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    Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2013 
  • Todd explaining how dull the lyrics to "Let Her Go" are:
    Passenger: ♪Only know you've been high when you're feeling low. Only hate the road when you're missing home♪
    Todd: ♪Only hate elves when you're missin' gnomes... You only hate Safari when you're missing Chrome!♪ And you only miss Ed Sheeran when you're listening to Passenger.
  • Todd's continuing mental deterioration, thanks to the re-emergence of the Pop Song Chords.
  • On "Cruise (Remix)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly:
    • "You must be an angel 'cause I wanna have sex with you.", which Todd decides actually is a better pickup line than the one "Cruise" is trying to use.
    • "Have you ever tuned into one of those really white pop stations that will cut the rap verses out of songs, so instead of hearing Snoop Dogg [on Katy Perry's "California Gurls"], you just have a really awkward blank spot? Well, I heard one that took Nelly's verse out of "Cruise (remix)". Not the original "Cruise", the rap remix. They censored the rapper out of the rap remix. And the weird thing was I only barely noticed it was even missing. 'Cause who cares? Florida Georgia Line don't need help to be drooly and tedious. They've got it covered."
    • Describing Cruise as "impressively meatheaded".
  • On "Holy Grail" by Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake:
    • "But while you play with your Assassin's Creed on your new PS4, it's important to remember not everyone is so lucky. And especially now that the holidays are over, we really need to try to remember the people who are really, truly suffering." *Cue Holy Grail*
    • Todd calling "Holy Grail" "99 First World Problems".
    • Cutting to pictures of Richie Rich and Mitt Romney, labeling them as:"Pictured: Jay-Z".
    • He starts talking about Justin Timberlake's verse, only for it to be interrupted by the king of Swamp Castle.
  • On "Started from the Bottom" by Drake:
    • Todd's mashup of every Drake song he hates, beautifully parodying Drake's monotone:
    Todd: ♪Started from the bottom, now we're here, now we're here; everyday, everyday, everyday; that's the motto, that's the motto, YOLO, YOLO, YOLO; they know, they know, they know♪
  • Comparing Lil Wayne wearing tinted reflector shades to a Sleestak.
  • His attempt to rationalize calling "Demons" a sell-out track when it's on the same album as Imagine Dragons' earlier hits falls apart under his own scrutiny, forcing him to accuse them of breaking the laws of physics.
    Todd: Goddamn it, quit time-traveling, Imagine Dragons! How am I supposed to like a band that breaks the laws of physics? Screw you, lawbreakers!
  • On his third worst song on the list, Feel This Moment, his take has nothing new for him to say about the song and is very short. Then he predicts that "once the EDM dies out, Pitbull will go on to ruin some other genre". Cue a clip from his collaboration with Ke$ha, "Timber".
    Todd: Cowboy hip-hop is the future, you say.
  • On #thatPOWER by ft. Justin Bieber:
    • "I put 'Scream and Shout' way too low last year. I am not making this mistake this year. Or who knows? Maybe this is still too low. Maybe calling it the second-worst anything is still too generous."
    • On's bank size: ♪Used to have a piggy bank, but now I got that bigger bank♪
      Todd: This one's three inches wider, and shaped like a teddy bear.
    • "Unless 'that power' is the power to attract a million watts of hatred, no, you don't have 'hashtag that power',"
  • On "Daylight" by Maroon 5: "Maroon 5 nowadays remind me of, like, a towel rack or a blender, an Ikea lamp. You know, just some kind of functional product, but not assembled with as much passion."
  • On "Stay the Night" by Zedd ft. Hayley Williams: "Zedd basically only gave her one line, and the more she repeats it, the more pathetic and desperate she sounds. Who knew Hayley Williams had to beg for sex like this?"
  • On "Harlem Shake" by Baauer: "I don't get it."
  • On "Roar" by Katy Perry:
    • "You're gonna hear me snore, am I right?"
    • "2013 effectively killed my hate-crush for Katy Perry. I mean, last year was the breakup, I couldn't stand it anymore, but her work this year is like finding out that your awful ex has also seriously let themselves go in the meantime, on top of everything else. You know, you just think "whew, dodged a bullet there". That's how I feel about Katy Perry."
    • "'Eye of the tiger' my ass. This is what the eye of the tiger sounds like. (cue the opening riff to Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger") This is what you sound like. (cue the opening notes of "Roar"; Todd makes a, "See? See?!" gesture)"
    • "And if this is what you sound like roaring, what did you sound like before? A starving, legless gerbil begging for food? Listening to this song is like what listening to anything this year was in the mainstream pop chart. It's meaningless, it's unimportant, it's bland, it's bland, it's worthless, it's like trying to eat air! There's no point, goddammit!"
    • And when Todd finally ends the video: "No, you're gonna hear me roar. Ahem, SCREW 2013!!! I'm done."
    The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2013 
  • At the beginning of the video, Todd is too drunkenly depressed over the terrible music of 2013. Kyle, Paw, and Elisa all try to give him a pep talk to help him find new hope - at least, until Elisa realizes Todd is getting drunk on their bourbon, and rips into him for stealing their liquor again.
  • Todd calling "Baby It's Cold Outside" the original "Blurred Lines".
  • When covering "Suit & Tie", Todd attempts to emulate Justin Timberlake's slide to the mic. Cue a montage of him crashing and falling every time, the last time also resulting in him knocking over his light.
  • On "Do What U Want" by Lady Gaga ft. R. Kelly:
    • When saying that Lady Gaga is now just cannibalizing her own fame, he posts a picture of a snake eating its own tail. Funny enough, but then he claims the picture is...
      Todd: By the way, that's not a snake, that's just one of her crazy outfits.
    • "I can't emphasize this enough. Do not let R. Kelly 'do what he wants, do what he wants with your body'. He...because he pees on people is where I'm going with this."
      Macklemore: Pissss...
  • When talking about "Swimming Pools (Drank)", Todd claims to have never engaged in alcoholism. Cut to a clip of the opening from literally 15 minutes earlier, where Todd was drowning his sorrows in bourbon.
    • Todd being unable to determine whether or not the song is deriding or promoting alcohol.
      • The eventual slip where Todd feels like wanting to drink again after hearing the word "Drank" again to the point where the Family Guy gag of subliminal messages comes up and coming real close to doing so until the song stops repeating the word, to which Todd puts down his glass and says the following to Kendrick Lamar.
        Todd: You're a bad influence, Mr. Lamar.
  • Todd psyching out the audience by puttingAccidental Racist in his Honorable Mentions.
    Todd: Ha ha! Just kidding.

    Dark Horse 
  • Todd has trouble trying to figure out why he used to like Katy Perry's songs.
    Todd: Well, if we want to talk about why Katy Perry is going wrong, first we need to examine she was doing right. So, what was she doing right? ... what was she doing right... (Todd stops to think, and think, and think...)
    (Cut to clips of the breast milk squirting scene from "California Gurls", the chorus of "Ur So Gay", and Katy as a Hollywood Nerd in "Last Friday Night")
    (Todd throws his hands up in the air as if to say "I dunno!")
  • "It's difficult to pin down who Katy Perry really is. She's not like Gaga, or even Miley or Ke$ha, who've all carved out distinct identities for themselves. Katy always has that kind of plasticity in her. And I don't mean like "plastic" like Barbie; I mean "plastic" like Plastic Man (also Barbie). You know, she's a shape-shifter... There's no consistency or common thread between her songs; she just is whoever the song says she is."
  • On the song's uncatchiness:
    Todd: I'm sorry, is it 2006?! When I turn on the pop station, I expect to hear something fun and upbeat, not this ugly-ass trap beat complete with speaker-destroying bass, annoying-ass chorus of goons shouting "HEY," and obnoxious pitch-shifted voice bawling out at you from nowhere.
    Distorted voice: There's no going back.
    Todd: Ugh. Oh, no, no, I don't think the song's quite annoying enough yet; can't we add some...
    (cue overly obnoxious air horns blaring over the song)
    Todd: ...there we go.
  • Comparing "Dark Horse" to the Spice Girls:
    Todd: "Dark Horse" is an assertive, girl-powery message to a potential lover. You know, like the Spice Girls used to do. See, if you wanna be her lover, you have to promise that you'll be there. And if you don't keep your promise, she'll...
    Todd: I think I summed that up properly.
  • When speculating that the dark magic theme is a further reaction against her parents:
    Todd: She was raised by super-religious fundamentalists, you know, which is probably why so many of her songs seem designed to piss them off. You know, like, "I Kissed A Girl", "Last Friday Night", "Evolution Is Real". [Caption: Joke stolen from Mara Wilson. Please don't hurt me Mara.]
  • "There's a reason that Mariah Carey doesn't sing over death metal. (cue Mariah singing "Dreamlover" over Dethklok's "Thunderhorse")"
  • (Playing the melody on his piano) "Are you ready for, ready for/Mixed metaphors, metaphors?". Also, the episode's text description reads "Are you ready for ready for, a worthless song worthless song?".
  • When covering Juicy J's guest verse:
    Juicy J: ♪Shawty’s heart is on steroids, Cause her love is so strong♪
    Todd: Pfff. Right.
    Juicy J: ♪She's sweet as pie but if you break her heart, She'll turn cold as a freezer♪
    Todd: Who cares?
    Juicy J: ♪She eats your heart out, Like Jeffrey Dahmer♪
    Todd: Yeah, whatev- wait what?
    Juicy J: ♪She eats your heart out, Like Jeffrey Dahmer
    (Todd's jaw hangs open, while the "Yes / No" checkboxes return)
    Todd: ... yeah, check no! Guys, sometimes it's okay to say no.
  • At the end, Todd declares that Katy Perry sucks and that her previous songs prove she isn't the vengeful powerful Woman Scorned she claims in this song to be. Cue Katy's Bolt of Divine Retribution.
    Todd: ... my opinion hasn't changed— (gets struck again)

     Talk Dirty 
  • Todd's This Cannot Be! intro right at the start
    Todd: Nooo... No, no this is impossible! You're dead... I killed you... This can't be happening!
  • Todd forgot that Jason Derulo's singles from 2011-2013 even existed only because he didn't say his name at the beginning of them like he used to do.
  • Claiming the Asian woman saying Jason's name at the beginning of the song had mispronounced it, and corrects her by saying it again with egregious Auto-Tune.
  • His attempt to make the following line less immature:
    Jason Derulo: ♪Our conversations ain't long / But you know what is
    Todd: Uh... the flight? The line to get through customs? Please don't force me to answer this.
  • At one point, the chorus gets interrupted by Poison's song "Talk Dirty To Me".
    Bret Michaels: ♪CC, pick up that guitar and...♪
    Todd: Ha, I wish! No I don't.
  • "Why would you care what she says if you can't understand her? For all you know, she could be saying 'I'm a prostitute, and my services were purchased for you by the promoter.' Or she could be saying 'Please get me out of this country!' Or even 'Careful, this plate is hot!' and you wouldn't know! Why would her talking dirty get you off at all?"
  • The song features 2Chainz as a guest artist. Todd hilariously says instead that the song features "not one, but multiple chains".
  • The hope of even a mediocre rapper saving an awful song is crushed the moment 2 Chainz begins rapping.
    2Chainz: Dos Cadenas, close to genius
    Sold-out arenas - you can suck my penis (Damn!)
    Todd: [Long pause] ... Guys, the two of you score foreign chicks because they can't understand you, not in spite of it!
  • Todd complains about the background singers emphasizing random words during 2Chainz's verse, only to have it happen to him, too:
    Todd: Did the backup singers just shout "neck"?
    2 Chainz: ♪Tongue on neck♪
    Backup singers: ♪Neck♪
    Todd: You know, it's okay to just shout "hey" or "yeah" when you need to fill a space, all right? You don't have to emphasize random words.
    Todd!Backup singers: ♪Words♪
    Todd: (looks to his left) The hell was that?
  • "And here's another question: Who the hell is this song meant to be for? You can't be singing it for the ladies because this song is only about ladies who can't understand you, so any ladies who would be impressed by this would understand you're not singing to her. I guess you're just bragging to your bros, but are we supposed to think you're cool? Hell, if I were one of your buddies, I'd be angry. If this gets popular in other countries, no American guy will ever score overseas again. You're the ugliest American since Clark Griswold."
  • "Why would I want to hear the exploits of some obnoxious American recounting his gross sex tourism? Christ, where's Eli Roth when you need him?"
  • When bringing up 2 Chainz's song "I'm Different" he tries to determine how 2 Chainz is different from other "bling and bitches" rappers, but realizes the song never explains.
  • As he is about to finish, the song ends with a woman, in a stereotypical accent, going "What? I don't understand!" and he's not amused...
    Todd: Wait, was that part of the song?! Are you kidding me?! My god, screw you, douchebag! What, was "me love you long time" too obvious?! For the love of Christ, keep your Asian schoolgirl prostitute fetish out of my music!

  • The "One-Hit Wonderland" title cards entering the review repeatedly, leading him to say he's not ready to write Bastille off as an example yet.
  • "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Oh, Wait, Here It Is)".
    • And Bastille's version of "Beautiful Day".
  • Todd's Eureka Moment when he sees the song is about two corpses talking to each other.
    • He then goes from a somber moment of silence right into the semi-joyous Gregorian chanting of the song to show the Lyrical Dissonance.
  • Todd Takes Abstract Song Lyrics Too Literally Theater!
  • Todd pointing out how the song should be performed at The Muppet Show. And a moment later, when the song goes into a brief drum solo, there's a cutaway to Animal drumming.
  • His confusion at a scene at the end of the music video where the lead singer has Black Eyes of Evil, prompting him to ask if he's an alien now right before the episode ends.

    All of Me 
  • It opens with an excerpt from Todd's Grammy vlog, saying John Legend doesn't matter in 2014, then cuts to Todd wondering why he's so bad at predicting musical trends.
  • When demonstrating how "Ordinary People" is musically better than "All of Me", Todd first tries playing the former and struggles at doing so. By contrast, the latter is revealed to be his Berserk Button, The Four Chords of Pop... only for him to not freak out at all; he actually plays the verses' chords while whistling Flo Rida's "Whistle" over them and is merely amused that they match up.
  • Todd using Kali the dog to play his piano, and going all cutesy-talk to it.
  • There are multiple sketches of Todd playing the piano deliberately badly at a party with some of the other reviewers. Kyle covers his face with a book as soon as Todd starts.
  • Listening to the song and proclaiming, with a posh accent and a glass of wine in his hand, 'so much better than that undignified Derulo fellow'.

  • His opening piano rendition consists of a preset drum setting and playing with one finger. Combined with a sigh before he starts.
  • When complaining about how judgmental the whining girl of the music video is, a caption briefly flashes: HYPOCRISY ALERT.
  • Todd wonders why taking photos of yourself is considered so terrible, to which he even takes a selfie to demonstrate how mundane it is. It's a photo of Justin Bieber.
  • The ending montage of lines from previous Todd episodes, all out of context to make him seem just as shallow as the music video.
  • "Both Moon Unit Zappa and Ke$ha, compellingly, creatively, need to for the love of Christ shut up already. Whoever this chick ["singing" this song] is just doesn't have that star quality."
  • When he addresses the female chick in the song saying, "It's not even summer, why does the DJ keep on playing Summertime Sadness?"
    "What are you complaining about, lady? At least he's not playing '#Selfie'!"
  • Todd's previous method of addressing EDM
    "La-la-la! I can't hear you! La-la-la! Doesn't exist! La-la-la!"

     Turn Down For What 
  • Meta: The previous episode on "#selfie" had Todd mention that he had no idea how to deal with this song, since it barely had any lyrics... and here we are now.
  • Setting the music video to "O Fortuna."
  • "You know, I'll admit when [Lil' Jon] first came out 10 years ago, it took me a little bit to get into the guy. I mean, he was so loud and gross; I didn't get it at first. At first, I was like 'WHAT?!!', but then, I was like 'OOHH-KAAYYY!!', and then I was like 'YEEAAA-UHHHH!!'"
    • Just the way Todd says "Oh friend, it's been too long".
  • On the genre of "Trap music" and how it split into two genres.
    Todd: Now, at this point, the two genres have basically nothing to do with each other anymore, but confusingly, they still have the same name. So I guess you could presumably download a trap music mix tape expecting to hear TI or Young Jeezy, and instead find out...
    Admiral Ackbar: IT'S A TRAP!
  • "What the hell does 'turn down for what' even mean? You need a reason to turn it down? I'll tell you what, I can tell you many reasons to turn this down, especially at TWO IN THE MORNING!!! It's college kids that live upstairs."
    • And when Todd finally untangles the title phrase, he puts like this:
    Todd: [haughtily] "For what possible reason would I dare heed your suggestion that I enjoy my revelry any less than I am currently so doing?! What a ridiculous notion, sir. Off with you now, before I smash you with my groin.
  • "You know what, just for fun, let's see if we lose anything at all if we took out all of Lil' Jon's parts and then replace them with the Tasmanian Devil. (cue repeating clips from "Bedeviled Rabbit" with the song's beat in the background) I think this is more understandable, actually. Another round of shots, but no water because 'TAZ HATE WATER!'"
  • "[Lil' Jon] is just like an unstoppable force, rampaging throughout the world without a care for the destruction he leaves in his wake, like a demented hip-hop Kool-Aid Man"
    Kool-Aid Man "Oh..."
    Lil' Jon "YEAH!"
  • At the end, Todd tries to mimic the people in the video by humping his piano. It backfires spectacularly.

  • Todd says that in retrospect, "Talk Dirty" is his favorite Derulo song.
    Todd: There is much wrong with it, obviously, but if you can get past Jason Derulo's voice, Jason Derulo's lyrics, Jason Derulo's personality, and of course, racism, you'll actually find a lot to like in "Talk Dirty".
  • The first line causes him to bury his face in his hands.
    Todd: Excuse me, I'm just trying to smother myself with my own hands.
  • "Wiggle wiggle wiggle, shake it shake it girl, just a little bittle..." NOT A RHYME - OR A WORD - SERIOUSLY WTF
  • Immediately afterward, he asks if there has ever been a good song that uses the word "wiggle" in the title or lyrics.
    2 in a Room: ♪Wiggle it, just a little bit...♪
    LMFAO:Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah!
    The Wiggles:Get ready to wiggle/Wiggle will make you big and strong...
    Outhere Brothers: ♪Wiggle wiggle! Wiggle wiggle! Wiggle wiggle!♪
    Todd: Holy crap, what the hell is this last one? Yeah, I'm gonna take that as a no, it's an inherently stupid, unusable word in a song...[looks at phone]...okay, hold on, hold on. Okay, I found a Bob Dylan song. Maybe I was wrong.
    Dylan: ♪Wiggle wiggle wiggle like a bowl of soup/Wiggle wiggle wiggle like a rolling hoop/Wiggle wiggle wiggle like a ton of lead...♪
    Todd: No, I was right the first time. Man, the 80s were just not good for Dylan.
  • After noting Derulo's allusion to Dolly Parton, he mutters that Derulo already ruined R&B and doesn't need to ruin country too. Cue a clip of Derulo performing at the CMT Awards, with Florida Georgia Line, Todd's most hated country duo, no less.
  • Todd realizing that the main beat is built around a plastic flute.
    Todd: I mean, I looked at the video, I was, like, trying to be charitable, like maybe they were going for an exotic pan-flute thing. No, that's a goddamn recorder. It's a beat built around a plastic toy you get at the dollar store for three-year-olds. And an annoying plastic dollar store toy, at that! This is one level up from having the lead instrument in your song be a Tickle Me Elmo!
  • When Jason sings "Got me in this club making wedding plans", Todd cues up Johnny Lee singing "Lookin' for love in all the wrong places."
  • Todd's interpreting the lyric "Go ham sammich".
    Jason: ♪Your booty like two planets. Go head, and go ham sammich.♪
    (Todd is just about to eat a ham sandwich, then stops)
    Todd: What?
    Jason: ♪Go head, and go ham sammich♪
    Todd: (putting the sandwich back on the plate) Man, I don't even wanna finish this now.
    Jason: ♪Go head, and go ham sammich♪
    Todd: Okay, well, let me go all Rap Genius on you here. "Go HAM," is an abbreviation for, "go hard as a motherfucker." Derulo adds that expression to make, "go ham sandwich", which indicates that he wants you to go hardcore with the wiggling and to make it clear that he is, in fact, comparing you to actual ham. This is bringing the subtext to the forefront here. He does, in fact, think of you as a piece of meat, and he's proud of it.
    (Todd takes a bite of the sandwich)
  • Putting in awkward silence in place of the Beat after the "You know what to do with that big fat butt" line. Even adding chirping crickets as well as Snoop Dogg apparently looking at Derulo in disgust.
  • "The shin!"

  • Todd dressed as Cher Horowitz on the title card.
  • Todd being surprised by all of the new artists on the charts, the last one being DJ Snake, who he forgot he reviewed.
  • Before showing Iggy Azalea, Todd shows Iggy Pop, Iggy Koopa and Miss Piggy.
  • "This is fancy in the same way as the fancy ketchup packets from McDonald's."
  • "I'm not here to review her Twitter feed, but her music! The boring, boring, music!"
  • Todd's bafflement at "Let's make the phone call" ("Phone call...? For what, pizza delivery??")
    • The picture that follows of an old telephone with ultra-rustic font reading "Fancy!"
  • The Clueless clips are perfectly chosen\used.
  • Todd actually praises her flow in her rapping, then goes on to admit that he shouldn't give her too much credit as it's almost like saying she can chop vegetables really well.

  • The thumbnail which shows Todd as a rastafarian, giving the finger.
  • He mentions that Nasri Atweh, the lead singer of MAGIC!, has been a producer-songwriter for more than a few artists, and wonders what he's worked on that he's heard.
    (clip of "Feel This Moment")
    Todd: Oh, wonderful.
    (clip of "Next 2 You")
    Todd: Yeah, that's not a good sign.
    (clip of "Mistletoe")
    Todd: Okay, now I'm worried.
  • Todd stops in the middle of the video, saying he likes it and signs off, and proceeds to have a normal couple of days in a montage of sleeping, playing fighting games, and more sleeping - until the Fridge Logic sinks in while he's eating breakfast, then he punches the table and storms back to the piano.
  • This very sudden disclaimer:
    Todd is shockingly ignorant about other cultures, please do not take anything he says about them as fact.
  • Todd describing 'Upper-case MAGIC, Exclamation Point' as the inverse of 'Lower-Case fun., Period'.
  • The Stinger at the very end is a slowed-down clip of the father shaking his head and frowning in disapproval.
  • "'Yeah, I am totally right! You don't deserve her, you brain-dead douchebag, get lost! I'm gonna set my daughter up with a handsome self-made millionaire who's active in charity and you can go back to working at Home Depot and smoking crack!'"
  • "I can't say I've ever heard of a gay reggae love ballad. That is novel!"
  • Comparing the use of the word "rude" in the song to Stephanie from Full House.
  • "'Like, wow! You're wearing a suit! By all means, please, continue banging my daughter. Become a prominent fixture in my life for the rest of my remaining years. What else can I say? You got a suit on and everything!"
  • "I would've accepted your 'no' but you said it in just such a dick way, so I'm gonna steal your daughter! And I'm gonna egg your house!"

    Shake It Off 
  • The title card depicts Todd with a sad face underneath the infamous "tunnel of butts".
  • Todd's first words after his piano intro are a Big "WHAT?!".
  • "Oh my god, she's rapping! Taylor Swift is rapping! I remember when that was a joke! (cue clips from "Thug Story" featuring T-Pain) That used to be a joke! Now it's actually happening! What happened?! When did Taylor Swift become a living Bratz doll?!"
  • Todd comparing Taylor's "ee-ee-ee" at the end of every line in "I Knew You Were Trouble" to sounding like a wounded dolphin.
  • When Todd explains who haters are.
    Todd: That great Boogeyman of pop music. Haters: they're everywhere. Haters are infiltrating our government right now, poisoning our water supply. (Todd knocks on the piano three times) Uh-oh. I think I hear some coming now! (Statler and Waldorf peek in from the corner)
  • "You think she should still be dating John Mayer? I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
  • "Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. Don't. Feed. The. Trolls."
  • Todd sums up "Shake It Off" as Taylor Swift "whipping her hair at haters".
    Willow Smith: ♪I whip my hair and just shake them off...♪
  • When Todd talks about Taylor once being relatable to her audience.
    Todd: "Teardrops On My Guitar" was for any girl who had ever had a crush. "You Belong with Me" was for any girl who had a crush. And an unexamined jealous streak. Even "22" can work for you if you're 22, I suppose. I wouldn't know, being 53 and all.
  • Todd on Taylor's haters.
    Todd: News Flash! No one cares about your problem with haters! Because, the only people with haters are celebrities. The rest of us, normal people, do not have haters. Unless, you make content on the Internet, which would be a really dumb thing to do. But a mass of anonymous people who dislikes us personally, no, we don't have that in our lives. At best, we have assholes. And if we do have haters, it's only, like, one guy.
    Jerry Seinfeld: NEWMAN!!
  • Todd on Taylor's supposed immaturity.
    Todd: She just does not wear "celebrity" well. I mean, listen to her! The result is that she sounds like a sassy 10 year old! Matter of fact...
    Taylor: ♪I stay out too late! / I go on too many dates! / That's what people say!♪
    Todd: Seriously, the haters say you go out on too many dates and stay out too late. Are these haters... your parents?! (imitating Taylor) ♪I don't do my homework! I tease my little sister too much!♪
  • "Look, Taylor Swift's best asset is that she has a good ear for details; that's what most country artists used to be good at before country music became a unending string of [to the style of Luke Bryan's "That's My Kind of Night"] "♪ it's summer, parties, drinking, girls have legs ♪"!"
  • "Players gonna play, haters gonna hate"? You wanna just throw in a "YOLO" while you're at it?! Seriously, is Pitbull gonna be in this? If not, why not? He's not going to make it worse! ...Okay, yes, he is going to make it worse. But still!"
  • Todd calling out Taylor for her inability to take criticism.
    Todd: Oh, she doesn't care about the critics? She hears music in her head, and she dances around like she just doesn't care. She's just gonna "shake, shake, shake". Ahem, BULLSHIT!! She is trying way too hard!
    Taylor: ♪Fakers are gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake♪
    Todd: Yeah fakers are gonna fake, Taylor! I hope you're singing that to a mirror!
    Taylor: ♪I make the moves up as I go♪
    Todd: "Making it up as you go". This is the most transparently calculated pose I've ever seen. Apple products get less focus-grouped than this. Real talk: Taylor Swift is the thinnest-skinned celebrity alive. She cannot take criticism. She is worse at taking criticism than Eminem, Lindsay Lohan, and Kim Jong-un combined. You could give her the mildest critique, and she'll dedicate ten pages in her burn book to you. Watch! (to a picture of Taylor) Taylor Swift, you... love your fans too much. (Photo-Taylor sprouts horns and fangs and starts shrieking like a banshee)
  • Todd on Taylor's "rap breakdown":
    Todd: What the hell just happened?! Who are you, and what did you do with Taylor Swift?! Yeah, midway through this song, Taylor Swift delivers one of the most bewilderingly awful 22 seconds I think I've ever heard in a pop song. I could spend the same amount of time with my hand on a lit stove and come out in less pain. I don't even know where to start.
    Taylor: This... sick... beat.
    Todd: "Sick beat"?!
    Taylor: ♪...and fella over there with the hella good hair...♪
    Todd: "Hella good..." Who talks like that?! Who wrote this, my mom?! Taylor, you're embarrassing me in front of my friends! I...I refuse to believe Taylor Swift wrote that. All of that had to have been added by some studio hack, unless... has Taylor Swift been a 40-year-old pretending to be a young person the entire time? Is she an undercover reporter preparing an expose on youth culture?
  • When Taylor complains about her "ex-man" bringing his new girlfriend with him, the only detail she gives about why she doesn't like her is that the new girlfriend says "oh my God." Todd promptly cuts to clips of Taylor herself going "oh my God!" while winning various awards.
    Todd: BOOM!! GOTCHA!!
  • Noting the clip of Taylor in a cheerleader outfit, Todd declares:
    Todd: I just dislike this whole idea that, you know, "oh, look at me. I'm gonna put on silly outfits, pretend to be other pop stars, but it's still just me, little ol' Taylor Swift. These costumes don't fit me!" Yes, they do! You are those costumes; they are your personality; that's exactly who you are now. You'll never be band-geek Taylor Swift again! You're the cheer captain and... I don't know, Lorde is on the bleachers. (thinks for a bit) Oh god, Lorde! What's going to happen to her in five years?
    (Cut to "Work Bitch" by Britney Spears, with Lorde's face photoshopped over hers.)
    Todd: (facepalming) Pop music ruins everything.

     All About That Bass 
  • Nella's cameo
  • "So for the sake of peace and harmony, maybe white girls should just go butt-less for a while, like not have butts, not be seen with butts, because for whatever reason, the two just aren't mixing well at the moment."
  • "Now when I say this is controversial, I'm not joking. It's about women and their bodies. The whole...I don't know what the umbrella term is here. Fat pride movement? Or...fat acceptance? I don't know, just something better than fat getting-rocks-getting-thrown-at-you-on-the-streets."
  • "I look like shit! And there's no way I can get away with that as a chick! Even as a shadow!"
  • "Did you know that Ke$ha's too fat? Ke$ha had to go to Rehab for an eating disorder because her manager kept telling her she's too fat. I mean think about that! Ke$ha! Fuckin' Ke$ha is too fuckin' fat!"
    • "Women who are so hot that they've made a living entirely out of being hot get flack for not being hot enough!"
  • "I'm a guy, I know guys, most guys are idiots! Why should girls care what I think? Course in my experience most girls don't care what I think. Actually maybe they should care a little more what I think!"
  • Near the end, when he hears the line "I can shake it shake it / Like I'm supposed to do", he takes issue with the latter half:
    Todd: I mean, If you like shaking it, by all means, shake, shake, shake Senora, shake it like a salt shaker. But, "like you're supposed to do?" Eh... I mean you know who else thinks shaking your ass is what you're supposed to do.
    Jason Derulo: ♪You know what to do with that big fat butt!♪
    Todd: I rest my case.
  • The stinger song: "When Will the Bass Drop?"


    Bang Bang 
  • He compares Ariana Grande's singing voice as having the range of Mariah Carey, but with the enunciation of Elmer Fudd.
    Todd: [as Elmer Fudd] Dis is da part when I break fwee. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh.
  • Todd's disbelief that this song has so many guest singers is expressed by him playing a clip of Too Many Cooks.
    Todd: Hah, that joke definitely won't be old in one week!
  • Butts...
    Jessie J: She got a booty like a Cadillac, but I can send you into overdrive! Oh!
    Todd: Booty like a Cadillac, huh?
    Jason Derulo: You know what to do with that big fat butt...
    (Cutaway to the word "BUTTS")
    Todd: Yup. Well anyway...
    (Cutaway returns)
    —>Todd: Yes, I'm aware. So, the ne-
    (Cutaway returns again.)
    —>Todd: ...please stop.
    (Cutaway to screenshot from the Baby Got Back music video with the words "BUTTS WILL NEVER STOP" superimposed.)
  • Todd says Ariana Grande's character in Victorious is like "if Ralph Wiggum were hot." He immediately starts to try to defend himself so he doesn't look like a pervert or hyper judgmental, but fails. Eventually he diverts this discussion back to the music.
  • "...Ariana sounds like she's nine and I'm pretty sure Jessie J's species mates by laying eggs in the host's digestive system."
  • Noting how odd it is that the song casts Ariana as the "bad girl", playing a clip from an earlier song to illustrate.
  • "When did pop music turn into Six Degrees of Ariana Grande?"
  • Todd points out that the song title is too juvenile for a sex song: "BANG BANG", then showing the following clip
  • When talking about the old school Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera videos, he mentions that even some of those videos made him feel uncomfortable.
    Britney!Todd: Oh, I'm lost on my bike, wanna come drag me into the woods?
  • Also bringing up the WMG that the song is a response to Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines".
    Todd: And yeah, there's not else about this song. Althought one of the more interesting things that come from this is the theorizing floating around, that this was written as a response to Blurred Lines. Not the obvious response of "Hey, Robin Thicke, stop being sleazy and gross", but more on the lines of ''"Hey, who needs a Good Girl when you have a Bad Girl?"
  • Todd's inference of the song's potential Les Yay:
    'Todd: Hot. I guess.
  • The ending song: Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down).

    Blank Space 
  • The video description: "It's a love story, baby just say ye—OH GOD PUT DOWN THE KNIFE"
  • "Taylor Swift has become self-aware!" Cue the opening to The Terminator.
  • At one point there's a reference to "The Crazy Eyes".
  • "This is a complete swerve for Taylor Swift. It's like if Journey wrote a song called 'Actually, Just Stop Believing.'"
  • "I don't think she should be ashamed of having a rocky love life. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna date her."
  • Calling out on Taylor denying the song is about herself.
    • When he starts to hear about how the lyrics were supposedly written from a facetious perspective, his sheer disappointment is palpable, especially because of how much he'd been praising Swift for her honesty.
  • Todd spills the beans on why he and other reviewers use Self-Deprecation so often: so they don't come across as pretentious whenever they criticize people who are more successful than they are. But first, he takes a hint from Breaking The Magician's Code and puts on a mask... over his mask.
  • Todd wonders why he's sick of the song after only a few days, only to realize...
    Taylor Swift: This. Sick. Beat.
  • The ending tag? She's Got Issues.
  • Todd thinking the click in the chorus is her doing the point and click thing before deciding that it's a pen. Her performance at the Jingle Ball proved he was right the first time.


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