Characters: Questionable Content

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The main cast:

    Marten Reed 

The main, or at least central, character of the strip, Marten is an aficionado of indie music who starts off the story by running into a girl named Faye. A few strips later, her apartment building has somehow burned down and she moves in with him — their relationship becomes one of the central cogs of the strip for years, as the two bicker, semi-flirt, flirt, argue and more. He meets her sexy boss Dora, forming a Love Triangle, which is complicated when Marten and Dora finally hook up.

He and Dora finally break up, sending them into different relationships. Marten is the Straight Man and central figure in the strip, often showing the most acceptance and having the least-argumentative nature of the group.

Provides examples of:

  • Author Avatar: Originally, if not recently.
  • Amicable Exes: Is once again friends with Dora, to the confusion of Gabby and some fans. Jeph points this out in the comments that people find this odd.
  • Apologises a Lot: Goes together with his Extreme Doormat tendencies. Examples include:
    • At one point he apologizes to Tai for using feminine pronouns with her on the off-chance she might identify as male, even though she's biologically female and never once made any indication she identified as anything but female.
    • Apologising during the Space Arc for not being Lieutenant Potter's type, and again in the same strip again for having the nerve to think Potter, who had pulled him out of a party to spend some time alone together might have been interested in him which lead him to try making a move on her.
    • After he stands up for himself in the wake of Padma jerking him around by not wanting to talk or see him the week before she leaves for good, he gets berated by Faye even though he was correct about the situation.
    • Marten compliments Marigold when he sees her in her bikini for the first time, saying "Hey, looking good!" to her. He immediately apologises for this based only on Marigold's somewhat awkward expression. At the end of his first apology he then says she "looks really good", which means he spends the entire next panel on a ridiculous apology and in the final panel is probably apologising in his mind.
    • Faye crudely asks him if he likes any of the interns, he pre-apologises by reflecting back to Faye and Tai what he thinks they would say to him if he actually had the balls to tell the truth and discuss the new interns and if any are attractive to him.
  • Big Brother Instinct: Towards Momo after she gets her upgrade.
  • Birds of a Feather: With Dora. Formerly.
  • The Ditherer: This about sums it up. Seems to be getting better through his relationship with Claire.
  • Embarrassing Middle Name: Possibly averted; his mother wanted to call him 'Marten Tiberius Reed'. We don't know his real middle name, but apparently Marten's father chose it, and his mother does not approve.
  • Extreme Doormat: It can be surprising how much he lets people get away with.
  • The Generic Guy: He has no real outstanding features other than his lack of a spine/ being the nicest character in the series.
    • Well, that and is tendency to be a Cosmic Chew Toy (at least as far as his relationships go after his break-up with Dora. Until he gets together with Claire.
  • Has Two Mommies: Well, he was not raised with two, but he does eventually have two fathers when his father remarries another guy. Marten is cheerful about the idea.
    • And gets even more cheerful about his mom dating Jim. "I could end up with three dads! That's, like, so many dads!"
  • Heroes Want Redheads: Claire, starting around strip #2800, and teased beforehand.
  • In Love with Love: He really does want to find a girl and settle down with her. He's not the type for one night stands or casual affairs.
  • Nice Guy: Played relatively straight. He's kind, noble to a fault, and people tend to walk all over him. Some of the flaws of this character type are discussed (overall weakness and mediocrity), but he's still the kindest person in the strip by far. Briefly averted here.
  • Non-Action Guy: Except for the time he whacked the monk with the souffle pan, he's shown pretty much zero physical skills.
  • Pungeon Master: Annoys his friends with many an Incredibly Lame Pun. Luckily, he finds a like-minded soul in Claire.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": His name is Marten. Not Martin.
  • Straight Man: Primarily to Faye, but to the others as well.

    Faye Whitaker 

Marten's friend and eventual roommate. Inaugurates the strip's shift into Cerebus Syndrome by asking Marten flat-out whether he is attracted to her. Hilarity Ensues, not to mention Unresolved Sexual Tension. Faye is tough, stubborn and argumentative, but is noticeably-weak when it comes to being insulted herself.

Provides examples of:

  • Brainy Brunette: One of the most articulate characters in the series, and known for her frequent witty remarks. Appropriately, she has brown hair and wears black glasses.
  • Broken Bird:
    • She has deep problems. Her Disappeared Dad is just the start; she may or may not have tried to kill herself (she was in a car accident, and the memory loss from the concussion means she's not sure if it was intentional or not).
    • Additionally, since she and Angus ended their relationship, she appears to have sunk into full-blown alcoholism. Granted, Pintsize has been enabling her, but it's still more than a little self-destructive... to the point that Dora fires her for drinking on the job, causing her to go home, turn off Pintsize and drink so much, the next thing she remembers is waking up in the hospital.
  • Characterization Marches On: It seems that Jeph decided early on that Faye would have psychological problems in her past that push her to drink, but that they might not have been fleshed out in the beginning. Early on in the comic, she shows signs of past sexual abuse, being extremely defensive around men, and acting very uncomfortable if touched unexpectedly by either gender, even from something as simple as a hug. Later on, this behavior is completely dropped in favor of trauma from seeing her father shoot himself in front of her.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Of the "caustic" variety.
    • Stepford Snarker / Sad Clown: She seems to have started using her biting sarcasm as a defense or coping mechanism, until it became purely reflexive.
  • Disappeared Dad: He killed himself right in front of her. No one knows why.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: Tends to be a fan of coping like this. Goes off the deep end after her breakup with Angus.
  • Manic Pixie Dream Girl: A non-romantic one to Bubbles. Despite the dour Bubbles having absolutely no desire to go outand have friends, Faye incessantly hounds Bubbles to try to get her to open up.
  • The Nicknamer: "Mar-Mar," "Hanners," "Penny..." the list goes on.
  • Tsundere: She actually wears a shirt saying "Tsundere" from time to time. Purchased by Hannelore here.
  • Rhymes on a Dime: Bursts out with spontaneous poetry on multiple occasions, particularly when drunk.
  • Weight Woe: Her body image issues are frequently brought up, and made somewhat worse by her hanging out with the eternally skinny Dora. She starts feeling better about it when she joins a gym.
  • Wrench Wench: Faye shows her mechanical skills several times throughout the comic, eventually putting them to use in an underground robot-fighting ring.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: She provided the booze when Marten mentioned that Steve gets homoerotic when drunk.

    Dora Bianchi 

The owner of the local coffee shop (Coffee of Doom) at which Faye eventually finds employment. Ramps up the Unresolved Sexual Tension by having a thing for Marten. They eventually resolved it and got together until Dora's insecurity and possessiveness ended it. She had a date with Jim, but eventually ended up with Tai as her next partner.

Provides examples of:

  • Amicable Exes: With Marten, somewhat surprisingly, but she may just have become kinder since their breakup.
  • Benevolent Boss: Every single one of her employees is a close personal friend of hers. Although she gives a speech about how sometimes she has to be a Bad Boss, it's pretty clear that she gives everyone more freedom than she probably should.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: While she is a relatively Benevolent Boss, she has her limits. She fires Faye, of all people, on the spot for drinking on the job., though she relents some once Faye ends up drinking herself into the hospitel and says she's not "officaly fired until the insurance pays for this"
  • Bi the Way: Makes no attempt to hide the fact that she lusts over all her female employees, despite formerly having a boyfriend. And she eventually gets together with Tai.
  • Birds of a Feather: With Marten. Formerly.
  • Broken Bird: While she has problems with Sven stemming from some jealousy, Dora's really had a terrible string of horrible boyfriends that caused the possessiveness and the insecurities which she never dealt with or had treated. As a consequence, she can't hold a relationship with Marten together and it was what broke them up. Fortunately, they remained amicable.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: Is this in spades. It tends to destroy all of her personal relationships.
  • Cool Big Sis: She's older than Faye, Marten, et al, and she's laid-back and understanding when she isn't being a Clingy Jealous Girl or a Fangirl.
  • Doomy Dooms of Doom: Named her coffee shop "Coffee Of Doom". Inside is the "Restroom of Doom".
  • Local Hangout: Not her, just her business.
  • Lookalike Lovers: When she dyes her hair black, she looks just like Marten. Hilariously parodied in a rule 63 guest comic.
  • My Girl Is a Slut: Makes all the sex jokes that (stereotypically) would be assigned to guys.
  • Perky Goth: In the beginning, at least. There are allusions that she used to be a more traditional Goth.
  • Pet's Homage Name: She owns a cat named Miéville
  • Stepford Smiler: Type A. Sven explains it in detail, although Dora herself alluded to it a lot earlier. The Cool Big Sis thing is largely an act.
  • The Unfair Sex: Her many double standards is the most visible factor that eventually ended her relationship with Marten, often calling him out on minor things while not thinking twice about doing similar or worse things back.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: When Marten let slip that Steve gets homoerotic when drunk, she immediately ordered them to replicate the event in question.

    Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham 

A young lady Marten meets in a bar, who turns out to be his upstairs neighbor. Germophobic, adorably neurotic and born to a Mad Scientist father and a Corrupt Corporate Executive mother, she naturally became a fan favorite. She is slowly getting over some of her issues with the help of her friends. She is romantically lonely but not far enough past her germophobia and other issues to seek out a partner — yet.

Provides examples of:

    Raven Pritchard 

An employee at Coffee Of Doom, most known for her antics and for matching perfectly the Dumb Blonde stereotype, except for not being blonde. Or dumb. Except when she is.

Provides examples of:

  • The Ditz, unless she isn't.
  • Does Not Understand Sarcasm: Unless she does.
    Raven: Hey, I like your shoes! Where'd you get them?
    Hannelore: Uh, thanks? I bought them online.
    Raven: Wow, you can buy SHOES on the INTERNET? I totally didn't know that!
    Hannelore: Faye, is she being sarcastic?
    Faye: Your guess is as good as mine. Raven is the Drunken Master of ridicule.
  • Embarrassing First Name: Blodwyn
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: Occasionally comes across as merely pretending to be ditzy.
    • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: She eventually went back to school to pursue a degree in physics... and wore a lab coat during a theory class because it seemed more sciencey that way. Not all the ditziness is obfuscating, apparently.
  • Perky Goth: Sort of. When she was still a goth she wasn't perky at all, but she was a Perky Emo for a while.
  • Put on a Bus: She disappeared for over a year real-time after going back to school.
  • Really Gets Around: Moreso than anyone but Sven.


An "Anthro-PC"—basically a computer in a robot body and with enough AI to be sentient — Pintsize started off as the zany comic relief before evidently getting an overdose of 4chan. Now he's still Plucky Comic Relief, but in a more sinister way.

Provides examples of:

    Sven Bianchi 

Dora's older brother is a commercially-successful songwriter in the country-music genre, making a decent living writing the musical equivalents of Extruded Book Products, which naturally means he sold out. Also The Casanova of the first degree.

Provides examples of:

  • Big Eater: Mentioned here.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Sven was the target of this following his falling out with Faye. The two weren't even dating and were merely "fuck buddies" even by Faye's assertion, and Sven repeatedly told her flat-out that it was just physical, and that he reserved the right to have sex with other women. Despite this, he openly told Faye about a liaison with a famous country singer, and both she and Sven's sister Dora completely jumped down his throat about it, with Dora even threatening to kick his ass, all because he did exactly what he said he would do merely because Faye turned their relationship into more than it actually was.
  • Even the Guys Want Him: Bizarrely crossed with Kavorka Man due to his prickly personality.
  • Informed Ability: Sven doesn't claim his music's good, but it sells well anyway, and the less effort he puts in the more popular it is. Some readers consider this Writer on Board, though it can also be interpreted as Sven not appreciating or not fully harnessing his talents. Whether his songs are genuinely bad or just soulless (and goofy, but the QC universe seems quite goofiness-friendly) is left to the reader to decide, since we obviously don't get to hear them.
    "I write the songs that make the whole world cringe."
  • Ladykiller in Love: Interestingly, doesn't look like he'll get the girl who changed him, unlike the normal use of this trope.
  • Man Child: "Man Teenager" would be more accurate, since that's the form Sven's immaturity took (he's never acted like a literal child), but up until he got involved with Faye he didn't really have any need to grow up.
  • Morality Pet: In a weird way, Lydia, his intern. He probably never would have changed his ways if it weren't for her, even though she didn't seem to really be trying to change him.
  • Multiethnic Name: Mother was of Swedish descent, father Italian. Mother insisted on a name from the old country. hence, Sven Bianchi.
  • Out of Focus: After Faye "breaks up" with him, he's seen moping a few times but ultimately gets very little screentime
  • Really Gets Around: Though we've only explicitly seen a few of his relationships, it's no secret he's getting some every night. Until Faye dumps him, and just stops caring.
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: Doesn't understand why professing his feelings to Faye didn't work. He thinks it should be like a romantic comedy, where the professes his feelings and she loses the jerk she's with. Steve points out that Angus is also a good guy, and their life isn't a romantic comedy.

    Marigold Louise Farmer 

An anime fan who lives near Dora's coffee shop. Her room had serious cleanliness problems. Sometimes known as "Mar-bear", which totally isn't confusing when you consider that there's a Marten in the strip already. She suffers from poor hygiene, poor self-esteem, and social anxiety.

Provides examples of:

    Angus McPhee 

A customer who went to Dora's coffee shop just to annoy Faye, who he had a crush on. They got together eventually. He's roommates with Marigold.Angus seeks to be a comedian or performer.

Provides examples of:

Coffee of Doom:

    Penelope Gaines 

A bookstore employee shanghaied into barista duty. Squabbles with Faye a lot. May or may not be...Pizza Girl, the pizza-delivering superhero. Most of the others suspect Penelope is her secret identity. If Penelope in strip 1932 is to be believed, it isn't. Used to show up a fair bit as a grouchier side character, but all but vanished more recently, not long after hooking up with the weak-willed, old-fashioned Wil.

Provides examples of:

  • Got Volunteered: The others thought it would be funny to shanghai her into working at the coffee shop. She got fired from her bookstore job that night, so she came back full time.
  • Straw Atheist: Her parents were hardcore fundies, causing her to be firmly against anything without a rational scientific basis. This causes some friction with Wil.

    Cosette Hurlbut 

A Cute Clumsy Girl who does not benefit from the trope's usual immunity to collateral damage. She was first introduced in 1322 accidentally asking Marten out, and then did not appear again until 1430, when Marten offered to hook her up with Steve. They do get together, but due to an accident and in Decompressed Comic time it's not until 1543. Eventually starts working at Coffee of Doom, but has largely been absent from the strip.

Provides examples of:

  • Clingy Jealous Girl: She can get like this at times, such as when she angrily tells Padma that Steve is hers.
    • On a similar note, witness her reaction to her friend Luna's suggestion that maybe rushing into a date with Steve is a little bit...hasty. Or better, take Marten's word for it.
    Marten: "Jesus, I thought she was going to go all Temple of Doom on you and pull your heart out of your chest!"
  • Cute Clumsy Girl: Tripped down the stairs while looking at a picture of Steve.
  • Doom Magnet: It's mentioned in passing that all of her previous places of employment went up in flames after she got hired.


Another pizza delivery guy (among other things). A member of the Alliance, which makes him the natural enemy of Horde member Marigold. He begins a semi-Friendly Rivalry with her online after she stiffs him on a tip over this. Became a barista for the Coffee of Doom in 2530, and hooks up with Marigold later.

Provides examples of:

  • Birds of a Feather: With Marigold, once they finally spit it out.
  • Can Not Spit It Out: He has a romantic interest in Marigold, but his social skills are apparently as terrible as hers are.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Dale is VERY creeped out when he thinks Hannelore is offering to bone him as a tip and is relieved to find out that it's not true. He still goes in, however, albeit reluctantly, and his personalized companion is made to wear a sexy French Maid costume because his browser history indicates that would suit him. He denies the pervert part, though.
  • Covert Pervert: He is beta testing a virtual companion whose avatar is designed to appeal to him... and takes the form of an anime-style French Maid.
  • Friendly Rivalry: Thinks he has this kind of relationship with Marigold. She actually has an Irrational Hatred of him.
  • Goggles Do Something Unusual: His Scary Shiny Glasses actually contain an augmented reality system.
  • The One Guy: The only guy on the Coffee of Doom staff.
  • Pizza Boy Special Delivery: Hanners is disgusted to find out about this trope, after he explains that her invitation to come inside so that she can find another way to tip him could have been interpreted very differently from simply giving him a slice of the pizza he delivered.
  • Shout-Out: His mannerisms when interacting with Marigold (either online or whenever they actually meet in person) feature the Scary Shiny Glasses and hand clasping that Gendo Ikari is known for.
  • Worthy Opponent: He declares Marigold this, and insists the friends he sent to PK her stick to Mook Chivalry.

The Secret Bakery:


Manager of The Secret Bakery. She and Faye like to spar.

Provides examples of:


Another employee at the Secret Bakery, and also the bouncer at the Horrible Revelation. In love with Padma.

Provides examples of:


An employee at the Secret Bakery, who used to date Angus.

Provides examples of:


Owner of The Secret Bakery. Is divorced, with a daughter named Samantha. He and Dora went on a date, but decided not to pursue a relationship. Went on a date with Marten's mother, and they have decided to pursue a relationship.

Provides examples of:

  • Hands-Off Parenting: Sam seems to have a lot of freedom in her activities.
    • Eventually justified when Sam reveals she's not entirely honest to him about where she's going.
    • And then subverted when it's revealed that Jim is not happy whenever Sam isn't honest with him. Just like any doting dad.
  • Serious Business: His description of his job to Marten's mom comes off as a humorous cross between this and Played for Laughs hamming it up.
  • Silver Fox: More like "salt-and-pepper fox", but he's definitely gray around the temples, and he's repeatedly indicated to be very, very attractive.
  • Supreme Chef: He bakes all the goods he sells himself.

SMIF Library:

    Tai Hubbert 

Marten's current boss at the Smif College library, perpetually stuck in an all-girl polyamorous Love Dodecahedron. Her Twitter account is "tai_fighter", named after her DJing stage name. Has a crush on Dora, and half-heartedly tried to get with her after she and Marten broke up. Currently dating Dora Bianchi.

Provides examples of:

    Claire Augustus 

One of three new interns at the SMIF library, and Clinton's sister.

Provides examples of:

  • Character Focus: After The Reveal that she is transgender, she got a lot of focus including a fair number of comics that were just her and Marten wandering around. Taken Up to Eleven now that she's in a relationship with Marten.
  • Compressed Hair: Her hair is normally a fairly average length (if bushy) ponytail. But during her nude scene, she has enough to cover her breasts and still have a seemingly full head of hair resting on her back.
  • Crush Blush: She seems to get these frequently. Steve, Steve again, Marten's dad, Marten in boxers...
  • Half-Identical Twins: Subverted. Characters In-Universe (and casual readers) think that they're twins, but they're merely siblings.
  • Hypocritical Heartwarming: with Clinton.
  • Genre Savvy:
    This is where the night goes from "We had fun" to "Mistakes were made", isn't it.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She may be a tad rough at times but when friendship and warmth are shown to her she drops her facade and shows complete gratitude and trust.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Not herself, but she doesn't really care that her brother is missing a hand. Somewhat understandable, as the injury took place years ago and he's not that upset about it.
    Claire: If you knew how much he loved having a robot hand, you wouldn't feel bad for him either.
  • Pungeon Master:
    • More than once, she's made incredibly lame puns that no-one found amusing... Probably the delivery.
    • When she saw Faye reading a book she was fond of, she wrote "Like" on a post-it and stuck it to the book.
      Claire: I put a Like on Faye's book!
      Faye: ...get out of my shop.
  • Strong Family Resemblance: To her brother, to the point that they have to insist they're not Half-Identical Twins (she's older). Mitigated somewhat, since they are at least different genders (if not originally).
  • Transgender: To female.

    Emily Azuma 

One of the three new interns at the SMIF library, and apparently the daughter of a wealthy family.

Provides examples of:


The last of the intern trio.

Provides examples of:

  • The Cynic: She says in one strip that she doesn't believe in altruism and seems to generally be more of a sourpuss than the rest of the library staff.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Not much, but it's there.
  • Only Sane Man: Of the intern trio.
  • Out of Focus: She's used the least out of the entire library staff, possibly because her status as the Only Sane Woman in a Dysfunction Junction may make her the least fun to write for.
    • Put on a Bus: At some point, she quit her internship off-screen for unknown reasons.
  • Sassy Black Woman: She hasn't gotten too much screentime, but her few lines have been in this mold.

Marten's Band


Ellen's roommate and Marten and Hanners' ex-bandmate.

Provides examples of:

  • The Pig Pen: She has this...thing about showering. That is, she doesn't.
  • Secretly Rich: Her parents are wealthy enough that they were happy to buy her one of the most expensive guitars on the market at a moment's notice. She tries to keep it quiet since it ruins her hipster image.


Natasha's ex-boyfriend, Marten and Hanners' bandmate. Is significantly older than most of the cast.

Provides examples of:

  • Older Than They Look: He looks somewhere in his mid-twenties, but he's actually thirty-five.
  • The Pig Pen: After he leaves his old apartment and starts living in the band practice space. It doesn't have a shower.

Friends and Family Members:


Marten's best friend other than Faye. Is a secret agent. Was once dating a mortician named Meena (prior to being Put on a Bus for a short time).

Provides examples of:

  • Ambiguously Bi:
    • Gets homoerotic when drunk, usually with an unhappy Marten as the subject of his attentions.
    Steve: [drunk, sobbing on Marten's shoulder] I LOVE YOU, MAN!
    Jeph's Rant: Steve only had two drinks.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Steve can come off a bit as your stereotypical jock kinda guy, the exact kind of dude you think nothing of. But, as you can see below, he's a secret agent. (Or was. He has a desk job now, ostensibly in the same organization.)
  • Chick Magnet: Steve's physique has won him a lot of female attention over the course of the comic.
    Marten: "Would you like to meet-"
    Cosette "YES."
  • Handsome Lech: Far, FAR less sleazy than Sven, but Steve has his Handsome Lech moments.
  • Hero of Another Story: See "Spy Fiction" below.
  • Heroic Build: For the last few years Steve has been drawn with a muscular and athletic physique.
  • Lovable Jock: He's described as 'a bit of a bro', has a muscular physique and acts in a slightly overbearing, macho way when drunk but he's also shown to be a non-judgmental and supportive friend.
  • Mr. Fanservice: A lot of female characters are clearly enamored with Steve's rockin' bod.
  • Nice Guy: Steve may be a bit of a jock, but he definitely one of the nicest characters in the comic.
  • Only Sane Man: In later comics, he seems to fall into this category, especially when dealing with Marten's and later Sven's relationship problems. This is a bit ironic, as his early appearances often concerned his wacky relationship difficulties and his reactions to them.
  • Rated M for Manly: Partially subverted, Steve's actually a pretty emotional guy, especially when drunk. However, he did manage to bag himself a date by showing her a picture of him flexing in front of a stuffed grizzly bear.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red to Marten's Blue.
  • Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Manly Man to Marten's Sensitive Guy.
  • Spy Fiction: He was a secret agent for a little while. Still is, technically, but now he has a desk job which he is very happy with.
  • Took a Level in Badass: During his recent stint as a secret agent.
  • Weirdness Magnet: It starts when he's recruited as a secret agent by the U.S. government...

    Veronica Reed 

Marten's mother, a former bondage and fetish model under the pseudonym Veronica Vance. Both Dora and Dora's father have gotten off to her. And mentioned so to Marten.

Provides examples of:

  • Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: In addition to cheerfully talking about her sex life in front of her son, she also tries to pick him up a cute waitress by mentioning how big his penis was when he was a child. Though one gets the feeling she does this on purpose because she thinks that's what parents are supposed to do.
    Marten: Just...don't bang him on my couch, okay?
    Veronica: Ooh, that would be delightfully transgressive...
    Marten: Mom.
  • Amicable Exes: In her own words she and her ex husband "Make better friends and parents than a husband and wife".
  • Compelling Voice: Her "dom voice" as Marten calls it, which she uses by accident on occasion.
  • Dominatrix: Her profession. Although she uses the pseudonym “Veronica Vance,” she doesn't really make any attempt to hide it from anyone.
  • Gaydar: Veronica isn't gay herself, but she's very experienced. Her first, totally accurate, reaction on meeting Tai is "OH MY GOD I LOVE THE TINY BUTCH ONES."
  • Good Parents: Despite her quirks, Marten often speaks fondly of his childhood.
  • Grandma, What Massive Hotness You Have: She's old enough to have some grey in her hair, but she still works as a dominatrix and a photographer she knows still takes pictures of her for a fetish site.
  • Stepford Smiler: Apparently a type A. She puts a happy face over her own sense of loneliness.

    Henry Reed 

Marten's gay dad and ex-husband of Veronica Reed. He runs a gay nightclub.

Provides examples off:

    Amanda "Mandy" Whitaker 

Faye's lesbian sister, who flunked out of college.

Provides examples of:

  • The Ditz: Flunked out of college, then got caught eating out her girlfriend by her mother. Then she stole her mother's credit cards to go see her sister.
  • Lipstick Lesbian: She seems girlier than Faye, despite being a lesbian, making her this.
  • Put on a Bus: When she went back home, she became pretty much irrelevant to the plot.


Sven's melodramatic poet friend. He is currently dating Penelope. Owns several cloaks.

Provides examples of:

  • Badass Biker: Surprisingly enough, yes.
  • Born in the Wrong Century: Again: He owns several cloaks.
  • Gentleman and a Scholar: He's a poet, apparently majored in literature or poetry. Quite the gentleman as well, although apparently he's got some really filthy poetry.
    Wil: I was attempting to channel Joyce, but without the scatological fixation...
    Penelope: I don't think they'd let us have sex in Washington's nose on Mount Rushmore, but it's a very evocative mental image.
  • Mysterious Stranger: He decides to invoke this to woo Penelope, but thankfully Sven talks him out of it.
  • Old-School Chivalry: The guy gets clipped by a truck - resulting in a broken arm - and still shows up for a date with Penelope. Why?
    Wil: A gentleman never stands a lady up.
  • The Unfunny: Never makes his own jokes, but his attempts to remain serious in all situations qualifies him for this trope.


Jim's 13-year-old daughter. A tomboy and Pokémon nerd. She's become friends with Momo (who she's a bad influence on) and Faye (who's a bad influence on her).

Provides examples of:

  • Becoming the Mask: Briefly as Skullmaster, Master of Skulls.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Has mild tones of this.
  • Hates Baths: Has been noted to have a somewhat "irregular" bathing schedule. Both Faye and Veronica have remarked on her rather "pungent" aroma.
  • Nature Lover
  • Out-of-Character Moment: Samantha is usually very loud, hyper, and quick to befriend people she meets instantly. Except Veronica, who she hides from when they first meet.
    Faye: Are you…being shy?
  • Tagalong Kid: Insists on tagging along with Faye and wants to hang out at Coffee of Doom so much that she hid in the cupboards for 15 minutes.
  • Tomboy: Her favorite pastime is to go into the mountains and find snakes.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: At first she wanted to visit the "spider zone," then she was swarmed by dozens of spiders. Granted she doesn't want them hurt and is comfortable around creepy things that one or two may not bother her, but there were a lot of spiders down there.

    Clinton P. Augustus 

Robot researcher with an artificial hand. Semi-stalked Hannelore after finding out who her father was. Poor sense of personal boundaries. Claire's younger brother.

Provides examples of:

    Beatrice Chatham 

Hannelore's mother. Described in text as "Martha Stewart meets Darth Vader".

Provides examples of:

    John Ellicot-Chatham 

Hannelore's father. Lives on a space station.

Provides examples of:

  • Absent-Minded Professor: Is first introduced trying to find his iPod.
  • Mad Scientist: The father of cybernetics and strong A.I.. Also invented the robotic hamster.
  • The Real Heroes: In spite of being one of the foremost technological geniuses in history, he greatly admires plumbers. This may date back to the construction of Station, as any orbital habitat is at least 50% pipes and ducts.


Hannelore's Robot Buddy. The Apple version of an Anthro-PC, he's basically a sentient iPod with arms and legs. He was very naive at first, but was very quickly corrupted by Pintsize.

Provides examples of:


A former combat droid that becomes Faye's coworker after the latter is fired from Coffee of Doom.

Provides examples of:

  • Dark and Troubled Past: Not explicitly stated, but Bubbles refuses to fight in the underground robot battles she helps organize, and her dialog with Faye suggest that she regrets her past as a combat droid.
    Faye: So when's your next fight? Can't wait to see you mop the floor with some chump.
    Bubbles: I do not fight.
    Faye: But aren't you, like, a combat droid?
    Bubbles: I was.

  • Foil: Though we don't know yet exactly what happened to Bubbles, she seems to share Faye's problems with Survivor Guilt and repressed anger, and her tendency to sabotage relationships. Bubbles' struggles with these issues show us how far Faye has come and how lonely and bitter Faye might be if she'd never found a supportive circle of friends.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Bubbles is seven feet tall and heavily armored, capable of withstanding direct hits from anti-materiel rifles, and crushing armored vehicles bare-handed. Despite this, she's capable of leaping up to three meters in the air and her running speed is 30 km/h (18 mph) which is pretty fast for a humanoid.
  • Closet Geek: Uses the compartments in her legs, designed to hold ammunition magazines, to carry around game systems.
  • Deadpan Snarker: In a quiet way. Even Faye, reigning snark champion, comments that she gets some good hits in.
  • Hikikomori: Doesn't go outside, ever. It's at least in part due to discomfort over her intimidating looks.
  • Not So Above It All: Faybe manages to get under her skin with 'join us unless you're chicken' arguments. Childish yet effective.
  • Onee-sama: To Momo, it would seem
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Implied to a degree.
  • The Stoic: She doesn't show emotion, despite the fact that she clearly possesses empathy and has a conscience.


Marigold's Robot Buddy (sometimes addressed with "Momo-tan"). She's friends with Pintsize and Winslow. Apparently has a 97 terabyte hard drive. Originally small and chibi-like, she's gotten a new chassis that looks more like a young human girl.

Provides examples of:

  • Abnormal Ammo: When first introduced (in chibi mode), she mentions that she can shoot live eels from her crotch.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Her electrical self-defense has amperage within the lethal range. Also, upon gaining her new chassis, her first acts were attacking Pintsize and threatening Marigold. Even the author hypothesized she had suppressed violent impulses.
  • Chibi: Invoked. It's even in her model name.
  • Covert Pervert: She's pretty good at hiding it, but she was caught with an anatomically-correct doll at one point, and later had a sexy dream about Sven. She's also processed a significant quantity of Victorian-era pornography as part of her work at the library, and reads romance novels recommended by Hannelore.
  • Cranial Processing Unit: Her head is apparently removable.
  • Cuteness Overload: Caused them in her Chibi form, and currently provides the page image.
  • A Day in the Limelight: Several pages, starting with 2962, focus on her going about her day.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: Was unnamed in her first appearance, and had a different outfit and hairstyle.
  • Puppy-Dog Eyes: She (as with most AIs) being a Technical Pacifist has trouble understanding why Bubbles would join the military. Bubbles is less than eager to discuss the matter with her, as she has had more than a few AIs dog her out for her choice. Momo's response is to use these.
    Bubbles: If I agree, will you stop making that facial expression? It is causing me great discomfort.
  • Japanese Politeness: She's an android Made in Japan.
  • Ridiculously Human Robot: Even before the chassis upgrade, she has some elements of this. After, she is virtually indistinguishable from a human teenager.
  • Robot Girl: In her new chassis.
  • Satellite Character: She appears almost entirely alongside Marigold, and most discussions with other characters relate to her.
  • Shipper on Deck: Clearly one for Marigold and Dale.
  • Shock and Awe: In chibi-form, she doesn't have much power, but after her upgrade she can blow off someone's socks from a hundred yards.
  • Verbal Tic: She never uses contractions.
  • Walk, Don't Swim: She's waterproof, but too heavy to float.
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Pink, both in chibi form and big mode. In big mode, pushing her belly button makes her hair change color.
  • Younger than She Looks: She's less than three years old. Justified, in that she's a Robot Girl. Her "birthday" is probably the day she was built and activated. Also played with, since AI's are matured in a purely virtual creche before being loaded into bodies. Whether her age is counted as subjective years, years since entering reality, or the age of her current body isn't clear.

    Hannelore's Roomba 

Hannelore's Roomba. Pintsize has somewhat of a rivalry with it. He and Winslow eventually strapped a rocket to it and sent it out the window, and it came back with a mate and three children. Who also have rockets. Yeah. Not even the scientists could figure it out.

Provides examples of:

  • Crazy Jealous Guy: Toward Hannelore.
  • Knife Nut: It produces a knife from somewhere when it thinks Marten is hitting on Hannelore.


An AI assigned as a holographic companion to Dale as part of work release program from robot jail. She was subsequently released and joined the cast, now with a chassis.

Provides examples of:

  • Animesque: As a hologram, more so than the rest of the webcomic already was.
  • Barbie Doll Anatomy: To her disappointment, the programmers didn't bother to render any genitalia on her holographic form.
    May: [looking down at her skirt] I'm like a fuckin' BARBIE DOLL under there. Lazy goddamned bastards couldn't even bother to give me a—
  • The Bus Came Back: Guess who?
  • The Corrupter: She constantly encourages Dale to act unprofessionally at all his jobs. He will have none of it.
  • Covert Pervert: She assumes Dale to be this, and is disgusted by the fact that a compatibility algorthim decided on the sexy French Maid outfit as the best fit for his tastes. Then she immediately gropes her own boobs.
    May: [lifting her skirt] Actually, I wonder if they even bothered to RENDER panties under this—
    • Though it's eventually Subverted, because as time goes on she drops the "covert" part of it.
    May:: (after pacifying and befriending Marigold) Now that we're friends, let's talk about your amazing rack."
  • Drunk on Milk: How does May emulate intoxication? Deliberately downcycling her processor core.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Resents Dale for deriving her name from "maid", and his alternative of "Dickmouth Stinkface".
  • Evil Counterpart: To Momo. Both are Animesque robots and friends with an extremely nerdy character whom they help deal with their insecurities, but while Momo is kind, polite, and contemplative of the relationship between humans and AI, May is a foul-mouthed jerk and former criminal.
  • French Maid: She claims the algorithm must have decided this would "appeal" to Dale; he denies it. His collection of Magical Love Gentlemen says something different.
  • Jerkass: She obviously hates her job and made a rude joke about Dale's dad with an insincere apology.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold:
    • In her introductory arc, she eventually relents and starts behaving herself (somewhat). She also calls out Dale on the way he'd acted around Marigold in the past and helps him patch things up with her. They part on good terms.
    • Upon realizing who Hannelore is, she shows a genuine concern for her privacy and later defends her from a rude customer.
      May: LISTEN BABYDICK, if you got time to stop for coffee, you got time to be POLITE. Now apologize before I introduce your cellphone to your prostate.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: When Marigold is worried that May might try to steal Dale from her, May points out that a) she's not interested in Dale at all and b) she's the reason Dale and Marigold actually got together in the first place.
  • Kiss Me, I'm Virtual: Her holographic design seems to be intended to invoke this.
  • The Lad-ette: Crude, tomboyish, and wants to be a fighter jet.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Only at first, and not by choice. Though she does have a fascination for groping her boobs and checking to see if her programmers bothered to give her panties.
    Jeph comment: It's just gonna be a big pixelated blur
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: After being accepted by Dale, she curses every other sentence.
  • Tomboy and Girly Girl: Momo thinks her maid skirt is cute, while May expresses distaste for it and resolves to get some pants when she can.
  • You Got Guts: When Momo threatens her, she comments that she likes her moxy.

Other Important characters:


Steve's former girlfriend, an eighteen-year-old philosophy/marine biology major.

Provides examples of:


Marten's first boss.

Provides examples of:

  • Benevolent Boss: He waits around to tell Marten personally that he (and the rest of the department) had been laid off until Marten got back from sick leave. On that note, letting Marten go on sick leave from nothing but a call from Miss Vance probably qualifies him.
  • Straight Gay: Other than mentioning his boyfriend, you'd never notice.


A trucker-looking barfly who writes romance novels.

Provides examples of:


Sven's "intern." She's supposed to be learning the tricks of songwriting from him, but instead she's turned into sort of a lab wretch.

Provides examples of:

  • The Heart: She's basically Sven's conscience.
  • Put on a Bus: She hasn't been seen in ages, possibly because its now the summer in the comic, meaning her "internship" ended with the school year.

Minor characters:

    Yelling Bird 

A yelling bird (theorised to be a tit or a dickcissel) who appears in occasional filler comics, usually to scream about why it was posted (usually along the lines of "Jeph is too drunk/lazy/disorganized to post a comic today,") or just give its opinion on something. Has its own Twitter account. Yelling Bird originated in Indie Tits, a side-project webcomic Jeph wrote from 2005-2007.

Provides examples of:


Faye's co-worker at the Coffee Of Doom in early strips.

Provides examples of:


Another filler-strip character, pulled out of Jeph's sketchpad at short notice. For a long time she didn't have a real name, although it's now been revealed as Harriet. She addresses the audience directly with a mixture of sarcasm and performance anxiety. Despite only two appearances, she was an instant fan favourite and got her own story over the Christmas 2009 break.

Provides examples of:

    Randy the Bandicoot 

Yet another minor filler-strip character that became a fan favorite. Randy is eternal.

Provides examples of:

    The Three Bros 

A set of presumably UMass-students who are big fans of people being bros.

Provides examples of:

  • Drop-In Character: Their only purpose is to appear and start chanting “BROS! BROS! BROS!” whenever anyone does anything awesome.
  • Fratbro: Stereotypical fratbros, from their clothing, boisterousness, and (apparent personality).
  • No Indoor Voice: Subverted. It definitely seems like this at first, but when they appear in a library they quickly correct themselves.
  • Speak of the Devil: Non-villainous example. If somebody calls somebody else "Bro", they'll suddenly appear.
  • Those Two Guys: Three of them, but who's counting? Never appeared apart.

     Scrambles the Tequila Monster 

An alcohol induced hallucination that seems to haunt the main cast. Mainly Marten (though he isn't an alcoholic).

Provides examples of: