Gravity Falls / Funny

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"You're surprisingly mature for your age."

Literally every episode of Gravity Falls has a Crowning Moment of Funny to offer. The best can be found below.

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Season 1

Tourist Trapped

Dipper gets one with one of the first lines of the series. Keep in mind, that said line is said as casually as if he was talking about the weather.
Hi, my name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
"This attic is amazing. Check out all my splinters!"
Dipper and Mabel's introduction to Gompers.
Dipper: And there's a goat on my bed.
Mabel: Hello, friend! (goat chews on her sweater) Yes, you can keep chewing my sweater! (laughs)
Mabel rolling across the grass.
Mabel: Yay, grass!
This little bit after Dipper screams "ZOMBIE!"
Grunkle Stan: Somebody say "crombie"? What is that, "crombie"? It's not even a word. You're losing your mind!
''GRAPPLING HOOK!"
When they are going to bed at the end of the episode, Dipper asks Mabel to get the light. She uses her grappling hook to do it and ends up getting it thrown out the window. She then says “it worked”.
The entire montage of Mabel trying to flirt with boys.
"I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now."
(Grunkle Stan walks in)
Mabel: Ugh, why?!
Everything Soos says.
Soos: This is for the zombies. (hands Dipper a shovel)
Dipper: Thanks.
Soos: And this is in case you see a piñata. (hands Dipper a baseball bat)
Dipper: (Beat) Eh… Thanks? (drives off)
Soos: (calling after Dipper) BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!
- Becomes funnier if you realize that a baseball bat is a decent weapon to use against zombies as well.
Dipper: Is my sister really dating a zombie or am I just going nuts?
Soos: It's a dilemma to be sure. (Beat) I couldn't help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room.
This exchange.
Dipper: As always Soos, you're right.
Soos: My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.
- Followed immediately by:
  Stan: (yelling from offscreen) Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again!
  Soos: I am needed elsewhere. (walks backwards out the door, holding Dipper's gaze)
It looks like Mabel's boyfriend is about to grab her and eat her brains... only to show that he's just putting a daisy chain on her. Mabel's reaction cements it.
Mabel: Daisies? You scallywag!
Mabel literally spilling the beans.
"Are you bleeding, Norman?" (Beat) "It's jam."
When Norman gets ready to confess his secret to Mabel, her internal monologue goes Please be a vampire, please be a vampire!
Mabel using a leaf blower for kissing practice.
"Just today my mosquito bites spelled out BEWARE!" "... that says BEWARB."
While Dipper and Mabel get cornered by the gnomes, Grunkle Stan is busy showing off the Most Distracting Object in the World. "I can't even remember what I was talking about..."
The whole scene where Grunkle Stan shows off Rock That Looks Like A Face Rock, only to be greeted with the questions of confused tourists that wonder whether it also looks like a rock and whether or not it actually is a face.
Grunkle Stan: And here we have "Rock that looks like a face" rock; the rock that looks like a face.
(beat)
Tourist 1: Does it look like a rock?
Grunkle Stan: No, it looks like a face.
Tourist 2: Is it a face?
Grunkle Stan: It's a rock that looks like a face!
(Dipper frantically tries to get Stan's attention)
Grunkle Stan: For the fifth time, it-it's not an actual face!
In a panic, Dipper runs up to Wendy and tells her that he needs to borrow the golf cart so he can save Mabel from a zombie. She casually hands him the keys.
Wendy: Try not to hit any pedestrians!
Dipper interrupting Jeff the gnome leader's Breaking Speech by literally shoveling him aside. The way Dipper raises his eyebrow during the scene sells it◊.
The Reveal of Mabel's boyfriend's identity. That is all. Best lampshaded by Dipper when he find out.
Dipper: Gnomes? Huh, I was way off.
"So what d'ya say? Will you join us in holy matri-gnomey? Matri—matrimony! Blah! I can't talk today."
"We'll never forget you Mabel. Because we're going to kidnap you."
This screenshot◊.
This particular scene after Dipper walks in on the gnomes tying Mabel to the ground.
Dipper: Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!
Gnome: Oh, hey there. You know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in any danger. She's just marrying all 1000 of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity. Isn't that right honey?
Mabel: You guys are butt-faces! (Gnome covers her mouth)
When the gnomes are fleeing from Dipper and Mabel, one of them gets wrapped in a set of plastic six-pack rings and is carried off by a goat.
"I guess I'm just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes."
Description of zombies.
Dipper: Known for their pale skin and bad attitude, these creatures are often mistaken for teenagers.
Dipper and Mabel top off their "awkward sibling hug" by patting each other on the back, including saying "pat pat" aloud.
Dipper tries to hide the journal he found from Grunkle Stan and we end up with this:
Grunkle Stan: Whatcha reading there, slick?
Dipper: Oh, uh, I was just catching up on— (takes a closer look at what he has in his hands) "Gold Chains for Old Men" magazine?
Grunkle Stan: That's a good issue.
At the end of this episode, when the credits roll, there's a clip of one of the gnomes throwing up rainbows that lasts all the way to the show's end. The fact it's deliberately long makes it a Funny entry.
- Even better, Disney XD's UK channel released this: Barfing Rainbow Gnome: The Movie
While most of the gnomes have names like Jeff, Mike, and Steve, one of them is called Shmebulock.
Jeff: Is this weird? Is this too weird? You need to sit down? R-right, I'll explain. So... we're gnomes, first off, get that one out of the way. I'm Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason, and... I'm sorry, I always forget your name.
Shmebulock: Shmebulock!
Dipper trying to tell Mabel that Norman is a zombie.
Mabel: You think he might be a vampire? Because that would be so awesome!
Dipper: Guess again sister. Shabam! (opens book to page about gnomes)
Mabel: Aah!
Dipper: Oh, wait. Sorry. (flips to "undead" page) Shabam!
Wendy's Establishing Character Moment:
Grunkle Stan Wendy! I need you to put up this sign!
Wendy: I would if I could but *pathetically reaches out to Stan* Erg...can't...uh...reach it...ugh...
Stan: I'd fire you all if I could.
- Made funnier by the fact that Wendy is half the room away!

The Legend of the Gobblewonker

Dipper and Mabel's syrup race.
Mabel geeking out over human-sized hamster balls.
Mabel: Human-sized hamster balls? (gasps) I'm human sized!
- Also included Mabel's Imagine Spot with her rolling around town trying to pick up boys while in said hamster ball. The animation of said boys also was hilarious.
  - Makes for a great brick joke when at the end of the first season we find out these boys are Xyler and Kraz from one of Mabel's movies titled Dream Boy High.
Finding out that Mabel saved a little something from their run-in with the gnomes.
Dipper: We didn't get any photos of those gnomes, did we?
Mabel: Nope, just memories. (Beat) And this beard hair.
Dipper: Why did you save that?
Mabel: (shrugs)
Grunkle Stan asking the twins what day it is.
Dipper: Um, happy anniversary?
Mabel: Mazel tov!
How the last bonding day with Grunkle Stan turned out: something to do with counterfeiting hundred dollar bills, getting caught by the police, and spending the night in the county jail.
Grunkle Stan: 'You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman! (sirens blaring) Uh-oh.
(cut to Mabel in the present)
Mabel: The county jail was so cold...
This scene. Just... this scene.
Grunkle Stan: Who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?!
Dipper and Mabel: YAY!
Dipper: (Beat) Wait, what?
Grunkle Stan's Drives Like Crazy credentials are on full display here.
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?
Stan: (laughs) Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be. (squints) What is that, a woodpecker?
(Grunkle Stan slams his car through a traffic barrier)
The montage of the other townspeople out fishing.
Lazy Susan: Here fishy, fishy. Get into the pan!
- The big brute of a father, Manly Dan, beating up a fish.
  - Made even better with the Cute Biker coming out of nowhere and cheering him on.
Grunkle Stan's reason for taking Dipper and Mabel fishing.
Grunkle Stan: I've never had fishing buddies before. The guys at the lodge won't go with me. They don't "like" or "trust" me.
Old Man McGucket knocking a submarine sandwich out of the hands of an innocent bystander◊.
Mabel thinking Old Man McGucket is doing a happy jig.
Old Man McGucket: No! It's a jig of grave DANGER!
Old Man McGucket's son spraying him with water as if he were a cat in order to get him to stop scaring away his customers.
"It had wrinkly skin like —- this gentleman right here!" (points to Grunkle Stan)
Old Man McGucket randomly joining in on Dipper and Mabel chanting "Monster hunt! Monster hunt! Uh... I'll go..."
"We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!" "We're gonna win that photo contest!" "Do any of you dudes have sunscreen?" (Beat) "We're gonna... go get sunscreen!"
Soos's Genre Savvy answer when Dipper asks what's the number one problem with most monster hunts: if you're a side character, you die within the first five minutes of the movie.
Soos: Dude, am I a side character? Do you ever think about stuff like that?
Soos pretending to be Bigfoot.◊
Dipper declares they have plenty of cameras. Cue Soos losing a camera after being blinded by a light-bulb flash and Mabel throwing hers at a seagull flying too close.
Dipper: Don't lose your cameras.
Soos: Wait, lose the camera?
Dipper: Don't!
Soos: Dude, I just threw two away.
- And then we get this scene with Dipper.
  Dipper: Okay, we still have thirteen cameras—(slams fist down, accidentally breaks one; beat) Twelve. We have twelve cameras.
- Dipper asking Soos to "be Bigfoot" for his demonstration. Cue Soos pausing mid-stride, posing as the infamous Patterson-Gimlin Bigfoot footage.
Mabel threatening to "lose" more cameras in the lake unless she gets to be "Co-Captain".
"Permission to taste some?" The food in question is fish food.
Soos: Dude, I don't know what I expected that to taste like.
The whole ventriloquism act with Mabel and the pelican.
"Dude, check it out. Butt Island!"
Mabel: Soos, you rapscallion!
"Was that your stomach?" "No, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises."
Mabel: Wow, so majestic!
The scene in which Dipper imagines what it would be like if he got a picture of the Gobblewonker: He is shown being interviewed by a popular talk show host for capturing the picture, while dressed in an Indiana Jones-style Adventurer Outfit, complete with beard stubble.
- The interview ends up getting interrupted when a crazed looking Mabel, still in her hamster ball, bursts through the wall, demanding to be interviewed.
Mabel's rapping.
Mabel: My name is Mabel. It rhymes with table. It also rhymes with... glabel. It also rhymes with... shmabel!
Soos: Dude, we should be writing this down.
The beavers talking in subtitles. The beavers in general.
- "WE'RE STILL BEAVERS"◊
Finding out what the monster noise really was.
Soos: Sweet, beaver with a chainsaw!
"Maybe that old guy was crazy after all." "He did use the word 'scrabdoodle'."
Soos' impromptu photoshoot with one of the beavers.
When the kids and Soos are being chased by the Gobblewonker, they crash through a Sheet of Glass. In the middle of a lake.
Soos getting a beaver stuck to his face.
For acting all creepy at the lake, Grunkle Stan got a tracker on his leg.
"My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!"
- "It's funny because marriage is terrible."
- Even better because the guy he told the joke to was about to propose to his girlfriend.
Stan yelling boo after he hears a kid say to his grandfather that he loves him.
Stan trying to convince the kids to stay and fish with him instead of going off with Soos.
Stan: Okay, you kids can either waste your time on some epic monster finding adventure or you can stay here and learn how to tie knots with your great uncle Stan.
*Mabel and Dipper look to the side where Soos is doing The Robot dance, then back to Stan, who's wiggling his eyebrows invitingly while sitting in his leaking disaster of a rowboat while off-key banjo music plays in the background*
After Mabel and Dipper run off to look for the Gobblewonker with Soos, we get this scene with Stan.
Stan: INGRATES! Fine, I don't need them, I got this box full of unsettling fishing lures!
(A Gross-Up Close-Up on the creepy fishing lures in the bait box)
Stan: Ugh! (slams the lid shut)
The ending montage of photos showing the Pines and Soos spending the rest of the day together on the lake, which ends with Stan stealing a fish from another boat and the group fleeing from the lake police.

Headhunters

Wax Coolio. Bonus points for the fact that he's voiced by the real Coolio.
Wax Coolio: Wassup Holmes.
"It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!" Apparently he scares Dipper and Mabel more than the thought of a talking wax statue.
- Later Stan is freaked out by the wax figure of him. Possibly because it has been a while since he saw someone who looked like him.
Grunkle Stan calling wax Larry King "some kind of goblin man".
Mabel's wax statue ideas which include a half-princess half-horse-fairy-princess.
Dipper: Maybe you should carve something from real life.
Mabel: Like a waffle with big arms!
Dipper: Yyy-okay, or something else.
Grunkle Stan's reaction to melted wax Abe Lincoln.
Grunkle Stan: Who left the blinds open?! Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!
"Why's your sister talking to the ceiling?"
Soos agreeing that wax Grunkle Stan needs more glitter and throwing an entire bucket of glitter on it.
Soos directing cars with corndogs. He even takes a bite.
Dipper can't believe that so many people showed up to the wax museum reopening and Wendy thinks that Grunkle Stan must have bribed them. Cue the both of them pulling out the bribe money that Grunkle Stan gave them.
- Soon it transpires that Stan included an offer of free pizza with admission on his flyers for the event. "That was a typo. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!" Stan flees with the money, and the crowd riots, during which Manly Dan punches a wooden pole so hard it cracks.
  Mabel: I think that went well.
- When the ceremony comes crashing down and the townsfolk leave in disgust and anger, an obese man is seen wearing a shirt that says “Free Pizza”, and sadly sighs and walks away. He was so excited for free pizza, only for it to slip away. Later, when he’s checked on the suspect list, he excitedly wiggles his fingers, clearly expecting some pizza at last, only for Dipper and Mabel to leave him empty handed again. They also listed him as “That Fat Guy”. One must imagine they figured that he might’ve been the culprit out of revenge.
"But enough about me. Behold, me!"
After this, Soos presses sounds on his sound effects piano. The sounds heard are a fanfare and “yeah-yah, yyyeah-yah”
"I made this statue with my own two hands. It’s covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids."
"Well Ducktective, it looks like you've really... quacked the case!" Cue the duck quacking, "Don't patronize me."
"It could be months before we find our first clue." "Look, a clue!"
Dipper shows Soos the evidence at the crime scene, an axe.
Dipper: So what do you think?
Soos: In my opinion, this is an axe.
The whole scene at Skull Fracture:
- "Sorry, we don't serve miners."
- And the twins' fake IDs, which give their names as "Lady Mabelton" and "Lord Dippingsauce" and have googly eyes, stickers, and macaroni on them. Closer inspection reveals that Dipper is trying to pass for 45.
  Bouncer: Works for me.
- Mabel walking past an unconscious bar patron, and cheerfully saying to herself "He's resting!"
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland calling Dipper "city boy".
Dipper sneezing while angrily trying to show that he's not adorable.
Mabel: Aww, you sneeze like a kitten!
(Dipper makes a disapproving grumpy face)
"This seems like the kind of thing a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing... Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE MEEE!!"
"So you're a rat, tell me about that."
Dipper interrogating Manly Dan:
Dipper: Manly Dan, where were you last night?
Manly Dan: Punchin' the clock!
Dipper: You were at work?
Manly Dan: No, I was PUNCHIN' THAT CLOCK!
(Cut to Dipper seeing a dented clock outside)
Old Man McGucket waving to Dipper and Mabel... with a baby alligator stuck to his right hand.
"You have the right to remain impressed with our awesome detective work."
Toby Determined: "You knees must be sore... from jumping to conclusions! Ha cha cha!"
- "Boy, I'd be really embarrassed if I was you two!" Said while the tape of Toby making out with a cardboard cutout of Shandra Jimenez is playing in the background.
- Blubs is clearly visibly disturbed by Toby's antics.
  Blubs: You're off the hook, Toby... you freak of nature.
  Toby: Hooray!
"Llamas are nature's greatest warriors!"
"I'm Sherlock bleedin' Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass?! It's ENORMOUS!"
"I decapitated Larry King!"
What happens when Dipper cuts a wax Groucho Marx statue in half?
"I heard about cutting remarks, but this is ridiculous!"
- "Hey, why is there nothing in my hand?"
"I couldn't have done it without my sidekick!" "No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick."
The hilarious quadruple hot coffee Spit Take between Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland after Dipper tells them he's solved the case.
Grunkle Stan: They got scalded!
- "I'm so confident you're going to say no, that I'm going to take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee..."
How Stan got the wax statues.
Salesman: I must warn you, these statues come at a terrible price.
Stan: Twenty dollars?! I'll just take 'em when you're not lookin'.
Salesman: What?
Stan: I said I was gonna rob ya'.
Mabel and Shakespeare's head.
Mabel: You know any limericks?
Shakespeare: Um... There once was a dude from Kentucky...
Mabel: Nope! (throws him in the fire)
Grunkle Stan's funeral for his own wax dummy. Not quite as funny after the events of "A Tale of Two Stans", but...
Stan: Some might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax dummy of himself...
Soos: THEY'RE WRONG!
When the wax figures gang up on Dipper and Mabel.
Wax Sherlock: Applaud everyone, applaud sarcastically. (everyone claps) Uhhh, no, that sounds too sincere, slower. (claps slower) There we go, nice and condescending.
Dipper was able to tell that Mabel had eaten an entire tube of toothpaste.
Mabel: It was so sparkly...
Grunkle Stan: Ladies, please! Control yourselves. (Cut to some women looking very bored)
At the wax museum re-opening, this exchange;
Toby: Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Does this really constitute as a wonder of the world?
Stan: Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby.
Toby: (dejected) It certainly is.
Stan: Next question!
In the flashback, wax Larry King is playing with wax Coolio's hair.
Wax Coolio: I told you to stop that.
Wax Larry King: Make me.
Mabel attempting to "fit in" at the Skull Fracture bar.
Mabel: (sits down next to mean looking guy) Greetings, fellow restaurant patron. (taps him on the arm) Bap!
- Upon cutting back, it turns out Mabel and the guy have not only hit it off, the guy's avidly watching Mabel predict his future with an origami fortune teller.
At the end of the episode, when Wax Sherlock Holmes melts to his death, his last words are: “the agents were right, you’re adorable”. Dipper then says a plain ‘ew’ in response to seeing the melted wax figure.

The Hand That Rocks the Mabel

"The tiger was badly injured in the explosion. We repaired him, with a fist!"
Mabel giving a Scooby Doo-sounding "Aroo?" in reaction to Gideon's ad, complete with Quizzical Tilt.
Slow down the thing that appears after Gideon's commercial. At the end you'll see "Carla, I've always loved you but I've never had the guts to say it."
Stan talking about how everything got worse after Gideon's arrival, using Gideon stealing a parking space from right under Stan's nose. What really makes this joke however is the fact that Stan actually wouldn't have been allowed to park in the space because he was coming from the wrong side.
Stan says he doesn't want anyone in the Mystery Shack stepping under the roof of the Tent of Telepathy. Dipper points out tents don't have roofs, giving himself, Mabel, and Soos an excuse to go see Gideon's show.
Mabel: Looks like we found the loophole... (holds up a loop of string) Literally! Womp womp!
Dipper referring to Gideon's tent as a bizarro version of the Mystery Shack right down to having its own version of Soos, who's named "Deuce". Soos and his doppelganger then give each other a Death Glare.
Dipper says he wants to see what this "monster" (in Stan's words) looks like. The dramatic music swells as a towering shadow appears on the curtains... which part, to reveal a pudgy little boy in an adorable suit and cape, with a white pompadour hair almost as tall as he is.
Gideon showing off his alleged psychic abilities by telling that an old woman surrounded by cats wishes her son would call more, and that Scheriff Blubs, who's covered in Gideon merchandise, has visited the Tent of Telepathy before. Ironically, Gideon actually does have psychic powers, thanks to the bolo tie he wears, but they're telekinetic, not telepathic.
This bit during the show:
Gideon: I'll read your mind if I'm able/something tells me your name's Mabel!
Mabel: [wearing a sweater with her name stiched on] How did he do that?
The morning after the show at the Tent of Telepathy:
Mabel: Check it out, Dipper! I successfully bezazzled my face! ... Blink! Ow.
Dipper: Is that permanent?
Mabel: I'm unappreciated in my time.
Mabel defends her friendship with Gideon as giving her someone to do "girly stuff" with.
Mabel: You never want to do girly stuff with me! You and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time.
Dipper: What do you mean?
Soos: Hey dude, you ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave one by one?
Dipper: ''Am'' I?! [runs off with Soos]
Gideon continuously tries to stroke Mabel's hair and she gets slightly creeped out because of it as she pushes his hand away.
- When he tells her he's speaking from the heart Mabel asks in confusion, "From the where now?"
Dipper tries to tell Mabel that going out on a date with Gideon in order to let him down easy won't work.
Dipper: Mabel, guys don't work that way. He's gonna fall in love with you.
Mabel: [scoffs] Yeah right. I'm not that lovable. (Shoots Dipper in the game) Kaboom! Yes!
Dipper: Okay, we agree on something here.
This scene in the restaurant during Mabel and Gideon's date.
Mabel: And water with bubbles in it! So fancy. Ooh la la, oui oui!
Gideon: Oh, parlez vous français? ^*You speak French?
Mabel: (Beat) I have no idea what you're saying.
Soos wondering what the Portmanteau Couple Name for Gideon and Mabel will be.
Soos: "Mabideon? Gideable?" (gasps) Magidbeleon!
When Stan storms out, Soos thinks he pulled a case of The Exit Is That Way.
Soos: Dude, wouldn't it be funny if that was a closet, and he had to come back out again and go out the real door? (Opens door) Nope. Real door.
When Stan finds out about Mabel and Gideon’s relationship, he rushes over to Gideon’s house. He drives past it then reverses his car.
PARDON THIS GARDEN
"I will pardon NOTHING!"
Bud Gleeful offering Stan coffee.
Bud: It's imported from Colombia.
Grunkle Stan: Wow. I went to jail there once.
Stan declares that he's against Mabel going out with Gideon and he expresses it by pushing a cushion off of the couch.
As Bud tells Stan that they could mend their relationship and reap profits from it. There's a sound of a cash register opening coming from Stan, and he closes the register he was leaning on.
- Bud takes down a picture of Stan he has on a dartboard.
The scene in the restaurant when Gideon asks Mabel on another date, and the patrons crowd them.
- First, Gideon gets a parrot to convey a message to Mabel:
  Mabel! Will! You! Accompany! Gideon! To! The ballroom! Dance! This Thurpday--Thursday!
- Then, the patrons start to crowd the two, commenting on how adorable the two are, anticipating Mabel's response, so anxious that if she says no, one old lady would die from sadness! Finally, made even better by a doctor apparently confirming that.
  Old Lady: If she says no, I'll die from sadness!
  Doctor: I can verify that will indeed happen.
"How'd it go?" "I dunno, I have a lobster now."
- When Dipper asks again that the relationship with Gideon was over she yells out "BLARGH!" in frustration.
Apparently, Mabel likes Gideon as a "friend slash little sister."
When Mabel is freaking out over how Gideon keeps pulling her into the romance zone ("It was like quicksand! Chubby quicksand!") Dipper tries to comfort her;
Dipper: It's not like you're gonna have to marry Gideon.
Stan: (Wearing a Team Gideon T-shirt) Great news, Mabel! You have to marry Gideon!
Mabel: What?!
Stan: It's all part of my long-term deal with Bud Gleeful. There's big money tied up in this thing. Plus I got this shirt! Ugh, I am fat.
Mabel: Aaah! (Flees)
Stan: Bodies change, honey! Bodies change...
This exchange between Mabel and Dipper:
Dipper: Mabel?
Mabel: (sitting in the corner with her head and arms inside her sweater) Mabel's not here. She's in Sweater Town.
Bud Gleeful's nonchalant reaction to one of Lil' Gideon's rages.
Gideon: I CAN BUY AND SELL YOU OLD MAN!
Bud: (Beat) Fair enough.
Dipper and Gideon sissy slapping each other◊.
Dipper and Gideon fight each other using random Lil' Gideon merchandise... including a baseball bat labeled "Lil' Gideon Blunt Object" and "Lil' Gideon Lamb Shears".
Grunkle Stan's reaction to Gideon's Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness.
Grunkle Stan: Whaddaya got, a word-a-day calendar or something?
Grunkle Stan stealing the clown painting.
Grunkle Stan: Try and catch me, suckers!
Mabel bedazzling Soos and turning him into a human disco ball during the end credits.
- Grunkle Stan's reaction to said Soos bedazzling.
  Stan: (Beat) You're all fired.

The Inconveniencing

"Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?" "I believe you're a big dork!"
- Cue Dipper nonchalantly knocking Mabel from the top of the spinning globe with a completely deadpan expression on his face.
The responses Grunkle Stan gets when he asks if Soos and Wendy are going to wash the bathrooms.
Soos: Yes, sir!
Wendy: Absolutely not!
The last joke before the opening:
Dipper: Later, Wendy! [chuckles nervously] Ah, good times.
Mabel: Uh-oh.
Dipper: What?
Mabel: Somebody's in love!
Dipper: Yeah, right. I just think Wendy's cool, okay? It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about her!
Gilligan Cut to that night, when he's doing exactly that.
Dipper: Uh oh.
"Random dance party for no reason!"
When Dipper pretends to write something down, he actually writes "I am pretending to write something down." Then he gives an approving nod.
The whole scene where Mabel spills the embarrassing details about Dipper being dressed up in a lamb costume and being made to do "The Lamby Dance".
Dipper: Now is not the time to talk about the Lamby Dance!
- And then later, he's actually forced to do the Lamby Dance...
  Dipper: Weeeeeell, who wants a lamby-lamby-lamby?
  I do, I do!
  So go up and greet your mammy-mammy-mammy
  Hi there, hi there!
  So march, march, march around the daisies!
  Don't, don't, don't you forget about the baaaaaaabyyyy! (Wink "Ding!")
  - Also hilarious in Japanese.
- It's made even funnier by the fact that Dipper obviously didn't want Wendy to know about the dance. When she finally sees it, she's grinning in the background like it's the cutest thing she's ever seen.
- Jason Ritter makes it so funny you can almost hear Dipper dying inside while singing it.
- "That was some fine girly dancin', boy."
- Right before he has to do the dance:
  Dipper: I do know...the Lamby-Lamby Dance...but uh, but I can't really do it without a lamb costume.
  (Pa snaps his fingers, and suddenly Dipper's in a lamb costume.)
  Dipper: Oh. Well. There it is.
"How old did you guys say you were?" "We're thirteen. So, technically a teen!"
- Then there's Mabel wondering why they're suddenly a year older.
  Mabel: Since when are we thirteen? Is this a leap year?
Dipper flipping Mabel's hair over her face, and Mabel's subsequent sputtering.
Stan's laziness leaves him trapped on the couch without the remote just as a particularly boring movie came on the TV.
Grunkle Stan: Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!
TV: You're watching the Black and White Period Piece Old Lady Boring Movie Channel [...] Stay tuned for the Friday night movie: The Duchess Approves, starring Sturley Stempleburgiss as the Duchess, and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as the irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire.
Grunkle Stan: KIDS!
(The Duchess Approves; Gowns by Pepi)
Grunkle Stan: NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
- Funnier when you see him with a pint of ice cream during a later scene - he had to get up to get that.
Mabel's Mushroom Samba after eating bleventeen packages of Smile Dip.
Mabel: (riding a flying dolphin with human arms) The future... is in the past! Onwards, Aoshima!
Grunkle Stan getting totally into the black-and-white Duchess movie... to the point where he throws the TV out the window out of frustration at one of the plotlines.
Duchess in the movie: I may be a duchess, but I'm also a woman!
Grunkle Stan: Yeah! In your face, Elizabeth! (sobbing) It's just like my life! In a way.
(Later)
Grunkle Stan: COUNT LIONEL?! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?!?
Count Lionel: I've come to reclaim my bride!
Grunkle Stan: YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AT THE COTILLION, YOU!
Character in the movie: You had your chance at the cotillion, you!
Grunkle Stan: That's what I'm saying!
"Did you just lick my hand?"
The incredibly tame rap song, and the fact that it was enough to give the store owners fatal heart attacks.
- Not to mention how serious the expressions were on the dancers.
Rapper: Homework's whack and so are rules! Tucking in your shirt's for fools!
Ma and Pa: NOOOOOOOOOO! (drop dead of massive heart attacks)
"I'm the guy who spray-painted the water tower." "Oh, the big muffin." "Um, it's a giant explosion!"
- "Kinda does look like a muffin."
"Look! Dancy Pants Revolution, the game that tricks you into exercising!"
- "You're a dance machine!" "No, YOU'RE a dance machine!"
This scene, which leads to the picture seen above:
Wendy: You're surprisingly mature for your age.
Dipper: Yes. Yes I am. (tries to eat his ice cream without looking at it, ends up hitting it against the side of his face instead)
"I'm bonkers for eating you alive!"
Dipper performs the Lamby Lamby Dance for Ma and Pa to get them to release everyone. Halfway through, Pa demonically demands more, like he is asking for blood rather than a cute dance.

Dipper vs. Manliness

We're hungry!◊
The Manliness Tester, an old Test Your Strength game in Lazy Susans diner, which has been modified to award the victor a free pancake meal. Eager to prove his manhood, Dipper tries... and promtly winds up with the lowest possible score - "Cutie Patootie". To add insult to injury, Manly Dan tries next, tears the machine's arm off, and distributes the pancakes to all the diner patrons.
The Cute Biker (Tyler) in the Mystery Shack, trying to decide between two very similar shirts. "Do you have this in another animal?"
Stan: I'm fine with locking him in if you are.
Tyler: (While the Pines are driving off) Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt... Panther shirt.
- Stan tries to sell the Cute Biker some "magic crystals".
Tyler: Those look like broken glass.
Stan: What are you, a cop?
Dipper showing off his (non-existent) chest hair, when his chest is apparently so bald and pale the gleam from it nearly blinds Mabel and Grunkle Stan.
Dipper dancing in the bathroom to ABBA, or BABBA as they're called here.
Dipper: DON'T COME IN DON'T COME IN!
- The scene's dialogue is extended in the official "Disco Girl" song.
Stan: ...I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?
Dipper: No no no, I-I ju- I had a thing and then I-I heard-
Stan: It sounded like the entire Seventies was happening in here.
Dipper: Well, I- It was a ghost. You heard a ghost.
Stan: ...I heard a ghost singing top 40 hits?
Dipper: Yeah, yeah, it must be a ghost from that, uh, era, because who else would sing a song from then?
Stan: (Beat) Welp, you're a child wearing a towel, so I'll leave.
What Dipper says as he approaches the manliness tester.
Dipper: ... time to manhandle this...man...handle.
Grunkle Stan gushing over Lazy Susan
Stan: I mean, look at her! She's so classy...
(Cut to Lazy Susan, pounding on the dessert display case)
Lazy Susan: Spin, ya dumb pies, spin!
Soos: (dressed as Lazy Susan) "I'm soft, like a woman."
In a desperate attempt at gaining some muscle, Dipper is doing bench presses in the woods, using a stick with no weights on it. Unsurprisingly, this has limited success.
"I smell (sniff) emotional issues!"
Testosteror's reaction to Dipper saying the Manotaurs aren't manly enough for the challenge of training him: "I have 3 Y Chromosomes, 6 Adam's Apples, pecs on my abs, and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!"
"Keep on shaving that hairy uncle!"
- During that part, Mabel shaves off about a quarter of Stan's Carpet of Virility. Not only does it grow back in a second, but when she tries to shave it all, his chest hair regrows so fast that the hair Mabel shaves off covers the room in the space of a couple seconds.
- "Uh...I don't really know what's happening in this part..."
When Dipper is ready to take on his final trial of his manliness training, he's introduced to the leader of the manotaurs, Leaderaur and an elderly manotaur comes out, leading Dipper to think he's their leader, only to be eaten by the real Leaderaur (a jet-black behemoth who towers over all the other manotaurs).
Chutzpah: Behold our leader, Leaderaur!
(Elderly manotaur comes walking towards the group)
Dipper: Is he the oldest, or wisest or?
Elderly manotaur: Greetings young- (Gets eaten) Aaaah!
Chutzpah: Nah, he's just the offering. (points) That is Leaderaur.
After all that coaching from Mabel, Stan somehow ends up worse than he started, looking even more slovenly, missing one of his slippers, and has a q-tip sticking out of his ear.
Stan: Can I scratch myself now?
Mabel: No! No no no! Is that throw-up on your shirt!?
Stan: ...I don't know how to answer that.
Mabel's reasoning to Lazy Susan on why she should date Stan.
Mabel: Also women live longer so your dating pool is smaller and you should really lower your standards.
The credits gag where Lazy Susan calls Stan (implied to be not for the first time) and has all her cats say hello to him. Stan is clearly starting to have second thoughts about having asked her out.
Stan: How do I get out of this!?
After Dipper gets his first chest hair, Mabel yanks it off and scrapbooks it.
The ending:
Stan: Don't worry kid. If you're like me, there's more where that came from!
Rips off his shirt
Dipper: Aw gross!
Everybody Laughs
Dipper: Seriously, that's disgusting.
Don't forget this:
Woman: *bumped into by Dipper* Oh, I'm sorry. I was just looking for the mailman.
Dipper: Oh, what? Are you saying I'm not a male man? Is that what you're trying to say? I'm not male, I'm- I'm not a man? Is that- is that what you're getting at?
Woman: Are you crying?
*Dipper begins to sob and runs away*
Mabel tries to make Grunkle Stan smile. Seeing it makes Soos run screaming.
The Pain Hole! Dipper is required to stick his hand into it as part of his training, and even the Manotaurs can't stand it for more than a few seconds. Cue Dipper's high-pitched scream echoing out across the mountains.
There's apparently been a rash of fire hydrants being broken under mysterious circumstances throughout Gravity Falls. Turns out the Manotaurs have been using them as drinking fountains, and Dipper has to as well as part of his manliness training. While this method of hydration might be fine for the brawny Manotaurs, the high-pressure water just sends poor Dipper flying when he tries.

Double Dipper

"The kids in this town want fun? I'll SMOTHER them with fun!''
Dipper: Maybe it's saying stuff like that that makes kids not want to come to the Mystery Shack?
"Soos, because you work for free, and you begged, I'm letting you be DJ."
Soos: Don't worry, Mr Pines! I got this book that teaches me to DJ Ri-ri-right!
Stan: *beat* Not encouraging.
"Do you realize what this means?... BLARGGGGH!"
"Alright, party people. And Dipper."
"Woah!... I have a really big head."
Soos and the laser pointer.
Soos: I am so glad I turned my head. That dot did not disappoint.
- And a little later:
  Tyrone: Number Ten has been distracting Soos for fifteen minutes. He's gonna get tired of that dot eventually!
  Soos (off-camera): Never!
Not only is Stan charging an entry fee, he's also charging an exit fee!
"We've only got $13! We're trapped!"
Dipper's jealousy fantasy in which Wendy dances with Robbie, taking a break to punch Dipper in the stomach for good measure.
- "Hey, buddy, it's me — you. I just had the same jealousy fantasy."
- His original fantasy was also hilarious as well, with Wendy swooning over his organizational skills... and the fact he's the same height as her.
- "Show me the list again!"
- Not to mention Soos playing the trumpet in the background.
- "Let's get married tonight!"
- "Oh no! They're sitting on the couch!"
- Not to mention the breathy voice Wendy speaks with in the fantasies- completely unlike how she normally talks.
Dipper's clones lock him (the original Dipper) in a closet... but they make sure that there are snacks and a coloring book for him so he's comfortable.
- Crowned by Dipper's defiant, "I'm taking a break but this is far from over" expression while eating said snack.
- "Hey guys, what would you do if you were trapped in a closet?" "Break out." *cut to the broken-opened closet door*
One of the Dippers hanging a dollar bill in front of Grunkle Stan off a fishhook as Stan is loading his plate with marshmallows. Stan looks at the bill, says "Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna fall for that," and resumes putting marshmallows on his plate. Then he dives for the bill, knocking over the whole refreshments table, and goes on to shout "Give me that floating money!" whilst chasing the bill.
Tyrone (the first Dipper clone) trying to feed Paper Jam Dipper. Scary, but also oddly heartwarming, and funny all the while.
- Paper Jam Dipper in general was pretty funny to begin with. When all the Dipper clones start arguing about who should dance with Wendy, he wanted to get in on the argument. And the one translated line at the end.
  Paper Jam Dipper: NYANYANYANYANYANYANYAKKKKKKKKK! (It's better this way for Paper Jam Dipper.)
Soos finally found the lightning sound effect.
Mabel singing "Don't Start Unbelieving".
- "I'm gonna do a flip!" *smacks face on floor* "That was for you guys!"
Soos being the DJ.
Soos: Alright everybody, remember who... Party Hardies, what?
Soos: The energy! It's electric! Uh, lightning! Lightning, lightning, lightning... (Soos pushes buttons on a soundboard, and sounds of a duck, a dog and Grunkle Stan going YEAH! play in order)
Grenda's voice.
Pacifica: Oh, and Grenda, you sound like a professional wrestler.
Grenda: I WANNA PUT HER IN A HEADLOCK AND MAKE HER FEEL PAIN!
Dipper's clones stealing Robbie's bike was both hilarious and awesome.
Soos: Would the owner of a silver and red dirt bike please report outside? It is being stolen right now.
Robbie: *Sitting calmly on the couch* WHAT?!
Apparently, Tyrone knows what "number 2" REALLY means.
Dipper: I shall call you "Number 2"!
Tyrone: Definitely not.
This exchange:
Dipper: So... what's your favorite snack food?
Wendy: No way, I can't just pick one.
Dipper: Mine too!
Wendy: Wait, what?
Dipper: Uhh... Um... *stuffs a handful of popcorn in his mouth*
Grunkle Stan asks Dipper to print flyers for his party.
Mabel: Oh boy, a trip to the copier store!
Soos: "Calenders, mugs, T-shirts and more! They got it all at the copier store!" That's not their slogan, I just really feel that way about the copier store.
"CLONE FIGHT!"
The Dipper clones' understated reaction to getting caught under the sprinklers and melting away.
Aw, boo! Lame! This stinks...
When Dipper tries to convince the other clones to stop fighting, they consider that idea and begins to chat with each other. Then Dipper just punches Tyrone, just like that! The immediate silence and then the clones proceeding to fight is just priceless.
Dipper 5: Quit hitting myself! Quit hitting myself!
- When the clones catch Dipper attempting to escape, he tries to claim he's Number 7. The clones then proceed to turn to the real Number 7^notecurrently in a choke-hold on the floor to confirm.
  Number 7: That's not me, guys! That's not me!
It's pretty funny, and says a lot about how simultaeneously selfless and neurotic Dipper is that the reason that his clones rebel against him is not that he gets to dance with Wendy and they don't...but because he disparaged the list.

Irrational Treasure

"They've circled the wagons! We're trapped!"
The Bait-and-Switch with the pane of dirty glass briefly making the episode look sepia-toned.
Poor Toby Determined getting on Stan's bad side during Pioneer Day.
Toby: Welcome to 1863!
Stan: I will break you, little man!
This little bit:
Stan: Just remember: If you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me.
Dipper: (in pioneerish voice) There's a carpet-bagger in the turnip cellar!
Mabel: (in pioneerish voice) Well, hornswoggle my haversack!
[both spit on the ground, then run off laughing]
Stan: DEAD TO ME!!!
Blubs and Durland letting some poor lady get mugged while she's literally standing right in front of them.
- And then, when Mabel tries to hype up the crowd, we get the first appearance of the Guy in the American Flag Hat, who is eagerly chanting "USA!" along with everyone else while crying Tears of Joy.
"Come on, Steve you're a mechanic! Cut me some slack!
- The officers then come in the scene.
  Stan: Oh look, "the constable". What are you gonna do, throw me in "ye stocks"? Ahahaha!
  (cut to Stan in the stocks)
  Stan: Awww, come on!
Gideon "dropping" his tomatoes. On Stan's face.
Gideon: Whoops, I dropped one! *SPLAT* Whoops, I dropped another one! *SPLAT*
McGucket hanging out with some children at the library:
McGucket: In the olden days, pioneers drew sustenance from reading stories around the fire. So let's eat some books! Come on children, eat the books! (starts munching on the book he's holding)
invoked The mere fact that Dipper somehow gets the idea to light the encoded parchment on fire (one of the shapes on the paper is a triangle, the alchemic symbol for flame), only being narrowly stopped from doing so by Mabel inadvertently folding it into a paper hat.
Dipper: Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map! (Beat, gives an awkward side-look at the candle he's holding) ...And I was gonna burn it.
After the folded map leads Dipper and Mabel to the "Gravity Falls Museum of History":
Dipper: We're going to have to break in. (dramatic music)
(cut)
Pioneer Day Lady: Annnd those are your free Pioneer Day passes. And your balloons, blue and pink!
Dipper: (dramatic music) We're in.
- It's worth noting that this entire time, Dipper's Determined Expression doesn't change a single iota.
"What are we gonna do next? Steal Thomas Jefferson's rib cage?" "Ew, no."
"Hey painting, be less stupid!"
- And then, after both Dipper and Mabel right themselves after sitting upside down looking at the "abstract" painting, they then both moan in pain clutching their heads and stumble around for a bit.
After Dipper and Mabel find the second clue:
Dipper: We have to figure this one out quick. I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books.
Mabel: I don't think the one with the bell can read.
When the cops show up at the museum:
Pioneer Day Lady: I'm sorry but we're all out of pink balloons.
Deputy Durland: (in the most dejected voice possible) Why did we even come?
The man married to the woodpecker.
Man: For the last time we're not going south for the winter, our home is here! (woodpecker pecks on the table) You always say that!
When Pacifica asks Stan to write down that the Northwests are the greatest family in Gravity Falls, Stan instead writes "You Stink." Also counts as an awesome moment considering that he was able to write so legibly with his mouth.
The top-secret document:
Let it here be recorded... Nathaniel Northwest, famous in his native Gravity Falls for standing in the park and hitting himself with a large boating oar until he blacked out, was chosen to become the patsy mayor of Gravity Falls. Northwest spoke in a series of grunts and screams and often yelled his trademark phrase: "I am going to eat this entire oak tree because I am a powerful wizard!"
The fabled founder of Gravity Falls was, in fact a fraud. His last moments on Earth were spent choking on a giant piece of bark, attempting to live out his beautiful dream. He was hated by everyone that knew him. He will not be missed.
Thomas Jefferson was actually just two kids in an overcoat standing on each others shoulders. The current and forever President of the United States is actually Santa Claus. Under the reign of Mr. Claus, America is not a democracy, but a jollyocracy. The statues at Mount Rushmore are actually gigantic presidential-faced robots that will be called into action when America needs them the most. An enormous, evil, time-traveling baby from another dimension is frozen in an Antarctic glacier. Fortunately, glaciers never melt, so we should be fine. Writing jokes for cartoons is more important than sleep. If you recite the Pledge of Allegiance backwards, you'll gain secret wizard powers! (This one is true kids! Try it at home!)
The true founder of Gravity Falls is: Sir Lord Quentin Trembley III, Esq.
Absolutely everything involving Quentin Trembley. To say the man is a walking laugh dispenser by his mere presence would be a massive Understatement.
- Trembley won the 1840 Presidential election in a landslide... literally, as every other candidate, presumably including the incumbent Martin Van Buren, were buried in a landslide, leaving Trembley the new President by default. During his brief Presidency, he waged war on pancakes, issued the Depantsification Proclamation, and nominated four babies to the Supreme Court.
- "The only thing we have to fear is gigantic man-eating spiders!"
- "Wood! My age old enemy..."
- On hatching an escape plan from the crate they're locked in, Mable points out an incredibly small hole. Quentin Trembley says they will leap through it, which he and Mable try and fail at but end up triggering a series of events that causes the crate to fall apart and free them anyway.
  Trembley: Well, we didn't fit through the hole. Let's rebuild the box and try again.
- Dipper asking Quentin Trembley if he ever signed an official resignation:
  Trembley: (completely straightfaced) No sir! I ate a salamander and jumped out the window!
- Trembley casually shrugging off getting hit by a metal sign while on top of a speeding train.
- "And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk."
- And later, when Mabel starts to brag about uncovering a Government Conspiracy to Pacifica:
  Pacifica: What? Who is that idiot?
  (cut to Trembley in a boxer's stance chasing an angry bald eagle)
  Trembley: Put up your dukes, you bald fiend!
- Finally, there's Trembley's last scene with the Pines twins:
  Trembley: Children, I am needed elsewhere! But I will always be right here... (motions as if he's going to point to Dipper's heart only to instead hand Dipper a dollar bill) On the negative twelve dollar bill!
  Dipper: invoked (looks at the dollar bill in amazement) Whoa! This is worthless!
  Trembley: (proudly) It's less than worthless, my dear boy! TREMBLEY, AWAY!! (jumps back onto a horse and rides out of town into the sunset)
  - He also called Dipper "Rodderick" for some reason.
Once Trembley makes Mabel a Congressman:
Mabel: I'm legalizing everything!
Dipper's lesson on revenge at the end.
Dipper: (cheerfully) Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!
At the end of the episode, Mabel shouts "Mabel away!" then jumps backwards like what Quentin did earlier, before crashing into several trash cans offscreen.
Mabel: I'm okay!
This exchange from The Stinger:
Trembley: Who could you possibly get to replace me?
Baby Supreme Court Justice: Mama.
Trembley: That old crone?!
- And as all of the Supreme Court Babies start crying, a disgusted Trembley can only mutter "This is a dark day for America."
A very big one comes into play if you know your American history: Quentin Trembley was such an embarrassment to the U.S. presidency, that he was replaced by William Henry Harrison. If you didn't know, he was the President most famous for dying a month after being inaugurated^note.

The Time Traveler's Pig

The very opening line. You gotta love how proud Stan is of his cheapness.
Stan: There she is, Mabel! The cheapest fair money can rent. I spared every expense.
Dipper warns Mabel not to change history in the pioneer days. However, Mabel is Waddles-less and having absolutely none of it.
Mabel: [hands a kid a calculator] Check it out! A magic button machine! Shoes that blink! [to a pioneer woman] Hey, sister, guess who gets to vote in the future? Ladies! Up top! [high fives her] That's called a high five. Teach it to your friends.
- This gets even funnier with Gravity Falls: Journal 3; The timeline of Gravity Falls lists the pioneer woman as the inventor of the high five, at least a hundred years earlier than it happened in our timeline. Blendin's going to get an earful for that one...
- The wagon master is completely unsurprised that his wife (apparently named Fertilia)) has given birth to two new children... with said children being 12 years old, which doesn't seem to surprise either of them. Children might have had to grow up fast during the Frontier era, but it usually wasn't that literal.
Fertilia: It seems I have! Four more hands to work the tallow!
When Dipper and Mabel get their hands on Blendin Blandin's time-travel measuring tape.
Dipper: Here it is Mabel. Our ticket to any moment in history.
Mabel: Let's get two dodos and force them to make out!
"OH MY GOSH A PIG!"
Apparently, if one were to rub his or her face with Waddles's, everything turns different.
Mabel: Everything is different now.
Stan goes around inspecting the equipment and asks where Dipper is.
Dipper: I think the sky tram is broken. Also, most of my bones.
Stan: Haha! This guy.
Robbie is looking for Wendy.
Dipper: Yeah, I think I saw her at the bottomless pit. You should go jump in there.
Robbie: Maybe I will, smart guy!
- Which becomes Hilarious in Hindsight later in the season after it's revealed that the Bottomless Pit just loops right back to the top.
Dipper and Mabel on Robbie:
Mabel: He is such a jerk.
Dipper: Yeah, but he's a jerk with tight pants and a guitar.
Mabel manages to win Farmer Sprott's "guess the pig's weight" game.
Sprott: Ah, 'ol Fifteen Poundy! Alright, how much ya guessin' he weighs?
Mabel: ...Um, fifteen pounds?
Sprott: (dead serious) Are you some kind of witch?
When Dipper confronts Blendin about his suspicious behavior.
Dipper: Hey you, Toolbelt! You ruined my life!
Blendin: Huh?
Dipper: Don't "huh" me, I've seen you before! What's your deal, are you following us around?
Mabel: And why are you bald, what's that all about?
"Memory wipe!" "This is a baby wipe."
"Like a hawk!"
During the first "do-over"...
Mabel: Fifteen pounds! And yes, I am a witch!
Sprott: (cheerily lights a torch) Well, time to round up a mob!
- And the mob actually shows up when Mabel and Dipper go back in time again.
Dipper and Mabel eventually time travel to a future where society has crumbled, and there are people in bullet proof vests shooting at a giant killer floating baby who's destroying buildings and highways.
Mabel: This future's neat.
(Dipper grabs the time traveling tape and frantically starts pressing buttons)
On one of Dipper's multiple attempts to impress Wendy, he tears open a bag of baseballs that falls on top of Wendy.
Robbie gets scared by Waddles, and knocks over a tub of hot water drenching and shrinking his pants.
Dipper: That'll do, pig. That'll do.
Blendin Blandin catching the twins after all is said and done;
Blendin: Do you know how many rules you just broke!? I'm asking...I wasn't there with you...it was a lot, right?
The time cops who come to arrest Blendin are named Lolph and Dundgren.
When Dipper and Mabel "Go to the end of time".
Dipper: Don't you see?! WE'VE TRANSPORTED TO THE END OF TIME!
Mabel: AHH!
Dipper: AHH!
Mabel: Hey, why does it smell so bad in here?
Dipper opens door to reveal they were in a portable bathroom.
Grunkle Stan's advice concerning whether something is legal or not: "When there's no cops around, anything's legal!"
When Mabel and Waddles the pig first meet.
Waddles: Wurble.
Mabel: He said Mabel! Either that or doorbell. Did you say Mabel, or doorbell?
Waddles: Wurble.
Stan apparently incorporates "Miserable Mabel" into the Mystery Shack tour without batting an eye.
When the twins accidentally activate the time machine during their fighting:
Dipper: When are we?
Mabel: The real question is: when are we! [beat] Oh, wait, did you...
Dipper: Yeah, I already...
Mabel: Because I was gonna...
Dipper: Yeah. Yeah, same thing.
To prove that he really is a time traveler, Blendin Blandin pops out and back, dressed as Henry VIII. "That's right! Fifteen years ago, there used to be a costume store right here!" He then goes to return his costume, and comes back... on fire. "Aah! Pat down, pat down!" According to Word of God, that wasn't a one-time accident; Blendin's set himself on fire so often that it's why he's bald.
The twins attempt to take Blandin's time machine by convincing him to take a break from his work and enjoy some of the rides. But before he can, he needs to remove his belt:
Soos: Uh, sorry, dude, but you're gonna have to take your belt off for the ride. One of your tools might fly off and accidentally fix something.

Fight Fighters

Wendy and Dipper trying to punch the Fight Fighters ref in the beginning of the episode.
The game console Soos climbed in was for a game called Nort. The words on the side of the console? "The game based off the movie based off the game."
- Soos wondered what it would be like to actually go into a video game for real... so he unscrewed the back of the Nort machine and crawled inside, having apparently forgotten that in these kinds of stories, the main character is either turned into energy or downloaded mentally. Instead, the next guy trying to play the game just gets a screen full of a cramped Soos stuck inside the arcade cabinet.
Soos: HELP! I'm trapped in the game! It was cool in theory, but in reality it was really boring!
Rumble McSkirmish looks to be a veritable gold mine of these. His over-the-top, fighting game character mannerisms and pixel-art appearance make him amazingly funny to watch.
- He always shouts whatever he's doing.
- When Dipper tells Rumble to hold perfectly still so Grunkle Stan won't see him, he can't because of his Idle Animation.
  Dipper: I said stay still!
  Rumble: THIS IS AS STILL! AS I CAN STAY!
- BOWL OF PAWNCH!
- When attacking Robbie, he throws barrels down scaffolding, punches out fire hydrants and news stands for powerups before a GO sign appears, telling him to move forwards, and beats the crap out of a new car as a bonus round as a shout out to Final Fight and Street Fighter.
- "THE CHILD GAVE ME A TACO!"
- "HOW CAN YOU LAUGH WHEN YOU KILLED THIS BOY'S FATHER?"
- "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THAT I HAVE PUNCHES!"
- "DOCTOR KARATE, YOU KILLED MY FATHER AGAIN!"
- "WINNERS DON'T LOSE!"
- EFFER-VESCENT! APPLE FRITTER! RIBO-FLAVIN!
- "POOP! POOP AND BUTTS!"
- HA HA HA! YOU FIGHT LIKE A GIRL, WHO IS ALSO A BABY!
- SUPER POWER NINJA TURBO NEO ULTRA HYPER MEGA MULTI ALPHA META EXTRA UBER PREFIX COMBO!
Mabel 'playing with' Rumble's voice is pure gold.
"Now I must defeat the world's greatest Fight Fighters! Take me to the Soviet Union!" "That's gonna be tough. For a number of reasons."
When Dipper decides to tell Rumble the truth, he is seen in a typical video game camera frame, only for it to be revealed that he was holding two pieces of wood around his head.
This exchange:
Dipper: Rumble, I have something to tell you! Robbie didn't kill my father!
Rumble: What? Then who did?
Dipper: Wah? No one!
The joke surrounding Dipper and Robbie hating each other "the way girls do".
After promising Grunkle Stan she won't take him to a high place, she puts on a second sweater with a "Scouts honor" hand symbol on it. After his back is turned, she turns around with a cheeky little grin, revealing to the camera a "crossies" symbol on the back of her shirt, before flipping her hair out from inside her shirt to cover it up. That was brilliant visual gag writing...
"GURL, WHY YOU ACKIN' SO CRAY CRAY?!" Then having that phrase turn out to be the name of the talk show—spelling included.
- Also, Mabel and Stan incorporating "cray cray" into their conversations:
  Stan: So I have a fear of heights. Is that really so cray cray?
"You can hide, but you can't hide!"
"This street has really dangerous litter."
"Studies show that keeping a ladder inside a house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That’s why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!"
When it looks like Stan has conquered his fear of heights: "Wait, lemme do a cocky dance, just to be sure. Hoodlydoo! Boodlydoo! Boodlyboo! Hahahahaha!"
Grunkle Stan playing "Insert Token!," a video "game" only he could appreciate — if only he thought of it first.
Announcer: Congratulations! You win! (beat) Insert token!
While Rumble was chasing Robbie, he comes across an expensive-looking new car that a father had just bought for his son, and beats it up for bonus points.
Son: Oh, my car.
Father: We'll just buy another one!
Son: I love being rich.
Old Man McGucket playing a Dance Dance Revolution-y game called Hoe-down Hero...which isn't working. Or plugged in.
Old Man McGucket: I've been jiggin' for seven days straight!
Mabel: (Holds up unconnected plug) Uh, Soos...
Soos: Let him have this.
This exchange, from near the end:
Robbie: Why is it that whenever you're around, there's always ghosts or monsters or... whatever?!
Dipper: I dunno, man.
At the end of the episode, Dipper and Robbie going from laughing at one of Wendy's jokes; to glaring at each other and making threatening gestures the moment she looks away; then right back to acting like they're friends.
Stan upon seeing Mabel brought him to a high place despite her promise: "Yeah, that was pretty much what I expected."
Soos talking about how dangerous teenagers are; "My cousin Reggie got into a fight with a teen once; the dude broke like all his arms, all his legs, and like totally killed him or something, I don't know. Me and Reggie were just talking about it."
The credits scene, which features pixel-art versions of the Mystery Shack crew in a parody of the character selection screen from Super Mario Bros. 2.
Dipper: I'm Dipper! I have shorts and determination!
Mabel: (in an Italian accent, ala Mario) It's-a me! A-Mabel!
Stan: I'm slower, but I jump higher.
Wendy: Pick me, or whatever.
- Then Soos's giant, disembodied head comes in and eats everyone a la Pac-Man. Then it turns out to be All Just a Dream a napping Soos was having.
  Soos: Alas, 'twas but a dream. (goes back to sleep) Om, nom, nom, eating my friends...

Little Dipper

Stan being visited by a man in a suit:
Man in Suit: Stan Pines?
Stan: The tax collector! You found me! (uses a smokescreen to escape and tries to flee with his money)
When Gideon thinks he's tricked Stan into signing over the Mystery Shack: "The Mystery Shack is hereby signed over to... suck a lemon, little man?!"
- Gideon tries threatening Stan after Stan gets one over on him...and requires the man who helped him with the scam to lift him to Stan's eye level.
C'mere, hun, I need your arms.
In the opening, right after Gideon has finished threatening them and just before the theme song starts playing:
Stan: Wanna see what else is on TV?
Dipper: Yeah, alright.
Mabel: My favorite part's the theme song. (cue theme song)
The endless parade of short jokes at Dipper's expense.
Soos: Dudes, maybe you should lay off a tiny bit.
Stan: Ha! Tiny! Soos is in on it now!
The flawed logic in Dipper's response to Mabel being one millimetre taller than him (i.e 'Nobody uses millimetres. It only makes you taller in Canada.') is pretty funny.
- This is even funnier when you remember that outside of the US, Liberia and Myanmar, everyone uses millimetres, because the metric system is standard in most countries.
- A bit of Fridge Brilliance and Genius Bonus may actually apply here, which, combined with the points above, may actually make the line a quadruple entendre- recall that Dipper wields a swiss army knife twice in this episode, using it flawlessly both times despite presumably having no experience (first to wedge one of the size-altering crystals in half, then with the rope on the flying dollar sign to get away from Gideon). He doesn't ever use it when he isn't trying to get back to the Mystery Shack, meaning it's not really a Chekhov's Gun. The only state that has even more lax pocketknife laws than Oregon is Kentucky; incidentally, that's also the only state to use the metric system in any recognized capacity, with a stretch of the Louisville Highway being measured in kilometers. Given how open Stan is about his exploits overseas and general Persona Non Gratas, could Dipper have been referring to Stan not being banned from that state as a sort of Stealth Insult towards Mabel (and, by extension, Stan?)^noteessentially saying "Why should height matter if I stole this swiss army knife from Stan, which he might as well have gotten in Kentucky given his shyster knowledge of legal loopholes, the one place in the world where I could get a second opinion from a handful of people that might actually think the one mm makes a difference?"
  - What may actually count as a Chekhov's Gun is Dipper not acting surprised about Stan's fake ID's when Ford is revealed (unlike Mabel and Soos), which would be Hilarious in Hindsight since they don't really have any effect on Dipper eventually forgiving him.
The chess game between Dipper and Mabel at the beginning.
Dipper: It's a pawn, that's not your color, and stop stealing the tiny horses.
Mabel: (all of the knight pieces are stuffed in her sweater) They like it better in here. (to the horses) Don't you babies? (makes a horse whinny)
Dipper playing with the grow/shrink crystal.
Dipper: Smaller... (shrinks the pawn piece) ...Bigger... (pawn piece grows and suddenly breaks through the roof) ...Too big!
- Later, the giant pawn is still there. Apparently, Dipper didn't shrink it back because that would leave a huge hole in the roof.
When Mabel thinks Dipper's growth spurt was caused by a wizard.
Mabel: This is some kind of magicky thing isn't it? Was it a wizard or something? There's a wizard in this closet isn't there? Isn't there?
Dipper: What? No!
Mabel: You're telling me there is not a wizard in this closet? You're telling me that if I open this door right now—
Dipper: Fine, open it.
(Mabel opens the closet door to reveal nothing but two shirts and a pair of boots.)
(Beat)
Mabel: An invisible wizard! Really, Dipper?!
- Even funnier is that she still thinks there's an Invisible Wizard in the closet even after Dipper reveals the shrinking crystal and its properties.
- And, of course, there's the mere fact that this episode's encoded credits message is "THE INVISIBLE WIZARD IS WATCHING."
When the twins are fighting over Dipper's flashlight, Mabel gets ahold of it and enlarges Dipper's head. Dipper then goes on to drastically shrink Mabel's when he gets it back.
Gideon has picked up the flashlight.
Gideon: My, my, what delightful manner of doohickery is this?
Mabel: (to Dipper) Maybe he didn't see us use it and doesn't know it's a magic flashlight that can grow and shrink things.
(Cut to show that Gideon is standing a foot away from the Twins and has obviously heard every word Mabel said)
Dipper: (annoyed) Really?
When Gideon shrinks Dipper and Mabel, we hear him do an evil laugh with a deep voice. However, this is only from their perspective, as he’s actually laughing in his normal voice.
Bud Gleeful selling Old Man McGucket a car. "Engine possum at no extra charge!"
Gideon wants to learn where Dipper discovered the crystal with size changing powers. So Dipper tells him that he'll tell him if he leans in closer. Surprise, there's an air horn there.
"'Text me a photo'? Now you're not even speaking English!"
"WHAT AM I DOIN'!?"
"Cheekums, to freedom! (beat) To freedom! (beat) Aw, you're just a big ol' dummy-dumb, aren't you?"
Gideon's conversations with his parents. All of them.
"DON'T TICKLE ME!!!"
- In this episode, we finally get to see Gideon's mom, who has grey hair and always looks paranoid, as if she hasn't slept in weeks.
  Gideon's Mom: Just keep vacuuming. Just keep vacuuming.
This exchange:
Lazy Susan: What cute little thing are you off to, you cute little cutie-face?
Gideon: (cheerfully) I'm gonna annihilate my arch-enemy's entire family.
Lazy Susan: (visibly disturbed) Oh... okay. Yay...
Gideon being distracted from his evil plot when the Gummi Koala Mabel saved falls into his hair, and he has to get it out and fix his pompadour. "I can't defeat Stan lookin' like this!"
"Oh hi, Gideon; I was looking for someone to try out my mirror maze, but then again, you're an idiot. (beat) That's the end of the sentence."
Gideon advancing towards Stan and laughing psychotically when the shrunken Mabel and Dipper start tickling him. Cue Gideon falling over and rolling on the floor in laughter, to the point where he starts foaming at the mouth.
Stan: Uh, I don't even know how to respond to this.
- After he awkwardly nudges Gideon out of the house:
Gideon: (horrified) MY LIGHT!
Stan: You're the light of my life, too, pal. (slams the door shut) Woah, freakshow!
The ending, where Dipper and Mabel destroy the crystal that can change things sizes... only for a still-shrunken Soos to find them.
Mabel: Glue.
Dipper: Lots of glue!
- Soos' shrinking in general is pretty funny, when Gideon shrunk the first thing in a fez he saw, and it just ended up being Soos trying on Stan's.
  Soos: Alright, something's definitely different here...
- "You'll never find Stan... on the second door to the left, down the hall... Wait, why did I say that?!"
- "TELL MY STORYYYYYYYY!"

Summerween

The Cold Open in its entirety.
- Stan explaining Summerween to Dipper with a calendar.
  Dipper: Do you ALWAYS carry that calendar in your pocket?
  Stan: ...Yes.
- Stan proclaiming himself "Master of Fright!" and then scaring the baby a shopper brought into the store with her.
- And then, after Dipper and Mabel ride around in a wheelbarrow before crashing into a bunch of Jack-O-Melons, Soos starts constantly playing with the chattering Summerween Skulls, and the huge vat of fake blood Stan is carrying begins leaking everywhere:
  Store Clerk: (over the intercom) Have the police come and eject the Pines family from the store.
  Grunkle Stan: NOT TODAY!
  (Stan throws a smoke bomb at the clerk's feet)
  Store Clerk: MY EYES!
  (The Pines literally run out of the store with all of their Summerween stuff)
  Mabel: You paid for the stuff, right?
  Grunkle Stan: Of course!
  (Gilligan Cut back to the store clerk, revealing that Stan paid for the stuff with "Stan Bucks", which are counterfeit bills poorly drawn on pad paper and feature a cartoon of Stan proclaiming "It's money!")
  Store Clerk: (fuming) I hate Summerween.
  (Stan backs his car out and hits a giant inflatable Jack-O-Melon, making it deflate)
  Grunkle Stan: LET'S MOVE!
  (The Pines zooms off)
The loser candy, which include Homework: The Candy, Gummy Chairs, Sand-Pop, Mr. Adequate-Bar, and Gelatin Product.
The two Jerkass trick-or-treaters who Stan can't seem to scare no matter what he does. He eventually asks them what they ARE scared of and they show him a Screamer video.
Stan: What is this, some kinda kitten video- (zombie face pops up on the screen) AAAHHH! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHH! (shuffles back into the house)
- This also happened after his second failed attempt to scare them, which consisted of having Waddles burst out of his tank top like a chestburster.
- And even better, the Summerween Trickster is finally defeated later on when, after being Swallowed Whole, Soos literally eats his way out of the monster... just like a chestburster.
Manly Dan leads his sons on a siege into someone's house to get candy. They're all dressed as Vikings, and Dan's wearing Valkyrie braids under his helmet.
Manly Dan: For glory!
Dipper and Mabel's "Twins!" dance. And the fact that it makes a tough-looking biker guy smile wistfully and shed a Single Tear.
Toby Determined and Old Man McGucket's scenes in this episode. Not only does the former get told that his actual face is more horrifying than the Summerween mask he picked out, but the latter scampers away like a racoon after Grenda literally sidechecks him to get the last Jack-O-Melon.
- Once the four kids steal the last Jack-O-Melon, they all give a sigh of relief at the same time... and blow it out.
After driving through the Trickster with his car, Soos nervously asks Dipper and Mabel "That wasn't like, a regular pedestrian, was it?"
The Brick Joke involving Soos' love for the chattering Summerween Skull. So much that when everyone is trying to escape the Trickster at the end, not only does he go out of his way press the skull when the exit is right next to them and unguarded, he changes the batteries on the skull to make it work when it doesn't the first time.
Mabel: Soos! Don't you dare!
Soos: Sorry, dude. Tonight's been way stressful. I need some levity.
The Summerween Trickster's description of what he is:
Summerween Trickster: I'm made of every tossed piece of black licorice, every discarded bar of old chocolate with like, that white powder stuff on it. You know that stuff!?
Mabel: I hate that stuff!
After Soos muses that the Summerween Trickster actually tastes okay, the Trickster promptly starts to cry Tears of Joy made of candy corn as he dies.
Soos: Crying makes it a little weird... but guess I'm still eating.
- It's also worth noting that when the Trickster asks if Soos thinks he tastes good, Soos only answers by awkwardly stating "Uh, sure! You know."
Gorney, the new kid who gets Swallowed Whole in the first act of the episode after the Cold Open, literally pops back up out of the Trickster's corpse after Soos defeats him.
Soos: (while continuing to absentmindedly chew on the Trickster's candy heart) 'Sup, Gorney?
Gorney: invoked (cheerfully) I've been twaumatized!
- Not to mention the poor kid's introduction:
  Gorney: Twik-owr-tweet! My name is Gorney!
  (The Trickster literally throws the child into his mouth)
  Gorney: WEMEMBUH ME!
Stan finally manages to scare the two trick-or-treaters when they see him in his underwear as he is about to take a bath. Not many things can be so hilariously traumatizing as that.
The terrible z-movie the Pines family is watching at the end — The Fear Guy From Terror-Town Street!:
Woman: AAAAHHHH!
Alien: invoked (incredibly low budget alien monster with a ridiculous voice and wires visibly propping up its arms) Grrr.
At the end of the episode, Stan announces that the true meaning of Summerween is to get the whole family together to celebrate what's really important: pure evil! Then everyone in the room laughs maniacally before suddenly stopping. Then Soos chimes in with this:
Soos: I ate a man alive tonight.
(Everyone turns and stares at him)
The various Waddles memes featured during the credits a la LOLCATS.

Boss Mabel

Stan seeing customers as talking wallets, with one carsick customer puking out money.
"Remember folks, we put the 'fun' in 'no refunds'!"
Stan forcing the group to repaint the Mystery Shack sign in glitter paint.
Stan: Glittery signs attract tourists! Also, large birds.
Soos: (gets attacked by a huge bird) AAAHHHH!
Stan: Haha, that's funny!
"You think you could wear this hat?" "Yeah, 'cause I give people respect, and glittery stickers!"
Stan and Mabel making their wager.
Stan: You got yourself a deal, missy!
Mabel: No, you've got YOURself a deal!
Stan: Deal!
Mabel: Deal!
Stan: Deal!
Mabel: Deal! (beat, slaps sticker on Stan's nose) Deal.
The sheer comic timing and delivery on such a quick gag is flawless:
Mabel: Oh come on, being a better boss than Stan will be a cinch! Profit, here we come!
(she holds the jar up in front of her with a big smile on her face, only for it to slip out of her hands and shatter on the ground)
Dipper: You broke the ja-
Mabel: (before he even finishes speaking and without changing her expression) We'll get a new one.
When Mabel says "Stan is no longer with us," Soos jumps to conclusions and thinks he's dead. Mabel quickly clears up the misunderstanding.
"Mabel's in charge now!"
Dipper: Are those shoulder pads?
Mabel: Uh-huuuuh. It's just one of the many up-to-date managerial tricks I learned from this book I found propping up the kitchen table. (Holds up a book titled "Succeeding In Management 1983")
Dipper sets out to catch a supernatural creature. He grabs a flail that's as big as he is, tries to leap out the window and ends up being dragged out the window onto the ground outside by the flail's weight.
Mabel giving Waddles money for a coffee run. Waddles just eats the money.
Wendy: (concerned) Do you know how money works?
Grunkle Stan using his "old man powers", faking a heart-attack which he claims can only be cured by putting him on a game show.
Cash Wheel Director: That man is a self-centered attention hog with no regard for human decency... Get him on TV!
The cheesy song that plays over the epic work montage: "Come on girls! Shoulder pads! Make that money! Mabel’s the boss now!"
Soos "Questiony The Question Mark" costume, and its... limited success with customers.
Soos: I'M QUESTIONY THE QUESTION MARK!
Customer: (screams and sprays Soos in the face with mace)
- Later, Soos as the Horrible Giant Question Baby as part of Dipper's Shack exhibit.
  Soos: Am I a man? Am I a baby? These are legitimate questions.
  Visitors: (all gasp in horror)
Grunkle Stan taking a literal money shower.
Cash Wheel Host: Uh, Mr. Pines, you don't need to take your clothes off—go to commercial! GO TO COMMERCIAL!! (runs up to the camera and covers it just as Stan takes his boxers off)
Mabel lets Soos take a soothing nature walk... and he promptly gets lost. Also, he's still wearing his Questiony the Question-Mark costume.
Soos: Hello? Civilization? (lightning flashes, a wolf howls) Doggie?
- And later:
  Soos: I ran into some wolves and they accepted me as a member of their pack. So I should really be getting back to that.
"'When fighting the gremloblin, use water... [turns page while Mabel runs out and splashes water on the monster] ...only as a last resort, as it will only make it scarier.' Who writes sentences like that?!"
The gremloblin's odd fixation with the electronic talking fish.
I'm the Singin' Salmon, spendin' all day jammin'!
The Gremloblin's worst fear: "You've become your father!"
Stan's apology dance, and the song that goes with it:
I'm Stan, and I was wrong
I'm singing the Stan Wrong Song
I shouldn't have taken that chance
Now here's my remorseful dance!
- And afterwards:
  Mabel: What do you think?
  Waddles: (oink)
  Mabel: TAKE THIRTY!
  (Stan groans in exasperation off-screen)

Bottomless Pit

"Spin the Pig":
Mabel: Hey, Grunkle Stan, ever kissed a pig before?
Stan: I'm not gonna answer that question.
The headline of the Gravity Falls Gossiper Grunkle Stan is reading: "Reporter Calls Mom".
Soos's techno-remix of Dipper's "squeaky puberty voice".
"STAHP IT GUUUUYYYYS!"
Old Man McGucket's HORRIFYING VOICE!
A nearby child starts crying and runs off
McGucket: You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares!
- "Why did you spit on your hand?" "I don't rightly know!"
Anything said by Dipper with his new voice, and everyone else's reactions to it. It doesn't hurt that he just happens to sound like Abridged Yami.
Mabel: (screams and then starts beating Dipper with a golf club) Who are you? What have you done with my brother?!
Soos: (beating Dipper with a broom) Kill it! Kill it with fire!! Everyone, flee!
- When Soos says Dipper sounds like "some weird commercial dude", this is Dipper's response:
  Dipper: I'll find Stan! He'll like my new voice, you'll see! I'll be right back after these messages! ...I mean, goodbye.
- Stan's voice at the end counts as well, after he unknowingly drinks the voice-altering tonic that Dipper had pored into his coffee. It's made all the more hilarious by the sassy head gesture Stan makes when he gets annoyed (and somewhat confused) by Soos and the twins laughing at him (well, his voice anyway).
Mabel and Soos playing I Spy while falling through the void.
Mabel: I spy with my little eye something... black!
Soos: Oh oh, everything!
Mabel: Hooray for Soos!
- And then what follows:
  Mabel: Hey guys, who wants to pass the time by spinning? Everyone spin!
  Dipper: No.
  Mabel: Wheeeee!
  [spins Dipper, he screams, then Soos chuckles]
  Mabel: [running on Dipper like she's rolling a log] Wheeeeeeeeeeee! Hahahahahahahahaha!
  Dipper: Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow...
Dipper slowly floating in the distance while screaming as Soos is getting ready to begin his story.
Stan: Dipper's pain is funny, but I'm starting to get bored. Soos, tell a story.
The full title of Soos' story.
"Soos' Really Great Pinball Story: Is That A Good Title? Do They Have To Be Puns Or Whatever?"
Soos' previous best moment of his life: Eating a slice of pizza that he found jammed inside a VCR.
After Soos angers the Tumbleweed Terror machine:
Dipper: Uh, guys, there's an awful lot of green lightning coming out of that game...
Soos: Nah, that's the normal amount of green lightning.
This:
Soos: Are either of you good at jumping up and down and making annoying noises?
(Mabel turns dramatically and her hair blows in the wind while pseudo-Native American music plays in the background)
Mabel: My time has come.
"Prepare to meet your maker, kids! My maker is Ballway Games!"
Stan's story, which is an absurdly blatant case of Her Codename Was Mary Sue about Stan winning the Football Bowl with the help of his football playing robot, "Footbot". The twins and Soos immediately voice their disapproval.
Stan: That story was great! I even threw in a robot for the kids!
The entire scene involving Stan trying to teach a bear to drive, particularly when Mabel initially mistakes Manly Dan angrily wrestling the bear to get him into Stan's car as "hugging".
Stan: (to the bear) And the yellow light means, "Speed up!"
- When Stan gets pulled over by the cops, he cheerily asks Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland "What seems to be the problem, officers?" while the bear is sitting in the driver's seat and chewing on its seatbelt.
- And after Stan sucessfully dupes the police into believing that his driver is a "seeing-eye bear" given to him by "Doctor Medicine" (and which he confirmed through a hastily-scrawled doctor's note):
  Stan: To the hospital, honeypants!
  (The bear violently roars before speeding off)
Mabel talking for Waddles.
The moment the Truth Teeth turn out to be a major problem: A customer with an unusually ugly face asks Grunkle Stan if he has a t-shirt in his size, Stan publicly embarrasses the customer for his deformity,much to everyone's disapproval. Mabel vehemently apologizes on his behalf as she realizes he only said that because of the teeth.
invoked Stan's sudden and out of nowhere speech about life, which is so dark and depressing it reduces Dipper to the brink of tears and sends Mabel into a Heroic BSoD.
Stan: Sometimes I wonder... is this all there is? Is life just some sort of horrific joke without a punchline, and we're all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet release of death?
Stan's complete apathy at being mysteriously forced to tell the truth. The first time it happens (in the middle of the night), he acknowledges it, but just brushes it off and goes back to sleep. All throughout the next day, he randomly reveals his innermost secrets out of the blue and just continues to do what he was doing as if nothing happened while the kids rock back and forth, clearly disturbed by his statements. He didn't even care when he confessed all of his crimes to the police.
Stan doing his taxes while under the influence of the Truth Teeth, which just consists of him scribbling I HAVE COMMITTED TAX FRAUD across the form.
Dipper: Uh, Grunkle Stan, why did you write this?
Stan: Because I regularly commit massive tax fraud!
Dipper: (feeds the form into a paper shredder) Might wanna tuck that one away there...
- This is followed up at the end of the story, where Mabel has just managed to get rid of the cops, only for Stan to call up the police station.
  Stan: Yeah, this is Stan Pines. I forgot to tell the officers about my tax fraud. No no, tax fraud. (gets literally tackled to the ground by Mabel and Dipper)
After Mabel lies to Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland, claiming that Grunkle Stan is secretly a crime fiction writer, Deputy Durland has this to say:
Deputy Durland: Wow, an author! Can you teach me how to read?!
Stan falling back into the Bottomless Pit again at the end of the episode, and falls through the void in grumpy silence through the credits.
Stan: This is stupid.

The Deep End

At the beginning, a squirrel combusts from the heat.
"All those in favor of doing nothing all day, say 'UUUUGH'."
Stan sweating so much he sticks to the floor the twins help him out with spatulas and tearing part of the floorboards when he gets up.
Also at the beginning...
Toby: And remember to be on alert for random wildfires!
Grunkle Stan (offscreen): Wait, what? (fwoosh) AARGH!
(beat)
Mabel: He'll be fine.
When Wendy throws water balloons at Stan:
Grunkle Stan: SHE'S ATTACKING ME WITH WATER!
This exchange:
Dipper: Wow, you work here?
Wendy: I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges. Plus, I got the best seat in the house.
Dipper: Yeah, you do! Ha ha ha ha ha! A-huh, a-ha ha ha ha ha... I've been laughing for too long. *Wendy looks baffled*
- "Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest? 'Cause I think you're winning."
Mr. Poolcheck's overzealous attitude towards "pool law".
Dipper: He seems emotionally unstable.
- At one point he cries when he finds Dipper goofing off on duty with Wendy.
- After Dipper and Mabel break in and free Mermando, he not only fires Dipper, but eats his whistle. You can hear it whistle as he chews it up and swallows it. Poolcheck then tempts fate by snarling, "If one more thing goes wrong today..." Cue Soos attempting to escape with the pool ducks.
  Soos: Inflatable ducks unite!
  Poolcheck: YOU!!!
Grunkle Stan is all set to claim the best chair in the pool for himself. But it turns out a certain someone beat him to it.
Grunkle Stan: GIDEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! GET OUT OF MY CHAIR, KID!!!
Gideon: Oh, why Stanford! Was this your chair? I had no idea. (whispering) Yes I did, Stan. I knew!
That poor kid in pool solitary confinement. His predicament goes from funny to tragic and back again once you see just how long he's in there.
Kid: It's the nights that are the hardest.
- Later, at night.
  Kid: Go Mabel! Go! (turns melancholy) We can't all be saved.
- Finally, the credits sequence where a montage shows him locked in there over the seasons.
This exchange:
Mabel: A merman! Ha! I should have known from your strange foreign fish language.
Mermando: (completely deadpan) It is Spanish.
Mermando introducing himself:
"There are some who call me... (pulls a guitar out of nowhere and plays a mariachi riff) Mermando! (Beat) This is because Mermando is my name."
Mermando's initial escape attempt.
- "...and then the wolves came."
- And how he wound up in the pool.
Stan's little feud with Gideon over the Perfect Pool Chair. At one point Stan tries to get Gideon by reflecting sunlight off his watch.
Stan: Yes, yes! Burn the child.
When appointed lifeguard, Dipper and Wendy quickly abuse their power, playing pranks on swimmers. In one instance they trick Soos into thinking the rubber pool duck rings are alive and want to be free.
- Towards the end of the episode, he manages to "free" them.
  Soos: The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand!
Dipper has to guard the pool supplies from more looting. He has to stop Grunkle Stan from entering and stealing in the pool, and Mabel from stealing the cooler to save Mermando and Soos from freeing the duck rings.
Dipper: Is Soos here too!?
(Soos climbs over the fence behind Dipper. Dipper doesn't even turn around)
Soos: I'm ok.
Dipper: (still not turning around) Go home, Soos.
Soos: You got it.
- Dipper asks if Stan is the one who's been destroying pool supplies. Stan protests that his crime is much better, and that he's going to steal the chair before Gideon. He then adds "and then maybe I'll wreck some pool stuff. Night's still young."
- Also, how Mabel distracts Dipper to make her getaway. Despite the acknowledging implausibility of what she claims is behind him, it's enticing enough that he has to check anyway.
  Mabel: Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!
  Dipper: Really?! At night?!
Stan sneaks out of the women's bathroom after Dipper goes off to chase Mabel and he sits on the chair waiting for Gideon.
Stan: Now all I have to do is wait here fifteen hours until the pool opens. (Long pause of silence) This was a good plan.
As Mermando told Mabel to never reveal his secret, Dipper had no idea why Mabel was trying to steal the pool supplies. His reaction when he finds out:
Dipper: Whoa! Way to bury the lead, Mabel.
The entire 'Reverse CPR' scene.
Mabel: [takes picture] Hah, blackmail!
- "Thank you for saving me, but... why didn't you just roll me into the lake?"
Mabel mentions never meeting anyone like Mermando, except for a zombie, some gnomes, and some vampires.
Dipper: I don't remember the vampires.
Mabel: I don't tell you EVERYTHING.
Dipper's reaction to Mermando kissing his sister: "Whoa! Okay! That's gross!"
After Mabel and Mermando have their moment:
Mabel: (dancing in excitement) Woohoo! That was my first kiss! (poking Dipper) Hey, it was also kinda your first kiss too, huh? Huh?
Dipper: (shuddering) Please don't involve me in this.
Mermando's letter to Mabel in the end:
"Our first kiss will always hold a place in my heart. ...technically hearts. As a merman I have... like, 17 hearts. Horrifying, but true!"

Carpet Diem

"OW, MY HEAD! IT HIT ME RIGHT ON THE HEAD!"
- And again at the end:
  Stan: "OW, MY HEAD! Why am I even out here at night?"
Dipper's reaction to Mabel having a sleepover with her friends.
One of the films in Mabel's rom-com collection is titled "Oh No She Di'n't!"
This:
Candy: Boys make me think about kissing!
Grenda: Candy! Oh my gosh! *throws a pillow at her face*
Dipper wandering around the Shack looking for a place to sleep while Mabel and her friends have a slumber party. He first asks Soos to use his break room, which turns out to just be a crawlspace full of searingly hot pipes, and he finally resorts to sleeping outside.
Dipper: Ahhh, sleeping under the stars... Not bad. (suddenly notices that a wolf has shown up and begun gnawing on his leg) AAAAHHH! GET OFF! GET AWA- (glances up to the attic window and sees the slumber party in full spring) ...this is still better. (lets the wolf keep gnawing)
The aftermath of the sleepover. Somehow, Candy winds up duct-taped to the ceiling, Mabel wakes up with "Party Gurl" written on her forehead, and Grenda emerges from the closet covered in kiss marks.
Grenda: I don't know what I was kissing in there, but I have no regrets!
Apparently Dipper keeps Mabel up with his late-night reading.
Dipper: Oh ho! Hm... Interesting. But who stole the capers? Hmm... (begins rapidly clicking pen)
Grunkle Stan's choice of television:
Grunkle Stan: (Watching two guys shoving each other) Fight! Fight! Fight! (Changes channel to two deer bucking heads) Fight! Fight! Fight! (Changes channel to two babies sitting peacefully and giggling) Fight! Fight! Fight! (Someone offscreen pokes a baby with a stick and they begin slapping each other) Fight! Fight! Fight!
Announcer: BABY FIGHTS!
Grunkle Stan: TV, it knows what I want!
Subtitle: I didn't come here to make friends.
"Magic money pants?"
Stan giving out "suck-up points":
Stan: Ah, that's refreshing. Ten suck up points to this lemonade! (High pitched voice) Thank you, Stan!
"Nobody thinks it's cute when I lie naked on the living room floor!"
Stan calling himself "A good uncle" after giving Dipper and Mabel the job of retiling the roof in searing 105 degree heat. Outside, Mabel can be heard yelling "I'll kill you!"
The entire segment where Dipper and Mabel discover that after passing an electrical discharge generated from the carpet, they are now in each other's bodies is the very epitome of Hilarity Ensues:
Mabel!Dipper: Ugh... what happened?
Dipper!Mabel: Dipper? why are you wearing my clothes? ...And my... face! Am I in your body?
Mabel!Dipper: Am I in your body?
(Beat)
Dipper!Mabel: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Mabel!Dipper: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Dipper!Mabel: AAHHH!!!!!
Mabel!Dipper: AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
(Dipper!Mabel then proceeds to barf profusely in the toilet while Mabel!Dipper runs in and out of view of himself in the mirror while yelling in horror each time. This is followed up by Dipper!Mabel repeatedly punching her stomach and futilely yelling:)
Dipper!Mabel: GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!
Mabel!Dipper: (crouched while rocking back and fourth) This isn't happening!! This isn't happening!! This isn't happening!! This isn't happening!!
Dipper!Mabel: (Her shadow is cast near where Mabel!Dipper is of her taking in the full shock of her new form in the style of a horror film where one has turned into some kind of monster) WH-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!!!!!
Pig!Soos.
- His encounter with McGucket, who immediately wants to eat him:
  Soos: Dude, don't eat me! I'm a man trapped in a pig's body!
  Old Man McGucket: That's what they all say!
- Also the fact that McGucket said that he'd still eat Soos even when he had changed back into a human.
Mabel and Dipper's attempts to use the body swap to sabotage the other only weirds Grunkle Stan out, and he promptly leaves as they make a mess of the kitchen. Mabel's later attempt at sabotaging Dipper by insulting Stan ends up convincing Stan to give the room to Dipper.
Dipper!Mabel: Hey, Grunkle Stan, your face looks like a butt!
Stan: What?!
Dipper!Mabel: (in a sing-song voice while breaking stuff) Breaking stuff is so much fun, I am Dipper and I stink!
Mabel!Dipper: (jumping on the kitchen table and emptying out a cereal box) Mabel's gone bananas! Wing, zow, ba-low! Hahahaha!
Stan: Well, this is getting weird. (he gets up and leaves the kitchen)
Mabel (in Dipper' body) is locked out of her room when her friends come over for another sleepover and won't let her in, thinking she's Dipper. As she's looking through the doorhole she's caught by Grunkle Stan, who thinks he caught Dipper spying on the girls' sleepover. Cue Mabel-as-Dipper getting The Talk from Grunkle Stan, and being traumatized by the horrifyingly in-depth explaination.
Mabel: Goodbye, childhood...
- The book that Stan uses to explain everything is entitled: "Why Am I Sweaty?". At the bottom of the book cover is a tagline that reads: "your body explained in horrifyingly uncomfortable detail."
The Big "NO!" montage:
Stan: Shh. (Hugs Mabel!Dipper) You had me at shut up old man.
Mabel!Dipper: NOOOOO!
(Cut to the sleepover where Dipper!Mabel is suffering through Grenda's romance novels.)
Grenda: The end.
Dipper!Mabel: Phew.
Grenda: Now for the 38 sequels.
Dipper!Mabel: NOOOOOO!
(Cut to McGucket about to eat Pig!Soos.)
McGucket: I'm gonna make you into bacon.
Pig!Soos: Oh, that sounds pretty good. Wait, I mean, NOOOOOOO!
Candy in Dipper's body:
Candy: I'm a boy now! Whassup bro? Let's grow some mustaches!
The whole body-switching thing near the end.
Grenda: (in Old Man McGucket's body) Cool, I'm Santa Claus!
Old Man McGucket: (in Candy's body) Hoo-ee! I've regained my innocence!
Dipper: (in Waddles' body) Well, I guess I'm a pig now. So that's a thing. (eats an apple core) Om nom nom nom nom.
Soos' reaction to a stranger saying that she'll marry him and planting a kiss on him is to shrug and go with it.
- This is made even funnier by the fact that when Soos kisses her back with his arms around her, her expression is exactly what Soos had when she kissed him.
- Then, during the credits:
  Woman: (crying) I don't think I can do this anymore... You just seem so different!
  Soos: Look, dude, uh, I'm playin' a little bit of catch-up here... I was in a pig's body for most of the day. Wha-what's goin' on? (Beat) Can we kiss again? Is that an option?
Waddles in Soos' body just randomly flailing around and bumping into things, having no idea how to stand on two legs.
- Wendy comes in to work and starts saying hi to Soos, only to see "Soos" trying to chew on the merchandise shirts. She just backs out of the Mystery Shack and says she'll be back later.
- Waddles-as-Soos somehow manages to get Soos a raise by creeping out Stan by laying a hand on his nose and breathing in and out with a vacant stare when he came to cut his pay.
Stan: Wh-what are you doing? Is this some sort of negotiating tactic? 'Cause it's not gonna work! ...Fine! I was lying! I'll give you a raise, just... never do that again! Ugh, nightmare...
- He's also somehow able to make the aforementioned woman think that he's proposing to her.

Boyz Crazy

At the beginning where Wendy and Dipper are watching the cameras.
Dipper mimicking customer: Do you have this t-shirt in my size?
Wendy mimicking Stan: I have something even better! Behold, my butt.
- As they laugh at this, Dipper resumes his habit of declaring his love for Wendy under his breath.
  Dipper: Ahahaha! (suddenly staring longingly at Wendy) I could play this game forever...
  Wendy: What'd you say?
  Dipper: Coughing! I was coughing! Those weren't words!
"You're making my dance sad."
Grenda fails to support Mabel at the right time:
Mabel: Girls mature faster than boys. Right, Grenda?
Grenda: (frantically kissing a photo of Sev'ral Timez) THIS IS GRENDA TIME! (resumes kissing)
Dipper giving Waddles a triumphant hug when it looks like Wendy's going to break up with Robbie.
Candy, after hearing that the concert is sold out, deciding to simply faceplant and mumble "I welcome you, death."
"I'm not going to let a 'Keep Out' sign keep us out!"
Stan casually stocking up for the apocalypse while singing about how everyone's gonna die.
Stan's flashback ends with his ex-girlfriend's hot-pants literally turning into bell-bottoms, and her and her new hippie boyfriend taking off like a rocket, leaving a trail of rainbows.
Stan: My memories get a little hallucination-y at the end, but you get the gist.
"Hey, girl. I just wanna get real for a moment, and say that while we love being superstars, the real reason we do this, is for you. For you specifically. Not the girl sitting next to you, but you."
- This causes a fight to break out in the audience when girls begin arguing over who they were speaking to.
The Cute Biker showing up◊ at the Sev'ral Timez concert when a fight breaks out.
- And if you look in the background, you can see Old Man McGucket crowd-surfing.
"Tryin' hard to not let my brain explode!"
"Yo, I heard'a these things called 'trees'...I dunno what they are, but I wanna kiss one."
Grunkle Stan's "subtle" music played over the PA system, to convince people to buy stuff.
Stan: BUY MORE KEYCHAINS! BUY MORE KEYCHAINS!
Stan tries playing Robbie's CD on a record player.
Stan: We're doin' something wrong here, but I can't put my finger on it...
The girls sneaking Sev'ral Timez into the Shack using a very large duffel bag.
Dipper: How was the concert? And what's in that bag?
Mabel: Uh, money. Money we stole!
Candy: We are criminals! We will cut you!
Mabel: Let's go away from here now!
- Candy's accent and expression seals it.
Chubby Z trying to stare down the sun.
"I'm sorry, did you just call me Beef?"
Greggy C trying to eat a tape dispenser.
Creggy G: Yo, you gonna share that?
"I wanna cavort like a woodland creature!"
Soos's cameo.
Mabel trying to teach the members of Sev'ral Timez how to drink from a glass. They're not very good at it.
Stan preparing for a Spit Take as he and Dipper try to search Robbie's song for secret messages. And when they initially don't find one...
Stan: That's not spit-worthy! What gives?
Stan's lines for this episode:
Stan: We're gonna get to the bottom of this... as soon as I get to the bottom of this brown meat! It's apocalicious!
Stan: Road safety laws, prepare to be ignored!
Stan: That's MR. PINES to you! (After Robbie actually called him Mr. Pines.)
Stan: Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face!
Stan: This is a victory for every guy whose hands were too weak or fat to play a musical instrument!
Stan: (talking to Robbie after Wendy breaks up with him) Look, if it makes ya feel any better, the apocalypse is coming soon. Bury your gold! (Beat) ...you've been buying gold, right?
Stan: Darn beautiful men, always eating out of my trash! Wait... what?
"Oh, no! They're aggressively dancing at us!"
"Songs are like hugs that mouths give to ears!"
When watching Sev'ral Timez go into the forest, we get this priceless comment from Candy:
Candy: They won't last a week.
- Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when we discover they survived not just to the end of August, but to Day 4 of Weirdmageddon.

The Land Before Swine

As Stan drives a tour group past the "Outhouse of Mystery", a boy in the group plaintively requests a bathroom stop. Stan replies "Save all questions until the end of the tour!" They then hit a bump on the road; the boy looks down, and sighs resignedly.
Mabel's impression of her brother:
Mabel: (puts on a pine-tree hat) Ooh, let's solve a mystery! I kiss a pillow with Wendy's face drawn on it!
The Running Gag of Soos pronouncing the 'p' in pterodactyl, with his justification being that nobody was alive during the age of dinosaurs, so nobody knows how to pronounce it.
Mabel's affection for Waddles is hysterical. The way she treats him as a person, from making him do dance moves, pose for pictures, and knitting matching sweaters, is both adorable and hilarious.
"It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious!"
The Parody Commercial for the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle. "Sick of constantly dropping your baby?"
"I can hold ten babies at once!"
"IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!"
Grunkle Stan trying to bribe Waddles.
When Stan tells Dipper and Soos that the Pterodactyl took Waddles, Mable just happens to return at that moment, which causes Stan to temporarily go into Panic Mode. What sells it is the expression on his face.
Stan: It...it took him.
Dipper: Took what?
Stan: The pig. It took Waddles.
Mabel: (shows up) What did you say about Waddles?
"The good news is you're getting a puppy."
McGucket in general is a riot in this episode.
McGucket: I was in the middle of my hourly hootenanny-diddly ding dang...
McGucket: My, what suspicious laughter!
McGucket: Need somebody to tag along and tell weird personal stories?
Stan: No thanks.
(cut to the group climbing down the mine shaft)
McGucket: So there I am, fighting a raccoon for the same piece of meat, when our mouths get closed, and we kiss accidentally!
Stan: You can't take a hint, can ya?
McGucket: Nope!
"Your pig got eaten by a p-terodacytl, bro."
Grunkle Stan's blatantly fake story about how Waddles disappeared. He makes up a story about him nursing Waddles with a bottle of cream when the pterodactyl burst through the door and took him, with Stan desperately trying to save him, but getting overpowered.
"Dinosaurs aren't magic, they're just big lizards! Get off my back!"
- It gets funnier when you realize dinosaurs also aren't "big lizards". More so after Journal 3 revealed that the cast hatched a Compsognathus right after this episode.
This:
Soos: Woah, almost ran over my head there, haha! (beat; he looks scared) Wow.
The montage of Soos messing stuff up, especially Dipper and Mabel's faces when Soos kills a fairy with a flyswatter.
"BROS BEFORE DINOS!"
This exchange:
Dipper: McGucket, do you have an invention that could distract the pterodactyl?
Old Man McGucket: Do I?! (rummages through his hat) Nope!
Grunkle Stan's way of getting past the baby pterodactyl: Mabel knits Soos a pig costume and use him as a Human Sacrifice. What's even better is that Soos agrees with the plan without batting an eye.
Waddles trying to guilt-trip Stan.
The way everybody thinks the newly hatched pterodactyl is adorable until it swallows Old Man McGucket whole.
Old Man McGucket: Well, welcome to the world, little fella. (Gets eaten alive.)
- Gets even better when Old Man McGucket reverses it near the end, by eating his way out of the pterodactyl. Crosses with Moment of Awesome and Nightmare Fuel.
Stan puts his hand in tree sap, places his hand on Mabel's face; they laugh, realize they're stuck, and scream.
In the episode's stinger Dipper and Soos are watching an infomercial for "arm-pants", and Dipper remarks how stupid that product is. Soos awkwardly agrees, then quickly grabs a phone.
Soos: Cancel the order, cancel the order!

Dreamscaperers

After seeing a commercial announcing that Gideon plans to put his Tent o' Telepathy where the Mystery Shack is, Dipper asks if they should worry:
Stan: Please, the only way Gideon's taking over the Shack is by breaking in and stealing my deed.
(The sound of a smashing window offscreen is heard)
Wendy: You mean like, now?
Gideon is caught trying to crack Stan's safe;
Gideon: Stanford Pines, my arch-nemesis! It seems we've entered a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse. But the question remains, who is the cat, and who is the-
Stan: Soos, broom.
Gideon: Oh no, not the broom!
- Even funnier is that Gideon hisses and meows like a cat when Stan beats him with the broom.
- Even funnier because it's implied that Stan and Gideon have done this all before.
Grandpa the Kid.
Stan: I can relate to this.
Soos: "It tried to touch me with its weird little bat-fingers!" His face is priceless.
Soos trying to lick his elbow.
"Like the infinite horizon, it eludes my grasp."
Gideon chants backmasked words to summon Bill Cipher. What are the actual words said backwards? Backwards message.
Bill manages to be both funny and unnerving.
Bill: Hey! Look what I can do.
(Bill magics the teeth of a deer from its mouth to his hand)
Bill: Deer teeth! For you, kid. Ahahahahaha!
- Also this bit:
  Gideon: You're Insane!
  Bill: Sure I am! What's your point?
What Bill says as he leaves: "REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM, BUY GOLD BYEEEEE!"
"Arm throne!"
- Makes for a nice call back since Mabel is now riding arm throne style on the arms of the two guys in the car from "The Legend of the Gobblewonker" that she told could look but couldn't touch. .
Stan's "top secret" memory... he's playing with his stomach and calling it "Mr. Tummy" and feeding a piece of food by the belly button. Everyone looks horrified. But what particularly sells it is Soos's reaction. Because at that point, it's not Soos. It's Bill disguised as Soos. Yep. The king of weirdness got weirded out by the memory of Stan feeding his belly button.
Stan's date with Lazy Susan.
Stan: (thinking) This is going terrible, I can't think of anything to say and she looks weird up close. Think of a way out. (out loud) NON-SPECIFIC EXCUSE! (Swats his food off the table and runs off.)
Uncute Mabel.
Mabel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY CUTENESS! WHAT DID (her voice gets gradually lower) YOU Dooo tooooo myyyyy cuuuuuuteneeeeesssssssssh?
Part of the incantation to enter Stan's mind is "Inceptus Nolanus Overratus!"
Xyler and Craz's Totally Radical speech, as well as their tendency to state obvious or offhand things.
Craz: Let's go, Xyler!
Xyler: All right, Craz! Those are our names!
The Un Reveal of the secret passage behind the Vending Machine;
Memory!Stan: If only people knew the truth, that secretly hidden behind this vending machine I have-
Soos: Boring! (closes door)
The memory of Stan in prison, which on its own qualifies as a Brick Joke to an offhand statement in The Hand That Rocks The Mabel
Memory!Stan: Jorge, Rico, you're the two best Columbian prison friends a fella could make.
Jorge: (subtitles) I hope he dies.
Rico: (Subtitles) Si.
The memory of Stan selling vacuums;
Memory!Stan: Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-vac! It sucks more than anything! (Door slams) Gotta work on that.
The result of Stan's boxing lessons:
Memory!Stan: LEFT HOOK!
Xyler and Kraz dancing when Bill says he's going to destroy them, which is itself a direct visual reference to an infamous moment from the New Kids on the Block cartoon series.
The British dog man.
- "Haha. He's dead now."
Mabel growing kittens for fists, which she shoots at Bill.
Soos thinking that "the fat one" refers to Mabel.
"It's funny how dumb you are."
A bat version of Grunkle Stan shows up shouting "NO REFUNDS! NO REFUNDS! NO REFUNDS!"
The cut original scene of Bill Cipher's introduction. It's very obvious why it was cut ^note and replaced with Gideon doing the ritual, but it's still full of hilarious moments.
Bill: I know lots of things; you're scared to death of uncertainty! [splits into two Bills]
Bill #2: Your real name isn't Dipper! [splits into a third Bill]
Bill #3: And - oh, this is interesting - you spend a lot of time thinking about this red-headed cashier girl! [the Bills huddle together, whispering]
Bill #1: Gimme details! [indistinct whispering]
Bill #2: Oh, scandalous! [more indistinct whispering]

Gideon Rises

"Well, this is it, Stan. Rock bottom. No money, no friends, stuck watching infomercials for whatever that is."
Bobbie Renzobbi: ARE YOU SICK OF OWLS CONSTANTLY BLOCKING YOUR DRIVEWAY? WELL THEN YOU GOTTA GET OWL TROWEL!
Soos's very late Last-Second Word Swap when he almost outs Dipper's crush on Wendy.
Dipper: We need you here!
Soos: Yeah, especially Dipper. Because of his huge crush on...(Beat) yooouuu-
Several seconds of awkward silence
Soos: -calyptus trees! The kid loves eucalyptus trees! Heh heh! Heh heh! Heh heh! Saved it.
Soos working at the diner.
Stan: The entire lower half of your body is on fire.
Soos: Shh. We're having a moment.
Stan planting a kiss on Soos's grandma after realizing Gideon's weakness.
Soos's Grandma: I go vacuum my face now.
During the newscast about Gideon taking the Mystery Shack, they show a photo of Stan in a devil costume, dancing amongst flames.
Stan: That picture's taken out of context.
The return of Mabel's grappling hook!
Dipper: Mabel, no offense, but that grappling hook's literally never helped us once.
Mabel: Oh yeah? JELLY GRAB!
(fires her grappling hook at a nearby jar of jelly; the jar breaks and splatters jelly all over the wall)
Soos's Grandma: I vacuum the walls now.
"Butternut squash with human face and emotions?"
Apparently, gnomes bathe in squirrels. Dipper and Mabel are rightfully disturbed by this discovery.
Jeff and the Gnomes think Gideon is a girl, Gideon's reaction and tone of voice is actually hilarious!
"I AM NOT A GIRL!"
- It also doesn't help when Jeff points out he does use a lot of moisturizers... the same one he stole from Wendy in the past.
Soos consulting the Bus manual when attacked by the Gideon-Bot.
Soos: Okay, what's more like our present situation, raccoon in the engine or an angry grandparent won't leave bus? (Beat) Probably the second one.
When the town discovers Gideon's lies, Deputy Durland turns to the Cute Biker (whose name is revealed to be Tyler).
Tyler: (sadly) Get 'im. Get 'im.
After Gideon is arrested, there is a newspaper reporting this, with a quote from Bud at the bottom saying "He could use a time out."
Robbie chasing after Wendy, wondering if he hadn't sent enough text messages.
"My arms are too skinny to hold up this boom box forever!"
Mabel on Soos' grandmother;
Mabel: Soos, your grandmother is adorable! and her skin is old lady soft. (Touches Abuelita's cheek) Ahh...
Stan: Mabel! Quit acting creepy!
After Dipper decides that he and Mabel have to take matters into their own hands to take back the shack:
Mabel: Gideon may have the upper hand, but we have something he doesn't.
Dipper: (raising the journal) The journal!
Mabel: (at the same time, raising her grappling hook) A grappling hook! ...Oh, the journal. (cheering) Journal!
Soos' disguise incorporates a baseball cap with the words 'NOT SOOS' written on it.
If anyone asks, [pointing to said hat] I'm. Not. Soos.

Between-Season Shorts / Promotional Shorts

Creature in the Closet (Promotional Short)

At hour two, Dipper says that the monster could lunge out of the closet at any minute. Mabel startles Dipper, only to point out to him that his fly is undone.
"It's probably just a possum." "A possum? It stood on its hind legs, crawled up the wall, and left a trail of purple slime!" "That sounds adorable!"
- And then at the end of the short, when the monster comes out and attacks them off-camera, Mabel begins to yell, "IT'S NOT A POSSUM!"
Hour four:
Dipper: Okay, here's the plan, we lure the monster out with this bag of chips. [he places a bag of chips in front of the door]
Mabel: Bag of chips, got it.
[Dipper points the camera at the door, then back down to the floor; the bag is gone]
Dipper: The bag is gone!
Mabel: What was the plan again? [Dipper sighs] Mmmmm, nacho flavor...
Dipper: MABEL!

Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained

Candy Monster

Soos thinking the candy monster is Stan.
Also, Dipper's "armor", which is just a bunch of stuffed animals tapped all over his body.
Dipper: Get this on tape in case I die or whatever.
Mabel throwing a teddy bear at the monster on the ceiling, only to have it fall and hit her in the face.
The monster gets pacified by the TV, and Dipper laughs at it, only to be drawn in as well. The short ends with the twins and the monster watching TV together, and the kids feeding the monster Stans golf clubs, which it apparently preferred over the Summerween candy it stole.

Stan's Tattoo

The twins decide to take extreme measures in regards to seeing the tattoo: looking at Stan in the shower. It fails. Stan is wearing his usual attire, implied to be because he knew Dipper was going to try this.
Stan: You're never gonna see it, kid. NEVER. GONNA. SEE IT.
Dipper: How long have you been standing there?!
Stan writing "Goober" on Dipper's forehead.
"Watch the shop for a minute, Soos. I need to find a melon baller and pull my eyeballs out."
The short ends with Dipper on the roof waiting for Stan to calm down as Stan is searching for him and yells "I'm gonna find you, kid!"

The Mailbox

The first letter Soos puts in the mailbox; "My letter posits a salient question: ''Sup, dawg?'"
Soos asks the box what his ideal woman would look like. The box sends him a poster of a female bodybuilder. Apparently Soos is a bit of an Amazon Chaser.
Soos: Whoa, hot tamales! Save that one for the archives!
Dipper asks when the end of the world will happen.
Dipper: 3012! Huh, we got a while.
Mabel angering the titular object by mailing it a video of her shoving gummy worms up her nose.
Dipper (reading from the letter): Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.
- Then, at the end:
  Dipper: Well, that concludes Dipper's Guide To The Unexplained, where we learned, when dealing with the unknown, do not mail videos of you shoving gummy worms UP YOUR NOSE!
  Mabel (pulling out a handful of gummy worms): There's more where that came from! ''(sing-song) Into my nose! Into my nose!
  Dipper: No! Show over! SHOW OVER!
One of Soos' questions was "What did I shave into my head this morning?" It was a duck playing paddle-ball.
Soos: (Freaked out) Dude, it knew!

The Tooth

Dipper telling Mabel that everyone hates her creepy childhood doll Bear-O, a worn-out old teddy bear with a stupid look on its face that she insists on using as a ventriloquist dummy. Mabel asks who could hate Bear-O. Cut to her giving a performance with Bear-O at a local Suck E. Cheese's surrounded by crying children.
Random child: I HATE BEAR-O MOMMY! 'I hate it!!!!'
- Dipper forces Mabel to leave Bear-O behind on the beach, and she tries getting the viewers to send in angry letters in support of Bear-O.
How Dipper found the tooth:
Dipper: I found it while I was, uh, practicing.
(cut to Dipper randomly playing the sousaphone by the lake)
Dipper: Hey, is that a giant tooth?

Lefty

Mabel's theories regarding "Lefty".
Mabel: ...And theory number three, my personal favorite: He's normal! And Dipper's just crazy!
Dipper: [grabs the drawing away] That's not a theory, that doesn't count as a theory!
- What really makes this funny is Dipper’s tone and his choice of phrasing, implying that the reason that ‘Dipper’s just crazy’ isn’t a valid theory is less that it isn’t the case, and more that it’s a given.
The ending.
Dipper: (while running away from the scene) Well, that concludes anomaly #82. Uh, I think we might want to burn this tape.

The Hide Behind

When Dipper is interviewing Manly Dan (Lumberjack/Punching Enthusiast), Dan's sons are chopping a tree in the background. It falls on a house.
Oldest Son: Uh, dad?
Manly Dan: DADDY'S DOIN' A MOVIE! He's doin' a movie now...
Lazy Susan (Waitress/Smells like onions) trying to check to see if the Hide Behind is behind her by spinning around, spilling coffee everywhere, to the exasperation of another diner patron. Better yet, during Stan's (Great Uncle/Mediocre Boss) interview, when he says that the people of Gravity Falls are literally the dumbest on Earth, it cuts back to Lazy Susan, still spinning around.
Maraca owl.

Mabel's Guide to Life

Dating

The short opens with a clip of "Mabel's Guide to Fitness", with Waddles as "Jog Hog" running on a treadmill towards a ice-cream sundae at the front. He even has shorts and a sweatband on.
Mabel: You want that sundae? You gotta jog for it, Jog Hog! Heh heh. Look at his little shorts!
Cardboard Zack.
"Zack": Mabel, I love you so much baby! Why won't you let me into your life?
Mabel: You Know What You Did, Zack!
The only reason Stan participates on the video is because Mabel promised him bacon. A strip of bacon is then thrown from offscreen into Stan's mouth, who promptly chews and swallows it.
Stan: I'm pacified.
Soos somehow scoring a 12 out of 5 on Mabel's 9000 question survey. His rank? "Total Hunk"
Soos: My grandma was right all along: I am the world's most perfect man! (several birds land on his shoulders as light shines on him)
Stan scoring 3 out of 5, giving him the rank of "Dateable". Mabel says that this limits his selection to widows, lady plumbers, and convicts.
Stan: I still consider this a victory.
- It gets even funnier if you play the fan made video game Swooning Over Stans: A Grunkle Dating Simulator: The introduction image is Mabel’s dating quiz, now having made Ford take it.....he got a 5.
Mabel refusing to tell Dipper his score, but giving him the rank of Questionable.
Grunkle Stan gets a question revolving around men paying for dinner at every date. His response? "What is this, Russia?"
"'How do you treat a gal?' Well, hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says, obviously! Nailing this..."
While the guys take the quiz, Mabel moves on to animal dating.
- All the puns:
  Toad-lly in love!
  Hoot do you love?
  Together fur-ever!
- Her attempt to get two squirrels together by putting earrings with nuts on them result in the squirrels going wild on Mabel's face, causing Mabel to run in a blind panic.
- Then the squirrels return at the end of the clip, forcing Mabel to fend them off with a stuffed rhinoceros toy.
  Mabel: SAVE ME, MR. RHINO! SAVE ME!

Stickers

Hair topiary.
Dipper: What is it?
Mabel: (uncharacteristically annoyed) It's an ostrich. It's clearly an ostrich.
(Beat)
Mabel: Ca-Caw!
If you read the text in Mabel's book on Aztec history, it talks about an Aztec ritual that gives a dog the ability to speak English and play basketball. The rest of the text is the plot of Air Bud.
- As for the text in the section on the ancient Greeks? Apparently, the Trojan War was a Robot War.
"Yes, Aztec war paint was exactly like a Rasta orange."
Mabel's "Payment" for a "Baby On Board" sticker. A giant vat of sprinkles. For extra points, Grunkle Stan wanted the sticker to 'get the cops off his back.'
Mabel: I'm gonna get so sick...
- NOT MEANT FOR INDIVIDUAL CONSUMPTION
Mabel constantly editing Dipper out of her video. And then editing Soos in. With a drink and a sandwich.
Soos: Wha? How did I get here?

Fashion

The beginning shows the ending to "Mabel's Guide to Pyrotechnics" which is Mabel with an ash-covered face, a dozen or so glowsticks and the exploded remains of an analog TV.
Mabel: WOW! I'll definitely never be allowed to do that again!
Flash Makeovers. Which is just Grenda tackling an unsuspecting subject while Mabel makes them over. Also, Grunkle Stan can be heard singing the "Stan Wrong Song".
- Their makeover for Soos? Dressing him as Jareth. He complains the pants are too tight to let him move.
  Soos: If you're watching, call for help! (falls over, legs flailing) I'm down! Soos is down!
- Stan's makeover is just giving him a tiger face paint after Grenda tackles him in the bathroom. As the girls leave, Grenda takes Stan's aftershave. Stan's reaction to all of this?
  Stan: I'd be pretty mad at you girls... if I didn't look so fantastic!
- Mabel decides they need "a real challenge" for their last subject. Cue Gilligan Cut to...
  Old Man McGucket: Old Man McGucket! *spittoon* Spittin' in a bucket!
- Mabel calling Old Man McGucket's entire face a "problem area", proceeding to cover it up with his beard to make it look like hair from the back, while drawing a face on the back his head.
  Mabel: Now you just have to walk backwards every where you go, and BINGO! You're fabulous!
  Old Man McGucket: That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!
  (begins singing and walking down the street backwards, terrifying a passerby)

Color

The intro shows "Mabel's Guide to Magnets", in which Mabel wears no less than eight magnets. Utensils fly towards her followed by a microwave. Cue Oh, Crap! expression from Mabel, and the scene cuts away the instant before the microwave hits her.
- Before that, we had "Mabel's Guide to Laughing for an Uncomfortable Amount of Time." She then starts laughing all over again, prompting Dipper, who's trying to read in the background, to glare at her and bury his face in his book.
Various towns-folks' favorite colors.
Pacifica: Hot pink.
Grenda: BEIGE!
Dipper: Wendy. Wait, what was the question again?
Soos: Lasers. Ooh, or liquid metal! Does leopards count as a color?
Wendy: Flannel.◊
Soos: Okay, okay! I've narrowed it down to Aurora Borealis, camouflage...
Candy: Magic vision poster.
Gompers: Baa. (Subtitled as "Burgundy")
When Mabel asks Stan what his favorite color is, the following happens:
Stan: None.
Mabel: What?
Stan: I don't have a favorite color. I don't even like colors.
Mabel: Not even rainbows?
Stan: Beats me, I've never seen a rainbow.
Mabel: WHAT?!?!?!?!
The black-and-white newspaper photograph of a breadline full of despondent, hungry people in the Great Depression, which Mabel then draws a "magical color wizard" over.
Grenda chugging a bottle of expired milk. It apparently makes her see rainbows.
- The fact that she got said bottle underneath Dipper's pillow, suggesting that he keeps it there for some reason.
- After she finishes the carton, Grenda collapses in unconscious.
  Dipper: (stares at her in concern)
  Candy: Is fine. She does this.
Mabel blinding Stan with a rainbow blast through his office window.
Stan: Nothing brightens a dark room like light from a window! Time to open the wind- OH NO! WHY!? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
- Note that when Mabel comes into view of Stan writhing in agony about being blasted by the light, she has sunglasses on. She might've thought the light might have been too bright for her but not so bright for Stan.
- Mabel even admits they've might have overdone the plan a little...as Stan's office starts to catch fire from the light.
- The ending involves them treating his injury, and he loudly declares, "I HATE COLOR MORE THAN EVER!" which prompts Mabel to cut the short off.

Art

Mabel's unduly frank review of an elephant trying to paint.
"Even ol' Jumbo's getting in on the act! Haha, don't quit your day job, Jumbo! That's... that's really bad."
Mabel's inspiration: a goofy caricature of her brother on a surfboard with the caption "Lady's Man." Dipper is obviously mortified.
Mabel: But everything changed when I saw this amazing caricature!
Dipper: (reaching in from offscreen and snatching the picture) Gimme that! Gimme that!
Caticatures. And the more troublesome Humanicaticatures.
"That doesn't look anything like-" "YOU'RE RIGHT, IT DOES LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU!"
Grunkle Stan wants in:
Stan: Uh, it's just the same crummy cat face with a different hat each time.
Mabel: Exactly! And I sell them for $10 each!
Stan: ...you need an agent? I am now your agent.
- Somehow they manage to be a hit with the residents of Gravity Falls. And once Mabel starts offering humanicaticatures?
Stan: (grinning at the now frantic and demanding crowd of customers) SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL MORE CATS!!!
Toby Determined is given a caticature.
Toby: It looks exactly like me! Right down to my actual cat whiskers that the doctors can't explain! *hugs the drawing* Meow meow meow!
Mabel: You're always weirder than I remember.

Fixin' It with Soos

Golf Cart

Soos and his terrible video effects, including an "Autografix Free Trial" watermark during the intro.
"Hey, dudes, and welcome to Fixin' it with Soos, the show where I always forget that I'm leaning on the soldering iron." (Yells in pain)
Wendy and Dipper breaking the cart doing "Normal work stuff". Translation: Trying to jump it over Stan's car. It falls off the ramp...and goes aflame.
Wendy and Dipper's baffled reactions to Soos's hammy visual effects moments, mainly because they have no idea why he's posing dramatically and shouting "Unleash the POWERRRRRR!"
Soos: (whispering) I'll show you guys later. (normal voice) Oh no, a bat! Laser eyes!
Dipper: ...Still in the dark here.
Dipper asking if his jumpsuit would make a girl (Wendy) think he's cool. Soos's response?
Soos: Some things... even Soos can't fix.
"I make my own economy!"

Cuckoo Clock

"Thanks, clip-art hand!"
Stan "accidentally" breaking the clock. By repeatedly smashing it with a baseball bat.
Stan: Stop making that noise! I hate you! This is definitely not an accident!
"Duct tape! Wood glue! Hey, you..."
"Lasers!! LASERS DUDE!!!!!!"
"It's too dope! I can't cope!"
Stan's comment after Soos and Mabel finish working on the clock.
"You've joined forces with Mabel. This is an unsettling development."
The clock being permanently set to 1:50.
Soos: Its hands are in the air like it just doesn't care.
The implication that the series was Cut Short due to Soos' computer exploding after creating so many of his graphics.
"Did we get that? Save it for the explosions reel!"
When Stan indifferently rates Soos' job at fixing the clock a 10 out of 10 (for no other reasons than it's stopped making the cuckoo noise), Soos has a dopey smile and drops the clock, breaking it. He then does a graphic of himself "solving" the problem with laser eyes.

TV Shorts

Stan's horrendous TV spot for the Mystery Shack. All of it.
- "Mr. Mystery does not assume liability for disappointment, strange rashes, or accidental plunges into the Bottomless Pit. Visitors may experience loss of vision, loss of balance, loss of children, or loss of wallet. Please do not look Mr. Mystery directly in the eye. Not responsible for uncontrolled fits of rage or fits of pants. Remember to tip your waitress. In the event of no waitress, remember to tip your Mr. Mystery. In the event of no tip, you will be escorted from the premises. Kids’ admission is $30 because they smell bad and that one keeps doing that weird thing with his legs. Side effects may include existential quandaries and sudden moral relativism."
"Sometimes profound/Sometimes absurd/It's Soos Says Some Words".
Soos: If you accidentally eat the prize in your box of cereal, does that make you a specially marked box?
Blubbs and Durland's Totally Radical PSA.
Blubbs: Here we are, two good friends at a high-school basketball game!
Caption: Not Policemen.
- "Who wants to go drink expired apple juice and then... kiss each other..."
- "Uh-uh! No no! Bippity bop kazow! I can't be pressured, no way no how!"^MT
- The PSA ends with Wendy and her friends stealing their uniforms and squad car, leaving Blubs and Durland standing in the gym wearing their ridiculous outfits.
  "Stacey" (cross-dressed Durland): Blubs, look, our uniforms!
  Wendy: Hey there! Lookin' good, sheriff! Woo! (drives off)
Lil' Gideon's Big House.
Gideon: Weekdays at six, 'til I get out!
(An enormous bearded inmate with milk-white eyes and a crazed expression appears from behind the divider)
Ghost Eyes: YOU BETTER LISTEN TO LIL' GIDEON! (Punches the reinforced glass hard enough to shatter it with just his bare fist)
Gideon: (Sweetly) Thank you, Ghost Eyes.
Ghost Eyes: I'd do anything for you, dog.
(They fist bump; alarms begin going off)
Gideon: Oh, no! The warden!
Ghost Eyes: RETREAT! (Gideon hops on his back and they run away)
Bud: "Lil Gideon's Big House" will return as soon as we contain this riot.
Stan's opinion of Gravity Falls Public Access television. "Beats staring at a blank wall. Barely."

Mabel's Scrapbook

Heist Movie

Grunkle Stan's expert lockpicking skills. Which consists of breaking the lock with a rock.
As a diversionary tactic, Dipper changes the title of the movie from "Pony Heist 2" to "Thompson Drinks Popcorn Butter".
Thompson: What?! No, I don't!
- Even better? The ending confirms that yes, Thompson does drink popcorn butter.
"'Pony heist'? More like 'bologna heist'!".

Petting Zoo

"...or winning that dogsled race against that space lizard!"
A goat in the background drinking water contaminated by the mud-flap factory, growing a second head and keeling over dead.
Octavia the 8-legged cow turning out to have laser eyes and a prehensile tongue.
Stan: Run.

Unaired Pilot

This exchange near the beginning, containing the first words of this version of Mabel.
Stan: (Calling from downstairs) Kids!
Dipper: We're sleeping!
Stan: Kids!
Mabel: We're dead!
Then when the kids finally go downstairs:
Stan: Ah, there they are! My favorite twins. Dylan, and...Rowena.
Dipper: Dipper.
Mabel: Mabel.
Stan: ...I'm gettin' closer, though.
Dipper and Mabel: (mumbling over each other) No, I don't know, no, I think it's- I think it's pretty much the opposite./Yeaah, nooo, I- I think it's worse.
The audition scripts have some priceless lines that never made it into the show:
Dipper (sad): Despite my best efforts, the FBI had rejected my application letter 3 times. Each letter said the same thing: "We thank you for your interest, but you're 12. Please enjoy this FBI Kidz Club fanny pack." [crushed] Now I can't even look at a Fanny Pack without reliving the humiliation.
- This line made it into Shelby Rabara's demo reel, the voice actress of Peridot from Steven Universe.
  Mabel (contemplative): Dear Diary, I know I talk about myself a lot, but how are you doing? It must be lonely hanging out under my pillow all day, no other books to talk to. You know what, I'm going to leave a photo of Zac Efron under the pillow, and, you know, no pressure, but you two might hit it off. His eyebrows are waaaaay symmetrical. Ohhhh my gosh, you are a lucky diary.
  Grunkle Stan (conspiratorial): I'm gonna let you kids in on a little secret. I'm not really your uncle! I killed him and stuffed him under the floorboards! (beat) Ha-ha-ha! Aahhh-ha-ha-ha! Naaah, I'm just kidding. I'm...I'm probably your uncle.

Season 2

Scary-oke

"Thirty long years, and it's all led up to this... my greatest achievement! ...Probably should have worn pants."
"Your camera's a cinder-block, Toby." "I just wanna be a part of things..."
Waddles as "Lord Mysteryham". "I play by me own rules, wot wot!"
Dipper: "I don't know why I tell you things."
Grunkle Stan telling Waddles "You didn't see nothing!" while photocopying Journal #3.
"The Mystery Shack is now closed! Everybody out! I will not hesitate to use the hose on the elderly!"
Stan offering the agents "rare pictures of American presidents". Cue dollar bill sliding out of his sleeve.
"How's about you go be a normal kid? Flirt with a girl, or... steal a pie off a windowsill?"
"Karaoke isn't about sounding good. It's about sounding terrible together!"
Grenda and Candy's big entrance.
Grenda: Smash! (plows into a pile of "Stañatas") Grenda has entered the party!
Candy: (picking up pieces of candy) Stan's brains look delicious!
Dipper accidentally finds a Poor Man's Porn Stash in Stan's room, with such titles as "Fully Clothed Women Magazine" ("the Trenchcoat Issue!") and "Lady Swimwear" (with a woman in a wetsuit on the front cover).
This little exchange between the twins, and Mabel treats this situation like a mother scolding her kid for breaking a plate:
Mabel: Dipper! What is the one thing I asked you not to do tonight?
Dipper: Raise the dead...
Mabel: And what did you do?!
Dipper: Raised the dead.
When the Mystery Shack is about to overrun by zombies, Soos states that that he's completely prepared, due to seeing dozens of horror movies. One of the zombies manages to bite and infect him as one of their own..... and he acts exactly the same he was before, aside from his new-found craving for brains.
Zombie Soos: On second thought, gonna flip the script. Can I... eat your brains? "Yea" or "nay"? Seein' some "yea" faces over here.
Pretty much every line by Zombie Soos is comedy gold!
Zombie Soos: Give it up, dudes! Your fighting only makes us look more rad!
Zombie Soos: Oh, hey, dudes! By the way, I taught the zombies how to get into the fusebox! Among these dudes, I'm like a genius, ha ha!
Zombie Soos: Get those brains, dawg!
This wonderful line Stan delivers while fighting off the zombies:
"The only wrinkly monster who harasses my family is me!"
The cure for zombieism apparently involves loads of formaldehyde... and cinnamon.
Soos might've been destroyed by Love Patrol Alpha's concert along with the rest of the zombies - had he not decided to just stay inside and watch TV instead.
Zombie Soos: RRRRRRAGH - Ooh! "Gossiping Housewives" is on!
Zombie: (Offscreen, confused) Rrrrrrg?
Zombie Soos: Eh, I already sat down.
Mabel's failed attempts at a crowd response:
Mabel: I say "kary," you say "oke"! Kary!
Dipper: ...
Mabel: Kary!
Dipper: ...
Mabel: Kary!
Dipper: ...
Mabel: I could do this all day.

Mabel: (when the zombies attack) I say "Mabel," you say "Pines!" Mabel!
Everyone: (screams)
Mabel: Mabel!
Bystander: We're all gonna die!
Mabel: Why does that never work?
"Zombies and gentlemen! I'm Mabel, they're Dipper and Stan, and together we're Love Patrol Alpha!"
Dipper: I never agreed to that name!
Stan's response when Mabel tries to get Dipper and Grunkle Stan to sing karaoke with her so that they can create a three-part harmony and destroy the zombies.
Stan: Uh, Mabel, our lives may not be worth this.
Dipper singing the song's first two lines:
Dipper: "Friday night and we're gonna party 'til dawn. Don't worry daddy, I've got my favorite dress on?!" Mabel, this is stupid!
One zombie reacts to the singing by tearing off its own ears.
The sheer idea of the Pines singing a girly karaoke song to make the zombies' heads explode.
"I can make noises with my body! Sometimes intentionally!"

Into the Bunker

The black-and-white (pseudo-)zombie film Nearly Almost Dead But Not Quite! from Good Enough Pictures.
Dipper: Man, these movies are a lot less scary when you've actually fought real zombies.
Wendy: (To the TV) They're slow! Just power walk away from them!
Dipper: How much you wanna bet that guy dies first?
(CHOMP!)
Chadley: (Flatly) Aah! My face is being EATEN a lot!
Wendy: (She and Dipper laugh) Chadley ain't pretty no more!
"Dude, you're laying on my bra." Cue scream from Dipper.
Grunkle Stan blatantly bribing the contractor after claiming the damage to the Mystery Shack was done by "a big woodpecker".
Stan: I'm winking under my eyepatch...
Contractor: Works for me.
The Cutaway Gag involving Manly Dan repeatedly banging his head against the kitchen ceiling. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Who put that wall there? Ow!"
Mabel and her "skeptic-les".
Soos opens the weapons cabinet in the fallout shelter, and is shocked to find... a Shmez Dispenser. "What's that? Yes, I will have some of your old-timey face-food!"
"This room is way creepy..." "Not as creepy as Dipper's internet history! Hey-o!"
"It's hard to be scared with caterpillars on your face."
The contrast of the super-serious look on Mabel's face and her silly inner monologue while she plans to give Dipper a "push" in admitting his feelings for Wendy.
When Mabel locks Dipper and Wendy into the closet and yells at Dipper to tell her "the thing you've been wanting to tell her" ( Dipper's crush on Wendy, of course):
Wendy: What's she talking about?
Dipper: Nothing! Mabel's just been eating raw sugar packets again!
Mabel: (munching on packets of sugar) That's beside the point!
This bit after Soos and Mabel realize Dipper wasn't lying about a monster being in the caverns:
Mabel: I thought he was just joking!
Soos: You know Dipper's jokes are terrible!
Mabel and her light-up sweater.
Soos: Dude, aren't electric clothes a fire hazard?
Mabel: No. It's a fun hazard.
One that's definitely of the dark humor sort. After the Shape Shifter cruelly taunts Dipper one last time before being flash-frozen by transforming into him screaming and contorted in terror, claiming it'll be his "final moments":
Soos: (Chuckling) Good luck sleeping tonight!
- "I'm all adventure-d out. My face is tired from doing this all day." (Makes a "screaming in terror" face)
After Dipper finishes talking to Wendy about his feelings, it's revealed that Mabel and Soos were eavesdropping the whole time.
Soos: I'm NOT here!
The scene during the credits, with the "Gravity Falls Bargain Movie Showcase".
Announcer: Coming up next, "The Widdlest Wampire", "The Planet People of Planet Planet", "Help! My Mummy's a Werewolf", "Attack of the Exclamation Points!!!!!", "The Man with No Taste", "Ghost Turtle", "Help! My Mummy's a Werewolf 2: This Again".
In the original storyboard when Dipper and Wendy got locked in the decontamination chamber, Dipper was banging at the door telling Mabel to open up. Then Wendy activated the decontamination protocol, leading to a straight-on Funbag Airbag for a good second. Cue Dipper scratching at the door like a panicking cat, before the door behind them opens.

The Golf War

Stan-cakes.
Stan: Who wants Stan-cakes? They're like pancakes but they probably have some of my hair in them.
Dipper: Pass.
Apparently, Mabel sent an article to the Gravity Falls Gossiper (Newspaper) about summer fashion tips for squirrels.
After Mabel explains that her picture is going to be in the newspaper, she shows the paper to Stan and Dipper. Stan then reads...
Stan: Pacifica Northwest declares V-necks the look of the season; What am I looking at here?
Stan questioning Pacifica's picture in the newspaper.
Stan: Is it legal for a child to wear that much makeup?
The Gravity Falls royal discount Putt Hutt commercial was eerily specific and coincidental.
Mabel: I need something to take my mind off of this.
TV: Looking for a distraction from your horrible life?
Mabel: Why, yes!
"And the pig can look after the house!" Cue a confused grunt from Waddles, as if he's asking "Who, me?"
"Hey, those are lewd hand gestures!"
Dipper whiffs his first swing at the first hole of the mini-golf course, and his ball promptly rolls off the green and into a water hazard.
Mabel: Don't worry, bro, you're still... (slaps a dinosaur sticker on Dipper's cheek) ext-ROAR-dinary!
Dipper: ...I'll take what I can get.
Grunkle Stan's reaction to Pacifica's insults: "Soos, would it be wrong to punch a child?"
Mabel insulting Pacifica by calling her a "A walking one-dimensional, bleached-blonde valley girl stereotype!"^note
Mabel's cheesy Imagine Spot about having something to brag about to Pacifica. Complete with the return of Xyler and Kraz.
(Both Mabel and Pacifica are shopping for clothes.)
Pacifica: Um, the section for ugly grandma clothes is over there.
Mabel: Well, the section for people who lost at mini-golf is OVER THERE! (points to the exit)
(Xyler and Kraz run in dressed as paramedics)
Xyler: We came as fast as we could!
Kraz: We heard a little girl got seriously burned!
Both: Ohhhhh!
Pacifica: I'm ruined!
Kraz: Up top! (gives Mabel a high five)
Stan's hilarious Bait-and-Switch Comment.
Stan I don't know, we'd have to break in- JUST KIDDING, LET'S BREAK IN!
Dipper feeding a depressed Mabel nachos while her head is resting on the table.
Soos and Stan chilling in the car. And the hilarious Ho Yay moment therein.
Soos: Sure are a lotta stars out tonight...
Stan: Well, this is gettin' weird. *leaves the car*
This exchange:
Mabel: Are you guys tiny humans, or enormous mini-humans?
Franz: Neither; We're Lilliputtians! Lilli, lilliputt... the name makes more sense written out than spoken.
Dipper and Mabel complimenting the Dutch Lilliputtians' ability to control the balls and sink a golf ball into a hole.
Mabel: That's amazing!
Dipper: And so needlessly complicated!
When the Dutch Lilliputians get ready to elaborate through song Dipper turns them down. When everyone groans and leaves, Franz makes a perfect frowny face.
During the showing of the Eiffel Tower hole, the French Lilliputtians say this:
First Frenchman: Shut your mouths, you showboating pirates! Everyone knows ze Eiffel Tower hole is ze best in ze park!
Second Frenchman: Je ne sais quoi, sacre bleu, au revoir!
Subtitles: I don't actually know French.
Mabel's reaction to the vicious battle between the tribes of Lilliputtians: "Your fighting is inadvertently adorable!"
How Dipper justifies using the help of the Lilliputtians to beat Pacifica.
Dipper: Pacifica's rich, Mabel. She's cheating at life!
The constant petty bickering between the tribes of Lilliputtians is hilarious at times:
Franz: (to the Pirate Captain) I will not be insulted by a man with no depth perception wearing earrings!
Big Henry, the muscular Lilliputtian's Heroic Sacrifice is played so dramatically it was even kinda hilarious, especially interspersed with a brief moment where Pacifica and Mabel are just waiting for the golf ball to reappear.
- Also, right before it happens, Dipper says that he can only imagine the "cute, silly things" that must be going on down there.
REMEMBER BIG HENRY
Dipper's imitation◊ of Pacifica's face when she's upset.◊
"I'm thinking it'll be, like, 'UGH'. Y' know how she does that? 'UGH'."
Mabel's moment of conscience is posed by her as so: "Dipper, is it bad that I feel good about her feeling bad?"
Mabel's attempt at appealing for peace:
Mabel: Why can't you just get along?
(beat)
Dutch Lilliputtian: Because we hate each other!
Pirate Lilliputtian: That's kinda how rivalries work, lass.
Pacifica gets tied up by the Lilliputtians and she says she'll go call her parents. She asks where her phone is, and some of the Lilliputtians have it, one writing up a message just saying "U R DUMM" to one of Pacifica's friends, all the while giggling.
Franz's narrow-minded assumption at what's better than beating Pacifica in mini-golf. Killing her, right?
Dipper assures Pacifica's mini-golf trainer, Sergei, that he can't possibly drown in the shallow waters around the Pirate hole. Sergei falls face-first into the water. Also, he's tied up.
Dipper: Seriously?
When rescuing Pacifica from the Dutch Lilliputtian's Death Trap, Pacifica proceeds to critique Mabel for taking so long, and warns her to "watch the earrings, they cost more than your house!"
Mabel: You know, maybe I shouldn't untie you...
Pacifica: Untie me! Untie me!
Mabel: That's what I thought.
Pacifica's trainer Sergei falls off the back of the cart during the big getaway chase. Pacifica looks back and, after a moment of silence, pragmatically says "I'll get another one".
Pacifica's rage at the Lilliputtians calling her and the Pines "dumb huge-lings" while banning them from the Putt Hutt.
Pacifica: What did you say to me you little trolls? I will sue you! I will sue and I will own you! (Punches closed door)
Pacifica initially rebuffs Mabel's offer of a ride home, until lightning strikes, signaling more rain incoming. Cut to her completely nonplussed and slightly frazzled in the back seat, surrounded by the silliness that is the Pines Family.
Stan's upbeat song that reveals the car's headlights don't work and he can't see the road.
Mabel teaches Pacifica about sharing... literally; Pacifica has never even heard the word before and pronounces it with a hard 'r' when trying to sound it out.
Mabel and Dipper dropping Pacifica off at home.
Mabel: At the end of the day, she's an ordinary kid just like us.
(Gate opens to reveal giant mansion, fireworks, peacocks roaming the courtyard and an illuminated victory sign)
Dipper: ...Should have charged her for that taco.
Mabel: Agreed!
Franz follows the Pines home by clinging to the back license plate of Stan's car, and gleefully vows revenge on them all - until a bump in the road dislodges him, and he gets hopelessly wedged in a clump of sand by the ditch.
Sergei being held captive, and forced to watch a Lilliputtian song and dance number.
Sergei: Can I go now?
Liliputtians: NEVER!
Mabel finding two tacos in Stan's car, which she promptly eats.

Sock Opera

When Mabel first sees Gabe, she takes out her pop-up book.
Mabel: (opening page with pop-up heart) Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
Dipper: Oh boy.
"Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt." Cue Dipper catching himself chewing on his shirt.
Candy wanting to steal Gabe away from Mabel. And expressing it in Korean to boot.
"I was just working on the world's greatest puppet show. It has puppets!"
Mabel's description of how her puppet show will be:
Mabel: People's eyes will get wet. Cause they'll be crying. From laughter! From how tragic it is.
Bill Cipher returns, and with him, his unique sense of humor.
Dipper: There has to be some shortcut or clue [to this laptop's password]. Who would know about secret codes?
(The moon turns into Bill's eye, and his body constructs itself around it)
Bill: I THINK I KNOW A GUY!
Bill: Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me!
(later)
Bill: Hey, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds? (screams and flails his arms about)
Dipper: (wakes up screaming and flailing his arms)
- Even better. If you count the seconds between Bill and Dipper's screaming, Bill did indeed imitate Dipper three seconds prior to the latter's Catapult Nightmare.
Stan complaining about Mabel's "Mabel Juice"
Mabel: It has plastic dinosaurs in it!
Stan: It's like if coffee and nightmares had a baby.
Candy nervously holding up a puppet covered in googly eyes and asking "How many eyes does a face have, again?"
"This sock crisis just bumped up to a Code Argyle!"
"You look like a vampire, and not the hot kind!"
Bill exploring Dipper's body and the pain he can bring it. Among other things, he falls down a set of stairs with a totally casual expression for no reason at all, stabs himself with forks and slaps himself in the face in front of Dipper, in ways that would be horrifying if he weren't being so hilariously casual and chipper about it.
[cheerfully, while slamming Dipper's arm in a drawer] "Boy, these arms are durable!"
- Bill getting a can of soda from the fridge, gleefully declaring that he's "gonna drink it like a person!", and pouring into his open, unswallowing mouth and eyes. All while laughing.
Bill (in Dipper's body) screwing with Dipper's friends.
Dipper!Bill: Hey Soos! Wanna hear the exact time and date of your death?
Soos: Heh heh, okay!
Bill's smooth moves on Wendy.
Grunkle Stan manages to be both heartwarming and hilarious with this line:
Stan: Are you kiddin' me? I would never miss... whatever this is.
Grenda as the stage manager.
"The show is about to begin! Please turn off your cell phones... unless you're texting me, cuties!"
"Our intermission has begun! MILL ABOUT!"
Also, Grenda and Bipper's interaction:
Grenda: The journal's in the cake, but that doesn't come down until the third act. So hold your horses!
Bipper: Oh I'll hold my horses. I'll hold them. Beat. You monster.
The fact that Mabel's play has 37 musical numbers.
When Dipper possesses the sock puppet version of himself in an attempt to warn Mabel:
Mabel: AAAAH! It's come to life! The puppet books didn't warn me about this! (throws a fork at the Dipper puppet)
Dipper: Mabel, it's me, Dipper! You need to help me!
Mabel: Wait, what... Dipper? But you're... so much more of a sock than usual.
- Puppet Dipper getting angry is so silly to look at that Mabel can't help but laugh even if the situation is dire. Helped a LOT by a closeup of Puppet Dipper freaking out◊ and doing a perfect Kermit-esque scrunchy face.
Mabel apparently thinks a "biscotti" is some type of sports car.
"Wanna kiss and sing at the same time?"
Mabel referring to Bill-in-Dipper's-body as "Bipper".
"Woah, children fighting! I can sell this!"
How does Mabel defeat this unstoppable being of pure energy with no weakness? By tickling him and letting him chase her around in circles until he gets tired out.
Bipper: (laughing as he's tickled before freaking out) AH! Body spasms! What are these?!
(Soon after)
Bipper: (as Mabel is running around the stage to tire him out) Ugh... What... What is this feeling? My body is burning. I can't move these stupid noodle legs! Curse you, useless flesh sticks! Body... shutting down... Must... scratch... mosquito bites... (collapses in slow motion)
"Yes! I'm back in my body! And it's...just as underwhelming as I remember. Ohhhh...everything hurts..."
The result of the pyrotechnics destroying the set of Mabel's puppet show. Mabel reassures Dipper by telling him that the audience will think it's All Part of the Show and clap for the extraordinary performance. The audience boos them off and leaves in frustration, and Gabe makes out with his sock puppets for comfort.
- Upon observing that last bit, Mabel decides that she "might've dodged a bullet there."
- The aforementioned trashing of the set is just as funny: a slow-mo explosion of all the puppets as "Ave Maria" plays and the Stan puppet falls in flames. And then Gabe makes the most overdramatic face imaginable.
The bonus code screen at the end of the episode.
- The image is hilarious. The cipher, when translated...not so much. ^note
The Stinger, which has Stan and Old Man McGucket as Statler and Waldorf-esque puppets critiquing the Dipper and Mabel sock puppets.
Stan's first reaction to walking in on everyone making puppets: "Not even gonna ask." And later, "Still ignoring this."

Soos and the Real Girl

The first three seconds of the episode:
Mabel: (prancing) La la la la la (runs right into the door, gets braces caught in the screen) Aaah! BRACES! BRACES CAUGHT IN THE SCREEN DOOR!
- Which is followed by Mabel, assuming this is the end for her, requesting someone to help dictate her will.
  Mabel: I'm giving it all to Waddles!
Grandpa Ramirez apparently wasn't a great guy.
Abuelita: I would like to see you settled, before I ascend to Heaven and live with the angels.
Soos: And with Grandpa!
Abuelita: ...No, he is not there. [glances downward]
- What really sells this is how certain and unbothered Abuelita is, with all the implications it entails.
Goldie's first appearance, scaring the living daylights out of an unsuspecting child. Goldie's existence counts as one. For context, Goldie is an old animatronic designed to look like a gold prospector, that dispenses "gold nuggets" to kids who put a nickel into his coin slot. Problem is, Goldie is so old and poorly maintained that when Stan tries to show it off to a potential customer, the animatronic breaks down, oil begins to pour out of it's mouth, it's eyes pop out of their sockets and it starts "screaming". Five Nights At Freddy's wishes it could be that scary!
- When Goldie breaks down, Wendy encourages Stan to throw him out on the grounds that "Its face reminds everyone of the inevitability of death."
Stan: Forget it! Goldie here is an old classic, just like me! *his hand slips on the oil leaking from Goldie and his arm gets stuck in it's mouth* AAAHHHH!! KILL IT!! KILL IT!!!
Soos' first attempt at flirting. "Attempt" being the operative word.
Soos: (slightly stilted) Your face is good. I'm a Soos!
- Which causes the girl he was talking to to scream in fear, and run out of the store while shoving a customer out of the way and knocking over some shelves.
- "Just use your mouth to say words that makes romance happen."
- The fact Soos introduces himself as 'a Soos' raises some interesting implications...
At the mall, Soos expresses being afraid of embarrassing himself again, and Mabel attempts to cheer him up.
Mabel: Eh, you can't be any worse at this than Dipper.
Dipper: Yeah! Wait, wha-?
"Hey there! I'm not scared of your eyes at all! I'm gonna LOOK AT THEM!"
Soos trying to flirt with a gothic... person outside the Hot Topic stand-in.
Soos: So, you're probably a girl, right? ... Wrong? No I was right the first time! ... Wrong?
Soos reading from the cover of the game:
"Virtually improve your dating skills. 9/10 basement dwellers recommend."
- "This is perfect!"
On the sticky note on Romance Academy 7 warning "destroy at all costs!", someone apparently took the time to draw the Flipping the Table emoticon.
Soos' attempt at flirting...with a cardboard cutout.
Soos: So hey there, what's your deal? Like uh...(Cardboard cutout falls over) OH, she's dead!
Will E. Badger's very existence. He's a Totally Radical rocker who completely doesn't fit in with the jug band motif of Hoo-Haw's, clearly thrown in as part of a marketing ploy ("NOW GIVE ME ALL YOUR MON-AAAY!"). Unlike Poochie, however, Will E.'s ridiculously popular; someone even throws their pants at the stage!
Romance Academy 7's translation.
Soos: "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom... anthyding can hadplen." That is so true.
- Earlier, the game screen shows the developer, "Year 2000 Electronics."
  Soos: "Man, I can't wait for the year 2000!"
Giffany tells Soos that "Every time you compliment me, I get another highlight in my eyes!" He starts giving her compliments and her eyes get so big and shiny they end up looking like this◊.
"Dang! Where dem sweet honeys at?!" Straight from the mouth of Mabel.
Mabel, nearly veering into bi territory, barging into the women's restroom to find a date for Soos and scaring everyone away.
Mabel: "I'll check the ladies bathroom. It's love time, girls! Get out there! No time to wash your hands! (every woman in there runs out terrified) It's time to date, date, date!"
Dipper: ...aaand here comes security.
After Soos accidentally bumps into a lady shopper and tries desperately to undo the situation^noteBy "clicking" undo., the lady ominously responds with "You can't undo who you are." Really, the bizarre tonal shift with that little bit is hysterical.
When Giffany is explaining to Soos what happened when her creators tried to delete her and she had to "delete" them, there's a scene of several figures on computers. One of them has a stream of binary on their monitor, which when translated reads "SPACEJAMTWO".
When Giffany offers to be with Soos "forever and ever":
Soos: That's awesome! Sort of a red flag... but mostly awesome!
Giffany and Soos' date of him riding a kiddie train ride with Giffany in the monitor of the train, riding her own train◊
When Soos meets a real-life girl he likes, she works at a place called Meat Cute!
Soos: Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future.
Melody: I feel the same way...
Mabel's little joyful freak-out when Soos manages to get a date.
Wendy's reactions to Stan's obsession with getting the animatronic badger:
Wendy: This is literally too dumb for me to care about.
"Sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic badger to stay in this crazy game called life."
- Stan tries sneaking out of his own house through the front window for no reason, then injures his back.
  Wendy: I'll get your orthopedic back pillow.
  Stan: Thank you.
Stan, hiding backstage at Hoo-Ha's, spies on the guy in charge of the animatronics who had smugly dismissed him earlier and motivated his attempted heist.
Gary: (Pushing Will E. Badger backstage) Good show man! Way to warm 'em up! (suddenly insecure) I wish I was more like you. (kisses Will E. on the cheek, then walks off)
The subtle joke of Melody complaining about her itchy legs, meaning she shaved them exclusively for the date.
Giffany stalking Soos on his date is creepy, but his response is rather amusing:
Soos: Could you sit tight? I need to go to the bathroom for a long time... not in a weird way.
This line referencing a common online debate:
Soos: Guys, I'm being stalked by Giffany! ...Or maybe it's pronounced "JIFfany"? I was never really sure.
"Take it from someone who brought an arcade game to life, this will not end well."
(in cheerful Machine Monotone) "Hello, friends. Hoo-Ha the Owl is dead."
"I'm going to eat your face like pizza!" Which is also potential Nightmare Fuel.
Soos's battle plan.
Soos: I'm so sorry, Melody. It's me that she wants. I'll distract her while Dipper and Mabel keep you safe! It's the only way!
Melody: Soos, these are children.
Soos: THE ONLY WAY!
Melody admitting that a date involving being attacked by sentient robots and dealing with a Yandere AI is actually NOT the worst date she's been on.
Melody: Never date a magician.
Abuelita Ramirez following the group in secret.
Abuelita: Soos's life is my soap opera.
Stan running off to Vegas with Goldie in The Stinger. And doing everything from gambling with it to marrying it.
- And the Lil' Jon-parodying rap number performed by John DiMaggio over the credits.
  WE GON' GET MARRIED
  IT'S A GREAT IDEA
  WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE
  THIS WAS A MISTAKE (WHAT)
This episode has a lot of really great fake product names:
- Wendy reads a magazine called "Avoiding Eye Contact Monthly."
- Soos buys the game with Giffany in it from a place called "Beebly Boop's Videogames", with a perfect imitation of the Gamestop logo and font.
- There are stores in the mall called "Overalls Are Cool Now" and "Build A Beaver".
- The local Hot Topic pastiche is named "EDGY on PURPOSE".
- The arcade games at Hoo-Haw's wrecked by Giffany include "Virtual Owl Trowel" and "Life Avoider".
- Stan and Goldy sit in a bathtub drinking glasses of "rich people water".
The last third of the episode as a whole becomes particularly hilarious when you consider that it involves possessed animal animatronics at a pizzeria. Given the Production Lead Time (especially in a traditionally animated cartoon like Gravity Falls), it's very unlikely any of this was intentional. Hirsch had to point that out, in fact. Which somehow makes it funnier.
- It gets even more Hilarious in Hindsight as the core premise of the episode forms the central story element of another indie horror game released after the episode aired, meaning Hirsch accidentally referenced TWO popular indie horror games' plots within the same episode.
The last exchange between Soos and Melody, given the context of the episode:
Melody: I'm going back home to Portland in a few weeks. But we can video chat, if that's okay with you?
Soos: A relationship with a girl that I can only see through my computer...sounds perfect!

Little Gift Shop of Horrors

The intro, with Stan acting as a Horror Host:
Stan: But be warned, if you enter, you may be subjected to my tales... TALES DESIGNED TO SELL MY MERCHANDISE! (Evil Laugh) ... Sorry, I was thinking of something funny I heard earlier.
Stan tossing aside a palantír.
Stan: That's not for sale.
When the Handwitch refuses to sell Grunkle Stan any of her watches, an ominous wind stirs up and she shrieks "The wind whispers your name!" Cut to Tyler the Cute Biker selling windchimes at a booth called "Sev'ral Chimez", who tries to shush his windchimes.
When Grunkle Stan mocks Dipper for his worries about the witch:
Grunkle Stan: Anyone wanna buy a wet blanket? Wet blanket for sale!
Toby Determined: (selling actual wet blankets) I can't survive in this market...
When Stan wakes up he is freaked out by his own reflection.
Grunkle Stan: Aaahhhh! ...Oh wait, is this curse ugly, or normal ugly?
Stan adjusts to the loss of his hands pretty quickly. "So I might've got cursed a little..."
- Shortly afterward, the Hand Witch appears in the watch to taunt him.
Hand Witch: Foolish man! Thieving hands find wicked fates! You must return what isn't yours and- (Stan casually slips an oven mitt on over the watch, muffling her)
Stan's attempts at living without his hands. It does NOT go well. Examples include:
- Stan lifting his fez to Lazy Susan, only to freak her out when she sees he has forks for fingers. Then he gets one of the forks on his fake hands stuck in his face.
- Stan attempting to bowl, only for his bowling ball to slip out of his hands and trip Tyler, whose own ball flies up into the ceiling and smashes one of the score monitors, which nearly lands on another bowler.
- Stan getting pummeled by eggs the store clerk throws at him because he can't catch them anymore.
Clerk: Hey Mr. Pines! Should we play "toss me a dozen eggs" like we always do?
Stan: No, Jimmy, wait! Not today! Not todaaaay!
Mabel playing rock-paper-scissors with two of the Handwitch's hands, and running away when she loses.
After Stan apologizes and returns the watch, he demands his hands back so he can give the Handwitch a certain gesture.
The Handwitch ad-libbing to get a date with Stan.
Handwitch: The spirits say...um...that the curse can only be broken by a KISS!
- And after Stan reluctantly obliges with a peck on the hand:
Handwitch: A kiss on the LIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPS!
Stan: WHAT?! Forget it! I'm not kissing any of that mess! I don't need my hands that bad!
- Even better: Dipper actually agrees she is going too far and just making stuff up.
After giving her cave a makeover, Mabel assures the Handwitch that "Men will definitely tolerate you now!"
After Stan gets his hands back from the Handwitch:
Stan: Well, I learned nothing!
The Handwitch using the book of pick-up lines Mabel gave her on a passing handsome hiker, and it works.
Dipper first becomes interested in solving the What-The-Heck-A-Hedron when he learns that the person to solve it will be featured on the box - getting a smooch from a hot model.
Dipper: Whoa! Now that's false advertising I can get behind!
Mabel and Waddles playing at being "morning zoo" disc jockeys.
Mabel: Don't touch that dial, truckers, 'cause the Hogg just ate it!
"Forgive me, my pig arms are cute and useless."
Mabel freaking out over Waddles suddenly becoming smart and building a voice-synthesizer.
Mabel: This isn't right! (holds up a Spin 'n' Say-like toy) The pig goes oink! The pig goes oink!
Waddles: Now, the pig goes wherever he can shine the light of knowledge into the darkness of ignorance.
Waddles squealing angrily at Gompers the goat chewing on his pillow, then shooting a fusillade of foam missiles at it.
"My kite got stuck in a tree! I hate everything!"
Waddles giving Grenda a jetpack and Candy a death ray.
Candy: Death to my enemies!
"LONELINESS!"
The pictures of "Waddles's ???th Birthday, Probably" has Mabel and Waddles just eating a big bowl of cake frosting and sprinkles, with a few candles in it.
Waddles using his masterpiece machine to feed himself potatoes.
Smart!Waddles: Yummy yummy! For my fat little pig tummy!
- Smart!Waddles is voiced by Neil deGrasse Tyson. This makes the above line, as well as him trying to shoo the goat that's pestering him, at least twice as hilarious.
Waddles' flashback montage is as touching as it is silly.
Just remember to remember those times!
- The last memory of the flashback is Waddles and Mabel both alternating head butting Stan while he's eating a sandwich. Stan's face during this is both annoyed and resigned.
Mabel threatening Stan off-screen for trying to sell Waddles to the viewer.
Stan's line:
Stan: "Movies are great! You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you, next thing you know you gotta raise a kid, your life falls apart... Forget that last part."
"Ooh, old people movies! Get ready for references we don't understand, and words we can't repeat!"
Mabel's fear of stop-motion. In fact, she ends up spending much of the "Clay Day" segment cowering in a laundry basket full of old sweaters.
Mabel: The Cyclops! Its face is made of nightmares!
The text on the back of the box of Stan's movie says;
"I actually watched this."- A Critic
"My favorite movie!" - Mom
Rated O for Old People
The movie the Pines' and Soos are watching at the beginning of Clay Day. While the guys look utterly bored, Mabel is happily rocking back and forth on the floor, obsessed with the animated movie being played.
Little girl on screen: You did it, Shimmery Twinkleheart!
Giant star toon: No, you did it, Cinnamon!
Mabel: (With Twinkleheart) Because you believed in yourself!
Soos, Stan, Dipper: Ugh!/Boo!/Everything about this is bad!
Stan: Welp, that put me 90 minutes closer to death.
Stan tries to console Mabel about her fear shortly after breaking into the animator's house.
Stan: You see, Mabel, those "monsters" are just tiny clay figures moved around one frame at a time. By an antisocial shut-in.
Soos: Those people are called "animators".
When Stan, Dipper and Soos encounter the living claymation cyclops.
Stan: (Dodges arm) It's slowly- (Dodges arm again) -swiping at us! (Dodges for the last time)
Soos: Let's escape by standing still! (cyclops grabs him) It didn't work!
Near the end of "Clay Day", the characters watch the battle between the giant Shimmery Twinkleheart and Claymore's stop-motion monsters just off-screen, while discussing how expensive and time-consuming claymation is.
Harry Claymore's line about his work: "What? You think people animate these things by hand one frame at a time? I'm not a masochist! I use black magic to animate these things."
Gumby Soos. Who is implied to have been killed by Stan.
Stan: We're safe now, kids. (grabs them) We're safe.
Waddles commenting that there's more to life than fart noises and laughing at those fart noises.
After the viewer decides not to buy anything from Stan's shop, Stan knocks out the viewer with a potion and introduces his newest attraction, the Legendary Cheapskate.
Mabel playing tic-tac-toe with the viewer at the end, and just can't make up her mind whether she wants to be X or O.
Dipper: (with a tone of weary experience) Trust me, just let her be X's.
Stan's Slasher Smile.

Society of the Blind Eye

Jeff the gnome threatening to resort to cannibalism if the other gnomes don't succeed in getting Lazy Susan's pie.
- After Lazy Susan is abducted; "Well, back to pie! I was this close to eating you, Steve.
Dipper accidentally biting into his pen, and throwing it into a box for chewed-up "thinking pens".
Mabel lamenting her bad luck with boys after learning Mermando is engaged to the queen of the manatees for political reasons.
Mabel: (points to a picture of Norman) Turned out to be gnomes... (points to Li'l Gideon) Child psycho... (points to Gabe) Made out with his own hands...
- Doubly funny is that Mabel considers the manatee queen to be beautiful.
"Rappers are visionaries, Wendy. If they told me to eat my own pants, I would do it!" Guess what the next verse of "Straight Blanchin'" involves?
Soos: I guess I have no choice! Doo doo doo...
- "Straight Blanchin'"'s entire existence in the show, as a parody of annoying summer jingles (and to a lesser extent, top 40 music in general). Its lyrics consist of little but "Am I blanchin'? Girl we blanchin', I live up in a mansion!" (Aside from the "eat your own pants" bit.)
- "Why is Soos eating his own pants?"
Irritated by his nonstop rap music, Wendy throws Soos' CD out the truck window, and then immediately realizes she was overreacting.
Wendy: ....I'll buy you a new one.
"Mabel, are you okay? You just walked by a cat without petting it."
Lazy Susan's recollection of her gnome sighting.
Lazy Susan: Well, I was leaving the diner, and I saw these bearded little doodads, and I was like, "Bwaaa?!"
Blind Eye Leader: There, there... you wont' be "like bwaa" for much longer.
McGucket Symbol Swearing in hamboning.◊
After the ominous meeting, the members of the Society of the Blind Eye wander off, jovially telling each other "Un-see you later!"
After McGucket, Dipper and Soos manage to disguise themselves as part of an exhibit:
Cultist 1: I could've sworn I heard someone.
Cultist 2: Probably just the janitor kissing that wax settler woman again.
Cultist 1: Oof, remind me to erase that from my memory.
"Man, you have got to teach me some of them old-man swear-words!"
Robbie's memory-wiping session, in which he recalls the events of "Fight Fighters" and, after a little prompting to be honest, begrudgingly admits he got saved by a twelve-year old.
Mabel showing Wendy her opening line for talking to a guy.
Mabel: "Hi, I'm Mabel! I'm twelve and I own a pig, wanna get married?"
- From that same scene, Wendy's impression of a guy involves wrapping a lock of her hair around her face in imitation of mutton-chops and saying "Testosterone!" in a gravelly voice, then spitting.
McGucket while hiding from the Order, notices his own Pointless Band-Aid.
McGucket: Hey, why does my beard have a bandage? Does that even make sense? Why has no one pointed that out?
Everyone's extremely distressed confessions as they're about to have their memories erased.
Soos: Mabel, for half of the summer I thought your name was Maple, like the syrup. No one corrected me!
Mabel: I only love some of my stuffed animals and the guilt is killing me!
Dipper: Sometimes I use big words and I don't actually know what they mean! I mean, I'm supposed to be the smart guy! If I'm not the smart guy, who am I?!
Wendy: Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7! Have you met my family?!
- During their final goodbyes just a moment later, Soos blurts out, "I'm gonna miss you, Maple!"
During his Big Damn Heroes moment, McGucket supplies the gang with prospector-era weapons from the museum. Dipper gets a stuffed raccoon on a stick, and Soos got an informative plaque about Dysentery.
Soos: (Holding up plaque threateningly) Nobody better mess!
- Even better, a member of the Order flees when Soos holds it up and threatens them with dysentery.
Soos: Dysentery's gonna get you, dawg!
After it's revealed one of the members, Farmer Sprott, wears nothing but his underwear in his robe...
Soos: (holds memory ray to head) Well, time to erase that forever.
After wiping the Blind Eye society's memories of their society, Dipper tricks them into thinking they were just visiting the museum and to give their donations to the gold miner (McGucket). Looks like his Grunkle has rubbed off on him a bit. Also a bit of Heartwarming when you consider that the money will help McGucket.
Mabel giving Blind Ivan a fun new identity. And a banjo.
Mabel: Your name is Toot Toot McBumbersnazzle! You’re a traveling banjo minstrel with a song in your heart and funny tattoos on your head!
- Scrawling "Butts" on Ivan's head with a permanent marker. Because of Ivan's phrenology tattoo, the implication is that an entire section of Ivan's brain is dedicated solely to thinking about butts. Also, the responses:
Ivan: That's not funny!
Dipper: It's pretty funny.
Soos: It's objectively funny.
At the end, Wendy remarks that the episode's events have helped her get "Straight Blanchin'" out of her head. Guess what's playing on the radio of Soos' truck.
Wendy: Oh, come on!
After Mabel decides to learn from her failed summer romances rather than try to erase the memories of them, she gets the others to help her vandalize a poster of Gabe Bensen from Sock Opera.

Blendin's Game

"He's either the bravest time-convict I've seen, or just the dumbest!" Cue Blendin crashing into a wall, tripping over some barrels, and spraining his "time-knee". "Definitely the dumbest."
- "Oh, time-dangit!"
The twins' reactions when the vending machine fails.
Mabel: Everything is terrible forever!
"Forget taking off the wrappers! I'm eating these now!"
- *cough* *cough* "That was a mistake!"
Soos mentions that he would do anything for the Pines family.
Stan (off-screen): Soos! I need to scratch myself in two places at once!
Soos: And I mean anything. Coming, Mr. Pines!
Soos apparently keeps "emergency salami" in his wallet.
Mabel: Soos, my respect for you has grown.
When Mabel announces she's always wanted a surprise party, Candy appears out of nowhere and, with a cry of "Surprise!", throws confetti over Mabel. Mabel just gives her a dirty look and says "Too little too late, Chiu."
"More exclamation points! More, I say!"
When the kids hear that Soos is coming, Grenda yells “Everyone be quiet!”.
Stan apparently tried getting the government to remove Soos's birthday from the calender. Now he's not allowed on planes.◊
Toby Determined as "The Razz Dazzler" is so sad, it's hilarious.
Toby: (in a cheery voice) Razzle dazzle, friends! It's me, the Razz Dazzler! This is what my life has become!
- And in the past, Mabel sees Toby learning how to tap-dance, and bluntly tells him "This dream goes nowhere, Toby!"
Mabel's odd laugh after she tells Soos that Dipper and she "definitely didn't rifle through [Soos's] wallet" to find out that he likes laser tag.
The cheesy "Mission Briefing" at the laser-tag place:
Announcer: It is the year 8000! Society collapsed! Fog machines, everywhere!
Grunkle Stan and Wendy talking about the laser-tag place:
Wendy: Are these walls just mattresses spray-painted purple?
Stan: I think this place used to be a mattress store.
"Kick: Deflected! Thank you for buying DigiCod®, the Smart Codpiece™!"
Dipper and Mabel's inability to remember Blendin's name. "Blar-blar!"
Mabel's reaction to the horrors of Globnar:
Mabel: ...Is this a game show? Are we in Japan?
Mabel tries to distract Lolph by claiming to be his "great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother", complete with Dipper prompting her on how many greats to add. Even more hilarious, it works!
Lolph: (after Dipper and Mabel steal his time-tape) Gam-gam, how could you?!
Mabel: I ain't no one's gam-gam, sucka! You just got time tricked!
After the twins teleport too far into the past:
Mabel: Time travel, man! Why you gotta be so complicated?!
Blendin threatens to 'keep stammering' until Lolph and Dundgren find the twins, which references not only his speech patterns, but those Justin Roiland uses in his other characters, like Morty and Lemongrab.
Blendin: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-...
Irony occurs when the twins are in the past and they encounter Wendy and Tambry (at five years old.) Tambry tells Dipper that Wendy thinks he's cute. Dipper's embarrassed and confused by it while Mabel teases him that this is probably how Wendy feels, cue epiphany from Dipper.
Dipper: Aha, thank you, I mean you're super young so this is weird.
Mabel: Now you know how she feels, creep.
Dipper: Aha, yeah I...wow...wow.
The running gag of (young) Robbie shooting someone with his water gun.
- Also the fact that at one point, he calls himself "Young Robbie". It's a Call-Forward to Robbie in the present calling himself "Laser Tag Robbie", but that it's young Robbie calling himself young for no real reason makes it doubly funny.
When the twins surrender, Lolph warns Dundgren to be careful since they're from the past and "they might have powder muskets or slap bracelets."
Once Dipper and Mabel turn themselves over to the TPAES:
Blendin: Prepare! For! GLOBNAAAAAAA-- (mute)
Lolph: Hey, turns out I can mute him!
Dundgren: Man, I wish we knew about that earlier.
Time Baby resisting the formula from the robot, and then later drinking all of it before another robot comes along and pats his back so he can burp.
The much hyped final challenge of the gladiator games Blendin challenges Dipper and Mabel to turns out to be.... laser tag.
Blendin: I know it doesn't seem that challenging now, but just wait until they turn on that fog machine. You'll be done for! You just wait till you-
- Dipper easily wins the challenge by shooting Blendin before he has a chance to run off.
After defeating Blendin, the Time Baby asks the twins what fate they will decide for the loser.
Mabel: DEEEAAATH! (Dipper: Mabel!) Sorry, I got carried away.
When Dipper decides to show Blendin compassion and declare his fate to be "to have his job back," Mabel adds "And give him pretty hair!" with great conviction.
"Yes! I got my job back! I'm so happy I could hug someone!" "I can kill you in eight different ways." "Yes, sir!"
Soos' wish, which has a triple pointage for being this, Heartwarming Moment and Moment of Awesome. Instead of wishing to see his deadbeat father, he wishes for Dipper and Mabel to be cleaned up. When Blendin rants angrily about how he completely wasted a time wish, Soos explains that he also wished for a slice of "Infinite Pizza", which regenerates after every bite. Everyone agrees that that's a pretty great wish.
When Time Baby enters the Globnar arena, he yells, "SILENCE!" The whole crowd falls silent except for one fan, who continues cheering enthusiastically. Said fan is shot and killed by Time Baby's Eye Beams.

The Love God

The twins cloud-gazing with Wendy and her friends:
Mabel: Woah, that cloud looks like a chipmunk!
(An airplane flies through the cloud)
Wendy: Heh, barfing an airplane.
Thompson: (points to a waffle-shaped cloud) That cloud looks like, uh, a cloud.
Other Kids: Boo!
Wendy: Thompson, stop being the worst at everything!
Dipper making fun of Thompson throughout the episode and earning the approval of Nate and Lee.
If you pause when Wendy is flipping through Tambry's phone, you will see a list of bands that are going to be playing at the Woodstick festival, including acts such as "Scarves Indoors" and "Wood Grain on Everything".
"Gaze upon death! Gaze upon death!"
The horrifying thing Thompson finds in an open grave in the cemetery... a moping Robbie clutching a picture of Wendy and wailing about his misfortune.
Wendy: It's really sweet you threw yourself into a grave for me, but man, time to move on.
- Immediately after Robbie lies to Wendy about moving on from their breakup, we hear that his ringtone is a song he wrote about her.
Wendy I miss you so much, I'll never move on, never ever.
- Upon realizing that the song is playing, Robbie immediately chucks his phone into a tombstone shattering it, and claims that the song was written about a "different" Wendy.
  - "Shattering" is putting it mildly; Robbie's phone disintegrates.
- "The cemetery used to be fun, now it's just depressing."
- Robbie telling a vulture to just eat him already and end his misery. It does.
  Robbie: Aah! I was just being dramatic! Quit it! Ow! My face! Vulture!
Mabel bragging about her match-making successes, including Waddles and Gompers the goat... who have been dressed in wedding attire and duct-taped together.
- The Stinger revolves around a Photo Montage of Gompers and Waddles' "wedding" pictures, while a cheesy 70s pop ballad about "A Goat and a Pig" plays.
- One of the photos is of Stan officiating the wedding with a bored look on his face. In the same picture, Dipper is staring in mild confusion, while Grenda looks to be on the verge of tears.
- Soos managed to catch the bouquet of flowers before Mabel did, accidentally shoving aside Wendy, who wasn't even trying to grab the bouquet (she was eating a piece of cake).
Stan's horrified reaction to realizing the Woodstick festival is coming to town, including threatening to take a crossbow to the hot-air balloons passing overhead.
Stan: Soos! Lock down the shack and hide my shirts before anyone tie-dyes them! (aiming at the balloons) They're slow. We can probably take a few down!
Robbie's parents are very cheerful and friendly... and they're also funeral directors. Wherever they go, Black Comedy follows.
Valentino Funeral Home
If you were dead, you'd be home by now!
- The reveal that Robbie's middle name is Stacey.
- As Mabel is walking through their house, we see her pass by a series of framed pictures, all showing Robbie as he grows older. The music slows to a crawl as Robbie is shown growing more and more into the Emo Teen he is today.
"I used to think you were a creepy jerk, like the human version of rat poison."
- "Uh huh... go on..."
Mabel trying to find a match for Robbie. "Multi-Bear? I'm putting you in the 'maybe' pile."
- A blink and you'll miss it moment shows Mabel's "work in progress" carvings, which include Dipper and Candy, Grunkle Stan and Abuelita, and McGucket and one of the beavers.
Wendy's friends duct-taping snacks to Thompson's body to smuggle into the music festival.
A chalkboard in Greasy's Diner reads "Ask about our steak dinner! We don't have one!"
When Mabel meets the Love God, he hands her a beat-up old cassette tape of one of his albums. She says "Oh, that's... great!" with forced cheeriness as she discreetly tosses the tape in a nearby trash can.
"They're gonna make a snadger!"
"Will you accept squirrels as payment?!"
Mabel swapping one of the Love God's potions for a squirrel.
Mabel: Shhhhhh...
Nate punching Thompson's mailbox after the group has a falling out over Robbie hooking up with Tambry.
Thompson: NOT MY MAILBOX!
- Even better is that Nate hurt his hand doing so.
Mabel criticizing Dipper's shirt, and Dipper agrees!
Mabel:...Also, you are not pulling off that v-neck.
Dipper (sighing): I know.
Mabel: BURN IT!
"Guy from the ten-dollar bill! I forgot I had a crush on you!"
- Becomes even funnier three months later when a musical about the life of, and titled after, that guy premiered.
Grunkle Stan's hideous hot air balloon modeled after his own head. Especially when it starts to fall apart.
Stan: Let 'er rip!
Soos: Oh no! A letter rip! (jumps and ducks)
Stan: What the H?! (the letter H falls on Stan, while the R follows suit)
Original Message: I HEART KIDS
Modified Message: I _EA_T KIDS (At this point it's also on fire)
- The over-dramatic music that plays as it terrorizes everybody is the icing on the cake.
  - Before Brad Breeck wrote the score for the scene, the music used in the storyboard scratch-track was "Duel of the Fates".
- "It's heaven's punishment for our terrible taste in everything!"
- When Charlie asks his mother if the floating head was going to eat them, the mother replies yes, crying and hugging him as the balloon slowly descends upon them. The whole scene is practically straight out of a monster flick.
When the Love God gets back his anti-love formula, he boasts that "only a greater being from the heavens above" can stop him. Cue Grunkle Stan's balloon crashing on top of him.
Robbie's parents overlooking the crashed balloon:
Greg: (smiling) Oh no, I hope someone didn't die!
Janice: (also smiling) Yes, that would be awful!
Both: (laugh cheerfully)
"What's everybody crying about? In my day, zeppelins fell from the sky like raindrops!"
Love God's response to a groupie asking him to sign her face: "Only if you sign mine, baby. LET'S GET WEIRD!"
Mabel and Dipper Crowd Surfing to escape The Love God. Mabel is of course enthusiastic about it, while Dipper is...not.
Dipper: No no no everyone's touching everything!
- The Love God, crowd surfing after the Twins, takes a moment to greet fans and hand out more cassettes.
Sprott is drinking "Hippie Tea," then dumps all of it out with a disapproving look on his face when he sees the Love God flying after Dipper and Mabel.

Northwest Mansion Mystery/Noir

When all the plates and chairs are attacking the Northwests at the beginning of the episode.
Preston Northwest: You are my possessions! Obey me!
Dipper preparing for a 48 hour marathon of "Ghost Harassers" on the Used to Be About History Channel
Dipper: *sips a Pitt cola* Be strong, bladder. We're not gonna move till sunset.
Mabel, Candy and Grenda reacting to the bulletin about the party.
In unison: Ooooooooo!
The start of the episode shows Mabel, Candy, and Grenda in awe of the Northwest family's standard of living. Dipper is having none of it.
Dipper: Guys, in case you've already forgotten, Pacifica Northwest is the worst - and that's not just jealously talking. I'd say that to her face. *opens door to reveal Pacifica*
Pacifica: I need your help.
Dipper: ...You're the worst. *slams door* See?
Candy and Grenda saying "Dreeeeeeaaaaam!" in unison, complete with big sparkling eyes.
"Wooo! Des-perate! Des-perate!"
Mabel messing with the face of a completely unfazed butler.
Butler: Nyes, very good miss.
Pacifica's completely deadpan and unfazed expression at Mabel, Grenda and Candy's antics. At this point, she's clearly become desensitized to their silliness.
The Freeze-Frame Bonus about Marius Von Fundhauser's past:
Guest Book Description: After inheriting his father's cravat and epaulets factory at the age of 7, Marius Von Fundhauser quickly rose to prominece as the richest rich boy in Richardson Richington's Rich Boys Richcademy, furtherrich, he richly riched rich rich rich rich rich, rich rich rich. Rich,
- And then there's the picture from Journal 3 on the page about category 9 ghosts Dream Hipsters◊ -Freddy Kruger but with a glove of "alternative" cutlery.
- Check out the way Pacifica holds her dress while running from mortal peril.◊
- When she first enters the mansion you can see that Mabel has, once again, gotten the glue-gun stuck to her clothes◊.
Grenda doing the "something on your shirt" trick to a party guest, flicking his nose, and then going "LOSER!" Then she pulls it on Marius, to Mabel and Candy's dismay... and he actually likes it.
Mabel, Candy, and Grenda's nervous laughter when they "agree" not to pursue Marius von Fundshauser.
The 102-year-old mayor of Gravity Falls, whose entourage includes a trio of vultures that circle around him waiting for him to die. And when the lumberjack ghost appears at the party, Mayor Befufftlefumpter casually goes "Ah, the Grim Reaper. I've been expecting you."
This exchange between Dipper and Pacifica as they are about to confront the ghost:
Pacifica: So what? Are you going to bore him back into the afterlife by reading from this book?
Dipper: Just gotta splash this sucker with some anointed water, and he should be out of your... probably fake blonde hair.
Pacifica: What was that about my hair?
Dipper and Pacifica's first encounter with the lumberjack ghost? Horrifying. Dipper's reaction to the journal's only advice for a category 10 ghost being "PRAY FOR MERCY!" Hilarious.
Dipper: Aw, seriously?
Candy being torn between cheese and chocolate fondue:
Mabel: Candy, listen to me carefully. You're caught in a sweet-savory loop. Put the fondue fork down.
Candy: ...I want to, but I can't...
Pacifica hugs Dipper out of relief after they've defeated the Lumberjack ghost, then realizes what she is doing. Cue awkward silence, followed by Pacifica producing a banknote in exchange for silence about the interaction.
Pacifica: ... Can I pay you to pretend this never happened?
Just the noise the peacock makes when Dipper accidentally runs into it.
When everyone starts turning to wood, there's a woman who was caught mid Spit Take.
It's sandwiched between tense moments, sure, but there's Dipper telling Pacifica that the ghost "started rhyming, for some reason."
The Northwests thanking Dipper after he captured the Lumberjack by having a butler shake his hand for them.
Mrs. Northwest: We can't thank you enough... that's enough.
Dipper's exorcism chant.
Dipper: Exodus demonus... spookus scarus... aintafradus noghostus...
Pacifica's father having her trained to respond to a bell? Disgusting. His indignation when she starts to stand up against it? This.
Preston Northwest: Dingley dingley! Is this bell broken?
- He also has a moment of good black comedy right before that: "We'll eat the butler!" Made even funnier by the fact that he not-so-subtly stage whispers his intention right in front of the bulter, who doesn't even react even though he heard everything.
The lumberjack ghost's final lines:
Lumberjack Ghost: Yes, yes, it's happening! My heart, once as hard as oak, now grows soft, like more of a birch or...something.
Tyler the Cute Biker shouting "Get it, get it!" when Pacifica opens the gates to the Northwest Mansion, complete with glistening eyes.
At the beginning of the episode, Preston Northwest was very adamant on how the silverware was placed. When the townspeople stampeded into the mansion, Tyler picks up a fork to look at it then sets it down.
Preston: That's not how the fork should be placed!
The Stinger involves Agents Power and Trigger (the latter Disguised in Drag) having an argument in a coat closet at the party that sounds Like an Old Married Couple. Then Tambry walks in
Tambry: Not even gonna ask. (Turns around and leaves)
- Agent Powers' disguise uses a fake moustache...even though he has a similar looking real one underneath.

Not What He Seems

From the last trailer before the episode airs, we have video proof of Alex Hirsch's Trolling Creator status:
Alex: Ah... It's just going to be another goofy episode filled with silly jokes for kids.
Puppet!McGucket: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!
Alex: (Stage Whisper) Ignore him...
Puppet!McGucket: ALEX! THE END IS NEAR!
"Can't be too careful with this stuff," says Stan as he casually wipes radioactive waste on his forehead.
The firework brands, with such gems as "The Heart Attack", "The Lawsuit Maker", "Poor Choices", "Boom!", and "Cop Callers".
After Stan uses said fireworks, this exchange happens.
Blubs: Hold on a minute, do you have a permit for those?
Stan: Uh, do you have a permit for being totally lame?
(Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Blubs laugh)
Blubs: Well, I can't argue with that. Carry on. (Leaves with Durland)
The scene where the Government guys swarm the Mystery Shack is dramatic, but has some hilarious moments:
- "Pig secured! We have secured a pig!"
- "What did I do that warrants this much arresting?!"
- One agent "secures" Mabel's popsicle, looks around to see if anyone's watching, then has a lick of it.
After Agent Trigger takes Dipper and Mabel into custody in the FBI-mobile, they pass Wendy sauntering up the road on her way to work. She reaches the Shack, notices the hordes of SWAT Agents combing the scene, and promptly about-faces and marches away.
Among the articles of evidence on the agent's corkboard at the police station are an old report card of Stan's with straight A's in English, math, and science, but a D- in phys. ed. (including a note from the agents that the first two seem unlikely)^note, a tattered Stan Buck, and a black-and-white photo of the Stan Vac.
When Soos gets his mission from Stan to guard the vending machine at the Mystery Shack: "It's time for a repair-guy to become a repair-man!". Cue the drive thru attendant popping up: "Sir, your Junior Yum-Yum Baby Time Kiddo Meal?"
Soos: Just put one in my mouth. (Vendor puts a fry in his mouth; Soos eats it while squinting his eyes before driving away).
How do Dipper and Mabel escape from Agent Trigger? Mabel baits Manly Dan (apparently a closet fan of Sev'ral Timez) into running Trigger's humvee off the road by writing "Sev'ral Timez is overrated" in the dust on the window.
McGucket packing up to get out of town... including his raccoon wife.
The SWAT guys on the Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock:
SWAT member: So... is it a face, or is it a rock?
Other SWAT member: I think... it's a metaphor.
While searching for proof of Stan's innocence, Dipper first comes across footage of Mabel and Wendy egging on Soos to do The Worm. Mabel insists they had no choice once the song came on.
On the security tape, Stan drops a barrel on his toe and yells "HOT BELGIAN WAFFLES!"... before remembering that he's alone and gleefully noting that that means "I can swear for real!"
Stan: (takes deep breath) SON OF A—
(Dipper fast forwards the video, Mabel clasps her hands over her ears)
Dipper: That's him, alright...
During his grand escape from police custody, Stan casually pickpockets one of the Government Agents' wallets.
In order to get past Soos so they can break into Stan's secret lab in the basement, Mabel ends up throwing a handful of "attack glitter" in his eyes.
Soos: AH! It's pretty, but it hurts!
The very end of the episode, when the Author comes out of Stan's portal... and he's Stan's long-lost brother.
Mabel: Is this the part where one of us faints?
Soos: Oh, I am so on it, dude. (faints)
Mabel: I AM THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION!
Agent Powers' explanation for how he and Agent Trigger survived the zombies in "Scary-Oke":
Powers: I used Trigger as a human shield. He cried like a baby.
Trigger: Hey! Not in front of the special-ops guys!...
This exchange after one of the anti-gravity surges:
Tyler: Is it just me, or did the entire world just hiccup?
Lazy Susan: I'm sure it was just a baby-sized earthquake!
Tyler: Aww! Baby-sized!

A Tale of Two Stans

"Hi! Mabel here, quick question: What the heck is going on here?!"
The Author thinking Soos is "some kind of large hairless gopher." Soos gleefully admits "I get that a lot!"
This exchange:
The Author: Greetings! Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a very long time.
Mabel: Whoa, six-fingered handshake! That's a full finger friendlier than normal!
The Author: Ha ha! I like this kid! She's weird!
Dipper is so overwhelmed to be meeting the author of the Journals, on top of all the events of the previous episode, that he almost throws up while Mabel tries to help support him.
Dipper: [bent over clutching his stomach] No, no, false alarm... *hrggh!* [strained] Just gotta ride it out...
This line from Soos, which is probably what was going through certain fans' heads at the moment:
Soos: I'm hoping all this aligns exactly with my fanfic, Stan. If not, I will be very disappointed.
Stan describes his parents.
Narrator!Stan: Dad was a strict man; hard as a cinderblock, and not easily impressed.
Stan's Father: (Reading a newspaper with the headline 'ATOMIC AGE BRINGS MEGA CORN') I'm not impressed.
Narrator!Stan: Mom was a pathological liar, which served her well in her job as a phone psychic.
Stan's Mom: (Answers phone) That'll be 99 cents an hour. No, you're overpriced! Yeah, I predicted you were gonna hang up.
Young Stan and Ford shouting "Kings of New Jersey!" with their boat while covered in sunburn.
The gleefully horrible advertisements that Grunkle Stan did for his various cheap products, featuring names like the "Rip-off" bandaid, and a parody of the sham-wow that actually used the word "sham" in the title.
Past!Stan: The "Rip-Off" won't give you rashes! I repeat, it WON'T give you rashes!
Narrator!Stan: It gave you rashes. (Gilligan Cut to Past!Stan being chased by people with rashes)
Grunkle Stan being chased out of New Jersey by angry customers vielding Torches and Pitchforks. Luckily, they had purchased Stan Brand Pitchforks which fell to pieces as they held them up.
- On top of that, Stan was such a sleazy scam artist, he got banned from New Jersey! NEW JERSEY!
When The Author gets to the creation of the Journals, Dipper keeps interrupting his story with his fan-boy squeeing.
Ford: Just going to ignore that...
While it's part of a very serious scene, it's hard not to laugh at Grunkle Stan telling his brother: "You think you have problems?! I have a mullet, Stanford!"
It's revealed that Grunkle Stan accidentally caused Lazy Susan's lazy eye. Bonus points for assuring her that it wasn't permanent.
During the credits, Soos tries to bring Wendy up to speed on recent events.
Soos: OK, OK. So it turns out that the second Stan, the Stan that we know, was actually Stanley but the first Stan was Stanford but we didn't know until that Stanford came out of the portal which was built by Stanford but then Stanley pretending to be Stanford, he did the portal cause he's Stan but he's not Stan.
Wendy: (sitting in bed with a tired expression) Soos, it's 3 in the morning.
Soos: Oh, okay! So, anyway, Act Two!
(Wendy moans in exasperation and falls back in bed while Soos continues to furiously ramble)
The following exchange:
The Author: Tell me, Stan. Are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?!
Stan: No, just us. Also, maybe the entire U.S. government.
The Author: The what?!
"And so the Murder Hut was born. Later renamed the Mystery Shack."
Why didn't beachcombing work out for Stan? "Apparently, gold is some kind of rare metal."
Stan's "sophisticated new business strategy": Scratch-N-Win tickets.
Stan and Stanford grew up in an area of the Jersey shore called "Glass Shard Beach". As soon as Stan mentions the name, a seagull perching on the sign coughs up a large chunk of glass.
The New Jersey Science Fair banner bears the inspiring slogan, "What, you think you're some kind of smart guy?"
Ford acting ridiculously paranoid. For example, when Stan opens the door:
Ford: Who is it?! (immediately points a crossbow at Stan) Have you come to STEAL MY EYES?!?!
Stan: (glares at him in visible confusion) ...Well, I can always count on you for a warm welcome.
When Ford summons Stan to Gravity Falls for his help, Stan underestimates just what he's about to get into.
Ford: I have something to show you. Something you won't believe.
Stan: (sounding unimpressed) Look, I've been around the world, OK? Whatever it is, I'll understand.
(cut to a bewildered Stan inside the Portal Room)
Stan: There is nothing about this I understand!
Ford's "report" to the government agents consists of crayon drawings of "The Snadger" and a giant Mabel crushing cars with fire behind her and the words "What Hath Science Wrought?!"
- This scene also has Stanford reminding us how much of a Fish out of Temporal Water he is by asking Agents Powers and Trigger for floppy disks and 8-Tracks.
- Ford feeding the flash drive with all the government data on Gravity Falls to Gompers the goat.
At the end, when Stan and Ford are looking in the mirror, we get this exchange:
Stan: Look at us. When did we become old men?
Ford: You look like Dad.
Stan: (shudders) Oh no, don't say that!
Mabel listening on Stan and Ford's conversation through the door:
Mabel: Did you hear what they said? I think Uncle Ford said they're going to buy us puppies made of ice-cream. Might be wishful thinking though.
McGucket pre-insanity, when Ford calls him to help build the Portal. It's also worth noting that he almost became the Gravity Falls-verse version of Steve Wozoniak.
McGucket: Fiddleford Computermajigs. You say you're lookin' to build a transuniversal polydimensional metavortex? Well, that's mathematically feasible, ah reckon! (spits into a spittoon)

Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons

Ford's ridiculously pleased expression when he holds up the squidthing◊.
A newscast on the television shows the town beginning to clean up after the last episode, with the Mayor announcing the use of a massive wrecking ball to start smashing away at buildings. Starting with the TV station. This goes about as well as you'd expect.
Dipper trying to sell the concept of the titular board game and its absurdly complicated rules to Mabel, Soos, and Stan in rapid succession. Mabel is quickly turned off by all the math involved, Soos is more involved with FCLORP (Foam and Cardboard Legitimate Outdoor Roleplaying) than the tabletop, and Stan finds the idea of not gambling with dice almost as laughable as the Purple Prose in the rulebook.
Stan: Ha! Look, kid, I prefer to do my dice rolling in Vegas.
As Dipper is explaining DD&MD's convoluted character creation rules to Mabel, her face slowly sides from "eager" to "skeptical".
After running out of friends to dungeon-dive with him, Dipper resorts to playing DD&MD with Gompers the Goat.
Dipper: Aw, nice! You rolled a seventeen! (beat) ...and this is sad. Maybe I should start obsessing over Wendy again.
Ford: Alright. You've entered the chamber. Princess Unattainabelle beckons you!◊
When Ford finds out that Dipper is a fellow Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons enthusiast, he dramatically declares that he and Dipper must PLAY! Then the Cycloptopus latches onto his head. Ford just pulls it off without changing expression, leaving half of his face covered in red welts.
Ford: That's... going to leave a mark.
The creators of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons apparently tried to make the game 'cooler' in The '90s. We get to see a hilarious commercial for it, involving a wizard in pastel-colored streetwear, rapping, and insane amounts of Totally Radical, to the point where the game is renamed "Diggity-Dungeons and All That".
Dipper: (shudders) Must've been dark times, those 90s.
Ford: Yeesh. Sounds like a good time to be trapped between dimensions.
Stan's Nightmare Fuel fan art of Ducktective - a beaver with a turkey's head stapled on, wearing a deerstalker hat. It's messed up, even for this show. It's even accompanied by "Psycho" Strings.
Stan defending Duck-tective when Ford dismisses it as a kids' show.
Stan: You want to break a record, Ford? You already got it for "World's Nerdiest Old Man".
Ford: Hey, at least I'm not all keyed up to watch a kid's show!
Stan: (visibly offended) I'll have you know that Ducktective has a big mystery element, and a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads!
Grenda: I don't get a lot of it, but I like watching animals in human situations.
Most of Probabilitor the Annoying's lines qualify, especially as he's voiced by "Weird Al" Yankovic:
"Mortals of dimension forty-six-apostrophe-backslash! Kneel before me and-" (rolls dice, then bends over for a better look) "-snivel!"
"I am Probabilitor! The greatest wizard in all mathology! ...Give or take an error of 0.4."
"Hot Elf! Ready the brain-cooking pot!"
"My butt isn't part of this particular equation!"
"Drat! How did you make it past my one guard?!"
"No! I'm returning to my own realm! I'm turning into pure math! What are the odds?!"
"C'mon, guys, this game is fun! I had my mom pack me a lunch." (Pulls out a Ziploc baggie) "Apple slices?! Ugh, I'm eating you last."
(Upon summoning an "Ogrenado") "It is what it sounds like!"
Ford's immediate response to Probabilitor materializing in real life:
"Your math is no match for my gun, you idiot!"
- It actually was.
  Probabilitor: MATH RAY!!!
Stan, Mabel, and Grenda gearing up for battle. Stan grabs his trusty baseball bat, Mabel picks a garden rake, and Grenda just lifts an armchair.
Stan, Mabel and Grenda walk through the forest to save Dipper and Ford from Probabilitor.
Stan: We must be getting close, these fairies are getting bitey. (swats one on his shoulder like he would a mosquito)
Fairy: (stunned and covered in pink blood) Hey! Look! Listen!
As Mabel, Grenda, and Grunkle Stan travel through the forest, they're confronted by one of Probabilitor's evil minions, who tries to force them to undertake seven quests in order to pass. Grenda effortlessly brains it with the armchair.
Mabel: (looking concerned) Is he... dead?
Stan: He's magic, sweetie. I'm sure he's fine. (whispering to Grenda) There's no cops in the forest. We take this to our graves.
Grenda: (grimly winks)
Dipper and Ford after being turned into game characters.
Ford: Ah! My ears! They're so pointy!
Dipper: There better be something protective under this tunic. (checks underneath tunic in horror) OH NO THERE ISN'T!
Mabel creates a monster in DD&MD:
Mabel: I cast Centaurtaur! (A centaur with a second, upside-down horse extending from its neck appears)
Stan: Mabel, I am so confused and so proud right now.
Mabel and Grenda continually fawning over Hot Elf (yes, that's actually his name!). Coupled with the fact that Hot Elf acts like a disaffected teenager all the time.
Everyone feeling ripped off by the reveal that Duck-Tective had an Evil Twin brother, and Soos claiming that he had long ago predicted this twist.
Throughout the Duck-Tective scene, Duck-Tective's quacks are translated into English via subtitles. When his twin is revealed, he lets out a terrifed quack. The subtitles translate this as "(terrified quack)" as if they were suddenly closed captions.
If you're a Portal fan, hearing JK Simmons be such a stickler about safety regarding portals is plenty hilarious in its own right.
The credits scene with the LARPers, and Deputy Durland's speech about maybe they descend into fantasies because their real lives are unfullfilling and its easier than working on self-improvement.
Sheriff Blubs: Fortresses cant talk, Durland.
Durland: I'm a fortress!

The Stanchurian Candidate

The entirety of Stan's Cold Open. At the beginning, he gets out of bed only to find his slippers soggy;
Note: Dear Stan. I needed something to carry milk in, so I used your slippers. Love, Mabel!
Dipper and Mabel's reaction to Stan announcing his candidacy.
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, it's not that we think you can't do it, it's just...
Dipper: No, no, Mabel, it's okay. We don't think you can do it.
Apparently, Mayor Befufflefumpter's death was the most eventful thing to happen in a while. So much so that the anchorwoman reporting it cries tears of joy when finally presented with the chance to tell actual news.
- Mayor Befufftlefumpter was apparently possibly responsible for World War 1. Somehow.
When Stan decides to run against Bud for mayor, the two of them have this exchange:
Bud: Stanford? No offense, but you're just some two-bit carnival barker, and your head is more ears than face!
Stan: Oh yeah? Well your face is more fat...than...not fat!
Crowd: [gasps]
Tad Strange: (barely raising his voice) Oh snap!
And Dipper's opinion of Mayor Stan.
Dipper: I know Stan isn't the best candidate. Heck, he's committing voter fraud right now.
(Cut to Stan shoving piles of ballots in the voting box)
Dipper consulting Ford for a mind-control tie:
Dipper: "...And he insists on speaking his mind!"
Ford: (clearly invoking Joke and Receive based on what he said to Dipper beforehand) So this is an emergency!"
Dipper and Mabel (mostly Mabel) testing out the mind control tie by making Soos eat a pine cone.
Tad Strange. Just... Tad Strange.
- There's just something utterly hilarious about getting the guy who played Cecil Gershwin Palmer to play the most normal person in Gravity Falls.
- The fandoms reaction to his revelation is pretty hilarious too; theory after theory tried to discern who “Tad Strange” was, from a distant relative of Dipper and Mabel, to Ford’s third partner, to another dream demon, only to find out it’s actually this◊ guy. (The one Mabel is pointing at).
Soos: Everyone in this town is a tad strange. Except, ironically, Tad Strange.
Tad Strange: Hi, guys. Tad's the name, and being normal's my game!
Mabel: Loving you, Tad!
Tad Strange: And I love bread!
- And many a 'wheat and wheat byproduct' joke was made.
Dipper explaining Gravity Falls mayor electoral process. It consists of two events, "the stump speech" (which is performed on an actual stump), and the debate. Which consists of the crowd throwing bird seed at their preferred candidate, and at the end they release the "Freedom Eagle", who flies to the candidate covered in more seed to deliver a "birdly kiss", anointing them mayor.
(beat as everyone in the room stares at Dipper blankly)
Dipper: I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.
- And it all makes perfect sense when you consider it was doubtlessly set up by Quentin Trembley.
- And when the eagle is released at the end of the debate, it actually does kiss the winning candidate.
Stan's radio interview. He states he could take or leave the American flag due to too many stripes when asked about it, he wants to have kids engage in a Lord of the Flies scenario while teaching them swears to 'bring them in the real world' when asked about kids' education, and is cut off as he asks for clarification on whether the interviewee means 'crime in general or his crimes specifically' when asked about crime in Gravity Falls.
- The phones set up for the interview. Along with a normal phone, there's also a hamburger phone (which is the one Stan uses) and a whale phone.
And mere seconds after the interview is cut off, Wendy reveals that people are already making motivationals based on Stan's lines.
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY "TEACH KIDS SWEARS"
Stan's many crimes include "shoplifting", "teaching bears to drive", something he invented apparently called "burglebezzlement", "first degree llamacide", ("That llama knew too much!") "first degree thermometer theft", and "pug trafficking". As a Freeze-Frame Bonus, the other crimes that show up on the television screen are "Snacks evasion", "pickpocketing", "woodpecker baiting", "impersonating a dentist", "general indecency", "golf cart theft", "bingo fraud", and "telling jokes that just go on and on, I mean, we have things to do". One of the ultimate cases of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking.
Stan: Whew, at least they didn't list any of the bad ones. On an unrelated topic, I have a lot of cheap pugs and I need to move them fast.
Ford's offhand mention that he created the mind control tie for "Ronald Reagan's masters."
- As well as the fact that he stops caring halfway through his responsibility speech.
  Ford: Yes yes. Use it responsibly and all.
Bud's Gosh Dang It to Heck! outburst, which he still apologizes for.
When Bud is contacting Gideon, the latter mentions that he can't sleep because his cellmate took his pillow for a wife.
- Also, when Gideon complains about how horrible prison is, Ghost Eyes and another convict pop up and ask if he wants to take part in making friendship bracelets. Gideon's response is "I have finger painting at the same time!"
- Gideon reveals he kept an enchantment for times like that. Bud argues that he thought they agreed not to use other "spooky spells", but Gideon immediately starts casting it. Once again, the spell's text is actually a backwards message. What does it say this time?
  Gideon: Spooky spell, spooky spell, spooky evil spell...
Dipper and Mabel arguing over what they should have Soos say, while both are still controlling him.
Soos: I don't know much about taxes, but I can promise you a kitten in every pot! That doesn't make sense, Mabel. You don't make sense, Dipper!
Stan's response to the mention of Gideon's imprisonment:
Stan: That was a good day.
"Kids...if I die... Make sure I get a bigger tombstone than Ford."
- The way the twins nod firmly sells it.
The twins and Stan finally bury the hatchet at the end, as Stan saves them both from falling and hauls them up a rope.
Mabel: We're sorry, Stan. We should've supported you, win or lose.
Dipper: Probably lose.
Stan: I can still drop you, y'know.
Tyler Cutebiker's stump speech must be seen to be believed. And then his beauty queen reaction when he wins.
Tyler: (Whispers) "Got it!" *sniff* "...Got it!"
- Shandra's broadcast announcing his victory also gives him the label of "Local Enthusiasm Enthusiast."

The Last Mabelcorn

Mabel's unicorn toy in the cold opening; "Princess Loveycorn says..." "Buy my 42 accessories!"
Dipper boasts that he and Mabel have defeated Bill Cipher twice:
Mabel: Once with kittens, and once with tickles!
Dipper: It... was a lot more heroic than it sounds.
Mabel's mad ranting about how much she loves unicorns. Among the things she mentions: her first word was unicorn, and she once made her own unicorn by attaching a traffic cone to a horse. Cut to a poster of Mabel and said horse with the caption "BANNED FROM PETTING ZOO."
Also her attempts to persuade Ford to let her go unicorn hunting.
Mabel: Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplase I'LL GIVE YOU MY BLOOD!
Ford give Mabel a crossbow. While he can be forgiven for this, as he's been out of the dimension for a while, this is Mabel. She doesn't even last a minute before taking out a window.
Ford: I haven't been in this dimension for a while. It's okay to give children weapons, right?
In "The Stanchurian Candidate", one of Stan's list of crimes was "pug trafficking." Here we see him loading up a truck with pugs and telling the driver he has twenty-one hours to get them across the border.
- Even better is Stan's off-screen reaction to the above gag with Mabel.
  Stan: IT'S THE COPS! GUN IT!
  (sound of tires squealing and pugs yipping)
Grenda's deep voiced chanting.
The whole thing with Wendy and Mabel's bet.
Upon seeing Celestabellebethabelle for the first time, Mabel and Candy gasp in awestruck wonder; Grenda follows, only to inhale a butterfly and start coughing.
While swearing that she's going to make herself the nicest, purest person ever, Mabel gets a little overenthusiastic and punches a bird out of the air.
Mabel: That bird's fine.
The montage of Mabel doing good deeds like picking up snails stranded on the sidewalk, planting a tree (right outside the back door of Toby Determined's office), slapping a smiley-face sticker on Grunkle Stan's face, which leaves him unable to breathe, and giving blood (she faints afterwards), ending with a Blipvert of her helping an old lady with her groceries, stopping traffic to let some ducks cross the street (while Manly Dan yells in the background), dumping glitter over the statue of Nathaniel Northwest, and stuffing Lazy Susan's tip jar with money.
- One item that Mabel's checked off on her list reads "abolish electoral college". How she managed that is never explained.
  - Well, she IS a congressman.
- The storyboarded version of this montage is even better, including scenes such as Mabel chasing after a garbage truck carrying a water bottle so she can recycle it instead, all set to Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation".
Among Dipper's thoughts are excited squeeing that he's working with the author of the journals, him singing "Disco Girl", and the word "WENDY" repeated over and over.
Dipper: Might wanna...ignore that last one.
- Also on that note, a thought about "that red swimsuit" and "maybe if I cross my legs, nobody will notice". Puberty is truly a cruel mistress.
The machine that translates Dipper's thoughts to text allows him to have a conversation with his own thoughts. Limp noodle that he is, his own brain eventually convinces him to try out the machine on Ford.
Dipper: Wow, I am really good at rationalizing.
Dipper's thoughts: Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you are!
Wendy, Candy and Grenda make plans on stealing the unicorn hair, and Grenda picking up and smashing a boulder with her head.
- How about when Grenda chloroforms a satyr who attempts to do an S.O.S. with his pan pipes? And what she says while doing so:
Grenda: Shh! Sleep now! Slee~p
The gnome playing Five-Finger Fillet with the tip of an acorn.
- The whole pixie dust sequence. It's like a fairy tale version of an illicit drug trade, with gnome cops showing up as part of the sting, and getting a cut from Grenda.
Old Gnome: It ain't mine! I've been framed!
Gnome cop: Tell it to the adorable owl we dressed up as a judge!
One of the unicorns playing rave music from its horn, bobbing its head to the beat.
Celestabellebethabelle's reaction when the two unicorns reveal that they can't actually tell if a person is pure of heart, and just say that to get humans to leave them alone.
"Guuuuys... shut uuuuup!"
Eventually, Mabel and the girls just decide to beat the unicorn up for its hair. And, they do so well, the other unicorns give them a box of treasure to just leave them alone.
In a dramatic flashback, Bill taunting Grunkle Ford in such a casual manner about how he won't be able to stop what he's planned:
Bill Cipher: Looks like Mr. Brainiac finally got smart! Let's just say that when that portal finishes charging up, your dimension is gonna learn how to party!
Bill Cipher: You can't stop the bridge between our worlds from coming, but it would be fun to watch you try! - Cute, even!
Also, Bill's introduction:
Bill: "Well, well well well wellwellwelll wellwellwell!"
After the girls show the treasure they got from the unicorns, Stan immediately just runs by and scoops some of it up, gleefully shrieking "MONEY!"
- Just before that, Mabel says that she has learned that "Morality is relative." The alarmed looks from everyone else make it even funnier.
"Woah, don't have a heart attack! You're not 92 yet!"
Celestabellebethabelle's hilarious falsetto voice, courtesy of Sam Marin.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a four o'clock posing in front of a rainbow. NEEEEIIIIGHHH!!!"
- And she didn't even neigh. She said the word "neigh."

Roadside Attraction

Stan mentions one of the previous pranks his competitors pulled on the Shack:
Stan: Last year, those hooligans duct-taped Soos to the ceiling.
Soos: That was a fun seventy-eight hours.
Dipper tries to chat up a girl at the Biggest Ball of Yarn... and fails in an epic fashion. "My name is Dopper!" is just the icing on the cake.
- Later, when he describes what happened when he tried to talk to the girl:
Dipper: Whenever I try talking to girls, I just unravel like...like... (Mabel, Grenda, and Candy continue to unravel the Biggest Ball of Yarn) ...well I can't think of a good metaphor, but you get the gist.
Stan calling their first target "The Most Blackhearted Proprietor in all of Oregon"... only for the sign to show a sweet looking old lady.
Stan: Don't let the face fool you, this woman set my car on fire on two non-consecutive occasions.
- He's later proven right post sabotage after said woman throws a giant needle at their RV.
"A girl gave me her email... and it wasn't out of pity! Woohoo!"
The montage of Stan pranking the other attractions, from turning the upside-down house right-side up to unleashing hungry beavers on Log Land to releasing corn weevils at the corn maze.
When Mabel and Grenda find out that Candy is crushing on Dipper, the scene cuts to Dipper and Stan in the hot tub, the screen shakes from the force of their combined Squee.
Stan: Man, coyotes sound worse than I remember.
Stan trying to be nonchalant about the fact that Darlene turned out to be a spider-person and is planning to suck out his vital fluids and add him to her mummy museum.
Grunkle Stan: Turns out Darlene is one of those spider people, but beyond that the date's been okay.
Grenda's proposed name for her baby: Grenda 2, the Sequel. Mabel approves.
When Candy gets upset over Dipper having flirted with other girls, Grenda tries to calm her down by shouting "There, there! Let my calming voice soothe you!" And it works!
A desperate Stan prays for help.
Stan: (praying) Please, I don't know if you're really up there or not, but if you are... please save me, Paul Bunyan!
Grenda: (offscreen) Mr. Pines!
Stan: Whoa, did that really work?
- Scene is made even funnier when you realize it's a Shout-Out to The Simpsons.
The Mystery Shack gang trying to escape on a ridiculously slow tram ride, specifically designed for tourists to admire the view at their leisure.
Dipper: Ugh, can't this thing go any FASTER?!
Tour Guide Recording: (Calmly) No, it can't. This is Trambience®.
It's hilarious in a meta way how the writers teased CanDip in this episode, only to sink it in the end when Candy admits she's "over" Dipper after seeing him run like a baby from the spider monster.
Stan insisting "I completely don't deserve this!" when the other owners retaliate.
Fire Retardant Raccoon, the Smokey Bear Expy.
"Don't hug forest fires."
Darlene's line after being smashed underneath the Paul Bunyan statue's foot:
"My one weakness: a giant boot! A giant newspaper or giant cup of coffee woulda also been pretty bad."
Soos gets left behind in the middle of a corn maze and The Stinger reveals he's still stuck in there. He decides to use his grandmother's advice about getting lost which is to stay where you are.
Soos: You know, I would make a really good scarecrow.
- The reason he got left behind was when Stan asked if everyone was in the RV, Mabel answered "probably", which was good enough for Stan.

Dipper and Mabel vs. The Future

Mr. Upsidownington, and Dipper's snarky guess at his message being actually spot on.
Grunkle Stan's reason for looking forward to the twin's birthday week: his old man's ponytail kit is coming in
Stan: I'm... I'm going through some things.
Ford calls Dipper into another room to deal with Ford's face being on fire. When Dipper arrives, Ford is fine and says that he only talked about his face being on fire to get Dipper to come faster... except he has smoke coming from his stubble.
Dipper: But your face is on fire.
Ford: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.
Ford's backup plan for dealing with Weirdmageddon. By using the alien adhesive to...literally glue the earth back together.
Dipper tries to psych himself up for his first major mission with Ford... and immediately runs into the doorframe. Then apparently trips offscreen.
Wendy doesn't like High School. Robbie doesn't like High School. Thompson? REALLY does not like High School.
Thompson: I can't do it! I CAN'T DO ANOTHER YEAR!
- "My hormones are a sweaty cage!"
After Mabel discovers how terrible high school is going to be.
Mabel: Why aren't they singing about following their dreams? TV taught me that high school is like some sort of musical.
Wendy: TV lied, man!
Dipper's reaction to the crashed UFO.
Dipper: You... I... Words not working for mouth!
Ford mentions that after years of raiding a crashed UFO for parts, his reaction at this point is, "Eh."
Ford's advice for Dipper doing a giant magnet slide down a giant column:
Ford: Say "hup!" It helps!
Ford tells Dipper he can flip any switch he wants since the whole facility they're in is powered down. The switch Dipper pushes ends up activating a giant metal trapdoor that swallows Sprott's barn.
- Sprott's reaction to the disappearance of his barn, which is to stare in confusion for a second before asking his cow, in a mildly indignant tone, whether she just ate the barn.
Stan assuring Mabel that just because her body grows up doesn't mean she has to:
Stan: I'm pushing 70 and I still eat ice cream for dinner!

Weirdmageddon Part 1

For Black Comedy Body Horror at its finest, say hello to Bill shuffling around all of Preston Northwest's facial orifices!◊
- And then there's Pacifica's reaction to Preston's schmoozing. She sounds like her father's just said something embarrassing to her friends, instead of trying to become The Quisling.
  Pacifica: Da-ad!
  Preston: (Chiding) Shh, the adults are talking, sweetie.
Bill Cipher manages to hijack the opening sequence, twisting it into a parody focused on himself and the other demons.
- The reversed message at the end of the theme song: "I'm watching you nerds!"
- Rather than the typical shot of Bigfoot darting between the redwoods, there's instead a quick cut where a walking pine tree runs past a forest of giant wooden feet.
Ford has this to say about witnessing The End of the World as We Know It:
Ford: So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a (makes the cuckoo sign) beep-boop!
Bill turns Stanford into a gold statue, and then uses him as a back-scratcher.
Soos's grandmother assuring him he should be helping his friends... after being turned into a talking armchair.
Stan threatens to throw Gompers off his property when a weirdness wave turns Gompers into a giant. Stan's reaction:
Stan: (calmly) On second thought, I'm gonna run like a coward now.
"I'm Shandra Jimenez, and I ate a rat for dinner."
A starving Dipper finds food in the Gravity Falls Mall while searching for a way to defeat Bill. It turns out to be a trap laid by Wendy.
Dipper: Help! The nachos tricked me!
- Doubley funny when you consider that one of Bill Chiper's fan nicknames is an Evil Nacho.
According to Wendy, Robbie almost escaped as well, but then "paused to take a selfie".
Wendy reveals what her family does every year instead of Christmas: Apocalypse Survival Training.
When Wendy tells Toby Determined to stay at the mall and guard it:
Toby: (emerges from behind a curtain dressed in punk gear with a mohawk) I'm not Toby anymore! From now on, call me Bodacious T!
Wendy: Nobody will ever gonna call you that.
Toby: (sighs sadly)
While Bill Cipher and his demon friends are partying in his pyramid, Time Baby and the Time Police arrive to try (and fail) to stop him from destroying the world. Bill's reaction is like that of a teenager's party getting crashed by normal police:
Lolph: This is the police! Time Police!
Bill: (to the other demons) Just play it cool! Ditch the time punch! Let me do the talking!
Lolph: Bill Cipher, you are in violation of the laws of space-time, and possessing the body of a time officer!
Blendin Blandin: My body is a temple! How dare you!
- And after Bill incinerates Time Baby:
Kryptos: Aw snap! He just killed Time Baby!
Cue cheers from Bill's Henchmaniacs
The constant, goofy Mad Max references as Lil' Gideon and his prison crew become "Discount Auto Warriors".
Oh hi, Wendy! Have we formally met?
Gideon's pig-like scream when Wendy punts him.
Gideon starts to say that he has the key to Mabel's bubble around his neck...then realizes he doesn't really have a neck and revises his statement to "this little pocket of fat underneath my head".
When Dipper and Wendy pass through the weirdness bubbles, they briefly morph into birds, anime caricatures, talking meat, and their voice actors (Jason Ritter and Linda Cardellini) dressed as them in live-action. Li'l Gideon and Ghost-Eyes follow them and turn into crude low-polygon CGI reminiscent of Money For Nothing, female versions of themselves, and old-timey "rubber hose" cartoon characters, complete with ragtime music and a silent movie intertitle reading "AAAAAAAAAUGH!".
- A Freeze-Frame Bonus in the anime bubble shows Lawyer-Friendly Cameo versions of Sprittle and Chim-Chim in the back seat.
- The extended version of the live-action section.
  Dipper: Ah! I have so many details! And fingers! Wendy, I'm a monster!
  Wendy: Whatever, I look good.
- During the chase, Ghost Eyes wonders if they, the prisoners, are now becoming the captors. Gideon orders him to cut the philosophy.
  Ghost Eyes: Sorry, it was my major.
Soos has good news and bad news. The good news, Wendy's arm isn't broken. The bad news?
Soos: We are surrounded, dude.
- And the camera zooms out to show it.
The giant head/arm creature (formally named "The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity") asking people to get in his mouth.
HSOAM: Anybody wanna get in my mouth? I'm a big monster, I'm a big, hungry monster here! I would really appreciate it if someone- You, ma'am! You, ma'am, how would you like to- (Woman screams) Anyb — HELLO? Hey, hey, sir! Sir... Eh, false alarm. It's just a bird. Not one person. Not one person has gotten in my mouth. I don't care anymore. I just... (sighs) I gotta call my mother.
- Even better: it's voiced by Louis C.K.! Even as an animated monster, he's still playing a balding, redheaded loser who can't get anything right.
- To make it funnier, Alex Hirsch revealed that they had about 30 minutes of Louis just improvising different ways a monster could beg people to get into his mouth. Just imagine the guy doing what you see in the show for thirty minutes.

Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality

For Black Comedy, Sprott's doomsayer prophet routine in the Cold Open.
"I reckon I've been living a lie!"
"Ladies, gentlemen, that creature with like eighty-seven different faces..." "Eighty-eight different faces!"
The gang's first impressions of Mabeland.
Dipper: Aaand this is worse than the apocalypse.
Wendy: Dude, this place hurts my eyes...
Xyler: Oh, that's normal. Mabeland's rainbows have colors only bees and art students can see.
The entire existence of Dippy-Fresh, a Totally Radical version of Dipper Mabel made as a "backup". Dipper takes an instant dislike to his skateboarding doppelganger.
- "FLIP-A-DIP-DIP!"
Soos is about to give Dippy Fresh a high-five until he gets a scornful look from Dipper. Soos goes ahead with the high-five anyway.
Soos: Sorry, dude, I can't leave him hanging! (high-fives Dippy Fresh) Yes!
Dipper: You're dead to me, Soos.
"Hey, take a chill pill. They grow on trees here." "YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, DIPPY FRESH!!"
Bill's irate "Walk it off!" when Pacifier mentions he might have broken something after they splat into the bubble surrounding Gravity Falls and fall to the ground.
- Before that, there was: "Ah, Global domination! I could get used to thi- (BO-O-ONG!!!) WHAT!!??? "
What's Wendy's greatest desire? To stick a plunger to the face of her high school principal and vandalize the place. Though considering how much she hated high school in "Dipper and Mabel vs. The Future", this might not be much of a surprise.
Judge Meow-Meow Face being distracted by a piece of string.
- Being voiced by Jon Stewart just makes it even better.
Meow-Meow: DANG IT, WHY IS THIS HAMMER SQUEAKY?!
Xyler and Craz have degrees in "hunkability"... and international and criminal law.
Craz ends his opening statement by saying "Hand me a microphone, Xyler." He then proceeds to do a Mic Drop.
Xyler: Totally righteous, bro!
Craz: Are we brothers?!
Xyler: I don't know!
Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos make it back to the Mystery Shack, only to hear a suspicious noise from inside. They prepare for an ambush, and open the door to find... literally everyone who managed to escape Weirdmageddon: Grunkle Stan, Old Man McGucket, Sheriff Blubs, the biker dude from "Headhunters" and "Summerween", Candy and Grenda, Pacifica, the Gnomes, Celestabellebethabelle the unicorn, the guy who married a woodpecker, Chutzpar the Manotaur, and even the Multi-Bear, who pops his head in to let everyone know they're out of toilet paper, and asks "Did I miss something?"
In the ending, Xyler and Craz end up in the real world and end up having a Totally Radical philosophical discussion about Sartrean existentialism.
The Stuffed Animal Tree song:
Stuffed Animal Tree: Bo-ba-do-do, I'm a stuffed animal tree!
Stuffed Animals: And we're the stuffed animals, tee-hee-hee!
When Dipper skips a rock across a pond in Mabelland, each skip is accompanied by the sound of a giggling, cooing baby. It's a babbling brook.
Following the above moment:
Dipper: Maybe Mabel's right. (staring at his reflection in the water) It's a horror show out there. At least the air here is breathable.
Fake Wendy: Dude, you're talking to a river.
Dipper's jury of his peers consists of six Mabel clones, each of which act as silly as the original.
- When Xyler and Craz compliment them, one of the Mabels randomly turns sideways in midair and rolls over the others happily, in complete defiance of the laws of physics.
A retroactive one: Bill and his crew were apparently partying so hard it took them FOUR DAYS before they discovered the barrier around Gravity Falls.

Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls

Soos hugging Stan and telling him he's been practicing on strangers to prepare himself for their reunion. Then Wendy saying they missed him and affectionately calling Stan a "codger".
This gem:
Dipper: So, what's everyone doing here?
Mabel: Yeah, there's like monsters and gnomes, and is Pacifica wearing a potato sack?
Pacifica: Hey! Even in a sack, I still look better than you!
Wax Larry King's head saying that he's hungry, and eating Grenda's hair ("...again") when no one feeds him.
Wax Larry King: Hey, is anyone gonna feed me? Larry King's disembodied wax head wants num-nums.
- The ending to the scene is made even funnier by the Multi-Bear promptly closing the vent on Wax Larry King so he'll stop.
Stan, as self-appointed chieftain of the Mystery Shack survivors, tells the kids his long-term plans for the group: to eat "brown meat" from cans until they run out, whereupon they will begin eating the gnomes.
Jeff the Gnome: Hey, I'm short, not deaf!
Stan: (while shushing him) Shh shh, stress will make you chewy.
Stan goes on to explain how the remaining townsfolk and creatures ended up at the Mystery Shack.
Stan: I was hammering signs out back when the sky started vomiting nightmares. I listen to a lot of AM radio, so I knew what this meant. The end of the world...
When he and Mabel are giving their Rousing Speech, Dipper is at a loss to what Toby brings to the table, to which Toby offers "Various rashes!"
McGucket realizes there is a way to take the Mystery Shack to Bill, and we get another one of his unusual exclamations. He apologizes for getting so excited and slaps his leg when it starts thumping eagerly.
Fiddleford: Holy hootenanny! Flapjack and fiddle banjos!
- Then he lays out the schematics for his newest invention. "All right. I've made some thingamadiculous robomajigs in my day, but this is the first one that won't be used for evil!"
McGucket has never heard of "anime". Soos spends part of the building montage showing him anime, which has Soos gesturing toward the TV with a completely stonefaced expression and a pointer stick while McGucket is carefully watching and taking notes.
Soos: We have much to discuss.
- Also, look closely at what Pacifica is doing at the beginning of the montage; reading a magazine in that "I'm too cool for this crowd" way.
Stan is grumpy because of the craziness of the plan to rescue Ford and we get this exchange...
Stan: This whole plan is bonkers, and of course no one asks the chief what he thinks. After all I've done for everyone.
Shmebulock: Shmebulock.
Stan: Yeah exactly. It's a total load of shmebulock!
There's something hilarious about Stanford being released from petrification, only to be greeted with the sight of Bill Cipher playing the piano, singing "We'll Meet Again".
After repairing the front door of the Fearamid from when the Time Police burst in, Bill is annoyed when the Shacktron smashes it again.
Bill: WHAT?! I just fixed that door!
After the dramatic entrance of the Shacktron, Soos plants the "Take Back The Falls" flag on the porch... and at the top of the flagpole is Wax Larry King's head.
Soos: It's the Shacktron, dude!
(plants flag)
Wax Larry King's Head: They made the house into a robot! ...Fascinating.
Soos tries to convince the Henchmaniacs to stand down but first tries to check the microphone, causing the Shacktron's PA system to blare and force the Henchmaniacs to cover their ears wincing. Soos then compliments Pacifier, which doesn't go over well.
Soos: Uh, I just wanted you monster dudes to hand over Ford or we'll have to like, fight and junk. (points at Pacifier offscreen) Hey, you're a little cutie!
Pacifier: (in a Creepy Monotone) I have butchered millions on countless moons.
Soos: (both disturbed and offended) Whoa, I liked you better before you talked! Real, real bring-down this guy, here!
- The fact that Pacifier sounds barely different from Strong Bad.
After the Shacktron defeats the Henchmaniacs, Teeth runs across the screen while on fire.
- Rather than having a This Cannot Be! moment, Bill just sounds utterly exasperated after the Henchmaniacs get utterly stomped into mulch:
  Bill: (Face-eyeing) Guys, seriously? You had, like, ONE job to do here!
When Bill exits the Fearamid to destroy the Mystery Shack and capture the twins, he enlarges his fist and raises it to pound the shack to dust. He then takes a moment to straighten his tie, complete with comically squeaky sounds.
Right before the rescue team skydives into Bill's pyramid, Pacifica has this to say.
Pacifica: Just so you know: if I die, I'm suing all of you!
"I found Ford, and he's golden..." (pan to reveal the petrified Stanford) "...but not in a good way."
"NO MORE SAILOR SUIT!!!"
Tad Strange returns for a quick cameo when the human throne is unfrozen, cheerfully stating that this experience has forever scarred him.
- Additionally, Tad Strange's comment was preceded by Robbie saying that he thinks he's now "dark and tortured for reals."
- Oh, and Blubs literally shoves both the Northwests aside to embrace Durland right when the relieved Northwests are about to hug Pacifica.
Ford begins spray-painting the giant Zodiac symbol on the ground. Dipper notes that they don't have much time left. Ford just shrugs it off saying "Yes, yes. Good, good." while Stan remarks that his brother has finally lost his mind.
- Then we zoom out to get a reveal of the Cipher circle.
  Pacifica: The world's most confusing game of hopscotch?
  Ford: No, a prophecy. Although it... would be a pretty fun game of hopscotch.
Wendy immediately pegging Robbie as part of the circle due to the logo on his hoodie.
Wendy: That one's easy! (shoves Robbie into the circle) You've been rocking that dumb hoodie since the seventh grade!
Robbie: Woah. Destiny hoodie!
Gideon's place on the Cipher Wheel is right next to Mabel, much to her displeasure
Mabel: (glaring) Don't turn this into a big deal.
Gideon: Oh, I won't. (whispers to himself with a gleeful smile) I will!
When Stan is refusing to to complete the circle, Robbie complains that "I've never held hands for this long before and I am very uncomfortable!"
- Furthermore, when the townsfolk are forming the zodiac wheel, Pacifica is stuck standing next to Old Man McGucket. Preston then advises his daughter to do what no other Northwest has dared: "Touch the hillbilly."
So after all the build-up for the wheel in the prophecy that could vanquish Bill and stop the apocalypse, what ends ruining the plan and making two seasons' worth of build-up and secrecy a gigantic Red Herring? Ford condescendingly correcting Stan on his grammar after being pushed to grudgingly thank him for getting him out of the portal.
Stan: See, between me and him, I'm not always the bad twin!
Ford: Between 'him' and 'me'. (silence as Stan grows increasingly pissed and Dipper and Wendy look on in horror) Grammar, Stanley.
Stan: I'll 'Grammar, Stanley' you, you stuck up jerk! (lunges at Ford)
Bill's dramatic entrance, twirling the totem pole gun.
Bill: "Oh no, it's Bill!" Right? Isn't that what you're all thinking?
- Then he torches the wheel, setting some of the team's hair on fire.
Pacifica: (dramatically patting her head) Ahh! My hair!
Robbie: (dramatically patting his head) Ahh! My hair also!
As he's threatening the twins in their cage, specifically how he sees everything, Bill gets spraypainted by Mabel, right in his newly regrown eyeball.
Mabel: (triumphantly) I know that hurts because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!
Bill's reaction to the Running Gag of him being a victim of Eye Scream.
Bill: My eye! Do you know how long it takes to regenerate that?!
- Even better, for his next scoop of Eye Scream, which lead to Mabel's above quote, he says "I just regenerated that eye!"
After Weirdmageddon ends, there are a few lingering effects, like eye bats in Farmer Sprott's barn ("Git! You ornery critters!"), and the dead rising at the Valentino funeral home. Robbie's parents take it in stride.
Mrs. Valentino: Robbie, would you be a dear and get the sawed-off shotgun?
Robbie: Ugh, fine. Whatever!
Zombie Befufflefumpter: Brains, and so forth!
Mrs. Valentino: No, none of that. (pushes him back underground)
In the wake of Weirdmageddon, Mayor Cutebiker passes the "Never Mind All That Act", where townsfolk are legally obligated to answer any awkward questions about what happened with "Never mind all that!". And Blubs and Durland are authorized to tase anyone caught Saying Too Much.
Durland: We're mad with power! (embraces Blubs) And love!
The Northwest family goes bankrupt after it's revealed that Preston invested much of his fortune in "weirdness bonds" during the events of Weirdmageddon, forcing him to auction off his mansion (which is then bought by McGucket) as Priscilla tearfully confides to Pacifica that they can "only afford one pony" now. Cue Pacifica looking absurdly horrified, oblivious to the fact that "just one pony" is still one pony more than most kids get.
Mabel's speech before she and Dipper blow out the candles on their birthday cake.
Mabel: If I had only one wish it would be to shrink all of you with the shrink ray and bring you home with us in my pocket. But since that's impossible... (looks to Ford) Is that impossible?
Ford: (makes a 'meh' wiggly hand gesture)
Mabel: Since that's probably impossible, my only wish is for everyone to sign my scrapbook. I'll never forget you guys! Wait...
(Mabel smashes the memory gun)
Mabel: Now I'll never forget you guys!
Gideon decides to be a good regular kid instead of an evildoing one. The scene cuts to him trying to skateboard (while wearing a shirt that says "cool dawg"), but another kid passes and mocks him. Gideon then snaps his fingers and gets two of his thuggish prison buddies (who happen to be riding a seesaw) to beat the kid up.
Immediately after Soos is appointed the new owner of the Mystery Shack, his abuelita moves in. As in, within three seconds, with a moving truck as if she'd planned this from the beginning.
Grenda's reaction to saying a tearful goodbye to Dipper and Mabel near the end of the episode: "Augh! I hate my dumb heart for making me feel things!" Then she starts punching herself in the chest, shouting "Cut it out, heart!" And evidently, Soos and Candy want in.
Soos: Hey, can you punch my heart too?
Candy: No, mine! Punch my feelings away!
invoked Crossing over with Heartwarming, Stanley tells the bus driver that Waddles is going on the bus with the kids. Just as the bus driver is saying that no animals are allowed, Stan pulls out his brass knuckles, and Ford reveals a ray gun under his jacket. Between their weapons and Death Glares, the bus driver timidly allows Waddles on.
The simple fact that the notorious ten symbols ended up being completely pointless. Alex Hirsch shows again why he's the reigning Trolling Creator king.
Soos showing off a statue of Stan as the founder of the Mystery Shack? Heartwarming. Said statue being so crudely made that kids run away screaming? Hilarious.
McGucket moving into Northwest Manor. He just drops a bundle on the floor and says the moving is done.

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