Funny: The Nostalgia Critic 2008 Episodes
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- The reenactment of the film.
- "Of Course!"
- Him trying to decipher Jean Claude van Damme's accent. "A waykuhcaw?"
- And from the Space Jam review:
"Okay, alright. Let me make one thing perfectly clear to all you, Warner Brothers representatives out there: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I can't believe I have to say this: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I mean, we're people; therefore we like to fuck other people. I'm sure there's some small percentage of people out there that like to fuck bunnies, but that hardly seems like a very profitable demographic."
- "I mean, has there ever been a time where you honestly had the hots for a bunny? (Image of two Playboy Bunnies appear) THAT DOESN'T COUNT!"
- The Nostalgia Critic wondering what it means regarding cartoon anatomy considering Lola has "bunny boobies".
- "However, you want to be sure to keep these two elements as faaaar away from each other as humanly possible. Because if you don't, YOU GET FUCKING SPACE JAM!!!
Pokémon: The First Movie
- "How cocky do you have to be to call it 'The First Movie'?"
- The highlight of his review of Pokemon The First Movie: "Pikachu! Stop hitting yourself!"
- Also when he starts the movie:
Nostalgia Critic: *Sees the Kids WB! logo fly on screen* Oh, that's a good sign... *sees Nintendo logo fly on screen* Oh, that's even better! *sees 4Kids Entertainment logo on screen* What, are they going to show the people who CATERED the movie next?
- His rant about how he doesn't get the beginning due to being unfamiliar with the series.
- The whole sequence when he watches the Pokémon fight with each other with dramatic music playing in the background.
- Followed by his impatient reactions when the characters comment on how cruel the fighting is...and won't shut up about it.
- This quote:
NC: Oh, you've got to be kidding. It actually translates out to "pocket monster"? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST CALL IT POCKET MONSTERS THEN?! I know what a pocket monster is! It's a monster that fits in your pocket! EASY! Why'd you go with Pokemon? That's ridiculous! Nobody knows what a Pokemon is! It sounds like something a Jamaican shouts when he wants to play cards. (Cuts to NC in fake dreadlocks and sunglasses) 'ey! Would you like to play some poke', mon?
Caption: Apologies to Jamaicans (misspelled "Jamacans") EVERYWHERE!
- Trying to come up with series he likes better than Pokémon, including Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Care Bears, before finishing off lamely with "Those were the days!"
Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs
Batman & Robin
- "A Bat…Credit Card? They gave him a Bat…Credit Card? They had the BALLS to give one of the greatest superheroes of all time... A BAT…CREDIT CARD?!? (goes nuts) NOOO! NOOO! Does Not Compute! Does Not Compute! Does Not Compute! It's insane!" (spews angry gibberish as he's restrained)
: All that's missing is for Freeze to shout out, "First Gotham, then the world!" Mr. Freeze
: First, Gotham. And then...THE WORLD! (Critic suppresses an aneurysm, then puts a tape recorder and a pillow dolled up with a mask, hat, jacket, and glasses to somewhat look like him. He makes a "shhhh..." at the camera, hits "play" on the tape deck and leaves the dummy.) Recording
: I hate this. Look at that. That's so lame. This is idiotic. I really hate this. This is so stupid. I wish I could kill myself. Wow, that's horrible. Oh my god, I can't believe how bad this is. I wish I could kill myself. (Sounds of beatings, taken from Tom and Jerry, before Critic is forced back into frame.)
Critic: GODDAMN THIS MOVIE! It did it! it finally did it! Batman has driven me BATSHIT CRAZY!!!
Critic: ...Tranquilizers. Always come prepared when Joel Shumacher is involved.
- "This Batman movie has stopped moving forward with its dark storylines and complex character development, and has instead gone back to the campy bright and colorful style of the original Adam West TV show... *leans to the camera* HEEEEEELLPPP!!!"
- Especially playing the sixties Batman theme over the first fight scene.
- The comic SFX of POW! WHAM! LAME!
- His complaints about all of Freeze's ice-related Puns.
His only interest seems to be making a lot of jokes about a subject matter that unfortunately lends itself to a lot of insufferable puns. And I'll give your four guesses as to what that subject matter is. A) Celebrity Gossip. B) Political Satire. C) Family Dilemnas. Or D) Ice!
(cut away to a Hurricane of Puns
by Freeze) Critic:
If your answer was 'D', NO FUCKING SHIT!
- His entire monologue about the special preparation needed to review this movie:
Critic: And seeing how this is one of the worst films of all time, special precautions have been taken today to prevent me from killing myself. For example, all sharp objects have been removed from the building. They took away my tie so that I don't hang myself. They also padded the ends of my glasses so that I don't jab them into the sides of my throat! *reaches under his ball cap and removes something hidden there before continuing gleefully* Buuuuuuuuut, they didn't count on my cyanide pill! Now, let's take a look and see just how bad "Batman & Robin" really is.
- The movie review proper then starts. Less than 20 seconds later we cut back to the Critic frantically gulping down the pill, before a white-coated attendant rushes in and forces him to spit it out.
- "Do I even HAVE to make fun of this?!?"
- Or this little gem:
- The Critic's Tempting Fate.
Critic: Robin comes to rescue him as surf their way down to the ground on the doors of the rocket. The only thing that could make this scene lamer is if Robin actually shouted 'Cowabunga'.
Critic: *grunts in pain*
Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs
90's Sports Montage
- Him trying to beat the bully that looks like his brother with the wax-on, wax-off method.
- "What team would be so desperate that they'd sign a 12 year old to pitch?" *cue Chicago Cubs logo* "Are you sure this isn't based on a true story?"
Top 11 Drug PS As
- His reaction to the drug dealer turning into a snake is priceless.
"Take one hit and you'll do anything to cop more; *slips into the shadows* steal from your momma, lie, cheat on your homeboys, *comes out of the shadows as a snake monster
* but hey, do I look like the kinda guy that would do that to a kid like you? YESSSSSSSS!"
Critic: *from under his desk* "Go to the next one!"
- Comes back at the end of the video
Critic: "I guess they had good enough intentions but is it really worth it to go so over-the-top about a subject matter that many of us probably wouldn't have even known about until we heard about it on TV?"
Critic: *screams* "Okay, just don't show me that guy again! I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to."
- The Critic imagines how the scene of the boy telling off his drug-using father continues: either the father flips out and beats him up, or it becomes a heartwarming bonding moment over bong filters. "I've taught you well, son!"
- Although the Critic has nothing to do with it, "this is cwack" is comedy gold.
- The Critic's expression though to Pee-Wee's PSA though is quite comedy gold in itself. He somehow makes it more funny than when Pee-Wee says it.
- His spot-on Pee-Wee impression is pretty awesome, too.
- OH MY GOD! HE'S DEAD, HE'S DEAD, HE'S TALKING TO A DEAD BOY, HE'S DEAD, DRUGS TOOK HIS LIFE, OMIGOD!
- OH MY GOD, THERE'S NO WATER, THERE'S NO WATER IN THE POOL! OHMIGOD! THERE'S NO WATER IN THE POOL! OHMIGOD!
- The "Brain on Drugs" ad. The Critic said that though it had longevity, everyone he knew always had a witty follow-up question to counter it. Also, his asking witty follow-up questions through repeated sayings of "Any questions?" is hilarious. The 90's follow-up "Brain on Drugs" update with a frying pan-wielding Rachael Leigh Cook wrecking the kitchen freaked him out so much, that when she calmly asks, "Any questions?" at the end of the ad, he responds, "Yeah, what the hell kind of drugs are you on?!"
- The insult itself is so lame it doesn't get even Narm points, but the Critic's reaction to "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey!" is hilarious.
- From the Captain Planet review, his reaction to learning the topic of one of the Very Special Episodes. His face is all that needs to be said.
Critic: So, Captain Planet, what other issues are you going to talk to grade school kids about?
Cartoon sound effect, look of absolute dumbfoundedness on Critic's face.
Doctor: You tested positive for the HIV virus.
Critic: STOP! CEASE! DESIST! GET OUTTA THERE! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
- In regard to how people get the HIV virus:
Doctor: There are only a few ways to contract the virus: using drugs with needles, unprotected sex, or, he could have gotten it from that blood transfusion he had a few years back.
Critic: These kids are just learning how to spell blue, don't tell them about drugs or unprotected sex, what the hell's wrong with you?!
- "There ya have it folks. The understatement of the century: AIDS stinks. And here's another thing I just found out: Hitler was a dork."
- From the same episode above, in regards to the easily-swayed regular people:
Critic: Hey, everybody! Childbirth is bad!
Critic: But genocide is good!
- The Critic tries the Heart ring but gets his rings mixed up.
- The alternate ending to the gang violence episode where the gangbangers shoot the Planeteers.
- Wheeler comments on Beakman's World.
"He's an exterminator's nightmare!"
- Getting beat by a ruler whenever he says "Ruler".
- And then at the end of the episode, he gets out his gun and says "Ruler" and turns around ready to shoot the ruler. But the ruler comes out from the other side, and whacks the Critic on the head.
- His reaction to the Coach getting right up in the screen during the AIDS speech.
- Ma-Ti complains about how Ted Turner is trying to keep Indians down. Nostalgia Critic points out that Ma-Ti from the show was South American. "Ma-Ti" realizes he's been caught in his lies, punches the Nostalgia Critic shouting "Heart", and runs off.
- This bit, when Captain Planet is introduced:
Wheeler: He's suckin'...
(The Critic gets a surprised, concerned look on his face)
Wheeler: ...The oil vat!
Critic: (relieved) Oh, whew...
- Him showing what Marc Summers' life as the host having OCD would have been.
- Him showing some obstacles that "didn't make the cut", ending with crucifixion.
- Him noting the weight difference between the grandfather's actor and his double.
- The villain wasting millions of dollars training his henchmen to appear when he says a certain phrase.
- "Ah!!! Jellybeans!!! My one weakness!!!"
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles beat up Macaulay Culkin: The Movie.
Top 11 Hottest Animated Women
Bébé's Kids SNES
- The Critic's SNES review of Bébé's Kids:
"HA-HA! I BEAT HIM! I ACTUALLY BEAT HIM! THERE IS A GOD—!"
"A time limit? There's a time limit? I could eat my way through a WALL FASTER THAN I CAN DEFEAT THESE ASSHOLES, AND THERE'S A TIME LIMIT?!"
"And, throw it! And, throw it! THROW IT, YOU BITCH!!"
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW I COULD DO IT! I KNEW I COULD PULL IT O—!"
"THAT'S! JUST! IM! POSSIBLE!"
- Getting Kyle Justin to spoof the AVGN theme counts by itself, but then there's the Critic's take on the Nerd's use of Rolling Rock.
- At the end, just when the Critic was about to finish the haunted house level, the time limit ran out. He is so angry about it, he proceeds to destroy the Bebe's Kids cartridge by smashing it with a hammer, jumping on it, shooting it, and spitting on it.
- The face the Critic makes when the time runs out.
- The extended sequence where the Critic goes on about the "No Vibes No beVis No beVis No Vibes" sign. Particularly at the end, where he proclaims how he's going nuts over absolutely nothing and he's just started the game.
Kyle Justin: He's the Angry Video Game...
NC: OH, SHUT UP!
Kyle Justin: ...Critic.
Masters of the Universe
- The John Mc Cain jokes.
- Anytime Critic made up a new subtitle for the movie title (adding in the oddly missing 'He-Man'):
He-Man! And the Raiders of Kentucky Fried Chicken!!
He-Man! And the Masters of the Depressing Plot Expositions!!
He-Man! And the Shoppers of the Feminine Automobiles!!
He-Man! And the Mystic Time Travelers of the Oingo Boingo!!
- NC throughout Skeletor's long-winded speech.
- The dramatic head turning.
Follow That Bird
- Right after the Nostalgia Critic has two Squee attacks at the sight of Mr. Snuffalupagus, he slaps himself and says the following:
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'M THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC! Not the Pussified-Emotional-Cries-over-every-Sesame-Street-related-motion-picture-epic-where-every-person-puppet-and-occasional-animated-animal-tugs-at-your-heartstrings CRITIC!"
- When Big Bird begins to have a nervous breakdown from the Dodo family's endless jabber, Critic does Big Bird a favor and screams/roars "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in proxy.
- The Critic, unable to insult something that he grew up with, makes Chester A. Bum finish the reveiw. The fact Chester's review plays over fastforwarded clips no doubt left a good first impression on many. To wit:
"There's this lady, who looks like one of my acid fantasies..."
"Dude, what is your deal? This is his home! GO BACK TO RUSSIA!!"
Saved by the Bell
- The Critic's review of Saved by the Bell:
All right, now, I have to warn you: This next scene, where Zack shows himself in his brand new look is... (sighs)
...is one of the funniest things ever put on television
. It will cause laughter beyond your control. Just remember to breathe: Inhale, and exhale. This HAS been known to kill people. People have actually died
from laughter. Just want you to keep that in mind before you watch this. Take a deep breath... (inhales and exhales)
All right, let's watch the scene. (Zack comes in with a blond mohawk and 80's clothing and the Critic bursts out laughing for a really, really, REALLY long time) HE LOOKS LIKE VANILLA ICE'S BITCH!!! (continues laughing and eventually stops)
I think I just orgasmed.note
- 'You duck-killing mother-FUCKER!'
- Critic comparing Elizabeth Berkley's character in Saved by the Bell to her character in Showgirls:
Jessie!Elizabeth: Auctioning off dates is sexist flesh peddling and should be strictly forbidden.
- Cue smutty footage of Stripper!Elizabeth flipping audience a bird and pole-dancing.
Critic: How many times can you break up with a person before they turn into a psycho and start stalking you? (looks around warily, leans closer to the camera and whispers): Three!
- "Oh! Good news, Mr. Belding, good news! (grabs a box and taps on it) Your balls arrived!"
- The Critic tugging nervously at his tie while Zack gives his politically incorrect family tree presentation.
Tom and Jerry: the Movie
- "A cat and a mouse are driving a ship trying to save the daughter of Indiana Jones while being chased by a Purple People Eater, a dog on a skateboard, a performing ship captain, his hand puppet Squawk, two Mexican wrestlers, and a doctor riding an ice cream cart! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Mind Fuck."
- Also, the most awesome Spit Take ever involving sangria and watermelon. Made even funnier because some actually splatters on the camera lens.
- And his words immediately afterward? "The Apocalypse has finally begun, Pigs are learning how to fly, Satan is skating his way to work, and I'm pretty sure that I just became a monkey's uncle."
- As the doctor very creepliy sneaks up on an ice cream cart: "What the hell was that about? Was he gonna...sexually assault it? I mean, what the hell?"
- Doug and Rob say that their inspiration for this comment was their friend, Bargo, who said "What the hell?! Was he gonna rape it?!"
- "How do I know all this? BECAUSE HE SINGS ABOUT IT!"
- "So after they escape the singing cat gang, good God, did I really just say that?"
- Well, there's this dog on a skateboard. And yeah, he sounds like Gollum. (shrugs wearily)
- His deadpan, "Well...that was dark." after it seems Tom and Jerry were burnt to death in the fire.
- "By the way, have you noticed the strange names in this movie? Dr Applecheeks? Aunt Fig? Mr Lickboot? These are sounding more like abstract fetishes."
- When the cabin collapses and Tom and Jerry are seemingly lost:
Robyn: They're gone! My best friends are gone!
Robyn's father: Don't cry, Robyn. We'll find them.
Critic: Or at least what's left of their charred remains. Either way, we're eatin' tonight!
- "This film is awful, the lowest form of shit. It sucks ass! It sucks balls! It sucks ass balls!"
- By the end, the sheer awfulness of the film has made him very angry indeed.
Critic: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. Gah, what a fuckload of ass!.
Top 11 Saddest Moments
- The gags based on the Mood Whiplash created by the scene after the death of Bambi's mother.
- BUGS BUNNY MADE ME CRY!
- The ending title card says, "How did we survive our childhoods?!"
- Seeing the facial changes can be hilarious for a first-time viewer.
Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows
- His over-analysis of Ren And Stimpy.
- "He's Scarier as Uncle Phil!"
- This exchange:
Kazaam: Problem is, Djinn only exist in fairy tales. I don't believe in fairy tales.
The Genie doesn't believe in fairy tales. *moves closer to the camera*
in fairy tales
. *another beat, then the Critic knocks on the camera* HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?
- "He's gonna go Shaq Fu on your asses!" (Awesomeness ensues)
- This moment:
Critic: So a white person owns a black person to provide services against his will without getting paid. There's a word for that, I can't quite think what it is...um, ownership? No no no no, that's not it, that's not it... Um, possession! No no no, that's not what I'm lookin' for either. It's something along the lines of um, um...
(The title card says SLAVERY.)
Critic: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE?!
- BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!!!
- "He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went in a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? He went through a hole! What do we do? Oh yeah, go through the hole."
- "If I could make a wish, I'd wish that this movie never existed!"
- And then he ended up railing Citizen Kane, getting boos from the crowd, and struggling to explain himself to them.
- "Look at that shit-eating grin; it's the same kind he gets when he’s trying to advertising something." Cue various logos superimposed over the movie when Shaq smiles.
- He comments that for a "rapping" genie, Shaq doesn't rap as much as he just rhymes, there's a big difference. This leads to this exchange:
Kazaam: "Don't be hysterical, say thank you for your miracle! What's the matter, your tongue is broken? Time like this, you should be stokin'!"
- The Critic Head Desking when Shaq does his Piss-Take Rap, and claiming "Vanilla Ice was blacker than this!!!" Also doubles as a hilarious Call Forward to his later review of Cool as Ice.
"...What is this, Seuss Doggy-Dog
, I mean, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! That's something AN INFANT says when he's LEARNING HOW TO READ!!"
- The Critic imitating Kazaam: "I guess I should have an emotion here. But I don't want to."
- "Oh my God, SHAQ'S GONNA EAT ME!"
Nostalgia Critic Vs. The Angry Video Game Nerd final battle
- The Nostalgia Critic Vs. The Angry Video Game Nerd final battle is a thing of true beauty, particularly the Cluster F Broadsides they hit each other with mid-battle.
: (after getting kicked into a wall of cardboard boxes)
Who keeps piles of boxes around? Honestly? AVGN
: Oh, don't you talk about my boxes! I like boxes! NC
: That's the fuckest thing I've ever heard, shit-mop! AVGN
: Shitload of fuck! NC
: Fuckmonkey! AVGN
: I'm giving you both middle fingers... AT FULL FORCE! NC
: Cow-humping transvestite! AVGN
: Fee-fi-fo-fuck you! NC
: Ass-blower! AVGN
: Turdburglar! Robble-robble-robble! NC
: (mocking tone)
Oh, look at me, I'm the Angry Video Game Nerd! (Both of them babble at each other incomprehensibly for a few seconds) AVGN
: Shuuuuuuuuut up! Shuuuuuuuuuuuut up! Shuuuuuuuuuut up! NC
: You fucky little fuckless fucking motherfucking fucket of fucking world! Both
: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
: Cocknocker! AVGN
: *gasp!* That's it
- In the behind the scenes video, the camera guy does one better:
Camera Man: (after everything above) Well, that just about sums up this whole feud, doesn't it?
- Also from the behind-the-scenes video, no-one knowing how to tie a tie, when the Critic's starts coming undone. Which leads to this moment...with the Nerd/James' real wife eventually tying it!
Critic: There's four guys in this house, and nobody knows how to tie a tie!
Cameraman: *As the Nerd ties the Critic's tie for him* Now he's dressing you.
Critic: This is never making it anywhere. This is never going to be shown.
- Chester A. Bum's review of the Final Battle is pretty great as well.
"But Super-Mega-Kablooey-Jesus comes out! And he's like 'Fudgers! Fudgers!'
...Remember, [I'm] Mormon."
Drew Struzan Tribute
Teddy Ruxpin Doll Halloween 2008 Special
- Teddy Ruxpin biting him in the balls.
- When Teddy reveals himself as the devil, the Critic screams repeatedly in sheer terror and in a very high pitch.
- The end, where Teddy forces the Critic to do a more positive review of him, with the Critic looking quite disheveled, his eyes twitching, and speaking somewhat robotically:
As you can see, I've been totally wrong about Teddy Ruxpin. He's a good, good toy. Very friendly and very nice, and not the least bit homicidal. So, I recommend Teddy Ruxpin to anyone who has an active imagination. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't HELP, HELP, THE TOY'S ALIVE AND HE'S GONNA KILL ME!! HE'S GONNA KILL ME, HELP!!! (as this happens, Teddy turns sharply to the Critic and the screen goes black) Critic:
WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS?!? WHO TURNED OFF— (he gets cut off by the sound of a gunshot that flashes white, silencing the Critic) Teddy: (eyes lighting up red in the darkness; singing)
Come dream with me tonight...
- The Running Gag of how the Excuse Plot of the original game was that some thugs kidnapped the Lee Brothers' girlfriend Marian in the game, and how much the movie is beating around the bush to have the same conflict with the Lee Brothers' girlfriend Satori (or mother/sister/platonic friend... whoever she is) note in the movie before the movie essentially destroys the original plot altogether by killing the girl in a gigantic explosion.
- "This is like waterboarding by Popeye!"
- And when he complains that the Mooks' designs are so random and Narm-y that he wouldn't be surprised if Mickey Mouse suddenly appeared amidst them...
- "...Did the music just belch?"
- His completely justified rant when he sees the Double Dragon arcade game in the background, claiming It Makes As Much Sense In Context (oh, and there's no context given whatsoever, by the by) as Frodo from the film Lord of the Rings reading the original book by J.R.R. Tolkein.
- "And to your right, you'll see a shitty movie being made."
- The Randomly-Leaping-Off-Tall-Buildings Postman ("Maybe this wasn't such a hot IDEAAAAAAAAAA!" [splat]).
- The girl who leads one of the gangs ties up the Dark Chick with her own whip, leading to festishy ranting from the Critic "...and cover her in maple syrup and make her wear a sailor costume and dance the - wow, I have issues."
- The "quacking profile", complete with the Nostalgia Critic mocking Bo Abobo's head-shot and flipping off with both fingers.
- At the end, where the Critic claims this movie must be the wake-up call for film producers to make some quality movies based off of video games, rather than simply crank out crappy ones to make money, he dares God to strike him down if he's wrong.
Top 11 Underrated Nostalgic Classics
- When Return to Oz comes up, the Critic thinks it will be as delightful and charming as the 1930's film. Cue rampant montage of the movie's Nightmare Fuel.
* "—-Holy shit!"
Howard The Duck
- This gem:
Guy In Movie #1: Dat's a duck!
Guy In Movie #2: What is dat?
Guy In Movie #1: Dat's a duck, man!
Nostalgia Critic: (points to screen) Dat's a duck! (points to tie) Dat's a tie! (points to desk) Dat's a desk! (holds up copy of movie) Dat's a dupid, dupid movie!
- "You know you're talking to a duck, right!?"
- "My god, he's transformed into Cobra Commander!"
- "BRING IT, MOTHADUCKAH!"
- The Critic's reaction to Howard and Beverly's almost-sex scene. First, he brings out the bottle of Jack Daniels from earlier...then he cocks a revolver...then he holds a knife to his wrists. All with the same concerned expression. Then the scientists show up and ruin the moment -- much to the Critic's relief.
- The Critic imitates Beverly while she is admiring Howard while he's sleeping: "Hmm. Mrs. Duck. I guess I kinda like it."
Beverley: (to Howard) What am I going to do with you?
Critic: Well, roasted or extra crispy comes to mind.
- The following:
Beverley: (about the villain) HE'S IN A BAD MOOD!
Critic: I really hope she dies.
- There's a running gag throughout the review wherein clips of Howard making snide remarks follows one of the Critic's comments, making it almost feel like the Critic and Howard are participating in Snark-to-Snark Combat.
Look at this thing, it's like Donald Duck
's missing nephew, Drunky. Howard: Thanks.
- "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Ducks are from some parallel dimension where apparently they have duck tits. And no shame."
- The Critic being squicked by Tim Robbins making bad duck noises toward Howard:
Did the movie just run out of dialog? That wasn't a sentence, that was a sound effect! It's like the script was written by Gerald McBoing-Boing
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
- When the Critic gets annoyed with any mention of Captain Kirk's KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!!! during his review of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
- The Critic's reaction that the opening sequence was identical to the one from the original Mortal Kombat. At first, he thinks he accidentally put in the wrong cassette, then thinks the cassette is mislabeled, and then utterly loses his shit when he realizes it really was ripped shot-for-shot from the first film, save for the Mortal Kombat title turning into "Annihilation"
: ...Oh my God
, they used the exact same opening, no difference at all!
How cheap are these A-holes?! Why'd you even CG a new title?! Were there no red crayons at the drug store to cross it out and write Annihilation over it?! Wow, these guys are really going the extra mile!
- The part with Cyrax, the Lin-Kuei yellow combat robot- or, as Nostalgia Critic puts it, "A lost G.I. Joe action figure."
I COME FREE WITH EVERY HAPPY MEAL!
BEHOLD MY ACCESSORIES! THEY ARE ALL SOLD SEPARATELY!
- "....Also, the Fuck Ball and Sindel's Wonder Woman twirl, complete with the theme song and his confusion of the Sub-Zero brothers. Don't forget the fight between Sonya (not Sonya) and Mileena (aka "You Wish.")
- Pull the string! Pull the string!
- "When visiting Six Flags, be sure to ride the Fuck Ball! Hours of uncomfortable, unpractical, and all around unenjoyable fun! It's like the Tunnel of Love - only it's a Fuck Ball! Must be at least this perverted to ride!"
- "Khan is my brother."
- The Critic's reaction to the cast changing:
NC: So wait a minute, if you're not Sonya, you're not Raiden, and you're not Johnny Cage, then what does that make me?!
Sonny: Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
: (On cell-phone) Frank, you're my agent, you've got
to get me out of this movie sequel! I know I did the first one, but, they don't have enough money for a new opening sequence!!!
...Uh-huh. ...Uh-huh. ...Oh. Alright. I'll just have to fake my own death.
(Hangs up and sighs) I can't go back...
- When Liu-Kang starts turning green with yellow, reptilian eyes
- Calling out Raiden for not helping in the climax of the movie.
NC: " WHY WERE YOU EVEN IN THIS MOVIE?!?! "
- Then, the Critic gets fired up when the fight between Liu Kang and Shao Kahn begins... only for Kahn to deliver a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown on Kang so bad that it knocks the Critic out!
- The mud wrestling scene. Especially the expression on Rob's face.
- The memorial to his own beard "Beardy", which he claims he shaved because of a bet.
- The explanations for why all three of Doug's characters shaved at the same time.
- The Critic's reaction when Johnny Cage is Killed Off for Real at the start of the film.
- After Scorpion kidnaps Kitana, and departs with a triumphant yell of "SUCK-EEERRRSS!!! ", the Critic chimes in with a "Nah-Nah-Na-Nah-Nahh!!!"
- The Reveal that Sindel is Kitana's...
- "So the Emperor fights Raiden (as he makes fun of his George Washington haircut), as they show off their special effects that are SO lame, that even The Angry Video Game Nerd could pull them off!"
- "So yeah, apparently fire translates English into Japanese".
Patient: "Nice lighter. Nice frickin' lighter."
- The montage/mash-up of flying scenes.
- "That's a lot of fish", as well as all the call backs to the line throughout the review.
- That whole scene just takes the cake for Critic's baffled reaction. We're so used to seeing him get bombastically angry at the stupid things that he sees in old movies, seeing him express such utter confusion is just hysterical.
Critic: "That's a lotta fish." (mutters to himself) I don't get it. "That's a lotta fish" — so? I mean, is that meant to be funny? It left a pause at the end for the audience to laugh, I mean, but... what's the joke? I could've just as easily said "That's a hat." "That's a wall." "That's a lotta fish." I mean, how is that funny? You could've said a lot of things there like "I got a fishy feeling about this" or "It's like shooting fish in a barrel out here!" I mean, it wouldn't have been funny, but at least they would've been actual jokes. "That's a lotta fish" — you could spend years trying to figure out why the hell that's supposed to be funny and not get anywhere! "That's a lotta fish" — look, you could literally just put in gibberish, and that at least would've been a little bit funnier. He looks over this amazing sight, turns to the other guy and says "Poppity pop pop pop!" and that actually would've gotten a little bit of a laugh. Just nonsense off the top of my head is funnier than these guys trying to willingly produce written humor. THIIINK!
- His mangled attempts at pronouncing "Nick Tatopoulos," Matthew Broderick's character's name, finally culminating in...
- The Critic bailing out on a joke referring to Harry Shearer's character saying that the attack is 'the worst since the World Trade Center bombing'. This is the 1993 bombing that we're talking about.
- Phillip's Jerry Lewis impression.
- "So this should be the end of the movie, right? Noo, because Godzilla actually resurrect himself back to life!"
Truly, he is the son of GODzilla.
- The military is barraging the entangled Godzilla with all their firepower. Critic is eager to help.
- "You know, they outwit this thing just a few too many times. He breathes fire at them, they just turn around. He corners them in a tunnel, they just turn on their headlights. They get trapped inside his mouth... "Hey, got a quarter?" (manipulated footage to make it look like Godzilla is hacking them up; dubbed over with "ACK ACK!")
Top 11 Disney Villains
- The Critic about Cruella De Vil: "This is even worse than the time she opened up that new line of baby seal head necklaces! I'm pretty sure I saw Kanye West wearing one of those, too." [cut to shot of Kanye West with a baby seal head necklace photoshopped on]
- "When you wish upon a star, evil will find you."
- Jafar's disguises:
Critic: You see him as a wizard, you see him as an old man, you see him as a snake, you see him as a genie, and you even see him one point as a straight guy.
- Shere Khan—
Critic: Knock it off!
Critic: I said Kaa!
- All of the Critic's fearful expressions when Mowgli refuses to run from Shere Khan.
- Apparently, Lady Tremaine is bulletproof.
- The Critic makes fun of Jafar for not being able to kill a major character like Scar did.
Critic: Where were you on that one, Jafar? Huh? Huh!?
Jafar: You'll get what's coming to you.
Critic: What's coming to me? What do you mean what's coming to me? I don't—
(Jafar zaps the Critic, turning him into a dinosaur)
Critic: Alright, that's NOT cool.
- Later, the Critic mocks Maleficent, who then turns him into a skull-creature.
Critic: Here's an idea; stop insulting the rulers of darkness. That'll get you ahead in life.
Super Mario Bros. Super Show
- The intro plays up until right after the overworld music starts.''
- "GIMME A FACE, YA FUCKIN' BUNGHOLES!!"
- "Hey, I got an idea: let's all go to Pot Land! And after that, maybe we can spend time in Table Tennis Land. Or how about we drop by That-British-Guy-who-Always-Seems-to-Be-in-Everything-But-You-Never-Really-Take-the-Time-to-Figure-Out-What-His-Name-is Land."
- Critic questioning the insanity of the show.
Mario: That was more fun that getting flushed down the sewer!
Critic: Okay, I don't wanna know what you do Friday nights.
Mario: We don't have anything he wants!
Princess: Yes, we do! A tanker full of spaghetti sauce!
Critic: (breaks down) I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!! I'm so confused! Why does he want a tanker of spaghetti sauce?!? WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT A TANKER OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE?!? IT'S SPAGHETTI!!! IT'S NOT A VALUABLE RESOURCE!!!
- Critic noting that the King of Hyrule looks and sounds like he's always on drugs and then saying that the land must be called "Hyrule" because it's run by a "high" king.
- The Critic tries to think of different catchphrases for Link during the Zelda show:
- "The Adventures of Zelda, action, adventures, swords and flames, and trying to figure out who left the toilet seat up the other night!"
- When he starts talking about individual episodes of the Zelda show, he brings up the water park episode.
Critic: You have all these demons and creatures you could be fighting, and what's the biggest problem?
King: My royal water park will be completed soon!
- At the end of the video, the Critic says he has to go on a quest to find "Pot Land".
- The Critic thinks that Luigi sounds like George Carlin:
Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials
- The singing christmas tree.
- CHRISTMAAAS! CHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!
Jingle All The Way
- At the beginning of the Jingle All the Way review, he mentions that the kid is played by Jake Lloyd.
- STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE, STAY AWAY FROM MY COOKIES, AND STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE'S COOKIES! OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! COOOOOOOOKIIIIIIEEEEEESSSS!!!
- "DESTROY HIM! DESTROY HIM, THEN EAT HIM!!!"
- And then, there's the part where he puts on a pirate hat and goes nuts.
- Referring to Ahnuld as an "International Punchline."
Critic: "Arnold searches for an appropriate response."
- The Critic's heavy Lampshade Hanging over the Broken Aesop at the end, culminating with:
"Jingle All The Way can jingle all the way to HELL!!!
- Then he promises to assassinate Santa for the "terrible gift", starting with "You better not shout..."
- Followed by the sound of Santa getting shot over the end credits.
- Critic being creeped out by Arnold's "Heartwarming" promise.
Arnold: I'll be there... (slow, deep, threatening) I PROMISE.