- In Selfie, Bryn and Henry have a passive-aggressive exchange after Henry rejects the advances of Bryn's friend, Wren. He says thank you and she says "I meant that as a burn." "So did I." "'Thank you' was your burn?" Then, at the end of the episode,
Henry: Oh, and one more thing. Bryn, for someone with such a large welcome mat, you aren’t very welcoming. Burn returned, m’dear.
Bryn: That's your burn? How long did it take you to come up with that?
- Blackadder did this a couple of times despite usually being very good with a comeback.
Captain Rum: Aaah, courtiers to the Queen, you're nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl!
Blackadder: Better a "lapdog to a slip of a girl" than a... git!
Captain Rum: So you do have some spunk in you!
- In Blackadder The Third, George combines this with Comeback Tomorrow, because he can't even think of a lame comeback on the spur of the moment:
: Only the other day, Prime Minister Pitt
called me an idle scrounger, and it wasn’t until ages later that I thought how clever it would have been to have said, "Oh, bugger off, you old fart!"
- Mash had numerous instances where Frank Burns got insulted and the most he could come back with was, "You ... guys!"
- From Friends, when Chandler is in a fight with his girlfriend:
Girl: I'm leaving. Call me when you decide to grow up!
Chandler: Well don't expect that to happen anytime soon!
- Chandler, despite being known for his sense of humor, has a lot of these:
Joey: (while playing football) Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Chandler: Hey, well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! ...Or something about you that's mean!
- In the That '70s Show episode "Eric's Depression" Eric and Donna have a shouting match (it was shortly after their breakup) in which Donna calls Eric a dillhole. Eric's response is to call her a "double dillhole". As soon as Donna leaves he berates himself for saying something that stupid.
- In the episode "Eric's Hot Cousin":
Jackie: Lobster face!
Donna: Little Red Riding... Bitch!
Donna: Eric, my sunburn will fade, but your shame will last forever.
Eric: Yeah well, at least my shame won't... peel.
- From Supernatural
Ruby: It's called witchcraft, shortbus.
Dean: You're the shortbus... shortbus.
- And again with poor Dean:
Crowley: Well, I forgot you two at best are functioning morons—
Dean: You're functioning...morons...
- The Larry Sanders Show: Hank is guest-hosting the show and letting his ego get out of control. Phil, the head writer, isn't impressed.
Hank: Hey, hey - you like your job?
Hank:... Well watch it.
- In another episode, Hank is trying to persuade a skeptical Artie that he can fill in for Larry at a live gig, and to prove it, asks Artie to stage being a heckler:
Listen, I'm very busy, and I got a sore throat... Hank:
C'mon, heckle me! Don't worry! Hit me hard. Artie: [Without missing a beat]
GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU FUCKIN' MORON! I'VE TAKEN SHITS MORE INTERESTING THAN YOU ARE! YOU'RE NOTHIN' BUT LARRY SANDERS'S PERSONAL BUTT-BITCH! SO SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' FAT FACE AND GET YOUR GODDAMN BLOATED ASS OFF THE STAGE, MOTHER FUCKER!!! Hank: [Deeply hurt, almost in tears]
... Jesus, Artie! Artie: Good comeback
- Glee: Shannon Beiste. Her comebacks are actually so lame that they leave her rival Sue speechless.
Beiste: Do not get up in The Panther's business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelette.
Sue: [whispering to herself] That doesn't make any sense...
- The Season 5 episode "Previously Unaired Christmas" has Marley make a valiant effort at countering Kitty's insult about her virginity. Unfortunately, Marley isn't very practiced at insulting people, so this is all she can come up with:
Marley: Well...you wear a smaller bra than me.
- The West Wing has this a couple times, one when Sam meets Mallory after she dumped him following his whole 'being-photographed-with-a-callgirl' scandal:
Sam: Can I just say I was the one who was in trouble? I was the one under siege, it was my picture in the paper and I don't know why I need to call you and explain myself.
Mallory: It was a picture of you and a callgirl.
Sam: Oh, like there aren't any pictures of you and a callgirl.
Mallory: No. There aren't any pictures of me and a callgirl.
- Also on The West Wing:
Josh: Let's do this: find out what her problem is, solve it and then, I don't know, do something else.
Donna: You're the reason there are term limits.
Josh: Yeah? You're the reason... Nothing. Nothing's happening. Nothing's there.
- Spaced, when Tim and Daisy are arguing about Tim's desire to get back with his unfaithful, selfish and manipulative ex-girlfriend, who has made overtures to him:
Tim: This is something that I've always wanted! You have things you want - you're always going on about going to Asia and seeing the Taj Mahal.
Daisy: I do want to go to Asia! I do want to see the Taj Mahal! The difference is, the Taj Mahal didn't sleep with its boss behind my back and break my heart!
Tim: Yeah, well... it might if you go to Asia.
- Lyle's inability to come up with a decent comeback is what drives his romantic interest in a recent episode of Kingdom
- In The Big Bang Theory:
(Sheldon's phone rings) Leslie: Don't turn it off, you might miss your call from the Nobel committee letting you know you've been nominated as Dumbass Laureate of the year.
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Well... you wouldn't even be nominated!
- The Monkees: Famous line by Micky (who often mixes up his words).
Ronnie: I'm going to contact the authorities!
Micky: ...You do and I'll be sorry!
- Requisite Buffy the Vampire Slayer example:
- In "Out of Mind, Out of Sight" Cordelia is giving out chocolates to drum up votes to become May Queen.
Cordelia: Here's a chocolate... (realises it's Buffy) Oh, I don't think I need the loony-fringe vote.
Buffy: Well, I don't even like chocolates! (to herself) Okay, that was the lamest comeback of our times.
Buffy: Let's be realistic Willow, your basic spells are usually only about 50/50.
Willow: Oh yeah? Well... so's your face!
- In "Superstar" reality is changed so Buffy is overshadowed by another superhero, affecting her confidence and therefore Deadpan Snarker skills.
Spike: Back off Betty.
Spike: And, I never really liked you, and, and, and, you have stupid hair.
- A deleted scene (though still viewable in the first pilot) had Xander shouting after Cordelia, "Check back tomorrow! I'll have that devastating comeback ready!"
- The plot of an episode of Seinfeld was George regretting not using a good comeback on a guy who burned him. The comeback was "The jerk store called, and they're running out of you." (in response to 'George, the ocean called and they're running out of shrimp' because George was stuffing his face with shrimp) He's so proud of this that he travels to a city he doesn't want to go to, and makes an ass of himself again, just so the guy will insult him again so he can make this comeback. After all that, the guy deflects it in two seconds with "what does it matter? You're their all-time best seller!". The best that George can come up with in response is 'Oh yeah? Well...I had sex with your wife!' to which George is told that his wife is in a coma. By the end of the episode George is racing back to the airport having come up with yet another comeback.
- In the episode, "The Dealership", Elaine criticizes Puddy (her boyfriend) for constantly giving the high-five to people:
Elaine: You’re a salesman now - and the high-five is.. it’s very grease monkey.
Puddy: What did I tell you about that?
Elaine: I’m sorry, but the high-five is just so stupid.
Puddy: Oh yeah? I’ll tell you what’s stupid. You. Stupid.
Elaine: Well, that is really mature.
Puddy: Yeah? So are you.
Puddy: You’re the grease monkey.
- From The Mighty Boosh:
Bob Fossil: Hey Moon. What are you supposed to be, Zorro on gay night?
Bob Fossil:... Nice comeback.
Howard: (after Fossil leaves) Uh, yeah well... your uniform is too tight and you look stupid!
- From LOST, in one of the instances where Hurley gets tired of Sawyer's nicknames:
Sawyer: What's your problem, Jumbotron?
Hurley: Shut up, red... neck... man.
- In the Better Off Ted episode "The Impertence of Communicationizing", Phil laments his lack of ability to insult people:
Phil: The best comeback I ever came up with was, "You're right, I'll work on that."
- House has a combination of this and Comeback Tomorrow here.
- In iCarly, Freddie isn't very good at comebacks for Sam.
Sam: Hit it, Fred-Weiner!
Freddie: Sure thing, Sam... jerk.
- In the finale of Dollhouse:
Echo: You're so corny.
Paul: You're... fat!
- In the Scrubs "My Butterfly":
Dr. Cox: Look, newbie, if you go ahead and leave this hospital knowing only one thing — and God save me, it looks like there's a real chance that might happen — please let this be that one thing: I'm in charge, and I don't care about your opinion. Now [whistles] go get me a cup of coffee.
J.D.: [thinking] Whatever. Just avoid the shoulder bump, catch the elevator, and make a great wise-ass remark before the doors close!
J.D.: Hoohoo, hey, Dr. Cox, if you're so smart, maybe you should just... go ahead and be the... you're the kind of... [elevator door closes] Oh, dammit!
- In the episode "His Story IV":
J.D.: I know all about the war.
The Janitor: Really? (takes out a globe) Point to Iraq.
J.D.: Why do you keep a globe on you janitor cart?
The Janitor: In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint. It's not the country shaped like a boot.
J.D.: (points to a country) That's Iraq.
The Janitor: That's China.
J.D.: You're China! (walks away)
The Janitor: ...That's an outrageous accusation.
- J.D. also claimed at one point to have a comeback for every situation. Unfortunately, this comeback was always "so's your face".
- Played with in that instance, though, since he considers it a perfectly legit comeback, even when used by others in a nonsensical context.
- Occurs twice in the same conversation here.
Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because, I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middleweight annoyance crown!
J.D.: Well you're the number one jealous... w-weight, for the... jealous weight, jealous... ch-champ.
Dr. Cox: HE'S DONE IT! HE'S DONE IT! DORIAN'S THE MOST! ANNOYING! MAN! IN THE WORLD! Who would have ever thought? A Journeyman annoyer like Dorian...
J.D.: (As Dr Cox is leaving the room) You were a close second.
- In the Boy Meets World episode "Honesty Night", Cory and Topanga pretend to be mad at each other in front of Shawn, and when they trade fake insults Cory proves he's not very good at ending them:
Topanga: I can't believe you said that to me, you stunted little whiny brillo-head!
Cory: Oh yeah, well you're a short little nasal voiced blimpo lipped... so and so! (whispering) I need more time.
- The Aquabats! Super Show!, in the season finale "Showtime!", while the MC Bat Commander is in Space Monster M's clutches:
Space Monster M: Did you fools think you could stop me?!
MC Bat Commander: No! But...you're ugly!
Ronmark: Oh that big dude better not make a move on my girl!
Jimmy the Robot: Please shut up!
Ronmark: (grumbling) ...you shut up.
- Community has some of these, most notably:
Shirley: Mother Hen? I think we’re about the same age.
Britta: Sure, unless time is linear.
Shirley: I’ll make your ass linear.
Britta: That doesn’t make any sense.
Shirley: I’ll make your ass sense.
- The Office (US) somewhat lampshades it in this gem of a verbal throwdown:
Andy: Saw your dork-mobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like, four miles to the gallon?
Dwight: Uh, try double that. Classic Trans Am, vintage American muscle. Please.
Andy: Yeah, my Xterra is pretty sweet. Luxurious yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese.
Dwight: Xterra's not even a real word.
Andy: Actually, it is. It's Latin for "earth."
Dwight: Oh, so you drive an X-earth? Yeah, that makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic Trans Am than an X-earth.
Andy: Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back.
Dwight: Well, I hope 1985 has a time machine, 'cause I drive an '87.
Andy: Oh, speaking of time machines? I just got back from the future, and I went to your funeral, and guess what? Nobody came.
Dwight: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die?
Andy: That was a really well-constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-Not University.
Andy: If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a Trans Am.
Dwight: If you were driving a Trans Am, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.
Andy: [coughing] Idiot!
Dwight: [coughing] You're the idiot.
Andy: [coughing] Nice comeback.
Dwight: [coughing] I was making fun of your comeback. That's why it worked.
- Kelly got in a couple of these. Once to Zack, who accidentally made her face maroon from acne cream in "Cream For A Day":
Kelly: Zack, you're uh, uh, you're something really, really bad!
- And again in "Blind Dates" when she thought Mr. Belding's niece was dating Zack:
- Subverted in the Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch about the party at Oscar Wilde's. James Whistler and George Bernard Shaw insult the Prince Of Wales and blame each other, only for each accused to soften the insult with a compliment associated with it. When Shaw comes up with "Your Majesty is like a dose of clap. Before you arrive is pleasure but after is like pain in the dong," and accuses Wilde of saying it, all Wilde can do is blow a raspberry. Everyone applauds.