- In "Living Witness", he has Janeway quote House Bolton when talking with an alien ambassador at the start of the episode
Janeway: In starfleet we say a naked man has few secrets, a flayed man none.
- His rather literal Heroic BSOD in "Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy" during one of the Doctor's fantasies,
The stakes then get raised when Janeway gets involved and when (sees Janeway force the doctor to fondle her ass)..... when..... when... (the screen starts to distort and a soundbyte from 2001 A Space Odyssey starts playing) daisy...... daisy....
(The screen goes black, and green text appears at the bottom of the screen) CRITIC HAS SUFFERED A FATAL ERROR
- Failing three times to avoid a double entendre about Harry and Tom in "Non Sequitor."
- Happens again in Parturition when he struggles, settles for, "Tom has a clarinet," and then, finally, declares, "I give up. I award this scene the Congressional Medal of Gay."
- After having his will slowly crushed by "Threshold", the Author Filibuster that Chuck engages in when Mr. Exposition finally explains the so-called plot.
- And after the long rant about evolution, he finishes his rant with...
"What the hell kind of name is Brannon anyway? Sounds like a high-fiber yogurt."
- In the same review of Threshold, he latches onto the technobabble phrase 'multi-spectral subspace engine design'. The only way 'multi-spectral' can fit into that phrase is, in SF Debris own words, the ship is powered by rainbows, which he goes on to state gives him the mental image of shovel-fulls of Care Bears being thrown kicking and screaming into a blast furnace.
- Chuck's riffing of the opening scene with Tom in the shuttle.
"Try not to break the damn ship!"
- Chuck "complementing" Neelix during the review.
"Oh and look the genius is back! Its just so obvious he's a genius, too - the way he wears that dirty apron. It so complements his prominent sloping forehead."
- The Disease. Among other things, the dread-laden introduction:
- "I can only share some wise advice my grandfather once gave me: "Boy, never put your dick in something that lights up!"
- The reaction to Janeway's remark about the handbook on personal relationship being three centimetres thick.
"What's the point of a guide for spur-of-the-moment things that is the size of a phone book? How many ways are there to say "Don't have sex with aliens unless it's safe" are there? Is it full of testimonials? "This is Paul. Paul wasn't careful, you see, and now his dick looks like a slimjim."
- Why did Janeway deliver an unprecedented career-damaging reprimand to Harry? "When you're evil, you have to stay in practice!"
- "Megatron has actually installed an alarm in himself so that if he has pure and happy thoughts, he can be reminded of the need to be evil and cruel."
Megatron: *Staring happily at an energon cube* *alarm beeps* *throws energon cube at Starscream* You disgust me!
- "Meanwhile, the hull-breach problem from the Varro ship has spread to Voyager, and there's duranium-eating microbes that... what's that one in the middle doing? Is he humpin' the armour? Good God, even the viruses are screwing things this episode!"
- From Coda, "So the episode begins and Neelix ambushes Janeway heading up the hall. As the conversation comes up without context provided for the episode, I shall turn to our random-context generator table, and they are discussing... (dice rolling sounds) Ship-wide Orgy Night!"
Neelix: I thought last night went well, didn't you?
Janeway: Extremely well, everyone had a lot of fun.
Neelix: I was thinking of making it a regular feature, say uh, once a month?
Janeway: It's certainly worth a try.
Neelix: And captain, you were especially good last night.
Janeway: Thanks Neelix, it's been a while.
Neelix: You'd never know.
- They're actually talking about Talent Night, which Janeway had won...of course, by performing the "Dying Swan"...I'm presuming it's the dance, and not that she took a swan out and killed it, but I can't really rule that out entirely.
- From Flashback:
Neelix: Y'know, if I injected sirilium into my thermal array, it might improve cooking time.
And with that, Benjamin Sisko warps himself across the galaxy and begins pistol whipping Neelix for actually calling himself a chef when he thinks more energy equals faster cooking time.
- Surilium is very attractive to the crew because...it's combustible?
Combustion? That's...that's real useful on an interstellar starship.
'Damn, Warp Drive's offline! Quick, someone pull the pull cord and activate the emergency backup power! BROOMbumbumbababa! BROOMbumbumbababa! '
- Following Janeway's "Captain. Ma'am will do in a crunch" line with "So anyway, Captain Crunch..." (sadly removed in the reupload)
- His massive rant about manual overrides not working that way in "Learning Curve".
- During Janeway's Victorian holodeck program:
- In something that's both this and incredibly sad at the same time, the first part of Chuck's review of "Scorpion" ends with a montage of many of Harry's experiences being The Chew Toy on Voyager set to "Only Time" by Enya.
- Also from "Scorpion", when discussing how people forget cool villains, Chuck shifts to The Phantom Menace:
Darth Maul: Tatooine is sparsely populated...but even they have over 50 convenient Red Roof Inn locations. At last we will have revenge...and a good night sleep.
- After hearing the ludicrous figures involved in the Borg's fallback plan, Chuck gives us a sample of what he feared would happen when Brannon Braga went to write for 24.
- Describing the effect of the Doctor's treatment on Harry.
- From "One": 'So all the crew are in stasis, and all that's left is our plucky hero and her hologrammatic sidekick.' Cue the Red Dwarf theme.
- In "Dark Frontier", After Voyager blows up a Borg ship:
Janeway: Debris status?
Chuck: I'm fine, thanks for asking.
Janeway: Coffee? You look like you could use some.
Seven of Nine: No.
Janeway: It's a Human vice you might want to try some day, keeps you sharp.
Chuck as Janeway: Want some smack? How 'bout a whore? Feel like gambling? I played craps against Harry yesterday; he won so I let him keep his hands!
- Chuck mentions in his Dark Frontier review that it has one of the few times substituting his homicidally insane Janeway would probably make more sense story-wise than what canon-Janeway does, leading to how his Janeway would beat The Borg.
Borg-Queen: How can you hope to defeat The Borg in their own lair?
Janeway: With my army of warrior cobalt tarantulas! I've been training the entire hive to become deadly warriors!
Borg-Queen: ... Tarantulas don't have hives...
Janeway: And normally they don't have wings either, but my job is to fix it whenever nature makes an extraordinarily aggressive and terrifying tarantula, and doesn't make it capable of flying up and latching onto your face! Or have an insatiable hunger for ocular jelly.
Borg Queen: ... Will you stop talking if we just give Seven back?
Janeway: ... Who?
- The Babelfish version of "La Donna e Mobile" (which is apparently about furniture), followed shortly thereafter with the the Doctor using a "mobile-ay" transmitter.
The woman is furniture.
What down in the wind?
Changes of accent...
Always an amiable...
and rice is false!
The woman is Mobil!
What feather in the wind!
Changes of emmmmmmphasis...
- From "Unimatrix Zero"
- When Tom Paris is re-promoted to lieutenant after 18 months as an ensign Harry Kim, the ensign of six years, speaks up:
Harry: I didn't see a present on my chair.
Janeway: You have a chair?! Tuvok, correct this oversight!
Harry: What? You can't do that!
Janeway: Questioning my orders? Did you learn nothing from Tom? You're demoted to Ensign Junior Grade!
Harry: There's no such-
Janeway glares at him
Harry: ...yes captain. I'll just sit- uh, stand over here.
Chakotay: Open it. That's an order.
Chuck: (to the tune of That's Amore) When some guy Outranks you And tells you What to do, that's an order...
- Chuck!Janeway's last interaction with the Queen.
- In "Eye of the Needle," Chuck mentions an (almost certainly fake) rumor that Edward James Olmos was at one point considered for the Captain of Voyager (he was actually contacted over TNG, so Chuck probably confused the rumor with this). He does address how Commander Adama would have worked on Voyager: dumping the Kazon into space and beating Neelix with a flashlight every episode.
Janeway: [sleeping] Oh, yes! Yes! Launch all Vipers, you dirty, dirty boy!
- The Coda to the "Tuvix" review, which uses the end of said episode as an intro to a music video about Chuck's Evil!Janeway interpretation... set to "Still Alive."
- He describes the crossbreed between Tuvok and Neelix's clothes as "demon clothing, something that rips the souls from men and women who foolishly gaze upon it, before going on a rampage where it eats denim and leather and silk and shits out polyester Hawaiian shirts."
- This part of "Blood Fever" review:
This leads to a scene that comes straight from juvenile fantasies. With them being cut off, Tuvok tells Tom he has no choice, he must mate with Torres to save her life.
(exasperated) That's really something you should put on your recruiting posters.
Chuck (as Picard): Son, as a Starfleet Officer, I'm afraid you have no choice but to take that beautiful alien aside and bone her twelve ways from Sunday. It's part of your duty when you put on that uniform, that you have to take it off again to satisfy the endless lust of four-breasted aliens. Make the Federation proud. Make ME proud.
Chuck (as Paris): Aye aye, sir! I won't let you down.
Chuck (as Picard): Lieutenant? Make it so.
Tuvok: They are following their natural instincts, and I suggest we allow them to.
Chuck: I'd have loved it if Chakotay followed his natural instincts, and kneed Tuvok in the balls.
- From "The Thaw":
- "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes a log is just a log. Sometimes a clarinet is just a long shaft of wood you want to grab with both hands, wrap your lips around, and blow for all your worth."
- From State of Flux:
- The speech about Neelix's Kitchen Martial Law, from the Hunger Games reference to "Shouldn't Neelix be rolling tanks into a Wendy's right about now?"
- Any comments about Culluh or the Kazon in general being stupid. Especially in "Basics," when Chuck mentions that Culluh is getting frustrated because he has not heard back from that bank manager in Nigeria.
- In the rerelease of "The 37's", Chuck says that whenever someone says "ancient" in Trek, he takes a drink (not as a drinking game, but as a coping mechanism).
- Not to mention the opening:
Torres: Potassium nitrate, amonium and methane back here.
Janeway: I think you'll find that's manure.
Chuck: Wait...this is the chief engineer? A woman who can't identify shit even with a tricorder? My God, you people are doomed!
- In the Voyager episode Waking Moments, Seven distracts guards holding the crew hostage by faking a fight with Harry Kim. Seven—who possesses several times the strength of a human—has never faked a fight before, so in the actual episode she more-or-less really kicks Kim's ass. In his review of the episode, Chuck adds the sound effects of Seven continuing to savagely beat Kim long after the camera cuts away.
- He mentions about how, when trying to wake Harry Kim, the Doctor used everything from cortical stimulation to a kiss from a handsome prince. The fact that then-Prince Abdullah of Jordan actually played a random NPC lieutenant makes this statement hilarious.
- "Tattoo" is so bad that even the subtitles get in on the action:
Chuck: Jeri Taylor says that Chakotay was created early in the development of Voyager to be their Uhura, a character to be a role model to American Indians.
Subtitles: LGBT were told to @#$# themselves.
- "Year of Hell":
Janeway: How would we be violating your space if it's in dispute?
Krenim: You dare —
Janeway: Nope, sorry, bored now. Tuvok! *clapclap* Release my hounds!
Krenim: Hounds? How cliche.
Janeway: Tuvok! *clapclap* Release my rape gorilla!
Krenim: ...We'll show ourselves out.
- "Time has no meaining here, so they can continue on forever, never aging because that has to do with time. While continuing to breathe, move, etc...y'know, because none of that has to do with time because FLASHBOMB!"
- Years of commenting how hyper-competent Tom Paris is come to a head when Chuck ponders if he was in some prison for savants.
- Janeway's response to Riker's assertion that combat is a 'minor province in the making of a starship captain'.
Janeway: You know what else is a minor province? Your wiener...
- His parody of Picard interrogating several children. It ends with him getting into a shouting match with a little girl and ordering Worf to make a Teddy Bear talk.
Worf: [tugs his uniform] Delighted, sir!
- She [Janeway] has stared into the abyss as the abyss has stared into her, and the abyss said, 'Jesus!'
- The captain of the Krenim ship is remorseful of his actions, while on Voyager we have...
- Anything "Shoulder Spider" says.
"You should eat Harry!"
- 'Shoulder Cowboy' being confused and terrified.
- From "Persistence of Vision":
- From "Timeless":
Seven: Borg, dammit! Prepare to be stimulated! Feudalism is resilience...
- In his review of "Blink of an Eye", he uses Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" because a character calls Voyager "The Ground Shaker. The Light Bringer."
- Also from his "Blink of an Eye" review, stating that "Chakotay has an interest in the civilization because he's always had an interest in (sound of rolling dice) ANTHROPOLOGY!"
- From Counterpoint:
Telepath Leader: There is a scientist named Turok.
Janeway: Ooh, I know him!
Janeway: Aw, dammit...
- From "Tsunkatse"
- We see Chakotay and Torres watching the fight at the beginning, and Chuck notes that after Season 5note , Chakotay always had an interest in *dice roll* boxing!
- He starts the review of "Innocence" by saying he will be discussing Karl Marx's theories of alienation and how they relate to the Federation-Borg conflict...before giving up on the pretenses and says he's rather be discussing the life cycle of a fruit fly than talk about "Innocence."
- In Ashes To Ashes, commenting about the aliens of the week unique method of procreation, namely by converting the dead of other species into their own, and how it seems like the ultimate counter to the Zombie Apocalypse. "Let's see how YOU like it."
- The music video in Deadlock.
- In "Phage," Neelix asks the Doctor if he is programmed to sing, to which the Doctor replies by rolling his eyes.
- In Part 1 of "The Killing Game," Chuck describes the situation the Germans were facing: the Soviets were approaching from the East, the Allies were coming from the West, Rome was taken, Hitler was angrily throwing pencils at maps...
"This a love song that goes back in the history of my people" (daintily clears throat) ......"1100100111001001...♫"
- In Part 2 of "The Killing Game," Chuck gives an intense pop-culture filled summary of World War II, referencing Raiders of the Lost Ark, X-Men, Doctor Strangelove (twice), Catch-22 (and saying that its character Snowden was found "hiding in Moscow") and some boat that does something.
"Welcome to Katrine's, here's your pipe, sir
. Let me show you the house wine, it's a Gewehr 98/40, very fine vintage!"
"And for the record, you'd be staring at her legs."
- The whole sequence in "Sacred Ground" where God is trying to explain complex science like DNA to Moses, who just doesn't get it.
- "Worst Case Scenario" has quite a few
- Chuck mentions a subtle but deliberate clue for the audience. Torres is wearing rank commission not field commission pips. He mentions that you could only see it if you are observant…or have a bizarre neck fetish.
- Additionally, the captions states Picture taken by the National Cryptozoologist Foundation.
- Chuck mentioning being half-robot on his father’s side, hence his poor Italian accent.
- The complete lack of Starfleet/Maquis intention on the show means the only way for the show to address it now is for members of the crew to write their own fanfics.
- When Paris mentions the holodeck story should have unexpected twists, Chuck suggests
Chuck: How about instead of taking back the ship Paris & Janeway mutate and have amphibian sex?
- In "Fair Haven", the Doctor is playing the role of a clergyman. At one point, he dismisses a guy who seeks to repent for repeatedly breaking the fifth commandment. It's implied that the Doctor is playing a Catholic priest, and the Catholic fifth commandment is "thou shalt not kill." Cue screencap of the Pope facepalming.
- In response to Tuvok's constant discussion of space sickness, Chuck seeks the word of the Twelfth Doctor on how important that is... which means, the word of Malcolm Tucker.
- In "Fury," Chuck theorizes that Janeway must have kept a database of future things that would be messing with the past, given how often time travelers do that with early Voyager, before finally asking: "Or did that bitch Daniels send you? Cause I told him to piss off and annoy someone else!"
- "In the Flesh" features a character with the last name Archer, who proves to be surprisingly believable as a descendant of Jonathan.
- The Stupid Neelix Moment from the end of "Life Line".
Chuck: Neelix walked into the room and handed The Doctor a pad. This offended me.
- Janeway's engagement gift from Mark. The very apt Dantes Inferno.
Mark: Gotcha a book, honey! I thought about being married to you, and for some reason, picked out the story of a man who journeys through the eternal torments of the damned!
Laugh that quickly descends into crying
Mark: Why couldn't you have just blackmailed me for money!?
Janeway: You can't put a price on those pecs. Now slap my ass like you mean it this time!
- In the actual dialogue of "Shattered", Janeway is addressed as "Queen Of The Spider People"
- Demonstrating the episode's approach to time travel with Homer Simpson going to dinosaur times and beating up everything in reach. TWICE.
- After Janeway learns a valuable lesson about how she shouldn't play god, Chuck announces the next episode that will be reviewed is..."Playing God."
- For Barge of Death, Crazy!Janeway is pulling out all the stops.
Janeway: If your belief system required you to sacrifice a child to your gods, I wouldn't allow that either.
Crazy!Janeway: Unless your god's me, of course. Which it should be.
- Including this fantastic "Reason You Suck" Speech to Torres.
: You want to simulate a near-death experience, so you can revisit the Barge of Death, and you're telling me
what's absurd? Crazy!Janeway
: No, wait, that wasn't judgmental enough. Okay. Your backwards superstitious malarkey is so
beyond absurd, I wish I could floss my brain to get the bits of stupid out
. And the only reason I'm not even trying to change your mind on it is that anything approaching rational thought would bounce off that thick plate on your forehead
, assuming that's Klingon ridges, and not a massive brain tumor responsible for your long string of bad decisions. But wow. Even I
never thought you'd be so damn stupid as to want to try this, but, you proved me wrong! Looks like I owe Chakotay a Coke. He told me you'd never be safe on this ship so long as there was a sharp thing not covered in cork. If you want to have a near-death experience, Torres, here's my suggestion: follow every ill-advised thought that pops into your little pea-brain over the next half-hour, and I guarantee one of them will have you in sickbay or the morgue. Torres
: ...I thought the Federation didn't judge the belief of others— Crazy!Janeway
: Oh! You heard about that, huh? Did they have that on the connect-the-dots on a Chuck-E-Cheese placemat? Look, I have real shit to do around here, so, kindly hop on your gondola of tedious bullshit and sail down to engineering, Joan or Arc. Now! Chop chop! Do I have to beat you with a fuck-off stick for you to take a hint?
- The reveal of who Torres' ambassador to the dead is: Neelix.
"...I should have known.The most terrifying thing in hell isn't Pinhead, it's Shithead."
- The random dance videos to a song that Chuck has no idea what it was.note
- From "Bliss," Janeway says they should never bet against the house after they find a wormhole that will lead them right to Earth:
Seven: What? Then you should assume it's fake.
Janeway: The universe is a slot machine and I'm counting cards tonight!
Seven: You're not making any sense.
Janeway: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Captain Gives-a-shit!
- "Future's End":
- Chuck compares Harry dealing with a particularly dumb statement from Torres to the sad spectacle of a Tijuana donkey show starring Eeyore. Made worse/better by his follow-up, saying in a perfect Eeyore voice, "Thanks for working the shaft."
- Janeway never said the universe revolves around the Earth. She said the universe revolves around her.
- "The Chute":
- Making a crack about Harry having to suck 37 dicks, before Tom yells "Forty-seven!" and Chuck mentions that it's a good friend's job to help you push your limits.
- Applying Trade Snark to the title.
- When Harry says he's so hungry he could eat Neelix's cooking, Chuck tells him that there are less painful ways to end it all.
- Janeway's position on Harry's imprisonment: it's only acceptable to torture Harry with her permission.
- Anything involving the Harry/Tom Ho Yay, culminating in the line "This is like if Midnight Express was a romantic comedy."
- "One Small Step": Proclaiming that in the scenes filmed before they decided to make it a Seven story instead, Robert Beltran's acting seems almost alive - he's breathing and his heart may even be pumping blood around his body.
- "Before and After": His horrified reaction to The Doctor's hairpiece. "I...I can feel it watching me."
- Mocking Kes' increasing insanity as she leaps further back in time.
Newborn!Kes: Chronotons! Chronotons! Listen to me!
- "Omega Directive": Time Travel is treated with delicacy by Starfleet, so much so that its only legalized use — barring saving whales — was to wipe Janeway's memory and then sentence her to hard labor in a minimum security women's prison in 2014 A.D.
- "Critical Care": A lengthy Shoot the Shaggy Dog story ending with a ridiculous Spoof Aesop about a magic-performing donkey committing suicide to illustrate the ridiculousness of some of Voyager's Clueless Aesops.
- "Workforce:" The "evil scheme" of the planet abducting starship crews and making them loyal and content workers has a theme: Everything is awesooomme...
- "Endgame" provides the perfect payoff to his big Running Gag about Chakotay: "Because he's always been interested in...(rolling dice sound) Seven!