Web Animation: If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device

The Custodes: My divine lord, we have managed to implement a text-to-speech device to your glorious Golden Throne! Please, lord, speak to us!
The Emperor: A-A-About fucking time.
The Custodes: At last! Our glorious lord can command us once aga-
The Emperor: I have so many things to complain about.

If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device is a series of web videos made by Bruva Alfabusa, asking the question of what exactly would happen if the Emperor of Mankind woke up and saw the current state of the Warhammer 40,000 universe. Hilarity Ensues as the Emperor proceeds to have some... colorful critiques about the universe as well as its numerous Retcons over the years, and begins some changes.

The story follows the Emperor (aided by Magnus the Red as of season 2) as he tries to "unfuck" the galaxy, his personal caretaker "Little Kitten" fulfilling half of a Double Act with the Emperor, and the Inquisition trying to enforce their own martial law on Holy Terra.

Episodes 1 through 10 comprise Season 1. Season 2 is in production with help from Karl the Deranged. Now has a Recap page.


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    Tropes A to M 
  • Accent Adaptation: Magnus is given a thick Australian accent.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: The Fab Custodes, though "only on Thursdays".
  • A God Am I: While Emps denies his own divinity, he also states that he's the only one who could legitimately make that claim.
    • He also remarks "Holy mother of myself," at one point in episode 14.
    • There's also the conspicuous pause when he calls himself a god...like being.
      • Later a "not-god".
    • He exploits this with Karamazov, feeding his ego until the man is dancing on his strings like a puppet.
  • Alliterative Title: Both Q&A episodes: "Awful Answers" and "Atrocious Answers".
  • All There in the Manual: The Fab Custodes actually have names based on the Pillar Men, but it can only be seen in the credits and video description. Whammudes, Karstodes and Custodisi.
  • Always Chaotic Evil: Surprisingly Subverted in regards to the Chaos Gods. Episode 19 is essentially about noting that all four Chaos Gods are the collective sum of ''all'' emotions, not just the negative ones, even if they prefer showing off the latter.
    • Tzeentch: A cruel, devious trickster, but he's also a force of progress, and a beacon of hope. Change is neither good nor evil, after all, and while without him there would be no malicious schemes, there would also be no one clever enough to save people from those schemes.
    • Nurgle: An inevitable cycle of decay and renewal without change, yet also represents the resilience, resolve, and solidarity to face those same, unsettling inevitabilities. Without him there would be no consistency, safety, or comfort in living or dying; and he is essentially nature incarnate.
    • Khorne: A force of merciless might, mindless slaughter and hatred, but that's because he proscribes to "survival of the fittest": strength and skill are all that matter to him, and he represents justice, vengeance and honor, so unlike the others he would never try to trick or stab a person in the back. Without him there would be no honesty or strength to fight against injustice.
    • Slaneesh: He/She/It is a horrifying, cruel, tortuous fiend that breaks the mind and inflicts untold suffering, but he/she/it also exudes just as much joy, freedom, expression, and happiness; representing emotional extremes ranging from joyful freedom to crippling suffering. Without him/her/it, there would be no happiness, and no grief to make the happy times MEAN anything.
  • An Arm and a Leg: In the crossover with The Fate of Abbadon, the Emperor rips Abbadon's arms off and then warps him into space.
    • This is also how the battle between Papa Smurf and the Swarmlord ended, with the Ultramarine Chapter Master ending up without limbs.
  • Animation Bump/Art Evolution: Season 2 is a massive improvement overall in animation quality.
  • Anti-Climax Boss: invokedWhen asked about Men of Iron, the Emperor tells about what's basically an army of indestructible Terminators on steroids. He then says that the war against them was so short it's not even worth talking about.
  • Ass Shove: During Cato Sicarius's first appearance, Papa Smurf gets so annoyed at him that he threatens to deliver an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with the Gauntlets of Ultramar.
  • Awesomeness Withdrawal: In-Universe, it seems that Papa Smurf is suffering from a form of this, Glory Withdrawal, because none of the victories of the Ultramarines feel good anymore as there is no risk involved. Basicaly, the Ultramarines have become a whole chapter of Boring Invincible Heroes and he has begun to loathe it. The fact that Captain Sicarius, a Glory Hound to the highest degree, is typically involved in this only makes it even worse.
  • Batman Gambit: The Emperor has been playing one ever since episode four. His plan to disband the inquisition: order their disbanding, knowing the most radical, batshit insane members will refuse to believe he sent the order. When they storm the palace to destroy the Adeptus Custodes and the High Lords of Terra to retrieve him, have Magnus send the lot of them into the Warp, then re-instate those who actually followed his order. And the manner of solving the problem indicates he has even further plans.
  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: The Emperor was Moses and Christian Weston Chandler!
  • Berserk Button:
    • Religion. Even if it's worshipping the Emperor. Especially if it's worshipping the Emperor.
    • Don't tell the Emperor that you have cost him a Emperor-class Battleship when other options were available. Just don't. That said, he'll forgive such an act if it actually accomplishes something meaningful, as with the Astral Knight's sacrifice.
    • Also don't ask him about the Traitor Legions. His anger at this line of thought makes the loss of an Emperor-class Battleship look tame by comparison.
    • And never ever mention any race (like the Tau) that refuses to fight in melee. He goes apocalyptic at the mention of that.
    • Marneus Calgar practically starts foaming at the mouth when he hears of the canon defiling antics his chapter gets up to. If it doesn't cause him to go into a spiral of depression, that is.
    • Kitten goes nuts at the mention of the Tau.
      • Even moreso mentioning his relationship with Shadowsun. He gets so furious that Magnus actually leans back.
    • Magnus the Red also does not take kindly to unfavourable comparisons between himself and Leman Russ. He's also completely unable to hold his tongue when it comes to calling out someone being an idiot, and when exposed to the Imperium's stupid questions spends the entire episode on edge.
      • In addition, while it is a downplayed trope, confusion seems to act as an emotional trigger for Magnus. Crosses back into straight territory, however, as mocking him about this easily makes him angry.
  • Best Friend: The Emperor considered Malcador the Sigilite his bro-for-life and was very saddened by his passing. Notably, Malcador himself, while flattered by this, did not see himself as equal to his "best friend" in any way or manner and was OK with it.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Cegorach may be the "Laughing God", and his race may be dying, but he is still a god. Ahriman finds this out the hard way when he tries to force his way into the Black library.
    • Fyodor found out that as silly and cringe-worthy as the Custodes' exhibitionist and homoerotic ways are, they are still the Imperium's most powerful warriors.
    • Despite spending most of his time in the palace getting verbally lashed and mocked by the Emperor, Magnus is still one of the most powerful psykers in the galaxy. As shown when he sends the entire invading Inquisitorial force into the Warp.
  • Beyond the Impossible: Just to show how obscenely overpowered the Ultramarines are, they are sent on a Impossible Task. They manage to subdue and retrieve Magnus, a Daemon Prince, from the Eye of Terror. With their Gellar Shields deactivated. Yeah.
  • Big Bad Wannabe: Malal, who, every time we see or hear from him, is trying desperately to become a relevant and canonical Chaos God.
  • Big "NO!":
    • In "Why Kitten Hates the Tau" short, Kitten lets out a big "NO" after his great love, Commander Shadowsun, leaves him. Then another one at the episode itself being made: THIS IS NOT FUCKING CANON!
    • One of shards of the Emperor when he realizes that he can't contact the "Throne Emperor" to warn him about the Tau.
  • Big Screwed-Up Family: In episode twelve, Emperor's critique of all of his sons (bar Sanguinus) makes it look like his family was like this. Pretty much canon.
  • Big "WHAT?!":
    • The Emperor reacts this way upon learning about the division of Legions into Chapters, and our Custodes friend reacts this way when he hears that the Emperor was building the Human Webway to get access to Eldar prostitutes.
    • Magnus in the second Q&A:
    Emperor: This put me more into balance than the time I surfed a space hulk right into one of Tzeentch crystal garden planets.
    Magnus: You did WHAT?!
  • Black Comedy: At the end of episode fourteen, Magnus runs over a couple of kids playing around the Palace. There's tons of black comedy in the series in general.
  • Blah Blah Blah: The second Q&A ends with Kitten backing off as Magnus and the Emperor are arguing, with their argument being represented by "rabble rabble rabble" from both sides.
  • Blood Knight: Karamazov won't stop at anything and is sure that he's the only one who knows what's going on.
  • Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs, Eggy Bread: "Dangerous, stupid, dangerously stupid and stupidly dangerous" is what the Warp is like.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: Episode 12 is the first to have an opening. Immediately afterwards, the Emperor wonders what it was.
  • Brick Joke: In episode 12.5 one of the questions sent to the emperor was by Grey Knight 31 saying "Are you going to send Draigo to rehab? Dude needs help." Come episode 18, we see just how much help he needs.
  • Broken Pedestal:
    • Played for laughs - Karamazov is disgusted and let down when he finds out that his idol's secret tactic are Barrels of Jokaero.
    • Equally applies to Karamazov when he meets Kaldor Draigo in the warp, in this case, portrayed as a delusional raving egotist who steals Karamazov's dreadnought throne idea in the span of five seconds. Karamazov is not happy about this one.
  • Brown Bag Mask: When the Emperor talks about his sons, Alpharius and Omegon both wear those. Makes sense - in-canon, their faces are neither shown nor described, despite the two going mask- and helmetless fairly often.
  • Burning with Anger: The Emperor does this when the above Berserk Buttons are pressed.
    • Taken to extreme when Kitten tells Emperor about the Sensei and how Inquisition has hunted them down. This leads to Emperor venting steam from his ears. Which is pretty impressive, seeing how he is just a skeleton at this point. And then, his anger reaches such a state it actually causes warp storms to occur.
  • Butt Monkey: The Emperor's caretaker and Custodes Captain-General, "Little Kitten". Half of the time, he's getting insulted by the Emperor for being a moron, while his own fellow Custodes mock him despite him being Captain-General, which they didn't even know about until Fyodor invaded the Palace. Oh, and once Magnus the Red joins the regular cast, he mocks him constantly too. Magnus himself also gets mocked about as much.
    • Dominique, Karamazov's scribe, gets this treatment all the time, combined with shades of Only Sane Man. Admittedly, he's not very good at his job and has a serial drugs habit.
  • Call Back:
    • In episode four, the Emperor mentioned that he's still disgusted with the Dreadknight from episode one.
    • In second Q&A, the Centurion - not seen since episode one save for a brief cameo - shows up again to calm the Emperor down.
    • In the same episode Kitten mockingly repeats Emperor's words about "Fourth-degree Warp fuckery" from the first Q&A.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: Magnus does it to the Emperor, pointing out that he was bullied by him for powers that the Emperor also had, that his father was insanely secretive, that he manipulated his sons and that he didn't trust them.
  • Camp Gay:
    • The other Custodes make rather... obvious remark about their attraction to the Emperor (And each other). When they are not criticizing the Inquisition's sense of fashion or jumping on the scene and posing.
      My loincloth is bursting with anticipation
    • Lucius the Eternal makes the Custodies look normal with his high pitched voice and effeminate mannerisms.
  • Cassandra Truth: One of the Emperor's soul fragments feels this way; He believes the Tau are the greatest potential threat to the Imperium, but has no way of communicating his prophecy to "Throne-Emperor" in a way that Throne-Emperor will actually listen to.
  • Cerebus Syndrome: The first few episodes were dedicated to the Emperor caustically commenting on the state of the Imperium/thinly veiled Take Thats at the 40K canon. It isn't until the Emperor decrees that the Inquisition be disbanded that things start to get somewhat serious. Downplayed in that while the events are indeed very serious, the way they are presented to the audience is as silly as before.
  • Chirping Crickets: When the Emperor asks Magnus and Kitten whether they have heard about the War in Heaven, rebel of the Iron Men and all the times when humanity was kicking ass, awkward silence falls, wind howls and a lone Servo Skull drifts by.
  • Cliffhanger: Episode 17 ends with one, as the Inquisition breaks into the hall of the Golden Throne and Magnus steps forward to defend his father, prompting Karamazov to scream daemon!
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Kaldor Draigo. Sweet, merciful Sigmar, Kaldor Draigo. Let's just say that Warp isn't good for his mind.
  • Cluster F-Bomb:
    • The Emperor's "C", "F," "K", and "U" keys should be worn out by now.
    • Ahriman also has quite the Potty-mouth, dropping an F-bomb at least once a sentence once he realizes that Cegorach is fucking with him.
  • Color-Coded Characters: Supernatural entities seem to use this, mostly in their subtitles. From what we have now:
    • Emperor - gold
    • Magnus - bright red
    • Tzeentch - blue
    • Nurgle - dark green
    • Cegorach - orange
    • Malal - white
    • Horus - Black and Dark Red
    • Khorne - blood red
    • Slaanesh - pink
  • Comically Missing the Point: When the Emperor learns that he's worshipped as a God (and he had a very strict Stop Worshipping Me policy) and reacts with terror, Kitten is quick to assure him that the worship is holding strongly, which doesn't exactly calm the Emperor's mind.
  • Computer Voice: The Emperor's Text-To-Speech device, of course.
  • Cool Old Guy: Torquemada Coteaz seems to be one. When the order to disband the Inquisition came down, he apparently went off to make movies to pass the time.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Karamazov leads an entire army of Inquisitors, Inquisitorial Stormtroopers and a decent number of Grey Knights to the Golden Throne to 'save the Emperor'. Magnus banishes him and the entirety of his collected forces into the warp and isn't even phased. Also, apparently, any engagement the Ultramarines participate in, including kidnapping Magnus in the first place without their Gellar Shields on (by the Emperor's request).
  • Curiosity Is a Crapshoot: The Emperor believes that Magnus is too curious for his own good. He really is. In the background lore, when the Emperor first met Magnus, he realized that his son was an active Psyker and warned him not to screw around with the Warp too much. Magnus being who he is proceeded to ignore his father's warnings and continued to fiddle around with his powers until he met Tzeentch. That said, Magnus does note that the Emperor never bothered to tell anyone, including the Primarches, the ones for whom it would be most dangerous to fall to Chaos, exactly why they shouldn't have Dug Too Deep and thus were unprepared when Chaos did come a'calling.
  • Cuteness Proximity: The Emperor loves having a Centurion seated on his lap because he thinks it's adorable. Inverted when he sees the Dreadknight, which He finds absolutely horrible. The fandom of 40k typically agrees on these viewpoints.
  • Deadpan Snarker:
    • The Emperor snarks at the Custodian, Magnus, and the rest of the universe.
    • Dominique has his moment after Karamazov's particularly long rant.
      Hey, Fyodor? Maybe you should just preach them to death?
      • Dominique's character actually seems to live for this role, specifically because it pisses off Karamazov. He even takes in the fact that he's been transported to the Warp in stride.
    • Magnus, being the bookworm of the Primarchs, gets in on the act just about every chance he gets.
    • The Emperor's grilling of Fyodor Karamazov is an epic trolling. Sarcastically congratulating him on his "greatness" at failing to get the memo.
  • Department of Redundancy Department: As of the short Descius Breaks The News, the God-Emperor of Mankind is renamed the Man-Emperor of Mankind - a double example of this trope.
  • Digging Himself Deeper: When Kitten tells the Emperor about Inquisition, he tries to talk about good things connected to it, but ends up bringing up all the horrid things it has done.
  • Discontinuity Nod: Malice/Malal, a character Games Workshop has willfully dropped the rights to so as not to get sued, is trapped in "the retconnian".
  • Dissonant Laughter: Lucius, adding to his Nightmare Fuel factor, laughs like a deranged Mickey Mouse when killing his enemies and screaming things like We are all going to skullfuck your families!
  • Dissonant Serenity: Magnus' most emotional reaction at a few thousand inquisitors invading the place he's in is expressing annoyance at someone who forgot to close the door and let the rabble in.
  • Diving Save: Magnus pushes Kitten to the ground and covers him when the Emperor has the most epic Unstoppable Rage phase up to date. Then the two GTFO to avoid it.
  • Drama Queen: Magnus has an aptitude for blowing things out of proportions and acting like a theatre diva whenever he's not being deadpan.
  • Double Take: When Kitten tells Emperor about Sensei, his human descendants.
    Emperor: You mean the descendants of the shamans who gave their lives to form me? Isn't that, like, all of humanity?
    Kitten: Not exactly what I meant...
    Emperor: Good. I never liked uncle Ragnar anyway. But really, though, what in the fuck do you me— *suddenly realizes that he has biological children* Fuuuuu....
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: The other Custodes have no respect for their Captain-General, or as they call him, Little Kitten. Hell, until episode 11, they didn't even seem to know which Custodes their Captain-General WAS. Overall they continue to treat him as competition at best.
    • In a similar vein, the Emperor consistently orders the Custodes to "put some damn armour on", which they openly and flagrantly ignore.
  • Easter Egg: The binary text in the "ASK ME QUESTIONS!" mini-episode reads: "I can't wait for Cypher to get to Mars so he can execute the plan." and "I think the Ultramarines are coming around with Magnus soon." The third message started out "As long as the questions don't scream about Baneblades" (an inside joke among Alfabusa videos) but was cut off by the Emperor.
  • Easy Evangelism: It takes Kitten all two minutes to convince Dominica into acting against Vandire.
  • The Eeyore:
    • Apparently, blanks, or at least those strapped to Magnus' prison to keep him from escaping. Then again, in a Crapsack World like 40K's universe, blanks have it a lot worse than most.
    • One of Inquisitors who accompany Karamazov becomes noticeably fatalistic when they're transported into the Warp, spelling doom for everyone involved within days.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: The Custodes in The Throne Room is referred to as "Little Kitten" by the other Custodes.
  • Enraged by Idiocy: Magnus has some serious problems with this, not helped by his own intellect being leaps and bounds ahead of most. Kitten is already enough to occasionally set him off, and reading through the Imperium's mailed questions pisses him off big time.
  • Establishing Character Moment: The first words out of Emperor's mouth- er, speakers, are "About fucking time. I have so many things to complain about."
  • Even the Guys Want Him: The only people who are not aroused by The Custodes are The Emperor, The Custodes in the Throne Room and a few Inquisitors.
  • Everyone Has Standards: The High Lords of Terra outlawed saying the name of the Old-Folks-Home Planet and don't react well when Fyodor mentions going there to find new High Lords of Terra after killing the present ones.
  • Everything's Better with Monkeys: Inquisitor Coteaz's strategy against Decius' ministers are barrels of Jokaero (orangutans with advanced technology).
    • And one of the cardinals of the Ecclesiarchy is a Jokaero, and the most eager to dismember Decius as a heretic. Who simply yells "Banana" when Decius persuades the other cardinals by appealing to human supremacism.
  • Evil Is Petty: Tzeentch comes across less as the Eldritch existing-in-the-past-present-and-future mastermind, and more as a petty little bully.
  • Evil Laugh: Karamazov has an outburst of evil laughter when he finally manages to reach Eternity Gate.
  • Exact Words: While Ecclesiarch Decius reluctantly agrees to let the Inquisition conduct their investigation about the disbandment message on the Holy Terra, he tells Karamazov to remember the ruling of Terra (not a single drop of blood shall upon these sacred grounds) and take their suspect away from the Homeworld before killing them. Karamazov agrees, and promptly tells his men to burn them instead.
  • Failed a Spot Check:
    • Decius fails to notice nearly five-metres-tall, devil-red Primarch standing some three meters away from him. Magnus suggests that it's a case of Selective Obliviousness.
    • Kitten and Magnus fail to identify a package of Nurgle's Rot inside the Emperor's mailbox.
  • Fantastically Indifferent: Kitten seems to have gotten this attitude after all the millenniums in the Palace. When making tea for the Emperor, he cheerfully hums to himself even as a grand battle to open a can of alien beans rages behind him, and even sudden arrival of Fab Custodes falling from the sky doesn't move him in the slightest.
  • Fantastic Racism: Surprisingly averted with the Emperor. He reveals he doesn't mind living in peace with the other alien races, he'd just prefer they accepted his idea of peace under his rule (Eldar's idea of peace is keeping humans like zoo animals, for example). Furthermore, he thinks the current Imperium's goal of trying to exterminate all aliens in the galaxy is not only impossible but also impractical.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Lucius. His voice and manner of speaking sound like some kind of deranged stereotype of a Boy Band fangirl. What he says, though...
    It's Slaanesh patrol! We're breaking into your base! (...) We are going to skullfuck your families!
  • Fashionable Asymmetry: Lampshaded - Emperor bemoans that he only has the visor on his left eye, despite both having rotted long ago. Kitten claims that that's because when the Emperor was carried on the Golden Throne, one of Rogal Dorn's giant iron halo spikes took the eye out.
  • Fatal Flaw: When badmouthing his Primarchs, both the traitors and the loyalists, the Emperor lists off all their obvious flaws. Except for Sanguinius.
  • Flashback: More than a few times:
    • In episode three, Kitten flashes back to the execution of Goge Vandire.
    • In episode five, the Emperor remembers Malcador setting up what would later become Inquisition.
    • In episode thirteen, Magnus has two flashback about how Tzeentch played him into becoming his pawn.
    • Big part of episode sixteen is a giant flashback to the universe's past.
    • A big part of episode seventeen is a giant flashback to the Emperor's personal past.
    • The short "Why Kitten Hates the Tau" has a short flashback to Kitten's past, although this might be just Emperor trolling him.
  • Flat Joy: The Emperor's reaction to the Centurion. Justified in that he's using a text-to-speech device, so this is about as expressive as he can get.
    Emperor: Yey.
  • Flipping the Bird: At the end of Episode 19, the Emperor shapes the Astronomican into this, which means he flipped the bird to the whole galaxy!
  • Flowery Elizabethan English: The first letter in second Q&A uses this. Emperor wonders out loud whether the author is a time traveller or "just dyslexic".
  • Foreshadowing: Our Custodes friend, the Emperor's caretaker, claims to have been the one to meet Alicia Dominica during Goge Vandire's Reign of Blood. In canon, the Custodes who met Dominica was of the rank Centurion, second only to the Captain-General. This is pretty much the only clue we get to our Custodes friend being of a much higher rank than his Butt Monkey status makes him look.
    • A meta-example, but in the opening, we can see Magnus' form coming out of the shadows. Right in the episode after the opening's début, he joins the character roster.
    • A more comedic example in the remake of the first episode. When the Custodes is told the text-to-speech device has been installed, and that he'll be the first to speak with the Emperor in 10,000 years, he's so excited that could just take off his armor, but calms down, saying that's restrained himself for millennia. It hints at what the Custodes have become in the Emperor's absence, and how he's really Not So Different.
  • Fourth Wall Mail Slot: Episode 12.5. While technically it is an in-universe Q&A with the Imperial citizens (and a few non-Imperials), there a few moments of breaking the fourth wall. Also, one of the notable things to come out of this is that there way too many to ask the same question: What does the Emperor think of Tau? Since he doesn't know them, he ask his caretaker, who answers that they are insignificant, to what the Emperor counters that with how many citizens asked about them, they cannot be insignificant.
  • Freeze-Frame Bonus:
    • In episode 13, just as Magnus smashes through the Webway gate, a subtitles flashes that says "You are all free now." Then, of course, suddenly daemons.
    • In episode 14, Uriel Ventris is standing next to a box that reads R. A. Veldt's (Striked Out Snake Oil), Miracle Elixir.
    • In episode 18, during Emperor's speech to Decius, there's a caption saying "Sudden daemonic TTS crackle". Uh-oh...
  • French Jerk: Cegorach has a French accent and is, as in canon, a massive troll. Given that his primary targets are Chaos and the C'tan, he still comes across as one of the more likable gods in the galaxy.
  • Freudian Slip: The Emperor's Webway may or may not have been an excuse to score some Eldar hookers. Similarly conversations about the Tau may or may not be a place for our Custodes friend to make penis innuendos.
  • Fun with Subtitles: Occasionally, subtitles have their own gags added to them to emphasize certain things. Helps a lot when the most talkative person in the series doesn't have any ability to emphasize naturally.
  • Gainaxing: In episode 12 Alfabusa sure as hell made it a point to make Slaanesh's breasts to bounce like crazy, though considering how much s/he is bouncing about at the same time it's not immediately apparent.
  • Going Native: Kaldor Draigo is considerably more... chaotic that the last time he's been seen.
    I too have a beard. Have you seen my beard? It is full of... TINY MEN. Please. Kill them ALL!
  • Go Mad from the Isolation:
    • This is, apparently, what happened to the Custodes. According to the Captain-General, after 10,000 years of doing nothing but watching over the Emperor's body and killing the odd daemon trying to infiltrate the throne room every hundred years or so, they all fell off the deep end, hence the loin cloths and obsession with well oiled abs. The Captain-General went through a similar phase, but eventually got tired of it and became the only reasonable and sane one out of the whole lot.
    • It would seem the same happened to Kaldor Draigo after too much time in the Warp with no allies or friends.
  • Gone Horribly Wrong: This is how The Emperor sees the Imperium at its current state.
  • Grumpy Old Man:
    • The High Lords of Terra are basically what 1d4chan imagines them to be: a bunch of old, useless farts who alternate between doing absolutely nothing and making things worse through their idiocy.
    • The Emperor acts like a grumpy dad, equating the fall of nine of his primarchs to Chaos with "rebellious teenage phases". The Eldar god Khaine has the same reaction to the Chaos gods when he sees them arguing.
    • The Old Ones are depicted as such in the Emperor's re-telling of the history of the universe.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Ahriman doesn't take being booted out of the Black Library too well, and takes it out on the first available target.
    Thousand Sons Sorcerer: Master, was your visit to the Black Library successful?
    Ahriman: No it wasn't, you useless rotten pile of disgraceful, warp-infested pubic hair!
  • Hard-Drinking Party Girl: According to the letters, the Sororitas all turned into this after the Emperor had outlawed the Imperial Cult. There's so many of them it's actually becoming a serious problem for the Arbitres.
  • Hates Everyone Equally: A list of people The Emperor doesn't have something bad to say about: Malcador the Sigilite, Sanguinius, his Centurion and the ordinary human soldier who died standing between him and Horus. That's it.
  • He-Man Woman Hater: The Emperor recalls the end of the Reign of Blood less favorably and explains that he didn't make female Astartes because he thinks girls are yucky.
  • Heroic BSOD: The Emperor when he remembers that he created the Inquisition. The Captain-General pokes him with a stick for hours trying to get a response.
  • Heroic Sacrifice:
    • The series takes a Broad Strokes approach to the three versions of Ollanius Pius story: all three of them happened! The lone Guardsman AND the Space Marine Terminator AND the Custodes had all thrown themselves between Horus and the Emperor, in that order. The Emperor thinks that the latter two did it so that they could save face from being upstaged by an ordinary human.
    • Spoofed in the beginning of "Atrocious Answers" when the Emperor decides to answer the questions despite Magnus fearing that this may end up with destruction of Terra.
  • Hidden Depths: In Episode 19, we get to see more than just Insufferable Genius Magnus – he readily admits that he’s not sure why he had done what he had, hadn’t made an informed decision back then and had been utterly lost and confused – and, to some extent, still is now.
  • High-Pressure Emotion:
    • When the Emperor hears what happened to the Sensei, his rage begins with puffs of steam erupting from where his ears used to be.
    • Again in second Q&A when the Emperor hears a message about an undelivered burger.
  • Holier Than Thou: Karamazov seems to believe he's much holier than everyone so therefore his actions are justified despite the fact the Ecclesiarch and the Custodes, the Emperor's personal bodyguards, call out on his actions. This only fuels his convictions that he is truly the most holy.
  • Hollywood Atheist: The Emperor is presented as a particularly extreme, not to mention smug and hypocritical example of atheist fundamentalism.
    Emperor: I destroyed all asshole religions that existed on Terra. Do you want to know why?
    Custodes: Because you are the one true God, my lord?
    Emperor: Wrong. It is because religion is stupid, superstitious brainwashing crap that makes you an asshole. This is why I specifically said when designing the Imperial Truth, that equality, science and galaxy conquest is the way to go. And religion needs to be thrown out a window.
    • A God I Am Not: As with the canon, the Emperor has major gripes with being called a god, and because of this disbands the Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy.
  • Humanity Is Superior: Decius appeals to the Ecclesiarchy with this argument, pointing out that referring to the Emperor as a God is demeaning, since as a human, he is actually so much more. Thanks in no small part to his speech skills, this sways the entire organization to the mindset.
  • Hypocrite: Magnus sees the Emperor as one, given the latter's tendency to expect everyone to blindly follow his orders like he was a god despite his protestations that he isn't one.
    Magnus: Yeah, one second you're all like 'I don't want to be a god!' and the next you're like 'but you should all still treat me like one!'
    • Also, the Emperor said he was done with all the deception and secrecy... right after he got Karamazov sent to the Warp by convincing him they were the same person.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Magnus the Red is a little incensed at the Captain General's accusation of bringing daemons over for a party... but he really did have some over for a literal party. Though that might be not because they are extra-British daemonic party guests per se, but because the word "tentacled" fell, which is more of a Slaanesh thing and "Besides, I (Magnus) am not Fulgrim".
    • The Emperor makes fun of a Human and Eldar couple in a Q&A, calling their relationship similar to Bestiality yet a couple of episodes earlier, he accidentally reveals he started the Webway project to hire Eldar hookers.
      • It's Bestiality for the Eldar because of their enormous arrogance and ego. As the Emperor explained, the Eldar basically think of Humans as primitive primates and unevolved beasts.
  • I Call Him "Mr. Happy": Calls his junk "The Big E'" and "Big Ol' Bonerston".
  • I Knew It: invoked Karamazov says it word-by-word when he sees that a (supposedly-)traitor Primarch is in the Hall of the Golden Throne.
  • Ignoring by Singing: Magnus defends himself this way from the tales of Emperor's troublesome sex life. It doesn't help much.
  • Immortal Procreation Clause: Part of the reason the Emperor made the Primarchs is because he didn't think he could have children the normal way. The fact that sex with him (according to him) tends to be awesome but potentially fatal (using words like 'literally explosive climaxes') also helped fuel this belief, not to mention his tendency to love 'em and leave 'em. Plus, Sensei are invisible to the Warp, so the Emperor wouldn't have realized that he sired any children.
  • Impossibly Mundane Explanation: Apparently, the terrifying Tyrant Star is actually a peeping hole for the beings in the Retconnian.
  • Informed Attribute: We're told countless times that the Custodes don't have emotions, but that's clearly not the case. Best exemplified by Kitten's rage against the Tau.
  • Insistent Terminology: Fucking Horus. Also, the leader of Ultramar- sorry, Smurfs is Papa Smurf, not some "Marneus Calgar".
  • Insufferable Genius: Magnus has some of this attitude in the beginning of episode sixteen.
  • Insult of Endearment: Magnus notes that for all the verbal abuse the Emperor throws at the Custodian, the Emperor seems all in all rather fond on him, trusting him to tell the Emperor "stupid shit" and listening to the Emperor complaints. He goes on to posit that the Custodian is pretty much the closest thing to being the Emperor's wife (Taunting him by calling him "Step-mother").
  • I Love the Dead: Alicia Dominica is a bit TOO into The Emperor — it's left up for grabs whether or not she understands just how much the Emperor has decomposed.
  • Incoming Ham: Many a character enters the stage thusly:
    • Whenever you hear this, be prepared for ham in more than just one way.
  • Inconvenient Itch: In addition of feeling endless torment of sitting upon the Golden Throne while his body perpetually decays little by little and feeling every bit of it, his soul being torn apart by the entropy of the Warp as his mind clashes against it to safeguard reality, the Emperor also has an itch on his nose, despite not having the nose anymore, courtesy of Nurgle.
  • I Shall Taunt You: Tzeentch utilizes cheap insults and clever remarks to slowly win Magnus over to his side.
  • It Amused Me: The Emperor suggests stealing all of Trazyn's collection for the kicks.
  • It's All About Me: When the Emperor talks about the history of the galaxy after his birth, his listeners point out that he's mostly just telling the history of himself.
  • Jerk Ass: Again, Tzeentch. As well as the Deceiver and his friend Cegorach the Laughing God.
    • Basically All of the Inquisition are a bunch of trigger/burn happy assholes who commit atrocities simply for not getting their way. The ones that aren't are kept offscreen.
  • Just as Planned: At the end of episode eleven, the Emperor sits on his throne and muses that everything is going just as planned. And he does lampshade that "Just as planned" is Tzeentch's catchphrase.
  • Just You And Me And My Guards: When Karamazov prepares to enter the Imperial Palace, Decius summons his guards to stop him. Later, Kitten does the same with the Custodes, this time, with more success.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite his Hates Everyone Equally tendencies and the fact that he likes to be a dick, the Emperor still wants to get everything back in order, hates the Crapsack World that formed in his absence and other signs that he's a good man underneath it all.
  • Kick the Dog: The Emperor refers to the time he teleported Angron away from his men and leaving them all to die as hilarious. It's worth mentioning that this is what compounded Angron's already massive anger issues and played a heavy hand in Angron turning against the Emperor.
  • Knight of Cerebus:
    • Fyodor Karamazov. As soon as he enters the story, things gets ever-so-slightly more serious.
    • Ahzek Ahriman. Magnus the Red claimed that nothing that Ahzek could do could possibly pose a threat only for the show to immediately cut to Ahzek, showing that he has found none other than the Black Library. Subverted however, when he is easily and humiliatingly defeated by Cegorach
    • Lucius the Eternal, Fulgrim and Abaddon are about to crash the party even worse than the above two. The first one has already managed to kickstart the series' invoked Nightmare Fuel section on YMMV.
  • Leitmotif: Awake from Jojos Bizarre Adventure Battle Tendency blares out whenever the (half naked) Custodes make their appearance.
  • Like a Badass out of Hell: In April Fool's episode, Horus himself returns from oblivion by the force of his hatred. To make this clearer: Horus has been Deader Than Dead for a long while by this point.
  • Lethal Joke Character: According to one of Emperor-shards, the Tau are this and will doom everyone if not purged quickly enough.
  • Like Father, Like Son: The Emperor and Magnus both note that there's a lot of similarities between how the former kept secrets from his son and it blew up in his face and how the latter kept secrets from his first captain and how it blew up in his face.
    Magnus: This is too ironic for my taste...
    Emperor: Like fucking father, like fucking son.
  • Lovecraftian Superpower: Rather than use his hands to pick up the phone, Lucius utilizes one of his (apparently many) tentacles.
  • Macho Camp: The other Custodes, who dress like the Pillar Men (Complete with the theme song). Note that this is actually canon to an extent: Custodes uniform, outside of their Power Armor is Stripperiffic. They are also all men.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Nurgle's Rot being released into the throne room during the second Q&A episode is treated with mild annoyance, even after Kitten identifies it as the most deadly disease in the galaxy.
  • Man Child: Magnus hides it a bit better than the Emperor, but it still shines from time to time.
  • Manipulative Bastard: The Emperor is shown to be one of these, with extra emphasis on the 'bastard' part. It's revealed that the primary reason he disbanded the Inquisition was to see which members of the organization would not follow his orders, which would draw them all to Terra so that he could get them in a single location to deal with them all at once. It sounds good, until you realize that he did this knowing the Inquisition would come to Terra and murder thousands of its citizens before they were eventually dealt with. Furthermore, despite his assurances that he was going to forgive Magnus and give him a second chance, it's revealed that the primary reason the Emperor brought Magnus back to Terra was to deal with the inquisition, and to be made a scapegoat for doing so if the need arises.
  • Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex: Most of the Emperor's sexual partners suffered literally explosive orgasms, and the ones that didn't die were still often left in bad shape. Emps was unaware that any of them survived, and had no idea he'd actually fathered children with those survivors.
  • Meanwhile Scene:
    • When our Custodes friend is about to explain the Inquisition to the Emperor, the video cuts to the Imperial Guard in middle of several warp storms.
      God-Emperor: I think I shat out at least 5 warp storms during that presentation.
    • Happens again in Episode 12 when the Emperor's caretaker, eager to change the subject, mentions the Traitor Legions. Then the episode cuts to Mars, with some tech-priests discussing a newly discovered STC-fragment.
    • A third time in Episode 17- after hearing about how the Inquisition treats the Sensei, steam starts pouring out of the Emperor's ears and the ground begins shaking... cut to deep space, with warp storms opening up all over the place and "Ride of the Valkyries" playing in the background.
  • Metallic Motifs: In episode 18.5, the Emperor explains the Imperium's obsession with gold-plating everything by saying that gold is the color of the winners, and he intended mankind to be the first in everything in the universe. A bit of Fridge Brilliance here, too: "gold = first place" may not hold in other species' cultures... but the Emperor does not give a flying fart about what xenos think!
  • Mind Hive: The Emperor explains that his psyche has fractured into such an immeasurably vast number of still-rather-interconnected fragment-minds to watch over the Imperium in myriad ways, that he — that is, the part of his soul that is directly connected to his decaying body on the Golden Throne, and which thus empowers the Astronomicon as well as is what/who has been conversing with Kitten, Magnus, et al. so far since Episode 1 — is no longer sure what the sum totality of his knowledge is. As he puts it when Magnus asks how come he's reliant on Kitten to inform him of the Imperium that's supposed to be watching over, "I don't know. Maybe I do know, but at the same time not."
  • The Immodest Orgasm: Hearing Emperor's vision for Mankind puts Descius in this mood.
  • The Modest Orgasm: Decius has one when in Emperor's presence for the first time, although it's more religious ecstasy than anything sexual.
  • Mood Whiplash:
    • In episode nine, the scene cuts from Emperor planning the theft of Trazyn's stuff to Terra burning. It gets right back on track again, though.
    • First Q&A has the Emperor speaking proudly about nurturing humanity to its power, grand music playing in the back, only for the mood to be broken completely by the Emperor bemoaning that the questions sent in are the worst thing he's seen so far.
    • The second Q&A has the Emperor and Magnus having a grand conversation about sacrificing oneself for greater good, only for Kitten to point out that the questions they're talking about aren't all that bad.
  • Most Annoying Sound: In-universe; helmet-mounted lingua-technis mouthpieces sound like bad dial-up modems, and the Emperor psychically punches anyone using them.
  • Mr. Exposition: Everyone, depending on the topic.
    • The Emperor talks about the Warp and the times before the Imperium.
    • Kitten can be counted on when it comes to current times and xeno races.
    • Magnus gives a lecture on the Warp in episode 19.
  • Mundane Solution: The Emperor suggests that the Tyranids could be beaten by a bug spray. Kitten notes that this isn't likely due to their adaptive abilities.
  • Mythology Gag:
    • In episode nine, the Emperor refers to card-games-and-chess parties the top Magnificent Bastards of the galaxy - him, Cegorach, Tzeentch, Deciever and Creed - have sometimes. This is actually a joke on 1d4chan.
    • In episode seventeen, Lord Inquisitor Torquemada Coteaz from upcoming fanfilm The Lord Inquisitor shows up for a moment before leaving so that he can do his film.
    • In second Q&A, one of the letters is from the Millenial, main character of fanfic Defrosted.

    Tropes N to Z 
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: The Emperor thinks that Goge Vandire, the man behind the Age of Apostasy, has that kind of name.
  • Never My Fault: The Emperor always finds someone to shift the blame on for his faults, whether it's Chaos Gods or Horus.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Magnus points out that by purging belief, the Emperor had almost created a Chaos god of unbelief.
  • Noodle Incident: Many of little references the characters make may seem like this. Subverted, though, as this is mostly the case of All There in the Manual.
    • Kitten once had a... phase. An armor-less phase. It's also implied that something traumatic happened between him and the other Custodes.
  • Nothing Is the Same Anymore: In episode 13, not only do the Ultramarines manage to capture Magnus the Red and bring him to the Imperial Palace, but Magnus and the Emperor forgive each other!
  • Not So Above It All:
    • Though he doesn't want to admit it, the Captain General secretly wants to engage in the same male Stripperific tendencies as his brother Custodes.
    • The Emperor, for a guy that likes logic and reason, and who can rightfully be considered a god, sees people who don't engage in melee combat as disgraceful.
    • Magnus poses as the Only Sane Man, but when the Emperor makes Astronomican flip the bird to a distant Navigator, he’s clearly having fun.
  • Not So Stoic: Magnus is entirely calm during Karamazov's raid until Emperor's "reveal" prompts a Flat "What.".
  • No Yay: In the questions episode, one person asks the Emperor if he hesitated to kill his son because he had sexually confused feelings for him. The Emperor makes him explode on the spot.invoked
  • OOC Is Serious Business:
    • Marneus Calgar is depressed, and has seemingly shed his glory hunger and obsession for being seen as the best that's crippling the rest of his chapter. Keep in mind that last time we saw him, in a flashback with the Tyranids, he was just as much a Glory Hound as his Honor Guard, so something serious must have gone down. One of the implications is that he's suffering from glory withdrawal, no longer satisfied with his victories.
    • The Emperor figures out something's up with the Tau when Kitten gets ballistic about them, while before, he was serenity and politeness incarnate.
  • Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: During his speech in TTS Short 4, Decius at one point loses his grumpy voice and proceeds to talk in higher tone. This could be his voice actor's mistake, but it could also be, in-universe, a result of Decius falling under the effect of divine or divine-like inspiration during that speech.
  • Only a Flesh Wound: Marneus Calgar's duel with the Swarmlord is basically them re-enacting the the King Arthur vs Black Knight scene, with the Lord of Macragge being the Black Knight.
  • Only Sane Man:
    • The whole theme of the series is the Emperor reacting to the grimdark state of the Imperium and how stupid it actually is.
    • The Ecclesiarch and the Captain-General are the only High Lords who aren't frothing idiots or useless pieces of shit. The Captain-General takes it even further by stating that he's the only rational one of Custodes left while everyone else has completely lost it, though he notes even he went through a 'phase' (and secretly still wants to)...
    Hey Kitten! Want to go take a swim in the Promethium pools with us?
    • Marneus Calgar seems to be as sick of how ridiculously overpowered the Ultramarines are as the Emperor is. He also asks what the Hell Cato Sicarius was thinking going into the Eye of Terror without an active Gellar field even if it somehow worked.
    • Magnus gets a moment of this during Episode 15, in which the Custodian manages to convince the Emperor that the Tau are dishonorable cowards by mentioning the fact that they don't fight in melee combat. Magnus counters this by bringing up the Farsight Enclave, who are much more liberal towards the use of melee weapons.
      • Generally, with Kitten being a Yes-Man and the Emperor so full of himself it’s a wonder how the Throne can fit his ego, Magnus often comes across as this.
    • Inquisitor Torquemada Coteaz is the only Inquisitor that isn't depicted as a frothing lunatic.
  • Papa Wolf: Finding out that he has biological children in the form of the Sensei despite his immortality through his many awesome (but potentially fatal) couplings throughout the centuries made him pleasantly surprised. Finding out the Inquisition hunts them down for being heretical mutants causes him to shit warp storms.
  • Parental Favoritism: The Emperor badmouths all his sons, loyal and traitor alike. Except Sanguinius.
    Don't you talk shit about my fabulous fucking hawk-boy. He died for me, so be grateful.
  • Parody Sue: Played with with the Ultramarines. They are portrayed as overly polite and honorable and ludicrously effective at everything they do. Even so, the Emperor still thinks they are "a stupid fucking smurf village", and even their own Chapter Master is sick and tired of their perfectness.
  • Perpetual Frowner: In Episode 7, Emps demands that he always have someone close-by to "tell me stupid shit I can complain about". He also manages to pull this trope off in the literal sense despite being a skull, which has to count for something.
  • Pet the Dog: The Emperor is actually impressed by people who are willing to sacrifice themselves meaningfully. He badmouths all of his Primarch sons except Sanguinius, he compliments Ollanius Pius for standing between him and Horus after Horus nearly slew him (and badmouths the Custodes and the Terminator who also threw themselves to be destroyed by Horus because they didn't want to be upstaged by some plain human), and although at first he dismisses the Astral Knights especially after he hears about how they crashed a Battlebarge into the World Engine, he changes his tune when he finds out that doing so cracked its void shield enough to get them down on the planet, and they all died fighting to successfully cripple the enemy ship making it possible for the accompanying fleet to take out, so he claims that he totally created them.
    • The Emperor giving Magnus the Red a Space Marine war motorcycle.
    • His interactions with the Ecclesiarch is him alternating between insulting him for his unwanted worship, stupid pope hat and following a doctrine that has helped screw up the Imperium for millennia, and commending him for following his will to the best of his abilities and trusting him to help fix the Imperium.
    • Subverted in second Q&A when Emperor call Magnus "special" (in a good way), only to say that he's still "part of a failed batch".
    • Oddly enough, Horus gets a moment - when Malal is having a nervous breakdown in the retconnian, he offers to make him hot chocolate.
  • Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: The Captain-General doesn't understand why the Emperor keeps calling Ultramarines "Smurfs". Then again, 38,000 years have passed.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: When he isn't being a Grumpy Old Man, the Emperor has quite a few immature moments.
    Holy shit, a giant skeleton space robot planet that shoots molecule-breaking beams and destroys everything it spots... I want one!
    • As of episode 14, everyone who could fit underneath the Really 700 Years Old trope is being given this treatment. The primarchs are prone to acting like actual children, such as Magnus reacting to a Space Marine war motorcycle the same way a small child would react to his cool new bike, while the Chaos Gods settle their fights like schoolyard bullies muscling on each other's turfs or angry teenagers on a forum. Though Khorne is oddly absent during the episode.
  • Precision F-Strike:
    • Kitten is notable as quite an antithesis to Sir Swears-a-Lot of Emperor's (Tau notwithstanding)... until episode eighteen and it's "reveal" roll around.
      ...the fuck?
    • Magnus usually prefers sharp wit to fountain of obscenities, but there's one person he reserved the heavy words for...
      Suck it, Leman, you furry fuck!
  • Pungeon Master: The density of puns when Ghazkull Mag Thraka shows up on screen is appalling.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: The main reason the Emperor is so utterly hateful of his loyal subjects: they've basically transformed 75% of mankind's "victories" into massive unrepairable losses, quadrillions dead and millions of souls devoured for pointless reasons, and a general disdain of basic human rights and human potential in humanity itself.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure:
    • The Emperor:
      • Bitter and caustic as he may be, the Emperor is genuinely upset at what has become of the Imperium and is slowly trying to put it back the way it was before the Horus Heresy. Predictably, the Inquisition has other ideas on that.
      • Our Custodes friend is appalled to learn that the Emperor is perfectly willing to allow the Tau Empire to be absorbed into the Imperium, provided they serve as humanity's vassals. He argues his case with legitimate concerns—like concentration camps and sterilization for non-compliant citizens—and ridiculous ones like their weapon aesthetics or the porn culture around them but the Emperor is willing to disregard all of it if the Tau are willing to obey and serve...until the Custodian mentions that they don't engage in melee combat and the Emperor goes ballistic.
      • He reinstates the Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy members who actually followed his orders to disband, since they actually do what they're told.
    • Among the High Lords, the Lord Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard tries to be this to a very minor extent. He tries to impede the other High Lords from weakening the Imperial Guard... by keeping laxatives and air legal.
    • Also, the Ecclesiarch, even after having his organization disbanded by the Emperor, tries to prevent Karamazov from killing all of the Custodes.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: The Emperor gives a few indirectly in his criticism, and Alicia Dominica gives one to Goge Vandire offscreen.
  • Record Needle Scratch: The other Custodes' entry into the scene begins with this before playing Awake from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (AYYYAAAYAAAIII!)
    • Another one occurs after the Emperor gets an especially stupid question, at which point he breaks into singing the chorus of Simple Plan's Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me?) in despair.
  • Remaster: The First Episode has been remade, with minor additions like lines for the Dreadknight and our Custodes friend repressing his need to rip off his armor.
  • The Reveal:
    • The Custodian who has been chatting with the Emperor the whole time is actually the Captain-General, leader of the entire Adeptus Custodes. He manages to use this power to dissuade Karamazov from burning the High Lords.
    • Subverted in episode eighteen. The Emperor tells Karamazov that he's a shard of his psyche... only for it to turn out to be a part of a Batman Gambit. Then again, the existence of the gambit is quite a reveal on its own.
  • Reveal Shot: Magnus' speedy run to the Imperial Palace is halted somewhat...
    Magnus: There's still time to warn him! I could save everyone... [zoom out] If there wasn't a fucking WALL IN THE WAY!
  • Running Gag:
    • Almost every time the Adeptus Mechanics appear, there is a reference to toasters.
    • Horus is always referred to as "F*cking Horus".
    • Karamazov replying to his right hand man's every sentence with "Be quiet, Dominique".
  • Sarcasm-Blind: Karamazov is so incredibly down this trope, when the Emperor gives a long and exquisite series of sarcastic remarks and thinly-veiled insults, Karamazov takes it all for 100% sincere. Then Magnus the Red decides he had enough of it and shoots the whole Inquisiton present into the warp, after which the Emperor reveals that was the plan all along.
  • Scary Librarian: Turns out Cegorach, Laughing God of the Eldar, is one of these, with almost fatal results for Ahzek Ahriman and the Thousand Sons with him who tried to invade the Black Library.
  • The Scapegoat: Emperor claims that Magnus will take the blame for the events of episode 18. He may be joking... may be.
  • Scenery Porn: In episode eight, there are some pretty shots of Terra, Imperial Palace and Senate before the story begins properly.
  • Secret Test of Character: Emperor convinces Karamazov that he was testing whether he's loyal enough to disobey a direct order. Double subverted, as he wasn't testing this. He was checking which of the Inquisitors have to be sent away.
    • Played 100% straight with Decius. Even after his organization has been disbanded he still tries his damnedest to keep Fyodor and the Inquisition out of the throne room. Even after he and the other Ecclesiarchs get their asses handed to them he manages to drag himself, exhausted and out of breath to try one last time to stop him, even if Magnus already cleaned up. And even after THAT takes the revelation of how his entire life is built on lies very well after the Emperor assures Decius that the two of them are going to get to work on fixing the Imperium together and he can reform the Ecclesiarchy under true Imperial supervision.
  • Send in the Clones: When Decius sends his ministers against Karamazov, they turn out to be Decius' lookalikes.
  • Self-Serving Memory: Upon hearing about the Astral Knights actions against a Necron World Engine, the Emperor claims he totally founded their order despite dismissing them as having a stupid name earlier.
  • Silly Rabbit, Cynicism Is for Losers!: Surprisingly enough, Emperor berates Magnus when the latter mocks his utopian idea for Mankind's perfect future.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: The Emperor, natch. It's started rubbing off on the Custodian. Magnus the Red also has a tendency to swear, but as could be expected he swears more like a savvy nerd, with clever insults mixed in.
  • Shout-Out:
    • One of the High Lords of Terra is an expy of Judge Dredd who even says his Catch Phrase "I am the Law!". Unsurprising, considering he is the Grand Provost Marshal of the Adeptus Arbites, an entire organization of Judge Dredd expies.
    • In episode 10, the film Les Misérables (2012) is performed by a Magos and an Inquisitor, both of whom resemble Valjean and Javert respectively.
    • The opening of episode 15 has an extended reference to Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.
    • The three other Custodes take the appearance of the Pillar Men, to the point that Awaken is their leitmotif. Others in the background are modeled after Vanilla Ice and Diavolo from the same manga.
    • In short "Kitten Gasping", the Custodian notices that his antics made him look like The Legend of Zelda's Link.
    • The Emperor claims his early years were largely spent "Crushing my enemies, seeing them driven before me, and hearing the lamentations of their women." His puppet looks a fair bit like Conan the Barbarian too.
    • Age of Strife-era Emperor dresses like Kenshiro.
    • Upon hearing about Emperor's sex life, Magnus has the reaction you'd expect a child would have to hearing about the sex life of one of his parents while channeling Professor Farnsworth for a moment.
    • The Emperor constantly refers to Ultramarines as Smurfs and their Chapter Master as Papa Smurf.
    • When dozens of Warp Storms explode over Terra, music in the background plays Ride of the Valkyries.
    • During the fight between Blaktoof and Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, there's a bunch of Ork titans and other such Ork stuff can be seen in the background, one of them is actually a Generation 1 Optimus Prime (Seen in the background as Ghazghkull makes the "rip off" joke).
    • When the Emperor learns of what happened to the Sensei and flies into a ground-shaking fury, the Centurion says "We should go. I should go. I better go. I'm Commander Shep-" *gets tackled by Magnus*
    • The first half of Lucius's first scene is one to a short made by Eliphas, which itself is a reference to this.
    • The phrase "the good the bad and the ugly" is used.
    • Episode 19 starts with a spoof of Alfabusa's own "Cooking With The Imperium" video.
    • Magnus references (though without a name) Necoho, God of Atheism and Contradictions from Warhammer.
  • Something Else Also Rises:
    • When a Dark Mechanicus notices a huge, phallic Emperor-class battleship floating through the warp:
      Dark Mechanicus: This is getting me harder than Terminator armor!
    • When Decius is told by the Emperor that everything he's believed in is wrong his hat starts drooping. And it perks back up when the Emperor lets him keep his job, and his stupid pope-hat.
  • Spot of Tea: Episode 19 opens with a recreation of the Cooking with the Imperium video, then Kitten takes a tea tray into the throne room... only to have a random warp bolt completely incinerate it.
  • Stupid Sexy Flanders:
    • Dominique (one of the Inquisitors who follow Karamazov, and literally is seated at his right hand on the former's power throne) gets sexually confused by the presence of the half-naked Custodes.
      Dominique: Hey Fyodor, we're surrounded again. But this time by a bunch of half-naked men. Its like a ruddy ocean of bare nipples and bulging muscles. IT'S MAKING ME MOIST.
    • As does a random woman they rescue from the Inquisition. "I'm so aroused right now."
  • Submissive Badass: Magnus the Red is presented as one. He talks smack about the Emperor, and he is very vocal about disliking his manipulation after they reconcile, but he is not actually rebellious enough to slam the door on his father again. What's more, even his original "betrayal-slash-rebellion" is presented as a misunderstanding of cosmic proportions.
  • Suddenly Voiced: Exploited; the plot for the series kicks off when the Adeptus Custodes and Adeptus Mechanicus install the titular Text-to-Speech device, which finally allows the Emperor to speak with his subjects again which he was not able to for over 10,000 years. He is... less than impressed with the state of His Imperium.
  • Suicide Mission: Early on, the Emperor orders that the Ultramarines venture into the Eye of Terror and capture Magnus the Red. The Emperor flat out knows, and even hopes, that the Ultramarines will not survive this. Yet somehow the Ultramarines manage to capture Magnus, looking no worse for wear at the end of it.
    • Just to compound how absolutely impossible this is, the order the Emperor gave early on in the series to get Magnus back with the Gellar Fields turned off? THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT!
  • Surrounded by Idiots: What the Emperor thinks of his immediate subordinates, and pretty much the entirety of the Imperium. This sentiment extended even towards the Primarchs, both loyalist and heretic. The sole exceptions to this are Sanguinius and Malcador the Sigilite.
  • Sycophantic Servant: Author of one of the letters in second Q&A asks whether he could be this for the Emperor. The Emperor orders an immediate restraining order.
  • Tag Line: "The Emperor speaketh about shit."
  • Take Our Word for It: Apparently, between episodes twelve and thirteen the Emperor told Kitten some really touching and heartwarming stories about the Primarchs, but we only have Custodian's word for it.
  • Take That:
    • Half of this series is pretty much critiquing some of the more questionable decisions GW has made regarding the lore. The biggest one, and one of the reasons this series even exists, being GW's refusal to continue the story past 40,999 CE.
    • Slashfic writers get their share of Emperor's hate in episode 17.
      Kitten: (...)my only desire is to serve you, my lord!
      Emperor: This can easily be skewed in all the wrong ways. It's a good thing that shitty slashfic writers aren't anywhere near here.
      Magnus: Don't jinx it, Father...
    • In-universe example: Coteaz ends his conversation with Karamazov thusly:
      Coteaz: Try not to kill the Emperor for being innocent or whatever it is you could possibly accuse him of.
  • Talk to the Fist: Happens twice in second Q&A, both times with spectral fists - first to Kitten after he mocks one of Emperor's lines, then to Eliphas for his letter.
  • Tautological Templar: Karamazov states that charging the Eternity Gate would be heresy, but not when Inquisition does it.
  • Tempting Fate: Twice.
    • In episode thirteen, Calgar says that he's day isn't completely ruined as of yet, only for Cato Sicarius to burst out and be obnoxious.
    • In April Fool's episode, one of the Custodes says that nothing could ruin this moment just before Horus bursts in and kills the Emperor.
  • Theme Tune: We Are One by Triarii.
  • This Cannot Be!:
    • The Inquisition has this reaction when they learn that the disbanding message is from the Emperor.
    • In April Fool's video, the Emperor reacts this way to Horus' arrival.
  • This Is Going to Suck:
    • From episode 3:
      The Emperor: So, what's up with this Inquisition thing?
      Custodian: Oh, boy.
    • In episode 7, our Custodes friend again has this reaction when the Emperor asks to see the other Custodes Companions.
    • Episode 17, our Custodes friend informs him about the Sensei, the Emperor's biological children... and how the Inquisition have been hunting them down as heretical mutants.
  • Time Abyss: The regular cast all qualify. The Emperor has been around for 50,000 years in one form or another. Kitten mentions to Magnus he's served the Emperor for over 11,000 years and Magnus himself has been around a similar length of time. None of them ever really pay attention to the years anymore.
  • Too Much Information: Both Magnus and the Custodes express this opinion when the Emperor starts talking about his sex life.
  • Tranquil Fury: When the Emperor learns that the Sensei, his biological children, have all been either hunted down or forced into hiding, he calmly remarks that he finally found the bottom of the barrel. Just before the warp storms start.
  • Troll:
    • Cegorach, the Laughing God. Manages to stop Ahriman from reaching the Black Library by asking Ahriman for his Library card. And while he was laughing with the Deceiver about the C'tan eating each other.
      God-Emperor: (Imitating Cegorach) Killing all of your allies in the middle of a giant war was apparently a bad idea — who would've fucking thought!
    • The Emperor himself, to Fyodor, taking half an episode to lead him around before finally letting Magnus warp the entire Inquisition off Terra with a warp rift, banishing all the worst parts of the Inquisition into the Warp in one fell swoop rather than have them stick around and undermine his Imperium.
  • Understatement: Emperor after hearing about fate of the Sensei, his biological children he didn't even know he had.
    God-Emperor: Well, I found the bottom of the barrel after all... I think I feel a grumble.
    (Cue warp storms appearing all over Terra)
  • Unexplained Recovery: The Fabricator General (High Lord on the far right) malfunctions and self-destructs. No one comments on it, and he's back alive within fifteen seconds, which implies that this must be a regular occurance.
  • The Unfavourite:
    • Emps really doesn't like Magnus the Red. Who certainly feels like he was this when he appears in episode 13.
      Custodian: Oh! So... Everything is Magnus's fault?
      God-Emperor: Definitely. If I could, I'd brutally spank Magnus until his ass would turn so red that his face would look pale in comparison.
    • Or invokedRoboutte Guilliman and the Ultramarines. Their insignia is continuously mocked as a toilet seat and a reverse vagina.
      Emperor: I always thought he was the greatest of my twenty Primarch sons.
      Custodian: ... Well. That's excellent, my Lord.
      Emperor: The greatest little derivative pile of blueberry pudding pop fuckery that has ever glazed the surface of this shitty little galaxy. (Custodian uncomfortably fidgets) Is he still alive?
      Custodian: Barely. He was almost killed... He's in stasis back on the Ultramarines' homeworld of Macragge.
      Emperor: Cut his life supports and tell that stupid fucking Smurf village to fuck right off.
    • Has crept into Hates Everyone Equally territory in episode 12. The only son he doesn't say anything about is Sanguinius; the other 19 get brutally torn apart. Even the other two that he insists to never speak of again.
  • Unstoppable Rage: The Emperor bursts into it a few times, notably when he learns about the Inquisition and Calgar sacrificing an irreplaceable battleship.
    • This is Kitten's attitude towards the Tau.
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Karl the Deranged sending a Nurglite poison in his letter is met without much surprise or inconvenience by those in the Golden Throne. Justified, as they're all immune to it.
  • Unwitting Pawn: Magnus is this to both Tzeentch and Horus, and is forced to accept these facts by the Emperor in episode 13.
  • Verbal Tic: Cato Sicarius can't use the pronoun "I" without inserting his name afterwards.
  • Victory Is Boring: Seems to be the case for Calgar.
  • Villain Exit Stage Left: Karamazov is surrounded and about to be blown up when the Emperor orders Kitten to invoke this and let the man escape.
  • Villainous Breakdown: When surrounded by Custodes, Karamazov breaks down and starts screaming that it's them who are heretics and that the text-to-speech device is a lie. He recovers, only to simply start screaming when he finds Kaldor Draigo has gone nuts, and he's stuck in the Warp with him.
  • Vocal Dissonance:
    • Cato Sicarius's extremely high-pitched voice in relation to his 7' tall Super Soldier physique.
    • Lucius the Eternal is even higher-pitched, sounding like some sort of deranged cartoon creature while looking like a Humanoid Abomination. It's slightly creepy this time.
  • Vocal Evolution: Karamazov's voice seems a lot clearer as of Episode 17. Though, according to some reports, it's mostly thanks to a new microphone.
  • Waxing Lyrical: Upon hearing about the heroics of the Astral Knights, he says the were "... The best around. Nothing was ever gonna keep them down."
  • We Will Meet Again: Karamazov promises this to Kitten when he's running away.
  • With All Due Respect: Cato Sicarius very blatantly wants to become Chapter Master as soon as possible. As current Chapter Master Marneus Calgar promptly lampshades, Cato is effectively wishing Marneus to die at the earliest opportunity.
  • Wham Episode: Episode 18: Magnus sends most of the Inquisition into the Warp. Good news, huh? Well, Fulgrim and Abbadon are gathering the Chaos Legions for a new Black Crusade, so it seems another Cerebus Syndrome is inbound.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: The Emperor tells the Custodes that they should stop being useless and start to actually help the Imperium, seeing how they have the best gear in the galaxy.
  • Woman Scorned: Gender-inverted by Kitten of all people. When Shadowsun left him, he became hell-bent on murdering her entire species. Alone, if necessary.
  • Xanatos Gambit: The Emperor uses the Ultramarines for these. If they succeed in whatever suicide mission he gives them, then he is one step closer to fixing the Imperium. If they fail, then a chapter the Emperor can't stand gets killed or humbled.
  • Yes-Man: The Adeptus Custodes who guards the Emperor. In the Emperor's own words, they including Kitten are basically programmed robots that exist solely to serve his will and agree with everything he says.
  • You Didn't Ask: When asked why he never told anyone about the War in Heaven, the Age of Technology and world history in general, the Emperor says that no-one ever asked him about it.
  • You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!:
    • The Emperor's reaction to a lot of things.
      Emperor: So, the Necrons and the Blood Angels did what?
    • The sheer disbelief at seeing his Custodes' current state of (un)dress uniform as he spends several minutes just dumbstruck from the sheer shock.
      Holy shit. What on the name of Terra on fucking rollerskates is this? [...] This shit is so surreal. Am I on drugs?
    • His reaction to Magnus's revelation that his efforts to stamp out all religion and render the Chaos Gods powerless were actually fueling the birth of a Chaos God of Unbelief is nothing short of hilarious.
      ...Come again? [...] That has got to be the single dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. And that is coming from a half-dead skeleton that has been stuck on a life-sustaining couch for the past 10,000 years.
  • Your Head A Splode: A somewhat background event in episode 18 is one stormtrooper's head exploding from exposure to the Warp.
  • Zerg Rush: When Magnus breaks the barriers surrounding the Imperial Palace, hordes of daemons swarm all around him, all running to the Golden Throne.
    Magnus: Well, that certainly happened...

God-Emperor: What the fuck was that?

Alternative Title(s):

If The Emperor Had A Text To Speech Device