Asterix the Gaul
- The very first scene: Vercingetorix surrendering to Caesar by throwing his weapons... On his feet. Gets better in The Mansions of the Gods, where we see that Caesar remembers it the way he described it in his book.
- One of Getafix' stall tactics when pretending to make magic potion for the garrison at Compendium is to claim he needs strawberries for the recipe - even though they're out of season. Finally, after several days, legionary Tullius Octopus brings back a basket of strawberries, which centurion Crismus Bonus immediately takes to Getafix and Asterix... who proceed to eat every single one. Getafix remarks that those strawberries were perfect - now go and get some more.Crismus Bonus: [jumping up and down in a rage] YOU'VE EATEN MY STRAWBERRIES AND NOW YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY STRAWBERRIES AND YOU WANT MORE STRAWBERRIES AND IT ISN'T FAIR AND I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH!
- As Asterix and Obelix are pursuing the Arvernian innkeeper who sold them out to Clovogarlix and Navishtrix as he flees Lutetia on the road to Gergovia. As they head down the road, a young man in a two-horse chariot zooms past an ox-cart, to the disdain of the driver's wife... and a few panels later, we see the chariot driver has been pulled over for speeding! The icing on the cake is his facial expression and body language; we can almost hear him saying "But officer!..." as the legionary writing the ticket looks impassive.
- When the local Roman camp mistakes Asterix and Obelix for the Goth horde they're supposed to be on the lookout for, our heroes steal uniforms from some legionaries to disguise themselves, with Asterix telling Obelix that for the sake of the masquerade they're Asterus and Obelus, and to shout things like "By Jupiter!" Obelix nearly blows this plan because he's unable to stop himself laughing like a maniac. Later on the two ditch their disguises and enter Germania. When they bump into a Goth patrol. Obelix introduces himself as, "Ave, by Jupiter! I'm Legionary Obelus and my friend is Legionary Asterus!"
- As a result of all this, the Goths get past the patrols - who stop them to ask if they've seen Asterix and Obelix (not noticing they're blatant Goths) - as do Asterix and Obelix, while the highly confused Romans start attacking one another, much to their superior's distress.General Cantankerus: (sobbing) They're all quite thick, and I'm their leader!
- Rhetoric and his men dealing with the idiotic Ostrogoth border guard, who won't let them pass.Guard: (about Getafix) You realize you're importing foreign goods.
Rhetoric: That was our mission - to bring back a druid to help us get ready for the next invasion. Let us through, you stupid Ostrogoth!
Guard: Oh, no. You'll have to see the C.O.
Rhetoric: (Symbol Swearing)
- Meanwhile, the Roman border guard has a hard time explaining how he was laid out by Rhetoric, and a short time later when he's laid out again by Asterix, since he figures that means the Gauls are invading Germania.Centurion: NO! NO! An invasion is when people cross the border into our country, not the other way around!
- Rhetoric's introduction to the magic potion. Essentially, Obelix knocks the door down, and Getafix asks the guard for a cauldron and a list of ingredients. The guard complies, and nails the door shut. Not two seconds later, Obelix knocks the door down again, as Getafix asks for a pinch of salt. Frustrated, the guard complies, and repairs the door again. A second later, the door is knocked down again, as Getafix forgot to say thanks.Gothic Guard: WILL YOU LEAVE THAT DOOR ALONE?!
- And when Rhetoric finally tastes the potion, he tests his new strength... on the door.Gothic Guard: WILL-YOU-KINDLY-LEAVE-THAT-DOOR-ALONE?!
- After the initial attempt to capture Cacofonix the bard sends a Roman patrol of Compendium packing due to his singing, they attempt to block his voice by stuffing their ears with parsley. When the patrol leader sounds the ambush, none of the men follow due to the parsley in his confusion, and Cacofonix was estatic to have found a fan. When the patrol leader unwisely removes one of the parsley stalks... he gets subjected to the bard's horrible singing... and promptly hammers the bard single-handedly to unconsciousness!
- When La Résistance leader Jellibabix leads the troops of Prefect Poisonus Fungus on a wild goose chase that gets them hopelessly lost in Lugdunum's labyrinthine streets, the prefect decides to go in after them, but leaves a trail of pebbles so that he can find his way out again (a caption notes the similarity to a famous fairy tale). Then, as Asterix and Obelix leave the city, we see the prefect's plan hit a snag...Legionary: Oh, was it you who dropped all those pebbles, O Prefect Poisonus Fungus? Here, I've been picking them up for you!
Poisonus Fungus: [very loud Symbol Swearing]
- A Roman legion captures Asterix and Obelix after they unwittingly spend the night in their camp. As one of the guards tries to chain the pair up, he takes care of Obelix, and then after putting Asterix in chains, he tries to remember where he left his hammer. There is a crack off panel, and Obelix is suddenly standing next to him, free of his chains and holding the guard's hammer. Now that Asterix is chained up, the guard tries to tie Obelix up again. But he's so nervous, it's taking a while. Asterix offers to help, breaking his chains in the process. Then when they're both chained up, Asterix points out that they've forgotten the bag of food, breaking the chains. Obelix goes over to grab it, breaking his own chains. The guard is reduced to a sobbing wreck, with the centurion awkwardly saying they won't bother with the chains.
- After Asterix and Obelix are smuggled ashore in bags by Seniorservix and his employees at Gesocribatum, Seniorservix whispers to one of the bags that he'll let them know when the coast is clear...Asterix: All right, but did you know you're talking to our shopping bag?
- As the rest of the village watches Asterix, Obelix (and Dogmatix), and Getafix leave with Edifis, Cacofonix tries to get Fulliautomatix's attention - but not for the reason Fulliautomatix thinks:Cacofonix: Hey! [taps Fulliautomatix's shoulder]
Fulliautomatix: Eh? [grabs Cacofonix and pounds his head repeatedly] NO, CACOFONIX, YOU ARE NOT, REPEAT NOT, GOING TO SING!!!
Cacofonix: [dazed, as the rest of the villagers head back through the gates] But I wasn't going to sing! I only wanted to tell him he was treading on my toe!
- During our heroes' voyage to Egypt the pirates spot their ship. Edifis is obviously terrified, the pirates are happy... Then Obelix salutes them as old friends, and Redbeard scuttles the ship. Cue Obelix shouting at the pirates while Edifis tries to make sense of what just happened.
- Artifis' first attempt to sabotage the construction of Edifis' palace for Cleopatra involves fomenting rebellion among the slaves, who refuse to return to work unless the whipping decreases, which Edifis fears will put them behind schedule. So Getafix brews some magic potion for the slaves. As usual, he won't let Obelix have any, not that Obelix doesn't try...Getafix: [as Obelix reaches the front of the queue of slaves] No.
Obelix: [stomps off] Oh, all right.
Getafix: [as Obelix reaches the front of the queue again, now wearing an Egyptian cloth on his head] NO!
Obelix: However did he manage to penetrate my disguise?
- The captain of the boat ferrying the stone for the palace has been bribed to "lose" it. He orders his workmen to throw the bricks into the Nile. One guy comments an owl, a person (both underlined), a symbol, and a feather (caption "'Bain't no use argufyin' with he"). Another guy comments an owl laughing madly, a person tapping his head (both underlined by a wavy line), a symbol that has fallen apart, and a tattered feather (caption "Oi reckon gaffer be crazy").note
- When the captain reaches the construction site with a single piece of rock small enough to hold in one hand, he claims the quarries are tapped out and that he still wants travel expenses. Asterix immediately suspects treachery, but he decides to let someone else handle the interrogation. Someone... very persuasive:Obelix: Can I make him talk? Oh, do let me make him talk!
Asterix: All right, but not too hard.
Obelix: [to Exlibris] How do you say: Talk?
Exlibris: [hieroglyphs of a pupilless eye and a man with his right arm raised and left arm lowered]
Obelix: [hieroglyphs of a shakily drawn pupilless eye and a crudely drawn stick figure with its right arm raised and left arm lowered]
[the captain shakes his finger in refusal, so Obelix grabs him and starts beating him senseless, leading to a very long series of hieroglyphics]
Exlibris: [translating] He says Artifis paid him to throw his cargo in the Nile and there's still stone in the quarry, lots of stone, and he'll be happy to go and get it and please don't hit quite so hard and he swears by Isis, Osiris, and Serapis never to do it again.
- The camouflaged detachment.Nebulus Nimbus: (while looking at what looks like a hedge) EXCELLENT, BY MARS AND JUNO! NOW WHO DARES SAY THE ART OF CAMOUFLAGE IS DYING OUT IN THE ROMAN ARMY?!Felonius Caucus: Er... Nebulus Nimbus... that's the garden hedge... the camouflage detachment... (points to a group of legionaries wearing a few twigs) is over there!note
- The man with the Napoleon Delusion. Of course, since this is 45 BC, no-one's got any clue what's up with him.
- The "Tower of Londinium" scene. Obelix and Dipsomaniax escape their cell on the top floor and fight their way to the bottom of the tower. Seconds later, Asterix and Anticlimax enter the tower through the other entrance and fight their way to the top, calling for Obelix. Obelix hears them, and fights his way back up the tower as Asterix fights his way back down, until they finally meet in the middle. This is made doubly funny in the animated version when Obelix' descent involves knocking a legionary into a wall to create a legionary-shaped indentation, and then Asterix' ascent involves converting the indentation into a legionary-shaped hole.Roman: EITHER COME IN OR GO OUT, BUT FOR JUPITER'S SAKE STOP HITTING US!
- The rugby game, in which one of the teams accidentally gets the barrel of magic potion instead of wine. Hilarity Ensues.Obelix: We must bring this game back to Gaul!
- Overeager legionary Oleaginus reacts to Asterix knocking out his decurion (while barely looking up from the Norman he is fighting) by attempting to lead his fellow soldiers in a charge - which ends quickly when he collides with Obelix, who is busy beating up another Norman. Obelix turns his attention to smacking around the Roman for interrupting, and the Norman asks, "Here, what about me?" Which prompts an apology from Obelix; he hadn't realised the Norman might want a go at thumping the Roman, and he obligingly holds him out, offering to split him down the middle. The grateful Norman wastes no time clubbing the foolhardy legionary over the head.
- Obelix walking into a tree upon seeing Panacea for the first time... and effortlessly knocking it over (to the anger of Getafix, who was up in the tree cutting mistletoe at the time).
- Asterix suggests that the smitten Obelix go visit Panacea at her father's house. Obelix bashfully kicks a full-grown tree... again, knocking it over. This is funny in itself, but the cherry on top is that the tree is where Cacofonix's house is.Cacofonix: (red-faced with anger) BUT I WASN'T EVEN SINGING!
- When Obelix sighs three times, it's written as "*deep sigh*", "*deeper sigh*" and "*deepest sigh*".
- While trying to join/infiltrate the Roman legion to find Panacea's lost fiancé, Obelix beats up a Roman patrol that Asterix only wanted to question. Asterix chides him for not being polite. Later Asterix loses his temper with a stubborn guard and punches him skyward. For the rest of the book Obelix uses "being polite" as a euphemism for beating up the Romans.Obelix: I don't see the difference between Asterix's politeness and mine.
- When he tries to literally be polite, Obelix still punches the Roman... but then apologizes afterwards.
- There's another Running Gag in the book where any time a character breaks down in tears someone (usually Obelix) will assume they're in love.
- Anything involving Ptenisnet, the Egyptian tourist drafted into the Roman army who spends the entire rest of the book still blissfully convinced he's on a package tour. On the sea voyage to northern Africa, he follows every comment by the sergeant with hieroglyphs translating as "Old hairy [body part that rhymes with the sergeant's last word]". When the sergeant tells the legionaries that when they get to port, they'll all get their "tot of rum", he cuts off the obvious follow-up from Ptenisnet by shouting, "And if that Egyptian speaks another hieroglyph I will personally throw him overboard!"
- Culminates at the end, when Asterix and Obelix have brought honor to the legion: Ptennisnet remarks that it reminds him of his time in the army.
- When they're being fitted for their uniforms, Obelix insists he's a medium size. Reality Ensues as his cuirass goes flying—and strikes Nefarius Purpus in the face.
- When the Legionaries are taking lunch, Asterix explains to Obelix that the stronger the army, the more disgusting the food is ("that's what keeps the men in a nasty mood"). Comes the food, Asterix tastes it...Asterix (disgusted): I didn't know the Roman army was that strong!
- What is said food? Rations consisting of corn, bacon and cheese. Perfectly palatable food by themselves, had they not all been cooked together in one big glob to save time.
- One of the best occurrences of the Running Gag in which a character is reduced to sobbing because of the new recruits' behaviour and another character decides the first one must be lovelorn: Nefarius Purpus has just led the Ragtag Bunch of Misfits under his command into Caesar's camp, and presents them to the centurion of the watch... except the only person still with him is the translator.Translator: The two Gauls have gone to look for a friend, the Greek found some men playing dice, the Belgian, the Briton, and the Goth went to have a beer, the cook's looking for ingredients for crêpes suzette, and Dubius Status has reported sick. May I fall out now?
[Nefarius Purpus breaks down sobbing onto the centurion of the watch's shoulder]
Centurion: There, there, you'll soon be seeing your girl again!
- After Asterix's band arrives at the camp, each of them wanders into Caesar's tent, culminating in an exasperated "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?!" from Caesar. Just as Nefarius Purpus is telling the legion that they should stop the funny business or it's the guardroom, guess where he's taken.
- The battle between the armies of Caesar and Scipio. The two armies end up completely entangled as a result of conflicting orders from the various officers, to the point that one of the tortoises has soldiers from both Caesar and Scipio's armies in it, and no-one knows which is which. Scipio finally surrenders simply because he can't make sense of what is happening on the battlefield.Ptenisnet: (Speaks a series of hieroglyphs)
Translator: He wants to know what's going on.
Gastronomix: Tell him we're just as confused as he is!
- Accompanying Vitalstatistix to the spa where he's to diet, Asterix and Obelix - who are not on a diet - proceed to drive everyone else insane due to their eating habits. As they leave, Obelix mentions all the culinary delights of Gergovia, as everyone else (Vitalstatistix included) start going over the edge.Cook: Funny... the patients seem rather quiet.(he walks through into the dining room, then wanders back in, beaten up and with a cauldron stuck to his head)Cook: I don't know what came over them! When I took the boiled vegetables in they started acting like madmen! Two or three of them even bit me!
- While wandering around the countryside around Gergovia, the two hear Noxius Vapus (special envoy of Julius Caesar), whom they already humiliated, is nearby.Obelix: Wasn't that the name of that Roman nutcase, Asterix?
Asterix: If so, we've had a crack at him before.
Obelix: (wandering over toward Vapus) Want to go and see?
Asterix: (clearly enjoying what he knows is about to happen) Why not? After all, we're on holiday.
(some brief violence later)
Obelix: Yes, that was him alright.
Asterix: It's always nice to meet an old friend on holiday.
Noxius Vapus: (Beaten up) Most Romans come to these parts to take the waters...I seem to be the only one who comes here to take punishment!
- Speaking of which, during their first encounter with Noxius Vapus, Obelix punches the captain of his guards before he can order his men to attack, leaving the Legionaries unwilling to attack if not given order to do so. Asterix and Obelix then proceed to give the order themselves so the fight will start already.
- Also, the Running Gag Funny Background Event with the four black slaves transporting Noxious Vapus. When first introduced, they look depressed and sad; after Asterix and Obelix's first beat-up of Vapus, they are gleefully smiling. After the second beat up, they clearly are barely containing their laughter; by the time they have to bring their master back to his headquarters beaten up with broken material, they aren't even bothering anymore and are openly laughting their asses off.
- When Noxius Vapus orders Titus Crapulus to stop Asterix and Obelix from leaving garrison HQ to continue their search for the missing Winesanspirix, Crapulus falls in the legionaries, and the following exchange takes place. The funniest part is the very tall legionary in the back row who keeps accidentally smacking the legionary in front of him across the back of the head, knocking off his helmet and leaving him grimacing in pain:Crapulus: ATTEN-SHUN! STAND AT-EASE! COMPANEE-'SHUN! PAY ATTENTION, YOU LOT! AVE!
Legionaries: [saluting, in unison] AVE!
Crapulus: Right! Two strangers may try to break out of these barracks accompanied by an animal of canine breed. The order of the day is: stop them at any cos...
Legionaries: [pointing to their left, in unison] THEY WENT THATAWAY!
- The plot hinged on both the Romans and Asterix and Obelix looking for Vercingetorix' shield. Where was it? Vitalstatistix had it the whole time. Literally, he acquires it in the flashback at the start of the issue, used it to be carried around the village, and brought it with him to the spa.
- Vitalstatistix ends up very thin from his time at the spa... only to immediatly gain back his original weight on the way back home from stopping at every inn on the way.
- The final banquet has a sting in the tail for one of the characters - and it's not the usual one...[at the banquet, there is a very conspicuous empty chair next to Asterix, who is shrugging as he talks to Getafix]
Caption: And once again our story ends with a banquet... everyone is here. Everyone? No, someone is missing. Who can it be? [the next panel shows Cacofonix, happily devouring a leg of boar]note Not him; he's there all right. So who can it be, then? [the next panel shows the outside of Vitalstatistix' hut] ... WHO?
Vitalstatistix: [from inside the hut] But, Impedimenta, I have to sit at the head of the table! I have to go! I'm cured, my love... IMPEDIMENTA! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH THAT SHIELD, ARE YOU?!?
- In the beginning, Geriatrix hears the Romans at Aquarium cheering while picking mushrooms. When telling Asterix, Obelix, Getafix, and Vitalstatistix about it...
- Geriatrix: I was near Aquarium picking mushrooms- They're good over there -when I heard cheering. The Romans seem to be in a very good mood!
Vitalstatistix: Hm... That's odd, Geriatrix. I don't know what to make of them...
Obelix: Soup. Mushroom soup is very nice.
Vitalstatistix: (Red with anger) SOUP?! IS THAT ALL YOU CAN THINK OF, OBELIX?!... (Stomps off) When you get mushrooms, you should make an omelette. That's how the real gourmet eats them!
(Obelix and Geriatrix follow Vitalstatistix)
Obelix: But, Chief Vitalstatistix...
Vitalstatistix: Not another word- I do the ordering around here! We'll have an omelette!
Geriatrix: I was thinking...perhaps on toast...
Getafix: Sometimes I get the impression our friends don't take things seriously enough... It be a bad sign for us if the Romans are in a good mood.
Asterix: So what do you suggest, O druid?
Getafix: Let them stew in their own juice! It brings out the flavour. (Asterix gives a confused Aside Glance)
- The Gauls want to enter the Olympics, but Centurion Veriambitius tells them that only Romans are allowed to enter outside of Greek natives. After he leaves, Asterix happens upon a loophole - as Gaul is part of the Roman Empire, they too count as Romans! Veriambitius stops by later just in time to see the Gauls having a banquet cheering, "WE'RE ROMANS!" "UP WITH US ROMANS!"Veriambitius: These Romans are crazy! I ask you! You fight people, you massacre them, you invade and occupy their territory, and then they turn against you for no reason at all!
- Vitalstatistix is outraged to discover he and the other villagers have fallen victim to Exact Words when the "deck games" and "open air sports" on their boat to Greece mean they'll have to do their own rowing, and even more outraged when the boat's captain levies a two sestertii surcharge per passenger for boarding Redbeard's pirate vessel. He refuses to pay, and they simply continue on... to the still greater outrage of Redbeard, who decided to scuttle his own ship instead of facing an entire boatload of indomitable Gauls!
- At about the beginning of the book, Obelix doesn't understand why they have to fill the cauldron up with money rather than onion soup, which leads to Asterix shouting out, "We need to fill it with MONEY!!!". Some Romans overhear the word 'money' and think that it's payday.
- Asterix trying to sell a herd of boars, and ending up in a shouting contest with another boar salesman. Made doubly funny by Obelix refusing to rise to the occasion.Boar Salesman: BOARS, BOARS! BEST PRIME BOARS!
Asterix: BOOOOOOOAAAAARS, BOOOOOOAAAAARS, BEST PRIME BOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARS!!!
Obelix: [scowling] Boars, boars, best prime boars.
- And when somebody says they will look at the other salesman's boars...Obelix: "That's right. Go and look at his boars, boars, best prime boars!"
- And when somebody says they will look at the other salesman's boars...
- When putting on an unscripted play, Obelix is unsure what to say and is told to say the first thing that comes into his head. After an awkward silence, he says, "These Romans are crazy" and gets chased away by a crowd of offended Romans.
- Redbeard and his pirates have converted their ship into a restaurant after the Gauls ran it aground, but when Asterix and Obelix show up in search of the stolen cauldron and start beating the pirates senseless, Baba the lookout is the only pirate who escapes a beating by hiding in a cauldron, and driving Obelix away by saying "Noooo! There's nothing here but chestnuts!"note As the Gauls walk away, Obelix laments not taking the chestnuts, Asterix says they're not in season... and Obelix has to be restrained from going back.
- The scene with the tax collector (a caricature of once and future Minister of Finance and future President Valéry Giscard d'Estaing), whose dialogue is entirely rendered in tax form fonts:Tax Collector: PLEASE GIVE:1. Your reasons for holding us up
2. An apology
3. Permission for us to proceed[Asterix pushes aside the centurion leading the tax collector's bodyguard]
Occupation: Are you:a) Ordinary passersby?
b) Motivated by friendly intentions?
c) Bandits?Asterix: Give us your money if you don't want to get thumped!
Tax Collector: Occupation: are you:a) Ordinary passersby?
b) Motivated by friendly intentions?
c) (checked) Bandits?[pointing angrily at Asterix] FINAL DEMAND: Do not offer us any physical violence. All claims to be addressed to Caesar, Julius, City of Rome.
[a few minutes later, after Asterix and Obelix have bashed in the tax collector's bodyguards]
Asterix: Now then, hand over your money!
Tax Collector: You will be taxed on the sum of which you are about to take possession
Asterix: [grabs the chest from under the tax collector] I want to fill my cauldron. If there's any money left over you can have a tax return.
Tax Collector: Your instalment on account will be deductible from the sum finally due.
Asterix: [empties the chest into the cauldron] Awfully sorry... it's exactly the amount we need... coming, Obelix? [they leave]
Tax Collector: [livid] A RECEIPT! I WANT A SIGNED RECEIPT!
- Pepe refuses to eat boar and holds his breath until Obelix caves and goes to buy a fish from Unhygienix... only to return home and find that Pepe tried boar and liked it, eating his own and Obelix' boar. Obelix tries to return the fish, with Unhygienix protesting that he doesn't hire out fish; the ensuing argument leads to the village's first fish fight. When Asterix and Obelix approach Unhygienix about hiring his boat, he initially assumes Obelix is there to resume his argument, and waves a fish around in the air with a murderous look in his eye as he roars, "I-DO-NOT-HIRE-OUT-FISH!!!"
- Bacteria thinks that hiring boats is a better idea anyway: "People are so careless. The state they return their fish in..."
- And yet his Sitcom Archnemesis Fulliautomatix does "rent" a fish to hit Cacofonix later to stop him from singing a song of farewell to the travelling Gauls and Spaniard.
- At the beginning of the book, Caesar asks his advisors for ideas on how to deal with the Gauls. Brutus suggests using brute force. Caesar immediately calls him out for his stupidity.
- Convolvulus' talent for causing chaos, even when he's just standing there, ending up in a banquet at Caesar's house turning into a mass brawl. Convolvulus calls for everybody's attention, says that he didn't mean to cause trouble, and says that "if, in the past, you have taken advantage of Caesar's gullibility..." Cue Caesar yelling "Gullible, ME?" and getting a wink from Convolvulus, delighting him with his new secret weapon. Not to mention the casual way he deals with the pirates...
- How Convolvulus'... talents... first became apparent: he was thrown into the Arena with starving lions. The lions then ate each other.
- Part of Convolvulus' plan involves putting on a show of the Romans having Magic Potion. The Legionaries are quite happy to have the Potion, only for Convolvulus to cry out in frustration, "But I explained it all to you! We're just pretending!"
- Magnumopus hitting people on the head and calling it "psychological warfare".
- The final battle is so spread out a map is added to make sense of it. The key contains several gems:10: Druid Getafix awaiting the outcome of the battle beside his cauldron, now empty.
11: Bard Cacofonix asking the druid what it's all about and what, might he ask, is going on?
12: Pirate ship sunk by the Gauls pouring out at (8) full of enthusiasm, discovering on arrival at the beach that there are no Romans available, and deciding not to waste their time anyway, by Toutatis.
14: Fulliautomatix, village blacksmith, seeing a friend.
15: Unhygienix, village fishmonger, friend of the aforementioned.
16 (A Roman centurion looking back and forth between the two): Meeting place of the two friends.
- At the end, Asterix has figured out how to deal with Convolvulus. Instead of beating the nasty little troublemaker up, he shakes hands with him, hailing his ingenuity and saying that his plans worked to perfection, and hands him the vase that Convolvulus gave him earlier, saying that it's a bonus over and above what the Gauls had already paid him. The village then gives him three cheers...and the Romans promptly arrest him, sending him back to Rome to face treason charges.
- In the beginning, Vitalstastistix fires his normal shield-carriers and hires Asterix and Obelix. Due to the size difference, Vitalstastistix ends up on a slant, looking patently ridiculous. Asterix suggests Obelix carry the chief on his own, but Vitalstastistix feels that would make him look like a half-pint chief. When Obelix asks to leave to polish his menirs, Vitalstastistix gets upset and declares that while he's normally mild, he's feeling rather bitter right then. Cut to Obelix carrying Vitalstastistix with one arm like a waiter, attracting more laughter.Getafix: What is Obelix doing?
Asterix: He's serving a half-pint of mild and bitter!
- The Roman orgies at both Varius Flavus' palace in Condatum and Curius Odus' palace in Geneva are parades of visual humour. The fondue orgy in particular has a Running Gag of a guest who has lost both legs and so gets about in a small cart; as melted cheese gets everywhere, his cart gets more and more caught up in it, to his growing frustration, until finally he is lifted off the ground as the other guests are covered in melted cheese from head to foot.
- While they are invited as guests to a feast by some locals, Asterix suggests to Obelix that the sooner they eat, drink and sing, the sooner they can get away from the pursuing Romans. Obelix stubbornly takes this too literally and immediately eats all the fondue, drinks all the wine and drunkenly tries to yodel before passing out.
- Asterix, Obelix and Getafix try to stop the construction by using acorns treated with a magic potion to instantly regrow trees that were torn down the night before. They go back to Asterix's hut for some lunch and this dialogue ensues:Obelix: Oh, look, I've still got one of those acorns left!Asterix: NO! OBELIX, DON'T THROW IT AWAY![next panel shows the three of them sitting at the table...at the top of a tree that has grown out through the roof of the hut!]Asterix: AND NOW YOU CAN UPROOT THIS ONE FOR ME!Obelix: Dogmatix wouldn't like that... We'd better move house. I say, you're right, oak trees do grow fast!
- Vitalstatix promises his brother in law a stew flavored... With Caesar's laurel wreath. And sends Asterix and Obelix to collect it. In his defense, he was drunk...
- When Asterix and Obelix first enter Humerus' home, they quickly get on the bad side of his major-domo, Goldendelicius, who angrily calls the two Gauls out on their expected favored treatment due to coming from the prestigious House of Typhus - much to their bemusement, especially Obelix's when he calls them "delicate".
- Asterix' first ploy to get himself and Obelix sacked as Humerus' slaves is to throw everything in the kitchen into a single cauldron; when Humerus' major-domo tastes the stew, he turns white, then red, then green, then blue, then he flips upside-down, breathes fire, and begins growling in an almost feral way before coughing up bubbles (one of the ingredients having been carbolic soap). When the stew is served to Humerus and his family, it somehow cures his son Metatarsus' massive hangover, and as the shaken Humerus compliments the Gauls but releases them from future duties in the kitchen, Obelix sneaks a taste of the stew. As they return to the kitchen, this exchange occurs:Asterix: I don't understand... how can they have liked it?
Obelix: You're right... it was a bit insipid. (Asterix is dumbfounded)
- Their second ploy, starting up a raucous midnight parade, goes horribly right when instead it inspires the family to throw their own wild, night-long party, resulting in the two Gauls holing up in their room and trying desperately to block out the noise.Obelix: I say, Asterix, do you think we could resell these Romans?
- During Roman Triumphs, the triumphing general parades through the city on a chariot while behind him there's a slave holding a laurel wreath over his head. Same should be for Caesar's Triumph... But as Asterix and Obelix did indeed collect Caesar's laurel wreath, the slave (formerly Humerus' majordomo) is holding a wreath of parsley and desperately hoping Caesar won't notice, while Caesar wonders why does he feel like a fish.
- While Prolix in this book (and the animated film which combines it with Asterix and the Big Fight) is an antagonist that leeches off the entire village and drives a stake between them and our heroic duo as a result, he gets ridiculously funny once the Romans capture him, and his situation grows worse and worse. He tries his usual schtick on the centurion to get him on his side, only to find out that they have orders to arrest all Gaul prophets. Then he backpedals, but he already told the centurion so many lies he wanted to hear that he wants to keep him around. For the rest of the book, Prolix tries to come up with utter random bullshit just to prove he's a not a prophet - but everything he says keeps coming true, just worsening the situation further, as the centurion wants to keep him around and will flay him if he finds he's lying, and his right hand man wants to arrest Prolix. You would feel sorry for him if you weren't laughing so hard.
- Impedamenta reveals that her pet name for Vitalstatistix was "piggy wiggie". This causes Asterix and Obelix to completely lose it.
- The pirates' boat is sunk by an exploding cheese. Seriously. (Based on the French stereotype that Corsican cheese has a smell that would knock an elephant unconscious.) The Roman governor Perfidus recognizes it's Corsican cheese by the fact it exploded.
- In the same book, based on another French stereotype of Corsicans, all people from Corsica wield spring knives, except for one who has a spring spear instead, which has a malfunction.
- Obelix can't tell a Corsican chieftain from a boar.
- "I do not like it when people talk to my sister." [click]
- As the corrupt Roman praefect is planning his escape back to Rome on a ship using the enslaved pirates as a crew, he takes time to explain Captain Redbeard how he intends to abandon his entire legions to the Corsicans and get rid of the Corsican legionary who helped him on the way back home:Redbeard: And you mean what you said? After this, you'll give us the ship and freedom?Praefect: What could make you doubt my good faith? (Redbeard gives a blank stare to the reader)
- The titular gift: as per Roman use, legionaires who complete their service get a plot of land as a reward, and the one who was drunk for most of it and just spent his last night as a soldier in jail for drunk and disorderly and insulting Caesar received an entire village... In Armorica, surrounded by four Roman garrisons.
- After a fight with Asterix, Obelix goes to the inn for a drink, and... "A goat's milk, please!"
- Once Orthopaedix is asked to bury the boar and Roman helmet Obelix gave his family:Orthopaedix: If anyone ever decides to go digging up the past behind our house, he'll have a few archaeological problems in his hands!
- The book opens with another fish fight breaking out after Fulliautomatix cannot resist making a joke on "smelt" in front of a seething Unhygienix. Asterix and Obelix return from a boar hunt to see all the villagers except Getafix and Cacofonix involved in the brawl, and Obelix remarks that he doesn't see why fish are worth fighting over - he never eats them. One of the fighters shouts, "Well you should! Fish is good for the brain!" An enraged Obelix roars, "WHO SAID THAT!?" and charges into the fray. (In the animated version, Asterix in America, Obelix is instead upset that the other villagers are having so much fun (i.e., fighting) without them, and jumps into the Big Ball of Violence.)
- The competitive rampage the visiting Armoricans and the Belgians go on brings out the best of the Romans' Deadpan Snarker tendencies, while when Redbeard and his pirates get caught in the crossfire, the Romans are singularly uninterested in their grievances:[a Roman camp in tatters, with bruised and battered legionaries]
Vitalstatistix: We just wanted you to know that we're from Armorica.
Centurion: Didn't your mother ever teach you how to introduce yourself politely?
[a different Roman camp in the same state as the first]
Brawnix: You can tell Caesar that we're Belgian.
Centurion: I'm sure he'll just love that news.
[a third Roman camp, also in ruins, as are its legionaries]
Redbeard: See this board? We're neutrals, and...
Centurion: AND THE WHOLE BUNCH OF YOU ARE AS NUTTY AS THEY COME!!!
[a bruised centurion, lying on the ground]
Centurion: You're Armoricans? How madly interesting!
[another bruised centurion, also lying on the ground]
Centurion: Oh, you're Belgian, are you? Pleased to meet you, I'm sure. My regards to your good lady.
Beefix: [off panel] And hers to you, too.
[one final ruined Roman camp with equally ruined soldiers; the pirates are trying to talk to the heavily bruised centurion]
Centurion: [jumping up and down with rage] I HAVEN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR YOUR SHIP! KINDLY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'VE HAD A HARD DAY'S FIGHT AS IT IS!!!
- When Asterix goes to report the baby's abandonment on his doorstep to Vitalstatistix, Impedimenta acidically remarks that if a baby is left on a single man's doorstep (pointing out that foundlings are usually left in temples or with druids), "people are bound to think things!" Asterix asks, "Things? What things?" Cue individual panels of Getafix, Cacofonix, and Vitalstatistix looking at Asterix as if to say, "Just why was the baby left on your doorstep?", to Asterix' outrage.
- When the baby, who drank some potion, hits one of the Romans, they run off.Roman 1: Big Gauls have little Gauls upon their backs to bite 'em.Roman 2: Or us! And little Gauls have lesser Gauls...Roman 3: And so ad infinitum!Roman 4: Shut up and keep going!
- Asterix is in Vitalstatistix's house when Obelix pops in, carrying a menhir;Vitalstatistix: Obelix, my boy, I wish to goodness you'd take your menhir off when you come indoors!
Obelix: But, chief, menhirs are high fashion indoors as well as out!
Vitalstatistix: (Panel shows large hole where door used to be) Too high for MY door by half, you idiot!
- Asterix and Obelix prove incapable, to say the least, at looking after a magic potion-enhanced baby, as they keep leaving him unattended. The first time, he goes on a tear through the village, bashing in every front door he can get near. This leads to a hilarious Correlation/Causation Gag:Villager: [talking to a second villager through what's left of his front door] ... I don't get it! I simply sneezed, opened my eyes... and look!!
- The Gossipy Hens tendencies of the village wives gets worse when centurion Crismus Cactus, disguised as wetnurse Aspidistra, shows up and asks for Asterix by name, making several of the villagers think that she's the baby's real mother and Asterix is the father. Asterix ends up moving out of the house for a while to quell the rumors.
- Cactus/Aspidistra tries to kidnap the baby under cover of night but the baby starts to cry. The legionary sings so that nobody will hear the baby, but only succeeds in waking up the entire village.Crismus Cactus/Aspidistra: [as the baby cries loudly] ♫ IT WAS SOLSTICE DAY IN THE CULINA... ♫
Voice 1: AND A VERY UNHAPPY SOLSTICE TO YOU TOO!
Voice 2: PUT A SOCK IN IT, WILL YOU?
Cacofonix: ONLY BARDS HAVE THE RIGHT TO SING!
Voice 3: CALL THAT SINGING?note
Impedimenta: WILL SOMEBODY MAKE THAT WOMAN SHUT UP?
Vitalstatistix: There, there, Pedimenta!
Village cockerel: COCK-A-DOODLE-DO!
Crismus Cactus/Aspidistra: [thought bubble] Foiled!
- Cleopatra somehow sneaking up on everyone with her usual giant chariot, not being noticed until she announces who's the baby's father... And Asterix and others were looking in her direction.
- When the village leaders are in Vitalstatistix's hut and discussing the Fakir's request to take Cacofonix back to his kingdom to end the drought, Cacofonix protests that his singing does not cause rain, and sings to prove it. It starts raining inside the hut! (Obelix doesn't understand why Impedimenta is so upset; not every Gaulish hut has running water laid on!)
- The scene when the female legionaries have gotten instated. (Their introduction also qualifies, with all of the legionaries having a reaction in the vein of Head-Tiltingly Kinky.)Legionary 1: If women can join the legions now, what use are we going to be?Legionary 2: I could tell you! I wouldn't even mind being a domesticus in that camp!
- At the start, Caesar swears he'll feed admiral Crustacius to the lions if he can't recover his galley. In the end the galley is destroyed, but Crustacius is now a statue... So Caesar, who always keeps his word, puts him in the arena as a statue with the caption "In memory of the silliest Sausage in Rome", hoping that one day lions will develop a taste for granite.
- Cleopatra's face when she asks Caesar about the statue and gets the answer above (Caesar doesn't tell her it's the actual Crustacius transformed into a statue). Cleopatra and her pet leopard share a very confused look.
- Obelix thinks he's caught the eye of one of the Kushite racers Kweenlatifer, one of two African Jungle Princess-types. Turns out she just think Dogmatix is cute. This later leads to her giving a kiss reward to Dogmatix. When he chases after the Kushite racers, the heartbroken Obelix immediately tells him to heel.
- The Imperturbable Englishmen, who manage to lose both wheels and still keep a Stiff Upper Lip. And one of them is named Madmax!
- The racers eventually enter Umbria and get stopped by a Roman blockade, which let Coronavirus through earlier. When the blockade's centurion expects to make the other racers go through customs, they wisely respond to him in the usual manner.
- The Italian version has a couple improvements:
- Obelix's Catchphrase "These Romans are crazy". Why? It's translated as "Sono Pazzi Questi Romani", written this way to parallel the Roman motto "Senatus Populusque Romani" ("The Roman Senate and People").
- In the modern day, Romans are people from Rome. Thus all the Romans speak in Romanesco, Rome's dialect.
- The very fact that Obelix is a menhir delivery man. Why would he deliver such a seemingly useless thing? A short story in Asterix and the Class Act mentions that historians do not know the historical purpose of menhirs, and neither do any of the characters. Whatever it was, they probably weren't "delivered" by anyone. As Getafix puts it in Obelix and Co., "We've been using menhirs for centuries, and we still don't know what they're for".
- Asterix & Obelix XXL 2: Mission Las Vegum is pretty much a glorified reference overdosed game loaded with funny moments, but here's a few highlights:
Sam Shieffer: My name is Sam Shieffer, Gaul. And I should know a traitor when I see one. I'm a traitor myself: traitor to Rome! I'll not betray treachery 'til treason has reason of Caesar.Obelix: Funny, but I didn't understand a word from what he said, Asterix.
- Sam Shieffer introducing himself to the Gauls.
- When you free Kerosen after the second boss fight, you're granted with what must be one of the funniest cutscenes of the game. The druid only says "Good", "No" and "Thank you" in a grave voice while Asterix try to have a discussion with him.
- The cutscene that plays when you deliver Suchafuss. Compared to Kerosen, Suchafuss moves and speak real fast, so fast Asterix can't even finish a single sentence without being interrupted by the druid.
- Every time you access a new area in Las Vegum, Sam Shieffer tells the Gaulish duo there's a secret entrance behind a block. And every time, Obelix tells Sam Shieffer to hold it for them, forgetting that not everybody has supernatural strenght like him. What's even funnier is that Sam Shieffer digged a hole to access the Seize Us Palace before Asterix and Obelix arrived.
- In Asterix at the Olympic Games, right after you've sent enough romans in a target to open a door to help Lovestorix who's chariot has been destroyed by two Legionnaries, Asterix then interrupts one of the two attackers. Cue this gem:Asterix: That's not fair play, that, Roman.Roman: And your goat, does he play fair ?Asterix: (record scratch and beat) Well, I never. (he then removes his helmet and headbutt the Roman, making the later collapse, then proceeds to put his helmet back on his head) I don't have a goat, but that's no reason to disrespect him.
- Even funnier in the French dub. Just replace "Goat" by "Sister"...