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Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Five

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    Street Fighter 2010 
  • The Nerd can't wait to play Street Fighter 2010:
    Nerd: Let's take a look at this, I can only imagine. We're gonna be Tiger Uppercutting through space and time. We're gonna be throwing Sonic Booms on the moon. Hadoukens up Uranus note , fuck Street Fighter IV, this is Street Fighter 2010!
  • Putting sound effects and music from Street Fighter II over gameplay of Street Fighter 2010 in a vain attempt to make it feel like the former, only to let the air out of the band when it fails.
  • The Nerd gets to play Street Fighter I. His thoughts: "And guess what? It sucks ass."
  • Just the way he says that Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game is "one of the stupidest ideas I ever heard".
  • "You press down. To shoot. Diagonally. Up."
  • When playing Street Fighter 2010, he is cornered by some enemies on a climbable wall, leading to this comment:
    Nerd: I'm getting murdered! I'm getting buttfucked up the dick!!!
  • The Nerd's rant on the last level is pretty great, just from the delivery.
    Nerd: It's the most heartless and abominable end stage ever programmed. What you get here is an endurance round. You have to fight three bosses, and then go on to a final boss, who has two different forms. All on one single life. You die once, you go back. First, it's this fucking clam-shaped thing. Then it's this fuckbrain. Then these two disappearing mummified armadillo robots in a room that randomly spouts fire all about. On top of trying to stay alive, you have to do it all before the time runs out. Oh look, I beat him, and the time's still going! Come on, come on, I gotta get to the final boss! Yes! I made it! Two seconds to spare! Then you get a cutscene. There's no way anyone's gonna bother to read this. Your heart is pounding so fast, and you're ripping your hair out of your head wondering "what the fuck am I gonna have to fight now??" I'm at the final boss, what is it, what is it? [timer runs out] WHAT?!? The fucking time limit??? You'd think that after the cutscene, the timer would start over, but NO! You fight the three bosses, then it's the cutscene, then you fight two forms of the final boss. So that's basically five bosses in total, all on the same life bar, and the same time limit. You get unlimited continues, so there's no excuse to shut off the game, You just keep playing and playing and playing. Eventually you start to get good at it! You can blow through these bosses taking as little damage as possible, but then the time always runs out! So you do it real fast, but then you end up getting killed! Then, you start to go through a phase, where you get so frustrated that all the skill you've accumulated starts to weaken, so instead of getting better, you actually start to get worse, because you've been playing the same fucking thing over and over. The final boss looks like a big, blistering ballsack that swallowed Grimace. His only weak spot is the face. The ideal strategy is to climb on the wall and keep shooting, but your beam doesn't reach. Not without full power-ups! You can try jumping off and shooting, but that takes too long! You don't have time! When you're plowing through the stage, you gotta stop and get all the powerups. But that wastes time too! But you gotta do it! You gotta somehow make it all happen! You can't beat one boss flawlessly but then fuck up a little on the next one. You gotta: 1) Beat all the bosses without getting hurt too much, 2) Get all the power-ups, and 3) Do it fast as shit, all in one perfect run! But once you do it, man, you're on the fucking top of the world! Yeah, boom, BOOM! (makes explosion noises)


    Ninja Gaiden 
  • The Nerd addressing a suggestive-looking cutscene in the second game, where it appears as if Irene is going down on Ryu. Note 
  • "You're slow as sloth taking shit!"
  • Even the ninja master can't beat Ninja Gaiden. "Nunchaku-fuck!"
  • The Hilarious Outtakes. Kevin is just incredible:
    Nerd: Yeah yeah, I'm doing good!
    Ninja: It's not a woman.
    • And:
      Nerd: *dies again* Grr!
      Ninja: Before you leap, you must look.
      Nerd: *dies again* I looked, I looked!
      Ninja: Before you look, you must think.
      Nerd: *dies again and gets angry*
      Nerd: *dies again* FUCK!
      Ninja: Before you fuck, you must use proper protection.
    • What's funny as well is the smile developing on James' face when the ninja says the former line.
    • This is compared to the normal original episode, but different when the Ninja says, "Before you think, you must feel":
      Nerd: *dies again* Ungh!!!
      Ninja: Before you feel, you must—
      Nerd: I've had enough!!
    • The way the ninja shrugs when saying the "Don't Think, Feel" line, as if it were obvious and he couldn't believe the Nerd didn't know it.
    • When the Nerd actually catches the Q-tip first time. Their reactions are priceless, especially Rolfe's look of amazement and hilarity.
      Ninja: My work here is done.
    • And this part. Must be the Ninja being able to keep a serious tone/expression:
      Nerd: And what the fuck was THAT?
      Ninja: A hummingbird that has no song...
      Ninja: ...will never... (tries to remember his line) a popstar.
      Nerd: (loses it)
    • "A wren that looks like a hen is more a hen than a wren."
    • "You must not act too quick. Perceive the victory in your head...then you will...receive head..." James's face, like he's thinking "Oh my god, he just said that?!", sells this outtake.
    • "Ninja G-to-the-double-ay-den."

  • AVGN comments on the game's Earthworld part, where you hear an explosion sound every time you go through a door. His playing the game and jumping back at each "explosion" going through a door is priceless!
  • When playing Earthworld:
    AVGN: These kind of games, you gotta use a lot of imagination. When you get to a treasure chamber, you can pick up items or drop them. By putting the right combination of items in a certain room, you'll trigger a clue. (clue appears) Whoa... Now what could that mean? Hmm... 16, 4... the comic book! (opens comic) Page 16, panel 4... I don't see anythi- (the word "SPIRE" is hidden in the drawing) ...Wow.
  • When he first mentions the "Water World" game, he has to clarify that it's not the Kevin Costner film.

    Pong Consoles 
  • His intro:
    AVGN: (...)They made a home Pong console, so you can play it at home. And then there was another one! (shows it) And another one! (shows it) And another one! (shows it) AND ANOTHER ONE! (shows it) AND ANOTHER ONE! (shows it) AND ANOTHER ONE! (shows it) THERE WAS, LIKE, NINE MILLION FUCKING PONG CONSOLES!
  • "You get 4 different kinds of Pong, like... what the hell is this, Reverse Pong? Okay... Oh, now what's this? Asshole Pong? That's not fair!"
  • The Nerd's comment on using the video connector and the box for the Wonder Wizard:
    "This might be a good time to bring up that most of these old consoles have a connector that looks like this. You have to plug them into a box, and then screw the box into your TV. But I say, get yourself one of these *holds up a convenient adapter*, plug it into the coaxial input on your TV, plug the game in, and tell that box to go fuck itself!" *flips the bird at the connector*
    • Alsonote :
      "So, technically speaking, the video signal is travelling up this wire... and then the electricity from the wall socket is coming back through the same wire. I don't even understand how that works!"
  • His entire reaction to the TV-4 Four-Way Video Game ("Rolls right off your tongue!"):
    "Well, you already know how I feel about these accursed boxes. How do you think I feel that this one is permanently attached to the fucking game console?! These things come from hell - these forks at the end might as well be the Devil's pitchfork. One of them's chewed off, so I have no way of connecting it to the TV...and I have no way of replacing the box! You think that makes me happy?...It doesn't!" (The Nerd angrily throws the box away)
  • Wow... Pong! This is where it's at! It ain't gunna get better than this! Now what's this here, this Xbox 360?... Some modern game system, I don't know, maybe it has advanced graphics, might even be in color. Let's check it out! [screen cuts to footage of Grand Theft Auto IV, totally blowing the Nerd's socks off]

    Action 52 
  • The Nerd begins the review by saying that he gets requests for this game all the time, such as:
    Nerd: "Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks." Wow, I guess I gotta do it now.
  • "Out of the way, you fucking ghosts! Here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon!"
  • "Oh, fucking hell, there's a menorah shooting Q-tips! GET OUTTA THE WAY!"
  • "You know what's more fun than playing Action 52? 52-card pickup. You know how you play that? *tosses deck of cards on ground* Pick up the cards!"
    • Hilarious in Hindsight as putting cards in a deck by putting them in a randomized pile by pushing them into a deck is actually a good way if you do not know the standard way.
  • The Nintoaster. Also a Moment of Awesome.
    Nerd: It's a NinToaster. And yes, it works.
  • "Oops, dead end. What the shit? You can't go back? I'm trapped? You're shitting me! This game is shitting me." *cue the cartridge doing exactly that*
  • His reaction to the title of #4: G-Force FGT, as we all know what word he's thinking of as opposed to the "Fighters" the abbreviation is supposed to mean.
    Nerd: G-Force...what?
  • "This guy doesn't understand the basic concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up."
    • "DIE, BOOB LADY!"
  • All his imaginative interpretations of the game's vaguely designed sprites. Vacuum cleaners (In SPACE) crop up a lot.
  • The safety pins.
  • The look on his face when he falls into the newbie trap at the beginning of Starevil.
    Nerd: Who's gonna dodge that? Nobody! Not the first time!
  • His opinion on TV censorship.
    Nerd: Whoever came up with this is an asshole!
    TV Version Nerd: Whoever came up with this is an ass*bleep*! Ass! Hole? Ass*bleep*. Television makes a lot of sense.
  • His immediate reaction to Time Warp Tickers. Conveying "what the fuck" as much as possible with nothing but an expression.
  • For some reason, just his understated reaction to the lack of enemies in the games.
    Nerd: Game #15: "Sharks." Yeah, sharks. ...sometimes sharks... most of the time not.
  • The glorious return of Shit Pickle.
  • His reaction to Game #16: Megalonia:
    Nerd: Another space shooter?! Flying through McDonald's arches?! No thanks!
  • This exchange when playing "Critical Bypass":
    Nerd: Oh, Critical Bypass! It's critical that you bypass this game!
  • His reaction to #28: Crybaby:
    Nerd: By now, you'd be crying. So it's like the game is mocking you.
  • When playing "Storm Over the Desert", this hilarious exchange happens when he sees a giant soldier/Saddam Hussein:
    Nerd: What the hell? A giant Saddam Hussein? How did they fuck up the scale rating so bad?! The soldiers aren't giant, so why Saddam?
  • When playing Game #10, "Operation: Full Moon", he finds the graphics look puke-green, and thinks that the game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out.
  • When playing "Lazer League":
    Nerd: Number #39: Lazer League. Well, I'm glad they spelled laser with a Z, that's how you say it, you don't say "la-ser". By the way, 2-D horizontal space shooter. Next.
  • His reaction to Non-Human:
    Nerd: Well, isn't that an appropriate title. Everything about these games is non-human!
  • His reaction to "Chill Out":
    Nerd: Well, I wish I could chill out! [...] This game doesn't even care it sucks!
  • Hambo:
  • Evil Empire: When the Nerd notices a lot of activity on a nearby platform:
    Nerd: Look at that. There's some crazy shit going on over there. I wanna join the party. (falls off platform and collapses) Oops, dying in mid-air.
  • Time Warp Tickers. That is all.

  • His reaction of finding out that Cheetahmen is no better than any other game on Action 52.
  • The reveal of a secret/glitch after he falls down a pit that should supposedly kill him.
    Nerd: Wait a minute... a 1-up? And it skips me to the next level? Aw, kick-fuckin'-ASS! Life is kinda cool sometimes.
  • "If they made Cheetahmen vs. Chester Cheetah, that shit would be the motherfuckin' ass."
  • His reaction on using the secret "Jump Glitch":
    Nerd: You know what, game? All this shit you put me through for the first two levels? Now it's my turn! Yeah, wanna play dumbass? Well, double-dumbass on you, motherfucker! You swine! You son of a motherless goat!
  • The Nerd is fighting the monkey boss, when suddenly they bump against each other in a certain manner.
  • Then the boss just disappears.
    Nerd: Heeeeeee's... not coming back, is he?
  • When playing "Appleseed":
    Nerd: Aw, shit, motherfuckers! Damn apples coming out of trees so fast, mother-fuckers!
  • His reaction to seeing a dog getting graphically killed in the Sega Genesis version of Action 52.
    • Immediately after, another game in the collection has a bunch of dead cats on the road that you have to avoid. The Nerd is appalled. Note 
    Nerd: Tell me. If you're programming a video game and you have a choice of all the things that could be on the road, like mufflers, puddles of oil, traffic cones, hubcaps, fallen trash cans, open manholes, of ALL the things you could put there, why does your imagination go straight to dead cats?
  • Describing the Genesis Cheetahmen music as "something you'd hear if somebody slipped on a banana peel."
  • "...But you know what the really good news is? I'M DONE WITH ACTION 52!!"

    Game Glitches 
  • The intro, which is appropriately glitchy. More funny, or scary, if you thought your computer had froze.
    Kyle Justin: He's gonna take you b... (long pause) ...ack to the past... (a clip from the Karate Kid video plays twice) to play the (stuttering) shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... ty games that suck ass... (Smash to Black).
  • The Nerd pulls out Cheetahmen II one last time because he activated a glitch that allowed him to play the two hidden levels in the game.
    Nerd: Now, if I ever have to talk about Action 52 and Cheetahmen again, I'm gonna staple my fucking ball sack to the ceiling.
  • The Call-Back to his Super Mario Bros. 3 review. "The gremlin prefers to stay away from this game. It's a bit too crowded with demonic possessions."
  • All of the Rocky character glitches.
    • When the Glitch Gremlin turns the audience into glitches and makes the fighters disappear.
      Gremlin: In this corner, weighing in at 0 pounds, 0 ounces: nothing! And in this corner, we've got...much of the same: nothing!
    • The audio glitch that causes a Broken Record announcer.
    Announcer: Next up is a fight, next up is a fight, next up is a fight...
    • When the game returns after the Nerd tries cleaning it.
    Gremlin: In this corner, we have... Bug-Eyed Balboa!
    Nerd: What happened to his mouth?
    Gremlin: His eyes are poppin' out! And in this corner, we have Spider Rico... with no jaw!
    Gremlin: Let's see what else I got up my sleeves. Oh, I'm not wearing any, but for my final showstopper, feast your eyes... on this!
    (Clubber Lang comes out looking like... this.)
    Nerd: (Jaw Drop, controller falls from hands) It's a Clubber Fuck!

    Zelda II: The Adventure of Link 
  • His tangent about how ridiculously named the monsters from the first Zelda game were.
  • The Nerd's reaction to the Game Over screen:
    Ganon: Ha ha ha ha!
    AVGN: Huh huh, huh huh, fuck you.
  • The Nerd brings up the infamous "I am Error" oddity, but offers an Alternative Character Interpretation (Though it's not as much "alternate" as "actually spot on", minus the "e-roar" part):
    AVGN: Well, maybe that's just his name, that's all. Maybe it's pronounced "e-roar".
  • Also, when a lady in red invites Link over to restore his health, the Nerd describes it as Accidental Innuendo that is Getting Crap Past the Radar:
    AVGN: (Link) learns the Down-Thrust, the Up-Thrust, and here, he learns the Cunt-Thrust. Yeah, that should be the name of a band.
  • The Nerd wondering what Link was doing standing in front of Zelda's comatose body: "Awww no...Link's a poon hound."
  • The two scenes where Link turns into a fairy at a high spot (followed by a return appearance from the Glitch Gremlin).
  • The part where he has a hard time killing a skull.
  • The Nerd's reaction to the first game's Link burning the second game's Link.
  • "I have better luck trying to fight my own shadow!" Cue him trying to beat his shadow on a wall, dislodging a poster and hurting one of his hands.
  • At the end of the video, the Nerd says that using the Power Glove would only make the game much more challenging than it already is... only to inadvertently make subtle movements on his Power Glove hand to defeat the final boss and show the ending, and all while he's saying how good but impossibly hard the game is and how he'll never beat it as long as he lives. He then turns off the TV and walks away...only to run back and switch it on as he realizes he's beaten the game. Can also be considered a Moment of Awesome.

    Back to the Future Re-Revisited 
  • After completing Top Gun's final mission, the game forces him to land on the carrier one last time. This time, he says he knows what to do, but given the unforgiving controls during landings, he overshoots the carrier... and his jet keeps going out of the TV screen, up past his wall, and breaks through his glass window to fly outside. The prolonged landing sound effect really sells it.
    "Hey, if someone sees that plane, can you let me know?"
    • "Can't let those fuckers go to space."
  • His mocking of the Star Wars special editions, with The Nerd wanting the M.C. Kids review to have a dance segment with the McDonald's mascots along with Skeletor and Dracula à la the CGI dance segment in the re-release of Return of the Jedi.
  • He calls Jessica Rabbit's phone number 20 years after the game came out. His reaction to finding out it's a sex line is priceless.
    • For added hilarity, watch the commentary where Mike is talking about how he really doesn't feel like doing title cards anymore, it unintentionally synchs up with the footage of The Nerd on the phone discovering the sex hotline, making it look like James is on the phone speaking to Mike and reacting in horror to Mike dismissing the title cards.
  • "Hey, I'm getting deja vu here!" When inserting the cartridge into the Nintoaster, cut to where he put the cartridge in a toaster the first time.
  • His question on the origin of the Back to the Future games:
    "Was this game even made by a human being, or did they feed it into a computer just so it could shit out this nonsensical fuck-poop?"
  • He says that Back to the Future doesn't have "Johnny B. Goode", but inspects it closer:
    Nerd: Okay, wait a minute. It is Johnny B. Goode. On crack.
  • While playing Back to the Future II & III: "Don't be so fuck."
    • When describing how the game is played:
    Nerd: After all that bullshit, you finally get the item, and now you have to find where to take it. I know where the game designers can take it, but that's another story.
  • His description of the colors of the LJN Rainbow:
    "Purple for 'Putrid Gameplay,' Blue for 'Bad Musical Abominations,' Green for 'Graphical Farts and Garlic,' Yellow for 'Piss-Poor Lack of Loyalty to Source Material,' Orange for 'Orange you a fucking idiot!,' and Red for 'High-stress Anger-Inducing Masochism'! Put that all together, and you've got all the colors of the shit rainbow. Hooray, LJN!"
  • When he dies again in Back to the Future III on Sega Genesis:
    • Acting out what it's like to try to memorize the whole first level in Back to the Future III:
    Nerd: Jump! Uh, jump again! Duck! Uh, shoot... whatwas- oh FUCK!
  • The Nerd eventually gives up on Back to the Future III and hits the TV with his pillow, then does a Skyward Scream.
  • When the Nerd discovers that there was a good Back to the Future game, but it was only released in Japan:
    Nerd: If you would have went back in time and said to people, "Hey, hey, there's a good Back to the Future game. Put this shit down, and go to Japan!", they would have looked at you like you were telling them to go teabag a goat on the surface of Mars.

    Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Re-Revisited 
  • Even after six years, the Nerd still hasn't gotten over the shock, as shown by him delaying the review for about two minutes and switching from his usual Rolling Rock beer to a bottle of whiskey.
  • His reaction to Jekyll killing a bee....
    Nerd: *kills a bee* (grumpily) ...What happened? (excitedly) I killed a bee? *kills another bee* I killed something! The only thing you kill in the entire game...and it's a little, TINY, STUPID, FUCKING BEE!
  • "Watch out for the bird shit- wha-wha-wha-WHAT?!! *shows birds pooping* It's definitely shit in a Nintendo game!"
    • "...Now there's birds shitting into the piss fountain!"
  • "'Oh sorry, honey, I'm late...I had quite a day... The whole, all the whole living creatures in THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN TRIED TO KILL ME, that's all!' What makes him think that the Church is gonna be any better? Is the priest gonna throw candles at him? Is Jesus gonna come off the fucking cross and start hitting him with it!?".
  • Before that, he starts to wonder what everybody thinks about Dr. Jekyll and why they're all pissed off at him:
    "Yeah, I see Jekyll. Ya see him? Ya see him walking? He just keeps...fucking walking! I don't like him. He's an asshole! He wears his underwear backwards! He has eyeballs for testicles!"
  • He ends the review with an epiphany about the game, logically pointing out its flaws as having actual purpose to it....only to conclude that the game "fucking sucks".

    Lester The Unlikely 
  • "What's so threatening about a fucking turtle!? Run, Lester, run! Get away from that turtle! That turtle might charge really fast!"
  • The Nerd temporarily going Gosh Dang It to Heck! during the cave stage.
    "Augh, doody!!"
  • Lester desperately running away from a group of bats.
  • The Nerd's hypothetical descriptions of how the series would've evolved, culminating in Lester 5 being a bag of shit.
  • "I'd rather fuck the Wicked Witch of the West [...] This nerd makes me look like Charles Bronson. Steve Urkel could beat the shit out of this guy."
  • Playing The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe. Just this...
  • "Now he's afraid of totem poles?? This guy sucks!"
  • The ending speech the Nerd gives on the game:
    "And the original Lester will always be a classic that's improved like wine. Wine that's made from fermented rat piss with the fine aroma of the dead, fly-swarmed carcass of a three-day-old deer, with the delicate, crisp flavor of skunk farts with highlights of ass sweat. The palette is rich with hints of residual dried poop-crust from a truck-stop bathroom. Goes down with the long lasting finish of fly-covered summer harbor trash."
  • Deciding he's gone off all games and to watch TV instead. His TV turns out not to have an aerial connection and just produces static, causing him to remark "Modern TV sucks!"...before settling down to watch the static anyway.

    How The Nerd Stole Christmas 
  • "I'd rather eat deceased skunk yeast than play inferior arcade ports like Altered Beast. Altered Beast is a nut-kicking feast I can't stand in the least."
  • When discussing S.C.A.T. on NES:
    Nerd: "S.C.A.T." stands for "Special Cybernetic Attack Team", but "the droppings of carnivorous mammals" is what the word "SCAT" really means. It's as close as you can get, to a Nintendo game called SHIT.
  • Circus Caper:
    Nerd: We'll see how they like Circus Caper. It's as fun as inhaling Chewbacca's anal vapor.
  • It's implied that one of the many bad games he left for the kids were Atari porn games.

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