders!
• Rupert Murdoch announces himself as "the billionaire tyrant".
• While in the winning locker room:
  Player: Whoo! I'm going to Disneyland!
  Wally: Really? 'Cause I'm a travel agent and I've heard nothing but bad things.
• John Madden and Pat Summerall's recap of the events of the episode, culminating with Madden realizing he and the viewers were tricked because in a Super Bowl episode, there was no football actually shown.
  Madden: What a way to treat the loyal fans who've put up with so much nonsense from this franchise.

Deleted Scenes

Skinner unknowingly drinks some alcohol and panics, saying he's losing his inhibitions:

Skinner: Oh well, what are ya gonna do. (loosens his tie and leans back)
Chalmers: (drives next to the bus with Agnes in the passenger seat) SKIN-NER!!!
(Skinner tightens his tie)

216 - "Homer to the Max"

• The Take That! against animated series and The Other Darrin trope (which is funnier when you realize that The Simpsons voice actors were fighting with FOX over a pay raise and FOX stated that if the voice actors didn't accept the money given to them, then they would be fired and replaced with sound-alikes).
  Homer: Oh, The Laughter Family. That's a cartoon. Networks like animation because they don't have to pay the actors squat.
  (Ned Flanders appears in the window)
  Ned: (with a completely different voice) Plus they can replace the voices and no one can tell the diddly-ifference!
• After watching Admiral Baby, which is so bad it makes Homer's novelty flag wilt:
  Marge: It's hard to believe that someone that young could have risen to the rank of admiral.
  Homer: I never thought I'd say this about a TV show, but... this is kind of stupid.
• When Homer sees that one of the badass detectives (well, they're only both badass in the first version) is also called Homer Simpson:
  Homer: [GAAAAAAASP!] He's named like my name!
• Both times we see Police Cops, either in its original form with the suave, scarf-wearing cop that has Homer's name, and its retooled version, featuring said suave cop changed to a bumbling moron who has "Uh-Oh, Spaghetti-Os!" as his Catchphrase.
  Chief: You destroyed that drug shipment?!
  Detective Homer Simpson: Yes indeedy!
  Chief: That was my insulin!
  Detective Homer Simpson: Uh-oh, Spaghetti-Ohs!
  Chief: Simp-SON!
• Carl asking for Homer's autograph.
  Carl: Hey, Mr. Simpson, sir, can I get your autograph?
  Homer: Alright. What's the name?
  Carl: Uh, Homer, we've worked together for ten years. (Homer blankly looks at him) It's Carl.
  (Homer signs Carl's notepad and gives it back)
  Carl: You only wrote my name. Um, I wanted yours.
  Homer: Take it or leave it. (looks at the notepad) Carl.
• When Homer changes his name to Max Power, and introduces himself:
  Trent Steel: Hey, great name!
  Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer.
  Trent: (laughs) I like a man who can poke fun at himself. Hey, my 1:00 canceled. Have you had any lunch?
  Homer: Yeah, but I usually have 3 or 4.
  Trent: So where to eat? You like Thai?
  Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?
• The Running Gag of Homer running into a Cactus, the third time being in the Simpsons home to which Lisa remarks "we really should put that in a corner"
• Homer getting his scarf caught in the ceiling fan at Moe's and getting tossed out the door and later spilling Fondue all over the controls at the Power Plant.
• "Max Power" is born:
  Homer: (singing) Max Power, he's a man whose name you'd love to touch, but you mustn't toooouuuuch/his name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn't FEAR!/'Cause his name can be said by anyone
• Bill Clinton hitting on Marge and then having to leave because "Quebec's got the bomb".
• Homer ignoring Saturday Night Live creator Lorne Michaels.
• Homer changing Marge's name at the end to "Chesty LaRue" and after Marge voices her displeasure Homer suggests other silly porn-star-esque names.
• Ed Begley Jr. drives a go-kart powered by his own sense of self-satisfaction.

217 - "I'm with Cupid"

• At the beginning, Marge goes to the Kwik-E-Mart in the middle of the night to buy supplies for Bart's science project, since it's the only place open that late. Apu is aghast.
  Apu: But this is a prime time for stoned teenagers buying shiny things!
  (cut to Jimbo Jones staring at a piece of tinfoil)
  Jimbo: Whoooaa, it's like a living mirror! Cool hat!
• Having finished Bart's science project, a replica of a working stomach, Marge starts hearing an odd gurgling noise.
  Bart: Cool!
  Marge: I haven't turned it on yet...
  (Pan to Homer, standing by the fridge, holding his belly and clearly in discomfort)
  Homer: (moans) I'm never eatin' chili again... (he looks in the fridge) Ooh, chili!
• When Homer and Marge are at Apu and Manjula's place:
  Apu: (flipping through vinyl records) Who is your favorite Indian pop singer?
  Homer: (groaning) Aw, don't make me choose...
  Apu: (still flipping) Shankar, Shankar, Shankar, oh, here we go!
  (Apu takes out the record "Concert Against Bangladesh"; he puts it on the record player, turns it on and it plays fast, inhuman sounding shrieking)
  Apu: Oh, sorry...
  (Apu slows down the player's speed and we hear jazzy music a la Frank Sinatra, which Homer snaps along to)
  Singer: You make me feel so young... You make me feel like spring has sprung...
• Homer trying to read the Kama Sutra on the way home after Apu and Manjula throw it out the window.
  Marge: (as Homer swerves around the road) Either put the book down, or let me drive.
  Homer: (immediately pulls over and gets out to keep reading before Marge drives off) Hey, they stole our idea.
  Marge: Oooh! (tire screeching sounds resume)
• Homer's hilarious brawl with the pilot Fantastic Dan:
  Fantastic Dan: I have to deliver a message. It's the skywriters' code!
  Homer: I am so sick of that damn code!
  • Later, once Homer ruins the skywriting, Dan leaves him hanging off the plane and tries to ram him into various objects.
  Fantastic Dan: Darnit, Why Won't You Die??
• Homer's warped fairy tale about having to pee in an alley because the ogre (Barney) left the bathroom a mess, then waking up hours later by the kiss of a noble raccoon.
• Grammy bashing:
  Homer: Mr. John, I'm your biggest fan. I tape-recorded all your songs off the radio.
  Elton John: Oh, that's very sweet. Have a Grammy.
  Homer: Uh... (throws it into a garbage can)
• Apu's first Valentine's gift is a unique chocolate statue of himself.
  Manjula: A chocolate husband! Oh, how darling!
  Apu: (from inside) Help, I can't breathe!
  (the face breaks apart, revealing Apu)
  Manjula: Oh, Apu! (hugs him) Oh, you are the sweetest filling of all.
  Apu: (gasping) Air... need air...
  Manjula: Oh, Apu...
  Apu: Don't talk, my ears are filled with nougat!
  Manjula: Oh, dear...
  Apu: There's a nut in my eye!

218 - "Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers""

• Principal Skinner blowing the "Who's on First?" routine by explaining the joke, then being called a "sexless freak" by Superintendent Chalmers.
• Bart's reaction to the lackluster talent show: "I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows."
• Mrs. Krabappel performing a burlesque routine with a cigarette lighter and a dress made of balloons, to the audience's horror.
  Bart: (plaintively) Kill me...
• When Skinner calls an interval, the whole audience gets up to leave. Skinner's subsequent teasing of cafeteria workers in Beatles wigs with tennis racket guitars makes the audience run like hell.
• Lenny and Carl at Moe's
  Carl: Hey, has anyone seen Homer today?
  (Homer goes past the bar window, hanging by his belt from the horn of a charging rhinoceros)
  Lenny: There he goes.
• The road rage video. A few highlights:
  • The opening montage, including a judge who's driving in his robe and banging his gavel on the dashboard ("I sentence you to kiss my ass!") and a man in a spacesuit leaning out the window of his car, waving a golf club and shrieking.
  • The police presenter's recap, which is, let's say, a little misguided:
    Anger is what makes America great. But you must find a proper outlet for your rage. Fire a weapon at your television screen. Pick a fight with someone weaker than you. Or, write a threatening letter to a celebrity! So when you go out for a drive, remember to leave your murderous anger where it belongs: at home.
• The dancing sloth.

219 - "Make Room for Lisa"

• The opening where Homer thinks he's gone back in time to 1939.
• Homer spilling chocolate on the US Constitution, and trying to lick it off.
  Guard 1: Oh, now you got rid of the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment!
  Guard 2: [reads some brass knuckles] Hehehe, sweet!
  • The very next scene has Homer being told of how expensive it'll be to fix the Constitution. He's then shown to have the words "cruel and unusual" printed on his tongue.
• Marge hitting Milhouse on the head with her walkie-talkie due to a prank Bart pulled, thinking that he was a crazed killer, then when Marge yells at Bart (and Bart tells Marge that she deserved to be pranked because she wouldn't stop eavesdropping on calls), Marge relents and tells Bart, "If anyone asks, you hit him." Bart doesn't protest.
• Marge eavesdropping on everyone in Springfield.

220 - "Maximum Homerdrive"

• Homer hears about "The Slaughterhouse" from Lisa during dinner in the dining room. Specifically, because Lisa wishes to protest it for its rather inhumane decor (steer carcasses and fountain of blood) and practices (the guest get to choose a cow, and that cow is then killing right in front of them). Homer immediately decides that he very much likes the concept.
  Homer: Wait, there's a place like that in Springfield? Then why are we eating this crap? (he shoves all of the food and dishes off the dining room table) Come on, everybody! We're going to "The Slaughterhouse"!
  Marge: You didn't need to knock the food on the floor.
  Homer: Didn't I?
• Mr Burns having several steers slaughtered only for him to change his mind and say he wants a glass of milk, which results in another cow getting killed.
• As Homer is driving on the highway with Bart in the late Red Barclay's semi truck, he sees a young boy moving his arm in the back of a passing car.
  Homer: That little punk! I'll teach him some manners! (he steps on the gas pedal and moves closer to the rear of the car, the young boy gasps)
  Bart: No, dad. He wants you to blow your horn.
  Homer: Ohh. (He smiles and pulls down the cord hanging from the ceiling to his right. It releases the trailer of the semi from behind the truck.) That little punk!
• Homer under the effects of stimulants and sleeping pills. At the same time.
  Homer: I'll hardly agree! I'm really fired! This is a big mistake!! Ooooh, heeere coomes the sleeeping pills, soo droowsyyy... Pep pills perking up again! I can drive allllll niight... (falls asleep at the wheel of the truck)
• In the subplot, Marge and Lisa are waiting for someone to ring the new doorbell.
  Marge: Anyone? Anyone at all?
  Lisa: (looking out the window) Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds and he's coming this way — Oh, the birds got him.
  Milhouse: (runs by the window, trying to ward off three chirping birds that are attacking him) Aaahhh! Aahh! Not the face!
  • More prospects
    Lisa: Hey! People are coming! I think they're Jehovah's Witnesses!
    Marge: Yes!
    Noreen: (just before her partner rings the bell) Wait, Marvin, I just had a thought. Maybe we're bothering people by trying to change their religion. What if we don't have all the answers?
    Marvin: You're right, Noreen. Let's go get real jobs! (They walk away, discarding their pamphlets)
    Marge: (watching through the keyhole of the door) I would have feigned interest...
  • A little while later, in a desperate attempt to have a visitor ring the doorbell, Marge decides to order some garlic bread from "Luigi's".
    Marge: (saying to Lisa as the Wiseguy from "Luigi's" is approaching the front door) This is it, honey. We did it. (the Wiseguy knocks on the door instead of ringing the doorbell) DAMNIT! (Lisa moans) Ring the bell!
    The Wiseguy: Why? You already know I'm here, don't ya?
    Marge: Just do it!
    The Wiseguy: Nothin' doin', missy. Now do you want your half-order of garlic bread or not?
    Marge: No, but if you'll just ring the— (she hears tires screeching as the Wiseguy drives away in the "Luigi's" truck)
• "All right, listen: You just stumbled on a secret that only truck drivers are supposed to know." (Homer giggles) "Hey, pay attention and stop looking at that squirrel!"
• Homer and Bart go to see "The Monster That Ate Everybody"
  Girl in movie: Did the monster eat Patrick?
  Boy in movie: It ate everybody.
  Girl: What about Erica?
  Boy, Homer, and Bart: (angrily) It ate everybody!
  Homer: Stupid!
  • Also, they park the truck right in front of all the other cars in the drive-in.

221 - "Simpsons Bible Stories"

A - Marge's Dream

• God (Ned Flanders) flicking Homer out of the garden after his unicorn Gary dies.

B - Lisa's Dream

• The Pharaoh (Principal Skinner) having a conversation with his servant.
  Pharaoh: All right, read me back what I have so far, Mrs. Krabapatra.
  Mrs. Krabapatra: Bird, bird, giant eye, pyramid, bird.
  Pharaoh: Mmm-hmm, very good. Uh, giant eye, dead fish, cat head, cat head, cat head, guy doing this (Strikes the "Walk Like An Egyptian" pose).
• Chief Wiggum serving as Dathan, Edward G. Robinson's character from The Ten Commandments (1956).
  Wiggum: [as Lisa and Milhouse (Moses) are being sealed in a pyramid] So long, kids! Give my regards to the British Museum!
• Milhouse's (Moses) reaction to seeing Pharaoh's chariot host.
  Milhouse: Screw this, I'm converting! Save us, O' Mighty Ra!

C - Homer's Dream

• Homer (as King Solomon) makes his judgement for Lenny and Carl over ownership of a pie.
  Solomon!Homer: The pie shall be cut in two... [cuts the pie right down the center with a small knife] And each man shall receive— death. (Lenny and Carl both gasp and are dragged away by royal guards.) I'll eat the pie. [eats both pie halves]
• Immediately after Lenny and Carl, it's the "Jesus Christ vs. Checker Chariot" court case.

D - Bart's Dream

Jester!Krusty: Now, I'm not saying Jezebel's easy, but before she moved to Sodom it was known for its pottery. (laughs)
David!Bart: What else you got?
Jester!Krusty: Well, wait a minute. I got something on the Canaanites. Oh. They are so stupid...

• Santa's Little Helper as Dog!Goliath from Davey and Goliath:

Dog!Goliath: I don't know, Davey.
David!Bart: Quiet, you.
Dog!Goliath: Oh, you've gotten pretty fat, Davey.
Goliath!Nelson: Let's get it on!
Dog!Goliath: See ya later, Davey.

E - Ending Sequence:

• It seems the apocalypse is upon them:
  Marge: Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?
  Bart: (frightened) Not anymore.
• Homer: (in hell) They're out of hot dogs! And the coleslaw has pineapple in it! Ahhhhhhhh! German potato salad!"
• Lisa lamenting that she never found true love...and Homer lamenting that he never used those pizza coupons (which were probably the pizza coupons he got on "Sunday, Cruddy, Sunday") now that The Rapture has come.

222 - "Mom and Pop Art"

• Homer going apeshit while trying to build a barbecue pit. He has to quickly build the grill due to it all falling in the cement, and having to read the French instructions.
  Homer: Ew, English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le Grille? What the hell is that?!
  • The barbecue pit appears to have put together properly, but Homer is just holding the box. (See picture on the right)
    Homer: Ah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! WHY?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?! (breaks down crying)
  • A little while later, Bart watches through the window.
    Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
    Bart: I think he's almost done. (Then Homer screams maniacally, charges the pit with an umbrella, sticks it in an opening where it opens up and he falls backwards on to the grass.) Yep, he's done.
• When Homer meets three artists who admire his work:
  Homer: So, uh, you guys are Eurotrash, huh? How's that working out for you?
  Gunter: Eh, to be honest, we are adrift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex.
  Homer: Uh-huh. So, uh, where might this sea be located?
• Homer commenting on a painting by Matt Groening (saying that he doesn't deserve to be in a museum because he can barely draw), and getting an oversized eraser rubbed on his head (which turns out to be a giant pencil needed for an exhibit).
• The scene where Homer comes up with his Zany Scheme.
  Homer: I've got a great idea for a new art project that will make everyone love me again!. Step 1: Steal all the doormats in town.
  • Bart and Homer do just that, and then throw the mats on street drains to block them.
    Bart: Hit the road, "Welcome home"!
    Homer: Adiós, "Casa de Flanders"!
    Bart: See you in Hell, "God bless this house"!
    Homer: So long, "The Simpsons"! (Beat) D'oh!
• After Homer has flooded Springfield, we see the flood waters rising to engulf a burn unit, reaching the top floor with a hissing sound similar to cooling metal. This is followed by a collective "Ahhhhhhh...".

223 - "The Old Man and the "C" Student"

• The "Edited For Seniors" version of Gone with the Wind.
  Scarlett: Oh Rhett, Rhett! Oh, Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do?
  Rhett: Frankly my dear — (voice suddenly changes) — I love you, let's remarry!
  Bart: Aw, they cut out the best word!
  Hans Moleman: Didn't that movie used to have a war in it? (is dragged away by nurses)
  Nurse: Come on. Get up! You've been warned.
• Chief Wiggum shooing out all the rats in town in preparation for the Olympics.
  "Hit the road, Lucky! You too, Rizzo! (one of the rats looks back at him with Puppy Eyes) Oooh, Cinnamon. Don't make this harder than it already is."
• It seems Bart confused Ralph.
  Bart: Hey Chalmers, where are you from?
  Chalmers: I... oh! Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball State, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Why do you ask?
  (Skinner puts his hand over Bart’s mouth before Bart can answer)
  Principal Skinner: Uh, don't worry sir, I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of Community Service.
  (The children moan and groan in protest)
  Ralph: Intercourse?
  Nelson: What if we refuse?
  Skinner: You won't pass to the next grade.
  Nelson: I fail to see the threat.
  Chalmers: SKINNER!!! Good idea! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to vacation at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.
  (Bart looks at Skinner, and Skinner waves his hands "no")
• Barts standup comedy poking fun at the international delegates of the Olympics committee.
  Bart: So, you're from Russia, huh?
  Russian Delegate: (cheerfully) Da!
  Bart: You drunk yet?
  Delegate: (shamefully) Da...
• Homer comes up with Springy, the Springfield Spring as the Olympics mascot (Patty and Selma came up with their own, Ciggy, a stick figure made of cigarettes holding an ashtray, which lost to Springy). When the Olympics bid fails, he repurposes them to sell, with ideas such as the self-flipping frying pan (which causes a grease fire when the hamburgers spatter grease everywhere), putting them on Maggie and dribbling her like a basketball and whistling "Sweet Georgia Brown". Marge demands he get rid of them, so he flushes them down the toilet (with a loud screeching noise as they're flushed).
  Homer: (flushing a spring down the toilet) You flush one down, it swirls around, nine-hundred and ninety nine springs to flush down.
  Marge: (knocking on the bathroom door) You're not flushing those springs down our toilet, are you?
  Homer: Of course not. (toilet flushes, screeching sound) Nine-hundred and ninety six springs to flush down, nine-hundred and ninety six spriiings...
  • Later, when the ship Bart, Lisa, Grandpa and the rest of the old folks' home is on sinks, it bounces back to the surface, and the scene pans to an underwater sewer pipe surrounded by springs.
    Homer: A hundred and thirty five springs to flush down, a hundred and thirty five springs...

224 - "Monty Can't Buy Me Love"

• Homer handing out money to his family.
  Bart: Hey, dad. Give me fifty bucks. I gotta buy some things. Better make it a hundred. (Homer obliges)
  Lisa: Yeah, me too. (Homer obliges)
  Marge: Homer, don't you think you're spoiling- (Homer gives her money and she trails off mesmerized)
• Otto is at a music listening station and dismisses newer music as ripping off Judas Priest. He takes off the headphones, revealing his usual cassette player headphones underneath, playing "Living After Midnight".
• Lisa watching The Postman at the mall, and the director's commentary has Kevin Costner apologizing for the flick. Then it's shown that Costner is actually standing behind the TV while giving the commentary, and he asks Lisa to get him a sandwich.
• Arthur Fortune once knocked out Muhammad Ali... by ringing his doorbell and punching him for no reason at all. Ali's grunt as he's hit is probably the best bit.
• Arthur Fortune being charitable:
  Arthur: Now, I have some bad news from my accountant. It seems I have too much money. Who wants a dollar?!
  Homer: ME!
  Arthur: Right! What's your name, young man?
  Homer: I don't know! Just give me the dollar!
  • Mr. Burns trying to be charitable...by throwing silver dollars off a building.
• Mr. Burns trying to start his own conga line while waving a cattle prod:
  Mr.Burns: (singing) "Conga conga conga! We love Monty Burns more! Conga like you mean it! Please don't make me shock you!"
• Mr. Burns embarrassing the hell out of himself on the Jerry Rude And The Bathroom Bunch:
  Jerry: When was your first gay experience?
  Mr.Burns: Oh, well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay old time. Ho-ho! I ate my share of wieners that day.
  Jerry: Oh, that sounds lovely. (coughs) Queer.
• Professor Frink: I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life-form, it's long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe! It's a small frog. Just get off, just get off there. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator!
• "Do you really think you can capture the Loch Ness Monster? I mean, he's eluded Leonard Nimoy and Peter Graves."
• The parts with the Scottish people are also hilarious. First:
  Willie: The whole town's turned out! I've never seen 'em so excited! (Cut to a group of about ten people standing looking emotionless and slightly bored)
  • And second (shortly after the above "Frog-Exaggerator" scene):
  Mr. Burns: We're the laughing stock of the town! (Cut to the same group as before, with the same expressions as before)
  • Also the scene with Willie's parents.
  Willie's Ma: So ya back home now.
  Willie: Aye.
  Willie's Pa: I suppose ya be leavin' soon.
  Willie: Aye.
  [they all shrug and walk away]
• Professor Frink using the "de-loch-inator," which is actually a hand pump, to drain Loch Ness.
  "Ugh, pumping is hard."
  • Turns out draining the loch floods the town.
  Villager 1: We lost our homes and everything we hold dear.
  Villager 2: Aye.
• When the group arrives in Scotland:
  Mr. Burns: What do you people think I'm paying you for?
  Homer: Uh, to work in your power plant?
  Willie: You're not paying me anything!
  Professor Frink: You kidnapped me, I remember it distinctly, with the grabbing and the duct-taping and the tennis ball in the mouth, it hurt meeee.

225 - "They Saved Lisa's Brain"

• Krusty: "A urinal cake?! You, sir, have crossed the line!"
• When Lisa is writing her open letter to the newspaper:
  Lisa: I write this letter not to nag or whine, but to prod. We can better ourselves!
  (she sees a naked Bart riding a pig in the hallway)
  Lisa: (to herself) Well, most of us.
• Mensa being turned away from their gazebo:
  Skinner: Excuse me, gentlemen. Might I have a peak at your gazebo registration form?
  Lenny: Beat it.
  Skinner: (chuckles) Yes, well, we each have a good case.
  Carl: What part of "beat it" didn't you understand?
  Skinner: Hmm, I guess it would be the "it"; I'm not sure to what that refers. (a beer can is thrown at his head)
  • This quote:
  Hibbert: Why do we live in a town where the smart have no power and the stupidest run everything? Maybe I should just move back to Alabama.
• Some of the changes that Mensa makes to Springfield now that they're running the show:
  • The traffic lights now only have red and yellow lights, since Mensa realized that people drive fastest through yellow lights.
    Lenny: Come on, stay yellow! Stay yellow! (gets through the light) Man, I'm making record time! (sad) If only I had somewhere to be.
  • The trains are now running on metric time. A clock with only ten numbers is shown.
  Skinner: Remember this moment, people: Eighty past two on April 47th, it's the dawn of an enlightened Springfield.
• "A sarcasm detector? Oh that's a really useful invention!"
  • *BOOM*!
  • As Comic Book Guy says this you hear the machine going haywire from all the sarcasm it's detecting.
• Homer drinks with Dr. Stephen Hawking at Moe's:
  Dr. Hawking: Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
  Homer: Wow, I can't believe a guy I've never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.
  Moe: All right, it's closing time. So who's taking the tab?
  Homer: (hiding his mouth, speaking monotonously) I am.
  Dr. Hawking: I didn't say that.
  Homer: (still monotonous) Yes I did. (Dr. Hawking hits Homer with his spring-loaded punching glove) D'oh.
  • Crosses into Moment of Awesome territory when, years after this episode first aired, a theory was put forth that the universe was shaped like a torus, which is more or less the same as saying donut-shaped.
• Stephen Hawking tries to console Lisa:
  Hawking: Don't feel bad, Lisa. Sometimes the smartest of us can be the most childish.
  Lisa: Even you?
  Hawking: No. Not me. Never.
• Homer "wins" a boudoir photoshoot, but he has to hide it from Bart. He quickly shuts the bedroom door, only to discover Bart gaping outside the window. So, he hurriedly draws the blinds.
  Homer: I think he's gone. (he pulls the blinds up, only to discover Milhouse joined him, so he draws the blinds again) Let's reschedule.

226 - "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo"

• Bart's chalkboard gag is, "I'm so very tired."
• Marge wants Homer to go on the trip.
  Marge: Come on Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.
  Homer: That's not how I remember it.
• "Welcome to Japan, folks. The local time is tomorrow."
• Homer's great line after the Emperor of Japan introduces himself "Oh yeah well I'm Clobbersaurus" than he proceeds to wrestle him.
  • Before throwing him away, Homer states "As we say in my country, 'Hasta la vista, baby'". The European Spanish version of that sentence is... "Sayonara, baby".
• Homer and Bart after their stint in Japanese jail.
  Lisa: Now can we do something Japanese?
  Homer: Oh, I'm sick of doing Japanese stuff! In jail, we had to do this dumb kabuki play about The 47 Ronin, and I wanted to be Oshi but they made me Ori!
  Bart: Then we had to do two hours of origami, followed by flower arranging and meditation!
  Homer: Satori no himitsu oshieru no?^*Should we tell them the secret of inner peace?
  Bart: Dame yo! Are ha gaikokujin daro!^*No, they are foreign devils!
• The Osaka Seafood Concern:
  Cartoon Squid: "The knife goes in, the guts come out. That's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about! AUUUUUUGHH."
  • Homer then changes the channel by using an eel as a whip.
• When the Simpson family goes on the Japanese game show, where the meet the host Wink, voiced by George Takei.
  Wink: Now, our game shows are a little different from yours. You reward knowledge. We punish ignorance.
  Homer: Ignor-what? (fire shoots out of Homer's microphone into his face, making the audience laugh)
  Wink: Our categories are: "Ow, that hurts!", "Why are you doing this to me?", and "Please, let me die!".
  (The family huddles up in discussion)
  Marge: We'll go with "Ow, that hurt!", Skip.
  Wink: (annoyed) My name is Wink! (he presses a button that lowers a skunk which sprays in Marge's face)
• Then after Homer is a pinata and heavily beaten by the family:
  Wink: Mr. Simpson, we'll cut you down as soon as you answer one question about Japan.
  Homer: Is the answer "Japan"?
  Wink: (looks at card) ...actually, it is. (to someone behind the curtains) Bakayarou! Dare ga kotau yattanda?^*You morons! Who came up with that answer?
• Their final challenge has them fall into a volcano only to find out it's fake.
  Homer: It burns! It burns!
  Wink: Don't worry, Mr. Simpson. That "lava" is just Orange Ade!
  Homer: It burns! It burns!
  Wink: It's loaded with wasabi!
• The entire "Battling Seizure Robots" sequence, though this came off as insensitive to some viewers, as it was parodying the "Electric Soldier Porygon" incident back when the Pokémon series was fresh and new and the subject of a lot of controversy.
  • Special mention goes to Homer walking in to join the family with no awareness as to what caused them to move on the floor like that.
    Homer: (seeing the family having seizures on the floor) Hmm, alright. (has a fake seizure on the floor)
• Homer calls out Japanese game shows for being about punishing and torturing the contestants. Wink looks ashamed for just a second...and then, "Next up, we have a Canadian couple who are deathly afraid of scorpions!"
  Canadian Contestant: OOH, THAT STINGS, EH!!!
  Wink: Ah ha ha, sting those canucks!

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