Awesome / The Editing Room

  • This bit from The Cabin in the Woods.
    FRAN KRANZ: Maybe the human race should die out, if this is what it takes for it to continue.
    KRISTEN CONNOLLY: Are you serious? Do you literally have not a single family member that might give you pause before coming to that conclusion?
    FRAN KRANZ: Well...
    KRISTEN CONNOLLY: You'd rather sacrifice everyone on earth, knowing that 99.999% of them aren't even aware of this conspiracy, while you know about it and are making literally the most selfish decision humanly possible, which ironically actually makes you extremely deserving of death?
    FRAN KRANZ: Uh...
    KRISTEN CONNOLLY: A handful of teenagers every year, compared to the alternative, is nothing. More people die from falling in the fucking bathroom. I'm shooting you, you selfish dick.
  • Their review of Pan tears the ever-loving shit out of the trend of taking classic children's stories and turning them into formulaic blockbusters:
    (Levi wakes up being tended to by Hugh.)
    Hugh Jackman: So the fact that you can fly means you must be the one destined to kill me. See thereís a prophecy-
    Levi Miller: Oh God no.
    Hugh Jackman: -that states that one day a flying boy would appear, and that boy would be The Chosen One who-
    Levi Miller: SHUUUT UUUUUP! For FUCKíS SAKE Hollywood, first Alice in Wonderland (2010), then Snow White, then The Wizard of Oz, now Peter Pan, are you seriously not gonna stop until everything is prophecies and chosen ones?! Even after The LEGO Movie deconstructed that trope to hell and back?! There are other stories out there you know I mean COME ON ITíS SO FUCKING PLAYED OUT ARGH GRAAAAHRHAAAAHH (starts smashing the set) (sedated) (wakes up an hour later) Okay, Iím better now. Letís just get on with this fucking thing.
    Hugh Jackman: So yeah youíre supposed to murder me and end my reign of terror.
    Levi Miller: In which case, why the hell am I still alive? I mean you were literally in the process of murdering me when you found out that Iím this super-dangerous prophecy kid. What possible reason is there for you to not shove a cutlass through my brain this very-
    Hugh Jackman: TO THE DUNGEON WITH YOU!
  • Perhaps the most succinct demolition of the mentality that went into making Birdman ever written:
    Michael Keaton: This is my chance to really do something good.
    Amy Ryan: What, this self-indulgent circus trick of a movie, THIS is your big chance? Where you've spent half of it arguing that it's all meaningless?
    Michael Keaton: Damn right! See, we can argue over whether this means anything for hours. Go back and forth saying, acting is noble, acting is vain, acting is truth, acting is pointless. But the thing is, ITíS STILL ALL ABOUT ACTING. We get credibility points for taking shots at ourselves while keeping the spotlight firmly planted on us! Maybe thereís meaning to be found in other walks of life, in unglamorous jobs, in simply being a good friend and a decent person, or God forbid, focusing on OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE, but fuck that shit, we gotta keep jerking it over MY ACTING and MY ART and searching for meaning THERE and THERE ALONE because if that spotlight ever goes off, who knows, we might see the whole world.
  • They parodied Deadpool. Yes, even the Airplane! of superhero films can be mocked.
  • Pick a side, any side:
    Zack Snyder: I did it! Alan Moore said Watchmen was "inherently unfilmable" but I pulled it off! Not so bad, was it Alan Moore?
    Alan Moore: Film is an inferior form of art, spoon-feeding audience goers and watering down our collective cultural imagination. This movie was garbage, as are all movies.
    Zack Snyder: Dude. You write comic books. Stop acting like you're fucking Monet, you pretentious jackass.
  • The climax of Suicide Squad:
    Margot Robbie: I could be your senior beautician! My specialty is eyebrows!
    Evil Cara Delvigne: (doing the Funky Gibbon) Thatís a low blow, Margot. Youíve broken my heart.
    Margot Robbie: I donít break hearts honey, I STEAL THEM! (yanks out Caraís heart)

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