A website that features film scripts of movies that are rewritten in a mocking manner for comedic effect. It was founded in 1998 and is still going strong to this day, now featuring several regular authors.Found here.
- A Wizard Did It: Every time something or someone makes little sense or does more than it logically should, it is described as "magical".
- Author Tract: In some scripts, it's lampshaded when the director or writer of the movie got a little carried away.
Tony Soprano: Whoah, I recognise a Strong Female Character when I see one. Give this woman whatever she wants, for she has struggled against all the odds to gain respect as a lone woman in a traditionally male-dominated workplace. Right on, sister!Director Kathryn Bigelow: Mmmm.... shallow self-validation tastes so sweet.
- In Zero Dark Thirty:
- And the scripts themselves might have this from time to time.
- The Abridged Series: The scripts are essentially an abridged series for movies.
- Accentuate the Negative: The scripts mock and nitpick films, regardless of the script writer's personal rating. Rod's scripts are the most negative of the lot, usually containing outright insults and turning each minor detail into a major plothole.
- Anthropomorphic Personification: Physics is a character in the The Fast and the Furious series, Rape Culture makes a cameo in Straw Dogs, and Awkward Silence has a predictably silent appearance in Mud.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking:
Kurt Russell: What the fuck is even going on? Ghost samurai? China Town mafia wars? Kim Cattrall?
- In the script for Big Trouble in Little China.
T.J. Miller: You look like melted Ken doll. You look like Darth Vader without his helmet on. You look like Playgirl Magazine’s Radiation Ghoul of the Month. You look like a Cabbage Patch doll that someone microwaved. You look like a veiny cock with a face drawn on it. You look like a cantaloupe with mange. Your eyes are too close together.
- When riffing on Deadpool's hideous post-mutation face:
- Artistic License – Physics: In-work. Fast Five plays so fast and loose with the laws of physics that eventually, the Laws of Physics walk off the set. In the sixth movie, it hangs itself!
- Ascended Fanboy: The unaffiliated website Playthroughline is an acknowledged attempt to be The Editing Room but for video games. Joannes, the creator of Playthroughline, has since become one of the official Editing Room authors.
- Audience Surrogate: Ellen Page in Inception.
- Bad Bad Acting: Jet Li in The Expendables 2: "Oh no I'm, also out OF ammo".
- Bait-and-Switch Comparison:
- In the script for The Tree of Life, Hunter McCracken's brother complains of how the profusion of dutch angles which was mocked in Battlefield Earth is acclaimed here. Hunter replies, "But that film wasn't Art", and is countered with "True, but the difference is one of them is so bad it's excruciatingly painful and strangely manages to have a blind following, which in turn makes you question the sanity of the director, and the other has John Travolta hamming it up."
- The photo for the Skyfall script shows Daniel Craig and the Aston Martin DB5 with the caption, "Everyone's favourite James Bond star is back! Oh, and Daniel Craig too. MISDIRECT!"
- The script for the sixth Harry Potter movie opens with this:
- Bat Deduction:
- Big Damn Kiss: Deconstructed at the end of Wrath of the Titans.
- Blah Blah Blah:
Tilda Swinton: Hold it right there! Skandar is a traitor, and something something ancient magic means you have to give him to me!
- Dennis Quaid speaks almost entirely in this in The Day After Tomorrow. "Bla bla bullshit science weather bla bla global blah ice caps blah devastation!"
- In the Chronicles of Narnia script.
- Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs: An epic one in Fright Night, in which "ANTON KILLS THE FUCK OUT OF COLIN with FIRE, WOODEN STAKES, GARLIC, SUNLIGHT, SILVER CROSSES, HOLY WATER, GARLIC STAKES, HOLY WOOD, FIRE CROSSES, SUNGARLIC, and GARCROSSTAKEWATERLIGHTVER BULLETS, ALL AT ONCE!"
- Brick Joke:
- In the script for Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, the opening scene has Mark Strong getting shot in Budapest and saying, "At least I'll die with classic British stoicism, though, not while running around frantically like some Yankee 'Mission Impossible' asshole". A week later, the script for Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol had Josh Holloway getting shot in Budapest and saying, "At least I got one cool action sequence in, though, and didn't just get plugged while standing around like some limey 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy' chump".
- In the script for Godzilla (2014), a Lieutenant on a military train going through a forested area spots another train and says, "Look at those Mutant Corps idiots, transporting their meticulously non-metal robots inside a metal train on top of metal tracks. Good luck with THAT, assholes! KAIJU CORPS FOREVER!". One week later, the script for X-Men: Days of Future Past had another Lieutenant on another military train going through a forested area spot a train and say, "Look at those Kaiju Corps idiots, transporting their nuclear weapon directly towards radiation-consuming beasts on their non-maneuverable train through dense, monster-concealing forest. Good luck with THAT, assholes! MUTANT CORPS FOREVER!"
- Nicolas Cage cameos in the script for Jonah Hex, despite not being in the movie, in order to pay his taxes. This comes up again when he appears in the script for X-Men: First Class.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: The author has demonstrated a lot of in depth knowledge of various religions and cultures.
- Camera Abuse:
- Cluster F-Bomb: Samuel L. Jackson's, Chloe Moretz's, and Bradley Cooper's dialogues are peppered with curse words.
- Chronically Killed Actor: The trope codifier references it in the script for Jupiter Ascending.SEAN BEAN: Woah, I'm still a good guy AND still alive!? This movie really IS crazy!!
- Deadpan Snarker
- Downer Ending: Lampshaded in the Winter's Bone script:JOHN HAWKES: Yeah, this ending is getting a little too happy. This is an Indie movie, your options are bittersweet or fucking miserable.
- Dull Surprise: January Jones. Other less than expressive actors will usually be compared to her.
- Eldritch Abomination: The Gooby script reimagines the titular character as one, which makes it less horrifying.
- Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: In the script for Lockout:Peter Stormare: Since he's only agreed to do this for his own selfish reasons, I imagine he'll take the pod himself and leave Maggie to die horribly, as per our plan, oh wait we wanted the opposite to happen AW FUCKITY SHIT
- Fake-Out Fade-Out: Each script ends with a line declaring "END.", except sometimes a script will feature an additional snippet of action or dialogue afterwards. The script for The Return of the King ended four times.
- Fanon Discontinuity: The end of Aliens, where "RIPLEY and NEWT and HICKS and BISHOP go into CRYO-SLEEP and return SAFELY TO EARTH and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER and I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE FUCKING SAYS THAT'S WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS, THE END."
- Filk Song:
- Each James Bond script includes a parody version of the main titles song.
- The script of Inside Llewyn Davis is peppered with filk versions of Bob Dylan songs.
- Freudian Slippery Slope: From the script for Oblivion (2013):TOM CRUISE: But the bullshittiness of my situation doesn't trouble me half as much as my mysterious dreams of Olga Kurylenko. There's just something about her I can't quite put my dick into. Er, finger into. ON. Dammit.
- Genre Savvy: The cast in the scripts tend to be aware of the genre they're in and will state the role they fill in the movie. Such as in Independence Day:JEFFGOLDBLUM'S EX-WIFE: Excuse me sir, but aliens have surrounded the planet. I would use my own name above my lines except I really have no other plot function.
- Gilligan Cut: Frequently. Like, for example, in the "Bill & Ted" script:BILLY THE KID: Are we really claiming that the most feared gunslinger in all the land had to be rescued by a pair of dopey highschoolers?
ALEX WINTER: Hey, how else were we going to justify your coming along? Were we just going to have you randomly agree to come with us for seemingly no reason?
EXT. CLASSICAL GREECE
SOCRATES randomly agrees to come with them for seemingly no reason.
- Hotter and Sexier: Immortals lampshades the hell out of this.
- Hulk Speak:
- Frequently used to play up a character's idiocy, especially if the character wasn't intended to be stupid in the film, such as Alexander Ludwig in The Hunger Games ("Grr, can't tree climb! Need kill Jennifer!") and Henry Cavill in Immortals ("Henry go fight Mickey. Mickey bad. Henry good.").
- The phrase "(Character name) smash!" is used when a character brutishly beats on someone. For example, in The Bourne Ultimatum, Matt Damon has, "Since I can't outsmart you, I'll revert to being a brainless brute that beats the shit out of you like a fucking caveman. MATT DAMON SMASH!"
- Hypocritical Humor:
Cheri Oteri: I mean, what the fuck is the point of making a parody of a movie that was itself originally a parody?Abridged Script Author Rod: Good point. Fuck this thing.
- Acknowledged in the Scary Movie script.
- Abe Lincoln in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is made fun of for being against slavery, but using slaves to transport silver bullets to Gettysburg on short notice.
- In We Bought a Zoo, Matt Damon tells the kids to deal with the death of their mom in a healthy, mature, non-zoo related way. Then acts impulsive and irresponsible for the rest of the script.
- Insane Troll Logic: How Robert Langdon's methods of finding each element location is depicted in Angels & Demons. Subverted for the water element:AYELET ZURER: Wait let me try one. Okay, so this guy was chained up... chains are often used for construction work... the fourth cardinal is at a construction site!TOM HANKS: What? Don't be stupid. The fourth element is water, so he's in a fountain.
- Jail Bake: The usage is made fun of in the Men in Black 3 script.
- Last-Second Word Swap: Used in the Harry Potter scripts, when the audience finds out that Emma Watson is still a minor.
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (when she appears at the Yule Ball):Audience: Holy shit, get a load of the—
Emma Watson: Not seventeen until next year.
Audience: —the purity and innocence of this young child.
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:Audience: You eighteen yet? I'd really like for you to come over here and ride my—
Emma Watson: Next movie.
Audience: -my magical broomstick! Oh what a fantastic world of innocent whimsy! Tra-la-la!
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (when she appears at the Yule Ball):
- The Long List:
Elizabeth Banks: Jesus, what's this movie supposed to be about if it's going to skip over the 2000 election, September 11th, the warrantless wiretapping scandal, the attorney firings, the Valerie Plame scandal, hurricane Katrina, Terry Schiavo, Supreme Court justices Roberts and Alito, allegations of voter suppression in 2004, social security privatization, Alberto Gonzales, Harriet Miers, Porter Goss, the PATRIOT act, Jack Abramoff, the gay marriage amendment proposal, Jeff Gannon, the Abu Ghraib scandal, and Cheney shooting his friend in the face?Josh Brolin: Waah, daddy loved Jeb more!
- In the script for W.:
- The end of the script for Avengers: Age of Ultron:Josh Brolin: Mwa-ha-ha, I am Thanos and my movie doesn't come out until 2018. Will you be able to see the payoff to all of these stupid teases, or will superhero fatigue set in after the releases of Ant-Man, Fantastic Four, Deadpool, Batman 5 Superman, Captain America 3 aka Avengers 2.5, X-Men Apocalypse, Suicide Squad with Marilyn Manson as The Joker, Gambit starring Magic Mike, Doctor Strange starring Khan, Wolverine 3, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Wonder Woman maybe, Spider-Man reboot reboot, Fantastic Four 2 yes really, Thor 3, Justice League, and the Flash movie that isn't affiliated with the TV show? You're all doomed! DOOOOOMED!
- Made of Plasticine: The goons in Hobo with a Shotgun:GREGORY SMITH: FUCK YOU! For asking that, I will snap your arm like a twig around the joystick, because in this town nothing is as frail or flimsy as the human body! NOTHING! Hell, I broke my jaw against a stiff breeze this morning!
- Major Injury Underreaction: In the script for Dredd, a bad guy gets his hand blown off and his immediate response is to say, "I'll never play piano again".
- Merchandise-Driven: The main source of the jokes in the script for Pokémon.
- Mineral MacGuffin: Called "Macguffium" in the Avatar script and "Plotresolvium" in Chronicle.
- Missing Mom: Milked for all it's worth in We Bought a Zoo.
- Mundane Solution: In the script of Back to the Future Part II, Michael J Fox points out that there are several ways of stopping someone from commiting a crime that don't require time travel.Michael J Fox: Wouldn’t it have made more sense to knock Michael Jr out so he can’t commit the crime? What’s stopping Grandson Thomas from bullying him into doing something else?
- Musical Episode: In the scripts for Chicago, Les Misérables (2012), and Into the Woods, the dialogue is entirely in verse. The Frozen Fever script even has stage directions written in verse.
- Name McAdjective: Variations on this trope are sometimes used for characters played by nonfamous actors.
- In Battleship one of the crewmen is Ginger McPale.
- Taken to eleven in the script for The Thing (2011), where the cast includes Douchemann P. Sciencesen, Sven-Eric Genericsson, Bossmann B. Bosserssen, Ladyparts Q. Femalesberg, Lief-Olaf Uselesson, Ole-Sven Thingbaitsen, and Erik-Lief Interchangeablessen, with Pilot T. Prequelsson arriving at the end to tie things to the original movie.
- Negated Moment of Awesome: Tom Hardy expresses constant frustration in the Mad Max: Fury Road abridged script with how many of his feats become this, due to him becoming overpowered by War Boys, or outshone by Charlize Theron. One of them actually becomes negated by occurring offscreen.
- No Fourth Wall: The script is aware that the work is fiction, with actors dissing the movie they're in, directors arguing with the actors, and even the audience is given lines.
- No Punctuation Is Funnier:
Kevin Bacon: Her ability is to suck all life out of any line of dialogue.January Jones: also i read minds and turn to diamond
- Michael Bay is always presented as SPEAKING IN ALL CAPS WITHOUT ANY PUNCTUATION MAYBE AN EXCLAMATION MARK AT THE END OF A SENTENCE BUT SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT
- Meanwhile, in the X-Men: First Class script, January Jones does the same thing in lower case.
- Nostalgia Filter:
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer:
Shia Labeouf: Alright, I'll revive Cullenbot after I take a quick trip to robot heaven and talk to some Transformer ghosts.Megan Fox: What's sad is that anyone reading this Abridged Script that hasn't seen the movie will just think that's some kind of weird joke they don't get. It's not. That description is brain-meltingly accurate.
- Frequently a script will point out the absurdity of a piece of dialogue by quoting it word-for-word along with the notation, "actual line". Most prevalent in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, with such "actual lines" as "He's a monkey dancing on a razor blade" and "I know it sounds like Star Wars, but this is your chance to be Captain America!".
- A much more blatant form in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
- Orwellian Retcon: The scripts for both Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger included jokes about how The Avengers was an inevitable train wreck. After The Avengers came out to overwhelmingly positive notices (and was liked by Rod himself), the earlier scripts were adjusted to change the "inevitability" of it being terrible to the, at the time, "likelihood".
- Painting the Medium: In The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:Taraji P. Henson: This is one of God's children, so I must take care of him.Mahershalalhashbaz Ali: One of God's freaky, hideous, unwanted children.Taraji P. Henson: Now shush up you - holy shit is that really your name? Mahershalalhashbaz?Mahershalalashbaz Ali: Yeah. It's from the Bible.Taraji P. Henson: It looks like the writer of this Abridged Script tried to type something with his dick.
- Parody Name: The Alt Text for the movie's picture makes one for the movie title.
- One is straight out of the movie itself: Argo Fuck Yourself.
- Except for Gooby, which has "IF YOU VALUE YOUR SOUL READ NO FURTHER" as its Alt Text.
- And Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which simply asks "Was the actual title not enough of a joke?".
- Then there's Ex Machina, which reads "It's pronounced 'makina' and that's the end of it."
- Person as Verb:
- The script for "Wrath of the Titans".
- In the script for Parker: "JASON goes to a BAR and JASON STATHAMS a guy into squealing that MICHAEL CHIKLIS is in PALM BEACH."
- Perverse Sexual Lust: Implied by this in American Pie 2:SHANNON ELIZABETH: Hey, I earned that second billing. Have you seen me doing interviews on television, acting like the script gave my character actual depth? I'm the best actor in this fucking movie!
JASON BIGGS: Fair enough, but I must go find my true geek love, Alyson Hannigan. I'm sure you'll find your geek someday. Perhaps you should pursue webmasters who run sites that feature abridged scripts.
- Plot Hole: The scripts are more than happy to point out every plot hole in their movies.
- Poe's Law: Referenced in the script for Hanna:JASON FLEMYNG: Yes, we'll be driving this (hippie) stereotype right into the realm of parody. But I challenge anyone to tell the difference between hippies and a parody of hippies.
- Poke the Poodle: Disguised as a Chew Out Fake Out in Minority Report:PETER STORMARE: (sleazily) Certainly. FIRST, I will drug you up, rendering you helpless. THEN, I will reveal that I have an old grudge against you, and revenge has been percolating in my sleazy heart for years. And THEN... I will do exactly what you want. (beat) BUT... I will also trick you into eating a bite of moldy food! THIS... STORMARE.... VOWS!!!
- Posthumous Character: The ghost of Walt Disney appears at the end of the script for Antz.
- Product Placement: The script will often point it out whenever it is particularly blatant.
DENZEL WASHINGTON: We have to make it flagrantly clear that I'm from the before times, in case the audience couldn't figure that out from from the trailer. Or from empirical observation. Or just a wild fucking guess. Now please charge my Apple iPod made by Apple. Apple: Think Different.
- From The Book of Eli:
MICHAEL BIEHN: Damnit! I can't escape without some overpriced kicks! Preferably ones with a Velcro strap!NIKE INC: Here Michael, why don't you try on this pair of Nike Vandals? Nike, Just Do It.MICHAEL steals the NIKES and ESCAPES, STYLISHLY.
- From The Terminator:
- Retirony: Lampshaded in the script of Skyfall.Ralph Fiennes: And since you fucked up, we're giving you two days until retirement.Judi Dench: Two days until retirement? Wouldn't it be easier to hang banners saying "HEY GUYS, JUDI DENCH GETS KILLED OFF IN THIS MOVIE"?Ralph Fiennes: Fine. Two months, then.
- Running Gag:
- In the Winter's Bone script, every setting is described as bleak, up to the point that one scene is described as "INT. BLEAK SHERIFF STATION, BLEAKITY BLEAK BLEAK"
- Samuel L. Jackson is listed as SAMUEL L MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON in every script he appears in.
- In the Harry Potter scripts, the male audience impatiently waiting for Emma Watson to turn eighteen.
- The script for The Raid Redemption has both the scene headings, which use umpteen different ways of describing "a filthy hallway", and Andi and Mad Dog trying to figure out which of them is Andi and which is Mad Dog.
- In Skyfall Judi Dench keeps insisting she can only summon a swarm of helicopters if it's halfway through the movie, which is why she can't solve problems near the beginning or end with a swarm of helicopters.
- Any comic book movie abridged script will usually include the line "how unlike (different comic book movie)".
- In the script for The Dark Knight Rises, Joseph Gordon-Levitt continuously lampshades how nobody is allowed to mention The Joker.
- The script of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy does a good job of reminding us that a lot of the movie consists of nothing but staring.
- January Jones is used as the basis for comparison when an actor is particularly bland.
- San Dimas Time: The Men in Black 3 script points out that most Race Against the Clock plots with time machines can be foiled by just going back in time again. Several characters from time travel works then realized they should have done this.
- Script Fic: The screenplays are this combined with The Abridged Series.
- Serial Numbers Filed Off:
- The Hangover are used in the sequel, but with words scratched out and replaced with new ones. In-work. The original scene descriptions for
- Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter discover they're reading off the script for Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street in Dark Shadows, with the descriptions and motivations working for both movies.
MICHAEL remote controls the Batmobile inside and uses its MACHINE GUNS to GENOCIDE a metric shitload of JOKER GOONS. Then he murders any survivors by BOMBING THE ENTIRE FUCKING BUILDING!Joker Nicholson: Hey wait I thought Batman doesn’t use guns or kill? How does this not make you a terrorist?Bat-Keaton: Because I’m Batman.
- The Dune script references an Old Spice commercial when talking about spice.
- Dark Shadows references the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup slogan at the end.
- From Batman
- Shrouded in Myth: Mocked in Hercules (2014).JOSEPH FIENNES: Don’t you remember me from a two-minute flashback a while ago? I’m the king of Tyrins, I sent you on the lame-ass non-magical missions that got twisted by hearsay into your twelve labors. Like, the hydra was just a bunch of fighters in snake masks, that sort of thing.
- Slap-Slap-Kiss: Lampshaded in This Means War!.
- Special Effect Failure: Several scripts call their respective movies out on this, such as the one for X-Men Origins: Wolverine.HUGH JACKMAN: I can't believe this.JONATHAN KENT: What, that you survived having your skeleton coated in indestructible metal?HUGH JACKMAN: No, that my computer-generated claws somehow look even less real in this movie than they did in a movie that came out nine fucking years ago.
- Spin-Off: A fan has started a similar site which does the same thing for videogames at Playthroughline.
- And now that fan has gone full circle and contributed a couple of scripts to The Editing Room as well.
- Spoofed with Their Own Words: It will sometimes include actual lines of dialogue or describe a scene that actually happened in the movie, usually including (actual line of dialogue) or THIS HAPPENS.
- Sure, Let's Go with That: In the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, this is Henry Sturges' response when Abraham Lincoln asks him if beating him up in a dark room was supposed to teach him how to fight invisible vampires.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: From the script for Gravity:George Clooney: So, what's this gizmo you built that's so important you skipped years of astronaut training and psychological assessment?Sandra Bullock: Oh, just your run-of-the-mill scientific, ethical, purely legal top-secret thingie that has TONS of non-military applications that don't destabilize governments in any way. It's certainly nothing that would make the Russians want to kill us, while making it look like an accident, so as to avoid a declaration of war! Ha, ha ha.
- Take That: Guess.
- Take That, Audience!:
- Combined with Take That Me in the Kick-Ass script. One character makes fun of Ron Paul supporters, then later makes a joke the only thing stupider than abandoning the Deconstructive Parody premise of the story was making fun of Ron Paul supporters on a website that allows comments.
- Liam Hemsworth's character in The Hunger Games makes the then-popular internet complaint about how the plot was a rip-off of Battle Royale only to have another character make fun of him for only complaining about it when the film was released instead of when the books came out four years earlier.
- The Watchmen script was one giant takedown of Alan Moore's legions of fanboys nitpicking everything about the script, as well as Alan Moore's opinions of film.
- Talkative Loon: Crispin Glover in Alice in Wonderland."The completely naked extra terrestrial helplessly hypnotized the diseased hog entrails."
- This Loser Is You: In the script for The Princess and the Frog.Jennifer Cody: Aw shucks, it's okay, you can marry Anika!! It's so ROMANTIC!! Princesses and weddin's, true love and happy endin's, rainbows and unicorns, EEEEE!!Frog Bruno Campos: Oh man, I just realized - you're the target demographic for this movie, aren't you?
- Thou Shalt Not Kill: Doing the exact opposite of everyone else in the world, The Dark Knight Rises points out how Batman defies this code (twice) while Man of Steel includes Superman pointing out the hypocrisy of being criticized for this after Superman II.
- [Trope Name]: Stock characters in the script will bluntly state their role in the movie.
- Wolverine Publicity: The trope-namer's cameo in X-Men: First Class is milked for all it's worth.