"Take one sip and you're awake for six hours. Two sips, you're awake for 72 hours. Drink the cup, you never blink in life."While a Gargle Blaster will get you insanely drunk, Klatchian Coffee has the opposite effect. Rather than slowing down your brain, Klatchian Coffee speeds it up tremendously. In some cases, the results can be Nightmare Fuel in a cup, or just really scary to think about. Can generate Caffeine Bullet Time. May be used to demonstrate the level of a person's Must Have Caffeine addiction if Klatchian Coffee is their regular morning brew. Possibly based on Turkish Coffee, which is an incredibly strong brew of coffee. Rather than drip or espresso it, you just almost-boil ultra-fine ground coffee grounds until you achieve drinkable coffee. (According to aficionados, bringing the water all the way to a boil will make the coffee unpleasantly bitter, while bringing it to the point where the water quivers without boiling just makes the flavor more intense.) Compare Gargle Blaster for very strong alcoholic drinks. May overlap with Hideous Hangover Cure or Uncoffee. If it's powerfully bad coffee rather than simply powerful, it's Bad to the Last Drop.
— Dr. Cliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show, describing his med school coffee.
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Anime & Manga
- In Serial Experiments Lain, the machine/drug Accela does exactly what it sounds like - it accelerates the brain. By 12 times.
- Ralphie May describes his first experience with Cuban Coffee. By his description, an ounce is equal to about five shots of espresso and are normally served in "baby doll tea-cups", which some can only drink half of. He didn't know that and demanded a full cup (equal to 84 shots of espresso). It took 25 minutes to brew, was far more expensive than he expected, did not change color when cream was added, took 30 minutes to drink, caused instant Potty Failure as soon as he stood up, and left him shaking for 98 hours.
- Gabriel Iglesias tells a similar story. He and a friend tried out Cuban food for the first time in Miami and ordered a coffee while he browsed the menu. He thought the shot glass-sized cup he was given was a prank, so demanded a "real cup". The waiter brought him a bowl full of Cuban coffee (and wouldn't leave until he started drinking). One sip told Gabriel what a mistake he had just made, but finished the bowl because he didn't want to admit to being an idiot. The waiter promptly crossed himself and told the cook to call 911.
- Adam Ferrara has a story of visiting Jamaica, trying some of the local coffee, and having to make a beeline to the nearest bathroom as the locals laugh at him and all he can do is pathetically yell: "It's not funny!"
- Gaston Lagaffe's homemade coffee is so strong, it causes whoever drinks it to lose coordination and make uncontrollable violent gestures. After drinking a cup of it, he ended up wrecking his car. Not to mention that one sip of it made De Mesmaeker unable to sign the contracts.
- One Lucky Luke album has a recipe for coffee for Real Men: "You add one drop of water for each pound of coffee. Then you add a horseshoe. If it doesn't float... add more coffee."
- The Dandy: Desperate Dan's favorite coffee is strong enough to hold a spoon upright.
- Iznogoud: In "The Send-away Bed", the Caliph, who doesn't usually drink coffee, is forced to share a cup of Turkish coffee with the new ambassador or face war between their countries, and ends up with a severe case of insomnia. This scuppers Iznogoud's plans to get him to lie down on the title piece of furniture (which will send him away to an alternate dimension), even after barraging the Caliph with lullabies and a very boring book.
- Garfield has been known to drink coffee so strong, it can even eat a donut... or the spoon(s) he uses to stir it.
- In this strip the coffee didn't even need a CUP! it just floated in midair sans cup!
- He also likes coffee so thick that after a few seconds of pouring, you can let go of the coffeepot and it won't fall.
- In one strip:
Jon: The coffee's strong today.
(it reaches out of the cup and slaps Garfield round the face)
Garfield: Not just strong, but mean!
- Also demonstrated by this game, made to market a Garfield-themed coffee.
- Yet another example.
- Peter has brewed several coffee based drinks in FoxTrot that have this effect.
- One had Paige blinking so fast she thought there was a strobe light in the room. That would be the coffee-tea. Teabags boiled in coffee instead of water. And Paige didn't just have one. She had a dozen cups.
- Another strip had Roger pour himself a cup of coffee, which began vibrating wildly (as in, bouncing up and down on the table). Turning to Peter, he remarks, "I can always tell the mornings when you have to cram for a test."
- In another strip, Roger took a sip of coffee, then after a Beat Panel, made a crazy face; in the last panel, Jason, looking up, said, "You said, 'make it strong'," while Roger, from the ceiling, said, "Funny, I wouldn't think my fingers could grip like this..."
- In Beetle Bailey, Sarge likes his coffee very, very strong, as this strip shows.
- In the Empath: The Luckiest Smurf story "Virtual Smurfality", when Papa Smurf, Handy, and Miner are working on an all-night project together, Papa orders three glasses of cinnamon tree bark brew (the Smurf version of coffee) from Tapper's Tavern. Tapper fills out the order, telling Papa, "Why, this brew is smurfed so strong, it can even put smurf on your chest, I tell you!"
- Xander's coffee in Awaken Sleeper is noted as being pure espresso. After drinking some Lex Luthor claims he can see his own pulse and according to Clark the one time he had some, he nearly vibrated through a wall.
- Suicide Coffee, from the Domestic assassin au, and really anything with caffeine that Elsa drinks or has brewed, one of the fics in this universe has Elsa requiring coffee this strong because her powers need the energy.
- In A Spark of Genius the Flash was once given a large coffee that was actually an entire truck worth of coffee shrunk down to size. Flash's Caffeine Bullet Time has him doing things like disassembling an entire village that was in the path of a volcano's lava flow and reassembling it several miles away within a quarter second.
Films — Animation
- The Iron Giant: Hogarth suffers from these effects after drinking an espresso offered by Dean.
- Hoodwinked: Near the end of the movie the squirrel gets a cup of coffee to run down the mountain and get the cops. They have to tape his message and slow it down to hear it properly.
- In Over the Hedge, a very hyperactive squirrel is given a can of soda, which causes said squirrel to enter Caffeine Bullet Time and apparently move faster than light (he calmly walks around a laser starting to cross the room).
Films — Live-Action
- In George of the Jungle, George inadvertently invokes this by eating large amounts of coffee grounds.
- Hidalgo has a scene in which the Sheikh offers Hopkins a cup of coffee. He tries to warn Hopkins that Arabian coffee is stronger than most western preparations, but Hopkins just knocks it back. He then explains that back home, they test the coffee by tossing a horseshoe in the pot. If it stands up, the coffee's ready.
- In Medicine Man, Dr. Crane is given a local drink by Dr. Campbell that is 12% caffeine. She winds up hyperactive and babbling about how they could market the stuff. Amusingly, this predates the Energy Drink craze by about a decade.
- Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid: "You need a cup of my famous Java." It's groundsnote for an Overly Long Gag.
- Idiocracy has Brawndo, a close relative of Powerthirst. It is claimed to be this. It isn't.
- The Discworld is the home of the Trope Namer. Klatchian Coffee is so potent that it can take you right through sobriety and out the other side, into a state of horrifying depressive hyper-awareness known as knurd ("drunk" spelled backwards). In order to offset its effects, Klatchian Coffee enthusiasts typically drink Desert Orakh (one of several Discworld Gargle Blasters) to make sure they're safely drunk. One of the strongest available beans is called the Klatchnikov, as in "a shot of coffee".
- Which is why Sam Vimes must never touch the stuff; he lives in a permanent state of knurd. Even after getting blotto on some of CMOT Dibbler's 150% proof (or circumstantial evidence) moonshine, two drops of the stuff is enough for him to start screaming, though it was Red Desert special, so probably stronger than normal. The rest of the Watch had to give him half a glass of whisky to get him comfortably sober.
- Also from Discworld, there's "Splot", briefly featured in Making Money, a drink that has been outlawed in several places despite not being alcoholic... it is said that's because alcohol couldn't survive in it. It is made entirely of natural ingredients and herbs, in the same way that "Arsenic is natural and Belladonna is a herb". It apparently speeds the brain well beyond the point where the mouth can keep up, just for starters.
- One of many, many uses of spice is to generate dangerous levels of sanity. Mentats drink sappho juice, a drug that amplifies a Mentat's natural ability, allowing them to go beyond their usual limits and comprehend vast amounts of data even faster. The mantra for drinking it in the movies was:
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the juice of sappho that thoughts acquire speed,
the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning.
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
(This sounds like it's from the book, but in fact was composed by David Lynch for the 1984 film.)
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
- The quote was quickly modified into a Must Have Caffeine mantra by modification of sappho to coffee:
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning;
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
(by Mark Stein at the 1993 Arisia science fiction convention in Boston)
- One of many, many uses of spice is to generate dangerous levels of sanity. Mentats drink sappho juice, a drug that amplifies a Mentat's natural ability, allowing them to go beyond their usual limits and comprehend vast amounts of data even faster. The mantra for drinking it in the movies was:
- The ever-brewed riverboat coffee — In one of James P. Blaylock's novels, The Disappearing Dwarf, there is a scene on a riverboat where the coffee comes from an urn which has been brewing continuously for 13 years. The urn is never emptied. Water and coffee are added as needed. One of the passengers makes the mistake of having a third cup. The coffee is so strong that he starts hallucinating.
- Harry Dresden makes a potion with this effect in Fool Moon. Naturally, the liquid base is coffee, and other ingredients include a doughnut (breakfast of champions), dawn sunshine, and cheery music. Drinking it takes him from beaten up and worn out to whistling Carmen and composing a poem about autumn, and effortlessly mopping the floor with a pack of human lychantropes... until it wears off.
- Regular old Turkish coffee gets a mention in the Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia Wrede, with a mild twist. The dragon who was King before Kazul took the throne loved him some Turkish coffee brewed strong enough to take the roof off a dragon's mouth. No one's particularly surprised that his assassin just decided to poison his coffee; Kazul comments that you could have boiled a whole field of dragonsbane in a cup of the King's coffee and it wouldn't have changed the taste or texture enough that he'd have noticed.
- And in The Sparrow, Fr. D.W. Yarbrough observes that Sofia Mendes brews up "awful damn Turkish mud".
- In the Star Trek anthology Tales of the Dominion War, Dr. Crusher uses Turkish Coffee to try warding off the effects of a Dominion-created superbug long enough to develop a cure.
- The Ur-Example is the New Accelerator in the H. G. Wells story of the same name, a drug which increases the body's metabolic rate by a thousand or so times. The narrator and the inventor both drink just a drop of the accelerator, and the next few seconds become so drawn out that to the characters they feel more like half an hour. Notably, moving so incredibly quickly causes incredible friction and air resistance, and the pair find their trousers are becoming singed as they walk.
- In Wicked Japanese for the Business Traveler, a semi serious phrasebook, it mentions Japanese tea. "Clear, bitter and still boiling when it hits the roof of your mouth." The phrases associated with it translate to: "Honorable tea? Yes please! I had some when I got off the plane last week. I haven't slept since. I have many evil thoughts. Do you know where I can score a dime bag of the stuff?"
- Ciaphas Cain's Valhallans have tanna, the 40K version of chifir (Russian prison tea). Cain downs the stuff without a problem, while Veil says it's definitely an acquired taste. It becomes a running gag that if he goes more than a day without it he gets mild withdrawal symptoms and enough of a craving that he'll ask about it as soon as meets Valhallans again; after an event early in his career where he fought half-way across a planet (Through an Ork Waaagh, Warboss included) after jokingly claiming it was to get some his aide started carrying a supply at all times.
- Cafe Nervosa from Frasier serves a drink aptly named "The Defibrillator", judging by its composition (a French roast with three shots of espresso).
- Dr. Cliff Huxtable, Bill Cosby's character from The Cosby Show, drank coffee like this back in med school. Provides the page quote.
- In Red Dwarf, when they need to sober up Kryten, they skip the "drink" part entirely:
Kryten: Sir, I just can't eat any more raw coffee!
Lister: Four more bowls.
- When Kramer wins a settlement of free coffee in Seinfeld's "The Maestro" he drinks enough cafe lattes to talk a mile a minute and jitter as he walks.
- The Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode featuring The Giant Spider Invasion has Mike and the Bots in a spoof of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, where they have to stay awake to avoid being taken over by pod people. Crow resorts to a mixture of various coffees, sodas, and candy that almost gives him a heart attack.
- Star Trek has Raktajino, Klingon Coffee.
- In the Farscape episode "Dream A Little Dream", Rygel gives Chiana some stimulant pills as a hangover cure, warning her not to take the whole lot. Chiana, being Chiana, naturally does, and spends the following scene spectacularly tweaking out.
- Star Trek: Voyager. Given that Must Have Caffeine is a Running Gag for Captain Janeway, it's not surprising that years of experience has enabled Lethal Chef Neelix to come up with some potent alien blends. Despite some early disasters.
- Pepe Deluxé:
- In their "Go Supersonic" music video, three guys drink "Supersonic"-sized "Hot Sauce" coffees. The remainder of the video is the three of them, under the influence of the coffee, hallucinating a surreal car race.
- In the "A Night and a Day" video, Yol Gurro drinks a cup of some unidentified coffee blend. Before, he had been quite stoic; after drinking, he dances wildly, shoots laser bolts from his feet, and flies.
- In Deadlands, the Huckster spell "Coffin Varnish" will turn any drinkable liquid into this, essentially becoming a minor healing potion. As a side-effect, it makes whatever the spell was cast on taste horrible.
- As noted above, the trope namer is found on the Discworld — so the Discworld Roleplaying Game has rules for the stuff.
- In Deponia you need to prepare one to awake Goal from her trauma-induced slumber.
- The... "coffee" Mr. Saturns serve in Earthbound causes the drinker to hallucinate Foreshadowing.
- The Scout in Team Fortress 2 has two highly-caffeinated drinks that give him special effects: Bonk! Energy Drink (It's fulla radiation!) makes him invincible, and Crit-a-Cola allows him to score (Mini-)Criticals while running faster.
- in The Sims 2 coffee made by the best espresso machine could keep a Sim awake indefinitely and (combined with some other means to slow motive decay) had no side-effects other than acting jittery for a short while after each cup. In TS3 coffee and energy drinks were toned down significantly, basically just preventing a sim from falling asleep for a few hours rather than actually boosting sim's "energy."
- Fallen London and Sunless Sea have Darkdrop Coffee. Mr Wines tends to joke it's "Not actually brewed from bat guano!", but it truly isn't, it's just regular coffee beans grown in the middle of the Elder Continent, which due to the presence of a certain glowing mountain tends to give them unusual intensity. Players drinking it will find their available actions refreshed (in a game where they gain one every ten minutes, the coffee gives them ten at once) at the cost of minor damage to themselves (well, minor by the standards of "Argh, I've been poisoned"). It's also really popular in Irem, due to the fact reality's grasp on the city is tenuous as it is, and falling asleep can make someone physically fall straight into Dream Land. One of your crew occasionally speculates you could actually run your ship on the raw beans if you ran out of coal.
- Starfire Expresso in World of Warcraft is an easy-to-make drink that restores Mana; if you're intoxicated, it also quickens the sobering a little.
- In RT Shorts, a series of shorts that take place in Rooster Teeth Studios, a type of coffee is mentioned which would presumably be very strong if it weren't imaginary.
Burnie: Okay, one note from the kitchen. If you're going to use the coffee pot to make coffee, you need to use water. Okay? I don't care what the fucking Internet says. There is no such thing as double coffee.
- In Strong Bad Email episode "caffeine", Strong Bad whips up a special blend that makes his normally somber and depressed brother Strong Sad go absolutely ballistic, twitching and mumbling uncontrollably as he becomes "violent, erratic, and really funny to watch". The concoction? Decaffeinated Sanka.
- Girl Genius
- In the webcomic, set in a Gaslamp Steampunk universe where Mad Scientists called Sparks can liberally break the laws of physics, the central protagonist, Agatha Heterodyne, tastes coffee for the first time and, in a fit of caffeine-fueled inspiration, immediately sets about rebuilding a coffee shop's coffee-making engine. A mere sip of the "improved" product can result in something like a religious and possibly life-changing experience. Even licking a few drops was enough to make a Blood Knight Super Soldier pause in mid-rampage to appreciate it.
- Lately, a Smoke Knight has been shown using a drug called Movit, which is a super-powered stimulant. It comes in various strengths and the strongest stuff safe for civilians is Movit #6. When last seen, Zola had taken some Movit #11, then was shot with more in hopes of causing an explosive meltdown, leading to a CHOPHEAD TINYBITS! rage, and was expected to die of an overdose shortly. Unfortunately for some fans, she didn't.
- Also, a cup of water from Dyne apparently tastes like normal water but can (especially if combined with a proper amount of electric shock) cause a minute or so of absolute clarity... little side-effects like glowing eyes and levitation are optional. Of course, the "electric shock" part of this is by far the least dangerous.
- The coffee at the Google offices in User Friendly is so powerful it does this.
- Pitr making coffee with heavy water is not really an example. What IS an example is Pitr making coffee that burns through two stories of a building and into the sewage line.
- Then there's "Sid's Insidious Syrup." Flavored with "distilled UseNet bitterness". Better known as Hastur.
- Pitr-Cola, made of caffeine. Just caffeine.
- Francis' twitch-gamer "power drink" from PvP: "a blend of espresso, Jolt cola, some Pixie Stix, pure cane sugar, Choco Puffs and a splash of Mountain Dew because I'm that @!&$% crazy, man." Oohhh, the colors. It makes him think he's experiencing Caffeine Bullet Time, but he's really just hallucinating
- Questionable Content:
- This early Gene Catlow strip. It birthed a major plot point.
- The Whiteboard:
- The crew, after (or in the middle of) a particularly interesting New Years' party (and that's saying something), manages by accident to create a coffee strong enough to cure astigmatism, boost intellect, and add a cup size to women. The effects are temporary.
- Doc's normal coffee easily qualifies, as does his home-made Mountain Dew.
- Doc ODs on caffeine and experiences a possibly-unintentional Whole Plot Reference to The New Accelerator mentioned earlier in Literature.
- From Unwinder's Tall Comics, a coffee brew known as "The Huffy Dimension". One of the ingredients is vinegar.
- Dante from Angst Technology brews coffee that is so strong as to be solid. In one classic strip of the now-defunct Angst Technology series, the rest of the gang put decaf in the office coffee machine to see how close he would get before detecting it (fourteen feet, six inches, it turned out); in the 2010-04-14 Ink Tank strip, where he and Barry (the Author Avatar) are at a Starbucks, he berates Barry for not buying the largest cup. One of the comments on this strip was "I would think that anything from a Starbucks would be WAY too weak for Dante". In the 2010-04-16 strip, Dante uses another version of the Dune quote which used to head this page.
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
- Sluggy Freelance: Although the coffee itself in 4U City isn't that remarkable, the concentrate doubles as an explosive.
Riff: I have all new respect for the coffee.
Leo: I fear the coffee.
- Not Invented Here: Desmond's "Coder's Sunrise". It's cheese balls floating in Red Bull.
Desmond: It's like there's a hornet party in my ribcage, and everyone's on fire!
- In The Trenches, Q preps the game testers for Crunch Time by mixing up "The Punch", which seems to be a mixture of many bottles of Bawls and 5 Hour Energy in a punch bowl. You need to drink it from a glass; plastic cups will melt. Drinking it causes hallucinations - Isaac saw the team's rabbit Mr. Toots talking and wearing a hat, while Marley (who was also on Day-Quil at the time) imagined a being called "The Snuffler" who did most of his work for him, or more accurately, did not, leading to his getting fired again.
- In the Whateley Universe, we have 'Devisor Coffee', which is claimed to have been banned in several countries. One of the Juniors, during final exams, overdoses on it, eventually becoming a jittery wreck, flying straight up and exploding 400 feet in the air.
- When bio-devisor par excellance Princess Jobe Wilkins considers splicing up a new coffee varietal for her father's island nation, Techno-Devil and Nephandus dissuade her by pointing out that the ones who would be testing out the new bean would be the other coffee-obsessed gadgeteers and devisors in the Academy labs. She agrees that messing with the coffee down in the Workshop would probably be a really bad idea, regardless of whether the new strain was successful or not.
- Picnic Face parodied this with Powerthirst, an energy drink which makes outrageous claims about its potency; the drink was later Defictionalized and contains a staggering 190 mg of caffeine per 16 ounces. (For reference, Bawls Exxtra in the Real Life section of this page packs 150 milligrams per 16 ounces.) It's not as impressive as it sounds, that's the same dose as regular coffee. The end of the second video makes it pretty clear what you are drinking:
POWERTHIRST!! It's like Crystal Meth in a can! It's Crystal Meth in a can! Powerthirst is Crystal Meth!
- In Flander's Company, Caleb (a.k.a. Professor Kaos) is a Mad Scientist and retired supervillain whose space-warping powers are fueled by coffee. As a result, his "personal blend" is extremely strong and shouldn't be consumed by ordinary human beings. In season 4, an alternate-universe version of Caleb without the coffee addiction falls victim of it, ending up incapacitated for three days because of just one cup.
- This happened in the SML Movie "Bowser Junior's Addiction" after Junior sips up some Starbucks coffee. Cue Bowser Jr. flying around the house the speed of a jet plane.
- SCP-207 appears to be a crate of two dozen 200 mL bottles of Coca-Cola. However, the fluid contained in these bottles is a stimulant powerful enough that anyone drinking more than five milliliters of it no longer requires sleep and sees a rapid increase in mental and physical speed... to the point the human body is unable to handle it.
- Epic Meal Time routinely uses Four Loko—once referred to as "alcoholic unicorn blood"—in some of their cooking videos. They would make it clear when they were using the "pre-ban shit" (when the formula was given a Re Tool and was just another Monster-like energy drink) to emphasize the "epicness" due to the dangerous combination of alcohol and caffeine. Indeed, MusclesGlasses' famous breakdown in Chili Four Loko is a direct result of consuming so much of it with the massive amount of chili and bacon (he'd later have to be stuffed into the bathroom for several hours to dry off).
- The world of Avatar: The Last Airbender has a rare tea that stimulates the human body tenfold. Aang drinks it to comic effect. Bizarrely enough, this is one of the examples cited by Media Watchdogs who think it's a sinful, evil cartoon. Because it encourages kids to do "drugs".
- One episode of As Told by Ginger had Ginger turn to the "Mocho-Loco Frothinator" to help her keep up with her demanding study schedule. It turned her into a jittery, neurotic, stuttering insomniac in no time, and she had to have a serious talk with her mother about kicking her habit.
- In an episode of Family Guy Peter got addicted to energy drinks, then Lois poured them out the window onto a flower that grew multiple feet, uprooted itself, and went on a rampage. Then Peter tried to make his own energy drink that included such ingredients as diesel fuel, and ruined his kidneys, starting the actual plot of the episode.
- In Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur after a waiter gives Scooby coffee by mistake he becomes incredibly hyperactive and energetic.
- An episode of Time Squad had the Boston Tea Party being an actual tea party... until Otto introduces them to coffee, which gives the would-be rebels Testosterone Poisoning and leads them to attack the British ships loaded with tea.
- The Oggy and the Cockroaches episode "Shake, Oggy, Shake" has Oggy accidentally drinking a super brewed coffee (courtesy of the cockroaches pouring tons of grounds in his espresso press). He ends up a jittery hyperactive mess throughout the episode, and it doesn't help that it's chores day.
- Cow and Chicken: Chicken tries "Coffee Flakes" breakfast cereal, which not only gives him an absurd amount of energy and prevents him from sleeping for 3 days, but prevents him from closing his eyes! In the end, he goes mad from the sheer energy and only a heaping dose of warm milk from Cow finally brings him down.
- Earthworm Jim: Psy-Crow drinks an octuple espresso, which gives him super-speed, vibratory powers, and jumpiness bordering on psychosis. To defeat Hyper-Psy-Crow, Jim uses aromatherapy to become Super Mellow Jim, and the resulting collision between the forces of nervous energy and relaxation energy causes the destruction of the universe.
- Futurama: After drinking a hundred cups of coffee in one day, Fry gains super-speed, which enables him to rescue everyone from a burning building and then extinguish the fire.
- Possibly the closest thing to Klatchian coffee isn't actually based on coffee. It's a type of tea, called chifir'. Chifir' is a perennial favourite in Russian prisons, and is made by taking two or three tablespoons of tea per person, pouring it on top of boiling water, and letting it boil for 15 minutes. The prisoners then drink 2 sips of it. Each. Anything more can cause heart attacks due to its caffeine content — it is an entirely possible side effect of a nonlethal caffeine overdose. Because boiling tends to extract tannins and glycosides in addition to the caffeine, this brew is also extremely bitter and strongly constipating.
- Somewhat similar to chifir' is Saidi tea (tea in the fashion of Upper—i.e. Southern—Egypt). It consists of about 3 teaspoons of tea boiled over a strong flame for about 5 minutes, producing, in essence, a 1/9 recipe of chifir'. This gets back up to chifir' levels when you consider that it's drunk in full servings rather than sips, meaning that you drink substantially more than nine times the amount you typically take of chifir'—although some will drink it with milk (diluting it slightly), the fact that it usually includes ungodly amounts of sugar (to mask the bitterness of such strong tea) makes up for it. And Saidis often drink several cups at one sitting. Visitors from Lower Egypt and elsewhere typically go haywire after half a glass; a Westerner who had a cup once called it "suicide tea" because of its capacity to induce extreme wakefulness and extremely rapid heart rate.
- The Black Blood of the Earth. No one knows exactly how much caffeine is in it, but the recommendation based on the maker's tests is that even caffeine addicts should not consume more than 100 milliliters per day. (Calculations suggest that's like saying you shouldn't drink more than a gallon of regular coffee per day.)
- Worse, one limited edition run made use of Death Wish Coffee (see the page pic) which bills itself as "the strongest coffee in the world" and claims to be approximately 200% more caffeinated than the average coffee. The store advises consuming only 50 ml a day. Interestingly, this coffee company won a contest to get a free ad played during Super Bowl 50. And now the company has become a sensation across the nation!
- Death Wish recently lost the title for world's strongest coffee newcomer Black Insomia. Death Wish has 433.6mg of caffeine in an 8oz cup (already over the FDA-recommended limit of 400mg/day, BTWnote ). Black Insomia has 468mg in the same size cup.
- Two words: Bawls Exxtra. Bawls is a high-caffeine soft-drink that tastes like a cross between Sprite and creme soda, but contains a bit more caffeine per ounce than Red Bull does. Bawls Exxtra is the sugar-free version, sweetened with AceK and sucralose (Splenda). It has 50% more caffeine per ounce than regular Bawls.
- Cocaine energy drink. Three and a half times the strength of Red Bull. Tastes like Gummi Bears and burns when you drink it. Hope you weren't planning on sleeping this week.
- For the record, that's about as much caffeine as a 20-ounce drip coffee... in just over 8 ounces of beverage. note
- The "other" active ingredient in Red Bull is taurine (which is not extracted from bull testes, as much as some people would like us to think), and it's also the ingredient which sparked most scandals with government regulatory bodies in European countries. As a compromise, all energy drinks marketed in Europe were required to have 320mg of caffeine and 0.4% taurine per dose. As in USA there was no such rule, American manufacturers could increase the content of either caffeine, or, as with NOS Energy Drink, taurine. 5-Hour Energy juice has 2.2 times the amount of caffeine/liter in a Cocaine can, yet it comes only in 2 oz bottles.
- The coffee 'syrup' some fast food places use to reconstitute coffee.
- With the Toddy Coffee maker, you can make your own. Put a pound of coffee and 9 cups of water in the brewer (which amounts to a bucket with a filter and plug in the bottom) and let it sit for 12 hours. Pull the plug and drain off the 6 cups of concentrated cold brewed coffee. Cut it with water at 3:1, and you'll have a very smooth cup of coffee. Drink it straight and you'll have to get dentures to replace the teeth that dissolved.
- An old joke is "Cowboy coffee". You toss a horseshoe into the pot. When it floats, coffee's ready.
- Alternatively, it causes your legs to bow when you take a sip of it.
- Geeks sometimes call it "terminator coffee". If a SCSI terminator doesn't go under, it's strong enough.
- 'Scoutmaster's brew' is another legendary example. It's put on the fire to perk the night before; in the morning you heat it up until it perks again - and then you drink it.
- In World War II, there was a battlefield treatment for shock called a Murphy Drip. It was triple-strength coffee administered rectally, for quick absorption through the mucus membranes.
- Coffee via Ass Shove is not just for the history books - google "coffee enema." Some people view it as an important detoxifying health treatment, though it's most likely the effect is from effectively mainlining lots of caffeine.
- How can you pick out an experienced barista? One good way is the six-shooternote — six to eight ounces of espresso in one cup. Even baristas who don't have quite as much a coffee jones will knock back a shot of espresso in well under a minute. For those who like a full-sized cup of coffee, there's the redeyenote , the caffeine equivalent of a boilermaker — an espresso in a cup of drip coffee — which is particularly popular with geeks and various trades.
- Another variant is the Green Dragon shot: espresso mixed with matcha. (You could add hot water to dilute it, but as it tastes utterly vile, you want to down it in one go.) Coffee has a fast burn - the caffeine enters the user's system rapidly, peaks sharply, and drops again, causing the user to crash. Matcha, which is whole green tea leaves in powdered form, has a gentler absorption curve and a longer-lasting effect. Thus, with a Green Dragon, the user gets a quick high from the espresso, a sustained effect from the tea, and a less-harsh come-down. A similar, less disgusting variation is dirty chai, a chai latte with espresso added.
- Turkish coffee. It's served in small cups and can give even hardened caffeine addicts a noticeable buzz. Drink the sludge at the bottom if you're brave and have a toothbrush handy.
- Cuban Espresso as well as the similar Vietnamese and South Indian coffees.
- Mountain Dew was recently introduced (or re-introduced; supposedly PepsiCo tried it in the 80s but it never caught on) to the UK market, but thanks to different food-safety standards in Europe it has to be sold as an energy drink, with a warning on the label that it's unsuitable for children under twelve years old or pregnant women.
- When "Jolt" cola was introduced in 1985, the marketing slogan was ""All the sugar and twice the caffeine". When the cane sugar in the original recipe was replaced with High Fructose Corn Syrup, the slogan was changed to "Maximum caffeine, more power".
- In the Navy, sailors, especially chiefs, drink coffee that has been affectionately nicknamed bulkhead remover. As in, coffee that is so strong, it could eat through the solid steel walls of the ship.
- Commonly brewed with salted water (or apocryphally speaking, with seawater, specifically) similar to the way pasta is made, in order to increase the boiling temp of the water.
- Student coffee, AKA Coffin Varnish, which is coffee brewed using energy drinks, cola (usually Dr. Pepper) or even yesterday's coffee. The Italian version is to double-brew a pot of coffee. Brew up a pot of the strongest blend you can find, pour the carafe' into the machine, replace the grounds, and brew again.
- The overnight LAN party version is to do this more than twice — brew coffee from coffee that has been brewed from coffee.
- There's the quasi-legal (if you have a valid prescription) to wildly illegal (if you're using street speed) "biker coffee." As in, coffee either brewed with amphetamine-class stimulants or with them dropped into the cup post-brewing. Anything from Ritalin and Adderall pill form to a piece of crystal meth can be the option of choice, and this is a very popular option among speed users who wish to maintain some sense of normalcy/avoid police attention.
- Afri-Cola has 250mg of caffeine per bottle, making it more potent than Jolt.
- The same applies to Fritz-Kola. What's it with Germans and their über-colas?
- Ditto 1337mate from the same city as Fritz-Kola, Hamburg, for those hackers who consider Club-Mate too weak.
- Black teas are the tea equivalent, especially the strong, tannic Ceylon, Assam and Kenyan teas favored for "English Breakfast" blends, due to their strong taste and caffeine content compared to green and oolong teas. There's a reason why people add milk and sugar in countries where these teas are popular, such as India and the U.K. Too much of the average black tea can cause the same problems as coffee can. The only "advantage" using this sort of rather strong black tea over coffee is that pure black tea tastes less intense so more people will drink it. A cup of black tea still has nowhere near the caffeine that a cup of coffee does, only containing the same amount as a can of cola. The L-theanine in tea takes the edge off as well. Additionally, the strong, tannic blends marketed as "English Breakfast" and "Irish Breakfast" tea do indeed go perfectly with the actual Full English/Full Irish fry-up.
- Chocolate is this to dogs, due to the way they metabolize theobromine differently from humans. A person gets a warm, fuzzy feeling, similar to falling in love or other pleasantly-giddy experiences. A dog, meanwhile, acts like he's mainlined pure espresso - because from his body's perspective, he has. The dog's heart rate speeds up and he may even have seizures if it's too much; obviously, such strain on the body can be lethal.
- In real life, combining lots of caffeine with lots of alcohol (to use the trope names, mixing Klatchian Coffee with a Gargle Blaster) tends to produce some rather dangerous effects, to the point that it's hard to tell which set of effects on which life-critical system (namely, your heart or your lungs) will kill you first. The worst part is that the conflicting buzzes prevent you from knowing your limits on either. Thus, one of the nastier "overdoses" to show up in First World emergency departments is the "Red Bull and Vodka" (or substitute your favored local caffeine-and-ethanol concoction) OD - which results in an unconscious patient with a very deadly combination of supraventricular tachycardia and respiratory failure. In response to this class of incident, the FDA in November 2010 clamped down on drinks like Four Loko and Joose by setting limits on the amount of caffeine that can be in the drinks.
- The only way to top this required replacing caffeine with cocaine, which is several times more potent stimulant. In combination with ethanol in the body, cocaine can also produce a stimulant called cocaethylene, which may have a stronger cardiac effect than plain cocaine. This vile decoct was actually called "the trench cocktail" (окопный коктейль okopniy kokteyl), because it was introduced as a military stimulant during WWI. During the Russian Civil War, such an alcohol-cocaine tincture was very popular among Baltic Fleet sailors (a primary Revolutionary muscle) as a stimulant and rumored cure-it-all. Given the typhoid fever outbreak that was raging around at the time, these sailors might've been up to something, though. It's also known as "Baltic Tea", a neologism coined by the modern writer Victor Pelevin. Taking this Up to Eleven by replacing alcohol with heroin or other opiods, known as a "speedball", can have deadly results. The use of a stimulant can trick even experienced heroin users into thinking they've taken a safe amount when they've actually overdosed. Compounding the problem is the varying purity of street drugs. For these reasons speedballs have been implicated in many heroin overdoses, including John Belushi, River Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
- The other unfortunate side effect is this can, and has, led to a sort of home brew version of roid rage where drinkers become, for lack of a better word, overstimulated and go off the show from the combination of the caffeine hit and alcohol impairment.