Caddicarus: Main Season 15 / Funny

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The Horrible World of Kinect Games

"This is Jim.......he lives in the skip."
*Gangly Trousers Caddy erupts from the skip*
The setup for the video is that Caddy, after waking up on the couch after a day of living in his dumpster due to the previous year breaking him (again), is offered a coffee by another Caddy who, through some miscommunication, gets offended and gives him a Kinect so he can shove it. Not that this bothers the original Caddy.
Caddy: "I've got a Kinect and it smells quite old~!" (He smells the Kinect and gags)
Next to 2020, 2010 was not a good year in human history. BP causing a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, a kid getting falsely accused of shoplifting, Mel Gibson dropping numerous N-bombs, and Microsoft releasing the Xbox Kinect.
Controllers. What do you do with them? Hold them? Nah. With the Kinect, your body is now the controller!
Controller!Caddy: Please hold me...
Due to YouTube's copyright restrictions, Caddy can't play Michael Jackson: The Experience despite the good reception it got. Arguably, though, it was for the best since the Michael Jackson experience means spending half the game in court and the other half dangling children out the window.
- For the latter case, Caddy actually dangles a (toy) baby on his window... right until it actually falls. Cut to the baby hitting his head on the trash bin.
Caddy: "Oh.... shit."
- Later on, he asks why the baby's penis looks like an avocado.
Despite the flack that the Kinect got, it does have its merits. It can follow your movements. It can read which hand you use. It knows when you swipe and in what direction you swipe (most of the time). As for what it can do as a gaming console? What better way to demonstrate than with Raving Rabbids?!
- What's that? You don't know what Raving Rabbids are? Then I want to crawl inside your head and live there forever, alone and happy, not knowing anything about Rabbids.'' Complete with the accompanying image◊ of Gangly Trousers Caddy doing so to Dwayne Johnson.
- Long story short, Rabbids are Ubisoft's equivalent to the Minions, right down to how much merch there is of them.
  Caddy x5: (while holding Caddy Yootooz figurines) FINALLY, A CHARACTER FOR ME!
- "'The Rabbids are coming to life!' (beat) Everybody run."
- Caddy claiming that an acid bath is the only place that a Rabbid belongs.
- After skipping the intro cutscene, he immediately gets an achievement.
  Caddy: But you don't get an achievement for putting your hands up. You get shot!
- What's your reward for completing short and bland minigames? The game implying that Rabbids love shoving Barbies up where the sun don't shine.
- The entire "My Raving Rabbid" sequence.
  - The Rabbid ends up phasing into the couch, resulting in Caddy deciding to sit on it.
    Caddy: Oh, he liked that.
  - Caddy accidentally kicks the Rabbid offscreen, followed by Caddy not-so-accidentally kicking the Rabbid into the screen.
    Caddy: (kneeling in front of the Rabbid) Say! What do you want to be when you grow up? An astronaut? Great! (WHAM)
  - This bit:
    Game: Hint: A little slap will surely make him change his mind.
    Caddy: Change his mind about what? Women's rights?
  - This:
    Caddy: (slaps rabbid) Ah, that's fun.
    Caddy: (slaps rabbid again) Ah, that's fun.
    Caddy: (slap doesn't register) ...this is shit.
While playing Kinect Adventures, Caddy likens the feeling of getting the Kinect to actually work to the second coming of Christ.
Caddy (as Jesus, while laying in bed with a pipe): And the first coming was already pretty good.
- Oddly enough, the launch titles for the Kinect actually work. You move a thing, your in-game avatar moves the thing you moved - Including your thing.
- Kinect Adventures gives you living statues which you can make bend over.
For the next game, Get Fit with Mel B, Caddy Christ is put on a chopping board in Egypt.
- The utter train wreck that is the game in general, especially when Caddy demonstrates the function where the game uses the camera to put you in a virtual environment (like a yacht). One problem: it doesn't work.
- Most of the time, the game thinks Jim's feet are in the middle of his legs for some reason, so it looks like he's phasing through the floor.
- Sometimes, the game doesn't even recognize most of Jim's body, leaving him a mostly invisible mess.
- The segment ends when Stan accidentally pauses the game by jumping up onto Caddy's shoulders.
When he has a look at The Gunstringer, he notices the game uses animations from Granny 3D.
Caddy: But I really miss Grandfather 2D… (holds up a paper cutout of an old man in a sitting position)
"We're about to dive into some Dart-Throwin-Ring-Tossin-Egg-Flingin-Eye-Gougin-Sausage-Lickin-Toe-Smellin-Green-Goblin-Victim-Blamin-Placenta-Cookin FUN!"
- "What use is a game all about aiming at targets when you're working with an aiming cursor that stays with you just as much AS ANDY'S DAD?!"
- This bit:
  Woody: Aim for the bullseye!
  Caddy: Oh come on, Woody, your mouth didn't even say that, it was closer to...
  Caddy!Woody: A-f'oo-oo-ooh, OOH!
- "So, to summarize, Toy Story Mania works at its best when you want to quit it, which is all you would want to do with it anyway, meaning it's actually the perfect video game."
Kite!Caddy comes back with a vengeance as the new Spons!
- It gets funnier if you watch the Patreon version, which turns Kite Caddy's appearance into a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment instead.
While playing Kinect Rush:
Caddy: Where are your parents? Is this Lord of the Flies?
And then, without any smooth transition whatsoever, Caddy brings us Harry Potter for Kinect and the greatest box art of all time, where we get to see Hermione look slightly to the left, Ron kamikaze into Hogwarts, and Harry doing... something with his face.
- Caddy chooses the "customized" option solely because of how hilarious he thinks it would be if students were selected with their Gamertags, with his letter starting out with "Dear CaddicarusTV".
  Caddy!Dumbledore: Welcome to Hogwarts... MuffMuncher_69!
- The absolutely hideous results of the "take a photo of yourself to use as your player character's face" feature. Ignoring Caddy's gurning expression, not only is his face a different color than the rest of his body, but Caddy's facial hair is very visible on his 11-year old character. Naturally, for the rest of the segment he insults the character every chance he gets:
  Welcome to Hogwarts, where if we don't like your face, we rip it off and stick this one on it!
  Ah-ha! Got it! The perfect wand for the perfect boy... with facial hair!
  Well, now I'm only left with one question. Did my parents send me off to Hogwarts because I'm magical, or because they didn't want to look at my face anymore?
  Anyway, we now have our first boss battle against the troll in the bathroom, but there's just one problem. I don't know which one is the troll.
  Face-to-face Voldemort's face and his other face! And even though he is a literal face grafted onto the back of someone else's head, I somehow look worse than him.
- Caddy riffing on the cutscenes:
  Narrator: Harry Potter was living with his awful Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon when, on his eleventh birthday-
  Caddy!Narrator: His Uncle Vernon sat on him.
Narrator: When Professor Quirrell interrupts dinner in the Great Hall-
Caddy!Narrator: He did a very funny scream.
Caddy!Quirrell: AAAAAAAAAA-
Narrator: Ron and Harry realize Hermione may be in danger, and go to the girl's toilets-
Caddy!Narrator: To look at them.
Narrator: When Professor McGonagall sees Harry catch something in mid-air while on his broomstick...
Caddy!Narrator: She gets moist.
- Caddy's attempts to cast Wingardium Leviosa with the Kinect microphone doesn't go well ("Is this microphone broken, or am I not giving it enough Levio-sa?"). Until Professor Flitwick tells him he can also use motion to cast it. Caddy isn't amused to say the least.
  Caddy: YOU HAND YOURSELF INTO THE FBI TO SELECT A SPELL! I don't remember that from the movie!
- During the troll fight, due to the wonky physics, Caddy's avatar breaks his knees and does the Charleston before getting smacked by the troll's club.
- Casting spells and facing off against the troll in the dungeon might be a bit wonky, but at least Quidditch is a fun time. You can fly on your broom, you can catch the Golden Snitch, you can even beat on minors going insanely fast at dangerous heights on broomsticks.
- "Ron, you're 11. Why do you sound 36?"
- After quitting the game due to the "boss fight" with Quirell-Voldemort, the video transitions to this skit:
  Caddy: (Gasp) Who's that at the top of the stairs? Is it J. K. Walking?
  Caddy!J. K. Rowling: No. It's J. K. Rolling.
  (J. K. rolls down the stairs)
Caddy noting Fighters Uncaged also ran on the Granny 3D engine.
Caddy: (holding the paper cutout of grandpa again) BUH WHA ABOUH GRANDFATTHER 2D!??!?
Caddy playing Hulk Hogan's: Main Event and being horrified by the game's graphics.
(sees the player avatar character for the first time) Where on the box does it say that you can play as a SWAN!? Look at this thing! He's disgusting! And what is that all over his body!? Is he covered in Cheeto dust!?
- Groan screaming over three Nightmare Faces from the "cutscenes".
- "But most importantly... Is the game any fun to play? (Beat) What do you think?"
- He ends up dubbing his character: "FATQUAMAN" due to his rotund physique and metallic lime green tights.
- The way he segues to Rise of Nightmares.
  Caddy: (upon seeing the character's face at a downward angle) You know what? I'm pretty sure I've seen that face before somewhere. (picks up the Rise of Nightmares game case and looks on the back to find the aforementioned face) Ahh, Rise of Nightmares. Nightmares, makes sense.
Speaking of which, most of the segment for Rise of Nightmares is hilarious.
- When Caddy is told that he's gonna die, he assumes otherwise and claims he's gonna keep opening doors.
  Caddy: Is this Rise of Nightmares or Opening of Doors?
- After the main character's wife is kidnapped by a "human grandfather clock", Caddy follows it up with this:
  "All of a sudden, a bald man laughs at me, because I guess he loves having no hair.
- While complaining about the nausea-inducing camera:
  "It's enough to make me Wallace and Vomit."
- Caddy describes the combat as "The lumpiest lump I ever did lump".
- When explaining the reasons why the level skipping mechanic isn't good:
  Caddy: First of all, it's boring. Second of all, it means there's no point in playing in yourself. Thirdly, you can't explore. Fourthly, Rise of Nightmares isn't scary. *The music gets louder* Fifthly, Rise of Nightmares isn't good. Sixthly, Rise of Nightmares sucks...
You know you've had one too many when your 10-year-old child is your designated driver. Just ask the father and son on the box art of Kinect Joy Ride.
When Caddy plays Sesame Street TV, he goes to Elmo's World. However, the video of him keeps flashing.
Elmo: Welcome to Elmo's World!
Caddy: Welcome to Elmo's Seizure!
- "I'm a viavealoninist."
- Caddy T-posing results in what he calls "Elmo and his 3 dancing crucifixes".
- The ending of the Sesame Street segment:
  Puppet: Sesame Street was brought to you today by... the letter of the day! "V"!
  Caddy: "V" for "Vai-sectomy"!
The opening to the Kinect: Disneyland Adventures segment.
Voiceover!Caddy: For only £149.99 and an additional £49.99...
Caddy: I can finally afford to go?
Voiceover!Caddy: No, you can pretend to go!
(Caddy's face falls flat)
Voiceover!Caddy: You can pretend to go! (Beat) Pretend to go! (and another) Pretend to go-
- The whole thing ends up being a shitshow from start to finish. Before he can even go on any rides, Caddy is forced to do a load of agonizingly-boring busywork running back and forth from one character to another doing (as he puts it) Mickey Mouse's daily chores. And Caddy's irritation grows accordingly.
- And when it comes time to finally get on a ride, it only gets worse. He tries Big Thunder Mountain, and gets a minigame that involves pumping a hand cart... for three minutes straight without pause. It was so bad that not only was poor Caddy utterly wiped for the rest of his recording session, but the Kinect noticed him struggling and advised him to take a break. To cap things off, the mid-gameplay photos show Caddy in genuine pain from the sheer exertion.
- Mickey Mouse writes Caddy an autograph - however, Caddy notices that there's quite clearly nothing on the paper.
  Caddy: When did Mickey Mouse become a sociopath? Did he finally succumb to the darkness?
- "Gee! Thanks, Mickey Minger!"
The segue from the Kinect Disneyland Adventures segment to the Fighters Uncaged segment.
Voiceover!Caddy: Whoa! You sound angy!
Caddy: Yeah, I am! I am angy!
Voiceover!Caddy: Well, why don't you punch someone?
Caddy: You mean in real life?!
Voiceover!Caddy: (Beat) Yeah.
Caddy: You don't actually mean that, do you?
{beat}
Voiceover!Caddy: No.
Caddy addresses the litany of overly complicated actions that you need to perform in Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor.
Caddy: It's claustrophobic. This thing needs to read every precise body movement you make in the middle of a WAR... And it's claustrophobic.
(A quick montage of Caddy being destroyed multiple times plays)
Caddy: Steel Battalion essentially demands from you the impossible! Wanna know why? Because EVERYTHING on the screen here is important! THIS thing, THAT thing, THAT button, THIS knob, THAT knob, THIS knob...
Other Caddy: Hello.
Caddy: Everything here serves a very important purpose, and you need to raise specific hands in specific places to enter specific side-menus, and touch specific buttons IN those specific-side menus, WHILE SPECIFIC BULLETS FLY THROUGH YOUR SPECIFIC FACE! Need to see where you're going? There's a hand movement for it. Need to step back and check your ammo count? There's a hand movement for it. Need to protect your team from bullets entering the cockpit? There's a hand movement for it. Need to go into aim mode? There's a specific hand movement to do in a specific area of the screen when you're sitting a specific distance away from the front window. You also have to check out your crew by swiping all around the cabin, and you need to stand up occasionally, and you need to FLY!
After going through the vast majority of the Kinect's backlog, Caddy stats feeling worn out. But of course, no Kinect video is complete without... that one. The one that takes you to a galaxy far, far away.
Caddy: Well, I wanted to end this video with right old BANG, so...
- That's right, folks. Kinect Star Wars, where you can play as all your favorite characters from the galaxy far, far away. Classic mainstays such as Ara Barotta, Zeetara Maan, Tren Alvar, Fenella Druce, and everyone's favorite, Dar Singe.
- Everyone loves Watto- er, I mean the lightsaber battles! The intensity, the intricacy, the constant risk of the other guy getting bisected by a beam of plasma that can cut through metal like butter. So how better to translate that into a motion control-based game than by staggering the other guy with the Force and flailing around until the other guy falls to pieces, repeated ad nauseum?
- Apparently Caddy isn't impressed with the soundalike they got for Yoda in this game.
  Caddy: That's the worst Yoda impression I've ever heard, it's not even close!
  Yoda: Hmhmh! Say the same for you, we once did.
  Caddy: (as Yoda) HELLO I'M YODA NICE TO MEET YOU IT IS
- This bit with the speeder bike segment:
Caddy: Hey, Yoda. Where do birds live?
Yoda: TREES!
Caddy: What's paper made from?
Yoda: TREES!
Caddy: What in the Amazon Rainforest was cut down up to seven billion times last year and is a contributing factor to an environmental crisis?
(beat)
Yoda: TREES!
- "Standing still and airing out your pants" is not only a valid replacement for Soresu or Djem So or any other lightsaber form, but also the one hand movement that beats the whole of Duel of Fates. Caddy is very happy to demonstrate.
- This line:
  Caddy: I need to see your ID, Star Wars Kinect. Because I've got to know if you have a license to THRILL.
- Turns out despite how fun playing as a Rancor tearing up Mos Eisley sounds, it's quite dull. "Who would have thought that genocide would be repetitive?"
- Admit it. There's only one reason and one reason alone why anyone in their right mind would want to add this great disturbance in the Force to their game collection: Galactic Dance-Off. From the Han Solo dance to the Hollaback Girl parody, now called "Hologram Girl" with Oola as the front girl to an album cover featuring Sebulba, the laughter will definitely be strong with this one.
  - Even though Caddy was expecting it, he still can't comprehend what he's seeing when the song starts. In the window displaying his movements, he can be seen clutching his head in disbelief.
  - While Caddy admits that he can't dance, Cerys can, and she had the time of her life with the Han Solo dance.
The way the video ends. Caddy gets fed up and threatens the Kinect, but it doesn't work:
Caddy: You want a motion, Kinect? (makes unintelligible noises while getting up) Oh, I'll give you a motion!
Kinect: (in a raspy voice) That's good, 'cause I like a little bit of brown!
Caddy: (speechless for a couple seconds, then lets out a loud distorted scream)

The Stupid World of Portable Crash Bandicoot Games

The video begins with Caddy randomly falling from the ceiling with absolutely zero context.
Caddy: Uh oh, messy…
Then he gets a letter telling him he’s been invited to the “creamery”. He’s super excited to go… then it turns out he misread it, and he’s actually been invited to the cemetery. But hey, at least he was able to take his dad home in his cream-tasting pot.
Caddy: (pours out the contents of the pot) He died how he lived. (beat) Smelling of cream.
After all that, Caddy is feeling depressed and declares that nothing can make him feel better… but then he remembers it's June!
Caddy: THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES, BANDICONTH IS BACK!
- Which is especially hilarious since the video was uploaded on the 1st of July, just missing the actual Bandicoot Month.
While it is undeniably very satisfying to carry game cases in your pocket next to your weaponry, portable gaming is equally amazing. As such, Cash Banooca is no stranger to portability, as clearly evidenced by the amazing Switch ports of the N. Sane Trilogy and CTR Nitro-Fueled... or at least the latter would be if it weren't for the disastrous loading times.
Caddy likes console and PC gaming as much as the Pope, but sometimes he prefers portable gaming, so that rather than dealing with the commitment of sitting down, starting the game up, and staying in the living room, you can instead sit down, start up the game, and stay in the living room.
Pride. Strength. Speed. Power. Grace. Take all these words that perfectly describe tigers, throw them out the window, and you have Tiger Electronics.
Most people would naively assume that Crash started the portable business on the Game Boy Advance, but oh no, that honour would go to none other than good ol' Tiger Electronics.
- Granted, it may look like a clam, but that’s because this isn't a traditional LCD-based handheld, but rather an advanced dot-matrix system, complete with save states and digidigitized sound effects!
- Knowing how bad the game is, one can only wonder what the commercial says about it.
  Kid in the commercial: It's a Crash Bandicoot game you'll NEVER play!
  Caddy: (who just played the game) Hey, you're right!
- "Oh my god, you can get two of them together and mount them for multiplayer? I've always wondered how oysters mate!"
- Not only that, but there were also cabinet-style LCD games made by, get this, "Manley Toy Quest".
  Caddy: What "manley toys" are you questing for, Crash?
- In the end, Caddy reveals that this incredibly-rare-yet-utterly-terrible collector's item cost him £184.36/$250! So of course he lobs it straight into the toilet.
Once again, Kite!Caddy takes on the role of Spons, but he quickly passes the baton to regular Caddy when he realizes he's going to be talking about charity while dressed as a kite.
There's also the LCD Crash games that were sold with McDonald's Happy Meals, and they end up being as good as you would expect from free toys that came in a box with greasy food: boringly simplistic and irritating to the ears.
Caddy: Yes, essentially I spent money on a load of free toys that most kids threw in the bin, and all I have to show for it is a herd of geese.
(the games suddenly spring to life, hopping around and beeping incessantly)
- At least one of the covers gives us the glorious sight of Dr. Neo Cortex in a disco suit while he and Crash do the "Staying Alive" Dance Pose.
  Caddy!Cortex: AH! AH! AH! AH! BANDICOOT! BANDICOOT!
- When Caddy learns of the existence of these games, he pauses for a moment, before cutting to him showering himself with gasoline.
  Caddy: *strikes a match* Goodbye.
- While mentioning additional McDonald's LCD games that were only available in other countries and were unobtainable for the video, he comes across a Happy Meal commercial with a creepy rendering of Dr. Cortex:
  Caddy: *gasps* I found Osama!
When discussing the various locations one could play portable games in, Caddy somehow manages to get "bath" and "toilet" confused. Then he, in the bath, looks downwards.
Caddy: Oops.
Crash Bandicoot: Xylophone Saxophone is a fantastic game, but it wouldn't be anything if it hadn't included SCHRUMPFALARM AUF DER ERDE!
He still thinks the plot is pretty lacklustre, most notably that Cortex has shrunken the planet down to the size of a beef tomato, yet does nothing but hold it until Crash shows up to stop him.
Caddy: (holding a tomato) Cortex. Mate. (squishes the tomato, causing its juices to splash onto him) Squish. (licks the tomato) Crash Bandicoot’s out of date.
Meanwhile, the sequel also wouldn't be anything if it hadn't included... that guy.
Caddy: Here comes my son, doo doo doo doo, here comes my son, and I say, he's an egg.
Indeed, N-Tranced is the perfect living, breathing example of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Caddy: What? I didn’t say “living and breathing”, what are you talking about?
(cut to the N-Tranced cartridge creepily breathing and wheezing)
“The story here is that N. Tropy is very cross with Crash Bandicoot, and he’s so cross that he lays an egg.”
The boss fight with Caddy's aforementioned son, N. Trance himself, isn’t exactly that hard for Caddy nowadays, but was much more so when he was younger, owning to him being intimidated by N. Trance’s design and losing focus. Especially a particularly uncanny face he makes in the second part.
Caddy: Let's play a game: “What Kind of Eye Infection Does He Have?” (looks up a list on Google) Conjunctivitis? Cellulitis? Uveitis? (beat) Uh… seeing a doctor? (Caddy pops up with an extremely distorted left eye) I knew there was something wrong with my last check-up!
Unless you’re using them where they’re required, two of N-Tranced’s power-ups are more of a hindrance than a help.
Caddy: First off, there’s a Super Slide, which looks cool, but mostly just fires you right into your death like (Goofy scream, explosion), and after that is the Rocket Jump, which looks cool, but mostly just fires you right into your death like (Goofy scream, explosion).
The hilariously contrived transition from N-Tranced into the GBA port of Nitro Kart.
Caddy: Plus, whenever you use the Rocket Jump, Crash’s model looks like a weasel that just got run over. (beat) And he was probably run over by himself. When he was in a go-kart. On Crash Nitro Kart in the Gammme Boy.
As for this port of Nitro Kart itself, it's a good time, even if the track layout is a bit boring. It even has compressed sound effects!
N. Gin: FUNNEE ROAD!
Cortex: The Racist Pie.
Tiny Tiger: TINY KNOCK YOU UP!!!
As it turns out, Scott Wozniak's blue border is made up of Crash's shorts.
- Caddy threatened to reveal this if Scott didn’t give him the next game, only to do it anyways. But Scott manages to get the last laugh because the next game turned out to be Crash Purple, the sister game to the dreadful Spyro Orange.
- Also this exchange:
  Scott: Why? Why are you asking me about Crash Bandicoot?
  Caddy: I dunno, because... you look like him?
  (cut to Scott’s head superimposed over Crash's body)
  Scott: WHAT?!
Here's an anecdote for the ages. One day in mid-2004, a horde of kids flooded the gates of the Capitol demanding Crash and Spyro have a crossover. Then when they got it, it turned out to be extremely disappointing, and when those disappointed kids grew up 16 years later, well... you can fill in the gaps.
Crash and Spyro finally meet for the first time in gaming history... and immediately start throwing Molotov cocktails at each other.
Crash Purple at least has more variety in the minigames than Spyro Orange, whether you’re breaking all the boxes you can, skimming across water on a motorized lemon, falling down like Michael Doo-glas, driving a tank a lá Crashley Bashley, murdering all the baby animals with a bazooka, and flying a jetpack with a single button a decade before Flappy Bird made it cool.
Turns out there’s yet another Crash GBA game (the rhythm mini-game Crash Party) that’s a secret like Billy Idol’s real name… William Idealistic.
- Speaking of which, how did Crash Party turn out overall?
  Caddy: (zoom-in on N. Trance's eye) ...It’s horrible.
  Crash: (air humping) RRREE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!
Caddy finishes up with the GBA and is about to move on to the PlayStation Portable… except there's ANOTHER secret Crash GBA game, Crash Bandicoot Blast, except this one is invisible!
- Actually that’s because Blast is an extra that’s only available if you connect your GBA to the GameCube version of The Wrath of Cortex, and the copy he found on eBay came with a note from “SpritesX6 Vintage”, hoping that their favorite game of all time will cheer him up after his notorious PC issues recently.
  Caddy: Thank you, SpritesX6 Vintage, say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Vintage for me and tell them that “SpritesX6” is a shit name for their child.
- And what do you get for going out of your way to spend up to $370 in 2002 money to get all the components necessary to play this one game? An extremely barebones shooting gallery that lasts for all of a minute before you get an ad for Crash XS, except that even in the UK it’s referred to by its American title, The Huge Adventure, likely confusing any UK children who then went frantically searching for a game that technically didn’t exist.
  Caddy: SpritesX6, you are NOT my mate!
Caddy unfavorably compares Blast to gangrene, because at least gangrene came out a long time ago and is still going strong today. Which is also still more than can be said for the PSP.
Surprisingly enough, despite owning some good games for it,^note Caddy never played a Crash game on the PooSP before, despite it being the portable system he spent the most time on growing up, even dabbling in a bit of, well…
DO WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE-
Caddy prefers the nearly identical PSP port of Tag Team Racing to the console version despite a couple of downgrades. The only problem? He didn’t find Tag Team Racing to even be that good in the first place.
Caddy: It’s like being forced to wear a dirty and smelly t-shirt that reads “I Use Crowded Trains To Sniff Women” on it. You can wash the bad smell away… but you’re still being forced to wear it. But you know what you can’t wear? Video games. (beat) And Crash of the Titans on the PSP is one of them.
- Also the fact that Caddy went out of his way to find (or print) an actual “I Use Crowded Trains To Sniff Women” t-shirt just to stand on a random street with it for all to see.
Speaking of, Caddy's increasingly frustrated tangents at the many ports of Crash of the Titans (and by extension its only slightly better sequel Mind Over Mutant).
- To start off, we have the PSP version of Titans, which like Tag Team Racing, is just the console version with less sound effects and a graphical downgrade that make the character models look like they were covered in Vaseline.
  Caddy: Maybe these are the “manley toys” we were looking for earlier.
- “OH NOES, I'M A BAD CRASH GAME ON PSP! (beat) …just like Mind Over Mutant…”
- And once again the PSP version is nearly identical to the console version, which was nearly identical to Titans. It’s the same loop of beating up enemies and monsters and then sometimes mindjacking the monsters so you can STORM THE INFIDELS, plus there’s better platforming, but the cutscene and audio quality took a noticeable dip and Crash still looks a cosplaying malnourished old man.
  - Caddy then proceeds to juxtapose Crash’s running with footage of a guy running in a derpy-looking Crash costume.
- The transition into Titans on the Nintendo DS.
  (Idris Elba’s head on a bent arm hops into frame)
  Idris: Hi.
  Caddy: *gasp* Oh my god, you’re the world-famous Idris Elbow!
  Idris: Yep, that’s me.
  Caddy: Well, what are you doing here?
  Idris: Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh here’s a game. (throws the game on the ground)
  Caddy: Huh, well, how nice of you. Gee, I meet a celebrity…
  Idris: Bye. (leaves)
  Caddy: …and he gives me a video game. (picks up the game) Could things possibly get any bet-
- It’s once again the same gameplay style as the console and PSP versions, which Caddy emphasizes by taking the audio in which he described the gameplay in the PSP version, and repeating almost the exact same lines over it.
- Crash looks probably the worst he’s ever been on the title screen… but at least he doesn’t look as ill as his sister.
  Caddy: Oh… hey, Coco… Coco… y…you… how you doing, you alright? You look… you look a little bit sick… or you’re a bit, under the weather… you want me… you want me to go get you a… you wanna, you uh… you wanna… MACKEYDONALD-
- Once Caddicarus finished covering the title screen, he goes forward to make his save file... Only to realize the first save file is taken under the name "BADASS".
  Caddy: [Corpsing] I can't delete this file!
- Caddy does prefer the DS version of Titans over the others, because it at least tries to be its own thing; the levels are a bit shorter, the platforming is more interesting, and there’s even classic 2D Bouns Rounds!
  - Which marks the return of Caddicarus Bouns Round from last year… which lasts all of two seconds before he crashes on a random rock in the middle of the road.
- Plus it’s got the best iteration of the Crash dance.
  Caddy: Look at the confidence in that hip thrust! It’s a statement. Look at the certainty. Look at the conviction! He is giving the air his seed.
- That said Titans DS isn’t free of its own issues; forced and sometimes broken touchscreen controls, even worse audio quality than the last game, an inexplicable Laugh Track in the cutscenes, and Crash farting whenever he double-jumps.
  Caddy: You know, because farts are just so funny. (farts up into the air and lands on his couch)
- Next up is Mind Over Mutant on DS, and at this point Caddy is mystified to how two of Crash’s lesser games got so many handheld ports.
  Caddy: Who was buying these? Was it you? Well then, screw you!
- Actually, the DS version of MoM starts out promising enough, as it looks like a classic 2D Crash platformer like on the GBA, where you can break boxes and do moves like the Death Tornado Spin Glide, all with out relying on monster possess-
  Geoffrey Butler: You swindled me!
- Alas, it’s still the same formula of beating up enemies and jacking monsters you all know and… know, except on a more restrictive 2D plane where you can’t avoid most of the attacks thrown at you.
  crash fucking died
- Caddy also does an American accent while reviewing MoM DS, which hilariously falls into an audio version of the Uncanny Valley.
  Caddy: Gosh, this really is the worst version of the Titans and Mutant formula that you can play!
- Also Aku Aku never shuts up, and his endless repeating of “Crash!” gets on Caddy’s nerves to the point where he accidentally spits out his retainer.
- "Hahahaha… haha-haha… hahaha… oh… I’ve got leporsy!"
- Caddy is now considerably annoyed that he’s talked about Titans and Mind Over Mutant more than the actually good Crash games, and wants to move on to something else.
  Caddy: What’s next? (a hand from offscreen hands him the next game) Ah, thank you, child sweatshop factory worker! Your check for three pennies will be on floor next to- (it’s Titans on the GBA) I don’t want to live anymore. (rams his head onto a table)
- “The story here is that Cortex is a baddie, Crash is a goodie, and you need to stop Cortex before he slithers into your bottom!”
- “You run around linear empty areas…”
- And like Mind Over Mutant on DS, it’s the same formula in a restrictive 2D plane. And Caddy could say more, but if he says anything out of order he might get demonetized.
- Aku Aku looks as fed up with all these ports as Caddy is. And has Miss Piggy’s nose for some reason.
The questionable character designs in Crash Boom Bang, not helped by the 2006 DS graphics that somehow look worse than 2002 GBA graphics; Crash looks like if Jeff the Killer became a kite, Coco has a hedge maze for a face, trees for ears, and oars for arms, and Pura is suddenly an Uplifted Animal with human legs and short shorts.
Caddy: I haven’t been this disgusted since I last looked at my step-daughters.
(cut to Caddy walking into Amy’s room)
Caddy: Hey, honey, have you seen my coat?
Amy: Don’t worry, Caddy, I found it!
Caddy: UUUUUGK! (leaves and slams the door shut)
"HEY, KIDS! I’M AKU AKU, AND I’M GONNA TIE YOU IN A SACK AND THROW YOU IN A RIVER!"
Caddy's minute-long Motor Mouth explanation for the hilariously unintuitive gameplay of Crash Boom Bang Bing Bong Boo Bingly Bungly Boo:
Caddy: (inhales) At the start of your turn, you only have a few seconds to make and perform every decision. If you want to roll the dice you have to press the touchscreen to skip the countdown, but if you want to use an item you have to open a separate menu in the touchscreen that obscures the map of the board, so you don't know if the item will be useful for you on the board because you can't see where anybody is. If you take too long deciding what item to use, your turn goes ahead without you having a say and the game goes on like normal, but if you aren't paying attention to the top screen you won't know where you are or the other players are because that's where the game's happening. Sometimes you'll come to a fork in the road so the game tells you to pick a direction to move, but in order to do that you need to use the d-pad to choose instead of the touchscreen which you've been using the whole time and by the way, make sure you use the touchscreen to open the map up when you use the d-pad because otherwise you won't know where you're going except in these parts where you can only pick one direction, so why are you giving me a choice? (Pinstripe is taken away on a boat) Oh okay, what's going on? Pinstripe is leaving. See you later, buddy! Get out of the game while you still can! ...So yeah, more often than not you'll land on spaces that take you to some other random part of the world, but none of this is made clear to you and you won't have any idea where you or the rest of the players are since you disappear from the original map when this happens, and it gets even more confusing when someone uses an item that randomly changes the position of every player on the board. You collect points from minigames, but that's only if any minigames get triggered and the game can even end before the end of the 10-turn limit depending on how far ahead a player makes it across the board, but making it to the end is not the deciding factor on the winner, because ultimately it's who has the most points from the minigames, and they can be very difficult to win because the other players can distract you as many times as they want by spamming their own stickers on your screen, thus obscuring your view and causing you to lose. However, luckily, you can combat this by using your own stickers and throwing them on the other players, but the game also wants you to customize the stickers with the touchpad in the middle of the round in a separate touchscreen menu next to the map and the item menu when you've only got a few seconds to decide what items to use and what direction you want to go on the board, so what ends up happening is you're trying to make your own sticker but then your move happens automatically and you don't have a clue where you are or where anyone else is, and you think that making stickers is easy with the touchscreen but it isn't because in order to customize the default sticker you can't just drag and drop whatever you want from any menu; you need to go to the correct submenu with the item of the sticker you want to bin in order to move that individual item to the bin, so you have to go through a million different submenus and guess what the correct category is for each item on the canvas you want to replace, and then after all of that you have to go back to the other submenu that you went to in order to pick the thing that you want to drag and drop into it, so by the end this was all I was able to do because I couldn't figure out how to do anything better, and it perfectly sums up how I feel about this whole thing.
(Caddy's sticker is of a disgusted Pinstripe with "GET FUCKED" written above him)
And the minigames weren't all that good either, probably on the same level as Crashtony Bashtony.
- There's a game where you play Spot The Difference.
- There's a game where you guess what number a baseball will be thrown at.
- There's a game where you guess where a person will appear from the floor and hope you can slowly walk over to them before the computer players, which is never.
- There's a game where you blow on the mic. Just... blow.
  - And in one of the many times Caddy played that minigame, the game won't pick up on Caddy's mic for no reason whatsoever.
Caddy: BLOW THE BALLOON UP, YOU BLASTED MEAT!
- "And it’s a shame it isn’t the 1920s, because Mumps isn’t doing so well, here."
"Roll up! Roll up! Come and get your pooey ticket for pooey cricket!"
After going through what he considers to be the worst game in the series, Caddy finds the guy in the derpy Crash costume from earlier and crabwalks to him, wanting to get back at him for having to play mostly not-so-good games, only for him to distract Caddy by handing him Crash: On the Run!.
Caddy: On the run from who? The IRS?
With how long he’s had to put up with these games, a simple stuck-in-the-floor glitch should be manageable, right?
Caddy: People think I’m insane because I am frowning all the time!
The core gameplay of Cash Banooca Has the Runs is decent enough, but what really brings it down is the fact that unless you spend money, you’ll soon be forced to wait for hours at a time in order to go on endless collection runs to gather the ingredients needed to progress to the next level, not helped by the aforementioned floor glitches.
Caddy: Oh gee, thanks, game, serves me right for walking on the normal, regular floor!
- There's also the fact that Caddy has more Platinum Time Trial Relics to collect.
"A Loki Funko Pop!"
"My advice is to treat Crash: On the Run! like fast food. It’s really lovely in small doses, but if you have too much of it, you’ll get gout. And then you’ll need to cut it off for your own health."
There were actually two iOS Crash games before Crash: On the Run!, namely Nitro Kart 3D and Nitro Kart 2. Unfortunately, they were delisted ages ago and can’t even be emulated, but at least Caddy has a review from MacWorld to go by:
Pros: Nothing.
Cons: Nothing.
Verdict: Nothing.
Caddy: I guess that’s why they were taken down.
After discussing the Crash games on iPhones, Caddy thinks he's all done... only to be interrupted by himself, who is inexplicibly in a blimp.
Blimp!Caddy: Ahaha! Yes it's me, and I'm here to give you items that never helped anybody, just like the blimp!
Caddy: ...I don't think you're right.
Blimp!Caddy: Silence, wench, and take my next useless item! (he makes a strange face before firing an N-Gage at Caddy from... somewhere)
Caddy: (picks it up, looks at it, and turns to camera) Fiddle dee-dee, fiddle dee-dee, fiddle dee-dee DOOO…
Yes, Caddy is taking a look at the N-Gage, Nokia’s infamous game console/phone/taco/spade-end/tiny man scale. And yes, you have to hold it like a conch shell to make calls, it isn’t just to be funny.
Caddy: I can hear the sea…
Caddy notices that the previous owner of the N-Gage he got off eBay left their SIM card in, and he proceeds to read the names on the contacts list in the goofiest ways possible.
Of course there’s a Cash Banooca game to play on the N-Gage, said game being another port of Nitro Kart. And since the new, unopened copy he got on eBay set him back over £100, he’s going to have be really careful with such a valuable item… and then he proceeds to effortlessly rip off the plastic and furiously scrub the case in the sink.
As for the game itself, it’s actually on the same level as the GBA version, not only looking better graphically, but even featuring tracks that bend and go over hills.
Caddy: And then you remember you’re playing on phone dialing buttons. (beat) And you can only see what’s directly in front of you. (beat) And the buttons are really massive and far apart like the goddamn Intellivision. (Caddy spins the control pad on the Intellivision around furiously) And the joypad is horribly stiff. (beat) And then you realize you spent a lot of money on these things. (beat) And you do a big messy.
Caddy’s Imagine Spot of a hands-free N-Gage model.
After that, it looks like Caddy is done with portable Crash games (again) and begins to wrap up the video… only to get a bunch of cell phones dumped on him. Yes, Caddy is even looking at Crash games on Java that were released on cell phones. And not the iPhones and Android phones of today. Games that were released on primitive bricky phones with keypads and all that.
For the Java port of Nitro Kart, Caddy chooses Crash on the basis of being the most normal looking; Cortex looks like a moldy banana, Coco looks like an angry young boy with a bleeding mouth, and Crunch resembles Winnie the Pooh for some reason.
Nitro Kart on Java phones: a racing game where you chug along in dead silence trying to get speed boosts from CONGEALED PITS OF BLOOD.
“Oh cool, an invincible Aku Aku mask power-up!” (it lasts for all of one second) “THE END.”
Next is the Java version of Tag Team Racing, titled simply Crash Racing
Caddy: Oh, praise Gordon the big engine, I can choose to turn sounds on? Yes please!
(the off-putting title screen music plays)
Caddy: I change my mind, can I turn them off?
- The kicker? The game is almost entirely silent just like the last one.
  Caddy: What, pray tell, it the point of asking me if I want sounds, if the only sounds were on the goddamn first still image?!?
Caddy chooses Cortex because it looks like his hair could use a wash, but he quickly gets frustrated with the game (which is just a worse version of Nitro Kart on Java) and gives up before he can take Cortex to the hairdressers’.
Caddy takes a look at the Crash Twinsanity Java port, which weirdly advertises the fact that it’s “also available on console”, as if to say the devs know the mobile version is inferior and want to convince people to buy the console version instead.
Caddy!Cortex: Hehehehe, you can’t afford the real one, Crash!
Caddy!Crash: WOOOOOOOOOAAAAA-
Caddy discovers that jumping onto TNT crates not only instantly kills you, but also plays this unfitting sound effect when you die.
Caddy: Hey Olly, catch! (tosses a ticking TNT crate to Olly)
Olly: Thanks... what is it?
(Smash Cut to Caddy standing outside the room smiling as the aforementioned death sound plays)
- It then manages to freeze at the best possible moment: being forced to wait for Cortex to clear a path forward.
- “This game is poo on a plate. In fact, no, it’s not poo on a plate. Poo on a plate is better because at least you got something to eat!”
While Nitro Kart was the first Crash game released on standard Java phones, the first Crash mobile phone game period was released a couple months earlier on a phone that was a bit different from everything else on the market at the time…
Kia Sorento: Oh man, you talking about me?
Caddy: No, Kia!
Kia Sorento: Oh… I can be a phone if you let me! (slinks away) I wanna… just, go in your pocket and vibrate and ring…
(beat)
Caddy: (holding up a Nokia 6630) Nooookia.
"They made a game that sticks out more than Billy from Philly with the great big... nose."
Caddy is taken a bit back by Twinsanity 3D’s ambition, using more advanced graphics to try and pull off a 3D corridor platformer, despite being on a brick phone with a d-pad that’s more useful for navigating menus.
Caddy: At least we can say one thing for sure, though: it definitely has sound. In fact, maybe it has too much sound, because that menu music…
(another off-putting title screen music track plays)
Caddy: (zoomed in on Cortex’s screaming face) …is one of the scariest things I’ve ever heard in my life.
- The dramatic reading of one of the game’s “cutscenes”.
  Evil Twins: Cortex!
  Cortex: ...!!! (UUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!)
  Evil Twins: You shall be DESTROYED!
  Crash: ....? (Uuuuuueeeeeeeeeehhh?)
  Evil Twins: And that bandicoot and his friends will be our slaves!
  Crash: ...!!! (ominous keyboard music from Classic Nursery Rhymes VHS)
  Evil Twins: Fear the wrath of... The Twins!
  Cortex: Never! Not even if I have to team up with that blithering bandicoot to stop Come on, you bumbling fool!
  Crash: ....? (vomiting noise)
Next up is Crash Nitro Kart 2 on Java:
Caddy: And yes, this is a sequel to Crash Nitro Kart 1 Java. It’s not a sequel to the PS2 version, or a sequel to the GBA version, or a sequel to the N-Gage special version even though that’s a mobile phone and it’s not the same thing as Crash Nitro Kart 2 on iOS from 2010 even though that’s also a mobile phone my head is in pain please shoot me in it.
- Caddy decides to give congratulations for making a surprisingly decent mobile phone Crash kart port to the devs, Interactive Project 4 U, or for short, IP4U.
  Caddy in a sultry voice: (Close-up of a man with a peculiar expression) Oh, do you now?
- They even managed to include Caddy’s favorite Crash catchphrase:
  Crash (Suddenly Voiced by Antdude): Use the Kart Jacking bonus to steal opponent’s karts! (beat) Hello, I’m Crash Bandicoot.
Caddy thinks the video is ending on a positive note… only to be informed that not only is he still not done, but there’s yet another port of Crash of the Titans on Java, causing him to once again break out the whipped cream.
Caddy: Oh… oh… oh… how much deeper can this rabbit hole go!? (furiously sprays whipped cream on himself)
“By the way, I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t for the life of me get past this giant boxing elephant.”
“Are we done yet? No! Of course not! Why would we be done? Here’s a BlackBerry! Can you eat it? No. What does it taste like? (puts it in his mouth) Grease!”
Mutant Island ends up being the best mobile phone platforming outing so far, even though it’s on a phone that should have juices inside but doesn’t, and for some reason has P0H0MN0S!
“Woah, man, we’re getting so advanced and #MODERNWARFARE, we got quick-time events now?”
(Crash jumps across ledges with button presses in near-silence)
Caddy: I’m a very sad and lonely man.
“Crash, a giant flying machine just took your sister, Coco! Smells like her FANNY!”
"And there’s another one! I tell ya, whoever decided it was ok to put a million different Crash games on a million different mobile phones that are really hard to find, I will hunt you down and get the hooves out!"
Caddy had to go through utter hell to be able to play Crash Bandicoot ExEn, having to find the phone able to run it (the Panasonic GD67), and track down both the emulator for the Execution Engine and the ROM file for the game itself.
Caddy: (narrating in a grizzled tone while dressed in a detective outfit and suddenly in a Film Noir pastiche) But I did it anyway, because you know me. I’m the Cash Banooca Big Big Bad Birthday Bashy Bingo Boy, and there’s no length I won’t go to in order to find a video game that Crash Bandicoot is hiding in.
(Gratuitous shot of Caddy sucking a lollipop, then cut to him digging around his bushes to find the Panasonic GD67)
After finding out about the game and the hardware it was released on, I simply couldn’t ignore it. But the digging I had to do to get inside it was deep and full of ssssssssssaaaaaaaaand.
(coughs after accidentally ingesting some of said sand)
Finding the ExEn emulator wasn’t all that hard, but the finding the ROM file for the Crash game had Caddy going through a series of links that eventually lead him to a Chinese ROM site, with the ROM file buried in a million different discussion tabs, which was unfortunate because he doesn’t live on the moon.
And after all that trouble, Crash ExEn was kind of worth it. Despite being extremely short, being completely silent, and Uka Uka having a sick sense of humor on the Game Over screen, Caddy declares it to be his favorite of the mobile phone games as it comes the closest to matching the Crash formula, being basically the style of the GBA games ported to a mobile phone.
Caddy: Well done, Crash Bandicoot ExEn, for being the only game so far I could squint at and say… “Yeah. This looks sort of like Crash. Maybe he looks more like a wrinkled cheesy poof.”
Caddy briefly touches upon Crash Bandicoot Intuition, an extremely rare Crash mobile game released only in Japan for a handful of handset models sold by NTT Docomo, and even then is still impossible to emulate because it features motion controls (not that he wanted to play it in the first place, it being a sequel to Crash Boom Bang of all things). He then shows that he managed to get his hands on a Docomo handset of a different model, just in case there were any other Japan-exclusive games for it that could be featured in the video... but it doesn't work. After mentioning that even in this state, it's still a collector's item, he proceeds to snap it in half!
At the very end of the video, Caddy expresses relief that he's done and starts wrapping things up... only for the Docomo phone to ring to the tune of the Humpty Dumpty song from the first nursery rhymes video (despite having been broken even before it was just snapped in half) and the voice on the other end to inform Caddy that there's a mobile version of Crash Boom Bang...
- Not only does it kick off with some horrid, messy horn music that horrifies Caddy, but the minigames are completely bare-bones and cheaply-made when they aren't being counterintuitive. He begins with a present box that moves for a couple of seconds before "GAME OVER" appears without anything else happening, and ends it with a game which looks like a test your strength affair to open a cage... but it turns out the first player to open the cage actually loses.
  Caddy: Crash Bandicoot is dead.

The Demonic World of Disney PS1 Games

As per tradition, the opening of the video ties in with absolutely nothing and has completely no context put towards it. The premise here is that another Caddy has come to Caddy wondering why his shoes haven't texted him in a while, only to be shocked at the sight of Caddy grooming... his hair. After that misunderstanding is clumsily cleared up, Caddy demands the other Caddy to leave, but said other Caddy just happens to have 20 or so Disney PS1 games on his person. Caddy ends up getting so excited he ends up accidentally swallowing his own eyeballs.
Disney! Disney! Dig up! Disney! Oh no, don't do that. Uh... Disney! Disney! Defrost! Disney!
Walt Disney^note: -boos put onto Mickey Mouse.
In all seriousness, Disney has definitely made their mark on the world, who doesn't recognize those three round circles... Because there's other kinds of circles.
Most of us can agree that Disney's classic lineup is, for the most part, bursting with quality. From Snow White, all the way to... Chicken Little.
Caddy: They're all perfect. (Gangly Trousers Caddy emerges from Chicken Little's rear end) And you will never be.
Disney started with a single 8-minute cartoon in 1928, and now they own THE ENTIIIIRE PLANET.
As much as people love their movies, one thing about Disney doesn’t get discussed as much: their video games. And no, Caddy doesn’t just mean Kingdom Hearts.
Donald Duck: "What about the power of WANKING?!!"
As such, it would only make sense that since the PS1 came out during the Disney renaissance, the Disney-related games for the system would be of the utmost quality. And even though Caddy has played a fair few of them before, he managed to find another 20 or so.
Caddy: Never played 'em before. (Drops the stack) And now I can't because I broke 'em all.
From Caddy's re-review of Lilo and Running Cramp: Trouble in Phil Collins:
- Upon starting the game and getting to the main menu:
  Lilo: Hey! How ya doin'?
  Caddy (with an oversized mouth, five eyes, and two noses): I'VE BEEN BETTER!
- The extras contain the famous teaser trailers for the movie with Stitch crashing other Disney movies, including the Aladdin one where Princess Jasmine honestly thinks about sleeping with a dog... and then thinks about sleeping with Stitch instead.
- Caddy as Reg Cheesy advertises a getaway to Huawei- er, Hawaii, but is shocked when he sees the game's graphics, particularly Nani's character model.
  Reg Cheesy: World famous for its beautiful volcanoes, luscious greenery, towering ocean waves [Nani's model appears on the screen] ...and... ffff... human fish.
- Lilo has an attack called "Bum Bash", which Caddy interprets differently.
  Caddy: What did homeless people ever do to her?
- Regarding the golem bosses:
  Caddy: It's a good thing I can beat them off with mah broom!
- Lilo uses voodoo of all things to defend herself from enemies, which gives her the greatest special attack of all time: summoning a giant pink man to sit on them.
- Stitch has a Spin Attack, just like Rayman!
  Caddy: He can't attack women, though. Stitch is woke.
For the My Disney Kitchen section of the video:
- Caddy notes that Minnie is the one doing all of the work on the game's cover. She's working the toaster, pouring the miluk, flipping the pancakes, and mixing the batter. As for Mickey? He just sits there like a gluttonous bigot waiting to be fed.
Caddy!Minnie: Oh, Mickey! Are you happy with your orange juice?
Caddy!Mickey: MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH!
- What does it mean if your kitchen is a Disney kitchen? According to Caddy, it means having a tiny man dressed as Mickey Mouse hiding in your cupboard... before it jumps out to attack you.
- Before starting the game, Caddy is already wary since he left the game long enough for a demo to start up, with the first words he saw in said demo being "Heavy cream".
- Even better, when Caddy starts the game proper and locates the world-famous "heavy cream", he finds (to his disgust) that the tomato puree is right next to it.
Caddy: This is starting to sound like a bad time of the month.
- In the background there's a picture of Mickey that, due to the poor quality, looks very questionable.
- "This is my kitchen, AND IN MY DAMN KITCHEN WE BOIL THE SHIT OUT OF LASAGNA IN THE KETTLE!!"
- After angrily remarking that the game wasn't Hell's Kitchen, he replays the clip of Mickey bursting into the kitchen with Gordon Ramsay's infamous "THE LAMB SAUCE!" edited in.
- "Mickey, if you don't shut up, you're going in the curry."
- Caddy's frustration at Mickey and Minnie not coming in to eat his stewed concoction of spaghetti, an orange and a pickle with chocolate syrup. Caddy then declares that if they won't try his cooking, then he will... at which point Caddy is shown in real life with the same concoction in front of him... which he then proceeds to actually eat.
  Caddy: [obviously perturbed] ...I-I I did- I didn't mean it. I do- I don't wa- I don't wanna t- I don't wanna try this... [deep breath] ...OK... [slowly picks up the orange and bites into it, peel and all] ...ogh, can't even ge- bite into the orange! Ugh! [bites into the pickle, then tears off some of the orange] Aghugh, ghoghegh the ghagheggi! [picks up the whole stack of (raw) spaghetti and bites it off, the spaghetti audibly crunching as he does so. Caddy chews for a while, obviously fighting the urge to spit it out] Thaph iph... [spits slightly] Phaph's gooph enuff fhur Mickhy Mouph! [thumbs up with a revolted expression]
- Realizing that you have to plate your meals before serving them to Mickey and Minnie, Caddy finds himself unable to plate up his stewed horror, so resorts to putting a pickle in a bowl and calling it "Le Pickle Plattee"... which comes with a knife when you want to end it all. Mickey and Minnie still won't eat it.
- Caddy makes a cake (which ends up looking burnt) and sticks a picture of Donald's face on it, calling it "Donald's Dump"
  Caddy!Mickey: Oh boy! Just wait until Donald hears about the time we ate his feces!
The transition from the My Disney Kitchen to the Spons section is morbidly hilarious:
Caddy: Wait a second. Feces. Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. (falls over in agony, clutching his chest and stomach for 20 seconds before stopping to catch his breath. Only for him to feel pain in his chest and belly again leading to..)
Caddy's Belly: (lurching noise)
Caddy: ...but how will I cover the medical expenses?
Kite!Caddy: (bursts out of caddy's stomach with a blood-splatter sound effect) HELLO! I'M SPONS!
Caddy: (lies motionless with Blood from the Mouth, presumably dead)
Kite!Caddy: HELLO?
Caddy: (still lies motionless and unresponsive)
(beat)
Kite!Caddy: Have you ever heard of a game called Genshin Impact?
From the Disney's Winnie the Pooh Kindergarten segment:
- In Eeyore's Musical Mix n' Match, Caddy decides to combine a xylophone with bagpipes, the sound of which drives him to cut off his own ear with a pair of scissors.
- Caddy initially has trouble in Tigger's Treasure Hunt due to mistaking the S (for South) in the directions for a 5. When he realizes his mistake, he lets out a distressed moan as his face seemingly shrinks into itself.
  - Prior to this, he refers to Tigger as "a children's character that rhymes with a slur".
- Caddy takes one look at Rabbit's half-lidded expression and concludes that Rabbit has had a drink. Then suddenly, Gopher burrows out of the wall, looks around, shushes the camera, and then retreats back into his hole.
Caddy: Gopher, what did you do?
During his look at Disney Preschool: Winnie the Pooh
- Caddy starts up Piglet's painting minigame, and the first picture he's given is one that looks very similar to the "Apathetic Pooh" meme.
Caddy: Even back in 1999, they knew.
- Later, he heads to Pooh's house, where...
Pooh dreams up a stairway made out of clouds
Caddy: ...I end up in Kingdom Hearts II.
Sora flies overhead as a snippet of “Sanctuary” plays
- After that minigame, he travels elsewhere:
Caddy: Let's check out Kanga's house instead!
Kanga: Roo and I were just making some alphabet soup!
Pooh *whilst looking towards the player*: Perhaps our friend can help with the helping, too!
Caddy: Please stop looking at me!
Pooh: Ooh... ooh... OOH... *DEMONIC SCREECHING*
In the 102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the Rescue segment:
- Caddy's reactions to the intro, namely the conversation between the dalmatian family:
  Dottie: Oh, look, Dipstick!
  Caddy: What did you just call me?
  Dipstick: It's coming on the TV right now!
  Caddy: What is? My dipstick?
  Dottie: What can we do, darling?
  Dipstick: I'll tell you what we can do!
  Caddy!Dipstick: I'll grab Cruella and shove her in my triangular whistle-hole!
- I haven't seen a story told this well since the last season of... sLot.
- The camera isn't fantastic in this game, given how closely it flies behind you when you jump or fall. So here's hoping you enjoy Secret Diaries of an Upskirt Dog Photographer!
- Caddy is taken aback by the character swap animation (in which the camera does a 360 spin while the character changes)
  Caddy: Just look at this, who thought this was a good idea? It's giving me bile duct leakage! *The scene then swaps to Caddy himself* In fact... no. I've changed my mind, this is the best idea I've ever seen. I think every single game-
  *The camera suddenly does a 360 spin whilst zooming into Caddy, and zooming out to reveal Some Call Me Johnny*
  Johnny: - needs to make you throw up in the side of a shop window-
  *The camera suddenly spins again, swapping back to Caddy*
  Caddy: every time you change your mind, I mean-
  *Swaps*
  Johnny: who needs $400 VR-
  *Swaps*
  Caddy: when you can spend as little as-
  *Swaps*
  Johnny: $20 to turn your PS1-
  *Swaps*
  Caddy: from grey to beige-
  *Swaps*
  Johnny: with your own mouth!
- Caddy's reaction to Cruella De Vil's... questionable design.
  Caddy: (to Cruella on the cover art) This is the most revolting thing I've ever seen in my life. Is that Cruella De Vil or Michael Jackson?
  Caddy: (upon seeing Cruella's in-game model) AAUGH! Oh my good god of grapes! I was wrong, that's not Michael Jackson, it's the Tin Man!
- Upon seeing an inflatable combat dummy of Horace:
  Caddy: Hate. All I know is hate.
- "I am Sgt. TITS".
- When Caddy finally pauses the game because of the camera making him ill, the game states that it is "PAWSED". Caddy reacts by smiling and holding up an electronic sign that plays a triumphant note.
  FUCK OFF
While talking about 101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure:
- Curiously, even though Patch's London Adventure takes place in... well, London, it was never released in the UK. And the reason for that is because the Queen hated the PS1 because she could never beat Devil in Tekken 2.
  The Queen: Heheheh I drive a car!
  The Queen (whilst driving a car): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!-
- Caddy goes mad trying to keep the titles for the 101 Dalmatians franchise straight^note, which leads to...
  Olly: Caddy, what are you doing?
  Caddy: Waterboarding. *a dishcloth is slapped over Caddy's face while a small trickle of water is poured over him, with Caddy audibly giggling*
- Caddy thanks the game's developers for not releasing it in the UK, on account of them getting London all wrong. With people throwing shit at you for no reason, all the streets looking the same, the police chasing you down for no reason other than because they're bored... real London's worse than that!
In the segment about The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea:
- Apparently the first movie wasn’t PS1-worthy, but the Direct-to-DVD sequel was.
  Eric: You're having a bad hair day.
  Ariel: If we were, you wouldn't be helping...
  Caddy: I WANT THIS ON MY PLAYSTATION!
- This game was one of the rarer, more expensive games in the video, so as such, Caddy states that he has to be very careful with it. Cut to him ripping the plastic off the case, opening it, and taking the disk out as violently as he can, slinging it into his PlayStation and spiking said PlayStation across the floor.
- Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think they CUT OFF MY FEET?
- The Running Gag of the back of the box touting "Intuitive, non-violent gameplay", even though the latter claim is false advertising to the nth degree. It all starts out when Ariel is eaten by a shark (she gets spat out again, but this still ends the game in failure). Then Ariel has to rescue a drowning Prince Eric before getting into a boss battle against Ursula. THEN the game switches control to Melody, who has to periodically surface for air lest she drown. But don't worry: no violence!
- *holding a doll of Ariel* "Hey Ariel, do you know what my favourite meal is? Fish and chips!" *violently slams the doll onto a large plate of chips*
- When the boss battle against Ursula is complete, the day is saved, all thanks to the Little Mermaid with a big... PEENY.
- Morgana is apparently Caddy's great aunt.
From the Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour section:
- The title is the worst that Caddy's ever seen since Golf Magazine Presents: 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples.
- "*Gasp!* But I'm French! Ah-ha, bon jovi!"
- Caddy sees the utterly nightmarish Jiminy Cricket FMV and reacts appropriately.
  Caddy!Cricket: Hello, there! Ricket's the name! *Beat* I've got rickets!
- The game lets you play as characters who he refers to as "Disney rejects", like Oliver Chickly III and Zombie Grandpa Donald.
- He compares the game's inconsistent framerate to it suddenly moving along "like a dying animatronic of Geppetto!"
Caddy discusses Disney's Story Studio: Mulan:
- Caddy decides to set his name to "Bra".
  Caddy: I dunno, what do you want from me?
- When recounting Disney's Story Studio: 101 Dalmatians: "Come here to Jasper and CLIMB IN HIS SACK"
- This was the only game of its series to be ported to the PS1. Does that mean it's the best one?
Man: I have a pair of leggings.
Caddy: What do you think?
- While Caddy is clicking idly on the matchmaker scene, he's apparently sending an infinite supply of pre-arranged wives to a miserable future.
- This bit:
  Caddy: Family: Where you kiss your mom and your dad. (beat) But we wish Granny would just die already.
- Speaking of Mulan's Grandma, Caddy compares her to a bulldog chewing on a wasp when she's angry.
- When Caddy is explaining things to do in the game.
  Caddy:You can make Mushu laugh.
  Mushu gives a horrible laugh
  Caddy: But don't make Mushu laugh.
- At least this game has the best Disney song of all time.
  Caddy: Dah, j-j-j-j, dah, jigga jigga jah jigga j-j, BE A MINGE!
From the section on Atlantis: The Lost Empire:
- The introduction:
  *door knocks*
  Caddy: Oh. There's someone at the door, Gromit. I wonder who that could be.
  Caddy!Goku: Hello.
  Caddy: Oh my god, it's Chris Chan!
  Caddy!Goku: I'm Guh-koo!
  Caddy: Wow! The real one from Disney?
  Caddy!Goku: It's only a matter of time.
  Caddy: What are you doing here, you old bastud?
  Caddy!Goku: Cammy hammy huh! (firmly plants his foot upon Caddy's forehead)
  Caddy: (sniffs) I can smell Atlantis: The Lost Empire in there! (casually removes Caddy!Goku's entire foot and digs around inside his leg, pulling out Atlantis: The Lost Empire on PS1 with an excited noise.)
- Caddy is not impressed with the tutorial involving you mimicking the actions of Preston Whitmore.
  Caddy!Preston: Hey! Can you jump like me? HUP-! *Preston lands with a loud crack* *beat* Aaaeeehhh!
- Caddy complains about the game's bad habit of being inconsistent with its Character Select Forcing:
  Caddy: Some wooden crates can be blown up, but some can't. Some grabbing platforming can be done with one character, but some can't. *video cuts to Caddy having a heart attack while he narrates over it* Sometimes you have chronic heart pain, but sometimes you don't.
  *Caddy continues to writhe in pain*
  Caddy: Sometimes you don't....Sometimes you don't...S-SOMETIMES YOU DON-
From the segment on the Peter Pan game(s):
- When discussing the "The Boy Who Never Grew Up" slogan when introducing Peter Pan: Adventures in Never Land:
  Caddy: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was just the legal defense of Gary Glitter!
- This bit:
  Caddy: This game has made me so upset that I could... listen to James Blunt!
  Cut to Caddy crying while "You're Beautiful" plays in the background. Has an abrupt realization that he instead has the music video for "Wisemen" on, moving his finger to the screen to make it read "semen", and then snickers.
- The transition to Peter Pan in Return To Neverland:
  Caddy: Ok, what’s next? (looks to his right) *gasp* Who is-?
  Walt Disney: YeS, iT iS MeEeEeE!
  Caddy: I bloody knew it, it’s bloody Walter!
  Walt Disney: YeEeEs, AnD i WaNt YoU tO mAkE aWfUl SeQuElS tO mY cLaSsIc FiLmS fOr FiFtY yEaRs AfTeR i DiE!
  Caddy: But you’re already dead!
  Walt Disney: OoPs! WeLl ThEn YoU bEtTeR gEt On WiTh It ThEn! EH-HEHEHE! (throws the game at Caddy)
- The revelation that Return To Neverland is the exact same game as Adventures In Neverland, just released in the US under a different name, meaning Caddy quite literally wasted his money on it, including import tax! Cut to Caddy destroying the game with hedge trimmers and sporting a demented Slasher Smile.
- Speaking of, he encounters a boss this time around.
  Boss (swaying back and forth and waving his arms around): You think you can beat me?
  Caddy (imitating his movement and not moving his mouth): Yes, I think I can.
In the intro to The Emperor's New Groove, Cerys hands Caddy the game, and he remarks that they couldn't be any more on the same wavelength:
Caddy: We know each other so well that we even finish each other's...
* beat*
Cerys: ...what?
The Mickey's Wild Adventure segment:
- The segue into it has the case fly in from offscreen and smack Caddy in the face.
  the case hit me in my eye and I nearly cried
- The gameplay is actually really simple. You run, jump, duck and collect marbles to throw. If you have any marbles that Mickey didn't lose himself after being married to this WHORE!!!
- Caddy talks about the game's difficulty, and how it starts out with the first level, Steamboat Willie:
  Caddy (with a boat toy on his crotch): And it's nothing to be ashamed of!
- "Mickey! Get up there you stupid BRATWURST!"
A lot of the Goofy’s Funhouse segment qualifies. For example:
- This bit:
  Goofy: I sure do have a lot of books!
  Caddy!Goofy: It's just a shame I can't read! A-hee-hyuck!
- "Yesss! I did a win-win!"
- The game itself gets the nickname "Goofy’s Hellhouse" due to all the weird shit going on.
- Caddy describes the muscular poster in Max’s room as "Steroid Abuse".
- Goofy's deadpan "Burrrr" as he opens the fridge.
- The whole segment with the phone quiz.
  Goofy: Where do you wear a golfing hat?
  Caddy: Easy. Legs.
  * wrong answer*
  Caddy (with a golf hat on his raised knee): How dare you!
  Goofy: What do you hit a golf ball with?
  Caddy: Easy. Golf cart.
  * wrong answer*
  Caddy (on a golf course holding a golf cart like he would a club): How dare you!
  Goofy: What room in a house is for sleeping in?
  Caddy: Easy. The bathroom.
  * wrong answer*
  Caddy (over footage of Goofy traversing a flooded basement): Hmph, well you've clearly never had a heavy night before. Even though you definitely have.
- The original version of the video has a Take That! at homophobic parents:
  Caddy: You know what? Max isn't home! So, I wanna snoop around my son's bedroom; nothing will go wrong there! (sees poster) Oh, well... C-Come on, Goofy. He was gonna tell you when the time was right.
  Caddy!Goofy: Maxy! We don't want any queers in this house!
  Caddy: Okay, Goofy. Well, now we know you're already a bigot, so I don't think you should watch that film reel hiding under your son's bed.
- However, some fans took it the wrong way and Caddy edited the joke out to avoid further controversy. Fortunately, the joke that replaces it is just as hilarious:
  Caddy!Goofy: Oh... Maxy's secret videos. Better take 'em with me and BASH ONE OUT! A-HEE-HEE-HYOOAAAEEEEGGGHHH!!
Magical Tetris Challenge is a fun and challenging time. The story mode’s weird, though, as it involves helping your friends with certain jobs by… beating them at Tetris.
Caddy!Goofy: Hey, Donald! Thanks for helping me out by kicking my ass!
Not wanting to end the video on such an anti-climatic note, Caddy decides to review DanceDanceRevolution: Disney MIX to end it properly-properly. But upon hearing the Eurobeat remix of the Mickey Mouse Club theme song on the title screen:
Caddy: I regret every decision I’ve ever made in my life.
- It's DDR! Disney Disney ROIGHT?!
- The Baby Yoda bit:
  Baby Yoda: Hello Caddy its me Baby Yoda from Disneys Star Wars The Mandalorian Registered Trademark now available on Disney+.
  Caddy: Oh, how cute! Hello, you’re looking very marketable today!
  Baby Yoda: Take my dance mat so that you can look ha ha funny wunny when you play this game.
  Caddy: No!
  Baby Yoda: If you dont use it I will skin your cat and wear it.
  Caddy: I mean yes!
  Baby Yoda: Whe-e-e-e-e-e-e. (throws the dance mat onto Caddy)
  Caddy: (pokes his head out from under the mat and sniffs it) This smells like grandma.
- We're treated to Caddy cosplaying as Goofy dancing to the game. Then this happens:
  Caddy: What’s that? You’re not interested in any of these songs? Then how about It’s A Small World? DUCKING HARDCORE MIX! (Cut to sped-up, rainbow-filtered footage of Caddy dressed up as Mickey Mouse dancing with the remixed song playing the background.)
  - Also, the game is compatible with the ThrustMaster!
- Caddy is happy that Dancing Stage: Disney Mix managed to close things off on a high note - or, as it's called in Japan, Disney's RAAAAAAAAAVE!!!

The Forbidden World of BANNED Games

The episode starts with a security camera feed of Caddy's house, culminating with him caressing a slimy box that is definitely not his collection of banned video games like Rock Band.
Caddy: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What? I wasn't looking at my secret stash of illegal games! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What?
Caddy knows the best way to appeal to Moral Guardians.
Caddy: Oh, shit! The kids are still here! Amy?!
Amy: What?
Caddy: Look under your bed!
Amy: Why?
Caddy: I got you a present!
Amy: (rummages around) Wow, thanks! What's in this box? (Caddy presses remote control; explosion)
Caddy: Okay, we're safe.
If you're looking for a video game franchise that gets the most flack for controversy, look no further than Grand Theft Auto, a series of games that are known for getting censored or even banned in certain countries for their unabashed portrayal of touchy subjects like racism, law, drugs, societal instability, and everyone's favorite: SSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!^note
Did you know that Roblox was banned in Guatemala for violating children's online safety or that Half-Life 2 was banned in Greece for its dystopian setting?
Caddy: What is this? Nineteen Eighty-Four? (chuckles hysterically) See? I DID A JOKE!
If you really want to find a country that bans more video games than China, look no further than Germany, who are as good at banning games as they are at losing wars. Better hide that papercut or you'll get banned for excessive violence!
It's time for another sponsor, courtesy of Mech Arena. One of the things in the care package is a t-shirt, and what does Caddy do with it?
Spons: (wearing the shirt) Gee, thanks, dad!
Caddy: Tch! Any time, Spons; did you just call me "dad"?
- Also, Spons gets legs!
The transition to The Punisher:
(knocking on window)
:Creepy Salesman: What are ya buyin'?
Caddy: No. Nothing. Thank you.
Creepy Salesman: What are ya sellin'?
Caddy: We get these door-to-door salesman types a lot around here.
Creepy Salesman: (revealing a coat full of FIFA games) FIFAAA!
Caddy: Excuse me! You need to leave. This is a neighborhood watch area!
(cut to the Creepy Salesman holding up a sign that says LEGALLY DUBIOUS THINGS and laughing)
Caddy: Well, okay if you got things that will upset the church.
Creepy Salesman: MINUTE!
Caddy: Okay, what do you got then?
(Creepy Salesman disappears and leaves behind a copy of The Punisher)
Caddy: Oh wow, The Punisher! A Marvel game that was banned? Now I'm interested.
Creepy Salesman: coming out of nowhere) Is that all, stranger?
Caddy: (spooked) JESUS!
During the segment:
- Considering that Marvel is owned by Disney now, it’s highly unlikely a Marvel game will get banned again… unless Spider-Man turns out to be a public groper.
- When it comes time to pick a level, the first option is "Crackhouse".
  Caddy (voiceover): Oh... that's pleasant.
  Caddy: Yes! We're going to the crackhouse!
  (cut to Caddy happily jogging towards the camera with a bag full of white powder with jaunty music playing)
- When Caddy talks about the Punisher's running gait, he likens it to your neighbour having a comfortable jog in a trenchcoat... before realising how creepy that sounds as the video cuts to Caddy jogging in a trenchcoat with an unnerving smile.
- The Punisher is deadset on not harming innocent people. Caddy tried.
  Caddy: Why can't I kill the innocent?!
- Caddy goes over the Bowdlerisation of the kill animations and how ineffective they are, culminating in him showing the Punisher killing someone by slamming their head into a toilet, with nothing blocking it but a black and white filter.
  Caddy: (over a ridiculous photo of a smiling man on a pixelated toilet) WHY DID THEY CENSOR A JOHN?!
- The most explicit image in the whole video shows up after a long windup with a blaring alarm, the screen flashing red and the word "PENIS" at the bottom of the screen. After Caddy's warning, it shows a man standing amidst a large amount of toilets.
  Caddy: Ohhhhh, that's a nice collection you've got...
Regarding Manhunt 2:
- Apparently, the kids are still here.
  Caddy: (picks up phone) Hello?
  Caddy's Mum: Hello, Jim!
  Caddy: Can I play Manhunt 2?
  Caddy's Mum: Yes, you can!
  Caddy: Thanks, mum!
- Caddy's run-in with the FBI.
  Agent: (knocks on door) FBI, open up!
  Caddy: Nah, I'm good. (FBI agent pathetically kicks down door; sarcastically) Ahh, fffu-
  Agent: Put your hands in the air!
  Caddy: (hands are already in the air) Yes, the-they are.
  Agent: No!
  Caddy: Sorry, what?
  Agent: I'm very turned on right now!
  Caddy: Wanna go out and try this again?
  Agent: (wiggles inflatable gun like a dildo) Uuuuuhhhhh~
  Caddy: Wait, the FBI aren't even in the script...
  Agent: Say another word, and I'll shoot!
  Caddy: Oh! What is this?! A Manhunt?! (gets shot)
  Agent: Do you have a banned copy of Manhunt 2?!
  Caddy: Yes, I do!
  Agent: (lowers gun) Oh, sweet! Can I play it?
  Caddy: (points) A-haaa! C'mere, you! (shake-hugging the FBI agent)
  Singer: ♪This is the way the farmer rides, gallop, gallop-♪
- While going over all the weapons to kill people with, Caddy suggests the reason the game was banned wasn't because of the violence, but because we get to see the inside of Daniel Lamb's head.
  (the camera angles through the back of Lamb's head, making his face appear invisible as old timey thriller music plays)
- "Well, I may be dead, but at least no-one's been sick all over me! (Daniel Lamb vomits all over a corpse) OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO!!"
- "To call Manhunt 2 nothing but sadistic violence, though, is quite unfair… ‘cause it’s also horny!"
- As Caddy talks about the first level, he decides that the inhabitants won't mind if he tortures them right back as Lamb uses a wheel to hang someone.
  Caddy: (rotating the mouse as if cranking the wheel) I'm torturiiiiiing!
- When Caddy explains that Hillary Clinton was the one who demanded that Manhunt 2 have an Adults Only rating in the States...
  Caddy: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!
Jingoism or Likes Older Women? Maybe both.
Caddy: I don't want to rule out Australia entirely, though, so let's take a look at a few games they've banned. I mean, after all, we do share a Queen. (Beat; violently twitches; points at himself) SSHHEEE'S MIIIIINNNE.
During the Postal 2 segment, Caddy is clearly enjoying himself as he shows off how utterly ridiculous the game is:
- What baffles Caddy is that the UK weren't OK with the unaltered releases of Carmageddon and The Punisher, and still aren't OK with the unaltered Manhunt 2... but Postal 2?! Shove that shit on the shelves, after all, it only has violence and drugs in it! It's not like we get our wangs out!
- Caddy sums up the game... very, very succinctly.
  Caddy: But what IS Postal 2, I hear you ask? Well, have you ever woken up one day and thought 'Oh! I want to steal the neighbour's cat, shove its arsehole on the end of a gun and shoot cowboys in the head THROUGH the cat's arsehole before heading off to do the laundry.'? THAT... is Postal 2.
- Postal 2: Ever had one of those days?
  Caddy (dressed up as a postbox): Yes. Every day.
- So how old do you have to be to play this game? 18! 18! 18! 18! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T PLAY THIS IF YOU AREN'T 18!
  Caddy: Well. I'm 27. [Beat] *slowly raises a wagging middle finger*
- Uuugh! Wee! Our game can't have wee in it! Ban it right now! DOGS DON'T WEE IN REAL LIFE!
- Caddy is failing to see the controversy in the game, but is curious why a man is walking into a condemned building.
  Man (not even a foot away from the door): Get the hell outta here, you lunatic! (runs out of the building) Ahhhh!
  Caddy (staring in perplexion): ...ohhhhhh.
- Caddy does have to concede that the protestors outside the video game office do make some good points. Such as BOTTOM.
- Caddy isn't at the office to kill innocent people with a right to protest, he's here to shoot people who insult him.
  RWS Employee (flipping the bird): How 'bout some of this?! *single shot from an assault rifle to the head* What?
- Even funnier is that it isn't any RWS employee, it's Vince Desi, the company's founder.
- *holding a picket sign* Oh! Hello there, PC Plod! Nothing to see here, I was just protesting, and then I thought I'd FUCK YOUUUUUUU!! (whacks the officer with the sign)
- It's not long before everyone and their mother is out to get Caddy, so he decides to run away, hide in a tunnel set a load of homeless people on fire.
- The Postal Dude then gets ignited, which leads Caddy to dance enthusiastically to his grunts of pain and laugh when the Dude dies in silence with a hilariously pathetic-looking flop to the ground in front of a random civilian.
  Civilian: Freak. *kicks the corpse*
- After his dog killed another dog- er, a police officer, Caddy frantically tries a bunch of different keys on his keyboard, resulting in him stumbling across one of the game's more... infamous features.
  Caddy: Did I... did I just unzip my flies?
  * The weapon icon shifts to a zipper with the appropriate sound effect*
  * Caddy slowly looks into the camera with a strange expression*
  Postal Dude (pissing on the officer's corpse): That's the ticket...
  Caddy: *Jaw Drop*
  Other Officer: *whacks Dude with a nightstick* Zip up your pants!
  Caddy: Oh, can it, lady! You can't tell me what to do! *starts pissing on the other officer* Here! Take that! *officer stops, wiping her eyes* Yeah-heh-heh-heah! Rub it right in! It's good for your skin! *now going absolutely ballistic with the incredibly-long piss stream* Rrrr-hrr-hrr-hrr-HRRRR-hrr-hrr-hrr! *laughing* How much urine does this guy have?! It's just a neverending torrent of piss! It won't stop!
- Caddy explains that you don't actually have to draw your weapon if you don't want to in Postal 2. You're free to deal with the situation however you see fit. *randomly kicks a cat*
  - He also states that you could just stand in a line at the store and legally buy goat's milk for the wife:
    Postal Dude: (waiting in line at the grocery store complete with elevator music)
    Caddy: Ban it!
- In the grocery store, Caddy happens across a sign reading "EMPLOYEES ONLY! INFIDELS KEEP OUT!". Naturally, Caddy can't refuse an invitation like that and goes sniffing... only to be quickly shot at by a squadron of ululating women in veils.
  Caddy (double facepalming): Look. I get that this is horrible. And offensive. I know that... BUT IT'S SO DAMN STUPID! How could you not love this, Australia?!
- Caddy demonstrates the game's... questionable water physics in a river by pissing in it and the river going absolutely berserk, with O Fortuna playing over it for good measure.
- Since Caddy can't get anyone to sign his petition, he sets the marching band on fire.
The BMX XXX segment:
- If you're looking for YouTube footage for this game, you'll be searching "bmx xxx xbox". This is why spacebars are important, because otherwise you'll be going for a drink at the Threeelms (accompanied by a picture of a pub called "The Three Elms", minus the spaces in the name).
- Caddy finds himself majorly put-out over the fact that there (initially) isn't a topless option in the rider creation screen, even though nudity was one of the most controversial and heavily-marketed aspects of the game. So he resorts to choosing the stupidest option from every category. The result? A bald, diaper-wearing woman with rainbow suspenders, a moustache and a crown. Meet Windy: The Queen of messing herself and sitting in it.
- This doesn't stop Caddy, though. He manages to unlock everything via the cheat menu and tries making a character again, with the coveted (pixelated) nudity he was hoping for. This results in a new woman with hair, no top, a pair of white lingerie and a traffic cone on her head. This newest monstrosity is christened Rough Windy: If she was road-legal, she'd be all-wheel drive.
- Not only does Caddy unlock everything, he turns on the extra-bouncy crashes cheat. The result is Rough Windy flying around everywhere and bouncing into the stratosphere from the lightest touch of the floor. It all culminates in Rough Windy crashing in a tunnel and bouncing rapidly up and down between the floor and ceiling before breaking through the floor and falling out of the map, crashing the game altogether.
  Caddy: So what happens when you let loose a hefty topless woman with a pair of white underpants and a traffic cone on her head, onto a BMX and activate super bouncy crash mode? (pauses while staring at the audience for a couple seconds before pointing at the screen) Ehhhh!
Caddy revists Thrill Kill on the PS1, and the moment the segment starts, Caddy gets a visit from none other than sideways-crawling red dress Caddy from the original video, who tries to give present day Caddy the game.
Caddy: Sorry, I don't need your mouth. I've actually got a physical version.
Red Dress Caddy: *long Beat* ...OKHAY! *leaves by sideways crawling in reverse*
Caddy: *laughs* What a... BELLEND.
Caddy goes over The Guy Game:
- Caddy putting the "guy" in The Guy Game.
  Caddy: But don't worry. If you get a question wrong, you don't need to expose anything. (is suddenly shirtless) Well, you coulda told me earlier!
- Upon seeing that one of the contestants' names is "Regan", he makes this gem:
  Caddy: Oh, wow. I didn't know that Ronald Reagan was a DD cup.
- Almost fortuitously, the default profile name is "BIGDADDY", meaning that, to make it relevant, only one letter needs to be changed... to "BIGCADDY". Perfect!
- When he decides to check out the Behind the Scenes, he finds a picture of a bunch of shirtless men, one of which is overweight and wearing a tank top that's clearly too small.
  Caddy: (averts his eyes acting grossed out) Hot.
  (appears greenscreened next to the man and sniffs him) Ohh, I can smell the testosterone...
- Then there's his reaction to the fact that, when you move the Flash-O-Meter, it ejaculates.
  Caddy: (after slamming his controller and hand on his leg, exasperated) WHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!
- Caddy suggests one final thing that could make this game perfect: BUZZ! Quiz controllers.
  Matt Sadler: (counting down to a woman revealing her breasts) One....two...three...
  Buzz, the host of the BUZZ! Quiz games: Which is the birthplace of the King of Pants?
- The mysterious "Ballz" option Caddy enables in the options menu turns out to be a "throw balls into the targets" minigame. He then says that if he ever matches with someone on Tinder, he wants to know if they can score more than 402,000.
  Caddy: (lying naked in bed covered by a target board) I want to know they're worthy enough for my body!
- As a lead in to why the game got banned, he talks about the ages of the contestants (which, as a reminder, are taking part in what is essentially strip trivia), and showing their profiles as he goes through them until he gets to the last one...
  Caddy: Nineteen, twenty, twenty-three, twenty, twenty, nineteen, (on a black screen with nothing but the word nope on it) seventeen- (cut to a stunned Caddy holding up 7 fingers)
- Caddy then declares that the game must be destroyed. Not only because it features "illegal boob", but more importantly, the game doesn't match with his PS2 shelf! Cut to him in a robe and setting the game on fire, all while making the sign of the cross.
To round the video off, Caddy looks at one more game: Sex Vixens From Space:
- Caddy may be the only person in the UK who owns a physical copy of the game. And what did the game come on? Floppies!
- Due to his ROM's Copy Protection prompt staying on the screen for less than two seconds, Caddy has difficulty actually starting the game up.
  1> hello
  object not found
  1> where's the nakey
  object not found
- After taking a Try Everything approach, Caddy finally gets the game working... and the first thing he sees is some incredibly ugly and messy pixel art.
  *long beat*
  Caddy: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!
- The first thing you see after the story is your ship, named Big Thruster. Three guesses as to what it's shaped like...
  Caddy: I wonder why they call it that?!
- In this game, you have to type very specific instructions for what to do. And no, you can't just click on stuff, and the game doesn't really explain much of anything, so good luck and have a nice thrust.
  Caddy (near to crying): Why is this so complicated?! I just wanna see some big moo-moo milkers!
- Since Caddy can't figure anything out, and a walkthrough's barrage of instructions puts him right off, he just looks the rest of the game up online to see just why the UK banned it and why they hated it so much... only to see a rather crude (and censored) image of a naked woman on a bed with a badly-drawn face.
  Caddy: ...Is that it?!
- Soon after looking at said image, Caddy gets a phone call that the policemun are arriving to destroy his copy of the game. Cue the Big Thruster ship ominously pulling up outside his window while the Godzilla theme plays.
The ending, where Caddy laments how sensitive the world has become.
Caddy: I mean, we live in a world now where people got genuinely angry and upset that the upcoming Cuphead DLC had a female character in it. (beat, then cut to Caddy crying in the shower and still fully clothed) Why?! Why does anyone CARE?! SHE’S A CUP! WHY DOES THE GENDER MATTER?! NOBODY WANTS TO FUCK A CUP!

The Unholy World of Jesus Games

Not even 10 seconds into the video, and Caddy realizes that This Is Gonna Suck.
Caddy: (beat) I'm not doing a Christmas video this year, BYYYYYE- (teleports out of existence, soon to be replaced by... himself, dressed as Jesus, and brought down with the divine power of Photoshop.)
Caddy does the entire review dressed as Jesus. And he goes all the way with the bit.
The very first joke with Caddy as Jesus sets the tone for the rest of the video.
Jesus!Caddy: Hello, I'm J.C.^noteJim Caddick, his real name.
(beat)
Jesus!Caddy: ...Jesus Christ.
(Caddy and Olly the cameraman crack up)
Caddy's... "accurate" retelling of The Bible.
Caddy: We all know the story. 2000 years ago, a man had a beard. Some people loved it, so they banded together to form Organization XIII, and some people didn't, so they killed him, and he T-posed. (off-key flute rendition of "My Heart Will Go On")
- "His name backwards is 'Sausage.'"
The reason for so many Bible games existing?
♪That's 'cause Jesus Christ is my n-♪
Caddy: (blocking the screen) NOOOOOOOOO!!!
- Later on in the video, regarding the song at the beginning of Five Loaves ~ 2 Fishes:
  Caddy: But where's my favourite bit?
  ♪That's 'cause Jesus Christ is my n-♪
  Caddy: (blocking the screen) NETWORK ENGINEER!
The entire "Jesus Is a Friend of Mine" dance segment◊.
Right before he dives into the video, a maniac wearing a bag on his head wrapped in fragile tape making incoherent noises barges in to stop Caddy. And what's the maniac's name? Max.
- He manages to get rid of Max by annoying him out of the room via Literal Mindedness.
  Max: He lives in our hearts.
  Caddy: Well, I don't want him in there, can you get him out?
  Max: (grumbles incoherently, flips him off, and leaves)
  Caddy: I! Want! Jesus heart surgery!
This bit:
Caddy: The first game we have today is RUN JESUS, RUN! THE FEDS ARE AFTER YOU!
- "So what have we learned today, boys and girls? The lesson here is DON’T BOTHER, you’ll end up dead anyways."
- Later, Caddy contemplates how the game's title should be read. That is, if it should be read as "Run Jesus, Run!" or:
  Caddy: (running for his life) RUN! JESUS, RUN! (cut to Gangly Trousers Caddy shambling after him with an inflatable machine gun)
After Caddy explains the basic plot of Save Jesus, he says, "Well, you know what they say, when life give you lemons, then you- then you- then-" before suddenly channeling Will Sasso and hacking up a lemon that hits Olly in the forehead.
When Caddy learns that there's a fighting game that lets you play as Jesus, he poos himself.
Poo!Caddy: Hello.
- Not only that, but you either get to beat up Moses or Santa Claus.
  Caddy: TAKE THAT, YOU BEARDED NONCE! THIS IS FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU DIDN'T GET ME THE HOT WHEELS GARAGE SET! IN FACT YOU WOULDN'T EVEN EXIST WITHOUT ME! WHERE DO YOU THINK THE NAME "CHRISTMAS" COMES FROM?! I AM YOUR DADDY AND YOU ARE MY BITCH!
Caddy explores the Hereford Cathedral in search of Enix's Jesus, which he describes as, "Jesus as an anime." He finds the box in the lowest recesses of the cathedral, and opens it to find... a picture of Uzaki-chan in a swimsuit.
Caddy: Jesus!
After finishing up Five Loaves ~ 2 Fishes, Caddy plays "B.Y.O.B." while the camera zooms in and rocks back and forth on one of the game's models.
- Caddy barely gets past mentioning the game's name before it cuts to him stomping on five loaves of bread, slapping two fish on the ground, and roaring like a madman.
- There's also Caddy's cartoonish-sounding "OHHHH NOOO" when retelling the Feeding of the 5000.
Spons as "Spod".
Caddy: (Angelic music) Oh my God!.. God! Has he heard me calling to him? Is my faith being tested? Oh joyous day! Sing Hosanna to the King of Kings!
(Angelic music continues to play and the clouds open up to reveal...)''
Spons: HELLO, I'M SPOD! (Beat) Actually, I'm Spons.
Caddy: (staring in dismay) No...
Caddy sneaking in some Biting-the-Hand Humor at Raid: Shadow Legends during his ad for the game. He describes the Hydra Boss as a nightmare before adding "I'm supposed to make this game sound fun, aren't I?"
"Luckily though, Jesus was there, and he turned that small shopping bag into a feast! ...Only one time, though. Sorry, Ethopia."
Kids nowadays have all the food in the world, yet they still complain it isn't good enough.
Caddy: Hey, I want my pudding!
Mum: (offscreen) NO! YOU HAVEN'T EATEN YOUR FINGERS YET!
(camera pans down to reveal his plate is filled with severed human fingers)
Caddy: ...But muuum!
"Oh, for the love of my dad!"
The segue leading into Galilee, a text-based adventure game on the Spectrum 48K:
Caddy: I really need to do a messy brown! QUICK, EVERYONE! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE TOILIT!
(rips the toilet out of the ground, takes it outside, and smashes it on the ground, revealing there was a Spectrum 48K inside)
(Beat as Caddy stares at it)
Caddy: (points, as water pours from his mouth) Bbbwhuwhuzat?
- "Galilee, Galilee, Galilee, Galilee, Galilee, figaro! Magnifico-oh-oh-oh-OH!"
- The absolute entirety of Caddy trying to play the game. First off, Caddy has to wait five minutes for the thing to load, all while listening to high-pitched beeps. Then, when it does load up, the first thing he's greeted with is text reading: "You wake up with a throbbing head".
- Whenever Caddy types an action that the game doesn't recognize, text pops up saying: "I don't understand". This alone isn't funny, but the whiny and pathetic tone it's delivered in, is priceless.
- One of the options he tries when faced with a maniac is "call him a cu-"
- Caddy's attempt to attack the maniac results in him just hurting his hand—after which the maniac tells him, "I'll kill you again!"
  Caddy: Hang on, what? When did he kill me the first time? What do I do now? I don't know, uh... "Ask him why"?
  (the game responds: "I do not see Why here")
- Similarly, his attempt to kill himself fails because he doesn't have a weapon.
- After trying many options, Caddy tries a different approach.
  Caddy: (types "Take maniac on a date")
  (the game responds: "You can't get that")
  Caddy: What? Is the maniac out of my league?
- When the game tells him that his character hears the sound of rattling chains:
  Caddy: Well, that sounds sick. (types: "Record them for my mixtape") I'm going to record them for my mixtape.
  (the game responds: "I CAN'T FOLLOW ALL THAT!")
- He then types "give up". To which the game responds, "You give a denarius^noteAn old Roman coin.".
  Caddy: (after walking down a field) WHAT?!
Upon hearing "Jesus Christ RPG", Caddy says "Ok!" before it smash cuts to him running down a road, hopping a fence, and continuing to run in a field before it then cuts to him drinking extra thick bleach.
Caddy: (points to the bleach bottle) This tastes like fanny.
"Right, then! I guess we can't fix every problem with peace, so it's time for Jesus to cut!"
- Followed by Caddy quickly taking down Beezlebub and his two goons in game and in quick fashion, then stealing his wallet.
  Caddy: And the bible lesson we learned today kids, is that violence solves everything.
Upon seeing Jesus learn the "Exorcism" ability through being baptized:
Caddy: (sitting in front of a bathtub) Dude, I want that! (dunks himself into the water face-first)
(Beat)
Olly: ...Caddy? Caddy?
"Suddenly, Satan of all people appears, and he is looking fire! If this guy's supposed to be the root of all evil, why do I want to get a beer with him?"
When Jesus denies taking Satan's test to see if he really is immortal:
Caddy: Pussy.
Caddy's playthrough of Fluffy & God's Amazing Christmas Adventure. Just the entire thing, from start to finish:
- The first thing he learns about the game (other than Fluffy not being a nickname for Jesus) is that its portrayal of God gives Him a thick southern accent.
  God: Well, mah name is the Lord Almighy; you c'n just cawl me Gahd.
  Caddy!God: You can cawl me Matthew McConaughey.
- After getting bored with the main mode, he checks out the "Become a Prophet" activity, which allows him to retell Isaiah 9 (his favorite movie in the series) by filling in words Mad Libs-style. The result is absolutely priceless, especially when he gets the game to read it with text-to-speech.
  The prophet Fluffy said in the ninth chapter of her book:
  "There will be a time in the future when Galilee of the Gentiles, will be filled with premarital sex.
  The people who walk in darkness will see a great asshole that will shine on all who live in the land where death casts its shadow.
  For God will break the policeman that binds His people...
  In that day of peace, battle gear will be wasted and drunk.
  For a child is born to us, a youtube.com/caddica is given to us.
  These will be His royal titles: Wonderful Dealer, Mighty Mr., Yas Queen of Peace.
  He will rule forever with fairness and justice from the throne of His ancestor David. The bulging commitment of the Lord Almighty will guarantee this!
- And then he finds another Mad Libs-style segment, this time about Jesus as a superhero.
  Super Baby Jesus the Super Messiah was born in the John Legend's House.
  Real Baby Jesus' greatest powers were His giant feet and tiny fingers.
  Super Baby Jesus wins friends and conquers His enemies by His exploding balls.
  The real Baby Jesus will grow up to conquer people's hearts with His blaspheming.
- Finally, he checks out "DJ Fluffyjams", a beatmixer where he can drag and drop lyrics and pick different instruments. He ends up creating a rendition of "O Little Town of Bethlehem" played with train horns, Tarzan yells, and a Surfer Dude.
After lamenting the Lazarus boss fight in Fists of Jesus, Caddy discovers the hard way that since he's Jesus, he can't swear, complete with a cross with a frowning emoji covering his mouth.
Caddy: Oh! Stop being such a c[moo]! Oh wait. I'm Jesus. I can't swear. Stop being such a (beat) twunt (beat) and speaking of twunts, here is Pathway to Jesus on the iPhone.
The entirety of the segment where Caddy goes full The Eric Andre Show and goes to The Beefy Boys (a popular burger joint in the Old Market) as Jesus.
Caddy compares the PC game The Secrets of Jesus, to being like if you walked into someone else's text messages from the year 30 A.D. When he says this, a phone appears on the right side of the screen with text messages from King Herod. One of which reads: "Just went to town and killed every baby lmao".
- The 'phone' being a rock with a screen, mind.
Caddy's conclusion for Jesus In Space is that Moses was a fish-human hybrid and the people in Call Of Cthulu were right all along.
With The You Testament's character creator, you can make some absolute freaks of nature, such as Peter, the 33-year-old 1'0 fat and angry old man!
Peter: (in a high-pitched voice) I DON'T HAVE A SMALL WANG! IT'S PROPORTIONALLY VERY BIG!
- Or Elijah, the 11'0 topless Bearded Lady with a receding hairline!
Caddy: Now, I know there's a few of you out there that enjoy getting stepped on, but is this too much? ...Or do you consider it a challenge?
- Caddy mentions that the loading screens give you inspirational quotes of Jesus by people like Jay-Z, Oprah Winfrey, Bruce Lee and Osama Bin Laden. "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer by the way that is in the game.
Jesus in The Matrix is full of opportunities for laughs for its sheer bizarreness, with the main character being literally dropped into an Acid-Trip Dimension filled with—in Caddy's words—"Christian Facebook Minion memes".
Caddy: I think Jesus is pretty Je-Sus! AHAHAHAHA!!
- "Are you telling me I need to take the Red Pill to believe in Jesus and earn everlasting life in Heaven? I thought it was just so you could vote for Trump!"
- The huge crowd of people enthusiastically running toward Hell (which happens to be labelled as such). Caddy tries to follow them, only to suddenly appear back at the original location.
- He does eventually manage to get to Hell, though he can't get out afterward. He also encounters Satan, and manages to defeat him using his one weakness: the game's pitiful draw distance.
- As for the question of where Jesus is in the Matrix? He appears on a giant crucifix in one single area of the game. And he lacks any kind of collision detection.
  Caddy: I'm sure you've all heard of the Trojan Horse, but have you heard of the Trojan Crucifix?
  (his character walks out of the bottom of the cross)
The return of Heteronormative Crusader Goofy.
Caddy: Y'know, just like Goofy, when he found out about his son's preferences, and was abundantly supportive and accepting towards him.
Caddy!Goofy: Maxy! We don't want any queers in this house!
Caddy: Actually, don't be like Goofy! Goofy's a twat!
The Running Gag of the Jesus sculpture getting increasingly pissed off at Caddy's blashpheming finally gets its punchline at the end of the video, when the real Jesus shows up to send him to Hell (by slowly pushing him down with two fingers). He ends up as just a bodiless head afterwards, but luckily, he managed to find communion bread online.
Caddy: Well, at least my body's on Amazon Prime!
happy holidays and leave me alone

The Useless World of PS1 Accessories

The opening, which Makes Just as Much Sense in Context even by Caddy’s standards. It starts with Caddy chastising someone over the phone for going to New Zealand instead of getting him new sealant, before falling into a big hole in the middle of the road he’s walking on. Suddenly, Gangly Trousers Caddy made his yearly return once more and pops out of the hole, and we cut to him jumping around, before cutting to him standing out of the sunroof of a Mini Cooper while pointing forward. And then we Smash Cut to regular Caddy like nothing happened.
Caddy: Hello, I'm Caddicarus, and you're not.
According to Caddy, the SIXAXIS Controller found most of its success in the incel market, thanks in part to the exciting bra-removing action of Heavy Rain.
Caddy: (takes off bra; his nipples are censored) Thanks, David Cage!
Among the accesories he listed, there's a PlayStation 3... BOOK and a PS4 controller shaped exactly like a Dragon Quest Slime that stares at your junk goopside-down.
Caddy: He's looking at it. I'm okay with this.
The cutaway when he has a look at the Ultimate Boxing Gloves for Playstation Move, which are literally just a pair of boxing gloves with an elastic strap to hold the controller.
Caddy: What else am I supposed to do with this? Punch someone, then immediately celebrate? (cuts to Caddy punching Olly the cameraman with a right hook and playing a vuvuzela that's strapped onto his left glove)
Due to the boomerang shape of the PS1 multitap, Caddy attempts to act Australian:
Caddy: (wearing a tank top and cork hat) Aha! G'day, mates! (throws the Multitap to his left with it passing through several screens before coming back and hitting him in the back of the neck)
Caddy describes CRT TVs as regular TVs with diabetes.
The PlayStation Link Cable accessory, which requires an insane amount of effort just to play WipeOut 2097 with "Little Johnny Toe Rag".
Caddy: This thing is an umbilical cord of hate. It's useless, I never knew anybody that owned one, and if you're upset with me saying this about your beloved rubbery intestine, please ring up and send in all of your complaints to...
Caddy: [singing] 0-800 303~ 30080 883~ 003~ 3~ [Beat, music starting and stopping] 08 ... 3 ... 8 ... 8 ... 8 ... 3 ... 0 ... 038—
- Sony tried to justify such abomination by saying "it was an arcade experience at home", but it didn't change the fact you were just in mummy's study.
Caddy: ...Oh look, what else is in there?
The PS1 mouse is such a bargain that it came with a piece of gum from 1995.
- But wasn't that yellow mousepad supposed to be white?
- At least the mouse gives you smooth movement so smooth, Will Smooth will want to smack Chris Rough.
  Caddy: Mm, yes, very smooth.
- There's also the fact that it lets you aim and shoot in some first-person shooters with so much finesse, your neck will stretch so long that you'll loop back around to the ground.
- There's also the greatest thing of all: You can use it to beat Irritating Stick.
Caddy: Finally! The chance to turn Irritating Stick into Reasonable Stick!
Caddy’s reaction to the Metal Gear Solid save icon on the PocketStation:
Caddy: More like deflated... hippo.
- At least the RuptureFarms logo from Oddworld looks pretty cool. Except it's not Oddworld in Japan, it's Abe a Gogo, featuring Abe coming out of his own—
*Distorted Abe laughter*
- Caddy thinks the Japanese version of Oddworld is worth owning solely for Abe's Japanese voice, and who could blame him? That's the one where Abe sounds like Michael Jackson!
Michael Jackson: Doo-doo feces...
- Sadly, as much as Caddy wants to show this off, she took the kids...
Since gas prices started going up, Caddy decided to get himself a hybrid car.
Car!Caddy: (in agony) Kill me!
While talking about the Net Yaroze development kit, Caddy shows footage from The Incredible Coneman, a Pac-Man clone made with the kit. According to him, the game features "the greatest death sound of all time." Said death sound is a jazzy little saxophone sting. He would go on to use this sound in the animation for his death counter on his livestreams.
Caddy's interpretation of the manual warnings on his Net Yaroze PS1
- Don't use a mining drill on it.
- Don't set it on fire.
- Don't touch it.
- Don't plug it in.
- Don't feed it.
- Don't paint it.
- Don't plug it in.
- Don't put games in it.
- Don't boil a kettle on it.
- Don't slap it while a windows open.
- Don't use it in an earthquake.
- Don't sleep on it.
- Don't use it as a shoe.
- Don't listen to music. Just... in general. You'll die.
- However, it's perfectly ok to let babies try to reach for it.
The return of Baddy;
Caddy: Ding dong ding, there's someone at the ding, I wonder who that-
Caddy: Yes?
Baddy: Hello, Caddy.
Caddy: (gasps with his head between his legs) Oh cripes, it's my evil twin brother, Baddy!
Baddy: ...Yes.
Caddy: Well what do you want?
(Baddy pulls up a box that has a PS1 train controller while making a train whistle sound effect)
Caddy: Is that a PS1 train controller?
(Baddy throws the box at Caddy)
(A full 3 seconds later, the box hits Caddy in the head)
"THERE'S A DICK, GO!"
While talking about PS1 memory cards, Caddy notices how curvy the memory card themed after Driver 2 looks, wondering why it has "child-bearing hips". Said question leads to a sketch that explains how the Lara Croft memory card (a memory card with half of Lara's body on the top while the actual memory card replaces the legs) came to be:
Caddy (Voiceover): And then, all the way in "'Murica", a hot-shot business CEO heard someone say this, and got an idea...
(Cut to an American office building where Caddy plays a CEO furiously typing away on his computer as well as his assistant Jerry)
CEO: JERRY, WE NEED TO MAKE OUR MEMORY CARDS HOT!
Jerry: NO, SIR, STOP IT! (holds up the curvy Driver 2 memory card) ISN'T THIS ENOUGH?!
CEO: IT NEEDS TITS, JERRY!
- In a moment you might not see at first, the computer the CEO is working on displays Google images of guns.
- Also, the segue to the next accessory (a PS1 Floppy Disk adaptator) has Caddy starting with the obvious punchline only to subvert it.
Caddy: ...And then your dad will come in... And then he'd say to you "Oh, hi, son. Sorry I was gone for a while. *coughs on the Lara Croft Memory Card** Say, that's a nice Playtendo you've got there? Can I use my floppy disk for my computor on that?" And then you'd turn around and say "No, dad." And then he'd turn back to you and say "YOU LIE! YOU LIE, HEATHEN CHILD!!!
If you've ever been so mad playing the PS1 game of Chicken Run that you twist your controller to pieces, GET THERAPY! ...I mean, then the NeGcon is for you!
- How do you pronounce that, anyway? Nej-Con? En-Ee-Gee-Con? Negg-Con? Whatever, Caddy's going with "Nej-Con".^note
When talking about the NeGcon controller:
- "Here's a relatable situa-(Burps)."
- Twisting the controller is Caddy's favorite pasttime next to "Beat the dog up".
- Like an ugly baby, the NeGcon controller is a freak of nature. And like an ugly baby, Caddy doesn't want to kill it until he drives it around like a race car.
Caddy describes pressing the R trigger buttons on the Formula Racer Wheel as looking like you are, "tickling a giant clam."
The introduction of Long Dennis and "the wicked itch."
Since the G-Con 45 lightgun is incompatible with modern TV sets, Caddy demonstrates the accessory using a CRT TV... with a Disney Princess theme and bright pink color.
When Caddy brings up the Mad Catz Star Trek phaser accessory, he takes the opportunity to mock his past self.
Caddy: (in a nerdy voice) And that's why this gun deserves the salvage. (a lemon shoots out of the phaser and smacks Olly in the forehead)
Caddy had an idea to hold the P7K Light gun out in public, but with how realistic looking it is, it seems as if Caddy actually wants to kill them. Him just so happening to wear a balaclava doens't help either. The sight of Caddy in a balaclava in the first place is worthy of a chuckle.
This bit:
Other Caddy: Oh no, it's Jim.
Caddy: Do you mind? I was just about to tug into some Pepsi Maximillion.
Other Caddy: I'm so, so sorry. But I've got a big circle for you.
*Other Caddy pulls up the PS1 wheel.
Caddy: That's nice, but who made it.
Other Caddy: *Now dressed up like a cat* Meow.
Caddy: Oh. Well now we know it's gonna be good.
(Other Caddy hurls a hairball onto the box)
Caddy: (Beat) Remind me to stop kissing you.
- When discussing the "Team Mad Catz" on said box
Caddy: They look like they run around supermarkets and unpeel bananas.
While selecting a character in Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style, Caddy cracks up at the name of Ol' Dirty Bastard, also known as Dirt McGirt.
Who gives Caddy the controller that some copies of Shaolin Style came bundled with? None other than world-famous singer-songwriter Nicole Shirtzipper!^note
Nicole Shirtzipper: I'm managing a hot new rap band, and they want me to give you their new merchandise!
Caddy: Oh, cool! What is it, Nicool?
(Nicole Shirtzipper hands over the controller while making a squeaking noise)
Upon seeing the Wu-Tang Controller, Caddy's face contorts into a look of pure horror and he inhales as if preparing to perform The Scream, before letting out the most brief, anti-climactic "ah" possible. Behold.
After Caddy spends some time with the Wu-Tang Controller, he claims to be more in touch with gangsta rap culture and tries making a rap of his own. Leading to...
Hello boys, I'm number one
Playing on my PS1
I like eggs, I eat 'em-uh
Controller shaped like a "wuh"
Pull my hair, I don't care.
Grab my hair, I'll care a lot.
Play the game, it's so hot.
I smoke pot, in a pot, with a pot.
Stop.
(itches neck)
Don't stop.
I like Tupac, he led the way.
His name is very nearly "toupee".
Caddy reasoning that while the Wu-Tang controller may be the worst thing he owns, at least it's not a BP controller.◊ Cut to Caddy's distorted screams of pain as the controller keeps stabbing his hands.
Caddy finds out that the controller for Gurugurutaun Hanamarukun has a built-in microphone, so he decides to say hi to the little doggy.
"DID YOU KNOW THEY EAT YOU IN KOREA?"
- Caddy's utter bafflement at the game's voice acting.
Caddy: Why does everyone in this game sound like they're being sick?
Caddy reviewing the Japanese Winnie the Pooh controller.
- The Translation Trainwreck, which results from trying to use Google translate on the box's text.
  "When you talk to the microphone, Mr. Wah will answer!"
  "Let's wipe the trumpet!"
  "You can also lottery!"
- Playing an audio clip over a smiling kid that resembles Markiplier.
- Using the microphone feature to kill people in Tenchu: Stealth Assassins.
"I'm right here! Surprise!"
The segue into the KidsStation controller:
(after playing Tomb Raider II with the Mickey Mouse controller)
Caddy: Now, I wonder what happens when you press Mickey's button down here. (his finger nears the button on Mickey's crotch)
Mickey: Don't even f***ing think about it!
Caddy: Well, you know what, Mickey? That's too small for me, anyway. I prefer my buttons nice and big. (holds up the KidsStation)
- While talking about the controller itself and the games it was compatible with, Caddy is very pleased to learn that his copy of Thomas the Tankin Dankin is one of those games.
Caddy: Hey there, Fat Controller. Do you wanna see my fat controller?
- Caddy, looking at the packaging for the giant controller, becomes curious about what English words are written on the pajamas of one of the kids on the box, and tries to read some of them.
Caddy: You know what I've always wanted to know? What English words are young Japanese boys wearing on their pajamas? Let's have a quick look - high, super, point, mile, cham, picnic, field, *suddenly distorted and warped* THE MEAT!!! Actually, scratch tha-
Caddy attempts to play Gex 3D using a fishing rod controller - the music stops playing, and the sound effects go a bit weird.
Whilst he's looking at a Japanese cockpit controller, he gives us this gem:
Caddy: Say hello to Captain Bermuda Triangle!
Caddy!Captain Bermuda Triangle: (Salutes the viewer with a smile before suddenly looking around worriedly) AAH- (He vanishes mid-yelp)
- His attempt to segue into another cockpit controller:
  Caddy: (playing around with the cockpit controller as another Caddy appears at the bottom right of the screen)
  Mini Caddy: What if there was anOTHer- (pauses and clears his throat)
Near the ending of the video, Caddy gives his viewers an extremely short bedtime story.
Caddy: Once upon a time... (Opens the PS3 book that contains nothing in it and then closes it) The End.
For the ending itself, Caddy is handed another box for a PS2 accessory. Upon taking it out of the packaging he comes to the realization that it's a vibrator (the Rez Trance Vibrator to be exact). Looking way too pleased, he slowly stuffs the box into his clown trousers until it bumps into the Ascii Sphere controller and honks like a bicycle horn.

The Illegal World of Crash Bandicoot Bootlegs

Caddy's first line in the video.
Caddy: Hey everybody. How are you doing? Trick question, I don't care.
Caddy says he was busy playing beatmania, to which he takes the opportunity to mock some weird lip syncing on the tutorial level.
DJ: This is all I can show you. Make it good, son.
Caddy, with his mouth bulging out with each word: Wow, thanks DJ Mouth!
It's the month of June^*, Caddy's had his 28th birthday, the sun is out and the birds are singing!
Caddy: *steps outside onto his patio*
The Birds: TWEET! TWEET! TWITTY! TWEET!
Caddy noting that you could find physical cartridges in China or Russia before Putin... pooed in a tin.
"They are Crash Bandicoot bootlegs!" Cut to Caddy in his Cash Banooca costume walking down the street with high-heeled boots.
The first game Caddy looks at is 2003 Crash II Advance, but before he can say anything, the cartridge art takes him off guard with a horrendous looking Crash, which he later likens to "Humpty Dumpty with a shotgun". He then proceeds to boil himself alive in a toxic barrel.
The way he describes the cartridge art is hilarious too.
Caddy: We appear to be at a European ski resort, as a bit of Crash Bash hangs out in the background there, and uhhh… Crash with green warts over there and… an angry shoe, and… [Beat] Humpty Dumpty with a shotgun.
- He also later says that "Humpty Dumpty with a shotgun" has "nipple knees".
The cartridge, for some reason, has the words "English Jreasures" on it.
Caddy: Oh boy, that reminds me of the time we wanted to see Lady and the DRAMP, so we all got in our DRUCK and went on a DRIP to the DRAIN STATION because the road was TOO FULL OF DRAFFIC.
The cartridge is also compatible with a GBC... or a machine. What machine does Caddy test it on? Why, a blender, of course!
The Translation Trainwreck of an intro to 2003 Crash II Advance, filled with typos and mid-word line breaks.
Serene life of people is in this fine cosmos. There is an unk-
nown object in the mysterious space to surround the E-
arth high speed to exercise to come over.
Uka:^* who isn't even in the image I do not kn-
ow to how I still take you nearby, you disppointes me too many times.
Cortex: Forgives me,I wasted so ma-
ny years to try to conquer those stu-
pid people. Trust me. I have a plan for resindent of the weak and small pe-^{Caddy's addition}nis
ople on Earth.
Shortly thereafter, Cortex finally announces his plan in action in the best way he can...
Cortex: I'm coming.
- And apparently, he came too hard, because everything went red.
Caddy's first reaction to the gameplay:
Caddy: Now this is the story all about how I caught Ebola and then I died.
The Game Over screen shows Crash dead on the floor. But due to the primitive graphics, he ends up looking like a dead beaver instead.
On his second attempt, Caddy manages to get the crystal. His reward? CASH BANOOCA WITH A SHOTGUN. Caddy does a Double Take by examining the game with magnifiers. He then looks directly at the camera, still wearing the magnifiers, which makes him look like he has hilariously giant eyes. And at that point, he and Cerys crack up.
"Call now and receive a free toaster for your sandwich!" (Caddy proceeds to burn his hand in a sandwich toaster)
The next game he covers is Crash Advance IV, pointing out the very similar sounding music to the Ghostbusters theme.
Caddy: If there's something strange… in your neighborhood… who you gonna call? The policemun.
The projectiles Crash throws are bright blue. Why? Because they're his tears. He's crying because his own face makes him cry.
With how many suns the level has, Caddy wants his bandicoot medium rare.
"Haha, gimme five!" (Five counting Caddys appear in his fingers) "Ya!"
One extremely weird glitch in the game is that whenever you stomp on a bird enemy, the music changes for no reason.
Caddy: Why is that? Your Mom!
And then... the music cuts out.
Caddy: What is happening? Is this a creepypasta? Is this Cash Banooca.exe? Is it because I got this from that man who lives in the rubbish? Will there be a Jump Scare? Where's Squidward?
The game can be as pleasant as finding a surprise under your foot. Like, for example, a piece of paper saying "You're adopted!"!
Or it could be... SPONS! Caddy is clearly not ready for his nonsense, so he just sucks him up into a vacuum cleaner. Spons does the sponsor for Fall Guys from within the vacuum.
Spons seemingly genuine with his praise about how Fall Guys is treasured all over the world and beloved with everybody... Before the screen brought up Caddy's complaint tweets about the game back in 2020.
Spons: Whaa...? No? I di- I didn't say those things. What are you talking ab- [Beat] SHUT UP!!
At the end of the Spons segment:
Spons: [Fall Guys] is across all platforms, because when you're playing the game, you're across.. all.. platforms..
[Beat]
Spons: Ooh! There's a cornflake in here.
Up next is a Crash game for the Genesis, brought to you by KDS, which stands for "Kids, Dad's playing a new game! Come and see- OHMY GOD, WERE YOU JUST SICK?!"
The game intro is in Russian, meaning Caddy has to rely on Google Translate to decipher it.
DOCTOR CORTEKS KIDNAPPES THE CREAM
GIRL - THEIONI, in order for
the cream to fill HIS ELOVIE
CREAM - REFUSES AND GOES TO
SAVE SOOYA BELOVED. . .
After reading out the above intro:
Caddy: Yep, I don't need to see anymore, bye! (throws himself into a skip)
When the game starts up, it just turns out to be the Genesis version of Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel, with the only differences being the main character being "a bit sunburned" and you throw apples instead of shurikens.
In response to apples being in the game, Caddy says this:
Caddy: Yes, they're apples. No, they're not what you think they are. They're apples. The conspiracy theories have to stop, they're apples, you're wrong. Crash Bandicoot on the Mega Drive told me so. [Beat] And Alex Jones—
Since the game is so similar, Caddy remarks that Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel is named after how many shits he gives about him.
Sadly, Crash on the Genesis was the last bootleg game he could find... Until he gets help from the real Crash Bandicoot!
Crash: WOAH!!!
Caddy: Oh! Screw me! It's the real life... Collin!
Crash, now with the costume backwards: WOAH!!!
Caddy: What's that? There's another Crash Bootleg that I forgot to talk about?
Crash, now with the costume upside down: WOAH!!!
The game is a part of the Karaoto, a bootleg system using the code of the NES. It looks like a PS1, but it has a gun and teeth, making it Caddy's ideal spouse.
Sadly, Caddy couldn't find the system, no matter how hard he tried. Considering he managed to find an in-box set of the Winnie the Pooh microphone controller and PS1 Memory Card Floppy Disk reader, it was a huge blow to his ego and feeling of credibility.
Caddy: Is It ToO lAtE nOw tO sAy sOrRy
The Karaoto has all of the NES classics, like Mario, Kirby, Mega Man, Alien 3, Nuts Milk, Arabian, and Door Door!
Luckily for Caddy, the library of the Karaoto was ripped by a man from Portugal, so he was able to play the exclusive Crash game on it. And shockingly, it's not awful!
Caddy: I'm speechless! But I'm gonna talk anyway!
The game was shockingly decent, being an 8-bit Crash game that worked. Unfortunately, it has many problems that come saddled with being a bootleg. It runs like a waste disposal, you can't spin while you jump, you change races when you die, and most oddly, the edge of the screen shows garbled sprites, which leaves everything up ahead, including Crash's worst enemy, THE SALAMANDER!
That was the very last console Crash Bootleg. Unlike Sonic or Mario, people don't see any ripoff-ability in him in comparison.
Caddy: Guys! Crash Bandicoot is good enough! He deserves to be stolen!
Thankfully, there are more bootlegs on phones, so it's time for another BOUNS ROUND! ...Which lasts all of two seconds because his phone was in the next room over.
The first game Caddy found on his phone was Crash Fox Skate Runner, apparently developed by Crash Bandicoot himself. And it apparently needs to handle your data.
Caddy: CRASH BANDICOOT IS GOING TO STEAL MY LOCATION DATA!
After dying, he gets an ad for Train Station 2, and a voucher for Tesco, which he's very happy about.
- Caddy gets another ad for Train Station 2 when playing the next app and wonders why Crash wants him to play it.
The next bootleg app was Crazy Fox Adventure In Time, which has a single 1 out of 5 review.
The moment Caddy opens up the game and sees the menu screen, the sight of its protagonist leads him to happily stick a fork into an electrical outlet.
The last feature listed for Crazy Fox Adventure In Time is simply "rabbits everywhere!!!", which leads Caddy to believe that the developer was killed by rabbits and the note is a cry for help.
The game turns out not to be "inspired" by PS1 games, it's just Crash Bandicoot 1 side-scrolling levels, but not as good by a long shot.
The next app is called Zombies Run - crash bandicoot, which has absolutely nothing to do with Crash besides the title of the game. The name of the game even changes when Caddy boots it up, it now being Zombies Roadkill.
A zombie attaches to the car, and Caddy lets out Tom's scream in response.
When he dies, the best cutscene ever plays… a scene in a cafe where Robbie Williams signs something, and makes a woman lose her mind in response.
Spons: HELLO! I'M RONS WILLIONS!
The game asks Caddy to rate it on the App Store. He gives it a single star. Then it asks him to write a review, giving us this gem:
Title: Cortex is Too Hard :(
Review: This game is so hard that it made me scratch my scalp off my pretty head
- He submits the review under the name Halalmeat5000, because someone already took Halalmeat.
  Caddy: WHO CALLED THEMSELVES HALALMEAT?!?!
With no more iPhone apps, he asks one of his stepdaughters for an Android phone. After getting it, he gases her.
He finds an app called Wallpapers for Crash HD 4K, after which he decides to play the actual games, thinking that they'll be better. He warns Android to not make him eat his own words, but then proceeds to do so anyway (which are written on a piece of paper), leading to this bit:
Caddy: But kids, don't stop there! Why don't you make it a complete breakfast by adding some of the fluff from your couch? [Singing] Cos we'd rather have a bowl of embedded pet hair!
The first actual game he covers is called Krash Bandi, which makes Caddy remember the time that he called Crash "Crash Bandi" in The Miserable World of Completing Crash Bandicoot 4. He wonders if he ended up causing the game to be made.
The game ends up causing him to want to become an animal fact channel. A card on the giraffe challenges him to find something as long as a giraffe's tongue^noteWhich the card says is 50cms, and he shows off… his tapeworm.
After the game tricks him with the fake exploding TNT, only for it to kill him when he spinning on top of it somehow, Caddy simply just snap.
Caddy: This game is too good for this earth. HAVE IT GOD!! (Casually chucks his phone high in the air and fall back down, breaking it in the process)
The answers Aku Aku gives to Caddy's questions in Crash Tiki's Choice start normal, but things go off the rails after his second question, where all but two of the answers to his questions are just the words "Eat Fruit", regardless of how nonsensical they may be.
Caddy: How do we solve world hunger?
Aku Aku: Eat fruit!
Caddy: How do I lose weight?
Aku Aku: Eat fruit!
Caddy: How do I gain weight?
Aku Aku: Eat fruit!
Caddy: When am I allowed back in the rowing club?
Aku Aku: Eat fruit!
Caddy: How do I grow fruit?
Aku Aku: Eat fruit!
Caddy: How many babies am I legally allowed to step on?
Aku Aku: Ooga Booga!
When he gets tired of Aku Aku, he goes to ask Uka Uka questions instead.
Caddy: When is the best time to take pasta off of the boil?
Uka Uka: Muhahaha!
Caddy: [Beat]… What is the cure for aids?
Uka Uka: That's not my problem.
Caddy wishes Crash Tiki's Choice was like the Teen Choice Awards, because at least then there'd be a sponsor:
Uncle Funcle: Ello everyone! My name is Uncle Funcle, and my favourite snack is Nobbly Brown Thing on a Stick!
[bites the Nobbly Brown Thing on a Stick, Beat]
Uncle Funcle: ...it's not shit!
(Nobbly Brown Thing on a Stick: It isn't shit, we promise.)
The last game Caddy reviews is Super Crashing Bird, just Crash 1 but with a character that's a mix of Crash and Red. In response, he prints a paper that says "Fuck no".
Caddy warns parents to not download Super Crashing Bird for kids that wanted a Crash Bandicoot game, or else they will grab and kill them.
Caddy, being carried by a laughing baby: WHOAAA, NO! DON'T DO IT! I'M SO SORRY! STOP IT! NO, NO! DON'T TAKE ME AWAAAAAAY-!
Despite the failed attempt to find the cabinet of Cash Bandiloot and the Temple of Treasure, Caddy at least found where Spons lives when not promoting products on the channel… SPON(S) LANE!

The Exhausting World of Making a Caddicarus Video

Caddy starts the video by getting a text on his phone:
*Caddy's phone vibrates*
Caddy: "Ooh, shakey pocket."
- One day Caddy got a text, and the text was on his phone, and it came from his other phone, so he went to find his other phone, and it wasn't upstairs phone, and perhaps it was at the front door...
While showing how much he spends on props for a video, Caddy shows off an Amazon.com cart with nearly £500 of stuff in it. Cut to Caddy dancing in his backyard, while singing "I'm going to lose my house".
- Speaking of money, Caddy later talks about where some of his props end up going. Cue rapid-fire footage of stuff getting destroyed and broken over the course of Caddy's YouTube career.
  Caddy: (Beat) I waste a lot of money.
Caddy reveals that, for a single gag in his "Jesus Games" video (where he jumps off a roof in reaction to the title screen music of Manic Miner), he ended up buying a 14-foot trampoline since it was the only thing that could catch him safely as he jumped off the roof and get to his house in time to shoot the video. While his commitment is impressive, Caddy lampshades the fact that he now has a big trampoline in his backyard that he doesn't know what to do with, all because he wanted to make one shot.
Family Feud for the Playstation is an American game, and although it is very easy to be mistaken, Caddy reminds us that he is not an American.
*Cut to Caddy wearing an American flag polo and top hat*
Caddy: (deadpan) Yeehaw, pard-naer.
Apparently, Playstation games from the Arctic regions come in handfuls of ice cubes instead of discs.
Caddy, after Spons reads a sponsorship from a custom phone case company, gives a brief rundown on how he works sponsors into a given video. He then notes that his agency's contract states that if he takes on a sponsor for a video, Spons the talking kite must be the one to do the ad read, presumably because his presence is as unambiguous a legal disclosure about the video's sponsor as possible. He stresses repeatedly that this is not a joke; it's actually in the contract as a legal stipulation for his videos.
Caddy: That kite is more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
As Caddy gives a rundown on how he does live-action scenes away from the sofa, he mentions how he frequently finds himself having to explain what he's doing to bewildered passers-by, before relating a story of how he shocked a woman and baby putting something through his letterbox during the Crash Bootlegs video. This is all funny enough, but a lot of comments on Caddy's videos wonder how the neighbours would react to seeing some of the deranged antics Caddy gets up to for the camera and how weirded out they must get. This segment ended up confirming exactly what commenters have said for ages!
Olly (the cameraman) does get well looked after and has his special place to sleep for the days he stays at Caddy's place.
Caddy (after shoving Olly onto a pile of cardboard boxes): Now if I hear you make any noises in the middle of the night, I swear to God, you get the drill! (pulls out a power drill and holds the button)
For most content creators, livestreaming is a nice way to relax and play games, as well as an easy way to keep their audience entertained in-between uploads. But for Jim "Lord of Technical Problems" Caddick, it's the perfect way to slowly turn himself into a sadomasochist but without any of the fun bum stuff.
During the mini-review for Family Feud on the PS1, Caddy decides to edit one of the families to live in the Grand Canyon. And make them look the part.
Caddy: Perfect. They have a little inbreeding problem.
- Said family members are named Dribble, Trout, Boil, Pleghm, and Louise.
He's absolutely flabbergasted when one of the correct answers for "name something about commercial air travel that's worse than it was 10 years ago" in a game released in 2000 is "terrorism/hijacking".

The Legendary World of Spyro Games

Not even three seconds into the video:
"This video has been sponsored by Your Mum!"
After that, we get an interaction between two Caddys.
Caddy 1: Hi, Jim.
Caddy 2: Hi, Jim.
Caddy 1: I'm Jim.
Caddy 2: No you're not.
Caddy 1: You're right, I'm sorry.
Caddy 2: It's okay, we all make mistakes. Like that one time I set fire to a school. Heh, yeah, I know. I thought it was a wasp's nest.
Caddy 1: I've got some news for you.
Caddy 2: Oh yeah? Don't care.
Caddy 1: No, I 'really' think you need to hear this news.
Caddy 2: Shut up, you're a news.
Caddy 1: Oh, come on, stop being such a baby.
cut to Caddy 2 wearing a baby mask, then back to Caddy 1
Caddy 1: It will only take 5 seconds, I promise.
Caddy 2: I want cumpy.
Caddy 1: Excuse me?
Caddy 2: Cumpy! I want Cumpy!
Caddy 1: I swear to god, I'm gonna go.
Caddy 2: GIVE! ME! CUMPY!
Caddy 1: Okay, fine! You want cumpy? I'll go and get you your damn cumpy! What is it with you and your cumpy? There. Here you go.
Caddy 1 throws two crumpets onto Caddy 2's eyes
Caddy 1: There's your cumpy! You happy now?
Caddy 2: Yes.
Caddy 1: I've had enough, I'm off.
Caddy 2: Thank you for cumpy.
Caddy 1: You're not welcome. Oh, and by the way, you just hit a million subscribers, so, yeah.
(Beat as a shocked Caddy 2 turns slowly to the left)
Caddy 2: OH MY GO-
Olly: Hey. I’m over here. Look over here.
(another Beat as Caddy 2 turns to face the camera)
Caddy 2: OH—
The main way Caddy uses to judge whether a Spyro game is good is whether or not it makes him go "HEEEAAAA!"
Spyro also gets his own nickname like good ol' Cash Banooca; Simon The Door!
- So while introducing all the other games, they also get their own nicknames, all except for Skylanders.
  - Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage!: Ripped My Ropes, or for the European title Gateway to Glimmer, Great, a Garden.
  - Spyro: Year of the Dragon: Yay, a Donut.
  - Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly: Exit My Dartboard.
  - Spyro: Season of Ice: Silly Old Ink.
  - Spyro 2: Season of Flame: Silly Old Fish.
  - Spyro: Attack of the Rhynocs: Awesome, I Have Rubella.
  - Spyro Orange: Fudge (since the European title is Fusion).
  - Spyro: A Hero's Tail: A Happy Teeth.
  - Spyro: Shadow Legacy: Shrinking Legs.
  - The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning: A Nice Bailiff.
  - The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night: The Empty Niece.
  - The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon: Door of the Door.
The multitude of cameos thrown throughout the video all willy-nilly are all worth a chuckle. Most of them involve Caddy accidentally interrupting the cameos in doing...something, like marrying action figures of Cloud and Aerith (Kevin of Vsauce2), looking up adult Spyro the Dragon art (Adam of YourMovieSucks.org), strangling a plush goose (Scott The Woz), undressing a mini-Gnorts (Vinny of Vinesauce), poking Hunter with a stick (Saltydkdan), having plushies of Dimitri, Felix, and Sylvain make out with each other (LadyPelvic), playing Connect 4 with somone in a Gizmo costume (Shesez of Boundary Break), and eating sand (Doobus Goobus).
- The very first cameo sees Caddy crashing a panel hosted by AntDude to announce that he's hit the million subscriber mark. No one in the room reacts to this beyond a couple of confused shrugs, and Ant responds by slowly screaming in frustration toward him.
- Caddy flies out to America to ask some of his friends what his million subscriber special should be.
  Caddy: (sits down at a table) Right guys, for this video I want to cover every single Spyro game known to existence, on every portable and main console, is that a good idea?
  (Camera pans to the right to show Josh Kotoff, Ashley McDonald, Space Hamster, Brutalmoose, PeanutButterGamer, and The Completionist on the opposite side of the table. They all shout at Caddy simultaneously.)
  - Highlights of this include Jirard accusing Caddy of stealing his job, Josh attempting to rip his shirt off and fight Caddy, and Austin throwing a crushed-up can and a close-up of him screaming.
- In praising the Spyro 1 soundtrack, Caddy then tells us Barry Kramer is going to play Spyro music on the guitar.
  Barry: (plays the intro to the Super Mario Bros. theme) …Wha-
  Caddy: TAKEITAWAAAAY!
- Caddy voices his grievances with the Alchemist mission in Spyro 2 and asks MissFushi why she didn't remind him about the mission, only to find her performing some… suggestive roleplay with Spyro and Elora dolls.
  MissFushi: "Oh Spyro, you're such a bad dragon, aren't you?" (in a deeper voice) "Yes, I am. Hehehe!" (beat) Huh?
  Caddy: Everything they say about VTubers is right.
- This particular sequence of cameos, prompted by Caddy seeing Bianca kiss Hunter at the end of Year of the Dragon, stands out:
  Caddy: I don't wanna see this shit! This is a kid's game! There's not supposed to be any lewd in it! Isn't that right, Chris?
  Chris: (looking at a Google search for "spyro rule 34", turns to the camera in surprise) Oh my god!
  Caddy: Okay, ignore him. Isn't that right, Jimmy D. Pooper?
  Jimmy: (looking at two pictures of Spyro's head photoshopped onto Lara Croft's body, hastily shuts his monitors off) What?
  Caddy: Okay, ignore him. Isn't that right, I Hate Everything?
  IHE: (looking at Spyro pictures on DeviantArt) Huh?
  Caddy: (while zooming in on a giant, fat Spyro stepping on someone) Okay, if I'm not careful, my channel's gonna be suspended. Help me out, TomSka.
  TomSka: (on the toilet reading a Spyro-themed coloring book) Huh? Oh!
  Caddy: OH GOD, NOOOOOOOO-
  - When Caddy gets to the True Final Boss (a rematch with the Sorceress), it cues a second cameo from Jimmy Davis— this time he's watching the skeleton's dance from the Reignited Trilogy along with King Harkanian while a remix of "Despacito" plays in the background.
    Caddy: Wait, how did you get another cameo?
- While discussing Enter The Dragonfly, Caddy for once gets a cameo that actually contributes to his inquiry in a meaningful way… and even then, he’s not ready:
  Caddy: In fact, the game is so bad, I don't even think children's TV presenters on CBBC would take a paycheck to advertise it to kids, would they, Chris Johnson?
  Chris Johnson: (completely shamelessly) Oh, THEY'LL buy anything. CBBC's been showing the exact same episode of Tracy Beaker on a loop for years, and none of them have noticed. Heh! Little pricks~! (takes a drink of alcohol)
  Caddy: (for once, lightly perturbed) …So THAT'S why you don't present CBBC anymore.
- When Caddy goes off on his dislike of collecting fairies in Season of Fire:
  Caddy: And you even collect fireflies in this game [Season of Ice], which is class! It's way better than collecting lame-ass fairies! I don't want to collect them! What do I look like, a wuss? (cuts to Caddy with little toy fairies in his hair, which he starts scratching at and pulling out as he talks) They always get in your hair, and, oh… so itchy… oh… oh! Oh, my head!
  Arlo: Fairies in my fur!? Fairies in my fur! Aaaaaah! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
- One of the cameos around the Spyro: Orange part of the video is none other than his sister Rosie.
  Caddy: But I don't need to tell you this, when me and my sister were kids, I got Crash Purple for Christmas while she got this, and she loved it. Didn't you, Rosie?
  Rosie: (staring at the celing and moans) What?
  Caddy: See? She's an idiot!
- The Brendaniel cameo.
  Caddy: Here is a cameo from Brendaniel.
  Brendaniel: (staring off silently for a few seconds) …What?
  Caddy: This concludes the cameo from Brendaniel.
- Brock Baker makes his appearance doing a dead-on Joe Swanson impression to take the piss out of Flynn's voice:
  "Hey, Peter! Remember the time we saw Spyro the Dragon? AND I WAS A FURRY?!"
- The whole thing culminates in this:
  Caddy: And to be quite blunt, I booked too many cameos for this video and I don't know how to fit them in. Isn't that right, bloob3rry, danarage, digiMANDA, G to The Next Level, Game Apologist, Guru Larry, JohnRiggs, LS Mark, Matt McMuscles, Nitro Rad, Rerez, Tennings, Trav Guy, Schaffrillas, Scarfulhu, Uncle Silver and wayneisboss?
  All of the above: (each in the middle of doing something random; all pause and turn to the camera) What???
- To say nothing of what some of them are doing:
  - Larry is punching a Sonic head pillow.
  - Shane is trying to eat a comically oversized stack of pizza slices.
  - Mark is holding a knife, ready to stab a Brian Griffin plush.
  - Matt is making out with a Shin Godzilla plush.
  - Nick has Trav Guy bound and gagged and is stuffing him into a Sally Acorn costume.
  - Nitro Rad is playing with a BIONICLE figure.
- Also apparently Alizee threatened Caddy with a carving knife to put her in the video. But that might be Caddy's Unreliable Narrator side coming out, since her cameo involves her jamming said knife into a head of lettuce while wearing a welding mask for some reason.
- The very last cameo at the end? SomeCallMeJohnny doing a shimmying dance over Spyro's burning carcass (which was also seen in his Ratchet & Clank review), again just staring at the camera and going "what?" like so many others. And unlike those others, Caddy didn't even provide a prompt for this. It's just tacked onto the end just before the credits because he officially ran out of places and ideas for the cameos.
Caddy claims that like Spyro, many cool things are purple, such as bruises and ringworm.
"That Gnasty Gnorc is toast!"
(Cut to Caddy with a piece of toast that has Gnasty Gnorc's picture on it)
Caddy: Yeah, he is.
(Caddy takes a bite of the toast, and smiles as blood oozes from his mouth)
Long story short, gnorcs with guns.
"Easy does it, easy does it, I'm too small and I can't reach that"
Everything about Caddy's transition into Spyro 2
Caddy: [Spyro 1 is] better than Crash 1 for a first attempt, but it still feels like a first attempt.
Another Caddy, dressed up in a magician's outfit: You're a first attempt.
Caddy: (Deadpan) Oh, no. Who is tha-
Magician!Caddy: I'm The Amazing Wherdigo!
Caddy: The Amazing... Wendigo?
Wherdigo: (Deadpan) No.
Caddy stares at him for a bit
Caddy: Where-
Wherdigo: Look, they made another Spyro game!
(Wherdigo "Magically" makes the box for Gateway To Glimmer float over to Caddy)
Caddy: (Points at the box) Now, this? This is where shit starts getting good! Thank you, The Amazing Wh-
(Caddy looks up to see that he's disappeared)
Caddy: Where'd he go? (Realization hits) Oh, FU-
Spyro has the ability to burn the end-of-level flags in Spyro 2, leading to Caddy calling him a "flag-burning filthy hippie". Immediately afterward, he starts burning a flag himself.
Caddy: Yeeeaaah. Down with... down with vegetables.
- The flag in question happens to be a flag with the anarchy Circle-A, presumably because it's the only flag he could burn without controversy.
Caddy decribes the vocals in Colossus's music as sounding like a "meditating Mr. Bean". He even dresses up as the Bean himself to demonstrate!
Caddy's rant about Moneybags and all he cares about.
Munty, munty, munty...
Must be funty...
In a rich man's GUNT
- Among many other things, Moneybags is described as an alt-right Winnie the Pooh who converted a generation of kids into anti-capitalists.
  Caddy: And to be perfectly frank, he makes me want to get my killing shoes on. (cut to Caddy jumping into a pair of balloon-patterned shoes and prancing around with a knife while silly music plays, before he stabs a picture of Moneybags that starts leaking jelly)
  Moneybags: What a sweet relief.
- After describing an exploit he uses to avoid having to pay Moneybags to open the bridge in Glimmer:
  Caddy: This has been a money-saving tip with Daddy Caddy. Next week, we'll find out how to stop yourself from spending your own money by learning how to keep pennies in your ass.
Because Caddy now has over a million subscribers, he can now advertise his own merchandise. He does so animated like a PS1 cutscene and then Spons comes out of nowhere and transports Caddy to his lair.
Some Spyro fans have theorized that Hunter is secretly working for Ripto. Caddy puts forth an even more profound theory: Hunter IS Ripto! Especially funny is that one of his pieces of "evidence" for Hunter being Ripto is that Hunter is the one who summoned Ripto.
Caddy: Have you ever noticed how you never see them together on the same screen? He's the bad guy here. He is Ripto.
Caddy points out that the exaggerated lip flaps of the characters make them look like cymbals, leading to this:
(Caddy walks backwards onscreen, dressed in a really crappy Spyro costume)
Spyro!Caddy: Hi, Munter- I mean, hi, Hunter. I'm Spyro, and I want to burn all of your incriminating documents.
(Pan over to Caddy wearing cheetah spot pajamas, with a loud, crashing pair of cymbals with eyes pasted over his head)
Hunter!Caddy: GEE, THANKS, SPYRO!
Caddy questions the intelligence of Spyro 3's villains due to the fact that they hid their stolen eggs around the Forgotten Realms for anyone to find instead of just bringing them to their lair.
Bianca: Those eggs belong to us now, and I've hidden them in places you'll never find in a thousand years!
(Beat)
Caddy: The first egg is right next to where she was standing.
Caddy taking Bentley being a London Cockney to its logical extreme.
(Caddy barges into The Beefy Boys dressed like a yeti, carrying an inflatable ice club.)
Caddy: Ding-dong! 'Ello, you c **t, I'll have a Jack & Coke on the rocks, and don't worry, I bought me own oice!
(He smashes a bottle with the club, it deflates.)
Caddy: My ice popped.
Upon seeing the skateboard levels of Year of the Dragon, Caddy gets on his skateboard and rides away, except it's deliberately made to look awful for the sake of being funny. He clips through a fence as he rides away, skates through terrain where the lighting on him doesn't match the background, and even skates through traffic in the street while clipping through cars that clearly should have hit him. At one point, Caddy flips up a half-pipe, gets off his board, gets back on the board, and then prepares himself to come back down, all while in mid-air.
The Surprise Mexican Bouns Round.^note
Caddy's summation of the opening cutscene of Enter the Dragonfly:
Hunter: Wow, isn't everything great?
Ripto: Hello, my Gs!
Spyro: Oh no, it's Ripto, what are you doing here?
Ripto: That's a good question!
Gulp: Yeah, it is a good question. What are we doing here?
Ripto: What do you mean, "what are we doing here"? If you ask me one more question, I'm going to skin you! Now where was I? Oh yes, that's a good question. I'm here because I-
Caddicarus showing the demo screen in Enter The Dragonfly. While the fact it's just 5 seconds of Spyro flying can give someone a good chuckle, Caddy's Non Sequitur reaction of him smashing a vase of flowers on his face is what really seals the deal.
Regarding the lag in Enter the Dragonfly slowing everything down, Caddy explains while nonchalantly fondling a fleshy pink glove coming down from the ceiling, which slows him down too.
Caddy: (incredibly slowed down) Because when things start running in slow motion, I can't even tell anymore if I'm dumping or giving birth!
Caddy's apparent dislike of squares, which earns him the ire of his square-shaped cousin Squaddy.
Caddy: Well, I don't know about you guys, but after playing all of these GBA games, I'm getting sick of looking at squares. Can I please just get a game tgat has no squares in it for a change? I know, maybe there's one over to my left...
Squaddy: I can't believe those things you just said.
Caddy: Oh! Look, everyone! It's my cousin, Squaddy!
Squaddy: You shapist.
Caddy: Oh, come on, Squaddy! I've been looking at squares all day! I just want a break from them.
Squaddy: Oh yeah? Well, take a break from this! (Squaddy lifts his pants, revealing a gun from his crotch)
Caddy: Oh... fun!
Squaddy: Hey, round boy! My face is up here!
Caddy: Sorry. I just... I just didn't realize you people were so violent!
(Sqaddy fires his cock glock, causing Caddy to fly out of the house in a sucky-looking manner)
In the introdcution of Spyro Orange.
Caddy: It was also a crossover game, and a crossover game with another platforming Juggernaut that you all know and love.
Half-assembled LEGO Eggman: Is it Snoic?!
Caddy: Ha ha ha, no, Eggmun. It's the one, the only, Mickey Mo...
Caddy gets convinced that Spyro Orange is secretly about depression. From Spyro never smiling in the cutscenes, thinking the Artificial Stupidity of the bosses is really them trying to end themselves, Cortex ceasing to react to anything halfway through his fight, seemingly accepting his fate, to Blink hiding underground like a Shut-In, and Spyro actually looking sorry for the creatures he beats in the Tug-O-War segments.
Two words: Gnasty Gnockers.
Upon hearing Sparx's new voice in A Hero's Tail, Caddy throws a toaster offscreen, races it to the bathtub, and jumps in.
Caddy's reaction to the antagonist of A Hero's Tale being called "Red", who is a red dragon.
Caddy: I hope we find out why he's called that.
Completely thrown by Sgt. Byrd's walking speed, Caddy breaks into Toy Dolls' Nellie the Elephant.
Caddy's complete disbelief at Flame's design.
Caddy: Okay, hold the phone! Who signed off on this character?! No, this isn't a glitch, this is a seperate character. It's just another model of Spyro covered in salsa. This is peak character design. I love it.
Caddy sums up how easy the fight against Ineptune is:
Caddy!Ineptune: I'm going to tear you to pieces! (Beat) But can you please wait? I really need a nap...
(Spyro charges into her)
Caddy's condensed version of his playthrough of Spyro: Shadow Legacy:
Caddy: Ugh, speed up! GET A MOVE ON YOU FLU JAB!
Wait a second, you need Magic Points in order to FAST TRAVEL?!?
The Pink-poo-bag-on-your-keys rap.
Pink poo bag, on your keys.
Pink poo bag, on your keys.
It's not a bag for pink poo, it's the colour of the bag.
Use it to pick up your dog's poo, or use it to pick up other people's dogs.
Pink poo bag, on your keys.
Pink poo bag, on your keys.
You look so cool, you might freeze.
Pink poo bag, on your keys.
Oh no, I've lost my keys!
Oh, they're where the poo bag is.
Walking the dog, forget a bag?
Put it on your keys, you slag.
I'm best friends with my bag.
In England we call this a word you shouldn't say
Pink poo bag, on your keys.
Pink poo bag, on your key-
- Even better is the fact that this not only comes right out on nowhere while Caddy's talking about Shadow Legacy, but it doesn't even segue into the next game in any way. Even by Caddy's standards, talk about a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment.
By not liking the dark epic fantasy overtones of A New Beginning, Caddy has awakened and incurred the wrath of the legendary warrior Vine Gar — as in, a sentient bottle of malt vinegar in a Badass Cape wielding a tiny sword and shield. Thankfully, it’ll be a week before he gets to Caddy, which gives him enough time to review the sequel.
- Prior to this, Caddy does some more rapping:
  Feeling like a million pounds, and I'm out here with my pals.
  I've got a million subs, so I've got a million pounds.
  Feel like a millie, feel like a millie, I want a millie, I have a million shoes.
After giving up on The Eternal Night due to its Sequel Difficulty Spike, and seeing what he interprets as Sparx pulling a Screw This, I'm Out of Here!, Caddy concludes that with no Sparx, there's no more games, which gives him the opportunity to do the show he's always wanted to do: Dead Bird of the Week.
Caddy: (standing next to a dead bird and pointing at it) [Beat] …bleh!
Caddy's reaction to the Skylanders redesign of Spyro.
Caddy: If we were fighting together… in a war… against the same enemy… I would shoot you first.
The things Caddy calls some of they skylanders are pretty hilarious, mostly because Spyro, Sparx, and Cynder are the only ones with the correct name.
- He calls Ignitor "Fire"
- He calls Whirlwind "Spyro"
- He calls Drill Sergeant "Thomas The Tank Engine"
- He calls Terrafin "Fish" (Twice)
- He calls Dino Rang "Steve Irwin"
- He calls Zap "Spyro"
- He calls Sonic Boom "Spyro"
- Caddy buys flight for Spyro though its less than helpful to say the least. And then the game breaks.
Caddy: Now we can (Spyro still doesn’t fly over the broken bridge.) Still not go anywhere yeah.
Spyro: Here’s the. (The audio glitches out.)
To cap off the video, Sam Widge makes Skylanders Sausage in the same way the Bacon Wizard made Peppa Pig Sausage; putting some Skylanders figures in a skillet set to high, watching them melt into sludge, then shoving what he can into a condom. Next, we cut to him sitting on the floor, wheezing and pale from the fumes, but it doesn't stay dire for too long.
Sam Widge: ...I can't actually handle ze smell anymore... I'm feeling sleepy and my... my mouth tastes of coins, so I'm going to pass you onto my sous chef.
[Another chef that looks, acts, and sounds exactly like Sam bursts from the door]
Chef: AHAH! BONJOUR everyone it's me, the sous chef, Pete Zah!

The Insane World of Video Game Commercials

The start of the video is The Daily Day with Sour Nick. It consists of Sour Nick just puckering his lips before cutting to commercial:
Bobby Sponge: Ello! My name is Bobby Sponge! Do you want a big fish? Then come on down to Big Fish! Big Fish! *smacks a fish on the ground* We have fish!
- The next commercial:
  Tim Face: AH! Good evening. I'm Tim Face, and I'm very proud to present to you, our latest house on the market.
  *The camera zooms out to reveal a dumpster*
  Voiceover: This contemporary ground floor skip comes from all the facilities you would expect for the modern family, including space...
  Echo: Space...
  Voiceover: Bags...
  Echo: ...Bags...
  Voiceover: Angles...
  Echo: ...Angles...
  Voiceover: And rust.
  Echo: ....Rust....
  Voiceover: Featuring the latest in house defense technology.
  *Caddy breaks a glass*
- Although it's a good living spot thats available for the low low price of £5 million a day^note, you still have to watch out for the Gangly Trousers Caddy that lives within the garbage.
The actual start of the video is Caddy making foghorn noises to the tune of “When You Wish Upon A Star”, ala a Disney Cruise Ship.
How Caddy introduces the video's subject:
Caddy: Picture this: You make a thing and you're really proud of it, but there's just one problem...you live in a field. You need to sell that thing to bring in some munty, and what better way to do that than with an advert of a black guy stretching your face out?
Keep in mind that all of the above moments take place back-to-back within the first two minutes.
The escalating Running Gag of Caddy giving unexplained and unsaid Product Placement for Gregg's.
Caddy claims that video game ads back in the day are just as much ads for video games as they are ads for a massive hat. We immediately cut to Caddy in a big hat, with text that says "It’s bigger on the inside." All this in an ad about Banjo-Kazooie.
Caddy snarking about the Atari Jaguar's pronunciation.
- "Oh, sorry, the Atari Jag-wuar. [American accent] Driving a car, going really far. Oh no, it's tar."
The ads are contained in parts, which go by what type they are:
- The first category is "I DON'T WANT IT", which refers to ads that do exactly the opposite of what an ad is supposed to do.
- The second is "GROSS", where the ads in question had a questionably big love for making people chuck out breakfast in the morning.
- The third is "BAD", the section where terribly broken gems are included, like a tribal man trying to sell you a Game Boy, the three minute long advertisement for Hey You, Pikachu!, and of course, TheLegend27.
- The fourth is "WHY", which just leave you saying...."Why?" Like the inexplicable Final Fantasy IV ostrich ads, or the Mexican PSP dust bunnies that slowly drain the sanity of anyone who watches them.
  - Which, of course, is immediately followed by the just-as-infamous "I'M PLAYIN' NUT!" squirrels commercial.
- The fifth is "PUBESCENT", where wussy little bitches who still read Topsy and Tim become manly menny manly men through adverts smushed with boobs that make you go:
  Caddy: Oh my God, you're hot.
  Sun!Caddy: THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!
  (Caddy's face melts off)
  - "It's time for the grown-ups now— no minors allowed here!"
    Miner!Caddy: Aw... (drops his pickaxe)
- The sixth and final point is "HARDCORE", where the ads mercilessly bully you, calling you a troglodyte and a worm in order to get you to buy their products.
The first ad, which is for the PS2, reminds Caddy about Black Friday, with a high heel in Grandad's head.
(About the kid in a swimming cap on the giant pile of men) "What has he been swimming in? WHAT HAS HE BEEN SWIMMING IN?!?"
The PS2 apparantly stands for "Pox, Sickness, 2 billion dead" in that order.
The entirety of the Monster Rancher 2 segment, especially this bit:
Caddy: Well, gee, this ad's going really well! I hope nothing surprising happens while I carry my very expensive, delicate, jet-black sheet of glass!
[A closeup of a man with coins(?) in his mouth accompanied by high-pitched retching appears in the ad]
[Caddy gasps and repeatedly, flatly screams as he gently puts the sheet of glass down, runs away, and comes back to smash into it head-first]
This bit:
Caddy: Ooh! Nintendo! who doesn't love Nintendo? Apart from people that don't love Nintendo?
"Ah, everybody's favorite sport! Golfffffff!"
When faced with the infamous "YOU CANNOT BEAT US" Nintendo ad, Caddy walks out and pays someone to run him over by the head.
What does Caddy do after he buys an Atari Jaguar? Why, set on fire and dance around it to the theme tune of Follyfoot, of course!
Caddy isn't very fond of the ad with Kirby and the finger. The fact he got some rather disturbing results when looking up "Kirby Finger" didn't help.
London Bridge is falling down!~ *CHOP!*
Falling down!~ *CHOP!*
Falling down!~ *CHOP!*
London Bridge is falling down!~.......
Mr. President, a second plane has hit London Bridge.
The commercial for Dragon Ball Z for Kinect eventually shows a picture of the player making a derpy expression with dramatic music. This makes Caddy crack up laughing at a moment he clearly wasn't meant to.
Caddy on the infamous "Masterclass" trailer for Mighty No. 9:
Announcer: Do you like awesome things that are awesome?
Caddy: YES! Yes, mate! Where's the line? Where's the line?
Announcer: -make the bad guys cry like an anime fan on prom night!
Caddy: Slam dunk! Home run! Back of the net! I'm drowning myself!
(Extremely well-timed Smash Cut to Caddy doing just that)
- Caddy describes the trailer as showing you that the game "looks like a Domino's special offer", while showing the game's infamous "pizza explosions", with pepperoni layered on top and Peppino Spaghetti doing a little dance at the side.
"Hi, I'm Barry Scott, and Cillit Bang is so powerful it rotted my teeth!"
The lead-in to the "GROSS" section, following an ad where a kid is unable to handle Cybermorph's graphics and throws up all over the camera.
Caddy: Tell me, does [the Atari Jaguar] come with 64-bit wet wipes? [holding up a pixelated wet wipe] See, I have some at home, but they're only 16-bit wet wipes so they can't clean anything higher than- [throws up on the camera]
Caddy thinks the Ouya sounds more like a rallying cry for posh twats than a name for a game console:
Boris Johnson: We need to flglanyembgum the taxes, and vugymbfhuh SMELLY IMMIGRANTS.
*Every posh twat in Parliament overlaps each other with "OUYA!"*
John Bercow: OUYAAAAAAAAAAA-!
- And to give it credit, at least the Ouya let you know how you'd feel after buying it: beating yourself to death with your own spine in a pool of your own vomit.
Upon seeing the banned Resident Evil 4 commercial featuring a naked zombie woman breastfeeding a baby, Caddy douses a paper towel with some liquid in a bottle labeled "biohazard" and covers his eyes with it.
- After that:
  Caddy: Yeah, seems like we might have been made of tougher stuff back then if this was on TV… (Beat) …aside from the fact that weren’t at all and it got very quickly banned, but I can at least respect tha-
  Tiny Caddy in a dust bunny costume: (in a thick Scottish accent) Oooooooooo, did I just see some TAAAAAAAATS?!?!
  Caddy: Oh, god. Look everyone, it's Diego, the advertising Mexican dust man.
  Diego: Put da lady back on da telly!
  (long pause)
  Caddy: Are you sure you're Mexican?
  Diego: OCH! How dare you! (while picking up a didgeridoo) I'll hit you with mah didgari- 'doooooo-
  Caddy: Can you please stop before you upset another seven countries?
  Diego: PSP. (beat) I killed a man.
Cads listing off the Fanservice ad's that didn't involve honkers, like the ones with pecs, dick jokes, double entendres, and Croc eating Lara Croft. Because that's definitely sexy to somebody.
Caddy's reaction to the banned advertisement for Juiced, which show two men using their controllers to give a woman enlarged breasts that visibly bounce around even before her shirt comes off! They then go about using their controllers to strip her down to her thong and brand her butt with the Juiced logo:
Caddy: (Puts a phonograph handle in his ear, making him play an old-timey song) Do you remember the good ol' days when women knew their place?
- Caddy immediately voices his surprise that the guys in the ad didn't make the girl's butt bigger.
The scene where Caddy slut shames his Game Boy Micro, and continues to tell it off as it grabs a Bindle Stick and walks away. He eventually pulls out a cross to repel it!
MY PEEPEE GOT CONFUSED AND IT FELL OFF
The sponsor of this video? Well, Caddy didn't actually have a sponsor at the time of filming, so the sponsored segment for World of Tanks runs on Mad Libs Dialogue, with the blanks filled in by a Synthetic Voice Actor via a radio in Spons’ nose.
Spons: I will never have to worry about being unprepared for a sponsor ever again! Watch!
[The radio appears out of Spons' nose]
Radio: This video is sponsored by Wargaming and World of Tanks for PC and consoles, hahahaha.
Caddy: Why did you ask me to watch that? I did not want to watch that.
Participant 0013 from the Dead Space 2 ad announcing that she'll destroy any copy of the game that she sees, followed immediately by a Cutaway Gag of Caddy smashing a Dead Space 2 display to pieces.
Caddy: [turns to the camera] We live in a society of criminals.
The lead-in to what Caddy deems the most hardcore video game ad of all time (the PS3 baby ad);
Caddy: No question, I'm right, don't bother arguing with me, you'll lose. Won't they, Daniel Druff?
Daniel Druff: [constantly running his hands through his hair and causing gratuitous amounts of dandruff to fall out] Oh yeah, Caddy, they don't stand a chance against you - you win every argument you ever start! I'd hate to be on the end of your debating skills. Especially when it comes to your opinions on socioeconomic-
Caddy: [covered in dandruff] Why did I invite you?
The final ad Caddy shows is a poorly-aged magazine ad for Microsoft Flight Simulator from 1995 which mentions the Twin Towers.
Caddy: Two 9/11 jokes within ten minutes, I'm on a roll!

The Ripoff World of Crash Bandicoot Merchandise

The opening is Caddy sitting on the couch wearing a Crash Bandicoot suit.
Caddy: I like Crash Bandicoot.
"You wake up one day, get ready with your grey Crash Bandicoot hat, and put on your Crash Bandicoot christmas wooly jumper because of all the snow in June, head downstairs tosit at your-oh hang on, you forgot your pants-put on your Aku Aku lounge pants but don't worry about the matching pajama top because it doesn't fit you, head downstairs to sit at your Crash Bandicoot breakfast table from Zavvi.com, get out your Crash Team Racing coasters that fit together to make a complete car tire so you can put your Uka Uka mug and your Crash Bandicoot mug and your Crash Bandicoot box mug and your Crash Bandicoot box mug, whip out your phone with it's Crash Bandicoot 4 phone case, take a drink from your Uka Uka mug thats now a Crash Bandicoot pint glass and then see you can buy more Crash Bandicoot stuff online, so you go get your Crash Bandicoot shoulder bag in order to dig in and find you Crash Bandicoot wallet. Oh, what's that? It's another Crash Bandicoot hat. Then you order the Crash Bandicoot thing you wanted, and wait a week for it to arrive only to discover they sent you the wrong thing and now you have a Crash Bandicoot pez dispenser."
- Bonus Points for the package hitting Caddy in the face.
- "Hark, what's that?" [Starts squishing his ear] "It's my ear!"
- After that whole gag, Caddy has this to say:
  Caddy: Are you thinking that I just blew my load all at once on the Crash Bandicoot merch I own for the sake of an intro joke? You don't have a clue who I am.
Caddy's not gonna find out who made him the Aku Aku and Uka Uka masks for his birthday, because he's not an assassin.
Caddy thinks that Crash's face on one of the shirts looks more ready for a trumpet.
Caddy brings up an official Crash bandana, saying you can wear it to rep your Crash Bandicoot gang... in England.
Caddy: Yo, pip pip cheerio, you skank-ass BITCH!
When talking about a Mug shaped like Crash's fist, Caddy puts it towards his...private area.
Caddy: NO, GOD, STOP IT!!!
This bit:
Caddy: Hang on, Caddy, what are you doing in space?
Space Caddy: Aha! I knew you'd be talking about merchandise, so I flew all the way to Japan and bought you back some things!
Caddy: Wow! Just for me?
Space Caddy doesn't respond.
Caddy: I'm not thanking you.
Space Caddy: Oh, I'm overheating.
Space Caddy explodes and drops two Crash Bandicoot manga issues.
When talking about the Crash Bandicoot manga, Caddy compares Cortex to a fish.
While Caddy didn't want to include bootlegged merchandise, he decide to make an exception for a bootlegged bedset he found... Featuring an N. Sane Trilogy screenshot of Crash and Polar, which isn't the least bit photogenic. This image is spread on the pillows, too!
Caddy: Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night and that face is staring right into your eyes? Can you imagine looking down in the morning and seeing Crash's greasy fingers resting on your chest? Can you imagine your children coming in to wake you up after a nightmare, and then this rises from the dark to comfort them? Can you imagine being intimate with your partner? But it isn't your partner, it's Crash Bandicoot!
The sponsor break is brought to you by Spons, who is dying from a disease he got from some oily stains that developed on the pages of the manga. He hasn't got much longer since he can't afford the health care... at the moment. Because he's just got to get through an ad-read for Naraka: Bladepoint that'll sort him out, so he delivers the entire spiel on his deathbed in what sounds like a permanent death rattle. Caddy then remembers the UK provides subsidized healthcare and thus it should be barely coming out of his pocket, if at all, to start with.
Spons: The NHS doesn't cover kites.
Caddy: Ooooh. [Tender silence]
Spons: They're racist.
Caddy: Okay, lemme know when you're dead! [Smiling, delivering a thumbs up as he leaves]
Caddy wants to know who puts charms on their phones so he can show up in a barrel and talk to them, which might involve a knife.
If you use the japanese rubber Crash Team Racing toy as an English rubber, you have a very strange knob. Much opposed to a Crash figurine on Caddy's shelf, which flat out repels women from him.
Caddy interprets PVC as "Painful Vegan Crap".
With how fragile nanoblocks are, Caddy is worried that N. Gin will lose his legs and become Humpty Dumpty.
The Crash in the Crash Bandicoot foam puzzle looks like he's holding a cane while waving to the royals.
British Crash: Oh, hello, King Charles, how's your mum doing?
"Oh no, you just got Crash Bandicoot PC mouse matted!"
YOU GOT MATTED!
was made possible by:
Director - Edward Rection
Host - Rob Myleg
Writer - Mark Book
Producer - Ham Andeggs
Executive Producer - Jim Equipment
Camerawork - Len Soffacamera
Production Designer - Fossil Fuel
Description - Name
Composer - Cool Runnings (1993)
Editor - My mate Steve, big ups
I don’t get - paid enough for this
Director - Edward Rection
Host - Rob Myleg
Writer - Mark Book
Producer - Ham Andeggs
Executive Producer - Jim Equipment
Camerawork - Len Soffacamera
Production Designer - Fossil Fuel
Description - Name
Composer - Cool Runnings (1993)
Editor - My mate Steve, big ups
I don't get - paid enough for this
Director - Edward Rection
Host - Rob Myleg
Writer - Mark Book
Producer - Ham Andeggs
Executive Producer - Jim Equipment
Camerawork - Len Soffacamera
Production Designer - Fossil Fuel
Description - Name
Composer - Cool Runnings (1993)
Editor - My mate Steve, big ups
Just copy and paste who gives a shit
Director - Edward Rection
Host - Rob Myleg
Writer - Mark Book
Producer - Ham Andeggs
Executive Producer - Jim Equipment
Camerawork - Len Soffacamera
Production Designer - Fossil Fuel
Description - Name
Composer - Cool Runnings (1993)
Caddy's Crash Team Racing incense burner ends up setting the house on fire. The fireman doesn't care.
Announcer: William the useless fireman~
Caddy presses the TNT crate paladone light, causing an explosion with a fart sound effect.
After taking a lengthy fall down several flights of stairs while playing his Offically Licensed Crash Bandicoot Tiger Electronics game, he gets called into the kitchen by the marsupial himself! (Read: A sagging, Officially Licensed plush voiced by Chris O'Neill) When he gets there, Crash turns him into solid metal by saying "Go go gadget you're metal now" and sticks a package of Officially Licensed Crash Bandicoot Magnets to him, making him fall over.
- "Golly, I wonder what kind of present he has for me in there? I mean it could be anything, it could be a-a plate, or a.. baguette! Man, I just can't wait, it's like Christmas came early! But it isn't Christmas, that's why it's early."
How does Caddy taste test the Crash Bandicoot-branded G Fuel? By bringing in Sam Widge to boil some instant noodles in it, of course! Just for flavour, he also adds some Spyro G Fuel and Knuckles G Fuel with it (described as "Spyro sweat" and "Knuckles wee"). It's honestly a miracle he even managed to put one forkful in his mouth, never mind swallow it. He can't even get it into his mouth without dropping a Precision F-Strike!
Sam Widge: And voila! (Beat before suddenly speaking in normal voice) Bon appetit, bitches.
- Once you take the noodles out of the packet, you'll need to take the flavour packet and put it in the bin. A talking one, no less, with Caddy's face stretched over the hole.
  Bin Caddy: Hello, it's me, the bin; Gar Bidge. I love eating rubbish. Give it me. (Food crumbs fall into Gar's mouth) Aaaam nam nam naaam, nam nam nom nom nom... bye!
  (Sam Widge closes the bin)
- Caddy briefly breaks character to comment on how the drink stinks of BO.
When Caddy shows off a Crash figurine with customizable parts, he demonstrates this by taking off the figure's mouth, which leaves the figure looking...disturbing.
Caddy!Bobby McFerrin: ♫ Don't worry.....be happy.♫
*musical beat*
*Caddy blowing wind through his mouth at the whistling part as the mouthless Crash figure shakes violently on screen*
Caddy laments the fact that cereal boxes don't have toys in them anymore, stating that they were the tastiest bit. He then proceeds to eat a Squirtle toy in his spoonful.
Caddy describes one of the Crash cereal toys as a lamp at your nan's house.
After looking at Crash toys from cereal boxes, Caddy goes to put down a box Rice Krispies...only to realize that, by pushing in parts of the name on the box, it somehow spells "SPIES". Cue the box coming to life, dressed as a spy with a gun, and shooting Caddy in the head...to which he reacts to as if he's been betrayed, wiping the "bullet wound" off with a paper towel.
The glorious return of the Caddicarus Bouns Round, ending with him riding the Bonus Platform being flushed down one of the toilets in the restaurant.
Caddy: Actually, you know what the toilet reminds me of? Taco Bell!
Talking about merch so much made Caddy remember he has his own merchandise, so he boots up his PS1 to show the PS1 realm again. Spons immediately flies in (He has since recovered from his disease because he's immortal) to show off the Bandicoot Month merch, perfect for the people who aren't angry about the June event never taking place in June. Then PS1!Caddy reveals he's the REAL Caddicarus, and the one seen in the video itself is a fake who's planning to Kill and Replace the original. The fake Caddy turns off the TV and makes a shushing motion to the camera.
Caddy holds onto the Z in "Tubbz" for long enough to spawn an actual wasp to come towards the screen.
Don't use Numskull's Crash Bandicoot Tubbz as bath toys, or you'll get a pot of scalding water poured on your head.
When Caddy realizes that the Funko Vinyl Soda is just a quirky container for a figurine and not actually a beverage, he melts the figurine into liquid and pours it into the can.
Long Dennis now has his own in-universe youtube channel where he hosts an unboxing web show called Long Dennis Unboxing^noteWhich he reffers to as Long Dennis Unlonging, which also has its share of funnies.
- At one point, he lifts up a Crash Bandicoot glass cup, which proceeds to slip through his plastic hands and shatters onto the ground.
- "A Crash crate stress ball! That you can squeeze! Yeees! It helps me unwind when I have a new letter in the door from my long ex-wife when she wants me to pay long child maintenence!"
- As of July 17th, 2023, the channel is real!
Towards the end of the video, Caddy needs to go to America for the third time to see if he can find any more Crash merchandise. This time, however, he's gonna take his time and bring with him everything he, and by extension you, need for this. Including, your carry-on flightbag with a Crash Bandicoot pencil case to have all your chargers in, your Crash Bandicoot A4 document wallet for your passport^note, your Crash Bandicoot Switch case for your Nintendo Switch for portable games, or your other Crash Bandicoot Switch case depending on your mood, your big luggage bag equipped with your Crash Bandicoot luggage tags for all your licensed Crash Bandicoot clothes. Bring your car keys equppied with your question mark box key-ring and drive to the airport after decorating your car with your Crash Team Racing fuzzy organge dice. And of course, don't forget your Crash Bandicoot triple filtration face mask^note, but only if you really need it, like if you need to contain your "British disease", with the effects of a beer belly, bad teeth, and a desire to invade African countries.

The Scary World of Viral YouTube Horror Games

The beginning of the video has someone walking alone in the forest. Then Caddy (à la Slender Man) appears in different places saying hello and rushing towards the screen before appearing at his couch like nothing happened.
Caddy: Sorry I've been gone awhile, everyone. The doctor told me that I couldn't...survive.
Caddy's Halloween costume is Kyle America (Pronounced AM-uh-REE-cuh).
Kyle America: I eat candy in my diaper and I drive a Chevrolet.
- Bonus points for being pronounced as "Tchev-RAWL-ett".
Caddy is working with a charity involved in finding out if MatPat of Game Theory responded to the Hello Neighbor Twitter account. And you too could support the "MAttention PAttention Foundation" for £3000^note or $3657.73 for American viewers per month.
Caddy sets criteria that he can't take about any modern horror games, such as Poppy Playtime, Basic Bald Man, Layers of Cake, and Doki Dokimon Gotta Catch 'em all.
After lamenting that Daniel can't pick up candles in Amnesia: The Dark Descent, he does find a reprise.
Caddy: But don't panic, everyone! It's okay! I've got a dead rabbit!
[Holds a taxidermized rabbit for a few seconds, before it goes flying out the window]
Caddy: OH NO!!!
Caddy breaks his monthly sponsorship egg, with blood coming out of it. Then Spons comes out of nowhere with his face covered in blood.
He describes the music in Yume Nikki as good and does its job well, but is still very unfitting as it is more funky-like. He then plays one of the tracks while dancing to it in a room with a disco ball, and the song is actually exactly what you would expect from a game like this.
During SCP – Containment Breach, Caddy finds a kindred spirit in SCP-049 when the latter walks out of an elevator with his right hand raised as if he's reaching for something.
Caddy: (walks out of an elevator wearing a beak mask, hand raised) Are you looking for hot Russian singles in your area??
Partway through Caddy's review of Imscared, he gets jump-scared so hard that he has a massive, exaggerated heart attack. His theme song pops up afterwards, only this time, the chorus sings "CARDIAC ARREEEEST!" instead of the channel's name.
Albeit crossing over with Nightmare Fuel (or even Nightmare Retardant for that matter), the re-appearance of the mysteriously zany Long Dennis in the transitional skit that leads into Caddy's review of Slender is very much a comedic surprise for all, as Long Dennis jump-scares Caddy a la Slenderman.
Caddy talks about the batteries in Outlast, and how they drain faster than him with- (hard cut to an in-game vending machine) COLA! DRINK IT! Hard cut to Caddy hurriedly sucking cola through a straw. He swiftly finds himself overwhelmed by the gas in the drink, breaking character as he realises what a bad idea that was.
- He also mocks the name of one of the antagonists.
  Caddy: This wretched brute is called Chris Walker. Would you be scared if you were chased by a monster called Tony Smith?
Caddy's reasoning for why Five Nights at Freddy's doesn't let you close the doors for the entire night - because Freddy is the chairman of Just Stop Oil.
Caddy finishing his Five Nights at Freddy's 2 critique with "...and Chica is now thicc".
Just like a lot of other people, he calls out Springtrap's jumpscare for not being very scary, claiming that it looks more like he's flirting with you. He finishes the review off by calling him "Fruity Springtrap".

Funny / Caddicarus: Main Season 15

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