Funny / The Simpsons Season 11

The Simpsons Funny Moments Index
Group:
Seasons 1-10 | Seasons 11-20 | Seasons 21-30 | Seasons 31-34 | Other Media
Season:
Season 11 | Season 12 | Season 13 | Season 14 | Season 15 | Season 16 | Season 17 | Season 18 | Season 19 | Season 20

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

---

227 - "Beyond Blunderdome"

• This exchange:
  Saleswoman: Thinking of saying goodbye to gas?
  Bart: You betcha. (burps)
  Marge: Bart! (farts) Well, that shut me up.
• Homer "testing" the Elec-Taurus for problems by driving it into the ocean, which proceeds to electrocute and kill everything in its path, including dolphins and a trio of mermaids.
  Homer: Oopsie… Salt water seems to be good for it! (gets shrouded in smoke from the malfunctioning engine)
  • Immediately after, Homer returns it to the dealership and runs off with the free gift before the owner notices the car severely damaged, with said car apparently in pain.
    Saleswoman: (sees the car after Homer drives away) What the-!?
    Elec-Taurus: (electronic voice) Help! Help! It burns!
• The very idea of Mel Gibson being seen as a beloved celebrity and him hating the attention became both Harsher in Hindsight and Hilarious in Hindsight, given Mel's later transgressions.
• The goings on at Hollywood.
  Marge: Look, they're making a movie! Robert Downey Jr. is shooting it out with the police!
  Bart: I don't see any cameras...
• The horrendeously violent changes Homer convinces Mel to make to his remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, which concludes the film with Smith massacring the entire assembled Congress, then decapitating the President.
  Shocked Executive: Why did Mr. Smith kill everyone?!
  Homer: It was symbolism! He was mad!
• The reception the film gets after release is even worse. As the crowd wanders out, you can hear every Springfield citizen express their displeasure, and Ned Flanders is physically ill.
  Middle Aged Woman: I'm Jimmy Stewart's grandaughter, you'll be hearing from my attorney! [slaps Mel and Homer across the face]
• "Saving Irene Ryan"
  Granny Clampett: Put me down, you big lummox! Jed!!
  Rainier Wolfcastle: Shut up, old lady! And stop kicking me there!

228 - "Brother's Little Helper"

• At the fire safety fair, Ralph Wiggum sits on Hosey the Bear's lap, but he apparently mistakes him for Santa Claus:
  Ralph: And I want a bike, and a monkey, a friend for the monkey...
  Hosey: You're not going to start any fires, are you?
  Ralph: At my house, we call them "uh-ohs"!
• The scene after that where Milhouse is petting the firehouse dalmatian and asks if he can do tricks, but Moe tells him that the dog is so inbred that he can barely stand up.
• The fire safety play, the script for which apparently hasn't been changed in over thirty years:
  Principal Skinner: Fire can be our servant, whether it's toasting s'mores, or raining down on Charlie. But it can turn not-so-nice, as you'll see in this skit by the volunteer fire department players.
  (The curtains part, revealing a hippie "crash pad." Ned and Maude Flanders, dressed in late-60s attire, open the door and walk in.)
  Ned: What a great pot party!
  Maude: Wasn't it, man?
  Ned: Now for a regular cigarette to make the night complete. (lights one, takes a drag, and coughs) Oh, man that's good...
  Maude: Mad Dog, I've been thinking. Maybe we should get another smoke detector in case that one trips out on us.
  Ned: (laughs) Why bother, baby? One smoke detector's enough for Mad Dog. Now let's hit the sack.
  (They both lie down in bed. In short order, Ned's cigarette sets his pants aflame)
  Ned: Whoa, check it out! Mad Dog's on fire!
  Maude: Stop, drop, and roll, man!
  Ned: Ha, ha, ha, that's for clydes, baby. A little fire can't hurt you...
  (The curtains close. Apu walks onstage to address the audience)
  Apu: But Mad Dog was wrong. The fire burned through the night and cost him the use of his pants. Which just goes to show you...
  (Ned pokes his head from behind the curtain)
  Ned: Sorry to break character, but these stunt pants are getting mighty toasty!
  Maude: Uh, roll, Neddie, roll!
  Ned: (rolling around) It's not working! It just spreads the flames!
• When Homer tries to get Bart to take the Focusyn-laced taffy he made, he has some for himself. The result is Homer randomly contorting himself under the drug.
  Rod: Does Mr. Simpson have a demon, Daddy?
  Flanders: Looks like it, run and get Daddy's exorcism tongs!
  Rod & Todd: Yay!
• When Bart goes on Focusyn, it turns out he's not the only one of his classmates on medication:
  Bart: [holding up his prescription bottle] I have to take these stupid pills twice a day.
  Milhouse: [holding up another prescription bottle] I'll trade you a Claritin^note  A brand of antihistamine. for one!
  Bart: [interested] Claritin-D?
  Milhouse: Nah.
  Bart: [no longer interested] Can't help you.
  Martin: I take hormones to lower my voice. [gets an angry look] Now all I want to do is fight. [he pounds his fist into his other palm just as Ralph Wiggum walks past with his usual vacant smile] What are you looking at!?
  Nelson: You think you got it bad? I gotta wear a shock collar. [gestures to said collar]
  Bart, Martin, Milhouse: Ewww!/That's rough!/Whoa...
  Nelson: [gets jolted by the collar] OWWW!
  Milhouse: Wh-what was that for?
  Nelson: I thought about a girl I like.
• Krusty does a sketch where his bowtie spins when he sees Sideshow Melanie strolling in, but the tie spins too fast and almost suffocates him as the audience laughs.
  Krusty: (yanking the tie off) What are you doing to me?! I said start it at 60 rpm, then move it up to 100 on the skirt blow!
  Technician: Sorry, Krusty, I choked...
  Krusty: YOU choked?! YOU CHOKED?!
  (Krusty starts strangling the technician)
• As Bart infiltrates the local army base to steal a tank, two soldiers can be heard complaining.
  Soldier: I can't believe sarge said that. I've gotta believe he's seen worse soldiers than us.
  Soldier 2: He was just saying that to motivate you.
  Soldier: Well, it ruined the whole hike.
• When the Springfield Police pursue Bart:
  Chief Wiggum: Shoot the tires out, Lou!
  Lou: Uh... It's a tank, chief.
  Chief Wiggum: You know what? I'm getting real tired of your excuses.
• Mrs. Krabappel's deadpan, "No. Stop. Think of the children" "plea" when Bart aims the tank cannon at the school. When he aims it at the sky (to shoot down the Major League Baseball satellite), Sideshow Mel screams "Not the sky! That's where clouds are born!" He aims it at the frame store, prompting Homer to declare "the frame store! You Monster!!"
• Moe's line after Bart is finally arrested for shooting down the satellite: "And may God help you if that thing carried The Spice Channel!"
• The reveal that Major League Baseball really was spying on people, and how it's covered up, both figuratively and literally by Mark McGuire distracting everyone with dingers, then shoving the papers under his hat.

229 - "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"

• This gem of an exchange:
  Marge: (nervously) Homer, don't go in there...my woman's intuition is telling me that something bad will happen to you if you do.
  Homer: (nonchalantly) Oh, Marge, bad things usually happen to me everywhere! (Walks into main entrance of "Taste Of Springfield", whistling, and proceeds to step in a puddle, get hit in the back of the head by a Frisbee, and bit in the back of the neck by a bat.)◊ A bat! Now that's a new one!
• From Krusty's more-than-terrible rendition of King Lear:
  Herald: My liege, thine daughters Goneril, Regan, and Cordelia.
  Krusty: (standing up, not even restraining a grin) What is this? Merry Olde England or Petticoat Junction? (Chuckles nervously)
  (Audience boos him in unison)
  Krusty: (angrily) Hey, lighten up! It's a comedy!
  Actor playing Herald: (whispering) No, it's not.
  Krusty: (shocked) It's NOT?!?!?
  • Krusty later discards the rest of the script and decides to improv some Shakespeare-themed jokes.
  Krusty: Knock knock! Who's there? Juliet! Juliet who? Julie Ate so much pasta e fagioli, Romeo doesn't want her anymore!
  (audience boos)
  Krusty: Tough crowd! They're booing Shakespeare!
  • A newspaper even carries the story — "Krusty: Worst King Lear in 400 years".
• Homer is trying to write a restaurant review without Lisa:
  Homer: I don't need Lisa to write a good review. (reads) The food at the Gilded Truffle really... What's a good word? (Maggie sucks on her pacifier) Sucks! That's great! And the bread was really... (looks at Santa's Little Helper) Come on, help me out here!
  Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!
  Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.
  Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
  Homer: Chewy? That's inspired!
• Homer's song about eating that parodies "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story; made funnier by the fact it's not as obvious until the last part:
  Homer: I like pizza, I like bagels, I like hot dogs with mustard and beer, I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer! La la la la la la la la la la! Who's that baby deer out on the lawn?
• Homer doesn't want anyone to know he's a food critic, but Ned, who overhears him, passes it down to Maude, who passes it down to Principal Skinner, who is with Uter's parents from Germany who only want to know what happened to their son.
  Uter's Father: Quit avoiding the subject! Where is Uter?!
  Mother: We just want closure!
• Homer having Lisa write his reviews for him.
  Homer: Then I had the sweet, sweet chocolate mousse The only word for it is (drooling).
  Lisa: Hmm. What's the English equivalent for (drooling)? I'd say ''transcendent."
• The visit to Planet Springfield.
  Lisa: And there's the cane from Citizen Kane! Wait a minute...there was no cane in Citizen Kane!
• Ned notices the éclair at the festival which is bouncing from the butter and poison inside.
  Ned: Ooh, that looks scrumdiddly-doodly-duddley—
  Chef: Get lost!
  Ned: A rude Frenchman? Well, I never!
• Later, when Lisa tries to save Homer from the deadly éclair.
  Lisa: Dad, no! It's gonna kill you!
  Homer: (beat) Meh. I've had a good run.
  Lisa: Dad! Uh, it's low-fat!
  Homer: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
  (Homer throws the éclair into Hans Moleman's gruel pot, which then explodes)
  Chief Wiggum: Wow! Thank God it landed in that smoking crater!
• Homer's latest negative review: "So come to The Legless Frog if you want to get sick and die and leave a big, garlicky corpse! P.S. Parking was ample."
• During the tour of the newspaper:
  Tour guide: And this is our comic strip department. Who here reads Mary Worth? (nobody responds) ...Let's move on.
  *cartoonist despontently puts his head on his drawing desk*
• The tour guide takes the group past the stasis pods where Ann Landers and Dear Edna are kept for their 23 hours of daily sleep.
  Ann Landers: My advice is free us, or let us die!
• When Homer is hired as the food critic, he yells at the printer to stop the presses, causing the printing of tomorrows edition to grind to a halt.
  Homer: Okay, start the presses!
  Editor: That takes FOUR HOURS!!
  Homer: Whatever, I'll be at Moe's.
• The editor on the previous food critic: "I'd hate to be married to her. I mean again."
• Homer swears at an ambulance while driving the kids to the newspaper:
  Homer: Hey, you (BEEP)! You cut me off! Oh yeah, (BEEP) you!
  Lisa: Dad, that's an ambulance!
  Homer: Oh, right. (Horn Honks) (BEEP) ambulance! Think you're so big with your (BEEP BEEP) siren and your letters on backwards!
• And, right after that:
  Homer: Here we are, kids: the zoo.
  Bart: Well, that's great, dad, except you were supposed to drive us to the newspaper.
  Homer: D'OH!! (Echoes through the zoo and the animals run scared)
• Lisa asks how Homer was able to get off from work to chaperone for the newspaper field trip. He's set up a dummy of himself at Sector 7G, using a pail for a head, sticks with gloves on them for the arms and a tape player attached to the clothes.
  Tape: I work hard for the money, so hard for the money. Oh, I something-something money, come on give me lots of honey!
  • Mr. Burns has him promoted, but that effort is short lived. When the cassette gets to the end of one side, it causes the player to explode.
• Homer feeling pride after learning several Springfielders have become Big Eaters thanks to all his good reviews.
  Homer (surrounded by Lenny, Otto, Sideshow Mel, Ned, and Maude, who are now fat): Look Marge, I'm making a difference in peoples' lives.
  • Followed immediately by a fat Mr. Burns declaring he's never felt happier, only to have his shin bones collapse and express mild annoyance at it happening again.
• Homer's first "review":
  Editor: [laughs]
  Homer: Well, what do you think?
  Editor: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I've ever read!
  Homer: What's wrong with it?
  Editor: You keep using words like "Pasghetti" and "Momatoes" You make numerous threatening references to the UN and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again.
  Homer: Oh, it's so hard to get to 500 words.
• Watching Homer, the Sea Captain observes his weight and learns too much.
  Sea Captain: I don't see why he doesn't just give up and go for sweatpants.
  Akira: He says the crotch wears out too fast.
  Sea Captain: Yar! That's going to replace the whale in my nightmares!

230 - "Treehouse of Horror X"

Opening scene

Kodos: Welcome to our 10th anniversary show. Oh, we got a great—Kang, what are you doing?
Kang: (while holding a blow torch) You said we were going to warm up the audience.
(The whole audience sits there in annoyed silence while a laugh track plays on a recorder)
Kodos: (shudders) Ladies and gentlemen, I have to apologize for my partner. He had to borrow a human brain.
(Audience does nothing but stare in annoyance. Meanwhile, at the Simpsons house, everyone, except Lisa, is dressed up in halloween costumes from past Treehouse of Horror episodes).
Lisa: What do aliens have to do with Halloween?
Maggie: (in Kang's voice) Silence! (disentegrates her with a ray gun)

A - I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did

• The family escaping from a group of vampires just so they could get back their Super Sugar Crisp cereal:
  Homer: (singing) Get can't enough of that Sugar Crisp!
• Homer tossing Flanders into his house, making it look like he had a heart attack.
• Werewolf Flanders growling "DIDDILY!"

B - Desperately Xeeking Xena:

• Lucy Lawless is introduced naming a trope at a fan convention:
  Professor Frink: In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa, yet in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please do explain it.
  Lucy: Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, A Wizard Did It.
  Frink: I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4—
  Lucy: Wizard.
  Frink: Aw, for glaven out loud...
• The banter between Stretch Dude (Bart) and Clobber Girl (Lisa) while being lowered into the lucite.
  Clobber Girl(Lisa): Bart, just let me drop and save yourself!
  Stretch Dude(Bart): What do you think I've been trying to do?!
• The Collector (Comic Book Guy) uses Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber to battle Lucy Lawless. He is defeated by the knowledge that he has taken the lightsaber out of its original packaging.
  Lucy Lawless: You removed it from its original packaging!
  Collector: No! It is no longer a collectible!
  (he recoils in agony, tripping over the railing behind him, into the Lucite pit he'd planned to dunk Bart and Lisa into)
  Collector: Lucite... hardening... must end life in classic Lorne Green pose from Battlestar Galactica! (does so) Best... death... ever!
  Lucy Lawless: What a nerd.
• Marge and Homer's only appearance in this segment:
  Marge: Remember, you're vulnerable to kryptonite!
  Homer: Geez, Marge! Tell the neighborhood!
• While being suspended from the Collector's giant magnet, Lucy Lawless is about to remove her metal bra to escape until she realizes the nerds below her are ready to take pictures of her boobs. She immediately decides it's not worth it.
• The reveal that Lucy Lawless can fly.

C - Life's a Glitch, Then You Die:

• Dick Clark melting from the Y2K disaster ("Oh no, it's happening!") It became pretty hard to watch after his stroke in 2004 and even harder after his death in 2012, but it was a very good "Dick Clark is perpetually young" joke while it lasted.
• Nelson Xeroxing his butt, then getting sucked into the machine.
• While Reverend Lovejoy is castigating everyone for the end of the world:
  Lovejoy: Judgement Day is upon us! I told you the Lord wouldn't stand for your minidresses and Beatle Boots!
  (in the pews, Ned Flanders is furiously struggling to remove a pair of said boots)
  Ned: I resisted these for thirty years, why did I wear them today?!
• Lisa learns she's the escape rocket's official proofreader, but she can only bring one parent along with her and she chooses Marge before the guard finishes speaking. Marge's last words to Bart and Homer: a cheery "Love ya lots!"
• Homer shows off his astronomy knowledge when he and Bart find out the rocket they've boarded goes to the Sun.
  The Sun?! That's the hottest place on Earth!

231 - "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" ^note AKA E-I-E-I-D'oh!

• The historically inaccurate Zorro movie where he maims The Three Musketeers, The Man in the Iron Mask (played by Gina Gershon) and ninjas; he then humiliates the Scarlet Pimpernel (played by Curtis Armstrong) and becomes the new King of England. The end credits show there was a Robot Zorro played by Shawn Wayans and a magic taco voiced by James Earl Jones.
  • For added measure, "The Wise Nun" is played by Posh Spice, and "The Stupid Nun" is Meryl Streep. And King Arthur is Cheech Marin.
• The "Glove Slap" montage.
  • Especially the visit to Dr. Hibbert, who tries to inject Homer with a shot, but at the threat of the glove, injects himself and offers Homer a lollipop as he falls over.
  • When Homer first does the slap with Snake:
  Homer: Do you accept, or are you a coward?
  Snake: Haha! Would a coward do this...? (puts hand into his jacket, then waves) BYE! (runs out of the lobby)
• "The National Weather Service says dawn is still scheduled for 6:20 tomorrow and to please stop calling."
• While fleeing the southern gentleman, Homer imagines what Zorro would do in this situation: Zorro draws his sword at the southern gentleman who, unfazed, just plains shoots him.
  Homer: ZORRO! [drives off course]
• While fleeing Springfield, they come across Jimmy Carter, who's building a home for Cletus and his family.
  Homer: C'mon, Carter, build us a house, you lazy bum.
  Carter: You have offended me, sir. [reaches for glove] I challenge you to a- [Homer speeds away] Come back here! Why you yellow-bellied...!
• Homer calls Lenny at the plant, wanting him to deliver some plutonium so his crops will grow:
  Lenny: Plutonium? Gee, Homer, isn't that kind of risky? (listens) Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not.
  (Lenny heads for the mail slot, where he meets up with Carl)
  Carl: Hey, Lenny, sending some outgoing mail?
  Lenny: You know it!
  Carl: I'll probably send some tomorrow.
  Lenny: I hear that!
  (the two share an awkward pause and walk away)
• Homer fighting with a cow over the last tomacco plant:
  Homer: Hey look! A flying saucer!
  Cow: [looks] HMM?!
• When the family lists off the chores they'll do after moving to the farm, Marge chips in "I'll repress the rage I'm feeling!" and plasters on a smile on her face that looks like she's about to murder everyone.
• In what may very well be the flithiest joke in the entire series, Homer goes to a convienence store labelled as "Sneed's Feed & Seed (Formerly Chuck's)" ^Explanation"Chuck's Fuck & Suck".

232 - "Hello, Gutter, Hello Fadder"

• Homer hitting the "snooze" button on his alarm, and a whole day goes by, wherein Bart steals some money from Homer's wallet, Marge makes her side of the bed, Otto and his girlfriend have sex on the bed, just inches away from Homer, after which the girlfriend also steals money from his wallet.
  • Even better? The next day, Marge asks Homer to feed Maggie.
  Homer: No time to talk, Marge, I'm 26 hours late for work! (before picking up a cereal box puzzle in the style of Where's Waldo?)
• Homer picks up a bowling ball and looks at it. Mr. Burns' face inexplicably materializes in front of him.
  Mr. Burns: Simpson! (Grunts in disgust) Even for a bowler, you're fat!
  (Beat, then)
  Homer: Hey, guys, is it normal for you to see your bosses' face in a bowling ball?
  Carl: Actually, I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.
  Homer: (mumbling in rage) Psychotic...what a lousy, rotten...stinking... (tosses ball down lane, gets a strike) Huh?
  Lenny: Wow! A strike! Hey, if that's psychotic, then what am I taking these for? (dumps an entire bottle of medicine down a trash can)
• After Homer's fourth consecutive strike, Carl warns Lenny not to say anything that will jinx it. A moment later as Homer is preparing to bowl:
  Lenny: (offscreen) Miss! Miss! (Homer and Carl glare at him) Sorry, I was calling the waitress. (to waitress) Ah, this split you sold me is making me choke.
  Homer: Lenny!
  Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
  Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?
  Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth. (Homer throws the ball at him.)
  • What's especially funny here is the possibility that someone at the bowling alley deliberately set the price of a banana split at $7.10 to mess with customers.
• When Homer makes the record, he throws his bowling ball through the floor, and we hear someone yell "OW!".
• Hans Moleman: "THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THE FORTRESS OF THE MOLES.! (Homer and Otto bungee back up) Oh, except that way."
• Homer dressing up as Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies, then telling Maggie that "he's all man," despite what others think.
• Homer absolutely failing in finding Waldo on the back of a cereal box. As he asks, "Waldo, where are you?", Waldo is seen walking right behind the window, glancing at the viewer as he passes by.

233 - "Eight Misbehavin'"

• The family are at Shøp talking to a 'guy' dressed as an allen wrench:
  Bart: Cool costume!
  Allen Wrench: (robotic voice) It's not a costume. They found me inside a meteor! (opens and closes his claws menacingly)
  Marge: Excuse me, where are your hamper lids?
  Allen Wrench: (normal voice) Hamper lids...uh third floor. (turns to Bart) Help, I need tungsten to live! TUNGSTEN!!
  • It isn't really clear whether the allen wrench mascot really is an alien or if he was just messing with Bart. Either way, the gag is still pretty funny.
• "Having children is great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. Plus, they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all."
  Apu: Well, perhaps it is time. I've noticed this country is dangerously underpopulated.
• After finding out that he and Manjula had eight kids, Apu's reaction◊ was priceless.
• When Apu and Manjula are interviewed about their octuplets:
  Reporter: Would you say you and your babies have a "love-eight" relationship?
  Apu: (chuckles) Absolutely, yes.
  Reporter: (whiny) Noooo, say it! We need a sound bite!
  Apu: (annoyed) We have a love-eight relationship.
  (everyone says "Awwww")
• While Homer is watching said story on TV, where Apu and Manjula are given Pepsi B:
  Homer: Free baby cola?! Apu hits the jackpot, and I'm stuck with these juiceless one-tuplets.
  Bart: Jeez, sorry for being born.
  Homer: (proudly) I've been waiting so long for you to say that! (hugs Bart; after a pause, Bart shrugs and hugs him back)
• Shortly after Apu and Manjula have octuplets:
  Manjula: (looks at clock, gasps) Apu! You're late for work!
  Apu: Oh, I had the most beautiful dream where I died...
  Manjula: Oh, no, you don't! Not till they're out of college!
  Apu: Listen, I'll die when I want to!
  • But Apu is too sleepy to work at the Kwik-E-Mart:
    Apu: (dazed) Thank you, steal again...
    (Ned Flanders shows up)
    Ned: Well, morning, Apu! How are the little blessings?
    Apu: Oh, they're a ravenous swarm of locusts. Just eating and screaming and grabbing and poking and pulling and drooling, and two have cradle rash? How can you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase?!
    Ned: Yeah, they can be a handful... of joy!
    Apu: Shut up!
    Ned: They'll fill your lives with—
    Apu: Shut up!
    Ned: Can't put a price on a miracle!
    Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!
• As Apu and Homer sneak back to the Springfield Zoo at night to rescue the Octuplets:
  Apu: (whispering) These animals certainly behave strangely at night...
  (Cuts to a family of lemurs behaving normally)
  (Cuts to a turtle swinging through tree branches at above-average speed)
  (Cuts to three koalas, snarling, viciously devouring a kangaroo corpse. The koalas look up, blood caked on their faces, and the one in the middle snickers sinisterly)
• Homer getting attacked by Cobras and a Mongoose.

234 - "Take My Wife, Sleaze"

• The beginning:
  TV announcer: Eyyyy, remember The '50s? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark?
  Homer: (gasps) I remember television!
• Bart teaching Homer to ride a motorcycle, styled like a father teaching his son how to ride a two-wheeler. Also a Heartwarming Moment, because of the song playing during the montage and the fact that Homer and Bart are bonding.
• Homer riding a motorcycle at Bart's school:
  Homer: Remember to rebel against authority, kids!
  Skinner: (over intercom) Don't listen to him, children.
  Milhouse: But we already did. Now I can't get it out of my head!!!
  (Nelson smacks him)
  Edna: Thaaank you, Nelson.
• This exchange from when Marge is teaching the Hells' Satans how to get employed.
  Meathook: Mrs. Simpson, I killed my pencil!
  Marge: Broke. You broke your pencil.
  Meathook: Right, I broke him.
• A small gag — when Bart finds a note pinned to the back of Homer's head, he removes the pin to read the note, then puts the pin back. And Homer doesn't even react.

235 - "Grift of the Magi"

• The school tries to get money out of Mr. Burns with a hilariously Anvilicious play.
  Principal Skinner: Who will eat the poisoned stew? It could be anyone... it could even be Mr. Burns!
  Mr. Burns: This play really speaks to me!
  • During the play:
    Ralph: Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid! I'm going to remove your liver bone! (chops the head off a Mr. Burns dummy with a saw) Oops, you're dead!
    Mr. Burns: (darkly) I never did like that Dr. Stupid...
  • Then at the end of the scene, Mr. Burns pulls a lever and opens a trapdoor under the whole cast. They then appear through the ceiling. "Oh, it's doing that thing again."
• Lisa and Bart distract the Hibberts whilst Homer breaks in to steal their Funzo. He knocks over the Christmas tree and begins screaming as the dog chases him around the room.
  Bart & Lisa: Silent night...
  Homer: (screams and crashes)
  Bart & Lisa: HOLY NIGHT!!
• Homer's song about stealing Funzos is good too:
  (to the tune of "Tiny Bubbles") Writhing Funzos in my sack... makes me happy... make me hurt my back...''
• Gary Coleman's appearance, when Bart and Lisa try to sneak past his desk:
  Gary: (on the phone) But the menu said "galaxy of prawns." Three prawns are hardly a galaxy. What do you mean your hands are tied? Let me talk to Mr. Quan.
  Bart: (whispering) I want to see how this turns out.
  Lisa: The phone's not even plugged in.
  Gary: All right. You listen to me, Quan. Hang on. I got another call. Yes, Mr. President. I can be in Washington right away.
  • Lisa confronting the executives:
    Lisa: You people took advantage of trusting school children.
    Jim Hope: How did you get past Gary Coleman?
    Bart: Let's just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy.
  • Not to mention:
    Lindsay Naegle: I'm sorry, Gary, there's no longer a place for you here.
    Gary Coleman: Whatchu talkin' bout, Ms. Naegle?
    Lindsay Naegle: That is so adorable! You're rehired. (leaves)
    Gary Coleman: Sucker. I knew exactly what she was talking about.
• The not-so-subtle advertising campaign: "FUNZO! FUNZO! FUNZO! If you don't have Funzo, you're nothin'!"
• Nelson winding a jack-in-the-box backwards.
• The hype for Funzo is so great that Lenny breaks the store door open so the mobs can loot the stores right away, with poor Moe getting trampled as the crowd runs out, with one of the tramplers wearing cleats.

  Moe: Now why would you wear cleats to a store?!

  • This is all being watched by the executives who consider the looting means that Funzo is a rousing success, overlooking the fact that they didn't actually get any money for it since they were all stolen.

236 - "Little Big Mom"

• The memorable Stupid Sexy Flanders scene.
• Marge broke her leg and must go to the hospital.
  Homer: I want you guys to give my wife the best treatment money can buy!
  (EMT's roll sign to read "Beth Israel")
  Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't go nuts!
  (Sign switches again to read "St. Mary's")
  Homer: Eh, little better.
  (Sign switches again to read "Springfield Presbyterian Hospital")
  Homer: Beautiful.
• The opening, where Homer, Bart, and Lisa are watching Itchy & Scratchy while Marge tries to sneak out with their old junk.
  Lisa: [not looking away from TV] What's in the box, mom?
  Marge: Oh, this box? Nothing.
  Bart: [not looking away from TV] You sure? You sound nervous.
  Marge: Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic turmoil you read about in the- [runs out]
  Homer: Stop her! She's doing something!
• Lisa playing mom to Homer and Bart.
  Lisa: Here are your lunches, and no trading your fruit for firecrackers.
  Homer: Aw, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets!
  Lisa: You stay away from Lenny!
• Lisa saying "Excellent!", complete with a Mr. Burns-like hand gesture.
• Homer describing Flanders as "someone who's even holier than Jesus."
  • "Maude, come quick! The Simpsons are covered with cooties!"
  • Plus, Homer and Bart troll the Flanders by acting like zombies.
    Homer: Braaaaaaains. Braaaaaaaaaaaaains. Use your brains to help us! Your delicious braaaaaaaaaains....
• Homer and Bart watching I Love Lucy really loudly.
  Fred: You hit here pretty hard there, Rick.
• The spirit of Lucille Ball introducing herself to Lisa: "Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo Carmichael... and I think there's some more."

237 - "Faith Off"

• Homer crashing his car in a ditch while trying to drive with a bucket glued to his head. And when he finally gets the bucket off:
  "I see the light! IT BURNS!!!"

238 - "The Mansion Family"

• During an award ceremony, everyone in Springfield (except Homer) has won an award.
  Homer: Oh, why won't anyone give me an award?
  Lisa: You won a Grammy.
  Homer: I mean an award that's worth winning!
  (Words run across the bottom of the screen: "LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Mr. Simpson's views do not match those of the producers, who don't consider the Grammy an award at all.")
  • Marge mentions that there's been a lot of buzz around Lenny. Cut to Lenny deep in concentration◊.
  • Plus when they leave. Homer still hasn't won anything, and takes home a large statue resembling an award instead.
    Marge: That's not an award. It's part of the set.
    Homer: Nothing you say will diminish this honor!
    • And then the head falls off.
  • When Kent Brockman asks everyone to stand up until they hear a number greater than their age, Grandpa sits down at around eighty, then stands up again at ninety.
• The Chinese pirates spot Homer's party on Mr. Burns' yacht:
  Pirate #1: Looks like another homosexual party boat. They always have such nice things!
  Pirate #2: Perhaps we should pay them a visit.
  Pirate #1: A deadly visit?
  Pirate #2: Well, let's play it by ear.
  • "Set a course for Hidden Pirate Island, AKA Hong Kong!"
• At the start of Mr. Burns' checkup, filling out his medical form.
  Mr. Burns: (reading) Social Security Number. (writing) Naught-Naught-Naught Naugh-Naught Naught-Naught-Naught-Two. (to himself) Damn Roosevelt! (reading) Cause of parents' death...(writing) Got in my way.
• The medical exams.
  • The doctor tries to draw some blood, but the needle goes right through his arm.
  Mr. Burns: Try the other arm. I saw some blood in there the other day.
  • Mr. Burns is going up and down a pair of tiny escalators:
  Mr. Burns: I'm a big boy.
  • Mr. Burns is getting a CAT scan, and then clogs the machinery.
  Technician: There's your problem.
• The scene where Mr. Burns learns the results from his check-up:
  Mr. Burns: Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests! You may shake my hand if you like.
  Doctor: (shirking away) Well, under the circumstances I'd rather not.
  Mr. Burns: Eh?
  Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
  Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
  Doctor: Yes.
  Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
  Doctor: Yes.
  Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?!
  Doctor: (surprised) A little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered... in you.
  Mr. Burns: I see. You're sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?
  Doctor: Uh, no, no I'm afraid not.
  Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.
  Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. If you have a moment I can explain. (He displays a door and a series of plushies.) Here's the door to your body, and these are oversized novelty germs. That's influenza, that's bronchitis, and this cute little cuttle bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. (He pushes the plushies through the door, mimicking The Three Stooges sound effects.) Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop! Move it, chowderhead! (Speaking normally.) We call it "Three Stooges Syndrome!"
  Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is... I'm indestructible?!
  Doctor: Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could...
  Mr. Burns: (leaving wistfully) Indestructible...
• This exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers, after the medical check-up:
  Mr. Burns: Do they know how many eggs it laid in your brain?
  Smithers: I'd prefer not to know. Frankly, one is too many.
  • Mr. Burns: "Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin."
• The Doctor's other two patients:
  Doctor: Everything's fine, John. Lay off the chili and you should be all right.
  (Fidel Castro snickers beratingly)
  Pope John Paul II: Don't you laugh, Fidel! I've been in the car with you!
  (Castro turns away, giving a sheepish expression)
• Plus the credits, when Homer is poor again and complains about how the people listed are all loaded with money.
  Homer: I wanna be rich! (sobs) Like THESE GUYS! And look at all these rich people here! Not as rich as they should be, of course, BUT STILL RICH! Big money! Look at all the names! They all have MONEY! And have lots of money! Oh, he's poor. BUT LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T! Oh, look at all the people who can buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS! I'm takin' 'em all down! Look at all the rich people! OH, LOOK AT THAT RICH—
  Gracie Films logo: Shh!
  Homer: Don't shush me, you rich bastard!
• This short, but priceless moment as the Simpsons are having fun in the mansion.
  Bart: (riding a bike around the halls) I'm Al Unser Junior!
  Lisa: (riding a pony after him) I'm Princess Margaret!
  Homer: (following them on a lawn mower) I'm drunk!
• The family dines at Burns' enormous dining table.
  Lisa: Mom! Bart's making faces at me! (puts on a pair of opera glasses, through which Bart is still barely visible) I think.
  Homer: LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!
  Marge: This is very elegant for sloppy joes. (sees the large amount of cutlery) I recognize the other eleven forks, but what do you do with this one? (picks up an extra-long fork)
  Homer: (posh accent) Why, I believe you're supposed to scratch your arse with it.
  Marge: Homer, don't be so- (starts scratching her arse with the fork) Ooooooh, that's a lifesaver!
• Lisa: Wow, Mr. Burns has every Nancy Drew book, even the controversial "Clue in the Clock." (opens the book and reads) Tsk, tsk, tsk. So many swears.

239 - "Saddlesore Galactica"

• Homer's impatience with Bachman-Turner Overdrive:
  Randy Bachman: We're going to play all your old favorites! (crowd cheers) But first we'd like to dip into our new CD-
  Homer: "Takin' Care of Business"!
  Randy Bachman: Don't worry, sir. We'll get to that one.
  Homer: No talkin'! No new crap! "Takin' Care of Business" now!
  (the band shrugs and starts to play)
  Bachman-Turner Overdrive: (singing) You get up every mornin' from your alarm clock's warnin', take the 8:15 into the city-
  Homer: Get to the "workin' overtime" part!
  Bachman-Turner Overdrive: (talking) Unbelievable. Dumbass. (singing) ...Workin' overtime!
  Homer: WORK OUT!!!
• This exchange:
  Homer: Did that really happen? Or was it just a wonderful dream?
  (trap door opens)
  Jockey: No dream! Lose the race, fat boy! (closes trap door)
  Homer: (sobbing)
• Lisa telling Marge she thinks she's developing a gambling problem, when Comic Book Guy appears out of nowhere, wearing a T-shirt that says "Worst episode ever", and says "Hey, I'm watching you."
• Marge tries to bet that all the horses will have a good time, but the guy directs Marge to a line for "Wuss Bets", the line for which includes Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, and Hans Moleman
• The ending, where Bill Clinton visits the Simpsons:
  Clinton: Yeah, hi. I'm here to see Lisa Simpson.
  Lisa: (gasps) You read my letter?
  Clinton: Much of it, yes. And those glow sticks were wrong. Very wrong. So I've personally overturned the results of that band contest. Congratulations.
  Lisa: (gasps) Thank you, Mr. President!
  Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
  Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
  Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president. (makes goofy face)
• When Bart suggests that they use their newly-acquired horse to dive for pearls, Homer has an Imagine Spot of what his life would be like with pearls. It consist of Homer on a bed made of pearls in the sky while a talking pearl dressed as a butler serves him pearls as cereal that Homer eats, shattering all his teeth before he starts laughing. It then returns to reality where Homer is rolling on the ground, making the exact same laugh.
• One of the jockeys, with no other foreshadowing than that they're elves, tries to talk his way out of being stuffed in a garbage bag by yelping, "We'll give you GOLD!"

240 - "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily"

• The Flanders' reasons for sitting near the back of the grandstand are undermined by the Simpsons sitting right in front of them:
  Rod: Daddy, can we move closer?
  Ned: Abso-not-ly, hot Roddy. We're up here out of range of the crashes and the drivers cussing.
  [the view widens to reveal Bart and Lisa shoving each other]
  Bart: Move your damn butt!
  Lisa: Bite me!
• Homer tries to bait the Fan-demonium girls into firing a T-shirt his way by removing the shirt he is wearing:
  Homer: I need a shirt! Gimme a shirt!
  Ralph: (referring to Homer's chest) Mommy has bosoms like that.
  Chief Wiggum: Yeah, I wish.
• The star wipe!
• All of the gags with the animals.
• Homer's dating ad for Ned.

241 - "Missionary: Impossible"

• Homer and Bart watch Do Shut Up, a British sitcom about a family of Football Hooligans on PBS.
  Homer: If they're not having a go with a bird, they're having a row with a wanker!
  Bart: Cheeky.
• Lisa and Marge are at a store when they see Homer on a TV showing PBS.
  Lisa: Mom, Dad's on PBS!
  Marge: Hmm? They don't show police chases, do they?
  Homer: Um... it's an honor to give $10,000. Especially now, when the rich mosaic of cable programming has made public television so very, very unnecessary.
  Marge: From now on, one of us always stays home.
  Lisa: Agreed.
• The PBS mob chasing Homer.
  Oscar: Give us the money!
  Elmo: Elmo knows where you live!
  • Also Mister Rogers' cameo: "It's a beautiful day to kick your ass!"
• Homer runs in the church.
  Homer: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
  Lovejoy: Oh, why did I teach him that word?
• Then when he begs Lovejoy for help:
  Homer: Please help me. I'll do anything. I'll light a candle. I'll help with your next charity scam!
  Lovejoy: The word is "drive".
  Homer: Sure, sure, Bob's your uncle...
• The first few days on the island, where he's already committed to getting himself high off poison tree frogs to make the time go faster, to, as the dialogue implies, hasn't been going that well. The third lick we see him try gets him really toasted, and from a POV shot of Homer looking at the frog he's just licked, we see the frog talking in a warped, faded Marge voice, its eyes darting nervously. This naturally freaks Homer out, who, to his astonishment upon lowering the frog, discovering Marge trying to contact him on a ham radio.
• The scene where Homer says to a native girl (whom he calls "Lisa Junior") that "God's palace is all the way up on the moon".
• "SAVE ME JEBUS!"
• Betty White turning off a TV set that has the Family Guy logo on it during her line, "So if you don't want lowbrow programming to disappear from the airwaves..." Funnier still given Family Guy's 2002 cancellation and revival in 2005.
  • Before that, the beginning of her pledge drive: "If you watch a second of PBS without paying for it, you're a thief! A damn thief! I'm sorry, I just get so mad. You thieves!"

242 - "Pygmoelian"

• The Couch Gag with Marge wiping off Matt Groening's signature on the corner, only for the man in question to appear and rewrite his name, much to Marge's shock.
• Milhouse with drunk goggles on.
  Milhouse: (putting his arm around Bart) This guy here... this is the guy.
• Duffman introduces the final round: Tossing the Drunk.
  Duffman: Now, our final round, which counts for 98% of the total score, making the previous rounds a complete waste! Oh, yeah!
• Titania, the attractive but incompetent bartender from Juggernauts in Hollywood, does not take kindly to the final round:
  Titania: Ew! You said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
  Duffman: Duffman says a lot of things! Oh yeah! [Titania storms off]
• After Moe sees his face on the calendar which was covered by several stickers:
  Moe: Am I really that ugly?
  Carl: It's all relative. I mean, is Lenny really that stupid? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald and fat?
  Moe: (tearing up) No, it's worse than that!
  (Moe, Lenny, Barney, and Homer burst into tears)
  Carl: (looking directly at the audience) See, this is why I don't talk much.
• Part of Moe's path of revenge involves slapping a sticker similar to the ones that covered his face on the calendar over Duffman's entire face.
  Moe: Hey, Duffman! Lets see how you like a sticker on your face! (slaps "Duff" sticker on Duffman's face) Yeah!
  Duffman: [falling to the ground and grabbing the edges of the sticker, but still speaking in his usual tone of voice] Duffman, can't breathe! Oh, no!
• From the B-Story, which involves Bart and Lisa chasing after a pink elephant that Homer bought for Maggie after being hypnotized by its simple charm, fighting over it, and knocking it up the chimney:
  • Marge's initial offer of the balloon gets an unexpected reaction:
    Marge: Kids, would you like a balloon?
    Bart: [sarcastic] Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwypop. [thinks] Actually, I would like a wowwypop...
    Lisa: Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years! [shyly] And if Bart gets a wowwypop, I want a wowwypop.
  • Eventually, they track down the balloon:
    Lisa (panicked): It's going into that building!
    (The balloon lazily floats in, Bart and Lisa run into the office window)
    Bart: Nice suit, Jeeves!
    (Moments later, Snake comes by with his son as they quickly snatch Bart and Lisa's bike)
    Snake Jr.: (excitedly) Daddy, I'm stealing! I'm stealing!
    Snake: (tearfully) Oh... That's my little dude!
    (Cut into a random office building where a group of politicians are discussing their next campaign idea)
    Politician #1: We need a symbol. Something that says we're gay and Republican.
    (The pink elephant balloon floats in and circles around the table as the politicians look up for a few seconds, then...)
    Politician #2: A little on the nose, don't you think?
    (Bart and Lisa burst into the office, panting)
    Lisa: Excuse me, we just came to get our balloon!
    Politician #1 (delightedly, grabbing balloon and handing it to Lisa): Here you go! And have a bumper sticker!
    Lisa: Thank you!
    Lisa (reading sticker, confused beyond belief): A gay president in 2084?
    Politician #3 (casually): We're realistic.

243 - "Bart to the Future"

• Future Bart's "Margaritaville" knock-off "Daiquritaville," and the audience throwing their garbage at him — only to be saved by a force field.
  Willie: I need more power! The shields won't hold much longer!
• The mosquitoes taking the park ranger's class ring off his hand — then returning it and stripping the flesh and muscle from said hand.
• This exchange between Bart and President Lisa:
  Bart: You've changed. Lisa. You used to be cool.
  Lisa: (withering contempt) No I didn't.
• President Lisa arrives in the dining room with a marching band playing "Hail to the Chief." She laments that she can't find something to cut from the budget, to which the band nervously walks out of the room.

244 - "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses"

• A drunk Barney talking about death to Lisa:
  Barney: I'm just sayin' that when we die there's gonna be a planet for the French, a planet for the Chinese and we'll all be a lot happier.
  Lisa: Mr. Gumble, you're upsetting me.
  Barney: No, I'm not.
• Homer's Mood Whiplash as he's drinking a six pack of beer to keep Barney from falling off the wagon.
  • First, there's his swerve mid-sentence as the alcohol hits him like a freight train:
    Homer: [having just downed the second through sixth cans of the six pack simultaneously] I won't let you give up now when you worked so hard [suddenly slurring his speech] to be the greatest pal in the world... I love you! Let's not lose touch after graduation... [falls asleep, snoring loudly]
    Barney: [touched] You brave man. You took six silver bullets for me.
    Homer: [stirring] Stay away from my wife! [takes a swing at Barney, but misses completely and slumps against the front of the cockpit]
  • Then, when he rescues Bart and Lisa:
    Lisa: YOU DID IT DAD!
    Homer: You can't prove I did it.
    Lisa: No! You saved our lives.
    Homer: I could do a lot of things if I had some money.
    Lisa: What?

245 - "Kill the Alligator and Run"

One of the most incoherent episodes of season 11, but also one of the funniest:

• When Homer finds out the results of testing himself in a self-evaluation magazine:
  Homer: Okay, non-smoker...add eight years...According to this I'll live to be...forty-two? Aaooww, that's horrible! I won't even live to see my children die!
• Also, when Homer tries to defend himself in court ... by referring to the jury as "drunken hicks," followed by a Smash Cut to everyone in the family working in a chain gang. Said jury features the reoccurring elderly dowager and a British military official.
• En route to Florida
  Lisa: Mom! Bart's sitting next to me!
  Bart: Mom! Lisa's growing!
  Marge: Quiet, you two, your father's had a nervous breakdown!
  Homer: My pockets hurt!
• The whole "I like that! You're hired" Running Gag with the waitress, concluding with "Those cops are chasing off my employees! Beat I like that!"
• This exchange never fails to get a laugh:
  Whip Man: No listening...you hear me?
  Homer: (thinks for a moment) ...No?
  Whip Man: You just don't learn do ya? (whips Homer)
• Homer's mental breakdown at the power plant culminates in him nursing a baby doll while hopping around naked inside a cowboy sleeping bag.
  Homer: A mother can't die and I'm a mother!
• Homer being sent to the Plant's Psychiatrist:
  Psychiatrist: You hate your father?
  Homer: Sometimes, but the person I really hate is your father!
• The final scene after the sheriff bans the Simpsons from Florida. Homer insists that they're welcome in plenty of other states. Description Cut to Marge marking an "X" through Florida on a map of the continential United States...
  Marge: Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota and Arizona.
  Homer: Arizona smells funny!
  (Marge groans and crosses out Arizona)
  Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!
  Bart: I've always wanted to see Mount Rushmore.
  Marge: That's South Dakota.
  Bart: Aw!

246 - "Last Tap Dance in Springfield"

• Homer (who's blinded by the crusts in his eyes from laser surgery) being driven to the liquor store by Kearney (doing a very bad impression of Marge) and his bully friends. Unfortunately, we don't get to see what happened to Homer after that, and the whole "Homer has eye surgery" plot was forgotten after act one.
• Little Vicki: Nobody upstages Little Vicki! (Hisses)
• Frink telling Lisa that the shoes were on the "OFF" switch all along, only for Homer to accidentally expose this lie. I was merely trying to spare her feelings, you insensitive clod!
• In the play, the girls are dancing over to an alien race on the other side of the stage. Marge says "Where's Lisa?" Homer replies "Shush, this plot is hard enough to follow as it is!"
• In the side-plot, the police are setting up a trap to catch a giant rat (which is actually Milhouse and Bart). Chief Wiggum wonders if he can grab the cheese before the anvil hits. Louie tell him the odds are a Million-To-One, but Wiggum likes the odds anyway. Sure enough...
  Wiggum: (groans) My mistake was grabbing the cheese.
  • Later they try to release a mountain lion into the mall to catch the rat. They open the cage, the lion leaps out... and immediately eats the cheese and gets hit by the anvil before you can blink.
    Louie: Should I get the back-up lion, Chief?
    Wiggum: Would you?

247 - "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"

• The chalkboard gag: I can not hire a substitute student.
• This part from Marge's hearing:
  Psychologist #1: Mrs. Simpson, before we begin I'd like to assure you this is not a trial.
  (the other two psychologists groan)
  Psychologist #1: Alright, it's a trial.
  (the other two psychologists high-five one another)
• Marge starts to quietly pray:
  Psychologist #2: Excuse me, what are you doing?
  Marge: Oh, I was just praying to God that you'll find me sane.
  Psychologist #2: I see. And this "God", is he in this room right now?
  Marge: Oh, yes! He's kind of everywhere.
  (the three psychologists look to each other and shake their heads)
• Marge trying to escape the mental hospital doctors by posing as a member of a marching band. Too bad it was the marching band for the very mental hospital from which she was trying to escape.
• Bart's class groaning after Principal Skinner tells them they're not allowed to do any The Blair Witch Project parodies or knock-offs now that they have their own video cameras for class.
• Homer tries Five-Finger Fillet on himself (actually, four finger fillet as it is a Simpsons universe after all), only to stab himself on all of his digits. Marge then reprimands him:
  Marge: Homer, no knife games on the table!
  Homer: (fighting back tears) I didn't hit your precious table!
• Marge goes to Chief Wiggum for help when she thinks Becky is trying to murder her. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
  Chief Wiggum: Alright, let me tell you what I tell everyone else: The law is powerless to help you.
  Marge: Do I have to be dead before you'll help me?
  Chief Wiggum: No, not dead, just dying.
• Marge subduing the ice cream story employees by throwing sprinkles at them. Their pained reactions sell it.
  Employee: I CAN ONLY SEE A HORRIBLE RAINBOW!
• And when Marge is arrested by the cops:
  Marge: I thought you said the law was powerless.
  Chief Wiggum: Powerless to help you. Not punish you.
• Otto's story of how he met Becky, at the "Summer of Love"... Woodstock 1999.
  (in the middle of a massive riot at Woodstock, Otto runs up to a water stand, while on fire)
  Otto: QUICK, I NEED SOME WATER!
  Sales girl: (cheerfully) Eight dollars.
  Otto: (scoffs) Not in this lifetime.

248 - "Behind the Laughter"

• Homer's role as Mr. Stingley on RENT 2
  Homer: I literally chewed the scenery
  [Homer fondly looks at a piece of the set with a chunk bitten out of it.]
• Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute. (sits there and smiles like he just said the smartest thing ever)
• Homer: They can't take our house; my potbellied pig is in there! (sobbing) Oh, Mr. Porky....
• Also, Jim Forbes' over-the-top narration creates a few laugh-out-loud scenes: "...The dream was over. Coming up — was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?"
  Narrator: The Simpsons' TV show started out on a wing and a prayer, but now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered ... by Satan.
• How the show got started, according to the cast:
  Marge: Nobody told us how tough it is to raise kids. They almost drove me to fortified wine.
  Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.
  Ned: I'd see 'em sitting on that couch all day long, just staring at that Hollywood hogwash.
  Homer: Our favorite show was "Hollywood Hogwash", but we also loved "The Dreck Squad"...
  Marge: ..."The Malarkeys", "Dumbin' it Down"...
  Lisa: ..."Sheriff Lowbrow"...
  Bart: ..."Home Improvement"...
  Homer: ...but we never saw people like us on TV.
  Bart: TV families were always hugging and tackling issues.
  Marge: Homer kept saying he could do a more realistic family show. Finally I said, "So do it. Either [bleep] or get off the pot."
  Narrator: And [bleep] he did.
• Ozzy Osbourne's disgust that "Simpsons Christmas Boogie" somehow won "Best Hardcore Thrash Metal." He proceeds to bite the top of a Grammy Award which starts spewing blood.
• The family moves into MC Hammer's mansion where Homer mutilates the "HammerTime" sign to make it say "HomerTime"
• The episode revisits “Bart the Daredevil”, while showing the aftermath of Homer recuperating in the hospital. While on-screen, a nurse is shown dumping painkillers from a propane-tank-sized bottle into Homer’s mouth, the narration says “Somehow, Homer became addicted to painkillers.”

---