History Funny / SFDebris

20th Aug '16 10:02:51 AM Tre
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--> Rodney gets a brain parasite that slowly shuts down his higher brain functions until he's reduced to the state of a drooling imbecile. Then he renames the network 'SyFy'.

to:

--> Rodney gets a brain parasite that slowly shuts down his higher brain functions until he's reduced to the state of a drooling imbecile. Then he renames the network 'SyFy'.'Creator/{{Syfy}}'.
12th Aug '16 8:28:16 PM TyphonOmega
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* Yes Chuck, it is narcissistic of you to assume that anime exists just to annoy you personally... it baffles us all.
5th Aug '16 9:30:29 AM EnigmusPrime
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--->'''Goggles:''' (After being told to make his way to the Rickenbacher) [[NonSequiturThud What's that, Orville Redenbacher? Sure, I'll have some, with a tall glass of help.]]

to:

--->'''Goggles:''' (After ''(After being told to make his way to the Rickenbacher) Rickenbacher)'' [[NonSequiturThud What's that, Orville Redenbacher? Sure, I'll have some, with a tall glass of help.]]
5th Aug '16 9:27:40 AM EnigmusPrime
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-->'''Tim:''' [[SamllNo ''(whimper)'']] [[SmallNo no]] ''(Ahem)'' I mean... [[BlatantLies Not at all]].

to:

-->'''Tim:''' [[SamllNo ''(whimper)'']] [[SmallNo no]] ''(whimper)'' no ''(Ahem)'' I mean... [[BlatantLies Not at all]].


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** If you don't get it [[spoiler: read that first sentence to the rytm of this old man]].
* Calling the rouge padawan on Taris [[EnfantTerrible Darth Ritalin]].
* When a padawan tries to pull a YouShallNotPass:
--> '''Chuck:''' What are you, [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Gandalf]]? Go play with your Power Rangers.
5th Aug '16 9:20:36 AM EnigmusPrime
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** [[WhatTheHellHero Calls out 'born in a barn' Ripley for]] [[WhatAnIdiot leaving the door open...]] ''[[WhatAnIdiot TWICE]]'' The first time, he notes that the facehugger wouldn't even to sneak out: it could just tap dance out.

to:

** [[WhatTheHellHero Calls out 'born in a barn' Ripley for]] [[WhatAnIdiot leaving the door open...]] ''[[WhatAnIdiot TWICE]]'' TWICE]]''. The first time, he notes that the facehugger wouldn't even to sneak out: it could just tap dance out.



* When Carter asks if the Replicators are mechanical:

to:

* ** When Carter asks if the Replicators are mechanical:


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* During his April Fool's special, he notes that he can't Tweet about his job anymore, since when people say 'I'm watching My Little Pony at 3 in the morning', they usually end that sentence with [[Rule34 'and masturbating']]
** His VerbalBackpedaling when mentioning Twilight's [[AccidentalInnuendo anal tendencies]], mostly because it came after the word 'masturbating'.


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* [[ReasonYouSuckSpeech After telling Loghain he'll make sure he survives the coming battle so that he can clean up the mess he made of Ferelden]], Tim walks out of the room... [[MoodWhiplash and begins whimpering about how he doesn't want to die]].
-->'''Morrigan:''' Did I scare you?
-->'''Tim:''' [[SamllNo ''(whimper)'']] [[SmallNo no]] ''(Ahem)'' I mean... [[BlatantLies Not at all]].
5th Aug '16 9:04:17 AM EnigmusPrime
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*** Earlier, when Kane is first infested, he notes how [[FailedASpotCheck not suspicious the large number of eggs are]]. Later, when one opens:
--->'''Chuck:''' Wow, that's [[SarcasmMode super-duper not suspicious]]! Okay, now [[ShmuckBait open your mout, and say]] ''[[ShmuckBait (screams)]]''.


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** [[WhatTheHellHero Calls out 'born in a barn' Ripley for]] [[WhatAnIdiot leaving the door open...]] ''[[WhatAnIdiot TWICE]]'' The first time, he notes that the facehugger wouldn't even to sneak out: it could just tap dance out.


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** When one of the characters realize that since, it's tomorrow, in a movie called The Day After, that it's now film/TheDayAfterTomorrow. 'Someone hold me before I get killed by slowly approaching radiation cloud, or something else stupid.'
4th Aug '16 5:25:42 PM katrinahood
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4th Aug '16 5:25:05 PM katrinahood
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* [[Funny/SFDebrisStarTrekMovies Star Trek Movies]]



[[folder: ''Star Trek Movies'']]
* Chuck riffs in the style of Advertising/TheManYourManCouldSmellLike in his remixed review of ''Film/StarTrekTheMotionPicture.''
* In his review of the movie ''Film/StarTrekIVTheVoyageHome'', he makes a note that the studio initially wanted the 'conversation' between the whales and the strange probe attempting to communicate with them to be subtitled. He expresses his bewilderment at how anyone could have conceived of that as a good idea, then proceeds to offer his own subtitles anyway. All told, it is one of the most hysterical bits he's ever done.
** Also from the ''Star Trek IV'' review:
--->'''Chuck:''' The year is 1986, and Creator/LeonardNimoy will be bringing a much known character, or rather, a [[BackFromTheDead reborn version]] of that character, back into the light in a popular science-fiction franchise while attempting to deal with his [[Creator/WilliamShatner overweight and]] [[Creator/OrsonWelles egotistical co-star]].\\
'''[[BaitAndSwitch Galvatron]]:''' [[TransformersTheMovie I will rip open Ultra Magnus, and every other Autobot until the Matrix has been destroyed!]]\\
'''Chuck:''' But lets spend some time talking about ''Film/StarTrekIVTheVoyageHome''...
** Chuck of course acknowledges that the George Takei jokes write themselves...
--->'''Sulu:''' San Francisco. I was born there.\\
'''Chuck:''' Oh God! Too easy! It's just too easy!
** Even more from the same review:
--->'''Chuck:''' Spock also wonders about Kirk's own behavior.\\
'''Spock:''' [[QuoteSwearUnquote Double dumbass on you?]]\\
'''Kirk:''' You mean the profanity? That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays you any attention here unless you [[ObligatorySwearing swear every other word]].\\
'''Chuck:''' Shit yeah. You think I talk like this all the time? Nah, only for these videos and when talking to my kids. So they arrive and meet Gillian, who's conducting the tour, taking stop at Nightmare Fuel central, to show these lovely creatures we've come here so see... being killed and slaughtered. Y'know, why don't petting zoos do this? Or maybe they do... MAX! DADDY WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN SOME ASSHOLE KILL A FUCKING GOAT!
* From the ''Film/StarTrekVTheFinalFrontier'' review: Chuck dismisses the idea of writing off the film's flaws because [[ExecutiveMeddling Shatner's ideas of what he wanted it to be were completely at odds with the studio]]. He explains it by using the analogy of a creator wanting to make a movie about the Holocaust, and the studio wanting to make a musical comedy - past a certain point, the creator's idea has to yield unless he wants it to become something completely unfitting.
--> ...but for Shatner, it was, "Five! Six! Seven! Eight! If I had one wish, it would be Auuuusch-wiiiiitz!"
* When Spock takes command of the ''Enterprise-A'' in ''Star Trek VI'':
-->'''Chuck:''' It's mine, mine! MINE, mine!
* The montage from the ''Generations'' review.
-->"Let us never speak of the montage again."
** From the end of the review:
--->'''Picard''': What a day. I screw up everything I touch, get beaten up by Soran, accidentally kill Starfleet's greatest hero. I can't imagine how this day could get any wo- (sees the wrecked ''Enterprise'') THE HELL? What the goddamn hell happened with the- (trails off into {{angrish}})
** Also from ''Generations'', he points out that the Duras Sisters are unimportant as villains and could be replaced with any generic stand-in. Throughout the rest of the review, he then proceeds to randomly replace footage of them with villains including [[Series/BattlestarGalactica1978 Cylons]], [[Series/DoctorWho Daleks]], and [[Series/BabylonFive Londo]], even replacing their deaths with that of Admiral Piett in ''ReturnOfTheJedi''.
* In his review for ''[[Film/StarTrekFirstContact First Contact]],'' having already pointed out that most Starfleet officers sign up to be explorers and scientists, we get this.
-->'''Chuck:''' (as random Defiant crewman) Please don't say [[CatchPhrase "good day to die"]] please. Why do I have to be fighting the invincible enemy with [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy the one guy in Starfleet]] [[HeroicSacrifice eager to die?]] No! No! Stop thinking that way, don't be prejudiced. Just because he's a Klingon he's not going to start beating the controls and go crazy.\\
'''Worf:''' ''(after beating the control panel)'' Perhaps today is a good day to die!\\
'''Chuck:''' ''(half sobbing)'' Ah shit!\\
'''Worf:''' Prepare for ramming speed!\\
'''Chuck:''' ''(exasperated)'' I just wanted to be a botanist!
** He notes Sisko's absence in the film and points out that according to the stardates, Sisko at the time was in the Badlands hunting the Maquis. Chuck then jokes that the Borg had to have planned this deliberately:
--->'''Borg''': We are the Borg. We cannot be stopped. We are invincible. We...we are sure he's gone, right? He's gone? We cannot be stopped by anyone! ...that happens to be there.
*** And then we get what would have happened if Sisko HAD been there:
---->'''Sisko''': ''[[[TheCoatsAreOff taking off his jacket]]]'' [[Film/PulpFiction ...Ezekiel 25:17: "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON THEE!"]] ''[[[CurbstompBattle Cube explodes. End Credits.]]]''
* From the ''Film/StarTrekInsurrection'' review, after the joystick comes out, the Pac Man theme starts up.
-->'''Riker:''' Riker to engineering, I need quarters! Lots of quarters! *
** In the same review Chuck turns Creator/GilbertAndSullivan into a running gag, adds a car lock sound effect to the special tricorder Worf uses to subdue an out-of-control Data, makes reference to a "Turnip of Mass Destruction", has Riker playing Pac-man, comments on how the planet can make Geordi grow new eyes but no hair for Picard, and totally rips into the so-called perfect Bo'ku, to the point of calling them [[OurElvesAreBetter Elves]].
-->'''Chuck''': Yeah, piss off back to your tree and make me some cookies.
** After talking about how on the Enterprise, they solve all problems with technical gibberish:
--->'''Picard''': Transmit a wide band co-variant signal. That ought to get his attention.\\
'''Chuck as Picard''': He'll come to figure out what the hell I'm talking about!
** "In space, no one can hear you [[LargeHam ham]]."
* ''Film/StarTrekNemesis'':
** Chuck opening the review with a parody of Emperor Uriel Septim's opening monologue from ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIVOblivion'', with "Reign of the Septims" playing in the background. The fact Chuck absolutely ''nails'' his Creator/PatrickStewart impression sells it.
** His Psycho-Janeway version of why Janeway sent Picard to Romulus is extremely funny and the best part is that it makes complete sense in the context of the movie. Chuck, that wasn't self-indulgent, it was completely hilarious.
** The buggy scene and the compared opening driving scene of ''Film/StarTrek'', both set to "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by the Rednex.
** Playing Captain Kirk's recitation of the solemn vow to not break the Prime Directive over the gun-toting car chase was especially juicy. "Prime Directive? What's that?"
** As he notes how Paramount ultimately put the film franchise to rest after Nemesis' failure, starting anew in ''Film/StarTrek'', [[HereWeGoAgain he plays "Cotton Eye Joe" over the clip of young Kirk driving his stepfather's car]].
* From the ''Star Trek (2009)'' review, Chuck puts in the Mac start-up sound when Spock enters the Enterprise bridge.
** Adding to this, "If they were anymore inside a computer, Spock would have to change 'Live Long and Prosper' to [[Film/{{TRON}} 'I fight for the Users']]."
*** Later, the reason they can't go to warp is that Sulu tried to jailbreak the ''Enterprise''.
** His habit of referring to the film as "Star Trek, open bracket, 2009, close bracket."
** Pointing out that person Pike has explain their orders to the crew is the person with a thick accent.
--->'''Chuck (as Chekov)''': "Remember do not open the kashplachen no matter what! Also do not activate the kershplachen unless the corshplachen first otherwise death or dismemberment may occur, no matter what happens to the goldfish!"
*** Also: "You said it! ...Whatever you said."
** Chekov not beaming up Amanda:
--->'''Chuck (as Chekov)''': "Uh... [[MisBlamed Transporter Chief]]! What didz you do? [[BlatantLies I had nozzing to do wiff zis. I was on the Bridge, not doing anyzing related to zis]]."
** Chuck referring to the ship as "Satan's Batmobile".
*** And calling [[DistractedbytheSexy boobs Kryptonite for Kirk]].
** "Is this about the cheating thing, the peeping tom thing, or that cockfight I'm running out of the dean's office at night?"
** Also, this:
--->'''Chekov''': Captain Spock, detecting unauthorized access to water turbine control board.\\
'''Chuck''': I suspect it was [[RockyandBullwinkle moose and squirrel]].
** The bit where Spock-Prime loses it with Kirk.
--->'''Spock-Prime:''' Jim, the only way to get control of the ship from my other self is Regulation 619, showing that I am emotionally compromised... but it will be very difficult. I am a rock; I am unflappable. In order to get through, you must have overwhelming douchebaggery in your arsenal; you must convey a sense of smug self-assurance combined with a totally vacuous outlook on the basic humanity of others; you need to be the living embodiment of dickish behaviour--''asshole personified.'' Can you do this?\\
'''[[JerkAss Alternative Kirk]]:''' I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was thinking about how much you stink of spoiled milk and old person.\\
'''Spock-Prime:''' ...Get on the transporter pad, you little shit.\\
'''Alternative Kirk:''' Hey, don't--\\
'''Spock-Prime:''' NOW! Before I put you in an escape pod and fire you back at the ''Enterprise,'' you little punk!
** As Kirk is declared captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I declare that today is No Pants Day!"
** The bit about Admiral Archer still having Porthos as a stuffed dog and demanding people pet it and feed it treats...
--->'''Chuck''': [[SarcasmMode "''Because that sounds like a crazy person, and that can't possibly be Archer!''"]]
*** Also about Scotty beaming Porthos into oblivion:
---->'''Chuck''': "''Some things just never sound good sober.''"
*** Pulling a CallBack to his joke that Archer can't win a fight after having some FridgeBrilliance while Spock kicks Kirk's ass.
---->'''Chuck''': "''I knew Kirk said he knew Archer, but I didn't realize it was because he took Archer's self-defense course! Next up! How to curl into a ball while protecting your kidneys.''"
** Sarek's "You can't strangle him yet! You haven't knee'd him in the groin yet! What are you thinking boy!?"
** Upon seeing the doctor that helped deliver James Tiberius Kirk.
--->'''Chuck''': "Oh, my god! FAIRY!! Give it a saucer of milk, or it will steal your baby!"
** From the bar scene.
--->'''Kirk''': Okay, okay! Stop me if you've heard this one. Okay, guy walks into a bar, bartender says, "Why the long face"... ''(notices the guy sitting next to him does, indeed, have a long face)'' Oh, no offense. You do look a little depressed, though.\\
'''Long-Faced Alien''': Oh, I've spent the last 300 years coming to the Heartland. You know, beam people onto my ship, terrify them, give them the anal probe, send them on their way. It's good for a laugh. Now I show up, and instead of being scared shitless by an alien, they all mace me and steal my ship, so now I'm stuck in frickin' Iowa!
* From his ''Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness'' First Impressions video, mentioning that everyone gets to do something and promptly lists off a bunch of normal things and then ending with [=McCoy=]'s. [[spoiler: ''Necromancy.'']]
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4th Aug '16 5:23:01 PM katrinahood
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4th Aug '16 5:22:21 PM katrinahood
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* [[Funny/SFDebrisStarTrekEnterprise Star Trek: Enterprise]]



[[folder: ''Enterprise'']]
* Chuck's protracted response to the NX-01's armor "going offline." ("Broken Bow")
** "'''''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis It's ARMOR. You BROKE it! It's GONE!]]'''''"
** He then applies this same logic to other things: like Archer barking "'''Chair offline!'''" and falling on his ass, or Hoshi shouting "'''Wall offline!'''" and being blown into space.
* From the "Regeneration" review, the hypothetical conversation between Picard and the Bynars, where he accuses them of being no different from the Borg, but the Bynars say they only replace parts of the brains of helpless children. Picard: "Damn, I'm torn between my hatred of the Borg and my hatred of children!"
* Any and all comments regarding how much contempt Chuck has for the "space redneck" persona given Tucker throughout these reviews.
* I couldn't stop laughing when Chuck explained why [[ItMakesSenseInContext dogs don't make good diplomats]] in his [[http://sfdebris.blip.tv/file/4557836/ "A Night in Sickbay" review]].
-->'''Chuck:''' (as Archer) No, Porthos! We cannot reduce troop presence in South Korea! BAD DOG! BAD DOG!
** Chuck saying that the model of [[LoyalAnimalCompanion Porthos]] used was based on the same technology as the model of Robert Beltran used on ''[[Series/StarTrekVoyager Voyager]]''.
** As Archer goes into his FreudianSlipperySlope with T'Pol, we cut to Picard {{Face Palm}}ing after each Freudian slip.
** Addressing the undertones Archer being horny starting now and ending now gives to the character, "[[{{Squick}} What the heck are you doing with that dog, if, the moment it's gone, you're overwhelmed with urges that need satisfying? I don't want to know.]]
** Chuck's breakdown at the end of part two.
--->'''Chuck:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Just. Stop. Talking,]] Phlox. Please! The last time you [and Archer] tried to have a serious medical conversation [in "Dear Doctor"], [[WouldBeRudeToSayGenocide you condemned an entire race to death,]] ''[[FranchiseKiller and you killed the show doing it!]]'' (''sobbing'') [[FranchiseZombie And yet it's still coming!]] ''[[FranchiseZombie It won't stop! HOW DO YOU KILL A]] ''[[FranchiseZombie STAR TREK]]'' [[FranchiseZombie SHOW THAT'S ALREADY DEAD?!]]''\\
'''Phlox:''' Sexual tension, captain, there's no doubt in my mind.\\
'''Chuck:''' (''sigh'') Remember, if they don't stop coming: [[BetterToDieThanBeKilled always save the last bullet for yourself.]]
* This description from his "Fight or Flight" review:
--> Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the first post-pilot episode, and things actually manage to get worse. We discover Captain Archer is insane and his crew is populated with bizarre phobias and fetishes. Plus, your one shot unstoppable alien menace of the week.
* Mirror Archer asking advice from the other captains, represented by pictures of bearded Shatner, Stewart, and Brooks, and one photoshopped on Mulgrew. And Mirror Janeway turns out to be an annoying GranolaGirl.
** The whole thing is a piece of brilliance from start to finish really...
--->'''Mirror!Archer''': Okay I have a brilliant plan to preserve our empire but Forest is in the way. Options?\\
'''Mirror!Kirk''': [[TheBrute Kill him!]]\\
'''Mirror!Picard''': [[TheEvilGenius Don't be an idiot. Mutiny, then kill him!]]\\
'''Mirror!Kirk''': Ooh even better!\\
'''Mirror!Sisko''': [[StupidEvil I could get behind either one really... even kill him and mutiny against yourself, that sounds pretty good!]] [[EvilLaugh Heh heh heh...]]\\
'''[[GirlsWithMoustaches Mirror!Janeway]]''': [[MinionWithAnFInEvil I've taken the liberty of writing Forest this letter pointing out the various pros in the position and how it can benefit both the empire and himself personally at minimal risk to the ship.]] [[GranolaGirl You see I made the paper myself using a mixture of raw flax and hemp, fermenting it for weeks...]]\\
'''Mirror!Archer''': Shut up.\\
'''Mirror!Janeway''': Sorry I get carried away sometimes. But look at this caligraphy...\\
'''Mirror!Archer''': Shut, up!\\
'''Mirror!Janeway''': Looks like Mr. Grumpypants needs to change into a pair of Happyslacks!
** Then there's the second part, where Mirror!Kirk gets tired of Mirror!Picard sassing him, and threatens him with his worst nightmare. When Mirror!Picard fears Mirror!Kirk's going to rape him with a giant spider, Mirror!Kirk says he's just gonna shoot him... and Mirror!Picard [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech tears into him for thinking he'd be scared of something so petty]]. Meanwhile, we finally find out what would make Mirror!Janeway crack:
--->What in the name of Mother Earth's cunt happened to my brownies!?
** Which makes it somewhat amusing to speculate whether Chuck's depiction of Mirror!Janeway being constantly stoned out of her mind, might be something enforced by the denizens of the Mirror Universe, as a measure to keep her even slightly under control and the rest of them safe?!
** It's also hilarious that for the second "In A Mirror Darkly" video, the usual starting theme - Kryptonite, by Three Doors Down - is played ''backwards'' over the opening sequence.
* In his Sleeping Dogs review we get this exchange:
-->'''Klingon Woman:''' ''(looking at a hypospray)'' What is that? Is that what you used against my crew?\\
'''Chuck:''' ''(as Archer)'' What, this? Nah, this is just the cure for the Valakians. Sometimes I just like to hold it and laugh until I fall off my stool.
* From the review of [[http://sfdebris.com/videos/startrek/e109.asp "Civilisation"]]:
--> '''Archer:''' Starfleet could've sent a probe out here to make maps and take pictures, but they didn't. They sent us.\\
'''Chuck:''' Yeah, that was money well spent, wasn't it? (''Imitating Archer'') Hey, thanks for sending us out here instead of a probe! We skipped all the rare astronautical phenomena so I could show you this -- a picture of a boat! That's me in the helmet with the horns on it, dumping the mug of beer on Mayweather's head, and Tucker managed to sleep with an alien and [[http://sfdebris.com/videos/startrek/e105.asp not get knocked up for once.]] SUCK IT, PROBE!
* In the review of "Dear Doctor", there is a minor scene in which Phlox gives T'Pol a dental examination. T'Pol opens her mouth suprisingly wide for Phlox, leading to Chuck saying "Jeez, T'Pol! What was your last job, giving blowjobs to Optimus Prime?"
* From "Carpenter Street," Chuck's summarization of Daniels: "I'm a tool, I'm a tool, I'm a tool, tool, tool, an unbelievably annoying tool."
-->'''[[Series/{{Scrubs}} J.D.]]:''' Yeah.
* In "Azati Prime", Chuck makes his first ''Series/QuantumLeap'' joke related to Archer. Of course, given the wibbly-wobboly time travel stuff of Season 3 and ENT as a whole, it was probably long overdue.
* In "Damage", Tucker relaxing to "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WpMlwVwydo The Hamster Dance]]", which returns during T'Pol's shower dream sequence with him.
* In "...These Are The Voyages", Chuck explaining how this episode is a [[BlatantLies worthy successor to previous Trek finales]]:
--> '''Chuck''': Now, spoilers if you haven't seen the other finales, but we've had a pretty impressive run with them: [[Recap/StarTrekVoyagerS7E23Endgame Janeway battling Borg every step of the way to thwart their menace and get her crew home]]; [[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS07E25E26WhatYouLeaveBehind Sisko bringing final victory in their war against the Dominion and ending the Pah'wraith threat against the Bajorans]]; and [[Recap/StarTrekTheNextGenerationS7E24AllGoodThings Picard preserving the very existence of humanity and likely every other sapient species in this entire quadrant]]. [[SarcasmMode And now, Archer shall get into a]] ''[[SarcasmMode small firefight with some criminals on a CATWALK!]]'' ''[[[Film/TheKarateKid You're The Best (Around)]] plays]''
* "The only thing I hate more than a Vulcan is a bigot!"

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