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The Reason You Suck Speech / Comic Books

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  • The Avengers: When Chris Claremont undid the hideous damage done to Carol Danvers in Avengers #200, he has her deliver a furious What the Hell, Hero? to the Avengers for allowing her to be taken away and brainwashed after she'd been raped and impregnated with her rapist.
    Carol: I turned to you for help, and I got jokes. The Wasp thought it was great and the Beast offered to play teddy bear. Your concerns were for the baby, not for how it came to be — nor of the cost to me of that conception. You took everything Marcus said at face value. You didn't question, you didn't doubt. You simply let me go with a wave and a bouncy bon voyage. That was your mistake for which I paid the price. My mistake was trusting you.
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  • In Avengers vs. X-Men #0, The Vision delivers one to the Scarlet Witch, when even he can't overlook her actions anymore
    Vision: I have empathy for all your life struggles. And I have empathy for the manipulations that you may have endured. But what I do not have compassion or understanding for is the idea that, when you were at your lowest, you chose out of the millions of choices and variables in front of you...You chose to overpower me and use my body as a weapon against my friends and my home. That I cannot forgive.
  • In Avengers: The Initiative #3, when Komodo has Spider-Man pinned down with a device to remove his powers just ready to stick into him and Spidey cracks a joke about the situation, Komodo doesn't expect that her snide retort is going to lead to a full-scale demolition of her in response:
    Komodo: Always with the jokes, huh?
    Spider-Man: Fine. You want me to be serious? I can do serious. You've already lost.
    Komodo: No way. I've only got to prick you once, and-
    Spider-Man: Not gonna happen. You know why? Because I'm Spider-Man. And you're a dollar store version of the Lizard. See, I beat down guys like Doc Ock, Sandman and Venom all the time. And you're just not in their league. Oh, I'm going to win. And after you've crawled back home with your tail between your legs, you know what happens then? Then your buddies are going to stick one of those things into you!
    Komodo: What? No...
    Spider-Man: Ah — you blinked. [He punches her so hard it sends her flying] Game to Spidey.
    • Komodo finds this speech so bad that once he's escaped she's later found by War Machine crying inconsolably and begging not to be depowered. Spider-Man thought Komodo was given her powers by the government. In fact, Komodo's powers were the result of months of research following years of study, and allowed her to regrow legs she lost in a car accident so severe it took paramedics two hours to cut her out of the wreck. The threat hit harder and deeper than Spidey probably intended.
  • Wolverine gives the X-Men, including himself, one in AvX Consequences #1 by admitting that they totally failed in keeping Xavier's dream alive and that he died without seeing that dream come true.
    • Followed an issue later by Cyclops now incarcerated for his actions during the event giving one to Logan because it was all his fault all this happened the way it did, and he nearly destroyed the Earth by attempting to kill Hope Summers.
  • In Batgirl (Rebirth), Batgirl berates Kai for putting deliberately in danger the girl he claims to love:
    Batgirl: I'll get it back— on one condition. Leave Barbara alone. You put her in danger, and I can't tolerate that.
    Kai: What?! But nothing happened to her! Nothing ever happens to her! There's always someone to protect her—
    Batgirl: You used her to keep yourself safe. You used me. And who's protecting Barbara while I'm protecting you?
  • In Batman Eternal Jason Bard lost his partner/lover to a Batman wannabe ruining a drug bust. Now, after working with Hush to become Gotham's police commissioner, Bard sets a trap that smashes up the Batmobile. He's delighted...until he sees the cops on the roof glaring at him in disgust and then walking away.
    Bard: You don't understand, Harvey.
    Harvey Bullock: Guys like you? I don't want to understand.
    • Of course, Batman survives and Bard tries to give him a speech on the damage Batman does...only to have it flipped right back on him.
    Bard: You go out there and you don't see the effect you have on the world. I see it! I've lived it. There wasn't a single life lost tonight because of what I—-
    Batman: Three stabbings. Eight shootings. A young woman was beaten to death by a mugger six blocks away from here. The officers you assigned to this foolish display of force are just getting the calls now. Far too late for you to do anything!
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  • Tom Noir gives one to John Horus, the superhero who killed the U.S. president, at the end of Black Summer:
    Tom Noir: You want to change the nature of justice in America and you kill a president? What did you think that made you? Two-fisted Super-Jesus for the American Way? It made you Lee Harvey Oswald, you prick. You know what? Lots of people hated John F. Kennedy. He barely got elected. But Lee Harvey Oswald isn't remembered as an American hero. Just a prick with a gun who killed the president. That's you now, John.
  • Delivered to Ted Kord by many other superheroes in the lead up to Infinite Crisis, including Superman and Martian Manhunter. It makes you wonder how pathetic a hero has to be before Superman decides to give him one of these. And how horrific it must have been when everyone discovered he was the Only Sane Man and had in fact figured out the entire OMAC conspiracy... getting a bullet to the head for his troubles.
    • At least Booster was able to give a nice, short speech to Batman that summed up not only Batman's greatest flaw but one of the fans' biggest complaints about Bat-God.
      Booster: (after Superman claims Batman will be punished) No he won't... he'd have to admit he was wrong first.
  • In Cerebus the title character gets this from his own creator. Cerebus has had much of his life explained to him, and given several possible futures for the remaining 100 issues of the 300-issue series. None of them work out, and when Dave Sim narrates how Cerebus' inner nature remains, his ignorance, his insensitivity, his self-absorption, his— Cerebus interrupts with a "shut up." "Shut up? Ah, no. No, my obnoxious little grey creation" and proceeds to use the comic book medium to beat the hell out of Cerebus, telling him "You shut up and you fucking listen for once in your fucking life!!!"
    • Several issues, Cerebus hears much the same thing from Bear, one of his closest friends and idols. Funny thing, Cerebus dies in #300, still not having learned very much.
  • Jack Chick tracts have these from time to time. Of course, given these are Chick Tracts, whether you'll actually care is... debatable.
    • In "Four Angels?", Henry gives his brother Charlie one. He visits Charlie after dinner, saying that he can't eat with a fornicator. Charlie and his brothers protest that Charlie is a man of God.
    Charlie: Too good to join us for dinner?
    Henry: No, Charlie. The Word of God says "If any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, with such an one no not to eat."
    Charlie: How dare you? I'm a man of God!
    Henry: (angrily) No, you're not Charlie. God says "Woe be unto the pastors who destroy... the sheep of my pasture!" "Cursed be he who doeth the work of the Lord deceitfully!"
    Frank: Shut up, Henry. Both Bobby and I really respect Charles. Everyone says he's wonderful.
    Charlie: (smugly) What do you say to that, Little Henry?
    Henry: The Word says, "But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sins..." (shouting) You snake! You've trampled the blood of Jesus underfoot by your wicked life. Woe unto you, Charlie. You've become a friend of the world and an enemy of God.
    Bobby: Henry, are you saying Charlie is on his way to Hell?
    • In "The Letter," Mildred gets a lengthy one from her friend Frances, for not telling her about the gospel
    We walked by day and night, and yet you showed me not the light.
    You let me live, love and die, and all the while you knew I'd never live on high.
    Yes, I called you friend in life, and I trusted you in joy and strife...
    and yet, in coming to this end, I see you really weren't my friend.
    • A jail guard gives one to Bad Bob and his cousin after Bad Bob fiercely rebuffs an attempt to witness to him, albeit by a young man the guard doesn't fully agree with.
    "If two guys ever deserved hell, it's you two. You didn't have to destroy that kid the way you did. He might be a little off base, but he's sincere. I'm a Christian... and let me tell you, that kid's got more guts than the two of together. Anyone can be rebellious and crude like you guys. But it takes real guts to stand up for God like that kid did. He cared about you and wanted to help you. But you are too blind to see it. Whether you know it or not, we all deserve to burn in hell. But God in His mercy sent His only begotten son to shed His precious blood and die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. But you two have spit in God's face and rejected His gift of eternal life, so both of you are on your way to the lake of fire."
  • In Convergence: Speed Force #2, Wally delivers this to Flashpoint Wonder Woman after trying in vain to reason with her. Diana promises that he and his son will die and his daughter will serve in her army. He tells her that she is the worst version of Diana in any universe and that she does not really know what love is. Wally defeats her with help of his kids.
  • Daken and X-23 take turns delivering this to each other during their rampage through Colcord's base. Daken tries to call her out on her empathy for others, believing that her skills as a killer make her better than everyone around her, and that her heart only forces her to hold back. Laura flatly tells him that she doesn't fight because she has something to prove, but for something bigger than herself. She then turns this around on him, asking why he holds back by not taking the risk of allowing himself to actually care for anyone. Daken doesn't really have an answer.
  • The Guardian Devil storyline in Daredevil. Mysterio, after learning he's dying, launches an Evil Plan to ruin Daredevil's life and goad him into killing Mysterio. Daredevil beats him down, and then verbally tears the plan and Mysterio to pieces.
    Mysterio: D... Do it, hero... K... Kill me.
    Daredevil: I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. You think you can break me? You're a joke and a fraud. Now give me the baby and let's end this.
    Mysterio: A... fraud?! I'm... an artist! I n... nearly drove you... insane!
    Daredevil: You drugged me and killed people. There's no talent in that... just savagery.
    Mysterio: B... but... my dystopian nightmare...
    Daredevil: ...Was nothing more than B-Movie material. An amalgam of whorish, clichéd devices. The supernatural intruding on our world? Didn't you use the same schtick on J. Jonah Jameson years ago? And trying to drive me insane? Kingpin nearly did it once. But you're no Kingpin. You're not even close. You think you've spun some sort of grand swan-song epic? Think again. You've just told yet another tale of a so-called super-genius endeavoring to drive his arch-nemesis... or, in this case, his adopted arch-nemesis... insane. Your whole existence is counterfeit. You've never had an original thought in your life. You're a product of too many movies and too much T.V. Regurgitating only what's gone before. You're a Human Xerox, at best.
    • Beck then admits that he has one more idea to steal: Kraven's, and shoots himself in the head.
  • Daredevil delivers another one in Daredevil #10 to Rachel Cole (as well as anyone who believes that True Art Is Angsty).
    Cole: You know what gives me the strength? The loss. We're alike that way, I imagine. Admit it: Nobody who's a stranger to that particular pain could ever be as driven as us.
    Daredevil: Never - [throws his staff at her face, purposefully missing it by mere millimeters] - don't you ever say that to me ever again. That is a repellent statement. It's a vomitous insult to every cop - every fireman - every soldier alive who steps up to fight for those who can't! I am sorry for your loss! But if you genuinely believe that only the death of a loved one can motivate a human being to take up a cause... then get your pathetic, cynical ass out of my way so I can do my job!
  • Deadpool delivers a short, yet effective one before offing The Punisher by making him shoot himself in the head with one of Puppet Master's dolls in Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe.
    Deadpool: Today...after years of being a hard-ass killer of criminals...i got pwned by a cabbagehead doll. Thanks for nothing, righteous fury and vengeance. BANG!
    Deadpool: So you know you're in a comic book. Your own comic book, even. And you think that gives you special protection. What? Because you're popular? Well, I've never heard of you. Your name is Gwen? I guarantee anyone who doesn't read this thinks you're Gwen Stacy. Do you know who’s heard of me?! EVERYONE. I have had hundreds of issues. I don’t KNOW how many series. I guest-appear EVERYWHERE. Comics. Video games. TV shows. AND SO MUCH MERCHANDISE. And never forget, the Highest-Grossing R-Rated Film of all time. You, however, first appeared as a Backup in “Howard the Duck”. Because they weren’t sure if anyone would like you. You are the last person who can kill me.
    • He gets one delivered to him in chapter 34, the Secret Empire tie-in. After Preston finds out he killed Coulson, she beats him mercilessly, telling him he's weak-minded and because of it, she'd been thinking of a way to kill him for a while since nothing is scarier than being attacked by an unkillable puppet. Hearing this, Deadpool concludes that he made a mistake ever trying to be good because people only want him for Dirty Business.
    • Deadpool also gives a blistering one to a renegade SHIELD agent, who been in the vicinity of one of Deadpool's battles with another super early in her career, and was left permanently wheelchair-bound, and swore revenge on Deadpool for it. When her plan had culminated and Deadpool was in her trap and completely at her mercy, she revealed herself to him and explained the reason why she wanted to kill him. Deadpool then proceeds to lay into her. He tells her she probably wanted to be a SHIELD agent since she was a kid, the recruiters promised her adventure and excitement, she worked hard to qualify and was thrilled when she made it...but being a SHIELD agent is no different than being a firefighter or a soldier or a police officer. While he's sorry about what happened to her and never intended for it to happen, the job comes with risks and one of those risks is getting seriously injured or killed, especially when that job means being around metahuman battles. She's got no business bitching about it. Upon hearing all this, the woman is clearly shattered, shuts off the deathtrap Wilson is in, and leaves.
    Deadpool: Crap, lady. Pull your head out of your ass.
  • The Shadow is quite prone to giving them out to his enemies prior to dispatching them. Case in point, the "My City" poem from In The Coils of Leviathan
    Without the spur of retribution your crime becomes mundane, your evil intent an uncontrolled inconsideration gliding toward the salavic pool of insipid casual pastime—a sort of breathing puppet gesture with no effort of personal involvement—while you cry that you are owed a living by the World. The Crime of your crime becomes insult in addition to injury; the unasked question I take as mine to answer.
    Isn't your hand the hand that moves against the rewards of Humanity with a self-love inspired single-mindedness...isn't it your boast that you search not for shadowed anonymity in the lee of brighter personalities, but a well-lit corridor of focused admiration, a tube of consent to siphon the praise of one's imagined betters? Your foot feels for the top step and I take it from you fall through the night my laughter follows...I will laugh behind you for the ones you gracelessly pillaged of their belief in hope. I will point and mock behind you for the ones who lost their ability to justify your life: they were to be your last escape. I will be there by the wall, in the corner of your laughter, in the hollow of your comfort, in the tide of your love-making. To say to you thou shalt not sleep but to dream of me; thou shalt not wake but to see my figure leaning across the path of your life; I will deny you the joys of a life earned at the expense of the still will never again smile in amusement without the crinkled eyelid of doubt.
    I will haunt you as the chosen focus you longed to be. How often have you held out your bruised subjects for the hoped-for off-stage applause of an imagined presence: a Mastermind, a Potent Force, casting in your own truncated self-image some Lord of Crime, mailed fist holding all the cords of Award and Despair. It was he who would turn his eye from the Banquet at your catalogue of infliction to dispense the rewards you believed yourself to have earned in imitation of this Figment, this Icon, this Power. You stretched beyond your full height in grateful anticipation, not expecting to find me standing across the laden table. When you courted the notoriety you saw as laurel, you could not guess who'd spread the table and polished the proffered crown, holding it just out of your reach above the pit of undulations, the pit of lamentation, the eternal falling dream of not daring to open your eyes...
    Cry out that you are not the only one to blame: is this the excuse you offer to the blameless who now blame you? Cry out that you are sorry and the repetition will only paper the blank wall of dread around you with the accusing epitaph of sorrow you caused into being by the wake of your passage through these other's lives. Cry out in anger, in petulance, in blind fury, rage and will only echo back in fugued octaves of your fear.
    Would you tell me now of your self-loathing, your bile, your illness of spirit and substance, of your inner betrayal, your inner affliction? As if I didn't know?
    Would you tell me now, at long last, of your Repentance?
    In my laughter you will hear my final judgement:
    Tell it to the Worms.
  • In Don Rosa's story The Treasury of Croesus, Donald Duck calls out both his Uncle Scrooge and Magica de Spell for their greed.
    Donald: I've had a bellyful of both you eternal fools! Year in, year out, you bring grief on yourselves all for the sake of getting rich, staying rich, or getting richer still! You'll never be happy, because you always worry about what you'll do next to complicate your own greedy lives!
  • X-51 does this to The Watcher in Earth X, telling Uatu that his inaction, his refusal to help despite constantly witnessing suffering on a global scale, that was true evil.
  • Fantastic Four Issue 549 (October 2007): Sue Richards puts the Wizard in his place, culminating 45 years of taking levels in badass.
    Sue Richards: You're pathetic. One of the best minds on the planet and you waste it for years, doing magic tricks — then trying to best a man who'd never really harm you, despite your endless provocation. But that's the difference between my husband and me. He doesn't understand revenge. Me? I can't decide which of the many ways I can hurt you I'm going to use.
    • Before that issue, Sue took Doctor Doom down in equally epic fashion in Grant Morrison's Fantastic Four: 1234 issue 4 (January 2002);
      Sue Richards: Oh shut up and listen to someone else for once! Stop talking in that ridiculous way! What's your problem, Victor? What have we ever actually done to you to deserve this stupid waste of everyone's time? Are you listening to me? Sitting there with your stupid machines and your childish jealousy, when you should be curing cancer or taking your people to the stars! What's the point of talking to you? Would you like me to explain this in a language you understand? Try anything like this ever again and I'll put a thousand force field bubbles inside that mighty brain of yours and burst it from the inside. Toys. Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • In the original G.I. Joe comic, Cobra Commander hands one of these to Serpentor after straight-up kicking his ass, claiming the reason he lost was because out of all the DNA of all the great conquerors he's made up of, he's missing the DNA of the greatest one of them all, Cobra Commander's! Also counts as a Badass Boast on CC's part.
  • In Green Lantern: Rebirth John Stewart gave one to Batman after the latter, who had up to that point in the story had been drawn completely in shadow, badmouths Hal one too many times.
    John Stewart: I'm tired of this. I'm tired of the disrespect Batman slings Hal's way. You've always had a thing against him, haven't you? And I finally see why. (illuminating Batman with his ring, revealing his true appearance - a man in a costume) Hal is the one person in the world that didn't buy what you're selling. Hal was the man without fear. And what is "the Batman" when you're not afraid of him? Just a man.
  • In Incorruptible #20, Hayes Bellamy delivers one to Max Damage while torturing him. He ends his speech with one Armor-Piercing Question:
    Bellamy: Have you really made a difference for even one person?
    • After Max's former sidekick Jailbait comes to the rescue and kills Bellamy before leaving for parts unknown, Max has an answer:
      Max: That's one, Bellamy. There'll be more.
  • A Villain to Villain example happened in Marvel when the Cobra decided to break up his partnership with Mr. Hyde, after deciding that Hyde was the reason the two kept losing to heroes. When the Cobra escapes from Riker's Island, he refuses to bring Hyde along, despite Hyde's pleas. Cobra told his soon-to-be former partner off thus:
    Cobra: Every time I've teamed with you, we've both had our heads handed to us! Well, never again! You may consider our partnership dissolved, Hyde.
    • This would come back to bite him. The Cobra and Mister Hyde were, up to that point, one of the longest villain partnerships in Marvel, but due to Hyde's insanity, the Cobra always had to watch his back. From this point on, the two would be mortal enemies.
  • In one issue of Marvel Adventures, Thing delivers a calm but hard hitting one to the Molecule Man, who's possessing the body of a little girl:
    Molecule Man: See? Everyone will answer to me because I have real power! The world's never seen anyone like me before!
    Thing: Actually punk, I've seen plenty like you before. Yer just like some prank phone caller or Internet troll. You'll say and do anything as long as no one can see ya. Sure, ya got a lotta power, but that ain't what matters. You got a problem with people? Then you get out and tell 'em to their faces, instead of attacking from a hiding place. No one respects power trips or bribes. Standin' by what ya say—that's where ya get respect.
  • In issue #4 of Mega Man, Wily tries giving one to Mega Man. It doesn't faze him.
    Wily: "Handle" me? You can't handle me! You're a helper robot, Rock! You hand tools to competent people! You're no great warrior! You're a janitor! A gofer! A lackey! I could've stolen you with the rest of the Robot Masters, but I didn't. And do you know why? You weren't worth the effort! So why don't you stop hiding so I can vaporize you and save you any further embarrassment?
    Mega Man: I'm not embarrassed, Dr. Wily. I have a creator who cares for me and does all he can to support me. I have a sister who loves me and forgave me for being stupid. You had to steal all Dr. Light's robots to get attention. Even though you reprogrammed them, you couldn't stop a "lackey" like me. So which of us should really be embarrassed, Doctor Wily?
  • In My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (IDW) the mane cast gives one to Queen Chrysalis about how she knows nothing about friendship, love or fashion.
  • In Joss Whedon's arc of Runaways, Nico delivers one of these to both the heroes and villains of old New York, pointing out how their constant conflict and hard-headedness only brings chaos and puts the innocent in the crossfire, mainly the children. They continue fighting anyways, this being the Marvel Universe and all.
  • Charlie Brown gives one in Peanuts, at the end of a week of strips where Lucy has spent the whole week trying to get the kids in the neighborhood to call her "Cutie". CB finally loses his temper:
    Charlie Brown: You want someone to call you 'cutie?' Ha! That's a laugh! You've never acted cute in your whole life. You're crabby, you're bossy and you're inconsiderate! You're just about as 'uncute' as a person can get!
    Lucy: I'm an "uncutie!"
  • Morpheus delivers a classic one to the Corinthian, whom he created to be a revelatory nightmare, but who has settled for being a superpowered Serial Killer. Then he melts the Corinthian down and starts over.
    • ...and then proceeds to give one to an audience composed of serial killers (they're having a convention), and takes away their dreams of importance, making them see how small and insignificant they are in the scheme of things.
  • In Secret Wars, one of Doctor Doom's experiments gives superhuman strength and resilience to a timid woman who'd been bullied as a child, and she promptly resolves to treat anyone weaker than herself (which is just about everyone now) just as badly as she'd been treated, becoming the supervillain Titania. During a major battle, she ends up going one-on-one with Spider-Man, ranting about how she used to be weak, but now "I'll crush anybody who gets in my way, especially miserable little wimps like you!" Until she discovers that she can't lay a glove on the weaker but much faster and more experienced wallcrawler...
    Titania: (Swinging and missing) When I get you I'll — (gets punched in the face) Aggh!
    Spider-Man: All you're going to get is frustrated ... and eventually thrashed!
    Titania: No! It's not fair! (gets a two-fisted punch from above) UHH!
    Spider-Man: But if we were fighting in a broom closet, that'd be fair right?
    Titania: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
    Spider-Man: (Bouncing off a wall to grab her by the leg) You ought to be happy, Cuddles! You aspired to be a bully, and man, you're a classic! (Throwing her through a wall to end the fight) You talk tough and nasty when you've got the upper hand, but when you're losing, well, that's when the whining little whimp-ette inside comes spilling out!
  • In issue #175 of Archie Comics' Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Eggman lays down a brutal one, along with an epic beatdown, on Sonic.
    I'm surprised you retain your confidence after so many failures, or did you forget what happened to Tommy Turtle and Sir Connery? You never deroboticized your friends and family. And your father is still a robot! Or how about your love-life, eh? Sally, Mina, even Fiona! So... How come you're all alone? [...] I want our last game to have some merit. [...] You thought your pithy resistance actually had some kind of toe-hold against my empire? The world fell to me so quickly, so easily, that I was left with nothing to do! I allowed you Freedom Fighters to exist so that I might entertain myself! I will concede that you all have won my war game more times then not, but so what? Is Mobius any more free now than it was years ago? [...] Hahaha! Oh, your futile actions amuse me so! You'll never win this battle, Sonic, you can't! You were finished before the Egg Fleet even began bombardment. This battle suit is specifically designed to match and outclass your speed and strength! [...] Like I said, Sonic... You're outmatched, outclassed... you're not fast enough... you're not strong enough... and you certainly aren't smart enough to defeat me. [...] I'm not playing with you, rodent. Run— Run all over the world and try to start a new Freedom Fighter group. You will find no one. So run — For the rest of your life — and never escape the humiliation of today.
    • In a rare heroic example of the trope, Sonic fires one back in issue #200.
      Sonic: Impressive resume, Doc. You missed a couple of key points, though. Like how a group of kids with no real training took back that city. And you croaked, more or less.
      Dr. Eggman: I came back! I took the city back!
      Sonic: Yeah, what... for a month? Tops? And then you goofed and let the whole thing get nuked by missiles! And now the slag powers New Mobotropolis, so thanks for that!
      Dr. Eggman: Shut up!
      Sonic: And about that empire of yours... you know about all the places you don't control, right?
      Dr. Eggman: Trifles! Specks on the windshield!
      Sonic: Hahaha! In denial, Doc? The United Federation alone has at least a half-dozen city-states in it! And then there's all the Freedom Fighter groups fighting you all over the world every day. And you aren't too popular in the regions that you DO outright control. You can't really claim to "control" the planet when you're fighting for it your every waking hour! Sure, you beat me fair and square not long ago. I'll give you props for that. But how many badniks have I stomped? How many times have I sent you packing? I've beaten you before, Eggman. A lot. And I'll do it again.
    • ...and then he rubs more salt in the wound by picking up the fallen dictator's spectacles, and kneeling beside him, saying, "I'll be content with "Nyah nyah" and "I win."
      • ...and immediately comes to regret it after seeing the aftermath. Though it was foreshadowed that this would have happened, speech or no speech, Sonic goes on to muse that things "went too far" in the next issue.
      • Following this turn of events, Snively takes his uncle's place and stuffs Eggman, now a gibbering wreck, into a cell, gleefully handing one of these any spare time he has. This turns on him when Eggman regains his composure. When Snively continues to insult from outside his cell, having now made an alligence with the Iron Queen and fallen in love with her, Eggman laughs at him and hands it back, reducing him to a sobbing wreck.
      Snively: I have everything I want now, Uncle. I have power, I have authority, and I've found love. Love you fat fool. Why would I want to go back to being your toady? Sonic's been chased out of the city, I'm with Regina and I've never been happier. Why on Mobius would I want that to change?
      Eggman: GWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Regina? Regina Ferrum? The Iron Queen?
      Snively: Y-yes, we're in love.
      Eggman: Ha-ha-ha. You deluded little twerp. She doesn't love you. She's a manipulator. She played you for a sap, and you? You CAN'T love! The only person you care about is you. You'll save yourself before even thinking about her. She's just a stepping stone for you, only you've fooled yourself into thinking otherwise.
      Snively: N-no! Y-you're wrong! Our love is real, and you can stay here and rot!
      Eggman: (Evil Laugh) You'll be back Snively! You'll be back!
    • Issue #192 has Jules delivering one to Scourge that actually sends him away in tears.
      Jules: I want you to understand I will do whatever it takes to keep my son safe.
      Scourge: Cute. Trying to prove you're not afraid of me?
      Jules: What's to be afraid of? This world is filled with heroic beings that fight a single great evil. That tells me that your world is full of cowards, each doing their part to ruin their world. That's why you don't scare me — because I know, at your core, that you're a coward, too.
      Scourge: Coward? I conquered a planet on my own!
      Jules: You brought a different brand of ruination.
      Scourge: Try again, pops. On my world, we had a time called "The Great Peace". My dad was part of that. Brought everyone together in one big group hug. Ten years later, everything had stagnated and fallen apart. I didn't ruin the world. I woke it up!
      Scourge: Not really anarchy since everyone bows to me. Since you seem so hung up on correlations, how do you like this one: Sonic's dad isn't really a Mobian anymore. My dad simply isn't.
      Jules: Are you trying to shock me? Intimidate me? That falls short when the world-conquering "king" has to sneak in during the middle of the night to get a leg up on my boy.
      Scourge: Sonic's good at smashing bots. Wanna see what I can do?
      Jules: I am not your father. I was on the front lines of the Great War. I won't go quietly. And while you may not care about the loss of your Jules, I'm certain my son will be very upset. Do you want that on your head too?
      Scourge: (starts to tear up and leaves) Just a bunch of empty words. You're no different from my old man after all.
    • Come 4 issues later where Sonic delivers a bit of his own to Scourge after tricking him into depowering.
      Scourge: Cheated... me... I'm... King... Conquered... This whole planet... You're... nothing...
      Sonic: (swats the crown off of Scourge's head, shattering it completely) You're a bully and that's it. You take the easy, nasty way out and get the quick reward. Big whoop. I do things the right way. I help others to make something bigger and better than just mean. The good guys always win in the long run. And there isn't anybody who can run longer or better than I can.
    • Issue 235 has Sonic handing out a scathing one to Silver, after the former is fed up with the latter's Inspector Javert tendencies. For emphasis, Sonic delivers it by first smashing Silver through a wall, and nearly spin-dashing him to oblivion.
    Sonic: Listen! There. Is. No Traitor. I believe in my friends. I believe you're a flake. Each one of them is a hundred times the hero you want to be. Now. Get. Out. Go. Home. Get out of my sight.
    • Issue 240 has Ixis Nagaus given three in a row. The first is by Mina Mongoose's mother, who decides that NICOLE should return from her exile, pointing out that former Mobian Council member Rotor's team protected New Mobotropolis than he ever did after he took up the throne and ousted Elias. The second comes from Alicia Acorn, who ends up driving him away when Ixis attempts to tempt Max Acorn so he can take over his body. The last comes from Sonic's parents who prove that they were some of the few people who question why they'd trust a man who'd spent most of his time fighting their kids.
    • E-123 Omega gives one to E-102 Gamma in Sonic Universe #3 whilst on a mission to find and destroy his older counterpart — calling him obsolete compared to himself and daring to try and harm him. In response, Gamma delivers a speech of his own in cold monotone as he counters the argument, punctuating it by knocking the walking arsenal onto his metallic backside with a few well-placed shots.
    Omega: Surrender, brother. Do not embarrass yourself further. A single one of my shots would tear through that old armor of yours. I detect smoke. Is that your grav-linked jet disc? Pathetic. You would not get far with it, even if it were in perfect condition. You are outdated, brother. Slower, weaker. You cannot outrun me... and that pitiful gun of yours cannot harm me.
    Gamma: E-123, codename Omega. The last of my line. I downloaded your file. Your armor is heavy — but so are you. Your speed is great — but you're unwieldy. Your jets are stronger — but you're louder. I do not have such limitations. I am nimble. I cover ground more easily. As for weaponry...
    (takes three precise shots at Omega, downing him) You are a walking arsenal. I am an assassin.
  • Supergirl:
    • In Red Daughter of Krypton Superman gives one to his cousin after Supergirl went off on him, pointing out that she's clung to her anger for so long that she can't get rid of it now, and she always pushes him away even though she constantly complains that she's alone:
      Superman: You know what, Kara? Ever since you showed up on Earth, you've been trying to get me to do one thing — leave you alone to let you live your own life. You've been so focused on just being angry — yes, you lost your home, and that's terrible, but you can't bring it back.
      Supergirl: What are you saying?
      Superman: You've been choosing anger instead of acceptance for so long that you've become anger. You want to be your own person? Good. Be your own person. I just hope you like who you turn out to be.
    • Elseworld's Finest: Supergirl & Batgirl: Supergirl gave a short and blunt speech to Batgirl after the latter insulted her family and her idealistic mindset:
      Supergirl: They mean the world to me: Lex... my family...
      Batgirl: Spare me! The Society's not a family. It's the gods of Olympus looking down on the little people below. You have no clue what real life is!
      Supergirl: And you do? Living like a worm underground?
    • In The Hunt for Reactron, Lois Lane gives Catherine Grant a very scathing -and very right- speech, accusing her from having become a war-mongering tool.
    Lois Lane: Are you even a reporter, Cat? Don't you have a shred of integrity? Or is pandering with lies and innuendo just that much easier for you? This isn't journalism! It's PROPAGANDA! And that makes you a tool. How you can stand to look at yourself in the mirror, Cat?
  • Superman:
    • Superman delivers one of these to Lana Lang after she detonated a thousand kryptonite bombs around the world, an action that nearly made the planet uninhabitable not only to Superman, but to anyone with Kryptonian DNA, including Power Girl, Supergirl, Superboy, and Krypto. After the radioactive mess is cleaned up, Supes has a chat with Lana.
      Superman: You might wonder sometimes — I know I have — what life would have been like had we... had you and I... Had it been you instead of Lois. And you might have wondered why it wasn't you instead of Lois... Lois would never have pushed that button.
    • In Superman: Up, Up and Away!, Superman gives one to Lex Luthor.
      Superman: You've always claimed you could make this world a paradise if I weren't around to stop you. You had a year without me around. What have you done?
    • In Krypton No More, Superman gives the speech to a corrupt businessman who is more concerned with making a profit than his employees' health:
      Superman: Hold it! Men are dying, Kalmbach — getting cancer from working in your vats — and you say that risk is acceptable? NO! People like you are destroying this planet, killing its people, ruining its future — and for WHAT? Profit — Greed — and some sick illusion called "Progress"!
    • In War World, Martian Manhunter chews Superman out for being too arrogant and impulsive.
      Superman: Forgive me, J'onn... Looks like I failed you!
      Martian Manhunter: No, not me, Superman —It's the entire universe that will have to pay the price of your failure! I warned you that you were dealing with forces beyond your comprehension — but you were just too overconfident — too egotistical — to listen!
    • The Supergirl from Krypton: Superman gives Darkseid one of these:
      Superman: Of course, none of what I've said has any meaning to you. You only know death. A blackness that has brought you nothing.
      Darkseid: It has made me a god.
      Superman: No. It has made you vulnerable.
    • In Who Took The Super Out Of Superman
      • Morgan Edge tries to bully Clark Kent into compliance, but for once Clark isn't getting it:
        Morgan Edge: No backtalk, Kent! I call the shots around here and when I decide I need a man to do a report from Chile that man goes to Chile— hear me talking, Kent?
        Clark Kent: But, Mr.Edge, I...
        Morgan Edge: I don't care what you've got going next week—
        Clark Kent: But...
        Morgan Edge: I suggest you travel light!
        Clark Kent: Hold your flapping mouth, you barrel of overpriced lard! You might treat your other employees like cattle... But the cattle train stops right here!
      • Superman delivers one to Xviar after foiling his scheme to destroy Earth:
        Superman: The instant I defeated Amalak and Brainiac, you switched bodies with Amalak, knowing I would imprison him far from Earth... where your superiors would soon release you! Only they won't bother freeing a failure! You'll stay here... along with the real Amalak!
    • In Who Is Superwoman, the titular villain attempts to murder Supergirl after framing her for murder and finds she's bitten more than she can chew. Superwoman asks for mercy but she only gets an enraged retort in return:
      Supergirl: You're asking for mercy? Like Agent Liberty got?! Like poor Mister Henderson!? Like my father!? You don't deserve mercy, you deserve a beating!
  • In the Star Trek/Legion of Super-Heroes crossover, Kirk delivers one to Emperor Vandar the First- a version of Vandal Savage who has ruled Earth's empire since the Stone Age after he somehow captured and harnessed the power of Q; Vandar is convinced that his world has only come this far through his conquest of other races, but Kirk denounces him as nothing but a foolish caveman so caught up in his own belief that strength alone accomplishes anything that he never learned to think about the possibilities of tomorrow.
  • In the climax of the first arc of Thunderbolts, Moonstone finally stops her lying and manipulating by giving Baron Zemo a Punctuated Pounding complete with every reason why his scheme to Take Over the World is stupid, short-sighted, and egotistical - passing up a perfectly good opportunity to live in comfort as adored superheroes capable of pulling off years of subtler schemes.
    Moonstone: Let me explain something, Zemo. Let me tell you why I undermined your leadership at every turn. I've got a pretty simple philosophy of life. You want to hear it? It's this: Don't. Get. CAUGHT! Oh, I was stupid at first — I thought my powers made me invincible... so I ended up getting a record, getting caught. I was willing to ride it out, serve my sentence and start anew — but you press-ganged me into your scheme, and there went that. Still, it was a good scheme — posing as heroes — and we made it work. We had it all; public support, adulation - the perfect cover to pull any NUMBER of scams — and you went and blew it over just ONE! Who CARES about ruling the world?! Who wants to do that much WORK?! We could have run this con out for years before it got old! But no. You couldn't be smart — not when you could play Hitler like your idiot father!
    • During the team's first confrontation with Graviton, Moonstone manages to get him to leave by pointing out that, for all his powers, he doesn't have a clear goal beyond beating up heroes. This causes him to leave and think about finding a goal. In a later story arc, he comes back; having used his powers to create his own nation, Sky Island, where he reigns supreme in exchange of offering his subjects the ability to fly, allowing him to get whatever he wants. After defeating and capturing the Thunderbolts — with the intention to execute them — he has Moonstone brought before him, and essentially gloats about his success in her face, implying he might spare her if she becomes his. Moonstone's answer is to laugh in his face, while delivering another speech nearly as spectacular as the one she delivered to Zemo;
    Moonstone: You're kidding. I knew you were pathetic, but this is too much. I stung your ego before — so now you want validation? You want me to say you're a big, scary, powerful man? You're not. You're still floundering — which is why you've assembled this collection of clichés. With losers and hooligans to worship you — it's all you could think of!
  • Megatron does one of these in the climax of the first arc of the Dreamwave Transformers comic, punctuated by people in the battle zone acting like total bastards. Prime gets to answer with his own Shut Up, Hannibal! speech accompanied by people putting their best sides forward, and punctuated by a group of them dropping half a dozen trucks on Megatron's head to return the favor.
  • Spider-Man:
    • Superman vs. the Amazing Spider-Man: Jameson yells at Peter that he is a horrible employee, and Peter replies that Jameson is a terrible boss.
      Jameson: Do you know why I never gave you a vacation?
      Peter: No, Sir.
      Jameson: Because you're NOT hard-working -— NOT diligent -— AND there are TIMES, Peter old boy —- when I'm not even sure you're a photographer!
      Peter: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah! I've had it with you, Jameson! One minute you're Mr. Glad-Hand, the working boy's friend -— the next, you put the knife in! Well, maybe that's okay for the rest of your staff -— but it isn't for me! NOT ANYMORE! I'm through being stepped on! You want me, Jameson -— find me!
    • Turned around just before the beginning of the One More Day storyline in Amazing Spider-Man. Spidey breaks INTO jail to showdown with the Kingpin after he sent a sniper to kill him and hit Aunt May instead. Kingpin is all suited up and ready to fight when Spidey shows up back in the black costume. He proceeds to humiliate Kingpin in a fist fight in front of all the other inmates, pointing out that for all his influence and power, Spider-Man could crush him like an insect because while he's physically just an impressive specimen of normal humanity, Spider-Man is SUPERhuman.
    • Versus Fusion, who held Spidey responsible for the death of his son. Spidey delivers the first part of his speech after Fusion made him think he'd broken his neck.
      Spidey: Keep talking... maybe it'll drown out the sound of your own guilt.
      (later, after realizing Fusion's powers of persuasion) You're just a poor man's Mysterio, and I just got you figured out.
    • In Grim Hunt, when Spider-Man learns that all spider-based heroes are being hunted by the Kravinoffs, Peter is confronted by his clone, Kaine, who informs Peter that he literally has no chance at stopping the Kravinoffs' plan or saving their prisoners, and the only way for him to 'win' is to run away and leave the likes of Madame Webb, Mattie Franklin and Julia Carpenter to their fate. In response, Peter punches Kaine and delivers the following;
      Spidey: I know you've had a crappy life, and done bad things, I get it... but I never realized what a piece of garbage you were until this moment. How can you share my DNA and be so damn selfish? We've all been hurt! We've all suffered! But the real difference between us is that I never used it as a crutch. You call it "guilt"... I call it responsibility. And by God, even if it means walking into the lion's den and not coming out... I'm not going to stand by and let people die to save myself.
    • Spider-man points out to Angelo that even with the symbiote, he is still a pathetic loser.
      Spidey: You're a real disappointment, you know that, Angelo? A hundred million dollars on an alien suit and you're STILL a freakin' loser. Your dad must be proud.
    • In Superior Spider-Man, Otto Octavius (who's switched bodies with Spider-man) gives one of these to the ghostly version of Peter Parker dwelling in his subconscious. He says Peter doesn't deserve to be Spider-Man, because he's inefficient, childish, and pathetic; his moral code has led him to go easy on criminals like The Vulture and Massacre, who only go on to do increasingly terrible things. He also points out that Peter nearly stopped him from saving a girl's life because he was afraid of being found out by the technology SpOck was presumably going to acquire afterwards. Of course, as it later turns out, even Otto admits that he was wrong.
    • In Spider-Geddon, Spidey, after defeating Morlun for the fourth time after a long and hard fight, delivers one of these by pointing out that he should have killed him during their first encounter, but because he's so confident of his powers and his heritage, he charges in with no plan except "kill spiders" and that allows him to be overtaken.
    • In Amazing Spider-Man #289, Jason Macendale, the fourth Hobgoblin, received a devastating one from The Kingpin:
    Hobgoblin IV: Macendale is dead!
    Kingpin: That would be an insignificant loss. A pathetic little man who, when beaten by a superior foe, runs like a whipped puppy to someone else to get his dirty work done. Who then obtains the equipment of his deceased enemy, makes some useless modifications, and uses this power to dispatch hapless underlings. Whom are you trying to impress? Certainly not me.
  • Ultimate Spider-Man:
    • An early story arc subverts this hilariously. Spidey is face-to-face with the Kingpin, having taken what he needs to finally put the man in prison for murder. Being faced quietly with the first major criminal element he's seen in his short career, Peter takes out a piece of paper with a speech written specifically for the Kingpin.... The speech is a long series of You Are Fat jokes that send Kingpin into a fit of unstoppable rage.
    • Double subverted later that same scene, where he calls out the Kingpin for his arrogance and vindictiveness.
    • The Kingpin gets one a long while down the line. After teaming up with a group of other heroes to bring him down, Spidey is betrayed and captured and the Kingpin proceeds to explain to him that he knew about their plan all along and doesn't care, and goes on to tell him that he owns the rights to his image, meaning every act of heroism Spider-Man performs is indirectly funding his criminal empire. Then he lets him go, so he can make more money out of him.
    • Another humorous example happens after Spidey and Wolverine have had their minds forcefully swapped as punishment for Wolverine hitting on Jean. Enraged at being dragged into their petty squabble and their rather glib attitude to the utterly shitty time he'd had because of it, he lays into the X-Men. Jean herself is rather shaken, realising her attempt to teach Logan a lesson had thoughtlessly inflicted misery and suffering on an innocent party who didn't deserve it:
    Spidey: God! You know why people hate you? It's not because you're mutants!! It's because you're all a bunch of @#$@#$ $@$%@ ##@$!! That's why!! (rattles off a longer list of expletives before storming off)
    Jean Grey: I should send him a basket of something. Say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to involve him.
    Colossus: Why am I an #$@#$@? I was just standing here.
    • A more serious one occurs in the "Carnage" arc, where after Flash Thompson runs out of detention, Peter gives a speech on how he's not going to change, and never going to. He just doesn't deliver it to Flash, but to his friend Kong, who keeps defending Flash, informing Kong that people like him have spent years laughing at Flash bullying weaker people which guarantees that Flash will keep doing that on a larger scale once he gets out of high school because he has been 'taught' that such behaviour is amusing.
    • And again at the beginning of "The Death of Spider-Man", when Captain America calls Peter to a graveyard and gives a long speech basically telling Peter he has no understanding about death and how it affects people, and that he has no business being a hero.
    • After Peter dies, May gives a merciless one of these to Captain America in response to his confession of the above at her nephew's funeral — right before slapping him — both heartbroken and furious that the people she trusted to protect him and teach him ultimately did neither. So effective, that it was enough to get Steve to actually quit being Captain America.
    Steve Rogers: The day he died — I told him... I told him he wasn't ready. I told him he was a child and that he hadn't earned the right to wear the uniform. And the — gunshot — the — wound that eventually killed him... (tears up) it was meant for me. He jumped in front of it to save me.
    May Parker: (beat) So after you emasculated him, even though he had proved himself a hero over and over and over again. After you told him he wasn't worthy... he saved your life? Is that what you're telling me?
    Steve: (quietly) Yes, ma'am.
    May: He worshipped you people. You know that, don't you? He thought of you as — as the knights of the round table. He put on that costume to be like you. He wanted to earn a place at your table. And you people come into his life — he — you promised to train him? And what did you do? Nothing! He was fine before he met you. He was doing fine. (slaps him)
    • Even more impressively, May's dressing down of J. Jonah Jameson made him apologize. To Peter. And give him a promotion, as long as Peter promised his aunt would never call him again.
  • Ultimate Galactus Trilogy: Misty Knight: "Kiss my black butt, Captain Whitey. Misty Knight, ex-NYPD, licensed private investigator, attacked in my own office by a guy who dissapeared because you didn't hit him hard enough, and your flying Stepin Fetchit missed with two guns! Count'em! Two guns!"
  • In V for Vendetta, V sneaks into a TV station and replaces the usual broadcast (the evening news and bad sitcoms) with a recording of him giving the British public, and the human race in general, a severe dressing-down. It's quite possibly one of the most epic insult speeches ever put to paper:
    V: I suppose you're wondering why I called you here this evening. Well, you see, I'm not entirely satisfied with your performance lately... I'm afraid your work's been slipping, and... And I'm afraid we've been thinking about letting you go. Oh, I know, I know. You've been with the company a long time now. Almost... let me see. Almost ten thousand years! my word, doesn't time fly? It seems like only yesterday... I remember the day you commenced your employment, swinging down from the trees, fresh-faced and nervous, a bone clasped in your bristling fist... "Where do I start, sir?" You asked, plaintively." I recall my exact words: "there's a pile of dinosaur eggs over there, youngster." I said, smiling paternally the while. "Get sucking." Well, we've certainly come a long way since then, haven't we? And yes, yes, you're right, in all that time you haven't missed a day. Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Also, please don't think I've forgotten about your outstanding service record, or about all the invaluable contributions you've made to the company... Fire, the wheel, agriculture... It's an impressive list, old timer. A jolly impressive list. Don't get me wrong. But... Well, to be frank, we've had our problems, too. There's no getting away from it. Do you know what I think a lot of it stems from? I'll tell you... It's your basic unwillingness to get on with the company. You don't seem to want to face up to any real responsibility, or to be your own boss. Lord knows, you've been given plenty of opportunities... We've offered you promotion time and time again, and each time you've turned us down. "I couldn't handle the work, guv'nor," you wheedled. "I know my place." To be frank, you're not trying, are you? You see, you've been standing still for far too long, and it's starting to show in your work... And I might add, in your general standard of behaviour. The constant bickering on the factory floor has not escaped my attention... Nor the recent bouts of rowdiness in the staff canteen. Then of course there's... Hmm. Well, I really didn't want to have to bring this up, but... Well, you see, I've been hearing some disturbing rumours about your personal life. No, never you mind who told me. No names, no pack drills... I understand that you are unable to get on with your spouse. I hear that you argue. I am told that you shout. Violence has been mentioned. I am reliably informed that you always hurt the one you love... The one you shouldn't hurt at all. And what about the children? It's always the children who suffer, as you're well aware. Poor little mites, what are they to make of it? What are they to make of your bullying, your despair, your cowardice and all your fondly nurtured bigotries? Really, it's not good enough, is it? And it's no good blaming the drop in work standards upon bad management, either... Though, to be sure, the management is very bad. In fact, let us not mince words... The management is terrible! We've had a string of embezzlers, frauds, liars and lunatics making a string of catastrophic decisions. This is plain fact. But who elected them? It was you! You who appointed these people! You who gave them the power to make your decisions for you! While I'll admit that anyone can make a mistake once, to go on making the same lethal errors century after century seems to me nothing short of deliberate. You have encouraged these malicious incompetents, who have made your working life a shambles. You have accepted without question their senseless orders. You have allowed them to fill your workspace with dangerous and unproven machines. You could have stopped them. All you had to say was NO! You have no spine. You have no pride. You are no longer an asset to the company. I will, however, be generous. You will be granted two years to show me some improvement in your work. If at the end of that time you are still unwilling to make a go of it... You're fired. That will be all. You may return to your labours.
  • Catman gives a nasty one to the Crime Doctor in Villains United by breaking free of his shackles and explaining how he's nothing but a vulture picking off the meat on the bones of captured prey, putting him low on the ladder and then royally screwing him up.
  • In Wanted, Wesley Gibson gives one of these to the reader.
  • Watchmen:
    Dr. Manhattan: I am disappointed, Veidt. Very disappointed. Restructuring myself after the subtraction of my intrinsic field was the first trick I learned. It didn't kill Osterman... Did you think it would kill me? I've walked across the Sun. I've seen events so tiny and so fast they hardly can be said to have occurred at all, but you... You are a man. And the world's smartest man means no more to me than does its smartest termite.
  • Emma Frost accidentally gets one from her high school nemesis when she inadvertently reads the girl's mind during fencing practice. Upon learning that the girl was secretly scared of Emma, Emma was able to disarm her and win the fight.
  • Quite a few Black Lantern rings in Blackest Night give these to their targets to force emotional reactions out of them so they can rip their hearts out. They're disturbingly effective since their targets are people who had strong connections to the rings' hosts. The Black Lantern rings also draw on the memories and feelings of their hosts to make these speeches, so their targets can't even dismiss them as liars.
  • Original Sin: Dum-Dum Dugan gives one to Nick Fury when it turns out he was Dead All Along.
    Dugan: "Truth to power?" You delusional son of a bitch... if I was your conscience — if you gave a damn about me — you think I'd be here at all? You think you'd have desecrated my memory? Stolen my dignity? Turned me into your blasted wind-up toy without even asking? No, I ain't your conscience, you dumb bastard. I'm just your hairshirt.
    Nick Fury: My what?
    Dugan: Don't you get it? I'm just here to make you feel bad, Nicky. You know, about the torture, the executions without trial, all that stuff. I'm here to make it sting, just a little. See, as long as you feel bad about it, you're still the good guy, ain'tcha? You're the guy with the guts to get the bad things done, to make the hard choices. 'Cause it's so hard to kick every principle we ever fought for into the gutter, ain't it? But, oh, you gotta! You gotta be a tough guy! Gotta be a man! All the things we killed and died for, all those morals and values - they're for the weak, ain't they? For the little people! The ones who don't know how the world works! Not for Nick Fury! Not for the grand high asshole on his precious wall! You want to kill threats to humanity, Nicky? MAYBE YOU SHOULDA STARTED WITH YOURSELF!
  • The history teacher at the Princess Academy in Princess Ugg dishes out an epic one to his shallow Princess Classic students:
    "Let me ask you something, ladies. While you fill your heads with thoughts of handsome princes, what do you supposed they think about? Never considered it? I'm amazed. The history and glory of their future kingdoms. That's what's on most prince's minds. History, Hunting, and Horseflesh pretty much sums it up. So when you meet your True Love you may want to have something to chat about beyond sewing tapestries. Otherwise they may not stick around long enough to marry you."
  • Lupo Alberto: In the story "Canto di Ferragosto"note , a summer-themed parody of A Christmas Carol, Moses cancels his fellows McKenzies' summer vacation, because there's a lot to do in the farm. That night, as the plot demand it, he has a vision of his past, present and future related to his Jerkass behaviour. In all three time periods he gets a speech by Alberto:
    Past!Alberto: "I have the feeling you and I will never get along. Maybe because I hate fat, and you're the biggest fatball that it ever rolled in front of me!
    Alberto: "Let's recap the riddle! It's white outside and black inside, he has a heart of stone and a loggerhead! It growls, bites and roars, and it's an animal... What is?"
    Future!Alberto: "If fatball spends every summer all alone, it's not my fault! Everyone is allowed to behave selfishly, and he never did anything else! AND THAT'S THE RESULT!
    • Another noticeable one is in "La parola alla difesa" note : the plot consists in Moses planning to permanently keep away Alberto from the farm suing him. Let's just say this plan backfires Moses hardly. Nevertheless, the dog didn't learn anything from the experience, persisting in his violent way towards Alberto, whose comment is:
    "Double your brain and you'll be a moron anyway, fatball."
    • Also, in the same story, the judge gives one to Moses, Alberto and their respective lawyers (that he calls a "meddling hyena and a crazy mole". Moses' lawyer had stalked Alberto and his girlfriend Marta and took pictures while they had sex, and Enrico, the mole, had spent the whole time making stupid jokes that proved he wasn't actually a lawyer) before banishing all of them from the farm for a week. The above happens in the aftermath, when Moses is forced to stay in the forest Alberto lives.
  • Transformers Spotlight: Megatron: Megatron has just been brought back in a new body and is eager to take back the Decepticons from Starscream (the Decepticons were suffering under Starscream's rule) as well as beat the tar out of the Seeker. When he sees the pathetic wreck that Starscream has become and how he wants to be punished, Megatron delivers one hell of a speech.
    "Your silence is wearing, Starscream. So it falls to me to summarize your achievements. Under your rule, the infrastructure of the Decepticon military body lies in tatters, with no functioning communication network in operation throughout the force. Our race haas been reduced to pilfering scraps of Energon from substandard alien sources and jumping through hoops for fuel and shelter amongst the fleshlings. The High Command of this once-feared army huddle on an asteroid of no strategic worth, while at their feet, their underlings consume and cannibalize one another. I hope it was everything you'd wished for, because this is what it's like when you get what you want. All. Hail. Starscream. You must be very proud."
  • Scott Lang (Ant-Man) delivers a scathing, venomous one to Doom in issue #16 of FF while beating him down:
    Scott: I guess if you want your armor, you can keep your armor. At least until I peel it off of you piece by piece by piece. Not that there was anyone inside that empty suit of armor. Oh, there may have been seventy or eighty kilograms of breathing, bleeding flesh housed inside—but certainly nothing I'd call human. You'd have to have a conscience, a soul to be a human being. And now I've saved the best for last.
    Doom: No! Not the mask! NO!
    Scott: Looky, looky! Imagine that. No scars at all. You think the world doesn't know you fix your face the instant you steal ultimate power? The Beyonder, the Life Force—all those fixed faces, all those mind transfers into new bodies and new faces. And yet every single time, you somehow end up scarred again afterwards. You know what I think, Doom? You scar your face yourself. For a man like you, it's much easier inflicting a fake imperfection on yourself than admitting to having a real one. It's not the ugly dead scar tissue of your face that isolated you from humanity, Doom. It's the ugly dead scar tissue of your soul. There's a word for people like you: sociopath. Someone utterly incapable of even conceiving—let alone comprehending—that other people are real. It's Planet Doom, population 1 — with 7 billion people-shaped cardboard cutouts for you to fold, spindle, and mutilate at will. I've had the misfortune of meeting people convinced you're not a monster. That you're nuanced. Layered. Deep. Having some of the cell-mates I had would soon cure them of that view. Sociopaths mimic human virtues the way jackdaws mimic human voices. Your nuance is the solid gold toilet seat in Saddam's palace. Your sophistication is the Wagner phonograph playing in the background at the Wannsee conference. Your depth is the hopper capacity of Uday's and Qusay's wood chipper. Your boast that "Doom never lies" is always the first lie out of your mouth. Your ruritanian code of honor is as constant and real as a Potemkin village, only a pretense to be the man you know you're not.
    Doom: Noooooo!
  • JLA/Avengers has one from Superman to Thor. For context the DC Heroes have seen the Marvel Universe, and are disgusted by how the world treats their heroes and can only assume they aren't doing enough.
    Superman: Tell yourself that, Mister... Ease yourself to sleep at night while you let your world go to Hell! Where I come from, though... LIVES MATTER!
  • Civil War II In the epilogue issue The Oath, Captain America gives a private one to the superhero community on being too busy fighting each other to protect the people (although it should be noted that this speech is given by a Cap who has been secretly 'reprogrammed' to believe he's been a HYDRA sleeper agent since childhood).
    Steve: You call yourselves "heroes" while you waste most of your time infighting and settling petty grudges. You call yourselves leaders while you jockey around for authority and pecking rights, trying to make yourselves look good-while the truth is you've completely divorced yourself from the people you claim to protect. You have no understanding of what they want or need from you anymore.
  • The Great Power of Chninkel: The heretic chninkel king N'om gives O'ne a particularly scathing one, asserting that everything, from the time he blasphemed against the Creator, was a ploy to ensure everyone on Daar would worship It for all eternity. O'ne replies by raining fire on earth and wiping out almost all life.
  • Transformers: Optimus Prime: Just as Starscream is beginning to think that maybe, maybe, he is the Chosen One, and everything he's done in life has been entirely justified, and the universe is on his side, Shockwave shows up to entirely disabuse him of the notion.
    Shockwave: (after pointing out the apparent Gambit Roulette in place) I suppose luck was on my side. You surprise me, Starscream... (kills Metrotitan) ... you are stupider than I anticipated. I placed your name in history books millions of years ago. I built a civilization and watched it fall, all to engineer your rise. All for this moment. I needed a fool in charge of Cybertron. A powerful leader - an Optimus, a Megatron, an Arcee, perhaps even this Windblade - they would have seen what was coming. But I knew you would never look past your own reflection. You would leave Cybertron weak, ready for that which is to come. Yet you exceeded your duties.
  • The Mighty Thor: After his resurrection following Civil War, Thor is met by Iron Man, in full-on "do as the government says or we'll attack you" mode. Thor remains utterly quiet while Tony keeps doing this. Then, Tony asks him what he says. Thor gets out Mjolnir.
    Thor: Yes. Things have changed. You have hunted down those we once fought beside and called comrades. Killed or imprisoned those who opposed you, regardless of their previously loyalties. Surely this would be offense enough, but you went further. Much further.
    (lightning starts striking around Tony)
    Thor: You took my genetic code and without my permission, without my knowledge, used it to create an abomination - an aberration - an insult - and this you told the world this was me. You defiled my body, desecrated my trust, violated everything that I am. Is this how you define friendship? Is it? IS IT?
    Iron Man: All right... I can see you're upset by this, but you don't know the full story here, Thor, you-
    Iron Man: I hoped to do this the easy way, Thor, but you leave me no choice. I'll apologize later.
    (The two fight. Thor effortlessly defeats Tony without taking a scratch.)
    Iron Man: You... you've been working out.
    Thor: No. There is only one difference. In this time and this place, I am no longer holding back.
    Iron Man: What are you-
    (Thor calls down the mother of all lightning bolts on Tony, completely disabling his armor. Thor tears the mask of the armor off, revealing Tony's face. He's terrified.)
    Thor: Give your orders and ultimatums to those who choose to obey, or are too cowardly to fight. Not to me. Or learn again the difference between a god of thunder and a man in a metal suit.
  • In Unstoppable Wasp, Ying gives one to her girlfriend Shay's mother when Shay comes out to her and she insults her.
    Ying: Don't you move another step.
    Shay's mother: Excuse me?!
    Ying: You heard me. I am trained in seven kinds of martial arts and know one hundred and twelve ways to incapacitate you without the waiter even realizing I've done it. So, unlike the previous conversation, you're going to listen to what someone else has to say. Lashayla is a beautiful girl, and above and beyond that, she has a beautiful soul. She's kind and loyal and honest and she's put her life on the line for me at least twice already. And I lived my life up until the day I met her sure I was going to end up dying as a side effect of one of my experiments or in an assassination attempt gone bad. And I can't imagine why— maybe it's because I never had a mother— but Shay cares for your approval. She got all dressed up and had me dress up just to meet you and I see how you treat her and I think... can this empty, self-absorbed woman look at that brilliant girl and not see the wonders that will change the world spinning in her eyes? So, I guess what I'm saying is: Thank you. I've always thought of myself as unlucky to have been raised without a mother, but I could have had one who was an empty, pretty gas bag like you. And then I might have been as amazing as your daughter and not see it in myself.
  • In Secret Empire, HankPym delivers one to the whole Avengers team for their constant infighting and letting their egos and pride get in the way of working together to solve the threats facing them. Then Tony Stark snidely brings up the time Hank hit Janet...
    Hank: How dare you! (flips the table and begins beating down Tony) I discovered Pym particles. I took artificial intelligence to the next level. I founded the Avengers Academy! What have you ever done?! You were a lout and a cretin who made his fortune selling weapons to murderers! Your arrogance started two warsyour incompetence put Norman Osborn in power! And you try to lecture me?! Every day, I had to hold this monster inside me at bay — do you understand what he would do if I let him loose? He would incinerate the flesh of every man, woman and child on Earth and laugh about it! Every day I live with this, and I save the world a hundred times over! But I made one mistake — one mistake! Years ago! And it's all any of you will ever remember me for — all you ever say about me! You think I can't hear the whispers?! The way you look at me when I walk into the room?
  • Watchmen sequel Doomsday Clock shows Ozymandias giving one to Batman (and to the extent the rest of the DC superheroes in general) when it comes to their antics and how they contributed to their world compared to his.
    Ozymandias: I've read and seen enough to know you're tripping over your own capes, playing a game of tag, while the world falls apart. You've put these people through hell. Your world is worse off than mine ever was. Look at the sheer number of people you lost in the narrative of Good versus Bad. Wandering aimlessly in a fog of self-righteousness. You're so busy putting these "super-villains" into prisons with revolving doors, you've ignored the world's real problems. And now you're caught in this vicious cycle of entertaining yourselves. You cling to a simplistic morality based on pulp heroes. I wonder. Is that why Jon came here? To observe the futility of your colorful lives? Or did he come here believing he would blend in? I weaned my world off gasoline and oil. I cured famine and disease. I negotiated nuclear disarmament. I turned the world upside down. I did whatever I had to, to try and save it. And, yes, I failed. But what have you tried to do to make this world a better place?
  • Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps: Soranik Natu delivers a particularly scathing one to Kyle Rayner in issue #24 for hiding from her that Sarko, the villain that he'd killed earlier and whom she was just done autopsying, was actually their son from the future.
    Soranik: You forget that I'm a Natu by name, but a Sinestro by blood. Fear is the family gift. I feel it throbbing inside you. The fear that made you keep your secret. Fear that I wouldn't want to be with you. Fear that I'd be the love you let slip away. You fear a wounded heart! You can't hide from your fear, alley rat.


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