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Season 1
Tourist Trapped
(first lines)
Dipper: (narrating) Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, recreation, and takin' 'er easy... Unless you're me. My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister, Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
Dipper: (narrating) Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, recreation, and takin' 'er easy... Unless you're me. My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister, Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
Dipper: (narrating) Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay at our great-uncle's place in the woods. My sister tended to look on the bright side of things, but I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. And then there was our Great Uncle Stan. That guy. Our uncle had transformed his house into a tourist trap he called "The Mystery Shack." The real mystery was why anyone came. And guess who had to work there. It looked like it was gonna be the same, boring routine all summer. Until one fateful day...
Dipper: I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just the other day my mosquito bites spelled out "BEWARE."
Stan: ...That says "BEWARB."
Stan: ...That says "BEWARB."
Dipper: (reading Journal 3) Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.
Mabel: Oh, Norman, you can tell me anything. (thinking) Please be a vampire, please be a vampire!
Legend of the Gobblewonker
Mabel: A human-sized hamster ball? (gasp) I'm human-sized!
Dipper: What's the number one problem with most monster hunts?
Soos: You're a side character, and you die in the first five minutes of the movie. Dude, am I a side character?! Do ya ever think about stuff like that?
Soos: You're a side character, and you die in the first five minutes of the movie. Dude, am I a side character?! Do ya ever think about stuff like that?
Stan: Wanna hear a joke? Okay, here goes: My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is getting better! (Beat) Her aim is getting better! (another Beat) You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible!
Headhunters
Stan: You all know me, town darling Mr. Mystery. Please, ladies. Control yourselves.
Mabel: I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!
Stan: This seems like the kind of thing a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing. (Beat) Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!!!
Mabel: (stepping over a prone body) ...He's resting.
Toby Determined: Wow, your little knees must be sore... from jumping to conclusions! Ha cha cha!
Wax Sherlock Holmes: Have you seen my magnifying glass?! It's enormous!
The Hand That Rocks The Mabel
Mabel: Check it out Dipper! I successfully bezazzled my face!
Grunkle Stan: "Pardon this garden"?! I will pardon nothing!!
Old Lady: If she says no, I'll die from sadness!
Doctor: I can verify that that will indeed happen!
Doctor: I can verify that that will indeed happen!
The Inconveniencing
Mabel: The future is in the past! Onwards, Aoshima!
Rap Music: Homework's whack and so are rules! Tucking in your shirt's for fools!
Pa Duskerton: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Pa Duskerton: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Wendy: Well, I'm probably scarred for life!
Dipper: Yeah, that was pretty crazy.
Wendy: I think I'm gonna go stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything.
Dipper: Yeah, that was pretty crazy.
Wendy: I think I'm gonna go stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything.
Dipper vs. Manliness
Dipper: (approaching manliness testing machine) Time to manhandle this... man-handle.
Chutzpar: Hmmm, I smell... (sniffs before his hair dramatically blows in the wind) emotional issues!
Dipper: You keep telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks and being aggro all the time, but I'm starting to think that stuff's malarkey!
Manotaurs: (gasp)
Dipper: You heard me, malarkey. So maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and sure, when a girly pop song comes on the radio, sometimes I leave it on! 'Cause dang it, Top 40 hits are in the top 40 for a reason, they're catchy!
Manotaurs: (gasp)
Dipper: You heard me, malarkey. So maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and sure, when a girly pop song comes on the radio, sometimes I leave it on! 'Cause dang it, Top 40 hits are in the top 40 for a reason, they're catchy!
Mabel: (concerned) What's wrong?
Dipper: (glumly) I don't want to talk about it.
Stan: (dismissively) Good.
Dipper: It's just these half-man half-bull humanoids were hanging out with me...
Stan: (rolls his eyes) Here we go.
Dipper: But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing but it just wasn't right. So I said no.
Stan: (thoughtfully) You were your own man and you stood up for yourself.
Dipper: (surprised) Huh?
Stan: Well, you did what was right even when no one agreed with ya. Sounds pretty manly to me, but what do I know?
Dipper: (smiles to himself)
Dipper: (glumly) I don't want to talk about it.
Stan: (dismissively) Good.
Dipper: It's just these half-man half-bull humanoids were hanging out with me...
Stan: (rolls his eyes) Here we go.
Dipper: But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing but it just wasn't right. So I said no.
Stan: (thoughtfully) You were your own man and you stood up for yourself.
Dipper: (surprised) Huh?
Stan: Well, you did what was right even when no one agreed with ya. Sounds pretty manly to me, but what do I know?
Dipper: (smiles to himself)
Double Dipper
Mabel: My name's Mabel.
Pacifica: That sounds like a fat old lady's name.
Mabel: I'll take that as a compliment!
Pacifica: That sounds like a fat old lady's name.
Mabel: I'll take that as a compliment!
Wendy: (in Dipper's Imagine Spot) Oh, Robbie! You're a stupid, arrogant fraud! But kiss me anyway because you can play guitar!
Pacifica: Oh, Grenda, by the way, you sound like a professional wrestler.
Grenda: I wanna put her in a headlock and make her feel pain!
Grenda: I wanna put her in a headlock and make her feel pain!
Dipper: (as his clones start to perform an Anti-Mutiny on him) Guys, c'mon! We said we weren't gonna turn on each other!
Tyrone: (narrows his eyes) I think we all knew we were lying.
Tyrone: (narrows his eyes) I think we all knew we were lying.
Candy: Maybe we don't have as many friends as Pacifica. But we have each other. And that is pretty good, I think.
Irrational Treasure
Stan: Just remember: If you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me.
Dipper: (in pioneerish voice) There's a carpet-bagger in the turnip cellar!
Mabel: (in pioneerish voice) Well, hornswoggle my haversack!
(both spit on the ground, then run off laughing)
Stan: DEAD TO ME!!!
Dipper: (in pioneerish voice) There's a carpet-bagger in the turnip cellar!
Mabel: (in pioneerish voice) Well, hornswoggle my haversack!
(both spit on the ground, then run off laughing)
Stan: DEAD TO ME!!!
Dipper: Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map! (Beat, gives an awkward side-look at the candle he's holding) ...And I was gonna burn it.
Dipper: We have to figure this one out quick. I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books.
Mabel: I don't think the one with the bell can read.
Mabel: I don't think the one with the bell can read.
Pioneer Day Lady: I'm sorry but we're all out of pink balloons.
Deputy Durland: (in the most dejected voice possible) Why did we even come?
Deputy Durland: (in the most dejected voice possible) Why did we even come?
Quentin Trembley: The only thing we have to fear... is gigantic, man-eating spiders!
Trembley: Wood! My age old enemy...
Mabel: I'm legalizing everything!
Pacifica: What? Who is that idiot?
(cut to Trembley in a boxer's stance chasing an angry bald eagle)
Trembley: Put up your dukes, you bald fiend!
(cut to Trembley in a boxer's stance chasing an angry bald eagle)
Trembley: Put up your dukes, you bald fiend!
Dipper: (cheerfully) Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!
Trembley: Children, I am needed elsewhere! But I will always be right here... (motions as if he's going to point to Dipper's heart only to instead hand Dipper a dollar bill) On the negative twelve dollar bill!
Dipper: (looks at the dollar bill in amazement) Whoa! This is worthless!
Trembley: (proudly) It's less than worthless, my dear boy! TREMBLEY, AWAY!! (jumps back onto a horse and rides out of town into the sunset)
Dipper: (looks at the dollar bill in amazement) Whoa! This is worthless!
Trembley: (proudly) It's less than worthless, my dear boy! TREMBLEY, AWAY!! (jumps back onto a horse and rides out of town into the sunset)
The Time Traveler's Pig
Dipper: Here it is, Mabel. Our ticket to any point in history.
Mabel: Let's go get two dodos and force them to make out!
Mabel: Let's go get two dodos and force them to make out!
Mabel: And yes, I am a witch.
Barker: Welp, time to round up a mob! (lights torch)
Barker: Welp, time to round up a mob! (lights torch)
Fight Fighters
Rumble: Dr. Karate! You killed my father again!
Stan: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns: in case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!
Rumble: The child gave me a taco!
Rumble: Never underestimate that I have punches!
Little Dipper
Dipper: Come on, no one even uses millimeters! That only makes you taller than me in Canada!
Stan: Oh, Gideon! I was looking for someone to try out my new Mirror Maze! Then again, you're an idiot. That's the end of the sentence. (walks off)
Summerween
Summerween Trickster: You must trick or treat... or die.
Gorney: (cheerfully) I've been twaumatized!
Stan: You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together at one place and celebrate what really matters: pure EVIL!
(Stan leads everyone in a round of maniacal laughter, followed by a beat)
Soos: (nonchalantly) I ate a man alive tonight.
(Everyone turns and stares at him)
(Stan leads everyone in a round of maniacal laughter, followed by a beat)
Soos: (nonchalantly) I ate a man alive tonight.
(Everyone turns and stares at him)
Boss Mabel
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, this is demeaning.
Stan: What? I don't know de meaning of that word!
Stan: What? I don't know de meaning of that word!
Stan: Look I'm not gonna-
Mabel: DO IT!
Stan: Argh!... (singing) I'm Stan and I was wrong. I'm singing the Stan wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance.
Mabel: DO IT!
Stan: Argh!... (singing) I'm Stan and I was wrong. I'm singing the Stan wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance.
Bottomless Pit
Old Man McGucket: Lately I've been tinkerin' with a voice-alterizing tonic, on account of my HORRIFYIN' VOICE!
(a small boy cries and runs away)
Old Man McGucket: You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares!
(a small boy cries and runs away)
Old Man McGucket: You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares!
Stan: See, I lied to you. In addition, I've been parking in handicapped spaces, shoplifting fireworks, and smuggling endangered animals across multiple state lines. Also, you're fat.
The Deep End
Mermando: There are some who call me (strums guitar) Mermando! ...This is because Mermando is my name.
Mabel: (taking pictures of Dipper giving Mermando reverse mouth-to-mouth resuscitation) Hah! Blackmail!
Mermando: Thank you for saving me, but... why did you not just roll me into the lake?
Carpet Diem
Dipper-in-Mabel's-body: (winces in pain as he grabs "his" mouth) Ugh, braces are horrible! It's like my entire mouth hates me!
Mabel-in-Dipper's-body: (shudders) And why are you so sweaty... and awkward?
Mabel-in-Dipper's-body: (shudders) And why are you so sweaty... and awkward?
Mabel-in-Dipper's-body: (singing) Breaking stuff is so much fun! I am Dipper and I stink!
Deputy Durland: A bearded witch chasing a talking pig!
Sheriff Blubs: My horoscope came true.
Sheriff Blubs: My horoscope came true.
Grenda: Come on, my Mom's age-inappropriate romance novels aren't gonna read themselves!
Stan: It all begins with this little fella: the pituitary gland. He may be small, but he has big plans!
Stan: (cheerily closes a book about puberty) ...And now you know where babies come from!
Mabel-in-Dipper's-body: (with a Thousand-Yard Stare) Goodbye, childhood...
Mabel-in-Dipper's-body: (with a Thousand-Yard Stare) Goodbye, childhood...
Boyz Crazy
Dipper: Hey, is this the fingerless glove store? I like things that are dumb. I'm Robbie.
Candy: I welcome you, death.
Deep Chris: Hey, girl. I just wanna get real for a moment. And say that while we love being superstars, the real reason we do this... is for you. You specifically. Not the girl sitting next to you, but you.
Stan: Finally! A good reason to punch a teenager in the face!
Robbie: Mr. Pines!
Stan: That's MR. Pines to you!
Robbie: Wait... what?
Stan: That's MR. Pines to you!
Robbie: Wait... what?
The Land Before Swine
Mabel: Grunkle Stan! It's not safe for Waddles outside! There's predators! And barbecuers!
Grunkle Stan: That's just the natural order! It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious!
Grunkle Stan: That's just the natural order! It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious!
Bobby Renzobbi: I know what you're thinking: Does it work for pigs?! Ah ha ha, yeah it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!!!
Stan: Dinosaurs aren't magic, they're just big lizards! Get off my back.
Old Man McGucket: So there I am, fighting a raccoon for the same piece of meat, when our mouths get close, and we kiss accidentally!
Dreamscaperers
Bill Cipher: Remember, reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram buy gold, bye!
Craz: Radical!
Xyler: I also think it's radical!
Xyler: I also think it's radical!
Gideon Rises
Mabel: Looks like Mabel's going to have to be the hero of the family now. I'll defeat Gideon with my grappling hook!
Dipper: (to Wendy) What? You're leaving town? But we need you here!
Soos: Yeah, especially Dipper, because of his giant crush on you... (Dipper glares at him) ...calyptus trees! Heh! The kid loves eucalyptus trees! Saved it.
Soos: Yeah, especially Dipper, because of his giant crush on you... (Dipper glares at him) ...calyptus trees! Heh! The kid loves eucalyptus trees! Saved it.
Soos: Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?
Stan: After all these years… Finally, I have them all.
Season 2
Scary-oke
Mabel: Grunkle Stan! Karaoke isn't about sounding good! It's about sounding terrible together!
Mabel: (while talking in the tone of a mother admonishing a young child) Dipper! What is the one thing I asked you not to do tonight?
Dipper: (ashamed) Raise the dead...
Mabel: And what did you do?!
Dipper: Raised the dead...
Dipper: (ashamed) Raise the dead...
Mabel: And what did you do?!
Dipper: Raised the dead...
Soos: Dudes, stay calm. I’ve been training for this movie my whole life. With all of the horror movies I've seen, I know literally everything there is to know about how to avoid zombies.
Zombie Behind Soos: (CHOMP!)
Zombie Soos: Second thought, gonna flip the script. Can I... eat your brains: Yay or nay? (narrows his eyes at the Mystery Twins) Seeing some 'yay' faces over here...
Zombie Behind Soos: (CHOMP!)
Zombie Soos: Second thought, gonna flip the script. Can I... eat your brains: Yay or nay? (narrows his eyes at the Mystery Twins) Seeing some 'yay' faces over here...
Zombie Soos: Give it up, dudes! Your fighting only makes us look more rad!
Zombie Soos: Oh, hey, dudes! By the way, I taught the zombies how to get into the fusebox! Among these dudes, I'm like a genius, ha ha!
Stan: (appears with a bat and a pair of brass knuckles amidst a crowd of zombies) Alright, you undead jerks... ready to die twice? (smashes a zombie) The only wrinkly monster that harasses my family is me! (to the twins) Attic, NOW! (the twins run to the attic) You want a piece of this! (smashes another zombie) And this!
Into the Bunker
Soos: Heh heh! Good luck sleeping tonight!
Soos: I'm all adventure-d out. My face is tired from doing this all day. (points at his face while making a "screaming in terror" expression)
Wendy: I just wrestled myself, dude. That was awkward. (gives Dipper a warm smile) You can handle a little awkwardness.
The Golf War
Imagine Spot Pacifica: Uh, the section for old lady clothes is over there.
Mabel: Oh, yeah? Well, the section for people who lost at mini-golf is OVER THERE! (points to exit)
Paramedic Xyler: (rushes in) We came as fast as we could!
Paramedic Cras: We heard a little girl got seriously burned!
Xyler & Cras: OOOOH! (high fives)
Imagine Spot Pacifica: I'm ruined!
Mabel: Oh, yeah? Well, the section for people who lost at mini-golf is OVER THERE! (points to exit)
Paramedic Xyler: (rushes in) We came as fast as we could!
Paramedic Cras: We heard a little girl got seriously burned!
Xyler & Cras: OOOOH! (high fives)
Imagine Spot Pacifica: I'm ruined!
Franz: We're Lilliputtians! Lilliputt... It makes more sense written out than spoken.
Mabel: I dunno, Dipper. Isn't this kinda... cheating?
Dipper: Pacifica's rich, Mabel. She's cheating at life.
Dipper: Pacifica's rich, Mabel. She's cheating at life.
Stan: Go to the golf course after dark, you say? I dunno... we'd have to break in, an- JUST KIDDING LET'S BREAK IN!
French Liliputtian in Beret: Je ne sais pas, sacre bleu, au revoir!
Subtitles: I don't actually know French.
Translation: I don't know, dang it, goodbye!
Subtitles: I don't actually know French.
Translation: I don't know, dang it, goodbye!
Sock Opera
Bipper: Pain is hilarious!
Bipper: Human soda! I'm gonna drink it like a person! (pours soda can into his eyeballs)
Bipper: I mean, who would sacrifice everything they've worked for just for their dumb sibling?
Mabel: ...Dipper would.
Mabel: ...Dipper would.
Stan: Whoa! Children fighting! (hoists camcorder) I can sell this!
Soos and the Real Girl
Mabel: (while scanning the mall) Alright, Soos. Are you ready to explode the charm bomb on these poor, unsuspecting ladies?
Soos: (nervously sweating) Uh... But, what if I embarrass myself again?
Mabel: Eh. You can't be any worse at this than Dipper!
Dipper: Yeah! ...Wait, what?
Soos: (nervously sweating) Uh... But, what if I embarrass myself again?
Mabel: Eh. You can't be any worse at this than Dipper!
Dipper: Yeah! ...Wait, what?
When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom... anthyding can hadplen
— Romance Academy 7 opening text
Giffany: Every time you compliment me, I get another highlight in my eyes!
Lady Shopper: (gets knocked to the ground by Soos on accident) Oh! My purse!
Soos: (horrified) Oh no! (mimes clicking his computer screen) Undo! Undo!
Lady Shopper: (gives Soos a Death Glare before talking in an unexpectedly serious tone of voice) You can't undo who YOU ARE!
Soos: (horrified) Oh no! (mimes clicking his computer screen) Undo! Undo!
Lady Shopper: (gives Soos a Death Glare before talking in an unexpectedly serious tone of voice) You can't undo who YOU ARE!
Soos: Or maybe it's pronounced "Jiff-any"? I was never really sure.
Soos: I have to go to the bathroom for a long time... Not in a weird way!
Melody: Never date a magician.
Little Gift Shop of Horrors
Clerk: (happily) Hey, Mr. Pines! Should we play "toss me a dozen eggs" like we always do?
Stan: (horrified) No, Jimmy, wait! Not today! (gets egged) Not todaaaay!
Stan: (horrified) No, Jimmy, wait! Not today! (gets egged) Not todaaaay!
Stan: Well, I learned nothing!
Mabel: This isn't right! The pig goes oink! The pig goes oink!
Waddles: Now the pig goes wherever he can shine the light of knowledge into the darkness of ignorance!
Waddles: Now the pig goes wherever he can shine the light of knowledge into the darkness of ignorance!
Stan: Movies are great! You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you, next thing you know you gotta raise a kid, your life falls apart... Forget that last part.
Mabel: Ooh, old people movies! Get ready for references we don't understand, and words we can't repeat!
Stan: You see, Mabel, those "monsters" are just tiny clay figures moved around one frame at a time by an antisocial shut-in.
Soos: Those people are called "animators"!
Soos: Those people are called "animators"!
Stan: You shoulda bought something while you had the chance...
Society of the Blind Eye
Soos: Dysentery's gonna get you dawg!
McGucket: Hit me with your best shot Baldy, but my mind's been gone for thirty-odd years! You can't break what's already broken!
Mabel: Your name is Toot-toot McBumbersnazzle! You're a traveling banjo minstrel with a song in your heart and funny tattoos on your head!
Blendin's Game
Soos: (to Dipper and Mabel) Well, birthdays are supposed to be spent with the people who care about you. But you know what, that dude didn't care about me enough to visit me once, let alone fight monsters through time and space like you dudes. I mean, you had a gladiator fight, just to make me happy. I've been being ridiculous this whole time. Whoever my dad was, he can take a hike! I know who my family is now, and it's you dudes! Thanks for giving me the best birthday ever!
The Love God
Stan: Soos! Lock down the shack and hide my shirts before anyone tie-dyes them! (aiming at the hot air balloons with a crossbow) They're slow. We can probably take a few down!
Mabel: (to Robbie) I used to think you were a creepy jerk, like the human version of rat poison.
Robbie: (casually gestures for her to continue) Uh huh... go on...
Robbie: (casually gestures for her to continue) Uh huh... go on...
Stan: What's everybody crying about? In my day, zeppelins fell from the sky like raindrops!
Northwest Mansion Mystery
Pacifica: You wanna know why this room was locked up? This is what I found in here. A painted record of every horrible thing that my family's ever done. Lying, cheating, and then there's me. I lied to you just because I'm too scared to talk back to my stupid parents! You were right about me. I am just another link in the world's worst chain.
Dipper: Pacifica, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them. It's not too late.
Dipper: Pacifica, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them. It's not too late.
Preston Northwest: Dingley dingley! Is this bell broken?!
Pacifica Northwest: (literally slams her foot down) Our family's name is broken! (opens the party gates) AND I'M GONNA FIX IT!
Pacifica Northwest: (literally slams her foot down) Our family's name is broken! (opens the party gates) AND I'M GONNA FIX IT!
Lumberjack Ghost: Yes! Yes, it's happening! My heart, once as hard as oak, now grows soft like more of a birch or... something.
Not What He Seems
Stan: What did I do that warrants this much arresting?!
Tyler
: Did the entire world just hiccup?
: Did the entire world just hiccup?Stan: HOT BELGIAN WAFFLES! Wait... I'm alone! I can swear for real! (deep breath) SON OF A--
Mabel: Grunkle Stan... I trust you.
Dipper: Wh-what? Wh-who's that?
Stan: The Author of the Journals... my brother.
(Dipper, Mabel, and Soos all look on in shock)
Mabel: Is this the part where one of us faints?
Soos: Heh, I am so on it, dude! (promptly passes out)
Stan: The Author of the Journals... my brother.
(Dipper, Mabel, and Soos all look on in shock)
Mabel: Is this the part where one of us faints?
Soos: Heh, I am so on it, dude! (promptly passes out)
A Tale Of Two Stans
Stanford: Stan, you didn't tell me there were children here! (looks at Soos) ...As well as some kind of large, hairless gopher?
Soos: (chuckles) Yeah, I get that a lot!
Soos: (chuckles) Yeah, I get that a lot!
Soos: I'm hoping all this aligns exactly with my fanfic, Stan. If not, I will be very disappointed.
"When gravity falls, and earth becomes sky, fear the beast with just one eye..."
— Fiddleford McGucket's Prophecy
Stanford: Who is it?! (immediately points a crossbow at Stanley) Have you come to STEAL MY EYES?!?!
Stanley: (glares at him in visible confusion) ...Well, I can always count on you for a warm welcome.
Stanley: (glares at him in visible confusion) ...Well, I can always count on you for a warm welcome.
Stanley: You think you have problems?! I have a mullet, Stanford!
Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons
"YOU DARE CHALLENGE PROBABILI-TIZZLE?!"
— Diggity Dungeons & All That
Dipper: (shudders after telling Ford about "Diggity Dungeons & All That") Must've been dark times, those 90s.
Ford: Yeesh. Sounds like a good time to be trapped between dimensions.
Ford: Yeesh. Sounds like a good time to be trapped between dimensions.
"Hey! At least I am not all keyed up to watch a kids' show!"
"I'll have you know that Duck-tective has a big mystery element and a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads"
"I don't get a lot of it, but I like animals in human situations!"
"I'll have you know that Duck-tective has a big mystery element and a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads"
"I don't get a lot of it, but I like animals in human situations!"
— Conversation between Ford, Stan, and Grenda
Dipper: There better be something protective under this tunic. (Turns away to check) OH, NO THERE ISN'T!
Probabilitor: I'm turning into pure math! WHAT ARE THE ODDS!!??
The Stanchurian Candidate
Soos: Everyone in this town is a tad strange. Except, ironically, Tad Strange.
Tad Strange: Hi, guys. Tad's the name, and being normal's my game!
Mabel: Loving you, Tad!
Tad Strange: (holds up a slice of bread) And I love bread!
Tad Strange: Hi, guys. Tad's the name, and being normal's my game!
Mabel: Loving you, Tad!
Tad Strange: (holds up a slice of bread) And I love bread!
Stan: Kids...if I die... Make sure I get a bigger tombstone than Ford.
(Dipper and Mabel both firmly nod with absurdly serious expressions)
(Dipper and Mabel both firmly nod with absurdly serious expressions)
The Last Mabelcorn
Wendy: Guys, if you ask me, this whole thing is a serious load. Mabel's like the best person I've ever met. We tried getting that hair the good way. Now it's time we try... the Wendy way.
Grenda: Are you suggesting violence? Sabotage?
Candy: Mabel's not going to like this.
Wendy: Mabel doesn't need to know. Look, it's time we stop trying to be so "perfect" and be who we really are. We're crazed, angry, sweaty animals! We're not unicorns! We're WOMEN! AND WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT!!!
Grenda: Are you suggesting violence? Sabotage?
Candy: Mabel's not going to like this.
Wendy: Mabel doesn't need to know. Look, it's time we stop trying to be so "perfect" and be who we really are. We're crazed, angry, sweaty animals! We're not unicorns! We're WOMEN! AND WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT!!!
Mabel: Thanks, Grunkle Ford! But I'm okay! Today I learned morality is relative!
Roadside Attraction
Dipper: A girl gave me her email... and it wasn't out of pity! Woohoo!
Stan: (praying) Please, I don't know if you're really up there or not, but if you are... please save me, Paul Bunyan!
Grenda: (offscreen) Mr. Pines!
Stan: Whoa, did that really work?!
Grenda: (offscreen) Mr. Pines!
Stan: Whoa, did that really work?!
Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future
Mabel: Summer's almost over...
Mabel: I just wish summer could last forever...
Dipper: But it can't, Mabel. That's part of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.
Dipper: But it can't, Mabel. That's part of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.
Mabel: Just a little more summer...
Weirdmageddon, Part 1
Bill Cipher: Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, to WEIRDMAGEDDON!
Dipper: Mabel.. wherever you are, whatever happens - I'm going to find you.
Weirdmageddon, Part 2: Escape from Reality
Dipper: Aaand this is worse than the apocalypse.
Wendy: Dude, this place hurts my eyes...
Xyler: Oh, that's normal. Mabeland's rainbows have colors only bees and art students can see.
Wendy: Dude, this place hurts my eyes...
Xyler: Oh, that's normal. Mabeland's rainbows have colors only bees and art students can see.
Stuffed Animal Tree: Bo-ba-do-do, I'm a stuffed animal tree!
Stuffed Animals: And we're the stuffed animals, tee-hee-hee!
Stuffed Animals: And we're the stuffed animals, tee-hee-hee!
Dippy-Fresh: FLIP-A-DIP-DIP!
Dipper: Mabel, listen... I might not have all the answers. I'm not stylish, and I'm not cool, and I can't make pugs appear out of thin air. But I know one thing well, and that's you. And I know that even though you might act like it, you don't want to be in this fantasy world. You're scared of growing up. And who could blame you? I'm scared too. Look, real life stinks sometimes, I'm not gonna lie. But there's a better way to get through it than denial, and that's with help from people who care about you. It's how we've gotten through our whole lives. Just look.
(Montage of the twins comforting each other plays)
Dipper: We've always been there for each other. Mabel, I thought you were living a fantasy, but look at me! I actually thought I was gonna stay here and be Ford's apprentice! Spend my entire teens cooped up in a basement with a lab coat? How ridiculous is that? I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but whatever it is, you don't have to fear, because we'll do it together! I'm not taking Ford's apprenticeship! We're traveled to heck and back to get you, and we're going back together! Leave this fantasy world. Let's beat Bill and grow up together!
(Montage of the twins comforting each other plays)
Dipper: We've always been there for each other. Mabel, I thought you were living a fantasy, but look at me! I actually thought I was gonna stay here and be Ford's apprentice! Spend my entire teens cooped up in a basement with a lab coat? How ridiculous is that? I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but whatever it is, you don't have to fear, because we'll do it together! I'm not taking Ford's apprenticeship! We're traveled to heck and back to get you, and we're going back together! Leave this fantasy world. Let's beat Bill and grow up together!
Mabel: You mean it? You're really coming home with me?
Dipper: Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. Awkward sibling hug?
Mabel: (smiles at Dipper while on the verge of tears) ...Sincere sibling hug.
Dipper: Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. Awkward sibling hug?
Mabel: (smiles at Dipper while on the verge of tears) ...Sincere sibling hug.
Mabel: Sorry, Mabeland! But it's time to burst your BUBBLE!!
Mabel: Hey, Dipper? I appreciate what you said back there... but if you want to take Ford's apprenticeship, I won't get in your way.
Dipper: (laughs and punches her in the arm) Psh! And miss out on your awkward teen years? You wish!
Dipper: (laughs and punches her in the arm) Psh! And miss out on your awkward teen years? You wish!
Xyler: Are we real? Is this reality? Jean-Paul Sartre postulated that every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.
Craz: Totally righteous, bro!
Xyler: I know!
Craz: Totally righteous, bro!
Xyler: I know!
Weirdmageddon, Part 3: Take Back The Falls
Stan: I was hammering signs out back when the sky started vomiting nightmares. I listen to a lot of AM radio, so I knew what this meant. The end of the world...
Old Man McGucket: All right. I've made some thingamadiculous robomajigs in my day, but this is the first one that won't be used for evil!
Larry King's Disembodied Wax Head: They made the house into a robot! ...Fascinating.
Tad Strange: (cheerily) This experience will forever scar Tad Strange!
Bill Cipher: (to Ford) Last chance: tell me how to take Weirdmageddon global and I'll spare the kids!
Dipper: No! Don't do it!
Mabel: Yeah! Bill makes bad deals!
Bill Cipher: (turns and glares at Mabel, making his eye show a galaxy) Don't you toy with me, Shooting Star! I see EVERYTHI— (Mabel promptly sprays Cipher in the eye with the can of blue spray paint) Ow! Not again! Why?! Every time!
Stan: Nice shot, pumpkin!
Bill Cipher: I just regenerated that eye!
Mabel: (triumphantly) I know that hurts because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!
Dipper: No! Don't do it!
Mabel: Yeah! Bill makes bad deals!
Bill Cipher: (turns and glares at Mabel, making his eye show a galaxy) Don't you toy with me, Shooting Star! I see EVERYTHI— (Mabel promptly sprays Cipher in the eye with the can of blue spray paint) Ow! Not again! Why?! Every time!
Stan: Nice shot, pumpkin!
Bill Cipher: I just regenerated that eye!
Mabel: (triumphantly) I know that hurts because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!
Bill Cipher: I'VE GOT SOME CHILDREN I NEED TO MAKE INTO CORPSES!
Bill Cipher: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU KIDS, I'M GONNA DISASSEMBLE YOUR MOLECULES!!
Stan: Hey, look at me. Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon! You're a real wise guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family!
Bill Cipher: Nruter yam I taht rewop tneicna eht ekovni i! Nrub ot emoc sah emit ym! L-T-O-L-O-X-A! STANLEEEEEEEY!!!
Stan: Heh... I guess I was good for somethin' after all.
Grenda: I hate my dumb heart for making me feel things!
Wendy: (kneels next to Dipper as she holds out her fist) Hey, you mean a lot to me, man.
Dipper: (smiles and fist-bumps her) You, too.
Wendy: (switches hats with Dipper) Something to remember me by. (Gives Dipper a letter) Oh, and this. Read it the next time you miss Gravity Falls.
Dipper: (smiles and fist-bumps her) You, too.
Wendy: (switches hats with Dipper) Something to remember me by. (Gives Dipper a letter) Oh, and this. Read it the next time you miss Gravity Falls.
Dipper: If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls. It's not on any maps and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait. Take a trip. Find it. It's out there, somewhere in the woods... waiting.
Other
Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained
Stan: Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.
Mailbox: Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.
Mabel: And I brought Bear-O, my adorable childhood puppet! Hi-yooo! Ain't that right, honey? (making Bear-O talk) Did somebody say... honey? Hahaha!
Dipper: No! Creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O.
Mabel: (still using the puppet voice) But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?
Dipper: I can think of a few people.
(Cut to flashback of Mabel performing with Bear-O in front of a group of small children, all of whom are loudly crying and hugging each other)
Mabel: (singing) They're quite a pair! Mabel and Bear-O, her un-bear-lievable bear!
Unnamed kid: (sobbing loudly) I hate Bear-O, mommy! I hate it!
Dipper: No! Creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O.
Mabel: (still using the puppet voice) But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?
Dipper: I can think of a few people.
(Cut to flashback of Mabel performing with Bear-O in front of a group of small children, all of whom are loudly crying and hugging each other)
Mabel: (singing) They're quite a pair! Mabel and Bear-O, her un-bear-lievable bear!
Unnamed kid: (sobbing loudly) I hate Bear-O, mommy! I hate it!
Island Head Beast: !ynitsed ruoy retnE !nerdlihc ,htuom ym retnE !rebmuls ym morf em nekowa evah uoY
Mabel's Guide to Life
Mabel: Now you just have to walk backwards everywhere you go and bingo! You're fabulous!
Old Man McGucket: That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!
Old Man McGucket: That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!
Stan: Nothing brightens a dark room like light from a window! Time to open the wind- OH NOO! WHY!? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? AAAAUGH!
Mabel: Soos, on a score of one to five, you scored... a twelve?!
Soos: My gramma was right all along! I am the world's most perfect man.
Soos: My gramma was right all along! I am the world's most perfect man.
Journal 3
Ford Pines: "'Trust No One.' What an absurd and paranoid idea. Trust shouldn't be given unconditionally, but it should be given a chance to be earned. There is strength in having the humility to work with and sacrifice for others - a strength I now realize was in my brother all along"
