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How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
We need your business, we're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale. - Tom Waits, Step Right Up
Come on down to Crazy Al's! Where you'll find our prices average, but I'm F***ing NUTS! You'll come for the free refreshments, but you'll stay or I'll CUT YA'!
- Unknown stand-up comic at Just for Laughs.
A weird mutant kind of ad that tends to turn up in lesser time slots, wherein the proprietor of a discount retail outlet yells about how he's gone completely mad, and that his insanity is manifesting itself as his selling his wares at prices so unprofitably low that only a lunatic would set them. No doubt because of the owner's deranged price-slashing, many of these stores seem to be perpetually on the verge of going out of business, holding innumerable closing down sales where "everything must go!!!". They also often refer to the owner's mental state right in the name of the store, eg Crazy Larry's Carpet Emporium.
Arguably originated by the Crazy Eddie consumer electronics chain that existed in the Northeastern United States from 1971 to 1989. It was famous for the fast-talking, near-frothing announcer Jerry Carroll (contrary to popular beleif, not Crazy Eddie himself) who, clad in turtleneck and sports jacket, would stick his face into the camera and spread his arms wide to give the company's trademark slogan, "Hey-heh-heh-heh hey, it's Ca-raaazy Eddie! With prices so low, they're practically..IN-SA-A-A-A-A-ANE!"
Examples:
- The ads for mattress chain Sit 'n Sleep have a variation of this, with the owner promising huge discounts as his accountant scolds him for losing his mind. They even managed to work in a non-slogan Catch Phrase: "You're killing me, Larry!"
- An electronics store called "Crazy Gideon's" in the Los Angeles area had some interesting ads, usually featuring policemen and/or doctors trying to take him away. His catch phrase was "He may be crazy but he's not stupid!".
- When driving from Michigan (a state in which fireworks are illegal) to Indiana (where they are legal), one encounters nearly a dozen billboards for Crazy Kaplan's Firework Warehouse.
- "Buy one, get six free!"
- Also seen frequently on Illinois sections of interstates (at least when this troper was on vacation there last summer).
- Many out-of-state customers fail to realize the biggest irony of all in this: these fireworks aren't actually legal in Indiana to use, only to buy/sell (though the prohibition on firing them is largely unenforced). This is less frequently misunderstood since a new law several years ago started requiring buyers to sign a card agreeing to leave the state before firing them off. Before the cards were instituted, most buyers who came into the state from Illinois and Michigan believed that they were completely un-regulated in Indiana, dispite the signs referring to them as "out-of-state" fireworks.
- Firework stands tend to use mental instability as a selling point. This troper remembers a billboard for Joker Joe's - "Hurry, hurry/This is it/Watch the Joker/Throw a fit"
- This troper recalls a bygone advertising campaign here in Australia, in which an electrical goods purveyor sat on a rocking chair with an deranged look, as the announcer said, "Ken Bruce has gone mad, Ken Bruce has gone mad - [shouting] Ken Bruce has gone completely MAD!"
- And don't get us started on Mr Bankrupt, who seems to have finally genuinely closed down. Thank ye gods.
- On the other hand, Designer Direct has been closing down for as long as this troper can remember.
- The US ads for Mario Kart Wii featured a hyper-stereotypical southern used-kart salesman, Cowboy Jed. It reminded This Troper of more than a couple actual used car lot ads.
- ABC Warehouse has Gordy, who is portrayed is portrayed more as scatter-brained than raving.
- The notorious "Big Bill Hell's" ad (apparently passed around on video in Maryland during The Eighties, now made famous by You Tube) is a Cluster F Bomb of insanity mixed with Brutal Honesty:
Bring your trade, bring your title, bring your wife! We'll fuck her! That's right, we'll fuck your wife! Because at Big Bill Hell's, you're fucked six ways from Sunday!
- Pretty much anyone in the northeastern United States who watches much TV will be familiar with Bob's Discount Furniture and its proprietor's wacky sales pitches with cheesy special effects. To be fair, they do offer some pretty nice free cookies, candy, and coffee. Come on dowwwwwwwn!
- Similarly, anyone living in Central Florida will be familiar with Appliance Direct owner Sam Pak and his intense love of appliances. He's doesn't come across as crazy, though, so much as just really enthusiastic.
- A car dealer in Kansas City pulled a "craaazy" stunt where he decided to camp out on top of the dealership until he sold X amount of cars. Being a Boy Scout, I was not impressed. He had a portajohn and access to the coffee machine downstairs.
- Steve Ballmer. Hell, I'm feeling like buying Windows 1.0 right now! And he did it again for Windows XP! Sweet merciful Jesus, please let that be a self-deprecating parody.
- Spoofed in UHF, where "Crazy Ernie" tells the audience "If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!"
- Referenced in the John Sayles movie City of Hope: one minor character is the owner/advertiser of "Mad Anthony's" chain of discount electronics stores. Another, a schizophrenic homeless man, wanders the streets muttering bits of the commercials interspersed with whatever comes out of his brain: "Help, help. We need help clearing our warehouse. Of these fantastic bargains. All your electronics needs under one roof. Under one roof. Psychoses, neuroses. Dementia, amnesia. Schizoid, paranoid, psychotropic seizure. Why settle for less when you can have it all?"
- In Short Circuit 2, there is Manic Mike, clearly a spoof of Crazy Eddie.
- In Splash, Madison is momentarily frightened by an actual Crazy Eddie ad that pops up on the TV she's watching with her face mere inches from the screen. Without the volume control that current ads have, they were a great way to keep kids from sitting too close to the television set.
- The TV in The Brave Little Toaster imitates this spiel to get Rob to go down to the junkyard to find his old appliances, turning "Ernie's Disposal" into "Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of TOTAL BARGAIN MADNESS!"
Game Shows
- When a car is being given away on The Price Is Right, Drew Carey often refers to Rachel, the model who usualy stands next to the car, as "Crazy Rachel."
- X-Play featured "Crazy Adam's Import Imporium", which contained several rip-offs of real games and imports. The owner is just straight criminally insane, with antics that include his rantings, saying he's going to make a woman suit, and preparing to take a sledgehammer to the head of a tied up employee. His theme song was "Crazy, crazy, crazy, Adam; crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy Adam!"
- "God is telling me to DO things... HORRIBLE THINGS!!!"
- Parodied, once again, by the Crazy Warehouse Guy in The Chasers War On Everything. He usually advertises Persian rugs, as those are the most common things "crazy" people sell in Australia (for whatever reason).
- He's a very specific parody of a series of ads for warehouse sales in which the (unseen) narrator would scream every single word at the top of his lungs. "PERSIAN RUGS FIVE BUCKS, JUST FIVE BUCKS!" were a common fixture, but they also advertised used C Ds or slightly damaged clothing, among other things.
- The Crazy Warehouse Guy also went out and about, buying lunch at Mc Donalds (yelling out the entire price menu in the process) and giving directions to a passer-by.
- The Chaser parodied it again with more Persian Rug warehouses. Julian went around saying he was from the Rug Proprietors Guild, telling people to have a Closing Down sale...it didn't matter if they weren't actually closing down. And he made the manager roll himself up in a carpet. Ah, memories...
- During a sunday strip of Piranha Club, a money-grubbing Doctor tried a "Crazy Eddy" style of adverts to get people to come to his clinic. Naturally what works for a car dealership isn't going to work for a Doctor.
- Parodied in, of all things, the JAWS Ride at Universal Studios Orlando. Like most of the rides there, the waiting line has TV hanging from the ceiling showing fake commercials and programs related to the theme of the ride — in Jaws's case, stuff about Amity. One of the commericals features what I think was a Crazy Eddie, who LITERALLY WRECKED THE ELECTRONICS he was peddling ON-CAMERA so he could give you the "discounted" prices. Complete with a miserable complaining accountant.
- The line for Space Mountain at Disneyland used to have TVs with a similar programming loop, including an Insane Proprietor selling used spaceships. Sadly, it was eliminated when Space Mountain got remodeled.
- Parodied by Baldurs Gate, of all things.
"Hi, I'm Well-Adjusted Al, and my prices are sensible. I used to be called Crazy Al, but therapy has convinced me that selling plate armour for 3 gold pieces and a small duck was no way to get ahead in business."
- The Animal Crossing series has one of these guys in Crazy Redd, a fox with a decidedly sketchy store. He claims to be selling things at cutthroat prices, but in actuality peddles his wares for twice what the local general store sells them. The game heavily implies that he's selling stolen goods, and in Wild World, some of the paintings he sells are actually forgeries.
- The Edutainment Game Math Heads had "Irrational Eddie" during the fake commercial breaks that spoke with a very wet voice, trying to peddle Irrational numbers and other mathematical peculiarities.
Irrational Eddie: Irrr-ational Eddie here! With Irrr-ational Numbers! At Irrr-ational Prices! We've got roots of negative numbers and decimals that go on infinately and NEVER repeat themselves! Why?! BECAUSE I'M IRRATIONAL!
- The Monkey Island series has reoccurring character Stan, a manic salesman who gets locked into a coffin in the second game and released in the third, has been the proprietor of a used-coffin business, used-crypt business, used-ship business, and life insurance salesman, plus others.
- Parodied with Tom the Dancing Bug's "Crazy Morty", where Crazy Morty's ad copy was nothing but a disjointed stream of nonsensical rambling, followed by a note from his psychiatrist confirming that Morty suffered from advanced schizophrenia and was therefore incapable of setting prices to conform to market value.
- The "Monster Mart" ads in Dr Mc Ninja resemble this format, and were probably inspired by it.
Martin: Here at Monster-Mart, the prices are simply...hrrrk! RRNNNGHHHAAAAH! * hulks out* Monstrous!
- Also spoofed by Futurama, who presented the robot car dealer "Malfunctioning Eddie". When he gets too excited, his head explodes. In a later episode, he pops up in an asylum. "I guess his prices really were insane."
- Yet another Crazy Larry, from Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends. Why are his prices so low? "Because he's loooooocoooooo!!"
- Also spoofed on Sheep In The Big City, with an advertisement of a proprietor who may have been genuinely insane: selling an elephant for five cents, but a peanut for "a million, billion dollars!"
"Why the weird prices? Because I'm a sil-ly loo-ny bird!"
- A variant pops up in Sponge Bob Square Pants, with Angry Jack's Shell Emporium. "Jack is really angry! Don't bring your kids."
- In Family Guy a joke that is used more than once is the "Wacky Wavy Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man!" Due to a shipping error the Wacky Wavy Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse is currently overstocked on all Wacky Wavy Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Men and I am passing the savings on to YOOUUUUUUUU!
- In The Brave Little Toaster the TV tries to get the "Master" to save the appliances by running ads for Ernie's Disposal, the dump where they have been sent. As he is leaving, the TV, in desperation, shouts "Crazy Ernie's Amazing! Emporium of... of... Total Bargain MADNESS!!!"
- Parodied in Invader Zim, with the Krazy Taco food chain and its mascot, a screaming man in a taco suit.
Krazy Taco Mascot: So take it from me, the Krazy Taco! You won't find a crazier taco then the ones you'll find at the Krazy Taco! Remember, our Drive-Thru's open the whole niiight! Sweet jumpin' chili bean, I'm CRAZY!!
GIR: Must obey the taco man!
- Played straight in Inspector Gadget's Last Case, with "Crazy Eddie's Used Car Lot". Here, Crazy Eddie was a used-car salesman who dressed like a superhero in commercials; the gag here is that he sold long-since decommissioned cars that once belonged to superheroes; at one point he gets the Gadgetmobile itself in his lot. It's promptly bought up by Dr. Claw himself, masquerading as "Devon Debonair" in his effort to destroy
Inspector Lieutenant Gadget once and for all.
- Mr. Stereo, of Mr. Stereo's Crazy Stereo Warehous on Kappa Mikey, is another one whose insanity is not an act. If someone beats his prices, he's promised to eat garbage, jump out of a plane (without a parachute), and/or marry a piano. At the end of his ad, he breaks a window with his face. Don't ask about what he's like in person, it'd take up too much of the page with the antics.
- An episode of Tiny Toon Adventures centering around the prom had "Crazy Tazzy's House of Tuxes", where the already-established-as-several-kinds-of-insane Taz applied these tactics to selling formal wear, of all things. The commercial featured Taz grunting, spitting, and spinning his way through cutting prices on tuxedos as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck chased him in white coats with butterfly nets.
Taz: Crazy Tazzy's House of Tuxes! Me prices insane! ME INSANE!
- An episode of Aaaagh it's the Mr. Hell show. The show was basically a bunch of random skits, and one particular episode had a crazy salesman selling appliances, stating that if he cannot get you a better price than the other guys, he would cut his eyelids off with pinking shears, but he does it anyway. Also that same sales man (now with a bandage over his eyes) saying he would give a free jar of hot toenail clippings to his customers, and a really funny line "Come on down and take advantage of these crazy deals before my dog tells me to kill again!!!"
- This Troper ran a comedic episode in a Vampire : The Masquerade RPG which featured "Barmy Boris' Big Bomb Bananza and Manic Mikhail's Massively Mega Missile Mart", a ludicrous stereotype of an arms fair, complete with a television spot advertising said insanity.
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