Funny / 50% OFF

General

• Pretty much any conversation the collective Harus have is guaranteed to be one of these.
• Also, pretty much anything involving Nagisa will qualify.
• Hell, the title itself is hilarious. ^note It's not quite Free! if it's 50% OFF.

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Episode 1 - Prologue

• Haru's introductory monologue.
  Haru: I always thought swimming was kinda like doing somebody. You dive in, flop around a bit, and you either get booed or somebody gives you a medal. And then I found out swimming isn't like that at all. You can't have sex with your neighbor's above-ground backyard pool... What was I talking about?

Episode 2 - Late For Anime School

• Makoto telling Haru that he broke in. Again.
  • And Haru's response:
  Haruka: There was a spare key under the mat.
  Makoto: There was just a swimsuit...
  Haruka: I don't see your point.
  • Before that, Makoto cheerfully announcing that he's going to break in when Haru doesn't answer the door, and this exchange:
  Makoto: Are you in here?
  Haruka: Don't come in.
  Makoto: Okay, I'm coming in! Also, you're gonna need a new back door.
• This Noodle Incident:
  Makoto: ...So I regain consciousness, there's cops everywhere, Nagisa's covered in blood, got an ice pick...(giggles) It was kind of a weird Tuesday!
• Haru talking dirty to the ocean.
• Thugisa's Establishing Character Moment:
  Nagisa: What's up, sluts? Guess who just got out of prison?
  Makoto: Sluts!?
  Haru: Prison?
  Both: Nagisa?!
  Nagisa: Yeaaaaaaaahhh!

Episode 3 - Breaking and Entering

• The beginning.
  Makoto: Gee, Nagisa, it feels like forever since you drowned Shinji in the deep end and tried to burn down the swim club!
  Nagisa: Shinji was a bitch ass poser! Whatever. I did my time, joined the prison swim team, got out on good behavior. Hah, believe that!
  Haruka: You broke out, didn't you?
  Nagisa: Who told you that?!
• The group looking at their old swim club.
  Makoto: Man. This place sure brings back memories for me.
  Cue Flashback of Child!Rin leaving a sad Child!Haru.
  Child!Makoto: (Thinking as he looks over at Child!Haru) Oh no, he's hot when he's sad.
  • Nagisa's subsequent memory.
  Nagisa: Yeah. Me too.
  Cue gangsta music as sounds of police sirens and guns firing play over Nagisa's disturbingly happy face.
• Nagisa being intimidated by Rin's pointy teeth.
  Makoto: Nagisa, he called you a loser!
  Nagisa: Ay, yo, homeboy looks like Shark Week, I ain't messin' with that.
• Nagisa assuring the group that prison and holding are two very different things. And that owing Easter Dave a favour is not a good thing.
• Makoto wants to find out if Rin goes to their school, and Nagisa thinks that Murder Is the Best Solution.
  Nagisa: Oh, I think I know how we can find out.
  Makoto: We're not going to kill anyone.
  Nagisa: Well, then I've got nothing!

Episode 4 - Taking the Fall

• Gou stopping by Haru's house, only for him not to answer the door 'cause he's in the bath again, listening to death metal.
• Gou has apparently stabbed someone in prison where she was for taking the fall for Nagisa.
• Makoto and Nagisa's first meeting with Gou:
  Makoto: Um, excuse me.
  Gou: I'VE GOT MACE!
  • And immediately afterwards:
  Makoto: Was macing us really necessary after you remembered who we were?!
  Gou: After what he did to me?!
  Nagisa: You took the fall for me, and I said "Thank you."
  Gou: I went to jail! I learned things... terrible things...
  Makoto: Are you sure you didn't just go to holding? I recently learned that there's a big difference.
  Gou: I spent six months at a correctional facility!
  Makoto: Sooooo, about Rin -
  Gou: Who said anything about Rin?! I stabbed a girl in the yard!
  Nagisa: (off-screen) Cold-blooded!
• Breaking into Samezuka Academy:
  Nagisa: And you just take out your trusty lockpick *gunshot* and you're in! Ain't no thang!
  Makoto: I think that guard you killed had a family.
• High!Nagisa's reaction when Haru jumps in the pool and starts swimming.
  Nagisa: Look at that majestic ass motherf*cker. Like a dolphin or some sh*t. A dolphin with legs... and arms... and a jetpack. Holy sh*t, this stuff is definitely kickin' in!
• "BITCHGETINTHEPOOL!"
• Nagisa skinny-dipping and being so high he forgets that he took off his clothes.
  Makoto: Nagisa, why are you getting naked?!
  Nagisa: I don't know man, BUT IT'S GONNA BE GREAT!

  • And then later:

  Rin: Why are you naked?

  Nagisa: I'm naked?
• The ending:
  Rin: Looks like you want to race... to the death. Loser has to commit... swimpuku.
  Nagisa: That's not a real thing.
  Rin: IT IS NOW!

Episode 5 - Extracurricular

• This exchange:
  Makoto: I'd do anything to you. For you!
  Haru: Bury me with my swimsuits.
  Makoto: What.
• Nagisa "looney-tooning" Gou/Kou.
• How Haru got out of killing himself:
  Rin: Okay Haru, time to kill yourself.
  Haru: I don't want to.
  Rin: Okay, see you later. *Leaves*
• Gou threatened a member of sewing club with sewing needles.
• "I have to Tumblr this."
• This short exchange:
  G/Kou: "Should I be looking at that...?" (refering to a trophy near her)
  Makoto: "It's just a trophy!"
  G/Kou: "I've spent the majority of my nights alone... I've seen more than a few... trophies."
  Makato: "Yeah... me too..."
• "Alright, dolphin-dongs, let's start a swim team."
• The Imagine Spot of Haru as the swim team captain:
  Haru: (sings) And I'm proud to be a Swimmerican / Where at least I know I'm Free!!
  (strikes a dramatic pose as the swim team cheers behind him)

Episode 6 - Approved!

• The bargain between Nagisa and Miho to start the swim club. Poor Makoto has no idea what's going on.
  Nagisa: Okay, I didn't want to have to do this right at the start, but I represent a certain mutual acquaintance. One Easter Dave.
  Miho: Alright you little rat, I'll start your stupid swim club, but you tell Easter Dave that he and I are even. I'm stealing some chemistry equipment for some stuff, and I can't have you small-time hoods messing that up.
  Nagisa: Deal.
  Makoto: Awesome! Wait, what just happened?
  Nagisa: Bidness.
• The student at the front desk of the Samezuka pool.
  Front Desk Guy: A guy with emotional issues that swims away his problems? Lady, that's the whole team! You're going to have to be more specific.
  Kou/Gou: He's 6'2'' and has teeth like a shark?
  Front Desk Guy: That could be anyone!
• The second Kou/Gou walks into the Samezuka Academy Pool area, she immediately starts gawking at the swim-team and pairing them up in her head.
  Kou/Gou: (Long gasp) Muscles! Traps! Pecs! (Lusty moan) I ship them! (Random background characters) Them! (More random background characters) They hate each other, but they also f**k each other!
  Seijuurou: Hey, we try not to get this part of the gym wet, so whatever you're doin' is gonna have to stop.
  Kou/Gou: Ha, ha, ha. I'm looking for my brother, Matsuoka Rin?
  Seijuurou: Rin? ... Oh yeah, Oh! 6' 2", shark-teeth, cries when you call 'im "Bitch-Baby"?
  Kou/Gou: Yeah, that's him.
  Seijuurou: Yeah, we were hazin' him into the swim-team, but he cried and ran after the paddling.
  Kou/Gou: Yeah, that's him.
  Seijuurou: So, you wanna come back to my place, listen to some Dave Matthews, maybe talk about my workout routine?
• The pool-fixing montage sees the return of the "Haru taking off his clothes to swim in a fish tank" scene, only this time he actually gets naked to do it.
• After the montage of the team fixing the pool, Makoto walks onto the adjacent roof, expecting to meet Haru for lunch:
  Makoto: Haru? I got your favorite: Mackrel! At least... I think it's your favorite.
  Looks over to the pool and sees Haru still working on fixing it up.
  Makoto (smiling): Look at 'im. Workin' hard... All sweaty... He doesn't even know I'm watchin' 'im... Yeaaaaaah.
  [A zipper sound can be heard just as Makoto smiles.]
• "Nagisa, if I get out of this chair, I guarantee you'll end up in one with wheels."
• Later, when they're painting the pool:
  Makoto (to Haru): Isn't this great? It's just like when we were younger. Remember that time- (starts rambling incoherently).
  Inside Haru's mind...
  Haru One: Painting sure is fun.
  Impulsive Haru: You know what else is fun? Killing your best friend.
  Haru One: That doesn't sound fun at all, Haru.
  Impulsive Haru: Well, how would you know?! All you do is swim, Haru!
  Haru Two: I think Haru is right, we should branch out in our hobbies, Haru.
  Impulsive Haru: Oh sh*dolphin-noise*t! Haru, Makoto stopped talking. He wants you to respond. Say something, stupid!
  Haru (aloud): I wasn't thinking about killing you.
  Makoto: Aw, thank you!
  Impulsive Haru: Nailed it.

Episode 7 - Headgames with Haru

• Nagisa attempting to recruit members for the swim-club.
  Nagisa: Hey there, suckas! You look like you wanna join the swim club! Eh?
  Random Student: Aren't you that guy that drowned a kid? And burned down that building? And sells whip-its under the bleachers?
• The flashback to the race from Episode 3.
  Makoto: They're so fast!
  Nagisa: Rin's pullin' ahead though... I think. Is Rin the jet-plane firin' out unicorns, or the gun with my mother's face?
  Makoto: Nagisa, how much of that stuff did you have?!
  Nagisa: I DON'T REMEMBER, MAN! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM!
  • When Rin and Haru are neck-and-neck:
  Rin (thinking to himself): ''Damn it! He's so fast! He must be laser-focused in! The only thing on Haru's mind right now is this race!
  Cut to Haru's internal monologue with all of the Haru's singing the theme from DuckTales.
  • Just as they're making the final turn, we get this exchange:
  Makoto: Come on Haru, you can do me! IT! It. You can do it.
  Nagisa: I heard that one.
  Makoto: Shut up! You're high as balls!
  Nagisa: Heh, yeah, I am!
• After the flashback is over, Nagisa asks if that's what Makoto and Gou are talking about:
  Makoto: Nagisa! He's right there!
  Nagisa: Nah, nah, homeboy's pullin' a Rain Man right now, he can't hear me. Check this, check this. (To Haru in a ghostly voice) Haruuuu, we're not gettin' a Season Twoooooooo! See!
  Inside Haru's mind...
  Haru One: Haru, they're talking about us again.
  Impulsive Haru: Haru, shush! I'm trying to concentrate... Knight to Queen 4. Check.
  Haru Two: Haru, this is checkers.
  Impulsive Haru: I hate you!
  A door slams.
  • Which became Hilarious in Hindsight after season 2 actually got announced.
• "They're my ostriches!"

Episode 8 - So Hot But So Crazy

• The Harus get in a fight over jumping into the newly refurbished swimming pool, ending with one of them getting shot by Impulsive Haru. This leads to Haru acting even more crazy (the tranquil kind).
  Impulsive Haru: Haru! Look! Water!
  Haru 2: Haru we can't get in.
  Haru 3: Yeah it's probably too cold. We'll get sick.
  Impulsive Haru: (BGM stops) You know what I'm sick of?! All your shit Haru! I'm assuming direct control!
  Haru 2: HARU NO!
  Haru 3: Oh my god he's got a gun!
  (gunshot)
  Impulsive Haru: Everyone step away from the brain!
  Random Haru: He shot Haru!
  Impulsive Haru: That's right! I'm in charge now!
  • Makoto's Oh, Crap! moment when he finds out about it.
  Makoto: Haru? We're going to throw the tablets in the water now.
  Impulsive Haru: (out loud) Yes. I am Haru.
  Makoto: Oooooh, that's probably not good.
  • Later, when Gou produces a flier for the local gym's pool:
  Haru snatches flier.
  Impulsive Haru: Crap! What does this say?!
  Other Haru: I don't know, Haru. One of you shot the Haru that can read!
  Other Haru: Why don't we ask Makoto?
  Impulsive Haru: NO! Then Nagisa'll laugh at us.
  Makoto: Haru?
  Haru: I know what it says. I can read.
  Impulsive Haru: I can't read.
• The meeting of Rei and Nagisa on the train.
  Rei: Ahem.
  Nagisa looks up and is immediately enamored by Rei.
  Cue "Miss New Booty" by Bubba Sparxx
  Nagisa: Bitch, you gonna be mine.
  Rei: I beg your pardon?!
  Nagisa: Nothin'! Nothin'!
  • And immediately following that, Rei assumes that Nagisa is trying to recruit him into the swim team and he leaves, prompting Nagisa to call out after him.
  Nagisa: Hey, wait! I was actually gonna aks you what size collar you wear! Come on, let me get them digits, baby! Let's make this a thang!
  Cut to Nagisa, with his face pressed up against the train window, staring at Rei as he jogs away.
  Nagisa: (muffled) Oh, my God! Look at him run! Aw, it should be illegal to be dat fine! Aw, yeah, work them legs!
• Nagisa says it's too bad Rin isn't with them, to which Makoto says he tried calling him the previous night but Rin didn't answer. Cut to a flashback to last night where extremely loud music is drowning out the vibration of the phone.
  Rin: I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEECKING BAAAAAALL!
• When Gou presents a magazine she found while looking through someone's garbage.
  Nagisa:What were you doing in someone else's garbage?
  Gou/Kou: Smelling stuff.
  Makoto: We've all been there.
• One of Haru's emergency protocols is performing polka versions of Ke$ha songs.
  Inside Haru's mind...
  Haru One: "Haru, activate protocol Blackbird three-three-five."
  Haru Two: "This doesn't seem like the time for polka renditions of Kesha songs, Haru."
  Haru One: "No, THREE-three-five."
  Haru Two: "Oh yeah, that one. Do that one."
  • Plus, what protocol Blackbird three-three-five actually is (as well as Haru's single attempt to recruit someone to the swim team).
  As Haru skids into the hall and starts walking toward some students...
  Nagisa: "Looks like Haru's in a fey mood. Someone get him a turtle shell and some silk."
  Makoto: "Nagisa, should we stop him?"
  Nagisa: "He'll be fine. Look at him, makin' new pals!"
  Haru (in ominous voice): "Hello... fellow students... Join the swimming bird team..."
  Nagisa: "On second thought, stop him before he hurts himself."
• Makoto's attempt at getting a ride home from Nagisa:
  Nagisa: Hello?
  Makoto: Hey, Nagisa. Coach tried to get me to vandalize a police station again. Can I get a ride home?
  Nagisa: Sorry, man, I don't have a car.
  Makoto: What?! You picked me up from ballroom dance lessons last week!
  Nagisa: Yeah, but [indecipherable].
  Makoto: But—
  Nagisa: (to someone on his end) —where's the gun? Where's the gun?! I gotta go, man, this is getting real. Nagisa out! (he hangs up)
  Makoto: (sigh) ...Good thing I wore my Heelies...

Episode 9 - Dream Journal

• This gem from Nagisa kickstarts the episode:
  Nagisa (looking at his swim-club poster): I wonder if people will catch the Kandinsky inspiration in my poster.
  Rei walks past, his nose in a book
  Nagisa: Hmmmm- (notices Rei go by)-mmm, 'ello.
• Haru and Rei are in scrap-booking class together. Rei cuts the eyes out of magazine photos. This revelation prompts another from Gou:
  Gou/Kou: Haru, you scrapbook? I'm working on a dream journal project about ab muscles for... Biology. Beat Could you help?
• Makoto's advice for Nagisa talking to Rei getting shot down by Nagisa, and his response to the former's biting comment also counts.
  Makoto: Why don't you just, be yourself and tell him how you feel?
  Nagisa: Thanks for the life lesson, Boy Meets World. How's your repressed love-life doin'?
  Makoto: I don't know, Nagisa, how's your mother's drinking problem?
  Nagisa: Below the belt, Makoto.
• In response to the hanging question of what goes through Rei's head when he does track, we get another look at what goes on inside Haru's head when he's swimming. Cue the Haru Collective singing the "DK Rap".
• Nagisa's inner thoughts about Rei after the latter's pole-vault.
  Nagisa (thinking): Aw baby, I'd vault his pole! ...don't say that out loud. It sounds stupid.
• Nagisa apparently killed someone with a Speak-N'-Spell once.
  • The same conversation reveals that Nagisa once challenged a teen pop star to a drag race in Florida.
• The Haru's finally realizing they're on a swim team.
  Haru 1: Wait, wait, wait, wait. We're on a swim team?! I thought this show was about drugs or something.
  Harut 2: I don't know, Haru. Just go with it.
  • When Nagisa gets a little exasperated by Haru suggesting he convince Rei to join the swim team:
  Nagisa: SWIM TEAM, NOTHIN'! I WANT THAT BOY TO BE MY BRIDE!
  Haru (thinking): Tank! TANK! I need an out here!
  • Followed by Nagisa's realization that Rei joining the swim team means he'll be around him all the time.
  Nagisa: I'll be on that boy like Miho on a centerfold spread.
  Ominous music starts playing as Miho appears in front of them out of thin air, eyes glowing and an aura like the damn Slender Man.
  Miho (creepily sweet tone): Hello, boys.
  Everyone freaks out.
  • Followed by the team meeting up at the pool after having finally ditched her.
  Nagisa: Damn! Miho's faster than she looks.
  Makoto: And she tore through that chain fence like it was tin foil!
  Nagisa: Pilates will do that man. It works your core. That's why I do it.
  Gou/Kou (trying to get their attention this whole time): HEY! H2-HOES!

Episode 10 - Usurper

• When Nagisa introduces Rei to Haru and Makoto, Haru's demeanor does a sudden 180... even more so than it normally does.
  Rei: Greetings, my name is-
  Haru: (eyes slowly rolling into the back of his head) By the darkest sun that casts its menacing rays on the furthest madness, we sense your intentions, Rei Ryugazaki.
  Rei (understandably concerned): Is anyone else currently seeing this?
  Haru: (eyes turn black and irises glow red) The gibbering of mad cultists whisper wicked words on the temporal winds-
  Rei: Anybody? Any of the two people right next to me?
  Haru: (an inverted pentagram appears on his forehead) They inform us that you are not to be trusted. Usurper. Usurper.
  (The scene suddenly snaps back to normal, as though nothing had happened.)
  Rei: ... Right, so-
  • Demon!Haru becomes a Running Gag throughout the episode. At first, we think that Rei is the only one who notices. But it turns out that Makoto is aware, and completely nonchalant about the whole thing.
  Makoto: Still doing that weird demon-thing to him?
  Haru: Totally.
  Makoto: Cool.
• Gou tags along with them to the joint practice with Samezuka Academy, and immediately goes into pervy-fangirl mode at the sight of all the swimmers surrounding her. And then she remembers that handsome does not always equate with intellect, and has a momentary crisis.
  K/Gou (internal monologue): Bodies, so hot! Brains, so dumb! My life... MY LIFE IS STRUGGLE!!
• A brief encounter between Haru and Rin is accompanied by Lionel Richie's "Hello".
• "Your name is Rei? That's only a letter off from Rin!"
• As Nitori leads Rei off to get changed so that he can participate in the joint practice, Nagisa gets a little... Protective.
  Nagisa: Why he touchin' mah man? Where he go wit' mah man?! (Pulls a switchblade out of nowhere)
  • And the exchange immediately following that, in which Seijuurou takes his Fratbro tendencies up to eleven.
  Seijuurou: Calm down, little dude! Nitori is just borrowing him. Bro...rrowing him. Bor...bro-ing him...
  Makoto: Sound it out...
  Seijuurou: Bro-bro-ing him.
  Makoto: You got it, buddy!
• Makoto recounting a particularly-horrifying experience from his childhood. Not that he realises it.
  Makoto: I learned to swim the old-fashioned way: when I was five, my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water! Making it to shore was easy! Making it out of the gunny sack was hard, though.
• The sound Rei makes as he falls into the pool.
  Haru: I can't believe that guy drowned at practice.
  Makoto: Haru, he's right in front of you!
  Rei: I am right in front of you!
  Demon!Haru: Usurper!

Episode 11 - The Flyin' Hawaiian

• The completely out-of-nowhere cameo by the cast of Danganronpa Abridged Thing.
  Nagisa: So, all I gotta do is kill all these other guys and you'll give me a scholarship for my paintin'?
  Monokuma: Upupupu, that's pretty much it. But they can't prove you did it!
  Nagisa: Can't prove nothin' if they all dead.
  Monokuma: Th-that's really not the same thing-
  Nagisa: Yeah, yeah. Now which o' you is the most annoying?
  Ishimaru: These thug antics are not welcome in a school environment!
  Nagisa: Hey, we got a volunteer.
• Rei's second attempt at swimming.
  Rei: I assure you all that I will not embarrass myself like last time. [belly flops into the pool while screaming.]
  Makoto: Wow, that was much more embarrassing.
  Nagisa: Yeah, like "Makoto's 15th birthday" embarrassing?
  Makoto: You invited a party clown! I'm afraid of party clowns!
  Nagisa: That was not a clown, that was my Juggalo friend. But your fear was warranted; he's the one who set the piñata on fire.
• Gou has something to tell Haru.
  Gou: Haru, I know you can't read.
  Haru One: She's a witch!
  Haru Two: Push her in the pool!
  • When Gou points out that Haru's holding her Supernatural Slash Fic and not her training regimen:
    Haru: I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how to swim or f*dolphin noise*k Dean Winchester.

Episode 12 - Solid Right Cross

• The Cold Opening that features Gou wondering why all the boys ever do is swim all the time. Nagisa tells her that it could be worse - they could spend all their time playing card games. Cue the opening to Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, complete with 50% OFF characters' heads shopped in.
• Also, this gem:
  Gou: Well, if it's not this, it's another thing. It's all the same. Like basketball or volleyball or even cycling.
• Nagisa has a brief stint as the Only Sane Man, since Makoto is otherwise occupied.
  Nagisa: Haru, I dunno how to break this to you, but every single one of your suits looks exactly the same. Like, every single one of 'em. I'm not like blowin' yo mind here or anything, am I? Please tell me everybody notices this, too? SOMEONE TELL ME I AM NOT CRAZY!
• Rei's "Property of Nagisa" tattoo above his ass.
• The scene where Haru and Rin notice one another in the fitting room.
  Rin: Haru?!
  Haru: Rin? If you're here, and I'm here, then who's flying this plane?!
  Rin: (Beat) What?
  Haru: What?
  Rin: Let's talk outside.
  Haru: I'm not going out there without a parachute!
  Rin: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
  Haru: I DON'T KNOW!
  • Followed immediately by this gem between Kou/Gou and Seijuurou.
  Gou (suddenly frantic): Ssssssssssshhhhh! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Ssssssssssssssshh!
  Seijuurou (understandibly confused): I-
  Gou: SSSHH! I smell boys being gay.
  Cut to Rin and Haru outside.
  • Which is then followed by Haru being surprisingly accurate about a conversation he and Rin are just starting to have.
  Rin: UGH I HATE YOU!
  Haru: No you don't.
  ...
  Haru: And then you get mad, and then some stuff happens, and then you have to go.
  Rin: Uh.... S-some... stuff happened- I have to go!

  • Even better- the entire conversation was a game of Gay Chicken. And Rin lost.
• The day after Rei tries- and fails- at swimming, the group gathers again to once more attempt "Operation Make Rei not suck at swimming <3," leading to this exchange when Nagisa arrives with a boogie-board:
  Nagisa: A'ight, I brought the "Bitch Board" for Rei.
  Gou: (Exasperated sigh) That isn't what it's called.
  Nagisa: Fine, let's call it what it is: "Sissy Paddle."
  Makoto (Just arriving): Hey guys, I'm here.
  Nagisa: Calm down, Makoto, we weren't talkin' about your Internet search history.
  • When they realize that Rei's the one in the pool and that he finally learned how to swim:
  Makoto: Hey! It's that other guy that isn't Haru!
  Nagisa: Well, you're not wrong. (Suddenly elated) MAH SWEET BABEH SWAM!

Episode 13 - Team Screaming Exercise

• "Weird porn" is a Running Gag throughout this episode, usually belonging to Nagisa.
• The team selects their events for the upcoming prefectural meet. This goes about as well as you would expect.
  Nagisa: Boob stroke!
  Rei: Breaststroke.
  Nagisa: Heh, still funny.
• In that same scene, the Inner Harus have apparently grown bored enough to put on a Professional Wrestling match.
  Makoto: How about you, Haru?
  Haru #1: AND HARU'S ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE, THIS COULD BE ALL OVER FOR HARU! *Professional Wrestling mat noise* HE'S GOT HIM IN A PIN... *My Time Is Now starts playing* BUT WAIT, WHO'S THAT ON THE RAMP? IT'S THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION JOHN CENA!
  Haru: *humming the theme out loud*
  Makoto: Okay, I guess I'll just put you down for freestyle then.
• Coach Sasabe meeting Miho for the first time.
  Sasabe: Have I seen you somewhere before? UFO abductee support group?
  Miho: No.
  Sasabe: UFO sighting support group?
  Miho: No.
  Sasabe: UFO, uh... probe support group?
  Miho: No.
  Sasabe: Weird pornography?
  Miho: Uh... Hey look, a boat! Let's all sail away and pretend this conversation didn't happen.
• Nagisa's reaction when Miho announces that she and Gou will be spending the night in a luxury hotel while the boys sleep in tents on the beach.
  Nagisa: I hate it when she shames me.

Episode 14 - Only God Can Judge

• Rei and Makoto's talk at the beginning of the episode.
  Makoto: You think you're not a part of this? Well bad news, Buster Brown, you're already on the Christmas Card.
• Rin tells K/Gou to brush her teeth, or the ocean goblin will steal her bones.
• Haru senses trouble.
  Haru: Can you hear it...? The ocean... it wants blood.
  Nagisa: ...Okay I think I made you drink too much seawater.
• The Harus try to revive Makoto:
  Haru: Makoto? Wake up. If you die Makoto is gonna be really mad at me.
  Haru 1: Let me through, I'm a doctor!
  Haru 2: You're a dentist!
  Haru 1: I'm the best damn shot we've got!

Episode 15 - Probably Just A Typo

• "Nothing bad will happen at all."
  Rei: I cannot believe nothing bad actually happened.
  Nagisa: And we resolved Makoto's goblin-based dad issues pretty well.
  Haru: And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe murderer was love all along.

Episode 16 - Dirt Brain

• Nagisa interrupting the intro.
• The Haru that went storming off in Episode 7 somehow ends up in Rin's head.
• Nagisa wonders why only some periods of his life are "clear" (read: on-camera) and Gou accuses him of being high.

Episode 17 - Bad Blood

• The episode's opening:
  Nagisa: Hey, idiots!
  Makoto: Hey, Nagisa! Gah, I fall for that every time!
• Miho's pep talk to the swim team.
  Miho: I can't help but notice you're getting cold feet, kiddos. I know you're all probably nervous. And that's normal - you guys really don't stand a chance here, so I don't blame you. But, there's an old saying that might help: "Have you had your break today?"
  Makoto: I'm pretty sure that's a McDonald's slogan.
  Miho: Yeah, cuz you're gonna get grilled, son!
  • She then spends the rest of the scene laughing loudly at her own joke.
• This Ironic Echo Cut from the race:
  Haru One: What?! How did he pass us?!
  Haru Two: Ugh, I dunno. He's probably telling us to suck his "shark dick" or something.
  Rin: Hahaha! Suck my shark dick!
• "They have, like, TINY BABY HANDS!."

Episode 18 - Washing the Failure Off

• Coach Sasabe leads the Iwatobi team in cheering on Makoto during his race. Of course, since this is the coach, his "cheers" are really just conspiracy theory headlines he came up with.
  Sasabe: THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER WAS CREATED BY THE MAGIC BULLET THAT KILLED JFK!
  Rei, Gou and Miho, in unison: THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER WAS CREATED BY THE MAGIC BULLET THAT KILLED JFK!
  Sasabe: CLIMATE CHANGE IS PERPETUATED BY LIZARD PEOPLE TO MAKE THE PLANET MORE HABITABLE TO THEIR SPECIES!
  Rei, Gou and Miho, still in unison: CLIMATE CHANGE IS PERPETUATED BY LIZARD PEOPLE TO MAKE THE PLANET MORE HABITABLE TO THEIR SPECIES!
• The glorious return of the Haru that can read. Especially this bit:
  Haru #1: I've been alive this whole time. Unfortunately, none of you could simply read the writing on the wall—
  Haru #2: STOP MOCKING US!

Episode 19 - Imbecilic Determination

• This bit of Leaning on the Fourth Wall:
  Nagisa: I know we get in trouble all the time and generally don't act like a swim team...
  Rei: This group operates more like a slapstick situational comedy about a drug cartel.
• Having finally beaten Haru in a swim race, Rin suffers from an existential crisis and wonders what's left for him now that he's reached the top.
  Rin: Am I... a god?
  Nitori: Nope.
  Rin: Is there nothing left for me?
  Nitori: (annoyed) Fourth place.
  Rin: Is this... where I die?
  Nitori: (even more annoyed) It was a local high school swim meet!
• The fact that Haru and Rin are psychically linked somehow.
  Haru: (thinking) Rin...I know you can hear me.
  Rin: (also thinking) No, I can't!
• Nagisa sending dick pics to Rei and Gou instead of informing them that Haru is returning for the swimming relay.
  Rei: Nagisa, this is a picture of your genitals!
  Nagisa: Haha, yeah it is! Hang on, I gotta talk to Gou.
  (Gilligan Cut)
  Gou: (screaming) Nagisa, this is a picture of your dick!
  Nagisa: Haha...nice.

---

Bonus Materials

• Bonus #3 shows us some alternate takes that would have been used in place of Rin's "swim-puku" line. They only get more and more ridiculous, until the final one causes the actor to start Corpsing.
  Rin: Loser has to commit...swim-icide.
  Rin: Loser faces...swim-ception. (BWOOONG!)
  Rin: Loser becomes the virgin swim-crifice. (breaks character) Goddammit
• Nagisa's reaction to the Youtube comment system: "IT'S BULLSH*seal noise*"
• Gou asks the Front Desk Guy about Rin again, prompting him to remember a particularly nasty encounter where he maims a student for calling him "Bitch-baby".
• Bonus #6 has some unused dialogue during the Rin vs Haru race. What makes it even more hilarious is how uncharacteristically scared Nagisa sounds.
  Nagisa: I can see 'em - every Haru! He was right! There's so many!
  Makoto: Nagisa, go lay down.
  Nagisa: Okay.
  • From the same bonus #6:
  Gou: My brother is a swimming prodigy. I guess you could say he's a Super High School Level...
  Makoto: Don't.
  • "Are't you that kid who was drinking a can of Raid through a bendy straw?"
• Bonus #8 gives us this little gem of unused dialogue regarding Rei:
  Haru: Yeah, I've seen that guy before. Cats go into his house, but, I don't see cats come out of his house.
  • One of the unused lines for what goes through Haru's head when he swims:
  Haru #1: You could start by running up the Temple staircase, into THE CRYPT! Grab the book from the skeletons, and pass into The Pit of the Pendulum!-

  • The other one is just as good.

  Haru #1: Soooome-BODY once told me--
• Pretty much any time Haru sings is a guaranteed laugh.

  Haru: (in a raspy voice) Look at this photograph!-

• This exchange after Thugisa notices Rei:
  Nagisa: Aw, yeah, work dem legs!
  Girl #1: Oh my god, is that a GUN in his pocket?
  Girl #2: I don't think that's a gun...
• Octopimp forgets to make a video for Rin's birthday. What does he do to make up for it? In one of the bonus materials, there is a clip of Rin, alone on his bed, blubbering out "Happy Birthday" to himself. Also counts as a bit of a Tear Jerker.
• Bonus 7 has Sparky (as Haru) saying 'put that the *bleep* in' before it gets replaced by random muffled mumbling sounds, after which they complain their pop filter tastes like dust.
  • Another one features Sparky threatening to throw their phone into the Sun for going off while they records their lines.
• The birthday vid for Nagisa. Just... All of it. Makoto picks up his phone and sees he has 17 messages from Nagisa from the previous night. Apparently, Nagisa, Haru, and Rei were going to an Iggy Azalea concert for Nagisa's birthday and, as expected, things quickly got out of hand, as the last message clearly indicates:
  Nagisa: Oh my God, is he dead?! Why did you put him in the car?!
  Rei: He's Seijuurou's little brother, you idiot! Just keep driving to the hospital!
  Haru (his usual deadpan): Nagisa, when are we getting to Chuck E. Cheese?
  Nagisa: HARU, SHUT UP! MAKOTO! Please pick up the phone! We are in so much trouble! The Iggy Azalea show went south, so we decided to make our own fun! Oh man, oh man! PICK UP YOUR STUPID PHONE! Makoto, go to my house, open the third desk drawer, and burn everything inside! But hold your breath while you do it! Use that stupid t-shirt you got me to help with the fire! You have to do this, Makoto!
  Rei: NAGISA! Eyes on the road!
  Haru (still deadpan): Truck.
  All three of them scream (Haru deadpan, again) and the message ends.
  Makoto (disappointed): He never invites me to his birthday party.
• Bonus 10 has a scene that was sadly cut from episode 11, featuring the punchline to the Demon!Haru Running Gag from epiode 10.
  Nagisa: He [Rei] can do everything but swim. Like the opposite of Haru. Nega-Haru!
  Haru: The sunken depths of the screeching horde-
  Makoto: Cut it out! He's had enough!
  Rei: I KNEW YOU PEOPLE KNEW HE COULD DO THAT!
  • And this exchange from the same video:
  Rei: Minus that hour I had to calm down Nagisa after his PCP high.
  Nagisa: I thought I was Zeus! ...I was Zeus.
• Haru's bithday video has his personalities wondering if he's a sleeper agent, before realizing that they're not asleep and panic.
  Haru 1: What do we do?
  Haru 2: I do- I don't know!
  Haru 1: WHAT DO WE DO?!
  Haru: (out loud) I must kill the king of Japan.
  Makoto: No, Haru, COME BACK HERE!
• From Bonus 11, "Excuse me, I am trying to scream my feelings into your mouth! AAAAAAAA-
• From 4/20 2016, the Iwatobi team has run out of weed. Their resulting call to Easter Dave describes many a Noodle Incident.
  Nagisa: Ugh, voicemail. Hey, hey, Easter Dave, in honor of the holiday, we all went a little overboard.
  Rei: You went overboard.
  Nagisa: I allegedly went overboard, and we're smoking resin right now. Get back to me ASAP because Gou is jonesing something bad.
  K/Gou: I wanted to get f*seagull noise*ked up tonight, and frankly, you're ruining everything!
  Nagisa: Whoa, you are zero percent chill right now. Anyway, get back to me when you can, peace out.
  Rei: Also, I'm not taking care of your raccoon again!
  • They then pass the time by tricking Makoto into smoking a bag of oregano.
  Haru 1: Why does he smell like oregano?
  Haru 2: He was probably cooking. Makoto likes to do that.
  Haru 3: (amused) Or baking, am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Haru, am I right?
  Multiple Harus: Shut up.