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Shark Tale
- The opening sketch consists of Critic along with three other patients going to therapy for Kids Cartoons that scarred people and it has its laughs:
- After introducing himself via catchphrase:Doctor: That's an incredibly strange way to introduce yourself.Critic: I've been doing it for years, I'm kinda stuck.
- Malcolm's character gets so scared of the infamous cat from The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, every cat he came across, he throws it into his closet.Chaplin: I'm Dying!
- Malcolm's character gets so scared of the infamous cat from The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, every cat he came across, he throws it into his closet.
- Tamara's characters saw Speed Demon from The Powerpuff Girls and has been afraid of racing ever since as it might cause an apocalypse.
- Oscar is only called "Goddamn Will Smith Fish".
- Critic concedes that there's one funny scene where a chef is standing alone in a sushi restaurant. Critic points to a "Jokes That Work" board with 1 tally, versus a "The Worst, just... just the WORST" board that has 200 tallies.
- Critic questioning how there can be electric technology underwater, then cutting to the fire scene from "Life of Crime" in Spongebob Squarepants.
The FREAKIEST Raggedy Ann Movie
- Throughout the review, the Critic points out the Mind Screw being associated with a simple children's doll.
The Mummy Returns
- When the Scorpion King makes a deal with Anubis to conquer the world in exchange for his soul, Critic notes that if that gods gave that every time people offered their soul, the world would be conquered far more frequently.Critic: The known world was then ruled by Steve, Jacob, Jacob's little sister Molly. Even Molly's cat offered his soul!
Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- As part of his wife's "Fanfiction 101" class, Devil Boner has to shoot down time travellers and write a Star Wars fanfiction on his phone at the same time.
- Hyper Fangirl gives Devil Boner's terrible fanfiction a pass because he's sleeping with her.Devil Boner: That's fair.Critic: That's the exact opposite of fair!
- Even though Critic acknowledges the voice actor for Shredder as an OK choice, he can't help but imagine Uncle Phil himself doing the work. Leading to this edit:1987 Shredder: Greetings, my subjugated subjects!Batman: Who are you and why are you in Gotham-1987 Shredder: (attacks him) Will you shut up? (Batman gets his head hit by a railing) Hey! Imbecilic imcompetent! Stop this tantrum and just tell me what's wrong! (Gets blocked and thrown to a lower level) You never let me have any fun...
- This particular gag returns later.Critic: Batman does finally defeat the Shredder, resulting in him falling into the tub of chemicals...1987 Shredder: I think he did this just to annoy me.
- This particular gag returns later.
- While the scene of one of the Foot Clan members getting mutated into a wolf-like monster can be disturbing, Critic dubbing over it manages to make it funny!Critic as League of Assassins Member: (as he is mutating into a wolf) I am... ADORABLE!!!
- When the Turtles offer Batman pizza:Batman: This isn't the time for pizza.Critic as Batman: Besides, this is New York style. I'm a deep dish kinda gu-1 SECOND LATER
- When Mr. Freeze as a mutated polar bear goes on a rampage, Critic dubs him over with a menacing "ALWAYS COCA COOOOLAAAAA!"
- Same goes towards Bane as a mutated jaguar attacking Batgirl: "Your ass is GRRRRRRRRRRRRASS!"
- When two discs land on the polar bear Mr. Freeze's chest, Critic commends them for working the Bat-Nipples into the movie, and even adds it to the They Did the Thing! counter.
- The shot of Harley Quinn as a mutated hyena peeking from the corner is enough to scare Critic. Twice.
- "Who are you?" "I'm Man-Bat!"
- On the subject of voice acting, Baxter Stockman's menacing laughter sounds a bit like Jeff Goldblum impression. Critic suggests enhancing it with menacing "uhs". The result has to be heard to be believed.
- The moment of Leo taking out Ra's al Ghul with pressure point strikes ends with Ra's head suddenly exploding.Critic (as Leo): Oooh, maybe I was a centimeter off...
- The payoff to the fanfiction subplot. After Devil Boner makes something that's too derivative, Benny throws out everything he puts in there, and Critic just makes somebody related to someone bad and rewrote half of what Benny wrote, Hyper has Devil Boner throw it into a time portal, where it lands on the desk of Kathleen Kennedy, who then lampshades the joke.
9
- Critic cutting to a commercial break to give the audience time to watch the movie, then being embarrassed when the break is much less than 1 hour and 20 minutes.
Strange Magic
- According to Critic, Lucas said he wanted to make a story for his daughters, then plays a clip of the infamously bad romance from Revenge of the Sith to illustrate his ineptness at making girls' films.
- Critic pointing out throughout the review how there are way too many songs, 2 of which are back to back.
- The introduction of Alan Cumming as the Bog King.
The Terminator
- The Terminator's arrival in 1984 is witnessed by a garbage truck driver, who immediately runs away.Critic: [as the truck driver] Whoa, I'm a black guy in a film about a killer. I know what happens to me.
- Critic's opinion on the Terminator's jacket."What is up with that jacket? I mean, I know it's the 80s, but that looks like a janitor uniform got surprise-ironed by the Disco Stu coat! How is it people mock the glasses in 3, but this gets a free pass?!"
- As Sarah's working as a waitress, a mean kid puts a scoop of ice cream down her apron.Waitress: Look at it this way; in a hundred years, who's gonna care?
[Cut to 100 years later, and a skull from the opening scene]
Critic: [as the skull] I still feel bad about that ice cream thing. Strange thing to think about, being a skull. - Critic uses the Terminator's "Fuck you, asshole" as his ringtone.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
- How the Critic imagines the Terminator got a box of roses to hide a shotgun in.Critic as Terminator: Yes, I would like a dozen roses, please.
Florist: Here you go.
Critic as Terminator: That's me!
Florist: That'll be 18-
Critic as Terminator: Wrong. *BANG* - The Critic summing over the T-1000's demise. First, he calls the noise it makes as it falls into the molten steel as "stepping on a hive of spider-witches". Then as it thrashes about in the steel, one of its faces turns inside out and the Critic asks why couldn't that be The Navis' faces. As it finally dissolves, Critic "thanks" James Cameron for being Terry Gilliam for a few moments.Terminator: I need a vacation.Critic: And Joss Whedon.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
- When the Terminator is reprogrammed to attack John Connor:Terminator: Get away from me. (John disregards that)Critic: Yes. That means walk closer. You really are the worst predictive messiah, and I've known some really shitty ones.
Terminator Salvation
- Well, let's take a look at the worst Terminator film- (Terminator Genisys is shown) No, it's not that. Let's talk about the riskiest Terminator film- (Terminator: Dark Fate is shown) No, not that one either... Let's talk about the most action-packed Terminator film- (Terminator 2: Judgment Day is shown) Let's talk about the one you forget even exists!
- The Narrator desperately trying to claim how cool John Conner is despite the movies never allowing him to do much. When the fans start to warm up to the character, said Narrator reveals that the higher-ups got spooked by the failure of this film and killed John off in the following movies to generate controversy and eventually prop up Dani Ramos.
Terminator Genisys
- The Critic sets the stage by paraphrasing Sarah Conner's eviscerating speech to Miles Dyson from the second movie. He's even interrupted by Chester A. Bum with John's dialogue.Chester: I'll be living in your kitchen sink until you need another cameo.
- Among many jokes about the title, the Critic surmises that Nintendo would've been able to respond better to Sega if they knew Genesis was Skynet.Commercial: Genesis does what Nintendon't!Nintendo: Well... Nintendon't destroy the world buying Skynet, sleeping buddies!
- The uses of Christian Bale’s rant from the Terminator Salvation set.When John Connor is first introduced: Oh, good for you!When John, Sarah, and Terminator are arrested to the tune of “Bad Boys (Whatcha Gonna Do)”: Seriously man, you and me, we’re fucking done, professionally.
- While criticising the poorly-established romance between Sarah and Reese, Critic has to admit that none of the previous movies did romance well either, only giving a question mark to the shot of teenage John and his red-headed friend from T2.
Terminator Dark Fate
- Throughout, the Critic thinks that the Rev-9 looks like a Mexican Pee-wee Herman. As such, during many of Rev-9's scenes, snippets of Pee-wee audio (from Big Top Pee-wee, Pee-wee's Big Adventure and of course Pee-wee's Playhouse) are played in the background as a Running Gag.
Career Dive: Danny DeVito
- The ad, for ExpressVPN, features an announcer over Doug on the toilet, desperately begging the announcer to close the door.
- If you remember Doug's earlier list of movies he'd never review, this episode becomes a little funny. In that video, he said that he wasn't fond of any of Danny DeVito's movies, except maybe The War of the Roses. Now? Doug loves Danny's work, especially The War of the Roses.
- This especially comes around when Doug comes around to Matilda. The first time around, he hated the movie because it was so pointlessly cruel. Now he loves it because it's pointedly cruel. That level of turn-around is pretty funny.
The Prince of Egypt
- The Critic gleeing over Aaron's (voiced by Jeff Goldblum) "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Moses followed by slapping the "Ultimate Goldblum Uh" (Though it's more of an "ah").
- The Critic pointing out how the magicians using red dye to replicate the river of blood plague bears a resemblance to Kool-Aid.
- The Critic comments that while "When You Believe" is an outstanding song, its timing in the movie is less so, being sung to Moses when he is grief stricken after killing all of Egypt's firstborn sons with God's help:Miriam: (singing) Many nights-Miriam: (singing) Many nights-Critic: (as Moses) No, no, no, no. We can sing Kumbaya later. You give me ten.Miriam: (singing) Many-Critic: (as Moses) Shh-shh-shh-shh. ten, bitch.
Blade: Trinity
- When he learns that Ryan Reynolds is the narrator of this film, the Critic initially starts cheering — until he learns that this is Reynolds from before 2016, after which he immediately starts booing him instead.
Mulan (2020)
- One of Bob Chapek's credentials for being CEO of Disney after Bob Iger is that his name is also Bob.
- The opening parody song of "I'll Make a Man Out of You" which summarizes this movie's flaws perfectly.
- Critic points out how male characters in live action Disney remakes get a wide variety of moral lessons for their character arcs, but all the females get the exact same morals. The one for Dumbo (2019) is "Don't outact the child stars."
- Critic notes that Hua Zhou's angry outburst is more appropriate for the original father than this more laid back version.
- Malcolm's impression of Eddie Murphy dubbing over the Phoenix replacing Mushu is bound to get a few laughs.
Tom and Jerry (2021)
- Just as the film starts, the Critic has to reassure the audience that there ARE good scenes in the film. Cut to the rapping pigeons singing "Can I Kick It?," then...Critic: I swear on this fucking Bible THERE ARE GOOD SCENES IN THIS MOVIE!
- When Tom's ruse as a blind piano playing cat is exposed:Female Citizen: He's a fraud! He's a regular cat playing the piano.Critic: That's already one more laugh than I got in any of this. The movie deserves a star (a 4 star rating with 1 star highlighted appears) simply on that default!
- Critic commenting on Chloë Grace Moretz's performance as one that sounds like she was 'handed a rewrite, and they cut just before she could say, "Wait, that wasn't rehersal?!"'Critic: 'Well, that was fun reading that line for my five-year-old niece, when do we start- WE WERE ROLLING?!! '
- Critic comments on the aftermath of the big chase between Tom, Jerry, and Spike that destroys the lobby saying, "The solution is clear; punish Terrence." Then...DuBros: Terrence, I'm placing you on leave.Terrence: What?!
Scooby-Doo: Curse of the Lake Monster
- Critic pointing out that Fred is nobody's favorite character.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
- Critic (as Eddie): You know, while you're at it, could you maybe throw these guys in there, too? (Images of Scrappy-Doo, Snarf from Rankin/Bass' "Thundercats", Cailou, and the Map from "Dora the Explorer" are shown)
- After hearing that Roger Rabbit's uncle is named Thumper, Critic asks Roger Rabbit (Malcolm) if the Thumper mentioned is the same Thumper from "Bambi"?Roger Rabbit (Malcolm): No, no. Totally unrelated.(A phone rings. Roger answers it, and a thuggish voice is heard as we are shown a photoshopped image of Thumper from "Bambi" in the body of a tattoo-wearing tough man)Thumper: 'You embarrassed of me, boy?!Roger Rabbit (Malcolm): Bite my fluffy tail, you Peter Rabbit reject!(Roger Rabbit (Malcolm) and Thumper begin arguing with each other)Critic: I'm gonna just pretend this isn't happening.
- While talking about the deleted scene where Eddie is taken to Toontown for torture and gets a giant pig's head put on him, he mentions that one of the reasons it was cut was because Hoskin's accent and Lloyd's acting were a little off.Doom: Why were you around the lady's dressing room? Tsk, tsk, tsk.Eddie: If I wanted underwear, I'd have broken into Frederick's in Hollywood.Critic (as Eddie): Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go back to the British part of California.
- Critic adds a glitch to the scene where Eddie's head accidentally bumps into Jessica's breasts.Critic: Oh, sorry. It glitches there, because it's been rewound so much. No reason.
Ready Player One
- When the opening gives 2045 as film's setting, Critic decides to check up with his 2045 self to see if the film was dated.(Cut to a headstone reading "Here Lies Nostalgia Critic")Critic: Whoa, I should have laid off the McNuggets.
- One of James Halliday's memories has him talking to his best friend and colleague Ogden Morrow about how much better things were in the past. Morrow tells him that things are always moving forward, whether he likes it or not. The Critic then speaks on Morrow's behalf:Critic: (as Morrow) You want to obsess over old stuff? Make a web series ruining things people love! Preferably in a hat and tie!
An American Tail
- Throughout the review, the Critic is tantalized by how many times Fievel and his family nearly discover each other, but somehow are always turning their heads the wrong way.
- "80s G: General Audiences, unless you're a bitch ass pansy"
- Enhanced by the Nostalgia Critic making fun of the kids crying at the harsher scenes and topped in the last instance by him making a face almost too scary for an R rating.
- NC's glasses breaking by Fievel's singing.
- The Critic noting how an entire generation of furries was born due to Bridget's attractively detailed face.Critic: Jesus, they make her pupils so big, her eye shadow literally casts an eye shadow!
Cats (2019)
- The Critic and the Cinema Snob squicking over the entire Jennyanydots scene. The Critic demands to know how, given its PG rating, this movie is fine for kids when "every minute looks like an orgy's about to break out", to which the Snob points out that the Jennyanydots scene got its own page on PornHub.Critic: (miserably) Oh, Heathcliff, Heathcliff, no one should...
Snob: Yes, but now we know what Garfield would have been like if The Coen Brothers directed it. - The Critic asks the Snob if Lloyd is offended by this movie. The Snob responds that Lloyd doesn't offend easy. Cut to Lloyd watching the Siamese cat from The Aristocats. Based on his body language, it's his favorite scene in the movie.
Jetsons: The Movie
- The Critic comments on the Anachronism Stew:Critic: It's a cartoon from a past decade (1960s) being made in another decade (1980s) that's transitioning into another decade (1990s) that's talking about a future decade (2060s). Call me crazy, but I find that fucking fascinating!
- Even though Judy Jetson is now voiced by Tiffany, her original voice actress, Janet Waldo, voices George's sultry-sounding secretary (who is only heard through a speaker) instead. This leads the Critic to speculate that the reason for the switch-out was not because Tiffany was more popular, but because Waldo's voice was too sexy.
- While on the subject of the secretary...Critic: Ooh-hoo-hoo! I'm writing a bizarre porno with her and the computer voice of Judge Dredd in my mind!
Central Computer: It could not be otherwise.
- While on the subject of the secretary...
- In trying to find someone to go work at the Spacely Sprockets plant in outer space, Spacely describes to his secretary that that someone needs to be expendable. An image of Spacely himself appears on the secretary's computer screen, to which Spacely remarks, "Very funny." The Critic's response?
- This, as the plant goes haywire:Mr. Spacely: JETSOOOOON!!! What's going on up there?!
George: (sheepishly) A bricken bracken's broken in the sproken locken!
Critic: Oh, he speaks Home Alone Joe Pesci!- This happens again later on as the Grungies explain their plight to the Jetsons, speaking in high-pitched gibberish:Critic: Ah, they speak fluent Slimer. I'm learning all sorts of weird-ass languages.
- This happens again later on as the Grungies explain their plight to the Jetsons, speaking in high-pitched gibberish:
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
- The Critic pointing out how this movie rips off the plot of Stargate:Critic: Fear not, Stargate would get their revenge when they made their spin-off series.
- Some lines in the movie may have aged... differently.Rourke: (Cynically, to himself) P.T. Barnum was right...Critic: (Confused) "I hope I'm remembered as a musical lie"?
- Critic adlibbing the direction of the conversation between Milo and the King of Atlantis had the latter been senile.The King of Atlantis: And now, [my burden] falls to you...Critic: (Pretending to be the King) My son...Critic: (Pretending to be Milo, meekly) Oh, I'm not your.. oh.. okay, dad.
- Critic referencing "Cats" when Rourke unveils the balloon that will carry Crystal!Kida to the surface.Critic: Yay! The Jellical Cat is chosen!
- There's something all too funny about Critic remarking that, for all of his being a stiff villain, Rourke turning crazy is comically like night and day.
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
- The Critic is disturbed when the Prince zips away cartoonishly.
- Critic's reaction to seeing Anastasia's big feet.Critic: Why do I feel like, next to Kaa and Tinker Bell's butt, that's a highly-searched image?
The Mask
- After Charlie sniffs Tina's coat and swoons:Critic: (smiling) That aged GREAT.
- Critic was worried looking back that some scenes wouldn't hold up as well today as they did upon the film's release or be anywhere as funny, but the "death scene" still cracks him up even now:-The Mask: Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming 'ome this Christmas. (FORCED COUGHING)
Critic: I can't even explain why. Maybe because this guy's supposed to look sad that he's dead while Carrey is aggressively manhandling him during his supposed final moments?
The Mask: (farts) Pardon me.
Critic: (bursts out into an uncontrollable giggle) - When Stanley is talking to Dr. Neuman about the mask, the latter theorizes that it's a representation of one of the Norse night gods, specifically Loki.Stanley: Who's Loki?
Critic: (as a picture of President Loki from Loki (2021) pops up) Loki is BANK. - Right after the Calloway and Doyle exchange of "What would sound good to you?" "Breakfast." "SHUT UP!", it freeze frames with Executive Producer PETER ENGEL and Saved by the Bell's closing theme playing.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
- The Critic states that the soundtrack's narration, which is done by Patrick Stewart, is fine, but adds that it goes on a little too long, including a closing narration about Jack and Sally having skeleton babies.Patrick Stewart (vo): With four or five skeleton children at hand, playing strange little tunes in their xylophone band.Critic: (looking uneasy) I don't know. The idea of them literally boning it is just not something I want to think of.
- Critic pointing out innocent lines and scenes while Jack is in Christmas Town that may make people snicker.Jack: (singing) What's this in here? They've got a little tree. How queer!Critic: Well, we found the line every kid's gonna snicker at whenever they sing it.(Jack approaches a bed full of sleeping elves)Jack: (singing) [Only] little cozy things secure inside their dreamland... (Places his head next to a sleeping elf)Critic: And we found the out-of-context picture that'll get me snickering whenever I see it.(The image is shown with an alarm sounding and flashing red captions, including "Bad Touch!", "Not okay!", "No boning zone!", "Stranger danger!", and "Step away from the gnome elf".)
- While Jack is trying to figure out what Christmas is all about.Jack: There's got to be a logical way to explain this Christmas thing.Critic: Doesn't he know if you turn on even one Netflix rom-com, you'll...be even more confused? (An image of various Netflix Christmas romantic comedies is shown)
- When Jack decides to bring his own unique spin to Christmas.Jack: (singing) I bet I could improve it, too, and that's exactly what I'll do!Critic: (vo; as Jack): I'll start it in November! No, October! Hell, September's not doing anything, the lazy ass!Critic: Actually, with combining holidays, this film really was ahead of its time.(A shot of a many Christmas items in a store alongside many Halloween items is shown in the corner.)
- Critic's impression of Oogie when Jack saves Sally and Santa:How the hell you'd do that?! I mean, the doll obviously, but the red guy's like a Raiders of the Lost Ark ball!
- Even funnier is that he unwittingly sounds like Mr. Nezzer when he talks like Oogie.
The Ring
- The Critic summons Tamara Samara during the review by watching the cursed videotape a week earlier. He then puts her through hell by changing the channel between shows and movies that make her suffer.
- Later, Tamara Samara escapes the TV. She's still affected by the remote, though, so after rewinding and fast-forwarding her, he changes the channel on her to watch an episode of Bob's Burgers.
- When Rachel receives the call after watching the tape.Samara/Daveigh Chase: Seven Days.
Stitch: Ohana, means your ass is grass!
Lilo/Samara/Daveigh Chase: STITCH! - The scene where the horse throws itself off the boat in front of a screaming little girl? Not funny. Critic narrating the horse's thoughts as it does so? Hilarious. Doubly so as he screams "Ahhh! Poor horsey!" over the boat's foghorn.
Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost
- The Critic points out that the Scooby-Doo song is performed by Billy Ray Cyrus, which he doesn't think is as good as Green Day'snote cover of the song in Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, but is willing to accept it as long as he doesn't sing on a wrecking ball. Cue the image for "Wrecking Ball" featuring Billy Ray's daughter Miley, but with Billy Ray's head.
- The Critic remarks how, in the opening, the dinosaur exhibit in the museum oddly enough has "no Flintstone remains".
- This, as the Critic is happy that, for once, the Mystery, Inc., gang is not referred to as kids or teens.Captured nogoodnik: ...if it wasn't for this meddling... (turns sharply to Ben Ravencroft) writer!
Fred: Well, at least he didn't call us "kids". I hate that.
Critic as Fred: (looking down at himself) Look at what I'm wearing. I'm a minimum forty! - As Ben Ravencroft introduces the Mystery, Inc., gang to the Mayor of Oakhaven, there's this:Mayor: I see you brought some friends, and their dog.
Scooby: (looking around) Dog? Where?
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Animaniacs)
Slappy Squirrel: Don't tell him, he might crack.
Leap!
- Critic commenting on Félicie wearing denim shorts in 1879 France.
- The Critic is exasperated that the characters use "crazy jumpy thing" more times than the actual term, "le grand jeté".
- Alpha Bitch Camille's verbal bullying is so over the top ("Don't be insolent!") that the Critic says she's actually making Linus look tame by comparison.
- Critic's whole dumbfounded reaction to the out of nowhere second climax to the film where Regine attempts to murder Felicie to the point of chasing her up the scaffolding of the under-construction Statue of Liberty.
Space Jam: A New Legacy
- The Critic pokes fun at Pepe's absence in the darkest way possible by having him shooting himself when the announcer brings up how the Goon Squad is deathly allergic to French skunks, then after the shooting, points out the irony of having Pennywise and Alex and his gang in the crowd.
- A blooper has Doug on his phone to act out a phone call when it suddenly starts ringing on him.
- The Critic pointing out how it makes no sense that Warner Bros. would see LeBron James as a marketable, relatable spokesperson for HBO Max, bringing up headlines about how notoriously difficult he is.
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
- The Critic is repeatedly freaked out by the over the top sounds Jim Carrey makes as Count Olaf.
Commercials Resurrection
- The first commercial reviewed is the karate-themed Flintstones Cocoa Pebbles commercial, which features Barney in yellowface. Critic makes several remarks about how Barney is cancelled now."While many of you might be shocked by this, it does make more sense when you realize the original name of the cereal was Breakfast at Barney's.""You have to understand, the Stone Age was a different time. Rox News was telling everybody this wasn't racist at all.""Damn it, sensitive '80s, ruining my innocent cartoons. Nothing like this ever happened in the original— oh, god.""The Flintstones have officially been replaced as the Cocoa Pebbles mascot. We present to you our new spokesperson: James Bond. (shows Japanese Bond) Goddamnit."
- Critic reviews the "S-Crunch-ous" commercial for Crunch Bars.
- His favorite thing to do is pause the commercial at random moments because the actors' facial expressions make them look like corpses from a Smilex commercial."And chocolate so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure."
- Critic thinks the blond boy at the end of the commercial looks at his Crunch Bar the way a serial killer would look at a girl he's holding hostage in a well.
- His favorite thing to do is pause the commercial at random moments because the actors' facial expressions make them look like corpses from a Smilex commercial.
- Critic reviews the Disney Cruise Line commercial where a kid says his mom calls his little brother a "little souvenir" from their trip and follows it up with a Top 10 list of dirty jokes he could make in response:"Goofy was watching. He liked it doggy-style."
"Their condoms were shaped like Mickey hats."
"No really — they sell children!"
"They were in the Pinocchio wing, so they helped a little bit." [insert image of Pinocchio's elongated nose]
"Candy is dandy, but the Minnie margarita is quicker."
"And if they can't afford that souvenir, I might get a new mom and daddy!"
"I was wondering why Mom kept thanking her little Steamboat Willie."
"Daddy keeps asking, 'Why does he look like Prince Eric from the Meet and Greet?'"
"Mommy said her prayers a lot that night. She kept shouting, 'OH GOD! OH GOD!'"- This culminates in the number one joke Critic could make, which is just an edited clip from the commercial announcer:"Disney Cruise Line. Come."
- This culminates in the number one joke Critic could make, which is just an edited clip from the commercial announcer:
Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas
- At the beginning, the Critic changes into his Christmas clothing Transformers style, then freaks:Critic: Did my heart keep beating? How did all my organs reconnect? Is my blood... compartmentalized?
- Throughout, the Critic blames Chip for all the bad things that happen in the movie.Lumiere: (to Belle) Merry Christmas.
Chip: Doesn't look so special to me.
Critic: Fuck you, you little hood ornament! All of this is your fault!- This comes to a head at the end as Mrs. Potts finishes up telling the story of how it all happened...Mrs. Potts: If anyone saved Christmas, it was Belle.
Critic: (as Mrs. Potts) And if anyone came close to ruining Christmas, it's you, Chip! You're grounded just for me remembering that!
- This comes to a head at the end as Mrs. Potts finishes up telling the story of how it all happened...
- The Critic notes that Fife is voiced by Paul Reubens. At the end, when Fife is made the new castle maestro, he leads the castle orchestra — in the theme for Pee-wee's Playhouse.Critic: Oh, come on, at least do one from the Christmas special.
- "And that was the best Disney Beauty and the Beast spinoff, not that it's saying much."
The Polar Express
- One character, Know-It-All is voiced by Eddie Deezen, who also voices Mandark from Dexter's Laboratory. The Critic plays a clip from the show, followed by a checklist that shows "Mandark reference so people don't kill me".
- Critic adding bleep censors to the conductor's angry yelling.
- "Next they serve the kids hot chocolate just so every train ride themed after this movie can have some kids shouting 'Why aren't they flipping and doing somersaults like in the film where everybody looks like Superman's upper lip?'"
Home Alone 5: The Holiday Heist
- Critic shows a clip from The Critic that's Hilarious in Hindsight:Jay Sherman: Tonight I'll be reviewing Home Alone 5.
Mom: We left Kevin home alone and he's only 23. (an aging Kevin screams)
Critic: Not only were they right but they were right twice. Home Alone 5: The Holiday Heist was a TV movie released in 2012 and was the 5th film in the Home Alone franchise. Hard to believe that when this joke was made, they thought 5 was a comedically high number, now realizing they were still off by one.
Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever
- Devil Boner fights Satan about his name, in the process implying that Hyper has somehow slept with Satan before.Satan: Critic, these two are ruining the holiday!
Devil Boner: (to Satan) I told you, my name is not a commentary on your sexual performance!
Hyper Fangirl: Yeah, he lasts much longer!
(Satan suddenly freezes, his eyes widening in horror.)
Devil Boner: What?
Hyper Fangirl: What?
Satan: Gotta go. (leaves in a hurry)
Devil Boner: I'M SO GRUMPY!!!! - Critic snarks at the Lifetime logo, "No need to remind us, it'll feel like a lifetime watching this."
- Critic commends Aubrey Plaza for her improvisation, but notes that the voice he imagines for Grumpy Cat would sound more like "that ten-pack-a-day lunch lady who unintentionally taught you new slurs."Critic: (speaking in a voice like Roz from Monsters, Inc.) Oh, my God, Timmy or Kimmy or whatever... Shit, we have to save Christmas or Easter or whichever day I don't celebrate. Hey, hand me that beer can I've been ashing into. It's my son's birthday, and I'm gonna tell him it's a puppy.
- The Critic becomes so frustrated by Aiyanna constantly ruining everything with her self-aware attitude that he decides they need to take a break for commercials. She asks him if he will stare into the camera as it fades to black, as he always does. He tells her won't — and does so anyway, albeit unintentionally. As he notices the screen fading, he flies into a rage and throws his hat down on the desk before the screen completely fades out.
