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Fanfic / The Magic of Torchwood

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In The Magic of Torchwood, Team Torchwood (Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, continuity compatible until after 'Adam') find an unusual artifact, which de-ages them to 11 years old. Then they receive a Note to Self from Jack, which says that they are about to experience something wonderful. The artifact, a crystal, takes them to Jack's apartment during the Summer of 1993, whereupon they receive Hogwarts letters. Let the magic begin...


Having started as a fairly standard crossover between the two fandoms, following the path of the Harry Potter books, it becomes considerably more complex, with the addition of several unexpected characters. More generally, Team Torchwood don't immediately get involved with Harry and company, and have their own goals and their own adventures, and they still work with the non-magical world, usually via Jack's past self.

Additionally, the author is credited as a major influence on Nimbus Llewelyn, author of Child of the Storm and is friends with the author of De Aged.



  • Actor Allusion: With a little Leaning on the Fourth Wall, in chapter 114, in reference to Ralph Fiennes portrayal of Voldemort.
  • Affably Evil: Jack's boggart.
  • A Father to His Men: Jack, sniping at Owen aside, lives and breathes this trope.
  • Almost Kiss: Jack and Ianto at the Yule Ball.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Harry, of all people, though it mostly extends to being willing to kiss Jack just to practice kissing.
    • Possibly Sirius Black, being willing to jokingly flirt with Jack.
  • Anti-Hero: Almost everyone, of one variety or another.
    • Jack: Type III. Beginning to show signs of Type IV.
    • Owen & Ianto: Type III
    • Gwen & Tosh: Type II
    • Harry: Moving towards Type III.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Jack's Torchwood contract includes the phrases "high-risk situation", "dangerous artifact", "hostile forces" and "terrible flirt."
  • Ascended Extra: Archie, head of Torchwood 2.
  • Asshole Victim:
    • Carol.
    • Also Umbridge. The narration of her arrest includes this gem:
      She didn't even try to resist. In fact... she was crying. It might almost seem sad, if it weren't for the fact that she so deservedly brought this fate upon herself.
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  • Attractive Bent-Gender: Harry, under the influence of Polyjuice, resulting in Distracted by My Own Sexy.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: Dumbledore, Jack and Voldemort. Harry to a certain degree as head of the DA.
  • Anything That Moves: John Hart and the poodle is regularly mentioned. Jack note 
  • Attention Deficit Creator Disorder: Even if, thanks to regular weekly updates, it didn't show for a while. Now, Writer's Block has set in.
  • Badass Adorable: Team Torchwood as kids.
  • Badass Angster: Jack, Harry, and Ianto, to various degrees, for various reasons.
  • Badass Army: Dumbledore's Army. Particularly with the addition of the expertise of Team Torchwood.
  • Bad Future: Jack's boggart represents his worst possible future self.
    • One of these is caused by Jack's manipulation of events to ensure that Harry doesn't die, meaning that Voldemort still has his last horcrux.
  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: Alien technology protects the pyramids.
  • Berserk Button: For Jack, the words 'Master' and 'Freak'.
    • "We don't use that word in the Dungeons anymore. Jack maims us for it." This from Death Eater Draco Malfoy.
    • Also for Jack, bringing up what happened to Gray. John Hart does this, and is hit with an extended Cruciatus Curse, leaving the rest of the DA stunned - and immediately concluding that John is, in fact, suicidal.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Ianto. Just because he happens to be in Hufflepuff and is apparently harmless doesn't mean he isn't extremely dangerous, especially when he shows just how easily he could poison the entire school.
    • Everyone smart is absolutely terrified of Ianto.
    • Jack. People underestimate him at their peril.
  • Big Brother Mentor: Harry comes to see Jack as this, especially after learning about Jack's immortality and age. So much so, in fact, that he and Ginny name their firstborn son after him - though this might also have something to do with Jack arranging their getting together.
  • Black Comedy: Team Torchwood are prone to this, particularly Ianto. It is for this reason that Draco inwardly notes that the funnier they find something, the less he wants to know what it is.
    • While it is kind of horrifying that in the Bad Future Harry was killed, chopped up and buried in different places all over the country to preserve his utility as a Horcrux, it's also kind of funny that the locations were apparently chosen by throwing darts at a map.
  • Blatant Lies: Jack claims that he's a vampire to escape a photographer. Team Torchwood doesn't deny that Past!Jack being Present!Jack's father is this.
  • Brain Bleach: After talking to John Hart, Snape really needs a good Obliviator.
  • Call-Back: The pseudo-magical resonance of the Globe Theatre becomes an important plot point later on.
  • Cassandra Truth: A very literal example; for one Divination lesson, Jack writes that the world will end Friday 2 March, 2008, at 8:02 a.m. and nobody would notice.
  • The Charmer: Jack, as per usual.
    • Harry turns out to be surprisingly adept at this, so long as he's not genuinely interested in the person he's flirting with.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Jack. Both of them.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Luna.
    • Actually, This is how Luna is portrayed in a LOT of Fanfics, and the movies too, if I'm remembering right...
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: What happens to Umbridge. All of it.
    • Also what Jack does to Mark Avery with duct tape.
  • Cool Sword: The Sword of Gryffindor, especially now that it has been imbued with silver.
    • The lightsabers.
  • Combat Pragmatist: Jack, especially with how he handles Barty Crouch Jr.
  • Combat Sadomasochist: Werewolf!Jack vs Fenrir Greyback has shades of this.
  • Contrived Coincidence: Time travel is involved, so this is perhaps unsurprising.
  • Creepy Child: Team Torchwood tend to come off as this to those not in the know thanks to their being Older Than They Look, their sense of humour and their habit of communicating without apparently saying a word. As a result, Draco Malfoy at one point internally notes that he'd learned from experience that the funnier Team Torchwood find something, the less he wants to know what it is.
  • Creepy Good: Team Torchwood, Jack and Ianto in particular, tend to freak people out.
  • Cute Bruiser: Team Torchwood
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Owen + fork and utility thereof.
    Gwen: He'll do it. I've seen him do it.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Slytherin Theodore Nott is opposed to the pure-blood philosophies of his house because such a philosophy led to his squib sister being killed when she was four years old and most records of her existence subsequently erased; add in the fact that Nott is able to see Thestrals...
  • Darker and Edgier: As compared to the original Potter series.
  • Day in the Limelight: Plenty of more minor characters get scenes.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Everyone has their moments, but it's usually Ianto.
  • Death Is Cheap: Jack all the way.
  • Deus ex Machina: Take 3 guesses as to why the Doctor hasn't turned up (in a proper chapter), save for a brief appearance to leave the Sword of Gryffindor for Harry. And the first 2 don't count.
  • Distracted by My Own Sexy: Harry, by his breasts under the influence of Polyjuice.
  • Dumb Muscle: Many Death Eaters, an opinion shared by both Jacks and Lucius Malfoy.
  • Doing In the Wizard: John Hart's explanation of magic as understood by the 51st century. Yes, John Hart is a wizard, and a powerful one. Tremble ye mortals!
  • The Don: by Deathly Hallows, Owen is the undisputed Don Corleone style ruler of Hogwarts, and is universally known as Owen Bloody Harper.
  • Double Agent: Ianto becomes one, and very successfully, with only Snape catching on.
  • The Dreaded: Voldemort.
    • Jack's Boggart to Jack, mostly for what it represents.
    • As of Chapter 73, Owen Harper, known by the entire school as 'Owen Bloody Harper' after being the chief architect of Umbridge's downfall and mental breakdown. Since by the final book he's evolved into the The Don and the undisputed ruler of Hogwarts, this is entirely justified.
  • Enemy Mine:
    • A less serious one between Ron and Malfoy when dealing with Umbridge.
    • A deadly serious one in Chapter 86 between Harry and a not quite dead Draco Malfoy.
  • Enfant Terrible: The general public's perception of Owen Bloody Harper. There is plenty of reason for this.
  • Ethical Slut: Present!Jack previously, Past!Jack currently.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Someone even Jack won't do? Umbridge. Owen and Tosh revel in the incredibility of this.
  • Evil Counterpart: Aside from the usual Harry and Voldemort, Jack and Captain John (though how evil he actually is is a matter up for debate).
  • Fake Defector: Jack implies defection to Barty Crouch Jr. Then he knees him in the balls.
  • Faking the Dead: Team Torchwood pull this on Draco Malfoy. It was very effective, right up until they got ratted out.
  • Fantastic Racism: By a number of wizards towards muggleborns.
    • Also, the old Torchwood regime towards aliens.
  • Five-Man Band: There are a couple of these.
  • For Want of a Nail: Harry ends up dying when Team Torchwood returns to their present, because Voldemort's Horcrux in Harry's scar wasn't destroyed. This led to Voldemort allying with The Master of all people.
  • Future Me Scares Me: More the possibility as shown by the Boggart. Of course, Jack being Jack, he flirts with it.
  • "Funny Aneurysm" Moment: In-Universe. Jack jokes lightly about Dumbledore's attempts at getting in his head, after the third task, comparing it to sexual assault. Then Harry sort of curls up and says Voldemort essentially mind raped him.
  • Gender Bender: Harry in chapter 116.
  • Good Is Not Soft: Team Torchwood. Jack and Owen generally fall under Good Is Not Nice as well, depending on their mood.
  • Good with Numbers: Toshiko quickly demonstrates such a strong skill with numbers that she can keep track of the cost of their five wands and translate that into muggle currency as well, prompting Ollivander to observe that she will certainly find Arithmancy interesting when she gets the chance to take it.
  • Guile Hero: Jack and Ianto, Harry and Draco becoming these under Jack's tutelage by different means (Harry gets more cynical and pragmatic, while Draco becomes more moral).
  • Groin Attack: Jack vs Crouch Jr.
  • Handsome Lech: Jack again.
  • Half-Human Hybrid: Hagrid, Madame Maxime. Jack jokingly suggests that Snape is half Dementor and Owen claims that one of the Slytherin players is only half Mountain Troll (the rest, save Derrin Harper, are all Mountain Troll).
  • He Who Fights Monsters: Jack's worst fear is becoming this, as epitomised by his Affably Evil and vaguely terrifying boggart.
  • Hidden Depths: Apparently, it takes a special kind of hatred to cast the killing curse, with Lucius Malfoy grudgingly admitting that he can't do it. Jack can, which even John Hart, a renowned sociopath, is shocked by.
  • Historical Villain Upgrade: Implied to have happened in-universe to a Not Quite Dead Salazar Slytherin.
  • I Hate Past Me: Jack doesn't outright argue with his past self, but he does observe that he wasn't entirely stable in the nineties.
  • I Need to Go Iron My Dog: Jack and Harry get out of taking photographs of the Triwizard Champions when Jack sarcastically claims to be a vampire and Harry protetss that he's allergic to the smoke used in flash photography (Krum refuses to be photographed without all four champions and Fleur just leaves); ironically, Skeeter prints these claims as true rather than realise Jack and Harry were just joking.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Owen.
  • Knight in Sour Armour: Owen. Jack under his cheerful mask. Draco's developing into this.
  • La Résistance: Owen and Neville lead the fight against the Carrows.
  • Large Ham: Present!Jack. Oh so much.
  • Like a Son to Me: How Jack regards Harry. This backfires when he refuses to let Harry die to kill off the Horcrux in his scar, leading to Voldemort's return and a Bad Future.
  • Mad Scientist: Salazar Slytherin, was and still is one of the more benevolent variety.
  • Manipulative Bastard: Jack, again. Witness how he plays the Wizarding World like a harp when faking Malfoy's death, until one of the DA proves to be the spanner in the works, in which some Xanatos Speed Chess follows. Also note how he draws Draco and Harry to him and gets them to work together.
    • Theodore Nott, with Jack noting that he was instinctively capable of working in a way that the Time Agency spent years training adults to master.
    • Ianto takes the cake, however, with his successfully feigning allegiance to Voldemort for months on end.
    • Owen Bloody Harper takes the cake and runs with it, though, managing to play the Slytherins like a well-tuned fiddle and turning the whole of Hogwarts into a gigantic pranking machine. It's up to John and Salazar to put a cap on his madness, and only then for their own purposes.
  • Memetic Badass: Owen in-universe, considered to be one of the few people who could conceivably deal with Voldemort after dealing with Umbridge.
  • Mind Screw: The Fidelius charm on Jack's immortality has this effect.
  • Mistaken for Gay: Jack is scandalized that anyone thinks he would restrict himself to one gender.
  • Mr. Seahorse: John Hart. Ianto is the father and didn't believe him - up until he was shown irrefutable proof.
  • My Friends... and Zoidberg:
    • Ianto delivers one in Chapter 2
      Ianto: Ladies, gentlemen... and Jack
    • Draco later delivers one of his own.
      Ladies, gentlemen... Weasley.
  • My Future Self and Me: Jack hangs around with his past self and with his worst possible future self (the boggart). They all get on disturbingly well.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: Jack, by his refusal to let Harry die in order to destroy the last horcrux accidentally kicks off a monumentally awful Bad Future.
  • Noodle Incident: A given with Jack, but a few at Hogwarts are also mentioned, such as the time James and Sirius somehow turned the Slytherin table in the Great Hall into a herd of badgers.
  • Note to Self: Jack to Team Torchwood before they go back in time, then Gwen in the Adam chapter to assure herself not to worry about her lost memory.
    • Harry, Ron, and Hermione before breaking into Gringotts. Which, naturally, is hijacked slightly by John Hart trying to preserve the timeline.
  • Odd Friendship:
    • Team Torchwood, particularly Jack, and Sirius Black.
    • John Hart and Salazar Slytherin get on disturbingly well, with a Straight Man and Wise Guy routine that horrifies practically everyone.
  • Officer and a Gentleman: Jack, chivalrous to a fault even when he's trying to seduce you.
  • Oh, Crap!: Everyone in the April Fools chapter.
    • Most people when they realise just how dangerous Jack is and when they realise he's immortal.
    • Most reviewers when they find that Voldemort is looking for the Immortality Gate.
  • Older Than They Look: Both Jacks, all of Torchwood.
  • Operation: Jealousy: Ginny tries to pull one on Harry via Jack. Jack sees straight through this, and gives her some fatherly advice. Ginny and Harry hook up. Just as Jack planned.
  • Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: An awesome one in chapter 94, when Jack takes on Voldemort.
    Jack: You really don't want a dogfight with me...
  • Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: On a few occasions the Torchwood team make reference to films that will only come out in the future, such as Men in Black or Pirates of the Caribbean, but fortunately on both occasions there is a more 'conventional' explanation (Hermione assumed Jack was referring to the original comics and some Ravenclaws assumed it was just a reference to the original myth).
  • Running Gag: Several.
    • Owen and the fork.
    • Ianto and his various attempts to Silencio Owen (he eventually succeeds).
    • Ianto snarkily referring to Sirius by every dog related nickname possible. e.g. Fido and Lassie.
      • Jack does this, too.
    • Jack's constant assertion: "I've dated worse."
    • If there is a Noodle Incident that involves Jack, everyone's standard response is 'I don't want to know.'
    • More and more people are wondering how Ianto did not get sorted in Slytherin.
    • Jack being compared to Dorian Grey, starting with a glib remark about a portrait in an attic and finishing with Dumbledore giving Dorian as Jack's middle name in his will.
  • Set Right What Once Went Wrong: Jack winds up going bouncing through time to undo his mistake that led to a Bad Future.
  • Scary Black Man: Kingsley, according to Gwen. It helps that the author has admitted imagining him as Samuel L. Jackson.
  • Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: Gryffindors as a matter of course. All of Team Torchwood. Draco Malfoy.
    • Jack thinking that he's doing this by preventing Harry from being killed by Voldemort accidentally kicks off a horrendous Bad Future.
  • Secret Keeper: Jack and Ianto via the Fidelius charm
  • Secret Test of Character: Dumbledore appears to consider Jack as having passed one when he asks Jack to teach Harry in mental defence and Jack asks if Dumbledore really wants him to train Harry by showing the headmaster some of the darkest parts of his past; as Dumbledore observes, Jack was just as repelled by those memories as he was, which tells Dumbledore everything he needs to know about what Jack is as a person.
  • Self Cest: Jack. With his boggart. This surprised absolutely no one.
  • She Cleans Up Nicely: Gwen, which proves to be a minor plot point in the equivalent of Order of the Phoenix - she can pass for 17/18 well enough to pass for an intern in Fudge's office and slip him the Clarity Concoction.
  • She Is All Grown Up: Mentioned occasionally (especially in reference to Torchwood, who have all been de-aged), such as Gwen, who is noted by Jack in a She Cleans Up Nicely moment that she looks more like 15 than 12 during the Yule Ball and passing for 16/17 at age 13/14 at the Department of Mysteries. Having the attitude of an adult helps.
  • Shout-Out: Torchwood One are working on Project: Rebirth. And Jack has mentioned in the past that they tried to build a supersoldier out of him in the 70's. Apparently it went hilariously wrong.
    • There are semi-frequent references to The Picture of Dorian Gray, with Jack being compared (or comparing himself) to the titular character.
    • One of the songs that John Hart enchanted the senior Slytherins to sing in the equivalent of Deathly Hallows (others, in flawless 18th century French, then Latin, are about how their parents were siblings and 'something disgusting about House Elves'), is The Hedgehog Song, perhaps better known by its constant refrain, "But the Hedgehog can never be buggered at all."
    • Chapter 138 mentions a wizard in Chicago with a talent for imploding the Toclafane - itself a possible nod to Dresden obsessed colleague Nimbus Llewelyn.
    • As early as chapter 5, a member of the Davies family is noted to have gone to the dark side - indicated by Word of God to be a jab at Russell T. Davies.
  • Snark Knight: Team Torchwood, Draco and Harry (less than the other two).
  • Soul Jar: Voldemort's horcruxes. John Hart has at least one and created one for Jack.
  • Superpowered Evil Side: What Jack's evil future self is implied to be.
  • Super Reflexes: Jack.
  • Super Speed: Jack, connected to his Super Reflexes. He's not exactly the Flash, but he moves a fair bit faster than should be possible.
  • Take That!: Several small implied ones, including one at the Harry/Hermione fandom - Hermione and Ron belong together, according to the Clarity Concoction.
  • Take a Third Option: Discussed, attempted, and averted when trying to get the locket. Voldemort thought of all the possible loopholes.
  • Team Dad: Jack. It becomes really obvious when he sets up Harry and Ginny. John Hart later calls him out on his paternal streak towards Harry, which leads to a Bad Future when Jack couldn't bear to let Harry die to kill off the Horcrux in his scar, leading to Voldemort's return.
  • Team Mom: Gwen and Mrs Weasley.
  • This Is Gonna Suck: When Jack commits suicide at the Department of Mysteries to get back up faster.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball: This is how Harry, Ron, and Hermione rob Gringotts.
  • Troll: Peeves and the Twins, naturally, while Owen and Jack are both somewhat prone to this.
    • Dumbledore, postmortem. Jack has never taken a middle name, so Dumbledore, aware of Jack's immortality, having a firm grasp on Jack's personality, and with tongue apparently firmly in cheek, gives Jack one when leaving him his Tarot cards in his will: Dorian. Jack, recognising the reference, is not amused.
  • Troubling Un Childlike Behaviour: Team Torchwood - unsurprisingly, since they aren't children, for all that they look it. As a result, they tend to act astonishingly inappropriately for their apparent age - or any age, really. At one point, Draco observes inwardly that the funnier Team Torchwood find something, the less he wants to know what it is.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Jack and Owen, Owen and Ianto, Jack and Ron later on.
  • Weapon of Choice: Jack's Webley and Owen's fork.
    • For everyone, their wands.
  • Wham Episode: Chapter 113.
  • Who Wants to Live Forever?: Jack, who practically quotes it, though in reference to love offending Voldemort.
  • Word of God: At times, though like her colleague Nimbus Llewelyn, she tends to use Exact Words. A lot.
  • Xanatos Gambit: Jack
  • Xanatos Speed Chess: Jack
  • You Do Not Want To Know: Part of Jack's modus operandi.
    • If it involves Jack, everyone's standard response is 'I don't want to know.'
    • When it comes to Team Torchwood, Draco Malfoy inwardly notes that "the funnier this group of children found something, the less he wanted to know what it was."
  • You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry: Jack's warnings and hints as to how horrifyingly dangerous he can be. He ends up backing it up, by casting the Killing Curse. This is not something easily done, and it requires a certain sort of hatred, to the point where even John Hart is impressed, and disturbed.


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