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- The title card featuring Todd dressed as Peter Pan, with Amy as Tinkerbell.
- Todd trying to start the list off on a positive note, even trying to laugh over his typical opening montage of bleak music video clips.Todd: ...I do that every year! And it's funny, 'cuz it's ironic! Like "Calm down, Todd!" Hahaha! Haha...it's not funny this year! Heh! I don't know why I'm laughing! Hahaha...nothing's good anymore.
- "But, we survived. We're all still here...for the moment..."
- The bumper music is as on-the-nose as it's ever been: Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Imagine Dragons, Logic, Ty Dolla Sign and X Ambassadors's "Sucker for Pain".
- On Daya's "Sit Still, Look Pretty":
- "Daya's not gonna be a trophy wife! Take that, all...no people who was pressuring her to be one."
- "I wish people told me to 'sit still, look pretty.' My options are just 'sit still and look like wet garbage.'"
- On Drake and Future's "Jumpman":
- Todd says that he's only been able to remember two words from Future's songs: "jumpman" and "wicked."Todd: Sorry, "weeyo."
- Todd spends much of the spot mocking Future's inability to enunciate, comparing him to Mumbles and Mushmouth.
- "I mean, part of the reason I can't tell you any lines from this song is because it's from these two mush-mouthed mumblers. Future is basically the guy you find in a puddle of vomit in the alley next to the bar, so who even knows what he's saying?"
- "And this song...I assumed it was about the Mario character in Donkey Kong. Apparently, it's the Air Jordan logo."Blink-and-you'll-miss-it caption: God, I'm a nerd.
- Todd says it isn't even the best rap song dealing with basketball or Michael Jordan, giving that honor to "Hit 'Em High" from the Space Jam soundtrack.
- He remarks that it sounds like they need to go to sleep.Future: Man, they comin' fast/They never gettin' sleep!
Todd: Well, maybe you should! Maybe that's why you guys sound like that!
Drake: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, I think I need some Robitussin.
Todd: No, you guys have had enough depressants. Unless nasal congestion is the reason you always sound like that!
- Todd then attempts to review the song in Drake and Future's style:Todd: Drake and Future gububuaghsabu guy with the thing with the drugs. (Beat) Jumpman, jumpman, jumpman.
- Todd says that he's only been able to remember two words from Future's songs: "jumpman" and "wicked."
- On Ruth B's "Lost Boy":
- Todd is dumbfounded that there isn't really any sort of metaphor (or at least any successful one) with the song. It seems to literally be about being a lost boy, hanging out with Peter Pan, and evading Captain Hook.
- "This song would get you laughed out of a Wiggles concert!"
- "I get the feeling that Ruth B's notebooks have a lot of drawings and stickers of horsies on them."
- Todd brings up how the other song from 2016 about Peter Pan (Kelsea Ballerini's "Peter Pan"), "also known as 'the good one'," remembered the key fact that Peter Pan himself was a "useless little shit," which leads to Todd mocking Pan through a lot of the spot (including Alison Williams' less-than-impressive crowing in the NBC live version).Todd: God, I hate you, you chirping little child-abducter...OK, everyone has the image of Peter Pan, who's, y'know, a magical flying kid who promises excitement and adventure to bored, uptight, Edwardian children and is clearly a middle-aged woman in drag.
- One line that does little more than list off Peter Pan characters earns nothing more than a head-cock from Todd, leading him to conclude that the song is just a self-insert fanfic.
- He discusses Pitbull's fall from grace, and then asks the pertinent question: "Gosh, where are we going to get our tragically misused samples now?" Cue #7, "Bad Things" by Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello, which samples Fastball's "Out of my Head"."Whoa, get that? They change 'I never wanna do bad things' to 'I only wanna do bad things'. They certainly did bad things to Fastball!"
- He also mentions that he hopes this will be an end to the One Hit Wonderland requests regarding Fastball, because this would prove to everyone that they had a second hit...although, after this, he wouldn't be surprised if they disowned it.
- #6 is "Juju On That Beat", which - after a brief discussion of how he's only a little sorry about the (temporary) threat of Vine closing, and how offended he is that they called his dad ugly - he handles as a bluntly abbreviated One Hit Wonderland episode.BEFORE THE HIT
"They were fetuses."
THE BIG HIT
THE FAILED FOLLOW-UP
"There was no follow-up."
DID THEY DO ANYTHING ELSE?
DID THEY DESERVE BETTER?
- The end of Part 1 is a recorded message that you've reached the end of the A-side of your record and should turn it over to the B-side.
- During the segment about "Treat You Better," Todd mentions his parallel list of the worst two seconds of pop music in a given year, showing some examples from 2014 ("It's my right to be hellish", "THIS. SICK. BEAT.", "You know what to do with that big fat butt!", etc.). He then reveals his 2016 list, of which eight out of ten spots are variations on "BETTAH DAN HE CAN." Most of which are Mondegreens, to boot ("Batter candygram", "Pat a tan Negan", "Pet Dominican", "Yabba dabba damn" and "Albert in a caaaaaaaaaan"). The (non-Mendes) lyric at the ninth spot is simply captioned "Tupac??!"Song
- Even though Meghan Trainor isn't on the list, he still discusses her as being the poor man's Fergie (who is in turn the poor man's Missy Elliott) before defending "Me Too" - on the grounds that pop music was so dour in 2016 that he was worried it needed an intervention and encouragement to see a therapist. This is all a leadup to the actual #4 pick, "Don't Let Me Down" by the Chainsmokers ft. Daya.
- He briefly mentions how hard it can be to discuss music, before summing up the song as "an ass song that sounds like ass".
- He compares the drop to a high-pitched fart and the sound of a Weed Whacker, and the output of the Chainsmokers to a car alarm.
- Keeping with the theme of harsh comparisons, Zayn's "Pillowtalk" is compared to a concrete block, with various points in the song compared to various uncomfortable and/or agonizingly painful encounters with one.
- Todd says that once people turned on Macklemore, it lead to things such as "I Hate U, I Love U": "Ya happy? Now you have to listen to Gnash!" Followed by wonder if Gnash is said another way, and then "God damn! It was a good year to be a boring white rapper!"
- Honourable Mentions:
- His frustration at Nick Jonas claiming, "Space was just a word made up by someone who was afraid to get close".
- He blasts Charlie Puth's "One Call Away", although he acknowledges that after Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice he does believe that Superman can't take Charlie Puth.Todd: 2016 was the Batman V Superman of years.
- Regarding "Just Like Fire": "I'm fairly certain P!nk has released this song six times now."
- He compares X-Ambassadors to badly functioning Mumford & Sons animatronics.
- At the end, he apologises to Shawn Mendes - because the worst 2 seconds were obviously Lukas Graham having their name yelled by a crowd in "7 Years". He then shows a clip of them having it played even in a live performance, which offends him deeply.
- The stinger: "This video is owned by me, and I was owned hardcore by 2016".
- Having never seen the video for "Adventure of a Lifetime", Todd is weirded out enough to change to their live performance from the Super Bowl.Get the damn dirty apes out of my screen!
- Todd's increasing appreciation for Coldplay:Todd: Everytime they creep back into our lives, I'm always happy to have them around. Oh, except for Paradise. That song also blows, screw that song.
- Todd's increasing appreciation for Coldplay:
- When discussing Beyoncé, Todd repeats his opinion that he dislikes her 'man-bashing' songs because of their lack of effort. To illustrate his point, he compares them to watching wrestling squash matches over and over, complete with showing Brock Lesnar hitting his F5 finisher on some poor jobber, Bambi Meets Godzilla, and Hulk smashing Loki.
- "DNCE - sorry, that spells 'Dunce'. Obvious joke, I know. Next thing, you're gonna make a name that spells out 'TITS'?"
- While discussing Adele's "When We Were Young", he brings up the fact that the relationship that was "just like a song" gave her an album full of songs mercilessly clubbing the dude.
- Todd: (imitating Adele) It was just like a platinum-selling album where I trashed you mercilessly for 48 straight minutes...
- Todd's realization and nervous reaction that Mike Posner may very well have watched his "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" review.
- On Bruno Mars' "24K Magic":
- Todd does the "put your pinky ring up to the MOON" bit, then remembers that he's filming during the day and tries to recalculate the angle.
- Todd says the way to derive the most fun out of the song is to sing along with Bruno's backup singers, the Hooligans. He claims he doesn't even feel embarrassed shouting "#Blessed" at the top of his lungs.Caption: #YesHeDoes
- His concern that Bruno Mars is running out of 80s styles to pastiche and will have to move forward, because eventually he'll hit the 2010s and then he'll have to pastiche Bruno Mars.
- Todd thinks that Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling" was him going for "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough", but ending up closer to "Dancing on the Ceiling".
- Todd defending his number one choice by pointing out that his job isn't to evaluate whether every single individual part of a song is perfect.Todd: This isn't a dog show! You make me a judge for a dog show, each and every time the winner is gonna be my dog. [cue pictures of Amy] Be damned if she can do tricks or not. You wanna know who the best dog is? Mine. You wanna know what the best hit of 2016 was? This.
- He also opens with a Bait-and-Switch where he discusses "Roses", and then bluntly says that he gave the spot to "Closer" anyway.
- "Today, it's time for another edition of 'Hey womenfolk! You know how you hate yourself? You know how you despise every inch of your body and every day you look in the mirror and go 'Why God Why' and then collapse into a puddle of shame and self-hatred because your life is so miserable and horrible? Well hey: Stop that!'" Complete with title card◊ with fancy cursive writing, flowers in the background, progressively smaller font as it runs out of room, and after finally moving to another screen, smiley faces around "Stop that!"
- The cameo from Tamara as Hyper Fangirl.
- "I got 15 pounds that I need to lose and I can't seem to drop the weight no matter how... little I try." (cue picture of Todd lying on the couch reading Fifty Shades of Grey)
- He follows that up by taking out a box of bulk Pringles from Costco and scarfing down a packet.
- Todd pointing out how the song title sounds like a curse.Scars to your beautiful! And sucks to your ass-mar!
- Alessia Cara complaining about the lack of meaningful songs in a party? Cue a rap about the evils of the meat industry.
- The way Todd Comically Misses the Point about plastic surgery.Yes girls, the enemy is plastic surgery. And she is right. The messages that the cosmetic surgery industry gives little girls is awful. And I'll tell you why: plastic surgery is expensive! Like, a good tummy tuck, that can go all the way up to $15,000. I don't have $15,000! That's way too much! You can get it for less, but the cheap stuff tends to leave scars and we don't want any scars to your beautiful. Yeah, I guess this is a...this is a song against low quality plastic surgeons I guess. I mean if you've got that money...sure, why not.
- "TODD TO FANS: YOU'RE UGLY!"
- Lady Gaga in the same mood as Alessia Cara.Todd: My mama told me when I was young: I don't accept you, get out of my house! I wound up living on the streets, and addicted to heroin...
- Graphic for the words "Ed Sheeran: sex haver?" Sheeran giving the thumbs-up with the caption "I JUST HAD SEX"
- Graphic for the words "I like sickly, dying music?" Morrissey.
- Once Todd notes Ed Sheeran is co-producing himself, he shows one 'hot beat from his mixmaster': the sophorific "Photograph", with Todd cheering along.
- Death metal Ed Sheeran. That is all.THINKING OUUUUUUUUT LOUUUUUUUD!
- The Running Gag regarding Sheeran being unconvincing singing about Intercourse with You song. Including Todd re-enacting "now my bed sheets smell like you" by passionately doing so.
- Describing Lil Yachty as "sounding like he just left dental surgery".
- Todd is unsurprised the song got big out of Memetic Mutation... but is shocked at how dumb said meme is.
- The Running Gag regarding a glowing Pitchfork review.
- HALF A RHYME
- The random interjections lead Todd to suggest Michael Winslow as a fourth member of Migos, and then attempt to give "Hey Jude" the same treatment.
- Todd is hopeful that country music is recovering from the dumbing-down bro-country gave it. Then he sees the name of the song, causing him to punch and kick the wall in frustration (and hurt his foot in the process).
- "Is this a riddle?" [imitates Ed Wynn as the Mad Hatter] "How is a body like a back road? Ha ha ha ha!!"
- Seeing Sam Hunt's fiancee laugh at the live performance of the song, as Todd notes she "looks like she's going to die from embarrassment."
- The Running Gag on how "body like a back road" is an Analogy Backfire if it's meant to be a compliment.
- "Paul McCartney sang 'Why Don't We Do It in the Road,' not 'Why Don't We Do the Road!'"
- Todd constantly mocking Chris Martin's voice.
- When taking issue with the line "Spider-Man's control"
- After pointing out the song's similarities with "Roses" and "Hymn for the Weekend"Todd: OK, when The Chainsmokers heard Chris Martin say "I want something just like this", they took it as an instruction.
Todd: Oh wow, so they're both recycling themselves now! "Something just like this", indeed!
- "I yelled at a sandwich the other day because it didn't have Wi-Fi."
- That he instantly pivots from only somewhat liking the song to loving it to pieces once the combined drop/guitar solo at the end comes on.
- When discussing the genre of reggaetonTodd: You may remember it from its brief blip in the spotlight around 04-05, and then it disappeared back to Latin America because white people wanted to listen to music we actually understood(cue clip of "My Humps")
- "The song that is big in America currently is a remix featuring Latin legend... Justín Biéber", while trying to pronounce it in "Spanish" like "Hoos-tin Bee-A-ber". As a bonus, there's Todd's dumbfounded look seeing Bieber not even attempting to talk Spanish.
- Bieber's verses are represented with a crude animation of his head - and the comparisons with the Canadians from South Park fit given Bieber hails from the True North!
- Todd justifies this by saying that if the producers didn't bother to smoothly integrate Bieber into the song, why should he?
- Todd's shock at how filthy the lyrics are.Not knowing Spanish is not as big a problem for liking this song as I thought... might help, actually!
- Then he tries to reason that maybe things get lost in translation and for Spanish-speaking listeners, the beauty of the lyrics can be appreciated. Cue to an angry mob of Latinos.Ok! I'm being told by my Spanish-speaking viewers that this song is garbage and probably the worst song in Reggaeton history.
- "I`m a slut for Luis Fonsi"... Todd makes sure to end the episode shortly afterward.
- Todd imagining Quavo playing hopscotch.Todd: Look at my hop! Bitch, look at my hop!
- Todd's Running Gag of comparing Lil Wayne to a reptileTodd: And Lil Wayne does his thing. You know, Im the shit; I bang bitches; I periodically shed my skin and sun myself on a rock
- Todd concludes "I'm the One" is just like "Bedrock".OK, never listening to this song ever again!
- Rihanna sounds arousing...until Todd hears her singing "know you wanna see me nakey, nakey, naked".
- And then notices she sings "wild, wild, wild" the same way she sings "work, work, work, work, work, work" in, well, "Work". This leads him to reinterpret the hook as "when I'm with you all I get is work thoughts", as in someone being too concerned with their day job to connect with their significant other.
- The amount of Fetish Retardant metaphors in "Wild Thoughts".
- The ending tag? "Kill the DJ".
- All his intro. He's reading xkcd when a loud alarm rings off, and then Todd is about to wait four months like he usually does to see how if goes in the rankings. 44 seconds is enough to make him do it right away.Todd: Eh, it's not that important. I'll get to it in 4 months like I always do. It can wait. Eh, what the hell. I can take a listen at it first. [puts on headphones over his hood] Not worth taking my hoodie off, though.
44 seconds later
Todd: This can't wait.
- On the song's buildup to nothing:Todd: [Taylor Swift] has dropped the bomb about how the old Taylor is DEAD!!! (Dramatic Thunder) MuhahaHAHAHA!
Todd: (with a monotone voice as he awkwardly moves his arms up and down) Look what you made me do. Look what you made me do. [...] If Michael Jackson had written music like this, this is how "Thriller" would've sounded. [replaces the creepy music with a kazoo cover of the Star Wars Cantina theme.]
- Todd commenting on how bold the song claims to be in its subject manner, but how the execution actually sounds somewhat tepid and low-key:
- Just the fact that it sounds like The Black Eyed Peas. Complete with Todd saying he's not willing to return to 2009."Hell no. Hell to the no. Hell to the to, to the the, to the no! I'm not going back! I can't go back!"
- When talking about the point of the song not bringing anything new to the table, his highlights are:Todd: Shake it Off already showed that she's thin-skinned, Blank Space showed that she's able to play into her own negative image and Bad-Blood showed that she was willing to make music that sounds like dog shit. So what's new here?
- Todd comparing "Evil Taylor" to Butters' transformation to Professor Chaos.
- "Oh, she's an actress. First — no she's not!" Cue a clip of Taylor barely even trying in Valentine's Day.
- Todd's new intro to the song: "Ladies and gentlemen... Ms. Taylor Swift... in an act of desperation."
- On whether the song worked as a diss track:Todd: Bottom line, this isn't an act of revenge against her enemies. This is an act of charity. Somewhere Kim and Kanye, in between trying to put out the fire of whatever jackass thing Kanye has done now, are laughing their asses off. And Katy Perry, who seems to shrink and get lamer with every single, and released her own "Taylor-Diss track" that Taylor probably didn't even notice can at least take comfort in the fact that at least she didn't release this.
- Then Todd deposits the question on whether this is his Todd in the Shadows persona speaking or his true opinion:Todd: But of course I'm only saying that because that's what the Todd in the Shadows persona I've put on would say. Is it real or not real? Who's the actual Todd when he comes out of the Shadows? Does he really hate this song or is it just an ac- yeah, we're not doing that. It is the real me. The shadow thing is just a dumb gimmick and yes, I do, in fact, actually hate this song. Duh, I have ears.
- "10000 Hipster Points!" (for Being Into the Band Before They Were Big)
- He's so happy that he did a victory lap.
- "Radioactive" as an Arby's jingle.
- Laying "Feel It Still" over that infamous Kendall Jenner Pepsi commercial.
- His new version of Thunder: "Hyundai, buy a Hyundai..."
- The credits music: "Sell Out"
- Comparing the repetitive hook of "Thunder" to Pokémon Speak... Followed by clips of different Pokemon from the anime synced to the relevant part of the song.