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- Regarding his pick for the fifth worst song, In My Head:Todd: Now, here's a weird little thing. I actually like this song the first time I heard it. R&B song driven by actual guitar—awesome. Nice, catchy melody—great. Song by J.R. Rotem, not built around a horribly used sample—wonderful. I was totally on board with this song. Three months later, I could not stand it. Not even a little. What was it that I could not longer take? Who do I blame for the fact that this song soured on me so quickly?
Jason Derulo: ♪Jason Derulo!♪
- "I'm sure lots of things would happen if you had it your way. But you don't, 'cause you're tools, and you're ugly."
- "Man, Nelly's new break-up song is a real Tear Jerker. My heart just breaks every time he goes UHN UHN UHN HEY!"
- "Look at that guy. Ugh, someone please run over him with a car." [A car hits him.] "Thank you."
- "I couldn't do it. If I had tried to do a full review of this song, it would have been nothing but me screaming like Rain Man near a hot bath."
- "When I say the same thing every single time, I say YOUDA, YOUDA BEST, YOUDA YOUDA BEST."
- On Drake: "But when he does it right... OH GOD HE'S SO DREAMY!"
- Todd: Ah, Jay-Z. You just gotta respect a guy who's out there still putting out real music at a point in his career where most any of his peers would've stop caring and starting doing crappy family movies. And it's not hard to see why he's still this big. The man is one of the lyrically dexterous and creatively articulate wordsmiths in hip-hop.Jay-Z: ♪Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah♪
- "I'm a pig."
- Todd providing "Deep Lyrical Analysis" to club jam "DJ Got Us Falling in Love" as the Masterpiece Theater theme music plays.
- And then finishing that analysis with:
- Todd breaking down, crying and calling Lupa and telling her how he really feels. It'd be sweet and nice... if he didn't accidentally call Lordkat instead.
- Todd's attempts to serenade Lupa with lyrics from Nothing On You by B.O.B. ft. Bruno Mars, but he ends up reciting the chorus from Carry Out by accident.
- "Oh, Trey Songz... how are you even a real person?"
- His twenty second repetition of "I'm sorry" for putting "California Gurls" on the list at #2.What makes it better is that he did nothing but point out problems with the song in his Worst Songs list and even earlier in this video.
- "(over the music video) ♪Push me and then just touch me\ So I can get my satisfaction♪ This is awful. How in the world was this allowed to happen? Someone must have realized this sounded like digital vomit. (a woman in the music video vomits out a stream of pixels) Oh. Looks like the video director did. Nice subtle commentary there, Mr. Director, well played.
- The gun from "Imma Be" returns.will.i.am: ♪I don't wanna take no pictures, I just wanna take some shots♪
Todd: [cocks gun] That can be arranged.
- Todd compares will.i.am to sounding like a frog.Todd: (In the style of a Spin-n-Say) The frog says...
will.i.am:♪Dirty bit!♪ (which does, indeed, sound like a frog ribbeting)
Todd: Okay, we've already heard will.i.am and Fergie, but there are still two other guys. Well, one guy, actually. I mean, Taboo isn't even on this song at all; I'm not even sure he's still part of the band. Maybe they fired him and didn't have the guts to tell him.
- To hammer the point home, the last frame before the credits has a picture of a frog as will.i.am says "Dirty Bit".
- A game of "Finish the rhyme!" leads from him trying to figure out this rhyme:apl.de.ap: ♪We ain't messin' with no maggots\ Messin' with the _______♪
Todd: Fa... Um...um...
apl.de.ap: ♪We ain't messin' with no maggots\ Messin' with the _______♪
Todd: That...that can't...I pass. I pass.
apl.de.ap: ♪We ain't messing with no maggots\ Messin' with the BADDEST♪
Todd: OH, COME ON!
apl.de.ap: ♪Haters better step back\ Ladies download your app\ I'm the party application\ Rock it just like that♪
Todd: *sigh* Get it? Cause he's apl.de.ap. Need an obnoxious jackass shouting nonsense at you? There's an app for that.
- The references to De La Soul's "Me, Myself and I" and Kris Kross's "Jump".
- Todd: Bill, what do you think about what they're doing to your song?
Bill Medley: ♪Baby, something beautiful's dyin'...♪
Todd: I feel you, man. Black Eyed Peasnow exactly as bad as everyone always said they were.
- You can tell how Todd feels about this, and how the review will go, when he reveals the uncensored version, where the chorus of "Tonight I'm loving you" becomes "Tonight I'm fucking you".Todd: This is not a song. This is an ad for Mace.
- Saying other bad songs are more dignified than "Tonight".Akon: ♪Damn, you's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch♪
Todd: Say what you want about thatat least it's a compliment!
Akon: ♪I wanna fuck you, you already know...♪
Todd: You know what? Say what you want about that song, too. At least it's a request!
Lloyd ♪Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock!
Todd: Oh, my God, "BedRock" is like a Shakespearean love sonnet in comparison.
- Todd cannot comprehend some of the pseudo-philosophical drivel in the lyrics.Enrique: ♪I know you're ready\ If I never lied, then baby you'd be the truth♪
Enrique: ♪If I never lied, then baby you'd be the truth♪
Todd: Is that some kind of zen thing? The fuck did that mean? ...There is no way I should have trouble comprehending the lyrics of a song entitled "Tonight (I'm Fucking You)"!
- Comparing Enrique's drift from Latin Lover to "kind of rapist" to Quagmire.
- Yes, sir. When Enrique starts yodeling through his nose, the panties...drop! His daddy Julio knew how it worked. You never saw him doing anything like this.Julio Iglesias: ♪I owe a lot, I know\ To all the girls I've (beep)ed before♪
Todd: Come to think of it, maybe it's a good thing that Enrique is such a wimpy, unthreatening kind of guy, cause this song is kind of, um...how do I want to put this...rapey?
Enrique: ♪But tonight Im fucking you♪
Hand Banana: Tonight...you.
Todd: It's, uhh...it's a little rapey.
- "Oh, nice video, by the way. If you wanted to make a sex tape, Enrique, just leak one out, all right?"
- Then we get to the gratuitous Ludacris rap:Todd: Look, I love Ludacris, I'll listen to Ludacris in anything, I can't hate on him. But seriously, he's on every song. If you record a song in your basement and put it on your MySpace page, it'll have Ludacris on there somehow by the time it uploads. He was on a Justin Bieber song. Why? What does he have to do with Justin Bieber? Nothing! He was just on it because he's on everything. My keyboard even comes with a Ludacris setting on it.
(he pushes some keys and Ludacris snippets play)
- A few more of the "rapey" partsLudacris: ♪Tonight, Im gonna do\ Everything that I want with you♪
Todd: Again, a little rapey.
Ludacris: ♪You got that body that make me wanna get on the floor\ Just to see you dance\ And I love the way you shake that ass\ Turn around and let me see them pants♪
Todd: Those are some well-fitting pants! I love the way those look, you have to tell me where you got them!
Ludacris: ♪Turn around and let me see them pants♪
Todd: Luda, you know you can see her pants from any angle, right?
Ludacris: ♪Please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude—♪
Todd: But where's my paycheck? Thank you, thank you. Have fun with your song, Taio Cruz, or whoever's song I'm on today.
- "Seriously, were you raised in the wild? Society does have rules, you know! This is a toilet, Enrique. We do our business in here. This is a woman. Shake her hand, say hi, don't fling your shit at her."
- Writhing in pain while watching Transformers.
- "Now, this guy is named Wiz Khalifa. What do I know about him? I know that if he's never used the line 'Nobody Beats the Wiz' in a song, I will be extremely disappointed."
- "'Black and Yellow'" turned into the unofficial Steelers anthem during their amazing playoff run, making "Black and Yellow" the first real football championship single since "The Super Bowl Shuffle". (Cover showing the Green Bay Packers' victory at the Super Bowl along with Losing Horns) Oh, right, except the Steelers lost. ...But my issues with the song go beyond just the fact that the Steelers are a bunch of losing losers of losingness."
- The entirety of RolloT's cameo explaining why, apparently, Pittsburgh is his Berserk Button.
- "My girl's hot. She doesn't have herpes! ...What?!"
- Wiz: ♪No love for 'em while I'm breaking hearts\ No keys, push to start♪
Todd: Keyless, huh? Got that, everybody? His car is flashy, expensive and easy to steal. But I'm sure he doesn't have to worry about that kind of thing on the safe, affluent streets of Pittsburgh.
Wiz: ♪Stay fly like—♪
Todd: A G6?
Wiz: ♪...like I'm supposed to do♪
Todd: Oh, sorry. Carry on.
Wiz: ♪And my car look unapproachable♪
Todd: (long pause, plays the FINISH THE RHYME fanfare) *sigh* I'm not even playing this time. I'm not gonna do it. There's no point. 'Cause I don't even know what's gonna happen. Nothing rhymes with that. What is gonna put there? Coachable? Poachable? No. He's either gonna rhyme it with itself, or he's gonna come up with this horrible forced rhyme that won't fit at all unless he twists the words beyond recognition. So let's see it. Let's see what he does. Rhyme that shit. Go on.
Wiz: ♪And my car look unapproachable\ Super clean, but it's super mean\ She wanna ride with them cats, count stacks\ Get fly, take trips and that's that♪
Todd: (claps) Bravo, sir. Bra-vo. Didn't...even...try. Wow. I had not even considered that as a possibility. Abandon the rhyme scheme entirely. Clogged toilets have better flow than this guy!
- "Oh, and here's a hint: when your name is "Wiz", yellow is a color you should be trying to avoid."
- Wiz: ♪I hear they're scared of it, but them pros ain't♪
Todd: You know who else wasn't scared of it? The Packers. Burn!
- "I've been doing this show for more than a year now, and over the course of that time, there's become a certain...type of song that I generally choose to review. So when I pick a song, you kinda know what to expect: obnoxious musical gimmicks, lousy production, poorly thought-out metaphors, painful forced rhymes, uncomfortable misogyny, bad pickup lines, annoying vocals, etc. And yet, just about none of these things are crimes of which you could accuse today's artist Brüno◊...Mars."
- Todd talking about how "we all feel unappreciated at some point".Cut to Todd in front of his computer) Well?
Pushing Up Roses: Well, what?
Todd: Aren't you going to thank me for promoting your last video?
Roses: You posted a link on your blog that said, "Ha-ha, worst video ever".
Onscreen text: ha ha ha ha ha ha worst video ever. worse than "friday." seriously. lol
Todd: (indignantly) You're welcome!
- "The man has the power and the range to imbue every song with the passion and immediacy and emotional intensity of a man being repeatedly kicked in the balls."Bruno Mars: ♪Ooh! Aah! Ooh... OOH!♪
- The Long List of negative characteristics of the woman being sung about, including abusive, demonic, insane, evil, deceitful and bad at auto repair, followed by:Todd: Yep, she sounds like a keeper. Why are you this devoted to her? Matter of fact, let's alternate between the chorus and the verses so I can show you what this song sounds like in my head.
Bruno: ♪You know I'd do anything for you\ Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are\ But. darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya\ You said you loved me, you're a liar\ Cause you never ever, ever—♪ (cut to...)
Minnie Ripperton: ♪And everything that I do\ Is out of loving you♪ (cut to...)
Sam Kinison: YOU SNAKY TRAMP! YOU LIED TO ME!!! WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME, YOU NEVER LOVED ME!!!
Todd: You...you see the problem, right?
- Todd displaying how impractical throwing your hand on a blade for someone is.Todd:(holding his hand over an awkwardly held blade) I'm totally gonna do it...You love me now, right?
- "You know, I wasn't really sure how I felt about him, but then he told me he'd get hit by a train, and the thought of his bloody, battered corpse smeared all over the tracks... Oh, God, my heart just melted! That's why you don't see him actually blowing himself up in the videobecause it'd look ridiculous. All he's doing is pulling a piano. See, that's a much better thing to do. I'd pull a piano for you. Now there's a song. You ever try and move one of these things? They're heavy. Who wouldn't be touched by a gesture like that? ...Well, I think it'd be romantic."
- "Is this what you really want? You need someone to take a bullet for you? Are you sure a girlfriend is even what you're looking for? I think what you're looking for is a double,and... um...◊ yeah, I don't know if you're gonna be able to find one of those either. Janelle Monae, maybe? It's a thought."
- "♪I would catch a gre-NAAAYD for ya, jump in front of a TRAAIHN for ya...♪ Yeah, it's a little out of my range."
- At least one comment said he ended up sounding like Kurt Cobain.
- "I could maybe deal with this song if it were just sad and dark and quiet, but it's so over-the-top and whiny in all the wrong ways. Simple Plan probably listened to this and giggled to themselves about how emo this guy this."
- "His next song will probably be a lot better. Matter of fact, I think he's already released the next single. Let's listen to that. (cut to a clip of The Lazy Song) This is— Wait a minute. This is a "white guy with acoustic guitar" song! Oh no. Oh, hell no, Bro-no Mars. I've had enough Jason Mraz in my lifetime, thank you. We're not doing this. Oh, you'd catch a grenade for me, huh? (pulls out a grenade) Prove it! Cover!" (atomic explosion)
- The episode starts with Todd about to do a review "Backseat" by The New Boys and Dev before he decides to blow that off
- Todd falling asleep to Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now".
- Todd noting how bored the people watching The Silver Convention's performance of "Get Up and Boogie" appeared to be:Todd: I don't know what show this is, but it's like the anti-TRL. These people are soooo bored! They're more bored than I am somehow!
- And his demonstration of how the song does not inspire one to dance.Silver Convention: ♪Get up and boogie♪
Todd: (beat) No.
Silver Convention: ♪Get up and boogie♪
Todd: No! Is that all you got? I never felt less like boogieing.
- And his introduction:Todd: Forgive the redundancy but a good dance should make You want to dance and, boy oh boy, does this song make You want to find a comfortable spot against the wall.
- And his demonstration of how the song does not inspire one to dance.
- Listing UK number ones such as 'Do the Bartman', something called 'The Ketchup Song', and 'Amazing Grace' played on the bagpipes.
- Trying to find a rhyme in "Disco Duck".Rick Dees & His Cast of Idiots: ♪Try your luck, don't be a cluck♪
Todd: "Don't be a cluck"? What the hell does being a cluck mean? What does clucking have to do with ducks? Could you not think of any other insult that rhymed with "duck"?
Todd: Hmmm. No, I guess I can't either.
- Time for some Disco Duck Hunt!
- "Yes, Barry Manilow is the Prometheus of music, bringing the gift of song from high on Mount Olympus, down to you. He is responsible for all music ever written. Back in Black? Beethoven's Fifth? Scooby-Doo theme? No need to thank him personally, folks. He feels your appreciation in every note you sing! Gag me."
- "I am not going to sit here and be bragged at by Barry Manilow and the guy who was at best the fifth-best songwriter in the The Beach Boys. You guys write the songs that make the whole world vomit!"
- "I assume it had something to do with the fad of CB radios, which was the only way back before the Internet that idiots could yammer to strangers about nothing."
- "Breaker, breaker! This here's Shadow Todd, it seems like we've got some trouble on the Top 40, looks like we've got ourselves a CONVOY!"
- Ron Burgundy explains the meaning of "Afternoon Delight"
- "What I'm talking about, of course, are Katy Perry's single 'Firework' and Lady Gaga's single 'Boring This Way.' (Beat, checks notes) Excuse me, 'Born This Way.'"
- Talking with JesuOtaku on how offending a girl's figure is bad. Specially as he keeps talking but he just stands there with a baffled face.
- Katy: ♪Do you ever feel\ Feel so paper thin?\ Like a house of cards?♪
Todd: No, I don't feel paper thin, because I don't have your perfect body, Katy Perry! (cries)
- Todd: I'm not sure how good it is to tell the depressed that they're going to explode...?
Katy: ♪Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow&♪
Todd: Is this a song for suicide bombers? Seriously. Now you wanna know what would make a good song lyric? "Baby you're a firewood." See? That's much more of a compliment! Firewood lasts longer, it's useful, provides warmth... ♪Baby you're a firewood, you make my S'mores taste really good...♪ Oh my God, I have to write this. (Caption text: Watch out, Weird Al!)
- ""Born This Way" is targeted to a more specific demographic. One that's been unfairly stigmatized and marginalized for far too long." ("Just put your paws up") Furries. Also, I guess, gay people.
- Todd reacting to "Youre black, white, beige, chola descent\ Youre Lebanese, youre Orient" by saying he's all of those ethnicities.
- Showing how Katy Perry likes the gay community with "I Kissed a Girl" and "Ur So Gay".
- "And I want an army of didgeridoos. Fifty thousand didgeridoos!"
- But I have to say, I'm not sure the "Born This Way" video measures up to the "Firework" video in one major way: does she have anything firing out of her boobs? Nope, and Katy Perry does! And by my count, that puts her in the lead 2-1. Jokes aside, the "Born This Way" video is hysterical, but it could never achieve the level of effortless stupidity of the "Firework" video, in which KatyPerryBot5000 apparently starts malfunctioning from the torso area. Apparently we're supposed to let Katy Perry's magical chest sparkles make you feel better, no matter if you're fat or gay or...being mugged or...dying of cancer?!
- Todd stating that the thing he admires the most about Katy Perry's songs is the production team. Why? Then shows clips of Katy Perry singing live completely out of tune.Todd: You know what miracle of audio work it is to have that disaster of a voice was turned into something you can even sell to a mass audience?
- Todd sums up "SOS"Todd: Now here's a wasted sample for you: ♪Waste of song. Oooohhh. Waste of song♪
- Rihanna: ♪I want you to love me, like I'm a hot ride♪
Todd: Love you like you're a what?
Rihanna: ♪I want you to love me, like I'm a hot "guy"♪
Todd: Um...ok. But judging by my experimental days in college, it'll just end up disappointingly for everyone.
- "Ah yes, Rihanna's dark, angsty song, in which she used Russian roulette as a metaphor for... Yeah, I'll be straight with you, I have no idea what it was a metaphor for. I listened to this song over and over, but as far as I could tell, it's about shooting yourself in the head."
- Todd: That was the first she after a fairly dark time of her life. She, uh...
(cue shot of Chris Brown)
- More fun with Mondegreens:Todd: What the hell is she even saying?
Rihanna: Ass, ass, ass and ham, ham, ham. note
- Rihanna: ♪Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it♪
Todd: *sniff, sniff* Does anyone else smell that?
- "I still would've had problems with this song, simply because I cannot take "S&M" seriously. I think my opinions of it were largely influenced by the the laughably bad Madonna movie Body of Evidence, and a Let's Play of the computer game Phantasmagoria 2, done by ...some guy."
- "How many people are there out there really that are genuinely into all that bondage stuff. I mean, think about it. You're not into it. Actually, maybe you are into it. I have no idea what the demographics are in this. Maybe everyone's out there with whips and wall-shackles and stuff, and I'm the only weirdo who's not. Although I'll tell you thisthe stuff I am into is a lot weirder than that. A trombone is involved. So yeah..."
- The quick shot of Rosie O'Donnell in S&M gear from Exit to Eden, shown when Todd is saying that the video is "shouting SEX! over and over again like a deranged Tourette's sufferer".
- "I have the Internet, I've seen everything. I've seen porn of ME, for God's sake
- Rob Walker's cameo, stopping Todd from talking about Rihanna and Domestic Abuse.Rob: Look, if we need somebody to talk about this stuff, we'll hand it off to somebody more...intellectually capable.
'90s Kid: Dude, what the heck is a Ree-hanna?
- "Time to do more research. Wikipedia, please give me some material and rescue this video! Rihanna said people should not take the lyrics too literally. 'I don't think of it in a sexual way, I'm thinking metaphorically. It's more of a thing to say that people can talk about you. You just have to be that strong person.' Oh, I'm not even gonna dignify that. Yeah, and "Let's Get It On" is actually a protest song about the Vietnam War. Pffft.
- The conclusion that liking this song is basically sadomasochistic itself."And that's another reason I don't show my face"
- "Get over yourselves, U2! Spoilers: U2 are not going to get over themselves."
- At one point in the movie, U2 go to Graceland, where drummer Larry Mullen explains why he loves Elvis movies:Todd: Seriously? You related to Elvis movies? Ok, no disrespect for Elvis Presley, but out of his entire career, the thing that you bring up is Elvis's movies? Really? For those of you who never had the pleasure of finding out what an Elvis movie is like, here's a quick sample from the movie Blue Hawaii, in which Elvis, playing Elvis, sings "Ito Eats."
Elvis: ♪He eat everything, he don't care what/He even eat the shell from the coconut/Eat, Ito eat all the night and the day♪
Todd: In case you were wondering, yes, you are in fact watching the King of Rock and Roll humiliate a fat Polynesian in song.
- "U2 never embarrassed themselves that much after this movie." Cue< "Discothéque", with them dressed as the Village People.
- Previously on Todd In The Shadows: Your Mom! Hah. Also on the show, this happened.
- "It's not even accurate to call this kind of music lifeless, because I'd actually like to hear music made by the lifeless." Cue "RE: Your Brains".
- Todd failing to play guitar. ("Okay, guitar's not my instrument.")
- Bruno: ♪I'm gonna kick my feet up\ Then stare at the fan♪
Todd: Staring at the fan. That's your dream vacation, that's...that was appealing enough to write lyrics about. (Cut to a shot of a fan, which falls over) I don't see the appeal.
- Any time he calls out on Bruno Mars wanting to stick his hand down his pants.Todd: Did you have to have someone tell you not to stick your hand in your pants? Do you just walk around with your hand stuffed down your shorts in public until someone stops you? I mean, why else would you write a song basically rebelling against the injustice of not being able to put your hand in your pants whenever you wanted?
Todd: Goddamn it, Bruno! Is there a reference to what you're gonna do with your junk in every verse of this song?! Why do you think I wanna hear you sing about your penis?!
- Calling out Bruno Mars:Bruno: ♪I might mess around, get my college degree\ I bet my old man will be so proud of me\ But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait♪
Todd: "Might mess around, get my college degree." Give me a moment. What I'm looking at right here are my college loan statements, and I owe...73 bajillion dollars for an education that only ever got me a job talking Katy Perry songs on the Internet. And meanwhile, every day this summer, I get to watch Bruno Mars make billions off a terrible song in which he calls getting a degree, "messing around." Seriously, dude? Go die.
- "Another thing, Bruno: I know you can't drop the F-bomb on the radio, but seriously, you gotta find a different word to use than "frickin'".
- Ranting at Bruno about laziness being a poor subject for a song, and issued a challenge:Todd: Name me one good song, just one good song about doing nothing, sitting around, wasting time.
Otis Redding: ♪Sittin' on the dock of the bay wastin' time♪
Todd: Oh shit, that's a good answer. You know what, that just highlights what a failure of a song this one this. "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay" is about a weary man beat down by life. "The Lazy Song" is about a vapid jack-off playing with his dick!
- After Todd attempts to start the review over and do nothing but play video games for 15 minutes, he gets back to the song.Todd: Screw this song. You know what this song's good for? Tell 'em, Bruno. (cuts to the end of the video)
Bruno: Nothing at all.
Todd: Damn straight.
- The Stinger, which is a longer clip of Todd playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl.Pushing Up Roses: Todd, I thought you said you were gonna work on the review.
Todd: I am working on the review. See, I'm filming this so it's not me being lazy; it's gonna be like a meta-commentary on how lazy the song is.
Roses: How long have you been filming this?
Todd: Six hours.
- All the cameos in the beginning insulting Todd's musical taste.Rollo T: Todd, I've got Miley Cyrus on my MP3 player, and even I'm disgusted by your taste in music.
Jesu Otaku: Todd, you apologized fifteen times for putting "California Gurls" on your list. ...Fifteen times isn't enough.
The Nostalgia Chick: Why would anyone listen to Katy Perry? She sounds like a garbage truck in labor!
Nash: This is what the music guy on the site listens to. The music guy.
Obscurus Lupa: Stop stealing pieces of my hair!
Todd: (quickly) Yep, Katy Perry sure does suck!
- "Oh, by the way, hope you have a good 4th of July. Be prepared to hear that song every Independence Day for the rest of your lives. (You know it's true)"
- More fun with Mondegreens:Kanye: ♪I got a dirty mind / I got filthy ways / I'm trying to bathe my ape / In your Milky Way
Captions: (I'm trying to bay my ache. Wait, "bay my ache"? "Bait my aid"?)
Todd: Okay, see, according to every Internet site I consultedbelieve me, I consulted a lot of themwhat Kanye is saying is, "bathe my ape in your milky way." That can't possibly be the case, and if it is... Kanye, there's an art to sexual innuendo. You gotta have some kind of sense.
(picture: "I'm trying to [picture of bathtub] my [picture of ape] in your [picture of the Milky Way]")
Todd: You can't just take a vaguely sexual sentence and throw random words into it.
(the pictures of the bathtub, ape, and Milky Way change to a man performing a karate kick, a sandwich, and Justin Bieber, respectively)
- "Katy sings about being in love with a weird someone or something who's not human and from a whole other world. Considering who she's married to...◊ Yeah, sounds about right."
- "I'd perhaps find the song a little more attractive if they hadn't named the song after the ugliest, most asexual alien in history. ...No one's turned on by that. Unless there's some kind of weirdo who's aroused by that bug-eyed turd of an alien. Fortunately, I think I can say with all certainty that there's no one turned on by E.T. Because if there was, there had to be some kind of a porno version of E.T. And I'm sure if there was, I would have heard about it by now. And if I didn't mention it, I'm sure my comments section would be flooded with people telling me about the E.T. Porno. God. That'd be awful. Good thing one doesn't exist, huh?"
- "It's K-K-K-Katy coming to k-k-k-kiss me! "
- Todd: Ok, you know, I have been accused in the past of being somewhat Literal-Minded. I maintain that "Telephone" isn't about anything but a telephone, I think "Milkshake" is about a woman who makes really good milkshakes. But I realize that that may be a reductive way to interpret things. So I'm gonna do my best to interpret this one a little smarter. So...
Katy Perry: ♪You're an alien♪
Todd: "An alien"...she's talking about someone who's...strange, who's from different world. I guess this could be about getting with a foreign guy. There's some kind of interracial thing going on here. ♪You're an Indian, an Ethiopian...♪ Something like that. And if that's where they were going for, I don't know if they need to hide it in a metaphor. Interracial relationships are really not much of a taboo anymore. If this is about a black guy, just say, "I wanna get with this really amazing hot black guy."
Katy: ♪They say be afraid\ Ready for abduction\ Wanna be your victim♪
Todd: This black guy who people are afraid of. And who's going to abduct you. And make you his victim. Actually, now that I think about it, yeah, better leave that as a metaphor. That was a good move. You know what? There wasn't any metaphor. This is entirely innocent, and I have no reason to believe this has anything to do with some unstable black guy.
Kanye West: ♪I know a bar out in Mars♪
Todd: Oh, hi, Kanye.
- And now Kanye rewrites "American Pie"! ♪My, my Buddy Holly died♪ And then the Sixties happened and it was really intense and rock and roll was involved in a lot of it.
- This:Kanye West: ♪Imma disrobe, then Imma probe you♪
Todd: Police, I'd like to report an assault in progress!
- "It turns out, her magical alien dream lover is, in fact, a naked albino black guy. You know what? I'm not even touchin' that one. Good night!"
- The opening, where the attempt of using the Mario statue as a stand-in backfires.
- "I know the real deal when I hear it, and I know when I'm listening to a wannabe. Now, even the most repulsive forms of music have a scale of quality, and on this scale, the Black Eyed Peas are like Van Halen, Far East Movement is Quiet Riot and LMFAO are...I don't know, Nelson. And you don't know how much it pains me to describe the Black Eyed Peas as the genuine article compared to anything, but that's the level we've gotten to. The Black Eyed Peas are the real club VIPs, and LMFAO are like the Night at the Roxbury guys. If the Roxbury guys made music instead of just bobbing their heads and physically assaulting women, they'd sound like this."
- "Yeah, in case you missed it, they do, in fact, repeatedly shout 'Party Rock'...in their song 'Party Rock Anthem'...the first single from their latest album, 'Sorry for Party Rocking'. Not to be confused with the song of the same name, or for that matter, with their first album, 'Party Rock'. They have a bit of a one-track mind, is what I'm trying to say here."
- I get the feeling that there's not a lot of anti-war protest songs on these albums, although who knows? ♪I oppose unauthorized military actions in Libyaaaaa toniiiiight♪
- "...And then John was a douchebag."
- "If these guys had a more limited vocabulary, they'd be a Pokémon."
- "Every day I'm shufflin'", for both showing that "These guys aren't just bad rappers, they're bad rappers whose inspiration is other bad rappers (Rick Ross)." and leading to "Every day I'm sufferin'".
- "These guys have so few lyrical skills that I'm not surprised that the chorus of this song doesn't have any words in it. This squealing, glitching keyboard line hereI consider that the real hook of this song. Yes, these guys are so bad at words that their only hit has a chorus that could be accurately sung by Beaker from The Muppets."
- Related, the making of video!
- The teasing of him becoming one of the Party Rock zombies, only for him to subvert the gag both times.
- When he tries to let it slide and be positive about it, he nearly ceases to exist.
- The hard rhyme at the very beginning.Pitbull: ♪Me not working hard?\Yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak\ Or better yet, go to Times Square\ Take a picture of me with a Kodak♪
Todd: ...Pitbull, a list of words that rhyme with Kodak: sad sack, pitch black, ice pack, gun rack, racetrack, blackjack, ass crack, wolfpack, hijack, knick-knack, paddy whack, heart attack, smoke attack, "lay these ponies at the track, it's my chocolate attack"...HOW HARD IS THAT?!
- He also imagined this was a Product Placement.
- Next, the mondegreen in the chorus.Ne-Yo: ♪Tonight, Imma la la you tonight♪
Ne-Yo: ♪Imma gnaw log you tonight♪
Ne-Yo: ♪Aminal of you tonight♪
- Pitbull: ♪Baby, baby, and it ain't no secret\ My family's from Cuba, but I'm an American Idol\ Gettin' money like Seacrest♪
Todd: (facepalming with his elbow on the keyboard) Ok, first off, Ryan Seacrest is not an American Idol, he's the host of American Idol. I refuse to live in a world where Ryan Seacrest is considered an idol.
Google: You searched for Ryan Seacrest fansite. Did you mean: literally anything else?
Todd: Seriously, who the hell idolizes Ryan Seacrest? The point is, do you really, really wanna compare yourself to Ryan Seacrest? You wanna pick someone with a little more street cred, like Lawrence Welk...or Hitler?
- His reaction to "Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em hey\ Give me everything tonight"Todd: Ow. Think I'm wearing her down.
- No, seriously, why does, like, every third song I review on this show sound like a sex offender wrote it? Is Billboard secretly sponsored by roofies? (Roofies! We put the "hip" in "Rohypnol"!
- Todd: This song needs an Usher, a T-Pain, a Michael Bolton, perhaps. But not this guy. Actually, the more I listen to this song, the more I think Pitbull's not the problem here. The problem's Ne-Yo. Pitbull is a horrible lyricist, but at least he's always up for a good time. "Yeah, have some awkward, had-too-much-to-drink sex...tonight." I can get behind that, but...Ne-Yo? I think he's a decent songwriter, but...listen to his stuff. He's not really the guy you go to to get the party started, you know?
Ne-Yo: ♪Gotta fix that calendar I had that's marked July 15th\ Because if theres no more you, theres no more anniversary♪
Todd: (bottle in hand) WHOOOOO!!! PARTY! Y'all gon' make me lose my mind! Up in here, up in here!
- Playing "We Are Family" to describe the nepotism involved with Hot Chelle Rae and LMFAO.
- (Todd opens front door) "Gosh, what a beautiful day. Oh, let's see what's in the news. (picks up paper and reads) 'War was declared. Millions of people dead. Zombie apocalypse sweeps the western hemisphere and the end is nigh.' Oh, well! ♪La la la...♪"
- "Just about anybody can bang out a generic party song by repeating the words 'tonight', 'everybody', 'fun' or, worst case scenario, 'Everybody have fun tonight.' ...That song's ok."
- The extended sequence in which he compares Hot Chelle Rae's brand of partying to a high-school graduation party.
- "Not only is this song horrible, it knows it and it wants you to know that it knows it. Eat...my...ass! This is a flaccid, creatively bankrupt turd intended for the kind of people threatened by the raw, dangerous sexuality of the Jonas Brothers."
- The beginning of the video, playing If I Die Young, a morbid song about death, at a quick tempo that makes it sound like a happy ditty.
- Commenting on all the funeral requests.Kimberly: ♪Send me away with the words of a love song♪
Todd: Can do!
Boyz II Men: ♪I'll make love to you like you want me to\ And I'll hold you tight♪
Todd: Oh, sorry, is that inappropriate?
- In a Valley Girl accent:
Oh, my God, people are gonna start paying attention to all my deep thoughts, like that...wars and stuff are bad and shouldn't happen, and it's sad when puppies die, and that Heather was, like, totally a mean-girl bitch, and that Bobby was totally stupid to be dating her in the first place, but you could totally tell he's gonna leave Emily and go back to her, which is, like, totally retarded. Oh, my God, can't wait to be dead. It's gonna be awesome.
- Todd's "flashback" to his emo days.
- "If I were dead, they'd all listen to me. Oh, Blink-182, you understand my pain."
- "God, I was such a whiny little brat all those...ten months ago when that was filmed."
- Todd: I feel a little bad picking on this song. I guess it's a little unfair to expect much more than this out of Miss Perry. I don't know what insights into life and death I was expecting her to have at the tender age of...
Captions: Kimberly Perry, Age: 28
Todd: Wait, what? Are you kidding?! Holy shit, that's older than I am! If you die young? Hell, lady, you're runnin' out of time!
- What's even better is that the ending song is "Die Die My Darling".
- The title card has the Nostalgia Chick with a veggie plate while Todd's plate is pure meat.
- The video's cold open, complete with puppies, catfights, and Todd's "mediocre relationship" version of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful."Todd: ♪You're passable, it's true\ I saw your face, it's okay\ So I figure that you'll do til I find somebody new♪
Nostalgia Chick You're so talented!
- A call back to Nostalgia Chick's first video review:Chick: I have a puppy!
- The Nostalgia Chick continues to not get that Lupa has no interest in Todd.
- A call back to Nostalgia Chick's first video review:
- The song used in the countdown, which is "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Good Enough For Now."
- The truly brilliant part for me was the particular clip used meant that after each section, which all seemed to end with a fairly firm declaration on Todd's part, the next thing we hear is the cheery singing, "Well, not really."
- A quick rundown of just how often Huey Lewis and the News sings about love:Todd: Do you believe in love?
("Do You Believe In Love" plays)
Todd: Huey Lewis believes in love.
("Doing It All for My Baby" plays)
Todd: He believes in the power of love.
("The Power of Love" plays)
Todd: He believes in love so much, he can be charming and lovestruck even in boring love affairs.
Huey Lewis: (from the music video for "Stuck With You") I, uh, don't suppose you want to take a ride on my yacht?
Todd: Oh, Huey Lewis, I'd go anywhere with you.
- Todd's reaction to Billy Joel's 'She's Always A Woman' being nothing but one long Damned by Faint Praise moment:Todd: You gotta admit, the way Billy sings about her, she seems like a real bitch. It's just such a bitter, miserable song. Then he wipes it all away because, quote, "she's always a woman to me."
Billy Joel: ♪She steals like a thief\ But she's always a woman to me♪
Todd: That is a vague statement of praise, at best. I've found that most women are always a woman. Honestly, if she wasn't always a woman to you, I'd be more impressed.
- Todd trying to keep up with "The End Of The World As We Know It" (Uhh uhm... Bernstein! ...Leonard Bernstein!)
- Todd's suppositions about the person described in Pearl Jam's 'Better Man':
- "Yeah, the eagle flies with the dove, and I'm guessing not to eat it. No, he's gonna have sex with that dove because he can't find any other eagles! Don't judge him! Stephen Stills told him to do it!"Todd: Now depending on your interpretation, this could be a song about either settling for less, or it could also be about cheating on your girl while she's out of town. Either way, Stephen Stills gives out some terrible advice.
Nostalgia Chick: Maybe it's about not wasting your time with some tramp who's not available and learning to be happy with the awesome, wonderful, clever girl who's right in front of you!
Todd: [oblivious to the meaning] Yeah, I know! Isn't that horrible?
Nostalgia Chick: *Death Glare*
- Todd's admission that he will never, ever stop confusing the Amazing Rhythm Aces with the Atlanta Rhythm Section.
- The Reveal of the number 1 song: DEEP. BLUE. SOMETHING.
- Todd: It's certainly hard out there on the pop charts, where we haven't had a big-name white male pop singer in a long time. The last real one out there was Justin Timberlake, but he quit his day job several years ago to pursue his dream making funny videos on the Internet. Pff, what an idiot. And since then, there hasn't really been a white male pop star to replace him. I guess there's Mike Posner.
Mike Posner: ♪And we're doing that Bow chicka bow wow...♪
Todd: ...Yeah, I think we're all about done with that.
- "Seriously, he's like a clarinet that somehow learned to talk. No wonder their first single was called 'Harder to Breathe'. He sounds like he's running out of air!"
- "You've got moves like Jag— Like what, snorting cocaine? *sigh* Yes, ladies and gentlemen. You are looking at the first time in history that anyone has tried to pick up a girl by saying they can dance like Mick Jagger. I mean, moves like Michael, or moves like James Brown, moves likes...Jagger? Really? Congratulations, you can do such classic, amazing dance moves as the 'geriatric shoulder shimmy', the 'duck faced chicken flap;, and of course the "I'm pointin' my fingers at YOU-HOO!" ...I guess it's better than "moves like Thom Yorke" or "moves like Soulja Boy"...*cough*"
- "I'll own you...with my moves like Jagger. ♪Brown sugar/how come you taste so good?!♪ Maroon 5 obviously only wrote that line because Mick Jagger is really popular nowadays, which itself is weird. Usually when a musical icon becomes hip again, it's because they have a comeback single. Or a really good album. Or a duet with a younger artist. Or have a movie made about them. Or they die. Mick Jagger, meanwhile, got popular again because his name rhymes with swagger. Yeah, that's all it took. I'm guessing we can probably get John Fogerty popular again if "schmogerty" ever becomes a trendy buzzword. Internet, get on that."
- "In 1987, Aretha Franklin recorded a love song with George Michael. That actually happened. Now keep in mind that this is a not-very-good duet between a 45-year old black woman and a young gay man, and somehow the two of them still have more chemistry than Levine and Aguilera have on this track!"
- Todd: Eminem and Royce da 5'9" were friends back in the day and released a couple singles under the name Bad Meets Evil. But over the last decade, their relationship has been...complicated. Now, perhaps the best way to explain that relationship is with an analogy describing my own relationship with my younger colleague, the Rap Critic. Ready, dude?
The Rap Critic: Yep.
Todd: Okay. Hi, I'm the really talented one who became really successful and got lots of fans.
Rap Critic: And I'm the also-talented one who started at around the same time, but didn't really break through until I joined an independent group years later.
Todd: And we were friends at first, but then I stopped talking to you once I had new and better friends, leaving you to become bitter and jealous and badmouth me in public, leading to us hating each other.
Rap Critic: And that... wait. That didn't happen between us. I don't remember any of tha—
Todd: And I took my hatred out on you by doing everything in my power to prevent you from being picked up on Channel Awesome, including spreading rumors that you flash old ladies on the street.
Rap Critic: Wait a minute, is this why I keep getting e-mails from people calling me a sex offender?
Todd: Then we made up, and now we're totally best friends and we collaborate all the time.
Rap Critic: Uh...yeah. So...so does this mean you wanted to do another review with me? 'Cause I have this new idea for a crossover that we could—
Todd: All right, nice to see ya.
- Todd is excited to hear this song, as he thinks that collaborating with Royce the 5'9'' will bring him back to his former glory, especially in that their name duo is called "Bad Meets Evil".Todd: Come on, Em! Come on, Royce! Let's see you tear this mother up! GO! GO! GO!
Bruno Mars: (singing the chorus softly on a piano) This one's for you and me, living out our dreams, we are right where we should be. With our arms out wide, I'll open my eyes. All I want to see is a sky full of lighters!
Todd: Sooooo...would this be "bad" or "evil" that I'm listening to?
- "Unfortunately, [Eminem] brought in the dreariest hook ever, courtesy of official Todd In The Shadows Enemy List member, Bruno Mars. ...This sounds like something Coldplay would refuse to release for being too boring! If Eminem was rapping over one of those 'sounds of nature' CDs, it would sound more exciting than this."
- Todd: Let's get to Eminem's verse. Now I'll be honest, my expectations are so low that I expect this entire verse to blow. I mean, there's no way this verse could be any good.
Eminem: ♪Fighters keep fighting, put your lighters up, point em' skyward, uh!\ Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king.\ This rap game's nipple is mine for the milking♪
Todd: And Eminem proves me completely right! Things I learned today: the rap game has nipples.
- Cutting from Bruno Mars to Mötley Crüe.
- Todd: I do find it kind of hilarious that Eminem, the man so angry and hateful towards gays that he was protested in the streets, has now released some of the man-crushiest songs ever written. Now, one might be tempted to suggest that Eminem is repressing some hidden desires, but, of course that would be crude to insinuate. I don't see anything serious to support that suggestion, except for this one part in the song AND ITS CONSTANT REFERENCES TO DICKS!
Eminem: ♪And pardon me if I'm a cocky prick, but you cocks are slick\ Who you dicks try to kid, flipped dick, you did the opposite\ You stayed the same, cause cock backwards is still cock you pricks\ I love it when I tell em shove it♪
Todd: And in conclusion, penis, penis, penis.
- "Yeah, I'll whip out my lighter...set fire to this CD. Except this is not a lighter. It's a cell phone. And this is also not actually the Bad Meets Evil CD...because I no longer actually buy physical CDs. But totally imagine that I was so enraged that I actually set something on fire. That's how angry I am! Rrrrr! I'm Todd In The Shadows, I listen to it 'cause you don't want to."
- The title card. Just...the title card.
- The intro with Todd refusing to play the song and arguing with the caption.
- Todd attempts to prepare his viewers for the horror that is the music video.Todd: You see, LMFAO are sexy...and they know it...and they want you to know it. And that can only mean one thing.
Troy McClure: Hardcore nudity!
- Todd's reaction to the Jiggle Physics on display in the video.Todd: ♪If you're sexy and you know it, flop your dick♪ Flop, flop, flop... The jiggling is almost hypnotic. Oh, God, all The Simpsons references in the world aren't gonna get me through this...
- LMFAO: When I'm at the beach, I'm in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks (what)
Caption: butts lolololol
Todd: These guys have the wit of fifth-graders! And not bright ones, either.
- "Their second album, 'Sorry for Party Rocking', could probably have been more accurately named 'Sorry for SUCKING'."
- Oancitizen's cameo ("I sat through a whole film where people had sex with garbage, and you can't get through a simple little song just because it has two men dancing with their underwear on?") leading to Todd's attempt at Deep Lyrical Analysis...and then Todd deciding "Screw it! This song sucks because it sucks!"
- The Stinger at the end is Benzaie's theme song for if he was gay."Why did that end like the Thriller vi— Never mind!"
- Todd's confession in the stinger: "Okay, it's a LITTLE funny that he tears off his Speedo and there's a Speedo underneath."
- Todd posted the episode to his blip account before it was finished, and as a result, a few lucky fans saw Todd not in the Shadows! Needless to say, Todd took down the video as soon as he realized what had gone wrong, citing some "serious problems."
- The way he sings the word "Auto-Tune", with Auto-Tune, when he first brings the topic up.
- (Auto-Tuned voice) "Hey, why don't I do the whole review with my voice Auto-Tuned?" (normal voice) "Actually, let's not, that'd get old really fast."
- Todd demonstrating how T-Pain would sample "Don't Speak", "Killing Me Softly" and "The Hippopotamus Song".Gwen: ♪I know what you're thinkin'♪
Todd: (as T-Pain) ♪You know I'm thinkin about makin' love♪
Lauryn Hill: ♪Killing me softly with his song♪
Todd: ♪I'll be killing her softly in the bedroom♪
Gayla Peevey: ♪I want a hippopotamus for Christmas♪
Todd: (as T-Pain) ♪By "hippopotamus", she means she wants my dick!♪
- "Ok, in case you don't know, Lily Allen is a pretty big deal in the U.K., but she never really gained much of a foothold in America, so I'm guessing most of you are probably not familiar with her unless you're one of those Pitchfork-reading snobs who constantly name-drops Europop singers and how they're so much better than our American crap. (quickly) By the way, that last album by Swedish pop star Robyn was actually really good and she's way better than any of that Ke$ha crap and you should totally listen to it."
- "Look, I understand the need to party. I get it. I am not a stranger to partying 'til the break of dawn. (cut to Todd in front of his TV) Feeding that dog gave me +9 to my karma."
- T-Pain's girlfriend is waiting for him to get back home:Todd: I'm sure he has good reasons for delaying.
T-Pain: ♪These females got me stallin'♪
Todd: Ah, uh... I'm trying to work with you here, dude.
- "I'm sure you're a nice guy, T-Pain, but there are other rich, talented robots out there."
- Todd's rewrite of the chorus at the very end; the Auto-Tune makes it even more hilarious:
- T-Pain: "I can hear your voice in my head like, what is he doing? What is doing?"Todd: Well, he's not volunteering at your local homeless shelter, I can tell you that!
- "Fortunately, we've got an awesome guest rapper to improve this. A talented young man by the name of-I can't even finish that.Todd: (completely deadpan) This is Wiz Khalifa. He did a song a while back I reviewed. He's not very good.
- The return of [picks up glass, takes a sip of water] BIEEEBEEER!
- "Justin Bieber is quite possibly the most unlikable, most uncharismatic performer to get popular since they hey-day of Vanilla Ice."
- "I started to get interested in Bieber's Christmas album after I found his rendition of 'Little Drummer Boy'. I might have to give this a chance. ...Of course, Bieber's performance is awful because trying to inject soul into 'pa-rum-pa-pum-pum' makes you sound like a dipshit. But I did happen to notice one very encouraging thing about his performance. Bieber's voice is finally changing!" Cue the Hallelujah Chorus starting in the background.
- "This is a white guy with acoustic guitar song." (Beat) "This is a WHITE GUY WITH ACOUSTIC GUITAR SOOOOONG! Justin Bieber, Justin freaking Bieber, world's whitest of white boys, doing an acoustic guitar song! OH, thank you Bieber! Two of my least favorite things in music combined! Looks like I got my Christmas present early!"
- Todd: Who the hell associates this kind of fratty white reggae with the holidays? The only Christmas song I can think of that sounds like that is "Mele Kalikimaka", and that's about Christmas in Hawaii. And judging by the video, I don't think that's what they were going for. Seriously, you can't just throw some bells on a song and call it a Christmas carol!
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince: ♪Summer, summer, summertime♪ (with sleigh bells over it)