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Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Twelve

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...Really? Never seen that before. That's new.

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  • After showing all the games in the series, he shows off a fake cartridge for mother!.
  • The Nerd, after talking about the game's bad marketing and how Mother 3 was never released outside of Japan, believes the game is rather bad, and decides to look up more info on the internet.
    Nerd: Oh, it's just one of the greatest RPGs of all time, nevermind.
  • The Nerd attempting to buy a copy of the game so he can review it, only to find out how much it goes for these days.
    Nerd: [quietly muttering while browsing eBay] Oh, you son of a bitch. Ohhh my G— you gotta be kidding me. It's one of those, okay.
  • The Nerd re-enacts Magicant, with tons of Callbacks and Mythology Gags. His personal Flying Man who encourages him is his Big Rigs Trucker self!
  • He gets increasingly frustrated with the random phone calls from Ness's dad.
    Dad: Don't you think it would be a good idea if you took a break?
    Nerd: Don't you think it'd be a good idea to go fuck yourself?!
  • The Nerd's glorious rant about Earthbound's initial flopping.
    Nerd: Why did it flop? Some say it was because of those smelly ads, but that couldn't have been the whole reason! The '90s was all about gross-out humor! That was the same decade that gave us Boogerman, Nickelodeon's Gak, Beavis And Butthead, Earthworm Jim, Ren & Stimpy! The 90's was the Barf Age! All the Grunge bands, they sang like they were just getting over a sickness! Marilyn Manson sang like he was perpetually vomiting! (imitating a vomiting Marilyn Manson) "Sweet dreams are made of... (retches)". It doesn't make sense! How did it tank so bad?! Some say it was because the game was overpriced, because it came with a player's guide inside of an oversized box... YOUR MOM HAS AN OVERSIZED BOX!!!
  • One of Nerd's minor complaints about the game was that, unlike every other RPG ever made, item shops have no option for buying more than one of the same item at a time. Cue Nerd's reaction and repeated groan as he slowly replenishes his supply of Refreshing Herbs one by one.
    Nerd: Something as simple as buying items from the store... is torture. Absolute fucking torture.
  • While talking about how Giygas represents childhood trauma, the Nerd begins to see the boss of the game taking on disturbing forms: that of the LJN logo and the ET game sprite.

    Dirty Harry 
  • The concept of disposable crowbars which are made out of crows.
    *cue the crow cawing two times*
  • "Why there's snakes in the apartments anyway? I mean, sure, the main villain in the game is named Anaconda, but why do they have to take it so literal? It's not like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat actually throws scorpions at people."
    • Complete with lots of actual scorpions and even the music album of Scorpions!
  • Dirty Harry's health power-ups are chili dogs, apparently.
    Nerd: Who's he think he is, Sonic the Hedgehog?
  • The photoshopped image of Clint Eastwood jumping through the air, or wearing the Saturday Night Fever leisure suit.
  • When noting that the passwords are referencing other movies directed by Clint Eastwood, Nerd asks: "Is this Dirty Harry: The Game, or Clint Eastwood: The Game?"
  • At one point, Nerd screams into his pillow as a Call-Back to his Dick Tracy review.

    Drake of the 99 Dragons 
  • "99 Dragons - made out of 99 percent bullshit!"
  • The Nerd pokes fun at how bad the game's lip sync is by doing a Hong Kong Dub on himself.
  • Wondering if the Ghost Ass-assin is actually Bullshit Man in disguise.
  • In the Abandoned Warehouse level, Drake has to ascend a very slowly-moving platform to proceed. The Nerd complains that he could build a sculpture of a horse taking a shit out of horse shit in the time it takes to get all the way up.
  • The Nerd discusses Drake's new abilities to run off walls, leading to this.
    Nerd: Being undead gives Drake the ability to run off walls, which takes the games controls from shitty, to crusty-ass crack barnacle shitty!
  • This rant, in the elevator stage:
    Nerd: This is where the problems of the game really mount up. And it just builds inside of you with all this rage, and you become, just, boiling so fuckin' hot, it's not like you're in Hell; you've become Hell! Bad people die and they go into YOU!
  • Noting that one level in the game was so frustratingly hard it brought him to tears, and wasn't ashamed to admit it - because if you don't, you're not human.
  • This bit about the final boss, the Spirit Lord Supreme:
    Nerd: This boss is a metric ton of fuck! Convert that - and you got 2,205 pounds of pure fuck-shit-pissness!
  • The ending. The game comes to life and starts flailing its arms à la Drake in the game, then the Nerd joins in.

    Tomb Raider 
  • The inevitable comparisons between the series and Indiana Jones are highlighted by the use of Hydlide's Suspiciously Similar Song to The Raiders March.
  • When the Nerd shows that changing games on the Nokia N-Gage requires removing the battery, he hopes he doesn't get any calls as he does it. Cut to the panicking Shit Pickle trying to call him as his room is on fire thanks to Super Mecha Death Christ.
    • It's also sort of a continuation of the recent Running Gag with the Nerd relying on outdated phones.
  • "Leave me alone, I'm busy."
  • Whenever Lara dies, there is a glitch where if you pause the game to reload, her death scream is constantly echoing in the menu. Come the end of the episode, when the Nerd is killed by falling debris, he is last heard yelling, "FUCK!" His "FUCK!" scream is heard echoing in the game's menu screen.
  • His rant about the movie titles:
    Nerd: Oh, and have you ever noticed the Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider movies aren't called Tomb Raider? They're officially called Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. What a mouthful. Did they just read the movie poster out loud? Might be why it took fifteen years to get another feature film, which was simply called Tomb Raider. Unless the real title was supposed to be Alicia Vikander is Lara Croft Tomb Raider March 16 Experience it in IMAX. But that's probably too much for a theater marquee, right?
  • Before The Nerd begins his quest, he packs several guns and rifles. Weapons that are much too big to even fit into the backpack he's using, but still do anyway.
  • He wondered why the Tomb Raider series is so popular, and then answered his own question: "I can think of a couple reasons..." (camera pointedly zoomed in on Lara's famous "Front-Loaded Anvils")
  • While reminiscing about the Croft Manor tutorial segments, we see the Nerd, in time-honoured Tomb Raider player tradition, lock Lara's butler Winston in the freezer.
  • When exploring the ruins of Core Design, the Nerd finds a copy of Tomb Raider Chronicles lying on a rock that's in a pool of water. As soon as he grabs it, a giant shark (in the form of a hand puppet) rises out of the water with a roar, only for the Nerd to nonchalantly punch it in the face and walk away.

    Resident Evil Survivor 
  • The intro is a parody of Resident Evil 2's Attract Mode. Also, deliberately interlaced to resemble the video quality of the original Playstation game's FMV. Now that's detail!
  • The almost unending references to things shitting out things. A burning helicopter shits out Ark Thompson, a zombie shits out a key, it never ends.
  • When discussing a character's diary:
    Nerd: "Dear Diarrhea: I'm the biggest fuckin' loser... in the whole world!"
  • The Nerd overall criticizes the unnecessarily clunky way you obtain and use items in the Resident Evil series as a whole, demonstrating with a Rolling Rock.
    [The Nerd grabs a Rolling Rock]
    Inventory Screen: Will you take the R. Rock?
    [The Nerd selects "Yes", it gets added to his inventory]
    Inventory Screen: You've taken the R. Rock.
    [We see that the Rolling Rock has vanished from the Nerd's hand. He opens the inventory again, selects the Rolling Rock, and selects "Use". It disappears entirely.]
    Nerd: Where the fuck did my beer go?! [beat, then he burps]
    • And again when Board James throws him a Super Scope to help him kill Tyrant.
      Inventory Screen: Will you take the S. Scope?
      Inventory Screen: Ok Jeez... You've taken the S. Scope.
  • The Nerd incorporates himself into the live-action cutscenes of the original Resident Evil.
    • During the roll call that also occurs in the game, AVGN gets added to the end as "Nerd". His clip shows him looking around in confusion. His physical stats (height, weight, age, and blood type) all say "Fuck".
  • Turns out Umbrella Pharmaceuticals has put up a lab next door to the Nerd's home, and this being Umbrella, a biohazard outbreak has occurred causing zombies and monsters to run amok. The Nerd's plan for all this? Hide out in his place, have a pint and wait for it all to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried ass? Explanation 
  • The final battle between Nerd and the Tyrant... portrayed by an old Tyrant action figure.
  • The Nerd inserts himself into the ending FMV:
    Nerd: (to Chris and Jill) Oh, good, you made it out too. Well, thanks for destroyin' my FUCKIN' HOUSE!!! ...You fucks.
  • When commenting on the absurdity of the game's connection to the rest of RE's canon - that the main character Ark Thompson was somehow sent on his mission by Leon of all people - the Nerd very matter-of-factly postulates that Leon was secretly sending Ark to die for being such an idiot.

    Super Hydlide and Virtual Hydlide 
  • The Nerd going off on why he doesn't like the name "Hydlide". Complete with him having a gag reflex just like the one he described when he reviewed the first Hydlide. He puked out Super Hydlide while having a gag reflex, and then he has another gag reflex puking out Virtual Hydlide.
  • While researching the game, he learns the hero is named Jim.
    Jim the Knight... "Jim" doesn't sound like a knight - sounds like a nerd. (Aside Glance)
  • Pronouncing Shiitake as Shit-Take. Even though Nerd himself is fully aware of the correct pronunciation.
  • After beating the final boss of Virtual Hydlide, he notes how Jim floats away like Poochie. Leading to...
    Jim: I have to go now, my planet needs me. (floats up with slide whistle)
    Note: Jim the Knight died on his way back to his home planet.
    • The Nerd uses this gag on himself to close the episode, saying he forgot to prepare a proper ending.
  • While trying to justify how Super Hydlide is literal shit, Nerd reads a passage from On Bullshit by philosopher Harry G. Frankfurt to back up his claims. The real funny part is that the book actually exists and was an officially published text.
  • Virtual Hydlide, as the Nerd finds out to his discomfort, ends with the princess briefly Spiking the Camera, leading to Nerd deciding she's related to Princess Elise.
  • He eventually gives up on Super Hydlide a few hours into the game, and comes to a realization:
    "I'd rather set up a Slip 'N Slide over a ruptured septic tank than play any more of it! And that's something I've never even tried yet."
  • In the battle against the Evil Mage in Virtual Hydlide, the Nerd complains that he sounds like he's yelling at his cat every time he tells the boss to "get the fuck down" so he can hit it, briefly going into an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
    Nerd: (in Arnold voice) Get down! GET DOWN! GET DOWN!!!
    • Before this, the Mage just let out some incoherent mumbling which then cuts to a clip of kids watching the French dub of Muzzy in Gondoland.
  • Among the features of Virtual Hydlide is a random world generator that can produce over 40 billion possible combinations.
    Nerd: That's "Billion" with a "B", as in "Bullshit!"
  • "For the love of God, don't kill Sarah - the kangaroo-rabbit thing..."
  • The Nerd reads another passage from On Bullshit, which likens excrement to corpses.
    Nerd: Okay, this book is losing me. Have you ever looked in a toilet and said, "Oh shit, I shat out a dead body!"
  • After killing the Vampire boss, the Nerd is excited to get a Tool (or rather, just "Tool") from the treasure chest in the boss' room.
    Nerd: "You get Tool"? Well, yeah, I get Tool. They're awesome! ...The band. As long as I don't have to play this cold and ugly game sober as you vicariously watch me as I hold a grudge with a hooker with a—never mind. Back to the game.

    Amiga CD32 
  • "Sadly, as time went on, the company went from competing with the likes of Apple and IBM... to just becoming BM."
  • Because the console was only released in Canada and Europe, the Nerd has a European console, and he complains about having to use an adapter in order to plug it into a North American outlet. He decides to also adapt his swearing for the occasion, using British swears such as "bloody", "bollocks", "wank", "arse", and "cunt".
  • Because the disc won't spin unless there's weight on the console, the Nerd has a paint can placed on his Amiga CD32 the entire video.
  • His horrified reaction to the opening cutscene of Beavers.
  • Noting that Stix from Bubba N Stix looks like a "Bizarro Shit Pickle".
  • His complaint that the Surf Ninjas "tie-in" game looks nothing like the movie.
    Nerd: The game barely resembles anything from the movie, and when my complaint is that the game is not like Surf Ninjas, then you know we're really in bad shape!
    • During the game, he ends up ripping out a ninja's heart. Unsure if this happened in the movie, the Nerd makes a call to... himself. Or rather, to the James who works at Cinemassacre Video from the Cinemassacre Rental Reviews series.
    Nerd: Have you ever watched the movie Surf Ninjas?
    James: Yeah, in fact, I just had a chat with a bunch of friends all about that. Did you know that the costume designer was the same in Street Fighter: The Movie? That would explain all the blue camouflage—
    Nerd: Okay, okay! Look, look, look, look! I just wanna ask a fucking question! In the movie Surf Ninjas, does anybody rip someone's heart out? Kano-style.
    James: [confused expression] Um... No, I don't think that happened in the movie.
    Nerd: [immediately hangs up and turns back to the camera] See? I knew it!
    James: ...Hello? Hello? [hangs up] Wow, what an asshole!
  • The Nerd loses it at the cover art to Kang Fu.
    • After enduring several long loading screens, he gets an "Out of Memory" error. He reads the instructions and is stunned that due to a bug in the console, the game must be loaded in a very specific way. He's so shocked he calls it "historical".
    • "I'd rather play U2 Fu and Robin Williams Fu" is a nice Call-Back.
    • His reaction to the Game Over screen... which is a picture of a real-life kangaroo skeleton in the desert.

    The Town With No Name 
  • Following on from the last episode's Cliffhanger, Nerd plays the Zool CD in a CD player and goes to play Track 1 despite the CD case saying not to with many video games on compact disc format, since Track 1 is computer data, the CD player's speakers only produce static noises.note  The Bathos is strong here.
  • The Commodore CDTV. Turns out CDTV is not "Compact Disc Television" but..."Commodore Dynamic Total Vision." In other words, Nerd is playing the Commodore Commodore Dynamic Total Vision. And of course, he brings up the comparison to DC Comics technically standing for Detective Comics Comics.
  • The Nerd realizes he doesn't have the CDTV, nor the Amiga 500 PC, but that it can run on anything that uses the Amiga Advanced Graphics Architecture chipset... which was used in the CD32... which he threw in the trash. So, he has to dig into that and get it back out.
  • The Nerd's shock at the game's strange Gainax Ending at the start of the game.
    • “He shot... a kid?!”
  • The Nerd notes how inconsistent the title is between calling the game "Town With No Name" or "The Town With No Name", so he finally looks inside the instruction manual to see what that calls it...and discovers it to be completely blank.
    Nerd: The Town With No Name?! More like The Instructions With No Words!
  • “Why is there so much blood?!”
  • The bit about the paint can being technically an "add-on" for the Amiga CD, and what hardware stores it can be bought at. Complete with a fake commercial.
  • "Ah, that Jester, that... fuck!"
  • Nerd is glad to never play this horrible Amiga console ever again.

    Home Alone Games 
  • Macaulay Culkin himself appears as a Special Guest. As "The Pizza Boy". Giving Nerd a pizza box full of Home Alone games.
  • The Running Gag in the first half of the video, where the Nerd consistently fails to recognize the much older Macaulay Culkin — much to the frustration of Culkin himself (who keeps dropping hints). There is a Bait-and-Switch where the Nerd finally appears to recognize him... only for him to accuse Culkin of being the pizza boy from the movie instead.
    • After frustration with the Game Over screen on the SNES version (which is Kevin's face and accompanying scream), we get this.
      Nerd: Agh, I swear to God, next time I see Macaulay Culkin's face, I'm gonna ram my fucking fist right through it!
      (Macaulay gives Nerd a frightened glance before sinking his head down and lifting the jacket's collar to block his face more)
    • When the Nerd finally recognizes him for real:
      Nerd: I'm playing Home Alone games with Macaulay Culkin! (does the "Home Alone face") AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
      Culkin: (looking into the camera) Really? ...Really? (points to the Nerd) Never seen that one before. It's "new".
    • The way the Nerd finds out: he rips off the nametag that says "Pizza Boy" on Culkin's jacket to reveal a second nametag underneath that says "Macaulay Culkin".
    • "Mu... mu... MuCulkin!"
  • This (obviously fake) quote from Albert Einstein:
    "The real difficulty, the difficulty which has baffled the sages of all times, is rather this: How the fuck did Home Alone get made for the PS2?"
  • When playing the Home Alone game on SNES, the Nerd questions the logic of hiding an entire goddamn pizza in a toilet.
  • This:
    Nerd: Have you ever found anything in the bathtub before?
    Culkin: I found myself once.
  • As Nerd points out that Home Alone 2 for SNES contains lots of bats:
    Culkin: This game didn't jumped the shark - it jumped the bats!
  • Culkin's thoughts on Kevin's slide attack.
    Culkin: Okay, with all seriousness. Explain to me, knee-sliding into a rat. Who does that?
  • Culkin quotes the imitation voice Kevin used, after the Nerd figures out that the hotel is going after Kevin in the game for just using a credit card.
    Culkin: Credit card, you got it.
  • The way Culkin talks about his game character as "me". Though this is an extremely common thing for someone playing a game to do, it's not usually this literal.
  • "I'd rather do The Human Centipede with the Wet Bandits: Marv in my mouth, Harry in my ass! I'll turn them into the Sticky Bandits!" Even the Nerd is grossed out by this rant coming out of Culkin's mouth. And of course, this gets lampshaded by the man himself:
    Nerd: And that's from the web series that brought you "Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls"!
  • The ending scene, where the Nerd and Culkin set up traps akin to the first two Home Alone movies to destroy Home Alone 1 and 2 on NES, SNES, and Amiga, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York on Sega Genesis.
    • Just afterwards, Culkin asks the Nerd if he wants to play The Good Son on the Atari Jaguar CD. The Nerd's response? "Fuck yeah!"

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