History Funny / TheNostalgiaCritic2013Episodes

22nd Mar '17 7:44:04 PM ironballs16
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* The Critic's disbelief that Valjean is suddenly mayor in the next scene:

to:

* The Critic's disbelief [[AdaptationInducedPlothole that Valjean is suddenly mayor in the next scene:scene]]:
19th Mar '17 3:19:02 PM ironballs16
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'''Critic''': I should get a medal for how many I'm avoiding.

to:

'''Critic''': [[WantsAPrizeForBasicDecency I should get a medal for how many I'm avoiding.avoiding]].
17th Mar '17 10:23:38 AM mlsmithca
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** Complaining to the delivery company when he first gets the movie.

to:

** * Complaining to the delivery company when he first gets the movie.



-->'''Doug:''' ''*Suddenly looking very concerned*'' Lewis? Buddy? Are you convinced that the characters from your show are real people?
-->'''Lewis:''' Doug. Of course not, I'm not deranged! ''*Chuckles*'' It's just Pollo and Harvey that are real! ''*Doug and Lewis hang up*'' So, Pollo, what are your thoughts on the subject?
-->'''Pollo:''' ''*Silence*''

to:

-->'''Doug:''' ''*Suddenly ''[Suddenly looking very concerned*'' concerned]'' Lewis? Buddy? Are you convinced that the characters from your show are real people?
-->'''Lewis:''' Doug. Of course not, I'm not deranged! ''*Chuckles*'' ''[Chuckles]'' It's just Pollo and Harvey that are real! ''*Doug ''[Doug and Lewis hang up*'' up]'' So, Pollo, what are your thoughts on the subject?
-->'''Pollo:''' ''*Silence*''''[Silence]''



-->'''Pollo:''' ''*Silence*''
-->'''Lewis:''' ''*Laughs hysterically*''
* The Critic's haunting voice inside Doug's head, pleading him into bring his show back. ... [[ItMakesSenseInContext which gets interrupted by]] [[PeeweesPlayhouse Peewee Herman.]]

to:

-->'''Pollo:''' ''*Silence*''
''[Silence]''
-->'''Lewis:''' ''*Laughs hysterically*''
''[Laughs hysterically]''
* The Critic's haunting voice inside Doug's head, pleading him into bring his show back. ... [[ItMakesSenseInContext which gets interrupted by]] [[PeeweesPlayhouse [[Series/PeeweesPlayhouse Peewee Herman.]]



* The argument between WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows and [[spoiler:the Critic]] during one of Todd's reviews.
** Including the bit where [[spoiler: Critic]] calls Todd "Creator/AlfredHitchcock". Also, "Hamburglar."

to:

* The argument between WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows and [[spoiler:the Critic]] during one of Todd's reviews.
**
reviews. Including the bit where [[spoiler: Critic]] calls Todd "Creator/AlfredHitchcock". Also, "Hamburglar."



--> [[spoiler: '''Rob''']] *''calmly, on answering machine''*: [[spoiler: Hey Doug, it's Rob]]. Um, I'm never traveling to New York again.

to:

--> ---> [[spoiler: '''Rob''']] *''calmly, ''[calmly, on answering machine''*: machine]'': [[spoiler: Hey Doug, it's Rob]]. Um, I'm never traveling to New York again.



* [[spoiler: So Donnie/The Critic can retake his job, someone else had to fill the Plot Hole. They put Douchey in there.]]

to:

* [[spoiler: So Donnie/The Critic can retake his job, someone else had to fill the Plot Hole. They put Douchey in there.]] What's even funnier is the build-up. [[spoiler:Donnie asks who will give up their life to take his place pointing out inconsistencies and mistakes in the universe. The Plot Hole replies that the person chosen has no life and ''loves'' pointing out screw-ups.]]



** What's even funnier is the build-up. [[spoiler:Donnie asks who will give up their life to take his place pointing out inconsistencies and mistakes in the universe. The Plot Hole replies that the person chosen has no life and ''loves'' pointing out screw-ups.]]



--> '''Nella''': The deed is done. *[=NChick=] gives her a disbelieving glare and shows her handheld media device*

to:

--> '''Nella''': The deed is done. *[=NChick=] ''[[=NChick=] gives her a disbelieving glare and shows her handheld media device*device]''



--> '''Nella''': Oh. Oh! You meant for me to- *[=NChick=] looks away* Oh, uh, *''nervous laugh as [=NChick=] begins guzzling wine straight from the bottle''* That's really funny, uh, *''nervous laugh''* I'm going to be somewhere that's not here. *''[[ScrewThisImOutOfHere Exits post-haste]]''*

to:

--> '''Nella''': Oh. Oh! You meant for me to- *[=NChick=] ''[[=NChick=] looks away* away]'' Oh, uh, *''nervous ''[nervous laugh as [=NChick=] begins guzzling wine straight from the bottle''* bottle]'' That's really funny, uh, *''nervous laugh''* ''[nervous laugh]'' I'm going to be somewhere that's not here. *''[[ScrewThisImOutOfHere ''[[[ScrewThisImOutOfHere Exits post-haste]]''*post-haste]]]''



--> '''Lewis''': Pollo, that was a very off-color joke you said!. Don't you agree, cybermats? *''Cut to the cybermats''* I thought so.
--> '''[[Series/PowerRangersInSpace Astro Megaship]]''': *''voice clearly heard''* Well, I think that--

to:

--> '''Lewis''': Pollo, that was a very off-color joke you said!. Don't you agree, cybermats? *''Cut ''[Cut to the cybermats''* cybermats]'' I thought so.
--> '''[[Series/PowerRangersInSpace Astro Megaship]]''': *''voice ''[voice clearly heard''* heard]'' Well, I think that--



** Also the other stinger after the Channel Awesome VanityPlate with Creator/Brad Jones.

to:

** * Also the other stinger after the Channel Awesome VanityPlate with Creator/Brad Jones.



-->''*[[CherubicChoir "Gloooria..."]]''

to:

-->''*[[CherubicChoir -->''[[[CherubicChoir "Gloooria..."]]''"]]]''



--> '''Child''': *''voice suddenly goes from a high-pitched childlike voice to a deep manly voice''* [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Man, fuck this shit]], I'm 18 and I ''still'' haven't been adopted yet. *''storms out''*

to:

--> '''Child''': *''voice ''[voice suddenly goes from a high-pitched childlike voice to a deep manly voice''* voice]'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Man, fuck this shit]], I'm 18 and I ''still'' haven't been adopted yet. *''storms out''*''[storms out]''



-->'''Lisa:''' I always wanted a girl with no imperfections at all. Just like a real child! (Ch-ch-ch-child!)
-->'''Bob:''' I always dreamed of a little someone that I could project my insecurities onto, and that seems to have arrived.
-->'''Girl:''' Look, I drew a picture (showing a picture of an old man with "YOU SUCK!!" under it) about how much you hate grandfather because he didn't raise you right.
-->'''Bob:''' And now I get to pass down that hatred to you. (Ch-ch-ch-child!)

to:

-->'''Lisa:''' --->'''Lisa:''' I always wanted a girl with no imperfections at all. Just like a real child! (Ch-ch-ch-child!)
-->'''Bob:''' --->'''Bob:''' I always dreamed of a little someone that I could project my insecurities onto, and that seems to have arrived.
-->'''Girl:''' --->'''Girl:''' Look, I drew a picture (showing a picture of an old man with "YOU SUCK!!" under it) about how much you hate grandfather because he didn't raise you right.
-->'''Bob:''' --->'''Bob:''' And now I get to pass down that hatred to you. (Ch-ch-ch-child!)



-->'''Lisa:''' I'll admit. At first, (the family's now playing Mario Kart with the parents using Gamecube controllers and the child using a Wii steering wheel) we didn't think we'd be very good parents.
-->'''Bob:''' But Chia Child seems to be calm and pleasant no matter what mistakes we make. (Seems the girl won as Lisa throws her controller down, then takes the Wii wheel)
-->'''Lisa:''' So now we don't have to worry about any of that pesky moral responsibility.

to:

-->'''Lisa:''' --->'''Lisa:''' I'll admit. At first, (the ''(the family's now playing Mario Kart with the parents using Gamecube controllers and the child using a Wii steering wheel) wheel)'' we didn't think we'd be very good parents.
-->'''Bob:'''
parents.
--->'''Bob:'''
But Chia Child seems to be calm and pleasant no matter what mistakes we make. (Seems ''(Seems the girl won as Lisa throws her controller down, then takes the Wii wheel)
-->'''Lisa:'''
wheel)''
--->'''Lisa:'''
So now we don't have to worry about any of that pesky moral responsibility.



-->'''Bob:''' I'm so glad that something like Chia Child exists.
-->'''Lisa:''' Yeah. I mean, do you know how long it takes to adopt a child? Eighteen months. Hell, I can get a gun in a week. ''[She then brings up a pistol behind Bob's head, cocking it]'' Now make me a sandwich.
-->'''Bob:''' Man, we're nuts!

to:

-->'''Bob:''' --->'''Bob:''' I'm so glad that something like Chia Child exists.
-->'''Lisa:''' --->'''Lisa:''' Yeah. I mean, do you know how long it takes to adopt a child? Eighteen months. Hell, I can get a gun in a week. ''[She then brings up a pistol behind Bob's head, cocking it]'' Now make me a sandwich.
-->'''Bob:''' --->'''Bob:''' Man, we're nuts!



-->'''Critic:''' Oh, that's fine. At least we still have the other job that we've been discussing for the last hour and a half that's gonna go out of business and most likely leave you financially stranded. *''{{beat}}''* '''''[[WhatAnIdiot THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNKKK]][[SmashCut --!!!!]]'''''

to:

-->'''Critic:''' Oh, that's fine. At least we still have the other job that we've been discussing for the last hour and a half that's gonna go out of business and most likely leave you financially stranded. *''{{beat}}''* ''[{{beat}}]'' '''''[[WhatAnIdiot THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNKKK]][[SmashCut --!!!!]]'''''



-->'''Critic''': What the hell do you do for an encore? Tell orphans that they're seeing Santa's workshop, [[CrossesTheLineTwice but it's really a war zone and the ones who didn't plug their ears get a cookie]]?! ''*pulls out a map from the side of the screen*'' Christ, how close are these Japanese planes again?!

to:

-->'''Critic''': What the hell do you do for an encore? Tell orphans that they're seeing Santa's workshop, [[CrossesTheLineTwice but it's really a war zone and the ones who didn't plug their ears get a cookie]]?! ''*pulls ''[pulls out a map from the side of the screen*'' screen]'' Christ, how close are these Japanese planes again?!



-->'''Critic''': But meanwhile, our Japanese enemies plot their surprise attack. Led by God-on-high, treasure to the entire world and whatever parts of the universe are left undiscovered, Mako. *''Cue standard glowing Mako RunningGag''*

to:

-->'''Critic''': But meanwhile, our Japanese enemies plot their surprise attack. Led by God-on-high, treasure to the entire world and whatever parts of the universe are left undiscovered, Mako. *''Cue ''[Cue standard glowing Mako RunningGag''*RunningGag]''



-->'''Critic!!Danny''': *''offscreen''* Hey, Sarge? I'm gonna take my girlfriend up into the air with her in my lap even though the seatbelt can't fit around us.

to:

-->'''Critic!!Danny''': *''offscreen''* -->'''Critic!Danny''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, Sarge? I'm gonna take my girlfriend up into the air with her in my lap even though the seatbelt can't fit around us.



-->'''Critic:''' *''in despair''* SAVE THIS MOVIE!!!

to:

-->'''Critic:''' *''in despair''* ''[in despair]'' SAVE THIS MOVIE!!!



--> '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAA-''''' ''*slap*'' Okay, we're getting through this!

to:

--> ---> '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAA-''''' ''*slap*'' ''[slap]'' Okay, we're getting through this!



-->'''Critic''': God! It's bad enough we had the Schwarzenegger baby from ''{{Film/Junior}}''. Can you imagine showing those two back to back? *''{{Beat}}''* '''''[[OhCrap DON'T SHOW THOSE TWO BACK TO BACK!!!!!]]'''''
-->*''MA-MAAAA!!!/Guess who~?''*
-->*'''HEART ATTACK! TAKE MEDICATION!'''*

to:

-->'''Critic''': God! It's bad enough we had the Schwarzenegger baby from ''{{Film/Junior}}''. Can you imagine showing those two back to back? *''{{Beat}}''* ''[{{Beat}}]'' '''''[[OhCrap DON'T SHOW THOSE TWO BACK TO BACK!!!!!]]'''''
-->*''MA-MAAAA!!!/Guess who~?''*
-->*'''HEART
-->''[MA-MAAAA!!!/Guess who~?]''
-->'''HEART
ATTACK! TAKE MEDICATION!'''*MEDICATION!'''



** The whole casual exchange with Satan, while the Critic is still frozen with shock.

to:

** * The whole casual exchange with Satan, while the Critic is still frozen with shock.



--> '''Critic:''' ''*Sighs*'' Why don't ''you'' take it?

to:

--> '''Critic:''' ''*Sighs*'' ''[Sighs]'' Why don't ''you'' take it?



--> '''Santa Christ:''' There is absolutely ''no way'' I am going to touch that thing with a ten-foot pole. ''*They talk over one another until Santa Christ grabs the Critic by the tie*'' '''''Don't tempt me, Critic!!!''''' Understand, Critic, if you gave me this DVD, through me it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.

to:

--> '''Santa Christ:''' There is absolutely ''no way'' I am going to touch that thing with a ten-foot pole. ''*They ''[They talk over one another until Santa Christ grabs the Critic by the tie*'' tie]'' '''''Don't tempt me, Critic!!!''''' Understand, Critic, if you gave me this DVD, through me it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.



** When Critic is {{Wangst}}ing about having to watch the movie, Santa Christ tries to comfort him...with little success.
-->'''Critic:''' "I wish this piece of shit had never come to me."
-->'''Santa Christ:''' "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for us to decide. You were meant to find the DVD, and therefore you were meant to suffer. Meant to go through the sort of incredible psychological pain that no force on Earth could match. That is a very encouraging thought."
-->{{Beat}}
-->'''Critic:''' "No! That's not a very encouraging thought! If fact, that's about as far away from an encouraging thought as an encouraging thought can get!"
-->'''Santa Christ:''' "Well, that's all I got. Here! Have ''{{Film/Gremlins}}''!"

to:

** * When Critic is {{Wangst}}ing about having to watch the movie, Santa Christ tries to comfort him...with little success.
-->'''Critic:''' "I I wish this piece of shit had never come to me."
me.
-->'''Santa Christ:''' "So So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for us to decide. You were meant to find the DVD, and therefore you were meant to suffer. Meant to go through the sort of incredible psychological pain that no force on Earth could match. That is a very encouraging thought."
-->{{Beat}}
thought.
-->''[{{Beat}}]''
-->'''Critic:''' "No! No! That's not a very encouraging thought! If fact, that's about as far away from an encouraging thought as an encouraging thought can get!"
get!
-->'''Santa Christ:''' "Well, Well, that's all I got. Here! Have ''{{Film/Gremlins}}''!"''{{Film/Gremlins}}''!



[[folder:What the F*** Was Up with Where the Wild Things Are?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:What %%[[folder:What the F*** Was Up with Where the Wild Things Are?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



* After explaining the many historically inaccurate adapations of Anna Leonownes' story, he hopes the animated version will be different. Cue the first scene having a ''dragon''; in response he throws and shoots his copy of ''The King of Siam Speaks''.
---> '''NC''': ''(nonchalantly, as he's being showered with loose papers)'' This is ''The King and I''.

to:

* After explaining the many historically inaccurate adapations of Anna Leonownes' Leonowens' story, he hopes the animated version will be different. Cue the first scene having a ''dragon''; in response he throws and shoots his copy of ''The King of Siam Speaks''.
---> --> '''NC''': ''(nonchalantly, as he's being showered with loose papers)'' This is ''The King and I''.



---> '''NC''': It's like people focusing on the color of the wall more than than person right in front of it! ''(beat,'' Dance of the Hours ''starts playing and the critic pulls up a screen of comments regarding said wall)''

to:

---> '''NC''': -->'''NC''': It's like people focusing on the color of the wall more than than person right in front of it! ''(beat,'' Dance ''(beat, "Dance of the Hours ''starts Hours" starts playing and the critic pulls up a screen of comments regarding said wall)''



--->'''Anna''': ''*Turns pages on her history book*'' Alright, um, why don't we come back to Thailand history? Let's instead look at American history.

to:

--->'''Anna''': ''*Turns ''[Turns pages on her history book*'' book]'' Alright, um, why don't we come back to Thailand history? Let's instead look at American history.



--->'''Anna''': ''*Turns pages on her book again*'' Alright, we'll come back to that too. What do you know about Russian history?

to:

--->'''Anna''': ''*Turns ''[Turns pages on her book again*'' again]'' Alright, we'll come back to that too. What do you know about Russian history?



--->'''Anna''': You know? ''*Puts down the history book and begins reading a storybook*'' Let's take a break and I'll read to you from some English[[note]](The Little Mermaid is actually a Danish tale)[[/note]] Literature, like The Little Mermaid who sacrifices her life, and...

to:

--->'''Anna''': You know? ''*Puts ''[Puts down the history book and begins reading a storybook*'' storybook]'' Let's take a break and I'll read to you from some English[[note]](The Little Mermaid is actually a Danish tale)[[/note]] Literature, like The Little Mermaid who sacrifices her life, and...



--->'''Anna''': Okay. ''*Closes books and gives up*''

to:

--->'''Anna''': Okay. ''*Closes ''[Closes books and gives up*''up]''



-->[[spoiler:'''Masked Person #2''': [[BrickJoke The wall is the wrong color--]] *''BLAM!!!''*]]

to:

-->[[spoiler:'''Masked Person #2''': [[BrickJoke The wall is the wrong color--]] *''BLAM!!!''*]]''[BLAM!!!]'']]



* The Critic pointing out that the imaginary person Anna dances with resembles a [[StarWars Jedi ghost]], and playing Obi-Wan Kenobi's "You must go to the Dagobah system" line.

to:

* The Critic pointing out that the imaginary person Anna dances with resembles a [[StarWars [[Franchise/StarWars Jedi ghost]], and playing Obi-Wan Kenobi's "You must go to the Dagobah system" line.



* The Critic playing ''[[WesternAnimation/TheReturnOfTheKing Where There's a Whip, There's a Way]]'' over a scene of [[CrossesTheLineTwice the king (almost) whipping a servant girl]]. Only done as both movies were made by Creator/RankinBassProductions.
** And then he starts boogieing along with it.

to:

* The Critic playing ''[[WesternAnimation/TheReturnOfTheKing Where There's a Whip, There's a Way]]'' over a scene of [[CrossesTheLineTwice the king (almost) whipping a servant girl]]. Only done as both movies were made by Creator/RankinBassProductions.
**
Creator/RankinBassProductions. And then he starts boogieing along with it.



* The Critic playing [[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut "I'm Super"]] in the background as Kralahome twirls and dances around when it seems that the King has been killed.
** And then, when the villain has been caught:

to:

* The Critic playing [[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut "I'm Super"]] in the background as Kralahome twirls and dances around when it seems that the King has been killed.
**
killed. And then, when the villain has been caught:



-->'''Critic as Kralahome:''' Ummmmm... [[CallBack DRRRRRAGONS!!]] *''gets thrown in a jail cell''* Awww.

to:

-->'''Critic as Kralahome:''' Ummmmm... [[CallBack DRRRRRAGONS!!]] *''gets ''[gets thrown in a jail cell''* cell]'' Awww.



-->'''Critic:''' Isn't that one of the missing lyrics for the Grinch? *''sings''* ''You're a mean one, Kralahome. You have rats in your shadoo~w!''

to:

-->'''Critic:''' Isn't that one of the missing lyrics for the Grinch? *''sings''* ''[sings]'' ''You're a mean one, Kralahome. You have rats in your shadoo~w!''



[[folder:What's With the Princess Hate?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:What's %%[[folder:What's With the Princess Hate?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



--> '''Critic''': *''beat''* '''[[ItMakesSenseInContext I'M A CAT!]]'''

to:

--> '''Critic''': *''beat''* ''[beat]'' '''[[ItMakesSenseInContext I'M A CAT!]]'''



* The book "How to Train Your Catwoman" by [[Film/BatmanAndRobin Michael Gough]]:
** The whole sequence of Critic trying to find the book, in which he shoves aside things such as [[NoodleImplements a Sex and the City trivia game, a Beetlejuice lunch box, and a 100 Rainy Day Activities book]].

to:

* The book "How to Train Your Catwoman" by [[Film/BatmanAndRobin Michael Gough]]:
**
Gough]]: The whole sequence of Critic trying to find the book, in which he shoves aside things such as [[NoodleImplements a Sex and the City trivia game, a Beetlejuice lunch box, and a 100 Rainy Day Activities book]].



---> '''Critic:''' Hey genius, don't tell anyone, but I have a sneaking suspicion that one of these guys...
---> *''a picture of [[UsefulNotes/McDonalds Grimace, Birdie, and the Hamburglar]] is shown''*
---> '''Critic:''' ... is stealing burgers. I haven't figured out which but shh shh shh, we'll find the culprit.
* The Catwomen using Eartha Kitt as a battering ram.
** Even better, they're mashing her [[GagBoobs chest]] against the door. And it works!
--> '''Eartha Kitt:''' Put your ComicBook/KittyPryde into it! *''WHAM''*

to:

---> ----> '''Critic:''' Hey genius, don't tell anyone, but I have a sneaking suspicion that one of these guys...
---> *''a ----> ''[a picture of [[UsefulNotes/McDonalds Grimace, Birdie, and the Hamburglar]] is shown''*
--->
shown]''
---->
'''Critic:''' ... is stealing burgers. I haven't figured out which but shh shh shh, we'll find the culprit.
* The Catwomen using Eartha Kitt as a battering ram.
**
ram. Even better, they're mashing her [[GagBoobs chest]] against the door. And it works!
--> '''Eartha Kitt:''' Put your ComicBook/KittyPryde into it! *''WHAM''*''[WHAM]''



* "Catwomen can never resist a romantic dance sequence." The Critic offers his hand to the three. *''GilliganCut''* to the Critic, looking annoyed, dancing with the three of them and continues the review in that position.
** Somehow he manages to escape without them noticing.
--->'''Eartha:''' Mmm, you dance so well.\\

to:

* "Catwomen can never resist a romantic dance sequence." The Critic offers his hand to the three. *''GilliganCut''* GilliganCut to the Critic, looking annoyed, dancing with the three of them and continues the review in that position.
**
position. Somehow he manages to escape without them noticing.
--->'''Eartha:''' -->'''Eartha:''' Mmm, you dance so well.\\



* When the Catwomen ask Critic what can be done with a bunch of attractive women wearing cat costumes, he says he has an idea that involves the Internet. [[spoiler:Cue not what you'd [[TheInternetIsForPorn expect]], but the Catwomen acting out ''cute cat videos'' on Youtube.]]
** Followed with Critic getting visited by Halle Berry herself, [[WholesomeCrossdresser played by Orlando]], and the 'How to Train Your Catwoman' manual just says that if he meets Halle Berry, he's FUBAR'd since Halle Berry has no idea what makes a real Catwoman. Cue the Critic getting beaten to crap while the Catwomen [[spoiler:just concentrate too much on the cute cat videos.]]

to:

* When the Catwomen ask Critic what can be done with a bunch of attractive women wearing cat costumes, he says he has an idea that involves the Internet. [[spoiler:Cue not what you'd [[TheInternetIsForPorn expect]], but the Catwomen acting out ''cute cat videos'' on Youtube.]]
**
]] Followed with Critic getting visited by Halle Berry herself, [[WholesomeCrossdresser played by Orlando]], and the 'How to Train Your Catwoman' manual just says that if he meets Halle Berry, he's FUBAR'd since Halle Berry has no idea what makes a real Catwoman. Cue the Critic getting beaten to crap while the Catwomen [[spoiler:just concentrate too much on the cute cat videos.]]



-->'''Critic''': When will they realize I don't want four beautiful women in skin tight cat suits interrupting my review? {{Beat}} *''opens eyes as he realizes what [[FetishFuel he just]] [[IgnoreTheFanservice said]]''* The ''[[PrecisionFStrike fuck]]'' am I doing? *opens door with a friendly smile* Hi! You know, I'm not sure if you're aware of the [[RuleThirtyFour Internet's policy on boobs]]...
* When the Catwomen are thwarted by their heels on the Critic's carpet when they try to enter his home: "Their greatest weakness: FetishFuel!"
** Then they turn out to [[TrickedOutShoes have guns in their heels]].

to:

-->'''Critic''': When will they realize I don't want four beautiful women in skin tight cat suits interrupting my review? {{Beat}} *''opens ''[{{Beat}}] [opens eyes as he realizes what [[FetishFuel he just]] [[IgnoreTheFanservice said]]''* said]]]'' The ''[[PrecisionFStrike fuck]]'' am I doing? *opens ''[opens door with a friendly smile* smile]'' Hi! You know, I'm not sure if you're aware of the [[RuleThirtyFour Internet's policy on boobs]]...
* When the Catwomen are thwarted by their heels on the Critic's carpet when they try to enter his home: "Their greatest weakness: FetishFuel!"
**
FetishFuel!" Then they turn out to [[TrickedOutShoes have guns in their heels]].



* [[RunningGag "Male academia"]].
** Incidentally, what triggered this phrase also deserves mention, as part of a rant about [[ItMakesSenseInContext why no one would believe Ophelia's theories about Catwomen throughout history]], which she chalks up to "male academia".
--->'''Critic:''' Look, lady, I'm not gonna act like there isn't some double standard bullshit going on in the world. Uh, women getting paid less than men, that's bullshit. Uh, men sleeping around with women being called a player, but a woman sleeps around with men, she's called a slut, that's bullshit. But when you go around with your "theories" that there are in fact "Catwomen" who exist today and have existed years in the past because the spirits of the Egyptian gods are in these little tiny felines going around who breathe on dead women, bringing them back to life, a sort of "Catwoman zombie", if you will, who now exist and fight crime even to this day, why do you think nobody believed you again?\\

to:

* [[RunningGag "Male academia"]].
**
academia"]]. Incidentally, what triggered this phrase also deserves mention, as part of a rant about [[ItMakesSenseInContext why no one would believe Ophelia's theories about Catwomen throughout history]], which she chalks up to "male academia".
--->'''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Look, lady, I'm not gonna act like there isn't some double standard bullshit going on in the world. Uh, women getting paid less than men, that's bullshit. Uh, men sleeping around with women being called a player, but a woman sleeps around with men, she's called a slut, that's bullshit. But when you go around with your "theories" that there are in fact "Catwomen" who exist today and have existed years in the past because the spirits of the Egyptian gods are in these little tiny felines going around who breathe on dead women, bringing them back to life, a sort of "Catwoman zombie", if you will, who now exist and fight crime even to this day, why do you think nobody believed you again?\\



-->'''Evilina''': ''*Giggle*'' [[BlackComedy That was funny!]]

to:

-->'''Evilina''': ''*Giggle*'' ''[Giggle]'' [[BlackComedy That was funny!]]



[[folder:Did Seinfeld Lie to Us?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:Did %%[[folder:Did Seinfeld Lie to Us?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



* The video opens with the Critic [[MediumAwareness looking up]] and [[BreakingTheFourthWall questioning if that's really the title of the video]].
** Immediately followed by him saying that he already has plenty of fanfiction written about him and doesn't need to give the {{Yaoi}} fanbase anymore fuel.
* The Critic's surprise when he's listed as an example of TheWoobie (although not a normal Woobie, a JerkassWoobie).
** Plus, his mocking anyone who isn't familiar with the term, before the {{Blatant Lies}} that he's only looking it up so he can read the definition exactly as presented on TV Tropes.
* His inability to handle the idea that Thor is actually a guy and his realization that he unwittingly ships Thor/Loki.
** Consummated at the very end of the video when he asks that he's not making the situation about his sexuality [[CallBack brought up at the beginning of the video]] and the subtitle reading out a simple [[DiggingYourselfDeeper NO]]

to:

* The video opens with the Critic [[MediumAwareness looking up]] and [[BreakingTheFourthWall questioning if that's really the title of the video]].
**
video]]. Immediately followed by him saying that he already has plenty of fanfiction written about him and doesn't need to give the {{Yaoi}} fanbase anymore fuel.
* The Critic's surprise when he's listed as an example of TheWoobie (although not a normal Woobie, a JerkassWoobie).
**
JerkassWoobie). Plus, his mocking anyone who isn't familiar with the term, before the {{Blatant Lies}} BlatantLies that he's only looking it up so he can read the definition exactly as presented on TV Tropes.
* His inability to handle the idea that Thor is actually a guy and his realization that he unwittingly ships Thor/Loki.
**
Thor/Loki. Consummated at the very end of the video when he asks that he's not making the situation about his sexuality [[CallBack brought up at the beginning of the video]] and the subtitle reading out a simple [[DiggingYourselfDeeper NO]]



* The Critic tracking the rise and fall of the movie's RunningGag about Devlin Bowman farting when he gives an EvilLaugh.
** Malcolm as the incarnate spirit of said fart joke, the Breaking of the Wind.

to:

* The Critic tracking the rise and fall of the movie's RunningGag about Devlin Bowman farting when he gives an EvilLaugh.
**
EvilLaugh. And Malcolm as the incarnate spirit of said fart joke, the Breaking of the Wind.



--->'''Critic''': You're fired. And happy birthday.

to:

--->'''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': You're fired. And happy birthday.



--> '''Critic''': ''*jawdrops*'' You know... Has this actress gone on to anything else? ''*shows she has worked in: Film/{{Crash}}, Series/RescueMe, WesternAnimation/TheLooneyTunesShow, Series/BlueBloods*'' Okay, good, so she's doing well. That's good. Uhm... I'm gonna write her an apology card anyway, 'cause Lord knows, somebody has to apologize to her.''*writes down*'' "Deepest condolences. Nostalgia Critic." There we go. Yeah, I-I mean, you know, it won't make up for it, but something to ease the pain. ''*{{Beat}}*'' And some chocolates, you know, something nice to send her, maybe she can just look and say "Hey, maybe it wasn't all that bad" So chocolates, you know. Just... Something to... just something. ''*{{Beat}}*'' And a check. You know. I mean, for God's sake, I mean... I'm sure she got paid, but whatever she got paid, huh, it wasn't enough. ''*starts writing on a check*''

to:

--> '''Critic''': ''*jawdrops*'' ''[jawdrops]'' You know... Has this actress gone on to anything else? ''*shows ''[shows she has worked in: Film/{{Crash}}, Series/RescueMe, WesternAnimation/TheLooneyTunesShow, Series/BlueBloods*'' Series/BlueBloods]'' Okay, good, so she's doing well. That's good. Uhm... I'm gonna write her an apology card anyway, 'cause Lord knows, somebody has to apologize to her.''*writes down*'' ''[writes down]'' "Deepest condolences. Nostalgia Critic." There we go. Yeah, I-I mean, you know, it won't make up for it, but something to ease the pain. ''*{{Beat}}*'' ''[{{Beat}}]'' And some chocolates, you know, something nice to send her, maybe she can just look and say "Hey, maybe it wasn't all that bad" So chocolates, you know. Just... Something to... just something. ''*{{Beat}}*'' ''[{{Beat}}]'' And a check. You know. I mean, for God's sake, I mean... I'm sure she got paid, but whatever she got paid, huh, it wasn't enough. ''*starts ''[starts writing on a check*''check]''



[[folder:What Does The Secret of NIMH Mean?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:What %%[[folder:What Does The Secret of NIMH Mean?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



'''Narrator!Critic''': Ladies and gentlemen, our ''Lord of the Rings'' players! Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan as Merry and Pippin. John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy as Sam, big-scary-eyes as Frodo and Sir Ian [=McKellen=] as the always endearing, always heartwarming Gandal-- ''*Gandalf laughs*'' Ahh! ''That'' is fucking terrifying. ''Please'' don't show that agai-- ''*Gandalf laughs*'' Ahh! Holy Jesus. That's gonna haunt my nightmares. ''*Gandalf laughs*'' Stop that.

to:

'''Narrator!Critic''': Ladies and gentlemen, our ''Lord of the Rings'' players! Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan as Merry and Pippin. John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Rudy as Sam, big-scary-eyes as Frodo and Sir Ian [=McKellen=] as the always endearing, always heartwarming Gandal-- ''*Gandalf laughs*'' ''[Gandalf laughs]'' Ahh! ''That'' is fucking terrifying. ''Please'' don't show that agai-- ''*Gandalf laughs*'' ''[Gandalf laughs]'' Ahh! Holy Jesus. That's gonna haunt my nightmares. ''*Gandalf laughs*'' ''[Gandalf laughs]'' Stop that.



-->'''Critic!!Samwise Gamgee''': ... So I ''didn't'' eat it!

to:

-->'''Critic!!Samwise -->'''Critic!Samwise Gamgee''': ... So I ''didn't'' eat it!



[[folder:Is It Right to Nitpick?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:Is %%[[folder:Is It Right to Nitpick?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



-->*'''''Dramatic Jingle'''''*

to:

-->*'''''Dramatic Jingle'''''*-->''[Dramatic Jingle]''



-->'''Critic''': '''''THAT WAS A TANK! A FUCKING TANK! FIVE GUYS! TANK!'''''

to:

-->'''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': '''''THAT WAS A TANK! A FUCKING TANK! FIVE GUYS! TANK!'''''



-->'''Critic''': A-a-a-and what did your pussies do again?!
-->''*Shows the pebble dance again, this time with the pebble making the sound of the [[WesternAnimation/TheJetsons Jetsons jet-car]].*''
-->'''Critic''': Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' Theirs! ''*tank*'' Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' Theirs! ''*tank*''
-->'''Critic''': ''(much faster)'' Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' Theirs! ''*tank*'' Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' Theirs! ''*tank*'' '' What's-the-matter-with-you?!

to:

-->'''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': A-a-a-and what did your pussies do again?!
-->''*Shows --->''[Shows the pebble dance again, this time with the pebble making the sound of the [[WesternAnimation/TheJetsons Jetsons jet-car]].*''
-->'''Critic''':
]''
--->'''Critic''':
Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' ''[pebble dance]'' Theirs! ''*tank*'' ''[tank]'' Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' ''[pebble dance]'' Theirs! ''*tank*''
-->'''Critic''':
''[tank]''
--->'''Critic''':
''(much faster)'' Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' ''[pebble dance]'' Theirs! ''*tank*'' ''[tank]'' Your version! ''*pebble dance*'' ''[pebble dance]'' Theirs! ''*tank*'' ''[tank]'' '' What's-the-matter-with-you?!



-->'''Rachel:''' The prince didn't like his uncle. *picture of Creator/DavidTennant in Hamlet costume*\\
[[{{Understatement}} Hijinks ensued]]. *picture of him about to kill Sir Creator/PatrickStewart's Claudius with a crazed look on his face*\\
* '''WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN'''*

to:

-->'''Rachel:''' The prince didn't like his uncle. *picture ''[picture of Creator/DavidTennant in Hamlet costume*\\
costume]''\\
[[{{Understatement}} Hijinks ensued]]. *picture ''[picture of him about to kill Sir Creator/PatrickStewart's Claudius with a crazed look on his face*\\
face]''\\
* '''WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN'''*SHYAMALAN'''



--> *A water bender does a lot of complex movement but no water is made*

to:

--> *A -->''[A water bender does a lot of complex movement but no water is made*made]''



-->*A tiny splash is made*
-->'''Water Bender''': *a la Sokka* Water Tribe! *gets shot*

to:

-->*A -->''[A tiny splash is made*
made]''
-->'''Water Bender''': *a ''[a la Sokka* Sokka]'' Water Tribe! *gets shot*''[gets shot]''



[[folder:Is The Big Lebowski a Masterpiece?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:Is %%[[folder:Is The Big Lebowski a Masterpiece?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



[[folder:Why Super Mario Comics Don't Suck]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:Why %%[[folder:Why Super Mario Comics Don't Suck]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



-->'''Critic!!Batman:''' ''*breaks the radio*'' Fuck you, MrBelvedere! '''''[[MustHaveCaffeine DIET COOOOOOOOOOKE!]]'''''

to:

-->'''Critic!!Batman:''' ''*breaks -->'''Critic!Batman:''' ''[breaks the radio*'' radio]'' Fuck you, MrBelvedere! Series/MrBelvedere! '''''[[MustHaveCaffeine DIET COOOOOOOOOOKE!]]'''''



** [[spoiler:And this time, there ''is'', in fact, ''a candle'', music, and a sexy dress!]]
*** [[spoiler:Even then, as he and Rachel's Wicked Witch are playing catch football, [[{{Irony}} he abruptly stops, calls it sexual harassment, and leaves]]. Considering how Mark in the original ''The Room'' [[ObliviousToLove always fell for Wiseau's fiancee's advances]], this can be considered HilariousInHindsight.]]
-->'''Rachel!Witch:''' What just happened?!

to:

** [[spoiler:And this time, there ''is'', in fact, ''a candle'', music, and a sexy dress!]]
*** [[spoiler:Even
dress! Even then, as he and Rachel's Wicked Witch are playing catch football, [[{{Irony}} he abruptly stops, calls it sexual harassment, and leaves]]. Considering how Mark in the original ''The Room'' [[ObliviousToLove always fell for Wiseau's fiancee's advances]], this can be considered HilariousInHindsight.]]
-->'''Rachel!Witch:''' --->'''Rachel!Witch:''' What just happened?!



[[folder:Has CGI Gone Too Far?]]
[[/folder]]

to:

[[folder:Has %%[[folder:Has CGI Gone Too Far?]]
[[/folder]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%



-->'''Critic''': Hey, how 'bout that, people may die, but stupidity lives forever.

to:

-->'''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': Hey, how 'bout that, people may die, but stupidity lives forever.



-->'''Narrator!Critic:''' And given the choice between the two of you, I'd choose the, uh... ''*an image of Davey pissed off appears on the screen*'' Oh ''hell'' no, I'm going with the green guy. At least he didn't make ''Film/JackAndJill''. (singing) [[TakeThat That movie was]] ''[[TakeThat shiiiiiit!]]''

to:

-->'''Narrator!Critic:''' And given the choice between the two of you, I'd choose the, uh... ''*an ''[an image of Davey pissed off appears on the screen*'' screen]'' Oh ''hell'' no, I'm going with the green guy. At least he didn't make ''Film/JackAndJill''. (singing) [[TakeThat That movie was]] ''[[TakeThat shiiiiiit!]]''



-->'''Critic''': In hindsight, I am a pretty dumb bear. *thud*

to:

-->'''Critic''': In hindsight, I am a pretty dumb bear. *thud*''[thud]''



--> '''Mrs. Walker''': ''*shrugs, mouths "I don't know"*''

to:

--> '''Mrs. Walker''': ''*shrugs, ''[shrugs, mouths "I don't know"*''know"]''
11th Mar '17 4:43:29 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


-->'''Malcolm:''' ... I was just walking through, reading my James Patterson novel and listening to [[MileyCyrus Wrecking Ball.]]

to:

-->'''Malcolm:''' ... I was just walking through, reading my James Patterson novel and listening to [[MileyCyrus [[Music/MileyCyrus Wrecking Ball.]]
25th Feb '17 8:18:57 PM dstar95
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** What makes it especially funny is his facial expression; he's all totally normal until the imagery appears. Then his eyes bug out, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=xfib83_8yR0#t=807s and...]]

to:

** What makes it especially funny is his facial expression; he's all totally normal until the imagery appears. Then his eyes bug out, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=xfib83_8yR0#t=807s [[https://youtu.be/1LOr_fjAIPg?t=13m27s and...]]
17th Feb '17 5:37:46 PM MHarrington
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* The end of the intro sketch, where Dr. Hack proceeds to pitch the premise of Series/FullHouse to the Critic, [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere who immediately storms out in frustration]].

to:

* The end of the intro sketch, where Dr. Hack proceeds to pitch the premise of Series/FullHouse ''Series/FullHouse'' to the Critic, [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere who immediately storms out in frustration]].frustration]].
-->'''Dr. Hack:''' ''(describing the show)'' Three obnoxiously perfect girls are raised by three obnoxiously perfect men in San Francisco, and not one of them is gay!
8th Feb '17 7:33:27 PM erforce
Is there an issue? Send a Message


-->'''Critic (as Teddy)''': [[CallBack I must]] [[RockyIV break you]].

to:

-->'''Critic (as Teddy)''': [[CallBack I must]] [[RockyIV [[Film/RockyIV break you]].
22nd Jan '17 12:29:35 AM Xtifr
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* The Critic saying AnnaSophiaRobb looks like a photoshopped Barbie.

to:

* The Critic saying AnnaSophiaRobb Creator/AnnaSophiaRobb looks like a photoshopped Barbie.
17th Jan '17 4:18:55 PM MCanter89
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** Batman [[WhatTheHellHero calling him out on killing someone just to save people he didn't know]], especially since he himself didn't even resort to doing this when TheJoker killed his childhood friend.
** At the end of the music video, a narrator gives a plug for the upcoming [[Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice Batman/Superman movie]] in 2015, with the tagline: "Two of the Most Polar Opposite Superheroes Coming Together at Last!" This, in spite of how the video was all about Film/TheDarkKnightSaga!Batman and Film/ManOfSteel!Superman being NotSoDifferent.
--> '''Superman and Batman:''' (Give a confused DoubleTake to the title) "Oh [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you]], [[TakeThat Zack Synder]]."

to:

** Batman [[WhatTheHellHero calling him out on killing someone just to save people he didn't know]], especially since he himself didn't even resort to doing this when TheJoker ComicBook/TheJoker killed his childhood friend.
** At the end of the music video, a narrator gives a plug for the upcoming [[Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice Batman/Superman movie]] in 2015, with the tagline: "Two of the Most Polar Opposite Superheroes Coming Together at Last!" This, in spite of how the video was all about Film/TheDarkKnightSaga!Batman ''Film/TheDarkKnightSaga''!Batman and Film/ManOfSteel!Superman ''Film/ManOfSteel''!Superman being NotSoDifferent.
--> '''Superman -->'''Superman and Batman:''' (Give a confused DoubleTake to the title) "Oh "Oh, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you]], [[TakeThat Zack Synder]].Snyder]]."



* The beginning of the episode, where the Critic is greeted by a large cheering audience, a lá the Pope.

to:

* The beginning of the episode, where the Critic is greeted by a large cheering audience, a lá the Pope.UsefulNotes/ThePope.



--->'''Zod:'''[[SuddenlyShouting I WILL FIND HIM!]]

to:

--->'''Zod:'''[[SuddenlyShouting --->'''Zod:''' [[SuddenlyShouting I WILL FIND HIM!]]



** Then WebVideo/AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man of Steel.
** "[[TakeAThirdOption Can't we all just agree]] [[TakeThat to hate Superman IV?]]"
* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler:giving a middle-of-the-road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then [[spoiler:cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]

to:

** Then WebVideo/AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man ''Man of Steel.
Steel''.
** "[[TakeAThirdOption Can't we all just agree]] [[TakeThat to hate hate]] ''[[Film/SupermanIVTheQuestForPeace Superman IV?]]"
IV]]''?"
* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler:giving a middle-of-the-road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue downward. Cue a startled gasp from Zod Zod, and then [[spoiler:cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]



-->'''Caption''': [[TakeThat I won't be available on]] XBoxOne.

to:

-->'''Caption''': [[TakeThat I won't be available on]] XBoxOne.UsefulNotes/XboxOne.



** Before that she complains about AmyAdams's portrayal.

to:

** Before that that, she complains about AmyAdams's Creator/AmyAdams' portrayal.
17th Jan '17 4:07:12 PM MCanter89
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* TheStinger, where [[spoiler: Chester arrives at the meeting for people who have CRAHBS... only he has the ''other'' kind.]]

to:

* TheStinger, where [[spoiler: Chester [[spoiler:Chester arrives at the meeting for people who have CRAHBS... only he has the ''other'' kind.]]



--> '''StephenHawking''': '''[[AC:God. Put some fucking emotion into it.]]'''

to:

--> '''StephenHawking''': -->'''StephenHawking''': '''[[AC:God. Put some fucking emotion into it.]]'''



--> '''Evilina''': ''*Giggle*'' [[BlackComedy That was funny!]]
--> '''Critic''': ''(rolls his eyes)''

to:

--> '''Evilina''': -->'''Evilina''': ''*Giggle*'' [[BlackComedy That was funny!]]
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': ''(rolls his eyes)''



** Which is taken to its logical extreme with [[spoiler: Mark from ''Film/TheRoom''! (To make it funnier, it's ''Greg Sestero himself'', not Doug wearing false hair.)]]
** [[spoiler: And this time, there ''is'', in fact, ''a candle'', music, and a sexy dress!]]
*** [[spoiler: Even then, as he and Rachel's Wicked Witch are playing catch football, [[{{Irony}} he abruptly stops, calls it sexual harassment, and leaves]]. Considering how Mark in the original ''The Room'' [[ObliviousToLove always fell for Wiseau's fiancee's advances]], this can be considered HilariousInHindsight.]]
--> '''Rachel!Witch''': What just happened?!
* The problem with those "Milk: It Does a Body Good" commercials, that the Critic notes, is that on a closer look, they are all totally based on appearances alone. In fact, one of them even flat out states that looks are everything, and personality is nothing. To demonstrate what would really happen to the siblings in the commercials, they do a spoof in which Rachel plays the little sister, and Doug plays the big brother. Rachel tells him about how milk helps her grow in appearance....and then she slowly begins to [[TookALevelInJerkass become more of a shallow trophy wife bitch as she grows up]]...which eventually leads to her [[FromBadToWorse downward spiral of drug addiction, a mental breakdown, and an attempted suicide]]....[[HopeSpot a stint in rehab explaining it was all part of God's plan]], [[DownerEnding only to relapse and end up as a filthy broken mess, with only her glass of milk that started her descent into misery as her only friend]]. [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Horrified, her "brother" leaves]], while ChesterABum tries to kick Rachel out, [[HissBeforeFleeing only for Rachel to hiss at him, sending him running]].

to:

** Which is taken to its logical extreme with [[spoiler: Mark [[spoiler:Mark from ''Film/TheRoom''! (To make it funnier, it's ''Greg Sestero himself'', not Doug wearing false hair.)]]
** [[spoiler: And [[spoiler:And this time, there ''is'', in fact, ''a candle'', music, and a sexy dress!]]
*** [[spoiler: Even [[spoiler:Even then, as he and Rachel's Wicked Witch are playing catch football, [[{{Irony}} he abruptly stops, calls it sexual harassment, and leaves]]. Considering how Mark in the original ''The Room'' [[ObliviousToLove always fell for Wiseau's fiancee's advances]], this can be considered HilariousInHindsight.]]
--> '''Rachel!Witch''': -->'''Rachel!Witch:''' What just happened?!
* The problem with those "Milk: It Does a Body Good" commercials, that the Critic notes, is that on a closer look, they are all totally based on appearances alone. In fact, one of them even flat out states that looks are everything, and personality is nothing. To demonstrate what would really happen to the siblings in the commercials, they do a spoof in which Rachel plays the little sister, and Doug plays the big brother. Rachel tells him about how milk helps her grow in appearance....appearance... and then she slowly begins to [[TookALevelInJerkass become more of a shallow trophy wife bitch as she grows up]]...up]]... which eventually leads to her [[FromBadToWorse downward spiral of drug addiction, a mental breakdown, and an attempted suicide]]....suicide]]... [[HopeSpot a stint in rehab explaining it was all part of God's plan]], [[DownerEnding only to relapse and end up as a filthy broken mess, with only her glass of milk that started her descent into misery as her only friend]]. [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Horrified, her "brother" leaves]], while ChesterABum [[WebVideo/BumReviews Chester A. Bum]] tries to kick Rachel out, [[HissBeforeFleeing only for Rachel to hiss at him, sending him running]].



--> '''Critic''': *begins to cry* '''[[GrowingUpSucks I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!!!!!]]'''
--> '''"Mom"''': Critic! When are you gonna get a job?
--> '''Critic''': SHUT UP, MOM!
* [=KIX=] was the cereal that had commercials that more or less had every single reason ''not'' to purchase it. It basically tasted like packing peanuts:

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': *begins to cry* '''[[GrowingUpSucks I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!!!!!]]'''
--> '''"Mom"''': -->'''"Mom"''': Critic! When are you gonna get a job?
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': SHUT UP, MOM!
* [=KIX=] KIX was the cereal that had commercials that more or less had every single reason ''not'' to purchase it. It basically tasted like packing peanuts:



--> '''Critic''': Just look [[SlasherSmile at the smile she gives]]. That is the smile of "I'm about to kill these little bastards if someone doesn't take them away from me."
* The Critic's reaction to a Canadian commercial that begins with a baby shower and ends up being about [[spoiler: rape.]]
--> '''Critic''': (''[[StunnedSilence With a frozen smile on his face]]'') [[PrecisionFStrike What the fuck]], Canada?
** He then sets up a similar situation of two men working at an ordinary office job and talking over the water cooler. Doug talks about how he's drinking mountain water, "Cool, refreshing, big on taste, but also big on satisfaction." In response, Malcolm reveals that he has [[spoiler: pancreatic cancer]]. Cue the awkward look from Doug as text appears on the bottom of the screen revealing that 45,220 men get [[spoiler: pancreatic cancer]] a year. This message brought to you by the National BUZZKILL Institution of Canada.
** To bring the point home, the Critic plays the "Blame Canada" song from WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut over the commercial.

to:

--> '''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': Just look [[SlasherSmile at the smile she gives]]. That is the smile of "I'm about to kill these little bastards if someone doesn't take them away from me."
* The Critic's reaction to a Canadian commercial that begins with a baby shower and ends up being about [[spoiler: rape.[[spoiler:rape.]]
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': (''[[StunnedSilence With a frozen smile on his face]]'') [[PrecisionFStrike What the fuck]], Canada?
** He then sets up a similar situation of two men working at an ordinary office job and talking over the water cooler. Doug talks about how he's drinking mountain water, "Cool, refreshing, big on taste, but also big on satisfaction." In response, Malcolm reveals that he has [[spoiler: pancreatic [[spoiler:pancreatic cancer]]. Cue the awkward look from Doug as text appears on the bottom of the screen revealing that 45,220 men get [[spoiler: pancreatic [[spoiler:pancreatic cancer]] a year. This message brought to you by the National BUZZKILL Institution of Canada.
** To bring the point home, the Critic plays the "Blame Canada" song from WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'' over the commercial.



--> '''Critic''': What the hell is that?! It's like a silly putty combo of the Nesquick Rabbit and [[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Fat "Weird Al" Yankovic]]! And okay...that chin seriously needs to be censored. I swear I'm looking at Forest Whitaker's testicles right now and that should NOT be under the chin of any cereal mascot.

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': What the hell is that?! It's like a silly putty combo of the Nesquick Rabbit and [[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Fat "Weird Al" Yankovic]]! And okay...okay... that chin seriously needs to be censored. I swear I'm looking at Forest Whitaker's testicles right now and that should NOT be under the chin of any cereal mascot.



--> [[spoiler:'''The Devil:''' ''[barges into room]'' I'm pregnant!]] ''[cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face]''

to:

--> [[spoiler:'''The -->[[spoiler:'''The Devil:''' ''[barges into room]'' I'm pregnant!]] ''[cue dramatic chord and cut to Critic with shocked expression on his face]''



---> Rob Scallon
---> with Doug Walker
---> Superman is Batman
---> Director: [[Film/TheRoom Tommy Wiseau]]

to:

---> Rob --->Rob Scallon
---> with --->with Doug Walker
---> Superman --->Superman is Batman
---> Director: --->Director: [[Film/TheRoom Tommy Wiseau]]



* [[spoiler: Angry Joe pretending to be the Critic's father, Joe El, in a Superman spoof. Critic doesn't go for it.]]

to:

* [[spoiler: Angry [[spoiler:Angry Joe pretending to be the Critic's father, Joe El, in a Superman spoof. Critic doesn't go for it.]]



--> '''Critic:''' The Nolan Ray, because whatever important issue you're talking about, '''[[LargeHam it could always be more important.]]'''

to:

--> '''Critic:''' The Nolan Ray, because whatever important issue you're talking about, '''[[LargeHam it could always be more important.]]'''important]]'''.



** And Doug!Zod writes his traumatic rambles down as another means to torture the Critic if he says something possitive about ''Film/ManOfSteel''!

to:

** And Doug!Zod writes his traumatic rambles down as another means to torture the Critic if he says something possitive positive about ''Film/ManOfSteel''!



--> Jor-El (Singing) [[Film/LesMiserables2012 "AND I'M JAVERT!!"]]
* The return of General Zod, threatening the Critic for saying something positive about Man of Steel.
** Then AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man of Steel.

to:

--> Jor-El -->Jor-El (Singing) [[Film/LesMiserables2012 "AND I'M JAVERT!!"]]
* The return of General Zod, threatening the Critic for saying something positive about Man ''Man of Steel.
Steel''.
** Then AngryJoe WebVideo/AngryJoe retorting that the Critic would be hunted down like an animal by the FanDumb if he went back on his positive words to Man of Steel.



* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler: giving a middle of the road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then [[spoiler: cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]
--> [[spoiler: '''Doug!Batman:''' [[GroinAttack You lasered his balls off?!]]]]
** This leads to a cameo from [[spoiler: Superman and Batman from ''WebAnimation/HowItShouldHaveEnded'']].

to:

* Superman shows up to save Critic from Zod, who has come after him for [[spoiler: giving [[spoiler:giving a middle of the road middle-of-the-road opinion on the movie.]] When Zod reminds him of ThouShaltNotKill, Superman instead aims his laser vision downward, cue a startled gasp from Zod and then [[spoiler: cut [[spoiler:cut to Doug!Batman at a coffee house.]]
--> [[spoiler: '''Doug!Batman:''' -->[[spoiler:'''Doug!Batman:''' [[GroinAttack You lasered his balls off?!]]]]
** This leads to a cameo from [[spoiler: Superman [[spoiler:Superman and Batman from ''WebAnimation/HowItShouldHaveEnded'']].



-->'''Cinematographer:''' (while Zack Snyder watches the footage, mouth agape) ...I can explain-

to:

-->'''Cinematographer:''' (while Zack Snyder watches the footage, mouth agape) ...I can explain-explain--



--> '''Lois:''' What does the "S" stand for?
--> '''Superman:''' It's not an "S". On my world it means "hope".
--> '''Lois:''' Well... Here it's... An "S".
--> '''Critic:''' Ooohh... [[CallBack I could]] [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow look at your "S"]] [[DoubleEntendre all day]].
--> '''Joe:''' Really?
--> '''Critic:''' You've done worse.
--> ''[Cut to Angry Joe dancing to "Ass & Titties"]''

to:

--> '''Lois:''' -->'''Lois:''' What does the "S" stand for?
--> '''Superman:''' -->'''Superman:''' It's not an "S". On my world it means "hope".
--> '''Lois:''' -->'''Lois:''' Well... Here it's... An "S".
--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Ooohh... [[CallBack I could]] [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow look at your "S"]] [[DoubleEntendre all day]].
--> '''Joe:''' -->'''Joe:''' Really?
--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' You've done worse.
--> ''[Cut -->''[Cut to Angry Joe dancing to "Ass & Titties"]''



--> '''Rachel!Faora:''' You will stay here until we remember the ''incredibly important reason'' why we brought you on board. ''[Muffled voice as the door closes]'' Does anyone remember why we brought her on board?!

to:

--> '''Rachel!Faora:''' -->'''Rachel!Faora:''' You will stay here until we remember the ''incredibly important reason'' why we brought you on board. ''[Muffled voice as the door closes]'' Does anyone remember why we brought her on board?!



-->'''Rachel!Faora:''' We also got [[Film/JulieAndJulia Julie And Julia]] on Planet Krypton. [[ActorAllusion You]] will pay for costing [[Creator/MerylStreep Meryl Streep]] another Oscar.

to:

-->'''Rachel!Faora:''' We also got [[Film/JulieAndJulia Julie And Julia]] ''Film/JulieAndJulia'' on Planet Krypton. [[ActorAllusion You]] will pay for costing [[Creator/MerylStreep Meryl Streep]] Creator/MerylStreep another Oscar.



--> '''Rob!Zod:''' ''[As he stands in front of the girly background]'' You see, Ms. Lane, all of this and more can be yours if you just give us the information we require...
--> '''Rachel!Lois:''' ''[Gleefully]'' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow?!
--> '''Rob!Zod:''' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow.

to:

--> '''Rob!Zod:''' -->'''Rob!Zod:''' ''[As he stands in front of the girly background]'' You see, Ms. Lane, all of this and more can be yours if you just give us the information we require...
--> '''Rachel!Lois:''' -->'''Rachel!Lois:''' ''[Gleefully]'' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow?!
--> '''Rob!Zod:''' -->'''Rob!Zod:''' Even the unicorn riding the marshmallow rainbow.



-->'''Critic!Jor-El''': [[ActorAllusion Your father was]] [[TakeThat a twat]] [[Creator/KevinCostner who directed]] Film/ThePostman

to:

-->'''Critic!Jor-El''': [[ActorAllusion Your father was]] [[TakeThat a twat]] [[Creator/KevinCostner who directed]] Film/ThePostman''Film/ThePostman''.



--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' What do you say we dick the whores with balls of horny?
--> '''Critic:''' ''Or'', seeing how it's the ''holidays'', you can sit and watch the movie with me. This is WesternAnimation/EightCrazyNights.
--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' Oh. It's ''that'' kind of movie.
--> '''Porn!Rachel:''' Oh. Pete, change the title?
--> ''[Title changes to "Menáge a [[ParallelPornTitle 'Twas the Night Before Christmas]]"]''

to:

--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' -->'''Porn!Malcolm:''' What do you say we dick the whores with balls of horny?
--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' ''Or'', seeing how it's the ''holidays'', you can sit and watch the movie with me. This is WesternAnimation/EightCrazyNights.
--> '''Porn!Malcolm:''' -->'''Porn!Malcolm:''' Oh. It's ''that'' kind of movie.
--> '''Porn!Rachel:''' -->'''Porn!Rachel:''' Oh. Pete, change the title?
--> ''[Title -->''[Title changes to "Menáge a [[ParallelPornTitle 'Twas the Night Before Christmas]]"]''



--> '''Critic:''' I mean, this is a character that was in ''70%'' of the movie? [[SarcasmMode Thank god they found a voice so charming and so beloved to listen to.]] Just listen to how ''not'' earbleedingly bad it is to listen to. ''[shows some clips of Whitey with his annoying voice]'' Enjoy how he is in no way worse than Jar Jar Binks singing Bjork, while scratching a blackboard with a screaming baby during a fire alarm in a house of howling mental patients.

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' I mean, this is a character that was in ''70%'' of the movie? [[SarcasmMode Thank god they found a voice so charming and so beloved to listen to.]] Just listen to how ''not'' earbleedingly bad it is to listen to. ''[shows some clips of Whitey with his annoying voice]'' Enjoy how he is in no way worse than Jar Jar Binks singing Bjork, while scratching a blackboard with a screaming baby during a fire alarm in a house of howling mental patients.



--> '''NC:''' ... In fact, I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions. I'm just gonna call Mr. Sandler right now, to figure out who did that voice. ''[does so]''
--> '''Sandler:''' Hello?
--> '''NC:''' Mr Sandler?
--> '''Sandler:''' Yeah?
--> '''NC:''' Nostalgia Critic, long-time fan of your genius. Uh, listen, I just have one question for you- who was that inspired old man who portrayed Whitey in Eight Crazy Nights?
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh... actually, I got a little secret for ya. It wasn't an old man at all.
--> '''NC:''' (faking) Whaaaaat?!
--> '''Sandler:''' No, actually this will totally blow your mind. Iiiit's me.
--> '''NC:''' Nooooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' It's meeee!
--> '''NC:''' Noooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' Preeety amazing, huh?
--> '''NC:''' Mr. Sandler, I think I speak for all the world when I say that we, as a species, have seen actors become other people. But YOU, sir, YOU have taken it to a whole new level! You are like some sort of mutant chameleon that we cannot see just become other things! Other entities!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh, oooh... Thank you so very much-
--> '''NC:''' Oh my god! And your CHOICE to have him in the majority of this film so that we can hear your BEEAUTIFUL instrument, I just have to say: THANK YOU! THANK YOU, on behalf of ALL the world for letting us be a part of this MAGIC!
--> '''Sandler:''' Oooh, I, uuhhhh... That's very kind of you to say-
--> '''NC:''' FUCK MEL BLANC!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh... What?
--> '''NC:''' THE MAN OF A THOUSAND VOICES! THE VOICE OF ALL THE LOONEY TUNES?! FUCK HIM! HE IS SHIT COMPARED TO YOUR GENIUS!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh... boy... whaaat? That's going a little far there...
--> '''NC:''' NONONO! IF I COULD FIND A WAY TO GET HIS BODY, AND PUT LITTLE UPSIDE-DOWN CROSSES ON IT, TO ASSURE THAT HE IS ROTTING IN HELL BECAUSE HE EVEN ATTEMPTED TO BE THE BEST WHEN HE KNEW THAT AT ONE POINT YOU WOULD BE BORN TO BRING US THIS WHITEY VOICE, IS AN INSULT AND I WOULD DO IT TO HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT HE SUFFERS FOR EVEN TRYING TO DO SOMETHING EVEN BETTER THAN YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' Ooooh, uuuhhh... You're going a little overboard-
--> '''NC:''' MIIIIISTER SANDLER!
--> '''Sandler:''' Oooookay, I-
--> '''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HOOOONOR...
--> '''Sandler:''' You need to calm down-
--> '''NC:''' FOR ME TO DIG UP THE CORPSE OF MEL BLANC...
--> '''Sandler:''' Uuuuh, it's... I-
--> '''NC:''' SO THAT YOU COULD TAKE YOUR DICK...
--> '''Sandler:''' Uhhh-
--> '''NC:''' AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS...
--> '''Sandler:''' ...Oh god-
--> '''NC:''' BECAUSE THAT... IS HOW LITTLE OF A CANDLE HE HOLDS TO YOU...
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh, that's...
--> '''NC:''' HE HOLDS TO YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' Uh-
--> '''NC:''' AND YOUR BRILLIANCE FOR WHITEY FROM EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS!'''
--> '''Sandler:''' I, uuuhhhh... that's not really necessary-
--> '''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HONOR!
--> '''Sandler:''' Please stop saying that-
--> '''NC:''' AN '''HONOR''', SIR!!!
--> '''Sandler:''' ({{beat}}) Okaaay... you're scaring me, and... I'm gonna go.
--> '''NC:''' THAAANK YOOOU, SAAANDLEEER!!!!!

to:

--> '''NC:''' ...-->'''NC:''' ... In fact, I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions. I'm just gonna call Mr. Sandler right now, to figure out who did that voice. ''[does so]''
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Hello?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Mr Sandler?
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Yeah?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Nostalgia Critic, long-time fan of your genius. Uh, listen, I just have one question for you- who was that inspired old man who portrayed Whitey in Eight Crazy Nights?
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh... actually, I got a little secret for ya. It wasn't an old man at all.
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' (faking) Whaaaaat?!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' No, actually this will totally blow your mind. Iiiit's me.
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Nooooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' It's meeee!
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Noooo!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Preeety amazing, huh?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Mr. Sandler, I think I speak for all the world when I say that we, as a species, have seen actors become other people. But YOU, sir, YOU have taken it to a whole new level! You are like some sort of mutant chameleon that we cannot see just become other things! Other entities!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh, oooh... Thank you so very much-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' Oh my god! And your CHOICE to have him in the majority of this film so that we can hear your BEEAUTIFUL instrument, I just have to say: THANK YOU! THANK YOU, on behalf of ALL the world for letting us be a part of this MAGIC!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Oooh, I, uuhhhh... That's very kind of you to say-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' FUCK MEL BLANC!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh... What?
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' THE MAN OF A THOUSAND VOICES! THE VOICE OF ALL THE LOONEY TUNES?! FUCK HIM! HE IS SHIT COMPARED TO YOUR GENIUS!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh... boy... whaaat? That's going a little far there...
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' NONONO! IF I COULD FIND A WAY TO GET HIS BODY, AND PUT LITTLE UPSIDE-DOWN CROSSES ON IT, TO ASSURE THAT HE IS ROTTING IN HELL BECAUSE HE EVEN ATTEMPTED TO BE THE BEST WHEN HE KNEW THAT AT ONE POINT YOU WOULD BE BORN TO BRING US THIS WHITEY VOICE, IS AN INSULT AND I WOULD DO IT TO HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT HE SUFFERS FOR EVEN TRYING TO DO SOMETHING EVEN BETTER THAN YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Ooooh, uuuhhh... You're going a little overboard-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' MIIIIISTER SANDLER!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Oooookay, I-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HOOOONOR...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' You need to calm down-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' FOR ME TO DIG UP THE CORPSE OF MEL BLANC...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uuuuh, it's... I-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' SO THAT YOU COULD TAKE YOUR DICK...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uhhh-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS...
--> '''Sandler:''' ...-->'''Sandler:''' ...Oh god-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' BECAUSE THAT... IS HOW LITTLE OF A CANDLE HE HOLDS TO YOU...
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh, that's...
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' HE HOLDS TO YOU!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Uh-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' AND YOUR BRILLIANCE FOR WHITEY FROM EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS!'''
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' I, uuuhhhh... that's not really necessary-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' IT WOULD BE AN HONOR!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' Please stop saying that-
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' AN '''HONOR''', SIR!!!
--> '''Sandler:''' -->'''Sandler:''' ({{beat}}) Okaaay... you're scaring me, and... I'm gonna go.
--> '''NC:''' -->'''NC:''' THAAANK YOOOU, SAAANDLEEER!!!!!



--> '''Critic:''' "So, what's the only thing worse than listening to Whitey's door-nail-in-your-brain voice? How about if he ''sings'' with that door-nail-in-your-brain voice?" ''(Whitey sings a song. He hits a high 'E', and the Critic's ears explode)'' Aaand there went my eardrums! I should be sad, but I'm just happy I don't have to listen to Adam Sandler anymore. ''(sighs in relief)'' Ah, that's nice."

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' "So, what's the only thing worse than listening to Whitey's door-nail-in-your-brain voice? How about if he ''sings'' with that door-nail-in-your-brain voice?" ''(Whitey sings a song. He hits a high 'E', and the Critic's ears explode)'' Aaand there went my eardrums! I should be sad, but I'm just happy I don't have to listen to Adam Sandler anymore. ''(sighs in relief)'' Ah, that's nice."



--> '''Gollum:''' "'''Christ''', buddy. You're killing Hanukkah!"

to:

--> '''Gollum:''' --->'''Gollum:''' "'''Christ''', buddy. You're killing Hanukkah!"



--> '''Whitey''': What other options do you have?
-->'''Critic''': You mean between "Freezing to death outside" and "listening to your voice"? ''(starts singing with glee)'' ''Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!''

to:

--> '''Whitey''': --->'''Whitey''': What other options do you have?
-->'''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': You mean between "Freezing to death outside" and "listening to your voice"? ''(starts singing with glee)'' ''Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!''



--> '''Walken!Popeye''': Olive Oyl... lets say you and I have sex and stuff.
--> '''Walken!Bluto''': Olive Oyl, I'll also wanna bang you.
--> '''Walken!Olive Oyl''': AOOH dear! Well, I've got a [[FetishFuel thing for]] [[Film/TheElephantMan Elephant Man syndrome]]. So, I'll guess I'll choose you.
--> '''Walken!Popeye''': Me? Okay, well I'm gonna do this weird thing where I'm naked and suddenly I'm not and '''[[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud BLOW!]]'''
--> '''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode You just... never know it was him the whole time!]]

to:

--> '''Walken!Popeye''': --->'''Walken!Popeye''': Olive Oyl... lets say you and I have sex and stuff.
--> '''Walken!Bluto''': --->'''Walken!Bluto''': Olive Oyl, I'll also wanna bang you.
--> '''Walken!Olive --->'''Walken!Olive Oyl''': AOOH dear! Well, I've got a [[FetishFuel thing for]] [[Film/TheElephantMan Elephant Man syndrome]]. So, I'll guess I'll choose you.
--> '''Walken!Popeye''': --->'''Walken!Popeye''': Me? Okay, well I'm gonna do this weird thing where I'm naked and suddenly I'm not and '''[[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud BLOW!]]'''
--> '''Critic''': --->'''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode You just... never know it was him the whole time!]]



--> '''[[MotorMouth Malcolm!Tucker]]''': OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD! ONE MINUTE THEY'RE FINE, THEN BOOM! GONE! THEY BLOWED UP! GONE IN A FIREY INFERNO! KFP: KENTUCKY FRIED PARENTS! CRISPY! EXTRA FRIED! OH MY GOD, THEY'RE GONE! GONE FOREVER! LIKE ME AND [[Film/RushHour RUSH HOUR 4]]! EXCEPT THEY DIDN'T MAKE IT 'CAUSE [[Creator/JackieChan JACKIE]]'S LIKE A FAJILLION YEARS OLD NOW, [[BadassGrandpa BUT HE COULD STILL KICK MY ASS]]! OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD!

to:

--> '''[[MotorMouth --->'''[[MotorMouth Malcolm!Tucker]]''': OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD! ONE MINUTE THEY'RE FINE, THEN BOOM! GONE! THEY BLOWED UP! GONE IN A FIREY INFERNO! KFP: KENTUCKY FRIED PARENTS! CRISPY! EXTRA FRIED! OH MY GOD, THEY'RE GONE! GONE FOREVER! LIKE ME AND [[Film/RushHour RUSH HOUR 4]]! EXCEPT THEY DIDN'T MAKE IT 'CAUSE [[Creator/JackieChan JACKIE]]'S LIKE A FAJILLION YEARS OLD NOW, [[BadassGrandpa BUT HE COULD STILL KICK MY ASS]]! OH MY GOD! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD!



-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' "....Despite everything, I believe people are good at heart."
-->'''Critic!Eleanor:''' ''[cry-snorts]''
-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' Quiet, Eleanor, you're ruining the weight of my incredibly dramatic voice! ''[gibberish]''

to:

-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' --->'''Critic!Whitey:''' "....Despite everything, I believe people are good at heart."
-->'''Critic!Eleanor:''' --->'''Critic!Eleanor:''' ''[cry-snorts]''
-->'''Critic!Whitey:''' --->'''Critic!Whitey:''' Quiet, Eleanor, you're ruining the weight of my incredibly dramatic voice! ''[gibberish]''



--> '''[[Literature/AChristmasCarol Tiny Tim]]''': God bless us. Everyone.
--> '''[[HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas Narrator]]''': Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
--> '''Davey''': I'd have to drop my pants and pop the thumb up my booboo.
--> '''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode Dickens himself could not write better]]!

to:

--> '''[[Literature/AChristmasCarol -->'''[[Literature/AChristmasCarol Tiny Tim]]''': God bless us. Everyone.
--> '''[[HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas -->'''[[HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas Narrator]]''': Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
--> '''Davey''': -->'''Davey''': I'd have to drop my pants and pop the thumb up my booboo.
--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': [[SarcasmMode Dickens himself could not write better]]!



--> '''Davey''': So what's good about this place?
--> '''Critic!Whitey''': ''ProductPlacement!'' No, I'm not even kidding! We let our sponsors do us like backdoor whores! Look at some of these!

to:

--> '''Davey''': --->'''Davey''': So what's good about this place?
--> '''Critic!Whitey''': --->'''Critic!Whitey''': ''ProductPlacement!'' No, I'm not even kidding! We let our sponsors do us like backdoor whores! Look at some of these!



--> "Baby! I'm so sorry! I mean, I thought your product placement was the worst, but after seeing this... you go and be subtle, I'm gonna suffer through the rest of this."

to:

--> "Baby! --->"Baby! I'm so sorry! I mean, I thought your product placement was the worst, but after seeing this... you go and be subtle, I'm gonna suffer through the rest of this."



--> '''Rachel:''' (After the Critic is done) "So how was it?"
--> '''Critic:''' "[[TakeThat Hollow, empty, not over nearly fast enough]]."
--> '''Rachel:''' "I could've told you that."

to:

--> '''Rachel:''' --->'''Rachel:''' (After the Critic is done) "So how was it?"
--> '''Critic:''' --->'''Critic:''' "[[TakeThat Hollow, empty, not over nearly fast enough]]."
--> '''Rachel:''' --->'''Rachel:''' "I could've told you that."



--> "'''''[[ShoutOut THAT'S IT!!!]]'' [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPY MADISON AND THEIR MOTHERFUCKING AUDIENCE!!!]]'''"
** [[spoiler: And even then, they still laugh at the poop jokes from heaven]].

to:

--> "'''''[[ShoutOut --->"'''''[[ShoutOut THAT'S IT!!!]]'' [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPY MADISON AND THEIR MOTHERFUCKING AUDIENCE!!!]]'''"
** [[spoiler: And [[spoiler:And even then, they still laugh at the poop jokes from heaven]].



--> '''Critic''': DUHHH WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table again) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table yet again) DUHHH, I WRITE POOP!!!

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': DUHHH WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table again) WE MAKE MOVIE! (Hits head on table yet again) DUHHH, I WRITE POOP!!!



--> '''Critic''': Hey, how 'bout that, people may die, but stupidity lives forever.

to:

--> '''Critic''': -->'''Critic''': Hey, how 'bout that, people may die, but stupidity lives forever. forever.



--> '''Critic:''' And... Now here is one with Adam Sandler. That one wasn't for you. That was... definitely for me.

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' And... Now here is one with Adam Sandler. That one wasn't for you. That was... definitely for me.



--> '''Critic:''' Boy. A guy who the movie says has been drinking for 20 years looks pretty damn ripped, isn't he? You know, for a movie that obviously tried to make Adam Sandler's character look like Adam Sandler, I ''don't'' think that's what he looks like with the shirt off. Can we get visual conformation of this? ''(pops up [[http://static.rumorfix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/sandler-1.jpg a picture of Adam Sandler at a pool]])'' There we go! ''[[{{Understatement}} Slight artistic liberties]]''.
--> ''(Later)''
--> '''Critic:''' But ''thankfully'' Sandler's super athletic body also has lightning fast reflexes and he outwits the cops. ''Nothing takes down the double chin with the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Jacob]] style abs!!''

to:

--> '''Critic:''' -->'''Critic:''' Boy. A guy who the movie says has been drinking for 20 years looks pretty damn ripped, isn't he? You know, for a movie that obviously tried to make Adam Sandler's character look like Adam Sandler, I ''don't'' think that's what he looks like with the shirt off. Can we get visual conformation confirmation of this? ''(pops up [[http://static.rumorfix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/sandler-1.jpg a picture of Adam Sandler at a pool]])'' There we go! ''[[{{Understatement}} Slight artistic liberties]]''.
--> ''(Later)''
--> '''Critic:'''
-->''(Later)''
-->'''Critic:'''
But ''thankfully'' Sandler's super athletic body also has lightning fast reflexes and he outwits the cops. ''Nothing takes down the double chin with the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Jacob]] style abs!!''






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