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- After an emotional speech on finally joining That Guy with the Glasses, he shows that his review is Kesha's "Blah Blah Blah" (Oh dear Jesus.) and once he starts listening, his reaction is to quit reviewing... for 10 seconds.
- "Did someone actually sit down and compose this, or did they just throw things at a synthesizer from across the room?!" Cue Todd doing this by throwing various things at his piano including a large stuffed Tails doll
- "I hate every second of this. Everything about this song is unpleasant. This actually smells bad. I can smell this through my speakers and it's awful!"
- His reaction to the line "Turn around boy/Let me hit that"Todd: I don't think I understand the mechanics here.
Ke$ha: ♪Don't be a little bitch with your chit-chat/Just show me where your dick's at♪
Todd: It's between his legs. You know, the crotch area, that's where it usually is on most guys. You should know that. I mean, not that I'm making any assumptions about your character here, but I'm pretty sure you are well acquainted with the location of the penis.
- This:Todd: Try and wrap your head around the irony that the whole point of the song is that Ke$ha, the most annoying person in the world, thinks someone else needs to shut up! Ke$ha, who sounds like a drunk hamster, thinks someone else needs to shut up! Who in the world could be so annoying that Ke$ha has to tell them to shut up?! Well, let's find out.
3OH!3: ♪You be delaying\ You always be saying some shit♪
Todd: Oh good, the douchebag duo have arrived. These guys are called 3OH!3, they had one hit last year called "Don't Trust Me".
3OH!3: ♪Shush girl, shut your lips\ Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips♪
Todd: Helen Keller wasn't mute, you morons!
- Song Title: "I Wanna Fuck You". Hidden meaning: I wanna fuck you.
- After finding out that the song is "Sexy Bitch", not "Sexy Chick", Todd gets... rather annoyed.Todd: What? PROFANITY? THIS SHALL NOT STAND! I demand we go back to the edited version, so that I might protect my ears from this controversial lyrics! Ooh, big controversy! Changed one word. Whoop-dee-doo. I remember ten years ago, we had big hit songs from Eminem, Jay-Z, DMX that were so filthy, half the song would be missing. You kids today are sheltered.
- Todd explains the "Virgin-Whore Complex" and then says that Akon appears to have a slightly altered version.Subtitles: Bitch-whore complex
Todd: (turns to look at subtitles, turns back to his piano) Fix that.
Subtitles: Chick-whore complex
Todd: There we go.
- Hidden meaning: I'm a moron!
- The list of three-syllable words he came up with to replace "sexy chick":
- And then there's this:Todd: Oh, this is great, too. He's not just complimenting this girl, he's defending her honour.
Akon: ♪They say she low down, that's just a rumour and I don't believe them♪
Todd: How dare thy stain my good lady's name! Her! The most sexiest of all biatches!
- In keeping with the censorship theme of the episode:Todd: If I haven't made this clear, I think this song is a—
Todd: —king piece of dog—
Todd: And I have no idea why anyone listens to it, even by the low, low standards of dance music. And I've spent God knows how long studying it. I mean, that's just... one of those things that really just makes you really just feel bad about what you've done with your life, you know? So that's all. Good night. I'm gonna read some classic literature or something.
Hidden meaning: He's gonna watch some pirated episodes of iCarly.
Todd: SHUT UP!
- This:will.i.am: This is what's gonna take the Peas into 3008...
Todd; Stop saying that.
- Fergie's "acoustic album". Which is just Fegie's vocals from "My Humps" over what sounds like the intro to Kansas' "Dust In The Wind"
- After making the obvious "I'm a bee" Mondegreen:Todd: Yeah, I'm under no impression that this is some kind of clever observation on my part. It's not clever because everyone has thought the same thing! I'm thinkin' it, you're thinkin' it, Vice President Biden is thinkin' it, we're all thinkin' it because it's simply what they're saying! This is the only possible way to interpret what they're saying. They're saying that they're bees. They're telling us that they're big buzzing bees! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Nicolas Cage: Oh, not the bees! Not the bees! AAAHHHHHH!!!
- "This isn't a song; it's a YTMND!"
- Calculating how many times Todd heard "Imma Be". The result is "infinity times five".
- Let's not forget:Fergie: ♪Imma be the flyest chick, Imma be spreadin' my wangs♪
Todd: Wait, what?! Ugh, skippin' that.
- And...will.i.am: ♪Imma be a brother, but my name ain't Lehman / Imma be a bank, I be loanin' out _____♪
Todd: Well, I don't know. This is tough. Free men? G-Men? Se— No. No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO NO, NO!!!
will.i.am: ♪Imma be a bank / I be loanin' out semen♪
Todd: URGH, AGH!! WHY DID THAT JUST HAPPEN? Did he just... compare himself... to a sperm bank??? Why did he think that anyone wanted to hear that?! And does he realise that people also deposit sperm into sperm banks?
Captions: Analogy Backfire!
- "We're not robots." "You sure?"
- As well as...Todd:If I heard one more droning repetition of "Imma be", I was gonna shoot myself or something.
Peas: ♪Imma be, Imma be! Imma be, Imma be ♪
Todd: URGH! (puts gun to head in various places and repeatedly shoots, with no luck) ...This is not a real gun.
- His response to these lines:will.i.am: ♪Why don't you put it on the blog? / Rockin' like this my job♪Todd: Sure, let me get right on that... [gets out a keyboard] Dear LiveJournal... rockin' like this his jowb!Captions: Happy?
- He mentions that the music video includes a second song called "Rock That Body", When the song starts playing, he says that it's not a bad song at all. Then Fergie starts singing in a voice so heavily Auto-Tuned that she sounds like a chipmunk, and Todd abruptly switches to "Okay, we're done."
- "Hey, true story— Nic Cage was actually shouting "Not the Peas!" He can't take the Black Eyed Peas anymore, either."
- "The way she's come to dominate the conversations about pop music in so little time is a little disturbing. I myself have already done a detailed and thoughful analysis of her last single 'Bad Romance'"
- He compares the song's lyrical content to this:Todd: ♪Got an itchy leg/Got an itchy leg/Oh what an itch on my leg, leg, leg/It's an itchy, itchy itch on my leg, leg, leg/What can I do about this itch on my leg?/It's an itch on my-♪ (stops singing) SCRATCH YOUR LEG YOU IDIOT! Stop singing. Scratch your leg.
- "Lady Gaga does not like using words, and will avoid them wherever possible. Soon, she will communicate only in her own made-up alien space language, and we will be the stupid ones for not understanding it."
- Ok, it's at this point that the whole thing reveals itself as a giant Tarantino ripoff, up to and including stealing the Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill, which is not cool. If there is one thing that Tarantino does not stand for, it is taking ideas from other filmmakers. (long pause)
- "I think at this point, Lady Gaga has racked up a higher kill count than Eminem, Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson combined."
- "I cannot believe it's taken this long for Beyonce to kill a guy."
- "This slaughter is brought to you by Wonder Bread. Wonder Bread! Helps kill strong bodies 12 ways. Now begin the murder dance!"
- This:Todd: I'd like to dip my McNuggets in your... special sauce. How 'bout I give you a little Cheeseburger in Paradise? Can you supersize me?
Timbaland: ♪I can tell the way you like it baby, supersize♪
Todd: Oh, wait they actually used that one. I can't get keep up; I can't make this worse than it is!
- "'Your body's like a carry out?' That doesn't mean anything. That's not even a single entendre! It's a .3 entendre at best!"Captions: Unless they mean they're literally going to eat her.
- I do want to give credit to the music video director, because this 50's drive-in thing is the only way the entire concept makes any sense. Although, I think this woman here is supposed to look like Ronald McDonald, and believe me, I'm not attracted to Ronald McDonald. I only wake up with the King.
- Is this just a really well disguised Weird Al song? If it is, I think the guy can sue for plagiarism. He certainly wouldn't be able to parody it. What would he be able to do with it?? Or maybe this stems from Justin's work with the Saturday Night Live guys. This has more in common with "Dick in a Box" than the average pop song. Maybe Justin pitched this song to them, but had to record it on his own because the guys who wrote "Jizz in My Pants" thought it was too stupid!
- "♪Ba da bababaa! I'M HUMPIN' IT.♪"
- Todd's attempt at Erotic Eating of fast food. Once he starts rubbing a cheeseburger all over his chest, the follow-up text is "I SINCERELY HOPE MY FAMILY NEVER SEES THIS" makes one giggle. Especially since he tweeted that his little sister found out and laughed at him about it during Thanksgiving.
- This line:Todd: Okay, for the record, I've always liked Timbaland's beats, and this is no exception. I like the beat to this. Yet somehow that only makes it worse. I can imagine Timbaland laboring over the beat for weeks, adjusting the snare and remixing the bass and the treble and rewriting...and then he puts a bunch of fast food pick-up lines over it?! I mean, that's like if James Cameron took seven years and $500 million worth of CGI to make a movie that consisted entirely of a guy getting hit in the nuts!(and the subtitles say it still would have been better than Avatar)
- And then Although he notes that McDonald's famous ba-da-bop-ba-baa jingle was actually from Justin Timberlake and then he says that Justin should've written something a little less sexual. (To tune of McDonald's jingle) Ba-da-bop-ba-baa, I'm humpin' it.
- And then:Todd: Or, then again, maybe the simple fact is that we've all gotten so goddamn fat that even our sex jams are about food now! Not even sexy food fast food! This song is targeted to the kind of person who's turned on by the thought of fry grease and mayonnaise!
- And then:
- "BIEBERRRRRRRRRR!!! Oh, I hate this kid! I'd lock him in a burning building if given the chance. The first second I heard him sing, I wanted him dead! And that was before I even got a look at him. I'm not sure I can come up with a rational reason for why I hate this thumb-sucking, bed-wetting little freak of nature. Just look at him with that stupid smirk on his face, stupid bowl-cut hairdo, stupid grey hoodie pulled over his head! You look like a LOSER dressed like that, Bieber! A LOSER!!!"
- Todd mistaking Jimmy Osmond for Justin Bieber.
- Todd taking the time to be a Grammar Nazi about the lyrics of the chorus, then going into a tirade about the writing.Todd: I think we've all spotted the major problem here. The problem obviously is that they use the word "a" instead of "an". You see, when the indefinite article precedes a word that begins with a vowel sound, you're supposed to use the word "an" instead of "a". How did they miss that? That's just something everyone involved should've realized. That's just basic third-grade material. And speaking of basic third-grade material, EENIE MEENIE MINEY MO LOVER?!?!?!? HOW?! STUPID?! DO THEY THINK I AM?! I've heard bad lyrics, I've heard lazy lyrics, I've heard dumb lyrics, but this is so far beyond that, it is downright disrespectful. I feel personally insulted by this. There's no excuse. There is no reason why anyone could have or should have written a song that sounds like a collaboration between R. Kelly and Lamb Chop!
- "Consider Sean Kingston: Fat, can't dance, kind of ugly, not overloaded with dignity. Yeah, he sounds like Ray Charles next to Justin freaking Bieber".
- "Justin, make us believe that Shawty is an Eenie Meenie Miny Mo Lava."
- "I just heard Justin Bieber rap. This has not been a good day."
- The exact instant at the end of his comparison to "Fire Burning" where he notes that "Eenie Meenie" even rips off the other song's rap bridge... and then remembers that the song has one.
- "In "Eenie Meenie", the girl's only crime is being indecisive. It seems to me she has all the right in the world to be indecisiveher only choices are the fat doofus and the toddler! [imitating girl] Oh, you smell like hamburgers. So, like, I'm going over here. Oh my God, you're wearing Spongebob sneakers? Ew, I'm going back to the fat guy."
- "I'd have to step back and reconsider this one, even if I were a screaming preteen Bieber fan, or a screaming... Kingston fan. I don't know what a Sean Kingston fan would look like."◊Todd: (in a commentary) Mad photoshop skills!
- "And I've never been in love with my wife! It's all been a lie!"
- "Everyone eventually succumbs to the awesome undeniable sex appeal of Justin (Todd notices Bieber's outfit)....what is he wearing?! Pink shirt, red belt, that is the least heterosexual outfit I've ever seen. And...is he wearing lipstick? What is wrong with this kid's mouth?"
- After mishearing the lyrics, he comments: "Her drugs are yellow... She wanted you to know."
- "Hey— Heyyyyyyyyy — soooooooooo — *giggle that's not as cute as you think it is* Ya lub ya lub"
- Adding that the giggle is probably in the lyrics sheet.
- Todd spends all of the episode completely hungover, and constantly wonders exactly what it was that drove him to drink so heavily. Features: Alejandro.
- To add to that, the song that plays at the end of the video is "The Piano Has Been Drinking".
- The culture clash. He plays the Italian themed song "That's Amore" followed by the "Oriental Riff", and ends it with with the subtitle proclaiming "VIVE LA FRANCE!"
- "There's a whole lot of Catholic imagery. I guess in this scene, she's a nun and she's being raped by a whole crowd of maniacs. Now, if I recall correctly, that's also the plot of Nightmare on Elm Street 5, so if she gives birth to Freddy Krueger in the next video, remember: I called it."
- "We are the Borg."
- "Seriously, poor Alejandro. She won't hey him say her name. And meanwhile, she's off having orgies with a bunch of bowl-cut gay soldiers"
- "I'm done being surprised by Lady Gaga. She has used up her shock potential at this point. I genuinely don't believe that there's anything she could do—" [Gaga's face starts dissolving] "AH! AH! OH GOD! OH GOD!"
- The M.I.A and Joanna Newsom part.
- At the beginning, after playing the piano style of it, he stays quiet for barely a beat, then screams with a LOT of Enthusiasm "PEACE UP! A TOWN DOWN!" and cuts to "Yeah".
- I'm sure we go to feel all those searing, intimate details on the third single, OMG, which I assume stands for "Overwhelming Marital Grief." *sigh* No, it stands for exactly what you think it stands for. And not in the sense of "OMG, my life is falling apart because my wife left me." No, "OMG, there's a hot girl over there, who I'd like to touch with my genitals."
- Comparing Usher's use of "gosh" to Napoleon Dynamite and Goofy.
- "What are you, a Jehovah's Witness? You know, you can say "God" on the radio, now. What, are you afraid people are gonna hear you take the Lord's name in vain? Your last single was about banging two chicks at once! It's a little late to start courting the Southern Baptist crowd."
- "Although let's not blame the crowd for this. Usher's the one that said it, despite the fact that he's a grown-ass man! First, 'gosh', now 'boobies'?! What are you, nine?!"
- Any time he references the sampled crowd chanting.Todd: "What's going on here? What is that sound? Who's chanting in the background? Did they record this at a pep rally? Who are these people supposed to be? Are they cheering Usher on, as he picks up this girl at the club? Does the night club have, like, a wall of bleachers with people shouting, buying hot dogs, doing the wave? ...At least they're not breaking out the vuvuzelas."
- Usher: ♪Honey got some boobies like wow oh wow\ Girl, you know I'm lovin' your\ Lovin' your style♪
Captions: NOT A RHYME! NOT A RHYME! NOT A RHYME!
Todd: Oh, my God! I'm hitting the "Not a Rhyme" button as hard as I possible can! No, no, no, NO! "Style" is in no way shape or form, an acceptable rhyme for "wow." In fact, that's probably why your wife left you. Here, it's right in the divorce papers. "Petitioner files for divorce on the grounds that respondent rhymed 'style' with 'wow.'
- The running gag of him hitting on Obscurus Lupa with lines from the song.Todd: Damn you's a sexy bitch!
Lupa: Good night, Todd.
Todd: So, heh, what are you wearing?
Lupa: It's a webcam, Todd, you can see what I'm wearing.
Todd: Shorty, you got a booty like pow pow pow. And boobies like wow oh wow.
Lupa: Do I need to get a restraining order?
- "This is not a good use of your Usher!"
- "1987: What the *beep* is going on!?"
- Discussing "Shake You Down":Gregory Abbott: ♪Eeny-meeny miney-mo...♪
Todd: Oh no, Bieber flashback, AH AH AH AH!
- Also, his astonishment that this song is number 3 on the year end Hot 100 for 1987, leading to him joking that Gregory Abbott was basically 1987's The Beatles. When in reality, he had never heard of this song, or Gregory Abbott. He also lists all the artists Abbott ended up ahead of, a veritable who's-who of The 80s.
- He compares the chorus to another 1987 list: Bob Seger's "Shakedown".Todd: Yeah, Seger knows what he's talking about. Oh, and by the way: "Shakedown" by Bob Seger... another hit from 1987 this song was bigger than. (*shrug*)
- "One thing that I promised myself when I put this list together was that it was gonna have all the songs I legitimately hated the most, not the easiest targets or the ones that gave me the most material. I mean, look at this. (playing a clip from "Respect Yourself") It's Bruce Willis! Bruce freaking Willis singing and dancing, and people were actually listening to this! I guess he was Moonlighting as a singer. Too bad his music career Died Hard! Ha!
- Lionel Richie's "Ballerina Girl" is a father-daughter song so saccharine, sentimental and boring it makes "Butterfly Kisses" sound like "Enter Sandman". I realize there's a place in this world for quieter songs, but this song is so slow, I think the tempo is written in negative numbers.
- After telling us who "Ballerina Girl" was written about, Todd plays it over scandalous photos of her hanging out with Paris Hilton.
- Intercutting Europe's Glurge-y ballad "Carrie" with scenes of the prom from Carrie.
- His fakeout intro for #3, in which he used Starship to set up how an act can "evolve" over 10-20 years (ultimately in reference to Chicago and Peter Cetera).Todd: So... how do you take a band like this:
Grace Slick: Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love?
Todd: And then eventually get them to make this?
Mickey Thomas: We built this city!
Todd: I don't have any answers for this one, either. "We Built This City" is the song everyone thinks of when they pick on Starship. But their big hit in '87 was "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" off the Mannequin soundtrack, if you can believe that. And that song is really, honestly, and truly, one of my favorite songs of the decade. (beat) No, I'm not kidding.
- "Peter Cetera is one of the true real life villains of The 80s, right up there with Ayatollah Khomeini, Pablo Escobar, the guy who shot The Pope. Peter Cetera is a war criminal, Peter Cetera made the stock market crash, Peter Cetera killed my dog."
- "Apparently, Peter Cetera was also worried that he might not be able to suck as hard without Chicago, so he actually recruited a contemporary Christian singer to duet with him-a move so evil, I cannot believe James Bond never showed up to assassinate him!"Peter Cetera: ♪Next time I fall in love\ I'll know better what to do\ Next time I fall in love Wooh-ooh-ooh-WOOH!♪ (??)
- After number 3, Todd thinks he's done with boring soft ballads. Well...nope, and nope.
- "♪Kenny G, he's a stupid looking guy... and he plays his goddamn saxophone, it makes me want to die... He's playing... Why am I sitting here listening to Kenny freaking G?!?! Why am I doing this?! Why?! God, make it♪— [Beeeeep]"
- Todd: They first hit the charts in 1999 with a song called 'Meet Virginia', and it was ok despite some shaky songwriting choices such as rhyming 'president' with 'president' and lines such as this.
Patrick Monahan: ♪Loves babies and surprises\ Wears high heels when she exercises♪
Todd: Apparently, Train frontman Pat Monahan is really into very stupid women with broken ankles. Anyway they followed that with "Droppings of Jupiter", or whatever, wherein Monahan further elaborated on his exercise fetish.
Monahan: ♪She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo♪
Todd: And then they had another hit with "Calling All Angels", which I believe was written entirely to soundtrack TV promos on the Hallmark Channel. And that was seven years ago, and I hadn't heard a single thing from them since. So I'd just assumed that Train's career had derailed.
Todd: But to my eternal surprise, Train kept a-rollin'...
Captions: More pun!
Todd: ...and in a story of perseverance that would be downright heartwarming if I didn't have ears Train has made an amazing comeback with a song six billion times worse than anything they ever recorded.
- "If I had a choice to eliminate one kind of song from the entire universe, it would be the smuggly insincere love songs sung by douchey frat guys on acoustic guitars... (gun shots fire on a John Mayer album cover) ...Or in this case, I guess, played by Howie Mandel on ukuleles."
- "Yeah, do that dance, that sexy dance you do to Mr. Mister!? Oh yeah, I love the way your body moves to this droning no-tempo butt-ugly song that never starts. Oh man, this song always takes me back to when I would just spend hours staring sullenly at the wall. I'd dance to the Postal Service before I danced to that!"
- At the end of the chorus, Todd predicts what word Pat Monahan will end it with.Todd: Tonight—
Pat Monahan: Tonight!
Todd: Of course! Of course! How else was that line gonna end?! That's exactly how they say to end that line in The Complete Hack's Guide to Songwriting!
- "These lyrics are so bad, that the words are actively trying to escape from the song. Run! Run, little words! Run to where the bad man can't abuse you! Oh, and for the love of GOD! What the hell happened to Pat Monahan's voice?? I was never a Train fan, but I certainly don't remember him having that nasally, helium whine in his vocals before. Gentlemen, the operation was a complete success! We have taken this man's vocal cords and successfully replaced them with a squeaking rubber ducky! [beat] Why did we do that?"
- Upon finding out that the song was emulating INXS.Todd: INXS. You were trying to sound like INXS. You were trying to emulate one of the sexiest bands of all time, and instead...you wrote "Hey, Soul Sister". My God! That's like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead caught SYPHILIS! How does that level of failure even exist??
- "CHEST HAIR!"
- The Lightning Round part of the song.Patrick Monahan: ♪The way you can cut a rug♪
Todd: Who the hell still says "Cut a rug", grandpa?
Monahan: ♪Watching you is the only drug I need♪
Todd: That line is so worn out it has holes in it. Try something original.
Monahan: ♪I'm so gangsta, I'm so thug♪
Todd: ...I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!
- Also, the little bit about how Patrick isn't going to care about "Hey, Soul Sister", so he decided to do it in the worst way possible and try to forget it ever existed.
- The outro is brilliant. "Stop that traaaaiiiiin."
- After complimenting the synth track, which (positively) reminds him of "Call Me" by Blondie, he says that, simply by name alone, Mike Posner has no right to any sort of fame in pop music. He is immediately compared to Taio Cruz.Todd: [Taio Cruz] didn't even have a choice but to become a pop singer. Taio Cruz is the name of a pop star. Mike Posner fixes your car.
- The irony of this is that Mike Posner would end up lasting longer than Taio Cruz.
- On that note, the list of potential stage names he could use instead of Mike Posner, including "Mike in the Shadows."
- BREATH CONTROL, DAMMIT! Sing from the diaphraaaaaaaagm..."
- Allmusic compares him to Asher Roth, the 'I Love College' guy, which is already a harsher put-down than anything I'm gonna be able to come up with. I mean, damn, Allmusic. What did Mike Posner do to you?
- "Yes! Yes, I think I'm cooler than you! I think 12-year-olds who write gay Sonic the Hedgehog porn fiction are cooler than you!" I keep waiting for him to get to the part where he explains why I'm not cooler than him, and he just never gets there. Whenever I hear the chorus to this song, this is how it comes across to me: 'You think you're cooler than me? You think you're so much cooler than me? Yeah, well, let me tell you something. You are [Scene Missing] WASHING MACHINE! Yeah, you heard me! I said it!'"
- And then when he does get around to something more specific...Posner: ♪You got designer shades just to hide your face and/you wear em around like you're cooler than me♪
Todd: OH! BURN! Yeah, bet you think you look so cool in your stupid, trendy, overpriced sunglasses. Yeah, yeah, you don't even realize that all those things do is make you look like a complete... Wait. (cue montage of Posner wearing trendy sunglasses in the video) Oh, you're kidding me! Yeah, you know, the way these songs usually go is something like "you and your whole scene are a bunch of trendy asswipes", not "I'm a bigger, trendier asswipe than you'll ever be!"
- And then when he does get around to something more specific...
- And then there's this:Posner: ♪If I could write you a song to make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arm♪
Todd: But you don't. Because you can't. Because you suck.
- Everything to do with the line about "highbrow shoes".Todd: Where are you trying to pick this girl up that you can hear her footsteps, a violin recital? Is she wearing tap shoes, what?
Hot girl: Look, I am way out of your league, and I'm so not interested.
Todd (as Mike Posner): Yeah? Well, you've got loud shoes!
- "A Short List of Things Cooler Than Mike Posner".
- Nostalgia Critic has to force him to do the review by playing the Hoedown Throwdown.Critic: Now smile for the camera! ...er, perpendicular to the camera...whatever.
- The opening riff of the song starts playing. Todd's response:
- I can tell you next to nothing about Flo Rida. Who is he? What does he look like? Where is he from? What's his backstory? Does he like long walks on the beach? If he were a tree, what kind of tree would he be? It's my job to know these things, and I couldn't tell you any of 'em.
- "Gosh, what a surprise. I wonder how he's gonna rhyme bottles with models this time!"Flo Rida: Bottles, models, standing on chairs!
- "Every Flo Rida song is basically gibberish until you get to the chorus, anyway. No one cares. Blahblblahblblah, Leonard Bernstein! Whatever! Now, maybe it's just me, but if the club can't handle him right now, my only conclusion is that they are using the wrong club. ...Now, this is my club. It is an authentic replica of a war club used in battle by ancient Greek soldiers, and trust me, it can handle you right now."
- That club would become an integral part of his splash images for more than a year afterward.
- Todd: No, seriously, if the club can't handle you right now, they've got people for that. They're called bouncers. Barring that, there's also the police. In fact, the whole song gets more interesting if you take it as an explanation of how he got thrown in jail.
Flo Rida: ♪Life of the club, arrogant like yeah♪
Todd: 28, we've got a report of a rowdy patron at the club on Fourth Avenue being arrogant like yeah. We need someone to get over there.
Flo Rida: ♪Feeling myself, I'm out of control♪
Todd: He is feeling himself in public and is out of control. We need someone down here now. Also, we've got another report that this is the guy who recorded "Right Round", so, um...lethal force is authorized.
- Thinking the verses were just recycled from other Flo Rida songs, he thinks celebrating is the only thing Flo Rida knows.Todd: Does this guy know how to do ANYTHING but celebrate?!
Flo Rida: Celebrate, 'cause that's all I know!
Todd: Not surprised...
- "Yes, I believe the key to deciphering the imagery in this couplet is in its invocation of Scarface, the 1983 Brian De Palma film. The author is clearly communicating that he shares that character's mounting paranoia and repressed homosexuality."
- "If all you're doing is zoning out, why are people staring? Are you covered in blood? I mean, the only reason I can think of why people would stare at you in that situation is if you were being exceptionally creepy, in which case, yeah, I also know how to make 'em stop and stare. I just walk in to the grocery store carrying my club. It works every time!"
- His choice of closing song for the stinger: "Country Club" by country music singer Travis Tritt.
- He starts the video with a rather straight, borderline soapbox rant on the lack of representation for Asians in mainstream music, and uses it to severely burn Far*East Movement.Todd: [The Far*East Movement] is not just breaking the color barrier, but smashing stereotypes as well. For years, Asians have been unfairly marginalized as intelligent, respectable, good at music. The Far*East Movement will NOT be pigeon-holed by your thoughtless preconceptions!
- A blink-and-you'll-miss-it gag when Todd goes to research something on his computer... and his desktop is crammed with pictures of Lupa.
- Afterwards, once he learns that a G6 is something that does not exist, Todd gets angry and is about to hit the keyboard with a chair.
- "A G6 is not a thing. It's a stupid, made-up word from a bunch of baby-talk-speaking pinheads. You know what? Why do they get to decide what it means? Why don't I get to decide. G6 means... eating your own snot."
- "So much for striking a blow for ethnic visibility! The first Asian #1 single in 47 years, and the only thing anyone's going to remember about it is the chorus, which they sampled from a random white chick. For the record, the song they sampled is called 'Booty Bounce' and yeah, it's about as good as anything you'd expect something called 'Booty Bounce' to be. But it's still more memorable than the verses of 'Like a G6.'"
- Song: ♪Gimme that Cri-Cristal-stal\ Ladies love my "stall"♪
Todd: "Stall". He said, "stall". If he wants that word to rhyme with "Cristal", then the word "stall" is clearly what he was going for. Now me, I usually get a table, but, you know what, if you guys wanna party in the bathroom, go for it.Song: ♪Ladies love my "stall"♪ (toilet flushes)
- "Ok, am I the only one who thinks this voice telling me to put my hands up is one of the Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force"
- Song: ♪Sippin on, sippin on sizz\ Imma ma-make it fizz\ Girl I keep it gangsta, Popping bottles at the crib♪
Todd: Um...no. Yeah, someone that's remembered when the word "gangsta" actually meant something, couldn't be called by some dumbass AZN kid. See, when I think about "keeping it gangsta", I'm thinking of something more along the lines of this.
Dr. Dre: ♪Creepin' down the back street on Deez's\ I got my glock cocked then feelin' the breeze\ Now soon as I said it, seems I got sweated\ By somebody with a tech 9 tryin' to take mine♪
Todd: Not just "popping bottles at the crib". What, opening bottles of alcohol in your house? Like this? (opens a beer bottle)
Captions: STRAIGHT UP THUGGIN'!
- Once he equates "three six" with the Number of the Beast:Todd: THE DEVIL! Satan! Satan! Satan! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it all along! Bad pop music! All this bad pop music! I knew it! It's the work of the devil! Corrupting our minds! Destroying the world! He's coming! Coming for you and your SOULS!!! Repent! Swear on the good book, (Johnny Cash: The Autobiography) and you may yet be saved! Repent now or perish in the fourth circle of Hell... where "Like a G6" plays for eternity. May God have mercy on us all.
- "I like beating on Chris Brown just as much as Chris Brown likes beating eggs, for his famous homestyle breakfasts."
- Todd says he hopes Chris Brown has a song good enough to redeem himself. Listening to "Deuces" leads to this instead:Todd: ... GO FUCK YOURSELF, CHRIS BROWN! GO! FUCK! YOURSELF! Go fuck yourself, you stupid, useless waste of a human being! You can't be serious. This is what Chris Brown wants to sing about? Really? I mean, are... are girls giving you problems, Chris? Causing you so much dram I mean, I'm crying. I am crying for you, Chris. I am WEEPING over here. My... heart... just... bleeds for... hold on, let me put this on violin so I can properly express how sad I am for you. (starts playing) Let's all shed a big, giant tear for how bad people are to Chris Brown.
- "Look, I am nowhere close to believing that Chris Brown has been a victim of parasitic relationships and needs a chance to cry about his suffering. This is like listening to Cruella de Vil lamenting that animals don't seem to like her!"
- "I've heard jet engines make catchier music than this."
- "Oh, and speaking as a professional silhouette, this is also a terrible freaking video. I mean, what in holy living hell does he think he's doing?!" (the video shows a silhouette of Chris Brown, flailing and contorting his arms... and afterwards Todd tries something similar)
- He highlights Tyga's contribution, and points out (a) he probably doesn't realize what the main parts of the song are about, and (b) he's probably too nice a guy to be involved in harder rap.
- His reaction to a particularly disturbing lyric:Kevin McCall: ♪I'm a dick, so it shouldn't be that hard to swallow♪
Todd: (Todd sits there in Stunned Silence, then cut to camera on open bathroom door, shower running) CAN'T! GET! CLEAN! (back at the piano...) So, in two lines, this guy has given the girl his middle finger, and now he's told her to suck his dick, basically... And he's back on the market, ladies! That's right! One lucky girl will be the next to scoop up this fine specimen of man! Bachelorette #1, if a guy spent the entire first date complaining how his ex was a completely, totally crazy bitch, would you be turned on or extremely turned on?
- His reaction to "Like Tina did to Ike in the limo, it finally hit me". First Stunned Silence. Then a mock conversation where Chris Brown asks Kevin McCall to remove the lyric because people already compare him enough to Ike Turner.
- Chris Brown: ♪I'm chuckin' my deuces up to her♪
Todd: "Chucking up the deuces." This song makes me wanna chuck up my lunch.
- The screenshot with the Google auto-complete suggestions for "whip my hair is", which include "banned", "annoying", "terrible" and "awful".
- Todd: To be fair, the Karate Kid remake wasn't terrible. While I'm always a little suspicious of the parents of child actors, the Smiths always struck me as pretty smart and they know Hollywood. Plus, all the fame, the fans, the fortune; I'm sure little Jaden is more than happy doing what he's doing.
Jaden: (In a clip from The Karate Kid) I'm not happy! I hate it!
Todd: He loves it. But while Jaden's success might be somewhat questionable, it much more suspicious that their daughter Willow, at the ripe old age of 9, was basically handed a career as a professional singer. And with just her debut single, "Whip My Hair", Willow Smith is already starting to make a huge splash onto the national st— I just realized Will and Jada named their kids Willow and Jaden. They have to be the dorkiest, most over-parenting mom and dad in history.
- To prove how annoying "I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!" is, he shows that even with "Imma Be", "The Song That Never Ends", "Bloopity-bloopity-bloopity" and "the most annoying sound on Earth" played over it simultaneously, it's still no worse than it already was.
- Todd's attempt to analyze the lyrics.Todd: The first thing I need to tell you is that Willow Smith whips her hair back and forth.
Willow Smith: ♪I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!♪
Todd: I see. Would you please elaborate?
Willow Smith: ♪I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!♪
Todd: You know, I'm just not getting it. Could you go over it again?
Willow Smith: ♪I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!♪
Todd: This Just In!, some breaking news. Willow Smith whips her hair in a motion, which experts are describing as "back and forth".
Willow Smith: ♪But can't none of them whip it like I do♪
Todd: WILLOW SMITH'S HAIR-WHIPPING IS SUPERIOR TO YOUR HAIR WHIPPING!
Willow Smith: ♪When they see me pull up I whip it real hard♪
Todd: Pull up in what, your tricycle?
Willow Smith: ♪All my ladies if you feel me come and do it. Whip your hair♪
Todd: You're ten! You don't have any ladies, except your mom.
- Todd field-testing hair-whipping with the Hannah Montana wig. Even better, the reactions from test subjects to his head shaking.
- "NOD YA HEAD! NOD YA HAIR!"
- "You cannot whip your hair if your hair is not long enough to whip, you STUPID LITTLE GIRL! But yeah, if it's short, then it isn't whipping your hair. A better word for it would probably be "headbanging". (cut to shots of people whipping their hair from the video with "Bang Your Head" by Quiet Riot playing over it)"