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Chronologically Confused About Kingdom Hearts
- Most of the drawn pictures on the background can be quite funny.
- Referring to Keyblade as a "Big Fucking Key that you use to bash the ever-loving shit out of enemies with!"
- Nerd gets quite baffled at the mismanagement of the main characters in Kingdom Hearts II: Sora, Donald and Goofy only show up after roughly 2 hours of gametime. He even references the awful Star Wars: Holiday Special.
- As Nerd addresses the issue with the game that's called Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Daysnote , he - at first - pretends not to have a fucking clue on how to pronounce it. He proposes the variants "358 Days Between 2 Characters", "358 Halves Days", and "179 Days" due to the title being sort-of mathematical equation.Nerd: Why not just call it Kingdom Hearts: Roxas Story? Why all the convoluted, cockamamie names?
Nerd: That's a paragraph! You have a decimal, a subtitle, and a tagline? Now that's a motherfucking title!
- Speaking of "cockamamie names", here comes Kingdom Hearts 02 Birth By Sleep A Fragmentary Passage...
- Lampshading the fact that the players have to spend thousands of dollars to get every single Kingdom Hearts game on every single console. When Nerd brings up the 2017-2018 concert with additional plot points, the estimated price quickly rises to MILLIONS... because players gotta get the plutonium to power a flux capacitor and generate 1.21 Gigawatts of energy to get back in time just to finally watch it! Thankfully, that's where YouTube comes in.
- Amongst all of the remasters and compilations, there is only one that Nerd can get down with in terms of naming conventions - Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far.
- Nerd notes that the entire Kingdom Hearts series (not counting Kingdom Hearts III) will take more than 100 hours to complete.Nerd: Well, gee... add THAT to the whole list of games in general that I'm trying to play - it's gonna be another 13 years to do that!
- The possible content for the future Kingdom Hearts 4? Star Wars and the Marvel Universe would be considered due to the fact that they're both properties of Disney. And of course, it would be fun to see Sora, Mickey, Donald and Goofy team up with none other than Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Iron Man.
Video Game Magazines
- The video opens calling back to his Nintendo Power episode, showing a bunch of magazines before he jumps into the shot yelling "AAASSSSSS!" while Super Metroid music plays.
- Nerd finds the photo of himself in one of the Video Game Collector issues, complete with his facial expression from Top Gun episode.Nerd: Heh, look at that guy! What a nerd...
- The cringeworthy Pac-Man interview from an Atari Age magazine.
- His reactions to the Contemptible Covers of Game Players Magazine, especially the one for the Super Mario Bros. 3 issue, with blurry Raccoon Mario looking a lot more like Wario, and Mario's tail looking like a misshapen Easter egg.
- It gets even worse when he tries to read one of the issues and finds that more than half of the pages are advertisements, including some for games he's already reviewed. All of this is set up to the In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edward Grieg. The best part of that montage: The ad for the video game adaptation of We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story, where it cuts to a different dino head on every note.
- The ads about the frantically ridiculous and essentially useless gaming accessories. Especially the Thumb Master... which looks like a condom and eliminates the so-called "Video Thumb".Nerd: Have you ever in your life suffered from Video Thumb? Well, maybe Silver Surfer - one of those games where you need a Turbo controller? And when you do, your thumb will thank you.*twitches the thumb and hilariously says: "Thank you!"*
- The ad for the Captain Planet video game, which caused the Nerd to giggle before finishing reading it:"We took some of the worst garbage on TV and turned it into a great video game."
- Lots and lots of ads for adults... "Kick Some Balls", "Get A Monster Bone", "Pray for the Full-Frontal Assault", "Size Does Matter"... you get the idea.
- Lots of games that were rated higher than they really should be, that fucking Bimmy and Jimmy misspelling, even the magazine for the long-defunct Amiga CD32...Nerd: Thankfully, my CD32 is safely burning in Hell where it belongs!*cue the animation of Bowser with Evil Laugh*
- That shitty Sega Activator ad which depicts some guy in mid-jump.Nerd: Damn... This guy would give Keith Apicary a run for his money!
- The parody section of the GamePro magazine called LamePro. There are Bubonic the Blowfrog 2, Sleep Fighter II, and the Ultimate Gamer... who is just a random kid who's dressed up in different gaming accessories.Nerd: He makes my Nintendo suit look like a cheap Halloween costume!
- "Tim Allen playing Link"
- The Nerd's Top 5 Most 90s Moments in Gaming Magazines. 'Nuff said.
Aladdin Deck Enhancer
- The references to Disney's Aladdin. Not only do Aladdin and Genie themselves appear in the review, but the background music is taken straight from the Sega Genesis game.
- How the Nerd gets said Deck Enhancer? Aladdin himself shits it out into the toilet! And he doesn't even shit it into the bowl. He shits it into the water tank! The icing on the cake is that the Nerd had to wipe all this shit out of the package box.
- The Nerd's cry of "What the fuck?!" in response to seeing Aladdin laugh maniacally while running from the bathroom deserves mention; the language is fairly typical, but he just sounds so much more confused than his usual angry swearing!
- When the Nerd reads the back of the box, he reads the sections, saying that the Aladdin was created by the designers of Game Genie - and that it gives the NES a 64K memory upgrade for better graphics and bigger games. He hopes that it'll turn shitty games into good ones, and tries to test it by putting his copy of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure into the Aladdin. Unfortunately, it doesn't fit.
- After Aladdin gives the Nerd the Aladdin's library of games, the Nerd notices that he doesn't have Micro Machines, so he orders a copy of the game online.
- What he gets afterwards? A Micro Machines thermos made by the Aladdin company.
- After releasing Genie from the said thermos, the Nerd's first wish is for the Micro Machines game for the Aladdin Deck Enhancer. He then realizes that he made a pretty lame wish, so his second wish is for Genie to take a sewage skinny-dip in the most foul, disgusting, jam-packed septic tank he could possibly find... Genie finds this messed up, but does it anyway.
- Watching Genie with shit-stains all over his (corporeal?) body takes the cake.
- The Nerd's NES-101 toploader catching fire when he tries to play the Aladdin on it.
- When the Nerd sees a video of The Gaming Historian with two Aladdin Deck Enhancers, he's in complete disbelief because no one would own multiple copies of something that shitty. In the background, the Nerd has five Intellivoices, three Game Boy King James Bibles and a massive pile of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial cartridges...
- This line from the Nerd after playing the Dizzy games:"All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Couldn't get their fucking shit put together!"
- When the Nerd plays BigNose Freaks Out, he compliments the game's opening cutscene with the Savings + Bones bank, only to find it ruined with the Bones R Us store right next to it. He hopes that Bones R Us also went out of business.
- Linus Spacehead gets called Linus Shithead way too often.
Nerd: Linus moves as slow as duck shit, and twice as slippery. Trust me - duck shit's slippery.
- Speaking of the character himself...
- The Nerd reviewing the deck-enhancer version of Micro Machines in the vein of John Moschitta, Jr.
- While ranting about the Aladdin Deck Enhancer, Nerd holds its packaging box to his head. He just so happened to lift it so quickly and unintentionally tilt it that the warranty card and other miscellaneous paper documents hit him in the face. To his credit, Nerd doesn't stop his tirade.
- For his final wish, the Nerd wishes that every Aladdin Deck Enhancer existing on the planet Earth would explode. What follows is a parade of cameos seeing their Enhancers explode.
- The episode starts out looking like it's going to be a review of Yo! Noid. The Nerd goes into the Noid's backstory, then he decides to play his copy of the game, which he gets from a litter box. When the Nerd sees Pepsiman, everything changes from there.
- While going into Pepsiman's backstory, the Nerd mentions that Pepsiman was featured as an unlockable character in the Japanese version of Fighting Vipers for the Sega Saturn. He then questions the game's method of unlocking Pepsiman by losing the first fight.
- Noting that the cutscene guy drinks so much Pepsi that his insides must be like tar.
- The Running Gag of Pepsiman turning everything the Nerd has in his hands into Pepsi, followed by the Pepsiman yell playing.
- At one point, Pepsiman returns and gives the Nerd an actual bottle of Rolling Rock beer...but when the Nerd takes a drink, he discovers Pepsiman filled it with Crystal Pepsi.
- The Nerd still has his 40-year-old brick cell phone from the Mega Man episode. When it gets turned into Pepsi, he complains that it's really hard to get your hands on a phone like that these days.
- The Nerd compares the first level to the chase scene in Raising Arizona, with Pepsiman in place of Nicolas Cage and Pepsi in place of Huggies.
- Everytime the Pepsiman! yell gets a subversion, be it being burnt with fire or suddenly getting a downer tune change in the middle.
- The guy from the game's FMV cutscenes appears, played by the same actor (Mike Butters) and even wearing the same outfit. The Nerd's initial reaction before recognizing him:Nerd: Oh, come on! How do these assholes keep getting in here?!
- The guy tells his tragic backstory of how Pepsiman ruined his life by first turning all the healthy food in his fridge into Pepsi, getting him addicted to it, then turning his wife and kids into Pepsi which he presumably could not stop himself from drinking in his addicted state, and he even had to recycle their empty cans in order to pay for their funeral. Ever since then, he has been on a revenge-driven mission to kill Pepsiman and stop him from turning the entire world into Pepsi. The Nerd, meanwhile, doesn't give a single shit about any of that and only wants the bizarre phrase "Pepsi for TV Game" explained.
- The "TV Game Guy" says he hid the ultimate weapon that can kill Pepsiman for good in the one place where he would never look... which, of course, turns out to be a Coca-Cola factory.
- What's Pepsiman's Kryptonite Factor? Mentos, of course! The aforementioned ultimate weapon turns out to be a bazooka that shoots dozens of Mentos at once, which has the exact reaction you'd expect when combining Mentos with Pepsi.
- At the end, the TV Game Guy asks the Nerd to kill him, since Pepsiman's earlier attack transformed half his body into Pepsi and he doesn't want to live like that. He asks for a heroic, cinematic death of being slowly lowered into the vat of orange soda. Instead, the Nerd disregards his request and just shoves him off the platform into the vat.
Superman 64 Returns!!
- Instead of advertising ExpressVPN as himself, James does an extremely over-the-top ad that looks like it was plucked straight out of the early 2000s, with heavy Matrix imagery and an edgy badass hacker character using Totally Radical slang.
- While the Superman 64 cartridge is returning to Earth, the jet from Top Gun that escaped from the TV during "Back to the Future ReRevisited" flies by.
- As the Nerd names the shows in the DC Animated Universe such as Batman: The Animated Series, Batman Beyond, and Static Shock, he mentions The Zeta Project, which he says absolutely no one remembers.
- "Goddamn dam."
- The Nerd hopes the boss battle with Mala will be epic, only to win with just two punches.
- After beating Mala, the next level has more rings. The nerd starts laughing, before it devolves into sobbing, which then turns into weeping.
- The Nerd is really dismayed to see the rings move this time.Nerd: Oooh, nooo! They MOVE! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MOVE!?!
- The Nerd initially thinks Superman's face in the game is the ugliest digital Superman face he ever saw. Then it shows Superman's face from Justice League (2017), which was digitally edited to remove Henry Cavill's mustache, causing him to call it the second ugliest.
- After hyping up Brainiac as one of the most badass Superman villains, the Nerd hopes it's gonna be a good boss fight. Then he proceeds to beat Brainiac after just five punches. The Nerd is at least glad there aren't more rings, only for the next level to have more of them.Nerd: FUUUUUCK!!
- Followed by this:Nerd: You wanna know the worst thing about those ring levels? Right when you're getting the hang of it, the game will glitch, and send you flying across the map, for no goddamn motherFUCKING reason! So y'have to backtrack or restart.
- Followed by this:
- The next boss is Metallo, a cyborg with the brain of a mercenary and a heart of kryptonite. Think he'd actually be a challenge? Nope, he goes down just as easily as the rest.Nerd: (resigned) Again?
(cut to even MORE rings)
Nerd: (horrified) AGAIN?!
(the Nerd runs into the camera screaming)
- Followed by:Nerd: So then you get to this parking garage stage, and it's a huge pile of ass! No, really, this thing is a shit behemoth! Really, it's like a moldy turd! I'd rather be impaled by a piss icicle!
- Followed by:
- The next boss is Darkseid, the strongest villain from the cartoon. Superman flies straight into Darkseid, only to glitch into the floor. After beating him, the Nerd has to carry him to the police. The Nerd notes how odd it is that Darkseid, a new god who rules Apokolips, commands armies of parademons, and can shoot omega beams from his eyes, is being sent to ordinary police to be thrown into a cell.
- The Nerd ended up glitching out of the level again, resulting in the return of the Big Rigs commercial guy.Big Rigs Guy: Break the boundaries of existence! Superior gameplay lets you exceed the laws of physics! Superman 64... is 64 TIMES THE AWESOME! [explosion]
- During another Escort Mission, the Nerd finds it easier to just freeze the guy in ice. He wonders how people can breathe or stay alive while frozen, before asking why he's asking the viewer.
- The last ring level is the worst of all, with underwater rings going beneath the map, moving rings, and paths of rings that lead to false exits.
- After failing the final ring level several times, the Nerd decides he needs to "learn to fly". He goes to the Fortress of Solitude, where he meets the floating head from Cybermorph, who still only speaks, "Where did you learn to fly?" to everything the Nerd says. The Nerd realizes the answer by himself, thanks the head anyway, and even apologizes for shooting her and calling her an asshole. After a long pause, where it looks like the head will actually say something different, she says, "Where did you learn to fly?"
- When the Nerd returns to his room, he finds four people in his spot, fittingly dressed like the 4 Supermen who attempted to succeed the original Superman in The Death of Superman.Nerd: I'm gone five minutes and already I have four replacements? Get outta here!
- After the Nerd beats the final ring level:Nerd: O-hoo! I beat the rings! I beat the rings! No more FUCKING RINGS!
- The Nerd finds the last level so annoying he wishes he could reverse the world's rotation and go back in time so he can destroy the computer the game was designed on.
- After beating the last level, it looks like there's another ring stage, only for the Nerd to reveal he was kidding.
- The game fights the Nerd, which eventually leads to a reenactment of the climax in Man of Steel, with the video's color even becoming more grey, referencing the film's color pallet, only here, Superman 64 is aiming its eye beams at "good, innocent games.'' The Nerd rips the cartridge out of the Nintendo 64 and twists it apart before crying out in despair.
- What makes this moment even better is that Super Mario Bros. 3 is among the "good, innocent games". As we last knew, Super Mario Bros. 3 was possessed by Satan and required the might of the Nerd and Super Mecha Death Christ to defeat. When talking about it again in the Game Glitches episode, he alludes to this fact by stating that the Gremlin doesn't mess with it since it still hosts "demonic possessions". Could you say that the Nerd has sympathy for the devil?
Life of Black Tiger
- Advertising ExperianBoost... just to buy Nintendo World Championships gold catridge for $25,000.Nerd: Time to get that gold cart and put it on my shelf... where it shall be unplayed for all eternity.
- Calling the titular tiger "Emo Black Tiger".
- "These characters look so... ass." In a PS4 game, no less!
- Black Tiger's own admission that humans "smell bad".Nerd: For real? (Aside Glance) Is this for real?
- One of the mission objectives is to mercilessly maul the defenseless woman.Nerd: DAMN! This tiger is full of angst and rage!
- Slapping the so-called "silly wolves".Nerd: DAAAAAMN... look at them go! (grunt) Motherfuckers!
- Black Tiger's own admission that humans "smell bad".
- After playing for awhile, he decides to confront the ones behind 1Games and does so by flying from his home to a jungle in China as represented by an Indiana Jones style map, with the music to it being Hydlide's Overworld Theme.note
- The fact that freaking Gilbert Gottfried is a Special Guest of this episode. And he plays none other than Fred Fuchs! In terms of overall Cloudcuckoolanderness he could rival even Lloyd Kaufman!
- Not to mention his introduction which includes holding Nerd at the gunpoint...Fred Fuchs (in Iago's voice): WHO THE FUCK GOES THERE? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! ANSWER ME, TOUGH GUY, OR I'LL BLAST A HOLE IN YOU SO BIG SO I CAN STICK MY COCK IN IT! (getting wistful) And I don't wanna brag, but...
- And he has his own PS4 Poo... which is just a pile of shit bricks.
- Nerd calls Fuchs' out on the game's lousy grammar, leading to this retort that has James visibly struggling to keep a straight face.Fred Fuchs: Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just a guy who built a computer in the jungle without electricity or Internet. I'm not educated enough for the guy who talks about buffalo shit in his basement!
Nerd: I guess that's a good point.
- Of course, Nerd continues to shit on the game in Fuchs' presence.Fred Fuchs: You might wanna be a bit nicer about the game, considering the fact that I AM THE ONE WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING RIFLE!!!
- The ridiculous narrative between stages... which gets lampshaded, as well.
- "Words of wisdom" from Fred Fuchs:Fred Fuchs: Sometimes, you just gotta run like Hell from your problems.
- The full description of a sex scene between tigers from the supposed Alpha Build version. So full that the Nerd winces in disgust... only to close his eyes and imagine that.
- A stack of mammoths on top of each other followed by a similar stack of buffaloes.Nerd: I'd rather have a stuck of buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear!
- Calling this game unfinished would be an Understatement...Fred Fuchs: It's an artistic interpretation of jungle life, you uncultured swine! I'm a goddamn artist, and this is my masterpiece! Obviously, too artsy-fartsy for your plebeian palate!
Nerd: Aren't you doused in urine?
Fred Fuchs: (excitedly) From head to toe.
- Not to mention his introduction which includes holding Nerd at the gunpoint...
- Fred Fuchs forcing Nerd to join him on promoting the game. He even has the star for it... the Big Rigs Nerd who is dressed in tiger fur. Nerd can only facepalm in annoyance.
- And here comes the trailer:Big Rigs Nerd: HEY YOU, FUCKING KIDS! Get ready for a rumble in the jungle! Life of Black Tiger! You're a mean, badass, edgy-as-fuck black tiger! Kill half the wildlife population! Just hear it from Fred Fuchs!!!
Fred Fuchs: It's ain't just a game: it's a way of life.
Big Rigs Nerd: Life of Black Tiger! Slap the fuck outta crocodiles, chickens, and wolves! Even bunnies!
Fred Fuchs: Send those fuckers into the stratosphere!!!
Big Rigs Nerd: Share your fate with a female tiger! Stack up elephants and fucking buffalo!
Fred Fuchs: Nothing says "romance" like honey and bringing you a stack of rhinoceroses! With hardcore tiger-fucking!
Big Rigs Nerd: Life of Black Tiger! Earn points to play as a flock of chickens, a bunny, or a hunchback BEEEEEAAAAAR! You need a million-something points — and if that ain't a replay value, my name ain't REX VIPER RIIIIIIIGS!!! Life of Black Tiger!
Fred Fuchs: Only at FuchoLand!
(cue Nerd holding the camera)
Nerd: Oh, God...
- All the while this is happening, a song that is most definitely not Eye of the Tiger is the backing for the commercial.
- And here comes the trailer: