Funny: The Nostalgia Critic 2013 Episodes
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The Review Must Go On
- The shift from a Demo Reel video to a Doug Walker video (explained In-Universe as writer's block) is scary... but as soon as he receives a copy of the subject of his upcoming review, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, it gets hilarious the exact moment we see Doug's face after the movie. The subsequent Freak Out only adds to it, as we get a taste of the good ol' Nostalgia Critic review jokes, such as pointing out the parents being horrible people, the ridiculous premise, calling the main character "their tomato child" or "Jesus child", and wondering why the parents didn't just adopt an orphan.
- Complaining to the delivery company when he first gets the movie.
Doug: Plant it in the back yard and see if a real movie grows? Screw you!
- The phone call between Doug and Lewis about the movie.
Lewis: Oh, Doug, why?
Doug: It doesn't matter!
- Linkara saying that Pollo and Harvey are real, then having a conversation with the Pollo prop.
Lewis: Oh, hey, uh, Pollo and Harvey say 'Hi' too.
Doug: *Suddenly looking very concerned* Lewis? Buddy? Are you convinced that the characters from your show are real people?
Lewis: Doug. Of course not, I'm not deranged! *Chuckles* It's just Pollo and Harvey that are real! *Doug and Lewis hang up* So, Pollo, what are your thoughts on the subject?
Lewis: Yeah, and what's that?
Lewis: *Laughs hysterically*
- The Critic's haunting voice inside Doug's head, pleading him into bring his show back. ... which gets interrupted by Peewee Herman.
- Donnie's reaction to asking The Writer who he really is — "Oh my god...you son of a bitch!" There's the Critic again!
- The argument between Todd in the Shadows and the Critic during one of Todd's reviews.
- Including the bit where Critic calls Todd "Alfred Hitchcock". Also, "Hamburglar."
- Lindsay's incredibly blunt "no" when Doug asks her if he should bring back the Critic.
Doug: "Hey, Brad. I'm thinking of bringing back the Nostalgia Critic."
Brad: (cheerfully) "I don't care!" *hangs up*
- Nella struggling to get her Smart Car out of its parking space, then just randomly peels off, only to threaten Rob instead of Doug.
- His reaction, to immediately call his brother.
Rob *calmly, on answering machine*: Hey Doug, it's Rob. Um, I'm never traveling to New York again.
- Even funnier is that it cuts to a commercial break while Nella tries getting her car out. When we come back from the break, Nella's still trying to get out.
- So Donnie/The Critic can retake his job, someone else had to fill the Plot Hole. They put Douchey in there.
Douchey Mc Nitpick: There's a mistake! There's a mistake! There's a mistake!! OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE WORST JOB EVER!!
- What's even funnier is the build-up. Donnie asks who will give up their life to take his place pointing out inconsistencies and mistakes in the universe. The Plot Hole replies that the person chosen has no life and loves pointing out screw-ups.
- The Ending. The Nostalgia Critic takes his seat. Meanwhile, Nella sits down next to NChick
Nella: The deed is done. *NChick gives her a disbelieving glare and shows her handheld media device*
: Oh. Oh! You meant for me to- *NChick looks away* Oh, uh, *nervous laugh as NChick takes a swig of alcohol straight from the bottle
* That's really funny, uh, *nervous laugh
* I'm going to be somewhere that's not here. *Exits post-haste
- "Hey, did you ever Google 'do a barrel roll'? It's really cool."
- The stinger with Lewis.
Lewis: Pollo, that was a very off-color joke you said!. Don't you agree, cybermats? *Cut to the cybermats* I thought so.
Lewis: Nobody cares what you think, Astro Megaship!
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
- The introduction of the review itself: In a charming voice, the Nostalgia Critic asks why people consider the movie to be terrible. One viewing later:
I mean, wow. Wow. God Jesus wow. Heaven above Lord shit fuck wow.
- This movie was a part of his February "Month of Love," using Timothy Green to "explore the love between man and child." Then a picture of the NAMBLA logo flashes onscreen.
"No, and your jacuzzi of barbed wire in hell is waiting for you."
- The skit showing how the "We had so much to say but we wrote none of it" excuse would also fail with school assignments. Doug's "cool teen" mannerisms are priceless.
- The List of "Horrible Pieces of Human Shit". Don't worry, it will get longer.
- Sister Bitch
- Jerk-Ass Grandpa
- That Guy from Office Space
- Bossy Whore
- What the Critic believes the Adoption Clerk is writing down while hearing this story. Complete with the Looney Tunes theme.
- The "parents finishing each others sentences" skit with the parents' story devolving into an embarrassment for the father. And THAT DRAWING just drove it home!
Dad: It didn't matter where he came from...
Mom: He was ours.
Dad: We were his.
Mom: We were a family.
Dad: It was the greatest day since—
Mom: He had discovered Viagra.
Dad: ... T-That... Wasn't... What—
Mom: A penis should look like. Until he started taking it.
Dad: Maybe if you'd let me finish—
Mom: He would say all the time, but nothing ever came out!
Dad: I don't think we should talk about this—
Mom: Without visuals! [takes out a drawing of her and her husband in bed, her with a disgusted face and him crying his eyes out with a frowny face where his crotch is]
Dad: JESUS CHRIST!
Mom: He would cry every night until I showed him the online ads!
Dad: Damnit, honey. This is already hard enough!
Mom: Was the name of the brand we got.
Dad: T-this is—
Mom: Why we can't have children.
Dad: ... Can we just go back to talking about the child that we grew in the backyard? I think we were winning her over much better with that. Right?
Adoption lady: ...
Dad: What's with the straight face?
- The skit showing a kid's reaction to finally being adopted, only for the parents to back out at the last second due to a child growing out of their garden.
: *voice suddenly goes from a high-pitched childlike voice to a deep manly voice
* Man, fuck this shit
, I'm 18 and I still
haven't been adopted yet. *storms out
- The Chia Child skit. All of it.
- "NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Complete with the word on a tye-dye background, brought in and taken out with the sound of shattering glass. What also sells it is that his hand pops up after the background does & wiggles around during the second one.
- The Critic's reaction to when the wife lost her job.
- The three ingredients required to make a plant-child: Treebeard, Poison Ivy, and Captain Howdy.
- The Critic's attempt at easing their fear about FBI agents going after Timothy just like they did E.T. by mentioning they use walkie-talkies now. But then he remembers they changed back to guns for the DVD and Blu-Ray release, and tells Timothy to run away.
- During the soccer game scene, when Timothy takes in the sunlight to improve his skills, we are treated to the theme music of "Popeye the Sailor Man".
- After all's said and done, the Critic's parting words to us?
- A nice Call Back to his Titanic: The Legend Goes On Review, this time using "Nearer My God to Thee":
NC: Okay, you know the punchline. It's Pearl Harbor the movie, Not the actual event.
- Parallel to the actual review, there's a parody of Michael Bay and his beginnings.
- During the girl group giggling, the Critic recognizes Jennifer Garner, and wishes all the brainless bimbos there were really Alias agents in disguise.
- On the first half of the review, Critic often gets a map to check the location of the Japanese planes and questions what's taking them so long to arrive.
- The Jerry Springer bit when Ben Affleck makes a dramatic return.
- The Critic noting that Dan Akyroyd is surprisingly good at exposition. Cue Batman's voice in The Dark Knight being overdubbed with his ultimatum from Ghostbusters.
- Alec Baldwin, pre-"I had too much pie", but not post-"I seriously need to stop eating the god-damn pie!"
- His introduction of Mako.
: But meanwhile, our Japanese enemies plot their surprise attack. Led by God-on-high, treasure to the entire world and whatever parts of the universe are left undiscovered, Mako. *Cue standard glowing Mako Running Gag
- His comments about misusing military planes:
Critic: *offscreen* Hey, Sarge, I'm gonna take my girlfriend into the air and have her on my lap even though the seatbelt can't fit on us.
Critic: Okay, but be back by twelve. My kids are gonna drive the submarine tomorrow.
- Peter the Producer's epic breakdown.
- The Critic joking that the Japanese soldiers planning their attack on Pearl Harbor looks like they're doing it in a giant hottub.
- The one thing the Critic finds awesome, and the only moment he wants Bay to be more over-the-top, is Roosevelt struggling to get up from his wheelchair, despite how cliche it is. He imagines his wheelchair transforming like a Transformer, fire consuming the cabinet and his theme song playing him off.
Critic: It's the one time I'm wanting Michael Bay to go more over the top, I'm not gonna lie.
- "I'M FUCKIN' DELANO ROOSEVELT, BIOOOTCH!!!"
- The disgusted face he makes at the beginning of the review as he's continuing "Nostalgia Critic's Month of Love". Doug makes the best expressions.
- His absolutely brutal "The Reason You Suck" Speech at Michael Bay is as funny as it is freaking awesome.
- While listing the problems of the film at the beginning, the last one mentions is that "[the film]'s under the impression that Ben Affleck is likeable".
- The bit with the drivers of the "Scene" truck getting lost and one commenting that they aren't going anywhere.
- When the Japanese planes are flying by children, he dubs in all the pilots to say "Konnichi-wa", except for one who says "All your base are belong to us."
- "Well, we've had one romance, yes. [Scottish accent] What about seeecond romance??"
- While mentioning Ben Affleck's character's douchey behaviour (Not telling his girlfriend he's going to war until the day before, refusing to listen to her pleas to stay, denying her "nookie", and claiming that he was testing her)...
- He mocks the overly patriotic feel of the movie by saying "If they could jerk off America's wang any more, it'd probably get dicksauce on Cuba." The visuals make it even better.
Son of the Mask
- Speaking of which, the Devil then drags Evilina with him, proclaiming that he'll let her see an "evil worse than Hasbro!"
- Also, the Devil's attempts to get his minions to fear Evilina, only to get laughed at.
- Kim trying to cut an apple with a pizza slicer.
- "Age-Appropriate Programming": My Little Pony, Care Bears and Dora the Explorer disgust Satan, while Bratz is "not that bad for her", and Thomas the Tank Engine prompts a "You whore of no virtue!!''
- Satan threatens Kim with taking away her artificial husband. Kim's fine with that, since it was "broken".
- The reveal of where in the human realm Kim sent the DVD of Son of the Mask so that no one would find it: A park trash-can in Illinois.
- The Critic mentioning the Mask II Nintendo Power contest.
- The Critic's response to the audience wanting him to suffer through this movie? Invoking Taking You with Me.
- The Critic's phone call to Vanilla Ice after the awful musical scene. At first, he resists but he finally does gives in when he can't stand it anymore.
Vanilla Ice: Hello, this is Vanilla Ice.
Critic: *in despair* SAVE THIS MOVIE!!!
- The Critic's screams of utter horror at the Nightmare Fuel-inducing imagery, particularly when the baby blows his head up into a CGI balloon. He screams so long it lasts through the commercial break!
Critic: *ahem* AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
- What makes it especially funny is his facial expression; he's all totally normal until the imagery appears. Then his eyes bug out, and...
- When he finally collects himself, the next scene is Loki looking for the baby in the form of a CGI Green-colored Bee...
AAAAAAAAAAAAA- *slap* Okay, we're getting through this!
- He then gets another chain of very amusing screams when the baby a) begins dancing, b) starts pulling nightmarish faces, c) transforms into Woody Woodpecker...
- The Running Gag where the tagline "Son of the Mask: A Family Picture!" appears over every disgusting or disturbing scene.
- When the Critic wonders if Odin lives in remarkably awkward segues, Odin pops out and yells his son's name again, scaring the Critic.
- The parodies of The Lord of the Rings, with Santa Christ as Gandalf (first the scene where Gandalf reveals the Ring, then the You Shall Not Pass sequence).
- One sequence of note: he tosses the DVD into the fire, and picks it up for the Critic to take with his bare hands. Cut to the poor Critic getting a drink with bandages wrapped around his hands, and giving Santa Christ a look like he's gonna beat him to a pulp.
- More Nightmare Fuel images: Loki transforming a woman's head into a giant nose, then appears disguised as the wife, and then transposing his face on the baby's. The Critic compares the last one to the Schwarzenegger baby in Junior, saying it would be worse if they were put back to back. Promptly...
: God! It's bad enough with the Schwarzenegger baby from Junior
. Can you imagine them joining those two back to back? *Beat
* DON'T SHOW THOSE TWO BACK TO BACK!!!!!
*HEART ATTACK! TAKE MEDICATION!*
- Just the over-the-top way the Critic takes his medication: He opens the pill bottle, spills its contents onto his desk, then plunges after them head-first.
- After seeing Loki as a girl scout, the Critic rips out the DVD, throws it in the trash and hides in the closet, only for the DVD to reappear on the floor while a demonic voice whispers "Jamie Kennedy" over and over.
- Santa Christ has never performed an exorcism before, only choosing that moment to admit that to the Critic.
- The whole casual exchange with Satan, while the Critic is still frozen with shock.
- The Critic imagines Jamie Kennedy's character trying to talk to Loki from The Avengers down, only to get beaten up by The Hulk.
- "If I don't look at it, it can't hurt me! If I don't look at it, it can't hurt me!"
- The bit about a cartoon revolving around a baby and a dog competing for a father's attention:
- The Critic once again shows his distaste for the overuse of the wide-angle lens. His voice and expression are what sell it.
- When the Critic tries to get Santa Christ to take the DVD away:
Critic: *Sighs* Why don't you take it?
Santa Christ: No.
Critic: I really want you to take it.
Santa Christ: No.
Critic: Please take it.
Santa Christ: There is absolutely no way I am going to touch that thing with a ten-foot pole. *They talk over one another until Santa Christ grabs the Critic by the tie* Don't tempt me, Critic!!! Understand, Critic, if you gave me this DVD, through me it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.
Critic: Wow, because it's so evil it would totally consume you?
Santa Christ: No, it would just be really fun to use indiscriminately!
Critic: Ya know, you've got a bit of a dark side.
- When Critic is Wangsting about having to watch the movie, Stanta Christ tries to comfort him...with little success.
Critic: "I wish this piece of shit had never come to me."
Santa Christ: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for us to decide. You were meant to find the DVD, and therefore you were meant to suffer. Meant to go through the sort of incredible psychological pain that no force on Earth could match. That is a very encouraging thought."
Critic: "No! That's not a very encouraging thought! If fact, that's about as far away from an encouraging thought as an encouraging thought can get!"
"Well, that's all I got. Here! Have Gremlins
- His reaction at the peeing scene:
Critic: Why are you making me think about a baby with three penises?! What twisted pigshit does that??!
The King And I
- Malcolm as the Eartha Kitt Catwoman, for starters.
- The therapist reminds Sean Young Catwoman about the time she ambushed Tim Burton in costume to try and convince him to give her the role, and then looks at the camera and gives a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer.
- The Catwomen leave their therapist tied up to a chair as a tiger is on the other side of a door. While the Critic goes into his Batman Cliffhanger Announcer voice from Star Trek Month, the therapist unties himself, leaves, drives away, and gets a cheeseburger as the puns continue.
- Following a scene where Catwoman orders a White Russian with no ice, vodka, or Kahlua. Just plain cream/milk.
- The cop trying to talk down Halle Berry when it seems she is going to jump off a building.
I know you've read the reviews to The Call
! I'd be depressed too!
- The book "How to Train Your Catwoman" by Michael Gough.
- After a line where the cop/love interest to Halle Berry's character comments on how her work is "elegant and whimsical," the Critic jokingly states more cops should behave like that.
Peterson: Yes sir?
Chief: I want you to be especially enchanting and pleasant!
- The Critic's dumbfounded reaction to how the cop/love interest still can't put 2 + 2 together that Patience and Catwoman are the same person in spite of the all the blatantly obvious evidence... such as them having the exact same style of handwriting!
- And the embarrassingly complicated way he finds out: a DNA test of her lipstick mark. The Critic compares this to:
Critic: Hey genius, don't tell anyone, but I have a sneaking suspicion that one of these guys...
Critic: ...is stealing burgers. I haven't figured out which but shh shh shh, we'll find the culprit.
- The Catwomen using Eartha Kitt as a battering ram.
- Even better, they're mashing her chest against the door. And it works!
- Sean Young summons a freaking sand worm to try and attack the Critic... only for it to simply burrow away. Which leads to this reaction:
Sean Young: I am the Kwisatz Haderach-Give-A-Dog-A-Bone!
- The Critic's reaction to the "payoff" of the contrast that had been building up between Patience's old, meek self, and her new, confident Catwoman self:
YEAH! THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE SAW BEFORE! THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE SAW BEFORE!
- "Catwomen can never resist a romantic dance sequence." The Critic offers his hand to the three. *Gilligan Cut* to the Critic, looking annoyed, dancing with the three of them and continues the review in that position.
- Somehow he manages to escape without them noticing.
- The Critic stating that all the Catwomen have the disease Catwomen Raging Against Halle Berry Syndrome.
The Critic: That's right, you all have CRAHBS.
- When the Catwomen ask Critic what can be done with a bunch of attractive women wearing cat costumes, he says he has an idea that involves the Internet. Cue not what you'd expect, but the Catwomen acting out cute cat videos on Youtube.
- Followed with Critic getting visited by Halle Berry herself, played by Orlando, and the 'How to Train Your Catwoman' just says that if he meets Halle Berry, he's FUBAR'd since Halle Berry has no idea what makes a real Catwoman. Cue the Critic getting beaten to crap while the Catwomen just concentrate too much on the cute cat videos.
- The Stinger, where Chester arrives at the meeting for people who have CRAHBS... only he has the other kind.
- Two words: MALE ACADEMIA.
- To summarize, the woman that Halle sees states that it was because of male academia that no one supported her belief that there are cats that breath life into dead women, bringing them back to life as cat women.
- And the "The Reason You Suck" Speech that follows.
: Male academia...suck my sexist, women bashing, chauvinistic, stripper watching, porn loving, overly paid
- After he's done with the movie the Critic still has to deal with the crazy Catwomen. He locks himself in a room, back to the door while the Catwomen pound away at it and we get this:
: When will they realize I don't want four beautiful women in skin tight cat suits interrupting my review? Beat
*opens eyes as he realizes what he just said
* The fuck
am I doing? *opens door with a friendly smile* Hi! You know I'm not sure if you're aware of the Internet's policy on boobs
- His disgust at Catwoman's costume, and his mocking of it on a bad CGI model of Halle Berry, comparing it to a rerun of fucking Reboot.
- When the Catwomen are thwarted by their heels on the Critic's carpet when they try to enter his home: "Their greatest weakness: Fetish Fuel!"
The Cat In The Hat
- The video starts with the Nostalgia Critic's Catch Phrase being interrupted by Evilina once again singing the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic theme. He then takes her Celestia doll, throws it on the ground, shoots it, and says they're "not turning this video into another brony message board."
- The reason the Critic is stuck babysitting her? Satan's currently in a meeting discussing his next project, Planes.
- That, and he sold his soul to Satan in return of getting the abilty to do a good Zod impression.
- The Critic's initial reaction to the movie:
- The Not-Caring Meter:
- Jeremy Irons in Dungeons & Dragons
- Halle Berry in Catwoman
- Russell Crowe in...everything he's in
- Dennis Hopper in Super Mario Bros.
- Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever
- Keanu Reeves in The Matrix
- How high did Sean Hayes get on the meter? At the top with Jeremy Irons, resulting in the Critic and Evilina doing Irons' infamous hiss together.
- Also this exchange:
Evilina: Mr. Critic? Is that what happens when Pepe le Pew makes whoopie with Ronald McDonald?
Critic: Yes. Yes it is.
Evilina: ...I'm afraid.
Critic: We all are.
- The Critic states Mike Myers wasn't that funny and everybody gasps. Even Satan calls to exclaim a big "What?!"
- And right afterwards, Soulless and Evilina getting him to admit that Jim Carrey as the Grinch did a better job bringing the character to life.
- Soulless torturing the Critic with an endless loop of Mike Myers' wheezing laughs from the movie.
- Analyst #1 and Analyst #2's freakout when the Critic takes away their charts.
"...Well, the chart says..."
- The scene itself taking a rather dark yet hilarious turn when Analyst #1 and Analyst #2 shoot themselves in the head rather than exist without the charts.
- Then Soulless is freaking out as well when they cut back to him.
- Commenting that Stephen Hawking's voice box emotes more than the child actors.
- Count Von Count appears every once in a while in the corner when a vulgar joke is made.
Count: Eight! That's Eight times Dr. Seuss rolled in his grave! Ha-ha-ha!
Count: Nine! That's Nine times Dr. Seuss rolled in his grave! Ha-ha-ha!
- The Critic's complete breakdown in the middle of the review before the commercial break. Evilina even watches him leaving the room to watch the sunset.
- The fact that Satan complimented the Critic on his idea for torturing Soulless. It's the hand gesture that really sells it.
- The Critic suggesting that the Dr. Seuss movie logo oughta be changed to Lickboot from the Tom and Jerry movie saying "We've GOT to have....MONEY!"
- Towards the end of the movie, The Cat essentially points out that the song that plays during the house cleaning was put in to help sell the soundtrack, Souless' explanation is as such:
- Followed by Evilina hitting the Critic, saying it was painful so that means it no longer is, resulting in the Critic hitting her back.
Top 11 South Park Episodes
- While talking about the episode "Britney's New Look" Critic tries to restrain himself from going on a rant about how much he hates TMZ, but ultimately decides "Fuck it" and goes on a rant about why TMZ is the worst show ever and why you have no life for watching it.
- Throughout the episode, the Critic glances at Malcolm, Rachel, and Uncle Yo playing Straw Fans whenever he's about to say something that he knows a lot of people will disagree with. At the end, just when he thinks he's curbed the Fan Dumb's anger, they start furiously typing away at their keyboards. The Critic then morphs into the South Park art style and tells them off in a Cartman impersonation.
- Not to mention the absurd twitching expression he makes before his head explodes and he transforms.
- Just the fact that the music he chose for this list is "Kyle's Mom is a Big Fat Bitch".
- He mentions that it is highly likely some of the viewer's favorite episodes will not be on his list because "it's fucking South Park", and proceeds to declare a Top 30 or Top 50 list would be more appropriate for most fans to rank their favorites because it has so many awesome episodes worth mentioning.
- Critic getting beaten up for saying that the movie wasn't quite as awesome as it once was.
- The skit about how implausible scientists can find a bunch of mosquito fossils that all coincidentally have dinosaur DNA in their bodies.
- The running gag about how John Hammond repeatedly "Spared no expense."
- The hit romantic program of the season...Rambles and Mumbles.
- Which is then cancelled before the promo can even finish airing.
Announcer: Wow. That was fast!
- When none of the dinosaurs show up, the Critic plays a clip from One Froggy Evening.
- Everything involving the motherfuckin' T-Rex, especially translating her roars into Testostero- er, "Estrogen" Poisoning.
I AM AWESOME!
I AM OLDER THAN JESUS!
CHUCK NORRIS IS MY BUTT PLUG!
I WIPE MY ASS WITH YOUR ASS!
TANKS ARE MY CRUNCH BERRIES!
I SHIT ZOMBIES!
MY OVARIES ARE CHAINSAWS!
I BLEED NIGHTMARES!
MY VAGINA EATS SHARKS!
- The Running Gag about spotlight fetish.
- Valley Girl velociraptors.
"Oh, Stephanie, could you be awesome and guard the door while I sniff out our dinner?"
"Of course, Vanessa!"
(First velociraptor walks offscreen, and then after a beat, a scream is heard followed by a munching sound)
"Yeah, that was weird."
- Referring to the motherfuckin' T-Rex as a Deus Rex Machina.
HAVE A FREE POSTER, BITCHES!
- "And the moral of this story is, when a white Scottish man offers you to see his park, you say no."
- Critic wonders why the workers at Jurassic Park didn't tranquilize the velociraptors before transferring them into the park, leading to an Imagine Spot where he, Malcolm and Rachel attempt to do it only for the raptor to effortlessly catch the dart and flick it back at Rachel.
- The Title Card...they photoshopped Critic's screaming head onto the T-Rex's body from the movie's logo.
- Critic parodying the theme to Jurassic Park
"Gooooood luck geeeetting... this theme song out of. your. head.
It will be in your brain for weeks oooor til you're deeeaaad"
- Critic voicing his dislike for Jeff Goldblum and mocking his acting style.
Muldoon!Critic: Shoot him!... SHOOOOT HIIIIIM!!!
- Critic's comment while and after Gennaro is eaten by Rex.
Gennaro!Critic: I'm sorry I ever took you on as a client! *screams*
Critic: *After Gennaro is eaten* Mmm lawyer.... Tastes like deep-rooted insecurity and bitterness.
- The Critic mocking Grant's fascination not with dinosaurs being brought back to life, but with the fact that this proves that they move in herds.
Grant!Critic: They're eating their own shit. They do eat their own shit.
- Calling Jeff Goldblum "The Wizard of 'Uh's".
- After Ray Arnold proposes the lysine contingency to kill the dinosaurs:
Critic: [happy] Oh great, why don't you do that?
- After Hammond stumbles his way through a mild - and abortive - Stay in the Kitchen towards Ellie, the Critic points out:
Critic: It is funny him confusing strength and gender, seeing how most of the things on the island trying to kill him have a vagina.
- The mockery of TMZ.
- The intro has him being asked to serve as a guest host on the show, and so dumbstruck by the amount of cynical stupidity on display that he immediately hopes there's a commercial break coming up.
- One section has Harvey Levin quickly going through a bunch of pictures of celebrities to choose which ones to do stories on. One of the "celebrities" shown is Linkara.
- The Critic explaining that in the movie, pregnancy must be sanctioned to stabilize the population after the ice caps melted. Cue picture of Al Gore grabbing his crotch next to Rush Limbaugh, accompanied by Homer Simpson's "Woohoo!"
- The Critic having Apocalypse Now flashbacks to Teddy Ruxpin.
- The Critic taking a handful of Advil before describing the film's final act.
- Spotlight Fetish makes a brief return.
- Chris Rock 9000
- The Critic not being sure if what Teddy told David about "eating" spinach was an observation, or a threat.
- The Continued pleas to ask the audience to not look back as the end of the film goes on.
- "Teddy is my slave name! You may call me 'Cuddly-Kinte'."
- When the mother is about to abandon David.
Critic: It's not like anybody would grow attached to him with his big puppydog-eyes, innocent smile and will to love past the end of time. I mean, Jesus. What if kids in the 90s had to get rid of their Furbies the exact same way?
(cut to Furbie-camera perspective and the Dad pinning him to the floor with a hammer in the other hand)
Son: (sobbing off-screen) Daddy, no!
Dad: I'm sorry, son, but you read the instructions. Once it starts malfunctioning he has to be bludgeoned to death as violently as possible.
Son: But I love i—
(Dad hits Furbie with the hammer and the camera blacks out)
Son: OH GOD!!!!
Dad: Oh, now. Don't tell me you want to see the therapist again.
(The Furbie starts making eerie noises and Doug hammers it again)
- When Dr. Know, voiced by Robin Williams, is introduced, the Critic asks him to explain about Williams' bad films (Fathers' Day, License to Wed, Flubber, Man of the Year, and RV), causing Dr. Know to explode.
- As David is being driven to a remote forest:
David: Where are we going, mommy? What's for dinner tonight?
- The nannybot's first appearance, who has a face but no sides to her head:
NC: Just posing for the camera to show off that effect...okay!
- The Nostalgia Critic getting back at TMZ by declaring "If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them." But, instead of going after celebrities, he films the TMZ doing stupid things, and posts that on the Internet.
- The people at TMZ emulating the the scene in AI where they sit in front of an inanimate object, believing something will come true by repeating a plea over and over again.
- Among these scenes is a reporter declaring "you were amazing", followed by a sheep baaing offscreen.
- The Ranger isn't going to like this, Yogi!
- After the creepy scene of David laughing which was apparently supposed to be endearing, Critic then starts listing off random things which David continues laughing at. Then he brings up Tracy Morgan and David goes dead silent.
NC: Oooh, he's a keeper!
Master of Disguise
- The Critic opens the review with a sullen face, tapping his desk to bring up one-line reviews by Roger Ebert, Entertainment Weekly, Richard Roeper...and Mike Nelson. He even does a double-take upon seeing Nelson's name.
- The worst part is that Mike Nelson said this movie was the third worst comedy he saw. Here are the others.
- His general tone during the whole introduction. It's pretty much distilled essence of This Is Gonna Suck.
- The Running Gag of Rachel granting all of the Nostalgia Critic's requests for death.
- Because the evil villain is played by Brent Spiner, he constantly refers the villain as Lore.
- The increasingly sardonic commentary on the "Turtle Club" scene.
- The Critic laughing hysterically at a "funny" joke... then running outside to beat three people to death with a bat.
- After the commercial, he's on the phone and says he may need to go away for a while after the review.
- "...where was I the last two minutes?"
- The Critic tracking the rise and fall of the movie's Running Gag about Brent Spiner farting when he gives an Evil Laugh.
- Malcolm as the incarnate spirit of said fart joke, the Breaking of the Wind.
- The climax has Rachel holding the Critic at gunpoint for forgetting her birthday, at which point she farts and they both crack up...which lasts until the Critic knocks her out.
Critic: You're fired. And happy birthday.
- Critic's reaction when the character of Jennifer Esposito is introduced and they are joking about her having a small butt for the job.
You know... Has this actress gone on to anything else? *shows she has worked in: Crash, Rescue Me, The Looney Tunes Show, Blue Bloods*
Okay, good, so she's doing well. That's good. Uhm... I'm gonna write her an apology card anyway, 'cause Lord knows, somebody has to apologize to her.*writes down*
"Deepest condolences. Nostalgia Critic." There we go. Yeah, I-I mean, you know, it won't make up for it, but something to ease the pain. *Beat*
And some chocolates, you know, something nice to send her, maybe she can just look and say "Hey, maybe it wasn't all that bad" So chocolates, you know. Just... Something to... just something. *Beat*
And a check. You know. I mean, for God's sake, I mean... I'm sure she got paid, but whatever she got paid, huh, it wasn't enough. *starts writing on a check*
- The Critic freaking out at the end when the film wouldn't properly finish, which results in him running to the Happy Madison Productions building and destroying it.
Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie
- Rachel as Rita Repulsa (with very bad lip syncing and the Critic's voice), Malcolm as Zordon, and adopting the Power Rangers theme to include the Nostalgia Critic, before the Critic cuts it off. EPIC!
Rachel!Rita: AHHHHHHHHH! It's the nicest weather the moon has ever had!
- Linkara saves the day, by nitpicking everything about Power Rangers. He continues to do this after it kills the monster, leading the Critic to teleport him out mid-Fridge Logic.
Rachel!Rita: IT'S TOO GEEKY!.
- The Critic as the Black Power Ranger, complete with inexplicable "Super Sentai" Stance use that rapidly devolves into bad dancing.
- It even has a necktie, a marker beard around the mouthpiece and a black visor that looks like his cap.
- At one point as the Nostalgia Ranger trashtalks at the Moviebomb, his dancing briefly has him do a Michael Jackson impression, complete with crotch-grab.
- As he starts trash-talking it, the monster stops and looks momentarily confused.
- The budget having to be put into Divatox's cleavage and Johnny Yong Bosch's hairstyle:
Malcolm!Zordon: Look at the cleavage, Critic!
Critic: Okay, those are nice.
Malcolm!Zordon: Thank you.
- Malcolm!Zordon's expression as the Critic stares at the cleavage needs to be seen to be believed.
- Rachel!Rita summons the Moviebomb, a creature that destroys all possibilities of a rising franchise.
- The Critic asks Malcolm!Zordon why, after being upgraded in the first movie, he now looks like "a blurry magic-eye picture".
Critic: Thomas the Tank Engine moves his lips more than this guy!
- The blatant subliminal messaging that pops up when the Rangers get their new zords.
Kimberly and Jason will die if you don't collect them all!
Tell your parents you don't love them until they buy you one!
STEAL FROM CHURCH IF YOU HAVE TO! JUST BUY THEM!!!
- When Rocky manages to throw himself out of the ring, Critic wonders if what Rocky did is even doable. Cut to Jim teaching the Critic to do kicks...and the Critic promptly jumps and flies into the audience, complete with a Goofy holler.
Jim: Alright, let's take five!
- "It's PANDERING TIME!"
- "Oh yes, they float, Georgy... they float!"
- The Nostalgia Ranger's first fight with the Moviebomb. Rather than engage in a prolonged kung-fu battle, Nostalgia Ranger just summons the Ranger's standard giant robot who crushes the monster under its foot.
Malcom!Zordon: That's not how we do things.
Nostalgia Ranger That's not how YOU do things.
- "Standard giant robot"? That thing was a combination of Megazords, Optimus Prime, The Big O, and the Critic's neck tie.
- Malcom!Zordon's epic Death Glare after he warps back to the Command Center.
Malcolm!Zordon: That was NOT the honorable way!
Critic: But it was the effective way. Can't argue with results.
- His first impression of Lerigot: a Warwick Davis Pail Kid.
- When Adam is attacked by a Putra Pod.
Critic: Time to put the Johnny Yong Ka-Bosch on these asses!
- The Critic tries fiddling with some knobs to improve Zordon's reception, accidentally switching him to Oz, the Great and Powerful, Emperor Palpatine, and Vigo the Carpathian.
- "YO HO! YO HO! A RANGER'S LIFE FOR ME!"
- After the Nostalgia Critic tries to placate Rachel!Rita for her cameo in the movie, she retorts that it was in her pajamas and asks him if he likes to imagine her and Lord Zedd doing it. It takes a moment for the squick to settle in for the Critic.
- The Critic's reaction to the new Blue Ranger growing to adult size upon morphing. Openly wondering if he uses it to pick up women in bars.
Blue Ranger: No really babe, I'm 18
. Now what do you say we go to my bunk bed, and I unzip my fly, and never take this costume off.
- "Your performances are 'meeeeh'."
Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments
- The critic opening the video saying that The Lord of the Rings does have some dumb moments. Cue an arrow being fired at him and dodging it with a scream in the background.
- The faux-Elvish chanting when each new segment is introduced.
- On the multiple endings, cutting the multiple endings of Clue in them and mentioning that one of the multiple endings looks like a curtain call.
Critic: It doesn't help that ending... 1.2 looks a whole lot like a curtain call.
Narrator!Critic: Ladies and gentlemen, our Lord of the Rings players! Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan as Merry and Pippin. John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy as Sam, big-scary-eyes as Frodo and Sir Ian McKellen as the always endearing, always heartwarming Gandal— *Gandalf laughs* Ahh! That is fucking terrifying. Please don't show that agai— *Gandalf laughs* Ahh! Holy Jesus. That's gonna haunt my nightmares. *Gandalf laughs* Stop that.
- Then finishes with the Critic imitating Gandalf's laugh.
- Santa Christ saying "is it Seacrest? Is he safe?" while Doug and Malcolm talk about American Idol
- The return of "I'M A MOTHERFUCKIN' T-REX!"
- The skits demonstrating other ways they could have gotten the ring to Mount Doom, with Doug as Aragorn, Rachel as Legolas, and Malcolm as Gimli. One has Rachel!Legolas tying the ring to an arrow and shooting it at the mountain, and another has Malcolm!Gimli tossing it into the flames while riding an eagle.
Malcolm!Gimli: The dwarves say Merry Christmas, motherfucker!
- Sam carrying Frodo with Whitney Houston's The Bodyguard's theme on the background.
- Mentioning how ridiculous the plot resolution to Sam being framed by Gollum as having eaten the last of the food was, since Sam knew he was set up and yet was actually leaving Frodo when Frodo told him to go until discovering the bread farther down the mountain.
Critic as Sam: ...So I didn't eat it!
- At one point, Critic adopts a Sean Connery accent when imitating Gimli.
- Lampshading all the times the characters seem to be dead and then come back.
: In fact, I think the only reason Boromir didn't come back is because Sean Bean
has it in his contract that he has to die
in every single movie he's in.
- The Critic complaining about Gimli not being a dignified representation of the dwarves and being cutoff midsentence when Gimli farts.
- When the Critic discusses Frodo and Sam's Ho Yay:
Critic as Gollum: Oh Christ, just propose already!
- For the Gandalf's Heroic Sacrifice moment in the movie, while it had a reason to be in the book and the animated version, in the movie nobody did anything to save him.
Critic!Boromir: No, no. He's gone.
Critic!Gandalf: Bullshit I am. I'm right here.
Critic!Boromir: He's never coming back.
Critic!Gandalf: I haven't even left yet.
Critic!Boromir: We must move on without him.
Critic!Gandalf: I can hear every word you just said.
Critic!Boromir: Remember he told us to fly.
Critic!Gandalf: Yes. Fly forward and grab me, please.
Critic!Boromir: He will live forever in our hearts.
Critic!Gandalf: I'd rather much live the real way.
Critic!Boromir: Our friend... Is gone.
Critic!Gandalf: Oh, fuck this. (falls) Tell Bilbo I never liked hiiiiiiiim...
- The Critic having a "Denethor. Just... Denethor" Reaction and complaining about Denethor's portrayal and how some people say he is a Shakespearean Villain: being very complex and very simpathetic, cutting to a Big "NO!" screaming Denethor and prompting him to say: "Well, I'm glad you guys saw that but for me I just saw a crazy asshole". Then saying that after having a good redemption scene, Denethor burns to death.
- Putting a blinking "WAR IS BAD!" sign as Pippin sings to Denethor and ending with "DON'T BE A DOUCHE, PLEASE DON'T START A WAR".
- Editing Tom's screams when Gandalf hits him with his staff.
- Finally, his death scene.
Critic!Denethor with high-pitched voice: Oooobooboobooboooboooo! Oooobooboobooboooboooo! Hey! I can see them filming Hobbit Part 12 from heeere!
- Complaining about the fake deaths, Critic!Aragorn interrupts the Mouth of Sauron saying that he isn't fooling them because Frodo "died" once.
- And Rachel!Legolas killing Sauron and Malcolm!Gimli saying "That still counts as one!" with all three of them shrugging comedically with background music.
- While complaining about the cutting of a good scene when Christopher Lee's character Saruman is killed, he says that the theatrical cut didn't quite wrap up the loose ends.
Critic: Because I mean, what are the odds of an ancient evil that we don't kill all the way possibly come back and biting us in the a— (cut to the Eye of Sauron) That doesn't count, he's an eye!
- As Saruman is impaled and sinking in the water...
Hey, Gandalf, do you still have that 2X1 coupon of an extra life at the Pearly Gates? Critic!Gandalf:
Sorry. Already used it. Critic!Saruman: Oh Crap
- The type B Losing Horns that play after several of Gimli's pratfalls.
- The end of the intro sketch, where Dr. Hack proceeds to pitch the premise of Full House to the Critic, who immediately storms out in frustration.
- Dubbing Serena's voice over Darth Vader.
Serena!Vader: Did you hear there's a new Sailor V videogame out? I saw it on TV!
Imperial captain: Lord Vader? The battle station's plans are not aboard this ship.
Serena!Vader: Oh yeah.
Imperial captain: And no transmissions were made.
Serena!Vader: How can that be?! My mom finds out, she'll ground me and cut my allowance!
Imperial captain: An escape pod was jettisonned during the fighting. No life forms were aboard.
Serena!Vader: I can't believe this! Oh! What am I going to do [whimpers]? We can get ice-cream!
Imperial captain: Yes sir!
- Bringing a certain meme into the introduction.
A thousand years ago, our moon was home to a great civilization, ruled by Queen Serenity.
- Extra funny if you've been watching the ATLA vlogs, and you realise just how much the show has gotten to him.
- Seeing that Serena went to high school with Doctor Insano.
- Chanting "14 years old" whenever the transformations get too suggestive.
Fourteen — (Panty Shot)
DAMN! — y-years-old...
- Which leads to a rather well-researched discussion of how the age of consent in Japan is 13, a couple pros and cons of that (interspersed with Homer's "that's good, that's bad" routine), and concludes that it's just Values Dissonance between the cultures. He then gets to the real question: why did he put Sailor Moon in his Top 11 Animated Hotties?
: I didn't know
! I swear to God I didn't know! Look at the way they're drawn
, man! I thought they were college age or at least late high school! I swear, officer-I mean audience
- Illustrating the less savory side of the fans ("that creepy guy who fixes your computer") with what appears to be the infamous Sailor Bubba.
- Goddamn near ANYTHING involving the Critic's talking penis.
- Doubles as a Call Back to his crossover with Mara Wilson and him looking like a real nerd with acne, braces, glasses and "grunge-era hairstyle".
- Mercury has the power of FUCKING BUBBLES!!
- The ending where Dr. Hack proceeds to pitch the premise of Demo Reel to the Critic, who promptly hits him with his hat.
- Him pointing out how messed up it is that the people responsible for bringing the show to America apparently thought it was ok to sexualize 14 year olds, but drew the line at Sailors Uranus and Neptune being a lesbian couple.
- When he mentions that the name of the evil henchman is Jedite, an edited poster for "Return of the Jedi" titling it "Return of the Jedite" appears, but Critic pushes it back saying "Eh, too obvious."
- Also pointing out how easily people fall into the villains traps
*3 schoolgirls get trapped in test tubes covered in glowing ooze.*
Critic!Jedite: Joke's on you it was an evil device.
- "This is Tuxedo Mask. And yes. It is painfully obvious who he really is. But please don't tell Serena. She's not very briiight".
- Talking about the other Sailor Scouts, having personalities as on par as Spice Girls, then retracting because that description was too demeaning, settling finally with Hanson.
- Critic kills Sailor Pluto because it's not considered a planet anymore.
- The Nostalgia Critic's Genre Savvy to Serena and Darien's Belligerent Sexual Tension.
Caption: NO FUCKING SHIT.
Nostalgia Critic: Uh-huh. And how tediously long do they drag that out?
: Worse than (shows picture of Jim and Pam from The Office.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh Jesus! Just mail me the comedic banter to my office shredder!
- Wondering why Serena doesn't use her transformation pen for better uses than disguises, since they never state there's a limit on what she can transform into. Cue edited footage of Serena using her pen to transform into Godzilla and just stepping on the bad guys.
Critic!Serena: Take on the form of Godzilla! *transforms into Godzilla, roars, and then stomps on the bad guys*
- The Critic commenting on how Sailor Scouts named after the various planets were introduced before apologizing to Sailor Pluto as he pulls it his gun on account of Pluto not being a planet anymore, although technically, the Moon was never a planet to begin with.
Les Miserables MUSICAL REVIEW
- The Critic, Oancitizen and Paw Dugan flinching visibly whenever Russell Crowe/Brentalfloss sings.
- Brentalfloss's singing in general!
- Brentalfloss's costume: French Napoleon-style clothes with pink slinkies on his shoulders and a general hat made with a cut-out Capn' Crunch cereal box.
- Brentalfloss's new inspiration.
- The look on Critic's face when he sees the album.
- During the group meeting about Floss:
: We can't have him in the review! Critic
: Do you think I don't know that?! Oancitizen
: We have to get rid of him. He's like a musical Armaggedon. Paw
: The movie
or the event
: Does it matter?!
- Getting rid of Floss.
: We would like the role much better if you played it as Dr. Mario. Paw
: We would? Critic
: Shut up.
: ...that would require you going to medical school. Floss
: How long does that take? Critic
: Only a couple days. Paw
: It does? Oancitizen
: [punches him] Critic
: If he does that again you can shoot him.
: Awesome! That's a great idea! Well, see you guys in a few days! Oancitizen
: Oh! And if anyone tells you otherwise... they're liars!
- Oancitizen being disconcerted by the existence of Arm Joe, the Les Misérables fighting game.
- When the actual review begins, Russell Crowe appears singing and the three reviewers recoil in fear.
- Paw trying to calm down the Critic when he starts ranting about how unforgivable stealing a loaf of bread is.
Critic: Have you ever had French bread?
Critic: Then you wouldn't understand.
- The Animaniacs clip.
Yakko: I'm Yakko!
Wakko: I'm Wakko!
Dot: (in Crowe's voice) AND I'M JAVEEERT! (normal voice) Shoot.
- The merits of Crowe singing.
Oancitizen: It's actually not as bad as you may think. (Critic stares at him, slack-jawed, while Paw is readying a punch) Hear me out.
- The Critic complaining that the priest can't be Colm Wilkinson because he can understand him, saying that "he usually sounds like Sean Connery if his lips were being stretched by a ricepicker."
Critic as Colm Wilkinson: Derr is whiiine heer zhoo revive yoo. Derr is brread zhoo make you shrtoooong.
Oancitizen with a threatening voice: You will leave that man alone. He is a musical treasure.
Critic: I will for now, Kyle. But my collection of Colm Wilkinson funny voices will not go untouched.
- "Jesus, guy, take a few steps back! I can see the scenery you've been chewing between your teeth!"
- Paw's terrible joke in response to scenes of Valjean walking around.
Paw: Well, you can't say that the pacing of this movie is bad! (fries in their stares, makes ineffectual rimshot motions)
Critic: No, no! It only works if I do it. [makes rimshot motions; "badum-chish" plays]
- The Critic's disbelief that Valjean is suddenly mayor in the next scene:
Critic: No one just goes from being a runaway fugitive to being the mayor of an entire town!
Oancitizen: Yeah, it's usually the other way around.
- Oancitizen saying that Javert has turned into "Maximus Bonaparte".
- The repetition of Valjean's sang line "Your face is not a face I would forget"
- About Fantine becoming a prostitute:
Critic: Why?! Hasn't she heard?! She can be mayor in a jump cut! Hell! By the time this movie is over she'll probably be the queen of France!
- "This leads to the big I Dreamed A Dream performance, and..." [all shrug and chorus, begrudgingly] "it's fantastic."
- Linkara showing up randomly and protesting that they were doing a musical review without him.
Critic: Kyle. Deal with it.
[Oancitizen starts performing the firing of Fantine part]
Linkara: Okay, if you're going to insult me, don't do it in song.
Oancitizen: Fine, then I'll just say it's my turn to shine and shut the door on you. [does so]
Critic: Think he'll be okay?
Oancitizen: Oh, he'll be fine.
Paw: I'm sure he'll get over it.
[cut to Linkara singing a parody of I Dream A Dream about how he's not impressed by Anne Hathaway doing it in one take, only for Sci-Fi Guy to butt in to recover his iPod...twice...and be repelled with violence]
- The third time he appears (attempting to return Linkara's fallen hat) caused Linkara to scream at him to "GET IN THE CORNER!"
- Paw explaining why Valjean revealed his true identity:
: (In Motor Mouth
) Well, because another man was confused for him, so coincidentally been brought to the court on the same day so Valjean'd reveal himself in the courtroom, Javert was also there, so the judge for some reason lets him leave so he could go to the hospital where Javert could catch him later. Critic
) Oh! That old story!
- "Why didn't you use their character names?" "Because they're Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen. That's who they always play."
- Then Malcolm and Rachel show up to sing a musical number about why those two were there and why they were the Thenardiers.
- "THEY'RE RAPING SANTA!!!"
Paw: But they shake it up by some upbeat humor like... Oh, GOD! ARE THEY RAPING SANTA?!
Oancitizen: Wouldn't tht be technically be "Papa Christmas"?
Critic: I thought it would be "Papa Noel".
Paw: Who cares?! THEY ARE RAPING SANTA!
: Well, maybe there was the way to make it into a Christmas film. I can just see the ads now. Les Misérables: A Musical wrapped with death, starvation and raping Santa
. Fa La La La La
(Captions in red and green: MERRY CHRISTMAS! FA LA LA LA LA)
- "So, Valjean shows up to take Cosette away...who seems to take the whole 'dead mother thing' pretty well. I'd dare even say it's just glanced over. But, to be fair, if you were a girl, you'd probably be happy to suddenly have Wolverine as your father, too."
- "Not since I shook my head in a room with no lights on have I seen an action scene so well shot".
- "The first third? They had enough story to fill a Christopher Nolan flick!"
- "Whenever confrontation pops up, they shouldn't just run and hide!" [knock on the door] "It's Brentalfloss." "Run and hide!" Then they do, in the closet.
Critic: Insert coming out of the closet joke here.
Paw: [does rimshot motions, get the sound] Hey, I got it.
- Paw gets a romantic duet with Elisa Hansen, who he fell in love with at first sight, singing about how stupid it is when characters fall in love at first sight. Even a Kermit the Frog hand-puppet is bemused.note
: This review is carrying more subplots than the movie. Oancitizen
: At least we couldn't possibly carry any more
. Todd in the Shadows
: (bursts through the door) Guys, you won't believe what I saw— Critic and Oancitizen
: NO! No. No. No! Todd
: It was a platypus bunny! Oancitizen
: ...What's a platypus bunny? Critic
: ...Don't ask, we can't let ourselves be drawn in! Todd
: It had plaid-coloured skin! And a tail made out of webbed feet! Critic
: OUT! Oancitizen
: ...A tail made out of webbed feet? Critic
: I'm sure it's not as impressive as it sounds.
- The entire "One Big Song" musical number before the commercial break.
- Todd passionately belting "PLATYPUS BUNNY!" at the top of his voice.
- And of course, right before it goes to commercial, The platypus bunny appears to sing the last note.
- "Eponine sings a song about the Friend Zone, and Marius sings like he swallowed an oboe. Judging by his voice, Marius is going to grow up to be Charlie Brown's teacher." Cue Marius's voice edited by the trombone wah-wahs of the Peanuts cartoons.
- "I want to feel emotion for these characters, not count how many zits they have."
- Oancitizen attempting to have his solo, only to be interrupted by Elisa, the Critic, and then Nella, whom he cat-hisses at. Finally, he launches into a parody of "Stars" dealing with boring cinematography. And at the end, Critic is asleep and Paw and vampire-obsessed Elisa are cuddling.
: There's a Buffy the Vampire Slayer
marathon on downstairs. Elisa
: Girl power and vampires?! (runs off, causing Paw to fall off the bed they were sitting on and land on the floor with a thump) Paw
: (In a squeeky voice) Cockblocker!
- "And strangely enough, Crowe actually does manage to...act in this scene. For a brief moment, it actually sounds like he gives a damn."
- The reaction of the three reviewers when Crowe goes back to his usual singing voice.
- Critic and Paw's relentless mockery of Colm Wilkinson's Jean Valjean and the way he sang the word "home" in the "Bring Him Home" segment in the epilogue (as performed in the 1995 concert). Made doubly hilarious by Oancitizen's silent, discontented expression throughout.
- The three reviewers pouting at the camera, while the image turns into a drawing resembling the cover of the book.
- "Damned if I'll live in the debt of a thief. Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase. I am the law—"
- Adding cartoon sound effects to Javert's suicide.
- Made even funnier when the last one was the Colm Wilkinson "home"note , much to Oancitizen's irritation
- Response to a strangely angled scene:
Critic: So Marius speaks with Valjean... (the three lean their heads) on the Titanic...
- Critic's talent sense.
Critic: Say, is it me or has the room gotten a lot less talented?
[cuts to an overly-attatched-girlfriend-looking Brentalfloss with a scary "thud" noise]
- "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but a musician trying to learn from Russell Crowe is like a public speaker trying to learn from a mime."
- Brentalfloss's suicide song.
- Critic finishing up the big "Do You Hear The Critics Sing?" musical number by doing the Colm Wilkinson "home". Both the others then Dope Slap him.
- Linkara's angry face.
- Randomly cutting to Brentalfloss's facedown in the bathtub during the song.
- "There's even some people who didn't like Toy Story 3!"
- The Stinger, with Malcolm and Rachel as Sokka and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Rachel: We're Waterbenders!
Critic: I'm not in for any New Age religions. Pretty much all of 'em tell me I'm still going to Hell.
- Malcom! Sokka and Rachel!Katara present themselves as siblings. This as well being a joke because the film itself barely established them as siblings.
Critic: Well, obviously...
- Rachel!Katara bloodbending Critic into smacking himself!
- The bloopers, as always, provide endless entertainment:
- The debate (which becomes a Running Gag) about if they should call one character Santa, Père Noël, or Father Christmas.
- Paw constantly forgetting his lines.
- Paw flubbing the line "The movie or the event?" in reference to Armageddon.
- Particularly one such mess-up:
- Paw using his hands to make a "won't shut up" gesture whenever Kyle is delivering a speech.
- The realization that Doug looks a full head shorter than everyone else due to the mattress sagging.
Top 11 Adult Jokes We Never Got As Kids
- As the Critic is training in Bending at the beginning, he accidentally blows up his instructor standing behind him. After seeing what he did, he pulls a Screw This, I'm Outta Here.
The Last Airbender
- Pointing out that criticizing the pronunciations of character names would be too hypocritical of him. In his recap series of each episode, he mispronounced several character names the exact same way, including "Sowka" and "Eeroh." Even in the review itself, he mispronounces "Zhao" as "Chow."
- "But sadly, we get to the greatest weakness of any Shyamalan film... they start talking."
- He describes the acting as the "Hayden Christensen Syndrome".
- Upon seeing Aang glowing in the iceberg:
Sokka: I think there's something in there.
Critic!Sokka: [monotone] It's a good movie, trying to get out.
Critic!Katara: [monotone] Kill it.
- Integrating several of the show's Memetic Mutations, including "Foaming Mouth Guy", "MY CABBAGES!", and Sokka's "Water triiiibe!"
- When the Critic tries to find his spirit animal, and it turns out to be the platypus bunny.
- Who happens to be an out-of-character Doug Walker.
- Who gets frustrated by the NC's insistence on calling him "Platypus Bunny." "WHY DID I MAKE YOU SO STUPID?!"
- The impression of the show's credits sequence.
- The Critic reviewing the movie when suddenly "things heat up (Ba-dum, tish!) when the Fire Nation attacks".
- The Critic extensively rants about the Earthbending scene.
Critic as earthbenders: I'M A LI-TTLE TEA-POT! SHORT! AND! STOUT!
Critic as random earthbender (with a deadpan Droopy voice):
Don't worry, guys. I'll get them. Take that.
- The whole rant regarding how wimpy Shyamalan's Earthbenders are compared to those in the original series. After the above takes place (in which five to six Earthbenders succeed only in levitating a head-sized clump of dirt and tossing it at one guy just hard enough to knock him down), the Critic then shows a scene from the series in which six Earth Kingdom soldiers (and only three of them were actually doing something) chuck a tank into the air like it was a toy, and with far less effort.
Critic: THAT WAS A TANK!
- Comparing the earthbenders being imprisoned in a quarry to an ice-cream bender trapped in Baskin-Robbins.
- The plethora of jokes and his utter enthusiasm about Yue's unfortunate hair.
So Aang and the team finally made their way to the North Pole and… (about to get to the infamous Penis hair◊ shot) Oh god. Is this it? It’s gotta be, please be it. (Starts playing Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” as the Penis hair enters the frame) OH MY GOD! It’s even more phallic than I imagined! The stories were true! Gaze into the Holy Grail of comedic possibilities. Oh my god! There’s too many jokes to choose from! Which one should I go with? Which one should I go with?
Does that require a Blowdry or a Blowjob? Are haircuts known as circumcisions? I said “Public Hair” not “Pubic Hair!” Does this make Queen Amidala’s hair look less vaginal or more vaginal? When you said your hair is a dick to comb, I didn’t know you meant a DICK to comb. Does the rug match the prick shaped drapes? You might be the only female I can get away with calling dick head. So, when you say you’re washing your hair tonight, does that technically count as masturbating? This is great, I can technically reach first AND second base both at the same time. You’re making the Coneheads look modest. Is that a cock on your block or are you just happy to see me? Now I know why they call you “Hard Head.” What does she use for a headband, a censor bar? Was your hooker name “Tip of the Iceberg?” Well, two heads are better than one. Seeing how you’re royalty, do they crown you with a cock ring? I’m gonna guess and say night caps and condoms are pretty much the same for you. Pardon me your highness, but your hair looks like a giant penis.
This one! Hey! What does she use for a headband, a censor bar?!
- Rachel!Katara using bloodbending on the Critic, and then justifying it by saying that if M. Night Shyamalan has unlimited control, why shouldn't she?
- The hilarious, yet accurate song that summarizes all three seasons in one minute and ends with a Take That at James Cameron's film.
- How it begins: Starts with Malcom!Sokka saying "Katara (pronounced as in the movie)... Guitarra!". Rachel!Katara pulls out a guitar, strums it, then she, Critic, and Malcolm!Sokka sing "spoilers!" and Chester appears singing "Go to this part [of the video] if you haven't seen the show yet".
- Animated Sokka throws a rock at his live action version, showing the contrast between the two of them.
- Shyamalan as Amon.
Shyamalan: I have discovered the power to take any performer's acting ability away.
Critic: gasp He's bluffing. No director is that bad or powerful...
(Critic, Rachel!Katara, and Malcolm!Sokka cringe as they watch the clips)
Rachel!Katara: But... but that's a critically-acclaimed actor!
He's mastered the art of Talentbending.
- Pointing out that the scene where Prince Zuko performs a Villainous Rescue of Aang as "The Blue Spirit" was left in the otherwise Compressed Adaptation for two reasons: one was to show that Zuko and Zhao are in a race to capture the Avatar to secure the approval of Fire Lord Ozai, and the other was so Shyamalan could say "WHAT A TWEEST!"
- Using the clips from The Ember Island Players episode to show the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender snarking at their live action versions.
- The intro, which parodies the intro of the show and summarizes the franchise up to this point.
Rachel: (narrating) Water, Earth, Fire. Long ago, the three seasons lived together in harmony. But then, everything changed when the Shyamalan attacked. [The Fire Nation is represented here as a filming crew with the Hollywood sign in the background] Only the Avid jerk, [Doug on a mountain angrily spewing water, air, and fire and kicking up earth with his stomping] master of ripping films apart, could restore balance. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. [A poster for the movie appears behind Doug, causing him to say "Oh, fuck this noise!" and walk off. Cut to Rachel!Katara and Malcolm!Sokka appearing before the Nostalgia Critic.] Several years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avid jerk, a reviewer named Nostalgia Critic. And although his critiquing skills are great, he still has much to learn before he can save anything. [Critic tries to run off, and Rachel!Katara bloodbends him into a wall] But I believe Nostalgia Critic can save the franchise. [Critic ducks as the title appears]
- Describing Hamlet Shyamalan style. Dull Surprise and Compressed Adaptation ensues:
- When Gran-Gran is telling Katara and Sokka about the Avatar:
Gran-Gran: Yes, there are some spirits that live hidden among us. I'm sure they're watching us with great sadness.
Critic!Gran-Gran: Or maybe that's the audience. Either way, great sadness.
- After admitting Aasif Mandvi (Commander Zhao), Shaun Toub (Iroh) and Dev Patel (Zuko) were the only decent actors in the film and explains that at least Iroh and Zuko emoted enough to have more emotional scenes, they get cut away by story progression.
Critic!Iroh: By the way, nephew. As your uncle, I care for you very mu- Oh, more story, more story! Sorry, sorry, more story!
- "He deered to kill a King's dare!"
- Realizing the only way to defeat Amon!Shyamalan is to end things the way an Avatar series would: "DEUS EX MACHINA!"
- Getting more and more fed up with the endless exposition until, "Please, no more 'splaining!"
- Aang coming to save the Critic from Shyamalan, and being incredibly apathetic about it.
- The Critic complaining about how much movement is needed to do one action and showing what the opening of the film should've looked like.
*A water bender does a lot of complex movement*
Narrator: Water. (beat) Water. (beat) WATER!
*A tiny splash is made*
Water Bender: *a la Sokka* Water Tribe! *gets shot*
- When the Critic regains past memories regarding the show, he remembers the characters, story... and the fans' focus on how names were pronounced rather than the episodes' themes.
- When the movie ends with a Sequel Hook setting up Azula.
- He mocks the movie version of Ozai by saying he puckers his lips so much he's only waiting to be kissed, and that even Biggus Dickus is more intimidating.
- In the review, Appa is referred to as both a "white Neighbor Totoro" and a "Where the Wild Things Are mascot".
Bridge to Terabithia
- At the start, he mentions how he said he would review the movie during his "Princess Hate" editorial, and that the responses have ranged from "Oh boy, when're you gonna do that?" to "If you touch that timeless treasure, I will impale your testicles on a set of toothpicks." His response to the latter is "HA! Jokes on you, I haven't felt any feeling down there because of scenes like this:" Smash Cut to the Critic smacking his groin with his own sword in Suburban Knights, and the Angry Video Game Nerd launching Rapid Fire Fisticuffs onto his genitals.
- Jess saying he doesn't want to use the sneakers his mom suggested because they're pink and look like a girl's shoesnote , the Critic suggests to write "Friendship is Magic" on them for the bronies to leave him alone.
- The Critic saying AnnaSophia Robb looks like a photoshopped Barbie.
Leslie: I don't use my Barbies so much anymore. If you want you can have them.
Jess's sister: Thanks!
Critic!Leslie: What do I need them for? I am the Barbie.
- Cue the Critic joking that the other princesses are plotting to kill her.
- After a scene involving Juicy Fruit appears after the Critic says that the movie is so sickeningly sweet it's like a gum commercial:
Malcolm: (VO) Juicy Fruit, the gum of contrived, unmotivated Disney moments everywhere.
(the last bit of the 1985 Walt Disney Pictures fanfare is heard as "That Just Bought Us 5 More Disney Sequels!" appears)
- Whimsical Digestion
- "IT'S A FRIGGIN' ROPE!"
- The Critic making fun of the Mundane Made Awesome rope scene by waving his arms around and saying "WEEEEE!"... while using the toilet and leaving Malcolm and Rachel outside. When Malcolm tells him to take his childhood fantasies somewhere else, the Critic says that they aren't enchanted. Then, Malcolm goes into the bathroom and does what the Critic was just doing.
- After signing off, the Critic then proceeds to whimsically eat a chip. Malcolm and Rachel, who are watching, consider auditioning for College Humor.
- This scene:
Leslie: What if there was a magical kingdom that only we knew about?
- The Critic saying that Leslie goes way too deep into detail and perhaps it is pathological. Cue him picturing Adult!Leslie as a sanity-depraved maniac torturing Malcolm a la Red Dragon.
Rachel!Leslie: Oh dear. The Terabithians are telling me that someone might need another scrotum waxing.
- The obligatory reference to a certain film series now starring Josh Hutcherson:
- Also later, when introducing Josh in a fake horror trailer: "Hunger Games Joke!" with Malcolm having his voice over with a creepy tone and humming the 1985 Disney Fanfare.
- And when Jess attacks the bully: "Don't make him get out his cake decorating kit!"
- "Stop it! You're making Full House look like a Holocaust drama!"
- The film reaching the increasing Whiteness Levels of Whole Foods, Pointless Phone Apps, Fighting for a Group You Know Nothing About, and One Direction.
- The Critic complaining about how nothing seems to go wrong in this movie, then cut to the parents crying:
Dad: Your friend Leslie is dead.
- IT'S TEREBITHIA GODDAMMIT!
- Walt Disney: God Damns Ya to Hell.
- "You have your magical kingdom you're in charge of? Well I have mine. Busworld, where I can throw any kid off with no legal repercussions! Don't mess with the king baby, Busworld!" It becomes a minor Running Gag in regards to the bus driver.
- We are all the sperm of Jesus.
- When Leslie was in church, she opens her bag up and captures God in it.
I GOT HIM! I GOT GOD! QUICK, CALL THE RELIGIOUS LEADERS OF THE WORLD! I GOT AN EBAY AUCTION THE LIKES OF THE VATICAN HAS NEVER SEEN! GOD!
And later on...
God: HELP! She says she won't let me free unless I convert to Jubee-ism.
- The Critic noting that the last time Disney tried to discuss religion in one of their films, the result was a perverted old man who jerked off to his fireplace.
- The Critic's EPIC outburst in Angrish (including walking away from the recording room!) when one of the bullies taunts Jess about his best friend's death.
No! He did not-! He did not-! He did not-! No! There is joh
, and there is no, and that was no! That was... That was...! NO! No-no! NO!
- "Thus, the Free To Pee movement was born. First, they moved to Russia, then, they migrated to China. Soon the world fought back against the evil commu-piss."
- When Jess makes May Belle princess of Terabithia when he's the king.
Critic as May Belle: Wait, doesn't that technically make me your your daughter?
Critic as Jess: Look, my best friend's dead and my teacher's hitting on me. I don't know what's normal anymore!
- The Critic stating that Disney wanted to show kids that death could take them from their happiness at any time. What follows is his version of ''When You Wish Upon a Star."
Critic: When you wish upon a... THE REAPER'S COMING BITCHES! HIDE!
The Shining Mini-Series
- The new stop-motion, Nostalgia-Ween opening in which a Nightmare Before Christmas-esque Nostalgia Critic gets shot by Pennywise the Clown who then lets out an evil laugh.
Pennywise: WAH HAH! WAH HAH! WAH HAH! WAH HA!
- The Critic gets so bored from the mini-series that it drives him to Jack Nicholson-levels of insanity. It's hilariously frightening!
- Critic mentioning that the filming location was built on "a harmless Indian Burial Ground that rests below the hulky remains of a burned down insane asylum for schizophrenic homicidal orphans... and vampire puppies."
- The Critic discussing the Stephen King Miniseries and cutting into it for entertaining people which he himself does. He then asks Pennywise if he was in to help him through it and Pennywise's response is:
Pennywise: Oh yes.
- Saying Danny's mouth looks like Napoleon Dynamite and that "funny-looking children have just as much a right to made fun of as any other person". Cut to a picture of Doug as a child in a children's camp.
- This gem from when Danny's attacked by the ghosts
Critic as The Ghost: Knock, knock.
Critic as Danny: Who's there?
- When a wasp nest that Danny picked up suddenly comes back to life:
God, it's like those replenishing bees from the Mega Man
games. They just never die!
- Critic's surprise that the mini-series doesn't take place in Maine.
- Malcom's extreme Genre Savviness about the Black Dude Dies First trope.
- When they return to the studio to help the Critic, Malcom, knowing what's probably waiting for them, is clad from head to toe in medieval armor. As the Critic finally snaps and tries to bring a door down, he screams "SOMEBODY HAS TO PAY!" and he turns around. Guess who is standing behind with a pumpkin guacamole.
- Malcolm in White Face after using a kit labeled "use in case of crazy white person" and it works in confusing the Critic.
... I was just walking through, reading my James Patterson novel and listening to Wrecking Ball.
- Even Rachel falls for it when she sees them.
Rachel: Critic! Random white person! I found something that the King version did better than Kubrick!
Malcolm: Fo' schnizel?
- The ghosts trying to convince the couple to pay attention to them while the two are quietly talking in bed.
- Critic going to get a drink at the bar, manned by Dominic from Video Game Confessions, spoofs the similar scene from the Kubrick movie as well. Dominic does reveal to the Critic that there is no bar... but the Critic is instead drinking out of the toilet!
- The Nostalgia Critic complaining about Stephen King putting blood and teeth on things that aren't scary.
Critic: Oh for God's sake, just because you put blood or teeth on something doesn't mean we're going to be automatically frightened by it. I mean can you think of an instance where you just took something random and you put blood or teeth on it and that instantly wor-
[cut to the poster of Teeth
Critic: Dah! That was different!
- Rachael tricking the crazed Critic by throwing the baseball bat in a room and locking him in. The Nostalgia Critic's reaction to being fooled is priceless.
- The fact that they re-enacted the terrifying staircase scene with Wendy and Jack, down to the same physical motions and tone, only for Rachael suddenly go "Okay!" and fling the bat behind her.
- The Critic trying to smash his way through the door to get at Rachael... by using a toy mallet that squeaks each time it smacks the door.
- Malcolm really wants to try pumpkin-flavored food.
- This gets brought up again when the review recreates the typewriter room scene:
Critic: (eerilly calmly) What're you doing down here?
- Speaking of the typewriter scene:
''All talk and no scares makes mini-series dull shit. All talk and no scares makes mini-series dull shit. (Repeat 4 million times) You know, I could really go for some Pumpkin Tacos... Eh, Fuck it. All talk and no scares makes mini-series dull shit.
- The Critic imagining what A Trip to the Moon would be like if Georges Méliès had simply talked about everything that happened rather than actually showing it.
Critic as Méliès: So they got in this very flat, stange-looking device that kinda looked like a penis...
- The Critic adding in cartoon sound effects to Jack beating Dick to death with a croquet mallet... and once again adding in the Colm Wilkinson sound from his Les Mis review into it at the end.
- Critic chasing Malcolm while the two argue about black people dying in horror movies, which turns into them wondering why people thought Alien vs. Predator was that bad.
- When the Critic realizes Stephen King did something better than Stanley Kubrick (Jack's character), he sits down to process the information. Cue a shot of him with the same face as Jack when found frozen while Rachael and Malcolm decide to just leave him there.
- On the tour of people who died in the hotel pointing out the kitchen where a woman cooked her husband and exclaiming that he was delicious.
- When Danny tries to access a room, the Critic edits a commercial for the Encyclopedia Britannica.
- The mockery of the mini-series version of the topiary scene, capped off with mocking the terrible CGI when they start moving.
- And when the topiary trees are first shown, Critic dubs over the scene with music from Edward Scissorhands.
- After the earlier topiary scene with Jack:
Critic (as Jack):
Ooh, I'm gonna write a Doctor Who
episode about this! (imitates the TARDIS materialization sound)
- At the end the Critic is seen in a 1920-esque picture labled "Weird symbolic picture to confuse you" with a funny face and he remarks: I don't care if this doesn't make any sense. At least it's scary.
- Critic starting to say his "Boomer...will live!" running gag, yet stopping and then stating that he already did a "Zuul Motherfucka Zuul" joke in the previous review and it should hold the audience over.
- About Tara Reid's performance:
Critic: You know, Tara. I'm aware that you're in a movie called "Sharknado", and you're not gonna use your A-Material, but can you at the very least muster up a "D Minus" performance?
- Then cutting to the Tara Reid sketch: The Creepy Monotone speaking Tara Reid is seen with the director (Cinema Snob) trying to act out.
Snob!Director: Tara, I know you're trying to convey actual human emotion, but I swear to Christ, if you don't get this right, I am gonna replace you with a lamp.
Tara: (in monotone) I understand.
Snob!Director: Look, just try to convince me that you're not an alien, so we can get throught this and call it a night, OK?
- Cue her talking to her "acting coach", in reality an Alien-Commander (who turns out to be Kristen Stewart reading a script labled: Stephenie Meyer's Caligula: A fisting full of sparkles).
Snob!Director: Cut! Well, she's awful, but she's gotta a damn good back of a neck. On with the next scene!
- The Mythbusters segment.
- "We will see if we can blow up a tornado filled with sharks!"
Adam: So, Jamie. What did we learn today?
Adam: So, once again, this hour of your life was... A WASTE OF TIME.
- "Is it possible to set water on fire?"
Adam: Hey, Jamie. A lot of people is wondering "Is it possible to set the water on fire"!
Jamie: Who the hell wondering that?!
Adam: Let's check in with the random hot chick.
Random Hot Chick: I have a Ph.D, you know?
Jamie: Whatever, just say some puns.
Random Hot Chick: Uhm... Now we are really in hot water.
Jamie: I'm gonna go kill myself in my trailer.
- Critic and Snob's attempts to come with with names for movies by combining random words together.
- Fin chopping a motherfucking FLYING SHARK in half with a chainsaw, while already hilariously awesome◊, is made all the more-so with the return of "I'm The Motherfucking T-REX Theme" Song dubbed in by The Critic.
- The Wicked Shark of the West.
- Outright booing some of the plot points, including Nova being pulled out of the exact same shark Finn jumped into and sliced open, miraculously unharmed, as well the ending card reading "Fin."
- Logic of Itchy and Scratchy cartoons, DON'T FAIL ME NOW!
- The Cinema Snob mentions that besides the titular "sharknado", the second most epic thing ever is in this movie: Tara Reid's credit. Cut to the Foamy Mouth Guy screaming in joy and passing out.
- Malcolm asking about the various B-movie packages the Asylum offers:
- Gold Package: The special effects team that did Ghost Shark, a guaranteed sequel (even if the first movie is a Box Office Bomb), and John Heard for no additional charge.
- Silver Package: The leftover CGI from Reboot, a direct-to-DVD release, and a cameo by Billy Zane.
- Bronze Package: Gary Busey. This one makes Malcolm shudder, and immediately go for the Gold Package.
- When seeing all the sharks (practically packed fin-to-fin) trying to swim away from the tornado at the beginning, the Critic quips "Maybe they're on their way to buy Grand Theft Auto V."
- When Nova has an Oh Crap moment by by running out of shotgun shells while cornered by a Threatening Shark, George saves her by smacking away the shark with just a bar stool, causing the Critic to quip "Well, you've just witnessed the most embarrassing moment of your life!"
Critic: Pick one.
- Three words: JELLY SIDE DOWN!!!
- The setup alone is pretty hilarious. The Nostalgia Critic, the Devil, Santa Christ and Rita Repulsa are stuck in an elevator. It's like the opening to a classic joke.
- The Stinger involving him plugging Gameception in a very rapid-fire manner.
- The twist after the credits that it was Cthulhu who was behind everything. Cue a transformation from Rita Repulsa's corpse into a very unconvincing Cthulhu.
- It becomes even more hilarious if you have actually read the original short story and are familiar with H. P. Lovecraft's description of him as "a mountain", not to mention the whole thing about him being trapped in the sunken city of R'lyeh who easily destroyed a group of sailors and left the one survivor to such madness as to turn his hair white— Here, it's just a guy in a robe and a not very convincing tentacle mask.
- It's also a call-back to Santa Christ's screenplay, which is almost the exact same as Devil except with Cthulhu as the killer.
- Which becomes even more hilarious when you've read Lovecraft's stories and realize it makes even less sense than what the Devil is shown doing in the film.
- The Devil reveals that he put selfies in the Paranormal Activity movies. Cue a clip of the movie interspersed with pictures of him goofing off in front of scenery.
- The Running Gag of the other characters turning to the Devil in disbelief when they see what the version of him in the film gets up to, such as biting people, putting the aforementioned selfie in, and appearing like Jack Skellington in ductape. Eventually he gets to anticipate this and says in exasperation, "And turn," as Critic and Santa Christ turn to confront him yet again.
- After Santa Christ and Critic still question all the holes in Satan's impractical approach of killing five people with a camera recording:
Satan: Look. I just need a "Stupid Day". You know how some companies have "Funny Hat Day" or "Casual Clothes Day". I HAVE "STUPID DAY", When I pick ONE DAY and don't do anything that makes sense whatsoever.
- "Quick! Find Judge Judy!"
- The return of Amon!M. Night Shyamalan.
M. Night Shyamalan: I am still the master of twists. If you could think of a better one for my movie, I'd like to hear it.
Nostalgia Critic: Well, how 'bout if Crazy Toast Guy was the Devil?
M. Night Shyamalan: ...Actually, that's kind of brilliant.
- Santa Christ's frustration with the superstitious guard boils over: "Oh, for the love of ME, stop giving him attention!"
- After Satan's death, the Critic and Santa Christ freak out and think the other is the killer. Then the Critic goes into fridge logic if Santa Christ was the murderer, he just murdered SATAN. Which is a very good thing.
- The sudden twist that the "help voice" was Evilina. There was never anything wrong with the elevator and she was just stalling to ensure they got through the whole movie. Then instead of just letting them down she starts pressing random buttons because they're shiny.
- This line, when the Devil, actually M. Night Shyamalan, gets back up:
Nostalgia Critic: The Devil was the Devil! Actually, I probably should have seen this coming.
- After the reveal of the "jelly test," Rita decides to test it out using a piece of jellied toast courtesy of Santa Christ. The toast stops while falling, turns over, then falls the rest of the way.
- The Devil and Santa Christ's deaths; the first turns into a skeleton and crumbles to pieces while the latter had a safe dropped on his head.
- Even though played just a little more straight than those two examples, the first death ( Rita) is still pretty funny - the body is sprawled in the corner with the most hilarious expression on their face, and it soon becomes a Running Gag when the remaining passengers look at the corpse before cringing in disgust.
Help Voice: HEY!!! Are people killing each other down there?!
Remaining Passengers: ... Yes?
- This line, after the old lady who is The Devil in the film leaves the elevator:
- Amon!Shyamlan reaction to the Devil being Santa Christ to lure him out
Amon!Shyamlan: That sounds needlessly complicated. Do you mind if I steal that?
- The Critic makes a joke about how people didn't seem to question a man jumping off a building, saying they must've thought it was a "Bread-truck-with-a-dead-guy-embedded-on-it-like-Wile-E.-Coyote-with-a-driver-who-seems-to-have-disappeared-off-the-face-of-the-Earth-rolling-backwards-into-oncoming-traffic-bouncing-off-cement-blocks-into-parking-lot-of-somebody's-store man." The kicker?
Santa Christ: Oh hey, you got those in your town too?
Dawn of the Commercials
- In the Diet Coke promotion of Batman Returns, he abandons the city going into chaos with the shut down of the power. Why, DIET COKE!!!!
Alfred: Sir, don't you think you're taking this a little too far?
Batman: *breaks the radio*
Fuck you, Mr. Belvedere
! DIET COOOOOOOOOOKE!
- The Running Gag with the Wicked Witch sexually harassing various men... with them failing to notice her interest. Even when she explicitly says she wants to have sex with them.
- Taken to its logical extreme with Mark from The Room! (And we should note: Not Doug in a wig, Greg Sestero, the actual actor that played Mark.)
- And this time, there is, in fact, a candle, music, and a sexy dress!
Wicked Witch: What just happened?!
- "Milk: What the fuck?"
- To elaborate, Rachel is talking to her "brother" about how milk helps her grow in appearance and she slowly begins to become more of a shallow trophy wife bitch as she grows up, which eventually leads to her downward spiral involving drugs, a mental breakdown, and a near suicide, to a brief rehab explaining it was all God's plan, then begins to relapse and is left a filthy broken mess, with only her glass of milk that started her descent into misery as her only friend. Horrified, her "brother" leaves, while Chester A. Bum tries to kick Rachel out, only to be scared away by Rachel.
- The Critic's reaction to the Denny's commercial that advertised their special Red, White, and Blue Pancakes.
- Especially considering that very advert used to run on TGWTG's videos.
- The Broken Pedestal that sets in for a minute as the Critic replays the same one-second clip of the old man. Then averted as the Critic just rolls with it.
- A What If scenario take on one of the Man Child produced by the Toys-R-Us motto being taken too seriously, and his mother wondering where she went wrong.
- After criticizing the Toys-R-Us song for encouraging adults not to grow up, the Critic becomes upset when told that their mascot Geoffrey is not real.
- Also, he gets more upset at the fact that Geoffrey isn't real than the fact that almost none of the products shown in the commercial are actually sold at Toys-R-Us.
"Mom": Critic! When are you gonna get a job?
Critic: SHUT UP, MOM!
- The step-by-step reaction that of the Critic after taking KIX, which gets worse with each bite.
Malcolm!Narrator: KIX. Kids tolerate it, mother has coupons.
- The Critic thinking the video suppliers of the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were liars in akin to Spaceballs.
- The Take Care Of Me Twins, a toy that actually shows how hard taking care of a baby is, let alone twins.
- The Shoot Me! face the girl makes in the commercial.
Critic: Just look at the smile she gives. That is the smile of "I'm about to kill these little bastards if someone doesn't take them away from me."
- After undramatically revealing what his next review will be, Critic wonders what he can do for a dramatic cliffhanger when suddenly:
The Devil: *barges into room* I'm pregnant! *Cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face*
- The Critic's reaction to a Canadian commercial that begins with a baby shower and ends up being about rape.
- He later sat up a situation of men working at a company and talking at a water fountain. One employee talks about how he's drinking mountain water, while the other reveals that he has pancreatic cancer. Cue the awkwardness and text about 45,220 men getting pancreatic cancer a year...
- To bring the point home, the Critic plays the "Blame Canada" song from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut over the commercial.
- The beginning of the episode, where the Critic is greeted by a large cheering audience, a lá the Pope.
- Angry Joe pretending to be the Critic's father, Joe El, in a Superman spoof. Critic doesn't go for it.
- And then he expresses disbelief that Critic doesn't know what movie he's talking about, while Critic says he does know, he was just trying to build dramatic tension.
- His horrified reactions to the live-action version of Count Chocula.
: What the hell is that?! It's like a silly putty combo of the Nesquick Rabbit and Fat Weird Al Yankovic
- During the Chef Boyardee Tic Tac Toe pasta commercial, he mentions how the kid's facial expression upon seeing the thing is like he's seeing Jesus and wanted to eat him. And to bring the point home, he adds a raptor-esque snarl at the scene.
Man of Steel
- The opening song comparing Superman and Batman.
- The video credits:
with Doug Walker
Superman is Batman
- When Nostalgia Critic starts to compare Michael Shannon's voice to a bulldog, Joe snaps back at him.
- And then the Critic asks if Zod has any charm other than "shouting his ass off".
- The "Nolan Ray", a device that makes everyone take the movie too seriously.
- I AM JESUS! I AM JESUS! I AM JESUS! I AM JESUS!
- Angry Joe flashing back to a Hilariously Abusive Childhood involving a lobster costume and nipple tasers.
- And Doug!Zod writes his traumatic rambles down as another means to torture the Critic if he says something possitive about Man of Steel!
- When Clark meets the hologram of his father, played by Russell Crowe:
- The return of General Zod, threatening the Critic for saying something positive about Man of Steel.
- Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for giving a middle of the road opinion on the movie. When Zod reminds him of Thou Shalt Not Kill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.
- The explanation for why the movie keeps randomly zooming in during action scenes? The cinematographer's daughter was screwing around with the zoom button on his camera while he tried getting it away from her.
Cinematographer: (while Zack Snyder watches the footage, mouth agape) ...I can explain-
Snyder: (astounded) I love this...
- "...WHAT ABOUT BOOMER?!"
- When Zod is giving his global message:
Zod: By the way, thank Nash for the microphone. It works great.
Glad you like it, Tyrannical Overlord! (gives thumbs up)
- The Critic's less than tactful description of the scene where Jonathan Kent tells Clark saving the kids from the bus crash might not have been the right thing to do: "Jon Kent says drown the bastards."
- How the critic wishes for Jor-El to be his AI partner the next time he plays a video game.
- The Critic making fun of the way Lois hits on Clark... And then takes a jab at Angry Joe.
Lois: What does the "S" stand for?
Superman: It's not an "S". On my world it means "hope".
Lois: Well... Here it's... An "S".
Critic: You've done worse.
[Cut to Angry Joe dancing to "Ass & Titties"]
- The Running Gag revolving around Lois being completely useless for Zod's team.
Rachel!Faora: You will stay here until we remember the incredibly important reason why we brought you on board. [Muffled voice as the door closes] Does anyone remember why we brought her on board?!
- Before that she complains about Amy Adams's portrayal.
Rachel!Lois: As if she doesn't have enough!
Rachel!Faora: Shut up!
- Rob!Zod complaining about using the wrong background to convince Superman. Cut to "the happy program"... Which features dancing bunnies, smiling flowers and a unicorn riding a marshmallow rainbow.
- When it's revealed that both Superman and Lois were brain-scanned, the Critic jokes that maybe Zod's got the correct imagery this time.
Rob!Zod: [As he stands in front of the girly background] You see, Ms. Lane, all of this and more can be yours if you just give us the information we require...
Rachel!Lois: [Gleefully] Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow?!
Rob!Zod: Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow.
- Critic and Angry Joe letting their inner Man Child take over as they gush about a fight scene.
- Earlier on, the Critic mocks the overabundance of Product Placement in this scene by having a narrator speak over it. The placements go by so fast that he can't even keep up. At the end of it, there's even a message that states in bold letters "SUPERMAN DRINKS PEPSI!", causing the narrator to go "Oh, now you're not even trying!"
- The Critic notes Hans Zimmer's overuse of the, as he puts it, BWOWM sound effect, and how it would translate to non action movies, specifically if he did the scoring for a Peanuts special, by renaming it, "You're a good man, Charlie BWOWM!"