Funny / Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged

Another day, another Funny page for one of Team Four Star's works. And Tropers? Don't f**k up.

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Season 1

Episode 1

• The train comes by, with no conductor, then AVALANCHE attacks.
  Random Guard: Isn't there usually a conductor or something?
  Biggs: AVALANCHE!! CQC!!
  Jessie: AVALANCHE!! CQC!!
  Wedge: Jessie, did the dentist give you a root canal or a punch to the face?
  • Later...
    Jessie: OH MY GOD, I GOT IT!
    Biggs: Jessie, was the alley dentist really worth what you saved?
    • Still later...
      Jessie: Alright, I'll be on guard while you carry the bomb.
      Cloud: 'kay, I don't know you well, but those guys are right, you reeeeeally need to get that checked out!
      Jessie: GET WHAT CHECKED OUT?!
• Cloud tries to explain what happened to the guards at the train, but the remaining guards keep interrupting him by shooting at him.
  Cloud: (exasperated) Could you not shoot me?!?
  (one of the guards punches Cloud instead)
• "Don't fuck up."
• Upon hearing Cloud's name, Barret asks if he's called that because he rains on everyone's parade.
  Cloud: Noooo, those are "Squalls" and no one likes those.
• Their plan to get revenge on Shinra with the Mako Reactor? "We're gonna blow this motherf**ker up"
• The spirit animal conversation, during which Cloud is bitterly resigned to the fact that The Main Characters Do Everything:
  Barret: And guess who's plantin' the bomb?
  Cloud: Ugh... Me.
  Barret: And guess who's comin' with you?
  Cloud: Ohhhhhh... You.
  Barret: That's right! I'm gonna be like your spirit animal, givin' you advice. Ask me what should you do!
  Cloud: (clearly rolling his eyes at this point) Spirit animal, what should I do—
  Barret: Don't f**k up! (Barret walks into Cloud's pocket, making a weird squishing sound)
  Cloud: (shudders) Aah, gross!
• Barret saying that after setting the bomb, they'll bounce like titties.
  Cloud: Speaking of titties, when I get back, Tifa and I are going to have a serious convers-(gibberish as he passes out)
  • The mysterious voice:
    Voice: Hey uhhh hey Cloud...? Don't do that whole planting the bomb thing... That's a bad.
    Cloud: WWHY...WHO...ARE...YOU?!Zztsbssbtzz
    Voice: Well I could tell you......bye.
• After explaining about the "not blowing up" voice suggestion, the PA warns that 4 bodies were found and sends a killer death robot.
  Barret: Did you fuck up?!
  Cloud: I... might have fucked up, yes.
• The fight with the robot:
  Cloud: Time to cut this bucket of bolts down to size!
  (Cloud "attacks" the robot, making a clink sound and doing 40 damage)
  Barret: Wow.
  Cloud: I know! My skills are one-of-a-kind!
  Barret: Are they really?
  • Then after the 2nd attack:
    Barret: THAT WILL NOT WORK! THAT DOES. NOT. WORK!
    Cloud: Trust me! (attacks again, but causes minimal damage) I was in SOLDIER!
    Barret: Right now, that fact is scarin' me! And these robots? They can literally sense fear! (Gets scanned) There, you see that?! It knows I'm afraid!
  • When Cloud uses Bolt to defeat the robot:
    Cloud: Wow! Who would've thought lightning could hurt a robot!
    Barret: ANYONE! EVERYONE WOULD THINK TO DO THAT!
• Setting up the bomb:
  Barret: Now insert the wires...
  Cloud: I know!
  Barret: Make sure the charges are set!
  Cloud: I know!!
  Barret: Now, set the timer...
  Cloud: I-I don't need you micromanaging me, okay?
  Barret: OH, REALLY?! Because after the events of today, I would have to respectfully disagree! Now set the timer.
  Cloud: I know what I'm doing!
  Barret: That is an opinion you are having! Now set it to ten minutes!
  Cloud: FINE!
  (the bomb is set to 5 minutes)
  Barret: Oohhhhh...
  Cloud: Shit!
  Barret: Do not—
  Cloud: I can fix this...
  Barret: DO NOT—
  Cloud: I CAN FIX THIS!
  Barret: —TOUCH IT AGAIN!
  (the bomb is now set to 1 minute)
  Barret: (deep breath)
  (the timer starts counting)
  Barret: (growling angrily)
  Cloud: (running) AHHHHHH!
  • It's a Blink and you'll miss it moment but Cloud actually touches the bomb again which is what causes the counter to start.
• During the escape sequence:
  Jessie: HEGH MEH! MAH FAH IIH SUH! (Help me! My foot is stuck!)
  Cloud: I DON'T CARE IF YOU WANNA F**K! WE GOTTA GO!
  (Jessie jumps over him)
  (Beat)
  Cloud: WHAT?!
• "Blondie f**ked up!" "I did nothing wrong!"
• Everybody makes it out of the exploding reactor relatively unscathed, except for...
  Wedge: MY ASS!!! Pooping will now be a trial!

Episode 2

• Barret doesn't think Cloud will be okay, on account that he pisses people off easily.
  Cloud: (as he's getting cornered by the Shinra Police) Assholes have to help assholes, right?!
  • Immediately after, Wedge wonders how pissed Cloud would be if he makes it. Right on cue, Cloud jumps through the window of the train they're in and shouts, "HEY, GUYS. REMEMBER ME?!". If his obnoxious tone is any indication he probably heard Wedge say that, too.
• Barret tells how to handle people there in the bar
  Barret: The key is to politely, and calmly, tell them to—
  (Smash Cut to outside of the bar)
  Barret: GET THE F**K OUTTA MAH BAR! What th'hell y'all doing buying drinks at my bar for?! Get the hell outta here! Whaddaya ya think this is? A place of business?!
• Tifa is introduced seconds later, and what's the first thing that comes out of her mouth?
  Tifa: Hey, cocksuckers! WEDGE, GODDAMMIT, USE THE STAIRS!
• Cloud tries to get into the bar:
  Cloud: So... ya gonna let me in?
  Barret: Oh, I don't know... Am I?
  Cloud: Dude, come on! I had a really bad day!
  Barret: Oh, did you?! Did your plans go awry when someone f**ked up?!
  Cloud: Thanks to Tifa? Yes.
  (beat)
  Barret: Fair 'nuff, head in.
• Tifa tries to calm Cloud down.
  Tifa: Would I ever lie to you?
  Cloud: Yes.
  Tifa: Second time, shame on you!
  Cloud: Wh-wh-what was the first time?
• When Tifa is forcing Cloud to apologize:
  Tifa: Did you f**k up?
  Cloud: ...What even is f**king up, really?
  Tifa: Aaah, you f**ked up.
• The hideout isn't exactly the Fortress of Solitude:
  Cloud: Y'know anyone can get down here, right? Like, anyone who wants to play pinball?
  Biggs: Hahaha, yeah, that's how Wedge joined.
  Wedge: Hahaha! Ohhhh, f**k me I saw too much...
• Thanks to Cloud, Shinra knows a lot more about AVALANCHE. They made a police sketch of him, AKA badly-drawn palm tree with Cloud's Anime Hair, which, as Barret points out, is enough to recognize him anyway.
  • And after the broadcast:
    Cloud: ...Now, I know we all made a couple of mistakes.
    Barret: IMMA KILL HIM! (being held back by Biggs) TIFA, I'M SORRY BUT I'M KILLIN HIM! I'M GOING TO RIP OFF HIS SPIKY HAIR AND STAB HIM WITH IT! MARLENE, CLOSE YOUR EYES! (punches Biggs)
    Marlene: Haha, Biggs flew!
• After Cloud is now forced to stick with AVALANCHE.
  Cloud: (voice breaking) Tifa, can I talk to you upstairs for a second?
  (the two are upstairs)
  Tifa: Kay, what's up?
  Cloud: (close to crying) Tifa, I'm having a really, really rough day, and...
  Tifa: (laughs) Oh my God, are you crying?
  Cloud: (a few tears drop out) I AM FEELING... a lot of emotions.
• Tifa persuades Cloud to stay:
  Tifa: Let's be honest, Cloud. You in prison? I mean, just look at you. You look like the oasis to some very, very thirsty travelers.
  Cloud: (scared) That metaphor makes me feel uncomfortable...
  Tifa: And your hair! There is just... so much to grab on to.
  Cloud: (whimpers in fear)
  Tifa: (with Scare Chords in the background) Four men. At a minimum. In any position.
  • When Barret comes up after:
    Barret: You told Blondie what'll happen if he gets caught, right?
    Tifa: Four dudes.
    Barret: Damn girl! Shootin' for the stars! Y'know, 'cause of the hair. There's just so much to grab onto.
    Cloud: I GET IT!

Episode 3

• While Cloud gives himself a pep-talk and says he will survive being stuck with AVALANCHE, it cuts to 12 hours later when he falls off the bridge from the Mako Reactor explosion. Then it goes back to 12 hours earlier, where Cloud is assuring himself that nothing will bring him down.
• Cloud remembers when he and Tifa first met:
  Young Tifa: Hi! I'm Tifa! Wanna do me a solid?
  Young Cloud: (love struck) Your eyes are pretty...
  (back in the present)
  Cloud: Curse you, twelve-year-old Cloud! You know damn well you weren't looking at her eyes!
• Tifa says only press the timer once.
• When Cloud tries to stay in the basement, Tifa gives a scary threat that even Barret has a problem with:
  Cloud: (after hearing Tifa's threat) What—?
  Barret: The f**k?
  Tifa: SHOULDER! DEEP! CLOUD!
• On the train, AVALANCHE is looking suspicious, they immediately scatter.
• A person on the train sits, then gets scared at Barret going towards him. And then he asks how can someone be a parent with a gun for a hand. Next scene, they are outside of the train, said gun for a hand is dripping with blood, and Barret is apologizing on what happened at the train.
  Barret: Well, I'm sorry. I just wanted to show that man what it would be like being a parent with one arm.
• Tifa and Barret leave Marlene in charge of the Seventh Heaven, in the worst way possible:
  Cloud: You're putting an eight year old in charge of this place?
  Barret: Don't worry, she'll be safe! I gave her a gun.
  Cloud: Oooh, my God. That's like, the complete opposite of safe!
  Tifa: Don't worry Cloud, it's loaded! We're not idiots.
  • Right after that bit:
    Cloud: A long time ago, you guys pushed your morality out the side of a car on a busy street, didn't you?
    Tifa: Cloud, stop being a pussy and come blow up private property with us.
    Cloud: See? You're saying that so casually!
  • Later, at the bar:
    Patron: Excuse me, aren't you a little too young to be working in a bar?
    Marlene: (gun cocking) Aren't you a little too old to be asking stupid questions?
• Turns out Tifa forgot to bring the map:
  Tifa: Where the hell would I put a map? In all the pockets I don't have?
  Cloud: Crazy thought, you could always wear pants.
  Tifa: I have legs that the world needs to see, Cloud! I don't do lunges for nothing.
  Cloud: Yeah, it's your legs that the world wants to see.
  Barret: Yeah! And it's your mouths that the world wants you to close!
• The voice tries to have fun with Cloud's lack of memories:
  Voice: Hey Cloud... remember when Tifa's dad died from mysterious circumstances?
  Young Tifa: (to her dad's corpse) I can't believe Sephiroth did this to you!
  Voice: (disappointed) Oh... I guess it was Sephiroth. (beat) Never mind.
• After planting the bomb and setting the timer, its set to 10 minutes.
  Cloud: Oh, that was easy.
  Barret: No shit!
• When the group is caught, we get this.
  Barret: Oh, good job, "Barret", the spiky-haired blonde leader of AVALANCE leading us in the wrong direction and shit!
  Cloud: Wow, just f**kin' back the bus over me, why don't ya?
• Cloud tries to pull a We Meet Again on President Shinra. It doesn't take:
  Cloud: It's been a long time, hasn't it, Mr. President? Bet you'd never see me again?
  President Shinra: (nonchalant) I have no earthly idea who you are.
  Cloud: (aghast) Are... Are you serious? I-I-I-I was in SOLDIER! (nervous chuckles)
  President Shinra: (sarcastically) How splendid for you.
• Barret comments how convenient it is that he and Cloud, with Tifa in tow, are facing another giant killer robot. To his annoyance, Cloud and Tifa attack it without any plan.
  Barret: Will things be the same, or different?
  Tifa: YOUR METAL DICK IS MINE, MOTHER F#$KER! (Begins punching the robot)
  Cloud: (Hitting it with the buster sword) I WAS IN SOLDIER, DAMN IT!
  Barret: A mix of both, it seems.
  • And when Barret does tell them they need to come up with a plan to defeat it, Cloud does this
    Cloud: SOLDIER BOLT!
    Barret: (whispering) I can't believe you named it...
• Barret notes that this is the second time he's faced a robot with Cloud.
• Cloud's Dying Declaration of Hate to Tifa before he falls off the catwalk.
  Cloud: Tifa! Tifa!
  Tifa: What, Cloud, what!?
  Cloud: Can you do me a solid, and GO F*#$ *explosion* YOURSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF!?

Episode 4

• The Voice calling Cloud "cutie" in the most deadpan manner possible. Granted, it was because he was hearing Aerith call him a cutie, but one can't help but wonder if the voice was trying to mess with Cloud.
• Cloud wakes up in Aerith's church.
  Cloud: Ohhhh....I feel like I got hit by a car!
  Aerith: Cars are for the road, silly! You fell through the roof! But don't worry, my flowers broke your fall!
  (Cloud coughs up blood)
  Cloud: No, they didn't...
• Aerith points out how Cloud looks familiar. Cue a flashback from right after Cloud was ditched, he's mumbling to himself, and he's pissed off.
  Aerith: Flowers! Oh! You, blond sir-
  Cloud: GO F*CK YOURSELF!
  (Beat)
• When renaming Aerith, the cursor can't decide between "Aeris" or "Aerith". The tone in her voice implies how the input took so long to finalize her name.
• When Aerith muses that Cloud's friends must be worried about him:
  Barret: Well! I guess Cloud's dead. Guess we all owe Biggs ten bucks.
  Biggs: Yes! (everyone else grumbles)
• When Aerith suggests Cloud meet one of her friends, Cloud says he doesn't think he has the fortitude to. Aerith completely misunderstands what this means.
  Aerith: Hi, Mr. Reno! Do you like building forts?
  Reno: (sigh) Waaaay too early for this. Hello Aerith! Remember what we discussed regarding your house?
  Aerith: Never leave it!
  Reno: And where are you right now?
  Aerith: Hahaha! I'm in the church!
  Reno: Ha, that's right! Looks like we're gonna need to take you back!
  Aerith: Awww, you're such a responsible person!
  Reno: Well, I have to be when you keep breakin' the f**kin' rules!
  Aerith: And so assertive!
• Rude sent soldiers to babysit Reno after something involving a falafel stand.
  Reno: (as Cloud's foot dangles above his head) So what you're saying is... because of the awful falafel, I became unlawfully awful?
• Cloud's reaction to meeting Elmyra, Aerith's mother:
  Cloud: Well, it all makes sense now.
• When Cloud learns that Reno is a Turk from Aerith and her mother.
  Cloud: And... the Turks work for SHINRA. Blank. (running) F**K! F**K! F**K! F**K! F**K! F**K!
• When Aerith asks Cloud if he's going to his house, Cloud admits he doesn't have one.
  Aerith: (gasp) Let's go find you a house!
  Cloud: Nonono! ...I feel like I'm losing control of my life. Well, who knows? Maybe she'll actually find me a—
  (Smash Cut to Aerith sitting on the playground)
  Aerith: It's perfect!
  Cloud: ...Yay....It's got everything a livable house needs. A sandbox, a ladder, aaaaaand a slide. The basic amenities.
• For most of the video, Aerith is sweet; she's The Ditz and a Cloud Cuckoolander (and probably The Stoner too), but sweet. Then Cloud happens to spot Tifa...
  Aerith: (voice trembling with suppressed emotions) Ohhh, your friend... is a girl... how quaint.

Episode 5

• Cloud wonders about the skimpy blue dress Tifa was wearing, because she's usually wearing less.
  Aerith: Lovely.
• Cloud tries to ask the guard if he has seen Tifa:
  Cloud: Hey man, did a girl in a blue dress pass by here?
  Guard: Listen buddy, I see a lot of girls in a lot of different outfits.
  Cloud: Okay, she has brown hair, about five foot four, looks twenty, long legs.
  Guard: Hmmm, yeah, that's not ringing any bells.
  Cloud: ...Enormous tits and probably insulted you?
  Guard: Oh-ho yeah, her!
• The guard explains that only employees and girls can enter Don Corneo's mansion, and the latter will have to "audition" first:
  Aerith: What kind of auditions? Like for dancing? I did ballet for three years, so I'm super flexible! Wanna see?
  Guard: (chuckles) You don't say... Wanna audition behind that cart over there?
  Aerith: DO I?!
• The rescue mission begins:
  Cloud: Aerith, it would appear to me that Tifa has been kidnapped by a mafia leader with the intention to give her... the sex.
  Aerith: Oh, no! She can't do that til she's married!
  Cloud: (holding back laughter) Yeah, okay, anyways...
• Aerith convinces Cloud to to crossdress by telling him that not only would he save Tifa, he'd be better looking than her while doing it.
  Aerith: Stay right here mister doorman! I'll be bringing my blonde friend!
  Guard: Well, if she's at least half as pretty as your guy friend over there...
• Cloud just sort of quickly resigns to being Dragged into Drag:
  Aerith: Let's go find more stuff to doll you up!
  Cloud: Sure. Let's ride this train all the way to the end.
  Aerith: Next stop, Wig Central! Choo-choo!
  Cloud: Okay, no.
  • When it turns out that the local Wig/Drug seller has no more Wigs in store:
    Aerith: Awww, looks like we've been derailed!
    Cloud: Stop that.
• "WHO SUMMONS THE MIGHTY SQUATICLES?"
• The Running Gag of the drugstore owner exasperatedly reaffirming that yes, he only sells drugs, and not what Cloud and Aerith need.
• The pure joy Cloud has when he learns that he gets to go to a stripclub.

Episode 6

• Cloud's joy from the last episode is short-lived, because as it turns out, the majority of the strippers are male.
  Cloud: One drugs please.
  Drugstore owner: My man! (winks)
  • Cloud then spends the next two hours high as balls in the changing room.
• Cloud realizes too late that he needs a fake name in order to complete his disguise. He quickly calls himself "Thunderhead."
  Doorguy: ...You are gonna blow expectations.
• Tifa and Aerith meet:
  Aerith: (unenthusiastically) Hiiiiii, you must be Tif—
  Tifa: Oh, thank God. Uh, I'll take a double shot of whiskey on the rocks. Loooong. Day.
  Aerith: Oh, I'm not a waitress; me and Cloud are here to rescue you!
  Tifa: (excited) Wait, Cloud?! He's alive?!
  Aerith: Mmm-hmm! We snuck in to rescue you! It all started when he fell from heaven—
  Tifa: H-Honey, honey; I'm gonna need you to focus the f**k up and tell me where Cloud is.
  Aerith: ...You're pleasant.
• After being told that Cloud is the other "girl" in the room, Tifa takes the next few seconds to crack up.
  Tifa: (trying not to laugh) How did you do the boobs?
  Cloud: (clearly ashamed) ...Grapefruits and three bras.
  (Tifa fails to not laugh and begins screaming with laughter)
  • We're told via captions on the screen that Tifa continued laughing her butt off for a good two minutes before calming down.
  • Afterwards, Tifa tries to stop laughing but fails.
  Tifa: I'm sorry, I just- I can't get over the boobs.
  Cloud: At least now you know what it's like to be one of your shirts.
• The subject of Tifa f**king Don Corneo comes up.
  Aerith: (covers her ears) Lalalalalalalala, moogles, moogles, moogles, MOOGLES!
  Tifa: ...She's interesting.
• Of course, Don Corneo chooses Cloud, even with Tifa somehow expecting otherwise.
  • And Cloud's attempt to dissuade him was simply "You don't want me, I'm a virgin!"
• Cloud's attempt to invoke Unsettling Gender-Reveal... fails.
  Cloud: (inhales) I have a dick.
  Don Corneo: (gasps)
  Cloud: Surprise! I'm a guy!
  Don Corneo: ...Even better!
  Cloud: Whaaaaaaa—
  • And then Tifa tries to do the same.
    Tifa: Hey Don! Fun fact about that grape: It's high in Vitamin D!
    Cloud: I-I just told him I'm a guy.
    Tifa: Well f**k me sideways! I guess I can't have anything today!
• Tifa demands to know how Corneo knew where AVALANCHE was hiding.
  Don Corneo: Well, there was a pinball machine in a bar my agent went to—
  Tifa: (exasperated) Say no more.
• When Tifa rages that Shinra is going to destroy her place of work/home, Cloud is appalled to hear that she lives in Seventh Heaven.
  Tifa: The rent is cheap, Cloud!
• Corneo's parting line:
  Don Corneo: (to Cloud) Do you think you could ever... fall for me?
  Cloud: Uh, no.
  (Corneo pulls a lever, causing Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith to fall though a trapdoor)
  • Listening closely reveals that when they begin to fall, Cloud and Tifa are screaming, and Aerith is saying "Wheeeeee!"
• Meta: A lot of the comments made reference to Don Corneo being a patron of the Kirito is always right foundation due to the receptionist being voiced by Kirito's VA.

Episode 7

• The video's thumbnail on YouTube, which has an angry-looking Tifa with pointed teeth.
• Reeve's attempts to dissuade President Shinra from enacting his plan don't work out.
• The fight with the sewer monster is represented by Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith standing before it as it does nothing but stand there, and then...
  Cloud: What the f**k is that?
  (The monster sends a wave of sewer water at them)
  Cloud: Oh my GOD-
  (Smash Cut to opening)
• Aerith named the sewer monster Sebastian, despite Tifa telling her not to while they were killing it.
• Tifa starts losing it after losing time on fighting the sewer monster and patience on her "friends".
  Cloud: You think you can lighten up for a bit, Tifa?
  Tifa: Oh. Lighten up? Oh, I-I'm sorry if I'm a little bit tense right now. It's just that after hearing about how Shinra's planning on dropping a section of the city on another section of the city , the one I live in, and then fighting a giant sewer monster named 'Sebastian', I HAVE A BIT OF A SHORT FUSE!!
  Aerith: [Beat] How short is it?
• The Barret Lead Buffet is open for business!!!!
• Wedge falls of the tower and crash-lands next to the party.
  Cloud: Wedge, are you okay?
  Wedge: ...NOOO! (dies)
  • What really sells this moment is Wedge's tone.
• Biggs has always loved Jessie's voice, since he pretends she's giving him a blowjob. Jessie's response upon hearing this is to laugh, since he thinks his dick is big enough for that.
• Barret loudly wonders how Shinra found out where AVALANCHE is based.
  Barret: (Without prompting) Was it the pinball machine?
  Tifa: It was the pinball machine.
  Barret: God dammit!
• Reno appears at the top of the pillar:
  Tifa: So you're gonna introduce use to your boyfriend, Cloud?
  Cloud: (cocky) Heh, he wishes he was my boyfriend.
  Reno: Ha! I'd pay good money to see you in a dress.
  Cloud: (panicky) KILL HIM BEFORE HE TALKS MORE!
• After a Volleying Insults between Reno and Tifa, Tifa decides to conclude the boss fight by punching Reno in the dick. Complete with a Mortal Kombat styled x-ray close up showing that Tifa shattered his pelvis.
  Tifa: I'll take out Prince-Dyes-His-Hair.
  Reno: Ha-ha! Please, babe! A-the curtains a-matche a-the carpet.
  Tifa: Oh, you dye your dick, too?
  Reno: Uh, no. I actually shave, Sugar Tits.
  Tifa: Ahh, that makes one of us.
  Reno: Oh, what's the matter? (mockingly) 'fraid of hurting your vagina?
  Tifa: Nah. (powers up) BUT I'LL HURT YOURS!
  (Tifa runs forward and punches Reno in the groin, with an X-ray revealing a shattered pelvis)
  Reno: (crying) Ah... You destroyed half of my enormous dick...!
  Tifa: (tries to contain her laughter) Yeah, okay.
  • And as he runs away:
    Reno: (with a wispy voice) And that is my clue to leave... (starts running) Ow! Ow-ow-ow... Bad day to wear tight pants!
  • This becomes funnier in Episode 13, where we learn that Reno was not joking.
• Cloud gets sealed in a magic pyramid temporarily, meaning Barret and Tifa can't hear:
  Cloud: (muffled) And let me tell you, they always listen.
  Barret: We can't hear you.
  Cloud: What? I-I can't hear you!
  Barret: We cannot! Hear you!
  Cloud: I can't hear you!
  Barret: YOU ARE UN-AUDIBLE AT THE MOMENT.
  • And later on, Barret tries to shoot the "magic pyramid" away from Cloud. Right before he shoots, the magic pyramid expires, hurting Cloud in the process.
    Barret: Oh, check it out. It worked.
    Cloud: (whiny) No it didn't, ya son of a bitch!
    Barret: HEY! Don't you refer to my primary birthgiver like that!
• Tseng appears and reveals that he has captured Aerith:
  Tifa: (to Aerith) Well, how did they capture you?!
  Aerith: (cheerfully) They said they had a helicopter!
• After the destruction of Sector 7, Barret looks at the ruins in sorrow over his lost comrades:
  Barret: How... How could it all go so wrong...? Biggs... Wedge... Jessie... All dead cause of me. When didn't all get so out of control?
  Cloud: (softy) Probably when you started blowing up their facilities.
  Barret: Yeah... That probably did it.
  • When Barret tearfully breaks down and wonders if there's any good left in the world. With a soft, kind, heartwarming voice, Tifa tells him how Cloud came to save her from Don Corneo while dressed as a woman, under the alias "Thunderhead." Barret cheers up instantly.
    Cloud: You're the salt of the earth, Tifa.
  • The YouTube release has Barret delivering the subscriber plug, and he's barely understandable through his laughter.

Episode 8

• In the beginning, right before Barret notes that the team is in a ghetto, a voice can be heard offscreen, saying this:
  "What're you gonna do, stab me?" (stab) "Guh!"
• Barret's and Tifa's amazement at Aerith's house.
  Barret: You mean to tell me my sweet little girl is inside this here scenic cottage? And that this cottage exists in the ghetto?
  Tifa: They have a f*ckin' waterfall!
• Elmyra can tell that Barret is Marlene's father, on the logic that Marlene has a gun and Barret's arm is a gun.
  Barret: ...Fair assessment.
  • Fridge Brilliance: In Season 2 we meet Dyne, Marlene's birth father, and he has a gun for an arm too.
• Ifalna's last words, according to Elmyra:
  First try: Please... take care of my daughter... because you are awesome... and sell the dankest of inhalants.
  Second try: But you see, I'm dying... TO TRY THAT SWEET KUSH!
• Barret tells Marlene that if Elmyra has her sell anything, to make sure she gets a 15% kickback. Marlene scoffs at the idea of being a charity. Turns out Barret was testing her, he tells she should take 25% and that she passed the test with flying colors.
• This moment when Cloud comes to get Barret.
  Barret: Cloud, on one hand, I'm sad to leave my baby girl here for an unforeseeable amount of time. But on the other hand...
  Cloud: You have a gun.
  Barret: ON THE OTHER HAND! This seems like a very safe environment for a child.
• Barret concludes that Marlene will be safe with Elmyra, because the latter's environment seems child-friendly. Meanwhile downstairs, Tifa eats a cookie, and hallucinates a unicorn turning into snakes.
  • She later asks if tasting paint is normal when coming down.
    Tifa: Quick question guys. After you come down from being ridonkulously high, does your mouth normally taste like paint?
    (moments earlier...)
    Tifa: (beholding a painted concrete wall) Guys, this wall is made of dicks!!
    (cut back to the present)
    Cloud and Barret: (assorted overlapping affirmations)
• Initially, Cloud, Barret, and Tifa take the infamously long stairs, all sixty flights of them, only to find that the door is locked. Tifa sobs while Barret rages.
• While on the elevator because the Receptionist thought Barret was part of Shinra's urban development, he realizes something:
  Barret: Yeah, heh, I mean I have no idea why they would think that I was in Urban Develop... OH, THAT RACIST CU—
  (laughter from the Shinra board meeting)
• After the other Shinra execs laugh at the idea of Reeve crying over the excessive loss of innocent life dropping the celling on Sector 7 caused:
  Barret: Imma kill 'em.
  Tifa: Let's do it.
  Cloud: Guys, can you keep your murder boners in your pants, please!?
  Tifa: You can't tell my murder boner what to do, Cloud!
  Barret: We are erect with raaaage!
• During the budget discussions, Reeve discusses Heidegger's habit of gaining assault charges, trying to bribe witnesses, then assaulting the witnesses when they refuse to take his bribes, resulting in yet another round of assault charges. He refers to the whole process as the "assault spiral".
  Tifa: Oh, I am so naming an attack after that!
• During the meeting, Scarlet reveals that she had sex with Reeve, and Heidegger asks if he cried, setting off yet another bout of laughter at Reeve's expense.
  Tifa: Oh, my god! I can't believe she would use him like that and then belittle him for it! God, what a bitch!
  Cloud: ...Really?!
• The space program discussion.
  Reeve: As the, quote, "Executive Chief Director of Space "Akkisition" and All The Cool Space Stuff", endquote, could you explain to me how you spent ten billion gil to buy, and I quote again, "ten spaces"?
  Palmer: Oh, well that's easy. First you take both your hands and make a telescope out of them. And then — what you see in the night sky there — that's one space. And then you take one billion gil — which is how much one space costs, by the way — and then you toss it into a fire! And the smoke delivers the payment to space! And that's how ya buy space!
  (Beat)
  President Shinra: Reeve, I would like the space program budget to go through you from now on.
  Reeve: Thank you, sir.
  Palmer: (throwing a tantrum) Aww, but I wanna go to space! I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna!
  President Shinra: (closes eyes) Fine, Cousin Palmer. You will go to space eventually.
  Palmer: Aaaah! Yay! Yay! Space! I just— E-ever since I was a child I wanted to go to... (starts babbling incoherently about space)
  Barret: (deadpan) These are the people who have been beating us.
  Tifa: To be fair, we did have that pinball machine.
  Cloud: Buut, they did have that dumb secretary!
  Barret: How 'bout I shoot her, so it's even?
  • Even the music stops dead in its tracks when he mentions tossing the gil into the fire.
• The final joke of the episode prompts Barret to unleash an Atomic F-Bomb.
  Hojo: Not to worry sir. The sixtieth floor's back door has been sealed for years.
  Barret: MOOOTHERF***
  Smash Cut to outro

Episode 9

• Hojo's assistant is a source of these throughout the episode.
  Hojo's assistant: Uh, Professor Hojo. We're all set for the, uh...'Experiment?
  Hojo *aggressively*: Including recording devices?!
  Hojo's assistant *uneasy*: Y-yeah?
  Hojo: Eeeeeeeexecellennnnt...*resumes creepy giggles*
  Hojo's assistant *under his breath as he's walking away*: Augh, so weird...
• After Cloud has another episode upon seeing Jenova, Barret asks him what he's freaking out about. Then he also sees Jenova.
  Barret: (tonelessly) That woman has no head.
  • And then he starts making head jokes.
• Tifa points out the problem in a common real world saying.
  Barret: Poh-tay-to, Po-tah-to.
  Tifa: Who the f**k says Po-tah-to?
• Barret can see the Squick in Hojo's experiment with Aerith and Subject 13 coming right off the bat:
  Cloud: What kind of experiment do you need them for, anyway?
  Hojo: OHHHH! YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
  Barret: HE IS ALARMINGLY EXCITED FOR THAT QUESTIOOOOON!
• As it turns out, Sebastian is one of Hojo's failed experiments that he flushed down the toilet.
  Hojo: Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
• Hojo's reason for his twisted experiments?
  Tifa: WHYYYY?!?!
  Hojo: OOOHHHH! You wanna know whyyyy? Because. THIS! IS! MY! FFFFFFFFFFEEETISH!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA!
• Really, everything about this scene is hilarious. Special note goes to when Cloud and Barret try to break Aerith out:
  Cloud: FREE HER!
  Barret: Don't have to tell me twice! (shoots at the glass)
  Hojo: No! Stop! My creations! MY ART!!!!
  Barret: THERE WILL BE NO ABOMINATIONS CREATED ON THIS DAY!!
  Hojo: What have you done!?
  Assistant: (over intercom) Sir? Should-should I keep filming?
  Hojo: My subjects, you killed them. YOU KILLED THEM!
  (Red XIII jumps out and attacks Hojo)
  Hojo: AH, MY SUBJECT'S KILLING ME! IT'S KILLING ME!
  Assistant: (over intercom) Yeah, I'm just gonna stop.
• Cloud reflects on the successful rescue mission:
  Cloud: We did it. We broke into Shinra headquarters and saved Aerith.
  Voice: Good job, Cloud.
  Cloud: Thanks, Cloud.
  Tifa: Cloud, who you talking to?
• After discovering Red XIII can talk, all Barret can say for the next few minutes is "That dog can talk!"
• The naming gag with Red XIII. Not only does it include "DogCat" and "MeowBark", but the deletion and insertion sound effects are barking and meowing respectively. The cherry on top is the paw-print cursor.
• Why is Red XIII given his name?
  Red XIII: Because I am the color red, and they carved the number "13" into my flesh! Then they did those experiments on me! Now I can talk like you two-leggers!
• Apparently Red XIII was captured by Shinra when he was napping... with an oversized butterfly net.
  Red XIII: Those sneaky Shinras!
• After learning that Red XIII can speak the girls have differing opinions on what to do with him:
  Aerith: Can we keep him, Cloud?! Can we can we—(devolves into excited gibberish)
  Red XIII: You should listen to the girl with the butt! She seems smart!
  Tifa: Eh...
  Red XIII: Don't listen to the boob girl! She seems disrespectful!
  Cloud: I like this guy.
  Red XIII: I'm splendid!
• This bit as the others try to find a way out of Hojo's lab.
  Red XIII: Follow me, friends! I think I know a way to the elevator!
  Assistant: (over intercom) Uh, it's just down the hallway to your left.
  Red XIII: THANK YOU SKY VOICE! By the way, what are your names?
  Barret: THAT DOG CAN TALK!!!!
• The group is captured the Turks and brought before President Shinra:
  President Shinra: (smugly) Well, well, well. (even more smugly) Well! Well! Well! (smugger still) WELL—
  Tifa: OH, GOD! Get on with it!
  President Shinra: Let me finish. I've got two more "wells" in me, young lady.
• Turns out the racist receptionist is Shinra's niece, and he calls AVALANCHE crafty.
  Shinra: The fact you manage to infiltrate SHINRA HQ, bypassing all security, including my lovely niece at the front desk.
  (Cloud, Barret, and Tifa start snickering)
  Barret: Yeah. (chortles) We're real crafty like that.
  Red XIII: (nervously snickering) Y-yeah yeah, guess...I guess I had to be-had to be there for...to get it.
• President Shinra sentences AVALANCHE to being used in Hojo's procreative experiments.
  Cloud: (nervous laughing) Nononono! You can't— YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HAVE SEX WITH TIFA!
  Tifa: (offended) OH F**K YOU, IT'D BE THE BEST YOU EVER GOT!
  Red XIII: I'm just happy I got to get out for a while.

Episode 10

• Barret has always wanted a talking dog as a best friend more than anything. Now that Red XIII is here...
  Barret: Now here I stand, armless, friendless, and homeless, but not (sheds Single Tear) TALKING DOG BEST FRIEND-LESS!
  Red XIII: OH MY GOD, WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!?
  Barret: YEEEAAA— (scene cuts to Aerith, while sounds of joy are heard in the background)
• Aerith thanks Cloud for rescuing her:
  Cloud: Yeah, it was great for the five minutes it lasted.
  Tifa: That's what she said.
  Cloud: F*ck off, Tifa.
  Tifa: We might have to! Isn't that scary?
  Aerith: Goodness, how horrifying.
  Tifa: What did she say?
• In a very dark humorous sense, Aerith hoping an angel will save them. He did. Minus one wing.
• Cloud awakens to find the cell door open and the guard dead. So he tries to get the others.
  Cloud: Tifa, the door is open. But we've gotta be very quiet...
  Tifa: (immediately running out the door while yelling) HOT DAMN!
  Cloud: Tifa, come on!
  • And while getting the other two guys out...
    Cloud: Guys, something's going on...
    Barret and Red XIII: (immediately running out the door while yelling) JAILBREAK!
• This exchange after they escape their cells:
  Barret: Scout ahead, Red!
  Red XIII: Okay, Black!
  Barret: You get a pass!
• As Cloud walks into a room absolutely doused with blood, Red XIII gives us this gem.
  Red XIII: Scouting Report! Where. Do I. Begin?
  • Leading to Cloud's progressively-higher-pitched "Uhhhh" as they advance through the blood-soaked hallways.
• In an ensuing Mood Whiplash, Palmer panics at Sephiroth's name, attempts to flee, and gets caught.
  Palmer: (peeks out from behind a pillar that, by the way, Tifa probably could've seen behind from where she was standing) Sephiroth?! He won't get me! (Cloud and Barret grab him) Ah, I've been got!
  • Palmer's description of Sephiroth's attack:
    Palmer: Oh! Well, I-I was just up here buying a space — under supervision — w-when all of a sudden Sephiroth shows up! And then cousin President says, "Much like an ice-skating Chocobo being ridden by two illiterate Moogles," AND THEN HE DIED! How does the metaphor END?! HOW DOES IT END?!?!
    • As Palmer then runs into Rufus outside:
      Rufus: Think of the Chocobo as a spaceship!
      Palmer: Ah, that makes sense!
• Barret introducing the President's son as "Vice President Rufus 'Ain't Nepotism A Bitch' Shinra".
  • In the background, Palmer shouts "President Shinra is dead!! All hail President Shinra!^note In the Japanese version, President Shinra's first name is "President". Palmer calls Rufus the President after the former's death
• AVALANCHE introduces themselves to Rufus Shinra. It clearly doesn't work like the Badass Boast they intended it to be.
  Cloud: I'm Cloud, former SOLDIER.
  Voice: First Class.
  Cloud: First Class.
  Barret: Barret, father, lover, fighter, and leader of AVALANCHE.
  Tifa: Tifa, bartender.
  Aerith: Aerith! I sell flowers!
  Red XIII: Red Ex-Eye-Eye-Eye. And I'm hungry.
• Rufus finds this introduction hilarious:
  Rufus: Well aren't you all a ragtag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess, you're out to "save the world~?"
  Cloud: Actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
  Tifa: More or less, I guess.
  Aerith: That sounds lovely! Let's do that!
  Red XIII: I'm new here, but I'm open to the concept.
  Barret: I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT WE WERE DOING GUYS, COME ON!
• Rufus explaining Shinra's underhanded deeds under his father's leadership.
  Rufus: In the past, my dearly departed daddy would resort to tactics such as...working with common criminals, (flashback to Don Corneo choosing Cloud as his escort) kidnapping and extortion, (flashback to Tseng slapping Aerith) and — my personal favorite — senseless destruction. (flashback to Sector 7 being destroyed) Ooh, just saying it gives me the shivers.
• Tifa and Aerith are arguing over who'll stay behind to help Cloud, leading to this.
  Tifa: Okay, sweetheart? Can you do me a solid? Let the adult handle this.
  Aerith: (sigh) You're right. You are much older-looking. Bye!
  (exits room with Barret and Red)
  Red XIII: Did this room just get colder?
  Barret: Oh, fuck yeah it did.
  • Bonus points for irony if you remember that Aerith is actually 2 years older than Tifa.
• Cloud tries to threaten Rufus. It doesn't work.
  Cloud: So. Your boys are gonna be here in five minutes, huh?
  Rufus: Indeed.
  Cloud: Perfect. I only need two to kick your ass.
  Rufus: And I only need one to put a hole in yours.
  • When Cloud starts asking what he meant by that, Rufus interrupts him by simply leveling his shotgun at him.
    Cloud: Wait, so when you say "hole"—
    (Rufus cocks his shotgun and points it at Cloud)
    Cloud: Oh.
• Cloud assures Rufus that his friends can handle anything.
  Barret: WE CANNOT HANDLE THIS!
• How did Sephiroth get into the building? The ditzy secretary, who is not only President Shinra's niece, but Palmer's daughter.^note This becomes even funnier when you remember that Sephiroth DIDN'T get into the building; he broke out.
  Cloud: Your family's weird.
  Rufus: (annoyed) You have no idea.
  • Which segues directly into Palmer trying to fly the helicopter he was on to the moon.
    (a helicopter flies by)
    Palmer: I'm taking this to the moon and you can't stop me!
    Pilot: SIR, CAN I PLEASE HAVE THE CONTROLS BACK?!
    (Rufus lets out a long-suffering sigh and then shoots Cloud again)
• Barret, Aerith, and Red XIII battling Hundred Gunner on the elevator.
  Barret: Now I don't know what battle experience y'all have, but just follow my lead! (fires several rounds on Hundred Gunner) There! Now YOU try something!
  Red XIII: I'll cast Fire! (hits the robot with Fire)
  Barret: Fire does not do anything to robots!
  Aerith: Ooh! I know what will work! (casts Cure on Hundred Gunner, restoring 365 HP)
  Barret: (shocked) WHY?!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, SWEET FLOWER GIRL???!!!
  Aerith: It looked hurt!
  Barret: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- (cut back to the fight between Cloud and Rufus)
  • Barret telling Red XIII that Fire doesn't do anything when it did more damage than Barret's attack.
• Cloud assumes that nothing's going to change at Shinra with Rufus in charge, only for Rufus to inform him that he plans to liquidize the space division.
  Cloud: Ohhhhh, you don't say... (yelling) Hey, Palmer! They're shuttin' down the space division!
  Palmer: WHAAAAAT?!
  Rufus: Oh, you cheeky bastard!
  Cloud: Distraction Attack! (attacks Rufus)
  • This conversation between Rufus and Cloud after Rufus gets hit:
    Rufus: You scuffed my Giuseppe brand suit!
    Cloud: You should try his dresses! Way more comfortable!
    Rufus: Oh, I agree... wait, how would you know?
    Cloud: I wore....one.
    (Beat)
    Rufus: (while making his escape) To each their own. I'm not a judgmental persssooonnnn!
  • Cue Cloud trying to explain he only wore a dress to save his friend.
    • The conversation is made even funnier when you realize Rufus automatically agreed with Cloud's statement, possible implying Cloud isn't the only one who occasionally cross dresses.
• Barret destroying the killer robot, only for another one to appear.
  Barret: Now listen- (Aerith tries to cast another spell) Aerith! Sometimes, you just gotta accept the fact that you need to kill things to survive! Here! I'll show you! (fires Big Shot at Hundred Gunner, destroying it) There! It's over! It's done! We're safe— (Heli Gunner suddenly appears) AW, SON OF A BITCH!!!!
• Cloud and Tifa almost have a heartwarming moment when Cloud finds out that Tifa stayed behind to make sure he was okay, only for Tifa to ruin the moment by pointing out that they are currently on the sixty-ninth floor.
  Cloud: You thought of that while you were waiting, didn't you?
  Tifa: It's like, why didn't Hojo pick this floor for his f**k dungeon, right? Haha...haha...ha, let's go down?
  Cloud: Uh...yes, let's.
  Tifa: That's what she saaaaaiiii— (cut to Barret, Aerith, and Red XIII on the ground floor)
• Red XIII on leaving Shinra:
  Red XIII: (sighs) I'm going to miss this place. I've had an exceptional amount of sex here...
• When Barret asks which of them is going to check outside the front door of the Shinra building, we get this gem:
  Aerith and Red XIII: Not it!
  Barret: Neither one of you are as dumb as you lead on to be...
• Rufus gives the press a very accurate official statement.
  I loved my father as much as he loved this city and its inhabitants.
• The beginning of the fight with the Motor Ball.
  Barret: Now I know we've all had a long day, with lots to complain about. But I, for one, am sick. And tired! OF FIGHTING!!! ROBOTS!!!!!
  (Barret fires Mindblow at the Motor Ball, only for it to fail spectacularly because the Motor Ball has no MP to drain)
  Barret: F**K!!!
  • After Cloud uses Bolt to kill the Motor Ball, this exchange happens:
    Tifa: Well, who would've thought Lightning would kill a robot?
    Cloud: Pssh, anyone! EVERYONE would think to do that!
    Tifa: I was being sarcastic.
    Barret: At least you didn't try 'ta heal it.
    Aerith: (offscreen) Hey!
    Barret: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!!
• For the YouTube release of the episode, Barret gets the job of the usual end-of-video routine of thanking the audience, asking them subscribe, and plugging both their Patreon and links to other TFS videos.... but clearly still in severe shock of Cloud's epic rant, barely able to keep himself collected.
  Barret: DBCember, right? Yeah, click it, to uh... watch it. Who knows what movie will, we'll list your movie will be- God dammit I can't get over what just happened!
  • And preceding "The Reason You Suck" Speech was a quick Flashback Cut before...
    Cloud: You wanna say that again, Tifa?
    Tifa: Excuse me?
    Barret: Uh-oh.
    (Beat after the rant's fully delivered)
    Red XIII: Holy shit.
• The Stinger has Aerith's look of inappropriate glee after Cloud verbally owns Tifa.

Season 2

Episode 11

• Before the episode even starts, the very bottom of the file select screen shows Barret and Red XIII with pixelated shades on.
• Cloud giving a narration spoofing Tidus' opening lines from Final Fantasy X, when suddenly...
  Barret: (interrupting) CLOUD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
  Cloud: Barret! Ugh, I was internally monologuing!
  Barret: F**k your internal monologue, Cloud!
• The beginning of the episode shows that Red XIII's time as a lab rat for Hojo's breeding experiments may have left a bigger mark then initially thought...
  (the gang faces down what can best be described as a demon motorcycle with hands)
  Barret: It smells like Hojo's doing!
  Red XIII: Probably tastes like it too.
  Cloud: You're not seriously thinking about eating that thing are you?
  Red XIII: Either that or ride it.
  Barret and Red XIII: Heyooooo!
  Cloud: How does a four-legged animal ride a motor—?
  Red XIII: (interrupting and stepping forward) I'm gonna f*** it.
  Smash Cut to opening credits
  • Later in the episode he asks if the horrifying Jenova mutant in the Nibelheim reactor is hot.
• After casually revealing that Materia can be used to summon gods, Barret proceeds to list off all of them. All of them. He's so focused on it that he misses Cloud's entire story about Sephiroth.
  • You can even hear him very, very, VERY faintly stating every single one of them while Cloud is telling his backstory, it goes on for the entire episode.
    • He does pause to laugh at Tifa's original teacher and his innuendo-laden technique names.
  • Of particular note, most of the gods he names off are variants of Bahamut. As in, he names two other gods (Ifrit and Leviathan), and then "Bahamut, Bahamut Zero, Bahamut Sin, Neo-Bahamut..."
    • And yes, during the interval's of Cloud's flashback where we can hear him, he's still listing off different versions of Bahamut, right to the end of the episode.
      Barret: And finally, after years of anticipation, Bahamut Hearts III.
    • TFS also provided the entire list of Bahamuts. ^*Bahamut, Bahumut Zero, Bahamut Sin, Neo Bahamut, Bahamut Fury, Bahamut Alpha, Bahamut Omega, Bahamut Eidolons, Bahamut Aeon, Bahamut Esper, Astral Bahamut, Dirge of Bahamut, Before Crisis Bahamut, Crisis Core Bahamut, Theatrhythm Bahamut, Theatrhythm Bahamut Curtain Call, Theatrhythm Bahamut All-Star Carnival, Bahamut Mission Online, Bahamut Automata, Bahamut A Realm Reborn, Bahamut Episode Prompto, Bahamut Kingsglaive, Bahamut Monster of the Deep, Bahamut The Zodiac Age, Bahamut Is Strange: Before the Storm, Bahamut Mankind Divided, Bahamut Human Revolution, Bahamut Hearts, Bahamut Hearts: Chain of Memories, Bahamut Hearts 2, Bahamut Hearts 2: Final Mix, Bahamut Hearts: 358/2 Days, Bahamut Hearts: Dream Drop Distance, Bahamut Hearts HD 1.2 Remix, Bahamut Hearts HD 2.5 Remix, Bahamut Hearts HD 2.8: Final Chapter Prologue, Bahamut Evil VII Biohazard, Bahamut Zero Dawn, Bahamut Effect: Andromeda, Super Bahamut Odyssey, Bahamut Wars: Battlefront 2, Bahamut and the Will of the Wisps, Bahamacoot N.Sane Trilogy, Bah Vs Hamut: Infinite, Mobius Bahamut, Bahamut The After Years, Bahamut Interlude, Bahamut G-bike, Revenant Wings Bahamut, Bahamut Lightning Returns, Tactics Bahamut, Justice Monster Five Bahamut, Bahamut Type-0, Crystal Chronicles Bahamut, Echoes of Time Bahamut, Bahamut Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers, Bravely Bahamut, Bahamut End Layer, Dissidia Bahamut, Dissidia 012 Bahamut, Bahamut NT, Bahamut Ocean: First Departure, Bahamut Trigger, Bahamut Quest Heroes: The World Bahamut's Woe and The Bahamut Below, Bahamut Stormblood, Bahamut Racing 3D, Super Bahamut RPG: The Legend of the Seven Bahamut, Bahamut Hoops 3 on 3, Musashi: Bahamut Legend, 0 Day: Attack on Bahamut, Bahamut No Waku Waku Carnival, Sigma Bahamut, Bahamut Summoner: The Unsung Bahamut, The Bahamut Ends With You, Tactics Bahamut: Let Us Bahamut Together, The Bahamut Blossom Murders, Bahamut Prime 4, Season of Bahamut, Bahamut Heavensward, Bahamut Record Keeper, Puzzles & Bahamut: Bahamut Tournament, Bahamutmasque, Bahamut Hearts 3
    • Which becomes a Brick Joke in the next episode, when Barrett is absolutely flabbergasted at hearing some of the details of Cloud's flashback.
    • A tweet a year later added even more Bahamuts to the list. ^* Bahamut Hunter World, Bahoctopath Traveler, Bahamut of War, Bahoit Became Humant, Bahevil May Crymut 5, Bahamut Stranding, Bahamut Evil 2 Remake, Super Smash Brohamut Ultimate, Bahokemon: Let’s Go, Pikhamut and Bahavee, Bahamut Mania Plus, Beyhamut Good and Evil 2, Bahamutpunk 2077, Bahamut’s Creed Odyssey (and the one where everyone is gonna play as the girl), Bahaider-Mant, Bahyro Reginamut Trilogy, Bahitmant2, Meghamut 11, Blazhamut: Cross Rag Bahattle, Bahamout 76, The Bahawesome Adventure of Captain Bahamut, Bahamutoads, Bahmmand & Conqamut: Revival (for the Bahandroid), Red Dead Brehamut, Bahamut Scrolls VI, Bahamut Emblem: Three Houses, Ghost of Bahamushima, Bah Last of Ahmut Part II, Bahetal Wolf Chaosmut XD, Niohmut 2, Bahoul Calimut VI, Baharlink, Tales of Besperiahmut: Definitive Edition, Bahamutfield V, Bahorza Horizomt 4, Bahifa 19 and even more to be announced an this year’s Bahame Awards.

• Aerith's reaction to the dragon can either be a Tear Jerker or this.
  Aerith: You met a dragon?
  Cloud: Even better. We killed a dragon.
  Aerith: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• The Running Gag of Tifa snarking about Cloud's man-crush on Sephiroth.
  Flashback!Cloud: He said thaaaaaaaaa-
  Tifa: (Slurring her words like her mouth's full) "Oh, Sephiroth! This sword is so long and hard!"
  • Later...
    Cloud: I didn't want to believe it at the time... but something had changed. I could see it in his eyes. They were cold, unforgiving, murderous. The SephDawg that I knew... was gone.
    Tifa: So how long were you staring into his eyes, exactly?
• When Cloud talks about his mother to Sephiroth, he starts to happily reminiscence about her:
  Mrs. Strife: WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET A REAL JOB!?!
  Cloud: I WILL HAVE A REAL JOB, MOOOM, I'M JOINING SOLDIER!!!
  Mrs. Strife: I MEAN A REAL JOB WITH BENEFITS!!!
  Cloud: THEY DO HAVE BENEFITS, MOM!!!
  Mrs. Strife: A GIANT HUNK OF METAL ON A STICK IS COMPENSATION, NOT A BENEFIT, CLOUD!!!
  Cloud: IT'S CALLED A "BUSTER SWORD", MOM!!!
  Mrs. Strife: I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED. I'M JUST SAYING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!
  Cloud: I LOVE YOU TOO, MOM. I COULDN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU!!!
  • Which becomes Harsher in Hindsight to what's to come when Sephiroth tells him he killed her.
• The group picture before the Nibelheim mission. It's the only time Sephiroth shows any emotion aside from hate or bloodlust (he grumbles in annoyance and looks absolutely miserable in the picture) and Cloud sneezes just as the flash goes off.

  Red XIII: A memory that will last forever.

• Every single one of Cloud's Jerkasstastic interactions with the faceless trooper Ramirez, especially considering that Ramirez is Cloud and Cloud remembers the events from Zack's perspective.
  • And after the bridge collapses...
    Tifa: Good thing we survived that fall, huh? Shame about Kowalski.
    Cloud: Wait, that wasn't Ramirez? Geez, I get those two confused all the time...
    Ramirez: (on the verge of tears) Kowalski was my friend...
    Cloud: Dammit, Ramirez! A man just died! Quit thinking about yourself, you conceited prick! (Ramirez starts crying) Tifa, I'm gonna need you to stay here and give baby his baba.
    • Not long after, we find out that Cloud forced Ramirez to bury the Nibelheim monster on top of Kowalski to save time.
• What is Sephiroth's group's greatest enemy? A broken bridge. As everyone screams, so does Sephiroth in his deadpan tone.
  • Even better, after Tifa gets slightly annoyed with Cloud laying on the sass about her during his flashback and he mockingly asks if he got the details wrong, Tifa goes full sass and tells him he hasn't made any inconsistencies at all...and then tells him to mention about how he (Cloud) and Sephiroth entered the reactor together, when in reality it was Zack and Sephiroth who went in together.
• Another moment made better with subtitles, just before Cloud notices the word Jenova in the reactor:
  Cloud: (screaming in abject horror)
  Sephiroth: Are you done?
  Cloud: Hold on, I got one more in me.
  (one more scream of abject horror)
  Cloud: Okay, I'm done. So what was that?
  Sephiroth: Dr. Hojo has created abominations by showering them in Mako energy.
  Cloud: I gotta tell you, SephDawg — is it cool if I call you SephDawg?
  SephDawg: No.
• While the noises the Mako Reactor Mutant makes are Nightmare Fuel, the subtitles are hilarious:
  UNSPEAKABLE SOUNDS OF ELDRITCH HORROR
  NO SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOISE
  THIS WILL MAKE IT HARD TO SLEEP AT NIGHT
• Everything about Tifa's master, Zangan. Also The Reveal that Tifa trained with him in what he calls his Dungeon of Fisting. Cloud finally gets to start biting back against Tifa by daring her to name three techniques that she learned that couldn't be taken as innuendo at all. She gets two.
  • Tifa's father takes offense at Cloud promising to take care of Tifa, ignoring Tifa asking him to just drop the subject, and reveals that she'd only been attending the classes for a couple of weeks.
  • Zangan decided he would put out the fires in the newly razed Nibelheim by running into a burning building with the intention to punch it out.
    Zangan: Now stand back, For Zangan's fists shall Saaaave the Daayyyy!
    Present Cloud: (voiceover) Zangan died immediately.
• Just the fact that Cloud, or rather Zack pointing out the name "Jenova" in the Mako Reactor directly lead to Sephiroth's Sanity Slippage and Face–Heel Turn. In short, the entire events of the series are because Zack f*cked up.
  • Even the subtitles poke fun at this, overlaying "[THIS IS THE SOUND OF F*CKING UP]" onto the distorted screen as Sephiroth suffers his subdued Freak Out.
• After meeting with Zangan, Cloud tries to tell himself that Sephiroth wasn't responsible only to turn around and witness Sephiroth murdering civilians.
  Cloud: There's no way Sephiroth could've done this. I mean it's pretty hard to believ—
  (Cloud turns around to see Sephiroth chopping a man's head in half)
  Cloud: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!
• Sephiroth uses Cloud's "cut this meeting short" one-liner on Tifa as he cuts her down. Tifa then falls down the stairs in slow motion, complaining about how lame that line was all the while.
  • And the aftermath:
    Sephiroth: That one-liner was for you, Cloud. (turns around and leaves)
    Cloud: (barely keeping himself from squeeing out loud) Tifa, did you hear that? That one-liner was for me!
    Tifa: (pained, but still clearly annoyed) Just shut up and kill him.
• Cloud calling for Sephiroth to come back sounds suspiciously similar to "One Winged Angel".
  • Cloud: Seph-Dawg! Seph! Dog! Please don't go! Come back here! Cloud needs you! Sephiroth!
  • Before that he tried to come up with a theme song for himself and Sephiroth during the ride to Nibelheim with the exact same cadence. Seems Cloud's lame one-liner wasn't the only thing Sephiroth liked.
• Vincent Valentine's Early-Bird Cameo after Sephiroth's grim declaration.

  Cloud: Seph-Dawg! Seph! Dog! Please don't go! Come back here! Cloud needs you! Sephiroth!
  Vincent: (knocks on wooden wall) (muffled) Hello???

• Hell, the entire episode itself is hilarious if you already knew about Zack. In this case, this means Zack acts like he had too much sugar when he's around Sephiroth, Lack of Empathy for the dragon's possible children dying, and last but not least, fucking up when he saw Jenova's name in a chamber.

Episode 12

• The scenes in the overworld are represented by the menu portraits of the characters moving around and talking to each other to great comedic effect.
• Having missed the flashback in the previous episode, Barret is horrified to learn that Tifa and Cloud's parents were killed. Cloud is in no mood to revisit such a painful memory so he gives the CliffsNotes version.
  Cloud: Sephiroth. Tall guy. Big sword. Killed our parents. Taking his mother's corpse to the Promised Land.
  Barret: Oh my god, why am I following you guys?
• The party tries to cross the marsh on foot.
  Cloud: Well, this doesn't look too ba-
  [the Midgar Zolom attacks them]
  Cloud, Tifa & Aerith: [screaming]
  Aerith: What's your name?
  Tifa: NOT NOW!
• Tifa is poisoned in the group's first encounter with the Midgar Zolom, which can be considered a case of Take That, Scrappy!.
  Aerith: Uh-oh. Look's like someone's been poisoned.
  Tifa: [through gritted teeth] Looks like someone should heal me!
  Aerith: [whispering] Out of mana.^note If you look at the battle menu, her MP is full.
  • Soon after...
  Cloud: A First Class SOLDIER never retreats! Right, Tifa?
  [cut to Tifa lying on the ground]^note Subtitles: *Tifa ded*
  Cloud: Tifa?
• When Tifa is poisoned,
  Barret: After careful deliberation, my diagnosis is that Tifa is sick as hell.
  Tifa: [mumbles deliriously and vomits]^note Subtitles: "Eww"
  Cloud: Aw, come on! Tifa's a tough girl! She'll be fine!
  Tifa: [more delirious mumbling]
• Barret then asks who bought antidotes:
  Cloud: Who buys antidotes when we can steal them?
  Barret: Cloud, I am about to drop some Wallace wisdom upon your ass. Nothing in life, should ever be stolen.
  Cloud: Wait, who's "Wallace"?
  Barret^note The subtitles list him as Barret Wallace for just this one line: T-That's my last name.
  Red XIII: Maybe they sell anti-dot-ies at the buffe-t over there.
  Barret: Red you know that's a Chocobo farm, right?
  [camera zooms in on Red, who has rotating drumsticks for pupils]
  Red XIII:^note Subtitle: Very HungrilyBUUUUFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-T...
  • And later, when the group comes across the Chocobo ranch, Cloud seems to be enjoying Tifa's pain a bit too much...
    Choco-Bill: The antidote we gave 'er stopped the poison so she'll pull through, but she's gonna be in pure vomit-soaked agony fer a few hours.
    Cloud: Oh, that is fantastic news! Ya hear that, buddy? You're gonna make it!
    Tifa: [sobbing] I wanna die! [vomits again]
    Barret: AUUUUUUGH! YOU CAN'T EVEN HOLD DOWN AN ELIXIR! AND THAT'S THE BEST THING FOR YOU!
• The party's repeated attempts to catch a Chocobo in order to cross the marsh:
  • When Cloud asks if they could buy a Chocobo, Choco-Bill states that theirs are meant for dancing.
    Choco-Bill: Oh ya, you can breed just about anything into Chocobos! Mountain climbing, river crossing, hell, sometimes both! The key is inbreeding.
    Red XIII: Go on...
    Barret: DO NOT GO ON!!!
  • The first time, Choco-Bill tells them to either get a Chocobo or to fight the Midgar Zolom.
    Cloud: I think I know what you're getting at here.
    [smash cut to another fight with the Zolom again, but this time with Barret in place of Tifa]
    Barret: THAT'S NOT WHAT HE WAS GETTING AT, CLOUD!
    • The high-pitched yelp Barret lets out as the Zolom blows him away.
  • After Barret gets knocked down by the Zolom, Choco-Bill gives them a Chocobo Lure materia, and tells them to look around in the track-covered areas for Chocobos. After many, many Chocobo-bereft fights, Cloud returns to the ranch to complain that the materia wasn't working. Turns out Cloud forgot to equip it.
  • When they finally do find a Chocobo, Cloud makes the mistake of keeping Red XIII in the party:
    Red XIII: [as he's charging towards the Chocobo] DIIIINNNEEEERRRR!!! [smash cut to the overworld portraits, Red has a tuft of Chocobo feathers in his mouth] Sorry.^note Subtitles:(Not sorry, it was delicious.)
    Choco-Bill: ...maaaybe don't bring a carnivorous animal wit' ya when you're trying to catch a wild chocobo alive.
    • Special mention goes to Barret and Aerith's overworld portraits, which has them staring at Red in utter shock.
  • They then try to use greens (implied to be chocobo drugs) to make the chocobos easier to catch. Said greens are apparently "420% off", based on the banner in the background.
    Aerith: It smells like my mom's house.
    Cloud: One greens, please.
  • The problem being, they end up spending all of their money on one batch of greens, which Cloud promptly drops on the ground and Red eats.
    Barret: FANTASTIC!! Red's high and we're poor! Good job, Cloud!
    Cloud: How is this my fault?!
    Tifa: You left it on the ground! He's a dog, of course he's going to eat it!
    Red XIII: Dude, we're all dogs to the system...
• How about the fact that Linkara goes full-on thick Minnesotan accent as Choco-Bill?
• While they were thinking of a plan to get the Chocobo, Cloud comes back, with sunglasses saying how they're going to kill the Zolom.^note The subtitles refer to him as BadassCloud for the entire time he has sunglasses on
  Barret: Cloud, where did you get those glasses?
  Cloud: I stole 'em.
  Barret: [gasp] My Wallace wisdom has had no effect.
  • Then when they fight the Zolom again:
    [the Zolom kicks Red XIII out]
    Red XIII: [off-screen] Hi, friends.
    Barret and Tifa: [off-screen] 'Sup.
    Cloud: [glasses fly off his face]^note Subtitles: BadassCloud has changed back to Wuss CloudOoooh, shit.
• Near the end of the episode, Aerith once again heals an enemy because it's hurt, much to everyone's frustration. Subverted when Androcles' Lion kicks in and the Zolom (whose name is revealed to be Ashton) lets the group pass.
  Aerith: Ashton says that he wants to apologize for attacking us.
  Tifa: [off-screen] TELL HIM TO APOLOGIZE FOR POISONING ME TOO!
  Aerith: You don't have to apologize for that.
• Aerith can understand what the Midgar Zolom is saying. The Midgar Zolom is a giant snake. Apparently, Aerith is a Parselmouth.
• Barret and Red XIII's reaction to Aerith being able to understand the Midgar Zolom:
  Barret: [off-screen] HOW THE F*** SHE TALKING TO THAT SNAKE?!?!
  Red XIII: [off-screen] Yeah! Animals can't talk!
• Throughout the episode, Cloud makes it his personal mission to kill the Midgar Zolom in order to prove he's stronger than Sephiroth, only to fail every attempt. It turns out that the reason the Midgar Zolom was attacking the group was because it's mate had been killed... by Sephiroth.
  Cloud: I might not be as strong as Sephiroth...
  Tifa: Duh-huh! Ya think?!
  • Upon hearing the Zolom has a mate, Red immediately asks if it's hot.

Episode 13

• Elena asks the party how they take their coffee, because she's the Turks' former intern.
  Tifa: Oh, is this Reno's replacement? He must still be in the hospital coughing up his remaining testicle.
  Elena: They operate tomorrow!
• Elena pulls a pun with Rude's name, which he doesn't think is funny. Tseng disagrees.
  Tseng: That catchphrase is hilarious. Allow me to express my appreciation for such a display of wit through the act of laughter: MAH! MAAAAGHH! (beat) Laughter has ceased.
  Aerith: Hi, Mister Teh-Seng!
  Tseng: It is pronounced "Teh-Sung." ...Or is it? By the way, the T is silen. [sic]
• Speaking of Reno...
  Reno's Doctor: Alright, your testicle started here (points to his groin), then it went here (points to his pelvis), here (points off the X-ray print), looped around here (points to his sacrum), and ended up here (points to his toe)
  Reno: Uh, what about the other one?
  Reno's Doctor: Oh, it's dead.
  • What makes this scene even funnier is that Reno's tone when he asks his question sounds like Dull Surprise. Either the situation of his one testicle hasn't quite sunk in yet or Reno expected this sort of diagnosis from the beginning.
• The Turks continue to outwit our heroes at every turn.
  Tseng: Sephiroth? Who's Sephiro- SCATTER!
  (they do)
  Tifa: How are those guys always one step ahead of us?
  Tseng: (from offscreen) Wrong way, Elena!
  Elena: (climbing back into view) Went the wrong way!
  (Smash Cut to the opening titles)
• When Barret finds out about the other party members meeting with the Turks, he is absolutely livid... at Tifa for turning down free coffee.
  Tifa: It was the Turks!
  Barret: IT WAS COFFEE!!!
• Red XIII is still feeling the effect of the "greens" from last episode.
  Cloud: So, any update on Red?
  Red XIII: I CAN SMELL THE COSSSSMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!
  Barret: Yeah, no, he's still high as f*ck.
  • He's still trying to be helpful, however.
    Red XIII: Friends, I've got an idea for how to get past that Zolom... Chocobos.
• Which leads to the latest party member's Inadvertent Entrance Cue.
  Tifa: ARRRGH, GREAT! We have no leads, the Turks have a head start, and Red's too stoned to guide us! Please, universe: give us more headaches!
  Yuffie: Surprise attaaaaaaaaack!
  (Fight Woosh)
  Yuffie: Fools! Now you face the great ninja Yuff-
  (Tifa slugs her in the face)
  • The best part is that this extends to her introduction screen, so her character portrait is obscured by Tifa's fist still embedded in her face, her name initially appears as "Yuff," and a a bunch of the letters are either tilted or missing on the menu.
• In her introduction, Yuffie expresses admiration for Tifa's combat skills, which leads to a plethora of jokes from Cloud ribbing Tifa about the naming theme of her attacks.
• Yuffie mentions that she'd been following the Turks, but the glare from the bald one's head blinded her.
  Tifa: Did you yell out "Surprise Attack?"
  Yuffie: Yeah, every time!
  Tifa: Yeah, maybe... maybe stop doing that.
  Yuffie: Whoa... that's a good idea! You're totally blowing my mind right now!
  Cloud: More like Dolphin Blowing your mind...
• Aerith and Yuffie don't exactly hit it off.
  Tifa: SO... did the Turks mention anything about a guy named Sephiroth or where they might be going?
  Yuffie: Hmm... maybe they did, maybe they didn't. What's it worth to ya?
  Aerith: Absolutely nothing. Let's go, Cloud.
  Cloud: Hold on, let's hear her out.
  Yuffie: So... I think we can be friends, right?
  Cloud: Sure?
  Tifa: With effort.
  Aerith: No.
• The group is then puzzled about why Yuffie wants to tag along to begin with.
  Yuffie: Look, I leave my little village for the first time, I meet this kickass older woman-
  Tifa: I'M TWENTY!
  Yuffie: Right?! Just so old!
• Cloud is the only one who tolerates Yuffie in any capacity, largely because of how much she annoys Tifa. Barret is furious about this, but Cloud insists she helps because Red is too high to.
  Cloud: I just think she's necessary.
  Barret: I feel like she's optional at best.
• Barret referring to Fort Condor as "a giant pointless bird."
  Condor: (dejected) CAW... (sheds a Single Tear)
  • Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight as of Episode 28, where the crew begins to look for the Huge Materia, one of which is in Fort Condor.
• Barret asks Priscilla why Junon has a cannon that looks like it will not turn.
  • Really, Priscilla in general. She has a t'ick Irish accent and a fecking potty mouth.
    Priscilla: Gah, Mr. Dolphin! Ya daft bastard!
• When the group faces the Bottomswell, Yuffie uses one of Barret's grenades on it, a grenade he doesn't remember giving her...
  Barret: Yuffie, I do not remember ever giving you one of my grenades.
  Yuffie: Oh, that's because ya didn't. I stole it.
  Barret: (with bloodshot eyes) YOU STOLE ONE OF MY GRENADES???!!!
  Cloud: (nervously and for an extended amount of time) Uhhhhhhhhh...
  Yuffie: Yeah, I'm kind of a kleptomaniac. I just can't stop stealin'! Pens, giant shurikens, kisses, materia, you name it, I steal it!
  Barret: Cloud, she is gonna steal our materia!
  Yuffie: Whaaaaat?! No I'm nooooot! Shut uuuuuup!
  Barret: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE GONNA STEAL IT! Right after, by the way, you told us that you are a KLEPTO-F**KING-MANIAC!!!
  Yuffie: That's called a jooooke, duuuuh! I'm preeeetty hilarious.
• How is the boss defeated? Cloud points out that the monster hovering over the water to attack them has gills, and should need water to survive. The Bottomswell then immediately dies.
  Cloud: (dumbfounded) Did it... Did it forget that it needed water to survive?
  Yuffie: Good job, team! One monster down and nobody got hurt!
  Barret: This child is extremely hurt.
  Yuffie: Oh well, casualties of war.
• When Priscilla's father comes in and casts Cure to revive her, Yuffie then gripes about how they now have to kill TWO people so they don't rat them out to Shinra.
  Old Man: Wait... you're Shinra's most wanted?
  Yuffie: Whaaaaaaat?! No we're nooooot!
  Barret: (weakly) Shut up, Yuffie.
• And after the old man says they should think of their work as "involuntary volunteering."
  Yuffie: As long as you're not extorting us!
  Barret: Oh my God, why are you here?
• When at the Inn, Cloud attempts to take full credit for saving Priscilla.
  Barret: Yes, Cloud. Please tell this woman how your lips almost saved a small, unconscious child.
  Cloud: I was talking about beating off that giant eel— That doesn't sound any better.
• The final lines of the episode:
  Watcher: Our enemy draws close, my old friend.
  Condor: *caws eagerly*
  Bird Guardian: Our only hope is that one day, fate will bring us heroes with the strength to oppose Shi—
  Man: OH GOD, IT'S SHINRA!!!
  *death and explosions ensue*
  Bird Guardian: ...but today's not that day.
  Condor: *caws sadly*

Episode 14

• In the beginning, the voice in cloud's head asks Cloud if he remembers the Nibelhelm mission correctly, then calls him a waste of oxygen. Not a second later...
  "Cloud": Wake uuuuup-
  Tifa: -you useless f**king waste of oxygen!!
  Cloud: Ahh, wark-a-doodle-doo to you, too, bitch.
• Cloud then proceeds to tell her about how they got roped into an assassination mission, how they met a girl with a dolphin-
  Tifa: You met a dolphin without me!?
• Cloud takes the voice's advice and asks Tifa if he's remembering the Nibelheim incident correctly.
  Cloud: Hey Tifa, can I, uh... ask you something?
  Tifa: Oh, you have questions for me now? Alright, shoot.
  Cloud: Am I remembering the Nibelheim Incident right?
  Tifa: Uh... y-yeah, right, of course you are.
  Cloud: So...everything I said... it actually happened?
  Tifa: Yeah, yeah Cloud, it all... it all happened 100%.
  Cloud: Oh, good! For a second there, I thought my memories were playing tricks on me! (relieved laughter)
  Tifa: (nervous laughter) Yeah... wouldn't that be weird.
  Cloud: But the only time we spent together was when you guided me and Sephiroth up Mount Nibel. Isn't it weird that—
  Tifa: (blurts out) We didn't f**k?
  (beat)
  Tifa: Is it weird that I said that?!
  Cloud: Extremely! Let's not talk about it!
  Tifa: Agreed! (laughs hysterically)
• "AVALANCHE SNUGGLES!"
  • And the sign on their door—probably made by Red, since it reads "INTROODRS WIL B SHOT—NO GERYLS ALOUD."
  • And the fact that Barret and Red are trying to get some sleep...at 3 P.M. "Have some courtesy" indeed.
• Turns out all freedom fighting groups are named after natural disasters. There's AVALANCHE, TSUNAMI, BLIZZARD, SANDSTORM, HURRICANE and QUAKE.
  Yuffie: Oooh, QUAKE sounds awesome!
  Barret: No! QUAKE sucks! They're a bunch of assholes!
  • Made even more hilarious by Priscilla saying "Bringing a wave of Liberty", since Barrett said in the first episode that "There will be an avalanche of justice", implying that, in addition to all be named after natural disasters, they all have mottos that are puns on their names.
• Cloud makes the mistake of reacting with incredulity when Priscilla says she's the leader of TSUNAMI. Priscilla decides Cloud just volunteered for "Operation D."
  Priscilla: THE D STANDS FOR "DOLPHIN!!"
  Cloud: (screams while being juggled by Mr. Dolphin)
  Tifa: DOLPHINS ROCK!!
• Priscilla may be a skilled strategist and a terrorist… but she is still six years old, and her drawings of her plans reflect this. And every time she explains part of the plan, it's followed by a Description Cut of Cloud fucking up, like trying to infiltrate a city but immediately getting spotted by an officer and told to get in uniform for the military parade, which is being livestreamed on the Shintranet.
• "Once you're up there… STAY OUT OF SIGHT! So don't go marchin' down the middle of Main Street like a jackass."
  Officer: Are you ready to march down Main Street for the entire world to see?!
  Cloud: Uhhh…
  Officer: That's the spirit!
  Newscaster: And it looks like we have one last straggler joining the parade! Let's see what he's all about!
  (a disguised Cloud utterly fails to march in formation)
  Newscaster: (flatly) Wow. He is… truly awful. I certainly hope this young man's mother isn't alive to witness him failing at this one job. (upbeat) Use the hashtag 'YouHad1Job' to rain scorn down upon him!
  (cut to Barrett watching this on TV, typing on his phone)
  Barret: "You… f**cked… up." Aaand send.
• And then there's the warks from Warker^note Though the subtitles say Worker, which also include the hashtags #NewPrez, #GP4Life, and after Cloud fucks up, #YouHad1Job. Barrett even warks the last one from his phone after seeing how bad Cloud is.
  pr0bait: *incoming donation for this guy to get walking lessons*
  TomLover: I DID NOT LOVE THAT!
  Dolphin: HAH! THIS GUY IS SO LAME!
  Princess: He's not that bad! I like it <3
  Adadaw: wut
  IFgivok: SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!
  • It gets even funnier when you realize that "Dolphin" and "Princess" are Tifa and Aerith.
    • Made even more hilarious when you remember that "Princess" actually comes from Tifa trying to insult Aerith in episode 12^note Calling her a "fairy princess", since she doesn't realise that she's a cetra. The insult failed then, too.
  • The previous screen also features someone saying OMS^note Oh My Shinra, someone using the handle "SLAVEMAN", and RufusBot
  • The pr0bait one is especially hilarious for people who are aware who he is and what he does. ^note  He's a very generous Twitch user who frequently drops massive (several hundred dollar) bit donations. By the time the episode went up, he's probably given TFS several thousand in bits.
  • The random reference to Real News by Purpleeyes WTF in the news ticker:
    OTHER NEWS: Local man assimilates with news. Becomes the news.
    • Similarly, the ticker-tape mentions that Warker registrations skyrocketed because of Cloud's abysmal marching, as everyone wanted to point and mock him.
• "Once you've reached their central base unseen, you'll need to get close to Rufus Shinra. But not too close. The last t'ing you want is to attract his attention…"
  Rufus: Well, son, your terrible marchin' certainly has caught the nation's attention! In fact, you've become a... uh, Heidegger, you're my new head of social media, what did you say this soldier's become?
  Heidegger: I believe the kids call it a "donk mee-mee^note dank meme", sir.
  Rufus: Oooooh, and you are just the donkiest! Tell me, what is the name of this viral sensation that stands in front of me?
  Cloud: Oh shit, my name! Uh, right… (high pitched) Private (sighs) Thunderhead, sir.
• The Turks have been gathering intelligence on Sephiroth, and report that a) he's headed to the western continent, and b) his coffee preferences remain unknown.
  Rufus: My god… he is just shrouded in mystery!
  • Just the implication that Elena tried to ask Sephiroth how he takes his coffee.
• Heidegger immediately suggests they blow up the Western Continent to deal with Sephiroth.
  Rufus: Heidegger, that seems like an overreaction. Like dropping a section of the city on top of another section of the city! Let's use a scalpel instead of a hammer to fix our problems from now on, okay?
  Heidegger: (choked up) But we have so many hammers!
• At this point, Cloud's f**k-up actually works out in his favor, and he convinces Rufus to bring his friends with similar uniforms, despite Heidegger's concerns.
• Cloud is dismayed to hear that their target is President Rufus Shinra, saying that he figured it'd be Heidegger - which Priscilla decides to have them kill too, because why not.
  Cloud: Oh, well why stop there! Why not just wipe out the entire Shinra high command?
  Priscilla: I'm loving where your mind's at, but one t'ing at a time!
• Once Priscilla learns Cloud has scored passage on Rufus' vessel, Priscilla says the next step is obvious. And it turns out Barret's not so different from Heidegger.
  Barret: I think it's pretty obvious as well…
  Priscilla: You're going to walk right on board, and you're going to blow up-
  Barret: A MAKO REACTOR!
  • Later, on the ship...
  Cloud: Barret, Red, you guys remember what you're doing right?
  Barret: I am insulted that you think I would not remember, Cloud!
  (beat)
  Barret: ....We're blowing up a Mako reactor, right?
  Cloud: You're cutting off the dinghies-
  Barret: Yeah, see?! That's what I said! W-we're cutting off the dinghies, ya dingus!
  Red XIII: Yeah, Dingleberry- Ooh, that sounds Delicious.
• Cloud's part in the next phase is to plant the bomb in the ship's engine room-
  Tifa: I will plant the bomb, and Cloud will assist.
  Aerith: And I'll help too!
  Priscilla: (patronizingly) Of course you will, dear.
• At first they realize sinking the ship would take out most of Shinra's leadership, but still leave Palmer in charge… before deciding they'd collapse not long after anyway.
• Barret then asks whether Cloud managed to find a "Tank-sized" uniform that would fit his Heroic Build. Cloud reassures him that he found just such a uniform… Smash Cut to everyone laughing at Barrett wearing a sailor's outfit.
  Barret: I'ma f*ckin' kill you, Cloud.
  Aerith: You look like a giant teddy-bear!
  Barret: I am very much aware of how adorable I look, okay?!
  • Red remarks on how well the costumes allow them to blend in, prompting an actual Shinra trooper to genuinely compliment Red's tail.
• An hour before they reach Costa del Sol, everyone moves their tasks. While Cloud's team find a suitable spot to place the bomb, Aerith's potshots at Tifa continue, and the girl is in seriously rare form.
  Cloud: Now, all that leaves is for Tifa, Aerith, and I to plant the bomb!
  Tifa: Ah-bah-bah, no. Tifa plants the bomb while you two cover my ass.
  Aerith: At least someone finally will…
• The attempt to bomb the engine room turns into a discussion on Tifa's bust before they spot Sephiroth.
  Aerith: All right, Tifa! Set the timer, and plant the bomb. Then we bounce like your boobies!
  Tifa: I'll have you know my boobs are firm as hell! Ask Cloud, he bruised his fist punching them once.
  Cloud: I did. It felt like wet sand in a balloon.
  Aerith: Well, I was just trying to compliment you.
  Tifa: You think I don't know how much of a goddamn national treasure my girls are?! Ever since the Shintra-net was invented, I've been ranked number three on badbarbitches.biz, okay?!
  Cloud: You own that bronze medal, Tifa.
  Tifa: At least I won something!
  Cloud: Does that night at Don Corneo's not count?
  Aerith: It does for some of us…
  • Turns out the badbarbitches.biz website was actually made for the episode and really exists, and guess who is on the top of the list and still with a photo? And, going by the writer's fixation on Jessie, Biggs might've written it!
    • The site owner's email is listed as [e-mail], so the site is almost certainly owned by Biggs.
  • Even better is the reason why the author only ranked her third: despite the author considering Tifa hotter than the second pick, he marked her as third because she was mean to him.
  • Tifa's pride at ranking third place is pretty silly when you actually check the site and realize that there are only three girls listed, so that bronze medal Cloud was snarking about is actually for dead last place.
• Struggling against a Jenova monster Sephiroth unleashed before escaping, Cloud uses Priscilla's materia to summon the ice goddess Shiva, and he and Tifa are awed by her beauty. Afterward, Aerith asks to see the materia up close. As soon as Cloud hands it to her, she "accidentally" drops it.
• After their plan fails, Aerith assumes Barret will get angry, but he actually remains rather calm.
  Cloud: What? But our plan failed!
  Barret: Oh nonononono, Cloud… TSUNAMI's plan failed. We got what we wanted.
  Cloud: That's true. Guess we don't need this bomb... (throws it away)
  Barret: Don't toss explosives like that, Cloud!
  Cloud: Ah, don't worry, it was probably a dud.
  (Cloud and Barret walk off, and the bomb's timer starts counting down from 30 minutes)

Episode 15

• The ship's announcer says that Rufus will allow employees to bring back one souvenir each, but "no, women do not count, you pigs."
• Upon arriving at Costa del Sol, Cloud summarizes the events of the engine room, and caps it off by demonstrating pattern recognition.
  Cloud: So that's what happened. Sephiroth phased through the ground, flew away, and left a Jenova monster for us to fight.
  Red XIII: So was it-
  Cloud: It was not hot.
  Red XIII: That's subjective.
  • Red's nose detects the faint scent of corpses and Tragic Backstories, but figures that could be anyone. Barret agrees in a Creepy Monotone.
• With Sephiroth's trail going cold, Tifa decides there's only one thing to do-
  Yuffie: (appearing in a puff of smoke) COSTA-DEL-CATION!!
  Tifa: OH F**K!
  Yuffie: C'mon guys, we need a break! It's been a long journey for all of us.
  Tifa: You JUST showed up!
  Yuffie: And already I'm making your lives better!
  Tifa: That's subjective.
• Yuffie wants to hang out with Tifa. Tifa says they should go to the bar.
  Yuffie: Awww, I can't go there, I left my fake ID in the other pair of pants I stole...
  Tifa: Aw, that's a shame. Guess I'll just have to drink for the both of us.
• Aerith wonders where Yuffie goes when she disappears in a cloud of smoke, at which point Yuffie plummets out the sky into the sea.
  • In the complete season 2 video, a splash sound is added to this moment.
• As some Shinra lackeys are trying to safely land Rufus' helicopter, one of the guys kneeling is blown away from the wind of the helicopter.
  Lackey: Easy...easy...! OHGOD!
• Heidegger warked the events of the fight in the engine room from the last episode instead of actually doing anything about it. He even photoshopped himself over a picture of Shiva claiming she's his new girlfriend.
  Rufus: Speaking of hashtags, do you know what the top trend I found was? It was: #Did It Not Occur To You That Instead Of Live-Warking These Events You Could Have Oh I Don't Know DONE ANYTHING To Capture Those Intruders ON MY SHIP?!
  Heidegger: I don't think a hashtag that long would track that well.
  • All the pictures taken by Heidegger are giggle-worthy thanks to Freeze-Frame Bonus. His comment on the first one has him saying that he found some employees "sleeping on the job in some random blood". There's also a random "Hang In There" picture with Cait Sith.
  • Then Rufus puts him on notice for that and leaves while expecting that his "pep talk" should yield good results. Cut to Heidegger assaulting a random civilian.
  Subtitles: *Heidegger yields results*
  • And as Rufus flies away, he muses that he should have invited Private Thunderhead along to the Gold Saucer, as he "blows expectations." And then the bomb goes off on the ship.
  • There's also the slight irony that Heidegger did in fact try to warn Rufus that inviting 'Private Thunderhead' and his friends onto his ship on a whim was slightly careless.
• Tifa visits the bar and introduces them to a new drink.
  Tifa: Okay guys, this is a drink I call the "Roundhouse Blitz." Now what you're gonna want to do is take your closest bottle of whiskey and keep giving me shots 'til I say "when."
  Bartender: You will say "when," right?
  Tifa: Hey, less talk-y, more pour-y. (pop, glug) COSTA-DEL-CATION!
  • It doesn't take her long until she's completely plastered.
    Bartender: She promised the "when," but the "when" never came!
  • Drunk Tifa in general is hilarious, particularly her tendency for terrible decisions, like buying most of Yuffie's stolen materia ("I'm gonna be sho powerful!") and promising to go on every single ride with her at Gold Saucer. She slurs this last portion so badly that the video itself provided subtitles.
• Red XIII meanwhile is concerned about Barret, who Cloud assumes is having some "Barret Time."
  Barret: (posing in front of a bathroom mirror in his sailor outfit) Mmmm, that's right. Big Daddy Barret comin' at you live from Love Central! Population: me and yo' fine-ass self, mama!
• Red describes Yuffie as the "ninjandit," a "cobbonation of the word 'ninja' and 'bandit.' Because she is a materia thief."
  Cloud: Yuffie is not a materia thief.
  (Smash Cut to)
  Yuffie: Welcome to Yuffie's Used Materia! Wanna buy anything? I've got a lightning one with your name on it!
• Yuffie mentions that she and Tifa should hang out because they have the "perfect chemistry".
  Cloud: You mean the kind of chemistry that makes explosions?
  Yuffie: Yeah! Explosions rock!
• Yuffie also claims she built her shop by using her "sweet ninja carpentry skills." Her shop's sign immediately falls off.
• Hojo is on vacation at the beach, and still in his labcoat.
  Cloud: I'm surprised to see you haven't combusted in the sun like a vampire.
  Hojo: Oh, you'd be surprised what vampires can do nowadays. (giggles madly)
  • He's still so creepy that it warps the screen, giving pervy laughs even when making perfectly innocuous statements.
    Barret: How the hell are you surrounded by all these beautiful ladies?
    Hojo: Wellllll, I found them on the Shintranet. They said they were up for... EXPERIMENTATION! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
    Woman: You're still paying us, right?
    (Beat)
    Hojo: You can leave now.
    • Earlier, he pointed out how bad Cloud is at picking up women.
      Cloud: Sooo... uh... Do you like... movies?
      Vendor: Ay, papi. That's a pretty big giant hunk of metal on a stick you've got there.
      Cloud: (defensively) It's called a Buster Sword!
• A Black Comedy moment in the middle of an otherwise completely straight tragic backstory.
  Barret: After that, the reactor was built within the week, and everyone was happy...
  Cloud: So how long did that last?
  {Smash Cut to "3 days later," with the town on fire and its people screaming}
  Cloud: Yours too, huh?
  • Red is fittingly depressed after hearing that story. Not because of how sad it was - but because Barret had a "bestester friend" than him.
  • It's also kind of funny to find out everyone in Mt. Corel talks like Barret. His Jive Turkey mannerisms have been an accent this whole time!
• After that drama bomb, an unusually somber Tifa tries to advise her teammates.
  Tifa: Look, guys... I think the best thing right now is to just give him some space and not annoy hi-
  Yuffie: ♪ We're all going to the Gold Sau-cer, we-are-going we-are-going to the Gold Sau-cer! We're all going to the Gold Sau-cer- ♪
  Tifa: I'm going to f**king kill her...
• Yuffie ends the episode by singing along to the level-up fanfare.
  • Even better, when one of the YouTube commenters asks about how much caffeine her voice actress was given, Mystic Pyro Freak herself commented this:
  Mystic Pyro Freak: I don't THINK I drank coffee the day I recorded that...

Episode 16

• We start with Yuffie still singing along to the Gold Saucer music. According to the "Complete Season 2" video, three hours have passed since Costa del Sol, implying that she started singing again as the gang gets close to the park or has been singing non-stop the moment they left.
  Yuffie: ♪ We're so close to the Gold Sau-cer, we're so close, we're so close, to the Gold Sau-cer! I can't wait for the Gold Sau-cer, I can't wait, I can't wait for the Gold Sau-cer!! ♪
  Tifa: SHUT THE F**K UUUUUUUUUUPPPP!!!!!
• Cloud becomes increasingly outraged at the Gold Saucer's GP system as the episode goes on. Given that this episode came out during the Star Wars Battlefront II fiasco, a lot of the YouTube comments are wondering whether it's commentary or eerily prescient.
• Yuffie is stoked at going on various rides with Tifa, with the latter quietly begging Cloud for help.
  Tifa: Dude, you gotta get me out of this!
  Cloud: No can do, Tifa! You've made your bed of nails. Don't toss and turn too much!
• Red XIII's idea of a good time is to ride a roller coaster, "vomit, and then eat it."
  • Even better, when he asks his bestest friend to join him in that activity, Barret takes the suggestion completely seriously.
  Barret:: I'm sorry Red. I ain't in the mood to be eating any vomit today.
• Aerith's words of encouragement over Barret's past are so effective that he actually gets a Cure effect. And then Cloud has to open his mouth.
  Barret: Thank you, Aerith. Your words truly have healed me.
  Cloud: Yeah, so just get over it!
  (beat)
  Barret: Excuse me?
  Tifa: And there's Cloud with the f**k-up...
• When Red XIII's attempts to calm Barret down aren't a Tearjerker, they're this.
  Red XIII: Bestest Friend, I'm sure the spiky blonde one didn't mean anything by it.
  Barret: You stay outta this, Red!
  Red XIII: But, Black...
  Barret: You DON'T get a pass!
  (everyone else gasps)
  Barret: Have you ever thought that perhaps some people don't like nicknames that their friends give them, and instead, those friends should be more considerate towards their feelings?!
  Red XIII: But, what's wrong with using color as a convenient label for- ohhh... Did I just Cloud it?
  Cloud: Can we not make that a verb, please?
• After Barret's outburst, Yuffie admonishes Cloud for not picking up on subtle social cues.
  Yuffie: So Tifa, you ready to have the time of your life?!
  Tifa: (cheerfully) I'm ready to end my life.
  Yuffie: Great! Hold onto your cans, 'cause we're 'bout to smoke-bomb to Funville! Yufifa, out!
  Tifa: OH G- (POOF)
• Cloud tries to stick to his principles, but it turns out none of the attractions at the Gold Saucer take gil.
  Cloud: Worst. Day. EVER. Silver lining, Tifa's probably having it worse than me...
  (cut to Tifa and Yuffie screaming as they shoot a UFO on a roller coaster)
  Tifa and Yuffie: BEST! DAY! EVEEERRR!!
• TeamFourStar sidesteps the pronunciation of Cait Sith's name, but initially type his name in as "Ket Shee." Cait Sith later attempts to get Dio to remember him by trying both pronunciations. Though if you pay close attention when the menu first comes up, you can see another name being deleted before the screen can properly fade in: Reeve.
• And then there's his "loveable fluffy steed, Mog."
  Cloud: Aw, well, hi there, Mog-
  Mog: Existence is pain.
  Cait Sith: He's the life of the party, ain't he?
• Cait Sith's attempts at fortune telling reveal how sad Reeve's life is.
  Aerith: Hmm, will we ever be rich?
  Cait Sith: Hold on to your britches, will this couple gain riches? (ding) Here you go, friend. Mog and I have been fortune tellers at Gold Saucer for years, so this ain't my first-
  Cloud: This is a recipe for how to make a birthday cake for one.
  Cait Sith: (nervous laughter) How did that slip in there? Let's try another question, shall we?
  Aerith: I know! Mr. Kitty Sith, will we ever get married?
  Cait Sith: Bachelorhood buried, let's see if they get married! (ding) So, what's it say this time?
  Cloud: "Shinder date cancelled last-minute. Went to grab a falafel and saw her making out with another guy?"
  Aerith: What's a "Shinder?"
  Cait Sith: It's a dating app, don't read into it. So! Third time's a charm! Let's give it another go, huh?
  Aerith: Alright. Will... I always be remembered?
  Cait Sith: Trust me, honey, you're far too important to ever be forgotten. Attention audience members, will this girlie be remembered? (ding)
  Cloud: "I stood and cried as I saw thousands of innocent lives perish. Why must I work in such an empire of evil when my heart beats for Justice?"
  Cait Sith: Hey, why don't you ask a quesiton, Spiky!
• They do get back on-topic, eventually.
  Cloud: We're actually looking for a man: black cape, silver hair, giant sword?
  Cait Sith: Oh, you mean Sephiroth?
  Cloud: Yeah! Have you seen him?
  Cait Sith: No, who's that?
  Cloud: Well, could ya check?
  Cait Sith: (sigh) Yadda yadda yadda sloth, where's Sephiroth? (ding)
  Cloud: "All flowers eventually wilt." Followed by a lot of frowny faces.
  Mog: Reality is a cruel mistress.
• Cloud and Cait Sith bond over their mutual emasculation at the hands of a female coworker and status as No-Respect Guy.
  Cait: Oh yeah. Did it start before or after you slept with her?
  Cloud: Uh...
  Cait: Ah! So "before." Good luck with that.
  Aerith: Yes, good luck, Cloud.
  • Culminating when Cloud and Cait Sith bond over their mutual irritation at the Gold Saucer forcing people to buy fake currency with real currency:
  Cait Sith: Screw this job! Can you believe they force people to buy fake currency with real currency?
  Cloud: I. F**king. Love you!
  Cait Sith: Come on! Let's go find my boss so I can quit right to his greasy, muddy-loving face!
  Cloud: Oh! Can we also complain about the Gold Point system too?
• Cloud asks Cait Sith to tell him what Dio uses all his gils for, because he knows he's gonna hate it.
  Cloud: (while looking at the Battle Arena) THIS! This is what he spends all his money on?!
  (Beat. The camera dezooms to show the whole screen)
  Cloud: Shinra Security?! Ah! Come on! They're the cheapest, laziest, most unereliable security money can buy!
  (The guard falls dead.)
  Cloud: See? Always sleeping on the job, just like Ramirez.
• The reason for so many Shinra Security being at the Gold Saucer? Rufus loaned them for cheap because Dio gave him an all-access pass.
• Some Fun with Subtitles when they find the dead security guards.
  Cait Sith: Oh my god, I can't believe Bruce is dead!
  Cloud: How do you know his name?
  Cait Sith: He was a... regular! B-but I agree, what kind of person would work for a company like Shinra?
  Subtitles: (Cloud.)
  Mog: A sad, pathetic, miserable excuse for a man.
  Subtitles: (Definitely Cloud.)
• Cloud assumes that the guard was murdered by Sephiroth, but then notices that he has bullet wounds.
  Cait Sith: Maybe he traded his sword in for one of those fancy new Gunblades!
  Cloud: Yeah, I've seen those, I bet if you're not careful with one you could cut your face.
  • What makes Cloud's line even funnier is that it's actually a reference to Final Fantasy VIII's lore which explains that gunblades are notorious for being powerful weapons, but also ones that need a lot of skill and practice to become proficient with.
• When they narrow the culprit down to a gun user "with a turbulent history with Shinra and is known for violent outbursts."
  Cloud: (whispered) Barret... did you f**k up?
• Cloud missing the clue that Dio only just hired Cait Sith (contradicting Cait Sith's claim that he's worked at Gold Saucer for years)... instead chalking it up to Dio not remembering his employee's names.
• The ending slide show, which showcases Tifa and Yuffie hanging out at the Golder Saucer together. The two are actually having a lot of fun together until Yuffie scares Tifa while in a photobooth and gets socked in the face for it. Though the last picture has the two laughing over it.

Episode 17

• Tifa and Yuffie continue bonding over Mog House and all the possibilities it holds.
  Arcade Game: WELCOME TO MOG HOUSE
  Tifa: Whyyyyyyyyyyy...
  Yuffie: Yo, shut up though! CHECK IT.
  (in the game, Mog fails a jump and lands face-down in the dirt)
  Arcade Game: MOG IS DEAD
  Tifa: (howls in laughter along with Yuffie) Oh my god! Ah, I bet Cloud's not having nearly as much fun right now...
  (cut to Cloud being held by Dio's robots)
  Cloud: And furthermore, what am I supposed to do with the Gold Points I don't spend?!
• Dio clears up a common misconception: the complaints department isn't a prison, it's inside a prison.
  Cloud: Why is it in a prison?!
  Dio: Needed space for the Gondola.
• Dio's idea of a stressful day: counting his gil, cleaning up priceless antiques, souping up his buggy, telling a man in a black cape with a tattoo on his hand he doesn't know where the Black Materia is.
• Don't worry, the party's fine after plummeting into the prison.
  Aerith: Mog's big, fluffy body broke our fall!
  Mog: Whereas my spirit was already broken...
• The newest party member isn't eager to meet Barret.
  Cait Sith: Oh, kitty litter! It's the gun-armed man who moidered all those people!
  Mog: If only I had gotten there sooner...
  Cloud: Look, just because Barret fits the description of the assailant to a T doesn't necessarily-
  (blood shoots out of the corpse at Barret's feet)
  Cait Sith: Picture's worth a thousand words, Cloud.
  Cloud: And all of them are "f*ck."
• Barret asks about the rest of the party.
  Cloud: Well, Tifa and Yuffie are probably off killing each other right now...
  (cut to the Mog's House game)
  Arcade Game: INTERCOURSE ACHIEVED
  Yuffie: WE JUST GOT LAIIIIIIID!
  Tifa: We are KILLING IT right now!
• Barret solemnly repeats that all his friends are gone.
  Barret: I don't have any friends. They're all dead, and they ain't comin' back. (runs off)
  (beat)
  Cait Sith: Are they dead because you killed 'em?!
• Cloud insists they finish what they started. Smash Cut to Cloud complaining to Mr. Coates... except that "the Complaints Department" is just the name of Corel's prison gang.
• We get a cutaway gag of a newcomer's initiation.
  Rookie: Whaddaya gonna do, stab me?
  Gang Member: Oh, you're going to do great around here! (stabbing noise)
• Cloud sets a trap for Barret.
  Cloud: Now I just gotta see if Barret picks up the bait.
  Barret: (bursting in) PRISON WIVES, YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!
  Cloud: Awesome! It worked!
  Barret: Cloud... did you put up fake posters of there being hot single prison wives in my area in an attempt to lure me to this very specific location?
  Cait Sith: The hard part was finding a printer!
• After Barret's Stab the Scorpion moment, when a gang member drops dead from hiding.
  Aerith: Is it bedtime already?
  Mog: I would welcome the eternal slumber...
  Cait Sith: See, this is why we don't get invited to mixers.
• Cloud tries to tell Barret that he's figured out Barret is innocent of the murders Dyne committed, only for Yuffie and Tifa (calling each other Yufs and Tifs) to poof in and say that same exact thing, with Tifa praising Yuffie for her "ninja eavesdropping skills." Cloud can only weakly mutter that he was about to say that.
• Yuffie describes the drop down to the prison as "lit."
  Cait Sith: Oh my god, it was on fire?!
• During the flashback, as Barret and Dyne are searching for help after Corel is destroyed.
  Barret: Look, Dyne, Shinra troops! Maybe they'll be able to help us out!
  Shinra Soldier #1: Guys, more innocent civilians!
  Shinra Soldier #2: What should we do?
  Shinra Soldier #3: Kill 'em?
  Shinra Soldier #4: Ain't goin' outta style! (opens fire)
  [...]
  Scarlet: Ahhahahahaha! Yes, my minions! Kill the terrorists who blew up our Mako reactor!
  Barret: But we would never blow up a Mako reactor!
  Shinra Soldier #1: Oh, we know! We're just framing you!
  (Scarlet punches Shinra Soldier #1 off of the bridge)
  Shinra Soldiers #2, 3 & 4: Aw, shit!
  Scarlet: He was new! Ignore him! Now kill Dyne and his sexually attractive friend!
• Dyne's supposed final message to Barret provide the first uncensored F-bomb in the series.
  Dyne: And live by these words: Don't. Fuck. Up.
• Barret describes the aftermath of losing his hand.
  Barret: It was on that day that I first swore-
  Cloud: Revenge?
  (flashback to a "Doktrr"'s tent)
  Doktrr: Okay, so we got a few options. First, we have this new bronze gauntlet-
  Barret: I want a f**king gun.
  Doktrr: ...(leans forward) How big do you want it?
  (back to the present)
  Barret: There were layers of swearing, yes.
  • The Doktrr also sounds way too into the idea of giving Barret a gun arm.
• Cait Sith tries to bring himself up to speed on Dyne's murder-spree.
  Cait Sith: Okay, so just so we're all on the same page: Dyne is the killer, and instead of getting revenge on the company that burned down his village, he's just going around killing random people?
  Tifa: So what's the plan?
  Cait Sith: That's not weird to any of you?!
• How did Red find the party?
  Red: (grimly) I followed the trail of dead bodies. (cheerful) Now I'm full!
• Barret making up with Red and reaffirming their bestest friendship is heartwarming, right up until Cloud f*cks up.
  Barret: (bawling) I'M SORRY, RED! I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A BAD DOG AND PUSHED YOU AWAY! I JUST DON'T WANT THE PEOPLE I LOVE TO KEEP DYIN'!
  Cloud: Wow. Even me?
  Barret: (still sobbing) SHUT THE F*CK UP CLOUD!
  Cloud: Ehh, worth a shot.
• In the four years since the accident, Dyne has gone completely off the deep end. The coal tells him things.
• Cloud keeps f**king up Barret's dramatic showdown with Dyne by providing commentary from just off-screen.
  Dyne: Hey, brother... looong time no see...
  Cloud: (offscreen) Oh, that's foreboding!
  Barret: CLOUD SHUT THE HELL UP, THIS IS MY MOMENT!!
  [...]
  Dyne: "Make things right?!" (wheezing laugh) You can't make things right, brother, no one can! She told me so herself!
  Barret: Who told you, Dyne? Your wife?
  Dyne: No... my mistress. Coal.
  Cloud: (offscreen) Ooooh, that's weird.
  [...]
  Dyne: The world is a cruel place, brother. Everywhere I go, all I see is death, and destruction...
  Cloud: (offscreen) Probably because you're the one causing it!
  [...]
  Dyne: The planet gives, and gives, and all we do is (shooting Barret) Take! TAKE!!! TAKE!!!!!
  Cloud: (offscreen) How are you not dead yet? You got shot like fifty times!
  [...]
  Dyne: I got nothing left...
  Barret: That's not true, Dyne! There's someone left! Your daughter. Marlene.
  Cloud: (offscreen) I Knew It!!
  Barret: I went back to the village and found her. I've raised her ever since. She's a healthy eight-year-old girl now!
  Cloud: (offscreen) She looks four if you ask me!
  [...]
  Dyne: The coal is telling me something, Barret. It's telling me to see Marlene again...
  Barret: Oh, that's great!
  Cloud: (offscreen) Wait for it...
  Dyne: ...So I can send her to her mother.
  Cloud: (offscreen) OH, nothin' but net!
  Barret: Dyne, what are you sayin'?!
  Dyne: What I'm sayin', brother... (Dramatic Gun Cock) is that it's time to "Dyne" with death.
  Cloud: (offscreen) Oh, THAT's good!
• Barret, only decides to fight against Dyne because he threatens to kill every dog in the world.
  Dyne:And this world will be rid of every man—
  Barret: No...
  Dyne:Woman!
  Barret: No!
  Dyne: CHILD!
  Barret: Nooo!
  Dyne: And dog!
  Dyne: *laughs maniacally as it dramatically zooms up to Barret's pissed off face*
  Barret*pissed*: Hey, Dyne. You know what time it is, sucka?
  Dyne: Excuse me?
  Barret: I said...*activates limit break* DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, SUCCKKKKKKAAAAA!?!! *shoots grenade bomb point blank into Dyne's face*
  *Cuts to the menu screen of Barret's portrait*
  Barret: AVALANCHE time, mothaf**ka.
• Barret, lampshading Dyne's improbable durability after being defeated by a Limit Break.
  Barret: Glad to see you've only suffered minimal damage from that head-on grenade explosion.
• Eventually Red has to step in to shut Cloud up.
  Dyne: How can I hold my daughter with these hands, so stained?
  Barret: My hands ain't any cleaner, Dyne.
  Cloud: (offscreen) If you put 'em together, you have a pair! (chomped) Ow! My hand!
  Red XIII: Read the room!
  [...]
  Dyne: Use your gun to shield the planet from Shinra...
  Cloud: (offscreen) A gun can't shield things! (chomped) Ow, my other hand!
• The screen fades to black after Dyne jumps to his death, and then pops back with a little stinger before the end credits.
  Red: Do you think he's alright?
  Cloud: Well, he survived it the first time...
  (Dyne explodes)
  Cloud: No.

Episode 18

• Mr. Coates tells the party that if they want to leave, they'll need to "take care of" Dyne. Barret presents the pendant.
  Mr. Coates: That's Dyne's pendant! Oh, thank God! You know, as strange as it sounds, I knew that if anyone could calm him down and help him find peace with his past, it'd be you guys-
  Barret: Oh no, he's dead.
  *beat*
  Mr. Coates: DYNE'S DEAD?! That's NOT what I meant by "take care of him!!!" Oh God, when word gets out about this there's gonna be a power vacuum!
  Red: Bet that'll suck!
  Gangster #1: *off-screen* Hey, didja hear? Dyne's dead!
  Gangster #2: *off-screen* Let's celebrate by rioting! *cue whooping and gunfire*
• Coates revealing to the party what they have to do to leave the prison.
  Mr Coates: Ok ok ok! Y-you guys can go up! But the only way they'll let you leave is if you compete in the most challenging, the most grueling, the most brutal competition known to mankind-
  Barret: Cloud'll do it.
  *Smash Cut to Cloud riding a Chocobo in a race*
  Cloud: GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!
• At first, Cloud is angry that all that's included in Dio's letter is a coupon for "Gold Sauce."
  Cloud: That's it? After everything we've been through, all he's giving us is some sauce?! If he thinks he can buy us off with a few trinkets—
  Letter!Dio: P.S., I'm also giving you the keys to my personal transportation vehicle. *guitar riff as a picture of the buggy is shown*
  Cloud: Then he is absolutely right!
• Cloud is very excited about getting a buggy.
  Cloud: (singing while he drives the buggy in circles) BUGGY! I just got a new buggy! It's really sweet! I can't wait to show it to the people I meet! It's mah buggy! Mah BUGGYYYYYYY~!!!
  Tifa: Cloud, you've been singing for 3 hours straight. Calm the f**k down!
  Cloud: No can do, Tifarino. I'm on me 9! This buggy's got everything! Surround sound, video games, a mini-fridge!
  Yuffie: Plus I found a cupboard that was filled with candy~!
  Barret: Yuffie, that's a medicine cabinet and those are pills.
  Yuffie: That explains why I can't feel my face! I'm gunna punch it!
  • You can hear Yuffie punching herself throughout the rest of the scene.
• Tifa meets Cait Sith.
  Tifa: Well, I'm happy that you're all enjoying yourselves, but I just have one question: Who the f**k is this guy?
  Cloud: Oh, that's Cait Sith. Don't worry, he's chill.
  Cait Sith: Yeah! I'm more chill than bodies in an igloo! Hoo hoo hoo!
  Mog: Or bodies in a morgue...
• Barret declines Tifa's request to go with Cloud and Aerith to Gongaga instead of her.
  Barret: (wearing a mud mask and cucumbers over his eyes) Mmmmm no can do, Tifa. Red and I are gonna have some much deserved R&R in the hot tub!
  Red: I'm going to clog up the drain with all my hair!
  Barret: Me too, Red. Meeeeee too.
  Yuffie: (face covered in bruises) I still can't feel my face! Wait... Now I can... YAAAAAAHHHH!!
• Tifa notices Cait Sith is communicating with someone. Cait claims it's just his psychic hotline, which Cloud buys without question.
• Elena is still trying to fill everyone's coffee orders:
  Elena: Bad news guys! The townsfolk said they haven't been able to get cream since the reactor explosion. All they've got is soy milk, and despair.
  Rude: I'll take mine black with extra despair.
• Turns out Rude has a Villainous Crush which Reno is particularly upset about.
  Reno: So look, Rude, bro to bro, I gotta ask; who you got the hots for?
  Rude: Tifa.
  Reno: THAT F**KING BITCH?!
• Cloud and Reno reunite:
  Cloud: Oh hey Reno, nice to see you're walking again!
  Reno: Oh hi Cloud, good to see you're still not shutting the f*ck up and minding your own goddamn business again!
• Reno is not excited to see Tifa again.
  Tifa: Heyyyyy, bud. Guess whooo?
  Reno: Ohhhh noooo...
  Tifa: Soooooo, did I hear you call me a f**king bitch? Cuz I think the phrase you're looking for is "ball-buster."
  • Even worse - this time her gloves are tipped with Wolverine Claws.
  • Tifa's threat against Reno is great too.
  Tifa: Is that a new bat? It'd be a shame if someone... shoved the entirety of it up your ass.
  • After Rude leaves to not fight Tifa (because he has the hots for her), Reno decides to deploy a different secret weapon: running.
• Cloud worries that the Turks knew they'd be in Gongaga because there's a spy in their midst. This also provides the third unbleeped f-bomb in the series.
  Tifa: It's Cait Sith.
  Aerith: But who could it be?
  Tifa: It's Cait Sith!
  Cloud: I don't know, Aerith. It could honestly be anyone. Tifa.
  Tifa: Oh you are unfuckingbelievable.
• When Cloud eavesdrops on Tseng and Scarlet, he activates "SOLDIER Stealth" while providing his own sound effects and poses. The funnier part is this:
  Cloud: Deactivating SOLDIER Stealth. *does so*
  Subtitles:*Stupid noise*
• Even Scarlet thinks Tseng's laugh sounds like "a dying penguin."
• Cloud wonders what effect the reactor explosion had on the wildlife. Smash Cut to the party fighting a Tankceratops.
  Tifa: WHOA, TANKCERATOPS!
  Tankceratops: I SHOULD BE AN ACTION FIGURE!
  • And when they fight another one:
  Tifa: TANKCERATOPS 2: THE RE-TANKENING!
  Tankceratops: BUY MY MERCHANDISE!
  • A woman crying over her son's grave? Not funny. Revealing that he died of lead poisoning? Still not funny. Then she reveals where the lead came from...
  Grieving Woman: I didn't know the Tankceratops cereal had THAT much lead!
  Tankceratops: PART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST!
• The last thing Zack wrote to his parents was that he had a girlfriend "with a booty that wouldn't quit."
  Aerith: That's so sweet!
• Red gets quite testy whenever fathers are brought up.
  Barret: I told Dyne that I'd protect this planet! I promise as a lover, a fighter, and a father!
  Red: But bestest friend, fathers don't keep their promises!
  Barret: H-H-Hold on, what?
  Red: All I'm saying is that sometimes, fathers lie all the time.
  Barret: Red, w-where the hell is this coming from? Do you... have problems with your dad?
  Red: (snarls) Oops, there it goes again. I sometimes revert to my violent instincts whenever I think of my da- (more snarling) Whoops, dropped the d-word again.
  Barret: ...Do you wanna talk about it?
  Red: Bestest friend, I have issues and feelings. And just like those Gold Saucer floor falafels I ate, they're gonna stay inside me forever. And I'm neeeeeeeever going to confront them.
  Cloud: Welp, the buggy's dead.
  Tifa: Did you check the carburetor?
  Cloud: Nope! It's dead forever and it's never coming back!
  Aerith: (wistful sigh)
  Cloud: Oh...
  Cait Sith: (with the most hilarious Oh, Crap! expression on his face as a dramatic sting plays and the camera zooms in on his portrait) Oh my God! You mean we're stranded right in the middle of this desert canyon with no sign of civiliza- Oh look, a telescope.
• Cosmo Canyon is apparently the Amsterdam of the FFVII world with it's free usage of greens.
  Random Cosmo Canyon Resident: Does anybody know where I can get some Chocobo Greens?
  Everyone Else: Over here!
  

Episode 19

• In case the end of the previous episode didn't make it clear, the greeter of Cosmo Canyon (who sounds very much like Seth Rogen) firmly establishes what kind of people live there.
  Greeter: Heeeey, Nanaki! I haven't seen you since yesterday! Heheheheheheh!
  Red XIII: (cheerfully) I've been gone for a year!
  Greeter: Wooooah, heheheheheheh, time's weeeeeird!
• When Barret asks why Aerith isn't her happy self, Cloud offers to tell him in exchange for helping each other out - Cloud talks to Red, Barret talks to Aerith. Barret agrees, and says he will respond appropriately...
  Barret: (Distant Reaction Shot after hearing what Cloud did) OHHHHH, YOU F(bleep)ED UUUUUUUPPP!
• Cloud catches up to Red, who immediately guesses that Barret sent him to check up on him, and when Cloud states that having a Disappeared Dad isn't that common...
  Red: Oh really? Tell me about your father, Spiky-blonde-one.
  Cloud: Oh, my dad? Well, he was-
  Red: Never around?
  Cloud: Well... yeah, but that was because (haltingly) I never knew him in the first place...
  Red: Because he abandoned you.
  Cloud: Whaaaaaat?! Noooo. I mean if he did, I'm sure he had a good reason.
  Red: (Matter-of-factly) The reason was because you were born. (Cheerfully) Let's go see my grandpa!
  • When Cloud informs Barret that Red hates all fathers, Barret knows what he has to do - become Red's Parental Substitute!
• Meeting the very-human-looking Bugenhagen, grandfather to the very-animal-looking Nanaki/Red XIII, Cloud can't help but notice the obvious.
  Cloud: Soooooo... Grandpa, huh? The resemblance is uncanny.
  Bugenhagen: Oh, we're not related by blood!
  Cloud: Oh, good! And here I thought you were nuts.
  Bugenhagen: We're connected by the Lifestream!
  Cloud: Jumped the gun on that one, didn't I?
  Bugenhagen: Oh, Cloud, we're ALL connected by the Lifestream! Every single living creature!
  Cloud: Guess that makes humping all those experiments really awkward, huh Red?
  Red XIII: Blonde one, don't mention my abundant sexual exploits in front of my grandpa, it's embarrassing!
  Bugenhagen: Oh, it's quite alright Nanaki! We all practice free love here! Why, just last week, after the other elders and I had our naked fingerpainting session...
  Cloud: THAT'S ALL I NEED TO HEAR!
• Tifa thinks the Planetabratory is just a small scale model, but when she, Cloud, and Aerith see it, both Cloud and Tifa are amazed and flabbergasted by the sheer scale of the model.
  Tifa/Cloud: Hummanahummanahhummanahhummanahhummanah.
• After the explanation of the Lifestream and the Planet:
  Yuffie: The planet's run by ghosts!?
  Tifa: Exactly!
  Cloud: Goddamnit, Tifa.
• Absolutely nobody in the group can get Bugenhagen's name right. Tifa calls him "Boogabaga", Cloud calls him "Bungabunga", and Barret calls him "Booga-baby".
• Cloud at least recognizes his tendency to say stupid things. Not that it stops him at all.
  Tifa: So, how's Aerith holding up?
  Cloud: Not sure. I'm just trying to give her some space right now.
  Tifa: Don't want to say something stupid to upset her?
  Cloud: Right on the money. Listen, Tifa, I know she gets under your skin sometimes, but thanks for helping her out back there.
  Tifa: Heh, no problem. I guess when I heard that someone she loved died, I knew where she was coming from, you know? She just looked like she needed someone to listen to her. Like I did when my father died. You know, I always-
  Cloud: (Getting up and leaving) GOT IT!
  Tifa: (under her breath) Oh, you son of a bitch.
• Cloud and Barret say they're not scared of the Cave of Gi. The things they encounter scared Cloud and Barret:
  Cloud: (scared) Spikes!
  Barret: (also scared) Spiders!
  Red XIII: (excited) Supper!
  Ghost 1: Wait, What did he say?
  • Bugenhagen shows up to ask if Red had learned An Aesop.
    Barret: I learned I'm scared as f**k of spiders!
    Cloud: I learned spikes hurt!
    Red: I learned that ghosts are delicious. (Belches out a ghostly mist, with the ghost moaning in agony)
• Gi Nattak at first makes a boast about his power, up until Barret and Red XIII argue. He then tries to get their attention and acts as their therapist.
  • When Cloud tries to attack Gi Nattak, Nattak just burns him, twice.
  Gi Nattak: Alright, you Blondie, bring me up to speed.
  Cloud: (about to attack) SOLDIER... (Gi Nattack burns him) AH!
  • As thanks for helping them resolve their differences, Barret asks Nattak if he wants a Phoenix Down. Nattak accepts, and dies.
  Gi Nattak: (as he is disintegrating) HOW CAN A FEATHER BE THIS PAINFUL?!
  • While Cloud is dumbfounded on the results screen, the way Barret and Red act after that definitely has to make you wonder if they knew that would happen. Or they're just pretending they did.
  Red and Barret: Avalanche time, (Both put on shades) Motherf**ckaaa!
  (explosion)
• As it turns out, Red XIII's father isn't dead in this version. Though he certainly wishes he was.
  Red XIII: I'll do it! I'll protect the Planet in the name of my dead father!
  Seto: (muffled) I'm not really dead! I've just been petrified!
  Red XIII: I'll fight for Cosmo Canyon! I'll fight for the Planet! And I'll fight so we may all see another day!
  Seto: EVERYDAY IS AGONY!
  Red XIII: Even now, I can hear my father's voice.
  Seto: (muffled sobbing)
  Red XIII: Father... (howls)
  Seto: MY SON'S AN IDIOT!
  • Even more, nobody told Red XIII about what happened to his father because the townspeople got extremely hammered during their victory celebration.
    Red XIII: Why did no one tell me?
    Bugenhagen: Ho ho, it slipped our minds. We celebrated our victory pretty hard.
    Red XIII: Oh. (beat) Okay.
• When Cloud sees the buggy broken down for inexplicable reasons:
  Cloud: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  • In the YouTube endslate, Tifa has a very broken and horrified expression on her face presumably for the same reason.

Episode 20

• The episode begins with Cloud still reduced to Inelegant Blubbering.
  Tifa: Cloud, how long are you gonna keep crying about the buggy?
  Yuffie: Easy for you to say! They took my pills, man!
  Barret: Yeah, that was probably for the best.
• Tifa manages to snap Cloud out of his funk and get him pumped about tracking down Sephiroth, and how they're going to take their revenge on him together. But then...
  Cloud: Right. Sephiroth. We're going to find him and we're going to make him pay for killing our parents and destroying Nibelhei... (cue Oh, Crap! face) Hi-hi-hi-hi...
  Tifa: Geez Cloud, I know it was rough, but it can't be that hard to pronounce Nibel..lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu...
  Yuffie: (snorts) Geez guys, what's up? You sound like you just saw a...ghost...town...?
  (zoom out to see the rebuilt replica of Nibelheim)
  Cloud and Tifa: (scream in shock before Smash Cut to the opening sequence)
  • Cloud's scream is higher-pitched than Tifa's.
• Shinra continues to show their incompetence with the rebuilt Nibelheim. While the town itself looks perfectly fine, the actors that replaced the dead citizens really suck at their jobs.
  Cloud's "Mom": (in a Southern accent) Well howdy there, son.
  Cloud: (confused) You're not my mom.
  Cloud's "Mom": (in a French accent) Of course I'm your mother, Fog.
  Cloud: That's... not my name.
  Cloud's "Mom:" (normal voice) Oh... I swear that's what's in the script...
  Cloud: I'm gonna go now.
  Cloud's "Mom": (in a New York accent) Wait, Lightning, tell me about your Blaster Sword!
  Cashier: (in a British accent) Fire? Sephiroth? Why, that sounds ridiculous! I've lived here all my, uh... (turns away and breaks character) Line?
  Robotic Dog: Woof. Woof. I am a dog.
  Red XIII: (offscreen) I think we're related!
  • Credit where credit is due...however microscopic. Compared to the original, it's implied that Shinra at least TRIED to recreate the actual townsfolk who lived there at the time of the incident as they originally were, enough that they knew at least that the woman who lived in Cloud's house had a son named after meteorological phenomena and had some kind of special sword.
    • It's also a good nod to Crisis Core, where you can talk to a reporter in Midgar and receive e-mails from him regarding investigations into Shinra cover-ups. One of the e-mails you can receive after the Nibelheim incident has him mention: "the speech and accents indigenous to the region were oddly missing." It seems TFS took that to its logical (and hilarious) conclusion.
  • Prior to this, Cloud calmly suggests they ask around for information, reassuring Tifa that he's the master of cool. One Gilligan Cut later...
    Cloud: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!
• Even Tifa's house was rebuilt, though not her secret stash.
  Yuffie: (offscreen) I wouldn't call 1 gil a "stash!"
• Cloud asks Aerith if she had any success asking around Nibelheim for information, yet she says she didn't learn anything from the Sephiroth Clones. Cloud then attempts to talk to them himself.
  Sephiroth Clones: (loudly chanting "REUNION!")
  Cloud: Okay, okay, guys? (trying to speak over the two chanting "REUNION!") Guys! GUYS! Ok, Let's start from the top-
  Sephiroth Clone #1: REUNION!
  Cloud: Yeah, no, I heard that-
  Sephiroth Clone #2: REUNION!
  Cloud: Yeah see, you're just copying what the other guy is saying.
  Sephiroth Clone #1: REUNION!
  Cloud: Can you say anything else other than "Reunion?"
  Sephiroth Clone #2: Red onion.
  Cloud: Oh, now you're just pissing me off!
  Sephiroth Clones: (start chanting again)
  Cloud: SHUT UP!! SHUT UP WITH YOUR GODDAMN "REUNION"!
  *beat*
  Sephiroth Clone #1: REUN-
  Cloud: Shut up!
  Sephiroth Clone #2: REU-
  Cloud: SHUT UP!
  Sephiroth Clone #1: Sephiroth.
  Cloud: SHUT UP- Wait, say that again?
  Sephiroth Clones: (chanting)
  Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAHH- (Smash Cut back with the others) Yeah, not helpful.
  • Want some fucked up Fridge Horror that sends this into Black Comedy territory? The fact that these clones repeat each others words in the original game are a strong implication that these two are the children who have the exact same routine in the Nibelheim flashback. And if that's true here, Cloud is literally arguing with children and losing his patience from it!
• When entering the mansion, Cloud tells Yuffie and Aerith not to touch anything. Yuffie immediately unlocks the safe that contains the Lost Number monster. Cue boss battle.
  Cloud: (extremely aggrivated) Every time with this...
• In the fight itself, both Yuffie and Aerith try to become friends with the Lost Number.
  Yuffie: (In full I'm Taking Her Home with Me! mode) Dibsonnamingit! I'm gonna call you... Lost Number!
  (Beat)
  Aerith: I think it needs some work.
  Cloud: Well, I think it needs to die! (uses Meteorain on it)
  Yuffie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
• Yuffie's still sobbing about "Lostie" on the party menu screen.
  Aerith: (sadly) Hurts, doesn't it?
• After the battle, Cloud finds a letter instructing them to stay out of the dungeon.
  Cloud: "No, not that kind of dungeon. Signed, Hojo. P.S. Don't kink-shame me, bro."
• The girls are both creeped out by the coffin in the basement.
  Aerith: This place is pretty creepy.
  Cloud: Yeah, what the hell was Hojo keeping down here?
  ???: HOOOOOJOOOOOO...
  Aerith: Was that a g-g-g-g-zombie?!
  Yuffie: N-n-n-n-no, it was a g-g-g-g-werewolf!
  Cloud: Guys, be rational, you're acting like this is some kind of horror movie-
  (the coffin opens and its occupant levitates out, to Ominous Pipe Organ and Ominous Latin Chanting)
  Yuffie: Way hotter than a werewolf.
• As it turns out, Vincent is voiced by Taka in his badass Alucard voice... for all of two lines, until he clears out his "morning death breath." At which point Faulerro takes over, speaking like Richmond.
  Vincent (voiced by Takahata101): For thirty years, I have slumbered. Who DARES disturb the sanctuary of Vinc—(begins coughing)
  Yuffie: EW! MORNING DEATH BREATH!
  Vincent (voiced by Faulerro): Hello.
• When it's Vincent's turn on the naming screen, the default name is "Alucard," the cursor is a knife, the confirmation sounds are stabs and screams, and blood is running down the screen the whole time.
• Yuffie is instantly smitten with their newest party member.
  Yuffie: YOU'RE A F**KING VAMPIRE!
  Aerith: Are you sure?
  Yuffie: 'Course I'm sure! I mean, look at him! Sleeping in a coffin, red cape, a gun! He's a f**kmotherin' vampire if I ever saw one! You wanna go for a walk?
  Vincent: I'm not a vampire. I used to be a member of the Turks.
  Cloud: What, seriously?
  Aerith: Vampire spy!
  Cloud: So if you worked for the Turks, that means-
  Yuffie: No! Vampire spy, biiiiiiitch.
• Vincent literally dreams of getting revenge on HOOOOJOOOOO...
  Vincent: (snoring) Murder murder murder murder...
  Yuffie: (love-struck sigh) He's filled with so much brooding mystery...
  Aerith: And spiders!
• Cloud comes face to face with Sephiroth again and channels his inner Red Forman.
  Sephiroth: You've traveled a long way just to defeat me, right, Cloud? There hasn't been any other reason? No... other calling?
  Cloud: No.
  Voice: None at all.
  Cloud: None at all.
  Sephiroth: I see. Do you plan on participating in the Reunion?
  Cloud: If it's the reunion for my foot in your ass, then good news. I already RSVP'd.
  Sephiroth: Jenova will be there, Cloud. She is going to give this world a gift. A calamity from the sky.
  Cloud: Well, if it's the calamity of my FOOT- (slight voice cracking) And your ass, then-
  Sephiroth: I'll be travelling north past Mt. Nibel. Come follow me, Cloud.
  Cloud: Well, my foot will be travelling north past "Mount Your Ass". HAH! Saved it!
• Then Sephiroth throws a Materia at Cloud, which flies with a silly, cartoon sound. He also tells Aerith and Yuffie to stick to their plan before getting there:
  Cloud: Aerith, Yuffie, don't let Sephiroth escape-
  Yuffie: Sephiroth escaped.
  Cloud: (frustrated) GODDAMNIT!!!
• After the above, Vincent offers to join the team. The subtitles for his first line in the scene call him "Alucard".
  Alucard: I finished me nightmares.
  Yuffie: So hawt.
  Vincent: The spiders gave me an idea. If I join you all, there's a chance I might run into HOOOOJOOOOO again and enact my glorious, glorious revenge. Can I come with you?
  Yuffie: Yeah!
  Aerith: Sure!
  Cloud: (screaming in anger) I DON'T GIVE A F**K!
• Vincent and Barret's first interaction does a marvelous job of fully establishing Vincent's character if you hadn't picked up on it by then.
  Barret: Now I know this is probably not the best time to bring this up, Cloud, but I must ask, who is this pale-ass motherf**ker?
  Vincent: I've been sleeping in a dungeon for thirty years.
  (beat)
  Barret: (to Cloud) Now I am sure you're aware that I have problems with just randomly bringing party members on board-
  Vincent: Me friends like you.
  Barret: Wait, your wha- (notices the spiders that have crawled on his face and starts shuddering in horror)
  Vincent: They came out of me eye socket!
  Barret: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
• The episode ends with a small preview of Cid's upcoming appearance, making both a reference to a famous line of his from the game as well as making him come off just like Palmer.
  Cid: Shera! Make some goddamn tea! I'm going to SPAAAAAACE!

Season 3

Episode 21

• The episode starts with the unseen player checking on the HD Remake again, which hasn't made much progress. They then load their file, which starts the opening scene of Season 2 before skipping that to get to where they left off.
• The Materia Keeper hypes itself as if it were the True Final Boss with a raspy monologue about its origins and power. Cloud completely brushes it off as unimportant, much to its irritation, then decides to let Vincent, who had been sleeping standing up at this point, show him what he can do. Vincent obliges.
  Materia Keeper: Ha! You think a mere mortal- (Vincent transforms into a snarling Werewolf) WHAT THE F***!?
  (Vincent begins eating the Materia Keeper off screen as it screams in agony, green blood splattering the screen, a horrified Cloud and Tifa, and the menus. before cutting to Cloud and Tifa staring at a stoic Werewolf!Vincent on the post-battle screen.)
  Red XIII: (slides into frame) Hey. Eat around here often? (Cue intro)
• The rest of the party learns about the fight.
  Vincent: —and then I turned into a Werewolf.
  Yuffie: That's hot.
  Barret: Can we go back to the part where you ate a giant f***in' bug monster?
  Red XIII: That's hot.
  Tifa: Are you always thinking about food or sex?
  Red XIII: I am in a constant state of "Horngry"
  Cloud: Well the only thing I'm "Horngry" for is revenge on Sephiroth.
  Tifa: That's hot... Imeanwhat?
• At first the party is worried that all the smoke they're smelling means Sephiroth burned down another village. Turns out Cid just goes through that many cigarettes.
  Cloud: All that smoke is coming from one guy? How's that even possible?
  Villager: Son, we're a town full of rocket scientists and even we don't know.
  • Cloud then decides to tell said captain about the dangers of smoking. It goes about as well as you think.
    Cid: Who the f**k you are and what do you want?!
    Cloud: I think this was a bad idea.
    Cid: No son, a bad idea is pissing your wife off so bad she turns you into an oglop! Happened to my great-granddaddy Cid the Ninth.
• Cid's turn on the naming screen consists of the cursor replaced by a cigarette, all the letters blurred out and the sounds replaced by coughing and hacking.
• Cid asks Cloud if he ever had a dream.
  Cloud: Well, there was this one time... (shows Cloud in his KH attire) I LOOK SO COOL!! (flashback to real world) ...And then I fought a gorilla with a tie! I don't think anyone saw that coming.
  Cid: I ain't talkin' bout sleepin' dreams that can never, ever happen, ya idjit!
• Cait Sith continues to be ever so subtle about being Reeve, both as a spy for Shinra AND his continued frustration towards the idiocy and abuse he's had to deal with.
  • He asks Cloud to repeat into a microphone where Sephiroth is headed, and later panics when Cloud mentions Cid to the party, spilling the EXACT details about the man's personality, both of which naturally, raises Tifa's suspicions.
  • He questions the party's (especially Barret's) eagerness to murder Rufus (the idea of which Barret says "came from an eight-year old"). Tifa, suspicious as usual, sarcastically asks the cat's better idea:
    Cait Sith: (rapidly and enthusiastically) We spike his tea, tie him up, take him to a secret hideout, torture him till he gives us what we want, and if we wanna make a quick buck, we send out a ransom notice!
• Mission control for Cid's rocket launch is way too lackadaisical. They still haven't agreed on whether there's oxygen in space or not. It's hinted that the lead voice is the only one who disagrees.
  Mission Control: Yeah, we're getting conflicting reports here. So, just in case, once you breach Earth's atmosphere, take a couple deep breaths and we'll just wing it.
  Background Voice: He needs a suit!
• The flashback to Cid's failed rocket launch shows that the technical problem was with the eighth oxygen tank and its strange "siphoning" and "junction" system.
  Cid: Shera, you didn't have to worry about the oxygen tanks!
  Shera: But what if there isn't any oxygen in space?
  Cid: Well what else do you think the aliens breathe?!
• As Cid wrestles with the question of sacrificing Shera or his dream, he asks Mission Control for advice.
  Mission Control: (long breath and sigh) I gotta tell ya, Cid, these are the kinds of complex moral issues a man can wrestle with his entire life. (beat) You got ten seconds.
  Cid: SHIT!
• Cid's rocket begins to take off, only to immediately land back on the launch platform.
  Random Person: I think we can still use it.
  (the rocket tips to the side to the sound of bending metal)
  Random Person: Never mind.
  • After the incident, the program was handed off and renamed - to "Space Akkisition and All the Cool Space Stuff."
    Cait Sith: Which I'm sure we can all agree was a huge waste of taxpayers' gil!
• Over the years, many Final Fantasy fans have wondered just why Shera puts up with Cid's verbal abuse, as "atoning for ruining his dream" isn't really a concrete excuse. Machinabridged supplies an... unconventional answer.
  Tifa: Look, Shera, I know you feel responsible for destroying Cid's dream, but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like a doormat.
  Shera: I know on the outside our relationship looks pretty dysfunctional, but behind closed doors, we make it work...
  (cut to the basement exterior, while offscreen Cid cries out from getting whipped)
  Shera: You like that, don't you? (whipcrack)
  Cid: (yelps) You beautiful science bitch who ruined my dreams, you know I f**king do!
  Shera: Yeah, I ruined your dreams, didn't I?! (whipcrack)
  Cid: (sobbing) You're terrible!
  Shera: That's right, let it all out... Want me to get the flogger?
  Cid: F*CK YEAH!
  (back to the present)
  Cid: SHERA! Where the hell is that god! Damned! Tea?! (menacingly) Do I have to make you take me to the basement again?
  Shera: (flirty giggle) Cid! We have guests!
  • Just the fact that this might be, for a number of reasons, the healthiest depiction of Cid and Shera's relationship... and it involves a sex dungeon.
• Shinra has so many idiot execs that when Cid says Rufus was bringing one with him, Cait Sith asks him if he could be more specific.
  Palmer: Mission control, the Palmer has landed!
• Rufus' attempt to placate Cid instead hits all of Cid's Berserk Buttons.
• Palmer’s evil plan to prove that he has “the most biggest, scientifical mind of all the time”:
  Cait Sith: Alright, Palmer, what scheme you gonna waste your allowance on this time?
  Palmer: I’m glad you asked, talking-cat-person-who-I-don’t-know! I am going to take this flying doohickamabob up into space, and take a picture, to prove that the planet… is FLAT!
  (Beat, with the subtitles displaying "(ಠ_ಠ)")
  Tifa: …You’re a f*cking idiot.
  Cait Sith: THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING!
• Palmer tries to get away, only to get knocked into the plane by a truck out of nowhere. He says he's okay before getting beheaded by the plane's propeller.
  Red XIII: Is anyone gonna eat that?
• At the end where the party is stranded in the middle of the ocean, Palmer's severed head is seen floating by.
  Red XIII: I think I dropped my snack.

Episode 22

• The episode opens with Cloud giving a monologue making it seems as though a long time has passed since they've been stranded in the middle of the ocean at the end of the previous episode to the point where he has a beard (Which he actually made by cutting his hair), then Tifa speaks up revealing that only fifteen minutes have passed.
  • What's funnier? It's only been fifteen minutes, and Tifa is already mentioning that the idea of cannibalism might become a reality.
  • Once Tifa and Yuffie start fighting, Cloud decides that the only one whose opinion he can trust is Chocho, the talking Chocobo only he can see.
    Chocho: You can always trust me, Cloud! (Black Speech with Red Eyes, Take Warning)^note Apparently, he says "Join the Reunion. Black Materia" backwards (Fridge Horror as you realize that Chocho isn't mere hallucination, he's the "Sephiroth's Alter Ego" puppet personality hidden within Cloud that's going to bite him in the ass very soon)
• The beard comes off when Cloud, Or rather Zack, notices land, and we get this from Barret and Red:
  Barret: How'd you glue that beard to your face?
  Red XIII: I don't think it was glue.
• Yuffie's Smoke Out causes Cloud and Tifa to cough, while Cid remains unaffected by it.
  Cid: You guys need to strengthen your lungs. You know what helps with that? Smoking.
  • Then it's revealed that Yuffie stole the group's materia.
    Cloud: Tifa... whatever you do, don't tell Barr—
    Barret: SHE STOLE ALL OF OUR MATERIA?!
• Barret seems to have an obsession with Bahamut summon materia, which Cid makes fun of Barret for.
  Cid: You're really upset you can't summon your imaginary friends, huh?
  Barret: (suddenly calm) Don't talk shit about Bahamut, motherf*cker.
  (later)
  Cid: Yeah, even the [materia] that can summon gods.
  Barret: Talk shit about Bahamut one more time, motherf*cker, see what happens.
• While Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith are all busy helping Yuffie, Cid keeps the others entertained by telling them the real story of how their planet got colonized - and it all started on another planet with a game called Blitzball.

  Cid: And that’s when my great-grandpappy Cid the Tenth fought a flying f***ing whale.
  Cloud: (arriving with Tifa and Aerith) Hey guys, we’re back.
  Barret: Oh finally! I swear if I have to hear about that sphere grid one more time…!”

  • This in itself is a clever reference to a very dubious yet oddly popular Word of Dante theory stating that The Planet exists in the same universe as (and may even be the same planet as) Spira in the far, far flung future.
• When Cloud and the gang meet the Turks and Reno informs them that there won't be any fighting, Cloud expresses disappointment claiming he "had his sword out."
  Reno: "Then take care of it yourself and go to sleep."
  • He also refers to Cloud's proposition for a fight as a "fighty calls."
• Yuffie calling out her father Godo is one huge funny moment.
  Godo: You know Yuffie? God I love that kid! She's like a daughter to me!
  Yuffie: I AM your daughter!
  Godo: Hey! There's my girl! Oh shit... Was I... Was I supposed to pick you up from ninja practice?
  Yuffie: That was eleven years ago!
  Godo: Wow... They grow up so fast... So, what brings my favorite kid that I'm aware of back to Wutai? You here to bring your old man some gil?
  Yuffie: What happened to the gil I gave you last month?!
  Godo: Sweetie, you know how expensive it is to keep your old man's motorcycle in tune...
  Yuffie: You don't even ride it!
  Godo: Well, duh! Do you know how many DUIs I'm fighting?
  Yuffie: Ugh, no wonder mom left you.
  Godo: Your mom didn't leave me. She's in rehab because she couldn't keep up.
  Cloud: Really wish I could move right now.
  Yuffie: You let Shinra turn our town into a damn tourist attraction!
  Godo: Hey! Where the f**k you learn that kind of language?
• After Godo says Yuffie can be a real handful.
  Cloud: Probably wouldn't be too bad if she had a positive male role model in her life.
  Godo: Yeah, you can't find that on an evening street corner.
• Tifa forces Cloud to punch the pot that Yuffie is hiding in to get her out. When that proves ineffective, after one hour, Aerith tricks her into coming out.
  Aerith: Yuffie! There's something shiny on the ground.
  Yuffie jumps out.
  Yuffie: MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!
  • It's only proven to be ineffective after an hour of his punching the pot, and it's shown that his hand is dripping blood as he quietly asks for a Cure spell before they get the materia.
• Yuffie tells them to pull the lever to get their materia back which Cloud falls for and gets Aerith and Tifa trapped in cages.
  Yuffie: I can't believe you Clouded it!
  Cloud: Why is that still a thing?
• How does Cloud convince Reno and Rude to help out?
  Cloud: Hey Rude! Aerith and Tifa are trapped in a giant steel cage, and Tifa thinks your glasses are cool.
  Rude bolts to help Tifa
  Reno: Rude! Thinking with the wrong head, bud!
  Cloud: So what do you say? One time only team up?
  Reno: Ah f*ck... let's do this.
• When Rude told Tifa that Yuffie was kidnapped by Don Corneo, Tifa bent the bars of the cage apart.
  Don Corneo: Oh, Blueberry, why didn't I pick you?
• After Tifa and Yuffie have their heart to heart, Don starts to tear up and reminisces about how he had a tragic childhood as well, only to get cut off by Rude throwing invisible shuriken at him.
  Don Corneo*starting a monologue*: I, too, had a tragic childhood—
  Rude*appearing from the back*: Invisible shuriken!
  Don Corneo: *girly scream as he gets hit*
• Rude flubbing his words after Tifa compliments him.
  Tifa: Nice one, Rude!
  Rude*blushing*: I think your glasses are cool, too.
• When Reno is preparing to send Don Corneo off the cliff.
  Reno: (To Don) Do you think you could ever... fall for me?
  Don Corneo: Well, you're cute, but I can see up your pant leg that you only have one test--
  Reno lets him fall off the cliff
  Don Corneo: I should have stayed in my hot spring...
  • And after doing so Reno remarks he's feeling fighty before getting rebuffed by Cloud.
  Cloud: (venomously) You had your chance.
• Barret is initially unwilling to forgive Yuffie for stealing all their Materia only for Yuffie to present a new one as an apology gift, Bahamut Fighter Z.
  Barret: It's actually pronounced "Bahamut FighterZ," and you are forgiven.
• While Yuffie's establishment of the team as her family is definitely a heartwarming moment, Cait Sith and Cloud respond to her thoughts in comical ways.
  Yuffie: Cait Sith is the cousin who's nervous about everything.
  Cait Sith: I DIDN'T KNOW THE TURKS WOULD BE IN WUTAI- I mean uh... yeah. You got me right.
  Cloud: Guess that makes me the cool older brother?
  Yuffie: Actually, you're the little brother who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way.
  Cloud: I do not throw tantrums!
• And the final lines?
  Barret: So how did you glue that beard to your face?
  Cloud: I don't wanna talk about it.

Episode 23

• Six hours later, Cid is still regaling the party with stories of his ancestors...
  Cid: Even though he created magical technology for an entire empire, he still wouldn't take off that f***in' banana suit! And that's the story of my great-grandpappy Cid the Sixth!
• Cid encourages the group to close their eyes and envision the world they want to make reality.
  Cid: Now, I think we just need to close our eyes, take a deep breath, and listen to the smooth- *LOUD COUGH*...the smooth sound of my voice. I want y'all to visualize somethin'. The reason you're fightin'. The type of world you wanna see...Now open them. What did y'all see?
  Cloud: I saw a world... where everyone's dreams can come true.
  Barret: A world... where corruption and greed are no more.
  Tifa: A world... with an open bar!
  Cid: What about you, Cat? What do you see when you close your eyes?
  Cait Sith: (Wide-eyed in horror as the audio from the Sector Seven plate dropping plays) We're all gonna die out here.
  Yuffie: HE'S RIGHT!
  • This triggers a panic in everyone until Aerith mentions that she knows where the Keystone to find the Temple of the Ancients is.
    Barret: What're we waiting for, then?! let's biggity-bounce! Finally, from here on out, it's clear skies, smooth sailing, and most importantly: nothing but peace and qu-
    Smash Cut to the Gold Saucer ferry
    Yuffie: ♪We're going back to the Gold Sau-cer, going back, going back to the Gold Sau-♪ (Barret opens fire)
• Dio greets Cloud back at Gold Saucer and asks him if he's there to fight their champion.
  Cloud: Your champion?
  Smash Cut to their champion
  Tankceratops: I'M BEING HELD CAPTIVE!
• With a name like Dio, sooner or later, the obvious joke would've been made. But TFS manages to do it in a creative way that segues into their current joke's punchline.
  Dio: (picks up his phone) You thought it was an answering machine, but it was I, Di-oh...You're saying the Loot Saucers were a complete disaster. You're saying I'm ruined. You're saying "F**k you, I quit." He hung up.
• When the rail car breaks, Cloud asks how long it'll take to fix it.
  Attendant: Kinda hard to say. I've been hammering at it for a few hours and still haven't made a dent...in the problem, I mean. I've made TONS of dents in the machine, though.
  Cait Sith: Sounds like it's gonna be a while. I know! How about in the meantime we all enjoy a Gold Point-less Gold Saucer!
  Mog: I wish there was something pointless I could enjoy.
• Everyone chooses to spend their time at the Gold Saucer while the rail car is being fixed a bit differently.
  Cloud: I think I'm just gonna hang back at the hotel, try to figure some stuff out.
  Tifa: Well it's good to see that one of us is choosing to be responsible, becaaaause...(Smash Cut to the party gathered in the hotel lobby, where Tifa is absolutely hammered) Gooooold Saucherrrrrr! Guys, we met Tankceratops holy crap!
  Yuffie: *wearing a Tankceratops hat* He screamed at me to not do drugs! (Screams like a fangirl)
  Barret: Red and I dressed up as snobs and critiqued the grub at the food court.
  Red XIII: Though the chicken nuggies lacked the dinosaur shape to which this critic has become accustomed, the plum sauce could only be described with one word: Egg-squeeze-it.
• Cid tells everyone that he doesn't know what's going on:
  Cid: Hey y'all? So I know I'm the new guy here, but I think I speak for everyone when I say...I don't know what the f*** is going on.
  *The group agrees on it*
  Barret: The ghosts also don't know what's going on
  Ghost 1^note Bill: We're playing cheesssss!
  Ghost 2: Stop talking like that Bill.
• When alone in his room, Cloud can't concentrate on the whole situation... because he's still angry about being stuck in the kiddie room.
• When a nervous Cloud is having trouble to realize that Aerith wants to go on a date with him ("A date? With ME?"), Aerith playfully answers: "Well who else would I be asking silly? The guy in the iron maiden?"
  Boy: We're actually two kids stuck on top of each other!
  Girl: We don't know how to get out!
• During Cloud and Aerith's date, they play one of those carnival games where you throw balls to knock down bottles. Aerith knocks down some bottles with a really determined look on her face, while Cloud misses the bottles completely and accidentally gives someone a black eye, forcing them to flee.
  • During Barret and Red XIII's part of the montage, Barret has some opera glasses on, still pretending to be the classy food critic. The catch? He's somehow holding the stalk of the glasses with his gun-arm!
  • At one point, Vincent is shown waking up from his nap in one of the hotel's coffins... scaring some nearby clients of the Gold Saucer.
• After Cloud has a heart-to-heart talk with Aerith during their Ferris Wheel Date Moment, he wishes he could do it more often. Aerith gets a suggestive look on her face and says an equally suggestive "Well", before cutting to a montage of Cloud riding the ferris wheel with each of the other party members.
  Yuffie: This is so cool!
  Red XII: This is the second highest I've ever been.
  Cid: *sleepy* There's monsters in the ocean...
  Tifa: *drunk* And I freed tankceratops because he's my ***ing hero!!
  Barrett: Wallace Wisdom number 343: If anyone tries to *** with your friends, family or the planet, you *** with them back.
  Vincent: Have you ever wondered what human tastes like? Chewy.
  • Cloud also mentions that he met some guy with a Gunblade and they both agreed that 13 is the worst number.
• After Cait Sith betrays the team by handing the Keystone to the Turks, Cloud finally realizes Cait Sith is a spy. The scene suddenly cuts to Tifa, dead drunk with her face down on the table, but not too drunk to sense Cloud finding out at last.
  Tifa: (raises her finger) Called it.
• The party confronting Cait Sith on his treachery has a lot of funny moments.
  • Cait Sith admitting he's not a fortune teller ends up hurting Cloud more than his betrayal.
    Cloud: (sheds a tear, in a broken voice) I don't even f**king know you anymore man.
  • When Cait Sith says he'll be their man on the inside, Tifa interprets him as saying that he's inside of Mog, Cid shouts they should cut him open, while Vincent takes dibs on his organs.
    Cait Sith: That's not what I meant! Besides, you'd be wasting your time. The only thing inside Mog is fluff and gears.
    Mog: Don't forget guilt. That's internal.
  • Cait Sith claims the party still needs him because only he knows where the temple is, only for Aerith to reveal its exact location.
  • As his last resort, Cait Sith reveals he has Marlene hostage, showing a video of Marlene being held captive by Reno and someone else. Her innocent look changes to something more mischievous as she reveals that she still has her gun, causing Reno to shout, "She has a gun!" before she shoots the camera.
    Barret: Oh I ain't worried.
    Cait Sith: I'm still coming with you.
• With the rail car still busted, how does the party leave the Gold Saucer? By riding Tankceratops down the rail!
  • While most of the party is hanging onto dear life, Tifa is standing on Tankceratops's horns while Aerith is waving her arms in the air, clearly enjoying the ride.

Episode 24

• Cid snarks at Cait Sith, asking whether he was weighed down more by the blood money he earned at Shinra, or the countless lives he's crushed along the way.
  Mog: Both.
• When Aerith tells everybody that she is hearing voices from the planet, Red XIII makes one request.
  Red XIII: Tell them I'm not sorry for peeing on them... Also, hi.
  • Which leads to Cloud telling Aerith how special she is.
    Cid: Boy's right. At least you ain't my grandpappy, Cid the Eighth. He was a respected headmaster at a mercenary academy. F***ing disgrace.
• When they get to the Temple, Aerith communicates with the planet by...laying face-down on the ground. Because it gets better reception?
  Aerith (muffled): I can feel the knooooowleeeeedge...
  • Cait Sith mentions that all humans could communicate with the planet before they became materialistic. He suggests he and Cloud give it a try.
  Cloud: Let's go back to the barter system!
  Cait Sith: I prefer growing my own crops!
  Cloud: The latest innovation to make your life easier? Pass!
  Cait Sith: I'm completely fine with waking up at four in the morning to grind my own coffee and...y'know what? This is never gonna work. I give up.
• As they enter the temple of the ancients, Cait Sith makes a remark on the giant maze room.
  Cait Sith: Holy kitty litter. I knew the temple was gonna be something, but I wasn't expecting it to be this... aMAZEing.
  Beat
  Mog: I hate you.
  • After failing to chase down the spirits who only communicate in "Nyah"s...
    Cait Sith: All in all, it sounds like they knew... nyahhthing.
    Mog: Stop it.
• Hell, the entire trek through the Temple of the Ancients is hilariously skimmed over, yet Cloud chasing down the spirits pretty much sums up the monotony and slog that most players probably remember and hated about the dungeon. To the point that the Demon Wall only makes an unfought cameo (to the point that he's not even called such, merely "Door Monster").
• Cait Sith reading Aerith and Cloud's fortune is honestly a Tear Jerker. Even moreso when you know what's gonna happen. The Demon Wall asking to have his fortune read immediately afterward, on the other hand, is pretty hilarious.
  Demon Wall: Do me next!
  Cloud: Do you mind?
  Demon Wall: Fine! Jeez!

Episode 25

Yes, this episode has its humorous moments. Enjoy it while it lasts.

• Not in the episode itself nor intended by the team, but take a look at the episode's url on youtube. What do you see? ^note The jumble of letters has the word "Porn" spelled out.
• When Sephiroth appears in front of Cloud to tell him to go after Aerith, he tells him to Biggety bounce out of bed. Cue Cloud waking up to Barret demanding him to wake up.
  Sephiroth: If you don't biggety bounce your ass up out of this bed...
  Cloud: Huh?
  Barret: Then I'm gonna wake your ass up by knocking your ass out! Also, good morning sleepyhead.
• Most of the conversation between Cloud waking up and rejoining the group
  Cait Sith: And that's pretty much everything that happened at the Temple of the Ancients! So in summary-
  Yuffie: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEE!
  Cid: Will you calm the f*** down? He ain't summoned Meteor yet, so we can still stop 'em!
  Yuffie: Well how do you know!?
  Cid: 'Cuz I don't see a giant f***in' flamin' ball of death hurlin' towards us!
  Red XIII: (cheerfully) I sometimes see a giant ball in the sky and howl at it! (suddenly distressed) It taunts me!
  • And then after Cloud shows up...
  Cait Sith: Welcome back, Cloud! We were worried that if you didn't show up we'd have to move all our insults to Vincent.
  Cid: F*** that, that dude eats people!
• When Cloud asks the party if they are ready to go save the world and they all respond yes, Red responds by barking.
  Red XIII: That's dog for yes.
• When the diggers ask the party if there is anything they are looking for underground...
  Vincent: Vacancy.
  Mog: For two.
• When the diggers tell Cloud that Aerith got through the forest to the Forgotten City without the lunar harp, Cloud attempts to do so as well. He doesn't get very far.
  Cloud: Dammit. I'm getting nowhere. Feels like I'm going crazy.
  Another Cloud: Yeah. Tell me about it.
  Yet Another Cloud: Right there with ya, pal.
• After a failed attempt at using the digging crew to find the Lunar Harp, Cloud becomes outraged when The Unintelligible digger demands payment.
  Cloud: It costs that much?
  Digger: You understood what he said?
  Cloud: Nope, but I know a scam when I hear one.
• After four hours of digging, the group only found preserved medicines and Red's new chew toy — the Lunar Harp needed to enter the City of the Ancients. The instant it's acknowledged, it activates, and the group is where they need to be.
• Yuffie didn't understand that they were in the Disc-One Final Dungeon.
  Yuffie: Guys! You're not gonna believe it, but I just saved the WOOORLD, YOOO! Check it! I found the 'Meteor' Materiaaa!
  Tifa: Actually that's the 'Comet' Materia. Totally different.
  Yuffie: Fine! I saved the city then! WOO! GO YUFFIE!
• Yuffie saying she's going to turn a bed in the Forgotten City into a bunk-bed, complete with her subsequent Smoke Out including silohouettes of various power tools.
  Yuffie: (as drilling can be heard offscreen and a dust cloud is seen coming up from the bottom floor) I'm turning this bunk-bed into a race car!
• While they may not be appropriate for the upcoming scene, the dialogue that the party uses while the mind-controlled Cloud is about to attack Aerith is pretty funny.
  Cid: Don't be a f*ckin numbskull!
  Vincent: (Utterly deadpan) Noooo....
  Red XIII: Bad human! Drop it!
  Barret: DON'T F*CK UP!!
• While not laugh-out-loud funny, especially after what came right before, the save files are STILL named Dickbutt.

Season 4

Episode 26

• Once again, the HD remake joke, only this time, it just bluntly says "The joke is dead".
• Yuffie makes a Your Mother joke when she realizes Sephiroth's mama was so fat, she fell from space and made a crater.
  Yuffie: Savage!
• When Tifa realizes that JENOVA being from space makes her an alien, Cid immediately replaces Yuffie in the party, to the confusion of everyone else. He even uses her smoke bomb!
  Barret (off-screen): Yo, how the f*** did he do that??
  Yuffie (now off-screen as well): Idunno.
• When Cid is assuring Tifa he's up for the task, he makes a reference to Zangan using the term "shoulder deep" which leads to this exchange:
  Tifa: Oh, you use that phrase, too?
  Cid: Zangan was a good dom.
  Tifa: You mean teacher?
  Cid: I know what I f**kin' said.
• Cloud says that they're going to kill Sephiroth and his mother, to which Sephiroth responds that "I am my mother." Cid's reaction to that sentence: "that is a whole lot of what-the-f*ckery to unpack."
• Cid is initially reluctant to fight Jenova-DEATH given that it's an alien lifeform. That changes very quickly.
  Cid: AAAHHHH!!! Holy f*** it's an alien! I promise, no harm shall come to you- (gets hit) GAH! You motherf***! Imma kill you!
• When the party gets ready to fight Jenova DEATH, Cloud starts to come up with an, actually pretty effective, plan to take it down. Cid is... not having any of it.
  Cloud: All right game plan. Tifa, you'll distract it with a barrage of attacks, while I prepare Soldier Bolt. Then Cid will-
  Cid: Welcome to Earth, bitch! (Tosses a stick of dynamite at the monster, which kills it in one giant explosion)
  (Beat)
  Cloud: Yeah, pretty much that.
• After being asked if he is going to be okay before he walks into the portal:
  Cloud: Of course, I'm prepared for gah-
• Cloud's Internal Reveal about Zack. When he sees Zack walking into town instead of him, Tifa unleashes a Cluster F-Bomb, all of which gets censored, realizing the one lie she used involving the Nibelheim incident is finally about to unravel thanks to Sephiroth.
  • Also a bit of a Brick Joke with the picture they originally took; remember how Cloud's face was obscured thanks to his sneeze? Turns out that was to cover up that it was really Zack.
• Cloud brushes off Sephiroth's attempts off trying to get under their skin.
  Cloud: Sorry Sephdawg, but if you really wanted to get under my skin then you-
  (gets transported to the memory where Nibelheim is on fire)
  Cloud (pissed): Oh, that's low.
• Cid notices the scene where Zangan rushes in a burning building to punch the fire out.^note and also died immediately.
  Cid: Holy shit! It's Zangan! His fists will save the day, right? Right?
• Cloud catches on that Sephiroth is trying to make Cloud believe that he's not who he really thinks he is but his response to Sephiroth's answer is what makes it hilarious.
  Cloud: Relax Tifa, he's just trying to mess with me. (mockingly) 'I'm not who I think I am!' What? Like I'm not actually Cloud or something? (starts laughing)
  Sephiroth: Correct.
  Cloud (with a short and confused tone): Hah?
• Sephiroth shows the gang the "real" picture that was taken 5 years ago.
  Sephiroth: Let's see who's in the picture. There's me... (closes up to Sephiroth's miserable, annoyed looking expression) ...looking happy.
• Tifa's attempts to comfort Cloud.
  Tifa: Think Cloud! Remember when we were kids? What about the time on the water tower?
  Cloud: Yeah, I remember that...
  Tifa: Or what about the time we broke into my dad’s liquor cabinet and I made you try my drinks?
  Cloud: That one I don’t remember as much.
  Tifa: Or the time we wanted to see how spiky your hair was, so we…
  Sephiroth (annoyed): This is gonna take a while…
  Later
  Tifa: And then there was that time with the fireworks.
  Cid: You guys sucked as kids.
  • The fact that Sephiroth felt the need to point out to himself how long Tifa's ramblings would take implies that he wanted her to list off all her and Cloud's memories so as to further drive both into despair...only to belatedly realize how much and how fast she's talking and quickly regrets the idea. This, so far, is the only time Abridged!Sephiroth has expressed an emotion besides despair or bloodlust.
    • Then again, this did give him the opportunity to trick Barret into bringing the Black Materia with him while waiting.
• The party's reunion with Shinra's top brass goes about as expected:
  Rufus: Cid, old boy! How's the unemployment line?
  Cid: Not as long as the shadow of your daddy you've been standing under! *awkwardly long pause* Ya bitch.
• As the episode ends with the awakening of Sephiroth, the arrival of the Ultimate weapon and everything approaching the Darkest Hour…Red XIII takes the opportunity to ask a question.
  Red XIII: Which Bahamut is that one?

Episode 27

• The Breaking News at the beginning. Tom stops midway through his headline to react to all the chaos, and then just walks out. The ticker also goes from professional to saying how they don't want to die and want their mother before being "sacked."
  Tom: Breaking news, giant monsters known as Weapons have...
  Sam: Tom.
  Tom: You're f**king with me. Sam, is...is...is this a thing...that's happening right now?
  Sam: Tom, the footage is a week old.
  Tom: A WEEK?! THESE THINGS HAVE BEEN WANDERING AROUND FOR A WEEK AND NO ONE HAS BOTHERED TO TELL ME?! AND "WEAPON"? THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH!?
  Sam: They were in some notes we found, but Tom, Tom, I get it, okay, you're freaking out.
  Tom: IT FLIES, SAM!! IT F**KING FLIES!!
  Sam: Can, can we please be professional and move on to our other story?
  Tom: I'm sorry, Sam, but no! There's nothing else that—
  Sam: Look, we gotta report that Shinra's Most Wanted has been captured—
  Tom: Oh my god, Shinra's Most Wanted has been captured, yay, they were such a big threat — THEY'RE F**KING PEOPLE, SAM! THESE ARE GIANT F**KING MONSTERS! THERE IS NO OTHER NEWS THAT IS BIGGER THAN THI-!!
  *smash cut to a news bulletin showing Meteor coming*
  Tom: (having a HBSOD)
  Sam: ...Tom?
  Tom: (while slowly moving away) I'm done. I'm f**king out. F**k you, and f**k the news.
  Sam: No! No, don't slow-roll away!" *sighs* "Dammit, at least the censor guy was on point.
  Censor guy: You're f**king welcome!
• Apperently, Barret used his one phone call on Priscilla... and of course, she's in no mood to hear from him after they botched TSUNAMI's plans to assassinate Shinra's leaders. Also the dolphin raises a flipper in a hostile fashion, complete with censor mosaic.
  Priscilla: (tosses her phone in the water) Feck 'em.
• Shinra says they want to keep their livestream of AVALANCHE's execution as PG as possible. Tifa proceeds to do the exact opposite on her way to being executed.
  Tifa: Well in that case, f*** your breakfast! F*** your shower! F*** your suit! F*** those chairs! F*** these computers! F*** these stairs! F*** this hallway! F*** this chamber! Oh, and most importantly... F***! YOU!
• When Cait Sith saves Barrett, he says they have to biggety bounce out of there. Barrett tells him to never touch his catchphrase ever again.
• Barrett tries to save Tifa... by throwing Cait Sith at the door to where she's being trapped. It doesn't work.

  Cait Sith: So how's that apology for throwing me at that door coming along?
  Barrett: Oh, it's non-existent.

• Rufus's freak-out when the Sapphire Weapon arrives and the Shinra cannon refuses to fire, which is also cathartic considering how much of a smug prick he is.
  Rufus: Destroy that WEAPON!
  Heidigger: And...FIRE!!!
  Nothing happens.
  Rufus: (nervously) Heidigger...?
  Heidigger: Aaaannd...FIRE!
  Rufus: (anxiously) Heidigger, nothing's happening...
  Heidigger: Aaaannd...fire?
  As Sapphire WEAPON charges through the ocean towards the Juon Cannon
  Rufus: (starting to panic) Heidigger, it's getting closer!
  Heidigger: And FIRE! And FIRE! And FIRE...!
  Rufus: (really panicking now) Heidigger, it's almost here...!
  Heidigger: And FIRE! And FIRE! And FIRE...!
  Rufus: HEIDIGGER, STOP SAYING FIRE!!!
  (Sometime later)
  Rufus: HEIDIGGER! DO SOMETHING!
  Heidigger: I'm on it, sir! I'm filming this for our Shinstagram!
  Rufus: HEIDIGGER, PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA DIE KNOWING I'M A FAILURE LIKE MY FATHER!
  • For that matter, the rather anticlimactic way the Weapon is killed off. It's tearing at the cannon until one person casually mentions they finally got it working, and then it finally fires and kills the Weapon with one shot.
• After Shinra has taken out Sapphire weapon, Tifa makes an escape before being confronted by Scarlet who threatens her. Tifa responds with her own threat and expressing an offer of mercy in exchange for info on Cloud's whereabouts before Scarlet slaps her. Tifa's response to that is punch Scarlet clean off the cannon which doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
  Tifa: Bow down, bitch.

Episode 28

• Palmer’s headless corpse shows up in the Shinra board meeting, and nobody is batting an eye at it, instead treating him as though he's still alive.
  Rufus: Did you lose weight Uncle Palmer?
  Heidigger: I know! He looks great!
  Palmer: (blood spurting)
  Heidigger: You’re right. Every pilot IS in on the conspiracy.
  • Apparently, being headless doesn't stop Palmer from being a flat-Earther.
  • During the meeting between the Shinra Executives, Reeve isn't seen, but heard. True to form, he's practically screaming that Shinra is "36 TRILLION GIL IN DEBT!", but nobody pays him any mind.
• TANKCERATOPS AND THE VEHICULARSAURS!
  Palmer: (blood spurting)
  Heidigger: It did jump the shark after season six.
  • The Stinger is a snippet of the actual show. And just like Tankceratops himself, all the other Vehicularsaurs have No Indoor Voice, even in mundane situations or saying genuine praise.
• When Rufus suggests that they will save the world, everyone seems legitimately surprised:
  Rufus: No, Shinra's not going to conquer the world Scarlet, we're gonna save it!
  Scarlet: What?
  Heidigger: What?
  Barret: What?
  Palmer: (Blood spurting, interpreted as how?)
• After Cid takes over as the leader and prepares to go after Shinra to get the Huge Materia:
  Cid: Now before we head off, I'm gonna go make myself a nice hot cup of GODDAMN-WHO THE F*CK VOMITED ON THE POOP DECK!?
  Red XIII: If he's mad now, wait until he says what I left on the vomit deck.
• Since Cloud is incapacitated due to Mako poisoning, Barret and Red XIII are the ones who annoy Cid by fucking up, such as asking why would they blow up the reactor when the train that had the Materia left already, yelling AVALANCHE train which alerts the guard, and congratulating Cid on his quick thinking for killing the only person who knows how to control the train.
  • While Cid is worrying about not being able to stop the train from crashing into Corel, Barret and Red XIII tell him to believe in AVALANCHE time. It actually works in stopping the train.
• Like in the game, for stopping the train and saving Corel, the citizens of Corel reward Barret with a powerful Materia. Unlike in the game, it's not Ultima, but "something everyone's been waiting for": Bahamut Hearts III Re:Mind.
• As for Fort Condor, Cid reassures the Bird Guardian that he's leaving his best squad to him. Said "best squad" happens to be Yuffie, Cait Sith, and Vincent:
  Cait Sith, Vincent, and Yuffie micromanaging and arguing with each other
  Bird Guardian: Ohhh...
  Smash Cut to the Corel Reactor
  Barret: You doomed them all.
  • Even among AVALANCHE, Reeve as Cait Sith can't catch a break from people who can't manage resources properly. In this case, he's stuck with Yuffie and Vincent.
  • Later on after the successful Corel mission:
  Bird Guardian: I'm starting to think that today's not the day.
  Phoenix: Caw!
  • After the Phoenix makes its baby hatches and the Phoenix kills all the Shinra troops:
  Bird Guardian: Farewell old friend, fate has claimed you, but... you leave behind a heroic legacy, and a beautiful child.
  Baby Phoenix: RAWK RAWK! BABY WANT WORMIES! RAA—KK! BABY WANT...WORMIES! RAAAAKK! BABY...!
  Bird Guardian: (sighs) Fate's a bitch...
• In an otherwise somber mood when the party visits Tifa and Cloud at Mideel, Cid tries to perk the former up by talking about their recent missions and that Barret wanted to show them the Huge Materia. From outside the clinic, we hear:
  Barret: It's larger than average!
  Red: (Elmer Fudd-style) Hehehehehehehehe!
• Turns out the doctor monitoring Cloud is a case of Morally Ambiguous Doctorate, which Tifa and the doctor himself lampshade, where he thinks the Hippocratic Oath is staying with the ship when shit goes sideways bad:
  Tifa: Isn't that for captains?
  Doctor: Now you know why I'm such a bad doctor.
  Little later when Mideel is sinking into the Lifestream
  Doctor: See you in hell, landlubbers!

Episode 29

• Tifa tries to remember the time she met Cloud at the water tower:
  Tifa: I remember we were here on this water tower too. But I didn't say...
  Young Tifa: Hi, my name's Tifa! Wanna do me a solid?
  Tifa: I think it was...
  Young Tifa: I'm thinking of joining a fisting academy.
  Tifa: Wait, hold on.
  Young Tifa: I fuckin' love dolphins, bro.
  • Cloud also comes clean about something.
  Cloud: I said your eyes were pretty...(laughs) I wasn't really looking at your eyes...
  Tifa: Yeah, I kind of figured.
• When Cloud and Zack have their last conversation, this little exchange is sure to get a few laughs in.
  Zack: Hey. Long time no see.
  Cloud: Yeah. It has been a long time. Hasn't it, Zack?
  Zack: So you finally figured it out, huh?
  Cloud: Hey, if this was all just text then I never would've known!
• At the end of the episode, the gang find Tifa and Cloud peacfully sleeping in the remains of Mideel. It's a very "Dawww" moment for what was a very emeotional episode, and almost makes you forget that this is a(n) (affectionate) Parody series. And then Yuffie opens her mouth.
  Yuffie: Can we check their pockets?"
  Rest of the crew: No!
  • The post-episode screen also shows Yuffie annoyed at not being able to steal their stuff.

Episode 30

• To get the Junon Reactor huge materia, the party needs a submarine, which Cloud expresses huge joy over and declaring "submarines rock!!!"
  Smash Cut to the submarine
  Cloud: Submarines suuuccck!
  Vincent: It's like an aqua coffin.
  Tifa: It's soo slowwww...
  Red XIII: Is now a bad time to say I get extremely farty when I'm claustrophobic?
  Cid: You drop an assbomb and I swear I'm opening a window!
  Cait Sith: But that'll kill us all!!
  Mog: DO ITTTTT!!
  Barrett: WHERE THE F*CK IS THE REACTOR??!
  Yuffie: Beats me...Let's ask for directions!
  (Approaching Emerald Weapon)
  Everyone: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
• After they got the Huge Materia, they did not have anything else planned. Mostly it started at "F*ck Shinra" and they just winged it from there.
• Tifa plans on claiming "Galactic Rock Crusher" as a new attack name.
• Cid's happiness over finally being in space is ruined by Yuffie being Yuffie
  Cid: I'm the first man in space.
  Yuffie: Tied with Cloud.
  (beat)
  Yuffie: ''I'M THE FIRST NINJA IN SPAAAAAA—
• Apparently Cloud's f*cked up so many times Barret has Spider-Sense when it comes to the former and bombs.
  Cloud: This must be the Mako Bomb mission control was talking about. We've got to remove it.
  Cut away to Tifa and Barret
  Tifa: Barret, is everything alright?
  Barret: I sense... a disturbance...
  Cuts back to Cloud
  Cid: You let me take care of that.
  Cloud: Yeah, good call.
  Cuts back to Barret
  Barret: F**k up averted.
  Cloud: Alright, bomb's been taken care of. Now we...
  The rocket causes a small explosion and Cid gets trapped under an oxygen tank.
  Barret: (o-s) I spoke too soon!
• Oxygen tank #8 looks different because it got remastered:
  Yuffie: Finally, God!
  Cloud: I mean you paint a shitty house, it's still a shitty house, but you know whatever makes you happy.
  Cid: You know what would make me really happy? Getting this F*CKING THING OFF ME!!!

Episode 31

• Cid's idea of stopping the Diamond Weapon?
  Cid: Don't worry, I have an idea! (As the Highwind repeatedly rams Diamond Weapon) F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! Alright, I'm out of ideas.
• Tifa's next suggestion is to beat it down, which Cloud shoots down because it's too huge to fight, and Tifa tells him that they have to do something because they can't just tell it to stop.
  Cloud: (outside in front of Diamond Weapon) Heeeyyy buddy, so look I know you're all about destroying threats to the planet, but if you could just let this one slide and let us take care of it, that'd be super rad.
  Diamond Weapon: (roars loudly)
  Cloud: I don't think this is gonna work.
  Tifa: You think?
  • Even funnier, Red somehow having taken a night class allowing him to understand Ultimate Weapon later in the Movie means Diamond potentially did what Cloud was trying to tell him. Same problem with Ultimate, Diamond's response obviously wouldn't have been understood as anything more than an angry roar.
• Rufus repeats his father's "omelette" speech, all while his underling who's listening in has no idea what he's talking about.
• When Cait Sith reveals where he is and that Heidegger and Scarlet are in the same room as him:
  Barret: Well well, looks like the jig is up Mr. Shinra Spy. You just gave up your identity, Palmer!
  Tifa: He's dead bro.
  Barret: Heidegger?
  Cloud: Did you not listen?
  Barret: That dumbass receptionist we met one time?
  Cut to the board room with Scarlet, Reeve, and Heidegger
  Scarlet: And have her executed as well.
• When Vincent insists he come along to stop Hojo, Cloud initially opposes the idea.
  Cloud: I don't know Vincent. I mean, you're good but all you've really got is a cool cape, a gun, and the power to turn into ungodly horrific creatu- you know what, yeah, you're coming with us.
• Cloud, Cait Sith and Vincent all land at the Sister Ray...except for the rest of the party who went off-course.
  Cut to outside Elmyra’s house and the rest of the party screaming from the sky.
  Barret: MARLEEENEEE!!!
  Barret crash lands in the house, Tifa and Red XIII land in the water and Yuffie and Cid are impaled in the ground in the garden.
  Barret: (groans in pain)
  Marlene: Yay, Daddy fell from the sky!
  Barret: (weakly) He sure did, honey...
• The fight with the Proud Clod. It mostly consists in the robot spasming back and forth because Heidegger can't pilot it right.
• How is the Proud Clod defeated? It wasn't by Cait Sith, even after a Rousing Speech to Midgar.
  Cait Sith: I... I can feel it. The power of the city! It courses through my veins! Take this! The power of Midgar!
  (Cait Sith tosses a pair of giant dice to the ground. it does nothing.)
  Cloud: You throw dice.
  Cait Sith: It's a very damaging attack!
  Cloud: Yeah, if you step on it.
  • No, the Proud Clod is defeated by Heidigger pressing the self destruct button. Accidentally.
    Scarlet: (exasperated) Wrong. Button.
    Heidigger: That's one for the fail blog
    Cait Sith: Well Scarlet, it looks like your new global government is really starting off with... a bang—
    (Proud Clod explodes)
  • Before this, we get a heartwarming/awesome scene where all of the Midgar citizens proudly state "We are Midgar!" - except the drug dealer, who shouts "We only sell drugs!"
• Hojo's One-Winged Angel form? Utterly horrifying. Everyone's reaction to said form? Hilarious.
  Cloud: WHAT THE?!
  Cait Sith: OH, MY GOD!
  Vincent: (covers his eyes) Ew...
  Mog: I HATE IT!
  Hojo: Aren't I...SEXY?
  Cloud: You look like vomit with teeth!
  Cait Sith: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!
  Hojo: Don't you see? It's what I've always wanted: I've become...MY FFFFFFFFETIIIISH!!!
  • The Fact that even Vincent of all people finds the form to be absolutely disgusting.
  • Hojo also references the original game's "Blind Idiot" Translation by saying he'll stop the heroes "Beacause I injected myself with Jenova cells."
  • As Cait Sith questions Hojo's train of thought, he's rotating in place... meaning that merely being forced to look at Helletic Hojo has inflicted Confuse on him.
• Vincent, finally given his chance to take his vengeance on Hojo for everything he subjected him to, transforms into Chaos, his strongest Super Mode shapeshift. Cait Sith and Cloud are in awe over what's about to happen (and even Mog is genuinely hyped over how sick it looks)... and then Chaos auto-attacks Hojo once, sending him into his death throes. Cloud is thoroughly baffled by it.
• Cloud ends the episode on a pun so bad that the rest of the crew throw tomatoes at him. Even in the end credits, he's covered in them with one skewered through his spiky hair. The entire time he's also wearing the smuggest smirk he's ever shown.
  Cloud: Let's make Sephiroth's dream of becoming a god his... Final Fantasy.
  Everyone: BOOOO!!!! (throws tomatoes at him)

Other

The Movie

• Having thought to be Running Gagged last season, the HD remake gag gets one more in by having the cursor over it once more before the option is taken away by a Whisper.
• Cid's "goodbye" to Shera.
  Cid: Off to save the planet! Dunno when I'll be back!
  Shera: Unicorn Night's on Wednesday!
  Cid: F*ckin' love you, Science Bitch!
  • The best part is Shera doesn't even look up from washing the dishes.
• When Tifa convinces Yuffie to talk to her dad on the condition she and Cloud go with her, Barret tells them that he Red, and Cid will set off on an operation of their own.
  Tifa: It has AVALANCHE in the name. Doesn't it?
  Barret: No!... Yes.
• "69 hours before meteorfall" onscreen. In slides Red's portrait.
  Red: Nice!
  • Speaking of, everyone in the Twitch chat noticed that during Yuffie's fight against Godo, she had 690 HP and 69 MP.
  • And again, this time with Barret, with 69 HP during the fight against Safer Sephiroth.
• The attempt to have Yuffie and her father reconcile... doesn't go very well at first.
  Godo: Hey, it's my favorite daughter Rikku.
  Yuffie: Yuffie!
• Godo's very accurate reaction when Tifa informs him about Meteor.
  Godo: Bummer.
• When Tifa urges Godo to know if there is anything he'd like to say to Yuffie.
  Godo: You know what? There is. ... Can I borrow you fifty gils? I took some green from this chick^note Elmyra's garden, and now she and her four-year-old^note Marlene are trying to pop my kneecaps if I don't pay them back...
• While Cloud, Tifa, and Yuffie are at Wutai, Barret, Red, and Cid work on summoning Bahamut in hopes of getting him to help with Sephiroth, who appears in a rather epic way with very fitting music... And then he introduces himself.
  Bahamut: Hey, what's up? I'm Bahamut.
  • Before talking, Barret offers Bahamut a sacrifice; two adorable squirrels.
    Squirrel #1: Do you know the way to our grandma's house?
    Squirrel #2: WE MADE HER COOKIES!
    Red XIII: Aaaaaw-ho-ho-ho, they're gonna die!
    Bahamut: Yup! (charges blast)
    Squirrel #1: WHAT THE F—BOOM!!!
  • Bahamut then reveals he can't help them in regards to final bosses, resulting in the Running Gag of naming Bahamuts one more time, this time with a Bahamut telling them that they can't help.
    Barret: What about Neo Bahamut?
    Bahamut: Nope.
    Red XIII: Bahamut Zero?
    Bahamut: Still no.
    Barret: Mutvel's Bahengers?
    Bahamut: Assembling to say no.
    Red XIII: Bahan WonderBahold?
    Bahamut: Every moment is an adventure to say no.
    Barret: Bahamut Crossing New Horizons?
    Bahamut: Staying inside.
    Red XIII: Bahamut Segway?
    Bahamut: Oh that's just lazy.
    • The Bahamut Segway comment, of course, segues to Yuffie and Godo's family issues immediately after.
    • And after that's resolved, we cut back to Barret and Red, and they're still going.
      Barret: Artsima Bahowl?
      Bahamut: Ruined my childhood.
      Red XIII: Bahros II: World Muhort?
      Bahamut: Too busy destroying mass viewings.
      Barret: Bahill and Mated Face the Bahusic?
      Bahamut: (Accompanied to rock music) MOST EXCELLENTLY no.
      Red XIII: Bahinions: The Rise of-
      Cid: ALRIGHT!!!
  • While the reward WAS worth it, one gets the feeling that Bahamut knew that the "grueling trial" required to get the Knights of the Round materia was the long process of Chocobo breeding. He clearly didn't do it to fuck with his fanboys and humanity, but the way he built it up, you'd be forgiven for thinking that "grueling" implied something grand, arduous, and a show of their strength, not an inane, time-consuming test of their patience.
  • Fridge Brilliance example: The idea that they need a Gold Chocobo just to get to an island that the Highwind somehow cannot "land" on must have been infuriating for a proud pilot like Cid. It just adds to his "uhhhh" as Choco-Bill explains (in detail) the process of Chocobo breeding.
• When Yuffie goes to reconcile with her dad at the request of Cloud and Tifa, it devolves into an argument. How does it get resolved? With everybody getting high off their asses.
  Godo: You ever notice our hands look like blocks?
  Yuffie: Snrk! Shut the f*ck up! (giggles)
  Tifa: I mean, smells to me like it's working.
  Cloud: Yeah... we're getting a thousand Choco-nuggies after this, right?
  Tifa: No! Two-thousand. (giggles)
  • There's something hilarious about the fact that the background theme is a stoner version of "Flowers Blooming in the Church", implying they're specifically smoking Elmyra's herbal inhalants. What's supposed to be the cozy version of the infamously sad "Aerith's Theme" has been turned into a sort of stoner's theme
  • The Cutaway Gag happens 4 minutes and 20 seconds after the fight.
• Also Yuffie's father joins them aboard the Highwind because of the name and no other reason.
  Godo: What's this button do?
  Computer: Deploying Snacks
  (Various chips and candy bars fly out of the Highwind)
  Yuffie and Godo: Munchies! No!
• Cait Sith subcontracted the Turks to get everyone (except Cloud) their final weapons. Well, Reno, Elena and Rude, anyway, Tseng's got a... different gig.
  (cut to the Tseng Fan Fiction ASMR Podcast)
  Tseng: Welcome, to another episode of The Final Fanfic Sexy. Tonight's episode is titled... "The Moogle... in YOUgle."
  (cut back with the others)
  Reno: Legit, it has over 500,000 plays.
  Elena: A quarter of those are mine!
  Rude: And half of those are mine.
• The Ambiguous Syntax conversation about Ultimate WEAPON.
  Cloud: In order to get my ultimate weapon, we need to kill the ultimate WEAPON, Ultimate WEAPON.
  Barret: I thought "Ultimate Weapon" was the weapon Scarlett used?
  Cloud: No, that was an ultimate weapon she made as an ultimatum.
  Red XIII: So that would make this Ultimate WEAPON THE ultimate weapon of pure ultimacy?
  Cloud: Ultimately? Yes.
  Tifa: WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!
• They even got Vincent's ultimate weapon: a bigger gun.
  Vincent: Groovy.
• When Cid asks where Vincent's vampire ass has been, Tifa feels the need to remind him that Vincent is not a vampire... though he is filled with spiders.
  Barret: (while covered in spiders) Can we just... not please?
• Vincent's reunion with Lucrecia is genuinely sweet, but it's a little funny considering how melodramatically gothic it is, complete with lonely cello for the soundtrack. It feels like something from Dark Shadows.
• After Cloud explains to Vincent how they need to defeat the Ultimate Weapon to get Cloud's ultimate weapon...
  Vincent: Perhaps I should have asked that giant floating dragon as I was leaving Lucrecia's if they had seen anything like that... Oh wait.
• The last iteration of the Bahamut Running Gag, when they fight the Ultimate Weapon.
  Red XIII: Which Bahamut is that one?
• The Lampshade Hanging of the chore that is truly fighting the Ultimate Weapon.
  • First, they try to fight it in air... only to realize that they can't reach it with their weapons.
    Yuffie: Throw something at it! (throws her father's bong at the Ultimate Weapon)
    Godo: (o-s) Nooo! My gateway to Shiva's garden!
    Cid: Why the f*ck are you still here?!
    Godo: I forgot where I live.
  • The Weapon flees just as Cloud is about to cast a spell on it.
    (beat)
    Cloud: Did it... Did it just fly away?
    Red XIII: (sings the Victory Fanfare)
    Cloud: NO! This is not a victory! Ultimate Weapon, the next time we meet, we'll be prepared to fight you in aerial combat!
    (Gilligan Cut, where the Ultimate Weapon has landed)
    Vincent: It's on the ground now.
    Cloud (annoyed): Yeah, I can see that!
    (The Ultimate Weapon flies away.)
    Cloud: Quick Barret! Shoot it!
    Barret: EAT THIS YOU FAKE-ASS BAHAMUT MOTHERF**KAAAAAA!!!
    (Barret shoots at it with the Rocket Punch. Or, more precisely, he shoots the Rocket Punch. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't do anything.)
    Barret: It didn't work.
    Cloud (annoyed): Yeah, I can see that!
  • The third time.
    Cloud: Found you!
    Cait Sith: Wrong Weapon.
    (Camera dezooms to reveal the Ruby Weapon.)
    Ruby Weapon: (growls menacingly)
    Cloud: We got this.
    (Gilligan Cut to a badly injured and bandaged up Cloud back on the Highwind)
    Cloud (exhausted): We did not got that...
  • After the failure with the Ruby Weapon, Barret complains that they spent five hours trying to fight the Weapon and that they should just forget about it and go kill Sephiroth, an accurate summary of most players' feelings when trying to complete the Ultimate Weapon sidequest.
  • The last place the party goes to look for the Ultimate Weapon is the Ancient Forest is it is the one place they haven't been to. The search results in Cloud getting eaten by a plant.
  • After all the trouble searching, it turns out the Ultimate Weapon was behind them the whole time.
• Turns out this whole time Red XIII could talk to Ultimate Weapon.
  Ultimate Weapon: (growls)
  Red XIII: Oh! So that’s why he won’t fight us.
  Barret: Red, since when could you understand a world-protecting dragon??
  Red XIII: I took a night class.
• After Ultimate Weapon is defeated.
  Barret: Well, it looks like ALL the planet's Weapons have been defeated...
  Cait Sith: What about Ruby and Emeral-
  Barret: ALL THE WEAPONS HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!
• Cloud and Tifa have a heart-to-heart moment before the final battle... until Red XIII shouts, from the Highwind, "You guys fuck yet?!"
  • Naturally, it's Red that goads them into going at it.
• During the montage of destroying monsters on their way down North Crater, one of the last clips is instead them all fleeing a Don Tonberry.
• Vincent's strategy to defeat Bizarro Sephiroth is to shoot him repeatedly.
  Vincent: Did everyone see me flip my gun a bunch of times?
  • The fact that Vincent and Cait Sith are paired up in the third, leftover party, and it's pretty obviously because, unlike the other seven party members, their Limit Breaks aren't reliably controllable attacks, plus the fact we already saw them in the last episode anyway.
    Mog: We suck.
• The Leaning on the Fourth Wall when "One Winged Angel" kicks in.
  Tifa: Why is there music?
  Yuffie: Oh crap! He's got a theme song!
  Red XIII: I'm hecking worried!
• After all the pain and turmoil the group went through to get the Knights of the Round materia, how does Safer Sephiroth deal with it? Slaps it right the hell away with his one wing and then proceed to punish everyone with Supernova.
• The Call-Back to the Title Drop joke.
  Sephiroth: If that's what you truly believe, then let that be your...Final Fantasy.
  Barret: Already made that joke!
  Sephiroth: Don't care. (uses Deen)
• Unintentionally so, but since Vincent and Yuffie, being optional characters, weren't present in any of the FMVs, even the ending, so to add them in the final shot of each character and Marlene, they're rendered in the series' cartoonish art style. It's brief and had to be done, but it's still hilariously out of place.
• The Stinger proves that even after everyone except Red has passed on five hundred years later, one thing still goes on strong.
  Red XIII: This is the tale of.....AVALAAAAAANCHE TIIIIIIIIME!!!!!
  Barrett-like voice echoing across the ruins: MOOOOOTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Misc

• The announcement of the Midgar Mix album starts out by revealing that it's an acapella soundtrack, complete with a (poorly drawn) portrait of the gang. The best part? It's Barret and Red XII doing the singing, and their singing is about as good as their artwork.
  • Near the end of the sample songs, we hear their rendition of the victory theme. Unfortunately, while Barret tries to sing the Final Fantasy 7 version, Red XII insists on singing the classic and Final Fantasy X version.
    Barret: (under his breath) They told me Never to work with children or animals and you're both!
  • Barret reacts with extreme exasperation when Red mentions wanting to cover the Blitzball theme
    Barret: Blitzball is not a real thing!
  • Turns out the commercial was a pitch to a network executive. Said executive turns out to be Nappa...who proceeds to lampshade the spotty nature of Season 1.
    Nappa: I'll be honest, guys, you're new to this whole scene. And I think it's safe to say you're not the most overwhelmingly well received group of characters. (camera pans to a pile of tissues marked: "THE SALTY TEARS OF TIFA FANS") So, I think if we do this, we should probably stick to the music that was actually in the show...
    Barret: Y-yeah? W-well I bet people in the comments below are gonna want the acapella version!
    Nappa: Well, "people in the comments below" still think Attack on Titan Abridged will come back eventually.
    Eren Yeager: You promised me a second episode!
    Nappa: Floor's not gonna mop itself, Yeager!
• The blooper specials are full of these.
  • Taka has a lot of trouble saying the line, "I've had an exceptional amount of sex here," because he keeps corpsing on it. One time he seems to get the line right and celebrates, only for the director to tell him it's "I've had" not "I had", causing Taka to shout NO! The take after that has him repeat the mistake, and say while in character:
    Red XIII: That was not good grammar, but I am dog.
  • After the first special, in which only one of Barrett's lines was messed up, he celebrated his success. He made up for it in the following specials.
  • The birth of Taerith.
    Cloud: Now all that leaves is for Taerith... Taerith? yeah. Why pick one when you can...
  • Antfish tripping on the word "deliberation", on a script HE wrote.
  • "How enthusiastic should I be about individual activities, and how enthusiastic should I be about inbreeding?"
  • Taka's response to being told his performance was perfect.
    Taka: (Perfect Cell Voice)No, that's the other recording session. That's when the perfect happens. Bring it in fare!
  • "IDONTWANNAGOTHROUGHGODDAMNMOUNTCORELOKAY?!!...One take! That's all you're getting!"
  • Nobody can agree on the proper pronunciation of "Mako".
  • An alternate take of a dramatic scene:
    Barrett: That makes you a BAD DOG!
    Group: GASP!
    Red XIII: ...You take that back you son of a bitch!
  • Courtney Williams apparently suggested the portmanteau of "Yuffifa" on the spot. She also suggested "Yuffoofee".
  • "WE JUST GOT HIM LAID! NOW HE'S GOTTA GET A HOUSE AND PAY OFF A MORTGAAAGE! FOR THE BAYBEEEEE!"
  • Taka genuinely didn't know you can kill Gi Nattak by using a Phoenix Down. "That's f***ing great!"
  • Ovarku's flubs as Sephiroth are amazing on their own just due to the character he's playing, but it's especially hilarious when he abruptly lets out a giant belch in the middle of the Nibelheim reactor scene.
    • In the comments section, Mike reveals that, apparently, this isn't the first time he's ended up belching during recordings that ended up on blooper reels:
    Mike Varker: I think it's in the contract my burping must always be in a blooper reel.
  • Kira's response to saying "I can feel the knowledge" as Aerith is how stoned she sounded when saying the line.
  • Mike's response to his character rubbing in the fact that he killed Aerith.
    Mike: I'm sticking the knife in, so to speak. Just stick the masamune right in her back. Oh, I'm gonna have a lot of people hate me in the blooper reel now.
  • Antfish had hiccups while recording his dialogue for Episode 27. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Similarly, Courtney and Brian suffer from several belches. For once, amusingly enough, either Mike didn't have such gastric bursts this season or none was recorded.
    • A golden one happens during the cutaway of Yuffie being airsick. Courtney notes how appropriate it otherwise is.
  • "Are you gonna eat me? Sorry, I saw a giant Cloud and was like 'Please don't eat me.'"
  • Even as far as Season 4, they still haven't agreed on the proper pronunciation of Mako.
  • Courtney expresses regret in letting her fiancee listen in to her recording when he asks the proper pronunciation of "gil", and even after she corrects him, he goes on to make the Pun of "Gil Valentine" (with the soft "g").
  • After Tifa says the line "[The White Materia's] glowing green", Sarah takes a hot second to point out Fridge Logic regarding Aerith and the materia, if she needed to be at the Ancients altar all by herself, or if she could've just prayed in the safe company of AVALANCHE. She seems to have been given her answer and concedes that the game dodged a plot hole.
• The series marathon and movie premiere livestream:
  • Any time the Chocobo racing/breeding minigame comes up, you can almost physically feel Sarah's trauma from spending hours on it from her exasperated groans.
  • When Yuffie sings the Victory Fanfare of episode 15, Courtney does her best sing in time to the video.
  • Sarah joins the stream right after that, and Ant hilariously points out that Tifa's first line in the next episode is her screaming, “SHUT THE F**K UUUUPPPP!!” at Yuffie.
  • When Masako leaves a bit before the end of Season 1, naturally, he's described as having to "biggity-bounce".
  • After Bugenhagen’s line about a naked finger-painting session, Courtney recalls something called Lemon Party, and Sarah is dismayed not only to already have a vague awareness of what she’s referring to, but also at the prospect of being old enough to remember when Lemon and Lime were common fanfic terms. The group proceeds to reminisce about old Internet phenomena.
  • Similar to her questioning the White Materia, Sarah points out more Fridge Logic, such as how much stuff was lost in real-world history for the same reasons Red was never told the truth of his father: everyone getting fucked up post-victory.
  • Before starting episode 20, when Sarah, Courtney, and AinTunez talk about empathizing with Cloud's being Innocently Insensitive, the latter just happens to use the words "fuckmothering" when discussing about being careful about what he says. Ant uses that to transition into the episode that debuts Vincent.
  • Justin or Chris cracks up as soon as Cid's "Do I have to make you take me to the basement again" comes up, then Brian notes that he basically "made love" to his microphone when he recorded that line. At the end of the episode, he also recounts that Ant cast him as Cid because "he was the only person who didn't sound constipated", and whenever he does Cid, he tires himself out because he has to be so animated when voicing the guy.
  • Chris lampshading how Cait Sith is an example of how video game character deaths are definitely never permanent, one way or another, be it being robots or Phoenix Downs. Of course, they all joke about this before starting Episode 25.
  • When Ant points out the fact that neither Cloud nor Tifa's parents have any names, Chris points out that thanks to the Remake, Cloud's mom does finally have a name (Claudia), which apparently Ant never noticed, but points out that it's basically a Lazily Gender-Flipped Name. Even funnier if you know that her name has always been Claudia, but it was formerly only in her character artwork.
  • In the post-finale wrapup, while talking about the Precision F-Strikes that they left uncensored, Chris-as-Vincent points out he never got to say any, but the group give him the floor to say one, then joking how he's finally grown-up.
  • Ant responds to a commenter that abridgings for Dirge of Cerberus or Crisis Core will not happen by pointing out the obvious reason why: the technology for manipulating PlayStation 2 or Portable models for abridging purposes haven't been invented yet.
  • Since Sephiroth just happened to be revealed to be playable in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate the night before the livestream was scheduled, naturally, not only was hype even more generated for the finale, but every time Sephiroth appeared, out came the Smash references.

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