In Love with Love

"Falling in love with love is falling for make-believe."
Lorenz Hart, "The Boys from Syracuse"

A Stock Phrase used to describe someone who pines for/stays with someone they don't love (or who treats them poorly), because they don't want to be alone. The implication is that the character cares more about being in a romantic relationship with someone than the person they're having the relationship with. Since this attitude is exactly as unhealthy as it sounds, such a character invariably ends up Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. They may be Allergic to Routine and have a hard time sticking around because they believe True Love Is Boring.

This can result in Loving a Shadow or be used as a Retcon when a hyped relationship becomes an Aborted Arc. See also Serial Romeo, where a character seeks out several relationships in quick succession but genuinely loves each person they pursue.


Examples:

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    Anime and Manga 
  • Pokémon:
    • Brock from is this type; he falls for just about every female he meets. Except, for no reason other than she's one of the bad guys, Jessie from Team Rocket.
      • In "The Heartbreak of Brock," he meets a girl who's like this, and it completely throws him off his game. By the time he recovers, she's moved on to someone else.
    • Ash's Oshawott is much the same, falling for every female Pokemon he comes across.
    • Bonnie from the XY saga is an odd example, being in love with the idea of a woman being in love with her brother, Clemont. He is not amused.
  • Word of God in regard to Akane's crush on Madoka in Kimagure Orange Road: She is in love with the idea of being love with Madoka.
  • Sanji of One Piece as part of his Chivalrous Pervert personality. Nami and Robin get it the most, but only because of proximity, but that also means they put up with it because they all know each other so well (and Nami in particular isn't above using it to her benefit.)
  • In the North American dub, Arielle of El-Hazard: The Magnificent World actually (unknowingly) quotes Stephen Stills' "Love The One You're With", although in her case it's arguably as much a case of gleeful acceptance of her lustful urges as it is an emotional condition.
  • The motivation of the main character in Millennium Actress, who believes it's better than actually being in love.
  • Explicitly the point behind Chihiro's arc in The World God Only Knows. Chihiro picks out boys to confess to because it's exciting to be in a love drama. Then she starts to have a real love drama, and it scares her into running away.
  • Martina of Slayers Next falls in Love at First Sight with virtually every named male character she meets over the course of the series. The fixation on Zangulus lasts long enough for her to get married off and removed from the cast.
  • Tsugumi Halberd of Soul Eater Not! introduces herself with "Hello, I'm 14 years old, in love with love, Tsugumi Halberd."
  • Yuno's obsession with Yukiteru in Future Diary is an extremely warped version of this. She had just murdered her Abusive Parents and saw no hope for her future, until a day when she and Yuki were the only ones who couldn't finish their 'write your dreams for the future' exercise. She decided then that her dream would be to marry Yukiteru, since it gave her some hope for the future. She eventually admits that anyone would have done just as well for her as long as she could depend on them.

    Fanfiction 
  • In "You And I Will Fall In Love", an Axis Powers Hetalia fanfic, this is the only reason that Russia wants to fall in love with America at first.
  • This is actually the cause of much tension between Lyra and Bonbon in the Reading Rainbowverse. Specifically, Lyra feels that Bonbon wants their relationship to be a certain way, to the point where she is willing to drug herself with love poison... ironically indicating she might care about Bonbon more then Bonbon cares about her.

    Film 
  • In Sleepless In Seattle when comparing the idea of love in the real world to love as it's portrayed in Hollywood, Rosie O'Donnell says to Meg Ryan, "Your problem is that you don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie."
  • In Velvet Goldmine, the David Bowie Expy Brian Slade in love not with Curt Wilde, but the "idea of Curt Wilde."
  • The title character in Don Juan DeMarco exemplifies this troupe as he calls himself 'the world's greatest lover'. The movie's tagline follows with 'the friends who try to cure him of it'. (This is the same case for his literary role model.)
  • Bruce Wayne/Batman has a very unhealthy case of this towards Rachel Dawes in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Saga.
  • Princess Anna in Frozen, to the point where she accepts a marriage proposal from Prince Hans within hours of meeting him. This nearly spells disaster for her when Hans' true motives in courting her emerge; he only wants her to gain access to the throne of Arendelle.
  • Dawn from Strange Magic is constantly trying to find a boyfriend. So naturally, she's hit by a love potion as part of the plot.

    Literature 
  • X-Wing Series: Tyria said this to Kell, also telling him that he was Loving a Shadow.
  • In the Nero Wolfe novel A Family Affair, a slightly hysterical female client tells Archie, "I want your arms around me!" Archie rebuffs her with, "You want arms around you. Not necessarily mine."
  • The evil Walking Man Dude from The Stand never even pretends to love his mate, merely reciting how he "loves to love Nadine". Subverted in that he's more interested in siring a child upon her than having a relationship.
  • Lord Byron's Don Juan is a standard setter for Loving To Fall In Love. (The heartless-bastard lecher from Mozart's opera, not so much.)
  • A Song of Ice and Fire, being a Deconstruction of many of the tropes of medieval fantasy literature, including chivalrous courtly love, has a few characters who fit this trope.
    • Robert Baratheon has turned Lyanna Stark into his version of The Lost Lenore, mourning her for years, unfavourably comparing his living wife to her, and speaking as if she would have been the woman of his dreams if she had lived. However, it is implied (especially by Ned Stark,) that Robert didn't actually know her that well; in contrast to the angelic paragon of feminine virtue Robert seems to imagine, other people describe her in a Tsundere-ish way.
    • Sansa Stark is another example of this, though she at least has the excuse of being very young. She constantly thinks of her betrothed Joffrey in terms of songs and stories, and in the first book she repeatedly and passionately declares that she loves him, despite only having a few (not particularly intimate) interactions with him. She gets a rather rude awakening from this mindset when Joffrey chops her father's head off after promising to be merciful.
  • In the Protector of the Small quartet, Neal gets crushes on women (that are usually already taken) and goes about sighing and writing bad poetry about unrequited love and the like. When he falls in a love and gets engaged to Yuki, he behaves completely differently. The main character (and his best friend) Keladry notes that he doesn't go about sighing and lamenting not being with her when they are separated, and is instead morose and quiet, which is proof to her that he genuinely loves Yuki.
  • Eustacia in Return Of The Native:
    To be loved to madness—such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial which could drive away the eating loneliness of her days. And she seemed to long for the abstraction called passionate love more than for any particular lover.

    Live Action TV 
  • In the third season of Downton Abbey, Mrs. Pattimore's boyfriend subverts this. He claims, "Anytime, anyplace, I love to be in love!" but he's really a misogynistic hound who hits on every woman he sees.
  • The Frasier two-parter, "Don Juan in Hell," examines this trope as part of Frasier's self-analysis. The Diane in his head even quotes the song that provides the page quote.
  • Full House used that exact phrase. Jesse and Joey were fighting over a girl who showed interest in both of them. Danny stepped in and started asking them basic questions like: what is her last name, what is her eye color and what are her hobbies? Both of them were treating her like she was "the one" when in reality both just liked the idea of being in love.
  • Charmed
    • Piper says "I love love".
    • Phoebe marries a Cupid, basically a physical embodiment of love.
  • Gossip Girl
    • Nate Archibald has fallen head over heels for every single girl in the show, only to completely forget her two weeks later, not to mention all the Satellite Love Interests the boy's had. At one point, Gossip Girl herself labels him the Class Whore.
    • From season two and onward Serena fits this trope too. Especially in season three, where she has three "great loves" in the first twelve episodes.
  • Ted from How I Met Your Mother has his love for love is his entire reason for living. His quest for the eponymous mother was the original driving force behind the show, though at this point nobody cares. In any case, he is rarely happy when out of a relationship and constantly complains/hopes to find "The One".
  • Supernatural: Cupids "love love".
  • In Being Human (UK), after Mitchell realizes that Herrick is still alive, he has a breakdown and starts berating Annie (who he'd recently began dating). When she asks him if he loves her, he tells her "I was in love with the idea of being in love!" The way he acts after (holding her and crying) shows that he didn't believe that, though.
  • Ross from Friends has shades of this. He married the woman he lost his virginity to, and they stayed married for over a decade until she came out as a lesbian and left him. Since then he's basically been trying to recapture the happiness he felt while he was married, mostly by persuing his high school crush well into his thirties and rushing into two further marriages, one of them while drunk. When he tried to annul the third (a month after his wife thought he already had), his divorce lawyer recommended therapy, which Ross says he will consider.

    Music 
  • The Richard Rodgers song "Falling In Love With Love."
  • In The Format song "Inches And Falling":
    I love love
    I love being in love
    I don't care what it does to me
    (...)
    If fingertips are relationships
    Then I could barely carry your weight
    If fingers are mistakes
    Don't use this one to point the blame
  • The Reba McEntire song "The Fear of Being Alone."
    So don't say that word
    Not the one we both heard too much
    You may think you do but you don't
    It's just the fear of being alone
  • Pink Floyd, "One Slip", from A Momentary Lapse Of Reason.
    Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love
    Or was it the hand of fate that seemed to fit just like a glove?
    The moments slipped by and soon the seeds were sown
    The year grew late, and neither one wanted to remain alone
  • Deborah Harry actually has a song called "In Love with Love".
  • Mentioned in David Bowie's "Soul Love" from The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars:
    Inspirations have I none
    Just to touch the flaming dove,
    All I have is my love of love
    And love is not loving.

    Tabletop Games 
  • A complicated example from the Dungeons & Dragons supplement Races of the Dragon is the spellscales, a race of dragon-descended humanoids named for the fine, iridescent scales on their flesh. A vivacious people, spellscales throw themselves wholeheartedly into romantic relationships of any kind - falling helplessly in love with a total stranger, enjoying an illicit tryst, pining for someone unattainable, or suffering through a Mayfly-December Romance or an unfaithful spouse - before growing bored and finding love again. Other races describe spellscales as eternal adolescents, but it should be noted that they do care for their partners and their relationships, though melodramatic and often short-lived, are genuine.

    Theater 
  • Romeo and Juliet: Romeo is often described this way (before he meets Juliet he's infatuated with another woman entirely). Sometimes Juliet is, too. The Austrian version of Roméo et Juliette, de la Haine à l'Amour has Benvolio even say "He is in love with the idea of being in love" about Romeo.
  • Finian's Rainbow has the song "When I'm Not Near The Girl I Love (I Love The Girl I'm Near)."
  • Stephen Stills' "Love the One You're With", although it could be more favourably interpreted as advice to find happiness with the relationship you've got instead of pining for someone unattainable.
  • The lovers in the Commedia dell'Arte genre are often like this. As Stock Characters this is usually their defining characteristic besides being the Alpha Couple.
  • Cherubino from The Marriage of Figaro describes himself as one of these.
  • In Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella, the mother appears to be warning her daughters about how bad this can be ("falling in love with love/is falling for make-believe"). However, watching it closely, it looks more like the mother was in fact very deeply in love with her late husband, and dislikes the eponymous Cinderella because she reminds her of him. The cynicism is clear a little later in the song: "learning to trust is just for children in school..." Note, this song was not written by Rodgers and Hammerstein but Rodgers and Hart, and was originally written for their 1938 musical The Boys From Syracuse.
  • Linda accuses Robbie of this in the Broadway production of The Wedding Singer in the song "A Note From Linda".
  • Marian in The Music Man has overtones of this, as shown by "Being in Love."
    Being in love used to be my fav'rite dream.
    Oh, yes.
    I've been in love more than anybody else has.
    I guess.

    Video Games 
  • According to the Rumor Guy, Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds seems to have this. According to his story, she would wake up every night to stare longingly at a portrait of a princess and hero (presumably those of a previous incarnation) cuddling up, indicating she wants to find love in her own life.

    Webcomics 
  • xkcd has dealt with this a few times. This strip has the girl leaving the boy after accusing him of this.
  • In 1/0, Ghanny claims to be in love with Terra, but Petitus tells him that he's only projecting his vision of the ideal woman on her: "You latched onto the first female you saw, and applied all your ideas about love to her. She wasn't the one, though."

    Western Animation 
  • Deconstructed with Vlad Plasmius, the Big Bad of Danny Phantom. He is more obsessed with having Maddie as a wife than Maddie herself, to the point that he doesn't care that she loves her husband or that killing him would make her despise him more.
  • Looney Tunes: Pepe Le Pew falls instantly in true love with anything he thinks is a female skunk.
  • Tiny Toon Adventures: Pepe's female student, Fifi Le Fume. Two of her ideal boyfriends are boys that accidentally looked like skunks at the time.
  • On Gravity Falls, Mabel decides to have an "epic summer romance" in the pilot and spends some time flirting with every unrelated male of approximately compatible age she can find.
  • In the Daria episode "One J at a Time," Daria starts a relationship with Tom. Her sister Quinn, who has dated half the boys in school just for the popularity and gifts they can give her, becomes convinced that she needs a real boyfriend too, and becomes distressed when her attempts all fail (in part because Daria purposefully gave her unrealistic expectations of how it would work). Their mom eventually convinces Quinn that she doesn't need a serious relationship if she's not really ready for one.