Follow TV Tropes


Quotes / Bunny-Ears Lawyer

Go To

"Hide behind the mask of a fool, a drunk, or a madman to create confusion about your intentions and motivations. Lure your opponent into underestimating your ability until, overconfident, he drops his guard. Then you may attack."
— "Stratagem 27", The Thirty-Six Stratagems

    open/close all folders 

    Anime and Manga 

I'm surprised you can work this well when you're so drunk.

I may not look like it, but I am a professional!

    Film — Live-Action 

You know, you don't act like a scientist. You're more like a game show host.
Dane Barrett, Ghostbusters (1984)

He could have gone for General, but he went for himself instead. October 1967: On special assignment, Kurtz staged Operation Archangel with combined local forces. Rated a major success. He received no official clearance. He just thought it up and did it. What balls! They were gonna nail his ass to the floorboards for that one, but after the press got ahold of it, they promoted him to Full Colonel instead. Ah man, the bullshit piled up so fast in Vietnam, you needed wings to stay above it.
Willard, Apocalypse Now

If I had been that drunk I wouldn't have been able to stand, much less give a lecture on integrated circuits.
Yinsen on Tony Stark, Iron Man

"Dr. Thorkel may be eccentric, but he is also the greatest living biologist."
Dr. Robert Bulfinch, Dr. Cyclops


Watson: I don’t think you need alarm yourself, I have usually found that there was method in his madness.
Inspector Forrester: Some folk might say there was madness in his method.
—Watson and Inspector Forrester on Sherlock Holmes.

He was clearly a bounder and a cad. He seemed to think because he was the possessor of the finest legal mind ever discovered that gave him the right to behave exactly as he liked, and unfortunately he appeared to be right.

Harry: Bunny slippers and polka music.
Murphy: Don't knock it. He's good at his job.
The Dresden Files, "Death Masks"

For top-level work, you need Zero pilots. Such men are not bound by the same rules as the expendables. If one of them feels like having a few drinks to relax after a hard day's work serving Allah, so be it."
"To a war commander, the higher the skill level, the higher the tolerance for off-duty conduct. Your best sniper has a preference for little girls, your top chopper-pilot's hobby is rape - so what?
Another Life by Andrew Vachss

I understand the technique of eccentricity; it would be futile for a man to labor at establishing a reputation for oddity if he were ready at the slightest provocation to revert to normal action.
Nero Wolfe, Fer-de-Lance

Wedge: I'm usually pretty good about taking orders.
Iella: If occasionally reinterpreting them rather thoroughly.

    Live-Action TV 

This is just friendly advice, but give Sherlock five minutes on your crime scene and listen to everything he has to say. And as far as possible, try not to punch him.
Lestrade, Sherlock, "A Scandal in Belgravia"

I think you're brilliant. But there is a fine line between brilliance and lunacy.
Clark Kent to Lois Lane, Lois & Clark

Sarah-Jane Smith: Are you serious?
The Doctor: About what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it.

Bishop: Doctor Song, do you trust [the Doctor]?
River Song: I absolutely trust him.
Bishop: He's not some kind of madman, is he?
River Song: I absolutely trust him.

Scully: First of all, if the family of Ronnie Strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for—I think the figure is $446 million—then you and I both will most certainly be co-defendants and second of all, (beat) I don't even have a "second of all", Mulder. $446 million. I'm in this as deep as you are and I'm not even the one that overreacted. I didn't do the (makes a stabbing motion) with the thing.
Mulder: I did not overreact. Ronnie Strickland was a vampire.
The X-Files, "Bad Blood"

Large intestine: 890 grams, yada yada yada. Stomach contents show last meal close to the time of death, consisting of pizza. Topped with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms ... mushrooms ... That sounds really good.
Agent Dana Scully (the same episode)

Historically, I've had this problem with authority—no offense—so I realized the only way I could get away with being me was to be as indispensable as possible.
Charlie, Supernatural

You will be dealing with a highly strung and temperamental team of rank amateurs who just happen to be brilliant at what they do.
Lester: briefing Becker in Season 3 of Primeval

The son of a bitch is the best doctor we've got.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy on why House is never fired from his job. (Until he was.)

Got your hands full with that one, eh, George?
General Michael E. Ryan (the actual Air Force Chief of Staff at the time), to Maj. Gen. George Hammond regarding Jack O'Neill (again), "Prodigy", Stargate SG-1

Trapper: You gonna lock us up, Sheriff?
Henry Blake: If you guys didn't outclass every bit of surgical talent in Korea, your tails would have been in handcuffs a long time ago.
M*A*S*H, "The Incubator"

Christopher Titus: Excuse me! Why is a violent, manic depressive, schizophrenic running the front desk?
Doctor Fine: Because she's so darn good at it!
Titus, "Locking Up Mom"

    Tabletop Games 
"Bunch of ineffectual fops? I've seen a group of Brionnian knights break off from singing songs about their ladies, slaughter a band of Beastmen, and then go back to singing songs whilst cleaning their weapons. Odd, certainly, but not ineffectual."
Marietta, Tilean Mercenary, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Knights of the Lady: A Guide to Bretonnia

Regardless, Estes is nearly psychotic when it comes to defending his precious brews, and will scream at anyone from the lowliest tourist to the mightiest executive from Corporate who dares make a suggestion to him regarding improving any of his concoctions. On the rare occasions when Michaud and Estes go at it, the rest of the company leaves the building.
As for what precisely Estes is, the only surety is that it's not something human. One former employee swears she saw him tasting a new batch by dipping his tongue into it -- from four feet away. He's heavyset, but not fat, and occasionally it looks like his arms bend in places where they really shouldn't have joints. But he did win Hops magazine's coveted "Brewmaster of the Year" award for 1999, so who's going to argue with him for being a little eccentric, even as regards his anatomy?
Werewolf: The Apocalypse — Subsidiaries: A Guide to Pentex


    Video Games 

A specialist operator who always wears a hippie-like grin.
Conducts himself with a rather poor, devil-may-care attitude that even spills over to his medical practice, sometimes cracking jokes about his patients' injuries during treatment. However, his medical techniques are indeed unrivaled in the entirety of Rhodes Island.
Ingame files about Aak in Arknights

You're almost more trouble than you're worth. Almost.
Kent on his fellow knight Sain, Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword

Look, the difference between you 'sane' and you 'crazy' is that you drive slightly faster.

Major Zero: According to him, that mask is a revolutionary new design that lets the wearer blink, something that wasn't possible up until now.
Snake: I'd think you'd want to make the lips move before bothering with the blinking.
Major: Yeah, I thought so too, but for some reason he's obsessed with making it blink
Snake: Whoever he is, he sounds like a crackpot.
Major: Mmm. Well, he does good work. But I spend three days a month just dealing with the complaints we get about him…
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater radio conversation about Sigint

Despite his eccentricities and cynical… och, he'll appreciate the honesty… downright unpleasant personality, Mr. Montag does more for the safety and development of his students than he lets on. It's not an easy thing bringing these kids into a world fraught with occult rites and secret handshakes: it takes a real bastard, even on the best of days. The competition for the most talented students, the petty jealousies and the ancient blood feuds between the most prominent institutions, and the more-and-less covert attempts at industrial espionage all take their toll… and of course, the deaths. Being responsible for every single life lost in the pursuit of knowledge would break less than an arrogant man. At least he lets us deal with the parents now: after those first couple of accidental self-immolations, some thought it best we kept him away from grieving relatives.
Annabel Usher, The Secret World

"I'm glad to have the Chargers on our side. Bull's men are professionals — despite evidence to the contrary."
Commander Cullen Rutherford, Dragon Age: Inquisition


It seems you can't hire someone competent without them having an embarrassing hobby.
Hector, Antihero for Hire

People think I'm kidding when I tell them that the same guy who used a homemade grappling hook when the elevators were out is also the reason why this company is showing record profits.
Marcy on Rayne Summers, Least I Could Do

    Web Original 

Chris: I will say, though, for a guy who refused to memorize his dialogue and read off cue cards, Brando does pretty well for himself.
David: Dude, he’s Marlon Brando. He probably flew to Krypton and lived there for ten years. Method acting!
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Superman

To some, Sean was a mess of epic proportions but to her, she was just doing her job and standing up for herself! Occasionally in a latex catsuit. In public. Or on a studio lot, uninvited.
DListed, "Sean Young Talks Catwoman (Again)"

Joseph R. "Literally" "Big Fucking Deal" "Gates of Hell" Biden, Jr. is the current in a long list of gaffe-prone Vice Presidents of the United States who, at the same time, has managed to be one of Barack Obama's most important negotiators...In May of 2012, right in the middle of the re-election campaign, Biden misspoke (or maybe not), saying that "I am absolutely comfortable with gay marriage." This gaffe forced Obama to have to actually address the gay marriage issue head on. The President said he had evolved and now accepted gay marriage. This was one of several turning points in the campaign, so thank him for that.

If you’re looking for endless shots of dreadlocked men huffing smoke like desperate babies suckling on a green breast, then Snoop Dogg‘s Reincarnated is the documentary for you! Weed-obsession aside, it functions as a biography of a guy who’s led a super interesting life, although Snoop stopped being a real person somewhere around the late nineties. Despite his status as a living cartoon, the story of the night Tupac got shot would make a fine audition piece monologue.

There is something of a devil's bargain in the casting of Tom Baker. The main brief for a new Doctor was that they wanted an eccentric. For a while the part was expected to go to an elderly actor, but eventually Bill Slater, Head of Drama at the BBC, pointed Letts towards Tom Baker as someone who was suitably crazy for the part. The problem with casting someone for their craziness, however, is that, well, they're a bit crazy.
Dr. El Sandifer

They spent a good chunk of the sixth season of the series testing the waters for a spinoff show, featuring a lineup of new ass-kicking female immortals who would become the next main character. None of the new characters tested well, though, and as a result the producers went back to Amanda [Elizabeth Gracen], the likeable thief and on and off love interest of Duncan MacLeod. Amanda was beautiful, clever, witty, and had been a fan favorite for six years. The big question was, why did the producers waste so many episodes trying to find an ass-kicking female immortal when they already had Amanda?

The answer, it seems, is this: Elizabeth Gracen was fucking insane.
The Screamsheet on Highlander: The Raven

Dennis Rodman is such an inhuman creature that he has to sit next to Carrot Top to convince adventurers that he's not a hobgoblin. He has so many piercings that metal detectors think he's kidding when he tries to take his dick through them. His colorful hairstyles have inspired thousands of gay children to become landscapers. All that being said, he was really good at basketball. Dennis Rodman could pull a rebound through a garden hose with his mouth.

An athletically gifted, but terminally narcissistic, basketball player whose considerable assets are spoiled by his massive ego.

Kobe Bryant just took the buzzer-shot, even though he was being triple teamed, and a polar bear was chewing the flesh off his right foot, and he was eighty-four feet away from the basket. Why didn't he pass the basketball to one of his four ridiculously unguarded teammates?
Urban Dictionary on Kobe Bryant

I get why you might wear out after having Captain Jawclench as the head man for four years. But this man is a football coach, and football coaches are, by their very nature, insufferable. They work endless hours. They are humorless and often distant and aloof. They are endlessly demanding. Only a batshit crazy person would thrive in that job, and so Jim Harbaugh fits into the mold nicely.
Drew Magary, "The Niners Are Fucking Stupid"

In 1966, when most black people in the U.S. couldn’t even be assured of their voting rights because the Civil Rights war was still being fought, a New York Jew was writing about a brilliant black biochemist hanging out with the Avengers. Whatever else I have ever written, or will write, about Stan Lee’s writing prowess, I’ll say this: the man has balls of steel and a heart of gold.

In his personal life, he failed. In his books, he succeeded. I wouldn’t want to share a tent with the guy, but then I probably wouldn’t enjoy the books of a guy that always picks up after himself, pays his bills on time and never plays his music too loud quite as much.

John Belushi was equal parts comedic genius and cocaine-possessed party demon, but the man was also a career performer and a reasonably talented actor. That means he at least made an effort to clean up for work, right? Let's save both you and the universe some time by never asking that question ever again.

There's only one thing handicapping Heinlein's books.

He is insane.

Starship Troopers is probably Heinlein's tamest novel in terms of expressing his controversial views... The Puppet Masters gets rather comical by introducing an alien threat that eventually requires the world to walk around entirely naked.

The doctor has prosthetic arms, no shirt, and lives on his yacht-clinic.
Elkian describing a Paradise Killer character

    Web Video 

"Alan Moore is one of the most famous and influential writers in comics; so much so, that introducing him to a crowd to of... 'enthusiasts of pop-culture esoterica' is almost seems almost redundant. He is a practicing occult magician, he worships an ancient Roman snake puppet, and his works may or may not have given fuel to the fire of the global 'Occupy' movement."

While Shatner is often mocked as a ham actor, the quiet way he expresses [his grief] shows that while, yeah, sometimes he's the guy that screams 'Khan,' sometimes he's the also the guy that can scream even louder without going above a whisper.

The guy singing is a lawyer. This motherfucker is a lawyer. THIS. Motherfucker. Is a lawyer.
— Top rated YouTube comment, on this song

Critic: Damn it! You really did escape from a mental institution!
Malice: Well, I assumed you did, too, given how you're dressed.
Critic: Yeah, but I'm a celebrity. When you dress weird, it's crazy. When I dress weird, it's avant-garde.

    Western Animation 
Tahama: That one's got attitude.
Vallejo: That one's also the best.

General Deckter: Aaand being that we are all big Mel Gibson film fans, we thought maybe you could help us.
Mel Gibson: [twisting his nipples hard] Ah, my nipples, they hurt! They hurt when I twist them!
General Deckter: [dismayed, drops his head into his left hand] Yes, uh, I don't suppose you have any creative ideas how to fight these terrorists?
Mel Gibson: How about this? You have that tape that the terrorists made, right? Well, maybe if you did a background check on that videotape, you might find somebody who doesn't belong. Somebody who doesn't fit in Imaginationland! [twists his nipples again] Ohhh!
Specialist: Heyy... that's not a bad idea.
General Deckter: Yeah. Say what you will about Mel Gibson, but the son of a bitch knows story structure. Get the videotape and do a background check on everyone in it!
Mel Gibson: [twists his nipples from the excitement] Oogh! Yess!

    Real Life 

Jefferson is a slender man, has rather the air of stiffness in his manner. His clothes seem too small for him... His whole figure has a loose, shackling air. He had a rambling, vacant look, and nothing of that firm collected deportment which I expected would dignify the presence of a secretary or minister. I looked for gravity, but a laxity of manner seemed shed about him. He spoke almost without ceasing; but even his discourse partook of his personal demeanor. It was loose and rambling; and yet he scattered information wherever he went, and some even brilliant sentiments sparkled from him.
Sketches of Debate in the First Senate by William Maclay, describing Thomas Jefferson

The barbiturate Nembutal and vodka are a lethal combination and they did his brain no good. But the writing was often still marvelous; also, more adventurous than before. Many critics hoped, even prayed that this was a final falling off from his so unbearable to so many of them greatness. But the talent endured.
Gore Vidal on Tennessee Williams, Point to Point Navigation

People would ask me, "How come you stayed with her so long?" and my joke was, "Because nobody could make the speech, "Miss Garland will not appear tonight," better than I could. Judy loved that; she had a laugh like a horse... but she could suck your blood. I used to come home drained, and my wife would say, "How can you do it?" Every night, it was like waiting for a hanging; we never knew what the hell was going to happen.
Alan King on Judy Garland, Name Dropping

People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time.

If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.

She can knock 'em back. She's pretty immature for a news woman.
Chelsea Handler on drinking buddy Katie Couric

Ric Flair had a lot of fun, and he was a great wrestler; but he had a lot of issues, and he was a selfish person.

Richard Dean Anderson: I cornered [Gen.] Ryan and asked him if he had colonels that actually behaved the way I did. You know, was it a little shaky? Was I being disrespectful? And he stopped me in mid-sentence and just said, 'Son,' (which I thought was rather condescending), he said, "Yes, we've got colonels like you, and worse".
Stargate SG-1 season 8 DVD featurette

No one ever questions the disorder behind her tarantula LA glamour—sociopathy, narcissism—because it’s good rock and roll, good entertainment! I have a low tolerance for manipulative, egomaniacal behaviour, and usually have to remind myself that the person might be mentally ill.

He may be a bore, he may be a creep, he may act childish about the Academy Awards — but there is no one else who could have played that scene flat-out, no holds barred, the way he did, and make it work triumphantly.
Roger Ebert on Last Tango in Paris, The Great Movies

He was our friend, but most of the time we now wanted to strangle him.


How well does it match the trope?

Example of:


Media sources: