History Funny / TheNostalgiaCritic2013Episodes

17th Jan '17 4:18:55 PM MCanter89
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** Batman [[WhatTheHellHero calling him out on killing someone just to save people he didn't know]], especially since he himself didn't even resort to doing this when TheJoker killed his childhood friend.
** At the end of the music video, a narrator gives a plug for the upcoming [[Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice Batman/Superman movie]] in 2015, with the tagline: "Two of the Most Polar Opposite Superheroes Coming Together at Last!" This, in spite of how the video was all about Film/TheDarkKnightSaga!Batman and Film/ManOfSteel!Superman being NotSoDifferent.
--> '''Superman and Batman:''' (Give a confused DoubleTake to the title) "Oh [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you]], [[TakeThat Zack Synder]]."

to:

** Batman [[WhatTheHellHero calling him out on killing someone just to save people he didn't know]], especially since he himself didn't even resort to doing this when TheJoker ComicBook/TheJoker killed his childhood friend.
** At the end of the music video, a narrator gives a plug for the upcoming [[Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice Batman/Superman movie]] in 2015, with the tagline: "Two of the Most Polar Opposite Superheroes Coming Together at Last!" This, in spite of how the video was all about Film/TheDarkKnightSaga!Batman ''Film/TheDarkKnightSaga''!Batman and Film/ManOfSteel!Superman ''Film/ManOfSteel''!Superman being NotSoDifferent.
--> '''Superman -->'''Superman and Batman:''' (Give a confused DoubleTake to the title) "Oh "Oh, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you]], [[TakeThat Zack Synder]].Snyder]]."



* The beginning of the episode, where the Critic is greeted by a large cheering audience, a lá the Pope.

to:

* The beginning of the episode, where the Critic is greeted by a large cheering audience, a lá the Pope.UsefulNotes/ThePope.



--->'''Zod:'''[[SuddenlyShouting I WILL FIND HIM!]]

to:

--->'''Zod:'''[[SuddenlyShouting --->'''Zod:''' [[SuddenlyShouting I WILL FIND HIM!]]



** Then WebVideo/AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man of Steel.
** "[[TakeAThirdOption Can't we all just agree]] [[TakeThat to hate Superman IV?]]"
* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler:giving a middle-of-the-road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then [[spoiler:cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]

to:

** Then WebVideo/AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man ''Man of Steel.
Steel''.
** "[[TakeAThirdOption Can't we all just agree]] [[TakeThat to hate hate]] ''[[Film/SupermanIVTheQuestForPeace Superman IV?]]"
IV]]''?"
* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler:giving a middle-of-the-road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue downward. Cue a startled gasp from Zod Zod, and then [[spoiler:cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]



-->'''Caption''': [[TakeThat I won't be available on]] XBoxOne.

to:

-->'''Caption''': [[TakeThat I won't be available on]] XBoxOne.UsefulNotes/XboxOne.



** Before that she complains about AmyAdams's portrayal.

to:

** Before that that, she complains about AmyAdams's Creator/AmyAdams' portrayal.
17th Jan '17 4:07:12 PM MCanter89
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* TheStinger, where [[spoiler: Chester arrives at the meeting for people who have CRAHBS... only he has the ''other'' kind.]]

to:

* TheStinger, where [[spoiler: Chester [[spoiler:Chester arrives at the meeting for people who have CRAHBS... only he has the ''other'' kind.]]



--> '''StephenHawking''': '''[[AC:God. Put some fucking emotion into it.]]'''

to:

--> '''StephenHawking''': -->'''StephenHawking''': '''[[AC:God. Put some fucking emotion into it.]]'''



--> '''Evilina''': ''*Giggle*'' [[BlackComedy That was funny!]]
--> '''Critic''': ''(rolls his eyes)''

to:

--> '''Evilina''': -->'''Evilina''': ''*Giggle*'' [[BlackComedy That was funny!]]
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': ''(rolls his eyes)''



** Which is taken to its logical extreme with [[spoiler: Mark from ''Film/TheRoom''! (To make it funnier, it's ''Greg Sestero himself'', not Doug wearing false hair.)]]
** [[spoiler: And this time, there ''is'', in fact, ''a candle'', music, and a sexy dress!]]
*** [[spoiler: Even then, as he and Rachel's Wicked Witch are playing catch football, [[{{Irony}} he abruptly stops, calls it sexual harassment, and leaves]]. Considering how Mark in the original ''The Room'' [[ObliviousToLove always fell for Wiseau's fiancee's advances]], this can be considered HilariousInHindsight.]]
--> '''Rachel!Witch''': What just happened?!
* The problem with those "Milk: It Does a Body Good" commercials, that the Critic notes, is that on a closer look, they are all totally based on appearances alone. In fact, one of them even flat out states that looks are everything, and personality is nothing. To demonstrate what would really happen to the siblings in the commercials, they do a spoof in which Rachel plays the little sister, and Doug plays the big brother. Rachel tells him about how milk helps her grow in appearance....and then she slowly begins to [[TookALevelInJerkass become more of a shallow trophy wife bitch as she grows up]]...which eventually leads to her [[FromBadToWorse downward spiral of drug addiction, a mental breakdown, and an attempted suicide]]....[[HopeSpot a stint in rehab explaining it was all part of God's plan]], [[DownerEnding only to relapse and end up as a filthy broken mess, with only her glass of milk that started her descent into misery as her only friend]]. [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Horrified, her "brother" leaves]], while ChesterABum tries to kick Rachel out, [[HissBeforeFleeing only for Rachel to hiss at him, sending him running]].

to:

** Which is taken to its logical extreme with [[spoiler: Mark [[spoiler:Mark from ''Film/TheRoom''! (To make it funnier, it's ''Greg Sestero himself'', not Doug wearing false hair.)]]
** [[spoiler: And [[spoiler:And this time, there ''is'', in fact, ''a candle'', music, and a sexy dress!]]
*** [[spoiler: Even [[spoiler:Even then, as he and Rachel's Wicked Witch are playing catch football, [[{{Irony}} he abruptly stops, calls it sexual harassment, and leaves]]. Considering how Mark in the original ''The Room'' [[ObliviousToLove always fell for Wiseau's fiancee's advances]], this can be considered HilariousInHindsight.]]
--> '''Rachel!Witch''': -->'''Rachel!Witch:''' What just happened?!
* The problem with those "Milk: It Does a Body Good" commercials, that the Critic notes, is that on a closer look, they are all totally based on appearances alone. In fact, one of them even flat out states that looks are everything, and personality is nothing. To demonstrate what would really happen to the siblings in the commercials, they do a spoof in which Rachel plays the little sister, and Doug plays the big brother. Rachel tells him about how milk helps her grow in appearance....appearance... and then she slowly begins to [[TookALevelInJerkass become more of a shallow trophy wife bitch as she grows up]]...up]]... which eventually leads to her [[FromBadToWorse downward spiral of drug addiction, a mental breakdown, and an attempted suicide]]....suicide]]... [[HopeSpot a stint in rehab explaining it was all part of God's plan]], [[DownerEnding only to relapse and end up as a filthy broken mess, with only her glass of milk that started her descent into misery as her only friend]]. [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Horrified, her "brother" leaves]], while ChesterABum [[WebVideo/BumReviews Chester A. Bum]] tries to kick Rachel out, [[HissBeforeFleeing only for Rachel to hiss at him, sending him running]].



--> '''Critic''': *begins to cry* '''[[GrowingUpSucks I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!!!!!]]'''
--> '''"Mom"''': Critic! When are you gonna get a job?
--> '''Critic''': SHUT UP, MOM!
* [=KIX=] was the cereal that had commercials that more or less had every single reason ''not'' to purchase it. It basically tasted like packing peanuts:

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': *begins to cry* '''[[GrowingUpSucks I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!!!!!]]'''
--> '''"Mom"''': -->'''"Mom"''': Critic! When are you gonna get a job?
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': SHUT UP, MOM!
* [=KIX=] KIX was the cereal that had commercials that more or less had every single reason ''not'' to purchase it. It basically tasted like packing peanuts:



--> '''Critic''': Just look [[SlasherSmile at the smile she gives]]. That is the smile of "I'm about to kill these little bastards if someone doesn't take them away from me."
* The Critic's reaction to a Canadian commercial that begins with a baby shower and ends up being about [[spoiler: rape.]]
--> '''Critic''': (''[[StunnedSilence With a frozen smile on his face]]'') [[PrecisionFStrike What the fuck]], Canada?
** He then sets up a similar situation of two men working at an ordinary office job and talking over the water cooler. Doug talks about how he's drinking mountain water, "Cool, refreshing, big on taste, but also big on satisfaction." In response, Malcolm reveals that he has [[spoiler: pancreatic cancer]]. Cue the awkward look from Doug as text appears on the bottom of the screen revealing that 45,220 men get [[spoiler: pancreatic cancer]] a year. This message brought to you by the National BUZZKILL Institution of Canada.
** To bring the point home, the Critic plays the "Blame Canada" song from WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut over the commercial.

to:

--> '''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': Just look [[SlasherSmile at the smile she gives]]. That is the smile of "I'm about to kill these little bastards if someone doesn't take them away from me."
* The Critic's reaction to a Canadian commercial that begins with a baby shower and ends up being about [[spoiler: rape.[[spoiler:rape.]]
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': (''[[StunnedSilence With a frozen smile on his face]]'') [[PrecisionFStrike What the fuck]], Canada?
** He then sets up a similar situation of two men working at an ordinary office job and talking over the water cooler. Doug talks about how he's drinking mountain water, "Cool, refreshing, big on taste, but also big on satisfaction." In response, Malcolm reveals that he has [[spoiler: pancreatic [[spoiler:pancreatic cancer]]. Cue the awkward look from Doug as text appears on the bottom of the screen revealing that 45,220 men get [[spoiler: pancreatic [[spoiler:pancreatic cancer]] a year. This message brought to you by the National BUZZKILL Institution of Canada.
** To bring the point home, the Critic plays the "Blame Canada" song from WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'' over the commercial.



--> '''Critic''': What the hell is that?! It's like a silly putty combo of the Nesquick Rabbit and [[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Fat "Weird Al" Yankovic]]! And okay...that chin seriously needs to be censored. I swear I'm looking at Forest Whitaker's testicles right now and that should NOT be under the chin of any cereal mascot.

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': What the hell is that?! It's like a silly putty combo of the Nesquick Rabbit and [[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Fat "Weird Al" Yankovic]]! And okay...okay... that chin seriously needs to be censored. I swear I'm looking at Forest Whitaker's testicles right now and that should NOT be under the chin of any cereal mascot.



--> [[spoiler:'''The Devil:''' ''[barges into room]'' I'm pregnant!]] ''[cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face]''

to:

--> [[spoiler:'''The -->[[spoiler:'''The Devil:''' ''[barges into room]'' I'm pregnant!]] ''[cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face]''



---> Rob Scallon
---> with Doug Walker
---> Superman is Batman
---> Director: [[Film/TheRoom Tommy Wiseau]]

to:

---> Rob --->Rob Scallon
---> with --->with Doug Walker
---> Superman --->Superman is Batman
---> Director: --->Director: [[Film/TheRoom Tommy Wiseau]]



* [[spoiler: Angry Joe pretending to be the Critic's father, Joe El, in a Superman spoof. Critic doesn't go for it.]]

to:

* [[spoiler: Angry [[spoiler:Angry Joe pretending to be the Critic's father, Joe El, in a Superman spoof. Critic doesn't go for it.]]



--> '''Critic:''' The Nolan Ray, because whatever important issue you're talking about, '''[[LargeHam it could always be more important.]]'''

to:

--> '''Critic:''' The Nolan Ray, because whatever important issue you're talking about, '''[[LargeHam it could always be more important.]]'''important]]'''.



** And Doug!Zod writes his traumatic rambles down as another means to torture the Critic if he says something possitive about ''Film/ManOfSteel''!

to:

** And Doug!Zod writes his traumatic rambles down as another means to torture the Critic if he says something possitive positive about ''Film/ManOfSteel''!



--> Jor-El (Singing) [[Film/LesMiserables2012 "AND I'M JAVERT!!"]]
* The return of General Zod, threatening the Critic for saying something positive about Man of Steel.
** Then AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man of Steel.

to:

--> Jor-El -->Jor-El (Singing) [[Film/LesMiserables2012 "AND I'M JAVERT!!"]]
* The return of General Zod, threatening the Critic for saying something positive about Man ''Man of Steel.
Steel''.
** Then AngryJoe WebVideo/AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man of Steel.



* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler: giving a middle of the road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then [[spoiler: cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]
--> [[spoiler: '''Doug!Batman:''' [[GroinAttack You lasered his balls off?!]]]]
** This leads to a cameo from [[spoiler: Superman and Batman from ''WebAnimation/HowItShouldHaveEnded'']].

to:

* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler: giving [[spoiler:giving a middle of the road middle-of-the-road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then [[spoiler: cut [[spoiler:cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]
--> [[spoiler: '''Doug!Batman:''' -->[[spoiler:'''Doug!Batman:''' [[GroinAttack You lasered his balls off?!]]]]
** This leads to a cameo from [[spoiler: Superman [[spoiler:Superman and Batman from ''WebAnimation/HowItShouldHaveEnded'']].



-->'''Cinematographer:''' (while Zack Snyder watches the footage, mouth agape) ...I can explain-

to:

-->'''Cinematographer:''' (while Zack Snyder watches the footage, mouth agape) ...I can explain-explain--



--> '''Lois:''' What does the "S" stand for?
--> '''Superman:''' It's not an "S". On my world it means "hope".
--> '''Lois:''' Well... Here it's... An "S".
--> '''Critic:''' Ooohh... [[CallBack I could]] [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow look at your "S"]] [[DoubleEntendre all day]].
--> '''Joe:''' Really?
--> '''Critic:''' You've done worse.
--> ''[Cut to Angry Joe dancing to "Ass & Titties"]''

to:

--> '''Lois:''' -->'''Lois:''' What does the "S" stand for?
--> '''Superman:''' -->'''Superman:''' It's not an "S". On my world it means "hope".
--> '''Lois:''' -->'''Lois:''' Well... Here it's... An "S".
--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Ooohh... [[CallBack I could]] [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow look at your "S"]] [[DoubleEntendre all day]].
--> '''Joe:''' -->'''Joe:''' Really?
--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' You've done worse.
--> ''[Cut -->''[Cut to Angry Joe dancing to "Ass & Titties"]''



--> '''Rachel!Faora:''' You will stay here until we remember the ''incredibly important reason'' why we brought you on board. ''[Muffled voice as the door closes]'' Does anyone remember why we brought her on board?!

to:

--> '''Rachel!Faora:''' -->'''Rachel!Faora:''' You will stay here until we remember the ''incredibly important reason'' why we brought you on board. ''[Muffled voice as the door closes]'' Does anyone remember why we brought her on board?!



-->'''Rachel!Faora:''' We also got [[Film/JulieAndJulia Julie And Julia]] on Planet Krypton. [[ActorAllusion You]] will pay for costing [[Creator/MerylStreep Meryl Streep]] another Oscar.

to:

-->'''Rachel!Faora:''' We also got [[Film/JulieAndJulia Julie And Julia]] ''Film/JulieAndJulia'' on Planet Krypton. [[ActorAllusion You]] will pay for costing [[Creator/MerylStreep Meryl Streep]] Creator/MerylStreep another Oscar.



--> '''Rob!Zod:''' ''[As he stands in front of the girly background]'' You see, Ms. Lane, all of this and more can be yours if you just give us the information we require...
--> '''Rachel!Lois:''' ''[Gleefully]'' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow?!
--> '''Rob!Zod:''' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow.

to:

--> '''Rob!Zod:''' -->'''Rob!Zod:''' ''[As he stands in front of the girly background]'' You see, Ms. Lane, all of this and more can be yours if you just give us the information we require...
--> '''Rachel!Lois:''' -->'''Rachel!Lois:''' ''[Gleefully]'' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow?!
--> '''Rob!Zod:''' -->'''Rob!Zod:''' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow.



-->'''Critic!Jor-El''': [[ActorAllusion Your father was]] [[TakeThat a twat]] [[Creator/KevinCostner who directed]] Film/ThePostman

to:

-->'''Critic!Jor-El''': [[ActorAllusion Your father was]] [[TakeThat a twat]] [[Creator/KevinCostner who directed]] Film/ThePostman''Film/ThePostman''.



--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' What do you say we dick the whores with balls of horny?
--> '''Critic:''' ''Or'', seeing how it's the ''holidays'', you can sit and watch the movie with me. This is WesternAnimation/EightCrazyNights.
--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' Oh. It's ''that'' kind of movie.
--> '''Porn!Rachel:''' Oh. Pete, change the title?
--> ''[Title changes to "Menáge a [[ParallelPornTitle 'Twas the Night Before Christmas]]"]''

to:

--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' -->'''Porn!Malcolm:''' What do you say we dick the whores with balls of horny?
--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' ''Or'', seeing how it's the ''holidays'', you can sit and watch the movie with me. This is WesternAnimation/EightCrazyNights.
--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' -->'''Porn!Malcolm:''' Oh. It's ''that'' kind of movie.
--> '''Porn!Rachel:''' -->'''Porn!Rachel:''' Oh. Pete, change the title?
--> ''[Title -->''[Title changes to "Menáge a [[ParallelPornTitle 'Twas the Night Before Christmas]]"]''



--> '''Critic:''' I mean, this is a character that was in ''70%'' of the movie? [[SarcasmMode Thank god they found a voice so charming and so beloved to listen to.]] Just listen to how ''not'' earbleedingly bad it is to listen to. ''[shows some clips of Whitey with his annoying voice]'' Enjoy how he is in no way worse than Jar Jar Binks singing Bjork, while scratching a blackboard with a screaming baby during a fire alarm in a house of howling mental patients.

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' I mean, this is a character that was in ''70%'' of the movie? [[SarcasmMode Thank god they found a voice so charming and so beloved to listen to.]] Just listen to how ''not'' earbleedingly bad it is to listen to. ''[shows some clips of Whitey with his annoying voice]'' Enjoy how he is in no way worse than Jar Jar Binks singing Bjork, while scratching a blackboard with a screaming baby during a fire alarm in a house of howling mental patients.



--> '''NC:''' ... In fact, I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions. I'm just gonna call Mr. Sandler right now, to figure out who did that voice. ''[does so]''
--> '''Sandler:''' Hello?
--> '''NC:''' Mr Sandler?
--> '''Sandler:''' Yeah?
--> '''NC:''' Nostalgia Critic, long-time fan of your genius. Uh, listen, I just have one question for you- who was that inspired old man who portrayed Whitey in Eight Crazy Nights?
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh... actually, I got a little secret for ya. It wasn't an old man at all.
--> '''NC:''' (faking) Whaaaaat?!
--> '''Sandler:''' No, actually this will totally blow your mind. Iiiit's me.
--> '''NC:''' Nooooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' It's meeee!
--> '''NC:''' Noooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' Preeety amazing, huh?
--> '''NC:''' Mr. Sandler, I think I speak for all the world when I say that we, as a species, have seen actors become other people. But YOU, sir, YOU have taken it to a whole new level! You are like some sort of mutant chameleon that we cannot see just become other things! Other entities!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh, oooh... Thank you so very much-
--> '''NC:''' Oh my god! And your CHOICE to have him in the majority of this film so that we can hear your BEEAUTIFUL instrument, I just have to say: THANK YOU! THANK YOU, on behalf of ALL the world for letting us be a part of this MAGIC!
--> '''Sandler:''' Oooh, I, uuhhhh... That's very kind of you to say-
--> '''NC:''' FUCK MEL BLANC!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh... What?
--> '''NC:''' THE MAN OF A THOUSAND VOICES! THE VOICE OF ALL THE LOONEY TUNES?! FUCK HIM! HE IS SHIT COMPARED TO YOUR GENIUS!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh... boy... whaaat? That's going a little far there...
--> '''NC:''' NONONO! IF I COULD FIND A WAY TO GET HIS BODY, AND PUT LITTLE UPSIDE-DOWN CROSSES ON IT, TO ASSURE THAT HE IS ROTTING IN HELL BECAUSE HE EVEN ATTEMPTED TO BE THE BEST WHEN HE KNEW THAT AT ONE POINT YOU WOULD BE BORN TO BRING US THIS WHITEY VOICE, IS AN INSULT AND I WOULD DO IT TO HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT HE SUFFERS FOR EVEN TRYING TO DO SOMETHING EVEN BETTER THAN YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' Ooooh, uuuhhh... You're going a little overboard-
--> '''NC:''' MIIIIISTER SANDLER!
--> '''Sandler:''' Oooookay, I-
--> '''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HOOOONOR...
--> '''Sandler:''' You need to calm down-
--> '''NC:''' FOR ME TO DIG UP THE CORPSE OF MEL BLANC...
--> '''Sandler:''' Uuuuh, it's... I-
--> '''NC:''' SO THAT YOU COULD TAKE YOUR DICK...
--> '''Sandler:''' Uhhh-
--> '''NC:''' AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS...
--> '''Sandler:''' ...Oh god-
--> '''NC:''' BECAUSE THAT... IS HOW LITTLE OF A CANDLE HE HOLDS TO YOU...
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh, that's...
--> '''NC:''' HE HOLDS TO YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh-
--> '''NC:''' AND YOUR BRILLIANCE FOR WHITEY FROM EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS!'''
--> '''Sandler:''' I, uuuhhhh... that's not really necessary-
--> '''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HONOR!
--> '''Sandler:''' Please stop saying that-
--> '''NC:''' AN '''HONOR''', SIR!!!
--> '''Sandler:''' ({{beat}}) Okaaay... you're scaring me, and... I'm gonna go.
--> '''NC:''' THAAANK YOOOU, SAAANDLEEER!!!!!

to:

--> '''NC:''' ...-->'''NC:''' ... In fact, I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions. I'm just gonna call Mr. Sandler right now, to figure out who did that voice. ''[does so]''
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Hello?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Mr Sandler?
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Yeah?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Nostalgia Critic, long-time fan of your genius. Uh, listen, I just have one question for you- who was that inspired old man who portrayed Whitey in Eight Crazy Nights?
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh... actually, I got a little secret for ya. It wasn't an old man at all.
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' (faking) Whaaaaat?!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' No, actually this will totally blow your mind. Iiiit's me.
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Nooooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' It's meeee!
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Noooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Preeety amazing, huh?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Mr. Sandler, I think I speak for all the world when I say that we, as a species, have seen actors become other people. But YOU, sir, YOU have taken it to a whole new level! You are like some sort of mutant chameleon that we cannot see just become other things! Other entities!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh, oooh... Thank you so very much-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Oh my god! And your CHOICE to have him in the majority of this film so that we can hear your BEEAUTIFUL instrument, I just have to say: THANK YOU! THANK YOU, on behalf of ALL the world for letting us be a part of this MAGIC!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Oooh, I, uuhhhh... That's very kind of you to say-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' FUCK MEL BLANC!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh... What?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' THE MAN OF A THOUSAND VOICES! THE VOICE OF ALL THE LOONEY TUNES?! FUCK HIM! HE IS SHIT COMPARED TO YOUR GENIUS!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh... boy... whaaat? That's going a little far there...
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' NONONO! IF I COULD FIND A WAY TO GET HIS BODY, AND PUT LITTLE UPSIDE-DOWN CROSSES ON IT, TO ASSURE THAT HE IS ROTTING IN HELL BECAUSE HE EVEN ATTEMPTED TO BE THE BEST WHEN HE KNEW THAT AT ONE POINT YOU WOULD BE BORN TO BRING US THIS WHITEY VOICE, IS AN INSULT AND I WOULD DO IT TO HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT HE SUFFERS FOR EVEN TRYING TO DO SOMETHING EVEN BETTER THAN YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Ooooh, uuuhhh... You're going a little overboard-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' MIIIIISTER SANDLER!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Oooookay, I-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HOOOONOR...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' You need to calm down-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' FOR ME TO DIG UP THE CORPSE OF MEL BLANC...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uuuuh, it's... I-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' SO THAT YOU COULD TAKE YOUR DICK...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uhhh-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS...
--> '''Sandler:''' ...-->'''Sandler:''' ...Oh god-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' BECAUSE THAT... IS HOW LITTLE OF A CANDLE HE HOLDS TO YOU...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh, that's...
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' HE HOLDS TO YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' AND YOUR BRILLIANCE FOR WHITEY FROM EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS!'''
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' I, uuuhhhh... that's not really necessary-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HONOR!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Please stop saying that-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' AN '''HONOR''', SIR!!!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' ({{beat}}) Okaaay... you're scaring me, and... I'm gonna go.
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' THAAANK YOOOU, SAAANDLEEER!!!!!



--> '''Critic:''' "So, what's the only thing worse than listening to Whitey's door-nail-in-your-brain voice? How about if he ''sings'' with that door-nail-in-your-brain voice?" ''(Whitey sings a song. He hits a high 'E', and the Critic's ears explode)'' Aaand there went my eardrums! I should be sad, but I'm just happy I don't have to listen to Adam Sandler anymore. ''(sighs in relief)'' Ah, that's nice."

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' "So, what's the only thing worse than listening to Whitey's door-nail-in-your-brain voice? How about if he ''sings'' with that door-nail-in-your-brain voice?" ''(Whitey sings a song. He hits a high 'E', and the Critic's ears explode)'' Aaand there went my eardrums! I should be sad, but I'm just happy I don't have to listen to Adam Sandler anymore. ''(sighs in relief)'' Ah, that's nice."



--> '''Gollum:''' "'''Christ''', buddy. You're killing Hanukkah!"

to:

--> '''Gollum:''' --->'''Gollum:''' "'''Christ''', buddy. You're killing Hanukkah!"



--> '''Whitey''': What other options do you have?
-->'''Critic''': You mean between "Freezing to death outside" and "listening to your voice"? ''(starts singing with glee)'' ''Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!''

to:

--> '''Whitey''': --->'''Whitey''': What other options do you have?
-->'''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': You mean between "Freezing to death outside" and "listening to your voice"? ''(starts singing with glee)'' ''Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!''



--> '''Walken!Popeye''': Olive Oyl... lets say you and I have sex and stuff.
--> '''Walken!Bluto''': Olive Oyl, I'll also wanna bang you.
--> '''Walken!Olive Oyl''': AOOH dear! Well, I've got a [[FetishFuel thing for]] [[Film/TheElephantMan Elephant Man syndrome]]. So, I'll guess I'll choose you.
--> '''Walken!Popeye''': Me? Okay, well I'm gonna do this weird thing where I'm naked and suddenly I'm not and '''[[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud BLOW!]]'''
--> '''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode You just... never know it was him the whole time!]]

to:

--> '''Walken!Popeye''': --->'''Walken!Popeye''': Olive Oyl... lets say you and I have sex and stuff.
--> '''Walken!Bluto''': --->'''Walken!Bluto''': Olive Oyl, I'll also wanna bang you.
--> '''Walken!Olive --->'''Walken!Olive Oyl''': AOOH dear! Well, I've got a [[FetishFuel thing for]] [[Film/TheElephantMan Elephant Man syndrome]]. So, I'll guess I'll choose you.
--> '''Walken!Popeye''': --->'''Walken!Popeye''': Me? Okay, well I'm gonna do this weird thing where I'm naked and suddenly I'm not and '''[[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud BLOW!]]'''
--> '''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode You just... never know it was him the whole time!]]



--> '''[[MotorMouth Malcolm!Tucker]]''': OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD! ONE MINUTE THEY'RE FINE, THEN BOOM! GONE! THEY BLOWED UP! GONE IN A FIREY INFERNO! KFP: KENTUCKY FRIED PARENTS! CRISPY! EXTRA FRIED! OH MY GOD, THEY'RE GONE! GONE FOREVER! LIKE ME AND [[Film/RushHour RUSH HOUR 4]]! EXCEPT THEY DIDN'T MAKE IT 'CAUSE [[Creator/JackieChan JACKIE]]'S LIKE A FAJILLION YEARS OLD NOW, [[BadassGrandpa BUT HE COULD STILL KICK MY ASS]]! OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD!

to:

--> '''[[MotorMouth --->'''[[MotorMouth Malcolm!Tucker]]''': OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD! ONE MINUTE THEY'RE FINE, THEN BOOM! GONE! THEY BLOWED UP! GONE IN A FIREY INFERNO! KFP: KENTUCKY FRIED PARENTS! CRISPY! EXTRA FRIED! OH MY GOD, THEY'RE GONE! GONE FOREVER! LIKE ME AND [[Film/RushHour RUSH HOUR 4]]! EXCEPT THEY DIDN'T MAKE IT 'CAUSE [[Creator/JackieChan JACKIE]]'S LIKE A FAJILLION YEARS OLD NOW, [[BadassGrandpa BUT HE COULD STILL KICK MY ASS]]! OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD!



-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' "....Despite everything, I believe people are good at heart."
-->'''Critic!Eleanor:''' ''[cry-snorts]''
-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' Quiet, Eleanor, you're ruining the weight of my incredibly dramatic voice! ''[gibberish]''

to:

-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' --->'''Critic!Whitey:''' "....Despite everything, I believe people are good at heart."
-->'''Critic!Eleanor:''' --->'''Critic!Eleanor:''' ''[cry-snorts]''
-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' --->'''Critic!Whitey:''' Quiet, Eleanor, you're ruining the weight of my incredibly dramatic voice! ''[gibberish]''



--> '''[[Literature/AChristmasCarol Tiny Tim]]''': God bless us. Everyone.
--> '''[[HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas Narrator]]''': Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
--> '''Davey''': I'd have to drop my pants and pop the thumb up my booboo.
--> '''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode Dickens himself could not write better]]!

to:

--> '''[[Literature/AChristmasCarol -->'''[[Literature/AChristmasCarol Tiny Tim]]''': God bless us. Everyone.
--> '''[[HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas -->'''[[HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas Narrator]]''': Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
--> '''Davey''': -->'''Davey''': I'd have to drop my pants and pop the thumb up my booboo.
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode Dickens himself could not write better]]!



--> '''Davey''': So what's good about this place?
--> '''Critic!Whitey''': ''ProductPlacement!'' No, I'm not even kidding! We let our sponsors do us like backdoor whores! Look at some of these!

to:

--> '''Davey''': --->'''Davey''': So what's good about this place?
--> '''Critic!Whitey''': --->'''Critic!Whitey''': ''ProductPlacement!'' No, I'm not even kidding! We let our sponsors do us like backdoor whores! Look at some of these!



--> "Baby! I'm so sorry! I mean, I thought your product placement was the worst, but after seeing this... you go and be subtle, I'm gonna suffer through the rest of this."

to:

--> "Baby! --->"Baby! I'm so sorry! I mean, I thought your product placement was the worst, but after seeing this... you go and be subtle, I'm gonna suffer through the rest of this."



--> '''Rachel:''' (After the Critic is done) "So how was it?"
--> '''Critic:''' "[[TakeThat Hollow, empty, not over nearly fast enough]]."
--> '''Rachel:''' "I could've told you that."

to:

--> '''Rachel:''' --->'''Rachel:''' (After the Critic is done) "So how was it?"
--> '''Critic:''' --->'''Critic:''' "[[TakeThat Hollow, empty, not over nearly fast enough]]."
--> '''Rachel:''' --->'''Rachel:''' "I could've told you that."



--> "'''''[[ShoutOut THAT'S IT!!!]]'' [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPY MADISON AND THEIR MOTHERFUCKING AUDIENCE!!!]]'''"
** [[spoiler: And even then, they still laugh at the poop jokes from heaven]].

to:

--> "'''''[[ShoutOut --->"'''''[[ShoutOut THAT'S IT!!!]]'' [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPY MADISON AND THEIR MOTHERFUCKING AUDIENCE!!!]]'''"
** [[spoiler: And [[spoiler:And even then, they still laugh at the poop jokes from heaven]].



--> '''Critic''': DUHHH WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table again) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table yet again) DUHHH, I WRITE POOP!!!

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': DUHHH WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table again) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table yet again) DUHHH, I WRITE POOP!!!



--> '''Critic''': Hey, how 'bout that, people may die, but stupidity lives forever.

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': Hey, how 'bout that, people may die, but stupidity lives forever. forever.



--> '''Critic:''' And... Now here is one with Adam Sandler. That one wasn't for you. That was... definitely for me.

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' And... Now here is one with Adam Sandler. That one wasn't for you. That was... definitely for me.



--> '''Critic:''' Boy. A guy who the movie says has been drinking for 20 years looks pretty damn ripped, isn't he? You know, for a movie that obviously tried to make Adam Sandler's character look like Adam Sandler, I ''don't'' think that's what he looks like with the shirt off. Can we get visual conformation of this? ''(pops up [[http://static.rumorfix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/sandler-1.jpg a picture of Adam Sandler at a pool]])'' There we go! ''[[{{Understatement}} Slight artistic liberties]]''.
--> ''(Later)''
--> '''Critic:''' But ''thankfully'' Sandler's super athletic body also has lightning fast reflexes and he outwits the cops. ''Nothing takes down the double chin with the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Jacob]] style abs!!''

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Boy. A guy who the movie says has been drinking for 20 years looks pretty damn ripped, isn't he? You know, for a movie that obviously tried to make Adam Sandler's character look like Adam Sandler, I ''don't'' think that's what he looks like with the shirt off. Can we get visual conformation confirmation of this? ''(pops up [[http://static.rumorfix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/sandler-1.jpg a picture of Adam Sandler at a pool]])'' There we go! ''[[{{Understatement}} Slight artistic liberties]]''.
--> ''(Later)''
--> '''Critic:'''
-->''(Later)''
-->'''Critic:'''
But ''thankfully'' Sandler's super athletic body also has lightning fast reflexes and he outwits the cops. ''Nothing takes down the double chin with the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Jacob]] style abs!!''






15th Jan '17 5:17:03 PM BeastC
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Added DiffLines:

* "[[Film/RushHour ...What the hell did you just say?]]"
3rd Jan '17 8:48:13 PM Xtifr
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** Celebrating destroying the ring while using the Eagles with a highly dignified rap: "[[{{Gordy}} Pig Power in the House!]]"

to:

** Celebrating destroying the ring while using the Eagles with a highly dignified rap: "[[{{Gordy}} "[[Film/{{Gordy}} Pig Power in the House!]]"
29th Dec '16 7:09:58 PM ObsequiousEscargot
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[[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic Main]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2007Episodes 2007]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2008Episodes 2008]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2009Episodes 2009]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2010Episodes 2010]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2011Episodes 2011]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2012Episodes 2012]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2014Episodes 2014]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2015Episodes 2015]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2016Episodes 2016]]

to:

[[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic Main]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2007Episodes 2007]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2008Episodes 2008]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2009Episodes 2009]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2010Episodes 2010]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2011Episodes 2011]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2012Episodes 2012]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2014Episodes 2014]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2015Episodes 2015]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2016Episodes 2016]]
2016]] | [[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2017Episodes 2017]]
6th Dec '16 4:42:09 PM Theatre_Maven_3695
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-->'''Malcolm:''' No! I still have so much more [[PumpkinSpiceEverything pumpkin shit to try]]! ([[ScrewThisImOuttaHere runs out through the window]])]]

to:

-->'''Malcolm:''' No! I still have so much more [[PumpkinSpiceEverything pumpkin shit to try]]! try! ([[ScrewThisImOuttaHere runs out through the window]])]]
26th Nov '16 6:31:55 AM Morgenthaler
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* The increasingly sardonic commentary on the "Turtle Club" scene. To explain: the scene has Pistachio go into this club, dressed up like a turtle and speaking like he's Kermit the Frog, and he never says much more than the word "Turtle" repeatedly throughout the entire scene. The Critic thinks that the brilliance of the scene should be held up to the great comedic masters of early television, like ''[[Creator/AbbottAndCostello Who's On First]]'', ''[[Film/DuckSoup Groucho In The Mirror]]'', and ''[[Series/ILoveLucy Lucy And The Chocolates]]''. In fact, he adds that the "Turtle Scene" was discussed in a TurnerClassicMovies segment that analyzed the "Brilliant Comedic Writers" of any generation. Cut to Malcolm Ray as "Professor Birmingham Dickens" with a posh accent and pipe, being interviewed:

to:

* The increasingly sardonic commentary on the "Turtle Club" scene. To explain: the scene has Pistachio go into this club, dressed up like a turtle and speaking like he's Kermit the Frog, and he never says much more than the word "Turtle" repeatedly throughout the entire scene. The Critic thinks that the brilliance of the scene should be held up to the great comedic masters of early television, like ''[[Creator/AbbottAndCostello Who's On First]]'', ''[[Film/DuckSoup Groucho In The Mirror]]'', and ''[[Series/ILoveLucy Lucy And The Chocolates]]''. In fact, he adds that the "Turtle Scene" was discussed in a TurnerClassicMovies Creator/TurnerClassicMovies segment that analyzed the "Brilliant Comedic Writers" of any generation. Cut to Malcolm Ray as "Professor Birmingham Dickens" with a posh accent and pipe, being interviewed:
24th Nov '16 4:34:04 PM JamesAustin
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* After undramatically revealing what his next review will be, Critic wonders what he can do for a dramatic cliffhanger when suddenly:
--> [[spoiler:'''The Devil:''' *barges into room* I'm pregnant!]] *Cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face*


Added DiffLines:

* After undramatically revealing what his next review will be, Critic wonders what he can do for a dramatic cliffhanger when suddenly:
--> [[spoiler:'''The Devil:''' ''[barges into room]'' I'm pregnant!]] ''[cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face]''
17th Nov '16 7:39:55 PM CJCroen1393
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Added DiffLines:

** In terms of mannerisms and speech-patterns, Malcolm does a ''fabulous'' Eartha Kitt impression!


Added DiffLines:

** Even better, one of the Catwomen responds with "That explains that ''itching feeling'' inside..."
13th Nov '16 11:05:19 AM nombretomado
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* The coda to his analysis of the BittersweetEnding of ''TheGraduate'', wherein the epynomous Graduate played by Creator/DustinHoffman has just ruined his life like Mrs Robinson did by rushing in too soon.
--> And if you're ''still'' not convinced if what he did was the right choice, take a look at how he turns out a few years later: (Sudden JumpCut to a clip of RainMan, also played by Creator/DustinHoffman, having a nervous breakdown and screaming.) [[{{Beat}} Life's a bitch.]] I'm the NostalgiaCritic; I remember it so YOU don't have to!

to:

* The coda to his analysis of the BittersweetEnding of ''TheGraduate'', ''Film/TheGraduate'', wherein the epynomous Graduate played by Creator/DustinHoffman has just ruined his life like Mrs Robinson did by rushing in too soon.
--> And if you're ''still'' not convinced if what he did was the right choice, take a look at how he turns out a few years later: (Sudden JumpCut to a clip of RainMan, Film/RainMan, also played by Creator/DustinHoffman, having a nervous breakdown and screaming.) [[{{Beat}} Life's a bitch.]] I'm the NostalgiaCritic; I remember it so YOU don't have to!
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.TheNostalgiaCritic2013Episodes