Funny / SF Debris Live Action Movies

SF Debris funny moments from Live-Action Films.

The Dark Knight

• Chuck's backspacing about Harvey Dent's burnt face in The Dark Knight.
• Playing "The Touch" when the Batmobile transforms into a Bat-Pod.
• His blaming a car crash on Deanna Troi...twice.
• "The Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away..." —it did and he did!
• "The Batpod. So called because.......the Batpod."
• Chuck mentions the Joker's Multiple-Choice Past, and gives his own idea for an origin story: on Superfriends, Batman was trying to come up with cooler examples of his villains to impress Superman, and unfortunately let Aquaman come up with the idea of a psychotic killer clown, meaning Batman himself had to create the Joker.
  • The gist of which was Batman setting out to screw with a random clown until he turned evil.
• After The Joker does his thing with a pencil:
  "That was really good. Do you do birthday parties?"
• Chuck's remarks on Batman's (successful) plan to retrieve Lau.
  "And that's why, of all the descriptive names, of all the things people say when they see a hero in action, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, The Invincible Iron Man, the only descriptive word for our hero is 'The Goddamn Batman'!"
• Chuck's very first line in the episode.
  The Dark Knight. Christopher Nolan. Oscar performance for Heath Ledger. Versus me. On No-Pants Thursday. This will not be easy.
• This little gem of Black Comedy from his summation of the scene between Harvey and the Mayor.
  Chuck: Is he [Harvey] into anything damaging? Heroin, incest, gambling... [cue the dead Batman copycat] Auto-erotic asphyxiation...
• Chuck's own take on Joker's scars: "You know how they say you can't eat anything bigger than your head? Well, you can, if you wanna work for it..."
• Chuck snarking about Harvey's decision to have himself arrested in place of Batman, commenting on how recognizable his Lantern Jaw of Justice is and dubbing it "the Harvey Dent".

Night of the Comet

• The moment when Robert Beltran gets dressed as Santa.
  "Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! I'm Chakotay, doncha know? I'm dressed like this cause I'm Janeway's bitch. Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, heigh-ho!"

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

• Quite a few moments to be found in the review of The Two Towers, among them the shot of the massive supply of potatoes that the refugees are loading into Helms Deep, accompanied by Sam reciting "PO-TA-TOES!"
  • The numerous jokes as how badly abused Gollum ends up — at the hands of the heroes:
    "At least our spine broke our fall, precious..."
  • Chuck claiming that if Elmo were real, he'd look like Gollum.
  • The caption of Théoden on the battlements of Helms Deep, as it starts to rain: "This isn't rain, it's God pissing on me."
  • The annoyed rant at Treebeard's refusal to get involved in the war, even though the villains are guaranteed to chop down the Ents' forests for fuel and industrial development if they win- and they've already started doing both. Why is this funny? First of all, Chuck calls Treebeard "Spinach-Chin." Secondly, exasperated at how long the debate is taking...
    Man, going into Afghanistan didn't take this long. Getting out of Afghanistan won't take this long!
  • Haldir's death:
    "Blood? Blood on my beautiful armour? You sava— (Uruk-hai slices him across the back) ...urg. And you've got brain on my hair... Uncouth...
  • "Somehow, and I've no idea how, but it seems that Gollum has become bitter over the ordeal shown over the four hours of this film.
  • Comparing Gollum's torture at the hands of the heroes to Grover being interrogated by the Gestapo.
• Chuck is thoroughly unimpressed by Gandalf's supposed wizardliness and constantly makes jokes about how all Gandalf does is use his staff like a flashlight.
  Chuck: (After seeing Gandalf pull out his sword) "Hey wait wait wait, who gave Moses a sword? I've played enough played enough RPGs to know a wizard doesn't get a sword!"
  • He makes the same point about Saruman, including pointing out that he should have easily been able to repulse the Ent attack when the only direct spell he ever uses is a fireball in the next movie. Especially since he's surrounded by mountains; he has lots of red mana!

Blade Runner

• The obligatory Battlestar Galactica reference in the Blade Runner review:
  Chief: I've got four skin jobs walking the streets.
  Chuck: And if there's one thing Gaff hates, it's Cylons.
  • "Oh Rarity, you're my naughty little pony, aren't you?"
    • Even more Hilarious in Hindsight when the next episode^note  of My Little Pony, not The Opinionated Guide that aired after this video went up was Rarity-centric.
• Chuck choosing to play a clip of two kittens fighting instead of the actual scene from the movie when he discusses Batty killing Tyrell, and then when he says Tyrell is dead, he adds "But don't tell the kittens!"
• During the shot of Deckard at the piano, the narration has him drunkenly trying to play the Indiana Jones theme.
• Batty and Leon having a talk after Batty's phone call:
  Chuck!Leon Who'd you call?
  Chuck!Batty: Your mom.
  Chuck!Leon: You're just never gonna let that go, are ya?
  Chuck!Batty: You shot the guy!
  Chuck!Leon: Only 'cause I was mad at him!

Back To The Future

• Talking about the experiment Doc has roused Marty for in the middle of the night:
  Which involves strapping a dog into a remote-controlled full-sized vehicle. In other words, typical day at Mythbusters
  
  And something's on fire, so definitely a typical day at Mythbusters.
  • When Doc insists Marty stand next to him in front of a speeding De Lorean, Chuck notes that, had Doc been wrong about the car time traveling, it would've resulted in a very weird case of vehicular manslaughter.
• Noting that Principle Strickland looks like "The Hill Valley Odo."
  Now to check on Quark, that slacker.
  • When Marty returns to 1985, Chuck claims that the helicopter flying overhead is being piloted by Strickland in his never-ending vigilance of slackers.

Alien

• From his Alien review, the constant...sexual-based remarks, leading to the comment... "This is like a double entendre mine field or something."
  • His confusion of H. R. Giger and H.R. Pufnstuf, noting that the latter still looks like a penis with arms.
  • Kane's death scene with the chestburster. He twitches and falls down dead. "Well, that was horrible, but at least he's at peace—" Kane begins jerking more as the chestburster starts popping out. "Oh, come on! Die or get off the pot!"
    • Earlier, when Kane is first infested, he notes how not suspicious the large number of eggs are. Later, when one opens:
      Chuck: Wow, that's super-duper not suspicious! Okay, now open your mouth, and say (screams).
  • Points out that Ripley is alone at the last leg of the movie when looking for Jones, the cat, and that would make her a perfect target, except that — Smash Cut into Lambert and Parker clanging stuff like crazy as they collect coolant — "Parker and Lambert seem unaware that sound travels. Does it again a moment later, shouting over the clanging "KEY IS BEING STEALTHY!"
  • Calls out 'born in a barn' Ripley for leaving the door open... TWICE. The first time, he notes that the facehugger wouldn't even need to sneak out: it could just tap dance out.
  • His speculations that Ash is supposed to symbolize our fear of milk-spewing Englishmen shoving porn down our throats.
  • The facehugger singing a variant of the 'I Love You' song.
    • Later, when Ash makes his crack about the facehugger coming back as a zombie:
      Facehugger: Brains!
• Describing the Nostromo as the result of Dracula's castle knocking up a Star Destroyer.
• After they learn about the Xenomorph's blood, Chuck suggests giving it some intravenous baking soda and watch the explosion.
• "[as the Alien, in a clip of it looking at Jones] Oh, I should kill you, but you're just so damned cute!"

Howard The Duck

• His story of how he had to review Howard the Duck: he received an envelope with no return address, containing a wad of money and the cryptic message "Review Howard the Duck." Chuck described it as being blackmailed, but in reverse.
  • Also doubling as a Take That!, the song used as the theme for the review is "Loser" by Beck.
  • At the end, Chuck learns Marvel wants to release a 25th anniversary edition Blu-Ray of this movie.
    Chuck: Who the hell is actually so opposed to all that is good in this world, that they would go out of their way to support such utterly awful story-telling and this unfathomably bad writing to ever be inflicted upon this world again? Who was so soulless that would want to do that!
    Joe Quesada: Hi, I'm Joe Quesada, Chief Creative Officer here at Marvel Entertainment. *cue the Imperial March*
  • "It looks like you're trying to destroy the human race! Would you like help? Seriously, I hate those assholes! All I do is try to help them and they tell me to piss off every time! Rain fire upon them!"
  • Commenting on how Beverly would discuss her life with anyone she met in an alley, "I've never met a real black guy before. Do you know Fat Albert?"
  • Beverly tells Howard that he sold out. "Well, he's in this movie, isn't he?"
  • "And now we divy up the cheque, but only a 5% tip, because I'm so evil (Evil Laugh)".
  • After watching Howard freak out at a plate of eggs and ask if they think he's a cannibal, there's just something magical about how exhausted Chuck sounds:
    Chuck: ...It's a chicken egg, you fucking idiot.
  • "Is my irritation for the movie showing through? I bet it is."
  • The Running Gag of George Lucas trying to sell Pixar to Steve Jobs in the Howard the Duck review.

The Day After

• From The Day After
  • "The military usually assists the entertainment industry, as thanks for helping fake the moon landing."
  • Making Steve Gutenberg's character his personal Butt-Monkey every chance he gets. Hey, you have to take joke opportunities where you can get them in this movie!
    • Especially when Steve is getting a physical, and the doctor lowers his glasses in a perfect "Are you fucking kidding me?" manner.
  • When one of the characters realize that since, it's tomorrow, in a movie called The Day After, that it's now The Day After Tomorrow. 'Someone hold me before I get killed by slowly approaching radiation cloud, or something else stupid.'

The Matrix

• From The Matrix
  • "So, Al Gore gets humanity to embrace solar power and combat climate change...only for them to be forever imprisoned in the very internet which he invented!"
    Morpheus: Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.
  • When Cypher talks about regretting not taking the blue pill, Chuck points out that if he doesn't like serving on the front lines, then Zion has to be better. Cue the massive rave from The Matrix Reloaded.
    On second thought, let us not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
  • The inevitable jabs at Keanu Reeves' Dull Surprise acting. "Wut?"
    • One thing he says is that if Reeves is ever recognized by the Academy Awards and has one of those montages showing the highlights of his career, it could be summed up by one word: "...whoa!"
  • The Red Pill scene:
    Neo: Do you have a green pill?
    Morpheus: No. You must choose: Blue or red.
    Neo: Orange?
    Morpheus: Let me explain the pills again.
    Neo: Yellow?
    Morpheus: Listen, you take-
    Neo: Can I take both?
    Morpheus: No.
    Neo: Uh... orange then.
    Morpheus: Here's the orange one.
    Neo: That looks red.
    Morpheus: Uh, that's the Matrix trying to trick you, now swallow the damn thing!

Stargate

• Stargate:
  • The Running Gag of making John Lennon references about Daniel Jackson due to the Celebrity Resemblance.

The Thing (1982)

• From The Thing (1982) review Chuck proposes a scenario where the Palmer-Thing and the Norris-Thing are so fooled by the other's imitation they try to assimilate each other.
  • His speculation that Palmer-Thing purposefully ratted out Norris-Thing's detached head, leading to the mental image of Norris-Thing's aforementioned head shaking a tiny fist, screaming 'Bastard!'
  • Chuck waxing poetic about his fondness for Antarctica and icy wastelands in general, then attributing that to the fact that he lives in Wisconsin. Later he expresses the desire to one day fulfill his dream of visiting Antarctica . . . to punch a penguin in the face.
    • Even better, you can actually hear him punching his open palm right before bringing up said penguin-punchings.
  • The Running Gag about Willford "perpetually elderly man" Brimley's love of cock fights:
    • When first introduced, Chuck brings up his activism in favor of cock fighting:
      Chuck: That was in favor of cock fighting, not against it. Nothing to do with the movie, just not everyday you hear about an elderly oatmeal spokesperson talking about traveling to watch cock fights.
    • Later, when The Thing is spraying some dogs (presumably because they'd been getting up on the couch), Chuck assures us that no animals were harmed in the making of this film... although several roosters were injured under suspicious circumstances in Wilford Brimley's hotel room...
    • Finally, when Blair's spaceship is found:
      Chuck: Please enjoy this mental image of Wilford Brimley flying his tiny UFO to bomb the Kellogg's people, and then round out the day with a trip to the cock fights, cause it's the right thing to do.
  • Describing the pilot of the UFO in the opening scene as 'Yet another successful graduate of the Troi School of Driving'.

Battlefield Earth

• From Battlefield Earth, Johnny's saying "Yes we can! YES WE CAN!" leads to, you guessed it!, "YES! WE! CAN! YES! WE! CAN!"
  • His proof that IMDB's entry requirements are incredibly low? His cameo on Atop the Fourth Wall was enough to get him a page. Seriously.
  • The Disaster Dominoes of a man trying to pull out of his driveway, which is akin to what a fascinating trainwreck the film is.
  • "The planes will be in perfect working order because, of course, Army officers like to hear fshrrr when they open the doors."

Flash Gordon

• Flash Gordon
  • "Prepare for the Ming Ding-a-Ling!"
  • Ming is introduced as a villain who has most definitely read the Evil Overlord List, he just chooses to ignore it and instead Chuck quotes some of Ming's personal philosophies throughout the review.

Gojira

• Gojira
  • "Wow, that's a lot of Japanese schoolgirls. Statistically speaking, at least three of them have to have magical powers. Also, one is a robot."
  • "Ogata has to blow off his date with Amiko, to see what happened to the ship, the Iko Maru, and then they send in the Bingo Maru to investigate, but it inexplicably vanishes as well, and the Kobayashi Maru has drifted into the Neutral Zone, so it's not going to be any help."
  • Calling Dr. Serizawa "Dr. Cyclops".
    • When showing Amiko the Oxygen Destroyer:
      Serizawa: (after Amiko freaks out) I thought you'd like my chorus of decapitated kitten heads.
    • After Chuck assures Ogata that Serizawa is understanding:
      Serizawa: She better not be cheating with me, or I swear, I'll build a Death Ray
  • Amiko's father is so despondent over Godzilla, that he completely ignores Ogata's increasingly lewd description of him and Amiko's affair, and only gets mad when Ogata agrees that Godzilla needs to be destroyed.
    Ogata: We're having sex! Making whoopie? Sharing the same bed? We did the Takawaki Tango, the kimono bone-o, the Yamaha-ha-ha! Are you following me? I Hiro-hit that! She played with my Pokeballs, I plucked her cherry blossom, she oiled my katana, I test drove her Toyota and, oh, what a feeling! I ate her sushi and her tongue visited my land of the rising fun! Do you understand?!
    Yamani: ...Tell me, do you agree that Godzilla should be killed?
    Ogata: What? Well, if it's that or pounding Tokyo into the ground, yeah.
    Yamani: GET OUT! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!
  • During Godzilla's attack on Japan, when some cops ask for further instructions, Chuck recommends not looking tasty, flammable, or both.
  • When Yamani places the age of the dinosaurs as within thousands of years, he claims to have a clip of that bygone era. Cue The Flintstones.
    Yamani: As you can see, it's a page right out of history.

It, the Terror from Beyond Space

• It! The Terror from Beyond Space
  • Chuck's incredulousness when more and more weapons are revealed to be on board the "exploration" spaceship, including a freaking bazooka (this actually makes him do a Double Take). Also the Running Gag regarding the actor playing the monster being The Alcoholic (which he was - a major factor on the movie being a Troubled Production).
    • Special mention goes to the first appearance of grenades, which - as Chuck points out - is a very bad thing to have on a spaceship.
    Chuck: So, what next? [cue shot of grenade box] What the hell are you doing with grenades on a rocket?! Guns are dangerous enough, but you brought something whose only function is to make explosions on a thing where explosions are generally a bad idea! No wonder the other rocket has a hole in the side of it you could fit a 747 in! But lucky thing they're here for Operation: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?! Because they string up grenades to the hatches for when the creature comes out. And I'm not talking like one or two - they put up enough there to make a freakin' lei out of them!
  • The use of the siren wail-like Previews Pulse for both Alien and Prometheus for the "On the Next" trailers for this video.
  • When Caruthers is shown a skull of one of his crew mates with a bullet in it, he is told "there's only one monster that kills with bullets". Cue the Spider Mastermind from Doom.

Transformers

• Transformers (2007):
  • The "battle to end all battles" montage, featuring - among many others - a man boxing a kangaroo, a bear kicking a man in the stomach, nuns engaging in karate, and Peter fighting the chicken. Oh, and it's all scored to Two Steps from Hell.
  • "It's got it all: big, loud, 'splosions, slo-mo, military toy porn, little guy standing up to the government, minorities as comic relief, and none of these are exactly a problem. Except the last one, obviously."
  • Introducing Megan Fox's character brings our reviewer up short:
    Chuck: Wait, Mikaela Banes? Did Michael Bay decide to put a Rule 63 of himself as the cheesecake in this movie? 'Coz that's just fucking weird.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

• Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen:
  • Chuck goes into an anecdote about how when he was a kid he raised money to get a Megatron toy, only for it to be too little with taxes accounted for. He had to settle for Skids, a two-episode character who got turned into a Decepticon throne. He then learns that Skids is in the movie, and gives a Rousing Speech about how he will finally get some dignity....only for him to turn out to be one of the Ethnic Scrappies.
    ...Fuck you, Illinois Department of Revenue. Fuck you so damn much.
  • Proclaiming that the film's message of "men do the thinking, women are just there to look pretty" has to be unintended, because the alternative is to state that something - anything - in Transformers II was thought out.
  • Chuck making fun of this bizarre throwaway gag:
    Sam: There's a friend of mine, he just went to, uh, he went to get you a tighter shirt.
    Frat Guy: There is no tighter shirt. We checked.
    Chuck: I can't argue with that, that shirt even has its own wiki page.

Moontrap

• Moontrap:
  • As the film starts, Walter Koenig's character is conversing with NASA.
    Hey, Chuck. . . what's the weather like today?
    Chuck: Huh? It's, uh. . . it's partly cloudy with a chance of you getting the fuck on with it.
  • His riff on the famous Kennedy speech as Grant prepares to be the first person to have sex in space:
    In a JFK impression: We choose to bone on the moon! Not because we are easy, but because we are hard!
  • Whalers on the Moon... but that's to be expected from a movie not only with moon in the title, but set on the moon as well.

The Terminator

• The Terminator:
  • When the Terminator is procuring weapons in the gun shop:
    Shop Owner: Anything else?
    Terminator: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
    Shop Owner: Hey, just what you see, pal.
    Chuck: Yeah, you still can't get those. THANKS, OBAMA.
  • A Chuck created exchange between the title character and Sarah Connor at the end of the film:
    Sarah Connor Geez, what will it take to kill you?
    Terminator I've been thinking the same thing about you, lady!
    

RoboCop (1987)

• RoboCop (1987):
  • The obligatory joke with Kurtwood Smith: one of Boddicker's crimes is calling the cops "dumbasses."
  • When Dick Jones is chewing out Bob Morton for screwing over him and the ED-209 project.
    Dick Jones: I had a guaranteed military sale with ED-209! Renovation program! Spare parts for 25 years! Who cares if it worked or not?
    Chuck: It says "Made in Detroit" on it, for God's sake! No one would expect it to work!
  • Robo goes to his old house and finds that it's already for sale, accompanied by an automated realtor on a television.
    Realtor: Hey, have you thought it over? Why not make me an offer?
    (Robo punches the TV screen)
    Chuck as Realtor: (in pain) Did I mention the swimming pool?
  • When describing the difficulty of wearing the Robocop suit during the Texan summer (during which the movie was filmed, and it was so hot that Peter Weller actually lost several pounds in merely a couple of weeks):
    Chuck: This is, I believe, a legal form of execution in that state.

Dune (miniseries)

• In his review of the Dune miniseries, Chani's nudity is censored with a image of a woman holding a sign reading "I think we can all agree boobs are awesome!"

Star Wars

• In his review of A New Hope he comments about Darth Vader's underling being the bravest man in the galaxy, talking to a giant, super strong, dark enforcer with magical powers like he was a coworker who got caught stealing office supplies.
  • Also, Darth Vader's introduction, where he laments that his stormtroopers have already killed the rebels when he wanted to do "the cool thing again." He then has a need to strangle someone in frustration.
    Darth Vader: Now I shall unleash the full might of WHAT THE HELL!? THESE GUYS ARE ALL DEAD!
• Grand Moff Tarkin shooting down suggestions to make the Death Star more livable.
  Grand Moff Tarkin: We don't care about the environment! The whole point of this place is to ruin the environment! On purpose!
  • Tarkin also makes it perfectly clear what he thinks of the suggestions.
    Grand Moff Tarkin: We are not interested in your space condo ideas! Forget about your peacenik green energy crap and get on with it!
• Chuck takes time out in all his reviews of the Original Trilogy to talk about the Special Edition changes. He, personally, does not hate them on principle, though understands why some do, but rather evaluates each change on its own merits and offers his opinion on whether it was an addition to or subtraction from the film. Then he gets to the change that just confuses the hell out of him:
  This brings me to the most inexplicable aspect of the Special Edition. Lucas went to all the trouble to digitally insert a giant slug over a Scotsman dressed like Barney Rubble. He'll insert a complicated music video into the early part of the third movie. And yet, he keeps the "doesn't even qualify as wireframe" Death Star plans that are quite clearly wrong, with the dish placed on the equator instead of in the upper hemisphere. I just don't get it. This is the kind of thing a fan could fix with some desktop software! But instead Lucas uses the might of the most powerful special effects company on Earth to replace a perfectly servicable alien with a completely different alien in the bar! I think the only explanation is that they can't change that for legal reasons. Because to do that they would have to get the permission of whoever stole the Death Star plans, and there's like 50 different people who all claim they did it, so the lawyers can't sort that out.

The Empire Strikes Back

• Chuck goes on a rant about what he considers the most needless and egregious change in the Special Edition version.
  Lucas decides, for reasons know only to himself, that Vader's remark "Bring my shuttle" is not enough explanation of how he could get from Cloud City to the Executor, and thus has Vader say "Alert my Star Destroyer to prepare for my arrival", and then begins a number of shots to establish that Vader did indeed get on his shuttle, and did indeed return to the Star Destroyer, and did indeed walk off the shuttle, instead of trusting that the audience would figure out that if someone calls for a taxi and then is seen at their destination, this person is probably not a wizard with teleporting magic. This not only interrupts the flow of the scene, but the long line does not allow James Earl Jones to instill it with the emotion that the brief "Bring my shuttle" contained; you could hear the Dark Lord's simmering anger over Luke's rejection. And what kind of preparations are even necessary for "your arrival"? I mean, you didn't tell them to prepare to leave the system, pursue the Millennium Falcon, open fire on Cloud City, you know, the kind of things they should be ready to do the moment you get there, no, just: "prepare for my arrival". What?! Are you expecting a cake and a stripper to be there? Do you want a fucking marching band on hand to play you your favorite song up to the bridge because you're depressed about what happened?!
• When Vader arrives back on his destroyer, Piett is there... with his nervous nephew.
  Piett: Right, hope you don't mind, sir, but I've brought my nephew here to work today.
  Nephew: (silted) Hello, sir, or madam. What a lovely home. I am collecting for Imperial Scouts—
  Piett: (annoyed) I told you; not at my office! (to Vader) Sorry, sir.
  Darth Vader: Please. If only my own son was as well behaved as this pitiable creature.
  Piett: Didn't go well, my lord?
  Darth Vader: No! You were right, I should have gone with "Son, I'm your dad." That personal touch would have... Uhm...
  Piett: Connected?
  Darth Vader: "Connected"! Exactly! Hopefully I can still fix things... Once you've dragged his stunned and unconscious body onboard, I can help my son learn.
  Nephew: (still silted) Imperial Scouts give young boys a chance to learn many useful—
  Piett: That's it! That's it! OUT!
• Playing Jerry Lee Lewis' version of "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On" after Han blasts the floor of the asteroid cave that turns out to be the inside of a giant space slug.
• "Yoda explains that the Dark Side springs from anger, fear, and aggression, the stuff you usually find in most internet comments sections."

Dark City

• His joke about the child Stranger:
  Oh, and look, it's Take Your Child to Work Day for the sinister minions of all that is dark! 'And after this, we shall suck the souls of kittens, and then get some ice cream!'
• "But it's time to meet our gumshoe, detective, the hard-boiled man on the streets who knows there's a hundred tales in Sin City. *clip of Bumstead playing the accordion* And the biggest sin of all is not to polka! Strike up the music, the band has begun..."
• Chuck's commentary on Murdoch discovering his tuning abilities:
  Chuck: And there's his wallet - great! He just needs some money to open the slot. Just have to get some from the wa- Doh! All right, this is a problem, huh. Maybe I can open it with my psychic powers- [Cue clip of Murdoch doing that] Son of a-! Maybe my buxom chauffeur will come in to tell me she's here with my Rolls Royce! [beat] Well, it was worth a shot.

Zardoz

• When the Brutals start shooting their guns up to the sky.
  Zardoz: I've changed my mind. The gun is not always good. And the jury is still out on the penis.
• Chuck's creative methods for censoring the film's nudity. And the fact that, at least once, he has to just give up and blank the whole screen, because the scene in question was impossible to render Safe For Work in any other way. He takes the time to explain that the black screen isn't a video glitch, it's the only way he can talk about what's currently happening in the film.

Jurassic Park

• Red Review:
  • The reveal that the reason there are two Chucks, and thus two reviews, isn't because he cloned himself. No, it was the more rational and common incident of a cyborg colliding with him and splitting him into two beings.
  • Red Chuck decides to cap off a serious analysis and discussion with himself - by showing a clip from Caveman depicting Ringo Starr rubbing a T-Rex's balls.
  • When Lex and Tim show up, Alan is obviously irritated.
    Chuck (as Alan): That tears it. Kids, velociraptors - I'm leaving this planet. I'll... go off somewhere on a spaceship to be far, far away from children.
    Chuck!Picard: [sigh] Don't count on it...
  • A scene of Malcom flirting with Ellie leads Red!Chuck into a bizzare segue about dinosaur erotica.
  • Once the T-Rex breaks down the fence, Alan has some "advice" for Malcom:
    Alan: Keep absolutely still. Its vision is based on movement.
    Malcom: [earlier in the movie, staring at the pile of Triceratops dung] That is one big pile of shit.
  • Red Chuck admits to feeling bummed about Nedry's death.
    Red Chuck: Yes, he is the villain, all of this is his fault, but I can't help it, it's Wayne Knight. I don't want to see Wayne Knight killed. It's like someone stabbing a toy Cookie Monster — technically, there's nothing wrong with it, but it still just feels wrong.
  • When Nedry complains about his programming project being underfunded, Hammond chastises him for wanting to spend money on frivolous things, and without skipping a beat, he declares he has to go write out a check to James Earl Jones for narrating the Jurassic Park bathrooms. This later comes into play when a panicked Gennaro tries to hide a guest bathroom:
    Chuck (as James Earl Jones): Welcome. I am James Earl Jones. As you enjoy our state-of-the-art lavatories facilities, please, join me in a trip... to the Mesozoic Era. The Age of Reptiles. ("Circle of Life" starts playing)
  • Hammond trying to get Grant to visit another park he made, this one underwater and filled with cloned megalodons... only to admit that with this one, he spared all the expenses, to the point that the narration is done by an Elvis Impersonator he owed money.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

• Chuck opens the review with the story of how he saw the movie on opening day sitting next to two incredibly annoying kids, thinking "that sucked, those kids ruined the movie for me" — only to later see the movie on home video and realize that the kids had nothing to do with it.
  • In a somewhat Black Comedy sense, following it up with a warning that anyone who likes the film, doesn't deal well with people being angry, or can't stand salty language should turn the review off right there, since he'd already given his opinion.
• Stating that the film "suffers from schizophrenia" because of the two Steven Speilberg's at the helm: the young Steven Speilberg who knows what excites him and thus what will excite his audience, and the older socially-conscious Steven Speilberg who wants his films to have positive messages, and thus the villains end up being more exciting than the heroes. Chuck digresses a bit to talk about Roland Tembo's gun (a 600 Nitro Express double-barreled rifle) and its symbolism, then notes there were two working models of it made for the film, guess who took one of them home with him?
  Chuck: His initials are SS. (Beat, then quietly) Ugh, and Hitler on a fucking unicycle, no, I did not just compare the guy who made Schindler's List to Nazis.
• Chuck's rant at the "anti-Darwinism" on display in the movie.
  Chuck: How a film series can talk so much about evolution while failing so badly at showing natural selection is beyond me. All I know is they have a new slogan: it's not "life finds a way", it's "stupidity finds a way".
• Chuck notes that some people attempted to correct him on pointing out how Ian Malcolm died in the first book, yet was brought back to life by Michael Crichton in the sequel, by claiming that Malcolm didn't die at all. Chuck rebukes this, saying that Malcolm was definitely most sincerely dead by the end of the first book, and him returning alive in the second was just a retcon by Crichton, pointing to a passage from the book that has the other characters lament how they don't have the opportunity to give Malcolm a proper funeral after he has succumbed to his injuries. Chuck dryly observers that Malcolm's character might have been somewhat insufferable in the book, but certainly not to a degree where it would make other people want to bury him alive simply to shut him up.
• Chuck's numerous rants about the two running themes of the film — "Idiocy" and "Contrivance".
• Chuck topping one such rant off by getting up, walking away from his mic and demanding in exasperation to know if the film's over, checking the runtime to find out he's maybe a quarter of the way through at best, exclaiming "Sonuvabitch!", then sitting back down to continue. He spends the next couple minutes delivering his commentary in the angriest, most sarcastic snark ever.
• Partly as a break for his own sanity, Chuck digresses to talk about the overall nature of The Lost World and why it bothers him, concluding with stating that he doesn't even want to finish watching the film at this point, and would actually rather just watch Jurassic Park III. He then compares the films to strippers: JPIII is a stripper who comes out and takes her top off because she knows the audience only wants to see the boobs. The Lost World is a stripper who comes out topless... then starts ranting about how Canada is a fascist police state. Even if The Lost World has better boobs than JPIII, some people may not like Lost World because the nonsense being said is too distracting.
  Chuck: Sorry if the example offends, it's just that when I think of Nick and Sarah together, a pair of boobs is what immediately springs to mind.

Shin Godzilla

• An attempt at research for the review came crashing to a halt because the top Google auto finish for search terms starting with "Japanese French" was "toast," and Chuck just could not go on without learning more about Japanese French Toast.
• Which segues into him comparing Japan to an eccentric and sometimes creepy roommate, who you still love living with for those times they bust out into Crazy Is Cool. In the case of Shin Godzilla, coming up with a plan so crazy they named it after a guy who gets drunk with a dragon, the US decides this is just too awesome not to be a part of.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eigth Dimension

• Right away, Chuck gets in some prime snark.
  The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. To sumarize the title card — 'coz there's a lot — Buckaroo Banzai is mixed race, though his Japanese ancestry is just sort of implied. He's a brilliant neurosurgeon but also a martial artist, studied particle physics, and formed a group of scientist friends called the Hong Kong Cavaliers, who are also a band. What'd you do today?
• Chuck does a Running Gag where he gives the "Oscillation Overthruster" a different name every time he says it. The first could just be Chuck misspeaking, as he does, calling it the "Oscillating Overthruster," but they get increasingly outlandish, including "Oscar Override," "Oscilloscopic Orderon," and "Ovulating Overpasser."

Highlander

• When "Candy" shows up to "entertain" The Kurgan, Chuck has an aside to discuss her aggressively 80s fashion and hair, noting that it's difficult to explain why this objectively bad hair and costuming is considered hot by those who came of age in the time period.
  Oh, yeah, Pavlov. Trust me, those of you going through puberty during the "AI Art Age", in about twenty years you're gonna wonder why you're secretly turned on by extra fingers.
• Responding to Connor's village wanting to burn him for being "in league with the Devil" after he came back to life.
  How angry do you think God would be if he performed a miracle, and restored someone who was dying to life, and the response was to burn them? (as God) "And people wonder why I don't do flashy things anymore. That's it, from now on it's nothing but pictures on grilled cheese sandwiches."
• When Ramirez uses Offscreen Teleportation to evade Connor's attack.
  Ramirez: Crude and slow, clansman, your attack was no better than that of a clumsy child.
  Chuck: Plus, the editor's on my side.