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- Todd pointing out the mismatch in Adam Levine being cast as a psycho murder in "Animals," his pick for number 10. According to Todd, Levine would be better cast as a victim in a horror movie rather than the killer, showing a clip from American Horror Story to demonstrate.That's just perfect casting, I'd watch that over and over.note
(in a low, creepy tone) Yeah, you better watch out, little girl. You better watch yourself. (Todd trying to sound like Adam Levine) Because, I'm preying ON YOU TONIGHT!!
- Comparing the line "Like animals, mals" to Kel Mitchell's "Repairman-man-man-man" reverb effect from All That.
- And then continuing to call the song "Animals-mals" in the next line.
- "From what I can tell, Maroon 5 are making the effort to start sounding like an actual band again, which is nice, but it still hasn't made them any less dull. But it's also nice to know that even the dullest band can on occasion be goddamn hilarious."
- Todd describes Adam Levine's character in the "Animals" video as "sexy Leatherface."
- Todd trying to copy Adam Levine's high pitched falsetto...and failing.
- Saying that Maroon 5's 2010s work reminds him of the kind of soulless, middle of the road garbage that Patrick Bateman in American Psycho would have enjoyed and demonstrates this by having Bateman dance to "Moves Like Jagger."
- Comparing the line "Like animals, mals" to Kel Mitchell's "Repairman-man-man-man" reverb effect from All That.
- His claim that Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" (#9 on the list) sounds like it belongs in the soundtrack for a jazzercise video.Well, I don't feel like jazzercising. And it's like Taylor Swift's right there in my ear telling me to jump and kick and work those abs, and goddammit all, shut up.note
- Todd once again failing to get his head around "my ex-man.""My ex-man"?! No one says that! No one should ever say that!
- "If you want a vision of the future, imagine a human face being stamped on by 'This. Sick. Beat.' Forever."
- Todd once again failing to get his head around "my ex-man."
- Todd leads up to his eighth selection, "This is How We Roll" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Luke Bryan, discussing who's responsible for "bro country" music: Miley Cyrus.Todd: And we can debate the most significant parts of [her] legacy all we want, but I don't think she's gotten enough credit for the fact that just about six years ago, she pretty much decided the future of an entire genre of music.
Miley: If you guys don't mind, I'm gonna add a little hip-hop to this hoedown. [begins "Hoedown Throwdown"]
Todd: Thanks, Miley. I blame the godawful mess that is the current state of country music entirely on you.
- Comparing the line "This is how we do" in the song to the hook of Katy Perry's "This Is How We Do."Todd: (Deadpan) Da-do, da-do.
- "This new stuff isn't a fusion of different genres. It's just plain country music wishing it was something else."Florida Georgia Line: "Mixtapes, got a little Hank, little Drake..."
Todd: Uh, that's nice that you listen to Drake, guys. Drake isn't listening back.
- Comparing the line "This is how we do" in the song to the hook of Katy Perry's "This Is How We Do."
- His reaction to the infamous chorus of "She Looks So Perfect" by 5 Seconds of Summer, his pick for number 7.5SOS: ♪She looks so perfect standing there / In my American Apparel underwear...♪
[Record Needle Scratch]
Todd: I'm sorry. I believe I just heard a lyric so bad it made my digital internet video make a record scratch noise somehow!
- The interlude to this part of the list is also worth mentioning, as he admits confusion over the numerous times something with "5SOS" trended on Twitter—humorously pronouncing it as "5 sauce."
- "Underwear is what you buy for little kids. It's not a sexy word."
- The interlude leading up to his number 6 pick, "Show Me" by Kid Ink ft. Chris Brown.Oh, Chris Brown. I can't really work up the hate on for this kid that I used to. The passion's gone. I mean, what did he do controversial this year, anything? No. He did nothing except assault a random person and spend five months in jail. By Chris Brown standards, that's nothing.
- Discussing Chris Brown featuring Usher on one of his tracks, Todd compares the two as "hanging a Da Vinci next to that Jesus monkey portrait that old lady made."Chris Brown's skills are so lacking, it reminds me of... [beat] ...something. But I don't know what it is.
- Todd stating that Kid Ink's name "sounds like a line of glitter pens."But he's such a non-presence that, really, Chris Brown kinda dominates it, and, uh, "dominated by Chris Brown" is, of course, an unfortunate way to have to describe anything.
- Describing the idiotic chorus "You remind me of something / but I don't know what it is":Did they just forget to write the other half of that? Is your- is the girl supposed to find that charming? "Hey, I, uh, I lost my phone number. ... [cricket chirps] ... Let's have sex." What does she remind you of? Your grandma? Filing taxes? A trip to the dentist? What?
- Discussing Chris Brown featuring Usher on one of his tracks, Todd compares the two as "hanging a Da Vinci next to that Jesus monkey portrait that old lady made."
- On Rita Ora's chorus on "Black Widow" by Iggy Azalea, which is number 5 on the list:Rita Ora: ♪I'm gonna love ya / Until ya hate me!♪Todd: Well, I do hate ya. So you can stop now.
Todd: Yeah, Taylor Swift. "Cutie pie, adorable Taylor Swift" was a more believable psychotic monster than the dirty hardcore rapper.
- Declaring the song a rip-off of Katy Perry's "Dark Horse,"note and stating that Taylor Swift did a better version of this song months later with "Blank Space."
- "Can we hook up Iggy Azalea with Adam Levine, so they can mutually devour each other?"
- From "Trumpets" by Jason Derulo, his pick for number 4:Jason Derulo: ♪Is it weird that your eyes remind me of a Coldplay song?♪
- When Jason asks if it's weird that the subject's ass reminds him of a Kanye West song, Todd points out that Kanye is one of the only people who did not have a butt song in 2014. Along with how heartfelt Kanye can be (from "Runaway"):
- Todd's summary of the song:Todd: Hey. I like your tits. (Cue trumpet-playing cherubs.)
- The prelude to his number 3 choice, "Loyal" by Chris Brown ft. Li'l Wayne and Tyga:Chris Brown: You thought it was over.
Todd: No, I wished it was over. Big difference.
- "Yeah, girls generally fail to be loyal if you call them hoes, Chris! Or if you punch them!"
- Todd calling Lil Wayne a "sentient five-foot iguana".
- Pointing out the song's true message, and accusing Chris of violating The Bro Code.
- He remembers Tyga is in the song... and just hearing his opening lines make Todd ignore him altogether and finish the segment.
- When discussing "#selfie" by The Chainsmokers, his number 2 pick:
- "I'm actually not all that comfortable putting "#selfie" on a list of the worst hit songs of 2014, because it was barely a hit, and also barely a song. But the 'of 2014' part, that unfortunately holds up."
- Using the viral video "White Chicks and Gang Signs" as an example of media that makes fun of white girls better than this song:
- On Don't Tell 'Em by Jeremih feat. YG, which he listed as an honorable mention.
- His response to fans who were wondering if "Take Me to Church" by Hozier will make the Best list.
- "It's like sitting through a funeral."
- "Holy shit, I didn't have room on this list for 'Dark Horse'? Christ, this year..."
- When listing Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" as an honorable mention:
- Hyping up his choice for the number 1 spot, only to give the song almost no prelude.Todd: Well, are you ready?! Are you ready to find out what the single worst hit song was of this entire godforsaken year?! Oh yeah; let's do this!
Todd (VO): Number O—(cut back to Todd) It's "Wiggle."
(cue video's hook)
Todd: SURPRISE! Yeah, there was basically no chance that anything else was gonna top the worst list this year.
- "I was having nightmares that something would come along that was somehow worse. Like, I'd call up my friends in the middle of the night, and they'd have to reassure me that, 'no, Todd, you're being silly. Nothing like that could ever happen.' But you know how it is with traumait only has to happen once, and you're looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life."
- When Todd says he could make a Top Tennote out of the worst moments in the song and misses a moment.
- The end-of-video stinger text: "Stop bugging me about the next video! I'm working on it!"
- The opening text calls the video "A very late year-end retrospective."
- Todd's introduction to "Love Me Harder":Ariana Grande: ♪Tell me something, I need to know / Take my breath and never let it go...♪
Ariana Grande: ♪If you just let me invade your space / I'll take the pleasure...♪
[Todd stares again]
Todd: ...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
- "Hey, I get to be gross every once in a while, all right? I don't get to do it that often."
- "Ariana Grande is a beautiful young woman who is singing about how you need to love her harder and that is not a double entendre. That means a total of one thing and it's exactly the one you think it means."
- Todd thankful that Ariana "doesn't sound like she's trying to sing and brush her teeth at the same time." Followed by a badly subtitled clip from "Break Free".Captions: ♪This is / the pot whale / I say Otto on ya...♪
- "Sounds to me like The Weeknd is over much too quickly, if you follow!" [rimshot] "More like 'The Weak-end,' am I right?" [son of rimshot] "I'll stop."
- Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when The Weeknd proceeded to become a mainstream act later on in the year. Also because of the Running Gag of Todd's "success" predictions often turning out to be completely wrong. And also because of "Can't Feel My Face" making his best list for 2015 despite not liking most of his other music.
- On "Happy":
- Todd's "flashback" reaction to finding out Pharrell soundtracked Despicable Me:Oh no, I liked that guy! Wow, his career is over. When you've reached the Randy Newman phase of soundtracking kids movies, you might as well pack it in. Oh, especially if you work with that Robin Thicke guy. That guy's never gonna have a real hit.note
- Which leads to his celebration of reaching 5,000 bad predictions in a row.
- Todd tells a long story about how he went to the same high school as Pharrell Williams, and at the point where he mentions students at prom throwing the Star Traknote sign:Holy cow, I never realized how dorky this all is.
- Discussing the "room without a roof" lyric:Uh, I feel... dreadfully incomplete, useless, and unable to deal with the weather. So yeah, I guess that describes me.
- He wrote a song about, "If You're Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands" [clap]
- Todd's "flashback" reaction to finding out Pharrell soundtracked Despicable Me:
- Introducing the artist for his #8 pick, "Sing":Todd: We want Justin Timberlake songs, we need Justin Timberlake songs, and if Justin Timberlake isn't gonna give us any good Justin Timberlake songs, we'll just have to get them from somewhere else.
Taylor Swift: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage: Ed Sheeran.
Todd: ...Okay, let's not be silly.
- "Did the best Justin Timberlake song of the year come from Ed Sheeran? The world is upside-down!"
- Comparing Ed Sheeran's "white boy guitar-playing folk-rapper shtick" to Jason Mraz.He doesn't do that anymore, largely because I think he's figured out it was entirely embarrassing.
- The Most Improved Trophy of 2014: a giant gold thumbs-up.
- After concluding the "Sing" review with "Keep it up," Todd is promptly greeted by another Ed Sheeran song, "Don't."Oh. I guess he did keep it up. How 'bout that?
- "Oh, your kinda-actually-not-really-your-girlfriend slept with a guy from One Direction. Well, that's karmic payback for giving One Direction that awful song you wrote instead of flushing it down the toilet."
- Todd's temporary existential crisis:Ed, I'm actually starting to like you and think that you're talented. This is confusing and weird and I don't like it. Can we, uh, can we just go back to the boring Ed Sheeran?
[clip from "Thinking Out Loud" plays]
There we go. Phew, I was getting worried there for a while. Everything is back to normal!
- On "Birthday":You know how after you get out of a bad relationship, it tends to feel good, right? You know, yay, freedom, I can- I can do whatever I want, see whoever I want to seenote , and, you know, it's- I can do so much, but then after a while you remember how much being single sucks and you start getting lonely and then suddenly you start to look back and, you know, maybe it wasn't that bad, right, and you know, hey, maybe, you know, we can hang out and maybe we should get back together, give it another try and it'll work this time.... What I'm saying is there's a Katy Perry song on this list.
- Listing how Katy's previous songs were either too tasteless or weren't tasteless enough... or, in the case of "This Is How We Do", way too tasteless.
- Discussing the shameless double entendres:Katy Perry: ♪So let me get you in your birthday suit / It's time to bring out the big balloons!♪
Todd: Wait, say that again.
Katy Perry: ♪It's time to bring out the big balloons!♪
Todd: Oh. I guess Katy Perry does have a song about her own boobs.
Jason Derulo: ♪Is it weird that your bra reminds me of a Katy Perry song?♪
Todd: Ugh. Sorry Jason Derulo, you weren't making that song up; I take that one back. The rest stands.
- "To be honest, just like a birthday only comes once a year, Katy Perry is probably best enjoyed sparingly, and I'd happily go without her the other 364 days."
- The interlude leading up to his number 5 pick, Paramore's "Ain't it Fun":This is the hardest rock song to become a hit this year.note Its lead instrument is a xylophone. Pfft.
- "The person who couldn't handle the real world was Hayley herself. After all the band trauma, they relocated from Nashville to LA, and she found out she was no longer the big fish in the pond. Apparently on the showbiz hierarchy, being in a successful rock band makes you less important than Kourtney Kardashian's plumber's dog."
- "Ain't it fun living in the real world? To that I can say, unequivocally... (beat, music cuts out) ...no. Screw the real world!" Cut to Todd playing a Batman: Arkham game.note
- Todd lampshades how he upset the Fall Out Boy fanbase last year:Todd: Fall Out Boy would never have a song about growing up and living in the real world, or if they did, they'd fill it full of arch, trying-too-hard metaphors that don't make sense. (quickly) And I mean that in a loving way, I like a lot of Fall Out Boy songs because of all those things. Please don't hurt me. (awkwardly give a thumbs up)
- Todd also says that a friend of his called Paramore "Fall Out Girl" when hearing them for the first time.
- Taunting Paw Dugan with Sia's song "Chandelier," which is number 4 on the list.Todd: Wanna hear the new song from that indie chick you like, Sia?
Todd: It's about drinking, and partying! YOLO!
Paw: Nope, bye. [leaves]
Todd: Hey, where're you going? Come here and check out this autotune, it's great!
- Todd points out that Sia is never present in music videos for her own songs, or even on Billboard, leading to this conspiracy theory.What happens if you play this song backwards? [part of the song plays backward]
[impersonating a backmasked message] "Sia died in 2010 and was replaced with a sound-alike imposter."
Ha! I knew it!
- Todd points out that Sia is never present in music videos for her own songs, or even on Billboard, leading to this conspiracy theory.
- Discussing the lyrics of "Rather Be" by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne, his number 3 pick:Jess Glynne: ♪We're different and the same / Gave you another name / Switch up the batteries.♪
Todd: That literally meant nothing. Well, literally it meant literally nothing. Symbolically, it somehow meant everything.
- The interlude to his number 2 pick involves an apology for saying "Call Me Maybe" was bad for being girly:Now, there have been some people who have gotten on my case for that, like, "Hey, what's wrong with being girly?" Well, I'll tell you what. [beat] Nothing, you got me, fine. I had a point in there somewhere that got lost, but I didn't mean to say that girly is automatically bad. I like plenty of girly things. For example...
- "I first heard 'Boom Clap' in The Fault in Our Stars, the unbearably, beautifully romantic movie about children dying of slow, horrible diseases. Not my genre, but it was pretty good."
- The Hoedown Throwdown haunts Todd once again:Todd: I have kind of a knee-jerk reaction to the words "boom" and "clap."
Miley Cyrus: ♪Boom-boom clap / Boom de clap de clap / Boom-boom clap / Boom de clap de clap...♪
Todd: I might have mentioned.
- "I would forgive a dozen more Iggy Azalea collaborations if we could get more of these."
- Wondering why Coldplay's "A Sky Full of Stars," one of his honorable mentions, isn't credited to "Avicii ft. Coldplay."
- As he gets to the next honorable mention, Disclosure's "Latch", which features Sam Smith:You're lucky these Disclosure guys came along, Sam Smith, or you would be one of my least favorite artists of this year.
- And immediately after that, we have Naughty Boy's "La La La", which he's also featured on.Oh wait, there was this one, too. Good job, Sam Smith; stop making your own music.
- And immediately after that, we have Naughty Boy's "La La La", which he's also featured on.
- Todd once again taking pride in acting like Lil Jon when listing "Turn Down For What" as an honorable mention.YEY-AH!
- He lists "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj as an honorable mention, just as he said he would.Told ya it'd be on here. Honestly I'm starting to wonder if I should've bumped it up to a place on the list.
- When his list of Honorable Mentions ends, Todd is surprised that he is done with it.Is it all I have? I usually have more. God, this was a bad year!
- In the lead-up to his number 1 pick, he brings up Amy Winehouse and her work with a previously unknown Mark Ronson, and ponders what modern artist could pull off the retro charisma to replicate her. A clip of Bruno Mars performing "Valerie" plays.Todd:Hmm, that guy seems to be pulling it off. Maybe he should work with that guy and see what comes out of it.
- "Just like how "Wiggle" kept topping itself with a new low point every couple of seconds, "Uptown Funk" kept amazing me by piling up a great moment one after the other. You can't take apart a song second by second and evaluate each of them separately, but I assure you, if I could, I'd give every single one of them a ten out of ten. Everything about this is great."
- At the line "Make a dragon want to retire, man":Smaug: Well, guess I'll pack it in. Nothing hotter than that.
- The title card has a sign that says "Turn Down for What" behind the motorcycle, which is likely a callback to the song of the same name.
- His contempt for Envy as one of the Seven Deadly Sins. With a Se7en poster illustrating:"I would happily lust, wrath, pride, glutton and greed all goddamn day. Or at least I would if I weren't so goddamn lazy."
- Todd hears a line as "turn my cheek music up" and speculates on what it could mean, only to look it up and find out that the correct line is "chin music". Cut to Shawn Michaels hitting Sweet Chin Music on Mark Henry.
- Stating that this picture of Chinese people holding up a massive Communist flag is a smaller red flag than Nick saying "It's my right to be hellish"
- Speaking of which, his reaction to hearing that line is classic as well.
- "Not to brag, but, I'm not a jealous guy. I've never been jealous. I have risen above that particular character flaw by, one, not caring about anyone but myself; and two, not understanding even the basics of human interaction... probably why I've been cheated on multiple times."
- And then we flash back to Todd calling an unseen girlfriend whilst playing Xbox."Hey... I was wondering if um, you wanted to catch a movie with me later, and um... oh. You're hanging out with your ex-boyfriend. Again. Gosh, it's so cool that you guys are close, that's so mature of you! Okay, talk to you later." [resumes his game, scats nonsensically]
- And then we flash back to Todd calling an unseen girlfriend whilst playing Xbox.
- His complete befuddlement at the existence of Another Bad Creation, the pre-teen New Jack Swing band. To the point that he explains that Kris Kross (a group Todd prefers) dissed them in "Jump".
- All of his derogatory comments about the members of Another Bad Creation, including calling them "Dancing Fetuses" and "Bébé's Kids".
- Despite having already done a full One Hit Wonderland episode on Gerardo's "Rico Suave", he manages to sneak in a few new jokes."I would argue that Speedy Gonzales was a hotter sex symbol than Gerardo. No, seriously, Speedy was a pimp. You actually saw him get with the ladies, he didn't have to brag about anything. [...] Gerardo should've picked up moves from Speedy. The only thing he seemed to learn from him was how to speak in the exact same tone of voice."
"He's not actually Latino. His name is Gregory Michaels, and he was born and raised in Erie, Pennsylvania. I mean, you think that any real Latino would be caught representing his people by dressing and acting like that? Right. Next you'll tell me that you think the Indian chief from the Village People was a real Indian."
- He then follows it up with a "fact" he neglected to include in the review itself.
- Todd demonstrates Whitney Houston's strengths by playing the Incredibly Long Note from "I Will Always Love You" over footage of an atomic bomb test.
- On UB40:"MAGIC! is better than this. Snow made better reggae than this. Elton John made better reggae than this." (cue "Jamaica Jerk-Off"; Todd shudders)
- When introducing Vanilla Ice for "Play That Funky Music", first he plays a clip where they try to make Vanilla Ice sound gangster, which has Todd react "You knew it was coming. Play that not even remotely funky music white boyee" and then invoke Godwin's Law before immediately taking it back. Cue a lyric in which Ice compares himself to the Nazis.
- Later, reacting to "Check it out, cause Ice is rhyming":"Yeah, like a preschooler."
- Later, reacting to "Check it out, cause Ice is rhyming":
- Songs #5 and #4, "One More Try" by Timmy T. and "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B., sound completely alien and nearly identical to him, right down to the incredibly generic artists' names.
- On Madonna's "Justify My Love."
- "As I think I've made clear in the film retrospective of her I'm doing, I'm not really a fan of Madonna's non-musical projects. And I can't think of any project more non-musical than this one."
- Also the prelude when Todd talks about the "scandals" VH1 reported back when he was a kid, which includes "Justify My Love." He comes to the conclusion that adults in the early 1990s were turned on by "really shitty music."
- On the lyrics of the song, which consist only of
non-rhyming sentencesdeep, erotic fantasies:Madonna: ♪I want to run naked in a rainstorm / Make love in a train cross-country♪
Todd: I want to stick my toes in your mouth. I want to eat chili off your naked body.
- "Forget about justifying my love, justify that sentence!" note
- Immediately after that comes this gem:Todd: Well I must be the richest man on earth, because all of my pleasures don't even involve another person, and haven't for years. (Gives thumbs up)
- Prior to his analysis of "From a Distance", Todd notes that 1991 was so bland that Contemporary Christian was able to cross over to the pop charts, noting hits by Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. But he prefaces it by saying he dislikes the music for aesthetic reasons, not on principle.Todd: Believe me, if I am offended by a religious message, I will tell you.
- As for "From a Distance", his offense is in how this song interprets the question of why bad things happen to good people: God neither knows nor cares!Todd: Are you there, God? It's me, Todd. You listen to me, right? You care about my problems, we have a relationship, right?
God: Todd, I'll be honest. From up here, you basically matter as much as an amoeba. Sorry.
Todd: But I saw, on the beach, there were two sets of footprints because you were with me, but during my hard times in my life, there was only one set, and that's when you carried me...
God: That wasn't Me. I don't know whose that other set of footprints was. Some other guy, I guess. Now go away, I'm busy.
- As for "From a Distance", his offense is in how this song interprets the question of why bad things happen to good people: God neither knows nor cares!
- Todd's utter bafflement with AllMusic having no information on Bryan Adams. He finds out from a tweet from AllMusic that Adams threatened to sue if his information wasn't removed from the site.Todd: This offends me on a level I didn't even know I was capable of! Fuck you, Bryan Adams, you censoring dick! Fuck you and fuck all of Canada too!
Canadian Minister of Movies: Now now, the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions!
Todd: Not good enough! And Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is a terrible movie!
- AllMusic responds!
- Also, the intro: A discussion of Michael Bolton:
- In place of the usual ownership disclaimer at the end, "You down with O.P.P?"
- Todd reflects on coining the term "White Guy With Acoustic Guitar." He admits that coining the term might have been unfair, because there is good music played by white people on an acoustic guitar."It's not the acoustic guitar's fault that it attracts people without talent. Everyone has to start somewhere! Nor is it the acoustic guitar's fault that it's the instrument of choice of self-impressed douches who only know how to strum Wonderwall! And it's not its fault that my parents saddled me with a gigantic instrumentnote that I couldn't drag out into the quad to play for college girls!"
- Whenever Todd brings up Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" he has an arrow pointing at Adams with the word "DICK" at the other end.
- Todd reveals one "WGWAG" song he actually likes: "Hey There Delilah".Yes, I am on record for saying I kind of like "Hey There Delilah". And before you even start writing your angry letters, don't bother, numerous complaints have already been filed to the Department of Music Critic Regulations trying to get my license revoked, and I only got put on probation, so nyeh.
- Todd hates the pretend improv aspect of the title. He fakes starting to improvise a bit on the piano, before it turns into "Through the Fire and Flames".
- Todd gives his definition of marriage, which includes how both partners make each other a better person, and help each other to grow out of their mistakes. Ed Sheeran on the other hand plans to make the same mistakes over and over again, which doesn't exactly bode well for Todd.
- The stinger, in which Todd plays and sings Wonderwall on his piano, apparently oblivious to the fact that he's being recorded.
- The title card, in which Todd and Meghan Trainor attempt to kill each other with a dynamite hot dog and poisoned cake respectively.
- Todd retconning his old review of 'All About That Bass.'
- "THIS SONG BLOOOWS! I never want to hear this goddamn song ever again. I would rather fill my sinuses with venomous scorpions before I ever had to listen to this again."
- "If I wanna know what boys like, I'm not gonna ask someone who sounds like she's never dated anything but her Zac Efron poster!"
- "Meghan Trainor is the real-life equivalent of Tina Belcher confidently asserting that her sexy dance moves will bring all the boys to the yard.
- "And where the deep thinkers... (Tumblr)... of our time were divided on the merits of All About That Bass, they were pretty much unanimously against this one."
- "This song could've been called 'Dear SpongeBob' and it would sound less childish!"
- The long-awaited return of the Not A Rhyme buzzer.Trainor: ♪Take me on a date/I deserve it babe/And don't forget the flowers every anniversary♪
NOT A RHYME
Todd: Oh good, the "Not A Rhyme" button still works.
- Todd takes notes on his responsibilities in being married to Meghan Trainor.Trainor: ♪Don't forget the flowers every anniversary♪
Todd: (While writing on a piece of paper) Okay. Flowers...
Trainor: ♪Tell me I'm beautiful each and every night♪
Todd: ... compliments...
Trainor: ♪After every fight, just apologize/And maybe then I'll let you try to rock my body right/Even if I was wrong/You know I'm never wrong♪
Todd: ... and hand you my testicles in a box. Okay got it!
Trainor: ♪You need to know how to treat me like a lady/Even if I'm acting crazy♪
Todd: And of course tolerate insanity, because bitches be crazy, am I right? Can't reason with 'em, just let them win!
- Citing examples about songs that are not meant to be taken seriously, he mentions first Nicki Minaj's role in David Guetta's "Hey Mama". It can't be taken at face-value because... well, it's Nicki Minaj.Todd: If I got with Nicki Minaj (beat) I don't know, let's assume I find a genie and wish I'm rich and attractive, then I got with Nicki Minaj, and I told her "I am the boss! And you'll respect me!", I have no doubt she would kick my ass.
- While describing the Nuclear Family he grew up in, he takes a second to call his little brother a brat.
- Trainor's line about in-laws hitting Todd's Berserk Button.
- Todd ends up as a Henpecked Husband. "You know, back when I was in high school, I threw four touchdowns in one game?"
- And then the outro song: "D-I-V-O-R-C-E".
- "2 Tragic! 2 Respectfully Mournful!"
- Wiz Khalifa's valid contibution to a Grief Song? "UHHHH!"
- "So if you're a Paul Walker fanatic who saw Eight Below a dozen times - classic!"
- When discussing a possibly more adequate artist, one who worked with Walker and "possibly felt
Ludacrisludicrous about his death"... of course! The Rock!
- Todd feels the song suffered a mix-up and thus a depressing movie received a Fast and Furious theme. Cue Philadelphia with a rap.
- Charlie Puth's crooning is added to various commercials.
- Todd admitting while he doesn't like the song, he does appreciate it as a send-off to Paul Walker and as the end to the Fast and Furious series. Except...
- Todd listing off his musical talents, one of which includes once finishing "Green Grass and High Tides" on Medium in Rock Band.
- There's also the clip of him playing accordion while singing "Blister In The Sun."
- Also, the fact that he labels a picture of himself with "Musical Genius" is the icing on the cake to this gag.
- Followed by admitting he can't dance, and that trying to use the pedals on his piano instantly makes him fall on all the keys.
- Todd Comically Missing the Point of Silentó's stage name, claiming, "the 'O' is silent."
- "I imagine you buy beats to songs like this out of like one of those 25 cent gumball machines."
- When talking about the "Break your legs" line.Todd: What is this? Things I would rather do than listen to this song?
- The way Todd slows down to pronounce "Rae Sremmurd."
- "Moooom! You're not watching!"
- Todd talking about the Spanish version of the song, where Silentó only bothered to translate the "Watch Me" line in the chorus, and left everything else untranslated.
- The end stinger: Genesis' "I Can't Dance".
- Todd trying to pronounce The Weeknd's name without the "e" that's usually after the k.
- "God that's a stupid stage name for one guy. I'm gonna start calling him The Wee-KND."
- On "Earned It" (Fifty Shades of Grey), The Weeknd's first solo Top 10 hit: "Yes indeed, Madame. You have worked hard enough to earn my genitals."
- After saying that he would rather listen to Fetty Wap instead of the Weeknd:Todd: Fetty Wap sounds like a walrus being punched.
- "Every time I hear The Weeknd, I think, 'Wow, this guy needs to upgrade to DirecTV.'"
- Todd calling The Weeknd's style of music "Sexy Vampire music." And the vampire comparisons only increase as the actual review begins.
- Also Todd wondering if he's some kind of Vampire Weeknd.
- Todd starts to review "The Weeknd's new Number 1 smash," which he thinks is "Can't Feel My Face." He's then informed it's been replaced with "The Hills," and then embarrassingly remembers that he was playing that song in the beginning instead of the former.
- Todd's cell phone rings after the music video's ominous opening, but unlike the last time it happened, Todd just decides "I'm not answering that."
- The Weeknd's line about the friend zone undoing any potential Todd saw for him to come off as a dangerous sex god in the song.
- "That's a term that instantly marks you as a loser, and I say that as a proud loser!"
- "The definition of the Friend Zone isn't 'I haven't fucked you yet!'" [Beat] "Although the way some douchebags use it, maybe it is."
- Dude, if Ariana Grande wants to have sex with you, you figure it out.
- After hearing the singer mention that he won't be able to perform, he dismisses it as something he misheard, but after the next line confirms it? "Nope, I was not imagining that. He is actually, literally, warning her that he might not be able to get it up. He's already spent, plus he's drunk. Get ready for some tense and totally not awkward love making, ladies.
- Todd falling off his stool and screaming in disbelief when The Weeknd invokes The Hills Have Eyes in the bridge. His subsequent rants are also pretty funny.
- "Yeah, I just fucked two bitches. You're gonna have to go at my tempo. And don't hurt my feelings!"
- Todd realizes he has no options for a Halloween-themed One Hit Wonderland. His choice to review Uma Thurman for Halloween was entirely because of the Munsters sample. It doesn't fit as a Halloween episode.
- Todd personifying Fall Out Boy fans as zombies who are still angry at Todd for bashing "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up)" on his Worst of 2013 list.
- "As far as I'm concerned, music stopped in 2008, and the entire run of this show has been me trying to catch up to a world that passed me by."
- "... but why The Munsters?"
- After finding little in common between the Munsters theme and the more obvious surf guitar theme associated with Uma Thurman, he wonders why Fall Out Boy didn't just sample "Misirlou". Then he remembers that "Pump It" exists."Yeah, that sample's pretty ruined."
- This suggestion for changing the chorus to fit the sample better:"She wants to dance like Herman Munster, I saw it once on Nick@Nite!"
- "It's... it's what, 2015, right? 2015, almost 2016. We have to start dealing with the fact that Justin Bieber is still here."
- Todd keeps switching back and forth between the two songs, as he has nothing to say about "What Do You Mean?", but he hates "Stitches." It gets the point where, when he's struggling to come up with anything to way about "What Do You Mean?", he wonders if Bieber has a pact with Miley Cyrus to have the same haircut.
- "[Austin Mahone]'s face is pretty punchable. But is it punchable enough to make him a superstar?"
- When introducing Shawn MendesOh, man, I wanna kick this kid right in the balls. If I already hate him that much, that means we must finally have our new Bieber. All hail the new teenybopper superstar.
- Reacting to the song's refrain "And now that I'm without your kisses, I'll be needing stitches", saying that "That's not a romantic line, it's a punchline." *Affecting macho swagger* "Girl, you hurt me so bad, I need stitches." *Back to normal* "Okay, it's not a very good punchline."
- Todd says it's a good thing that "What Do You Mean?" is about a girl saying yes but meaning no instead of the other way around, like in "Blurred Lines""Thanks Robin Thicke for taking that bullet. Your stupidity will be a cautionary tale for years to come."
- Todd thinks of Bieber's new songs as not being about a girl, but instead about the world, because "who has gotten more mixed signals than Justin Bieber?"
- Also Todd's new lyrics following on in that vein.Is it too late now to say sorry... I got caught drunk driving...
Where were you when I got arrested for egging someone's house?
- Also Todd's new lyrics following on in that vein.
- After Shawn Mendes sings "But no one's ever left me quite this sore", Todd responds: "Yeah, break-ups hurt and there's a lot of ways to put that, but was 'sore' really the word you wanted there? Were you so heartbroken that you had to go lift weights?"
- Reacting to Shawn Mendes delivering the lines "Breathe me back to life" and "I feel like I'm going under": "Do you even realize how you're supposed to deliver lines like that? You're supposed to sing them as stupidly over the top as possible!" Cue clips of Evanescence singing those lines. "See?"
- Todd discusses his interest in songs about conflicting messages, with examples:MC Skat Kat: She's got the moneyPaula Abdul: He's always broke / I don't like cigarettesMC Skat Kat: I like to smokeKaty Perry: Cause you're hot then you're cold / You're yes then you're noThe Beatles: You say goodbye / And I say hello
- When he finds himself warming up to "What Do You Mean?", he decides to give credit to the writer and producer... Only to find out Bieber actually took part in both tasks.
- Todd ultimate conclusion on Bieber: "Maybe one day, he'll actually be good!"
- He attempts to make Shawn Mendes into his new nemesis, but it doesn't work.Mendes... He's not even fun to growl at in rage. Urgh, just awful.
- The Stinger is "I'm Just a Kid" (from a band Todd utterly despises!).
- Aside from the parallels, the reason why Todd is comparing the two songs is because his theory that they are about each other; Adele and Drake dated, broke up, and wrote their respective songs about it.
- Todd wondering if Drake has his own hotline, like the Batphone, and says, "Zounds, Robin, to the Drakemobile!" Complete with the famous "spinning Batman logo" with Drake's face instead.
- Comparing Drake using the word "bling" to mean "phone ringing" to a mom trying to sound hip.Todd!Mom: Honey! Jeremy's blinging you on your phone!
Todd: Mom! That's not what that means! God!
- He then claims Drake was one rewrite away from calling this song "Rotary Dial Honk".
- The over-the-top screen telling Drake to "GO F*** YOURSELF (with a garden rake)", complete with an animated circus background and a brass band.
- When Todd tries playing a sample of "Hello" on his keyboard near the end of the episode, he ends up whistling part of Flo Rida's "Whistle" while playing the former song's four chords.
- "You change one thing, then you have to change another thing to make it work, and then you have to move everything to another corner of the room so that it fits, and before you know it, you're facing to the right again, and everything feels completely wrong!"
- The Stinger? "Telephone".