Characters / Barney Miller

The Squad

Captain Barney Miller

Played by: Hal Linden

The leader of the Ensemble Cast. Barney is an average family man trying to keep his sanity as he runs the 12th Precinct, a task made difficult both by criminals and his own officers. He emphasizes using compassion and perspective in dealing with the public, occasionally to the frustration of his squad. His signature method of dealing with crime is having the people involved talk it out until one of them decides to drop charges, as most arrestees are ordinary citizens who just need a chance to calm down.

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• Actor Allusion: Ironically, Hal Linden was born in New York. Barney Miller sets in New York in the 1970s-80s.
• Beleaguered Bureaucrat: On occasion.
• Beware the Nice Ones: Barney prefers to sort out conflicts with perspective and discussion, but Obstructive Bureaucrats and others have pushed him past the breaking point several times to a verbal explosion.
• Bothering by the Book: In "Voice Analyzer", after Wojo sends the supposed lie detector into overdrive when asked his name and Dietrich utterly confounds it with a series of Blatant Lies, Barney decides not to submit his voice to analysis to prove his point to Scanlan. It is, after all, a "voluntary" evaluation, and the refusal of the captain to do it says a lot.
• A Father to His Men: Downplayed, since they're not too much younger than him, but he always goes out of his way when they're in trouble. Wojo in particular views him like this. Wojo even tried to ask Barney to be a surrogate after he learned he was sterile. Barney said "no" so fast, he almost broke his jaw. Barney also has unyielding faith in his detectives and their integrity, although he wouldn't allow them to get away with anything they shouldn't.
• First-Name Basis: Although he usually addresses his squad by surname, they regularly call him Barney. Note, though, that Barney always calls Nick and Chano by their first names.
• Guile Hero: He's apparently no slouch in action, but Barney usually resolves situation without forcing a particular issue, settling arguments, clearing up fights, and generally avoiding simply throwing criminal charges around unless necessary. When Wojo is brought up on charges of excessive force and the consultant psychologist begins to analyze the rest of the squad for reasons he refuses to disclose, Barney talks him into a verbal trap and essentially forces him to clear them.
• Happily Married: For the most part, although his wife Liz wasn't seen onscreen (save for a couple of guest episodes) after the first season. They also had a brief separation in season 5, with Barney moving into a hotel for a while.
• Heroic BSoD: After being turned down for promotion a third time, he shuts himself in the office with the lights turned off to brood over the stagnation of his career.
• Informed Judaism: Wojo mentions that Barney is Jewish at some point, although Barney rarely mentions it himself and celebrates Christmas. A woman who has been following Barney's career also mentions having sent his son a check for his Bar Mitzvah.
  Wojo: You don't wear the little hat.
  Barney: I have one.
• The Kirk: He somehow usually manages to keep his cool for the most part (and trying not to lose it), even when dealing with tough situations.
• The Leader: Type Levelheaded. Barney is remarkably good at keeping calm, or at least calm enough to work towards a solution when the squad room is going nuts around him.
• Nice Guy: One of his trademarks is getting suspects and complainants to reconcile instead of pressing charges, although the squad occasionally gets fed up with "that compassion stuff."
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Barney really does not like when members of state or federal government get involved and repeatedly gets frustrated with Wojo for calling them in. However, when dealing with an ex-Nazi and the man who survived his concentration camp, Barney doesn't have any objections when Wojo and Harris inform him that they "called Poland."
• Rank Up: Gets promoted to Deputy Inspector in the series finale.
• Reasonable Authority Figure: Serves as this to the squad as well as the local community. He'll almost always hear out his officers' concerns and tries to strike a good balance between doing the right thing and making the bureaucrats happy.
• Rage Breaking Point: In "The Clown", after finding out that bureaucrats have secretly released a hundred prisoners from holding in the middle of the night (due to overcrowding), Barney orders Wojo to release the two burglars and the man who robbed an armored car:
  Barney: Wojo, turn them loose.
  Wojo: Who?
  Barney: All of them.
  Wojo: All of —?
  Barney [snaps and shouts]: ALL of them! Come on, turn 'em loose! You too, Mr., uh... Duncan; you're free to go.
  Wojo: Why not?
  Barney: Why not! They're gonna be out of here in a couple of days, anyway! Let's face it, Wojo, all we're doing up here is just spinning our wheels, pretending that what we do means something, and it means nothing! And why? Somebody explain why, why do we do it? The respect, recognition, that wonderful feeling of achievement we get as we watch a bunch of punks laughing their way through the system?
  Levitt: Sir, if it'll make things any better around here, I'll stay.
  Barney: No, Levitt, I think you should go.
  Levitt: Huh?
  Barney: I really do, I think you should go; I think we should all just pack up and get out of here! Leave this stinking city to go to hell in a handbasket! Because, let's face it, we're in the way!
• Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: In "Eviction" he insists on trying to mediate the situation instead of just assaulting a hotel to force the tenants out and is placed on modified duty (until the tenants demand him back as a mediator). In "Contempt", he's actually sent to jail over his refusal to name an informant in court.
• Straight Man: Inevitably to whatever zaniness was going on around him. Nowhere more prominent than in "Hash", where he's the only one who didn't eat one of the hash brownies. In the DVD commentary the writers say that Barney was given jokes on occasion early on, but it became clear that the humor was more effective with Barney as a straight man for all the wacky visitors to bounce off of.

Sergeant Nick Yemana

Played by: Jack Soo

Nick is nominally Barney's Number Two. He's in charge of filing and coffee and has an extremely laconic approach to his job. He's good at it, but he can be fairly lackadaisical about the mundane aspects and responds to most insanity and annoyances with dry sarcasm. He's Japanese-American (born in Omaha) and served in the Nisei Regiment; consequently he's pretty annoyed when he has to deal with racism and uses his wit to make them look like fools.

Tragically, Jack Soo died of stomach cancer in 1979. The cast filmed a retrospective episode in tribute to him, and in-universe references to Nick were made with a wistful air.

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• Bad to the Last Drop: His coffee is legendarily awful. In one episode, he uses the water from the leaky (dusty, termite-ridden) roof to make it, in another he's surprised to learn that the "pattern" on the cups was actually mold and mildew. The ginseng tea he ambushes Barney with probably qualifies, too—hard to tell if it's just an acquired taste or if he's as bad at that as he is with coffee. In another episode, a visitor collapses after a sip of his coffee (for unrelated reasons) and Nick looks alarmed.^note In fact, Jack Soo's last recorded words before his death were to Hal Linden as he was going in for surgery in an attempt to treat the cancer. Riffing off of Nick's legendarily bad coffee, he joked to Linden, "It must have been the coffee..."
  Nick: It was a fresh pot!
• Black Comedy: He had a penchant for morbid humor.
• Character Catchphrase: "Very well put."
• The Character Died with Him: Although Nick's death was never made explicit in-universe, the way other characters refer to him and his absence makes it clear that he passed on.
  • In "Jack Soo: A Retrospective", the cast shares their memories of working with Jack Soo, with Hal Linden noting that The Show Must Go On, even though it won't be the same due to Soo's passing.
• Cordon Bleugh Chef: His shabu-shabu. Everyone else is revolted by the smell and his list of ingredients (fish heads, celery tops, etc) and are pleasantly surprised when it turns out to be quite tasty... because he cooked it wrong.
  • Once, when Wojo complains about the smell, does he realize how bad it is:
  Wojo: What is- What is this?
  Nick: That's my lunch!
  Wojo: Smells like garbage.
  Nick: "Garbage"? Are you kidding? This is Japanese delicacy: Fish heads, cabbage leaves, cucumber rinds, and celery tops—
  Wojo [interrupting]: It's.. it's terrific.
  Nick [pauses, looks in the pot]: Come to think of it, that is garbage.
• A Day in the Limelight: He's very rarely the focus of an episode's plot. "Loan Shark" and one of the Christmas episodes put him in the spotlight.
• Deadpan Snarker: He's the best at responding to a situation with an extremely dry quip.
• The Gambler: Yemana is a habitual small-stakes gambler, though not destructively so (as much as he annoys Barney by calling his bookie at work). Usually it's horse-racing, but he'll also bet on sporting events and elections and takes personal charge of the equipment recovered from a synagogue's illegal casino.
• Ice-Cream Koan: The occasional piece of "Oriental wisdom" from his grandfather. Such as "many things look bleak at the moment of occurence, but at least we ain't got locusts."
• Meet Cute: His encounter with Dorothy Murakami when she's looking through mugbooks. After starting the conversation by hastily slamming the file cabinet, and announcing "I'm a cop," he charms her with his humor. When she says "Everyone looks so much alike!" he says "I know what you mean. I'm Japanese too." There's some awkwardness when he learns she's also a prostitute, but they go out on a date anyway.
• Racial Face Blindness: Nick claims to have difficulty distinguishing white people.
• Rage Breaking Point: Nick usually endures the complaints about his filing and coffee with stoicism, except once. After getting dogged once too often about filing, bulletins, and coffee, Nick stops, puts on his coat, and goes to lunch... after guilting them thoroughly about not recognizing his twenty-year anniversary of joining the police force.
• Silent Snarker: At the end of "The Vandal", Barney orders Nick to clean up the mess:
  Barney: You may as well get started reorganizing the files.
  Yemana: Why me? He did it.
  Barney [annoyed]: Just get on it, will you?
  Yemana [sullenly]: Yes, sir.
  Barney: Is there anything else you'd like to say?
  Nick [looks at the graffiti which reads "Captain Miller is a dirty m..."]: I have nothing to add.^note And he really didn't: that was Soo's last line in his final appearance on the show before his death.
• The Spock: He alternates this role with Dietrich, usually being the other sane man in the squad room.
• You Are in Command Now: When Barney is briefly suspended from active duty. His response? "Oh my god."

Detective Stan (Stanley Thaddeus) "Wojo" Wojciehowicz

Played by: Max Gail

A Polish-American detective who struggles to pass the sergeant's exam for most of the show's run. He's chiefly characterized by his impulsiveness and hot temper—if Barney has a bureaucratic headache, chances are it's Wojo's fault. However, he's usually trying to do the right thing.

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• The Big Guy: He's the most likely to have been involved in physical confrontations, kick down doors, etcetera. When Nick comes down with appendicitis and they need to put him on a hard surface, Wojo casually upends his desk to clear it off.
  "I didn't know it was unlocked."
• Character Development: He goes from being an impulsive hotdog who rarely thinks things through to a calmer and more thoughtful person. Lampshaded in the series finale.
  Harris: God, he is so much improved!
• Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Prone to making unusual threats to unruly suspects. He was brought up on charges of excessive force at one point - not because he assaulted a suspect, but because his choice of words to "suggest he stop resisting arrest" was to threaten to pull out his tongue.
  "So if you say that again, I'll pull your lips off!"
• The Dulcinea Effect: Most of his girlfriends are former prostitutes; he's only attracted to women he feels a need to "save."
• Hair-Trigger Temper: Occasionally this results in a visit from Internal Affairs over a Police Brutality accusation.
• Hidden Depths: After Dietrich drops a Shakespeare quote about the thick fog outside, Wojo replies with the poem "Fog" by Carl Sandburg. Which leads to a hilarious moment when Harris walks in and comments that it's thick as pea soup.
  Wojo: Well, we did better than that.
  Dietrich: Yes we did.
  • In one episode, when Barney has to deal with a woman going into labor in the squad room, Wojo ends up volunteering to help with the delivery, admitting to Barney that he helped a woman give birth during his time in Vietnam.
  • "Wojo's Girl, Part 1" reveals that when he's off duty, Wojo likes to play the flute in the park.
• Hot-Blooded: It gets him in trouble a lot, either because Internal Affairs is investigating charges of police brutality on him or because he accidentally got himself involved in a political situation.
• It's Personal: In one episode, Wojo does his usual round of dragging in various government officials—specifically from the Veterans Administration, the Air Force, and the company that produced Agent Orange. The suspect that day was a Vietnam vet who claimed his behavioral and health problems were caused by the war, and Wojo admits to often having fears himself when he feels odd or unwell.
• The McCoy: His idealistic impulses frequently get him into hot water. Among other things, he grants asylum to a Russian musician on his own authority, is deeply reluctant to let a homeless woman who'd been mugged just go back to the street, and calls in the Bureau of Indian Affairs to deal with an apparently suicidal individual.
• My God, What Have I Done?: In "Blizzard", a suspect he'd roughly arrested dies. Wojo sincerely thinks he might have terrified the guy into having a coronary after seeing this 'six-foot Polish hotdog' chasing him down. He's pretty happy when the autopsy says the man was incredibly unhealthy to start with and should have been dead years ago.
  "Oh, that's great!"
• Noble Bigot with a Badge: Struggles with homophobia through the show's run—he starts out as totally intolerant and clearly unnerved by gay people, but he starts to become more tolerant through Barney's influence and acquaintance with gay men.
• One Head Taller: And just plain big, too, which is why he gets volunteered for a lot of menial physical tasks.
• Patriotic Fervor: While prone to idealism, he often gets angry at those who protested the Vietnam War (which he served in). When he (incorrectly) arrests a man for selling flag-related merchandise during the Bicentennial, he refuses to let the man sit due to the flag imprinted on the seat of his pants.
• Rank Up: It takes him five tries, but he eventually passes the sergeant's exam and gets promoted in Season 4.
• Really Gets Around: A Running Gag. He's always late because of who he was with the night before, and it's why Barney is visibly dismayed at the prospect of Wojo taking Rachel to dinner.
• Semper Fi: He served with the U.S. Marine Corps during the Vietnam War before joining the 12th Precinct.
• Shell-Shocked Veteran: While he's not the only squad member who served in the military, he is the only one who did active duty in The Vietnam War, and he doesn't like to talk about it.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: In the eighth season he finds an antique rifle in the basement. This leads to the 12th Precinct being decomissioned and the building auctioned off as a historical site.
• Wide-Eyed Idealist: He'll grant political asylum and often calls in high-level government officials, escalating matters before Barney has a chance to evaluate them himself.

Detective Ron Harris

Played by: Ron Glass

Harris started off as a little bit of a Jive Turkey (being the squad's main African-American) but his characterization soon shifted into a struggling writer who aspired towards wealth, class, and high society. A studious investor and a snappy dresser, he has a self-centered streak that occasionally gets on Barney's nerves, once to the point of a serious argument.

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• Attractive Bent-Gender: He insists on having his outfit for mugging detail tailored (he does not buy off the rack). When he emerges in a tasteful lavender dress with matching gloves and hat, the rest of the squad is absolutely stunned—somewhat to his chagrin.
  "I want to look good, but not better."
• Characterization Marches On: In season one Harris often acts like a sterotypical "blaxploitation" movie character, talking in "jive" (in the first episode, he exclaims "I'm a policeman, baby! I goes where I'm needed!"). This is dropped by season two, with the character established as an intellectual.
• The Dandy: Always dressed to the nines. Barney notes his "flashy efficiency" in one evaluation, and Harris even refuses to wear his blues on a mandatory uniform day because he prefers his own wardrobe. One outfit (custom-tailored jacket, pants, and shirt, not counting the tie and socks) apparently cost $250.
• Debt Detester: Towards Dietrich at least. He insists on paying him immediately after Dietrich beats him at backgammon just in case he gets killed owing. And when Dietrich actually saves his life, he's absolutely outraged and goes to increasing lengths to repay him.
• Distinguished Gentleman's Pipe: Harris tries to invoke this with his book-jacket portrait. The rest of the squad is quick to poke fun at him over it.
• Failed a Spot Check: He has the squad sign release forms consenting to their portrayal in his novel, but he fails to consider Ambulance Chaser Ripner.
• Get-Rich-Quick Scheme: With the caveat that it's always at a higher level than most such things. Usually it's him trying to make a quick fortune off of an investment potential offered by some visitor to the squadroom, such as gold, diamonds, and even antique dolls.
• Gold Fever: Shows signs of this when Mr. Brower turns to gold as his latest apocalyptic failsafe, which Dietrich comments on.
  Harris: [turning over the ingots in a daze] Looks like he got it all. Looks like he didn't leave none for nobody else.
• Her Code Name Was "Mary Sue": His novel, Blood on the Badge. It's directly based on events at the 12th Precinct.
• It's All About Me: He really can be quite self-centered. When Nick gets appendicitis, for instance, Harris is genuinely concerned but still instinctively protests using his own corduroy jacket as a pillow.
• Purple Prose: Whenever he reads out a sample of his writing, it's highly descriptive to the point of being overwrought.
• Rank Up: Gets promoted to Sergeant during the course of the series.
• The Rival: He considers Dietrich a rival for The Smart Guy. Dietrich responds by trolling the hell out of him.
• Smoking Is Glamorous: The Sharp-Dressed Man is also the squad's most avid smoker, although given the changing public attitudes towards smoking, other characters frequently poke at him about this.
• Strongly Worded Letter:
  • When Barney is punished for not immediately clearing stubborn tenants from a condemned hotel, Harris announces that "someone is going to get a very hot letter."
  • In a previous episode his writing really did expose another precinct's attempted hijack of an arrest by Chano and Wentworth.
• Unusual Euphemism: His many nicknames for Bellevue's mental ward are a Running Gag to the point where other characters are tripped up when he actually calls it Bellevue.
  Dietrich: My favorite was the "Disoriented Express."
• Waiting for a Break: Harris is waiting for one as a writer; he eventually gets his book Blood on the Badge (which he affectionately refers to as "Bob") published.
• Wardrobe Wound: A victim of this a couple of times.
  • "Vandalism:" In the midst of all the considerable damage to the squadroom (upturned trash cans, spraypaint, files thrown across the floor), Harris is most outraged that the vandal cut up his alpaca sweater.
    "There was no need for this!"
  • In another episode Harris chases a suspect into the sewer and trips, falling into the waste.
    Harris: This will never come out!
    Yemana: It wasn't designed to!
• Write Who You Know: In-universe with his book, Blood on the Badge. This winds up being its downfall when Ripner gets a hold of it and sues for defamation.

Sergeant Phillip Fish

Played by: Abe Vigoda

The oldest man on the squad; he's rapidly approaching the age of mandatory retirement. Fish has a host of health issues that make doing his job more difficult, a long marriage that he's tired of, and a general world-weariness. In spite of all that, he hates the thought of leaving his job. He left the show in Season 4 for a short-lived Spin-Off called Fish.

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• Ambiguously Jewish: His ethnic background is never explicitly mentioned; on the other hand, "Fisch" is a noted surname among Jews, particularly those of German descent.
• Attractive Bent-Gender: The elderly man who tries to pay Fish for a date while Fish is on mugging detail says that "she" had a very sexy walk (a result of Fish having dislocated his hip once). Even after Fish changes back into his normal attire, the man is still attracted to him.
• Alter Kocker: He frequently complains about his ailments, while reluctantly looking forward to his retirement day.
• Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: In "Hash", when Officer Slater starts trying to hit on Bernice, Fish tells Slater to stay the hell away from Bernice.
• Breakout Character: One of the most popular characters of the show and was able to get his own spinoff.
• Calling Your Bathroom Breaks: A significant percentage of Fish's time onscreen is getting up to go to the bathroom, coming back from same, or making some remark about it.
• Commuting on a Bus: During season 3 thanks to his concurrent role on Fish.
• Deadpan Snarker: Mostly through his Aside Comments on whatever's going on.
• Drunken Master: A variation in "Hash." After he unwittingly gets stoned out of his head on the brownies, Fish clears an eight-foot jump across a rooftop to catch a robber.
• Fake Guest Star: Played with; after his retirement in "Goodbye Mr. Fish (Part 2), he is no longer listed in the opening credits sequence. In "Burial", he returns to help out the squad in locating a kidnapped corpse, and his role is uncredited in the closing credits.
• Grumpy Old Man: He has little patience with his younger colleagues.
  "Get away from me!"
• Henpecked Husband: He makes his relationship with Bernice out to be this, although she really doesn't seem that bad when she makes a cameo.
• Hidden Depths: The crew is clearly shocked when Fish is revealed to be fluent in Japanese. Given his likely age, he almost certainly served in World War II (as Vigoda himself did.)
• Last-Name Basis: His wife even calls him Fish.
• Mistaken for Prostitute: While on mugging detail, Fish arrests an elderly man for this. (Even after realizing that Fish is male, the man still offers to take him to a ball game.)
• Reluctant Retiree:
  • When he's told to go on restricted duty because of his health, he contemplates leaving the force entirely. In the end, his pride wins: he declares that himself on restricted duty is worth more than any one of his younger colleagues on full duty.
  • He deals with the actual day of retirement by refusing to acknowledge it, or attempting to. Barney has to argue him into accepting it.

Sergeant Arthur Dietrich

Played by: Steve Landesberg

Dietrich appeared in one Season 2 episode as a transfer from a closed precinct and became a regular character from Season 3 on. An incredibly intelligent and well-read man, the squad turned to him (with varying levels of exasperation) whenever something needed explaining. He possesses an extremely dry sense of humor, but he's more active in exercising it than Yemana.

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• 10-Minute Retirement: In "Resignation", after he shoots a young man who attempted to rob a liquor store in the upper left quadrant of his cheek, he tenders his resignation from the force, feeling disturbed about possibly taking another man's life. Later on, Barney has a conversation with Dietrich about his integrity which implies that the other officers' integrity doesn't measure up to his. He mentions that before joining the force, he had tried such other jobs as a medical student, law student, a teacher, an actor, a beekeeper, and a lumberjack. After the other officers confront him about quitting, Dietrich decides to stay on the force and give it another shot.
• Attractive Bent-Gender: Inverted. Dietrich is pretty enthusiastic about going on mugging detail, but Barney pulls him because he is just incapable of looking female enough. The others even say the muggers will laugh him out of the park.
• Blind Without 'Em: In the aforementioned mugging incident, Dietrich tries removing his glasses to look more attractive. Then immediately says "Captain? Is that still you?"
• Characterization Marches On: When he's first introduced his past as a medical student is used as a pretext for him to annoy colleagues with unwanted health and diet advice. It takes a few episodes for him to be established as a towering, sardonic intellect who mostly keeps his opinions to himself.
• Comically Missing the Point:
  • In "The Architect", when he's forced to give up his gun as part of his modified duty after attending an anti-nuclear rally.
    Dietrich: I almost feel like I'm being punished somehow.
    Barney: You are!
  • In the same episode we witness the one time his Berserk Button goes off. Dietrich usually speaks very quietly, but when a couple of inept punks invade the squad room demanding everyone's guns, he snaps at the mention of restricted duty:
  Dietrich: I don't have one.
  Punk: Come on, you're a cop.
  Dietrich: Restricted duty.
  Punk: What's that?
  Dietrich: I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, AWRIGHT?
• Deadpan Snarker: So deadpan, in fact, that he's able to trip up a lie detector designed to measure stress levels in the voice.
• Encyclopedic Knowledge: He can always be counted on to know more than anyone else in the precinct about any obscure topic.
• Jack of All Trades: In "Resignation", before joining the force, his occupations included medical student, law student, a teacher, an actor, a beekeeper, and a lumberjack.
• Leaning on the Fourth Wall: In the opening credits. A beat after he and Levitt say "morning, Captain" (muted under the music), Dietrich turns to smile at the camera again, much to Levitt's confusion.
• Mathematician's Answer: He would sometimes just answer "yes" when asked if he knew what something was (especially if he'd just been told off for being Mr. Exposition). One time he gave a passage from Shakespeare to a suspect and said "yeah, it's a quote" when the man tried to remember what it was from.
• Mr. Exposition: Whenever the squad deals with a situation involving an esoteric cultural/scientific/etc. concept, Dietrich is the one who has to explain it. It becomes a Running Gag, with everyone looking confused and Barney finally saying "Dietrich?" in a very resigned voice. In a couple episodes they start turning toward Dietrich before Barney even says it.
• The Münchausen: Dietrich is a low-key version because he's so deadpan. Among the things he's said about his past: he was married as a teenager, got a scout badge for protesting the Vietnam War in '63, has a degree in psychiatry, briefly attended medical school... he's probably joking when he claims he was once a lumberjack. He's able to fool a lie detector when he claims to be alien. (By contrast, Wojo sends it into overdrive pretty much as soon as he's hooked up.)
• Pungeon Master: He's fond of Puns and will go to some lengths to set them up.
  Dietrich: [while spelling a suspect's name on the report] "E-I?"
  Suspect: [nods] "E-I."
  Dietrich: Oh.
• Renaissance Man: While it's hard to know the true extent of Dietrich's past (see Munchausen above), he is legitimately knowledgeable about the things he claims to have formally studied, like psychiatry. He also appears to mainly have professors and/or other Renaissance Men in his social circle and will draw on them when he needs help with an unusual case.
• Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!:
  • He attends an anti-nuclear demonstration despite it being against NYPD regulations and being explicitly forbidden by Scanlon. He also insists on being arrested along with his fellow demonstrators when it gets rowdy.
  • A variant occurs in "Voice Analyzer". After Wojo's Epic Fail, Barney emphasizes that the evaluation is technically voluntary. Dietrich insists on performing the test to prove that using subliminal voice waves as a gauge of honesty is, as Dietrich had opined earlier, "so much sheep dip." He then gives the analyzer a series of Blatant Lies without triggering the alarm once.
• Shout-Out to Shakespeare: Quotes "fair is foul and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air" from Macbeth in "Fog." (Wojo replies with Carl Sandburg's "Fog" poem.)
• Smart People Wear Glasses: Barney and Nick both wear reading glasses, but intellectual Dietrich is the only one on the squad to wear them constantly.
• The Spock: He frequently comes up with insightful knowledge on any given topic, while remaining calm most of the time.
• Troll: Dietrich really likes to mess with people, usually by making absurd deadpan statements. For example, his response to an FBI agent who says he ought to work for them:
  Dietrich: I don't think I could work under a man like Hoover.
  Agent: Surely you know Mr. Hoover died years ago.
  Dietrich: Is that what they told you.

Inspector Frank Luger

Played by: James Gregory

The ol' Inspector frequently drops by the 12th to make Barney's day seem much longer than it actually is with his weird mannerisms and endless stories about the good old days on the police force.

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• The Bore: He will trap Barney in his office for ages to keep telling him the same (often gruesome) stories about his old partners Brownie, Foster, and Kleiner.
• Deliberate Values Dissonance: Luger is vocal about his distaste for the police force's new "wishy-washy" methods. When he has to walk a beat with members of the squad, they are highly disturbed by the way he slaps around a purse snatcher.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: On very rare occasions you can see it, such as his providing comfort and leadership when Dietrich was mistakenly thought to have been killed.
• Never My Fault: A few times he has forced Barney to counsel him and blamed him for the disaster caused by Luger's own behavior—getting temporarily demoted to captain rather than taking retirement, hating his new job as public affairs officer (a job that he guilted Barney into writing a letter of recommendation for), etc...
• Old-Fashioned Copper: Luger's as close as you get without actually being British.
• Old Windbag: He will spend some of his spare time talking with Barn about his partners (Brownie, Foster, Kleiner) and the olden days.
• Unwanted Assistance:
  • Any time he ever gets involved in dealing with the public. He even causes a riot when he tells a crowd of angry Hasidic Jews to "go home and take a shave" as a piece of standard crowd-dispersal.
  • When the NYPD briefly organizes its precincts into "specialty squads," Luger pulls strings to have his favorites at the 12th assigned homicide. Barney is appalled by this, the detectives soon wear thin under the strain of dealing with nothing but brutal murders day in and day out, and it leads to the death of Mr. Cotterman, whom the 12th was unable to help because they were assigned to homicides, and Cotterman's problem didn't fall under the jurisdiction of the homicide squad.

Officer Carl Levitt

Played by: Ron Carey

A uniformed officer who is constantly bucking for promotion to detective. He plies Barney with a combination of brown-nosing and guilt for four seasons. He was often temporarily assigned to the squadroom during manpower shortages, but his overzealous attitude often grates on the detectives.

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• Butt-Monkey: Tends to get stuck carrying the heaviest pieces of evidence, falling in dirty basement water, and burning himself on coffee.
• Character Catchphrase: "Mail call!" whenever he delivers the daily mail to the squad room.
• Character Tics: The little spin he did whenever going out the door.
• El Spanish "-o": Claims he can speak Spanish in "Eviction" in a bid to prove his usefulness. His attempts to communicate include saying "vamos el homo" rather than casa.
• Even Evil Has Standards: When Wojo unthinkingly outs Zatelli to Scanlon, Levitt says "I was the field associate, and I'm disgusted!"
• Height Angst: He's only 5'6" and believes that this is the main reason he's never made Detective. Played with in one episode where the perp is a little person played by Billy Barty, who complains to Levitt that "you tall guys get all the breaks."
• Hidden Depths: When everyone expects Dietrich to be able to communicate with a deaf prostitute, it's actually Levitt who starts speaking sign language to her. (His sister is deaf.)
• It's All About Me: He's completely offended whenever Barney interrupts a discussion about career advancement, even though it's usually because of an obvious crisis.
• The Mole: Becomes the field associate for Internal Affairs. They quickly figure out it's him when they're sent a Long List of excessively trivial offenses (in what was probably a coincidence, before being cast as Levitt, Carey played criminal Angelo "The Mole" Molinari in season two).
• The Napoleon: He can get very aggressive because of his height and his perception that it's the cause of his problems.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: At one point, he had become so fed up with all the put-downs that he was ready to hand in his resignation. Encountering a perp shorter than he is changed his mind.

Other Officers

Detective Chano Amenguale

Played by: Gregory Sierra

A Puerto Rican officer who was good at his job and rarely got on anyone's nerves (as the other officers were prone to doing). He was a regular cast member for the first two seasons, but Sierra left the show in the third.

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• Heroic BSoD: After he shoots and kills a robber threatening hostages.
• Motor Mouth: He starts talking in really fast Spanish when he's agitated.
• Put on a Bus: He left early in the show, but it's not much acknowledged until several seasons later when his (short-lived) replacement is sent. Ah, bureaucracy.
• Stop Being Stereotypical: He surprises the first suspect of the series (who is Puerto Rican) when he starts talking in his normal voice—he affects a flagrantly formal American accent whenever he's faced with a Puerto Rican suspect because it's so embarrassing.

Detective Janice Wentworth

Played by: Linda Lavin

Since female officers were still pretty new in The '70s, the writers decided to add one to the squad. Wentworth was keenly aware of being in the boys' club and an extremely dedicated officer, but the actress took a role on another show and didn't become a regular.

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• Angrish: After arresting a habitual confessor, she starts with "You know what you are? You're a—" before opening her purse and screaming unintelligible curses into it.
• Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?: She's really offended when a would-be rapist pushes her aside to go after Wojo in drag when both of them are on mugging detail in Central Park.
• Belligerent Sexual Tension: With Wojo, particularly when they have to go undercover to catch a hotel thief. They eventually start dating.
• Hot-Blooded: Having spent too many years writing traffic tickets, she's really eager to start making arrests.
• Large Ham: She would always elbow her partner aside to tell the story of the arrest, with many colorful gestures. She was also prone to speaking with No Indoor Voice when she got worked up.
• Ms. Fanservice: Her reaction to being pushed aside in favor of Wojo was to make herself much more enticing. In colder weather, she likes sweaters.
• Put on a Bus: Her name still appears on the roster board through Season 3, but Lavin left to star in Alice.
• The Smurfette Principle: Discussed, as female cops—particularly detectives—weren't common and there's some friction around it.

Lieutenant Ben Scanlon

Played by: George Murdock

The man from Internal Affairs. Scanlon is a vindictive, crawling, suspicious individual who goes out of his way to investigate the 12th on the slightest pretext, which always backfires because they are genuinely good and non-corrupt cops.

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• Arch-Nemesis: He considers himself to be Barney's, seeming offended that the 12th is a persistently and legitimately honest precinct. Barney considers him more of an occasional annoyance who interferes with normal operations.
• Establishing Character Moment: When the undercover officer he'd assigned to tempt the squad with bribes reports that they're honest, Scanlon pounds the bars of the cage in frustration.
• Internal Affairs: He's openly antagonistic about it. Among other things he spearheaded the search for gay officers, assuring Barney that he had no intention of discriminating against them.
• Jerkass: He never has any real reason to suspect the 12th of any wrongdoing. He's just vindictive. Hell, he's even upset when Barney's bank comes through with a loan Barney's been struggling to get.
• Laser-Guided Karma: When the wealthy woman he's attracted to complains that he's harassing her to the point of stalking, she comes to the squadroom under the impression that "he's one of yours." Wojo's reply?
  "He is now."
• No Sense of Personal Space: He likes to lean in real close to people to make them uncomfortable.
• Stalker with a Crush: In one of his last appearances he falls for an attractive and obviously wealthy woman. A few days later she comes back to the squad to complain that he's harassing her.

Officer Zatelli

Played by: Dino Natali

Another uniform from downstairs who fills in Levitt's mail and other gofer duties whenever Levitt's in plain clothes.

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• Comically Missing the Point: Barney asks if the people downtown (as in NYPD headquarters) know Zatelli is gay, leading him to say in confusion that of course they know—he's thinking of a different type of downtown.
• Coming-Out Story: Happens over the course of a few seasons. He writes an anonymous letter to headquarters saying that he is gay and a good cop but fears retribution if he signed his name, then confesses his identity to Barney. After some bit appearances, he is standing right there when Mr. Driscoll's ex-wife starts ranting about how she doesn't want him around their son because it's "unnatural" and other such rhetoric^note actually a smokescreen for her real reason; she's tired of being the boring parent and snaps, shouting "I'm gay!" Finally, Wojo accidentally outs him in front of Scanlon, but this results in him getting a promotion and a job at headquarters, implied to be from a fellow gay policeman.
• Foil: To Levitt, being thoroughly laid-back and satisfied in his current job.
• Oh, Crap!: When he runs into Marty in the squadroom, he freezes briefly because he knows Marty from the gay community and Zatelli could inadvertently be outed if they visibly recognized each other.
• Porn Stache: Has a prominent one. It is The '70s.
• Significant Background Event: His flipping through files grows more and more intense when the ex-Mrs. Driscoll goes on her rant.
• Straight Gay: Nobody even suspects he's the writer of the anonymous letter since they're all looking for stereotypical "effeminate" mannerisms.

Sgt. Wilson

Played by: Rod Perry

An African-American detective who appeared in one episode of the regular series and the pilot episode. He fills in for Harris who temporarily volunteered with the vice squad. He wears a white hoodie jacket.

• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: After the Season 1 "Experience" episode, he is never seen again; in Season 2's "The Layoff", he's listed as one of the officers who gets laid off due to budget cuts.
• Wholesome Crossdresser: In "Experience", he goes undercover by dressing as a woman to catch a flasher who says obscene things to ladies.

Detective Maria Battista

Played by: June Gable

A Puerto Rican detective from Season 3 who gets a bit aggressive and overzealous when bringing suspects in.

• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: After her short trial run, she isn't heard from or seen again.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: She tends to be on the aggressive, overzealous side when bringing arrestees in.
• Twofer Token Minority: Latin and female, at a time when the latter being a cop was still kind of a big deal.

Recurring Visitors

Mr. Cotterman

Played by: Jack Somack

The proprietor of Cotterman's Liquors and a "regular customer" of the 12th. He has been robbed a truly impressive number of times.

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• Everyone Has Standards: In "Identity", Calvin Kendall, an informant who is in the witness protection program, is about to face prison time and potential endangerment of his life. Cotterman is ready to have him sent away to prison; in the end, he mentions that he had revenge in his heart, and he made the decision not to send Kendall to prison so that he could cut back on revenge.
• Expy: In the first season, there was a Jewish shop owner who called himself a repeat customer, only he was played by a different actor and ran a deli instead.
• Marathon Running: Cable channel TV Land once ran a marathon of his episodes called "Welcome Back, Cotterman".
• Mauve Shirt: He's fatally shot in "Homicide" after Barney says they can't help him set up a sting because the squad only deals with homicide cases now, even though the 12th is very near his liquor store. After his disappointment at being turned away by the 12th and being referred to another precinct, Cotterman tries to deal with it himself and gets killed while trying to make his way to the station which is across town.

Marty and Darryl

Played by: Jack DeLeon (Marty) and Ray Stewart (Darryl)

Marty appears from the first season as a habitual petty thief whose chief characteristic was being very, very gay. (Nevertheless, Barney's only issue was with his crime.) He manages to reform himself and appears later with his partner Darryl Driscoll. They supposedly moved to California, but that didn't stop them from showing up at the 12th again a few times.

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• All Gays Love Theater: Marty recognizes a Russian defector (who is also gay) as a musician from a production of Swan Lake. Mr. Driscoll also takes his son to Broadway shows on visitation days.
• The Beard: Driscoll was married and had a son before coming out as gay.
• Blatant Lies: Marty tries to explain his attempt to eat a small bag of marijuana with "I was hungry."
• Camp Gay: Both of them are very camp to start with. Later on in the series' run, Mr. Driscoll appears slightly more towards Straight Gay, in contrast to Marty. In one episode he tells Marty to 'stop perpetuating the stereotype'.
• First/Last-Name Basis: Marty is always Marty to the squad, but Darryl Driscoll is more often referred to by his surname. (Possibly because they haven't known him as long.)
• Good Parents: Mr. Driscoll is too good a parent for his ex-wife; he takes his son to so many Broadway shows and gourmet restaurants that she feels like the wicked witch in comparison.
• Loveable Rogue: Marty is a habitual petty thief, but he's not ill-natured or otherwise malicious and eventually cleans up his act.

Arnold Ripner

Played by: Alex Henteloff

Ripner is a shamelessly sleazy lawyer who often trawls the squadroom looking for a client in the squad's cage.

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• Ambulance Chaser: With absolutely no illusions about what he is. When suing Harris for defamation, Ripner says that his own mother would pick out the unflattering description as him.
• Card-Carrying Villain: Barney needles him about becoming genuinely morally offended (see below) by saying Ripner's actions could be considered noble.
  Ripner: Watch it! That could be slander!
• Even Evil Has Standards: Threatens to sue a lobotomist free of charge should he try to operate again on a patient who was rendered mentally incompetent by his amygdalectomy.
• Hilarity Sues: His lawsuit against Harris, on the basis that a character in Blood on the Badge is obviously him under another name, single-handedly ends the detective's days of literary fame and fortune.
• Laser-Guided Karma: Despite winning his case, Ripner comes back around the precinct for clients because nearly all the money he "won" went to his lawyers. Harris immediately starts cackling with glee.

Bruno Bender

Played by: Stanley Brock

An abrasive, violent, and self-righteous proprietor of a sporting goods store. In his first appearance, he's brought in for putting up posters offering bounties for citizens who shoot thieves.

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• Alliterative Name
• Domestic Abuse: He eventually marries. From his wife's fearful reactions around him, it's clear that he beats her. (It's Played for Laughs.)
• Jerkass: He has absolutely no sympathy for his fellow human beings, though they tried to turn him into a Jerk with a Heart of Gold in later appearances with a couple of Pet the Dog moments.
• No Sympathy: When Cotterman and another merchant are wracked with guilt over having killed a thief, Binder relentlessly congratulates them and doesn't understand why they're upset.
• Vigilante Man: The posters. He's later the judge of a community court and takes it way too far by actually setting up a jail (which was not in the official plan).

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