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Dipper: I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just the other day my mosquito bites spelled out "BEWARE."
Stan: That says "BEWARB."
Dipper: (reading Journal 3) Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.
Mabel: Oh, Norman, you can tell me anything. (thinking:) Please be a vampire, please be a vampire!
Legend of the Gobblewonker
Mabel: A human-sized hamster ball? (gasp) I'm human-sized!
Stan: Wanna hear a joke? Okay, here goes: My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is getting better! (beat) Her aim is getting better! You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
Stan: You all know me, town darling Mr. Mystery. Please, ladies. Control yourselves.
Mabel: I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!
Mabel: (stepping over a prone body) He's resting.
Toby Determined: Wow, your little knees must be sore... from jumping to conclusions! Ha cha cha!
Sherlock Holmes: Have you seen my magnifying glass? It's enormous!
The Hand That Rocks The Mabel
Mabel: I successfully bezazzled my face!
Grunkle Stan: "Pardon this garden"? I will pardon nothing!
Old Lady: If she says no, I'll die from sadness.
Doctor: I can verify that that will indeed happen.
Mabel: The future is in the past! Onwards, Aoshima!
Rap Music: Homework's whack and so are rules! Tucking in your shirt's for fools!
Wendy: Well, I'm probably scarred for life.
Dipper: Yeah, that was pretty crazy.
Wendy: I think I'm gonna go stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything.
Dipper vs. Manliness
Chutzpar: I smell... (sniffs) emotional issues.
Dipper: You keep telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks and being aggro all the time, but I'm starting to think that stuff's malarkey!
Dipper: You heard me, malarkey. So maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and sure, when a girly pop song comes on the radio, sometimes I leave it on! 'Cause dang it, Top 40 hits are in the top 40 for a reason, they're catchy!
Mabel: My name's Mabel.
Pacifica: That sounds like a fat old lady's name.
Mabel: I'll take that as a compliment!
Wendy: (in Dipper's Imagine Spot) Oh, Robbie! You're a stupid, arrogant fraud! But kiss me anyway because you can play guitar!
Pacifica: Oh, Grenda, by the way, you sound like a professional wrestler.
Grenda: I wanna put her in a headlock and make her feel pain!
Candy: Maybe we don't have as many friends as Pacifica. But we have each other. And that is pretty good, I think.
Quentin Trembley: The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!
The Time Traveler's Pig
Dipper: Here it is, Mabel. Our ticket to any point in history.
Mabel: Let's go get two dodos and force them to make out!
Mabel: And yes, I am a witch.
Barker: Welp, time to round up a mob. (lights torch)
Rumble: Dr. Karate! You killed my father again!
Stan: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns: in case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!
Rumble: The child gave me a taco!
Rumble: Never underestimate that I have punches!
Dipper: Come on, no one even uses millimeters! That only makes you taller than me in Canada!
Stan: Oh, Gideon! I was looking for someone to try out my new Mirror Maze! Then again, you're an idiot. That's the end of the sentence. (walks off)
Summerween Trickster: You must trick or treat... or die.
Gorney: (cheerful) I've been twaumatized!
Soos: (nonchalantly) I ate a man alive tonight.
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, this is demeaning.
Stan: I don't know de meaning of that word!
Stan: (singing) I'm Stan and I was wrong. I'm singing the Stan wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance.
Old Man McGucket: You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares!
Stan: Sometimes I think: is this all there is? Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punch line? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet sweet, release of death?
Stan: See, I lied to you. In addition, I've been parking in handicapped spaces, shoplifting fireworks, and smuggling endangered animals across multiple state lines. Also, you're fat.
The Deep End
Mermando: There are some who call me (strums guitar) Mermando. This is because Mermando is my name.
Mabel: (singing) Breaking stuff is so much fun! I am Dipper and I stink!
Grenda: Come on, my Mom's age-inappropriate romance novels aren't gonna read themselves.
Stan: It all begins with this little fella: the pituitary gland. He may be small, but he has big plans.
Deputy Durland: A bearded witch chasing a talking pig!
Sheriff Blubs: My horoscope came true.
Dipper: Hey, is this the fingerless glove store? I like things that are dumb. I'm Robbie.
Candy: I welcome you, death.
Deep Chris: Hey, girl. I just wanna get real for a moment. And say that while we love being superstars, the real reason we do this... is for you. You specifically. Not the girl sitting next to you, but you.
Land Before Swine
Mabel: Grunkle Stan! It's not safe for Waddles outside! There's predators! And barbecuers!
Grunkle Stan: That's just the natural order! It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious!
Bobby Renzobbi: I know what you're thinking: Does it work for pigs? Ah ha ha, yeah it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!!!
Stan: Dinosaurs aren't magic, they're just big lizards! Get off my back.
Old Man McGucket: So there I am, fighting a raccoon for the same piece of meat, when our mouths get close, and we kiss accidentally!
Bill Cipher: Remember, reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram buy gold, bye!
Xyler: I also think it's radical!
Mabel: Looks like Mabel's going to have to be the hero of the family now. I'll defeat Gideon with my grappling hook!
Dipper: (to Wendy) What? You're leaving town? But we need you here!
Soos: Yeah, especially Dipper, because of his giant crush on— (Dipper glares at him) you... calyptus trees! Heh! The kid loves eucalyptus trees! Saved it.
Soos: Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?
Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained
Stan: Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.
Mailbox: Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.
Mabel: (singing) They're quite a pair! Mabel and Bear-O, her un-bear-lievable bear!